Podcast About List - LIVE: Austin and Chicago

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Live recordings from Austin on 5/16/22 and Chicago on 5/26/22. If these are awesome to you, you should buy tickets to PORTLAND, SEATTLE, and BROOKLYN at www.swagpoop.com/shows

Come in, come there, come there. Let me see your butt. Ah! You're a real crap monster. What the fuck is up? What's up? Hello? Oh, my God.

Hi. Hi. Hi. We are so glad to not be in Fort Worth right now. Oh, my God. Yesterday, we opened for a Led Zeppelin cover band. It's not a joke. We opened for a fucking Led Zeppelin cover band.

for a fucking Led Zeppelin cover band named Zosso. Show went well. I was going to go nuclear option and say Google Lori Maddox, but they didn't have to do that. Yeah, I've never opened for a Led Zeppelin cover band before. We were thinking maybe we just start playing Led Zeppelin music just on stage before they go up. They were so good, though. They were fucking fun.

They were so sick. We did the show on Fort Worth, and the guy was like, he was like, dude, that was great. That was such a great show. And it was so great. You guys can, like, stay for the Led Zeppelin Band for free if you want to. I really wish we did. We should have, yeah.

I wanted to share a green room with them, like, so bad. Me too. They got walking by, they would walk by and, like, look in and just feel like, no. And just walk out. There was a guy with, he had, like, bright green hair and a motorhead shirt on. And he kept, like, dropping every drum he picked up. Like, you pick up a piece of a drum and then just break it. Yeah.

He was fucking awesome. It was so sick. We like Austin a lot more. I'm really glad you guys came out. Thank you. Yeah, thanks, guys. So much, yeah. Thank you for keeping it weird.

I did notice it's a bit weird here. Yeah, it's a little bit weird here. There's kind of a weird vibe. I'm seeing some odd people with funny shirts on. Seriously, some funny shirts and some odd hats. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, kind of baseball or dad hat style. Yeah, why would you wear that?

And big pants, too. What's going on? in this weird-ass city. Yeah. That's weird. That's really weird. He's been on a bit of a shopping spruiter in this whole tour. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I have been. What are the things you bought? I bought, well, so the venue we went to yesterday was down the, it was downwind from the Dickies factory. Could smell the pants. I could, oh, I sniffed them out. I sniffed them out almost immediately. It was, I bought some really big shorts yesterday. Some terrible birth defects in the community's downwind from the Dickie's factory.

Yeah, they're all wearing coveralls and shit and yeah. Yeah, but I, no, I made, I made us go 20 minutes out of the way getting here because I found it. Do you know what the whole shebang is? It's a, the whole shebang, it's a type of chip. They only sell it like this specific private prison. Um, so they make like three types of chips. Uh, there's like whole shebang. There's like whole shebang fully loaded.

And then there's a, and then there's these ones here, which are called delicious. Really? Yeah. Let me see those? I don't know. I figured, you know, I figured make it special do like a live, you know, live taste test or something? Live taste test.

Do you guys want a live delicious chip taste test? I've done it enough on the show. What's on the side? What's the say about it? It says chips's original flavor. Yeah. It says chips, original flavor, and it also says ingredientes. It says ingredientes. Well, fuck, pop them open. I'm hungry. Here, I'll hold your mic for you. Okay, thank you. Oh, my God. I really thought that was going to jump out into the

a lot better. Yeah. I really thought that was going to kill somebody. I was going to pop out. We were like, like, it's going to be awesome. Somebody's going to have

the snake with them. They get to take it home. It's going to fly into the ceiling. I thought it was going to fly way higher. Go to shoot a whole right in the ceiling. Whoa. Not even your, how weak are you in ways?

We had a whole joke written about how it's the only joke we wrote. And now it's ruined. It didn't even. Why even do it? I don't know. Well, that's the end of the show. All right. Thank you. Good night. We are doing a list. We're going to do the podcast, actually.

We're not just going to do props. No, that's for the Vegas show. We're going to, we're opening for Caratop. Very big. We're doing it for six months straight. That's all we have. Yeah, we're doing the thing that bands on tour do where they share gear. We're sharing all of Caratop's props. Yeah, that was one of them. That was one of his props, the snake and the chip. He outdated it for the modern era because no one's buying peanut brittal anymore.

Yeah. So we're doing a list, and we actually do have a special guest with us. You may be familiar with him. He was just on stage. Please give it up for Pierce Campion, everybody. Keep it going for Pierce. Keep it going for Pierce.

He's from before. Hi. Hi, Pierce. Turn his mic on, please. Hi. Hi, Pierce. Yeah. How do you like Austin so far?

This is awesome. That? I don't think that was here before us. This is my favorite city I've been to. You think it's, okay. Dude, I wish that they sold those in prison. Me too. Those people deserve one more thing bad happening if you ask me.

I wish the snake was real. Yeah. So, we're doing a list today. People are the person to just get pranked. That should be the whole sentence. You just get, maybe you can, you should have an option to do half as much time, but you get pranked at least once for a day. If you get pranked every day. Like you'll just open a door to the bathroom. You've been fucking stamping license plates for 19 hours. Caleb, I do think a lot of people get really badly pranked in prison when they go in the bathroom. It's so interesting. I don't know what you're talking about. Can you imagine such a thing? They don't even get paid to do it. They do it from the love of the game. Well, then all is well in this beautiful world. I'm fine with it then. Yeah, we're doing a list today. It's called top.

10 deadliest big cats from the top 10s.com. Do you guys like big cats or something? What's going on with you? Across America, Europe, Asia, and Africa all over the world, the top 10 deadliest of the amazing family, the big cats. I would say the Kennedys might be the most amazing family personally. Whoa. Okay.

I might say the Kardashians. All right. So number one here, Bengal Tiger. Wow. Yeah, okay. Easy. What do you guys think? um it's orange right why did you pick this list i picked it because tiger biggest cat on earth very agile fast enough to hunt in wild thunderously striking fearless roar of tiger often used for voiceover of lion and cinema is most scaring noise can hunt anything that come before him live lonely while lion hunt with its pride most sharp teeth and strong jaws tear off easily fur of brown beer or lion my favorite tiger wow wow yeah so the reason i picked this

is because there are a lot of people who feel really, really strongly about a lot of different big cats. I had no idea. I didn't either. I don't think I've ever even seen a big cat in person. Yeah, you did? We mean even. We went to alligator adventure. They have a lion there? They had a bobcat. I thought they had alligators there. A bobcat barely counts

as a big cat. That's like a medium. That's a medium. Well, fuck you. No, a bobcat is a big cat. It's a medium cat. It's a medium cat. That's bigger than a house cat. What are you talking about? That doesn't mean it's a big cat is a, fuck. What you call Garfield, a big cat? No, it's not real. A house cat is a small cat.

Yep. What about a dog? Would you call that bigger? A big cat? Bigger than a cat, though. Bigger than a house cat, though. What about a giant rock? Would you call that a big cat?

You probably would. Yeah, a bear. Yeah, what about a bear? What about a cat the size of the universe? That's a big cat. That is actually a huge cat. That's actually probably the biggest cat ever. I don't count a bobcat or a lynx.

Those aren't big cats. Yeah, I don't think I would count them either. Then you're stupid. Huh? The beast! Sorry, the beast. The beast. That's a comment on tiger?

The beast. Okay. Yeah. The beast. I don't know if they're trying to say the beast are the best. I didn't even consider that. It could be both. The beast.

It's funny. Bengal tiger kill many people. In British India, one female tiger killed 400,000 people. They are deadliest cats. They can easily kill a lion. Lion is a baby in front of tiger. Learn something new every day. I didn't realize 400,000 people.

thousand people one tiger the same tiger it was one female tiger one female tiger killed 400,000 people they're so awesome and strong

they can kill the tiger equivalent of a baby that's true that's a good point yeah yeah actually that's really logical of you

yeah yeah we need you for the logic right it's actually not impressive if you can kill a baby yeah even a baby lion if you're a tiger it don't matter it says lion is a baby in front of tiger right so to a tiger

killing a lion is killing a baby oh yeah it's not that impressive I guess it's cruel yeah it's actually really mean thank God it's like it's like doing a backflit for for tigers I think doing a backflip is harder than killing a baby like a human doing a backflip is like listen I could not do a tiger kill I could not do a backflip I could probably kill like a hundred babies in a minute I'm just I'm trying to find it equivalent here. If I, if I, if I, if I had some kind of machine that I don't have, um, two, lion.

Yeah. The lion. Some whos and some booze. Some tiger fans. A man, it's contentious. Big had very polarizing. Controversial list. What's this, uh, legal tigers?

What's this fucking, I keep seeing these billboards that say like law tigers. Yeah. Was it illegal to be a tiger at one point? Oh, okay. I keep seeing the, you know what? I saw that in Virginia. That's not here. I love loin.

I do too. Please vote for the king. I am just a child. He wishes he could do more. He wishes he could be out on the street. You can't vote on the top. He's not even, he's not old enough to vote for it. Yeah, exactly. That's really heartbreaking. But when he grows up, he'll vote for loin. It's going to tip the scales. Lion's going to be number one, not tiger. Disgusting Bengal tiger.

Lions are born killers and will always be killers. My most favorite movie is a Lion King movie called The Lion King One, Two, Three by Rahul S, the Dinosaur Boy. I don't know what that means. I think the dinosaur boy might be number one deadliest. Yeah. I think that's really scary. It's all the evil in a dinosaur and in man. Yeah. Yeah. So, that, I mean, it's not a cat, but if it was a dinosaur cat boy. Yeah.

That'd be really terrifying. It might be really deadly and terrifying. Named Rahul. Named Rahul S. I feel like if you're a lion fan, you have to hate Lion King. Why? Because they talk and they eat all kinds of colorful toys. Did you guys think that Nala from the Lion King was really attractive growing up?

Yep. Yes. I actually rooted for Simba You are fucked up beyond all repair No, I rooted for him to get Nala Should I have rooted for myself instead? You thought I had a cuck fantasy Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Okay What's the S and Rahul stand? Scary, Stegosaurus? I don't think it's Stegosaurus. Come on. I want to go over there with them for the rest of the show. Number three is Siberian Tiger, different tiger.

It looks the same to me, I don't know No, actually there's snow in front of it Oh, yeah, yeah, that's a good point That's just the projector I like this tiger, third place is great I'm glad first place is a tiger I love them, go go tiger So nice and sweet

That one's just nice Yeah, that is very sweet Maybe smile when I read it Also this one, it true the tiger is 500 times stronger than a car What? A car? What proof do you have?

I feel like if you hit a tiger with your car... If you could... Yeah, it would take... If you hit 499 tigers with your car, your car would break. I think the 5... No, wait. No, if 400 cars hit a tiger, they would all break. But if 500 hit a tiger, they would both break.

Okay. That, now I get it. I get it now. I think that could be it. I love it. I can watch YouTube do math all the fucking day. I can just sit here. I'm actually, like, so good at math.

I can tell. Four. That's what comes after three. Oh, my God, really. Jaguar. It's looking at you guys. It's coming for you after the show. I hope nobody hears a bedwether.

Knowledge should have been a jaguar, way hotter. Oh, yeah. Or a house cat. Or a woman. What? What's, yeah, the thing that lives with you. What's sexier than that? It's a very good point.

You covet what you see every day, folks. especially when it's showing off like that. I just saw a video of a jaguar jumping into the river going underwater, snatching up a crocodile and dragging back up out of the water and into the jungle.

A crocodile has to be one of the top ten baddest water animals and a jaguar went to his turf and won and it's like it wasn't even a big deal for the jaguar. Me and my friends used to argue who would win in a fight Superman or the Hulk. But now we all agree that if we watch them fight

a jaguar would just jump in and snatch them up and drag them up into the jungle. I don't believe that. The scenario is so funny to me that you're imagining a fight between Spider-Man or, yeah, Superman and the Hulk and your friend's like, no, a Jaguar would just come out and eat them by the Hulk.

Yeah, those two characters are fighting next to a jungle. Yeah. Just outside. It's the same as saying like Spider-Man versus Batman, where the police would stop them. Yeah, exactly. Obviously, the police would win the fight. Yeah, yeah.

Then we got... Which they would. And also they should. Like, I don't know why they let them do that. Yeah, it's actually really not nice. This baby has something we call Total Control Overnight. I had no idea. I say that all the time.

Five, Liger. That's a cheat code. That doesn't count. Yeah, so it's a crossbreed, I guess, between a lion and a tiger. And as this person says, it half to tiger, half a lion. And I don't like crossbreeding, but the Liger is a mix of my favorite animal. I think you should analyze that for a second I want to hear more from this person

Yeah But you don't have anything from them We don't have anything from them A most moronic animal Come on He's out there trying his best Yeah he can't help it Yeah he can't help he's a freak

They're infertile right Liger? Yeah I don't know I saw a Liger when I was a kid They had won't like a Renaissance Yeah I saw Napoleon Dynamite too I saw a real Liger You said you saw V Liger?

I saw A Liger I don't think there are that many of them though Although that could have just been something they said At the Renaissance Fair To make a C4 I think it's like blimps I think there's like three in the U.S. It was so fucking big

It was probably like 10 feet long Do you think the lion It stood up on a ladder What's up? Did it juggle? What? Did it juggle? No

Did it eat something? There was a guy who juggled But it was separate I don't believe you saw a Liger at the Renaissance They probably said it was a Liger. It probably was

I was a child. Yeah. So it was big and you were a child? They called it a Liger. Okay. They said this was a Liger. Do you think the lion is like stoke to

fuck the tiger? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah, maybe they're never going to do that unless we make them do it, right? Yeah. So they might be like, well, fuck.

I guess they probably don't cross paths that often in the wild. Do you think, okay. There's no way. Do you think the mom was a lion? Well, so the dad was a lion? The lion, the dad has the cool hair. Yeah, so what if, okay, so here's what I'm thinking.

They probably painted the lion. No, because, okay, hold on. What? I forgot, no, a female lion looks like. I forgot what a female lion looked like. I forgot what it looked like. I thought they would paint the lion to look like a tiger. No, they put a wing on the tiger, I think.

I think that's how they did it. You're getting hung up on which one is the boy and girl. It doesn't, I don't think it matters. I'm not sure. I think it matters a little bit. I don't know if it matters. at all. But I think what does matter

is whether or not they painted them. Yeah. I think it might be easier to paint a tiger because you just... Yeah. Because it's just one dip.

You could dunk them, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually such a good point. Number six is a snow leopard. Great. A lot of snow leopard fans here. You guys love every cat.

Yeah, what's up with it? All right. We picked a good list. Snow leopard mostly live in snow. yeah just a little background information for you guys about the snow leopard it's hard for me to argue it same as leopard because same spot again again another another really good point that i didn't think about before i was looking at this list uh but number seven is normal leopard no class for normal nothing for normal leopard wow fuck this leopard it's a less cool snow leopard

i have to say um but this person says leopards are very fast dangerous smart clever and cunning they have no respect for lions. They are found in most of the places. They are mostly night hunters. They have very sharp teeth. If it attacks you, won't survive. In fact, Journal will die in few seconds. Mostly they are not afraid of bears.

They attack gorillas, but nothing can kill them. They have a good power of smelling. It has a six cents. They have very deadly nails. They can attack four people at a time. They are good swimmers, excellent climbers and best hunters. What's the sixth sense? Telepathy, I think.

Oh, okay. That makes sense. Yeah, it could either be telepathy or maybe cat sense. I would say the cat sense. Yeah, it might be the cat sense. Whisker might be whiskers. The sixth sense is whiskers. I like that it can attack four people at a time.

Let's do it. Yeah, it's like the... Let's go. There's a zoo here, right? Let's get a leopard in here right now. Mythbusters, we should reboot Mythbusters. We trust me. I would take one down.

Every myth is, can an animal attack four guys at a time? There's just us four walking into an animal's cage. No, we only got two. It doesn't say it can win against four people. That's true. It says it can't attack. I can attack. I can attack four guys, you four.

It's because it has four legs. Yeah, it just spreads out like this. Yeah, as long as the... It can jump up and do like a Matrix kick. Yes. Yeah, boy, it's like the Mike V of animals. Oh, okay. There's one person who laughed.

Thank God. That's all I needed. Number eight is a different kind of leopard I never heard of, an ammer leopard. That's not real. I don't know. Might not be real. I'm not sure. But they say, I think they are the most dangerous cats

on the planet, even though they are endangered, they still have the same right to earn a top place. I read online and even saw a picture that Amor Leopard had killed 15 birds, five wildcats, and two humans. Trying to make it a third. Let's make it three tonight. Let's go.

I like that... I miss read that. I thought that... I thought that it attacked two humans fucking. I thought it was an attack two humans. I like that it's ambiguous whether the leopard was trying to kill a third person

or if this guy really wants to get killed by a leopard. I'm trying to make it a third. He's talking about how many kids he's had. He's like, two, going for three. I don't know. We'll try it out. I don't like this leopard. Yeah.

I don't either. Attack two people trying to make a third. Leave them alone. Number nine is Cougar. Yeah. Yeah. These are pretty cool. I don't know.

Was responsible for Feathertail's death. Rose Wiesley Whose feather tail? Don't know. What's warrior cats? Oh, he doesn't know warrior cats. What the fuck are you? You're making shit up.

Did you write this? I don't think they were born that way. I thought concussions turned people into furries. I didn't know it was a book. Or poor home life. Yeah. But divorce. made people furries, not books.

I thought it might be poor boundaries with pets. That turned people on the furries. Poop, they poop a lot. That's what I think. Ha ha! Yeah. It's true. Probably true.

Number 10, Smiladon. What? It's a saber-toothed tiger. It's an extinct big cat. This isn't real now. It was real. It's not real. It was not real now.

It's not real now. Now it's a picture. Now it's just a picture. It can't hurt anyone. You have to draw a line somewhere Because if you can just add stuff that's not real now Do you say you have to draw a lion somewhere? No.

Let's go. The Smilodons are probably extinct Because they killed sometimes their own kind. If you look, oh, images of them most look very unfriendly So I am whessing the Smiladon is most dangerous cat. That's Hussein. Hussein. So I am Hussein.

I'm Hussein. I'm Hussein. The Smiladon is most dangerous cat. Can't be that deadly, it's extinct, L.O.L. That ain't nice, brother. That is kind of fucked up. Yeah, it is. It is kind of rude. I think they were very deadly back in the day, probably. They had big teeth. Is that not the same thing as a saber tooth? I think it's the same thing. From the Ice Age movies?

I think Sabretooth. Yeah, that's Dennis Leary. I think Sabreuth Tiger is like a colloquial name. Because Smiladon wasn't like good enough? That's the best name I've ever heard. It's a cool name, yeah, because it makes me think it smiles. It kind of does. Okay, so this is the contenders. ones that didn't make the top 10. There's a few of these here. Number 12, the Cheetah. Cheetahs are beautiful, lovely creatures. My friend and I are both very fast. Therefore,

Cheetah is our shared nickname. Does that mean there's Cheetah when it's the two of them? Yeah, but if it's only one of them, they don't say anything. You can't say, yeah. There's Debbie. Fast Debbie. She's fast, but if she was with her friend, they would be Cheetah. Yeah, she's fast by herself, but you should see her be Cheetah. with one other guy. They get into like a cheetah costume. It's like one half.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like one of the horse costumes. Yeah. Yeah. Number 13 is Taigon. Okay. These only exist. If it's a female, the males are ligers.

If I'm wrong, these don't exist. My dad's an animal sensitist. I believe them. Yeah. I think this person might be an animal scientist, too. Yeah. Sensitist. Sensitist, yeah.

It's different. Sinsatist. Yeah. It's someone who's a scientist. sincerely interested in animals. Number 16 is jag lion. A hybrid between a jaguar and a lion, a very, very strong cat. Sounds interesting.

Suck me off! Yeah. Suck me off! That's just rude. Are they saying suck me off? Like, oh, this would never fucking exist. What I want to know is why somebody went on this list scrolled all the way down to number 16 before

commenting, suck me off. You could have done it right at the top. Do it at the first two, yeah. What is it about jag lion that makes you want to get sucked off? I don't know. Oh, because you're jagging your line. Oh, that's probably what it is. Your line.

That's actually a really good point. Because you're jagging your line off. And they're like, suck me off. Right. Yeah, suck my line off. Suck my lion off. Number 19 is Sabretooth cat. These aren't actually aren't cats.

Look it up. Sorry on top tens, it's really hard to get the period key on the keyboard to work, so I use exclamation points. Uh, yeah, they're actually not cats. I looked it up, too. Isn't that fucked up? They only used one exclamation point. They'll use two. Caleb can't count.

It's Caleb's bad at math. Not me. He can't even count to two. He's very stupid. Yeah. You're not going to clap for me? Okay, fine. Yeah.

That happened out of nowhere. I'm stupid. That was crazy. Oh, my God. All right, this next one's the last one, but it's probably my favorite one on here. Is it white tiger? What? Is it white tiger?

Stop guessing. That was my first guess. Stop. Stop. Don't do it again. Okay, wait. Actually, you get one more guess. Yeah, one more guess.

You're not going to, I promise you won't guess what it is. Black Panther. No. No, wrong. Okay, here it is. Number 20 is Giant Cheetah. People, you need to stop adding random cast to this list. There is no such thing as a Giant Cheetah.

There is a giant cheetah. Search it up. No giant cheetahs exist. There is giant cheetahs. Cheetahs, check your facts. Check in the net, you people. Yeah, it's fake. There's no such thing as a giant cheetah. I looked it up. I got so excited. I had my heart skip to beat. Well, the biggest cheetah in the... That's like a... Like, there's, like, a record for, like, biggest cheetah. I'll say it. Every fucking cheetah's giant to me. Yeah, also that.

Cheetahs actually aren't that big, so you must be really small. I think maybe the coolest, the coolest cat's actually probably the blue line. I feel like I think that Blue Lion might have been on there and I just didn't put it in because of the comments. There was a bunch of ones like this that were like, yeah, the crazy lion.

The evil tiger. You run out of cats pretty fast, I guess. There are only so many. Yeah. Yeah, but so that's the list. That's the list, y'all. Yeah. Everyone makes a round of applause

for Pierce, please. Yay! Thank you for coming. Yeah. What's happening for? Come in, come here, come in. Let me see your butt. to the ball list.

Every crap monster. Yeah! How's everyone doing? What's up, Chicago? How are y'all doing? Excited to be here. Excited. This is... That's you. We're very excited. We made some big changes.

I got a haircut. Yeah, check this out. Dude, bend over. Bend over. Show them. Show him the whole thing. I don't need that. I don't need it anymore. Just look at that.

Check that out. Do you guys think he looks like Eminem? Just like him. He looked just like Eminem. I looked like B-Rabbit. I bleached that this morning. He did. It's sick, dude.

It's completely bright orange. Turn that way. I missed right here. He missed a big spot. Yeah. You look like a scary older man at a Brock Hampton concert. I feel like a rapper.

Damn. You just got diced. Fuck, dude. Couldn't even hear him. He's the fastest rapper in the world. That's a good idea. You'd be the best battle rapper ever because your rap is so fast.

They don't know if it was good or bad. They're going to slow it down. It's like that guy from the micro machines commercials. Who's old here? Who's the oldest person here? What are you talking about? You know, it would be fast enough. I love the 80s on VH1.

It'll be like, you're like a samurai. where you're doing a batter wrap, and you hold the mic up to your mouth, and then nothing happens, you put it down, and then all the wrap comes out after you put it down really fast. The screen flash is red.

That's smart. Yeah, they'd have to slow it down to even know what I'm talking about. So they might just declare me the winner at the battle before they even listen. They have to, like, go to the back room. They have to, like, rewind a... Yeah, a big referee comes up.

I have to hear what he just said. They're, like, circling your mouth with, like, an arrow. It's an instant replay of the projectile, like the path of my tongue, like a golf ball. Well, at this point in the rap, he said that his mom was gay. They weren't supposed to hear that part. That was supposed to be mixed in. Oh, man.

We came here to rap. Yeah. We're mostly here to rap. We hear this is a great rapping venue. Yeah. Yeah, so we're excited. I ate an Italian beef last night. We went to Portillo.

I have so much diarrhea. Is that like a good place? Because I feel like fucking shit. It was perfect, but I'm paying for it. Yeah, it was a bad decision. Yeah, I know. I'm feeling really, really bad. And then they had the gall to put hot peppers on top of it, too.

I was like, I'm already eating two whole cows in one sandwich. Yeah. This is bad. I think that also maybe you feeling bad might be because you were in a closed bathroom with fumes for an hour. I don't think that was it. I don't think, um, I did have a tied. trash bag on my head to keep the bleach from getting anywhere. My mouth was

in the trash bag as the bleach is sitting on my scalp. It was a full trash bag. I forgot you're supposed to get like a shower cap or something. Not for me. I had a Walgreens bag. Yeah. No, it wasn't it was a green bag. It was a, I was worried that the bag, the dive from the bag. It was a Chicago

colored bag. Dude, that was a green bag. They don't sell green bags at Walgreens. They sell white bags with Walgreens print on them. I know their bag. The green bag didn't turn your hair green. True. Yeah, that would have been bad. Good. Good. Fucker. I'm not answering you.

Should we hop into the list? Do you want to do that? Yeah, I guess we can. Do we have anything else we got to talk about? I don't know. Do you have anything else? Does anybody else have anything we need to talk about? Then I think we can do the show.

Let's go. All right, we got a list, everybody. We're going to do it for real. The top ten worst. The top ten worst last names. Patrick did this one. Me and Cam haven't seen it. This is a list I,

made this morning. Yeah. Why don't you hand me the clicker. Okay, here you go. All right. You know how to use it? You just press the next button to go to the next slide.

All right, cool. So who did this one? I don't think it's working. Is it not working? It's not going to read to 80% of the people in the room, Pat. They're putting a green light on my penis. All right, then move forward. It didn't even read to me.

Can you guys see this? This crass thing he's doing? It has a green laser in it? Yeah. Holy shit. No, but seriously, what is that? Where'd that thing go? No, where is that, though?

What is it? Let me grab, hold on, where'd it go? I don't know. Where is it? It's right here. It's right here. Can you get that? He got it!

Whoa! So this is the top ten worst last names. So number one here is, I mean, I feel like this is probably obvious. Okay. Beaver. Yeah. Yeah. Yo, shots fired.

I don't know if he got any Beliebers in Chicago. I think he was born here. Is he? He was? I think. She was? Damn. That's right.

Justina? No thank you. So, first one is Bieber. Here's what somebody had to say about this. Yuck, this reminds me of Justin Bieber. Too much. And I think he sings like a little girl. I think maybe Caleb wrote that.

I know. I didn't because it would have sounded like, due to my rap ability. Yo, anything that reminds me of Justin Bieber reminds me of Justin Bieber too much, am I right? That's right. Yeah. I do like that they didn't think immediately like, oh, yeah.

It's not who this is named after right off the bed. This is not who it's about. They're like, this reminds me too much of him. That couldn't be him. There's not another Beaver that I know of, except for his hot mom. Is he my hot mom? And his wife.

She at least acts hot. Yo, imagine marrying Justin Bieber and taking his name. Hell now, it couldn't be me. That's right. Worst last name ever. Number one, it's on the list. One worst last name. That's the only reason I wouldn't marry you.

This is fucking beautiful ass, too. Here's something somebody else said. I think someone is called Jamela Bieber. Not the best name to have. Ha! They're right. I think Jamela Bieber might be the, the best name to have.

I disagree. I think maybe a little better. Imagine if his name was Jamila Beaver. We would probably be doing Lincoln Hall instead of Shubas. Here's another. We'd probably be doing the freaking bean. Yeah. That's right.

You guys know the bean? Yeah. Yeah. The bean! Yeah. That thing is awesome. What is there to say? It's a perfect thing.

It's big. It's round. You can see your mom, but she looks 30% fat. matter in it. It's fucking cool. I still haven't seen it. All right? What are you expecting to get for that? I was expecting a sympathetic...

Are you expecting the entire crowd at Unisend to say, go see the bean. See the bean. See the bean. See the bean. See the bean. Okay. Bitch ass. You guys have malleable brains. Next one here. I'm still not sure how to pronounce it. By aber.

B. Iber. Beabr. Beabr. Beabur. It's something like that. Yeah. Something along those lines. So that was the last.

Oh, the way you pronounce it is Beber. Because that's how he sounds. Okay. That's fucking fire. Plus that's gay to sound like that. Yeah. I'm going to have to add you to my rap crew. Yeah.

That sounds fun. So the next one. Not you. You're not in. I know. I'm just saying it sounds fun. Yeah. The next worst last name.

Any guesses? Beaver's number What's, we're starting really high. Beaver's number one, what could number... Yeah. You guys are cheering for Hitler, yo. What the hell is that? Why the fuck did you want that?

You're supposed to boo it. What the fuck is we on the screen? You immediately... We're filming the show. We're releasing only that clip. Yeah. You're all right to jail. And it's going to reflect that way on you, not us.

Individually, we're going to January 6th you, to fucking go to their house full combat gear at their house yep each one of your house you know i call being the shaman uh so the first comment here i feel so sorry for any germans who have this as a first name or a last name no i feel sorry for anyone who has this for a first name or a last name and then another comment here anyone with this name would be taken as a joke because he has a he was a German dictator during World War II. This last name is just sad. Hitler has a first name.

I think we can say now, just from this list, the worst name possible is Hitler Bieber. Yeah. I never considered Hitler as a first name. Because, like, I mean, anything can be a first name. You don't mean a lot of Hitler's. You got a good point, Pat. Anything can be a first name if you have weird enough parents is the thing.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. That would be, I feel like that just be top ten worst parents. I think I've talked about this on the podcast, but there's a guy in my hometown whose name is branch leaf olive. Oh, yeah. I think I also told you guys.

He killed a guy. I just remembered. He was breaking into a guy's car and the guy was like, can you knock that off? And he stabbed him and he killed him. That's way. Branch leaf olive. Imagine booking him. It's such a peaceful name.

The guy used to. The guy who ordered from the store that I worked out named Swastick Car. That's not. pretty pretty uh pretty difficult yeah uh here's another comment here i knew some bastard would make hitler number one i guess it was number one at some point uh i've heard way worse than any of these such many american presidents and several commies scumbackers not to mention churchill also jackoff and he was a captain so captain jackoff also butt ram who was a sports announcer on a local

television and mr fuchs my physics teacher you cannot go into teaching if you your last name's fucks. They should literally, that should be like, they should say no. You can't do that. They should have, like,

a, like, at least change your, it's so easy to change your net. Yeah. You should, you know, like the test,

they make you take in high school and guidance where it says what job, they need to, like, screen for that. And it should say if your last name is like

fucked or, or, I had a math teacher in high school whose last name was Kowshik. Oh. Yeah. And they should literally

just tell you, you can't. It's already kind of, it's like a litmus test because you're already so stupid you didn't change your name by 30. It's for their own good. Yeah, yeah, no. Somebody replied to this and said,

the three names you mentioned, jacked off fucks, and buttram are unfortunate sounding, but Churchill, are you serious? Hitler, on the other hand, is a hideous name to have. What can I tell you? Damn. Yeah. Which, yeah, no, they're like, what kind of,

what innuendo do you get out of Churchill? What innuendo do you get out of Hitler? Oh, well, hold on. So, he was a dictator during World War II. And it's just sad. It's a sad. It's a sad. It's a sad name. Yeah.

All right. What's number three? Number three is Hooker. Okay. Seriously, who would want a last name that means you sleep with people for money? It's a cool name. It is kind of a cool name. Yeah, it is kind of a cool name.

It's like Captain Hook. Yeah. With an ER. It's even cooler. I guess that's true. Wasn't there, there's a blues. city? Yeah, I see a lot of blues fans

in the audience. There's a lot of blues fans here. I can tell you guys are blue heads. Fucking John Lee, yeah. Holy shit, I didn't even have to say it. Oh, my fucking God. Huge blues fan here. The city's as stupid as people said it was.

This is awesome. What else did they say about this? How just what a hooker really? Yeah, pretty exasperated. That's what I thought too when I saw that. Yeah, how just what a hooker? Hooker, really? How just, what?

How just, what? Oh, okay, I see it now. There's supposed to be ellipsies here. How? Just, what? Hooker? Really? Yep. You didn't see that before?

No. You thought it was a full, complete sentence? I thought that was a normal sentence here. Yep. Uh, the next one here is, uh, brown. There's not a... Oh, okay. Wait a second here.

What the fuck, Pat? What the hell's going on, man? It's not a bad last name. Not as good as white. Not white enough. Read that shit out. Last name equals mass name. Which what the fuck does that even mean?

And then, because Evan is a dick. I'd like to think that this is a conversation that they were having. Last name equals mast name. I think that's a... What is that? I can't even guess, actually. Yeah. Yeah.

I was going to say something about... in there because I was really fucking confused. That's a good reason to put something in a live show, yeah. If it confuses you. Yeah, why'd you put the one through two and three? I don't know. Okay. Just checking.

What's the next one here? That's good, but like if you're making up names, I might as well. Yeah. They should have a filter that cuts out spam of people just mashing their keyboards. Yeah, 15 more Zs, and people still are going to believe it's Polish, so just, it's fine. I think there was a comment on this one, or, no, it's another Polish last name. They're not really cool to the Polish last names on here. This is my art teacher's last name, and it's pronounced Shabilski.

Which, I don't know, is that true? No, not at all? What's that pronounced, Pat? go ahead and try I don't want No, go ahead Just give it a College try

If you want to do The racist list You have to do it Yep This is all you Nope Nope Hrabelski

It's the opening of Shhh What's the next one here This is Crapper My last name is crapper and I own a cracker

I am awesome for my like freakness CC damn wow that is a bad last name yeah that's rough yeah but I don't think I've known anybody named crapper I don't think that's a last name unless someone here has got the last name crapper

anyone anybody crapper reference damn crap that's fire that was shot here yeah wow yeah anything the best show of your life Uh, what's this next one here? Rat hood.

I like how you... Rat hood. Rat hood. Makes you sound homeless. I think it makes you sound like a rat. Yeah. Wouldn't it? No, it's Mr. Ratburn, I'm thinking of.

From Arthur. Yeah, the gay rat. The gay rat. Yeah, Mr. Ratburn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a Chicago thing?

Arthur? Arthur? That takes place in Chicago? Arthur was set here, yeah. Did it take place in Chicago? real city? We walked by him earlier today, dude. Arthur. Oh, that was him. Yeah. I didn't recognize him with

different clothes on. Yeah. Yeah. He is different now. He changed. He grew up. What did they just cancel that? And they just canceled Arthur? What the hell? Did they just cancel Arthur? Did they cancel Arthur? Did they really just cancel Arthur? Didn't it just have the last season? Did they actually

cancel Arthur? Can somebody answer me? Next slide. He's a bar. Come on, man. I think this is an awesome last name. I love gay people because I'm bisexual. I really want this last name. And then two people said,

you are awesome and I respect you. That's nice. Yoshi, dude, respects gay people. Would you ever date somebody just for their last name? Just to try and take their last name from them? I'm bisexual, so I date people who's last name's kid. Yeah. Yeah, here's another one here.

Obama. Yeah! What's right? wrong with the president what's wrong with this well somebody answered they said worst president ever graduated from the drunk sailor school of economics and greece at the top of his class that's fucking right yeah yeah yeah yeah drunk sailor school of economics i love like hear it like when a kid clearly's just repeating whatever their dad said yeah it's the best yeah and just see like obviously fucked it up this is not what his dad said yeah he was just saying this at school i actually do

know somebody who graduated from there Really? Who was it? My uncle Paul. Wow. Yeah. What do he graduate with? Not the top of his class. He was there for an art major.

It's a bad art school. Yeah, it's a terrible art school. This next one here is Focker. It's pretty gay. Yeah. I've never heard that last name. Well, there's a couple movies I want you to see. Really?

Yeah. I might have to check those out. And let me tell you, one of the guy's first names, it's pretty obvious. out there, too. Yeah. I can't wait to see it. Here's a hint. I hope it's poop or something.

That'd be really fun. Close. Really? Oh, man. Blooper? Is that what you said? You hope it's blooper fucker? I said poop.

Oh. All right. That's better than blooper fucker. Here's the other one here. Pinguish. We got the Pinguish clam showed out tonight. The whole Pinguish fans. Remus fans.

YouTube poop. Edward Pinguis, as usual I see. Everyone will be embarrassed by this sentence. It does also remind me of a YouTube poop. I can't remember which one. Uh-huh. Yeah. Here's another one.

What? I don't like the amount of stars on this one. Yeah, me neither. At first I was like, oh, okay. It's a really bad name. It's obviously fucker. That's... I don't know.

Right. And I want to know what their last name is. They thought this was bad. Yeah, true. This guy must have a really bad last name. Hitler. Yeah. Drew.

Yeah. Here's another one here. Coin. If somebody called you coin, then you must change yourself into a coin. I never thought about that before, but that makes a lot of sense. And that's the last one I could find on that list. Okay. Well, that's the list, ladies and gentlemen.

That's it.