Podcast About List - Ep. 88 - fight about food

Episode Date: February 19, 2020

most of this episode is taken up by a fight we had about food. if you want to hear more check out www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. All right. I'm going to the mob list. You're a crap monster. Woo! Yeah. Back at it, back in the lab. Bye, bad, back up.

I feel, I don't know what about this thumb thing walking around like this. So you can hitchhike better. Well, I have to be giving a thumbs up all the time, or else blood will pool in it because it's still bleeding. but it makes I feel like a pirate Yeah Kind of yeah

Because you have skirt I feel like I have a hook hand Yeah Yeah Oh god I feel like fucking shit right now You feel like a pirate Yeah I feel like a pirate My

My I woke up too early I went to bed at like four Nice I got home I had all those White cluck Or truly hard celtzers Leftover from the show

You gotta go crazy with the celts So I just I was like Yeah I'm just gonna drink Like most of these And Just alone Yeah. Well, no, I was drinking with Dom. We had dinner. I made a meal, and then we were, like, drinking.

And then I just realized I just, every time that I drink, I just keep drinking. It's so easy with the seltzers, because I'm just like, oh, I'm not drunk. And then I, like, it hits me. And then I got too high. And I went to bed at, like, four. Four? I went to bed at four, got up at nine because we had to, I had to clean up the apartment. And, by the way, you did a bang-up job.

Yeah, no, I gave up halfway through. But, yeah, I just feel like I've been farting all day, and it's been like just high octane, just shit coming out of me. Just like nitrous, the energy drink. Oh, they feel too hot coming out. I know that, yeah. I think it's, I ate a bunch of Siziki sauce last night. I ate a bunch of Pita and Siziki. My, sometimes, I walk around the art gallery and I'm farting so constantly, it's like I, it's like I'm holding.

holding like a bowl of hot soup and just steam is coming off of it. Yeah. Oh, I hate when it, like, you can feel it leave your pants. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. You feel the heat.

Yeah. You see the bubble. Mm-hmm. Yeah, dude. Man, the best, the best is the, still the fucking, the infrared video. And it's just the guy standing there and he farts. You just see, like, the cloud of smoke come out. So classic, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. That's still, it makes me laugh. every time. I would say my farts run abnormally hot. Yeah? Yeah. I feel like sometimes they burn me. Do you get like that when you eat garlic?

I eat a lot of raw garlic. My entire diet for like two weeks has just been lentils and broccoli, which has been just fucking me up. Oh yeah, you know what? I did have put a bunch of garlic. I made like a vegan alfreders thing. I've never heard of garlic

I've never heard of garlic making some of farm. Maybe I am. I don't know. because I'm allergic to something He's allergic to something. Do not tell me I'm fucking allergic to something. That's not going to go over well. That's such a bad idea. Yeah, you're going to come in tomorrow. He's going to have locked himself in the bedroom.

There's garlic everywhere. Garlic is gone airborne. I can't go outside. Yeah. I'll start farting if I go outside. Yeah, and there's garlic in the sauce I made. And then there's, I mean, Siziki is just mostly garlic and yogurt. No, it's mostly Siziki. That's true. I didn't think about it like that.

Half Ziki. Oh, shit. I made a vegan Siziki that's been in my fridge. I had a different thing of Siziki that I was eating. I have like a thing that big. You're obsessed with that shit, dude. It's so fucking good. It's just tangy, it's garlic-y yogurt.

Yeah, but they don't have, there, you can't just garlic-flavored yogurt. Yeah, there's no garlic-flavored yogurt. Yeah, that's a very good point. It's the perfect, it's the perfect sauce. What are you putting it on? Peter chips, French fries. You just use it as a dip? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. It's a good choice. It's better than hummus. I disagree. I replace Sisi with hummus all the time. Hummus is the bomb, dude.

I don't know. A little Sabra. I think I... And yeah, I say I like Sabra. The best hummus I don't like their hummus, but I like everything else about them. Yeah. I just support them as a brand. I buy all the hummus and I put it straight in the trash can.

I don't eat it, but I just want to make sure they get my money. So they can do whatever they want with it. I donate straight to Sabra. I have an act blue recurring donation for Sabra. Yeah. Yeah, $100 a week. Yeah. I've just been...

Last night I smoked weed, I didn't freak out. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it was very nice. What was the context? I smoked weed and I didn't freak out. Where? Am I in my room? By yourself?

Yeah. Win. It was good. Last night. No, win. That's a win. Oh, yeah. I can't tell Chris came up.

Win. accent they're the same yeah i get i get made fun of yeah i always have rightfully so no it's a normal way to talk no it's not it's normal to be from the south a lot of people are most of the world is from the south that's not true yes it is global south what no yeah no yeah no yeah no what side of my own you're on my side okay no no i'm not i'm not on kadrick he's lying to you you're on my side i'm on kaleb side no yes you are you should be on your on my side. Patrick, Patrick, come to my side. We have cookies. Oh. Yeah. Well, we have cookies and more cookies than him. Patrick, we have cookies. We have a massage chair. Uh-huh. Like one of the ones that

you put on an office chair. And we have a penis sucker. I need both of those. We have a paintball course inside the middle school. Oh, wow. Okay. And you can, and you can hit the teachers with the paintball. Really? Yeah. His side has homework. No. Yeah, you get to burn it. What? No. Yeah. We got homework and a homework bonfire. Yeah, burn after reading it and do doing it. No. And you have to do all the homework and make all the problems. That's just not true.

I get to play paintball and want to burn after reading. On my side, we just finished filming Jackass 4. Whoa. We have a preview copy of it. If you go to Caleb's side, all your hair will fall out. Oh, no. That's fine.

We have, we have hair. And Caleb thinks it's fine. It is fine. Caleb doesn't care if your hair falls out. Yeah, we have a cool wig selection. Really? Yeah. You can get a big afro.

and nobody even gets weird about it. No one will make fun of me for it. Nobody will make... No one will make fun of you. On my side, you can say whatever word you want. Whoa! Same thing here with one exception. Okay, oh, that doesn't sound too good.

Yeah, mine's better. Oh, so you want to say it? What? What word are you talking about? Yeah, which word? The N-word. Which one is that? What are you talking about?

No, that you said you said... Caleb doesn't even know what word he's talking about. You said you could say any word on your side. He don't even know what word. Here you can say every word except that one. And I'm drawing a hard line. I'm drawing a hard line in the sands. I do like rules.

This sounds like a lot of rules, Caleb. We have a nude beach and kids are allowed. You can be... Not, they can't be naked. I'm not going to go there. If you're a kid, you can come and you can watch. I'm not a kid. Yeah, you are.

I don't feel comfortable going to eat. That was my dream when I was like a teenage boy. like please a nude beach who are just like it's like 13 and up never found that. We have a teen club

where adult men are allowed in whoa I don't want to be on either that's a weird side man we have I'm gonna put in my own side we just have it

we have an original game cube I have I have a modded I have a modded we we have if anyone if anyone wants to just send me

the we component cables I might have them we will give you We will pay you for them We will let you Choose a side Choose a side Pick a side, stupid

We'll let you choose a side of your own Yeah And you get to choose between French fries You want French fries, a salad Or some beer or a kettle cooked chip You ever have a frip A frip? A frip

It's a thick chip, five chip. Robert Fripp. No. Guitarist. Oh, yeah. Robert Fripp. I don't know who that is, man. You, yeah, Caleb doesn't know who that is.

I don't care about music. He invented new standard tuning. I don't know what that means. He invented power by Kanye West. Yeah, that's true. What the heck? I'm serious. No, my God.

He's the guy that goes, da-dan-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, he's the one he goes, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. No, Swiss Beets did that. Oh, Swiss beats did that, okay. Yeah. Man. You fucking idiot.

I just got to stop drinking for a while. Yeah? I'm like... Let's unpack it. I'm so hung over. No, it's just this whole weekend, like Saturday and then Sunday. Nice. Yesterday.

And now I'm just like, I'm shooting hot gas out of me. It'll make you... It'll fuck up your stump. Yeah, I don't feel good right now. It'll fuck you up, man. Yeah, I've been... I've just been getting home. All my roommates, I'll go to bed at like 9 p.m.

and I just, like, wander into my apartment at, like, 3 a.m. every night. Just fart all over the place. Nice. And just, like, leave, like, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the sink. Nice. And then... It's normal. Fall asleep at the door open, and I'm naked.

Hell yeah. Yeah. Nice. That's how we do! I think it just got bad heartburn. Yeah? Yeah, I just ate that cookie. No.

Well, God, I'm just disintegrating. He ate a cookie in front of me. You have a cookie? He got a cookie out of his fridge and ate it right in front of me. And didn't even offer you one? It was one of those... You had a fridge cookie. Well, there was only, it was only a quarter of it left.

It was really weird that it was in the fridge. It was only a quarter of it left. It wasn't mine either. Dom's going to be pissed when she finds out I ate it. Oh, my God. She better not listen to this, too. You're going to be in the dog house tonight, buddy. I'll be in the freaking dog house.

She finds out I ate her damn cookie. I eat my dad when... You ate me your dad. I ate my dad. When my dad and my mom were like about to get divorced, that my dad would just sleep on the couch like every single night, right? And I would wake him up every day in the morning And I'd be like, what happened?

And he was like, I just fell asleep watching Seinfeld And that's why he convinced me They had a TV in the room But they convinced me that my dad liked Seinfeld so much That he had to sleep on the couch Yeah Yeah, because he would just watch it Well into the night

Nice. It's pretty awesome. I was a pretty gullible kid. Yeah. Yeah. When they first got to like separated, my dad, I just didn't see my dad for like a month And my mom was like,

I was like, hey, where the fuck's dad? And she was like, he's just cleaning the old house. Just getting it ready for the next person. I was like, damn. Dad sucks at cleaning. That's taking a long time. Get off your phone, Patrick. Sorry, my sister texted me.

I don't know. I thought something happened. Yeah, you thought something happened. I went, so, it was my nephew's brunch yesterday. Nephew's brunch. Nephew's brunch. I showed up there three hours too late. I showed up, I had that, I still had that fucked up

mullet I gave myself. Yeah. I looked, I didn't even, I didn't notice it at all. It didn't look weird. It didn't look weird. No, it looked normal. I didn't even know you cut your hair since then. Oh, well, yeah.

I just, I came home Saturday and just cut both, like I took the scissors and just cut. I think one of them, I think there's a part on this side where I cut too close. It's either this side or this side, but there's one where I cut way too close. And then I showed up at my house and my cousin, Ryan, who, who like I barely see was there and everyone was like yeah look who it is like they were all like

waiting for me to be like oh shit what's up dude and I just went yeah I was going and I just walked past him and just got a shit ton of water damn dude Ryan Zemeer you got a shit ton of water too

holy crap that's probably why you're farting so much dude you drink so much water yeah where did you find this list Patrick I found this list up for himself yeah

he was going he was gonna he was gonna use this on no there was a A thing I specifically looked up. You're going to use this on your... You're going to use this on your Xbox girlfriend. What did I... What did I?

What did I eat for breakfast? What happened last night? What did you eat for breakfast? I don't eat breakfast. That is fucking psychotic. Yeah. Say your meal ranking just so everyone can laugh at you. The meal ranking is lunch, dinner, breakfast.

You are so stupid, dude. That is the worst. That is like just completely ass backwards. It's not ass backwards It's talking about. It's breakfast, dinner, lunch. Breakfast is awesome. Lunch is fine. Lunch, for me, lunch is like...

Lunch is like... Lunch is like... I eat a... For lunch, I'll have like a protein bar. Fuck you. That's it. Yeah, I usually skip lunch. Lunch is just a fucking...

Hold up. Trying to get to dinner. No, because there... So it's like lunch, dinner, brunch, breakfast. We're not counting brunch to the brunt. You are sick in the head, dude. How am I sick in the head?

There's something mentally wrong with you. Yeah, you come home, you give yourself a fucking haircut, and you hate breakfast. You like eating, have you ever heard of a breakfast sandwich? I don't like breakfast sandwiches. Why? They're too heavy. Too heavy. You can't lift them off his plate.

What the fuck are you talking about? I don't like eating breakfast. If I eat breakfast in the morning, I'll throw up. What? I don't know why. Dude, I think you're pregnant, dude. Yeah. Think you have morning sickness?

That sounds... I don't know. I just, I can't, I can't hold down breakfast? I don't know, I can't hold down food in the morning. That's insane. You should go to the doctor. Yeah. Yeah, probably.

Yeah, you have like, you have Gerd or something, you know, you know what it probably is, is I think that I can't eat breakfast because I think that I'll throw up. You, that's what it is, it's because you're doing your, like, hypochondract thing. I'm allergic to breakfast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Well, either way. You're going to do what you did with weed and one day you're going to be like, guys, I love breakfast.

Yeah. breakfast I actually had breakfast and it was fine I didn't even it didn't even kill me I totally could I don't know just come get some breakfast with us sometimes no I every time I eat breakfast I feel like shit no you know what it is it's that I have to wake up in the morning to get breakfast oh see that's what for me I like like you're always awake at like eight though yeah you always fucking the cats wake me up okay then go to breakfast I don't know I don't know if you're you I like to stay in bed till like 11 Get up at 8 and stay in bed until 11.

You can get breakfast at 11. 11 is a perfectly normal. I got breakfast at like 10.30, do I? 10.30 is when breakfast ends. At McDonald's. Yeah, exactly. And that is the perfect time to stop serving breakfast. No.

I like a late breakfast. Well, it's all day breakfast now. Because I also, I completely skip lunch most days. I'll eat a late breakfast. How do you skip? Yeah, I'll skip lunch sometimes. Skip lunch, eat an apple. Yeah, exactly.

Good lunch. What do you is like a good lunch, though? A good lunch is like a sandwich. What kind of sandwich? Like roast beef? Roast beef. Or like a French dip. But breakfast is too heavy.

But I can do a fridge dip, which needs a ju to make it fucking go down. Like you're doing a hot dog eating contest. So, French dips are great. Breakfast sandwiches are great, dude. Breakfast, yeah, I like a locks bagel sandwich. I'll eat that. I don't like, I like breakfast if it tastes like lunch. You are just a, you're a mom.

I'm not a monster. You're like Michael Jackson, dude. No. Yeah, you're a monster. No. He was not... He was never technically proven guilty. Yeah, you know who else hated breakfast?

Who? Mr. Pedophile. Yeah. And Dr. Dr. Dr. James? Dr. James. Dr. Jimmy Savil. Dr. Rapist was a... He hated breakfast. Now, I'm not saying anything about you, but Professor Racism thought breakfast was... No.

He thought breakfast was... for them. Yeah. Yeah. So I just want that to... Wait, why would breakfast being for them be a bad thing?

Well, I mean, I'm saying that's what he thought. That's what he didn't eat breakfast. So I'm saying, I'm not saying that that's what you think. Yeah. But that's someone who doesn't eat breakfast often.

They might be racist. They might be a pedophile. They might be... Yeah, I heard Hitler never ate breakfast. Hitler ate breakfast and his career. No, he didn't. Yeah, he ate fucking German. He ate little strusels.

No, he didn't. He actually banned strucells. That's why there's... There are no, you, okay, hold up. Toster strudel. Try to find a strudel. Hold up. Hold up.

Yeah. If I had, like, Toaster strudel, I would eat Toaster strudel for breakfast. So you like dessert. Dessert? So for you, it goes, it goes lunch, dinner, dessert breakfast. Well, I hate dessert. You hate dessert? Yeah, I don't like sweets.

You just ate a cookie for right in front of me. This is like the first time watching the Matrix. It wasn't even your cookie. You stole a cookie to eat it. So a food, so now we're, now we're, now we're, now we're, now we're, now we're, Introducing a new category, which is there's food, and then there's food that is around. And, yeah. So where does food that is around rank in your ranking?

Oh, I don't care about it. No. No? Food that is around does not count. What? That's still food. It's food, yeah. That's a meal.

It's not lunch or dinner or anything. That's just like getting you. It's snacks. Yeah, it's snacks. Okay, so where do you rank snacks? Oh, snacks is better than lunch. Oh, my God. So you rather, if I called you up in the morning, and I say, hey, do you want to get breakfast?

You say, no, sorry, I hate breakfast. I say, do you want to get some snacks? You'd say, yeah. You would jump, you'd leap out of bed, like, fucking, uh, snacks can be anything, too. It's just like lunch. Lunch can't be anything, dude. You could get breakfast for lunch. You can't eat oatmeal for lunch.

Yeah, you can. No, you can. No, you could. Yeah, that's just, you could. It's not a good decision, but you could. Oatmeal for lunch. Okay, then, you can eat anything for breakfast, too. You could eat anything.

at any time of the day. You can eat a tuna sandwich for breakfast. Yeah, you could. You probably do. But you wouldn't like that because it's in the morning. Because it's breakfast, yeah. Do you like eggs? No, I barely like eggs. Okay, all right. I only like scrambled eggs. Okay, never mind. I was going to say this absolves you.

Or the McRiddle eggs. Okay, so that's two kind of eggs that you're fine with. Do you like bacon? If it's in a sandwich. I'm going to leave, dude. This is completely insane. I feel like you dosed me with something. this is so crazy to talk to you about breakfast what it's not it's i just i just don't like breakfast you're

an alien dude you're not from planet earth you're from you're from planet lunch too you're an alien from planet lunch so and that's not good that's good it's not lunch is good hot dog hot dog hot dog hot dog is god you like a fucking a wet dog hot dog no like if i could if i could eat a chicago style dog every day for lunch. That would be the dream. That's insane, dude. Your breath would smell so bad. It would, but I would be...

If I could eat breakfast for every meal, I probably would. Why would you? The cheapest meal. Cheapest? And just like, I like it. I can eat eggs every meal. If I could eat... If I could eat, okay. If I could eat pussy every meal, baby.

Just sandwiches. Just like... Just a good sandwiches. Just a sandwich... Your whole diet is different sandwiches. Yeah. So what's the opening? The best sandwich?

The opening sandwich. Like, you wake up, you go, you head to the fridge, you take out your sourdough loaf. Mm-hmm. What are you putting me in between those pieces? Probably just cheese. Probably just going to make a grilled cheese. Grilled cheese for breakfast. Mm-hmm.

What's that? You literally, you live the life of fucking Tom Hanks and big. You just wake up and you eat grilled cheese and you play with your toy cars. What is wrong with that? Grilled cheese for breakfast? What's wrong with that? Yeah, it's like, it's cheese and toast. It's a baby meal.

Yeah. No. Yeah. Grilled cheese is a child's meal. No, not if you use, like, different cheeses. So you think if you do more than one cheese, that's an adult meal. Yeah, but if you do, if you do one slice of American cheese, that's a baby meal. If any meal is just mac and cheese or grilled cheese, both baby meals.

No, not if you bake the mac and cheese. Baked mac and cheese is not a baby meal. I'll go right. Baked mac and cheese is a side. That is not a baby meal. That is not a main dish. No, you could have it for a main dish. I wouldn't.

You could just throw some, like, pulled pork or bacon in it, and then it's a fucking meal. No, that's a fucking experiment. That's an epic meal time. Lobster mac and cheese, I will never eat in my life. It's good, but I hate it as a concept. It smells so bad. Yeah. It's cheese and fish.

It's disgusting, but I like it. Cheese and fish are, there's a reason God put those two things on opposite ends of the world. Like opposite elevations. Yeah. They should never meet. Cheese comes from the tops and out of the world. It comes from goats, which live on top of mountains, and fish actually come from the bottom of the earth. Bottom of the mountain.

Yeah, the bottom of the mountain. They're inside of the earth. Yeah. I don't like... Filet of fish, what about that? What do you... Because cheese and fish shouldn't meet, but sometimes the filet of fish do be hidden. The filet fish...

They have the perfect amount of cheese on it. One piece. It's half a slice. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't even cover the corners. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Filet of fish, I say, is the exception.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I agree. So you wake up, you eat a grilled cheese. What's the lunch sandwich? Goldfish? Goldfish? Because that's cheese and fish. I don't think it is. That's cheese and fish. They use that with real goldfish to make it. Well, they use a goldfish mold, which is pattered that after a real goldfish. They used the real goldfish that they caught. They put real goldfish inside. I hope not. They do. Yeah. Me too. They do.

The second, okay. The second launch. This Italian job from 7-Eleven. Solid choice. That's your choice, though? I mean, in your ideal sandwich. No, no, okay, you couldn't eat sandwiches all day. That's what you said you could do.

I said if I could. I'm just thinking. You can. Oh, okay. So now I have the ability to eat sandwiches. Okay. Then I'm changing it from grilled cheese. I thought I was trying to time everything out.

Not so that I don't feel sick. So now sandwiches make you see. sick so you're no i just get heartburn very bad it doesn't give you heartburn is a brittle cheese breakfast i feel like breakfast gives me heartburn the worst just because of how greasy everything is like a good breakfast just has a shit ton of grease in it like hash brown that's true yeah i'll give you that i think it's a grease problem for me so like it's bacon and like eggs and it's all cooked in the same grease dipping fries and satsiki sauce what what's wrong with that fucking what's wrong with that

That's a pretty greasy meal, I would say. Oh, yeah, but that's at the end of the day. I can take fucking heartburn medication. You can't do that in the morning. No, I could, but it's just annoying because then I have to spend the rest of my day with heartburn. One day when you die in like a car accident or like a sandwich accident, they're going to cut your brain open and all of our questions will be answered. There will be some growth in like some point. part of your brain, and the doctors will explain it to me and Cameron, and we'll be like,

oh, that was why he was completely crazy. Hold up. I gotta get a fucking... I gotta get a Tums. Damn, just having the conversation. You said grilled cheese for breakfast, and that did make me feel bad. My body started slowing down. I feel like I'm in bullet time right now.

Patrick picked a list from the Odyssey Online today. So for those who are unaware of The Odyssey I did What's the Odyssey? Do you guys know about it? It's like Medium. Oh, okay. It's like medium, but you get like, if your thing gets to the top of the page, you get like 20 bucks. Whoa.

Yeah, it's just you post your writing. It's Articles' website. It's Articles' website. I love Articles' website. Yeah. Medium, Reddit, uh, Bid, Myspace. I knew someone in high school who said that they were like, yeah, you know, I just got this writing gig. and it was the fucking Odyssey.

Oh, my God. That's sick, dude. So that's like, who is on here? This is a list that Patrick found when he was Googling actually the exact title of this list. 20 pickup lines for the college gentleman for online and in person. Another thing about the Odyssey, it's like for college kids. So these are college students writing it. Like a lot of the articles will have like the author's name and then like what university?

they go to. Oh, gotcha. This is drinking your water right now. The subtitle of this list is... Oh, that's Cameron's water. My water's empty, isn't it? No, you have a little bit of water. I guess it's...

The subtitle of the list is, Thank you, Almighty Gods of Tinder. I am not worthy. And then it's a picture of a guy and a girl hugging on a beach and the guy has wine, but the girl looks... A guy and a girl? What?

A guy and a girl? What? Oh, you're right. What are you talking about? You just said a guy and a girl. I just was surprised. I don't know. Keep fucking talking.

What am I supposed to talk about? Shut the fuck up, dude. What were you reading? I wasn't reading anything. I was talking about a picture. Oh. I said it's a picture of a guy and a girl. He missed a bottle of wine.

I said he has a glass of wine. And then you went, a guy, I did? He missed it. There's a, go on. And then what I was going to say after that is that the girl. is that the girl is holding like a tumbleweed or something. Hey, Patrick, will you shut up about your cat? He's in, he's just drinking water.

He's drinking out of a cup. That's fine. Dude, he's, that's okay. He is head fits. Yeah. Well, you want to describe the picture? See the thing that I was saying when Patrick and you would interrupt to me? It's a beautiful Italian couple drinking a nice pino grigio.

Nice, and she's feeling his, she's feeling on his pino grigio, you know what I'm saying. And he has a hair, he has hair poking out of the back. He has like a bush. Yeah, it's like a tumble. weed. Yeah. That's like he's holding wine and she's holding a tumbleweed. She's got that Jordy Varel thing.

She's a cowboy. She touched a, she touched a meteor right now. She's growing graphs on her. I don't know what you're talking about. Creep Show? It's like that. You got seen Creep Show?

Yeah, no, I do know that. I knew you fucking knew that, Cameron. Yeah, well, I didn't know. I didn't know it the way you said it. Once you said Creep Show, I knew what it was, but you were like, it's like, blah, blah, blah. I said, Jordie Verrell, the name of the fucking thing. I think the whole breakfast conversation got us heated up

and we need to relax. Yeah, I think we're all a little prickly about the breakfast stuff still. So let's focus on the job at hand. It's a typical Saturday night, and you're going out on the town to grab some food and maybe some drinks. So you start walking into Kilroy's or chilies

to make your tummy happy. And the moment you get in, you see this gorgeous specimen sitting at the bar alone. That sounds like... Some specimen. Yeah, like some... Yeah, a giant booger.

Specimen. Damn. What's up, specimen? Damn, you want fine-ass specimen. There are other girls in the room, but you feel this special force that attracts you to her that you've never felt before.

You just feel like you've got to make a move or you're going to regret it for the rest of your life, but you don't know what to say and you're hesitating. The time is ticking, and you see other dudes getting ready to make their move

to make an impression on the lady. It's now or never. Yeah, the guys at Chili's, they're like hyenas, dude. They just circle specimens. If you're a guy and you're at Chili's, It's like you get sprayed with horny juice as soon as you walk through the door.

You're going in there. You're barking at women like a dog. I'm at Chili's looking for specimens. You're just sitting down. I'm barking at some specimens. Yeah, after this, I'm going to go to Chili's and find those specimens. Hey. Yeah.

Hey! Hey! Hey! And what's some specimen? I'm going to experiment on you. Mm. And then she starts to walk away and you go, Hey, right.

Right. I'm back here. Hey! Like, one. Horgaritas. Two. When I get to five, two and a half. Well, in simpler times, brute force, wealth,

or just plain physical attributes may have helped others score some points. Yeah, that's a weird... That's a weird inclusion, I'll say. And win their potential dates heart. However, in today's sophisticated society, just having a cute face or good body doesn't cut it anymore. Nowadays, you've got to be clever with your words and funny on top of other attributes. Yeah, nowadays you have to be funny.

Yeah, Jim and Pam ruined that for every guy. Guys used to be able to be so stupid and unfunny. You used to be Roy, now you've got to be Jim. I know, yeah. But then the real fuckers, they're Michael Scott. That's right. Yeah, the real-ass players are Michael. The real players become Date Mike.

Yeah. And for science, what, did you drool on my computer? What the fuck is this? Water droplet. And for science, I've been compiling the best. field-tested up-to-date pickup lines that can help you pick up girls that you like instantly. So let's get to it.

It starts with online dating pick up lines. We got to use these to pick each other up. Yeah. I'm going to pick up. I'm going to pick you guys up right now. Okay, number one. Who wants to get picked up? Just say it. Just say it to one of us.

Patrick, you're that kind of person I would catch your eye contact with on the bus and never have the confidence to say, hi two so hi how's that did I pick you up if someone said that to me I would shoot them can you imagine thinking that

can you imagine just anyone talking to anyone on the bus that you don't know right like just like introducing yourself to someone on the bus also that's like nice to meet you I'm Mr. Vanilla penis my name's Gilroy penis my name is penis penis and I am the bus driver My name's penis, penis, penis, I'm taking you all to Chenery Middle School.

Let's go. I'm the bus driver today. The other bus driver's sick. Bruce Bruce is out sick. That's my middle school. I'm his cousin, penis penis penis penis penis, you went to Chenery? Yeah. Nice.

Oh, really? Yeah. See, it's just a school I know of. Oh, okay. Why do you know of a middle school? Yeah, what's up with that? Yeah. They talk about, everybody is obsessed with the schools around here.

Yeah. And the rankings of the schools. It's a very competitive. My dad went there. I don't know. I'm not from fucking Brookline. Damn. Damn.

Damn. All right. Caleb. Caleb, I was so happy I matched you that I tried to tell a random lady at the bus stop about it. What is with this guy in the fucking bus? Can you let me spend it to fucking pick up?

He's trying to pick me up. I want to have sex. I want to have sex so bad. You're fucking it up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ruining it. Are you done? I just...

And if you say, something about what your cat is doing while he's in the middle of picking me up, I'm gonna fuck you. Okay. Okay? All right. I'm just, shut up. I was so happy I matched you that I tried to tell a random lady at the bus stop about it. She was not amused. That's it? That's it. What? He's obsessed with the fucking bus. Why is he obsessed with the bus? He's the bus driver. I thought of all these while I was driving the bus. I was using a bus. I was using. I was using, Tinder on my phone on the bus. As people tried to put their money in the

machine, he was throwing these at him. Yeah. The second, all right. Number three is which you're on. I've had a crush on you for two hours. That is one of the most all-time pickup lines. Going up to someone at a bar, like right as they walk in. I have had a crush on you for two hours.

I saw you at the bus stop. No, I'm here. Say something cool. Say something cool. and then in quotes Something cool This guy's random as fucking shit Wait this next one's my favorite one

Okay All right Patrick You have matched with a weirdo Please press one To continue the weirdness And potentially get married Press two to adopt a snow leopard

That shit is weird That is some weirdo Random shit Can you imagine your first message On Tinder being like Hey press one to maybe get married to me Yeah

there's like just this type of guy is just so like a real Patrick no yeah no yeah were these helpful by the way to pick up college age girls are they helpful for you no I didn't write this oh so do they what about younger girls do they work on them I don't know you wrote the list

I did not write the list I was asking I asked you a yes or no question do these pick up lines work on high school aged girls no they don't Gotcha! Damn. Yeah, do your parents know you're a pedophile? What? You know that?

Do you guys are still mad at me over the breakfast thing? Yeah, I'm sorry. Look at this. Look what you're not getting. Oh, my God. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Nope. Please, oh my God.

You don't get this. Patrick pulled out his penis. Look what you're not getting. My pee, please, please, please. Number six. You must be a small amount of red phosphorus on a wooden stick because we're a match. Fuck you. Well, yeah, you mad.

Fuck you. Shut up. That's pretty good. Please, I will do anything for it. Take it, take the pedophile thing back. You're not a pedophile. I'm serious. You're, I can see you crossing your fingers.

My fingers are not crossed. You're crossing your fingers behind your back. Please, please, please, please. He's crossing his eyelids, dude. You have a drug that I'm addicted to. Can I use it? Don't, he blew a, he blew a smoke cloud that said no. Win.

Oh, I caught it. Go, Patrick read number seven or something. If I had a penny for every person that swiped right on me, I'd have 46. Damn. The most important thing is, I'd spend it all on you. You're worth 46 cents. That's all I'm... Hey, bitch, you're a couple of pennies.

Yeah, bitch, yeah. You're worth two Ed, Ed and Eddie Jawbreakers. Not even. Yeah. You're worth, like... What was it? They just wanted a quarter? Yeah.

It's so funny. Those kids did so much for a quarter. Damn. They would spend all episode trying to get a quarter. And they never got even... The jawbreakers were too big, too. Let me just say. That's the other thing.

If there's a job breaker that big, it would cost $1,000. Yeah. You know? But they got it. You'd be looking that thing until you die. You might look it until you die. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And how do they fit it? You couldn't even do some Mr. Owl shit. Because they are in purgatory. You think they're in... Oh, yeah. Is that a fan theory? I love those, dude.

The Rugrats is all inside of Charles Manson's head or whatever. Yeah. That's good. SpongeBob is the... SpongeBob is actually germs on top of Hitler's mustache. Well, what I heard actually, SpongeBob is... He lives under the seat. Bikini Bottom is like basically like the atoll where they tried all the nuclear bombs out at.

Yeah. And it made everything alive. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's actually that SpongeBob, all the characters are the seven deadly sins. you have SpongeBob was gay Gay.

Mr. Crabs is Rich Patrick is stupid Squidward asshole Yeah Squidward's also Sandy Cheeks woman

Most of them were Most of the characters on SpongeBob were gay Yeah The only one who is confirmed Not gay is plankton Because he has a computer wife Well no that's pretty gay

Yeah That's why my cousins weren't allowed to watch SpongeBob Because it was too gay. I mean, how many levers and joysticks? Yeah. You think the computer has levers and joysticks. And you know what those are.

So does a guy. Joystick look like a peepy. Yeah. Yeah, guys have leather. Leathers. Guys have a really thin stick. Guys have like a two inch lever on them. Two inch lever with a big red circle at the top.

Yeah. And with the Rudolph nose. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, yeah, I watch TV and I get a red penis. when it's after 11 p.m. and they play the Girls Gone Wild. When you go channel 206.

When I accidentally flipped to an extends commercial. Oh. And they show the hot girl. It's curtains for my penis. Yeah. Dude, it shoots off me like a Roman candle. That's a good pickup line. Yeah. When I saw you.

Damn specimen. It's curtains from my penis. The eighth part is, thank you almighty gods of tender. I am not worthy Imagine being a woman And getting these messages Imagine being a woman And nevertheless she persists You know what I mean

Even with all these freaks and creeps online Yeah Imagine being SpongeBob on a dating website And what you'd, I mean it's You know you probably wouldn't get any swipes No tons of No A lot of people would try to fuck him for the clout

Yeah Yeah Oh I fuck SpongeBob for the clout Yeah yeah yeah what did you do how was

how was spring break you'll never believe what happened I went to a bikini bottom and I fucked SpongeBob yeah he's actually very down to earth

when you meet him yeah he's actually way cooler he's a psycho on the show but when you meet him he's just kind of chill the money like never changed him yeah

he's still he still lives in that same pineapple yeah now we're moving to IRL date pickup lines. I feel like these ones are going to be way worse.

Oh, they'll be so much worse. He's got a picture of Michael Sarah right there. Yeah. Who it's Scott Pilgrim. Ooh. That's a yikes from me. You've been awarded one yike. Don't they know that Scott Pilgrim, uh...

You're not supposed to idolize these characters. You're not supposed to idolize a character because in the movie he, uh, he lives with a gay guy. He also does kung fu. And he does kung fu, which is racist. Which is racist. And he plays dance dance revolution. Yeah, which is. He's also racist.

Yeah. There's also racist, I'm told, by Patrick. Patrick tells me that pretty often. Yeah. Is that it racist to play Dance Dance Revolution? Yeah. I go to Dave and Busters and I stand there and I protest Dance Dance Revolution. Yeah.

I stand there with a sign. Because there's no white avatars in the game. Yeah. It's great. Dance Dance Revolution is racist against white people because the characters are a shadow. There's not a guy who looks like me. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It looks like my shadow. Yeah. I knew a kid who lost like a hundred pounds playing dance dance revolution really yeah that's racist it was very racist he is racist yeah I'm gonna put him in jail he should go to jail for that I just thought I mean just what a good it's that's like the silliest way to lose weight yeah

yeah and it doesn't it doesn't make you like you doesn't make you good at dancing it just makes you really good at dance dance revolution right you know what I mean you have to if you want to go dance somewhere you have to imagine the triangle Dancing, like dance dance revolution Walking into the club, like Yeah, dressed like night at the Roxbury And just fucking Just dancing in a perfect square

Just putting your feet like Yeah Holding on to two bars You bring a walker Then you just start beasting on the ground Only moving your feet Just breathing super super heavy In your date's face

Yeah I'm gonna do that Yeah, that's my pickup line The IRL, the first IRL Pickup line is if you had to binge watch a show for a few days, what would you go with? What? That's that.

That's your first, that's your opening line? You're supposed to say something sexual. Yeah. You know? If you had to binge suck my penis for a few days, would you want to suck my penis and balls? That's true. And then you hand her like a note in class.

It's like circle yes or no. You say that out loud, then hand her a note. And then you walk away because you're too, you can't handle the rejection that might happen. And the bartender says, what's that note? Do you want to read the whole bar? What's on that note? The next one is...

He sees him slipping something into the girl's drink. He's like, oh, oh, do you have enough to share with the rest of the bar? Number 10, what film can you quote all day, every day? Probably elf. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Santa. Yeah, I know tons of elf quotes. We wish you a Merry Christmas.

We wish you a Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Dad. Yeah. Yeah. What other else is Elf? I'm Will Ferrell. I'm elf.

Hey. Hey, bitch. Hey, are you doing? I'm Will Ferrell. I'm a Will Ferrell. New York, the Big Apple. Oh, John Favre. That's my Elfiel.

That's my Elfiel. Oh, I'll do it. It's been John Favro. Forget he's in that movie. He's a doctor. He's also the director. He's also the director. The doctor of the movie.

The doctor. That is the doctor in film. The film doctor. Number 11 is I wish I was cross-eyed so I could see you twice. But he is completely cross-bid. He doesn't realize it. Damn, I wish I had fucked up eyes. Yeah.

Because I fucking... His eyes are crossed outward. Yeah. He's looking at two different girls on either side of her. I want to see the world one little bit at a time. Where do you think I should see next? What's the... Imagine someone going up to you

and just fucking saying that? These all sound like... They're like pit bull lines. Yeah. We'll take you worldwide. Dolly, I want to see the world. Which part should I see next? What do you want her...

You want her to say... The dreams and area, she's like, my vagina and my body. Yeah. My pussy hole. Yeah, the bathroom. You want to see... Yeah, the bathroom with my boobs in it. Yeah, they have a bathroom with boobs.

They should have a glory hole that's two cutouts for boobs. Mm-hmm. So you put the boobs in the hole? Boops through the hole. Pretty cool. And then guys can look. You go in to give it a thumbs up. You're not allowed to touch.

It's a sign that says no touching. There's like a six-layer sheet of bulletproof class. Yeah. So you can't shoot the boobs either. You can't shoot the boobs. People go in there, they get scared of the boobs. So scared that they try to shoot them. They're terrifying.

Number 13. we should go out otherwise my friends will never believe me what is that yeah what does that what does that mean number 14 if i can guess the first two digits of your mobile phone number you have to fill in the rest deal hint this is hint this is this hint is not you'll say this but he says hint it's most likely going to be zero one seven what what are you talking is that just like the area code where he lives yeah he thinks all phone numbers start with that yeah all phone number is pretty much stuck because he's just been stuck in Albany

his whole life at the Chili's. Yeah, your mobile phone number. That's, can you also, yeah, like, if I have your mobile phone? Can I guess your mobile phone number? You know what? Shoot.

Go for it. Line one. Nine one. One. Number 15, let's meet up. Worst case scenario, you have a laugh and a free drink. I don't know if that's the worst.

Yeah, I don't think that's the worst. case scenario is a much worst case scenario my dad um i guess he said this to my mom once he said uh hey do you want to go to you want to go to my place and fuck and have pizza and then my he said what's the matter you don't like pizza because she said no no now they're married now they're married a long time and have a bunch of kids yeah because he said he said what's the matter you don't like pizza and she was like oh i guess that's a really good point All right, I do like pizza. Okay, I guess I do like pizza.

Yeah. You have a point there. And then he made her pregnant. He filled her up with pizza. Oh, God. That's your mom, dude. Leave that to me, man. I'm just to say shit like that.

Don't ever say fill your own mom up. You're disgusting, dude. What the fuck? It's not gross. It is, yeah. That's objectively gross, don't. He's just gross. No, it's a fake.

Unless he's your stepmom, then that's awesome. Yeah. your Chinese stepmom You could never fill up a woman with pizza Not even your mom Fill her up Like how much How much pizza could your girl hold

This bitch Full of a gallon of pizza Yeah my bitch can hold two tombstones Or the pizza And I'll save it for later Yeah Yeah The next one is

Do you eat or drink because I think we should do one of those things together soon do you eat or drink you're a big fat guy a slobbery do you eat or drink

and do you know where I can go to eat or drink do you like lunch from space balls I wonder what this guy looks like there's a picture of my thing there is let's yeah that was Michael Sarah

it was at the beginning it's him and his new girlfriend that he got John F. Kim. Oh, okay. Whoa, you click on his name. It downloads as an HTML page. Oh, he's kind of good looking.

He has two articles, the two very big articles. It's this one and a very personal letter to Donald Trump. To Mr. Trump. Why guys sometimes prefer video games. Why I would still wear my high school. Our society's impending doom. If you could share your mind with, Firearms are still in necessity despite

The huge mistakes of Colin Kaepernick Oh my God The psychology behind sexual How climate change has affected The simple thought process that explains And there's a photo of a minion So it must be the minions Yeah, this guy's cool

He has one follower Damn I'm about to have four Ballin He's about to have four followers Once we're done with them He does have four followers No, that was...

She has four followers. God damn it, man. The world is literally begging for me and you to go conquer it. How about this weekend? Damn. That sounds fucking psycho. Do you want to conquer the world?

Would you like to conquer the world? I would like to conquer something with you. Let's go be Jenghis Khan. Yeah. Let's go put ourselves into the gene pool. Let's go be wrath of Khan. Yeah, let's go be... Let's go be Ricardo Multibon.

Yeah. Let's fucking go. Yeah. You've clearly got great. taste. No any good restaurants? This just sounds like you're like talking to like your friend's mom. Yeah, you know.

I would not tell my friend's mom. She has great taste. Me neither. You clearly have great taste in kids' friends because I'm here, bitch. Do you like any restaurants? Oh, he has the disclaimer at the end. Should have put this at the middle in the beginning, dude. The middle and the beginning.

It says in an IRL situation, just saying these lines would be weird. Therefore, make sure you go up to them and introduce yourself first. then use these pickup lines to start and carry on interesting conversations. Okay, I want to point out that the next, the last two, have, both of them have the word shall in them. Yeah. They both say, shall we? The first one is, I would love to be the reason you delete dating apps forever. Oh, my gosh.

Shall we have a drink this weekend? And then the next one is, shall we flip a coin? Heads, you go out with me, tails, I go out with you. See, that one's at least recognizable as, like, a pickup line. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Shall we?

Shall we? The rest of these are... Just going up to a girl going, shall we? Shall we? All of these read like a bat, like you took a pickup line and translated it to Chinese

and then translated it back. Yeah. Yeah. Is that the end of them? I guess that's the end of them. Let's see what else this guy has on here. Oh, well, we are... Well, we should definitely look at...

I just want to look at guns being in necessity. Yeah. Yeah. Let me get back to that. Cameron has to hack the page. Yeah. Cameron has to go to the... hackertyper.com.

Which one do you want to click on? Let's do firearms or a necessity despite... This is just going to be an article. Yeah, but what does it say? Despite what happened in Las Vegas. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Despite what happened in Las Vegas.

Damn, he's on some... He's going paddock mode. Oh, damn. It has firearm death stats. Cool. It's just a long article. So how did it so this website... The huge mistakes of Colin Kaepernick.

Which one? what mistakes did he make um let's see here i guess that's what the article's saying however when he said the following he crossed the line i have great respect for the men and women that have fought for this country and that's it that he crossed a fucking line in the sand buddy don't you ever respect the psychology behind sexual assault uh shut up john i like him he's cool i just think he's a good It's a Texas origin, Indiana country boy who likes to write and share ideas. What is his personal letter to Trump? To Mr. Trump.

Dear Trump. For this Christmas, I would like a Sega game. Sir, if you don't mind, I'm going to cut to the chase. We are ruining the country we love and adore. Whoa, dude. He's taking him down. Yeah. This article has a whole 163 views.

Badass. I wonder if he's made any money off of this stuff. Awesome. hopefully he deserves it for the other one search go to odyssey search search meal rankings okay look up lunch I'm gonna send a search meal rankings

we're not going to look up lunch why just look up because lunch you would be like the yeah exactly we're trying to be we're trying to be agnostic here let's see vegetarian meals ranked by my bacon loving dad whoa

I'm not seeing any meal rankings here. 45 Disney dogs ranked from the worst to the good this, no. Yeah. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day for students.

Click on it. No, fuck you. You guys said we couldn't look up lunch. It's the most important meal of the day. I didn't look up. We couldn't look up lunch, but... It starts your day off on the right foot. It improves memory and concentration and increases energy.

That's why you're stupid. Three reasons. So give us the reasons why lunch is good. Lunch is good because you can get a sandwich. You keep going back to the sandwich. A burger? It's a different kind of sandwich.

You could get a salad. Basically, you could, if you, if you want dinner for lunch, go ahead. Do you want breakfast for lunch? Go ahead. You can't eat dinner for breakfast. So it sounds like you just like, well, first of all, you can't, you, boy, you were saying, you wanted to eat a grilled cheese for breakfast and you say you can't eat dinner for breakfast.

You just, you just like food and you think that you can only eat any food in the middle of the day. Yeah. Once you break out of society's cage and you realize that you can eat any food you want at any time of day, you are going to love breakfast. Patrick was trained his whole life because he had a feeding time of one o'clock when they would fill up his trough of slop and big pink slop. I did not eat big pink slop. You did, man. You would eat a chunky, I eat regular slop.

No, you like pink slop, which is girl slop. No, because once you blend all the shit together, it becomes brown. No, but you would get specifically pink slop because you like to do girl slop. stuff and girls are a pink color and you like to eat pink slop no yeah and i don't know what to tell you why would how would the how did they make the slop pink first of all it just comes out that way yeah because they they put a it's because girls make it and the yeah pink comes off of their skin and it comes off of their makeup yeah and it and it goes it falls into the slop and then you eat it at home and you eat it in a big you need it in a big bowl and you put it on your face like

it's makeup you're right you didn't in a trough i don't eat slop in a trough eat it slop in a trough like a urinal at a NASCAR event. No. Yeah, and you pee in the big trough. When Patrick goes to a NASCAR event, he sees the trough and he sticks his mouth and it eats up all the ice and all the water. And ice? Yeah.

Why did they do that? It's funny. I will admit, peeing on ice. We should go to a NASCAR race. Yeah? We should go to the one. Did you see Trump flying Air Force One over the NASCAR? That's pimp.

That was sick. Yeah. It sucks. That's cool. So cool, dude. NASCAR, why don't they call it Fast Car? By Tracy Chapman. You got a fast car.

You know, it's fast. Patrick likes music by people named Tracy. Yeah, that's like the pink slopper of music. Do you guys know that's a black woman? I don't even know what you're talking about. Tracy Chapman, Fast Car? I had never heard that. I thought it was a white guy until like three years ago.

Yeah. Did you know Banana Pancakes? That's a black woman, too. No. Yeah, it is. I thought Tracy Chapman was a white guy. No. Did you know Ashton Coucher's a black woman?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, man. Do you know Caleb is a black woman? Mm-hmm. You did know that? Yeah, I did know that? How did you know that? Because it's not true.

Mm-hmm. Dude, you just say yes to anything? Oh, but did you, you know, you know that song? You know, Bobby Caldwell? No. What you don't do or what you do for low. No. No music you have ever listened to.

I've heard. No. Yeah. Well, that guy is, that's a white guy. Well, that's like, I guess you wonder what I've been. I bet you, when you get into a bar with a touchtoons, I bet you go fucking crazy.

Yeah, I did once. I bet you fucking... We did at that pool place in Sherman Oaks. Yeah, you loaded up, you loaded up with like $15. Yeah, you spent so much money on that. That was $10. That wasn't that bad. No, you spent more than $10.

No, I spent $10. Yeah, you spent more than $10. I remember that. You spent $180. No. You spent $300 and then we had to buy your plane ticket back. Yeah. no yeah you did you did not buy my plane ticket back you actually sold your plane ticket in order

to spend more money on the touch tunes i wanted to listen to sabbath while i was there because i felt like playing pool and listening to black sabbath was very cool it is not it was cool it wasn't we listened to sweet leaf that's a great song i've never i couldn't tell you a single black sabb's song iron man that's a movie iron man's a movie of robert denny junior they play the song in it when when he goes when he suits up. Yeah, sing the song then. No.

See, it's not a real song. I've already, I've already sang too much on the podcast. You're right. You're going to give away your voice. Yeah. Yeah. I need to practice later. Patrick Secretly has an unbelievable singing voice, but he has to save it because he's going

on American Idol next week. Yep. That's right. And let me tell you what, buddy, you're going to Hollywood. I actually... I've been waiting for them to say that to me for so long. I got you pre-vetted with the judges. Yeah.

Simon? Simon said you're there. Simon's not there anymore. Simon's going, he's coming. He's coming this week. You know, it's on ABC now? He's going to look at you, man. He's going to look at you bad. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He's going to give you, he's going to, he's going to go Gordon Ramsey on those, on that ass. Yeah. Gonna go fucking. With his, with his new, like, Botox.

Yeah, with his big, with his chatterbox teeth. Yeah. His big chatterbox teeth and his eyes that go down. He's sunken in eyes. Yeah. Yeah, he looks like a corpse. Yeah. He looks like the bye-bye man. because he's constantly saying bye-bye to bad contestants yeah bye bye bye bye bye bye there was one i remember no no you get off my fucking steak he fucking owns yeah simon bowels he was so mean compared to randy and paula paula was too nice randy too cool

simon just right no simon was too mean but when they would have like a guest judge like Christina Aguilera or Stephen Tyler Or Stephen Aguilera Those two Honestly if I had to get a blowjob for one of them I don't know which one I would choose Christine Aguilera or Stephen Tyler Probably choose Randy just because he seems nice

I would just imagine he was live Do you guys know Tyler Stevens? No I had made him up How was he doing? I went to high school with a Tyler Stevens Really? I made her he didn't I made him up

I just said I made him up So you couldn't have gone to high school with them. Oh, okay. So the judges for the new American Idol is Katie Perry, Luke Bryan, and Lionel Richie, and also someone named Bobby Bones

is the in-house mentor. Remember the fuck Bobby Boney Bones? Yeah. Yeah, Ren and Stimpy are the new judges. That would be sick. They would fuck it up so bad. Oh, my God. They would make everyone sing happy, happy joy joy. Yeah, yeah. They would

put the log on them. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, that would say a mummified bog man. Mammified bog man. A mummified bog man? A mona-nina, I know, man. E non-n-no, non-in-no. All right, we ran out of the list, so we're going to go. Yeah.

Wait, we have to read. Do we have any new patrons? I don't know if we have anyone new on Patreon. I think we got. Oh, I have a, if you're listening to this today, and you live in Boston, me and Tom O'Shea are doing a roast battle tomorrow, laugh. Oh, yeah, that's tonight tech. Well, it's tomorrow night. Yeah, so it's tomorrow night, the 20th.

So is it tomorrow night today? No, no, I know what, just shut up. Tomorrow night, if you're listening to this, the day it comes out, it is tomorrow night at Laughboston. Say the date. But if you're listening to it. I just did, the 20th. If you're listening to it, the day after it comes out, it's tonight.

Sure, yeah. And if you're listening to it two days later, it was yesterday. And three days later, it was two days ago. And we could keep going forever. Yeah. It's called the president, because every. day is a gift. That's true. No, yeah. But, uh, come see it.

It'll be very fun. Former guest, Tom O'Shea. Yeah. Um, we're gonna, we're gonna rip into each other and rail each other and rip into each other. We have, uh, one new patron, John Duggan. John Duggan. Dugan. Duggan. I think he's Dugan. Duggan. Duggan. I have just subscribed. John Duggan, Duggan. Josh Dugger. Do you guys remember the movie Dugal? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. John Stewart's in that movie.

Thanks for remembering it. Huh? John Stewart is in Dougal. Yeah, he's Dougal. No, he plays the villain. John Stewart? Yeah. Dougal's the villain.

He's the villain. He's the villain. He's my dad's villain.