Podcast About List - Ep. #400 - WE WENT CAMPING

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

Thank you for 400 episodes with us, to celebrate the occasion we got a tent and went out to a campsite and camped for the first time in Pat's life.Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Fire side we're in the dreams we have, the law we share. This is what we're waiting for. Fire side chat. Oh, my God. It looks so scary. We look like we're in hell. Oh, and a car is coming by. And a car is coming by.

Okay, that's going to give us an amazing look. Okay, well. You guys remember last week where we went camping while we did it again? Well, last week, I do think, let's talk a little bit about why this is the deception of this. And let's talk about our day first. First, no, let's start with how amazing. No, no, let's start with why we're in the middle of the woods.

We did the tent episode, and that was an episode where we said, for whatever reason, somebody in the group chat said, we should do an episode of camping. It was you. Somebody. Somebody. For some reason. For whatever reason. No, I said we should do it in a tent. No, you said we should do an episode about camping. And I said, I'll find a tent. And then Mike D, my good friend, shout out Mike D. It was one of those things that just randomly. randomly donated his tent.

But then we kind of got obsessed with the tent because it was so, it felt so amazing. It was the most fun I think I've had doing the show in a while. It was really nice. It was really nice. So Patrick went to Red Hook and picked up from Facebook Marketplace.

What is it, a $300 tent? Yes, I got a $300 for $50. And we're over here in a place called North South Lake. Yep. And you guys all thought I wasn't going to be the guy to volunteer to get the... I've had... You made it happen.

You really made it happen. By the way. I've had eight beers. Four hot dogs. Four hot dogs. I guess we'll have to run through the day a little bit. Yeah. I mean, yeah.

I really think there is... In one way, it's kind of funny and kind of a fuck you kind of way. In another way, it's kind of almost a meditation on the form that we just had an incredible day, didn't film any of it. And then the fourth one episode is just... I took some pictures.

Talking about it. Talking about what we did. Yeah. On a pitch black campsite that you can't see. We might as well be in someone's backyard. We wouldn't. We'll go to the tent too. You'll go in the tent too.

That's true. We went on a hike, man. Went on a night. So, no, let's start from the beginning. We drove. We drove here, north-south. Yes. I found two new tech decks that were interesting in style.

I had major league diarrhea. I had a, I got to found a Marge Simpson tech deck and a tech deck that came with rails on the board, which is rare. We're next door to Chile. And, yeah, we're in our campground. I'll talk about toys. They might get. They might run over.

They might turn our tent over looking for the tech. Toys. Where are the toys, man? What are you guys looking at? Just people walking by. I thought they were coming into our campgrounds. Guys, we don't be shy. We paid for the campsite.

We're allowed to talk. It doesn't matter if we're holding a camera. I'm not really being shy. I'm just like, it's so dark that I'm like, what's going on? You know what I mean? I really wish I had a headlamp. You're really scared? I put on my sunglasses so I couldn't see anything, basically.

I get scared to this. This is like Luke. This is like Luke Skywalker when he puts on the blast shield and he can't see anything, but he's supposed to use the force. That's what I'm doing right now for the podcast. I don't even really know that much about this. Oh my God. It's literally in the first Star Wars, you fucking noob.

So we got this tent. We went to Walmart. Went to Walmart. Bought hell of stuff. We got camping hall. Normal hot dogs and red hot dogs. Red hot dogs. The cam from Chelsea Mass.

Red snappers. Red snappers. These are great hot dogs. You burnt it. The first one. one I put on burnt so funny in an amazing way that I kept burning it because it was making you guys laugh.

It looked like unbelievable. It looked like Darth Maugh. It was the funniest hot dog I've ever made. It should have, it earned a medal of honor. Yeah. Yeah. It was that type of like the guys that come back and they said I know I was saying this is Batman after he tangled with Bain. You said

what? That is the Batman after he tangled with Bain. Yes. I said it. I said it looked like Anakin after his fight with Obi-on him was a black suit. It had a completely black. Black. It was like broken. The casing broke and burnt.

It was really unbelievable looking. I did eat it. But that wasn't even the nastiest thing. No, the nastiest thing was the steak. We're putting a picture of the steak up right now. Yeah, we're putting pictures of the steak. Okay. Can you just tell the story of the steak?

So the first steak, Caleb, okay, okay, let me tell you real quick. The steak, everyone's going to be like, why did Patrick think to do this with the steak? Exactly. Because there's no pictures of the other one. Or did you take pictures? We took pictures of the other one. No. We took pictures.

I took a lot of pictures of the other one because I knew this would happen. We go to the Walmart. We go to the Walmart Super Center in wherever the fuck it was. And Caleb was like, we're going to make caveman stakes like the outdoor boys. And I remember specifically, you said that. So you said, you said, we're going to make caveman stakes like the outdoor boys. We're going to make YouTube. I said to you, I said...

We're going to make steaks like the outdoor boys. Caveman style. Yeah, you said we're going to make it caveman style. You said, we're going to cook it on the coals. And I was like, but we have wood. And then there was a point where I... I don't remember when I said this, and I know it's mean what I'm about to say.

But I said, Caleb, in the Walmart, I said, Caleb, the outdoor boys would laugh at you. That was mean. That's kind of mean. That was mean, but then remember when we got here? said, did we buy tongs for the steak? And Caleb said, no. I have to say, you took, you definitely took the larger L steakwise.

Oh, I took the larger L steakwise, sure. You definitely took, I would say, monumental steak ale. Monumental steak L. Which one would you rather? The amount of food waste, the amount of food waste that I did. I have to say, I mean, so it's interesting. I think the one you made probably would taste better, but like, food safety- safety-wise, like getting sick-wise.

It tasted like shit. Yeah, I mean, neither. The true answer is neither. I mean, I didn't eat either of them. What is truly crazy to me is that Patrick continued to cook. I mean, I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that Patrick cooked this steak for an hour. Because the fire, okay, the fire was also not this ripping hot.

If it was this ripping hot, if it was this ripping hot, we would have had a good steak. It was pretty bad. We would have had a good for a couple hours. That's how fires go, man. The first couple hours of a fire is not as good. We would have, yeah, once it gets down. cooking that steak and like fully like Okay we should explain

The steak there was two stakes The first steak was the roof covered on On the walk You laid it on top of the Dura Flame log We're getting sick tomorrow Dude we're gonna you have to work tomorrow Here's the truth it turned utterly black on the outside On the inside it was red as the day it was born

It was raw it was raw It was still moving It had a black dirt coating Across the outside that was not from being cooked But from being touched to wood And dropped a couple times. It was dropped. But then Patrick started cooking the steak on skewers.

And then he moved it. Or no, he started on skillet. He started in the skillet. We got baked beans in a skillet. Bake beans in a skillet. We poured the baked beans out of the skillet. But the steak, he also marinated the steak. For like, in a plastic.

In a plastic bag, the paper towels came. He's the plastic casing for one roll of paper towels. You guys would never. survived in the survival world. It turned completely green. It looked like it was made out of pastel. Yeah, it was covered in... I poured water on it because I thought, what I thought,

because sometimes those, there's specific seasoning packets like that that will have, like, dehydrated oil or dehydrated butter in them. And I was like, okay. Okay. And then I went to the package. And then I went to the packet. You know, look, watch this. Oh, here it is.

Milk. Yeah. It was just wet. No, it was just way. Yeah, it was just way. It wasn't dehydrated oil. Oh, my God, the way this steak looked and the amount of time it took, and then you started putting it directly into the fire using two skewers.

Yeah. And then it dropped onto the dirt. Yeah. It went on the dirt, right? But you were eating both of these steaks with a voracious appetite. No, no, no, I ate, I only ate one. You ate a bite of this one. No.

Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Before it dropped. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. I swear I got it.

You had it on the plate. Swear to God, I did not. I had it on the plate. Or maybe you were about to take a bite in the drop. I was about to take a bite from the skewers, and it fell onto the boat. You ate a lot of the other steak.

Yeah, we'll say. A good amount of the other one. I mean, it tasted really bad. I mean, it tasted. It tasted like bug spray. But I fully, I've eaten steak like that before. Bad thing. Sure, yeah.

There's, I mean, yeah. New England steak tips, dude. Half the time, though, I like those are not good. Steak tips. Yeah. A lot of steak tips growing up. Yeah. But, so that's the food situation.

Yeah. The other situation is that... We saw the most amazing thing on our hike. We saw a front to back double rainbow. And that picture was going right here. Yeah. And you won't... And this is basically the day that we...

We basically saw a rainbow, ate some hot dogs. Yeah, that's worthy of 400. I mean, honestly, for 400, we treated ourselves to a nice getaway from the hustle and bustle. I know, did the last one... Seeing the double rainbow on 400, double the amount of 200? The reason that we saw the double... Rainbow and also another aspect to Patrick's steak that I thought was quite funny is that it has been

raining quite a lot which is why we're not recording until it is pitch black outside but this steak was also rained upon it was like three different times there's a lot of puddles of rain on it that was God intervening to not let me eat the steak. I was looking at the top of stick I was like God that looks kind of nasty

you go to flip it over and see it like oh my god that's twice as bad how is that twice as bad but I mean hey who didn't buy tongs? That's true. Well, all three of us. Yeah. All of three.

I mean, I'll say this. I always thought the steak was a bit of a wishful thinking. It was. The steak was pure hubris. Do we need more wood on here? Yeah, it's starting to run. I wanted it to be, it was an ancestral steak. You have to admit that.

Yeah. It was an ancestral steak. And I ate this thing and I'm honestly going to be so sick tomorrow. Dude, it's fine. Like I said, I was having Major League diarrhea. I was having omega-level diarrhea before we got here. I've had, I've eaten red snappers, it's white claws, s'mores. The red snappers.

The red snappers are good, though. You've got to admit. Yeah, but just hot dogs in general is not a good thing to eat if you're suffering. If you're suffering. I just know there's going to be a scenario tonight where I'm like awake at 3 a.m from my stomach and I'm going to run through these dark woods with no headlamp. I got some peptas. We did quite a nice long hike and it was so nature-rific. Oh, my God.

We saw this beautiful, oh, yeah, the beautiful double rainbow picture. I saw amazing caves and slits of rock. We did see slits of rock and tunnel, tunular formations. Dude, get there. Your ass out of fire.

Fucking flung the fucking fiery stick at me? You're, dude, you're bad news. He's not a great fireman. Has anyone ever told you your bad news? I used to get that a lot. One time, here comes bad news pits.

One time when I was a kid, One time when I was that kid, when I was that kid, one time I was that kid, one time when I was a kid, I had heard my mom talking to my aunt about my babysitter's brother, and she said, I heard he's bad news. And then I repeated that. That's so slutty for an aunt to say. My mom said that. Oh, she said, well, because he's like a, he was like a, I don't know what was going on with him, because I was six years old. but then I was at the pool and I was sitting there eating a sandwich

and I just repeated that verbatim to my babysitter and she boyfriend's bad news or she said her my mom was talking to my babysitter who was my uncle's girlfriend about her brother

and then my instinct was to be like oh well I heard this about him and I looked at her and I said I heard Jason's bad news and that I heard that. And then she looked at my mom with, like, a glare of, like, I know he's repeating this.

And she, the well of tears in her eyes that I saw was like the first time in my life, I was like, oh, sometimes moms talk shit. Yeah. And I didn't know, I mean, I was six years old. I didn't know about talking shit. And she got up and she got in her car and drove off crying. Wow. And I really ruined. I really ruined a day.

That's crazy. I really ruined a day at the pool. Dude. I remember my mom calling my friend's dad a male slut. Really? Yeah. That's cool. He cheated on my friend's mom.

Oh, well, that's what you get when you... But she told her, she was like, he's a male slut. Yeah. And that really stuck with me. That's when I found out that sluts are with my class. That's the lesson she taught me. Sluts is just girls, I guess, according to mom. Dude, it's so dark out.

Yeah. I know, man. We have to sleep out here. I know. you're telling me, dude. And I got a wearable sleeping bag. Yeah, that's odd. I found a sleeping bag in my...

I can't, dude. I got a sleeping bag in my closet, I didn't know I had. You said what? I found a sleeping bag in my closet I didn't know I had, and I'm glad to have found it. It's kind of a strange... I mean, I guess... I truly don't know where it came from.

You said you haven't been camping in like five years. Yeah, I think 20... I think either 2020 or 2019 is the last time. I haven't been camping in, like, close to 10 years. I have not been camping, yeah, probably since... I don't know. I haven't been camping. since 2010.

Well, this was a good camp trip. I mean, it's not over yet. I think I'm turning over an outdoorsy leaf. Yeah, this is definitely. No, no, the thing is you think you're turning an outdoorsy leaf. You just like hanging out with me and Cameron. And that's the same for you. You just like hanging out with me and Caleb.

But I like camping long before I ever met. That's true. You don't like camping. You don't like camping with us. But that's what camping is. Yeah. The camping can be. I have to go by myself next time.

No, I'm just saying. I'm saying you don't like. You really like camping, man? You'll do a solo trip, Appalachian trip, front to back. I like camping. I like camping with you guys. I like camping with my wife. Yeah.

I'm coming with whoever. My wife's never gone camping. That's the whole point of it is to go with your people. It is so funny. I've been speaking. I've been talking all summer to my wife. She's never been camping. All summer I've been like, I'm going to take you camping.

We've got to go camping. And then three days ago, I was like, me and Cam and Pat are going camping. Dude, we have a tent. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so what that's revealing to me right now is that you have been planting seeds in us as well. Because we're also your wife. I mean, the thing is, even before the camping tent episode,

I was really feeling the want to go camping. Yeah. Just because my, yeah, my family was camping recently without me, and I was like, fuck. Yeah, you don't want to be left out like that. It looks so fun. And this is really a great fulfillment. And then the tent really only increased that urge.

This also the drive-up, getting to go to Ollie's for even a little bit. Dude, the drive-up was not that bad either. The drive-up was amazing. I mean, it was... I think it was more like three and a half. One wrong turn. It's crazy. Not even a turn, really.

It was like... It was a keep. It was a keep. Yeah. It did this. What do you call that? A fork. It forked.

One wrong fork. I went left. I should have gone right and added, instantly added 30 minutes. And that was like 10 minutes into the trip. Yeah. So it really stung. It really was so bad. Because at that point...

Because the number's so high. Yeah. And at that point, you're like, I could do that five more times potentially on this trip. Right, yeah, yeah. It's not hard for me to do. This is only the beginning. Well, it just makes you change the rest of your route.

Yeah. Are you guys afraid of changelings? Yeah. What is a changeling? A changeling is when a fairy steals a baby out of its crib and replaces it with a fairy baby. Oh. I'm certainly afraid of that. I'm afraid of a baby being stolen, I guess.

Yeah, that is scary. I never even considered that aspect of the stories. That's actually the scariest part. When you guys were kids, Did your parents always say dingo ate my baby, like reference that line? That's Seinfeld. Oh, is that what that's from? Yeah.

Oh, because I found out that that's a true story that that movie is based off of. And a woman's baby was actually eaten by a dingo. Yeah. It's pretty awful. The joke that your parents were making, though, is Elaine in Seinfeld saying to somebody with an Australian accent, Maybe the dingo ate you baby. To get them to stop talking to her. It sounds horrible to say.

Yeah, it's not right. That's a tragedy for all Australian people. You know, I feel glad that Seinfeld is over when I hear that. Me too. Yeah. Do you guys think we're going to get attacked by a wild animal tonight? Huh? Do you guys think we're going to get attacked by a wild animal tonight?

I don't want to. I don't really want to either. No. It's just a great big bet on no. It's a great fear of mine. A wild animal? Yeah, being attacked by a wild animal. You don't kind of feel like...

You would hear a bear lumbering. Some part of me thinks that you can, that at least I would be able to communicate something to the animal with just my breath and my eyes. Okay, my one thing is that you parked your car in front of our campsite and my one thing is that if I

saw a bear rummaging through like the trash or whatever you'd get in the car? I would get in the car and hold down the horn and try to shake the car. You've thought about this? I've thought about this immediately that's your one thing? My one thing if that doesn't work, we're screwed. Do you think you're our last line?

This fire is completely going out, by the way. Yeah. Okay, well, let me hold on. Let me, hold on. Let me think. Don't jump in it again. Why? You didn't think that was kind of cool?

It's fine to jump in a fire, I guess. Your stick is gone. I think I used my fire stick. Have we ever recorded an episode outside before? Yeah. Look at the viewfinder, bro. Yeah, we're gone. It's only black.

Jump scare right here. That would be a good spot. spot to put it. Was it Pizzuzu's face and the exorcist? Dude, that's too frightening. Don't even bring up the exorcist.

I never, okay, when I see the exorcist, when I see the exorcist, I never see the Pazuzu face. It's only in one of the cuts, I think. I think it's like not in one of, I think it's maybe not in the normal cut.

Okay, that's probably why I haven't seen it. I might be completely wrong about that. No. What's the Pizzu face? That's the, they call him Captain Howdy, actually. Don't tell Caleb, he'll cry.

It looks like a member of Kiss. Yeah. It's actually not that scary by modern standards. Captain Howdy was also the name of D. Snyder's character in Fear.com. Yeah, that's almost definitely a reference of, I think, yeah. Captain Howdy is a good name. It's a scary name. Who else is Linda Cardalini?

She plays the daughter who gets kidnapped. That was proto-taken. Dude, it's already going away. Firemaster flopping. I'm doing a million things at once. Name two of them. Holding this. You're not walking.

What else? I'm holding this and walking. You are not walking, bro. Dude, look at how much to fire his guy. Look at the camera, dude. That's okay. We're going to have to go in the tent like already. We already got the clap.

Nothing. Dude, why is it not working? This damn fire. You know, I am normally the firemaster. There's some flames coming up the back here, but... See, I got a step on it. Yeah. There we go.

There's a little bit. We're also down to the... We're down to the wet ones. I'm not going to lie. We didn't get in a fireman. Yeah, we... So, it's going to need to dry out a little bit. Yeah.

This is the... We'll do a tent portion after this, so however we have to. There's a little bit. There's a little bit. There's a little bit. We'll have a light for the tent. Yeah. That's going to help.

But yeah, dude. 400. 400, man. What does that mean to you guys, man? Not much, to be honest. That's kind of why we're camping, right? 500. That'll be a lot.

Odd number hundreds are kind of like whatever. I mean, even number hundreds are kind of like whatever. Odd number hundreds are the only cool. 100, 300, 300, whatever. Honestly, 700 isn't good either. It's after 500, it's only 1,000. See, what's 700 we don't do 700. We do 777.

Yeah. But also 500 is going to. to be kind of close to 10 years. Yeah. Yeah, it's two years from now. I guess 600 is our, uh, yeah, I guess that's 10 years. Because what is, this is going to be what? Eight, no.

Yeah, eight years? Yeah. In December. Yeah. So, yeah, it will be, 500 will be 10 years. Jesus Christ. Yeah, so at that point, I feel like we have to do something that is. We should get D. Snyder.

We need to be camping for like at least three days for 10 years. It needs to be like The fire's going away again, man It's just fucking fire Dude, we should have started I wish it wasn't rainy We could have been going earlier Dude, let's get D. Snyder to come on the pod

And talk about rock and roll I don't see why we can't talk about rock and roll right now Let's do it man With a legend With an expert in a legend Legends of Rock and Roll Okay Episode 500 Legends of Rock and Roll

Name the Legends Number one Oh can we had a We were talking about this earlier Supergroup Ten member Super Group Ten member Super Group Here's what I had so far.

You're 10 members. Singer, singer, one. I only got, I only got, I think, three people. I heard. First is Mariah Carey, singer, clean vocals. Second, Phil Bozman from Whitechapel, growls. And I said, I think that they would actually, it would be interesting.

I think it would be interesting. Kind of an evanescence vibe. Eucolalee, Kimia Dawson. I said, ukulele, Kimia Dawson. I said, electric guitar bucket head. So that's four. Yeah, that sounds great. Percussion, I'm going to.

go, dude, it's not a good time to say it, but maybe Reggie Watts. I'm going to say. Who said that?

It's so dark out. You can't tell which of us said that. Someone ran up and took Cameron's microphone. Imagine you've been playing this super group for like, I mean,

it's so hard to sync these schedules together. And then this shit happens, Reggie Watts. I only know him from fuck shit stack.

Yeah. I've only seen him in 2008 and I haven't. Dude, I only know him from that video where he talked about is, ex-girlfriend committing suicide.

So it was a huge shock to me that he's into drugs. He's a brand new guy. Yeah. No, God, how awful. I don't even want to talk about that. No, I know. Sorry.

Anyway, yeah, we're not getting... You know, he's kicked off percussion. Percussion, let's go... Bad, bad, not good. The whole band. How many are there of them? It's like a trumpet player, percussionist. We'll look up...

We'll look them all in it. They'll be the rhythm section. Rhythm section. That's three. That's three. Yeah. Okay, so what am I? You need a 10-person super?

I mean, I've also not listened to Bad, Bad, Not Good since, like, 2010. I know that you've never been really deep. Can we instead? I think I'm seven deep. Oh, okay. Can we instead do a draft? Okay. So that we can.

Okay, but we have to do less people if it's a draft. Okay. Okay, let's do five. Five persons. My singer and my band will be Fred Fredberger. You'll start. You'll start. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah. All right. All right, Pat. Fred Fred burger. I'm going to say. It's the worst answer. I'm going to say Ricky Lindholm. Okay.

Drums, Fred Armisen. Okay. All right, drums for me, Keith Moon. Second vocals, I'm going to go Kate McCoochie. You're doing two vocals in a five-person, man. Yeah. Well, and Kate McCoochee. She can play.

She can play. She can play bass, too. Is that what it is? Yeah. It's a four-string bait. Okay, I'm going to go. I'll go ahead and get Macucci over on the phone. Vocals slash bass.

Okay. All right, so I got Ricky Lane home and Kay McCoochee. What the hell was that? Did you hear that? What was that? Dude, our fire just made a ding. I've never heard a ding like that.

That's worried. I think that's a sign that your fire's amazing. I'm going to go percussion a triangle player. Okay. Oh, no, wait. I got it, dude.

Cowbell. Who? Will Farrell. Damn. That's smart. I already said drums. I guess I already said drums. You have Fred Armisen on drums.

Wait, I'm not. Fred Armison and Will Ferrell. Mariah King, Fred Armisson and Will Ferrell. This is not what I'm locked in. You're locked in. I'm going to pick. Right. It's going to be crazy.

Right. Second drummer, Phil Collins. Oh, Phil Collins is good. Yeah. Okay, so I have lead vocals, backup vocals, slash co-le vocals and bass. I'm pissed. I fucking pick Fred Fred Burger.

Dude, go, go, go. Okay. So I need to fill. What do I need to fill? I need to fill. Guitar? What's in a band? I need to fill guitar?

Dude, hurry up. I got my next pick. Ready to go. Who's a guitar? I can't think of one guitar. Wait, I'll go drums. Copycat. Come on, bro.

All right, copycat. What's his name for brush? I hate whenever the guy, the draft is doing, or something Portnoy. I'm not going to tell you because of the copy. Dave Portnoy. Yeah, you get Dave Portnoy and vocals. Yeah, I'll get Dave Portnoy on vocals slash manager.

Okay, I'm going to go, he doesn't usually play this. Okay. But electric guitar, yo, yo, yo, ma. Because I think he could fucking rock it. I think he could rock it in the sand style on a guitar. Okay. So I'm going to go digital audio workstation, station, diplo. Oh, that's, that's cool.

Good. Piano, I'm going to go, I believe his name is Lang Lang. You gave me the idea with Yo-Yo Ma. He's a Chinese pianist. I'm going to go Lang-lang. Let's see. Last, oh, God, last slot.

I mean, what instrument do you want to fill? What do I have? I have vocals. I have two drummers. Two drummers. A guitar? Yeah. What do I need?

I mean, I could go bass. I could do something a little more interesting. You know what? I'm going to do God. I don't even know. This is a tough one for me. I'm going to do producer Rick Rubin.

Because he's going to make some magic out of this. He's going to make something happen. So, okay, my... Okay, yeah, go. Let me think here. So I've got vocals Fred Fredberger from Billy and Mandy. And then I've got drums Keith Moon. And then second drums, Phil Collins.

This is a black screen. We'll go after the draft. I'll add more wood. Okay. Then I've got second drums. I've got Phil Collins. And then I've got, I guess, producer Diplo. Yep.

And I need one more. We've got to wait until the draft order comes back to you. I know. No, it's my turn. It is his turn. Oh, I thought you... And he's stalling. He's stalling for time.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Anyone want to make a trade? Anyone want to trade Will Farrell? I'll trade Will Ferrell for Dave Portnoy. It's a terrible Drafts. I'm not no way,

dude. You don't know. Terrible trade. I'll trade Will Ferrell for three of your guys. For three? Yeah. He's in powerhouse.

That's fair. Will Ferrell is going to die. Wait. Oh, Mason Ramsey, the. Oh, that's so huge. Oh, my God. That is really, really good.

So it's a song with two drummers, a character from Billy and Mandy, produced by Diplo. See, the producer's a good touch because they can really make anything sound good. A producer could. Well, yeah, I mean, that also kind of unlocks. And then you have Mason Ramsey.

Yeah, Mason Ramsey on vocals. I have one pianist. What is the greatest kinds of music you can make? Dueling pianos. Dueling pianos. Bow Burnham. Oh, shit. That's good.

Okay, so my final is Mariah Carey, Fred Armisen, Wilf Peril, Yo-Yo Ma, and Rick Rubin. And honestly, that could be a good song. My band's name, I've got to think of this real quick. uh,

the grand hilarity. I guess, I didn't like that. I didn't make me laugh. That did not like that at all. Did not make me laugh, Cameron. I'm going to be honest with you. It did not make me laugh.

The grand hilarity? You know, a band with Fred Armisen and Will Ferrell being called the grand hilarious. No, they probably call it some shit like, uh, the aquatics. Yeah.

I'm going to call my band. I'm going to call my band. Dude, this fire master. So ruined. Basically, due to what I'm seeing is the firemaster. Basically, do-do what I'm seeing. Do-do what I'm seeing. Basically, do-do what I'm seeing.

Basically, do-do what I'm seeing. Bro, we got wet pieces. It's not my fault. We should have been drying them all along. Real quick. Fuck, pieces. I agree. I agree.

We really should have got... It's going to kick back up once these dry off. Don't worry. We should have got a... Ooh, look at it. If we'd gotten a second bundle of fire. A second bundle of fire. Yeah, bundle of fire.

So you sound like a freaking a kid. I'm exhausted. I just picked the four pieces of wood. We didn't. You know, like a, how long of a hike was it? Like three miles. None of that long. No, three mile.

But it was a lot of up. It was a lot of up and a lot of down. And a lot of scary cliffs. And a lot of cliffs. I really want to ask them for a piece of wood. Do you want to go? I mean, I'll ask them for what people here. We'll talk about it in the tent.

When we get to the tent. When we get to the tent, we'll cover it. But you don't feel it's a little exhilarating to talk about them with their right there? I mean, I'd rather not. Okay, all right. Once we're, they aren't going to come and knock on the tent, you know what I mean? What are they listening to? Hey, they're going to do what Pat did.

Hey, hey, I know you guys having fun in here. That literally is. Yeah. Jackasses. Listen, I know we're all camping. Listen, jackass. I know we're all camping. It still really makes me love.

I know, I know your camping. I know your camping. camping, we're having fun. You're camping and we're having fun. We're having fun. You're camping. Dude, this fucking fire is so... Fires beta, bro. It's beta? This is a beta-ass fire. I need an alpha

fire. How about this then? How about I turn on my flashlight? I was just doing that. Ah! You like that? Oh, my God. I hate that. I'm showing if there's wood over here. There's some pieces you missed, bro. There is. Okay. Pick those... I think they're wet.

Everything's wet. It's been raining. God, it's so dark. My phone is dead also. My phone still has a decent amount of charge lift. Do you still have the portable chargers? I couldn't find mine this morning. I have one that will work with my phone, and then I do... What?

You're going to go get more wood? Why? Okay, he's going to go get more wood. He's going to get captured. Oh, my phone, and... Yeah, I have one you can use anyway, is all I was going to say. This is as black as a screen can get. You do anything we want right now.

We can talk about any detail. We can do anything physically that we want right now. It's completely. When I put this footage into my computer, I actually can see everything. Yeah. Do you think that these woods are haunted? I think every single woods in America is haunted.

Over what? Oh, the stars are out. Oh, ain't that pretty? I can see him a little bit. Oh, my God, is it a UFO? I can see that one moving. That is actually a UFO. Yeah.

What is that a normal dog or a wolf? What if a wolf came in right now and was like, y'all got to go? Hey, yo, there's my fucking woods. Fucking dumb ass, get the fuck out of here. How far down did he go? There's a bug in my eye. He went a little far down. I wish I was in Williamsburg.

Do you feel that way? Do you think that's a werewolf? Is it a full moon tonight? I don't think it's a werewolf. Why don't you think it's a werewolf? I think it's maybe. I can't believe you didn't buy headlamps, flashlights, or any sources of light whatsoever. I had a beanie with a headlamp on it.

Did you? Yeah. Do we should have brought it? Somewhere. I don't know what the fuck it is. It's dark, dude. Yeah. It's terminally dark.

I've had eight white claws. Yeah, it's the end of the night. Definitely should have started, you know, this little sooner. Uh-huh. Well, I see him out there messing around. Yeah. Unless this is a murderer. What if, what if some guy comes back and it's like Caleb,

with hair. And he's like, he's like, hey, got all the wood. And we're like, what? And he's got like a

macklemore haircut, right? Map more haircut and like skinny jeans and it's like 2014, Caleb. He like comes up and he's like, what's up, guys?

Hey, got all this firewood. He's going to scare us right now. I got so scared. It was scary out there, wasn't it? It was so scary. So you're not going to laugh at me anymore for saying there might be a werewolf

in them woods. I genuinely. Generally get scared of stuff like this. That was the scariest thing you ever done. Where it's going to get scarier. We're going to be in the tent and not be able to see anything, and we're going to get frightened. But we'll be together, which makes it different.

We're together. Were we not together right now? Oh, you were alone there. Here comes a car. Dude, it's the warden. It's the game warden. Oh, wait, it actually is. Fucking tricked, Caleb.

Hey, Caleb, it's the game warden. These are all leaves, dude. Leaves is actually good. Leaves is good. So what else is bound for us to discuss? We saw the double rainbow that's going in. Oh, golly Parton died today. We got news of this.

That's sad. It's definitely sad. It's not really... It's not that good to talk about. It's not that worth avoiding. We definitely need to get it out of the way because people are going to ask... People are going to ask. It really isn't my business.

Who's going to ask what we think about? Dolly Parton's passing. We talk about every time a celebrity dies, it is all we talk about. Yeah. Joe's first instinct. Joe's first instinct

was to text us all and say, text your dad's right now. Well, yeah, that's what we do with every celebrity death. Yeah. Since OJ.

Since OJ. Since OJ and Toronto. OJ really changed the game for us. Yeah. That was a big one. That's probably still the biggest one, right? Yeah. No,

Dolly's the biggest one since OJ. OJ was, he was young. That's the thing. He was young. OJ is crazier than Dolly. Yeah. 100%. And he's also just more, like, it prompts more discussion.

You know what I mean? OJ. Like, there's something you go like... Yeah, it's more... He's a controversial figure. Dolly Parton, it's like... You just eyeball yourself with a fucking quig? If you don't like Dolly Parton, it's like fully like, everyone's like, like, what?

I really don't think Dolly Parton is the same as O.J. Simpson. Yeah. I think that Dolly is... I don't think she acts similarly to him. Dolly's in a different ballgame. The only thing they have in... common is them being dead. The one thing I will say is that

Dolly Parton had a bar themed after her in Williamsburg and O.J. Simpson did not. O.J. Simpson used to go to the Dolly Parton bar. He would walk around and he'd say, Hey, hey. What's up, everyone? I'm going to die soon and Dolly will soon follow. Only a few years

later. In a few years, Dalie Parton's going to die. Only some years later. Walking around the Dolly Parton themed bar, walking up to everybody. Dude, imagine what that bar is like right now. I was just thinking. I'm going to die first, but Dolly didn't fucking be there. There's nowhere. I'd rather be less on Earth.

It's shut down. I think so. I hate that bar. I think it's gone. What's it called? That bar was fun. Dolly's swing and dive. I think I ever went there.

I think it's either shut down or it was closed on the day I walked by it. Which in my head is closed down. Okay, next discussion topic. Caleb's terrible fire. How about how much better the fire's getting? It's getting worse. It got worse just now. I mean, it was good for a second.

It really is like, you know, I'm really kind of like, oh, like these aren't firewood. You know what I mean? Like I didn't think I'd be able to tell so distinctly like, oh, this is not firewood. But like this is not firewood. It's acting different for sure. It's really not doing. It basically lasts for 30 seconds. Then it goes away.

Yeah, but for that 30 seconds, you're like, okay, we're rocking. I'm like, oh, hell, we can go there. Yeah, hell. because this is what it looks like. The fire is not that dissimilar to hell in a lot of ways. Imagine being the guy that discovered this. I wonder if people can hear. Can you hear it on the monitor?

Basically, everything is just going into me, so as far as I can tell, we're the only people in the world. You know what I mean? I have no modulation of my own volume. Can I tell you that's the most romantic thing you've ever said? I can tell you right now. I feel romantic. I feel romantic.

What's the most romantic thing I ever said? I do. To your wife. Really? You all think I said that shit. You didn't say I do. You said, I do. I do. I do. I who. I who. I who. Yes. Yes, babe. Ahoo. And you signed your name. You signed a different name. The priest being really, really like, no, hey, say, say, I do. Say it. You have to say it. You have to say it. Ahu. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Say it. That's a good. That goes.

It's right in a studio comedy. That's right in a 2009 studio comedy. I agree, man. Ow. Ow. Ow. Great. Oh, no, no, I know what you're saying now.

Ow. You're not saying it. It's not going to be a legal marriage. You're not saying it. Oh, no, it's not going to be a legal marriage. Oh, okay. All right, then I'll just say it exactly as you're saying it. Oh.

Oh. Oh, oh. Oh. Okay, now this fire is getting pretty interesting to me. I think I've solved it. It's looking good. You think it's looking good. You don't think it's looking good?

It looks good. I feel like it looks pretty good. You guys feel like this has been kind of a romantic trip? Yeah. I think, you know, it helps make it romantic is the kind of like impulse of it. Yes, it's spontaneous.

The spontaneity is exactly the word I was looking for that I couldn't find. I'll say this one is definitely spontaneous. It was pretty spontaneous. Yeah. We had a different idea for 400. We did, but honestly, man, I'm going to say. This was better.

No, I think it was better for us. I think it was probably better in general. Because we didn't have time to plan a cool 12-hour thing like for 300. Don't say that, dude. Don't give away what it was. Yeah, no, people are going to be like, I wish it was that. No, people wouldn't have liked it. So we were going to do a bad one.

It was going to be a bad one. Our idea was, what if we did a really bad thing? If we did something bullshit. What if we did something so bad that no one could forgive us? Where are you going now? Don't throw the mic in there That ain't right, dude Watch the cables

Ew But I think You know We've earned this Yeah, that's kind of like You know I feel a little I definitely feel a little

Like I feel a little like I wish I wish we had Some kind of technology Genius that we could have filmed our hike Though obviously

It would have made The hike less fun Yeah Turn my phone off And then afterwards I was like Why did I do that? Why did you turn your phone off?

be, you know, it's supposed to be, it's supposed to be for work, basically. Yeah, but it's just, we treated ourselves, dude. It's so beautiful, man. Guys, if only there was video proof of this hike, you'd know how lovely. Well, you all see the double rainbow and you'll understand. The only picture I took, I turn my phone on to take one picture. Yeah, that's the, I mean, what other picture are you going to take? One video of Patrick.

Look at Patrick, man. He's using his light to illuminate his penis while he pees. He wants to know. He can't stand to pee without seeing the tip of his penis. Would you? I would shine a light on to pee. It's scary. Be in the dark, turn your light up.

But he also went really far away. I think he was worried about me coming to take a sneak peek or a sneakie smell. He's not that far away. How was it, man? Why is hell of people still driving around anyway? It's kind of late to be driving up. They're probably going to their campsite, and they're probably setting up right now, and they're going to be here for a couple days.

Dude, it's so dark. I put the light on when I was peeing. It's late. A.F. It's 9 p.m. Yeah, we were roasting your ass for it. I was having a, uh, I had a thought immediately, like, what if I start peeing? and then I hear like, oh, dude. This is why I was scared.

While I was out there, I don't know if you guys heard this. You probably didn't because they have headphones on. Stop, don't do that. But I heard a bunch of howling. Yeah, we heard that. Yeah, that was me. That was not you.

We heard howling here, too. That's why I said there's a werewolf. Made me so scared. I'm scared. I'm a scaredy cat. I can't lie that I'm a scaredy cat, dude. I might be too scared to camp now. Should we just go home?

Yeah, let's try back. It's only 9 p.m. Yeah. We'll make it back by midnight. It's like great. Not that late at all. There's also better spots to camp in the immediate New York vicinity. I don't know.

This place is pretty nice. Pretty sick. No, I'm saying like under like the BQE. Oh, I've seen some campers there. Yeah. We could go to the skate park. We could go to the K Bridge skate park in camp there. No one will know.

This campground is really nice. It is nice. They kick us out at like six in the morning. It's like, yeah, sorry. We were trying to. to be funny. What is the K? Sorry, man.

We're trying to be really funny. What is K Bridge? Because you should go bridge. Oh. The skate park there. That's what kids are calling it these days. Yeah. The K Bridge.

Well, it's not what kids are calling it. It's what the state of New York is calling it. Well, they don't call it the K Bridge. What if us being so scared of... What if us being so scared of bears and monsters and things on the ground is actually simply a red herring and we see a gigantic UFO that covers the entire. sky. I'm not really scared of aliens. Wouldn't that be crazy if you saw it though?

What if that's the transition? It would be exciting. I think it would be purely excited by aliens. Digital effect. I'm not doing no digital effects, bro. All right. Do you think we will see an alien in our lifetime? I don't think so. No.

I've seen one. Really? Yeah. Speak on that. What's the most, what's the most paranormal activity that's ever happening. Oh, dude. Oh, God. Because now we got a cup flew off the counter.

One time a cup flew off the counter? Yeah, in my old apartment in Boston. Really? Yeah. Was it scary? It was like, I was like, it wasn't that scary. It was like daytime, but I was just like, how did that happen? Like a cup, a plastic cup just flew sideways off the counter.

I know how that happened. How? A gust of ghost wind. Dude, there's no wind. When I was in California... I just said ghost wind. Oh shit, my bad. I was staying in this little old house.

Oh, my God, I'm getting chills saying this. It felt so scary in this fucking house. And I was telling my wife, I was just joking for like the entire day before it got nighttime. I was like, it's haunted in here, by the way. It's completely haunted. And then at night... And she was like, stop, don't say that. It feels weird in here.

And then at night, I was like, hey, I'm ready to go to bed. by the way, this place is completely haunted. Like, watch this. Hello ghosts. Turn off the lights. And the lights went, and it scared me so bad. Then I went and slept in the other,

where my cousins were. Isn't that scary, though? That is scary. Luckily for us, we don't have any lights, so that won't happen. You were in California? The lights never did that one time except for this one. It's a California brownout, bro.

Literally no, nothing. No spiritual. thing exists, bro. I'm hardcore atheists. Really? To this day. What if I told you there was proof of God? I would say your proof is anecdotal. That would body me.

Yeah. If I actually had, I don't have proof, but if I did, that would really... I'll tell you right there, I'd say, bro, your proof is anecdotal. So what would you need, like, a full study sort of thing? Why haven't you done a study on that? If you really believe that was a ghost, you should have started a study. Yeah, I know. But that's... I'm afraid of what I might find.

if I hunted for real ghosts we did hunt for real ghosts I know and I was afraid I fully was afraid and believed that we were in a paranormal situation I did when the fucking doll moved I really liked that mini me was there that it's so funny that that doll does not

the doll does not pick up on video at all no but it moved I swear it got it did fully move yeah but it was literally like we looked at it after and it was just doing it was literally you were scared shitless we were there we were all scared shitless man don't lie I did hear the noise the footsteps on the roof noises too that they were talking about.

Yeah, there's a wedding venue over there though. No, on the roof, dude. I guess, yeah. There's a wedding venue on the roof of the building? There was one next door. Yeah, but that causes the roof to have. Maybe. There was someone doing the worm.

Dude, on the roof? It is so funny that most of the time... It was somebody doing the worm. It is so funny that most of the time when somebody's like, that's a ghost and some shit like that. Water droplet just fell onto the microphone. And it came off a leaf like that.

Yeah, I assume so. About Buck's life. But most of the time when somebody thinks something is a ghost, it is somebody else having an amazing time doing the worm. Like upstairs somewhere. I saw the spineless man. Speaking of, that water droplet and bugs life looks so tasty. I've thought about this more than you could ever know.

When Japan made that little jelly cake. Yes, dude. Oh, my God, the water droplet cake. And then when the bug had the fly as the poo-poo platter. Yeah. Well, that's poop. That doesn't sound good. Well, that's from...

I guess, yeah, I shouldn't say that. That's from ants. No. That's in a bug's life. When they go to the club? When they go to the club? I'm pretty sure that's from ants. No, no, no, because it's a big, like, weird Swedish worm was like...

Pooh-poop platter or something. Oh, you know what, you're right. I order the poop-o plato. Yes. Don't play with me about no picture of it. I already got tested once today. That's true. It's really funny that in...

You succeeded the first test. But Pixar, you know. It's really funny as Woody Allen in Ants. Yeah, it is crazy. What's he doing there? He still makes movies, man. Yeah. Yeah.

He makes movies that are so fucking bad. They suck, bro. They're so fucking bad. They get festival releases. He's made the same movie, like, what's it, Midnight in Paris? Yeah. After that, every single movie is the same. It's like, what if some people had trouble in their relationship?

And even before then, up until midnight in Paris, most of his movies were, what if there was struggle in a relationship? You can watch. I mean, you don't have to watch any of them. It's like Annie Hall, blah, blah, blah, blah, bah, Han and her sisters. Like, everything else is a fucking footnote.

Woody Allen fucking sucks, bro. He honestly, dude, he made three good movies. One of them is, uh... They're not movies that... Dude. What's the one where he's a... Can you ask a question? Yeah.

Yeah. Can we bring on the laps? I know you have headphones on, but it's making you talk so quietly. Hey man, can I ask a question? Can we bring on the laughs? Seriously, though, can we just, like, have a good laugh for one fucking moment? We had amazing laughs all day to day. Yeah, dude, we had a laugh.

We're honestly, us dying laughing. I want to keep laughing. I was recording right now is truly like a hindrance to laughter. You think we would be laughing more if we weren't recording. I think if we recorded in the car. I think if we were recording that steak that one. If we recorded that steak and in the car on the way up, we would have endless laughs. I think right now is fully like we're trying to wind down subconsciously.

It's not even 10 p.m. No, but I do feel tired. Yeah. It's been a long day, man. I think maybe it's time to move to the tent. I'll move to the tent soon. Once the fire is... Probably put this food away too soon.

Yeah. Well, you know what? Let's talk about how much Woody Allen sucks then when the fire goes back. Have you ever... You don't strike me as somebody who has watched a Woody Allen movie. I've seen Annie Hall.

Dude, there's one that... It's like two dinner parties. It's like a Woody Allen Will Ferrell movie, but like Will Ferrell is not like famous yet. Will Ferrell of the Grand Hilarity. Oh, you named your Super Group. Nobody else decided to name theirs.

I should have named one. Garfunkel and Oats and Portnoy and Lang and Burnham. You don't have Garfunkel or oats in yours. Lang? Ricky Lindholm and Kate McCucci. Okay. Yeah, nice try, buddy. Yeah.

Still don't really understand. It's crazy that they were in a group called Garfunkel and Oats. Gee. Oh. O. G-O. Wait. G-O-L-P-B.

Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. It's a noise you made in that. You're damn hot dogs. You can't bring me out to the middle of the wilderness and call me a glizzy gulper. What's you going to fucking do about it, bro?

You know the fucking death with no cops around. Come on, man. Glyz. Glyz. What, I'm a gliz bandit. That's what you're going to call me? Gliser. Hey, hey,

what? Kids and other campgrounds around us. Bro. Louise Guzzler. These kids are saying disgusting things. Yeah, I said, I have to poop. Yeah. Isn't that, you're saying six, seven?

Yeah, I can't wait to talk about this family once we get into the tent. Once we get into the tent, dude. It's really some interesting. This family is getting torn to Shredz. That's a really interesting thing. Because the thing is I booked this, when I booked this, I booked this a couple days ago. And it was, I booked specifically because there was like, there was like a two empty campsite gap on every side. And we knew that one was here.

Sitting here looking crazy with microphone. Day of, everybody filled it up next to us. So we're kind of nearby some characters. Yeah. The thing is, though, man. He's going to beat the fuck out of you, dude. But do, okay. I really, you know, obviously it's a little late in the night.

But like, my, uh, he just put his cigarette out in his arm. I really was, I really was like, do you think anybody, look at the way that, that stick is curling over. Yeah. They're kind of over under on somebody tonight calling us jackasses. Like, hey, jackasses. You can't fill in here. Yeah.

And it seems like it's too late. I think there's still a chance. There's still a chance because quiet hours starting a little bit. Yeah, quiet hours start in a million. going to be put like that. They can't be yelling at us for laughing in the tent, dude. We're in the tent laughing. This is my private.

Sorry. We paid for this campsite. We're in the tent laughing. We're in the tent laughing. My private domicile, you cannot. You cannot enter. Here's the thing, though, with this guy or with anybody like this. What guy?

What guy? This guy over here. We are at an age now where these guys have to be, they should be, they should be scared of us. What? What are you talking about? This guy should be scared of us. Why?

Because we are three crazy young guys. And he's just some old fart. He's an old fart. The fuck you talking about? But like what is this like a

against what? Here's the thing, man. We were saying the opposite of this before. We're like, we're so scared. We're really scared. That's been what's in the air a little bit, I would say. Is that we're all kind of scared. Maybe that's just me.

Yeah. You scared of us. You guys aren't scared at anything. I'm so scared to be called a jackass. That's so terrifying to me. That is one that is, I'm like, I don't know how I react. The way I grew up, that's a compliment. Oh, really?

Because of. It's gone pitch blackout because of Steve-O. Pretty dark. I'm fully afraid of a bear showing up. Why? Because I'm not very cleanly. Why? Just because there's a bunch of signs that we have a million bears here.

High bear activity. High bear activity campsite. Dude, who cares? It's just a bear. It's just a bear. The worst it can do is take your legs off. I don't think, do black bears really do much of people? Black bears don't be doing that shit.

Yeah. I think it's brown bears. Yeah, but there's no brown bears there's no brown bears here. I saw one. You saw brown bear. I agree. It would be terrible news. No, no, no, no.

I saw one. Dude. When we walked in. He said that there was, he said that there was a low fire warning. There's a brown bear. There's a brown bear up at the front of the campsite. He said there's a low. He's wearing clothes, right?

He's trained. Well trained. He had jeans on in a hat. Okay. And was you, it was moving or no? No, just, you know, there's a big green sign. You got any more sticks, bro? We should move to the tent solely based on the fact that this is about to go out.

I have an extremely wet log. Let's try one more wet log and then we can move. I got a wet log I could push out. Oh, dude, I was pushing out way. I weren't even logs, to be honest. I mean, it was one of those. Oh, dude, there's one thing right there. What if you did that and there was a smiling person on the ground?

Lying on the ground? A big jump-skirts thing. That's a terrifying flashlight on my phone on it. There's a smiling bald guy. Just Jeff the killer. Hey, man. Jeff the killer on the ground. That would be really scary.

We're going to get fucking killed. Do you think this family is going to protect us? No. Fuck no, man. Oh, they're moving around over there. Yeah, no, it's been a while. Like I said, last time I was camping, I was extremely afraid of Dracula. And I can't lie that, I can't, like, lie and say that's gone away.

Opening up old wounds? Yeah, yeah. Just, I, yeah. I'm just not. Dayaia. Drea. Right, yeah. I summoned him.

Would you be mad if I summoned something? Don't summon anything to do it. You would be mad about that? Summoning is generally bad. Summoning is really bad. Summoning is not like something to do. If I drew like a pintogram with salt on the ground here. Oh, so you're talking about conjuring.

Okay. Okay, yeah. Okay, so you're talking about conjuring. Oh, we conjuring today. Oh, okay. So you were talking about, interesting. Oh, so you said somebody, but we're talking about conjuring, okay. Would you be mad?

Would you be like, Caleb, stop? Yes, I would, dude. Yeah. Dude, don't, stop! You would start a chant. Stop, conjuring. You would be like, dude, seriously, stop. Dude, I would say that.

I can't lie. Dude, wait, no, actually stop. Actually. Dude, if you conjure a demon radio, I'll actually leave. I'm going to do it, man. When the word actually comes out, the smoke, this fucking lock

you put it on. Jesus Christ. You said, put it on, bro. It's fucking all. It's farting on. This is what you get.

This is what you get. You said, put that one last log on, that wet log, and now it's all those smoke going to your face. It's all that's going right at me. Oh, my God.

Look at this, so you can see the smoke shooting. Like a fucking sparkler. Look at all that smoke. It's like a water faucet of smoke. You're getting fucked up. No one can see this on the camera. I know.

This is a good portion of this video. Should I just turn the camera to be so people can see how bad this fire is? Yeah. Yeah, just bring the, point the camera at the fire. Because we're not getting, we're not getting much. Here. Yeah, from behind maybe this time, yeah. Just make sure you don't get the damn over there, I guess.

I mean, it ain't good. It ain't good. I was pretty good for a minute. I think if we had two bundles of firewood at the gas station, it would have been pretty nice. The truth is, it's about time for the fire to be over anyway. Oh, look at this. It's fucking going.

Look at that. Is it? Ain't no way. Now it's kind of, there's part of it that's going. It's kind of Mystery Science Theater 3,000 on one of those Netflix holiday log videos. Yeah. So the logs are, yeah.

So the logs are, yeah. So the logs are, so gay. Oh, great. Doing refrax for you all luck The fire starts out blue and turns orange Yeah I'm so on fire You know what they do with the impressions of the people? Hey, I'm burning

Oh yeah, I'm fucking burning I'm burning That's fascinating to imagine And those are all jokes that the new mystery science theater would have used With Jonah Ray They use that on almost every movie They say, I'm burning, I'm burning Help me

I'm burning, I'm burning Bubble gum guy man, he cracks me up Who? Bubblegum? The bubble gum man. Oh, Tom Servo. Yeah, he's a funny guy. Yeah, he's cool.

Yeah, the robots are kind of some of the funniest parts of the show. The robots are maybe the best parts of the show. The white fella can't. I'm like, I wish they'd kick the humans off. Yeah, it should just be robots watching movies. And also, we could get some funnier robots and Muppet. I mean, can we watch a fucking good movie for once? Is that too much to ask?

Yeah, to watch this bullshit. It should be, it should be... It should be bubble-up. Yeah, it should be... Watch the Revenant, please. You're stuck in space, and you say, oh, you know what would be great tonight, guys? Another bad movie. Let's watch another terrible movie.

Let's chatter over the whole thing. I really would love if they hit. And what's the point of watching a movie you're going to talk through the whole day? Yeah, exactly. They're just going to sit there. They're going to watch a criteria and they're going to watch Todd's Salon's happiness. Yeah, they should watch every criterion starting out of spine number one. And I'd say, hey, guys, do your worst.

Yeah, do your worst. Good luck with this one. Give it a try. Give it a good challenge. I'd love to see how you get shit on this. Do your worst, and then they do their worst, and their worst is not making fun of the movie watching it in silence. Yeah, go ahead, buddy.

De Blach Trommel. Sitting there watching Die Blachromel, like, it's an interesting movie. Oh, I see. Oh, okay. Wow, that's great. German expression. Oh, I love how they did that.

It's very interesting. All right. Yeah, those guys are clowns. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, mystery science theater of freaking Salo. Yeah, let's get that on Letterbox TV this year.

What? Let's get Mystery Science Theater of Salo on on Letterbox TV. Oh. Salo? Could you imagine? I mean, that one I think, would be way easier than some of the other ones we say. You just go, what the hell are they doing now?

Now, that's crazy gay. He thinks the poop is steak. Wait a minute. Oh, yeah. So, here I go. Ready to eat a big juicy steak. That's what he says in Sal. I don't say anything wrong with this.

Everything here is normal. Yep. Just another day in my life. My life. In my days. Oh, my days. How I am. 120 days of Sodom.

400 and zero episodes of Sodom. That is actually two. Why we never done a sodomy episode? That's so crazy. Do people still like... Sodomize each other? Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

You don't hear about it much. No, but like specifically that verb. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't really know if there's a difference between that and... Like, I actually don't actually know what that means, I guess.

It means anal sex. Like, is that all it means, though? I mean, Pat, back... I mean, you tell us. I don't know. I feel like this... Like, does it have any other... Does it have a connotation to it?

Um, I think... The comment... The connotation there when you use it. Like if I was like, oh, yeah, I sodomize my boyfriend today? Is that like saying? I mean, it would be a weird way. It'd be like fornicated with my. I mean, that's for my brother.

Yeah. You walked into my trap. But the, I feel like some people say that because it's, it's them going against, uh, it's anti-religious. It's anti-religious, yeah. Oh, interesting. It's like, oh, I'm proud of it. Another. In the column for no religion.

No more religion. Is sodomy, like specifically the sin? I guess, I think, you know, I guess it was invented in Sodom and then. Oh, that's true. Why did it do? What was invented in Gamora? That's what I say. You never hear about people gamorizing each other.

What is that? And you know what? You know what? Gmora got up so Scott-free that she was a character in the MCU. Let's think about that for a second. Maybe Gimoreizing was like. Okay, I guess there they were just throwing up every day and that's a sin. Maybe Gamoirizing was like giving somebody a wet-wheelie or something.

Yeah. And they were like, yeah, you think Sodom's crazy? Check us out in Gomer. Check us out. We're pranksters here. Yeah. And they just never came up. They cut to Gamoira, or whoever the mayor of Gimora was, and he's just like Ashton

the mayor of Gimura. The mayor of Gimura, and he's like Ashton Cotcher on punked. And he's just sitting there. He's got like a backwards trucker hat somehow and like big like Jesus robes. And he's just like, so. We're going up to Pontch's pillet today. Dude, bro, you were off by about 6,000 years between the house. Dude, I fully, honestly, I did, I was told I was Catholic, but, like, I was told, like, I did not.

There's a little life in this fire. It's like very little. It's probably about time to switch shortly. You don't know anything about the Bible? Not really. No, yeah. The Bible was not important, but my mom was like, all you need to know is that we're Catholic. and you need to fear God.

Dude. I told you this guy. I told you guys this already, and I think Patrick, this is your third time hearing this from me, but we just, maybe my wife just finished the X-Files and we watched the movie,

the like revival movie. And I cannot believe that this was the plot of this movie, that it's about a pedophile priest who is seeking redemption and he becomes psychic, and he gets a psychic connection to the child that his altar boy, that he molested,

and his altar boy now has become gay and, has a husband and he also has become a mad scientist and is trying to transplant his husband's head onto a woman's body. And that's the plot of the movie. They're like, let's bring back the X-Files. This is the movie with Robert Patrick?

No. Robert Patrick is just in the last few seasons. Here's what I would say about this guy. Robert Patrick's in one of the movies. There's two X-Files. No, he's not in either of the movies. Oh, okay. Yeah, there's two movies.

But the other movie is from a while, from 1998, and this one's from 2008. This guy doesn't sound that gay to me. If he's trying to put his husband's, his boyfriend's, It's just so funny that they made a movie where it's a pedophile priest, the guy he molested and turned him gay, and the priest is the good guy. The gay child is the evil Dr. Frankenstein. It's crazy. The priest works with the FBI to fight. And they were like, this is what we're doing for the movie.

This is what we're doing for the movie, the comeback movie. It's been years. Fans have been clamoring from Mulder and Scullet or a return. What are you going to do? Aliens. No. No, no aliens is. Also, the finale.

the show sucks. It's a terrible finale that barely resolves anything. And they're like, all right, we're bringing it back and we're just going to do this. I just had this story idea. That's just so good. I mean, it feels like the story that never got past the sensors. They're just like, you know what? We're going to do it as a movie. Save it for the movie. So

crazy. I hope that doesn't happen in real life ever. All right, you guys want to pee on the fire? Yeah, it's probably time to get it. Do something get it gone? You have to pee on the fire, man. Should we stop the recordings? Yeah, we'll stop the recording. And throw this stuff in the tent.

I bet you wish you had a wearable... You literally said it's the worst thing in the world. Yeah, describe what you've done. Should I just get up and show? Yeah. Okay, so... So Caleb bought a wearable... A wearable sleeping bag.

We're in the tent now, by the way. That has holes for my arms. It is not long enough to really cover my feet when it's cinched up. It looks like the stay puff marshmallow. And you get completely... You look like you are of some religion. But if you want, wait, wait, you know it as a hood, right? Check this out.

You look like... Can't see it on camera. You got to lean down. You got to sit, you got to squat. You don't like this. You don't think this is... Dude, look at mine. Ready?

Three, two, one. Mummy wrap. I don't like that it's called a mummy sleeping bag. Mine is just a normal ass sleeping bag that I found in my house. Oh. Oh, geez, dude. It was completely fine. Can we talk a little bit about how.

busted and awful our tent is and we didn't even buy a single decoration. We were worried walking through the Walmart and... We saw it. They had all the Halloween stuff out. I'm like, bro, we're going to be the only fucking tent on the entire campground. Dude, you're knocking over your drink and you're... It's not even open, first of all. Dude. You don't even have your microphone. Wait, he's mummy. Sorry, I was trying to become a mummy. You are fully mummied now. Stop doing stuff, dude. I'm not doing anything. We are going to be the only tent on the entire...

campground that is not decorated or adored in some way and honestly we were right kind of right we really thought it was a joke everyone is fucking is we thought it was a joke people somebody had those you know those little like things that are like american flag colors yeah the little like semi-circles yeah yeah we saw somebody put that on they had those and they also had little yellow daffodils yeah people have like mosquito netting yeah we're living in in a different country yeah we are camping like actually like poor people we are And we spent money on this shit. I know.

But if you actually want to go camping and have it be comfortable, you have to spend so much money, it seems like. See, camping, this is one of the reasons why I don't like camping. It's the same reason I don't like snowboarding is because you have to spend so much money for it to be fun. Did you not have fun today? But think about the money. We didn't spend that much money. No. Yeah, but look at this.

That's cool. Yeah. So that's an example of fun. So that is what it would look like if I was a worm who was trying to get out of the campsite. Or a mummy that was trapped in a mummy sleeping bed. Or a mummy that was on a Murphy bed. Wait, ready? Ready?

That's the impression. That's the impression. I did see that. This is a mummy on a Murphy bed. Dude, you're doubling up on my charger? My head. I'm doubling up. What hell is this, bro?

You have it taken down as bolts, bro. You're using the wireless charging and the wired charging at the same time? I just put it on top of the charger. I didn't have had wire. Bro. It's crazy. You did see that new mummy movie? Yeah.

How was it? The one with Tom Cruise? No, that's the old mummy movie now. That's how the medium time moves. Lee Cronin's the mummy. It was fine. It wasn't great. Daddy.

What was it? Grandma, it's fun being dead. Daddy? Daddy. It's fun being dead. No, dude. It's called the mummy. Yeah.

It's fun being dead, grandma. That's what she says. She is a fun being dead. I would say keeper. Keeper. Keeper pyramid. Keep her at Egypt. Yeah.

Yeah. We found your daughter in Egypt. I mean, I'm good on that. Generational fumble. Yeah. Yeah. We found your daughter in Egypt. She's a mummy now.

Can you imagine the notes app that led to that movie? Wait, wait, wait. You're in the middle of the middle of the middle of the end-laws. You don't, listen, I know you're a stupid bitch. You have to understand this for one fucking time. You do realize my name is Lee Cronin. I have to do things like this. Hey, who about that 32-inch TV? I want to put some respect on him, though.

I feel like people were talking hella, hell of shit. On the Cronin? On Lee Cronin. And specifically, Lee Cronin's the Mummy. And I'm just like, it wasn't that great, but, like, everyone was like, it's called Lee Cronin's the Mummy. What the hell? And I'm watching it.

like, that's Lee Cronin's the mummy. Really? That ain't nobody else's mummy, dude. That's Lee Cronin's fucking mummy. Like, 100%. That movie is more Lee Cronin's than it is the mummy. But at what point, when you're somebody like that, when you're a director,

at what point do you say, you kind of have to make that decision from movie one that you're going to put your name? So I think actually, this is, I don't know if this is confirmed or not, but I think it's not his fault. I doubt he chose it. I think actually, because they have that new Brendan Fraser movie

coming out, so I think they panicked. The new Brendan Fraser Mummy is going to come out. I haven't even heard of that. It's going to come out in the next year or so, I think. And I think they probably panicked and were like, oh, people are going to think. Like, they had to put out marketing that was like, this movie does not have Brendan Fraser in it. Like, it seemed like the studios were acting crazy. And I bet that they made him add that.

What they should have done is made Brendan Fraser the whale in the mummy movie. Brendan Fraser's the whale. Is it like a universal movie, though? Dude. I mean, it must be. Movie number one, right, where it's like Lee Cronin's the mummy, like that. Like the studio is like making me put my name on it. I'm legally changing my name two weeks before.

To the mummy. The mummy's the mummy. That would be so sick. That's a great. That's a good idea. What about the mummy's Frankenstein? Oh, that would have been awesome. There's no, I didn't see that movie.

The Wolfman's the Frankenstein? That sounds like the best movie ever. That's ingenious. If it said if it was the mummies something, I would have. There's actually a hell of a movie is called that. Really? No, but if it was like, if it was like, by the way, it's directed by the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why has nobody done that yet? I don't know. Like director stage name that is just like a monster name? You can do that. Changing your stage name. Changing your stage name two weeks before. Directed by the mummy. It says it in the little skinny text at the bottom.

But if I had to make a movie like Lee Cronin's the mummy, I would change my name two weeks before to the, The the the mummy The the mummy. The mummy. Then everyone knows how scary it is because they can't even We got to sleep in here, bro. They can't even get the title of the movie out. Somebody's cast you out.

My watch is beat. We have to be quiet now because it's actually quiet time. It's not quiet time yet. My watch is on the car. It is quiet time. Oh, it's actually quiet hours. But we do. They're still fucking yapping it up.

Speaking of quiet. Speaking of quiet hours. Should we discuss? discuss the neighbors. Yeah. The neighbor issue. Why does it smell like popcorn in here? That might be my feet.

Yeah, that's his feet. It's crazy with like buttered popcorn. Your feet, you're welcome. It smells like butter flavoring oil. I'm just guessing it's my feet. It probably isn't.

Sometimes, am I crazy? Do you smell that? Sometimes a person. A person. Sometimes a person. I've had 10 white claws today. Dude, we're camping.

Sometimes a person's bad smells will smell so good in the context of an Italian restaurant. Like, somebody's like you're going to need to give me a second sentence here somebody like your feet right now your feet right now if i walked into a restaurant that had popcorn i'll have obviously one of the specials is popcorn tonight i well okay but it smells like smart food first of all let me just say that oh the cheddar smell like i don't think your feet smell like smart food i think they straight up smell like movie theater buttered popcorn well that's not what i think they smell like i think

you see and this is interesting this is like how every single person smell things differently. You know what I found out of... What are they saying over there right now? The kids are giggling, but that's not hard to get a laugh out of a kid. It's happening again.

They're having an argument. It's happening. I heard I'm not going to ask you again. I heard that. This guy has been arguing with his kids the entire night. He's an ex-rugby player. Yeah, so basically the first thing,

we came in, these people were right next to our campsite. They seem, there's kind of a bad vibe. dad is going like this. You know what's bad? A bad vibe. Tanned dad in shorts with like a hat on. And what did he say?

He's looking at overdose every couple minutes. I need you to get away from me. This is what he says to his kids. His two little kids. He kept saying, that's what my dad would say. He kept saying like, it seemed like six years old, right? Yeah, and he kept like almost saying a cuss word.

He got, I need you get the, get the way for me. He kept over and he was yelling at two. Get, you need to get away from. Me. Yes. Saying that over and over. Because he went like, he was like, I need you to get away from me right now.

Holy schnikes. He has, and he, I don't know if you guys heard this. He said he had a boiling pot of hot water. I know. So that's what was happening. The kids were trying to touch him while he had a boiling pot of hot water. No, he was boiling a pot of water to get the kids away from it. You guys don't get away from him.

I'm going to boil water and hold it. I can't get near me. And then he said, and then when you guys are away, the kids said to his dad, so also for context, they have, like, a clothes line and they have a towel drawing on it. It says, like, rugby. Some rugby championship in 2003. And the kid asked the dad unprompted, so you know that the dad talks about this all the time. If this is in the kid's, like, repertoire.

The dad just texted me, and he said, guys, shut up. The kid asked the guy, said, Dad, were you ever famous in rugby? And the dad said, yeah, a little bit. high school. Yeah, so once he said, yeah, a little bit, we should, at that point, if he had stopped there, we're going to be on a Google mission. Yeah. But when he says in high school, it's over.

Yeah, no. When your brother was doing wrestling, did he ever come and, like, wrestle you when you got home? There was one time where he was about to wrestle me, and I picked up a, a can of, like, he was mad at me, and we were, like, fighting. We were, like, you know, like, yelling at each other. brother. Yeah. And I knew he was about to come do some wrestling moves on me. So I picked a fucking, I picked a can of Old Spice. And I threw it at his head and I gave him a concussion. With a can of Old Spice, that is not a heavy thing either.

Yeah, but I hit like near the temple. And he had to go to, he went to the hospital. My mom was like, you gave him a concussion. I was like, he was about to hit me. Yeah, no, I think that's fair. Yeah. I think that's fair. Yeah. It's like fully like, I was Adderall teen. Yeah. Literally, I was like, a hundred. I was like a 150, like around 140, 150. And my brother was, like, stronger than me. Both of my brothers. You're going to open the window?

Holy shit. Both of my brothers very strong. Yeah. And then I was, like, fully, like, anorexic. String bean. String bean. I think if I open the window, a bunch of water will come in. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, we don't need all that. But yeah, my brother was about to hit me and I threw a, I can't hold this place. And gave him a concussion, man. I still feel bad about that because, like. Because he's different. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have a different life if he didn't do that. Yeah. His life would be pretty much the exact same. On the wrestling team, on the football team. Ooh, wrestling into football. Yeah, wrestling into football. Wrestling with a football.

Yeah. I'm winning that. Nine times out of ten, I'm winning that fight. Wrestling against the football. Football bests me. I don't know what to tell you. I know another kid who had so many concussions. It ends up in a lot.

I don't know. Yeah, it slips. And you're confidently saying there's a time that a football would beat you. I just want to hear. In a match where the football has arms. If you, no, no, okay. If you, if somebody said you have to wrestle a football. Yeah.

Just stay with me here. You have to. You have to wrestle football. Somebody. If somebody says this. You're doing this if anybody says it. If anybody says it. Because it seems easy. It seems like, that's really how you lose that thing.

I can pin a football down. You're like, oh, I could do this. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I could do this. Well, but you don't prep. You don't lose. You don't lose on the first one. You lose on like, like, round 900 because you've gotten late and complacent.

Oh, it's 900. I think I would go 900 rounds with a football. I'm going to be honest. 900 rounds of the football. You don't think you could last 900 rounds with a football. I think at a certain point, at a certain point, if you haven't deflated that ball by round 50, he's getting reinflated. He's getting reinfated.

Yeah, and I'm getting a checkup at the doctor in every single match. That's so unfair. That's so unfair. 900 rounds with football sexually. Football in your butt? Are you saying how many times? How many rounds you go with the football? Wait, wait, football.

Football lubed up in the butt. Okay. How many? It's going in your butt? If you had to have sex with football for 10 minutes each time, it's going in my butt or it's a flashlight. Could you go 900 times? Could you go 900 times without coming one time?

If somebody was like... Ten minutes. I'm not in round. And by the way, you can't masturbate or have sex outside of this. Oh, God. The only time... So this is 900 rounds over the course of my lifetime? 900 days where every day you have to try to have sex with the football for 10 minutes.

At some point, at some point, you're going to come on this football. So I can't come. So the challenge is I can't come for three years. You could. And I have to... If it's doing that, I can win. It's harder to... kind of quantify.

Okay, but is there someone, like, okay, here's a scenario, right? Yeah. Like, I got the football and I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like not really giving my, oh, is there someone who's going to go, hey,

you have to really try to have sex with that football. You have to really try to. Yeah, coach is coming in. Yeah, coach is there. Like, if I'm like,

like, if I'm, if I just have like, like, like I have a boner and I was holding the football. Yeah. In my hand and I'm like, yeah,

this is how I have sex with a football. Wait, wait, can you find a loophole? Is someone coming in and adjudicating? Yeah, somebody is. Who? It's coach. Coach is coming in. And also, oh, by the way, for...

Coach Love. Coach Love is coming in. And by the way. And by the way... By the way, Coach Love is coming in. This entire time, you have to keep up straight A's so you can stay on the football team. Yeah. For three years.

For three years. Oh, I'm on the football team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, this is the football team. This is the game ball? This is 10 minutes before. Is anyone else doing this challenge? Nobody's ever done this.

This is a pilot program. Does anyone know that I'm doing the challenge? These are the quantifiers. It's the game ball. Three years. You're 35 years old. It's in a couple years. You're on the community college football team.

You go back to school. But it's like college football. Yeah. College football. It's televised. Yeah, yeah. This is Friday night lights. This is a community college in Nebraska where they're like,

that's all they can do is watch college football. and they're like, dude, we also have to watch, we also have to watch QB1 have sex with the football. Your town has so much pride for this team. Yeah. Yeah. This is like, you, and here's the thing. Here's part of it. You're getting free coffee at the diner because you're QB1. Coach is going to come in.

Coach basically is making sure you have to have sex with this football, like in such a way that you really are, you really are trying to come even though you're trying not to. Yeah. Like you're really trying to have your way with this football. But also, like, if you damage the football to the point that it can't be used in the game, you're also, you're going to get in trouble. You're going to get in trouble.

You won't fail the challenge, but you're going to get in trouble. You can. You can. Okay. That's kind of, that's going to shrink the leather. You can, uh, I thought the whole challenge was not to nut. You can, uh, it's not a challenge. What?

I was just asking how. No, you specifically said, could you go 900 rounds of the football without night? That's exactly what you said. I guess that is a challenge. Yeah. I mean, could you? No. No.

With all, everything that we've said up to this point. At some point, I could. I could if coach wasn't there. Coach only comes at the 10-minute mark or if you break a rule. But that's what I'm saying. I'd be breaking hell of rules. And the thing about coach is, at first, but then you... Coach has, like...

You don't want to disappoint coach. What's it called? It's really a psychological challenge. It is. What's the... What's the... The Vibular website? Coach has, like, face mug, like, society's perfect face.

Oh, okay. This is, like, the most... A guy walks in and he looks at you like this. I think for me, it's a... like, it's a psychological thing where it's like, the football is becoming a sex object. And like, but I will have,

I will start, I think by day like, it's like 700, I'll be like, go far away. And there's going to be a point where I'm like, just going to look at the football and just go like, oh,

and just, not in my pants before I take my head. That's kind of my, you know what I mean? Like, it's fully like, but you haven't established. I've Pavloved myself into like,

oh, this is the thing that I fuck. Yes, but. Like, Here's the thing. At first, at first,

you just barely in frame. At first, it's like, at first it's like, I'm like, oh, great, I'm fucking in football. This isn't sexy at all.

It's a football. But like, but like after like, I want to say even after like a month. Okay. I'm going to start being like, oh, it's time to fuck this football.

So you're not lasting to day 100. I don't. I mean, I'm thinking realistically. Day 367. No, you know, I think,

I think, I would like to imagine I could last that one. But I mean, really, So let me reframe it from not being a challenge to how many days would it take for you to genuinely have loving passionate sex with a football if it was the thing you had to do every day. How long would it take for it to become loving and passionate? Yeah. And by the way, you get $1 million if you don't nut.

No. No, no. That was very scary. You get a million dollars if you do not. I guess it's a very tough hypothetical to sort of figure out why it makes sense, but it does make sense to me. Yeah. Because, but here's the, the hard thing about it is where your penis does not go in a natural place on a football. What's the most natural place to put it?

I guess like between the little finger laces. Yeah. I was imagining somehow trying to like get a hole in where, I mean, I guess you have been a really skinny penis, but like where it gets pumped up. You're allowed to disliked somehow. the dimensions of your penis for the sake of the challenge. I guess I would choose to have a really large penis. And then just fucking football for 10 minutes a day and then just walk around the huge day. I'd probably choose to have like a 14-inch penis.

Okay. Day one, I'd nut all over the football, like just like gallons of nutting. Oh, man. Oh, I fucking failed. That sucks. But I get to keep my shit. I get to keep that shit, by the way. I'd go the opposite.

I'd have the exact dimensions of the, uh, the end of the pump. Okay. I'd go right into that thing. That thing's really small. Here's what I'd do. Actually, I would,

if I could choose the dimension. For a million dollars, the rest of my life is fucking a football. If I could choose, if I could choose the dimensions of my penis, what I'd actually do is I'd, I'd choose to just have a full smooth. And I'd walk in there and be like,

oops. Looks like I win. Yeah. And then coach says, put in your butt. Coach says, come out, put your penis back.

Then you have with it. You would have to. He walks up to you. No, okay. Come on. Coach is played by Rip Torn. Okay, yeah, I can see it. And so he's coming in every day.

He's doing dodgeball lines at you. By the way, he's seen dodgeball in this version of life. I just saw Dodgeball for the first time. Do you think Rip Torn saw Dodgeball before he passed? No way. There's no way. There's no way he saw Dodgeball. He was old as fuck in that movie.

He lived for like 15 more years. He's been old. Well, he's not old. He was old. Would you say he's not old? He's not a wood. Dude. Rip torn and Dolly part and hanging out in heaven?

Why does that make me feel so fucking happy? Doing cartwheels with each other. Why did you touch my foot? That's there. He'll try to get some buttered popcorn. Can I smell? Yeah. It's gonna...

You bring it a little closer. What the fuck, dude? Does it actually smell like butter? Yes, that's the smell. That's the smell. You might have diabetes. You might have some kind of thing. Straight up, you might have diabetes.

That made me so. self-conscious about my foot. It's not a bad smell. That's not good. I have such awful stinky feet and I'm so mortified. But that's not. That's a different. That's different. That's interesting. I just got a waft of it. Did it smell bad?

It smelled like, it smelled like the movie theater. Doesn't it smell like the fucking movie theater? Isn't that crazy? Smell. That's nuts. Smell it. I can't smell my own foot. You're not trying. I'm embarrassed. I am embarrassed. That's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. That's a specific enough thing that that's definitely a symptom of a really specific disease.

Lupus. Like someone's going to diagnose in the comments and be like, oh man, you actually have this. Oh, this is actually really. Pre-diabetic. I feel like I've gotten so much of that over the years, over the 400 episodes. Yeah, people are really excited to do stuff like that. And I'm like, dude, I hate to say it, but you just

don't know. You just don't know what life is like. You don't know what I're like. Walk a mile in my shoes. Truly. Walk a mile, I mean, if we could if there's any time to go to this zone, I just have to say it really is crazy to me that people seem

to believe that we don't exist outside of recording the podcast. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Everyone thinks I'm a fucking, everyone thinks I live in a cage. Everyone thinks I live in a cage. The mummy thing. We're in a tent. And then when I'm outside, when I'm outside, everyone comes up to me like they saw a Shamu.

I'd be excited to see Shamu. What? What are you doing outside? 400 episodes. 400. 400 regular episodes. 400. Yeah, I mean, God knows.

Jesus Christ. There's over a thousand hours of us talking. How many premiums is it, too? I have no idea. Probably 400 plus. I think three or something. Yeah, because we're a little behind. So we've done 700 episodes?

Plus D&D. Yeah. Plus whatever else. Random out of other shit. Yeah. There's a lot of hours of us guys. Yeah. It's time to take a doll down.

Yeah. It's time to remove every single last episode. I would love to remove everything and start from scratch. It's not a bad idea to start fresh. Let's do it. Episode one. The new. Should we just start episode one again?

Right. Did this be episode one? This is episode one. The new pal canon. Yeah, why not? Yeah, fuck it. There's no good reason not to do something like that. I feel like we've done this podcast longer than most things.

Longer than anything I've done. Yeah. Definitely true. Like how many things happen? There's bands that have put out an album. One album, new radicals. Are we longer than the Beatles? We're longer than the Beatles.

I think we are. I think we're longer than the Beatles. Was that 62 to 69? Yeah, I think we're longer than the Beatles, man. Yeah. I guess a little bit. Definitely longer than new radicals. Yeah.

And get what you give. That's a million Beatles songs. Longer than Joe Biden. Longer than Joe Biden was in office. Joe Biden's coming gone. He's coming gone. Joe Biden has come and gone. Donald Trump has come, gone, come back again.

And God, I hope he goes. We'll go, we'll go. He goes in his sleep. Peacefully? Yeah. Really? I was going to say, I hope he gets sexually tortured for hours and, or they'll say days. Hours.

Months. Years. Okay. I hope he's sexually tortured for months. I didn't mean for minutes on it. For seconds. I didn't mean passing. Oh, you didn't?

No, I'm in pooping. If he goes in his sleep, I have he, He probably does. I bet he does. Yeah. So I said I hope he poops in the street. Is that wrong to say that I hope he's sexually tortured for years? Sexually tortured for years?

It's Donald Trump. Millennia. That's his wife. That was pretty good. Millennia Trump. Yeah. I want to see that documentary about her. I saw it.

I want to know what she has to say. You know the crazy thing? What? Your murder, Aunt Fannie from robots? Yes. He's in it. Wait. I don't know if that's true.

You don't think that's true? You don't think Aunt Fannie from robots is in the Malawi movie? Like the voice actor or the actual character? No, the bot. Fanny. How do you think she got to America? Aunt Fanny from robots? Aunt Fannie from robots is in the Melania movie.

Why was Robert? William's character so embarrassed of Aunt Fannie. He was like, oh yeah, you gotta come meet Aunt Fannie. Because back in the day, back in those days, it was wrong to have a giant bottom. He was wrong to have a big butt. You were supposed to have a flat butt. And it could get to the point

where even you could be embarrassed of family members who had big butts. That's true. Say, I really want to take you home to me my parents, but my mom and dad have big butts. Huge butts. They both have big butts. I'm so mortified. It's just horrible. I have to tell you something.

thing, baby. My mom and dad have giant large round asses and perfect bubble butts. They have big butts. They have perfect fuckable asses. They have big fucking butts. Back in the day, though, back in the day, that was not perfect or round. Aunt Fannie is clapable, though. Do you hear yourself?

I would clap for her as a child. Aunt Fannie is not a child, man. She's an aunt. Why is she a child? What year was she built? She was built literally in the canada that robots? Can I ask you a question? How long do you think robots were able to be built in the robots?

It's pretty much like cat years. You would have to imagine because there's no humans that they've been around for some time. 10 years. Aunt Fannie's not 10 years old, man. Yeah. I'm not going to play your game. I'm saying. I'm just saying.

Dude, it's the same with car years. Same with car years. Same with car years. You have a 1998 Toyota Corolla? Okay. So that's a 28-year-old car, though. 28 as a human no it's even older

yeah exactly the car a Toyota carola so exactly my point is that 28 is spry for a human but it is not spry for a car was built 10 years ago which he wasn't by the way

I'm just saying it's not it's not that unbelievable for her to be 10 years old can't look anything up we're in a fucking tent can I tell you I'm so happy to be back in a tent I know it's nice in here

doesn't just feel amazing to be in the ground doesn't feel as nice does not feel as good as the office. I'll give you that. I should have picked up some of these rocks. Yeah. There's literally there's rocks embedded in this earth. There's still tons.

Pads. They had one pad at Walmart. A pillow would be nice. Yeah. I have a flannel. I'm going to probably use as a pillow. Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do. You can use your backpack.

I'm so screwed. My backpack is not comfortable, but I guess it's better. I just throw my backpack. The only, the only luck I have right now is that I get to sleep in the back seat on the ride back home. Yeah. Unless we record something We got to record Oh yeah we got to record the third part

I mean we don't really have to We gotta record a third part for these people Yeah we guess we do now Now we do much We just said it And also this is the drunkenest I've ever been on the podcast Are you more drunk now than when you ate an onion?

Yes Really? Yes Because you were toasted when you ate an onion Well I've been funnier than I was then I don't know That was pretty funny when you ate an onion The onion was not that funny.

Everyone talks about the onion like it was funny. It was a long time ago. I was green, okay, like an onion. Why was there amazing? Some onions. I have amazing layers like another onion. Why was there an onion there? It was in the hallway too, and I think I threw up the next day.

That was an onion that I stole from Six Flags Magic Mountain. Yes. Because I went to Magic Mountain. I had the... Joe threw up. Do you have that, too, the thing where you pay... No, I didn't do this. a time when we, when we lived in L.A., Magic Mountain thing, because you were living with Joe at

So-and-So's house. It was $9 a month, and you could go to Magic Mountain. Basically, any day that it was over 100 degrees, you could go to Magic Mountain. Yeah. And I would go, and I would steal food from the kitchen. The kitchens. Because there's nobody working there. Yeah. Because it was like, there's only 15 people in the entire park. So they would just have a little. all the doors open and stuff. Yeah. And just like blasting fans. And I would walk in and I would, for like three or four times, I would steal a couple things

of tortilla. I'd love to blasts a magic mountain fans. Oh my God. You kidding me? Kids! You don't blast some kids, man. Crazy. I went and I was a grown man.

Dude, not everybody's a kid. In fact, most people are not. I would wager. You just understand that for once. I'd like. I'm going to change it up. Aye. But that's where the onion came from.

I'm going to change it up. Mine as well. Might as well change it up. Wait. Sideways hat, Pat. Damn, dude. I've really been enjoying sideways hats lately. I've been wearing my hat sideways.

And I do it sometimes to make my wife laugh. And I do it sometimes also. I don't have my baseball hat in here, but I'll do it like. Where is it? Better not be outside. You're going to lose it to the rain. It's in the car. I'd wear it like this.

This is the brim. Covering one eye. If the sun is coming from that direction, doing that, I'm like, wow. That's what it's built for. I'm like, wow. That's why a baseball hat exists. I'm like, wow. Yeah?

No, baseball hat is for this. No, but, I mean, it's movable. Have you ever seen somebody wear a hat the way I'm about to wear it? That hat stinks badly. Yeah. It's buttered popcorn. It's not so bad. Not that one.

Not that hat. No, you're not going to like how that smells. Have you ever seen somebody wear a hat like this in public? No. Chad Muska, bro. This is what I'm saying. This is, that's not what hats are developed for. I've never seen Chad Muska in public, but I don't know where that in a picture.

Chad Muska was the coolest skater in the 2000s because he would like skate with a boom box. He's a white guy. Is there a big skater now that people like? Not really, right? Not like that. No. Not like the musca. Or who's the other guy that was in like all skate games?

Who? Rob Deirdick? No, no. He did the one mission that was like so hard where you had to... Eric Koston? Yes. Yeah, the Eric Kostin, my Carroll mission where you can glitch it out by bringing the... Why was that one so hard?

That one was hard because it was like, oh, you had like... I think there was just some weird thing where it was like every year like a shoe sponsor would put like a bunch of money into the skate games. Because the first skate game, they had like... Is that skate two? I think skate two. It's like you have to move a picnic table. Yeah, you move. You move...

Well, what you do is you do is you move. moved like the bike rack over to the thing. Every year it was like a shoe company had like heavy stake in the game. And I think the third one was DC because they had a Danny Way centric DLC. But the first one, it's Adidas

and Adidas is like, hey, we have our own proprietary store in the game and they were like, oh yeah, well like people didn't really like fuck with that at all. So the second thing we're going to do is like because Fully Flair just came out, we're going to put like so many Lakai skaters on the fucking game. And we're going to make the hardest mission the two guys with like

I guess Koston had a big part and fully flared, but Mike Carroll didn't. And then the third game was like, dude, Danny Waze Hawaiian Mega Dream Park. I would like to have a Hawaiian Mega Dream Park. It honestly looked so sick. I would love to live there. Cameron's Hawaiian Mega Dream Park? I'd go there. Yeah, but you would you visit?

Are we going to go to Nate Land? What's that? Oh, yes. We're going there. You ever heard about this? No. Nate Bargatchee. Dude, I have to say, I kind of, I stopped following him after the

Bread winner. Did horror nights, Halloween horror nights at... Nate Bargazzi Halloween Horridor. They're doing a Nate Bargazzi. Labarant. I feel like that would be... That would be more... Nate Bargatsy's Halloween Horror Nights and it's just him, it's like bad interactions.

It's just you had to go to the grocery store and it's like, oh, oh, no. I try to buy condoms, but... I feel like you make a great wizard. Nate Bargatsy's Halloween Horror Nights would be more. more like actually violent and scary. Check this. Like his

dark, his mind is so dark. Check this shit out though, dude. Hey, so for more than something, I'm going to flay a real person. That's so scary. He frightens me, bro. He has dead face. There's something so wrong. He does have dead face. There's something so disturbed about him. He looks like if you brought a beetle back to life.

Nobody. He really does. He does look like he's come back to life. That is so true. He looks like he... Yeah. I think he was somewhere in my head he kind of looks like George Harrison

if he was like a dead body. Nobody can go this long without cursing and not have that pop out somewhere else. He's done horrible things. They say he's a clean comedian, but he's dirty. This isn't true,

but I'm going to make it up. I've heard he's horrible. I've heard he's horrible. I heard from somebody... I've heard he's an absolute asshole. I actually have heard he's an asshole. I heard from somebody that he messages

OF models on Instagram and he says if you don't crush my neck with your butt I'm gonna kill your dog Yeah I've heard that too I heard he goes to restaurants And he asks to be let into the kitchen So he can smell all the ingredients

To make sure they're fresh Before they cook the food That doesn't on its surface It doesn't seem that horrible But I heard he also But it is strange You have to admit that it is strange But if he smells anything that isn't fresh

He puts on a chain mail glove and he slaps the chef in the face. Oh, wow, that's a headball of a love. And another thing I've heard is that he's in a neck brace when he's doing that. So it only confirms my first thing. It only confirms the first thing he said. I'm so happy to just draw this line. We are just anti-nate-Bargatsy.

I just want no, no, no. I want no part of the New Argus. You have to be. When you make your own fucking theme park about yourself, it's like, dude, fuck you. Bargatsy land. Fuck Nate Bargast. Gatsy. Where's his theme park at? Saudi Arabia?

I believe it's in Nashville, Tennessee. Dude, yeah, I mean, that's like, I'm like, yeah. I'm like, all right, night in Nashville, are we going to the, the grand old, uh, Opry? Opry. Or Nateland. We go to Nate Land. Yeah, it's a tough choice.

Yeah, no, it's Nateland every time. It's Nate land every single fucking time. It'd be amazing of our lives after saying this just fall apart. Yeah. Have you, have you been to Nashville? No, I've never been to Nashville. My, uh, my nephews just went. My niece and nephews.

We asked that. That was basically. I tried. I tried to talk to, like, literally my nephew. They didn't have much to say. I was at my other nephew's christening. And I was like, so how's Nashville? Do you go, like, see any live music or anything like that?

Like, you, like, the only thing I know about Nashville is like, oh, yeah, there's, like, always, like, a band playing. Yeah. Like, you go see, like, doing pianos. And my nephew, my, my eight-year-old nephew just kept going, I don't know. Classic. I mean, I was like, can you imagine? Can you imagine how incredible? Do you go get barbecue?

And he went, I don't know. It's a terrible place to go as a kid. Can you imagine how incredible it would be if the movie Nashville was made when Nateland existed? Robert Altman. Robert Altman's Nashville. Have you seen Nashville? Yes. You know the ending of Nashville?

I imagine that that happened at Nat land. Nateland? Nate land, man. Dude, I'm saying Halloween Horror Night's at... Halloween Horror Night's at Nate Land, and it's like just every... It's like a video before every single hundred. wanted house. He's like, hey, so yeah, this is like the worst thing I've

ever imagined. The themeing, when you're like in line for the Velasso coaster and it's like a video of a sign, just be like, the velociraptors are escaping, but every single roller coaster has Nate Bargatsy. It's Nate Bargatsy in front of like a white screen. It's shot like a mint mobile commercial.

It's him in front of a white screen. He's like, hey guys, so I just want to apologize up top. This is one of the scariest things I ever thought of. listen, it's not going to be real, but like, it's pretty scary. It's just like, every single person, every single person who goes in with a kid gets their kids stolen

through like a panel in the wall. It's like a heronimus bot. It's like unearthly horrors, just everything. There's just like people's, people's veins being dissected all the way. There's a person who's just throwing a black sludge at the end of the red. It's like, man, I'm so fucking,

I'm so sorry. I'm so smart. You know what I heard? that he did. He made, he had this Netflix special however long ago. Yeah. And then he spent the money. He bought the bodies exhibit and he has it in his house. And he put gray hairs on all of them to look like him. He goes in every day and he pees on a different body every single day. A different breastfeed. He breastfeed's a random Indonesia. Yo, I just want to say real quick, Nate, Bargatsy. Mr. Gatsy. I'm Mr. Gatsy. The great Gatsy. The great.

I mean, he is kind of. I want to say, I want to say, man, I'm fucking sorry for everything we're saying. And if you ever want to, if you ever want to link and build with a young-ish creative on the first ever 100 camera comedy special. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'm here. That's a good idea. Because you've done two or three. More cuts than Resident Evil.

Yes. Or in Resident Evil, Mila. Let's go 100. We're getting 100 camera set up cutting, rapidly cut. You remember that rig they built for the Matrix for 28 years later? We're doing that type of thing. 24-7, it's going to be a week-long series. We only film one joke at a time, and it's all one-liners.

It's going to be a one-joke special that lasts for a week because there's so many camera angles to cut between it. There's only 20 cameras in the rig. We have to shoot this over five days. I'm fucking praying for Nate Bargatzies. Seriously, Gatsy, your soul is rotten. Dude, you got to chill on Bargazzi, okay? He's got this amazing... He just hosted SNL.

He's got this amazing Halloween Horrid's thing. Nate Bargatsy's divorce will be so amazing. His amazing Halloween Horror Nights ride is so good. We've got to let that come to fruition, bro. I've immediately turned back around on him. He's amazing. Nate Bargatsy's House of Horrors. Hey, man.

All this stuff's pretty scary, right? It's not at Nate Land. it universal. Yeah. It's to promote universal. Nate Bargatsy's House of Horrors. I just can't imagine

what is... What goes through his head when he decides to wake up every day? I mean, money. Time to wake up. Yeah.

Certainly. Time to eat breakfast. Time to get lunch. Hey, time to eat breakfast? Three meals a day. I just think there's something so rotten

about opening a theme part about yourself. I don't know why. I think that is like... Guys, let's be silent for 10 seconds. and hear if we can hear the music of the night.

I do hear it. I actually do as well. But it is... What song is that? I don't know. I also made me laugh earlier that the abusive dad with his children was listening to Bustin makes me feel good,

goes bust his song. Yes, yeah, he was. Abusive dads is a stretch. What's wrong with these? He's boiling water. What's wrong with abusive dads? That's what you said? He's trying to throw boiling water

out of his two sons that have different hair colors. And yeah, I'll say it. They have different hair colors. That's wrong. Yeah, I was puzzling that one out as well. A brunette and a blonde. A brunette and a blonde. That happens.

Okay, so, okay. Oh, Naparck. Natsy's awesome, man. The guy's kids are normal. That's awesome. Fucking, everything is awesome wrong. I do love that movie, man. The Lego movie.

I never finished it, but I watched the beginning. How is it possible? It's like an hour of 20. I watched the beginning and the end of it. I watched the beginning and the end of it at the Cape Point. hotel in 2013. I went to the arcade and I remember there's this amazing game. I can't

fucking remember the name of it. It's like a game where you're on a light bike basically but everything is in vector. No, it's like green. Look, if you were in the Cape Point Hotel in 2013 or prior to that, there's this really cool motorcycle

game that I want if I had if I had Bargazzi money if I had Bargatsy money dude, I would have this in my basement. Bargazzi's light race. And I would learn, I would learn that this is not a good game. It's Tron.

It sounds like Tron. It's not Tron. It's light. I would know. Light bike race. It's light bikes because it's in like green vector art. But it's like, I would remember if it was Tron because Tron was in Kingdom Hearts and I would remember that. I would know. I'd be like, dude, dude, dude, dude. That's fucking Trond. Tron is in Kingdom Hearts too. It's a big mission.

Really? The photon debugger is actually a pretty good secondary keyblade that you can use for your valor form. Dude, the funniest thing about Tron to me, you ever watch Tron, the original Tron? Yeah. The bridges. The, like, all the programs, they have guys who are programs

and their guys are named, like, Sark. Yeah. Like, bro, y'all got programs. There's a game. There's like a competitive online game that is, like, Tron that people take very, very seriously. I used to play Tron on iPhone. become

my friend what dude who's to play tron on iPhone what's funny about that it's actually iPod Touch I think about it I don't mind being laughed at you should slap him

I'm not gonna slap him I used to play Tron on iPhone it's funny it's funny it's funny to say it was really funny to say

I used to play Tron on iPhone it was on my iPod touch though or actually it was on my friends iPod Touch. I didn't actually have it. You're borrowing it. I actually didn't have an iPod Touch at that point. I had an old iPhone

that I used as an iPod Touch for some time. I wanted to do that with my iPhone 12, but the battery is like, I go and look at it, every couple of days it's puffing a little more. Dude, you got to get rid of that thing. Yeah, yeah, but I want to, honestly, I want to go replace it. I love to my iPhone 12.

Dude, I had that. I had that from like 2020 to like... iPhone 12. I think I had iPhone 11. I think I have a 13. Yeah, I have a 15. Really? Yeah. Damn, I'm fucking old news.

Yeah. I don't iPhone 7 until like last year. Yeah. Dude, my phone's starting to suck also, I have to say. Yeah, it's losing battery at an alarm. You should not get this new, uh, date. My phone just buzzed when I said that. Go, to get up to the 15.

The 15 is like, okay. My phone just buzzed when I said that at all. It doesn't get the folder. No. What they're coming out with? My mom broke her folder. She had a Samsung folder. Oh, really?

She overfold. No, no, no, no, no, someone broke it on her. Somebody, she was at a bar. God damn, man. She was at a bar. That's just crazy. We were, I was back home and she was at a... We smashed it on her head?

Not on her head, but somebody, I needed to, oh, I was at my brother's house. I was staying in my brother's house in this guest room, and I texted my mom and I was like, dude, such a, such a, like, fail-son move. I texted my mom. I was like, hey, I don't think anyone's up, but I got to, like, go, like, to this, like, I wanted to go all I want to go to Ali's in Nashville. So she had to drive you? She didn't get my text because somebody slacks it.

Someone was so drunk. They accidentally slapped my mom's phone in her hand and broke the thing and half. She had the Samsung Galaxy fold. The folding phones seemed very fragile. Yeah. I will say that. Yeah.

Also, they have so much like her first one. She's unwilling to get a new phone. She loves the foldable touchscreen. But her first one had so many dead pixels. in the center of the screen. She was like an early adopter of the Samsung Galaxy Fold, and she was like, yeah, I don't know, but it's just like black

in the middle of the screen. It's like, dude, yeah, because you bought the first one. Yeah, she needs to be watching MKBHD. Marquis Brownlee. Yeah. She needs to be watching him, man. Yeah. At the very least.

That's the game warden. That takes me out a little bit. I'm going to be honest. Yeah. Having a car drive by. This is kind of what it was like camping insituent. when I was a kid.

What, being in a tent? Well, being in a tent, but then there's like a million cars going by. I mean, I don't think any of us have been camping where there's not cars going by. Yeah, good point. That is true. I think, I mean, I think that's a whole, I think that's a different ball game. I have a long time ago. Oh, okay.

Not for, what, in the 1800s, you fucking time grabber? Yeah, yeah, it was like horse and buggy. Old ass. You're buggy. No. Yeah, you're buggy. You already said my feet smell like buttered popcorn. That is not an insult.

It is. That is a neutral sideways statement. You admitted that it has health effects. No, I did not admit. I speculated it. You said it's a symptom. I speculated it may be a symptom. Here's what I said.

I speculated some comment. You have a symptom. Do you realize that mean that is to say to somebody? You have a symptom. Do you realize how helpful it is? Yeah. Yeah, if you're a doctor. I am a doctor.

Not if you're some numb nuts. You want to see my fucking camping? You call me a numb nuts? Yeah, man. Dude, my medical license is in the fucking car. Yeah, that's true. well we can't prove that you're medically licensed

look a doctor who says your feet smell like buttered popcorn that's so oddly specific that I feel like it might mean something we don't really know what that means

I'll go to the YouTube comments see what they think but no I don't it's not an insult it's not meant in a negative way I mean if I said hey man your feet smell like shit they stink that's that's

I've come to find out this I've come to find out this I think most men in the last five years have developed stinking no not stinking everybody's worried about smelling bad yeah

maybe this is just part of getting older that's maybe part of getting older that becomes sort of a thing that I think people are more worried about I think that's one of those things specifically where that's like a thing where if you do smell bad I feel like people don't won't tell you yes exactly

for whatever reason so I guess that's affirming that my feet smell like buttered popcorn. It's not like bad. I really mean, like, I'm not exaggerating. It smells like 100% identical to a movie theater popcorn. Which is like, you wouldn't walk into a movie theater and be like, oh, gross. But it is quite a smell.

You know, it is like a nuke on those guys that, uh, that like think they smell bad is the, uh, there's like some lady that tweeted like, Ben don't think we can't, Ben don't think we can't tell. And they jacked off. Yes, I've seen off based on smell. I've seen this. I think I think a lot of men after that...

You think they're jacking off too much. I think a lot of men in this generation are jacking off too much. And I think a lot of them are also getting into La Labo perfume and... La Labo? What's the appropriate amount of times to jack off?

What's the appropriate amount of perfume to wear? Okay, so both of these questions. Two questions. The appropriate amount of perfume to wear is male perfume. As a male? Yeah. Okay.

This is going to change my answer. Mel perfume as a male. As a male. Male perfume as a male. It's probably like four squirts. I think the battery went down to zero. No, we got one bar. Okay.

Probably four squirts. Four squirts. Yeah. Where are you putting? In your pressure. Where you put it? In your scent points. In your scent points.

Dude, are you wearing pressure? Pressure by Fleggen Tegan. Yeah. By Flegging Tegan. Tegan. We're flething pressure by fleck and teagin. Fricking. Okay, now masturbation.

How many times can you masturbate in a month? Based on what I've seen in AOL news articles, I think that... What's that? Battery. Oh, you want me to plug it in? Yeah, just on the USB. Based on what I've seen in AOL on the news articles, based on stuff the doctor say about prostate health, I think maybe 16 times a day.

The USB is probably tucked into the handle, and he spilled. You said 16 times a day? 16 times a day. Is a too much or minimum? That's the minimum. Do you want me to do it? That is getting a little nap in. No, don't do that.

I know you're not asleep, bro. Did it work? Oh, it did work. Yep, dude, I tested this, ish. just so it don't die while we're, I don't know if we'll go too much longer, but just so it don't die. I think maybe like two minutes longer.

And then you're going to actually fall asleep? You're tired? I'm honestly, I'm pretty tired. But I've had, I'm not joking. I think I've had 12 beers today. Well, they're white claws, though.

Oh, that makes it all fine. And I think it's been over the course of a day. And I think I've had four. I don't believe that. Or five. I don't believe you had 12. Yeah, I don't believe that. Yeah, I probably had closer to eight.

I believe that. Yeah. But I wish Camping could last forever. I wish we could snap and it was daytime and we were ready to have more fun. Well, we're not going to have more fun in the morning, though.

No, it's just going to be driving. No, it's going to be driving. We're probably all going to feel pretty miserable. I'm not going to lie. Depends on If something amazing happens tonight. Yeah, but... What if you go outside and you take a deep breath of midnight air?

It's not midnight. You take a deep... What if you wait till midnight? And then you take a deep breath of midnight air. And then you bring that into the tent and blow it out into your face? You hold your breath and you fall asleep. Yeah, that might make me feel a little better. Midnight air.

Dude, why the fuck you breathe in my face? It's midnight air, man. It's magical. Where it could be. the fuck that does that would make me feel a little better sell bottled midnight air go out and midnight

get a bunch of bottles and wave them around hold on is that midnight air I tried to bottle honeysuckle juice when I was a kid you told us that already yeah by the way you're fucking you're it's 400 fucking episodes I'm supposed to have a new thing to say every damn day in my life man

like 20 things have happened to me yeah say something about today something about today is that honestly that double rainbow all the way across the sky was magically beautiful was a touching and you're just asleep just having a microphone

just have the microphone propped onto your face that's crazy no but seriously the double rainbow is so beautiful it was it was beautiful I felt like it was very it was fitting seeing seeing a double rainbow that close coming out on a trip like this and going seeing a double rainbow. That close to the sky.

We were up in that ditch. We were actually at the midpoint of it. The rainbow was in the sky. I've never seen a rainbow. The rainbow was actually connected. When you see the picture, you'll realize what I'm saying. And here it is again. We were in the middle.

Maybe. We'll see. We were in the middle of the sky. The rainbow, I don't think I've seen a rainbow where I've seen both sides connected to the ground. I've never seen that. Both sides connected. And we were in the middle of the sky to see it connected.

We were at the middle of the rainbow. we could have gotten a pot of gold we chose not to. We could have got four pots of gold. Well, Pat brought up a good point at the time, which is that you'd have to send, you'd have to check both sides. There's three of us. We split up. Yeah, but it's like, it was probably like a mile and a half.

If we're splitting up and I'm going and I find the gold, I'm out. Exactly. That would be my worry. You send two people one way, one person the other way. Yeah, I know that I wouldn't find the gold. Probably wouldn't even find the gold. I'd probably go to the wrong side of the rainbow. Probably go to the wrong side.

It'd probably just fucking just sit there and just... What's your favorite color of the rainbow? It's got to be blue, dog. Yeah, that's mine too. Blue is the best one. Okay, cool. We all have the same favorite color. I told you, you know, whatever that was,

I made a point of saying that mine changed to blue. You remember this? Yes. Well, it was yours before. Red. I flip sides. That's such a crazy... I would say blue.

And I said it before, but dude, I literally just saw blue and I was like, Damn. That's fucking blue. Blue number one. Number two. Gotta be Mr. Yellow.

Specifically, specifically like VCR blue. Yes. That blue is like unbelievable. Yeah, that's a great color. That's the craziest color I've ever seen in my life. It can't even match up to.

Pat has a blue microphone color right now. I'm a blue blanket. I need to not appreciate it. I'm a blue wire. I'm just yellow and red. Oh, you're mustard and ketchup. Wait, why is that the red snapper with them? Mustard ketchup and the water to go on top of the hot dog.

That's us, the three musketeers of podcasting. Yeah, well, with that... Now it's time to go on the car. I think we can go to sleep. You think it's time? I'm pretty tired. I'm pretty shot. Okay, me too.

Seems like everyone's down. Tiring out. Guys, thank you for 400 episodes. Thank you for listening to this episode. Yeah, this one, going on a camping trip. Thank you for going on a camping trip. That's more to you guys. Oh, yeah.

Hey, man. No problem. Okay, good. It's actually the camping simulator with us. This is the kind of stuff we would even be saying, even if we weren't recording. I would hope to think so, man. The tent really is a powerful thing. I would say genuinely, if you have some friends, the wind is really picking up,

I think that there's almost nothing better to being in a. tent. What happened with that? He got scared when I shushed. I got a little bit of water on me somehow. Yeah, you peed. I know I. I know you peed.

Wait, did I fucking pee my pants? Somebody vaped in the bathroom before we took off and they made an announcement. They're like, hey everybody, listen to that sound that's playing right now. That's what a smoke detector sounds like. Like, nice try. Whoa. And they had to bring on, because nobody would admit. that they did it, so they had to bring on mechanics to test to make sure it wasn't a false alarm of the smoke detect.

Like, because nobody admitted to it. They're like, okay, I guess we have to do our due diligence and see if it's a mess fire. With the admin of Zinn, just be, just buy a pack of Zins on the plane. I mean, it just to not, you can do it one second before you get on the plane. Right. Yeah, I don't think you can actually. No, you can. I've also definitely vaped on a plan.

There's no doubt I have. I feel like I have two, but I don't know. You don't go to the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah, you don't do it. You do it like you would and... At your seat. You're really cheap and really crazy.

That's the noise you make. That's what you're going to the bathroom on the plane to do. Yeah. That's wrong with that.