Podcast About List - Ep. 89 - Ted Paul

Episode Date: February 26, 2020

in which caleb can confirm, with not so much pride, that his penis is really small, it is only 5 centimeters   www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. Podcasts to the mob list. You're any crap monster. Patrick is so penis-starved that when he looks at anything, it morphs into a penis in front of his eyes. Like a starving... Oh, the shark and the penis fish are friends. I'm recorded, so I could say that.

Oh, man. Turn off the... Oh, it's a tiny shark. It's a tiny leopard shark. Patrick is a baby. And what does it look like to you? I watch baby movies. I'm actually...

What does the fish look like to you? It looks like a penis. Yeah, because you're penis-starved. I'm not penis-starved, Patrick. I am not. You are, dude. Oh, you're not? Because you've actually been eating,

you've been having a lot of penises? No. Yeah, you're not penis-starved. You have plenty. You have a surplus. I don't have a surplus of penises. Yeah, you do. You go on Facebook market and you search penis.

I look up surplus penis on Facebook Marketplace. Yeah, factory reject. Factory misprint penis Marchdown $6 misprint You go to that shelf in the grocery store And you look for a really old

Thank you very much I need to return it Can I have a white penis Turn off this movie Please turn this movie off Turn the fucking movie off Turn the movie off I'm going to turn you off I know where your button is

Yeah I know Only Caleb knows where Patrick's button is know where his button is and i could push it turn off the tv i might flick your button if you're careful touch my button i might do it dude i might i might rub your button up and down until you don't oh come on until you turn off halfway you made it into a weird thing what that's what you do to a computer you don't rub a computer's button yeah you do yeah i've never rub the computer no yeah you do a girl computer you find a button and you fucking you you right yeah you fuck that button Because it's okay.

It's a girl. Yeah. Not okay for Patrick. There is a reason he's not weighing in on this one. That's true. Patrick, the idea of fucking a girl computer is just a step too far for Patrick. It's too far. That's just, that's beyond the pale.

A girl computer? Oh my God. It would never exist. Why? Yeah, because it's sexism. They won't make one. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

When Siri, they're too scared of how powerful a girl computer would be. Well, Siri is a... It's a computer, but it's your phone. It's a computer. It's a guy computer, but they put a girl voice on it. Yeah, it's true. But it's actually just a guy. It's like, it's a, um, Castrato.

It's so, it's so messed up that, uh, girls don't even get full computers. They just get smaller phones. I know. Yeah. It's fucked up. Yeah. It's seriously fucked up that when boys get to go on every website, girls can only go on BuzzFeed and Netflix. I've literally never seen a girl use a tower PC in my life.

Really? Yeah, they don't do it. I've seen girls use tower PCs Yeah On the websites you look at That's pictures of girls Of girls using tower PCs.com Yeah I bet you do

On the dark web Pinkcomputer.com The closest I've seen is I saw a girl accidentally use an alien wear laptop one time Accidentally? Yeah

She thought She thought that it was a big makeup palette And she opened it up And uh But it was a computer And she started screaming Yeah Yeah because there's video games on it

Yeah because she saw the letters on the keyboard She saw the alien and she thought she was getting abducted. She thought she still thought it was a makeup pal. She thought it was a mirror, saw the alien and said, Oh my God, I'm an alien. Well, at first she thought she was watching that movie, Paul. She thought that was on the screen.

And then when she got more confused when she realized that it was some sort of big phone. What was that movie Paul about? It's about an alien that smokes weed? It's basically Ted with. Paul. It's Ted with Paul. Okay. And he's British.

Just I'm imagining the... Or he's not British. No, he's Seth Rogen. Simon Pegg is British in the movie. But I'm just imagining the pitch, the pitch for that movie is just a guy going in. It's like Ted, but Paul. But he's Paul. We're in.

Say no more. Ted was huge for us. And Paul came out before Ted. Well, then Paul was Ted. Paul is Ted, but with a guy. Which came out? Paul is Ted with a guy. Ted is Paul.

Hey, Dougal, which came out first? Ted or Paul? You put doggle in your bedroom? Yeah, I need an alarm. I need an alarm. Use your phone. Use a rooster. He's the one talking about it.

Get a rooster. Go to the store. Get a little clucker. Get a Rhode Island red. Yeah, and put it in your room. Why don't you just make a contraption to shake your bed and pour water on you and make your toast in the morning when you wake up? You idiot.

Yeah, you stupid fool. That starts with like a mouse that wakes up. You stupid. running and then it knocks over the fat mouse from Cinderella yeah he knocks over

he knocks over a bunch of marbles and then marbles slowly some of the marbles go into different places and fall onto the ground but one marble falls into another cup

which falls over into like a banana cream pie for some reason and then slaps you in the face sorry I was late for work this morning and then you wake up with my alarm clock back together

covered in pie you have pie all over your face pile over your face and a huge bonner sorry my alarm clock was acting up. The Viagra Pi got in my mouth. Paul came out one year before Ted. Whoa. That's what the guy, Mark Walker, walked into Paul and he said, one year from now. Oh, crap. I'm going to make this my movie. Oh, my God. I'm going to make this a movie about a bear.

Ted is good. Ted, yeah. I haven't seen Ted. I liked it when I was like a younger. When you were a younger. Do you know that it was filmed around here? I, why, do you know they used an actual bear to film it? And then they used CGI to turn it. into a toy. They actually killed the first Ted and they had used a second Ted. And because they killed the first Ted and then in the credits, they weren't able to get the no animals or harmed. So they just made a new movie called Ted. They just started filming a new movie. Because they couldn't. Because they just, it was just exactly the same movie. But they're like, oh, that other one, we're done with that one. And so they got,

they didn't get any animals harmed in the second Ted. So Ted 2 is actually technically Ted 3. Is it the church in Cambridge? What church? The church that Milakounis and Mark Wahlberg get married at I said I haven't seen Ted Oh Um yeah I think so No there's like it's the church in Cambridge

Yeah I don't know Giant old churches in Canada Yeah I don't know if it's the one in Cambridge Or if it's the one Which church are you thinking of the one like in the Arlington stop The church at the end of Ted Well Yeah I know that I know that real life church I don't

I've never seen Ted Wow I said the third time I'm saying I've seen Ted over I know You know that church? No. I'm going to look up Ted's church. Near Copley.

Oh, it's that one. Oh, yeah, I know that. Yeah. Is it that one? It might be that one. I don't know. I haven't seen Ted. That's the one next to the Arlington stop.

Don't make me say it again. Wait, the one on the corner that's like the garden is right across. Yeah, I think so. That's the one next to the Arlington stop. That might be the one from Ted. Whoa, that's insane. So the church that we're thinking about might be the one from Ted. Yeah.

If you go there and you say show me Ted's wedding. If you say show me, show me the, show me the, show me the Ted they have they legally have to show it to you all right i looked up ted's church nice they're gonna find some church in like nashville i heard that yeah i heard that paul actually used the same church yeah for the scene where paul gets married to ted in space church in space church yeah they didn't even use a real space church they just cropped it out yeah they used they used they used ted's church they use oh there's like film location tours of boston of ted let's do one there's like a ted tour yeah one day

Ted filming locations, Fenway Park, the Hatshell, New England Aquarium, Public Garden. Guys, if we work hard enough, that's just the tour of Boston, that's not. Yeah, I know. That's not one mark. We've got a New York City tour, movie tour, the Empire State Building. You might recognize this from King Kong. Yeah, you might have seen an elf, it's an elf. We're going to skip this next stop.

Something happened. Yeah, go I got an elf tour. It's just all. Something happened in 2001. We're going to have to skip. Oh, shit, he's in the trash. Oh, my God. He's in the trash.

Double microphone Yeah, baby I just went double microphone It was on double mic, it's not Probably won't be able to tell But just so anybody was listening I had two microphones in my mouth And if anybody's listening

And it was really cool Patrick always has to go Fight his cats in the middle of every episode And now he's walking towards me With his cat's balls And he played ball Oh my God Oh fuck

I hate him dude why do you you wonder why i hate him it's because you stick his nuts and his that's not his fault that's mine he's a good guy you that's what it is yeah but you're the you know why do you hate yota i don't know he's a he's a kind soul is that the one whose balls were just in my face yeah i should have slapped him out of your house slapped him if he was if he was like one iota less human looking i would have slapped this shit out he's it back in the trash oh my god he's in the recycling just let him why would you No.

You didn't let him eat the recycling. It's funny. You didn't close it. Why would you think he would just not go in? Why didn't he just not go in? No, in recycling because it was full of hands. Triple microphone. I used Cameron's that time, too.

Okay. Did you close it this time? He's going to get in. He's going to get in. He's going to get in. He's going to get in. Let's start the list. Three, two.

He's not going to get it. Let's talk more about Ted and Paul. Yeah. Ted and Paul. What if they made a movie where Ted and Paul meet? Ted versus Paul. Like Alien. Yeah.

Whoever wins. Whoever wins we live. And they become best friends because they both love smoking weed. They both love smoking weed. They both love weed. And then Mark Wahlberg and Simon Pegg have to also fight. Yeah, but then that's like a daddy's home situation. Yeah.

Yeah, but instead of Will Ferrell, Simon Pegg. And instead of Mark, no, he isn't. Yeah. Instead of Mark Wahlberg, Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg. Yeah. Instead of Mark Wahlberg, Mark L. Wahlberg from Antiques Roadshow. Mark El Walberg.

That's the host of Antiques Road show. His name's Mark Wahlberg. His name's Mark L. Walberg. He's the Spanish version of Mark Wahlberg. Mark the Walberg. It'd be pretty funny. Yeah, if they recast, they made Ted 3 and they recast, they're like, oh, Mark Wahlberg doesn't want to do Ted 3. We're going to get Mark L. Walberg. Yeah. Now, that would be a laugh to me. I don't think I've ever seen Antiques Road Show. Really? Yeah. It's pretty fun to watch. It's really dry. It's really boring. It's the church. It's the church by the Prudential Center. Okay. Nice. yeah um it's they just like you know they they talk about like oh you can see in this painting here's where you can tell why how it's real it's pretty it's it's good just like spacing out i'm gonna bring you on that okay yeah and they're gonna be like you can tell this is a girl because of three million dollars is worth three gazillion dollars they play uh i'm gonna break you i'm gonna break your skull they play minigolf at the root one uh mini golf place with a big dinosaur oh my god no way did you know in patrick's life they go to the landma they go to the lander

landmark mini golf place? The place with a dinosaur? You've seen it. I know. I'm gonna fuck you up, man. That's another, yeah. Why? I just wanted to let you guys know about the filming location.

I haven't seen Ted. He's right. Well, no, now once you go home and you watch it. I would have reckoned. You can keep an eye out. Okay. Did you know they go to Pizza Planet and Toy Story? I'm serious.

Have you written the Spudgebop movie? They do. They opened the Krusty Crab 2? what fuck yeah i do remember that they don't happen they do man that's literally the opening scene do you you recognize they go to the ocean in the sponge bob movie yeah that's right

they go to the bottom of the ocean you might recognize it they're doing a sponge dude in star wars they go to outer space yeah it's fucked up we're going on a we're going on a star wars store star wars and sponge bob tour yeah ground to air go up in a rocket that goes up in his base and just falls into the get to the ocean.

They actually, they filmed SpongeBob here. They also film Finding Nemo here. It's a SpongeBob. It's a SpongeBob. It's a SpongeBob. They actually, they only filmed half of Jaws. Yeah, it's true.

And most of them. And Jaws, they go to the beach. The beach. Yeah. So the way that this tour works is you start at the beach, you go into the water, then you go up into the sky where airplane was filmed. And then you go to space. And planes.

And planes, yeah. And Top Gun. This is where Topcom was filmed And Guardians of Gahoul Part of This is where they film Guardians of Gahoul You know, it's the sky

I mean, prove me wrong That'll be $100 And then they also filmed it in a tree And then they go to the tree Where the elves live And then they go to the beach This was actually also the tree That Bugs Bunny climbed

In that one episode Yeah I'm guessing there's an episode And then they go to the gym And the guy's like Yeah, this is where I feel film girls all the time. I come here and I film

the girl. You might have rec to see my videos on LiveLeak. Yeah. And this is also where they filmed Dodgeball. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I come here. Yeah. This is a, uh, what's, uh, Globo Gym. What's it called? Glowbo Gym and average Joe's. Yeah. What a terrible name for a gym. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Fat. Why would I go to a gym called Average Joe's? You think you would? I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get it

swole. Yeah. And also, all the gym equipment is so crappy why they don't want to keep that dump open why is that guy throwing a wrench at them yeah that would not be Dodgeball that would not be a gym for me

that movie would not fly today you couldn't throw a wrench at Justin Long and also you couldn't have a guy in a wheelchair be funny they wouldn't let that fly anymore this is actually the wheelchair they filmed Dodge Ball

you could not have you could not have ripped horn in a movie that's true nowadays they wouldn't let you do it this is actually This is actually the chair that they filmed. Ripped Torns. I don't know, just a chair.

What's a movie with a chair in it? Men in Black. This is the chair where they filmed Ben and Black. The white egg chair? What? The big white egg chair for Men in Black? That thinks cool. Yeah.

That's where Rip Torn sits. I like those little... A lot of sitting down. I like the bug guy. Yeah. But not the big bug guy. You know, the little guys? Yeah.

They look like... They have like Liz Warren posture. Oh, yeah. Those guys are awesome They're just like Perfect They're like shaped like S's

Yeah You know Yeah That shit's funny Maybe she's one of them She is She's a tall alien Oh fuck

She's been lying About her race And her species Yeah What are they called She's an alien Yeah what are those things Called

What The little bug aliens Bug aliens Men in Black They try to have Sex with Rosario Dawson And Men in Black too Which would have been

One of the most All Time win All-time best scenes. Yeah. This is my bedroom. You know, what's weird about that scene is that Will Smith makes Rosario-O-Dawson stay at the apartment with the book. The Nebels' apartment.

He makes them stay there. Don't they look like Elizabeth Warren? He makes them stay there. And she like, and the whole time Will Smith is like, stay away from them. This is from the Men in Black Wiki. Nebel is a male worm and one of the four main worms in the Men in Black series. Like the other worms, he is addicted to coffee and is semi-perverted. He said, watch out for Nebel.

So they're not Neibles. They're just called worms. Oh, Nebel is one of the worms. Nebel is a worm. Uh-huh. There's an ad for online poker here. No need to hide your poker face. The worms seem to love coffee and are very energetic and even perverted.

That's kind of the logical. Yeah, coffee makes you perverted. The worms are ruled by an emperor who is slightly taller than the average one, but is rather heavy set. Did they show that in the movie? Most if not all worms. No, I don't think so. Most if not all worms cannot drink any coffee as it is considered a noble's drink.

They never showed this in the movie. Which is believed to be either coffee cannot be grown on their home world or coffee prices are extraordinarily high or exports of their coffee are not that good. Worms tend to panic in times of crisis and are likely to cry out rather than fight. It's all that coffee. The worms are not very good dressers as when disguises humans. They show parts of their worm anatomy like toes or antenna and can be what can be a major issue went on earth and a headache

for the men in black. I feel like they do a pretty good job if all you notice is the antenna popping out of it. It seems to be like, there's a worm in you. They get there. The worms are fleshed out in men and black the animated series. That's where they see their emperor and stuff. I love when they do that. When they do an animated series and just pick

like the group of four things that are the same guy and just make the entire series about that. Whoa, look at the emperor worm. Damn. This is just the guy from Futurama. I know. Yeah. What's his name?

That looks like, uh... From Percy I or my car. What's his name? Uh, fuck. Whatever. Chris. Grub. Gras.

Gras. Gras. Gras, Gras, Gras, Gras, Gras, Gras, Grop. Chris Crosse. Chris Crosse. Chris Crob will make you jump, jump, jump. Yeah. Daddy Mac will make you.

Junk. Junk. Junk. Junk. What if Futurama was live action? They could never. I bet Lila would be even hotter in real life. Okay.

Who would you choose to play Lila? I know who I would choose. Probably Lila. I would choose Lila. I would choose Lila. That's right. How could I not find the name of this guy? And I got to his planet or whatever this is.

I got to this guy's planet. Ler. I couldn't even figure out his name. It was Lur. I hate when I get to a guy's planet and can't figure out the name of the guy. All right. Let's do the list. Wait, this is...

Oh. Let's read more about the internet. Emperor worm is the leader of the worms. Unlike the other worms, the emperor is large and in charge. It's so clear that this is written by like a middle school. Like this whole wiki is written by a middle schooler. God, damn. He is hugely fat and almost double the height of the worms. He usually shows up unannounced to the men in black. Here he usually brings two big cases which the agents always carry in. The emperor is careless and defenseless. So the other worms must watch him. He is also disappointed in the worms as coffee is only reserved for royalty. He He appears in the episode The Big Bad Bug Syndrome and the Mind Mind Syndrome. Is every episode a syndrome? Yeah, I don't know.

That would be really if all of the... Yeah, it looks like it is. Every episode is something syndrome. Let's look... Because I just saw one second. Because I clicked on this. Look, the Doggy Dog Syndrome, the Jackal Lantern Syndrome. What the hell?

That's smart. Oh, you got to add here for the Goo Goo Goo Dolls on tour. Whoa, we should go. Yeah, we should go. Why is every... Because you're a baby. No. Yeah, and you like Goo Goo Gega and dolls.

No, I like Iris. No, I like the song that... No. I like the song, I like the song, Iris. No, you don't. Every single episode is the somethings were there. I think that was only on for like one... Like 50 something.

What if it's not called the syndrome? Looks like it was on for three seasons. What if it's not called syndrome is just whatever like little kid who's like... He's like editing the men in black wicket. Who has a syndrome. They had an episode called the... end game syndrome and it was two parts it looks like Avengers copied

somebody. Avenger, they were going to call it in game syndrome. They were going to call it infinity syndrome and end game syndrome but then they found out about the real infinity syndrome I thought it would be insensitive. Yeah, so they took out, they took out all the syndrome. Yeah, so they just called it infinity. Oh my God. That's not, there's no

syndrome from Incredibles. Yes, he was going to be in it. He was going to be Thanos. Holy crap. It was going to be the original thing. Yeah, and he was going to get, yeah, and he was He was going to fight Mr. Incredible. And the worms were, and the emperor worm was going to be fat. The emperor worm was going to be fat.

Oh, my God. He was going to be the Hulk. Spongebob was going to be the emperor. Spongebob was going to play Robert Downey Jr. And Sherlock Holmes game of shadows, but Rocco. From modern life. He ended up being in Rocco's modern life instead.

Yeah. It's super annoying whenever they do recast. I hate when they do reshoots of all my favorite movies right before they come out and you see all the cool cartoons from your childhood. I was absolutely certain that Sullivan the Frog would have been in Avengers Endgame. But apparently they cut out all the scenes right before it came out. They cut out.

I was convinced you would have like major store. There was literally a part of Avengers End game where they went to Planet Hamster and they cut out the food in your jacket. They cut out the entire thing. No. And what the hell's going on over there? I don't care. Just leave him alone. Just think about something else.

Oh, he's eating a bag. He's holding on. Oh, it's because Dom's lunchbox is in there. These things have cat-like reflexes. They're cats. Oh. Yeah. Say something.

Oh, now you're all shy. Whenever I see a plot hole in a movie, I'm like, oh, this is clear evidence they cut planet hamster out of this one, too. They cut out planet hamster. One of the actors looked into the camera and tried to tell the public the truth about the incoming hamster asteroid. And evil Hollywood cuts it out. There was an entire... Evil anti-hamster Hollywood creates propaganda. Yeah.

A lot of, a lot of, there was a whole, there was a whole scene or a whole, a whole arc of the love story between Mary the marsupial and the Hungry Hamster. And they, they trashed it because they thought it wouldn't do well in, uh, in China with the whole Hong Kong protest going on. Yeah. They thought it wouldn't sell because Marcy, the Marsupil is Chinese, is Chinese, yeah. Yeah. And Taiwanese. Mm-hmm. And Hungry Hamster is Taiwanese.

She's Chinese. Manland Chinese. and they thought that... They have a love story. Yeah, and they thought that it would just bomb overseas. Yeah. They thought it would end the conflict, and they have a stake in chaos.

Yeah, exactly. They thought that this scene would be so pure that the protest would end. But they needed that... Because they're part of the prison industrial conflict. Yeah, it was strange because then the hungry hamster did become like a symbol of revolution in the Hong Kong protests.

Exactly. People started wearing hungry hamster masks and throwing acorns at the cops. It was like, it's not even the right. Was that a fucking acorns? Just big acorns. Man down! You may kill one of us, but you will never defeat all of us.

Yeah. We are a hamster. We are hungry. We are the hamster. We are hungry. We are hungry. So the list today is the top 10 penis shapes on the top tens.com from user Holly Rollo. Before we get started, what shape penis do you guys have?

Penis shape. No? You don't know? Probably have normal. Normal. Mine's penis shape. Normal is actually, it's a real shape and it's a one inch big. no it is that's that is the shape normal yeah yeah there's a shape called normal and it's a one

inch it's a one inch spike it's a one inch line yeah it's a one inch line that that has no my my my penis looks like a line rider man the shape yeah the shape's swirling yeah the shape normal actually there's a there's a little guy riding a sled on it or if you go to hot rod dot com slash line writer you remember that they had a hot rod themed line writer I'm gonna hawk my rod on you all right Patrick's penis is like a lion's tail yeah

it has a big a tuft of hair every once in a while it just like jumps like for no reason like it just like it's trying to swat for a second

what penis size do you have camera electric toothbrush with bristles yeah and battery pack yeah I have to charge my penis I have a tooth tune penis

when I use it when I use it it plays when I go to P. It plays a... It plays Paralyzer by Finger 11. He plays rock and roll all night by Kiss when I have sex.

Yeah. Because that's a different kind of rock and roll. You know, that's what the song's actually about. It's actually like... No. You know, most rock songs are actually about sex. Name one. Name a rock song. What the F?

That's one. Song about sex. Song about sex? Yeah. Name or... You guys don't clearly don't know anything about rock. I'll name one. Bohemian Rhapsody.

Isn't that one about... It's about singing. Isn't that one about singing? No, that one's a movie. Isn't that one about singing and going la la la la la? No, it's about having sex. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Caleb's penis is like a stack of bottle caps. Immortal technique. Dance with the devil. Dance with the devil is one of the greatest rock songs of all time, first of all. Second of all, it's definitely about sex. That is the horniest song I've ever heard. That ending? Oh, my God.

Can't keep it. Amber by 311. That one's about sex. Because Amber is the name. of a vagina. Mm-hmm. That's a slang, urban dictionary word for a vagina.

What about, um, Shake My Sillies Out by Raffy. Shake My Sillies Out is about having sex. What about, uh, Crazy style. Yeah. Baby Beluga.

Baby Beluga is about having, is about fucking a big bitch. The Alphabet song. The alphabet song, a rock cover of the alphabet song. What about coconut by Harry Nilsen? Rock. Coconut, it is.

A sex song. Oh, yeah, because you're, it's about getting an STD. It's like getting a, uh, cocoa nuts. Getting STD and curing it with limes and coconuts. Yeah.

Yeah. That's why the guy goes, ooh, because he has chlamydia. Yeah, my penis is a stack of bottle caps. It's not a stack of bottle caps.

99 bottles of beer on the wall. Yeah. Yeah. That one's about loosening up. That fuck. Yeah, it's going to take

99 bottles of beer for me to have sex because I'm such a rich of version. For me to have sex. For me to have sex without throwing up. Yeah, I can't even think about sex unless I've had 99 bottles of beer. Here's penis is like a nose bulb. A nose bulb.

Squidward's nose. You know, the thing you squeeze to get snot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I wish, man. No, that is kind of, I guess it is if you include my balls. I have huge balls. And if you squeeze them, I suck pee pee pee.

I squeeze out. Is your candy bar still there? My candy bar? Get out of here. There we go. Oh. It's not a. candy bar it's a protein bar no you're eating candy i don't need candy you don't need candy for dinner

you're off the pod dude whoa yeah no i do you're on probation i was thinking today it's it's it's my teeth have been hurting oh yeah me too much recently and i realized that that is actually that's because you haven't been eating enough candy exactly it's a sign that you need to eat that you have been eating too not enough candy yeah i have a bunch of micha nights at my house oh yeah i might be getting on uh having a really good sweet sweet tart deal heading my way. So you guys might want to get in on this. We can split it three ways.

I have a guy who sell sweet tarts and we might be able to get like a huge shipment of them. Damn, that sounds awesome. Yeah. Do you guys want to end? Yeah. Okay, let's do it.

I could throw it down. Let's spend all the pot money on sweet tarts. Like a hundred bucks each. $100 worth of candy. It gets like 600 sweet tarts. Oh my God. Stay up there. And also two gummy worms.

Two? Two big ones. Whoa. Two JumboXL gummy worms. And also one of those big fat gummy bears. Oh my God, with the hollow belly and you can put juice in it? Yeah, you can put juice in the belly.

Oh, yeah. The one from the song? Yeah, and also... John Travolta, the gummy bear? Yeah. And also a chocolate bunny, but it's completely solid. Milk chocolate. What about chocolate bunny full of peanut butter?

Can we get... Can we swing that? No, that would be extra. That would be $100 extra. A hundred dollars for a chocolate bunny full of peanut butter. Patrick Opa. It's steep, but yeah, I will pay. It's steep, but yeah, you got to.

Because I don't know how to make that shit I don't have a mold All right So number one penis shape Is the dwarf Not really a shape Yeah I'm kind of imagining a garden gnome

Yeah That's not a gnome Who has a garden gnome on his body Yeah He stands there with his arms Like on his sides A gnomeo and Juliet action Yeah

Have you guys seen the video He's fully clothed Fully clothed gnome What video? The video of Of the gnome Of the gnome Of the who

what's his name? James McAvoy doing the interview, or like doing like an advertisement for Nomiio and Juliet and he's like crying. He's like go see Nomiio and Juliet and he just looks like tortured. It's called acting. He's an actor.

They're holding him hostage. Fucking idiots. Did you guys ever see Split? I think he's crazy. I don't think he's an actor. I thought it was called Spit. Because he spits on all the girls. I'm pretty sure it's called spit. Yeah.

There's a part way he spits on his hands and he says. And he rubs it together and he says, Daddy Hungry. And they named it spit after that. He says, become another person, like pistachio disguisedy. And then he says, keep saying it, it morphs into an Arabian accent. Split. Spit. Spit was actually, it's just a reimagining.

M. Night Shyamalan's reimagining of Master of Disguise. I've seen Master of Disguise so many times. It's so good, dude. I have it on DVD. You guys want to watch it? It's so funny. It's, yeah. It's awesome, dude.

I, honestly, being a little kid and seeing, like, that George Bush impression in it. Yeah. That's why. It made me understand politics. Yeah, man. It made me a communist. Mm-hmm. That's what happened.

I said, whoa, this guy seems like a jerk. Yeah. I like the part where he's an Indian guy. Yeah. And he feeds the craft single to a cobra. Yeah, that's funny. That's a funny. And also, he gradually morphs his accent as he says become another person.

The Turtle Club. It's all-timer. All time. So good. You know the, the backstory behind that, right? Yeah. He, earlier that day, he saw a turtle. He said, what if I was like a turtle?

There's a cigar, there's a cigar, and then they're just trying to, no. They're, they shot that scene. They're, like, while the plane hit the South Tower. Whoa. And there was a moment. And they were in the South Tower. There was a moment of silence on set while Dana Carvey was in the Turtle suit. Yeah.

Damn, that's awesome. Like, they were like, he's like, he's like, well 9-11 just happened but I gotta go be a turtle he's trying to get his money man yeah you got to he turtled out the scene is dedicated to the brave men and women who lost their lives today if only the

if only the turtle club if only the world trade center had gone down into its shell and then popped back up and bit off the plane's nose Manifle Man That's a crazy scene

It's awesome Yeah They're just like CGI out his nose I like the part where they Where he's got shit on his head Because he's like Yeah

Oh yeah he's dressed as shit When I was a kid I was I watched that scene I was like you have to dig so far down To pretend to be a piece A pile of shit on the ground The ultimate disguise Yeah

I like the one where he's like You got tiny weiner and some little nuts yeah you've got a tiny weiner and some little nuts yeah

yeah yeah yeah oh my god let's just remember this movie it's so funny so the first scene in the movie

is when James Brolin is disguised as his brother yeah he's no it's his father that's his father yeah

and he's disguised as bow Derek it's either bow yeah it's Bo Derek and then he gets Brent

caught when he's like stealing he's like stealing something or making Brett Spiner he's protecting it and then he ends up working for Brett Spiner and then there's Dylan and Cole Spruiser in it and then they do a science experiment and then the

mom from Wizards of Waverly places in it too. Yeah. Yeah. And they call her the Tush Queen and then she... Oh she's the big fat ass. I forgot about it. That's why they hire her. They hire her because she's got a big ass and then she makes that with Jay Johnson from Mr. Show and then he's good at that.

And then he wears underwear. Yeah, first he puts the underwear on his head. His parent, he gets scared because his parents are gone. Did that already? And then that hasn't happened. And then he comes. Okay, yeah. So then.

His mom's there, right? There's a scene with the exorcist. Yeah, the exorcist scene. Okay, so his parents get taken away by Brent Spiner. Okay, let's stop. I kind of just wanted to see how long you would go. Just the whole. He would have just made it up.

We could have just, like. Let him just keep going, and then just, like, slowly the episode gets quieter for, like, 40 minutes. We should have a Patreon thing where it's just me describing the entirety of the movie. Yeah, that's the Patreon this week, is I'll record it by myself, and it's just me describing everything that happens in Master of Disguise. No. No. All right. I guess you don't like what the fans. No. You can do it. You do it. People seem on this list very disgusted. Yeah, they do. They do not like the dwarf. People say, what the hell? Report this. What the hell is this list?

Worst list ever, this was a total accident, by the way, coming into this list. Root beer fan. Girls shouldn't see this list. Root beer fan says, Ew, what the hell is this list? Someone says, this list is the most disgusting. Yeah, that guy is weird 666. You must be weird to throw a 666 in there.

A reference to the devil itself. Wait, okay. Okay, wait, wait. So it's on the penis size or shape, the dwarf. Yeah. I thought you were going to go I choosing for coming from a Filipino family

I grew up with the sort of people around me who believe that Asians have small penises being in Asian I used to think it was all rubbish I'm now my penis is rubbish I'm now 17 years old and I can confirm with not so much pride that my penis is really small it is only five centimeters we got him dude we got him I'm not ashamed

cut that clip out yeah cut that clip out no we got him dude No, I was actually, I was doing a A different voice that whole time. You were doing a Filipino voice, yeah. Now keep reading it. Can you go back?

All girls who like small dicks, please contact me. Thanks, Juge de Spida. He's smoking the Juge right now. I'm on the Juge. The Juge Despida. Juge Dispeter. Number two. The Eiffel Tower.

Ooh. It's when your penis gets zapped by a ray gun, and it, oh my God, stop skipping ahead. I'm not skipping ahead. We're just looking. Your penis gets zapped by a ray gun. Cameron went baby mode. Cameron's going to go out of the episode. So when your penis gets zapped by a ray gun and it just starts to half disintegrating.

That's the Eiffel Tower. Yeah. And just like the veins are left. The beautiful veins. The beautiful vein menager. system. The beautiful nervous system of a man's penis. Did you ever see that?

I can only imagine what it would look like. That disgusting picture of like the nervous system and all the weird. Oh yeah, like it's got like the eyes in the, like it's so cool. I think it's awesome. I bet you do, you freak. I think it's sexual to me. There's a comment here that says, on the nervous hour. It says, this is what my uncle has.

Uncle Jim, you're rocking? a total Eiffel Tower to that, Uncle Jim, dude. Damn. That thing's

looking nice. That thing's looking fucking French dog. Uncle Jim, your penis I've always want the douceipali.

I want to, because I want to kiss you on top of it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I'm saying. Hey,

Uncle Jim, I saw your I saw your fucking weird penis in Ratatoui last night. Good work, man. Would they pay you for that? I'd love to control

your penis like can I sit on top of your penis? Can I straddle your penis? Can I straddle your penis? And pull on the pews and make it My bitch go Ratatooie on my penis She'd be pulling my pews Make that thing go cuckoo banana crazy

Tangent but I remember the thing we were doing Just like a guy Like a cowboy showing up to your door And be like Oh yeah Can your nephew come over to play I just moved in down the street My mom wants me to make new friends

I reckon you have a nephew I'd love to I'd love to play catch with them in the backyard. Can we play cowboys and Indians? I reckon your boy just got a shipment of Play-Doh in. I would like to make some spaghetti with him. Just like a Kurt Russell from Hate Flay. Spits in the Spittoon.

We don't have a spittoon. Where did that sound come from? He spits onto your nephew. And he goes, ding, ding. Well, he'll do just for. Oh, he'll do just fine. Me and your nephew are going to go downstairs, make some Play-Doh snakes. Yeah.

Thank you for letting your nephew come over. We love having them around the house. He's just dripping. Spit. Yeah. I just got an easy bake oven, and I was wondering if you want to come play with it for a while. Me and your nephew are going to watch a slinky go down the stairs. I've got a big stairwell in my house, and I need a nephew to use it.

We're going to use diplo blocks to build a lifelike couch. Diplo. No, it's not Diplo. Diplo's the EDM guy. Yeah, those blocks. That's what I'm talking about. Me and your grandson are going to run around in the living room for a little bit. I prefer if you would move the couch out of the way.

How many guys did your nephew have? We're going to use super soakers and we're going to need fresh towels. We'll be very wet when we get back. Nah, I was wondering if you could lay out some snacks and some Capri Suns for us, that would be just dandy. Now, if you had a couple fruit leathers. Yeah. When I get back, that's pretty nice. Oh, no fruit?

All right. We'll take gushers if you have them. It's fine. Do you have any gushers? Do you have any white cheddar, goldfish? Never mind. What are you thinking about? No, just the fucking, just a, the other, I've said it before, I think, but just the

Wall Street guy trying to order a gusher at a restaurant. It's a classic. Yeah, it's a classic to you. That's a classic in my brain. Yeah. Classic in my mind. In my brain, it's classic. Even though everyone hates it.

Everyone hates the sopranos. I know, dude. sopranos i only hang out with girls tony soprano number three marge his hair marge his hair marge his hair marge his hair marge's hair marge's hair yeah just a bumpy fucking bee sting cock blue blue yeah stung by like an anti-bee that turns your stings turn blue instead of red think about it oh my god i can't stop thinking about the anti b it's purple he's purple

oh my god and also he's friendly Yeah, and when he stings you, he gets more powerful. Yeah, he instead of dying. And he's 100 feet tall. And 30 years old. He's 30 years old. And he wants to play with your nephew. And he sounds like this.

That's right. I brought it full circle guys. Can I play bees and children with your nephew? Can I sting your nephew? Can I sting your nephew right on his cheek? Teach your nephew. You're going to dress up like bees and go pollinate some flowers. I was wondering if me and your nephew could raid your closet and dress up like mommy and daddy.

Will you be my queen, my new queen? Nephew, will you be my queen? I'm going to turn you into a hive. That's our new character. Cowboy B. Anti-B. Anti-B. That's a cowboy who likes to hang out of nephew.

It's cowboy anti-B. I'm not a B. That's his line. Yeah. Now I'm not a B, but your nephew, he stabbed himself in a leg with an EpiPen when he was next to me. And he just started shaking. I reckon you're not.

If you might be allergic to my sting. Me and you never... Does he wear a cowboy hat? He wears a bee hat. Oh, my God. He's dressed up. Yeah, he's in a bee outfit. Oh, my God, a bee in a bee outfit?

Wow. That's nuts. And then, yeah, ugh, that's a disgusting to me. Uh, number four. The sausage. Now, that's a, that to me is the, sort of the classic vanilla penis shape. Yeah. Intestinal lining.

Intestinal lining and like a little knot at the top, yeah, you know? For me, I have that little knot at the top because it's like, you know, like Elmer's glue at the top, just it'll build up. Yeah, that's what I've been doing with piss and cum. And so I just have a little, I have a little thing that every once in a while I'll have to clear out with the patches of mouth. What? Yeah, I have to use his teeth. And I also use his teeth to sharpen my penis. I do have sharp teeth.

Yeah. Like a wet stone. The only comment on the sausage is ding-dong Tom Green, Freddie got fingered. There's a whole song he sings, and Freddie got fingered. But yeah, there's also ding dong. There's ding dong, but there's Daddy, would you like some sausage? I would have done ding dong doorbell.

Yeah, if there was the doorbell-sized penis. Yeah. Ding-dong, the witch is dead. Ding-dong, the witch is dead. That's what I sing when the witch dies. But not because I'm a munchkin. I want to get out ahead of that. You're a munchkin.

It's not the reason I sing it. I sing it because I respect the munchkins. You're not a munchkin, you're like going... I enjoy their culture. You're three-quarters munchkin. You're the munchkins king. I would be the king of the munchkins. If I get to be their king, I'd be a munchkin.

Yeah? Did you know that all of them are gay, including in the king, dude? There are no female... I don't remember it well, but I don't think there are any female munchkins. Oh, there's female munchkins. Yeah, believe me. Okay. Yeah, I've drawn them.

So... Number five, the tip of the iceberg. The tip is that, oh, because most of your penis is in your ass. Yeah, yeah, I've actually, my penis is way bigger than two inches. I'm hiding like nine more inches of my ass. You just got to pull. You just have to pull it out. Pull it like a rip cord out of your body.

But also by the time that you get to see all of it will probably be melted, so. Yeah. You have an ice penis. Yeah. When I was a kid, I used to measure my penis by pushing the ruler so far into my balls that it was like, it was awesome. And now I measure it normal. I only measure it with the circumference Yeah To see if you're losing weight

No Yeah you do See if you fit your little tiny P penis pants on None of the weight I've gained has gone to my penis You wish I wish Because that'd be funny

That would be funny Imagine a fatty dick Yeah Because it all When you get fat It all goes in your pubes When you get fat Your penis just gets slowly swallowed

Yeah by your pub bone Yeah By your pub bone. Like if you see like a real fat, like a real big fat guy, and they just got the head sticking out. Dude, that's a, that's a pimp move. Yeah. Being so fat that you're, even if you have a huge dick, it's just gone.

Didn't we, didn't we find a thing on here, like, during the pod, we found somebody measuring their penis next to an SD card? Oh, yeah. That was like the best micro penis I've ever seen. Yeah, that, yeah. Yeah, he put his penis extra SD card. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the XD card just, the SD card just, the SD card, like, turned sideways. Yeah. It just looks like a line. Yeah. I'm tired, okay?

Me too. I'm tired, so I mix up the letters S and X. X.D card. S-E-X-D card. Whoa. What? You're going to kill Cameron. Sorry.

Oh, my God, you killed Cameron. You bastards. You bastards. Number six is the droop. It's just when you have a droopy dog penis. That's when your penis. My penis is like a d'au. That's when your penis is.

depressed and it's like well no well i don't want to go let me back in the underpants i don't even want to pee right now yeah no no i don't want to as if you're flying you're trying to pull your pee but it keeps like moving away from your hand no no no i don't even want to pee now i don't No, I don't want to pee now. I'll just pee in your pants. Just sit down and pee on the toilet. I don't want to go through the fly. Shut up, lazy penis?

The zipper hurts my back. Number seven, the old guy. The old guy. That seems like a type of guy who has a penis. A full old man sitting down there. It's like the dwarf. Yeah. He tells you some stuff about the 70s, about how weed used to be better in the 70s.

Yeah, no, he used to be crazier in the 70s. It wasn't better. Weed used to be crazier in the 70s, man. And he tells you... Women used to be free. He says shit, like, don't Bogart it. Yeah. No, he says, don't Humphrey Bogart it. Yeah, don't Humphrey Bogart. That's how old school he is.

Yeah, he says, don't Humphrey Bogart that thing. He says, don't Marlon Brando that. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Brando. Don't Humphrey Bogart the cigarette. Don't Judas is scary at the marijuana cigarette Because I'm so old.

That's how old I am. Yeah, don't uga-buga, unga-buga, unga-bunga, woolly mammoths are. Sorry, that's how old I am. Yeah, don't dinosaur that thing. Hey, don't, hey, don't test salamins. You're seriously pleasurising the weed thing. Hey, you're old than that thing. You're old in that thing.

You're, you're, you're, past the wheel, dude. You are fucking, you're fucking, you're teradactiling that wheel right now, dude. Just pass it, doll. You're totally... You're a stegosaurus. You're a complete fucking... You're totally bacteria-ing that thing right now. You're a serious dodo, man.

Hey, man, you just grew some legs. You're a serious fish with legs. You're a fish with legs. That's how old I am. You ever heard of the Big Bang? That's what I did to your mom. Number eight, the vainy. That's not a shape.

That's an attribute. It could be a shape if it's vainy enough. My penis is... I'm thinking the scene in scanners when they fight... Oh, yeah. And the veins, like, explode out of them. Yeah, and their heads are getting... Yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm imagining for vain. Do you know what I'm talking about, Caleb? I've never seen scanners. Let me pull up a picture. Scanners is so good. Scanners is awesome. I prefer. I saw scanners.

I had to see scanners for... You had to. Yeah, I had to see it for film one. I had to go see it on 35 millimeter. God, I hate school. I hate film. I hate Emerson. So glad I'm done with that shit.

Yeah, I don't think I'm going back. I'm working as a personal chef now. Look, they get their veins like this. Yeah. See this? This is what happens to their veins. That's what the vanie shape was. would look like.

I've seen some vainy penises, man. I feel like there's a pretty direct, like, the bigger your penises, the more vainy it is. And your penis's eyes go white. And you have big white eyes on your penis. I do think, honestly, honestly, it sucks. I think if anything,

if you, the thing that makes me laugh the most is seeing a penis. Balls with googly eyes on them. Like, that's funnier to me than like any written piece of comedy. that anybody can ever produce is if, like, a guy...

I don't even need to know him. A guy walks in... Balls through his zipper. Tears down the door. Yeah, yeah, kicks it down like Hagrid. You're scared... You're scared because you're like, what the fuck is going on?

Actually, now I think about it, it is Hagrid from Harry Potter. It is Hagrid and he kicks it down... These are my balls, Harry. And he shows you the balls with Google eyes. I put these Googly eyes on with a spell, Harry. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm big. I glued the...

them to my penis with a spell. These are my balls, Harry. Is that what he sounds like? No, I don't remember what he sounds like. You're a wizard, Harry. You're a wizard, Harry. You're a wizard. You're a wizard. These are my balls, Harry. You're a wizard.

Excuse me, Harry Potter. But Hagrid, I don't want to go to school. Shut up. These are my balls. Get on my motorcycle. Get on my motorcycle. Hagel. I'm Hagel. I got a dragon.

Yeah You have to make that face When you meet the voice No, that's snake And snow planks like this And Ron Wiesley's like Harry Potter, these are my balls And Ron Wiesley's like

Meet Man I'm tired of this wizard shit The curved That's the curved That's the curved Number nine The curved penis

And the top One of the comments here says Tay banana I think a minion wrote that guys they let wait oh my god

the minions have figured out how to go online oh my god oh that's who's been harassing people yeah that's the

that's who's trying to influence the election the minions the Russian minions the minion the guy from effooked

yeah yeah that minion yeah what's a nice oh shit we're on like number 10

Number 10, the one that requires a magnifying glass Not a shape There's a lot of... That sounds like a Harry Potter book There's a... Harry Potter and the one that requires a magnifying glass Harry Potter My penis is a small Harry This is a comment right here

Coming from a tall Chinese boy I am sad to say that I am one of those few people Whose height is not proportional to their length I am following my idol's footsteps Oh this is... Yeah Why don't you read ahead before you read that What does he say?

Following in my idol's footsteps, Caitlin Jenner, by coming out to the world, telling everyone my biggest insecurity in life. He can read one word. No, I can't. He sees one word at a time. It's like, uh... Well, now I've got to finish the comment.

Now you do. Go for it. This is also definitely by the same person who said earlier that they're a Filipino. Yeah. Make up your mind, kid. Are you, are you Chinese or are you Chinese? I am hoping that I received the same recognition

in terms of bravery. just like her Kendall Wu, New Zealand. All right, okay, let's let Patrick Stu and guilt for a minute here. You read the troll-lo-old comment, dude. Yeah, I read the troll-a-low-law guy's comment. On every top 10's list, there's a troll-a-low comment that you read the whole thing and then you realize the first letter of everything spills out, I'm piss man. Yeah.

Yeah, or suck my Hitler. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, the troll-a-l-l-l-l-l-l-old guy sitting at home doing the song right now he's sitting it he's looking at a photo of me and he's doing the song and he's making the face yeah he's going yeah yeah yeah yeah wait you might be the troll old guy look at you man mm-hmm you know the whole song edward heel yeah yeah how you are how do you know it because it's your name i i did when i was like 12 i got into another song

that he made there was one there was one song that he another song that he another song that he that he had and I was like I kind of like this that's like a story I would make up about you Oh my God To get into like internet memes And I feel like

I wonder what this is the guy's other music sounds Yeah This is great The hits are great Let me check out his other work Yeah God you're weird There was one

It sounds like you're saying Buy Benilu Pork And I guess there's a brand Called Benilu Pork And they used it in their commercials I heard Yeah And now that guy's a millionaire

He's dead He's dead Yeah he died in 20 2413. Wow. I don't care. I don't know that. I don't know.

You're funny. You never learned like math, but you know this shit. No, I don't know math, but I can tell you like stupid shit like that. Number 11 is the we dot. We have another comment from that same guy. Coming from a tender Filipino boy, I'm not reading the rest of it. Why did you read the first? Why would you read the beginning of it?

I don't know. You have to read the rest of it. You have to read the rest of it. You literally, I said it was from the same guy. You'd still... Every time you start one, you have to finish it. That's Patrick's rule. That's podcast about this rule.

Coming from a... Well, I can veto it if it's just... No, you can't. No, you can veto it. We veto it. We can veto your veto. Yeah, we... Coming from a tender Filipino boy

who has had many a good time exploring various penis shapes, I give my endorsement to the weed dot as... That the weed dot has a distinctly more fragrant and mellow flavor than the rest. Similar to that of old underwear. Juj. That was pretty good. It's pretty funny.

That one's funny. The last one wasn't. Kendall Wu. Fuck you, Kendall Wu. Make me look like an asshole. Yeah, Juj is our friend. Kendall Wu. Juge, we'll take you to Jollybee.

Jujge, you're the cool guy of the week. I'll get you some Paula Bucks surprise. Yeah. Some happy. Happy go. Happy go chickens. Yeah, I'll get you the Mopo Mapa. Tuna pie.

I'll get you. Mr. Bucket. Usually, we will give you a tuna pie and you can fuck this shit. Your tiny day. I want to find the list earlier. Before we started recording, I did find a list called the worst things that a Filipino can say to you. Oh, yeah.

There was one. There's one that I want to read. Number three is, ha? Hot dog. The rest of them are just Filipino words. And the last one is Bobo. I just want to share that real quick. Top 10 annoying and most worst things Filipinos can say to you.

All right, back to the list. Number 12 is the inverted. That's a vagina. Yeah, that's called a vagina. One comment. I thought it was called a vagina when I was little. I thought I started with the B. One comment with eight votes and it says, okay, that's it.

I'm done. Yeah, this is where I draw the line. Talk about Tick-Tac Dix and Eiffel Towers all you want. But think about an invisible, invertible penis. No. Number 13, well, you can't skip the classics. Okay, go ahead. Read them.

The Chode. Da Chode. And the only comment. says fat penis. Wow. Yeah. No, keep going. You can't skip the classics.

I have a big... That's one, that's it. Okay, keep going until I get to the one I wanted to say. Well, there's only one classic. I wanted to say 16. Okay, say 16. How was he supposed to know which one you wanted to say? Yeah.

I sent it to him with my mind. No, you did. Yeah, I did. I got a chode. Number 16 is the circular, and the comment says, whoever mad this was probably high. Yeah. The circular is just a chode, though.

No. No, it's like a chode. A two-dimensional chock-zoned penis. I would rather have that. You'd have a chock-zone penis? Because you can fold it up like an umbrella. No, no. It's like Kendall with a circle drawn on.

Well, that's not, that's cheating. That's not cheating. What do you mean that's cheating? I don't know. You guys aren't cheating? I don't know. It just feels like cheating because I had a good solution. You see some of the really small penis and you say, that's cheating.

That's seriously cheating. You're not allowed to have one that looks like that. You don't get to have sex. that's cheating no i think i i would take a circular show that i could bring up bring into a umbrella shape number 18 and then fuck a guy with it number 18 i mean a girl whoa wait a second we got two good clips of caleb i would fuck a girl in her penis fuck a guy a guy in his i would fuck a girl's circle i would have sex on a i would touch my circle to whatever i'll put a magnet on my circle honestly dude i'd put my thingy anywhere that the fucking cows roam

I'll throw it anywhere. Number 18 is the slinky coil. But I first misread it as the stinky coil. Now that's a terrifying thought. The idea of a coil of a coiled sort of pig tail penis that smells like a pile of crap. Yeah. Like a pig's ass. It smells like a pig's ass.

It smells like a pig's ass and also it has a little sort of curly. It smells like a pig's ass and it's covered in pig's shit. Yeah. And it's a pig's penis. And who knows where it's been. What does a pig's penis look like? It's like corkscrew. Why don't you look down?

Fat ass. Gotcha, you fucking... You piggy, piggy, oink, oink. You are the piggy oink, oink, and now you are. What do we got on Patreon? I'm trying to pull it up. We got Joe Mama.

Joe Mama. Joe Mama. So many emails I forgot to these. I was like for like 30 minutes this morning. Like I tweeted it, but just like just imagining just a professional. who just, like, says every kid's

voice name in, like, an offensive Japanese voice. Uh-huh. I was just saying, just names that I knew in the Japanese voice. Like? Like, Kyru Jojoa. It's just Kyle Johnson.

There's one, there's a skateboarder named Gilbert Crockett. Uh-huh. I just kept saying, Gilbertu Krakaka. I don't remember where we left off. Yeah. Was this the last one we did?

I remember I'm smart. Maybe? Uh, we'll, do it again. Yeah, well, I do remember this because I remember arguing over the pronunciation of this name. Okay. Um, so we start here. Uh, okay. Uh, okay. Shout out to name, uh, name goes here. Whoa. Making us look like fools. Like we forgot to fill in the template. No, but they put, they put their name down as the name goes here. And that's legally, their name. Legally your name if you put it on Patreon. I'm serious. Yeah. Greg. Greg

DeBruno. Shout out to Greg DeBruno. Shout out to Greg DeBrano. Yeah. Shout out to Carter Sutherland. Yeah. Shout out to Caleb, no. That's my name. Shout out to Caleb Pitts. Shout out to the Spam Slam for subscribing to us on YouTube. Thank you, Spam Slam. Thank you, Spam Slam.

Ethan Davis. Said to Ethan Davis. Yeah, Ethan Davis. You fucking, you $10 patron. We should announce this. Yeah, he edited his patron, yeah, to $5. We should, we should say we are like, we're going to do the Master Chief calls that we have to do. Yeah, so we're going to change the $10 tier because it's just we're all very busy.

And we do not get to do the master chief calls. If you're currently in the $10 tier, you can, you'll get your master chief call. But we're going to change it to something better. We're going to change it to something better soon. We just have busy lives. It's hard to get us all three of us in a room. And also you. Yeah.

I mean, we could theoretically do them after episodes. I mean, and Master Chief, too. Master Chief is also the way harder to get in a room. Exactly. The thing is that what people didn't realize is that there's been a new wave of covenant that have been fighting the galley. That's why we have. to change it. So we have to change it. Yeah. And then Mr. 9-1-1. Yeah, we hope it's 9-1-1. Mr. 9-11. Ian Drake. Thank you, Ian Drake.

Embry Morrison. Thank you. Thank you. Greg de Bruno for editing your pledge to $10. Whoa. Thanks, Greg. Greg, you get a call, I guess. Thank you, Twitter. New login to Twitter from Safari on iPhone. Thank you to Podbean for their new monetize your podcast webinar. Because we're trying to make a million dollars off this thing. Then we're going to have another book coming out. Thank you, Adobe Creative Cloud, video tips, live streams, and be hands-on-mind. Yeah, I can. Cameron, can't.

We need to make a website for this anyway. We should do a long time coming. We should do a link tree. Yeah, we should get a link tree going because I'm sick of putting everywhere you can find the episodes on the Twitter. Yeah. I'd rather just put one link tree link. A link tree. Uh-huh.

We should do a link tree going because I'm sick of. link tree we should get on link we should try we should do a box lock we should do a free we should we should upload patrick into manned space and lose him forever speaking of i'm gonna um probably tomorrow upload something so no to um i'm gonna upload the stinger knife throwing video fuck yes probably tomorrow did you rip it patreon no i haven't ripped it yet i'm gonna do all that tomorrow he's not he's not gonna do it nice if you guys and i'm gonna upload avatar too tomorrow on the discord if you just keep messaging me me personally. I will do it. Do it, please. It's easy. I know it's easy, but I have to get my

laptop out. I have to find my DVD burner. I have to get the disc. I have to open my eyes. I have to take away in second and breath. I have to get out of my hands. I'm unemployed. I have to get out of bed. First of all, I got to, I wake up at lunch time. I got to eat lunch. You do. Because you wake up and then you have to throw up because you ate one extra bite of a sandwich that you didn't mean to. Exactly. That happened because I was sick. I told you that in confidence, motherfucker. I wasn't referring to that. Oh.

You just... I told you about that, though. Yeah, I couldn't eat. No. I couldn't eat lunch. I tried to eat. I did tell me that. That was God's curse on you.

Yeah, for saying the things about lunch. Talking ass about breakfast, dude. Dude, I got... The ham and egg god just fucking struck you down. I got... I got the... I got real good cold cuts and ham. Sam from green eggs and ham.

I got good cold cuts. I got... I bet you did. I got panchetta. I got salami. I got proshoot. Yeah. I'm gonna go provolone in there.

I made like a real good sandwich. And he just cr-uped a cold-cut combo and I just like yarfed it. Dude, I'm gonna go cold-cut combo on your nuts right now if you don't stop talking. Yeah, we're trying to finish that episode. You bitch. I'm gonna ralph.