Podcast About List - Ep. #399 - Gone Unhoused Glamping

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Thank you for coming up to the mountain with us, let's set up camp and tell crazy ahh stories, and let's be respectful about it also.Go see Caleb and Jack in Baltimore: https://portcomedy.com/comedians/jack-bensinger/Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Wow. And we're off. Should we close this one? Close. You want to zip this? I don't think we should. No. Let's see what it looks like.

Let's see what it looks like. Close the flap. Guys, today, we are in the woods. We're camping. We're out in the woods today. The thing is, we can't. Okay, open it back up. Okay.

Open it back up so we can see what it looks like. Yeah. Well, we are out camping in the woods. Well, it looks like it's not even closed at all. It looks interesting. On this side. it's fine. Oh, finish it.

I don't know. You don't know how to use the zipper. Come on, man. I know. It's my friend's tent. You're trying to rip it to shred. I helped pitch the tent. Yeah, I didn't do anything

because I thought I would break it. I did most of it. Now, isn't this the spirit of camping? Yeah, arguing. Yep. I fucking pitched the tent. I did so fucking much to him. What was the last time you went camping?

A long time ago. Well, actually, you know what probably actually 2021 where'd you go? It was it was glamping it was a car car drive in campground

yeah and I don't remember where it was I think somewhere in New England but you were in a tent I was in a tent I was not glamping I think

glamping is what yeah it's like when you rent a cabin yeah glamping is like cabins I think well maybe I'm from a crunchier family you might be we consider that you would

so anything that isn't Hiking to a campsite is I guess that's what I am I guess that's what I have had would have said Yeah, and in that case I've only ever been glamping I don't think I've ever hikes to a campsite Do you think we are glamping currently? I think so because we're in the office And we have full we have electrical cables running yeah I guess you're right the tent in every Direction. It's amazing I feel like there's a certain kind of conversation that you only can have an attempt I know we need to start a fire yeah start a phone we need to burn body We gotta get so we got to get our the immediate needs Cameron's body count mine

And what's Caleb's body count? Dude, are we going to get into this immediately? You can only say in a tent. Dude, or on the street of New York. It's so early. It's 8.21 p.m. bro. I'm wait to get into this shit.

Sorry. My bad. I'm already excited. If we're camping, you ask a question like that, I'm heading to bed. Yeah. I'm actually getting kind of tired. Don't put a bunch of water onto the fire and ruin.

Yeah. Nah, but walking up to your tent while you're like trying to sleep in it. Not but for you. How many times have you fucked? Come on. Come on. I changed the question. It used to be your body count.

But actually, how many times have you had sex in your life? How many times have you fucked? Do you make that shit scream? Do you make that shit scream like a whistle? Do they scream? Formative camping memories for me. One, I was in probably like sixth grade. Mm-hmm.

Seventh grade. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Somebody said that like 15 times during a conversation the other day, but never did this. Yeah. Every time that they needed two numbers, I would say six or seven. It sneaks up on me.

And I was like, I wonder if he knows he's doing this. And I was reading Dracula. And I was getting really, really scared. Which, you know, it's not, I mean, it's not that scary. It's pretty old. Oh, Dracula. No, I mean, camping is scary. Yeah, camping is scary.

Yeah, I mean, that's what I was, I was going to say. Like, camping definitely carries the weight there in terms of scariness. But it is. And I was reading Dracula and I was getting scared, definitely mostly because of the camping and less because of the vampireic. book, but just like kind of looking back on it, it is funny to get so scared because Dracula

is so not a camping issue. He wouldn't show up here. If you were reading the Wolfman, that would be terrifying. Sasquatch, nobody has ever been camping. And people report anything. If you look at like the UFO heat map of where UFOs have been reported everywhere, nobody's

ever been out in the woods and been like, I think I've seen Dracula. Look at the Dracula heat map. It's only Transylvania. And only also like, castle. Yeah, it's a castles, mansions.

He was in on one boat and then he was in London for a minute. Yeah. But then they got them. Because vampires, you, open the window.

Vampires, you can't really even tell their vampires typically until you invite them in. But this was truly a formative memory for me. And it is something that I kind of only just realized today. It's really ridiculous to be scared of Dracula in the woods. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty funny. It's pretty stupid. It's like being scared of robots. Yeah. It just doesn't fit. It's not the right type of thing.

I get scared of a werewolf. There's even a kind of a similar guy that you get scared of. My most formative camping memory I've already said on the show famously, baby got its head cut off right off the wall. So that's why you don't like camping, I'm realizing.

No, no, no, no. Because you got scary pranked on a camp trip. The scary prank part, that's most of my life is scary pranks like that. Okay. But the reason I don't like camping is because the one time I went to the, we were half glamping.

There was a, like an apartment that you could rent. I don't know. Like, you know. Yeah, an apartment. You could sublet, basically. You could sublet for the week. In the woods?

No, we were like on the beach kind of. Dude, I'm going to be honest. This doesn't sound like camping at all. Well, even that, even that house on the beach. Even then, it, I wish I could find a picture of it somewhere in situate. And it was like, I was like, first of all, this isn't even camping. We're not in the fucking woods. We're just intense on like a fucking like plateau.

Okay, but you were intense. Oh, you were intense. Yeah. But then there was like, it was like, oh, yeah, we made the mistake last year of keeping everything in coolers there. So I'm going to rent the, my uncle Bobby was like, I'm going to rent the fridge, rent the condo for the fridge. And then I used the bathroom in there and I took a shit really bad and I knew to light a match, right? And then my uncle freaked out at me because he was like, you were playing with matches in there. Are you kidding me?

And then I got like a bunch of like privileges revoked from that camping trip. What kind of privileges? Just like, I don't know. I wasn't allowed to do a lot of stuff. And then, like, my mom kind of had to keep a close eye on me. And I was also nine years old. So I was even more mad. I was like, this fucking...

Dude, getting in trouble camping is... Even though there's not much they can take away from you. It feels like jail. Yeah. Guys, I just remembered another crazy camping memory. Yeah. This was... This is...

I don't remember how old I was. Must have been... Must have been middle school. Early middle school, probably. We were camping. And I was riding my bike. Like, it was a... campground. I was riding my bike up and down the road near the campground, um, alone. And this is just,

this is like, this is city slicker, uh, kid. This is suburban kid out in the woods for, doesn't understand. I saw what I saw what I, on the street and ahead of me, I saw what I assumed to be a rubber snake. It was a condom. Out in the woods. Uh, I would I assume to be an extremely lifelike. Yeah. Rubber snake. Yeah. Like an amateurerer. Rubber snake. Yeah, I thought like I always, oh, it's a toy snake. Yeah. And so I ran over it with my bike. And it hissed really loudly. And it died. Slythered away into the woods extremely fast and I screamed. Yeah. And then I rode back to the campground and my mom said, I heard you scream what happened. I said, I thought I saw a rubber snake. I thought it was a real snake. She was like, yeah, you're fucking stupid. Poor snake, man. I know. It's awful. I feel terrible about it. Snakes are pretty durable. Like another thing. You look.

back and you're like, what was I thinking? Yeah. My brain hadn't developed yet. I didn't understand that snakes could be real. Dude, I had a hamster that we thought was dead and then we buried it and it turned out that it probably wasn't dead. How did you find out about that after the fact? I guess we don't know for sure.

I think it was dead. Seems like it was dead. Maybe it was dead. It seems like somebody older pranked you and told you it was still alive. Dude, it's crazy how many of these things have just stuck with me because now that I think about it, yeah, this thing was dead as a doornail. How would you know that it was alive? You buried it with a camera.

Now that I say this out loud, my brother told me he heard him squeak out of the ground. And that really stuck with me. And I was... That's exactly the scenario I was imagining. And he also told me, I don't know if this is true, but he told me that gerbils kind of like play dead or like... So this is a hamster, not a gerbil. Or whatever.

Possums that do that also. Maybe it was a hamster. It was a little thing. I was very young. We buried a little thing. Married some little... Animals. Animals did not have a good time in my family.

No. No, animals did not. There's really no comfortable way to sit in here. I'm going to be honest with you. Yeah, I agree with you. But this is... That's what camping is about. My leg is a sleep bar.

Like, genuinely, it's already asleep. My back is just destroying my back. I just have such terrible posture. Yeah. But I actually, I'm not going to lie. I don't feel that all that uncomfortable besides my back. Yeah, I know. You're the slouch.

All you have over there is the mixer. I would say emotionally, I feel extremely comfortable. There's something about, I could scooch out. I could scooch back. I mean, honestly, it's this. Don't scooch back. You're not going to like it. These are closed.

There's something. We can move these and then you could have more space. Whoa. You went that way? Whoa. That's not the way I was expecting you to go for space. Well, I got more space from it. So checkmate.

But you're not using it. You got all this space here. Ow, my leg. Jesus Christ. That's perfect. This looks through the one. comfortable. You're like completely bit over.

Yeah. All right, bro. Look, I look, I look good. Everybody has their own kind of way of camping. And that's what's so amazing about it. I had a funny Woods experience this weekend. Really?

Oh, yeah, you were out of town. I was at home. I was in New Hampshire. I was at my brother's house. And me, my brother and his wife and our friends were on the back porch. We were all outside drinking. We were having a fire.

It was nice. Something so. Something so fucking awesome. Why the fire and when the alcohol comes out, then the stories just start flowing from older people. We were talking about old high school stuff because we all went to high school together. Memories.

Memories tend to really pop up. They bring it out. At the fire with the alcohol. Memories bring out the stories. And why is this the color of cartoon fire? Nobody would know. People can't see it, but this blanket is the color of cartoon fire. But we're sitting outside.

his neighbor is also having a party. They're also having a fire. We don't mix, right? We're all, we're doing our own things. And then I hear from there, a man's voice, an old man's voice, like a middle-aged man going, Hey, you guys have any beer? We ran out.

And I was like, generations. Wow. I was like, no, wait, we do have something. I brought a bottle of jing with me. Okay. Oh, that's a prank, man. That's not a prank. To an old white guy who's asking for beer, you bring him jing.

But I said, I got something. I got, I got booze. Do you want it? I don't have beer, but I can give you a glass. Did he like it? And he went, yeah, fuck it. Bring it over. So it's funny, too, that to react, like, he's clearly making an odd and request, and he's

asking a lot of you. Yeah. And for his response to be, fuck it. Yeah. He's like, no, man. You're supposed to be like, oh, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. I think I said, are you supposed to be like, are you sure?

Wait, no, you don't have to do that. No, come on. Hey, fuck it. Bring it. Oh, fuck it. Bring it over. I told him. So, okay, so it's like my brother's house and then there's like the little woods in between.

And then I get over and I look up and it's only teenage girls. And this guy? It's his daughters. This guy gets fucked up with his daughter. It's like a family party. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I think all the adults would inside because they were like,

I'm like a trampoline. And then they got off. And then walked over to me and went, Hey, you give him my dad a drink? One of the kids went, can I have some? And I went, no. Then he finally walks over and I'm like, yeah, man, this is called Jing. It's from China.

It's a Bai Zhu. And he goes, he goes, oh, what proof is it? I was like, oh, it's like 35. And then he's just like, yeah, fuck it. I'll take it. This guy's like hammered. We finally get more beer. We get like a 30 and we're like calling.

We call over. We're like, hey, do you want more beer? And he goes, no, Chinese shit killed me. You got to put in the dust by the gym. Apparently, I mean, dude, it's beer before liquor. You realize you just made that guy more racist than he already was. Yeah. Probably.

You fuck this Chinese shit. It's fucking Chinese shit tastes like. Do you ever think about how when you were kids and you would do, not kids, but like, you know. know, teenagers. The kind of people, when I was a kid, if somebody gave me alcohol, yeah. Like when I was 16 or 17, if I got alcohol from an adult, I was so pumped about it.

And I was like, this is the coolest person ever. These people must have been, they all must have been insane. I think the only adults that ever bought me alcohol were homeless. Yeah, there was a time. I spent a night when I was like 17 hanging out with this old lady who I think was homeless with my cousin and her name was Mimi and we got fucking trash it was a bonfire she was talking about him by the way

she was yeah Mimi Goldberg that was her name wow yeah it was a pretty cool it's from the Drew Carey show I don't know I texted my cousin the other day I was like what was the name of that homeless lady that we hungary I did say homeless you're in Ohio no man we were in Cuyacahucas California

but that she was the coolest person to me ever until a couple years ago and I was like oh she was like 60 years old buying us, buying us vodka. Because these kids are so, kids, when you're 16, you feel like an adult, but I see 16 year olds and they actually look 10 to me. No, I know. Everyone that buys kids booze now is like, they're, they're whack.

Yeah, they're whack. Back in the day, they must have been cooler back. You'll feel differently when you're 60 years old and homeless. Yeah. That is a good point. If I'm 16 homeless, I will drink with kids. Yeah. Whoever's only people who will drink with you.

Yeah, I know. I wouldn't drink with homeless guys. It's true. They stink. Isn't that crazy? I saw a homeless guy. I would. Depends on the homeless guy.

The other day, a homeless guy while I was walking by him, he's in, there's like 50 people in front of him. He's in like this little square in my neighborhood. And he pulled his dick out. And then instead of like... Of his pants? Yeah.

Instead of trying to hide it, he was peeing. Instead of trying to hide it, he like looked right to left to like see if anybody was, for whatever reason, to the sides of him. Yeah. But there's like 15 people having lunch right in front of him.

And then he pissed right on the ground. Oh, I know. Right next to his dog's face. I saw a homeless guy yesterday. He took his whole butt out and he rubbed it on the subway seats. Oh. That is such a diabolical prank. He had his butt and he screwed up and down and up and down.

You know, I was getting an inkling. Yeah, he could have been a YouTuber. That is a YouTuber behavior. Because maybe this is like I pretended to be home. Maybe he had meta glasses on. And then he took out a big, you know those kind of big plastic jugs. like they put cranberry juice in. Yeah.

He took one of those out and it was filled with an amber colored liquid. And I thought, uh-oh. Oh, no, here we go. Here comes to pee. But I was doused in pee. Luckily, it was pine salt and he cleaned up his butt juice. He unscrewed the cap and it made a carbonation hiss. He began to drink it.

Oh, thank God. Surely that's not just some hot pee. Yeah, but he was sipping it and drinking it. Do you remember when the girl? Or when the lady in college got the diarrhea Yeah, in L.A. No. In Hollywood?

Oh, you weren't there? Oh, yeah, I wasn't there. There was a lady who, right outside of the campus. Oh, yeah, this is on the news. You showed us that. Yeah, it was on the news. He was like a cup of diarrhea on fire. He was like waiting for weeks to, like, yeah.

He stored it up. He stored his diarrhea for weeks. It's crazy. That is the funniest thing ever. Have you noticed, guys, that we've just naturally gravitated to speak about homelessness when we're living in a tent? Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

That's crazy. I mean, you've got to think that's probably what they're talking about. Yeah. They're probably, do you think they get in the tent and they start telling little stories? Oh, yeah. Come on. Oh, I'm sorry.

Poor homeless people. What do you think they are saying, though? You think they're talking about different cities they've been to? No, they're like, don't try my paper. I saw a genuine, crazy, homeless guy on the way here. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, he was barefoot, and his butt was also out. Yeah, what's up with the butt, guys? And he was rubbing and scratching his feet on the concrete. Yeah. And he was going, you don't see that that often in New York. No. No, they're not usually fully crazy. No, we got kind of better guys.

Just in general. Even outside of homeless guys. Everybody's better. Everybody's better. East Coast. Yeah. And that just like, yeah,

people are like, what's going on? All the way down, top the bottom. It's true. People are like, why, why is the homeless crisis

so bad in L.A. and in Portland and all this. Do we have worse, rich people or, no, we have better rich people. We have better rich. We have better.

We have better rich people. No. We have better rich people for sure. You're talking about Epstein's from New York. Yeah. He rules. But West Coast rich people are the worst.

The worst. Oh, you know what? Yeah. I think until until, until. until like maybe what is it like

20? Until the Silicon Valley boom no because they had... The West Coast kind of had better... West Coast is... Yeah, yeah. West Coast is like... Well, they had movie and music guys, but then all the Silicon Valley people came in. And now you got all the fucking people doing...

I'm sorry to get topical. They're doing slut con and stuff like this. Dude, Rick Rubin's been on the West Coast for like 30 years. I think it comes down to... He made the Chili Peppers. Money talks, wealth whispers. So true.

Yeah. Yeah. And East Coast is wealth and West Coast's money. Yes. Yeah. I would agree. Do you think, okay, this might be a strange question. Do you think the homeless population in on the East Coast is on the whole richer than the West Coast homeless population?

And I know we're talking dollars and cents here. I mean, I don't even know if we're talking that, to be honest. Yeah. Sometimes homeless people. I think we're talking cups and. No, sometimes. Okay. Let's say net worth items are included, like retail price of items.

I think, you know, here's the West Coast. Are we controlling? Are we talking average? Yeah. On average? Yeah. Let's say average. I'm trying to like,

I feel like here's the thing. I feel like on the West Coast, when I see homeless people on the West Coast, they always got hella items. Yeah, true. They got items as fuck. But no, they got hella items here too,

but it's only in Midtown or like Manhattan. No, but these guys got like, they have like Resident Evil vendor items. Yeah, they have like full, like, they have mecksuits of items. And here I feel like they usually

have a couple items. Yeah. And I wonder if they just get cleared out more often, if the police come through and take all their stuff. Yeah. Spilled. No, it's empty. Almost.

Well, then put it outside of the tent. That's cool. Why? It's just cool. Yeah. Okay. We'll give me one more. But I don't know if we even said for people who are listening.

We're in a tent. I don't think we said that at all. No. We're camping. We're camping. I think it's implied. I guess you would think that. Okay.

Here's my third camping story. Okay. This is, so these, and these are, I'm realizing as I'm going, they kind of have occurred to me one after the other. Yeah. And these, I think, are kind of three vulnerable stories that are painting negative pictures of me. Okay.

The first one, I was afraid. I was afraid. I was afraid of no reason. I was a coward. I was afraid of Dracula. Yeah. In the woods. Yes.

Yeah. Cowardly. Hurt animals. Yes. Armed animals. Didn't kill. Didn't kill. Probably died.

It succumb to its wounds later. No, because here's the, here's the thing about it. I said I ran over it, but I didn't actually run over it. My bike hit it and my wheel didn't go over it. Oh. So I didn't fully like kind of iron snake is this. I think I braked because it hissed as I came up to it. I mean, of course, this is, this is all, this is all memory that you broke in the, I definitely hit the meter of space.

Maybe by one wheel went over it. I mean, I'm not saying I didn't hit it. I definitely heard it. I'm not, I'm not disputing that. I just did, I just didn't like tire threat. I didn't squish it. Listen, if you're going to kill an animal, a snake is a bad. I didn't kill it. I don't know.

I mean, we don't, we have no idea. You weren't there. Do you think we cut the snake's light? We did. Do you think we cut the snake's lifespan? I appreciate you. I'm here for you, man. I'll take this too.

I'm sure that the snake felt badly. And I'm sure. It definitely felt bad. Do you think you don't think you shaved at least some minutes off the snake's life? I don't doubt that. I don't doubt that. But I don't think that counts as killing it. Does cancer kill people?

Yes. Uh, on the, sometimes. Because they succumb to the cancer. Yeah. It's different though. The cancer is continually acting on them. I know it's different. You think I didn't know it's different.

And then I stopped running over it for a couple years after aggressive treatment. And then I started running over it again out of nowhere. You came back with a bigger bike. Yeah. Okay. Third camping story. Third camping story is I was we were camping on, I want to say it was one of the Boston Harbor Islands or something. And we, there was, we were camping there.

and the same time that we were camping there, there was a LARP summer camp that was going on. And I want to say this one, I'm going to guess I was like 13 or 14. This is purely a guess. Were you at this age, were you slightly interested in LARP?

Here's the thing. I was at the age where I was like, this is fucking gay. But I could not help but be like, damn. Yeah. in the back of your head you're like damn I wish literally they're running around

throwing beam bags at each other's yelling fireball yeah lightning bolt that's the classic I was like I was like holy fucking shit I need to be doing this right now yeah this was in Massachusetts this was in the Boston Harbor I believe definitely this kid that I went to high school with definitely went to this

I think his name was Logan I think I maybe told you about this before but we had to get all of our senior pranks approved and because We had to get our senior pranks approved And the rumor I bet they did tell you that They did

No no no they did because apparently Someone put What I heard was that somebody put a cow upstairs And cows can't walk downstairs That's from sideways stories From Wayside School Well someone told me this When I was a kid

That's the classic fake senior prank Yeah yeah Everybody says oh they put a cow up the series But ask anyone Ask anyone from London Dundary High School Class of 2015 can ask my friend Alex, you can ask my friend Dylan.

They had a school-wide thing whereas if you do a senior prank that is not a pre-approved by the school, you will not walk at graduation, you'll be expelled. And you obeyed? We all obeyed because I didn't want to get it. I didn't want to do another year.

You conform. Yeah, okay. You conform. Yeah, I conformed. I conformed. And there was also a thing in the senior kill the janitor. The senior 2015 group chat on Facebook.

There was this kid. His name was Logan put in. He said, Hey, guys. I have this. idea. We should do a school-wide larp. Here are my rules below. It's a 45-page rulebook. It was like, they could be so cool if we'd larked in the school. That is cool. That would be so cool. He was the mascot for it because we were the Lancers and he owned chain mail and like a suit of armor.

Yeah. Dude, go to the football games in a suit of armor. Yeah. Which was so fucking sick. But he was like, dude, here's my 45 rule book. That's actually so genius. And they were like, no. We're just got to have a rave in a classroom. That is genius because everyone had the thought growing up. In high school, everyone was like, oh, my God, what if there was a counterstrike or a call of duty map of my school? And then you realize, oh, you can't, for obvious reasons. You can't be doing that. You can't be doing that.

You can't be saying that. But if it's fantasy spells and swords, it's completely okay. It's like red done, red done. Red done, but with goblins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking awesome. That would be so. Yeah, you can do that at, hey, kids, you can do that at your school.

Red Dawn, Bo with the Goblin. Go ahead, man. Go ahead. Do your senior prank day one. School starts next week. If your class of 2026 or 2027, rather, school does start next week. School starts in a week. I'm going to be a little busy.

Do your senior prank next week. I'm an adult. I just realize. I still see, if I go, if I walk by like the telco or whatever, and it's like back to school sale, I'm like already. Fuck. Are you kidding me? I gotta buy shoes. Fuck, dude.

I hope to fucking... The shoes were... I don't know what. The Bob's shoes has a... His audio's in stock. I can keep a pair of shoes as an adult for like four years. I never... I mean, I guess you're growing now that I think about it.

But I would always go to the shoe carnival. Did you guys have this? No. No. Maybe this is a North Carolina thing. We had Bob's. It's a place called Shoe Carnival. You ever go to the Red Barn?

No. Oh, that sounds nice. It's a shoe store. New Hampshire. Oh. Oh, where is it? Plastow. No, we never went there.

You should check it out. It's fire. There was a shoe store. It was either Bob's and then there was another one. Another one I got the BAM audios in fourth grade. And I was like, I'm the sickest fucking kid at school. And then I grew out of them too fast. What is it about camping that makes me want to tell all these stories?

I don't know. But basically one time I begged my mom to get skate shoes because I thought they looked cool and I wore them in the kid at school. It made fun of me because I didn't skate. Yeah, that's probably what. Looking back, I think, well, it makes sense. But I didn't even know they were skate shoes. I just thought they looked cool.

I thought they were the cool shoes. I don't remember. I got made fun of wearing a Gap shirt. Those were the ones I thought were really cool that I wanted to get. But it was some other. The D.S. With the puffy-ass tongue? Yeah.

That shit I thought was the coolest thing. I never had them, but I really wanted them bad. Could never have pulled it off. I had to be a new balance kid and go to that. Yeah. That's becoming Dr. Manhattan. Your molecules are going to fall apart. I couldn't get my parents.

The Vans. The Vans, Buckie Lazzick Fives with. skull and crossbone laces. So sick. This is the coolest fucking thing ever. Did you ever lace your vans in an interesting way? The straight lace, yeah. Wow.

Straight lace, skull and crossbones, dude. I tried for hours. Yeah. I couldn't hack it, dude. Yeah.

I also did that with my boots. Oh, my God. Yeah. That makes more sense to me. When I was in middle school or high school. Can I tell you guys something? Mm-hmm.

That's true secrets. I think I only want to do the podcast. in a tent from now on. This is nice. I mean, I know we said it over and over setting this up, but I want to go camping so fucking bad.

I had a camping adjacent weekend. And now this. And it really is. And my mom and my sibling just went camping and it looked so fun. I love camping. Dude, I'm going camping if I have a sheet of something. In what way could we get you camping?

Literally, I'm so scared of Alpha Gale. Oh. Oh, yeah. Dude. It's coming up here, I heard. It's already here. Yeah. But you've got to live your life, bro.

Yeah. Yeah, but if I can go and wear like a plastic sheet around me the whole time. All you have to do is wear long sleeves and long pants. And also, well, well, I found out something bad about this tick. It goes through pants. No, no, but you know how normal. We need to study this tick and find out that's secrets. My word.

Normal takes is like a Lyme disease. Something that can go through pants. and a madson finally I can develop a camera that goes through pants if I study this dick yeah and it works man yeah oh my where are you saying the bad thing about this this is this really don't tell him the bad no I shouldn't no I have to what is I'm committed to truth the um that was advanced yeah the this alpha-gal tick supposedly you know a Lyme disease you get a tick on you has to stay there for like two days basically before you actually get Lyme disease. Yeah.

Alpha Gallet happens almost immediately. Oh. Fucking Christ, dude. Oh, yeah. It's so scary. But it doesn't happen to everybody. And it's also, I mean. And I would say you're generally resistant to things.

I don't think I'm resistant to tigs. I don't, I would just guess that. Also, my best friend in elementary school, he had Triple E. He was a AAA survivor. I don't know what that is. Triple E survivor. Yeah. Then you're.

Triple E has like a 90% fatality rate or something. What is it? What is it from? Encephalitis. I remember the word encephalitis. It's something in the

mosquito disease that's in the northeast. It's incredibly, incredibly deadly. And if you get it, you're just probably going to die. Is it hard to get or some shit? It's kind of, it's pretty rare.

But like, it's one of those things where if like someone gets it, it's like, oh, the mosquitoes in this area are carrying it. Oh, okay. I'm not sure if it's equate.

Maybe it's like from horses or something. I have no idea. Yeah, I'm, they're back here. The first spill. Yeah. I spilled on my penis. That's camping, bro.

The sip went out too fast. There's one of those situations. But there are a lot of diseases you can get from things and it just is, look at this technique. Yeah. I really like that. That's so camping, man. You just can't be that scared of it. No, I agree.

Because there's a million people. First of all, there's a million people in the world. At least. At least. But like, there's so many people who. who live in the fucking woods or live in more woods than we live in

and they don't have it 100% of the time you know what I mean? Yeah. And if you go to camping for one night and you get Alpha Gal and Triple E, God was planning that for you.

Also, what's the worst case scenario? You die. Yeah. You're gonna die anyway. That's a good point. Honestly, the worst case scenario is more,

I feel like, I feel like it's just like, oh, I have to plan my diet and avoid you. Oh, I'm a vegetarian. That's worse than dying. I was a vegetarian.

You don't, alpha gal doesn't do fish like this. It don't do fish like this. I don't do fish like this. I've lived like this before. I can live again. I have no idea. I don't know anything about fish. I'll make a new type of fish ribs.

You don't know about the helicopters that are dropping Alpha Gal tics all over Texas. You know, I really make sure. I try to not look stuff like this. They are doing that because Greg Abbott is jealous of people walking and he wants to make them. He's like, let's take them down a pig. Uh-huh. Let's take all these walkers down a pig. Let's make you guys eat boca burgers for.

most of your life until we start growing meat. I had some beyond meatballs. Those are pretty good. Beyond meatballs. I guess I could get Astrogel. What is that? I pray to God that doesn't get into. An astragal tick.

I think astragalus. Alpha gal. I could get that and be fine, I guess. I could too. I could too. I mean, the only thing is the diagnosis would suck. Because apparently... Hold up.

But can you eat bacon dough? Did it? I don't think you can eat bacon. Fuck, dude. Unless it's fish bacon. Salmon bacon. I had something. The bacon actually sounds so good.

Cinnamon bacon? No, dude. Salmon bacon? I had salmon. I had something today. You did you say cinnamon bacon? You're about to say you had fucking sand. Fuck off, dude.

You had salmon bacon. No, I had salmon wings. What? Why? They don't have wings. They don't have wings. What situation were you in? I would do a Japanese market and I got spam a soubi and something called salmon

wings. What was it? It was like pieces of salmon that had like giant bones in them. But then also, so I thought, okay, it's like a wing. It's got like one big bone. But it's salmon. So it had like 50 million little bone. It's an inedible food. Yeah. So I'd bite, I would bite it and I would chew on it and I would spit out 90% of it. Salmon bacon. I'm just imagining kind of just being like really crispy skin with just the barest amount of salmon meat on top of it. Would it be good with eggs? I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it's only one way to find the ketchup. think most things are good with eggs. Yeah, that's true. Egg is a pretty... It's hard to... Speaking of, I went to the Vietnamese place in Nashua.

Okay. They had a pork chop with an egg deal. And I was like, damn, that's all you. This looks like my favorite food. Pork chop with a fried egg. I forgot what's called. It's like Comson something. Tried to pronounce it.

Couldn't do it. I don't know Vietnamese. It's tough. And they give you this like fish sauce. And there's a fly in the restaurant. I looked down. and the fly was literally doing backstrokes in the fish sauce. And I was like, I was like sitting there like just thinking about it's the last thing you want to see in a restaurant.

I was sitting there thinking about like how much like because I do love. Was it spitting out the sauce too? Like yeah, yeah, honestly pretty much pretty much what it was doing. I was like having just like I thought like so nice that there's like this spot like I can come here and get foe whenever like I come home and visit like. Yeah. They have a great fuh.

I've never tried. I've never ventured out. I've never had the dinner stuff. I was like, man, I really like this restaurant when I go home. And I look down and then fly literally just... The happy fly. The happiest fly I've ever seen. I was like, it's eventually going to die.

And I can at least like pick it out and then use the rest of the fish sauce. It swam for the whole meal. It swam the entire length of me eating these pork chops. Flycle Phelps. Flicle Phelps, exactly. That's tough. And I was like, damn, I'm going to go there again when I go back home. Yeah.

I feel like stuff like that. I'm not bothered by bugs, man. I'm unbothered by bugs and hair. Yeah. This is, this is a... Yeah, I've eaten stuff when I found a hair in it before. It's also... Sending stuff back at a restaurant is the most bitch-made thing in the world.

I know. I'm never going to do that. Unless it's the wrong food. Who cares? Yeah, unless it's the wrong food or unless it's like fully cold. Even if it's the wrong food, if it's something that I still would eat, I'm eating it. You know what? I did send back at a 99 restaurant.

I ate a piece of paper through a shrimp. Because it had the daily dot in the, like, the batter. Uh-huh. The batter had like, they, he was like. I'm not understanding. I heard the word daily dot from the manager. I said, uh-huh, but I'm completely lost. But it had a daily dot.

He was like, he's like the daily dot. He's like, oh, it looks like you got the, like, you got the daily dot in our breading. That's actually, actually pretty good because that means that your meal was so fresh that the daily dot was in it. What's the daily dot? I don't know. He made this up. This is a 99 manager. Unless this is a thing. No, no, you get the daily dot.

This is probably, yeah, yeah, no, no, we're going to double your meal. We're going to double your meal. We're going to give you the daily dots. Twice as expensive because you did get a daily dot. No, but I fully, that's the most, that's the only time I've ever sent something back or had it like comped. Yeah. It's because I ate.

I'm always expecting to have something comped. Never did. Yeah. And it's always, you know, here's what I'll say. And this is, I think this is a, a. New York thing. Yeah. But every time that's a server has messed up here.

Yeah. And I'm like, oh, I bet we're about to get something comp there. They'll be like, yeah, we like comped one of your drinks. Yeah. I'm like, fuck you. Give me half off, bro. Fuck you. Yeah.

You didn't mess up the drink. Yeah. Yeah. Comp the food. Comp the food. Comp the food. Comp the food. Cop my life.

Comp everything for me forever. There's been times. This is sickening. There's been times when I know. Can I stand up? Yeah, you need to. Yeah. My leg is asleep.

I need to open it up. Do your thing. I'm going to go out that sucked. You're leaving? No, I'm just going to stand here for a second. Okay. Oh, okay. Do it, man.

Just watch the cables. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's been times. The way it goes this way. One time that I can think of where I knew somebody who worked at the restaurant, a waiter. They waited on my table. They brought something out. They said, dude, you got to try this.

This is amazing. and then at the end of the Yeah Go on This is so scary The guy who comes into your campground I'm going to use this opportunity The guy, yeah

Listen you guys are being so fucking Wait wait wait Camp sites to do that Start talking so anyway So the guy brings out of food Excuse me You guys are being so Fucking loud

I know you're camping And we're having fun But I know I need to get I know we're all having fun at this campground. We're having fun here, but guys, I seriously, I need to get to work tomorrow after we're done. I have work in the morning.

Hey, can you guys? Seriously, I do have work in the morning. I'm not camping for fun. You guys are camping for fun. I'm not camping for fun. You're a lifer, dude. I'm going to take the headphones off. You like this more.

Yeah. Keep going. What are you saying? I've had somebody bring me food because they're like, you should try this. And then it's on my bill at the end of the night. Yeah. Yeah. Really?

They say like, oh, I'm going to bring this up. Here's something. I mean, but that's like, that's part for the course, I think. That's crazy. You can't be, unless you're friends with the manager, I think. No, but if you're, but, but dude, don't bring it to me. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, Japan warning. Warning. Okay. In Japan, something they do at a lot of places is they will bring you an app, like they have a table charge. Yeah. Like if you're going to sit there, you have to pay, like, you have to pay to get a table, but they bring you, but it's, it's for an appetizer.

Oh, okay. It's usually something that's like one bite of like one vegetable. And they bring it to you and they say, this is just something we, we wanted you to try. And you're thinking that's some free shit. Oh, wow. Thank you. This is such great service. And then at the end, you look at the receipt and it says appetizer $5.

See, I like, what? Dude, super pollo. If you go after like 6 p.m. Yeah. At the end of the. night. At the end of your meal, they will bring everybody a shot of tequila. And I think it's because the waiters

like tequila. Yeah. Because they'll go why do they like tequila? I don't know. What is the sickness in the society where everyone is obsessed with alcohol at every waking moment? Yeah, I know. Every single restaurant thing, anytime that someone's like hey, let's do a shot together

at a bar, I accept it, but every time I'm like, dude, you're going to be so drunk on your job. The only time I've ever done... drunk in your job. You should not do this with us. Don't do it, man. No, give it to us for free. But let me do it. Let me do yours. I'll do it for you. I'm not working. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, buddy, no drinking to the job. I'm going to tell on you. I agree.

Yeah. Because they should barely cost me this bottle. This is a $30. I'm guessing it's cheaper at a normal liquor store. Yeah. But this is a $30 well, it's also. Why are there so many the Squid game, the price The Squid Game branding on this has been going? I think that you've bought Squid Game to keep their whiskey. I know, I was, I can't believe they still have.

Yeah, I can't lie. This is, this is probably the 10th bottle of this that I've bought in my life. Yeah, I know. It's crazy that they're still. And most of them have come here. Yeah. This is kind of the office whiskey is the Swixing. Do you think that this is just a thing where it's like that store?

No, no, I've seen it a lot. Probably just bought too many of them. I think, okay, so it's the black label. Squid Game is our best selling whiskey. Hey, you know what? Let's keep buying Squid Game. It's the same. as the Johnny Walker Black,

but it's $2 more expensive. And I think it is just because it's Squid Game. And it's Netflix. Yeah. Is it embossed Netflix? It's the Netflix searcher. No, it's not. Just normal. Well, that would be a little more used with permission. Netflix. Squid Game TM.

Netflix used with permission. Okay. And I don't know why I don't really like Johnny Walker Black, even though it's the same as this. I like the Squid Game. This is Johnny Walker? In fact, give me a little And I'll have some of them. The Johnny, hold on, I got to pee.

Okay. Why is Squid Game the official sponsor? You ask the question. Going out in the woods to pee. Oh, it's so scary. Dude, be careful. What did he say?

Why is Squid Game? What did you say? Why is Johnny Walker the official? That's a good question. Well, let's see. I don't, I guess, oh, red light, green light, they Walker. Okay, true.

Is one of the characters named Johnny? No, I think they have Korean names. June Ye. That would be pretty close. I actually knew a Korean kid named June, so I don't feel that I'm being too racist by suggesting June. Not too crazy. Though I do regret saying it. I don't know.

It could it be that this is maybe the official whiskey of Netflix? That would make more sense to me. And Squid Game is kind of all that Netflix has going. Emily and Paris sort of whiskey. Well, that wouldn't be a whiskey. That would be one of those. That would be like a vodka probably, Emily and Paris. Why? For women.

Women like vodka. Yeah, I think so. And they don't like... They don't really know what women like, to be honest. Me either. But they don't like this, I would think. Women like those, you know, those... What is the name of that, like, crappy canned cocktail?

Cut water? No, no, no. Cod water, surfside, high noon. No, it's like an old one. Buzzball. Whitelaw. No, it's a canned cocktail. It's so obvious.

It's like from a major company. Company. Smearing off ice? No, God damn it, man. This fucking, my life sucks. Canned cocktail. It's like a canned margarita from a big margarita. Big company. Cut water.

Oh, man, not got water. This was, this was in like 2015. This was probably at least that long ago. Cut water. When we were in college. This was like a college, like... Maybe college, yeah. Buzzball.

Moms like this. High noon? No, moms like this from way back. Skinny girl? No. Oh, skinny. Any girl margarita, but no. Yeah. Who's that?

That's one of the housewives. Yeah, it is. I don't know which one of the... Mary Ann Williamson? Real housewives. I wish she was out. She'd fit in well. Where was she from before politics?

I don't know. From the moon. Yeah. She had to have had a career before that, right? Do you guys remember speaking of alcohol that women like? Yeah. Do you guys... Were you guys in the...

Were you guys victims of the Capriciopee apocalypse? No. fuck is that you don't know what capriccio was oh it was an it was a bottled sangria yummy it was insanely i've had the franzia sangria capricio had like like it basically was mad dog 2020 with good marketing my ex would get like two bottles we would have like parties and like i think like i mean i've only blacked out a few times off the sangria capricio dude people were going nes you're going nuts off of this thing. I've never even heard of this. I don't know. I got to look up the label too. Look up the label because this stuff was when I was in when I worked at the liquor store,

we would sell these big ass jugs of wine. Yeah. I want to say they were like four liters. Yeah. Three or four liters like jug like glass jugs saying and this guy would come in. We had shopping carts and he would come in and he would take them. They were like they were like high up on the shelf. Yeah. And he was an old. Yes. I've never seen. I've never seen. This. This. This. This. was, dude, everyone in my life was getting blackout drunk on these. I love Sangria. They were getting, this was the most fucked up I've ever seen people in my life. My ex threw up in an Uber due to this.

I don't know. Whoa. Could be due to the dryness. Well, it's actually quite wet out. That's what I'm saying. We're in an elevated place. Maybe it's because we're on a mountain. Yeah.

We're on a mountain. God. Dude, that's scary. That is a little scary. Should we segue into the scary part? We should segue into the scary part. But before we segue into the scary part. Before we segue into the scary part.

I used to get nosebleeds all the time, dude. They stopped happening. But for a while, I thought I was going to have, do you know, do you know how they cure, like chronic nosebleeds? No, but I knew a kid. They have, they cauterize you're the inside of your nose. Okay. I knew this kid when I was, my mom did like community theater and I would have to go hang out

at the theater. And there was this kid who, was like this color all the time. He was so starkly white and he would get, he had chronic nosebleeds. He would walk around with his nose bleeding all day and night. That was me, bro. Really? I used to have nosebleeds constantly.

Did you have an iron problem? Probably. I never figured out what was causing it. But it, you know, it's a, it's a thing where it's like, I think it's like, because the blood vessel is like weak or whatever. so it happens when your heart rate goes up. Did you ever have medical intervention? No, well, it just eventually stopped,

but I was thinking I was going to have to have the... I think this kid got that done. The cotterization surgery, yeah, that's how you cure it. I just remember you had the strange vibe to him. They put a hot thing up your nose and burn it. Crazy. This was a... I'm glad you weren't this kid. Probably was that kid.

No, because I would remember you if you were him. Because this kid, frankly, disturbed me. Yeah. It's scary to have your nose bleed. And also it's like, I don't want to be around some blood guy. No, it was, when that was my life, it was kind of my life. And it was kind of awful.

I mean, it would kind of, I just kind of had to kind of have my pockets stuffed with tissues and napkins wherever I went. I'm glad you grew out of it. This is mine. I mean, there's only two other guys here. Before we get into the scary part. Okay. Wait, look at...

I was having a crazy print on camera. What's a problem with that? Before we get into the scary part of camping, I'd like to read a list that I found. Okay. I'm seeing this is from the top ten. This is from Jay's top ten list. Okay.

And this is the top ten most random things that will never happen while camping. Okay. Well, we can kind of myth bust this. Yeah. So number one here, while you're watching YouTube on your Kindle, there's no internet. That will happen.

That absolutely, that will happen. That will happen. Well, actually, how are you watching YouTube on your Kindle with no internet? Well, here's a premium download. Here is a... Does they have YouTube Premium on Kindle? Yeah. Probably on the newer one.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, because that's kind of just an iPad. Yeah. At that point. Well, here is a... Here's like a... But it's like a hundred and... $10 or some shit.

I don't know what the word is. They're a modifier. Yeah, okay. Well, that's... I love candles. Signifier. What's the word? I don't know what I'm looking for here.

Here's a caveat. Thank you. Found it. Found the word. You're welcome. Here's a caveat. Signifier. Especially during a funny video.

Oh. Your internet will never go out while you're watching YouTube on your Kindle camping. His internet will never go out. You're especially during a funny video. Yeah.

Okay. I think this one will never happen because I don't think that I've entered in the first place. And also I'm just like, number one, I just, I can't give that number one.

This being number one, so far I'm going to rate this true. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Number two of most random things that will never happen while camping. Number two,

pretend that the camping tent is a bully and then hit it with a hammer. I think that could have that could do that right now. That's definitely left a hammer in here. That's less true than the previous one. I mean, I don't want to hit this one with a camera because we're basically renting it. A camera.

Camera. A hammer with a camera in it. We should hit it with a camera. I wish we had a hammer with a camera in it because then we could hit it then. But that could happen. That could. I'm going to read that. I'm going to rate that one busted.

We could at very least pretend it's a bully. Yeah. Oh, yeah. dude. Yeah. Stop. No, stop.

No, stop. Let me out. Let me out. You fucking bully. You're disgusting boy. Imagine. We're in a bully's belly. Yeah.

A bully belly. A bully belly is in the belly of the bully. A bully has eaten us. Oh. Guys, how do we get out of the bully's belly? Real quick, though. If a bully has eaten us, we're probably nerds.

Yeah. And we're probably fucking delicious as well. Or we're stronger bullies. Hey, buddy. The three delicious nerds. made a mistake, man. So you don't realize this, but we're actually not nerds, but geeks. We're actually geeks.

So why don't you let us out of your body and we can go back to class? We're not smart. We're just nerds. Or great geeks. Oh, geez. Oh, geez, I blew our cover. Oh, geez, I blew our cover. I thought that would let us out.

Hey, you big glute. Hey, what's the big idea? Come on, let us out of here. No, we're old-timey. We're not nerds. No, we're not nerds. We're just from back in time. We're old and fellas.

We're old. Seems to me you ate the wrong trio. Number three is pour more gasoline into the fire. More. I've done, you didn't throw gasoline on fire or lighter fluid? Well, imagine how much you threw onto the fire and then add more. Yeah, that's 100% possible. That's almost not even just possible.

That's a certainty. That's an everyday occurrence, I would say. I love this response here. It says, wait, more gasoline? Like, yeah, I start this fire by putting leaves, twigs, logs, and gasoline in a pile, don't I? Peace out. Flames. That's from Flames.

Flames said that. Flames really knows what he's doing. Yeah. Flames is a fan. And Rocco says, someone passed me the unleaded. I'm going in. I like that. That's something Rocco would say.

I wish we had Rock. We're in the police belly with us. No, I was going to, I wish we had Rocco in the bully's belly. I'm not a guy who, I think, camping. I'm not so good at starting the fire. Yeah. I'm pretty good at starting a fire. I'm never taking that initiative.

I think I've started a fire before. No, I definitely have, but not camping. But it's, it's the kind of thing. It's one of those things where it's like, that's got to be your thing. Like, you know what it's like, to be willing to do that. That's like being like ox guy or something. Like that's, that's your, you have to really take charge of that. You're into fire.

Yeah. Number four, eat all of the camping food. So again, I feel like this is almost everything. That should happen. Yeah, you don't want to waste the camping food. Well, Ellie, Ellie Heffley said, Eli Huffley says, Eli Huffley says, I do eat all the camp food.

I sneak into the kitchen at Summer Camp when nobody is looking. Is this Greg Heffley's kind of non-canon brother? Greg Heffley's cousin. Original character? No, actually. Someone that's not Roderick? Oh, never mind. I was like, oh, it's actually four women. It's queen when they dressed up like women. What's his younger brother's name? Manny. Manny, dude.

Manny, younger than Manny. Manny's a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. If you read those books, you know that he's basically going to grow up to be young Hitler. Here's the thing is that nobody has said this because they're kids books so people feel like there's some decorum they need to like adhere to. But they got to, genuinely, they got a respect to characters. Genuinely, Mr. and Mrs. Hepley should have had an abortion. Yeah. On all three of them. No, no, Greg's a good guy. Greg's not a good guy.

Here's the thing. It's the whole point of the book. Greg is a piece of shit. He's a shithead. What does he do that's shitty? And I honestly think, I honestly think that if Greg and Manny weren't around, Roderick would be like so much better of a person. Like Roderick's a little bit of an asshole.

But I feel like, I feel like if his brothers weren't like kind of like, he didn't get enough attention because of Manny. Totally. Yeah. I think if he had had more attention and he really had, like he, I think he only became bad because Greg was born and he. and he started acting out to get the attention back on him, started starting a band, all this stuff.

And that's not to say that loaded diaper is like not a worthwhile endeavor. No, of course. But can you imagine the universe where, the universe where Greg and Manny were both aborted. Yeah. And they're, you know, in a dumpster. So they're being reconstituted to make. Yeah, they're getting injected into LeBron James on the offseat.

Rodrick, imagine how, imagine the highest loaded diaper would reach. Yeah. If Greg wasn't like fucking around and then. Yeah. If Greg and Mani were going into some guys' hair, some guys' follicles to make it. Joe Biden was sprinkling them over his DNA. Yeah. It would be a different world for Roger.

I want Greg and Mani today. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's Greg and Manny. Don't worry. I woke up this morning. I'd like to put, yeah. This morning.

I ain't, I ain't May a Hifley. Joe Biden wakes up and he presses a button on his phone, his landline, and he plays a room service order. He says, I want one abortion named. Greg to that. I want one name Mani. I want Greg. And I want those on my saltines. On the side,

a little bit of many. Mani, Roderick, good kid. Yeah, and then he turns on, loaded diaper. Loaded diaper. Good kid.

Loaded diaper. Imagine, like the Obama thing. The Obama playlist at the end of the year. The Obama plays. Joe Biden releases his and it's true that every single artist

on Obama's playlist, Joe Biden has consumed that artist's unborn siblings. Absolutely. 100% 100% No doubt and I'm saying it now

We're sorry Lucy Dachas Yeah Lucy Docus you were supposed to have a sibling Joe Biden has eaten all of the sperms and eggs

that were supposed to be your siblings Uh huh Yep Boy genius Every single one of you Was boy genius was supposed to be

A band with nine girls in it Joe Biden ate six of them Before they reached A viable Derm salad Imagine that many guitars on stage Anyway

Is that what Joe Biden says? Imagine that made guitars on stage. Nine guitars. Once I saw nine guitars. Nine girls. I rewatch the, nine different girls with guitars. The corn pop video the other day.

Dude, it's so fun. The funniest part of that video. It's like 10 minutes long. The part of the video is like, there's blonde hairs on my leg. They kept sticking up. The kids would play with the hair on my legs.

Why are you telling anyone that? I just, and also there's, like 50 kids behind him. Yeah, they're all confused. Yeah. Every single, yeah. And they're like happy to be on TV.

They're like, yeah. It's fully like they're just like doing. Nobody listening to what he's saying. Like that's the president, guys. I miss him. Yeah. Me too. He was so awesome.

He was so awesome. He invaded Gaza. Yeah. That wasn't great. That was. Yeah. Dude, he did nothing about that. Yeah, that was pretty fail.

Dude, and he would eat ice cream. It was awesome. Yeah. He was fail, actually. Number five, spilled juice on your parents. Again, man. Hey, you're there. In the top comment.

Sorry. Who's the one person who spilled anything? Oh, I'm sorry. It was him on his penis. You spilled on his fucking penis. You said, I spilled on my penis. No, the spill was zero. It was a zero spill.

You spilled and you hit the spill. We got cameras. We got a camera there. We got a camera behind that one. That was a tip. I got a camera. You just realized that. There's a tear.

No! Fuck! It is on camera. Fuck, no. Nobody find that in slow motion. This is number five spilled juice on your parents. The top comment is, my parents would be very angry at me if I did this.

Okay, that kid needs help. Yeah. Number six. Number six, sing Hello Kitty songs. Top comment from the author, Jay's Top Dead List. Imagine if that really has. happened on camping.

I mean, I have to say, yeah, or girly. I would also say I don't know what Hello Kitty songs are. I don't know. I have to assume, Hello Kitty,

was that a TV show ever? I don't know. There must be a song. There must be a Hello Kitty song. So I'm going to say it's possible. Well, it's in the comments here. What? K-I-T-T-Y.

K-I-T-Y. Everybody say, Hello Kitty. Hello Kitty. Hello Kitty. Okay. Hello Kitty. Hello Kitty.

Hello, Kitty. That's how they found the name. What is this new girl group that I keep seeing about? Catsai? Yes. This is the worst music ever. It's bad. But here's what's even crazier about it.

My wife, do you guys know the origin of Katzai? No, I found out about them two days ago. From a Netflix show where they made it was a challenge. It was like making the band the Diddy show. It was a thing where there was like a hundred girls and they were like you all have to compete against each other to be a member of this band. But they didn't tell them. and they said this is a documentary about like a pop star boot camp

and you girls all have to come and like learn how to be a pop star and they're like oh okay and they all like go through all these learning how to be a pop star and then they're like actually psych this is a competition and everyone on the internet is going to vote on you and comment on you I would leave right there or kill myself on you

dude it's crazy it's so fucked up I've never I had no idea I would fully oh squid games literally squid games and truly truly so it made me it honestly like you know something

is really fucked up when it makes you revert to like sixth grade mentality and I was like I'm what is wrong with the world? What is wrong with music nowadays? I still get like that about any time that someone posts about the Kardashians being cool I'm like really exactly that type

of thing really why do people think this is okay to make a show like this these are all these these these girls what the fuck dude? When people talk about Northwest and like, oh, Northwest music, she actually good. I'm like, you realize her mom's a slut, right?

You realize her mom's famous, Joe. But it's actually so crazy. The thing that blows my mind about it is like there's a full season of television that's documenting of like these, the, like, when you listen to a band, maybe this is just me, but what like, to me, the all lure of a band is like, oh, these people all got together in a garage and we're like, let's make the fucking band. We've been friends. let's do this.

That's how BTS came up. Love BTS. But this is a documentation of every step of the process of all these ugly middle-aged guys watching these girls like dance and being like, she's got it. She's the one.

She's the one. She's gorgeous. And then it's just like, how can you know that's the origin of this band and still listen to them? It's crazy to me. It's a 40-year-old music producer

with a visible heart on just going, oh my God. literally what the show is. It's crazy. The music is also and they all, the producers are all like, they only talk shit about their,

like to the face, they'll be like, look at that one. Yeah, you're not singing right. Like, you're not saying right. Like, you're just,

you just don't have it. It's literally that. That one over there's crazy. Killer. And they can at least have the decency to pick girls who make good music. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Like Phoebe Boitos. Phoebe Poetis. Phoebe. Phoebe, I listen to the Phoebe Weeby album. I listen to the Phoebe Weby. Weepie?

Is it good? I did not listen to it. I felt like, dude. I'm so, so on her in general. People are so into Phoebeble. This album is probably my, I haven't listened to a bunch of her,

but this album was probably my least favorite of her stuff, but there are a couple songs that I like. I like one or two songs from her, but it fully felt like everyone was like in college where, I mean, we went to like, you know, a college.

We went to a Phoebe Bridgers college. We went to a, we went to Phoebe Bridgers University. And that was a real mistake. That was probably the problem. But it was fully like... I said he'd medallergies. It was not the right choice.

I thought it was a trade school. Yeah, you're the only one in the fucking graduating class. It's a single metallurgist. It fully felt like every single person at school was being like, you know, the whole thing whereas they're like pay people to tweet about bands now. Yes. That's what it felt like about Phoebe Bridgers where I was like, guys, she's, got a couple good ones. I'm not seeing

the appeal. I don't really, I don't know that I've ever heard. I get. I get the one song that's really good. I'm like, oh yeah, this is a great song. I think she has a few songs that are really, really good. And I've heard a lot of her because my wife really likes her. And I know she's going to hear this. Yeah. So I'm not

talking shit about Phoebe Ridgers. You just bought yourself Julio's clip of the movie. Because he only ever clips the stuff that you don't want to. If you don't do, if you don't make the clip the part where Patrick is sticking his head into the tent telling us to shut up. You're literally fired. You're literally fired.

But you're not trustworthy when it comes to clips. Every time I talk shit about any person in my life on the podcast, I always... When you made the clip, the clip of Gus and you put a picture of his face

as the first frame. Every time he's trying to ruin my life. Okay, number seven is sleep until the camping trip is over. You don't have to sleep for 556 years. Okay, I would say this is by far the least likely to add. So far this is the least. This one's on 556 years. Number eight, cuddle with your teddy bear while eating dinner.

That's possible. That's very possible. Definitely possible. And I definitely have happened before. I'd cuddle with my teddy bear and tell them how much I dislike camping. Okay. Did you leave that comment? Yeah, I left that comment.

Yeah, that's my comment. Let's move on. Nine, eat Smarties for dessert while your parents eat an ice cream. Dude, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I would obviously, that feels like a bad thing to me. The author Jay's Top Ten list says, you call Smarties a dessert. So this happened. What else would you call it?

Candy. Candy's dessert. Candy is not dessert. You are, you have been, you have been, you have been, completely cucked by the 21st century, and candy is not dessert. Candy is not, I've never...

Dude, their fucking pumping ideas into your head. You're, you're gone. It can't be. You're gone. Candy is a snack. You've accumulated thousands of hours

on Instagram. You know I don't like candy. I don't know if I know that. You said one time that you've never seen me eat ice cream except for one time. That ice cream is not candy. But that's what I mean.

That's true. I don't know if... I'm exactly to eat candy. Okay. I'll, I will, I will. I've seen Caleb eat ice cream multiple times. I definitely have seen you eat sweets less than any other person I've ever known.

Yes. I'll give you that. I don't eat sweets. I have pictures of him eating a lot of ice cream. But how can you not, how can I square that with saying candy is not a dessert? Well, I guess I just don't know that much. I guess that's not. I don't know that much about candy.

I think of candy, I only really, on Halloween, I'll have a couple of pieces. I can't lie. I'll have a couple pieces. Yeah. These are the, these are the. newcomers to the list. Okay. Okay. A seal Golombs by and eats all the marshmallows. Golumps by? Galumns by? Um, it's possible. It's possible. It's possible. Well, let me tell you,

let me, let me, let me ask you if this one's possible. A giant baby kisses you and throws you to Mars where you see butts quinting at aliens with big heads. That's probably not possible. That one is not positive. That one could not happen while I'd be surprised. See, I thought the list would be mostly like this one. Okay. Read it again. A giant. A Giant baby kisses you. Let's go through a bit, but a giant baby kisses you. Possible. Possible.

And throws you to Mars. If it's big enough, strong, strong, strong. You have to break through the atmosphere. So how do, I guess, but squinting, I guess, to me so far seems like the most impossible part. And we, I think that I don't know. Aliens probably exist. Yeah, yeah. With big heads.

Yeah. That's the most believable part of the entire thing here to me is the baby throwing. Well, it was butt squinting. And with the baby throwing being second. Yeah. That's improbable. Throwing you to Mars is, that's pretty far. But we've thrown things to Mars.

We've shot things to Mars. What do you think is the difference between throwing and shotting? Propulsion. Good answer. This is the last good one on the list. Toss some whipped cream and an old sock and a paper airplane into the fire. and the top comment is my brother did this once. So that one's been confirmed.

That's been confirmed. That's been confirmed. It's not a great list, I'll be honest. It was a good one. It was a good one. No, no, no, I'm saying, I'm saying in terms of the title. Sure, yeah.

I'm not going to lie. A lot of it wasn't random. I think kind of everything is hitting better for me in a tent. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm having a great time. I really cannot get enough tent. Because I was having a little bit of a dud of a day.

I wasn't having a great day. I wasn't having a great day. I wasn't having a great day. I wasn't having a good day. But we get into this tent. It just feels right. Pretty much you did nothing all day. Does that teach you a little bit of a lesson about camping?

Yeah. Camping, you just do nothing, but it feels like you're doing something. Imagine if we were able to have smores. Yeah. Oh, my God. I really wish you didn't say that. I really wish you did not say that. I want a smore so fucking bad.

Anybody who's doing, who wants to say something really, like, cool, might want to buy a For towel roll. Yeah. Yeah. You can drop it with no repercussion. No worry. Unless you're this far away. Will you please go camping?

I'll try. I really think we should go camping. Where? Where? We have a short window. We go upstate. It's so, I mean,

there's, and takes are not around in other seasons. We should go to, we should go to New Hampshire. I would do that. I would do that. But we should, we should do a,

if you would go camping, I'd go anywhere. Okay. I'll go camping in New Hampshire because I just want to go, I want to go camping in the fall in New Hampshire. Here's the thing. Can we talk about, your dad.

My dad's hot dog stand? Yeah. A little bit. We can say a little bit about it. I know why we can't. I bet I know why we can't talk about it because it's going to be a fucking video shortly. And he doesn't want to. It's a prank.

It's not a prank. No, no, no. He's not a fact of me that it's not a prank. Yeah. It's not Patrick. Okay.

I don't know. It's a real thing that he wants to do. Me and him were talking about hot dogs all weekend. I had a hot dog. I was like telling him. I was like, I was like, what kind of hot dogs you're going to do? And he was like, you know,

I'm going to do the classic New England, you know, like... Beef or pork? I'll be frank. New England, a classic New England hot dog is all beef, frank, like kind of toasted like a lobster roll, but with a hot dog and onions and mustard. Steam the bun. Steam the bun. Lobster roll would be, would be like...

He's also going to make brought worse. He's going to make sausages on there because he's like, we are walking to this bar in their neighborhood and it's near like a Dunkin' Donuts. He's like, look, I'm going to put the cart there. I'm friends with the manager of the Dunkin. Uh-huh. And I'm going to put the cart there. there and it's real

imagine he's actually real he's like like imagine you're walking down this street right now and you just smell fucking Italian sausage getting cooked and you're loaded and you've got to walk to your car you're going to stop in absolutely you're loaded and walking to your car

okay all right I got a sober up fast yeah it's a sober up meal is it possible to say the name no I don't want to say the name yet no I don't know I

We're keeping it under wraps. You're in Nashville, New Hampshire. Would he be the one like working it? Working it or would he have employees? He'd be the one working it, but he said that everyone in the family has to work a shift. Okay. So you have to work a shift? Yeah.

So I got to go up once a month. I'm so excited for those two. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you can't work a shift every month. Maybe every two months, maybe every three months. Dude, this is like when my dad started a T-shirt company. Yeah. And it just feels so amazing, man. Yeah.

Yeah, but I think that, I mean, he's kind of like the, he knows enough people in the neighborhood that like are on board. And they're like, dude, you should. Yeah, he should. Yeah, he totally should. Yeah, he's, he's, he's become a little bit of a local fixture down there. That's awesome. All the old people. That's how you know you have an amazing dad.

Yeah, I know. I mean, you saw the videos that. I love your dad. The video, he, uh, we made, my, my dad was like, I was telling them was like, in the group chat, I was telling you. you guys. I was like, they don't believe me. They think this is part of Patrick. And he's like, open the, open your camera. That's your fault, by the way, for setting up Patrick. I know. Oh, yeah. Sure. And that video that he made really did not instill any confidence. No, it felt like a hostage video. Because he every, every three words, he looked off camera to see if he was

saying the right thing. Yeah. It looks like he was reading a script. Yeah. But what do you say in the video is like, if you want the food, I can send it to you. I work. for a major transportation company. I'm going to have a hot dog overnighted to my fucking house. And he said the other video of his friend, his friend Guinea,

he's like, I'm here with Guinea. Fuck you. I'm so excited. Can we please throw a massive event? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. A really, really, a block party.

I want to throw a block party for a hot dog stand open. I mean, well, this is the other thing is like Guinea owns like this Indian restaurant in the neighborhood. So he's getting pointers from Guinea about this. But. Guinea is not a... It's an indie. It's a nickname.

He's Indian. Seems like an Italian nickname. No, it's an Italian slur. And he was telling me, he was like, when I moved here, I did not know it was a slur. It was saying. It's like, I was telling people it's my name. They don't. sometimes they don't like to hear it.

I don't believe in that being offensive. Well, yeah, you're Italian. You can say that. No, because the whole point of it is that they're saying that they're from Papa New Guinea. They're saying they're African, which is that. And then Italians go like, I'm not fucking African. Hey, I'm not black. What the fuck?

To me, that's like, that's not. It's the true romance. The true romance eggplant scene. Yes, yeah, exactly. You can't get offended by that if you're Italian being like, no, I'm actually not African. Yeah. Like, bro.

Meanwhile, Sicily is so close to North Africa. Yeah, they're close. Yeah. It's like, dude, yeah, probably a little bit.

Probably a little bit. Yeah. But again, man, that shouldn't be a problem. No, these Italians make it, make it everybody else's issue. I know.

They're like, can you believe that? He called me a black guy. Yeah, yeah, literally. That's their, that's their issue with it. Dude,

that sounds awesome. Yeah. It's like, bro, take the compliment, move on. You're black. Enjoy it. Italians are not

smart people. All right. I have to piss so fucking about. I have to eat dinner. Me too. Oh my God. Did I tell you, did you just say under your breath?

I'm going to get pizza. Should I really? I said, I have to eat pizza. Me too. I have to get dinner. I have to eat pizza. Guys.

Guys, I have to eat pizza. Guys, I really can't. I think the tent it has to stay. The tent is so amazing. You gotta buy this off of making me. I love the fucking tent so much. Something like this.

Yeah. Yeah, we need some kind of enclosure. Our ceiling. Yeah, we need a ceiling. Oh my God. It fall collapses. That would suck. All right.

I am going to be in Baltimore with Jack Benzinger on Sunday. On Sunday. On Sunday, whatever the date is. And guys, remember to check out chunks. It's still out. Chunks is still out.

Chunks is still out. out. And I have nothing else to plug. Oh, no, wait. If you're in New York City, I'm going to be... Oh, yeah. Oh, Mike. What? Next week, we're doing the 400th episode. Oh, right. It's the 400th episode. You'll see us right back here in this tent. And then on the 28th in Brooklyn, I'm doing a show at Life World. Not my own solo show. I'm doing part of a show. If you feel like going out to that, you can go to it if you want, but you don't have to. Okay. Respect. It's an amazing promo. Oh, it's for a movie screening. So it actually will be interesting.

Okay. What movie? Jerry's. Check Instagram and Twitter to for news on the 400th episode. Wow. That's powerful. That's powerful. Damn.

He dropped it on the fucking paper. Damn. Damn. Warning. Bye. You will be derailed. If your kid is texting, here's what they're actually saying.

LOL means. licking on labia. Yeah. And then you... That's a good one. Yeah. I mean, I could do that all day. Give me one and do it all me.

IMO. IMO. In my asshole. In my... In my open ass. In my open... In my open anus. Yeah.

So that's sexual. OMFG on my fucking gut. I want you to... Like JIS. Yeah. On my fucking... On my fucking gut. The text.

want you to jiz OMFG Excavation point I want you to J's OMFG sending back LOL

TY this year this year I'll have sex for the first time this what this year this year I'll have sex

for the first time I got you I'll have premarital sex for the first time this year yeah this that

that that ye that ye that ye that that ye that y that ye that ye that ye you that you uh yone egg or whatever it's called Touching you. Touching you. Touching you, touching you, touching you, touching you, touching you, touching you.

Do I, do I, touching you, touching you, touching you.