Podcast About List - UNLOCKED #313 - Honk Honk

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

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Lord had some bangers back in the day you can't even. Oh, yeah. No, obviously, but then Jack Antonoff came into the picture and then it all fucking sounded the same. Clap it up. New clap. Beauty. It was a nice one.

I just never, for me, it never recovered from Royals. Yes. Dude, you need to listen to foil. Yeah, yeah. Aluminum foil by a weird owl. I know. I know what you're going to say. It is good, man.

It has Patton Oswald's in the video. Patton Oswald's in it? Yeah, dude. He plays, if I remember correctly, in the aluminum foil. video by Weird Al. Pat and Oswald plays the director of the TV show Weird Al is hosting the cooking show or some shit.

And then at the end, it's revealed that Pat and Oswald is a lizard person. Dude, you must have watched a different video than me because the one I watched just had the words to the song on the screen. Yeah, blue background. Yeah, blue background white words. Yeah. No, that was a good name for an album right there. Yeah, blue background, white words. I was wondering when the first, the first artist that's going to do that.

I wonder who the first artist that's going to, like, that's going to, oh, wait, fucking pink panthers did it. Yeah, it's true. Blue backgrounds have already did it, though. Yeah. Look at us. And shoes on as well. You are blues. We are kind of twin in.

Blue twins, blue twins with our black scepter, string beans, skinny guys. The blue twins that play with a black scepter every day. skinny. The blue twins that share a black scepter. I get the first shift. You get the second shift. Because you're so skinny you're like a scepter.

I was saying I'm fat skinny. Yeah. He's not that skinny. Dude, okay. He's not that skinny. He's not that skinny. He could be skinnier. I've worked really hard to get into the in between.

Yeah. You were a little string bean ass. And you were fat. You were fatter than a whale. I was huge. I think I'm like reaching that point again. You also were a little string bean. You've been both. You've been both. You were every phone of you. You always post

pictures of you as a string bean and say, look, I was a string bean. Yeah. I was never that skinny. I was that skinny. I was that scale. Well, I was on Adderall. Yeah. You were on Adderall when you were fat. No, I wasn't. For a time. No. Yeah, man. What are you talking about? You got an Adderall prescription in New York. Oh, yeah. I was the fattest guy ever. You were fucking disgustingly fat. No, I wasn't fat then. I was. Oh, okay. That was when I was getting fat again. But you were climbing. I was climbing, but I was like normal weight for me then.

I was probably 200 flat. I'm probably, honestly, I haven't weighed myself in a while. I'm probably 220 again. If I get to 230, I got to, I got to weigh, you know. There's no way you're 220. I'm 220. I weigh 190. You're not 30 pounds.

220 pounds? I think I, well, I weighed myself a clothes on. You're probably 205. You wear 30 pounds of clothes. Yeah, we're 30 pounds of clothes My pants are heavy I do, I can't There's something weird about me

Where I can only wear heavy pants And you're wearing a pot for a hat Yeah, I wear my big cast iron pot Nobody wears that pot hat My Kevlar, my two My two fucking Kevlar Whatever they're called plates Plates, I wear my plate vest

Yeah, yeah Barrel You got it away yourself You gotta start rucking man It's really good What's rucking Rucking is where you wear A heavy backpack

and going along. You walk around. Why did you give up on the jinks? You guys were starting one. We were. Well, I was letting him speak. You should have joined in the jinks. You need to attempt more jinks in your life because it is very special.

You said I only have ten more jinks. No, you need to attempt more. But actually, I'm going to go with what you said. You only have ten more jinks in your life. Well, then I'm not going to jinx because I don't want to die.

That's true. No, no, you won't die as soon as you do your tenths. What does it mean then? Like just you won't jinx again for the rest of your life. Which will be. very short.

Nobody said anything about you dying after the jinxies. How would you continue to if someone said you have no jinxes left how are you not killing yourself immediately?

Because I don't live for jinxes. They're just simple things that happen that are fun but they don't dominate my life. I'll expunge all of my jinxes because I don't want to owe

anyone a Coke. I don't want to owe a single person. Has anyone ever actually gotten the person of a coach? I was forced to one time. Dude, you are weak.

Yes, by me, right? No. Oh, yeah. Actually, twice. It's happened. Yeah. It's happened to me two times. One time, I have never seen a Coke change hands. You made me get you a Coke. You weren't allowed to talk in the car until you got me with the guest stage.

Yeah. And then one time, my cousin did it to be. See, that's funny. That's funny to make your friend actually have to get used. I'm a rule of bider. Yeah. It's abusive. It's abusive, but sometimes it's funny to abuse your friend.

It's abusive. It's not forcing. It's if I decided to recuse myself from the guy. game of jinx, then you can't do that. That's abuse. You can't. That is abuse. Recusing yourself from jinx is abuse. Recusing yourself from jinx is no longer speaking. Yeah. Well, but that's

also the same as playing it. Yeah, exactly. Until you buy the Coca-Cola. No, it's not because playing it is you only stop speaking after you jinx. Dude, here's a problem with the couch, man. Yeah. I am so I am such a, I just like getting comfortable. So I'm

just going to kind of problem. Some, okay. I need to be locked in, man. I need to be... We did like six or seven years of this on a couch. And then we started... But I remember when we... Seven years of this on a couch.

No, we did... You don't know. What are you talking about? We did, okay, we did it. We did like two months on a couch. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're being crazy because we would record at his house on the couch.

And then we would also... No, no, no. We would not record on his couch. Nope. Fallacy. Full fallacy. Yeah, we were to record on his Rumpel Stiltskin wheel. On his bed.

Oh, yeah. On my bed. Well, we were to court on my bed. A couple people would sit on your bed and maybe one person in a chair. No, we were in the living room on his couch. Oh, he's talking about in Boston. You're talking about in New York. Yeah.

Oh, I was talking about. There's probably, that was not years also. That was mere months. That was a two years. No. No, that was a very short period of time. Okay. You guys would visit.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, New York. Very, very short period. My couch and my house, my old house in Boston. Yeah, that was, that was what I was talking about, and I said maybe two months. Did that one a lot. I think collectively, maybe a year we've recorded this again. Maybe we should go back to a couch. But I'm just so anti-couch because I just don't like him.

No, you're crazy. Every video podcast. Some of the best things. You're going to like that's like that's like that's. See, this is the problem, man. The thing's fucking falling apart. Some of the best things we've ever come up with have been on a couch. But not on video.

Yoda de la ghetto? That was on a couch. That was not on a couch. That was maybe on a couch. No, that was. That was in my, that was in my apartment when my, uh, when my apartment was a different layout. That was in front of my computer. Chinese Seinfeld.

Don't even remember that one. Don't remember it, man. But also, these are all things. These are also, can I be honest? They sound like shit. They sound pretty bad. They sound stupid. Not to the fans.

I'm, honestly, we got to give back to our fans. I'm couch and I have the heater blasting on my neck. The heater is, I mean, that, this has got to go off. Yeah, why is the heater on? This has got to go off. It was cold. It was cold earlier. But now I'm being blasted.

Well, there's a... The remote's over there. I'll go get it. Okay, thank God. What the fuck? It's... Roodness. Microphone, rudeness.

What? How that's that rude? Microphone, the way that you threw it down was rude. It was rude. See, this is what I mean. It invites so much movement. I hate it. It's too much...

And this fucking shit keeps falling. That's your fault. That happens no matter where you sit. This stupid thing, man. Push the cushion back in. do this. I didn't do this. I didn't do this. Get up and move it. See, no, I don't want to move.

Get off the couch and then move the cushion back in. Okay, okay, you win. We can fix it. You went because you're being so mean. Our brand new couch. Everything's perfect. But guys, a new set is loading. I promise you that.

Yes, we have a new set. These flats aren't sitting out here for nothing. We've been busy. There's flats. We got a couch. We also had to do some other secret stuff. There's so much red stain. around your penis.

These are new pants, too. And look at this. I was noticing this as well. Yeah. Yeah. These are my... Were you bathing in blood? That's from the ice cream.

You have a line right here. These I didn't notice until just now. I bought these pants recently. Here. Here. That's blood for sure. You know what? This could be.

It was probably someone's Halloween pants. I wanted to find your butt. I did see a lady on the train the other day who had white shoes on and she had blood splattered just at the tip of both of her shoes. Whoa. Christian Bale, American Psycho vibes.

Yeah, it was scary to me. That's frightening. And another frightening thing, guys, right before I came here, I was walking the dog, I was walking Phil, and we were just walking, and he was smelling something, and I was like, oh, he seems really into smelling this, and then he took a bite of it, and I realized that it was a homeless guy's crap. And that was really nasty. How much crap has Phil eaten?

It was a second time he's eating hobo crap. Hobo? Yeah. Come on, man. Don't say hobo. That's where you draw the long. You can say hobo. No, dude, that's what they got Miranda Cosgrove on, dude.

Saying hobo? They canceled Miranda. They canceled Miranda Cosgrove for saying hobo. When? Look this up. This is the annals of Twitter history. The annals. The annals.

The halls. Trying so hard to not call it in in inals. The annals. The annals. The annals. You can say hobo crap. You can't say hobo crap. Hobo, I think

Actually, hobo, there needs to be a train involved. This is right, this was right by train tracks. Both times was right by train tracks.

You're right. This could have, was there a chalk symbol? I don't know. That was too focused on the fact that my dog just ate human crap

that probably had passed through drugs. Because hobos had, they had chalk language. You're talking about the clown hobos. No. No. They had chalk language. they would do.

Hey, buddy, to me, they're all clowns. It would be, get a job. It's much more offensive. See, that's way more offensive than saying hobo. Tell them to get a job. To tell homeless like that. People to get a job. They can't get a job.

They can't get a job. They can't get a job. They can't get a job. They can't get a job. They're stupid. Oh, I got a job for them. Human shield. How about human feeding machine for my awesome dog?

Yeah. What about human being, guys? That's not a job. Please. That's not a job. You can't get a job being in here. I dare you. I think they almost guys are jobbers.

Yeah. sense of like they're always losing and looking pathetic and jober means that and wrestling yeah something i don't care about wrestling at all but you tangentially learn about when because it's they usually they talk about it and they do it and talk about it in fighting games and things and oh yeah and every other type of thing all the wrestling who's a fighting game leeches in i actually don't know if they say that about fighting games i think i'm okay of uh well who would be who would be a fighting game character or a tv show character that's a jobber that we could

use as a reference. That we could roast. Yeah, and we could also roast them. I don't fucking know, man. Whoever just loses all the time. Okay, Glass Joe. Who's that? Oh, from a punch out.

Punch out. Glass Joe, you French frog bastards. I don't know what I'm talking about. What about that glass guy from Spongebob? He seemed to have a very hard life. That was bubble buddy. That was not bubble buddy. There's a glass guy in Spongebob.

Yeah, dude. You've got to be joking. Yeah, are you kidding me? Sandy? Sandy's house? Yeah, I'm talking about Sandy's house, the glass guy in SpongeBob. Doesn't it get up and walk away one day? My bones are made of glass, my paper, my skin is made of paper machet. Every night I have heart attacks until I fall asleep.

I've never seen this. What? Chocolate? Oh, the chocolate guy. And then it ends up, no, the chocolate episode. I know about that. But the no, the chocolate. You're thinking of the chocolate guy is a guy who says chocolate.

This is not the chocolate. The chocolate guy. The chocolate guy. No, he's not the chocolate guy. No, no, no. He sells the bags to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the twist.

I know the chocolate guy, though. Which I actually didn't even know the twist until the most recent time that I watched. I didn't understand when I was a kid that it was the same guy. You had to be very stupid to not get that as a kid. Even I got it. Maybe I was on my phone. Well, you didn't have a phone back then. You didn't know who he was.

I forgot who he was, but when I remembered, I knew exactly who it was. So let's unpack that real quick. What cartoon did you watch growing up? I watched all of them. All of them is the most, I didn't watch cartoons fucking answer, you could have said. Evil Concarne, Code Leoco. That's a crazy second and a crazy third as well. But ugly Martians.

I forgot about but ugly Martian. Jimmy Neutron. You watch My Gym Partner's a Monkey? My Gym Partner is a Monkey. Camp Laslo. Camp Laslo. Steve Little, bro. My life is a teenage robot.

Fucking in. Yeah, Stevie Genowski. Yeah. What other shit that I watch? What's the most obscure cartoon that I watch that you watch that you. you probably don't even fucking know about Yu-Gio?

I didn't watch that show. It's obscure. I was Yami Yugi for Halloween when I was in first grade. My mom didn't like it. My mom didn't want me

getting into anime. And so she made me go to school with Scooby-Doo. It's embarrassing. That's a shame. I was pissed off because she said that's a violent costume

and the school's going to get mad at you. Yugi? Yeah. Scooby-Doo is much more fun. Because of the chains. Yeah. Scooby-Doo is constantly hitting people.

You were wearing chains? Well, Yamagugi has changed Or it's Yamagyu You dressed up as a slagy. Yamaghi is the big one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yamaghi has like a chain around his neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you were going as the big one. Your mom didn't want you to go to school dressed up with a chain around your neck? It was a fake chain. It was like, you know, printed onto the foam. And she thought that was violent? She was like, your school's going to say that's violent. I don't want you going out as that.

You must have gone to be Scooby-Doo. Ooh, a school. I didn't. You did. That was the thing, too. Kids were in there as soldiers. Soldiers. soldiers aren't violent soldiers are peaceful soldiers are inherently

soldiers are violent yama yugi is not he plays cards most soldiers are completely violent no most soldiers use windows seven every day that's their job different back in oh four it was even more it was even even older uh system windows n t yeah it was a very very old system and then maybe do a little cooking mm that's true m r e cooking yeah no not m r e man. No, they're cooking MREs. It's all they eat.

At a fucking naval base in San Diego? I think my uncle went to either Iraq or Afghanistan. I forget which one, but he came back with a bunch of MREs. Why are you so afraid to follow his footsteps? Because I honestly do not fuck with this country as a leftist American. No, I'm saying we... Saying F this country. Let's...

I'm saying as a visitor. Canada annex us. You think I wouldn't go to Afghanistan if it was all expenses paid? I do think that. I do think you would not go. I do think you would not go. I don't think you would go. You won't even go into the woods with us to activate mindfulness. I don't care about that. And I would rather go to a desert. You think Afghanistan is just a desert. No. No. I think a good amount of it is a desert. Erase the culture. Go ahead, man. Get rid of every part of Afghanistan. I see it as a bustling metropolis filled with paintings on every ceiling. Yeah. I mean, wall.

Yeah, frescoes, beautiful Afghani frescoes. They have Afghani frescoes that show all the ninja Did that blanket? Yeah. The Afghan blanket. It's got holes in it, man. That's a blanket a lot of people use in America even. Yep. And they were featured in multiple Transformers movies, I would have to think.

And plenty of movies, actually, now that it comes to my... Is Afghanistan a big part of Transformers? I was kind of consider Afghanistan to be the second L.A. I agree. It's L.A. East. Yeah. L.A. Far East. Yeah. Middle East.

Well, I was even called the Far East. Far East is China. L.A. Far East would be... I don't know. What is the L.A. Hong Kong. Hong Kong. Hong Kong, dude.

But right in the middle, and that's what's so amazing about Afghanistan is it's the geographical middle between Hong Kong and Los Angeles. Do you know that the car horn was invented there? The car horn? Where? Dude, it's racist. That's pretty good. I never heard that one before. I just thought of it.

You just came up with that? I just thought of it myself. that car horn was invented there. That's good. Dude, it's problematic. How's that problematic?

Dude, just like it's a fatherly joke. That's like a joke that a father and uncle would say. But it's better than that. I like that joke, man. Yeah. Whatever.

These just come out of me every day. Wow. It doesn't even matter to me. You should write some of them down sometimes I do on my stage says that stupid bullshit

you do dressing up as a vampire fucking idiot you should try some of these because these are funny dude I was watching some Hong Kong movies I was watching some John Woo movies

I thought of one earlier as well that I couldn't even say because we moved on he invented riding on roller coasters well what I was going to say is that his action movies action movies are my favorite John Wu

that's good of movie yeah yeah earlier we were talking about rucking and I said the only the only rucker I care about is one that that sings damn wagon wheel yeah Rucker Rucker Ralee yeah

I think way you did wagon wheel right yeah he did wagon wheel what would Rucker Rooka's parody of wagon wheel be black black and blacking blacks blacksville steel

that's what his I mean that's what his would be it's unfortunate that I had to say it yeah that would be the name of his his song sing a little though don't think I mean I don't know it I don't know wagon wheel that well

well so just improvise how does that song this name mama like a wagon wheel just imagine a song that's named the name that you just said and just you know don't even it doesn't have to be a parody of anything just yeah do you think he would incorporate Obama into it

yeah well it would be Barack me Obama Barack me Obama Barack me Obama Oh oh Go ahead man You don't have to do you

This is why we got to leave it up I'm not going to do it I'm not going to do it I just was about to say We should leave that to Rucker Leave it to the Maston Leave it to the master over there Anything that we would do

Would be a bastardization Of your perfect genius And he invented one of the most Basic skateboard tricks Yeah What? Well, just let you think about it. You have to say it because I'm not a good thinker.

Just, we'll just let that one. Ruck, Ruck, Ali. Ali, yeah. Ali. Yeah, yeah. So it was his last name. You think Ali's are basic? They are.

Although, they're not. They're actually one of the harder tricks that I could not do. Yeah, you can't do them. You tried, you did that one time. You think I did one? You got a little bit off the ground. No, you didn't land it. I think we counted it, but it was just because.

we needed to get back to the table. Oh, we were recording. Yeah. You did an holly while we were recording. Dude, the thing is, I just send that fucking, I send one half of the skateboard. I call them the halves. I send one half as far as I can. I mean, it's not wrong.

There's the, there's the nose and the tail. Yeah, so it's the front half in the back. Yeah, the front half. Maybe that's like an East Coast thing, and you don't understand that. Yeah. No, that's not an East Coast is like the front half of the United States. The East Coast is the United States. The West Coast is the back half.

Depending on where you are, it's about a matter of perspective. about the east and west yeah how would you yeah if you're in if you're in a if you're in a

if you're in if you're in Vancouver Canada looking at the US to your east that's going to be America's west coast America's east of and to the west of the

Pacific Ocean would be the wait wait say again that's true say the first part again I don't need to he understood It would be the West Coast?

If you were in, he's saying, well, it would be the West Coast. Yeah, that's what he said. It would be west of you, but it would not be the West Coast. Yeah, exactly. It's depending on your perspective. But it's not. You were just confused because, how would it be, wait, what would be west of you? Dazzled.

He's saying if you were in somewhere that is east. I was not dazzled. I'm working through it. If you were somewhere that is east of the East Coast, you'd say the East Coast is west of me. That's not what he said at all. That's not what I said, but that's what I'm saying. What he said is that it would be the West Coast. What he said is if you were in Vancouver and you were looking east at the United States, it would be the West Coast.

Oh, yeah, that doesn't make any sense. If you were looking at the United States, when you were saying this, it was like the most I've maybe ever zoned out in my entire life. So I was like, there's no way he's not going to stick this there. And you're looking at the United States. East or the East of you would be the West Coast. United States. Wait, you realize Vancouver's like an hour

outside of Seattle. Yeah. It's north of Seattle. So you're saying, looking east would be Russia. No, no,

no, if you're looking south. Or the Pacific Ocean. If you're looking south. Okay. If you're looking south. From Calgary, Alberta, let's say.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter where you're looking at it from. I think Winnipeg maybe is further up. Because if you're looking south, that means that because maybe if you, if you did the whole, whole thing flipped around he said you're looking north but down then maybe that would make sense in your weird world that's what i'm saying north but down is south i don't north but down is

south depending on your perspective north east west and south are based on the globe no it's based on your personal compass what direction am i pointing right now well from your perspective no this is north for you this is north wait i'm going to lock in my guess and that would be west because that's your east. I would say I think that's west yeah. You think this is west? I think that's south. Let me think real quick. So you don't even know. This is northwest is my guess.

Because because Bushwick is that way. I'm going to look at the compass app. No, no, no. I'm talking about the compass of your heart. No, we're done with that. The compass of your I want to know the real answer now. That is Northwest. Really. Dead on.

for real okay point south but that that app could be lying to you you don't even realize not bad that app has a different magnetic pull because the phone that's pure north

the phone has a magnet on the bottom that door yeah yeah we're getting excited tonight yeah that's north so that's got to be south holy fucking

shower oh my god Oh, my fucking God, man. Wow. Speaking of Vancouver. Let's just walk north right now. We should do the first ever one hour of walking north. The journey north.

That's a good idea. What do we do when we reach when we reach an obstacle? Go over it. Go through it. If it's someone's house. Go through it. But realistically, if we were to actually do the journey, walk around it, we're going to go around it.

Make sure we continue. We can only go through. through places if Patrick knocks on the door and ask. We're doing a journey north. Can we go through your house? We're doing a journey north. Speaking of Vancouver. Yeah, what about Vancouver?

Last night, dude, I'm doing my usual thing that I've been doing recently, which is get home, eat an edible, and then my wife says, can we watch a movie? And I say, movies take so long. What are you talking about? And then I watch about four hours of music videos on the TV. Yeah. And last night, I pulled up Grimes

Genesis music video. Yeah. Worst music video I've ever seen in my life. Do you think that's bad? Are you fucking stupid? That is the worst music video of all time. He's crashing out right now. I had never seen it before.

I didn't, I had never heard. The auditorium with all the motorcycles? No. Which one is it, man? It's the one that, the song or the music video? The music video and the song. It's like she's just in different places and there's some lady with like a bunch of silver clothes on who's like dancing in the desert and shit. It's terrible.

Yeah, I'm thinking of a different. I was thinking of oblivion. You're thinking of a different one. Oblivion's the one where she's at the football game. That's oblivion. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, yeah. I was like, like, chill out because oblivion is a good one.

No, that's not oblivion. Oblivion's the one that's like, yeah, it's not. I don't think I'm thinking of oblivion. I had never heard a Grime song until I heard this song, but I've been listening to this song. Yeah. And I watched this music video and it was so terrible.

But I looked at her, and within 10 seconds of the music video, I said, I bet she's from the Pacific Northwest. Yeah. Guess where she's from? Vancouver. Vancouver. Yeah. She also went to, I think she went to McGill, which is like Canadian Emerson.

That's in Montreal, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. McGill is Canadian Emerson, and that's where the most annoying people go to school is what I've heard. Okay. And she also, another grimes fact about how fucking, uh, because she's a numb nuts. I'll say it. What? She's a Nimrod numnuts.

You can't say that about women. She's stupid. She's stupid completely. Women are stupid. Well, I'm saying grimes is. Grimes is stupid because she had to go to the hospital because she was addicted to eating spaghetti and she lived on a riverboat

I mean these things don't they sound crazy I wouldn't say stupid I wouldn't say they sound stupid to only eat spaghetti and buy a riverboat with your ex-husband and live on it and live off of spaghetti Yeah again sounds pretty crazy All right

Sounds pretty zany Then she's a she's a wing nut not a numb nuts I would agree with that I think she's definitely Maybe she is stupid, but I think that if someone, if someone is... She's stupid for leaving that hunky lawn. I don't assume people who live on riverboats are stupid. Yeah.

I don't think they're quite intelligent. No, no. She was doing like a little like a Tweed fantasy thing. It's like, is you're an idiot. The whole Lana Del Rey working at a Waffle House thing, man. Yeah. I love Lana Del Rey. I love everything she does and I've never heard a single song by her once.

I don't like that music, man. Don't, don't. I liked it when she was porky. I heard maybe one or two songs, and I hated them, but I love her. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like her songs. My wife will play some songs on the car, and I'm like, what the fuck? Crap is this shit.

Well, actually, you know what? The one I think is funny is, is, will you still love me when I get a girl, young, and I don't know that. A. She also has an A.O. Free A.O. type song. What's that? You know, like, like, Andre Nicotina A. Oh.

I think she does an interpolation of that where she goes like Hey yo She loves She loves talking about fucking on drug dealers and bad people It's like just be you rich Be your rich lady

Just be Sabrina Carpenter Yeah My message to you Lana Be yourself Don't listen to them There's always gonna be guys like me Who appreciate what you do So don't mind anything

Yeah there's a lot of guys There's a lot of guys like you That appreciate what she does Gay guys Yeah and her many boyfriends. Don't listen to these two white idiots. She likes white people.

She's crazy obsessed with them. She is obsessed with white. Dude, you have to love white people too much to marry that guy. Jeremy Dufron. Who's that? Her husband. By you husband.

Oh, she got married the day before me. So that's kind of the moment that I realized that I knew that I was going to be marrying her soon. Yeah. This can't be a coincidence. It can't be right. When do you think the paths will cross?

what is the situation that you and and here's the thing is also because my wedding was on a Friday do you got married the day before me a Thursday wedding that's a first wedding vibe that's but that's a that's a vibe of like some she panicked

that's not a normal day for a wedding so she she must have got your invite I was getting she saw I was getting married and she said oh shit I need to lock it down or else I'm going to go crazy let me let me make these nachos so that I don't get accused of reheating them exactly is what she said she that was scrambling she i had her scrambling i feel

scrambled like a fucking egg i would like i would like to see what her eggs look like that's what she's doing now scrambled that would be sex oh yeah you think that would be cheating on your wife to observe another one's egg under a microscope i think it would be cheating so fucking good damn i want to talk about our episode idea is so bad right now this this episode has been leaked by patrick 50 times the episode idea You leaked to the episode idea? What episode? For us?

For us combining? Oh, wait, no, not that one. I was thinking about the word egg. Yeah. Oh, the egg episode. That was a close one. No, no. That one we can't reveal.

That one has to happen. We're not talking about. Thanksgiving. Or Christmas Day. There's no, there's no way it can be a holiday special. It has to be a holiday special. And it has to just be a normal. normal holiday special, and then that just has to happen.

Yeah. All right. You know what? Okay. It convinced me. You guys will know what we're talking about very, very soon. Well, it's got to be at least Valentine's Day, right? No.

Too much of a tip. Okay. Good point. Good point. Yeah. I think, yeah. It's not, it's not, none of what we said has, is possible to extrapolate what matters. None of it was.

All right. And hard restart on the conversation right now. Okay. Go ahead and start us off with something, Mr. Bang. Uh, I had, I've been drinking bang energy again, actually. That's a really strong one? Yeah, the 300 milligrams. It's doing, it's doing nothing to me.

It's bad. No, if you, there's a, there's a curve to caffeine where if you have too much, it just doesn't. It makes you feel like shit. Yeah. You know what? I feel like shit today. Yeah. It's because you had one of these, man.

Yeah. Dude, I woke up early at S. I got my day started. I did my thing. Nice. How early? Uh, I got up at eight today. Okay.

Uh, which for. me that's early yeah um to walberg that's late to walberg yeah well he was he getting up at like four a m yeah dude i he goes he wakes up at night he wakes up at night my mom wakes up at like four a year yeah it's fucking crazy is she doing walbergie and stuff oh yeah dude she's walking around app like him she makes the bulletproof coffee yeah he walks she goes take his shit with a weighted vest on yeah and then she's doing kipping pull-ups for about an hour and a half yeah and then it's right off to school If you do the pull-ups before you take a shit, you don't need to wear weights to do the pull-ups.

Well, you can put on a pull-up and start doing the pull-ups so you can shit and do the pull-ups. But what I'm saying is that the poop inside you will act as extra weight. Oh, good idea. To make the pull-ups harder. Well, wouldn't a weighted diaper also add weight to your lower half, making your lower half stronger? But unfortunately, there's no such thing as a pre-weighted diaper. No, no, no, no. You poop your pants while you're doing the pull-ups.

I'm definitely wrong. definitely I just was thinking because I think do they make weighted boxers? No, they definitely

make weighted diapers though for people who who waited by you they tested them and people are walking around Oh yeah

these are comfy okay now stand up oh no in front of a bunch of scientists they're doing focus group

they're through from like six angle dude get that to pants guy yeah that's a good testing weighted

boxers wow that's a good that's a good somebody I know somebody who watches this is a good

friends with that guy. Yeah, pants, dude. Imagine you were going through. Big red heart boxers with weights in them. What was supposed to be embarrassing about the red heart boxers? They're from the Sims, so it means you're a nerd. They're funny because they have hearts and hearts are girlish.

What's funny about that? That's, they're probably given. Oh, he a feminist. By someone that loves you. What's funny about wearing women's clothes? What's funny about wearing a pink polo shirt? It's men's clothes with big hearts on it. It literally has what girly love hearts on it.

You're being, you're being completely obtuse. I'm not being obtuse. You are funny about red-hearted boxers. Okay. Pull your pants down and show it's your boxers right now. Show us your boxers. Damn. Dude,

you have a bleeding penis. That's not my bloody penis. That's why this is red. You're saying you have a, okay, then show us that your stain is not red. What color is the stain? It's not a penis stain.

It's not a penis stain. But what colors is the stain on your boxers? It's white, though. The stain is not white. Alfredo. Yeah. I got Alfredo on it because I was eating Alfredo where there's seafood Alfredo. Show me.

Show it. I can't show it. It'll be 18 plus. The show's not 18 plus. We're on Patreon. At least 17 plus. It's, it's,

I'll show you my underwear. I don't want to see your underwear. I don't want to see the holes that you've got riddled in your underwear because I know that you don't get that. Why are you having such a vivid imagination about my underwear? I'm not. I just know you and I know that every pair of underwear that you have has a hole in it. Nope.

Well, yeah, that's where you get it on. Ha! Let's continue. But anyway, all I can think about is the stain on his fucking underwear. Seafood Alfredo, I was eating on my couch. Seafood Alfredo leftovers. You are a human lie.

Not a human lie. You are. Why would I lie about eating seafood offredo on my couch? Hey, buddy, you know what? Last time I said you're spouting rot this episode, you're blathering on. I don't even blathering. You're blathering. Yeah, I'm blathering on opposite day.

You're straight up blathering. I'm blathering on opposite. a day, which means I'm truth-telling. I'm seared-sucking. Seared-sucking? No, what's the word? Sear-sucking. Sears-sucking? Is it sear-sucking? Sears-sucking. Sears-sucking. Sears-sucker is a pattern. Yeah, that's not even a pattern. It's a material. It's a material. It's a deep, deep antebellum. That's what I'm doing. I'm suith-saying. I'm telling you truths that don't even happen yet. Is, yeah. Would you describe your vibe as

antebellum? Because I think I would. I think I would do. When I tell, when I talk to people about you. You know, like, so what kind of guy is the and I say he's a real antebellum

you know, you know Leonardo DiCaprio and Django and he's like that. He's a little bit past that. I'm always throwing

glass at my slave. Oh, man. What? I'm talking about Leonardo DiCaprio in that movie. What movie?

What movie you're talking about, man? He just said some bull crap. Django onto, what the fuck is that? Yeah, Titanic.

Titanic. He didn't have a slave. He had a girlfriend. He did have a slave in Titanic. That would be a really... It was five hours longer.

And they cut an hour out of it. They were very offensive slave. And they were like, we, we outlawed that. Yeah.

It's like 60 years. Yeah. So yeah, he's 45. Like one of the grandmas is like, oh, it's so nice you still have one of those.

They made me get rid of mine. That's crazy, man. Yeah. Slavery. Wow. can you even believe that that just think about

how recent it was luckily every year it gets further away yeah luckily every year it gets further but I think that there's some people in this country that want to bring us back

the saddest part of slavery to me has always been the realities yeah the harsh reality the harsh realities anytime I think about it I'm like yeah

I just don't want to think about the harsh realities me neither I just want to think about no I almost regret bringing it up because it's how intense it is well actually he brought it up. Didn't bring it up. You did. You said you threw a piece of glass at your

slate. I'm talking about Django Unchained. No. You weren't talking about Django Unchained. You said in the first person, I, if you're talking about Django and Chained, you'd say, I saw the character, hello ladies, throw a piece of glass. I do feel like probably they walked by at the worst moments. Oh, I'm sure they can hear everything we say through the ceiling, too. I would think the ship has sailed you think they ever fucked to our talking? You think that they've

nutted to us? You guys are getting really quiet. You're getting a little shy. You think they shot splooge on themselves while they're listening to us? I wouldn't necessarily say that about a person necessarily. Do you think that people around the neighborhood have noted listening to this show? Well, actually, a guy did come in here yesterday and say he noted in here.

What? No, no lie. What are you talking about? I'm dead serious. It sounds like I'm fucking dead serious. Describe more about that. We were filming Joe Box, or we were about to film Joe Box, and this, like, old guy came in, he was really big and fat, and he had a cane, and

he had a red bandana around his neck. Yeah. He was really, he looked like he had some issues going on with him, and he came in, and he was like, oh, I just wanted to come and see what this was. This used to be a bar here a while, a long time ago. I used to come here. Yeah, I, uh,

there was a pool table right there. I fucked a woman on the pool table right there. Yeah, there might be some of my sperm's running around here. No way. Yes. I don't believe that. A guy did not say that my sperms were running around. I did. I'm fucking dead.

Call Joe right now. I swear to go. Call Joe and confirm. That's exactly what he said. He said his sperm were running around. He said that. Speaking of neighborhood. You guys might see some stuff running around in here.

He has a little homunculus. That's exactly what he said. A dust bunny mixed with his sperm and is running around here. I think the ghost of his sex is honestly quite awful. yeah uh yes there's been so many people that have been wanting to come in here lately it's pretty terrible yeah that one guy that we just need to put us you think when joe gets a call hey what's up hey i have a very interesting question for you lay it on me the other day yesterday yesterday when you guys were filming joe box did a man walk in here and say that his little

sperms might be running around the office? He said some, I don't know, I don't remember that specific sentence, but there was a big fat guy who said that he fucked a lady on a pool table. And he said his spurs were running around. Remember he said, look around, you might see my sperm's running around in here.

Did he say, he said that the mafia might have had him on video having sex with a woman in a bar. That was another thing. He said a lot about it. No, he said the sperm's thing. I believe I believe Cameron, because he was there, Okay. I just wanted to double-check. He was like, and remember he was like,

take a black light, too. You probably see some. Oh, God, this guy's a pervert. Yeah, he was. That's what I'm saying. It was awful. Oh, what do you look like? Were the ladies of Joe Box in here? Yes, that's disgusting. This man needs to be in jail. And every time we tried to get him out, he kept going like, oh, so the bathroom's like right over there, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember that.

Did he seem nice? No. Yeah. Did he seem mean? He's one of these crusty old men. Yeah, he's also said that he was like, He said he had been tranquilized for 20 years and he just woke up. He was triangulized? Tranquilized.

He was tranquilized for 20 years. Yeah. Joe, did you look up the location of the office after? Did you do that Google Maps thing that you do sometimes? Or you like look at the historical Google Maps photos? I didn't, but I will. Okay. Okay, we'll enjoy that tonight.

Send us a picture if it's interesting. All right. Goodbye, Joe. Bye. Do you think when he gets a call past 5 p.m. from any one of us, he's like, he knows. Yeah. Hello.

Speaking of Joe Box. But just come on. Give me some respects. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he didn't 100% confirm that exact wording. No, he's, I believe him. I believe him.

But I believe you. I have no choice but to believe. There's that one guy that I've been talking about that kept coming in here and saying that he wants to come on the podcast and talk about the oil rig that he worked on. and finally he opened the door and was like you need to type in the password you need to type in not the password but you need to type in what your show is called

onto my phone and I said yep buddy look up Joe Box it's a game show that we do in here and he left a comment the other day you want to read the comment I want to read this out loud and Joe didn't approve this Joe Joe is keeping this this is on the Patreon exclusive

yeah this is a Patreon exclusive If he does subscribe to the Patreon, maybe he becomes a fan of the show. He could, you know what? He might hate Joe Box, but then he'll find the podcast. I know that he censors himself here. I want you to read all the cusses, though. Okay. I'm going to read all the cusses.

But, uh, again, maybe, maybe he just doesn't like Joe Box. Maybe he'll like podcast about list. I mean, here's hoping. I also told him every time I said, we're called the Yard podcast. look it up but he said his name is Vito he says

I never witnessed a bunch of stupid people in one room it's amazing they even survive life life the fuck are you guys doing

what are you saying you guys are a bunch of idiots I'm the guy that lives across the street I I wanted to look at your podcast because I like to know

what's in my neighbor right now I see you guys are fucking retarded I'm the guy that lives across the street. I'm the guy that lives across the street. Yeah. I like to know what's going on in my name.

I think it's pretty, I think it's bad news. I think this is going to become a problem. Yeah, you think so? You can see this snowballing? Well, do you remember the horrible ordeal that it was happening here? Oh, yeah. Well, he only knows about Joe Box.

He's not going to, like, I think that is him putting the line in the same thing. You're underestimating this guy. That's, first of all, Joe Box is the, the, the, video he commented on is the three of us. Yeah. Also, it doesn't matter if he knows Joe Box or what he clearly hates it. He knows exactly where it is.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, there was, it was a Christmas fight. He tried to kill a woman. Yeah, he did try. Or wasn't him it could be one of his I think his own turd. Yeah, there was some kind of forced her into prostitution or something.

It was something like that. I don't know if that's the guy. And then some lady got her nose broken. Oh, then he could be the roommate. Probably a really cool guy. It could be the guy's normal comments like that. Every once in a while we'll come to the office and there's 4,000 cop cars here.

That's good too. Yeah. Yeah. You just did not let that guy in just period. Well, he kept knocking on the door and then he would open it too. Like there was no way for me to avoid him. I wish that I could have avoided him because he's not very nice when he comes in to. Dude, that's what I'm saying.

Something bad is going to happen. He's not very nice when he comes in. And then also the whole time he thinks you need to start threatening him. I, random. random ass threats. Dude, if you come in here again, I'm gonna fucking figure you. Get out of here.

I mean, we do have the fake gun, but it doesn't... No, don't use the gun. Use only... Use only sexual threats at this guy. Okay. For hours and hours.

Oh, fuck your butt. Yeah. You know, if you come in here, if you come in here? But I do think it literally... Pull your hair. Because we were discussing all the time.

So many people have been coming in lately. I like him. I were just like, we put this curtain up. We're talking about putting like a curtain rod to make a per rusted glass. No, no, no.

I realized that, you know, that solution is so simple and we literally just have to put a thing that says private do not enter yeah

it's a menacing it's literally that simple it's what you need it needs yeah I guess when you attack dog yeah and then a picture

literally I think that I think no one would come in again maybe like a close up picture like a one tone like the one on the like the one in the back room like yes like that

but it's a photo scan of your nuts but I can't show I can't show that it can't be anything that already the first is too welcoming.

No, no, no. The phrase private do not enter is already too curiosity peaking. So if we add a scary picture, it will become irresistible to go outside. What if we just change the,

what if we make it look like something really boring? Yeah. Oh, we'll put the words of the library on it. No, because then people are going to want to take books out. That would make it look like a cool-ass shot.

I think it will solve our problem if we get a do not, no trespassing. Wait, why don't we just make a fake dentist's, like, name and number. No,

because then people will come in with tooth paint. Oh, yeah. Then it's a fucking business. You're right. But then I would do it. Toxic. I don't know what we could do. That's it. Toxic people.

You know, I gave the most perfect solution of all time. Toxic people. Or members only. Oh, we can get ID cards printed for everyone we know. That'd be cool. That'd be so sick. That'd actually be really cool. Oh, my God.

And then we can make it say, we can make this shit look so fun from the outside. Yeah. And it doesn't matter. Because if we get plastic glass, people are going. going to come in and think it's a dispensary. Yeah, that's true, too. We should get that short security guard out front too. Yeah.

Security guard and then we write no weed allowed. That's a good idea. Like a five foot four. No weed or people with bad intentions. That's a good thing. And then we keep that guy with good intentions either, though. What are your intentions? Well, we don't want people with good intentions.

Why don't we just put it no soliciting? We just don't want everybody. And then we start suing people for trying to solicit us. Yeah. That's a good idea. Was this man soliciting me? Do not enter. He did make me...

He's absolutely soliciting you. He did make me type it into his phone. He's absolutely soliciting you. He's coming by and bothering you while you're trying to play video games. Yeah. He doesn't realize this is basically just your house. Yeah, it's my second home. Yeah.

It's your day house. So he does it... You need to have a little bit of a castle doctrine approach to this. You need to stand your ground on. You can't be friendly to him. No. I never really was friendly. I was just telling him.

I've heard a different story. No, who'd you hear from Alex and Neil who got fucking scared when the guy walked in? Yeah, like you didn't. I didn't get scared the first time, yeah. But like the second or third, the second or third, I was like, used to him. The second or third, the first time he walked in, he was like, listen, man, I saw you guys were podcasting earlier year. You got to have me on.

I worked on an oil rig and the government was paying me to dump oil in the ocean. And I was like, hey, man, we're a comedy podcast. It's not going to be good. that's what I mean man the line there is hey man this is a private office sorry you can't be in here yeah you gotta go

well he saw that we were a podcast doesn't really matter what he saw I should have done that I should have went yeah maybe the problem is you aren't scared enough of him that's true

maybe he needs to come in a dude and you go yeah hide behind the couch that would work that would absolutely also a thing that I didn't even mention that that happened

when he walked in the last time before he left his rude comment was that Neil and Alex were right here watching old Siskel and Ebert episodes and then he knocked on the door and started yelling at them. He knocked

on the door and he was like, I can't find your podcast anywhere. And I was in the bathroom doing my Halloween makeup and I had to walk out because I was going to do, I was going to be Peter Chris from Kiss, but then all the makeup ran together.

and then I had to walk out with completely white-faced. So I'm in the door. People are walking by. I'm in fucking white face. And I'm like, it's called Joe Box. He's like, oh, look, people want to have me on. Did he say anything about your whiteness? No.

He said like, damn. He didn't say anything about my whiteness. And whittie. But he's a dog named Tootles. How could a bad guy or scary guy have a dog named Tootles? Yeah, exactly. No, because once you see Tudors, it's actually a fucking three-headed,

gigantic pit bull. That's how that shit goes. You know, Fluffy from Harry Potter and the Halloween mystery? All I'm saying is, my dog, scary dogs are usually named stuff like Spike. Yeah. No, because that's what you think until, again, I just want to point out like Fluffy and Harry Potter and the attack of the magic bird. Bird.

You think Fluffy. Well, that's not going to be too big of an issue. Oh, it's just Cut to a fucking three-headed magical dog And was it that big of an issue Or did they simply throw the thing At the other end of the room Didn't they play chess with it?

Okay, what happens if you run into that outside of the Outside of the Rose's chest was some bullshit To know, Wizard's chest was fucking sick Why did he have to sit on the fucking chess piece He didn't need to sit on it Oh, I got hurt, no fucking shit They fight each other Yeah

He didn't need to sit on that at all You can just sit at the sides And be like, night to F, whatever Yeah Why did he? Oh, because he started the game by sitting on it or something. Get off. Just get off the fucking thing.

Don't lose that piece. Yeah. You don't need that. You're outsmarting air. It's not that impressive. Again, that's why these movies are crap, dude.

Watch your mouth. That's why this movie suck complete eggs. This is when your wokenness goes too far. It starts missing on the HP movies. Once I found out that I could be woke for hating Harry Potter, it was like. Can I be honest, man? We saw free layup lines.

Uh-huh. Whoa. By the way, it's not, it's not woke to say we say wesa free. What the fuck is that, man? Star Wars Episode 6. But the way that you have, that you say it. I should have said it more gunga neat like. Yes.

Because. Weisa free. Yeah. Yeah. When I say weisa free, it does sound like earlier. Also, man, can I say the fact that you were quietly seething about hating Harry Potter, but afraid that everyone would have that you couldn't dislike it. Everyone would jump on me.

Everyone would jump on me immediately. It gives me the ick. Gives me you the ick. well bro voice your opinions whether they're woke or not for example i think that the mall is fun for everyone not just girls or teenagers yes i agree even not afraid to say even though i literally will probably get my head chopped off in the street after this you i saw oh my god i saw an amazing clip my mind of ben shapiro i guess ben shapiro's beefing with uh Tucker carlson right now yeah yeah it's sad but he's in the video he says like can i say

something about Tucker carlson Tucker carlson is not a conservative he's not an American and he's not a very good friend I was like that is awesome dude the fucking the Zoron win is making everyone go crazy not me the Republican infighting has been so awesome I show you guys the text I got from my grandpa oh yeah I saw that the only text I've ever gotten from my granddad my mom's dad so comma comma comma comma comma comma comma comma he like Matt, what do you think of your new mayor? I said, he's a good guy and he sent me the thumbs up emoji, but I know that he's

over there seething. He's mad, yeah. Did I talk about the time I met Zoron on the podcast? Did I ever speak on this? I don't know. I was leaving Mike's birthday, and Mike gave me two, four packs of Light Strike, the hard Gatorade. Okay. And I was walking home, and I see, like, in the

I was hammered. I was hammered. But then I see a guy who is on a silly one with his friends, and it looks like his friends are going like, all right, man, chill out. And then I look over, I'm like, that fucking.

When you say on a silly one? He was being silly. Oh. He was being really silly. You didn't go to the news? I should have gone to the New York Post. The New York Post literally would have, I'm not kidding.

It would have given you five grand. Yeah. If you had said, I saw Zora and Mom Dani being silly. On the street. I saw him put his in. in. That's, you can't be saying that kind of shit.

What? What's wrong with that? You can't be dropping that. I saw him put as, he shook my hand after putting in his inn. Because I walked up to him and I said, I'm sorry, are you? And he said, yes, it's me. Whoa. And I was like, that's fucking sick. Dude, he didn't recognize you. He didn't recognize me.

But then I offered him a light strike hard gatorade. And I was like, you want one of these men is hard gatorade. He's got alcohol in it. I believe he's Muslim. Yeah. And guess who. realize that later you i said well i could have given it out to his friends maybe i could have been like do you all want this i don't maybe they were all muslim too i don't know they were they were

could have been white muslims i don't know there's millions there's millions of them i could have offered that to them light strike hard gatorade but i don't think they want you to call it hard gatorade i think they want you to call it hard refresher just in case anyone at light strike is watching care more about that than offering a Muslim man alcohol? Yeah. Dude, they... You should have just kept going. Dude, here's the alcohol.

Yeah. I'd love to take out a loan with you. And also, here's a picture. Mecca is that way. Go ahead, man. Make him pray in the wrong direction. You, so you offended Zoran, Mom Damme. I don't think I offended him. The new mayor of New York City. You lit the fire in his heart for him to be like, like,

I'm going to fucking crush racist, white, white, Yorkers like that. He laughed. He laughed. He laughed when I said, it's hard Gatorade, bro. And then he said, no. He said, no, thank you. Very polite. Yeah. Yeah. But he went home and he put a picture of you up on his wall and he went, I'm going

to fucking, I'm going to make New York in hospitable for guys like that. I'm going to deport this thing. Yeah. Whatever this is. Whatever this thing is. Well, do you imagine, can you imagine how good it feels to be bizarre and I'm done and you get home and he just drop it all? and just start

fucking start watching Harry Potter not being woke anymore just like in the cat and the hat movie when Alec Baldwin undoes his he's at home

he's watching cat in the head or like Alec Baldwin on the set of rust when he finally let all of his pretensions about society Joe told me

he believes that Alec Baldwin's completely innocent I think define innocence what you think he's guilty you think he's first degree murder? I don't think

You think he's, you think he's a murderer? Yes, he murdered someone. No, it was an accident. He manslaughtered. It's manslaughtered, yeah. It's different. But, I mean, obviously, you can't argue that they didn't kill somebody. The way that Joe was arguing about it sounded crazy where it, I think it was literally on the Joe Box episode, but he was like, in my head, he can do no wrong.

It's like, there's one bit. That's a little, that's kind of a mom's. That one also, it's like Alec Baldwin. Yeah. What is he? I was trying to think the other day, what is his, like, number one? 1. 30 Rock, which is like, movie, movie. Yeah, but I mean, that's why it's a problem. Glenn Gary. That he's in for five minutes. I know, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

That's why. That's why. How is that your guy? I don't know. That's what I'm, it's nothing. He doesn't, he, he's great in 30 Rock. Yeah. He's, he's great in Glenn Gary, but he's doesn't have. He's in everything. Yeah. No, it's. I. That's why I think it's to say he can do no wrong about Alec Baldwin. Yeah. Yeah. Who can do no wrong? the lord in heaven god who's an actor that could do the most horrible thing ever johnny dead watching his you're still watching his movies pirates of the Caribbean every weekend he's in a

cologne ad right now where he runs with wolves and wearing his full like hot topic of it that's so awesome have you ever seen videos of his band the la vampires no dude's so funny great name it's him and like alice cooper and like one other guy and it's just like all like old old men with like a lot of bandanas. Oh, it's like recent?

I think they were big in like 2014. Pre-acting. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's like 2014. He was like, we're the Hollywood. He also, as soon as he played Hunter S. Thompson in that one movie, it was like Austin Butler and Elvis for him.

Yes. Yeah. He never lost the Hunter S. Thompson accent. I don't really like that movie. Never seen it. It's not very good. It's good when you're 14 and you smoke weed for the first time. And then after that.

cool when everybody's a lizard. Yeah. I think it looks amazing, dude. Benicio's on the top of his game in that shit. Yeah. He's on the top of his game and everybody's in. He's so fucking best. Maybe he's the,

maybe he's the do no wrong guy. He's one of them. I mean, can I be honest? I have probably like a hundred. Yeah. You know, I don't really care.

Yeah. Do, Forrest Whitaker? What did he do? Well, no, I'm just saying, I'm just saying,

if he did, if he did something, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't give a fuck. Yeah. I'm just, but I'm saying that's probably, I couldn't, yeah. I agree with people. Denzel, I think, is a dude.

Doug Benson. Denzel is a good one. Crystal Lee. I'm still watch Super Jaime. No matter what, got to watch Super Jaime every single fucking Easter. Yep. T. Miller. I dropped the J.

Yeah. Well, that's how you start saying. Who's your favorite actor? T. Miller. T. Miller. Oh, I've never heard of T. Miller. You know what it is? You know what?

Every. T.M. Yogi Bear and Transformers are going by T. Every thing that you do wrong, you lose a couple letters of your name. You lose a letter of your name. T. Mill. He's probably at T.M. By now.

Yeah. We'll say T.M. We'll call him T. Luckily, Bill Cosby had sort of a minute bowl middle name that's like 500 million letters long. So you can still call him Bill Cosby. William, Richard. Yeah. It's like just a million.

dashes. I think that is very cool to me when somebody has their, I feel like that happens with a lot of famous people where they have a regular name. Yeah. And then you find out that they actually have like 50 names. Yeah. And then on a late night show one day, they say, so what's your full name? Yeah. Yeah. It's like MacDamarko's name is like. Mackle de Markle. Macle de Marklele. Macle de Marcolon. Delonlelele. Delon. No, it's like something like something Mick Brary something the fourth it's also a fourth

he's got a fourth in there dude he's a nepo baby yeah is he's true yeah he's someone's fourth same with Will Forte he's because his real name is Will the fourth

yeah Forte is short for fourth is that true it's a stage name yeah he didn't know that oh my God you didn't know it

because it's not true yeah dude you didn't know that I know his name is Orville really thinking of the Redenbacher family No, no. His name is Orville. His Twitter handle is Orville 4th.

And that's where that name derives from. Fourth? Fourth, because he's the fourth Orville. I wish there's fourth seasons of the Orville, too. Come on now. The show. I do like that show. I watched an episode. It was fun. It's a sci-fi family guy show. Isn't the whole show like a green guy is like, so you're saying that the males have sex with each other? There's a one episode, it's really funny.

It's like, yeah. There's one funny thing. Yeah, we aren't so sure about it either, Alien. There's one episode that's really funny where these, like, it's supposed to be like they're stand-in for Wharf, learns about cigarettes. He smokes one cigarette. I've seen that YouTube short. Yeah, exactly. That's a really funny episode of TV.

It's a good show. Seth McFarlane. Take me back to the golden age. Do no wrong guys. Chuck, the middle. Take me back. Raising Hope. Raising Hope.

The middle. Love the middle. The middle. Chuck. Raising Hope. I think I saw... My name is Earl. I think I saw a Facebook reel of the middle like a month or two ago.

They just made remember this where it was like... It was like a clip of the middle. It was like clearly the middle. Like, and it was like captioned on it was like this and it was fully earnest. It was just like an engagement farm thing where they just said like this show has been lost. The middle has been lost. They did like six seasons.

It was like, nobody knows what it was from. The middle. That's so... We woke up tomorrow and the middle lost media.

That would be the most easy, like... If you, if you woke up to the movie yesterday, but instead of about the middle, it's the middle, would you make the middle?

Would you even do it? No, would you be able to do it? I wouldn't fucking look at it. Can you imagine? You would do that? I didn't get into it. If you woke up tomorrow and the middle never existed,

I would make a quarter of a million dollars. Here's what would happen, dude. Over six years. You'd get into a room with an executive. You'd be like, all right. So there's a kid named Brick. And then you're like, you're out.

Yeah. God, leave. No, no, no, no. We found a strange boy. He never ages. Yeah, he's actually not even a kid. He is, in reality. He's, I think he's Maga Christian, that boy.

So his disability is fair. game is what you're saying? No, no, no. I'm just saying it's an interesting thing about him. Brick was so charming. Love to Brick. I watched a lot of the middle with my grandma. I watched a huge amount of the middle, yeah. I don't remember any other character's names, but Axel. The mom and

was really funny. And sister. And the sister was funny too. Janitor, dad. Come on. Neil Flynn. That's his name? Yeah. I always thought he would be great as Timmy Turner's dad. Yeah. No, Dean Norris from

fucking D. You're thinking of the other janitor. What? Dean Norris? Not Dean Norris. Hank? Breaking Bad? Dean something, but he plays the janitor on Nesee classified. You would think he would be a great Timmy's dad. James Dean? No.

James Dean is an actor from the 90s. No, I'm talking about from Scrubs. The guy who's the dad in the middle would be a good Timmy's dad. Yeah, you're thinking of Zach Brough. Zach Brough is not from Timmy Turner's universe. If that's what you're trying to say. They tried that.

crossover and it didn't work. They don't know if you are saying that. They did not do scrubs Timmy Turner. They did Jimmy Neutron. It was called my fairly doctors. They didn't do that.

Fairly doctor patients. That show used to make me Fairly odd patients. They do have fairly odd patients such as the bald guy. Yeah, they do, which is why they tried to cross over, but it didn't work too well.

They canceled it. They're both Viacom properties. Oh, you got notes on your hand? No. Maybe I'll try that soon Do a whole dialogue branch For an entire podcast on my body He's notes on your hand

No, I do not Yeah I have to pee so bad What are we at on time? We're just over an hour, I think All right, can we end so I can go make an amazing pee? Yeah Yeah, that's, I don't think we have anything

Okay, to plug, right? We have nothing because the show's gone to fucking dog shit. No, it's not, dude. The new set is coming very soon. The only thing that can save us is if a miracle happens.

We need like a miracle on the Hudson type thing. We need somebody to land this fucking plane into an island full of jokes. Land the plane? Like end... No. Like end the flight? No, no, no. We're going to land

the plane onto a runway that goes into a loop and then brings the plane back into the sky. As soon as I say I have to pee, he starts doing this shit. What's wrong with this shit? I've got to pee. Now I have to talk you out of this.

You have to talk me out of what? The truth? I'm gone. The truth that this show has gone to hell in a handbasket. Because some people like to leave and go pee constantly. Yeah, you realize you're talking down on me and Caleb, right? No, I'm talking down on one person in this room. And it's the people behind the camera.

Because I can feel you every beat of your hearts out there. Every single one of you deserves better than. what we do. I'm ending it. We are going to commit suicide. Most of that show is the most boring conversations in the world. Like, God, I wish my friend wasn't dead. Ah, I hate Vecna so much.

What are we going to do? That's most of the stranger things, the action of that, there's like this much action and then there's like this much boring high school drama. Yeah. And it's like, Joe, this is what Joe loves. The first season of Stranger Things, fine, whatever. Everything after that, dog shit, poop. But you know how I feel about Millie.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, we've been over this. Meli Bobby Bon Jovi. We have. Yeah. Just very recently. Just literally last night. I see she's a great actor.

Yeah. Yeah, I'd really. Plyby intake. Call me a Pleb if you want, dude. I just think she's got it. Absolutely. Plybian take on really. Who's your favorite actor?

Oh, my favorite actor would be Gaten Motta Rada. The real thinker's choice in the Stranger Things cast. Thank you very much. Not in the Stranger's things cast, just in general. I love all of his movies. I can name every single one. I really need him to have like a... His performance in Lamez was to die for it.

I need him to have like a leading man biopic turn. Caden Matarazzo. Yeah. But he can't play anybody. No, he could. He could play. He's got teeth now. They gave him?

Yeah, they gave him.