Podcast About List - UNLOCKED: Gun City and the Temple of t3h PeNgU1N of d00m: Part 1

Episode Date: May 3, 2021

Ray William Johnson, Blotoss Piss, and Patrick Yoda are back! Busted out of prison by the enigmatic and anglo Leo the Collector, our three intrepid heroes visit a floating island in the sky and embark on an exciting new adventure.... Poster art by Joey @theaveragejoey, go give him a follow, he does amazing art! Follow our DM patches @senator_gun If you liked this, subscribe to the $10 tier of the patreon at www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist ! There's 10 more episodes of this arc, and a lot more D&D before that too! And cooler shit coming! Fuck you!

Interior Shane Dawson Maximum Security Prison For the criminally insane Evening The scene opens on a tight Close-up of a familiar face A Yoda who has seen better days

Face pressed up against the Unobtainium bars that keep him from escaping Around his head is an Adidas Force suppression sweatband that keeps him from unleashing hell and the unsuspecting jolly bees who guard his cell. So, yeah, I described you, Patrick Yoda. My name is Dr. Patrick Yoda.

I'm the first Yoda to ever get a degree in archaeology in prison. I hate detective work so much. Too much finding new dead bodies. And you don't even get to play with them, neither. I hate it. I used to accidentally walk on all the dead bodies all the time, and everyone would get mad at me as if the dead body wouldn't still be there after I stepped on it.

You're tampering with evidence. Don't step there. Don't put your hands on that. Hey, buddy, you're tampering with my fucking good time. I'm into old dead bodies now. Mommies, dinosaurs, mummified dinosaurs, all that crap. I'm the number one Yoda archaeologist in all of the world, and it helps that I'm so small.

I can get into places that other archaeologists can't. Anyway, I only learned archaeology when I was in prison because I was bored. and the other guys seemed like they already knew about it, so that's why I did it. I really don't give a shit about anything that I do. I just do it because I'm bored, and it seems like it would be fun. The last two years have been a blur, really.

I'm amazed that I remember even half of this stuff. I don't even remember why I'm here. Something about some guy named Sean McDonald's and a bunch of fucking jolly bees. I don't fucking care. I just want to see a weird thing. That's what's so great about archaeology. It's just a bunch of old weird stuff.

Anyway, I think we're having slop for lunch today, and the guy in the cafeteria told me he would sell me some cigarettes if I let him have mine. So, yeah, Patrick Yoda is now mysteriously an archaeologist. He's behind bars. We pan over to another cell where a young Hoovian crime fighter sits in a windowless room. Diagnosed with Joker disorder, a court-sanctioned ball was given to him to toss against his wall. his monkey sits idly in his own smaller room within the room slowly losing oxygen as he re-reads in search of lost time so blotas my name is professor blotas piss i am a hoo from hooville and i am known worldwide for my impressive hands-on knowledge of christmas curios and arctic artifacts i uncovered the lost tomb of fred claus stole back the crystal present from honica bandits and watched the third harold and kumar movie eighteen times i was a part of of SEAL Team 7, the team that went in

after SEAL Team 6 to retrieve Osama bin Lund's legendary Snow Globe. I alternate weeks between slunking into the Krusty Crabbs' walk-in freezer to search for SpongeBob's bones and teaching advanced cultural defilement at Ewell University, where I have never had any inappropriate relationships with any of

the ugly students. The past year or so in prison, the past year or so in prison, I have been trying to play the two rival gangs against each other by telling them the other one insulted them, but it just made both of them beat me up twice as much as they would have otherwise. Also, pet monkey, named Patrick. Okay, cool.

So we have another archaeologist. He didn't even doesn't seem like he even ever was a detective, huh? Interesting. We pan at one final time much further down the hall due to complaints from some of the

female guards to a room made of mirrors. Where a computer hacked demon, stares vacantly at himself. while jacking off. This has completely occupied the demon part of this creature, much to the dismay of his logical computer half. What's up?

You know the drill by now. I am a computer attached to the back of a demon. How do I make that fit the theme, you ask? Well, I guess I'm like a sundial, or like a Mayan sundial. And I guess instead of like a demon, I have, like, some sort of, like, Nazi, like, you know what, never mind. No, I'm just going to, I'm just going to stick with the computer thing. Still a computer on a demon's back.

But now I'm an archaeology professor, and I do adventures and fucking ditty fuck my students. God damn, I love college. These three have been placed in Shane Dawson, Maximum Security Prison for the murder of a one, Papi Chuko, CEO of Poppychuko's techno. as well as resisting arrest, murder of a civilian, breaking and entering in private property, impersonating a celebrity, which has been outlawed since Pete Davidson quote-unquote impersonated former President Travis Scott, and at least three charges of Yoda trafficking. Their court-appointed lawyer, Alan Iverson, failed to show up for a single trial, which by default, as per Gunn City's Kamala Harris truancy law, means they receive the maximum sentence. A cat screeches over the loudspeaker, meaning it's time for dinner at the Shane Dawson Maximum Security Prison, or to have a conjugal visit. For our three heroes, it's their last meal.

I think I'm going to have a conjugal visit. For your last meal, you're going to have some pussy? I'm eating pussy for dinner. No, it's not even pussy. Oh, not anymore. No. Not when you're done with it. I'm having a conjugal visit with my slop.

Okay, yeah. You just slop, so the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the slop gets slid under the, under the jail cell. And what do you do? Do you just, do you eat it? I just go to town on it. Yeah, yeah, you see somebody, like, pull a, string, a curtain falls over it. I eat half of it. Yeah, it's just silhouettes.

You can still see through the bars, but there's a, like, please knock hang out of the handle. You're like, a, don't, don't, dom, dom, dumb, dom, yeah. Okay. cool uh what's your last meal blow toss uh candy cane you get a candy cane yeah yeah so your uh your windowless room is uh uh unsealed and a candy cane a giant candy cane is brought in and a smaller one is brought in for your monkey yeah i didn't want a big one take this back uh okay boss and then takes it back uh do i get a small one though yeah just give me five minutes uh you ray william johnson what's your final meal did the demon pick or did the

computer pick the key to myself you see one of the jolly bees says a nice try man but it's not going to work this time alright fine you almost got me last time okay chips okay fine what kind of chips

kettle cooked alapeno chips we don't that's so specific this is a worst prison ever it's not great oh fuck you can see how much I get paid alphabet soup yeah we got that actually Oh, I know I regret.

Here it comes. As you're handed your last meals, once you finish eating them, a teleporter beam like appears in each of your cells. And you hear a voice over, you hear, first you hear, stop Shane. And then you hear, please step in here. I just got that. And then you hear a voice say, please step in here for your execution, sponsored by Uniclo. I jump in. Okay, you jump in?

Yeah. I just kind of... But I hold my breath. I'm not done. I have a feeling that's going to pay off. I am smoking a cigarette, and the slop is also smoking a cigarette, and we're kind of in the bunk beds together. If you do not step into your execution beam, sponsored by Uniclo, the beam will come to you. And I say to the slop, I turn to the slop, and I go, was that good enough, was that as good for you as it was for me?

man it was pretty good I might as well sound like meat rod I guess so yeah all right that's all I needed to hear and then I jump down the bunk bits but for me because I'm a Yoda it's so big yeah sure jump down

and as I'm jumping down I go brah yeah just you're like right at the beginning yeah you fall into the beam of screaming

blow toss you go in I throw my monkey in first just to see what happens and just fly in there. Yeah, fuck it. You don't see it. I don't even wait to see what happens.

Your execution will be in a massive Coliseum, filmed live in front of millions, on the 24-hour execution channel. You all have the coveted 805 to 807 spot, the primus of prime time. The primus? Do you guys have any last

words before I kill you? School sucks. I love college and I hate college, but love all the parties. Oh, that guy took both of my ideas. Shit, fuck. And that's all you get. Yeah, get cut off in the middle of saying shit.

Well, you brace yourself for appearing in a Coliseum, but rather than that, you teleport into a sparse gray room, which you recognize immediately to be the warden's office. The warden, Barney the Dinosaur, looks up from his desk and greets you. Might as well just throw him in there. He's got to be in there. Hey there, guys. Is that what he? I didn't look it up before this.

I'm Barney. I'm Barney. Have you enjoyed your time in prison? So much. Covering behind Barney's desk. This has been the best two years of my life. Is a strange and slender Anglican gentleman dressed to the nines in new Victorian garb. It's N-EU Victorian.

Imagine Jonathan Davis-style dreads with black patchwork pants, topped with a long Victorian coat with flame decals, skull cufflinks, buckled, like, scaly, like dragon-scale boots, and a completely black monocle. More of an eyepatch, really. Well, it seems you have lucked out. This gentleman over here has decided that he has enough money to release you. Thank you so much, Jamiriqui.

My name's not Jamiriqui. Well, that's what I'm going to call you. Well, I'll take it. my name is Leo the Collector and thanks to my considerable wealth and influence you three are conditionally pardoned of your crimes and free to live your lives in Gunn City but those conditions for this I can explain

on the way over to my... I accept well that's good but you sure you don't want to hear I'm just looking at something on the other wall I'm going to be tuned out over to my floating island in the sky would you like to join me it's either that or you will be executed i have to make that sort of clear it would be crazy if you chose execution now but i think about it as a dm i shouldn't have

given you three that that option yeah specifically yes yeah hmm how long can we think about it can we take a few years to think about it and just like chill outside of the jail Mariqui, what is the funniest outcome? Well, if we do that, it could be a ghost campaign, and I'd have to come up with it out of nowhere. The only reason I'm not saying yes is because you don't have a map for heaven drawn. Oh, so, no.

You're actually in my apartment, and I'm afraid you'll hit me. I'll do something. Yeah. Yes, I'll accept your offer. What kind of, uh, what, what is on you? your island my island has anything you need

all right well hey I'm sold I don't need I mean I was a sort of figure of speech what do you need do you need like insulin we have that

just checking why are you asking him why are you asking me about that I just meant like things you would need no it seemed like you specifically you targeted I didn't know

Patrick Yoda was canon you know looks like he's like I'm type 1 diabetic what oh I'm sorry that must be quite difficult. I'm actually not. I just wanted to see

what you would say. Well, you see that I'm quite polite. I won't be so polite. You're too polite. I think I don't trust you. That's fair. Hey, guys, you've got to see this. There's a picture of a kitten hanging onto a branch and it says hang in there. You see Barney walk over that. Yes, that was my favorite painting

that my niece drew for me. Pull the painting off the wall. We're going to, wait, boys, we're escaping this goddamn. Come on. Get some spoons. Wait, can I take Barney? Can I Take Barney's suit off. Now that we're not in jail anymore.

You try to grab Barney, and it's his neck and his head and it's everything. Okay, sorry, I thought it might be a costume. No, that happens all the time. Normally, I would have you killed, but again, this guy paid me a lot of money. Okay, you know what? I just got one question about his island. Sure. What do you do on there?

Do you do weird sex stuff on there, or do you just kind of have it there for, like, bass fishing or something? No. No. Yeah, then I'm not going I mean Do you have a statue of Mollock? No. No for me.

You know what? Look, I can't say... I'm looking at your weird shoes and I think that maybe your island might have some crazy sex stuff for me so I'm going to go. Well, I can't deny that people have come to my island and have done things and I've looked the other way.

So if you... Well, hold on. Legal sex stuff. That's crazy. Yes. Of course. Let me make that clarification. Especially on this podcast.

Okay. Well, then. Can we go? That's going to go all the heads. So, yeah, you all, you all follow Leo the collector out of the warden's office down the hall, up the stairs to a roof where you see his giant, airship that looks like a British wooden galleon ship from like the 1700s.

You see him take out a remote and press it and like a door opens up that even though it looks like it's made of wood you quickly assess that it's just designed to look like that. That's a wee. Oh my God, he's got the wooden wee.

I do have a wee if you'd like to see one. They're quite gray. I collect all manner of old consoles. Wees, P.S. Sevens, anything you could imagine. Do you have the Engage? The Engage escapes my grasp yet again. One day.

One day. I like this one. He knows what the Engage is. So, yeah, you load onto his boat. It's lush. There's leather and velvet and all those types of materials you use when you describe lush things. First thing I do is fuck that couch. Okay.

Roll a performance check. Okay. To the first roll the campaign. Is if you could fuck a couch. Absolutely. I should treat it with the same respect. You all are. Twelve, add your performance, though.

That's plus three. Plus three? Fifteen? You fuck it good. Yes. You roll a perception check quickly. Three. No, never mind.

It would have been a funny joke about hearing a couch moan, but you don't hear it. It's just a regular couch. It's just a regular couch. Yeah. Yeah, so you fuck the couch. Leo quickly, like, locks down that room, like, finds a way to do that. You fly for probably about, like, a little under an hour to a, like, massive island in the sky. And so some stuff you guys would perhaps know about part of the world of Gun City is that there are very, very few people who can afford to have an island in the sky. You have to be so astronomically rich.

so he is and it's not just an island in the sky that like just has his mansion you you pull up to it and you see a massive mansion and you see like another building that you can't quite make out what it is yet you see what is clearly a private school a hospital like you see that he has his own sort of town here and you pull in the ship pulls in you see the island like oh makes the same noise one of the only noises i have for doors opening opens up and Like the island, like it looks like rock on the bottom of it, like a floating island, opens up and lets the ship in. And it sort of situates itself in there. And you file out of there and you're in this, like, massive hangar. You see all these Jolly Bee attendants running around and, like, helping make things work. And they say, well, welcome back, Master Leo. Well, thank you. Thank you, Jolly Bee.

And these are your servants? You have slaves? No, no, I do not have slaves. But they called you master. One day. Yeah, they said master. A master's just a formal title in England. We've got us there

What the hell is England? Sky England Is that what this place is? Well, they had a different name, but now it is. No choice there. First of all, first thing, first I'm going to ask one of your slaves to get me, Apollo back. Excuse me? From Jolly B.

Oh, sure. I'm not going to say Slave 1, even though that was the first thought. Jolly Bee, come. He says, hello, can you get to whatever it is he said? Apollo back? It's not that hard to pronounce. I just haven't heard. I just personally haven't heard of it before.

That's all. Some brown shrimp. Patrick, I got it. Do you want to do a hungry hamster all over again? Patrick's favorite thing to do is whenever Patches starts describing something that's happening, Patrick goes, okay, first things first. So yeah, that Jollybee runs off to get it. He brings it back, Paula back. What is it?

What is it? to me, so I know what it is. Seafood pasta. Yeah, it's like a brown... It's a brown sauce with like vermicelli pasta. It's like a brown thing. Anything brown is a polo-back. Yeah, so you get a plate of poop.

And, uh, no, you get the, you get it, um, uh, and it tastes like nothing you've had before. So, you know, Gun City doesn't have... Oh my God. The couch sneezes somewhere. The, uh, the food and Gun City, you know, it's on planet E-bomb. It's not the best food in the world. It doesn't taste like how Jollybee's food tastes in our time.

But this swears, if you could imagine a time like 2020 and you ate some of Jollybee's food, this tastes like it. This is amazing. Oh, my God. Yes, of course. The finest cuisine and all. Right this way, please. Can we just stay? I don't care what you need us for.

Can we just stay here? Can we just stay here? You certainly can for a time. I'm your new slave and I'll do it. whatever you want. Well, all I need you three to do is trying. I'm a better slave than him. I would be way better.

I'm like the number one. I'm like, as long as he's a puppy number of this follow back, I don't care what happens. There's enough of me to go around to have you as slaves. Look, let's let's just first come with me to my mansion, come to my chambers, and we will, no, that's, I saw the face. The podcast can't hear it. But it's not six. I'm just English. We just all sound like monsters.

What kind of slave do you take me for? And, yeah, he walks you out of the hangar. You walk outside of the hangar and into this. There's clearly you look around. You can see there's like a biodome and like an electric fence around the island, like massive towers that are like protecting it. And the biodome keeps it in this perpetual foggy London weather. It keeps it Polly Shore

And Billy Baldwin And you guys walk into his mansion And a jolly be reached you there, of course And it's as big as you can imagine It's as amazing as you can imagine But what you really notice that makes this mansion Different from other mansions Is the amount of artifacts that are everywhere

And like artifacts that you guys have Some of them you know of And you didn't know who owned it But you knew somebody did Some of them you've heard of in legend, but never seen them before. You see Wees. You see, uh, you see, uh, you see, like, uh, uh, SNES.

You see, that's, that's an artifact. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You see, you see, you see Panasonic televisions. You see, uh, you see, uh, Sony Walkmans. You see, like, all these famous artifacts in Gun City lore that you've heard of on earth, but like, I've never really seen. Um, and, uh, as he walks you up the spiral staircase to his chambers, um,

Uh, the door behind him closes and he, he locks it. And he says, it's only a precaution, I promise. I need to talk to you all about something. And he starts spinning around a globe, but it's a, it's a cube, and it's something you've also heard of. Um, and he says, uh, he's got the cube globe, globe, you guys. Holy fucking shit, you guys. This guy loves items. Oh, my God.

Um, so I, we need to talk briefly. I have something interesting I need to tell you all about. I'm sure I don't need to tell you all this. You're three of the most renowned archaeologists slash adventurers slash professors on the planet. Oh, yeah. I bat my eyelashes at him. Yeah, but I do. On my eyelids, it says love you.

That's from the first Indian movies. Oh, okay. But before Earthlings arrived on planet Ebaum, there were many a civilization. but none as storied or has lost the time as the Tomogachi people thought of as almost mystical in nature. Recent discoveries have been made that suggest they do indeed exist. I believe some of you, one of you, have written papers on this action. It was me. It was also me. All three of you wrote, only two of you wrote.

I just did whatever they were doing. I don't know if it was Tomogachis or whatever the hell. Hell. That said, there isn't a phone. I'm looking up pictures of Tomogachis. A ton of scholarship. Why?

You playing Farmville, bro. Don't tell them about that. Patch on those guys who spends like $15,000 on farmland tokens. I spent, uh, you know what? I'll say it. I spent $20 on the Adventure Capitalist. Do you remember that game? Oh, yeah.

I do. That fucking cookie clicker game? Yeah. No. Yeah. I spent $20. scholars on that. Is it good?

No. I haven't touched it in two years, but I did open it the other day. All right, wait, let's get back. Let's get back here. Yeah, you see like the scene and it's just frozen as like they're hearing. You don't like Patrick talk about adventure capital. That said, there isn't a ton of scholarship on it. But you know that the Tomoguchi people were famous for being really needy.

And much of their infrastructure for the help. sort of lay the groundwork from many of the smaller city state outside of Gunn City and on the rest of Planet Ebon

Like Palestine Like Palestine Yes Yeah baby Yeah baby You caught me That's my real character But

The most The thing that I have been I've been Collecting for years now After I made my money Doing this then the other thing. I have been collecting for many years

and the treasure that has alluded me, besides the N. Gage is another treasure that I have been laughed out of all types of collector's circles insisting that it is real. But I know it is. And all the three of you roll history

check with advantage to see if you know what it is. Get you some old history shows, folks. 16. Roll again. Get it all again. Go ahead. 15 Roll D20 though

Is this not a D20? No No, it's a D12 I didn't know what that roll was Oh This is a disaster Or no 12

You guys can move this table Closer to you I don't need it Okay Oh my god I figured mine out Patrick he rolled like five times Well there's been so much stuff

What do you think talking about what do you think you can't just keep rolling the three of you what do you think is the highest i got 16 okay that's pretty mine was 12 i got a 1 um yeah you you didn't pay attention yeah to this part of the i already said i didn't know yeah yeah yeah you're completely backed up based on the rolls what did you get your highest 12 um uh you know anything above a 10 knows what this this is i'm playing with a thread in my

You all, as you see Leo the collector talking about this mystical treasure that's allegedly connected to the Tomogachi people, the two of you know exactly what he's talking about. And the second he says it, you also say it at the exact same time. The N-word pass. Chocolate chips. No? I knew you too would be familiar. I'm very familiar, yes.

The mystical N-wood pass. He's maybe a little. bit too familiar. I don't know anything about this. Apparently spent hundreds of years developing the correct technology and magics to create an actual N-word pass.

Do you understand the implications of this? Don't explain what the implications are. I understand them and I'm worried that we might get too far into the implications during this campaign. I'll tell you what, that is up to you. And it's a different. for an N-word, right?

Moving on. It's not the one we're thinking? Nutella, no. I thought it was a word for Tomogacchis. After popa... After poppy chucco... Can I say?

There was a great gap in power over the last two years. For a lot of control of the city. I'm not saying I can feel that same void. You know, my businesses wouldn't certainly be able to fulfill such a thing. But

if I have the N-word pass, if we, three of us, four of us, you too, Patrick, have the N-word pass. We might be able to do a lot of good. And the worst part is there are also other people going

after it. And I know this for a fact, because I have to admit that I did consult archaeologist Pennsylvania gym you guys would know Pennsylvania Jim fuck! Yes

he is all three of your rivals Scott I fucking hate that guy he's so sexy but it sucks yeah his shirt's always unbuttoned the correct way God damn it

he has it buttoned at the top but he leaves two buttons at the bottom and his stomach hangs out his stomach is so good because beauty standards and e-bombs world they're different than Earth's. That's unfortunately true.

But, yeah, you would know Pennsylvania Jim is famous for saying stuff like, Dwight, what are you doing? And, Pam, I just don't want to see your pussy. And things like that. Yeah, he stole Pam from Ray William Johnson. That's right. back when he was going by... But I'm going to get her back.

Back when he was going by Roy William Johnson. Now, Pennsylvania, Jim... Look, you three were in prison. I felt the urge. I felt the need to know more about it, so I hired him for some time. All he could do was translate some of the writings that I had discovered,

and he couldn't quite narrow down the location of the N-word pass. But there is an artifact. fact that will tell us where it is. And it will luckily be at an auction that I'm holding tomorrow evening. The auction is going to be hosting about seven to twelve objects, probably closer to seven, looking at my notes. How many jokes did I write seven?

So, and those, I found out that that's the appropriate auction number, according to Google's. Seven? Seven to twelve. A little light. I thought it was light, but I don't know who that had advice is for. I feel like we could break a record for longest auction pretty easily. Yeah, I'm excited for that. So, Leo goes on.

He says, this auction time hosting will be in the events building. And he points, and you see outside the window that that building you saw is like a building he has for where he holds events. It just looks like the Pokemon Stadium. It looks like Pokemon Stadium. Now it, now it, I have. like a description for it. Oh, never mind. On the outside, it looks like Pokemon Stadium, but then.

And he says, tomorrow night, there will be an auction where there will be seven artifacts up for grabs. And the last one will be the floppy disk that holds del isola de penguin,

which apparently has within it the location of, if not, the temple where the N-Ward Pass exists, at least a clue to where the temple is. That's, of course, based on some research and then some things that Pennsylvania Jim said, but I need that artifact tomorrow night. The Penguin of Doom.

The Temple of Tepanguin of Doom. Wow. That's right. I just, I just, I've, I've fired. I was just guessing on the Spanish translation. But, well, I mean, you do know that's the name of the campaign, too. Oh, I didn't know that. Whoops.

When he says the Temple of the Penguin of Doom, I just fall over backwards onto my ass. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good. I pick him back up. I fall over again. That's how shocked I am. I keep trying to pick him back up and he keeps falling over.

You guys keep doing that while Leo keeps talking. It turns into sex. Yeah. Oh. That's the thing about Patrick Yoda this campaign. He's a Casanova. That's good. There will be some dames, so I'm looking forward to it.

Not. So, the, uh, Leo continues. He says, uh, the auction tomorrow night will be held in my events area. There will be other wealthy collectors there, of course. But. Kevin Garnett. Kevin Garnett. Yeah.

A hundred percent now he's going to be there. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I wonder what he's going to be doing. But I will be in my mansion watching my video screens. And I'll have a representative there, one who is a top auctioneer, and not only that, a brilliant collector in his own right. Sullivan! And he claps his hands. and out from, like, within a closet, comes Sullivan the Frog,

uh, uh, dress in his typical dandy outfit, but he swaps the bowler hat for a classic Indiana Jones hat. And, uh, new slave just dropped. This guy looks swaggy as hell. Hi, hi, boss. Nice to see you. Hey. Hey, who's that? I'm some of them.

You look like somebody I want to be best friends with. I'm some of it. Well, hot dog. That'd be real nice. What's up, you stupid, motherfucker? Oh, no. I just look into Leozai's and I go, he's our slave now. I'm having an intense deja vu to being emotionally abused.

Who knows? Anyway, you suck, you pussy. You're my best friend. Sullivan the Frog will be able to, will be my representative at the auction. Your job is to not only protect all the artifacts at the auction and to ensure that Sullivan gets the artifact that I want, the floppy disk. Your job is also

to, hmm, I guess those are the only two jobs. What else was I thinking of when I started this sentence? Now, have fun. Have fun. Hey man, dig this. I hand him as an ex. Thanks, brother.

And he takes his aunt. He thinks you're black. And he takes his annex. And he takes his annex. He says, now I prepared the quarters for all three of you. You can stay here for the night or make yourselves welcome,

explore my island. But tomorrow evening will be the night at the auction. We'll meet in the events area around 8.30 p.m. You'll meet and greet. There'll be some cocktail hour afterwards starting at promptly

9 p.m. will be the auction. And from 9 to 9.50, the auction will go on at approximately 9.50. The floppy discodile isola de penguin shall be up. for grabs at which point you're raising your hand Patrick

Yota can we push can we push the auction back a little bit what the fuck what do you have I have plans you just got out we didn't we didn't know if you were getting we thought I made plans with the couch are you streaming with K zone again Patrick I made plans with the couch

oh god to do what I I were going to go see uncut gems put the couch in your room well that solves everything okay good all right Well, I don't want that couch in my ship anymore. I'll tell you that much. Hey, I don't blame you.

Sullivan, would you show these gentlemen to their cults? Yeah, sure. Okay. And Sullivan leads you guys each year, like, three separate rooms. I'm walking behind Sullivan. I'm just stepping on his heels. Just flat tiring. I'm just spitting on the back of his head.

Oh, wow. I keep putting dollars into his pocket. And he keeps thinking I'm pickpocketing. him, but I'm actually being very nice. I'm spitting on him and telling it. I'm pissing on him and actually telling him it's raining. Well, it sure is rainy and inconvenient but wealthy out here today. All right, well, uh, these three of your rooms, these sort of gestures are all, like, three

adjacent rooms, uh, similar to your, like, cells. You just pan down. Oh. I was thinking we would all stay in the same room. If you, if you, if you, certainly if you want to. No, slumber party. Let's go. Again, I have plans for couch.

Why are you trying to do my voice? I'm not. I'm going to work for a second, but I have, uh, I'm very impressionable. Well, uh, I mean, we can. Hey, guys, I don't think you guys can do. Don't think you guys can stay in the same room together. Don't you do that? Well, I mean, Sullivan clearly is that we can't stay in the same room together.

Fine. I guess I'll stay in my own room. A bit of a stickler for, you know, a slum. I love to follow the rules. No, I, well, I do. But that's not the point. Um, yeah, so, uh, yeah, you certainly can go into a room. Can spill beer again at your apartment.

Um, you can, you can go into a, uh, uh, the same room together and, uh, Sullivan, like, uh, goes underneath the bed and, like, pulls like a couple of, like, uh, levers and configurations in the beds are, the same noise, becomes like a triple bunk bed. Um, and, uh, which ones do I get? Solvin opens a closet and, uh, uh, uh, uh, you hear him like pull a lever and, uh, he turns to you, Patrick goes, he says, couch's in there if you want it. And, uh, buddy, I'm already got. And, uh, he, uh, he, uh, he, uh, he says, uh, if you guys need anything, like a, you know, glass of water or, or anything at all, it's just, uh, uh, uh, and you get me another couch.

Yeah, maybe. Can you sing us a sleepy time song? The warden always did. Oh, well, what song would you like to hear? Just pick a song, Jesus Christ. Okay, sorry. Steeler night, Hellegeenacht. Why do I know Silent Night?

What the fuck is that, man? I know Silent Night in German. Oh, I'm sorry. I knew that was German. I don't know why you guys didn't know. I mean, I knew I just, I didn't know why. I was the first thought that came to my mind. I'm really sorry.

I did choir. In Germany? So, yeah, and he sings to you in perfect German. Nice. A silent night as a three of you slowly drift off to sleep, and then Patrick, at around 2.27 a.m. gets up, sort of looks around and goes to fuck the couch in the closet. Yeah.

Hey, that's fine with me. Two of you roll Reception, though, to see if he Actually, roll Constitution Saving Third To see if he wakes you up Oh, that's a crit one He wakes you up You hear everything

I'm going Oh yeah You hear every You hear, because you got a crit one You hear like a darker Eldridge thing About sex that you didn't know about Yeah He hears just like everything in a regular way

Yeah Wait tell me can I hear I hear Patrick's penis whistling as it moves. Yeah, so you guys all, you got a great night's sleep. And you wake up next morning. Jolly Bees attend to your every need throughout the day. There's a jolly bee washing my feet. They're washing.

They are washing you feet. They're giving you back rubs. They are kissing you when you want to be kissed. I'm kissing them back. You're kissing them back. They're feeding me, Pallowback surprise. Yeah, they're feeding you holl back surprise while you're tied by your ankles from the ceiling, because that's what you like. And they are...

You weird. Normal for a Yoda. I regret sharing a room with you. I told you we didn't have to share rooms. As the evening... I'm trying to fix this. Approach it. I mean, you guys could also walk around the...

I should give you this time, actually, to... Okay, so... So the island has... I'll give you. So, so... What's on the island? Leo's New England in the sky has... An event center.

He has his mansion. He has a shopping center that's spelled with an RE, of course. He has a hospital, a private school. I'm in the helipad or like a hangar where you guys came in from. That's sort of the broad strokes of Leo's Island. It's about, you know, I don't know, like two mile by two mile. It's a huge-ass island. Yeah, that has been holding his hand up to ask questions, which is actually such a much better system.

Okay, what do I have to roll to go into the hospital and steal all the fentanyl? That's what I was going to do. Okay, me and Cameron are going on a mission. I was going to say I was going to go in the hospital and look in all the cabinets and also in all the patient's pockets. That's going to be a number of roles. So me and Cameron are going to go, you're going to look in the pockets. I'm going to look in the cabinets. I'm hitting the gym.

You're in the gym? Okay, yeah, there is a gym in the shopping center. Awesome. So, well, first, first, I have to see if they're going to be able to steal fentanyl. Yeah, whatever. I guess nobody cares about it getting ripped, and it'll be whatever you tell us we find. I mean, techno slime fentanyl, basically, right? Well, like, you guys walk into the hospital.

It's like state-of-the-art hospital meant for Leo and any of his guests who come visit him. And they have a wee in the lobby. They have a wee in the lobby, and they have a Wii you in the garbage. Oh, my God. And, uh, let's go. And, yeah, so you guys walk in, you see a beautiful Jollybee nurse receptionist. It's a nurse joy, Jolly, kind of thing, behind the desk. So, welcome to the Jollybee.

Nope, can't let that became. Welcome to Leo's Hospital. How may I help you? I am actually, I'm the brother of all of the patients, so I just had to visit them. Roll deception check with I guess just it's going to be really hard to win this Oops

What is that 12 plus Minus 1 I'm telling you now it was going to be a Crit 20 for her to believe that you Were the brother of everyone in here Okay but I am the brother of one of them Okay I was lying before but

All right roll Roll deception with disadvantage Now that you said something crazy Oh that's a net one Yeah she's just like Hmm okay Leo said I could walk around. Roll deception with disadvantage only because he just did all that.

It's an 11. All right. You'll add your disadvantage and then you can roll again. Okay. What's my disadvantage? Your deception. Oh, deception. It's plus three.

Okay, so roll one more time and we'll take the lower number. Nice. All right, so 14. She says, let's actually have a roll insight instead of, of just me saying shit. I'd much rather prefer you saying shit. Yeah, she says, okay, yeah, sure. What's your brother's name?

Leo. Wait, what? No, there's no brother in this situation. Wait, he just said Leo. I said Leo said I could walk around. Oh, sorry, I thought, I thought, no, my bad as a DM. That's also a great answer, dude. Leo.

Um, uh, yeah, she says, uh, now she has to know, she says, okay, well, if you're Leo's guest, please, uh, uh, walk around. Just, just, just don't interfere with too many of the patients. And a lot of them are trying to get some rest. I just follow behind Patrick even though I'm definitely not allowed to She assumes you're with him He's like, he's Leo's brother too No, he seems Sorry, I'm actually here Because I have a medical condition where I lie to nurses

So that's, I'm real sorry And I can tell that's a lie, so please go Yes, you guys All right, so first room we hit Yeah, you guys are in the hospital You're walking around. First room we hit is somebody who's in a full body cast. So I know there's something good in their medicine cabinet.

In the middle of their heist, cut to 10 seconds. Yeah, let's get lifting three plates. Yeah, roll, roll. Yeah, so you go into this gym and it is, it is like, it is a, uh, uh, it has like CrossFit, it has Cyber CrossFit. That's new. I do that. Yeah.

You have to come up with it. Actually, no. No, I have to come up with it. Let's do it. That shit's gay. I'm just doing, I'm doing straight-up compound lips. You have to be gay to do it. Oh, I guess I do it then.

You do it. Everyone's gay in there, and it's fine. And I'm not making a joke about it. And you're all doing cyber crossfit. You're doing like, so imagine doing like a high-intensity workouts with the ropes and shit. But it said the ropes are lasers. Ah! Yeah, that's right.

And, yeah, there's a, there's like a, it's like a, it's like a, uh, You've been to Disney, you know, those movies where you're in the seat and the screen. So it's like the screen is like showing like a, like a 4D movie. Yeah, it's like a 4D movie that you're experiencing. There's like, you're watching Back to the Future 9. And it's like you're like you are Marty McFly. You are trying to change age of consent laws in the United States in the year 2005. And like there's just like lasers going by you as you're trying to work out role of strength check.

Just straight strength. So just add your strength. Uh, six. Okay, yeah. You get pretty winded from this workout. I'm not strong. Yeah, it's pretty hard to do this. Uh, your demon is like,

ha, ha, ha, ha, okay. Like trying to, like, work out and stuff. Fitness is about the journey, not the results. And you see a, a guy come up and you go, that's right, I'm the instructor, and also I'm in an anime. I guess is the voice I chose.

Keep going. You got this. Um, yeah. All right, that's another's gym. So we cut back. I'm bent over the guy in a full body cast, and the place where his pocket would be, I've bored a hole using a pen by spinning it between my fingers, and I'm sticking my finger into the hole and wiggling it around trying to feel if there's anything in his pocket under the cast.

All right. You're going to roll a stealth check. I mean, there's not too many. I don't care if he notices. No, I mean, just any staff walks by. I don't care about that either. There's not that much of a chance. Nurses go on rotation.

You're fine. You got to get 23, I think. Yeah, no, yeah, I got a 23. Yeah, I think you're close by stone. Okay, so I'm in the medicine cabinet. Does he have, wait, does he have anything in his pocket? Oh, yeah, that's a good question. Yeah, he does.

He has, he has keys to a Volkswagen Jedda. I try to, I try to pull them out through the hole, but they don't fit, and I just rip a giant chunk of his cast off of his body. Without him knowing. Yeah, I mean, that's all fine. He's in a full-body cat. Completely passed out. Yeah, you get keys for that.

Those are technically an artifact, so maybe you can sell them. But, yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing? You're just rolling and not telling me what you're doing. What, I got at 12. But I don't know what you're doing. I'll tell you after. I've opened.

All right, so I'm in the medicine cabinet. Yeah, you are. I'm in the medicine. I guess you kind of mentioned that earlier. So I decided that my role determines what I find. And I should have said that. My favorite part about this is that Patrick is the Dungeon Master. That's one of my favorite parts about playing this game.

Well, it's one of those, it's collaboration, you know, the breeds. Exactly. We're both the Dungeon Master. Yeah. We have both of Peas, our name, beginning of our name. But so I... Yeah, so what do you find? I'm in the medicine cabinet.

What would you get? And I'll defer me what you find. Okay, what do I add to that? So that's a 15? I guess investigation, really. Okay. Oh, cool. So that is a 17.

17? Okay, wow. Yeah, you find some, like, choice techno slime pills. Oh, fuck, yeah. So I just pocket those immediately. Yeah, so add to your inventory five more techno slime refills. And I guess, I guess if they're a first-time listeners, I should have said this maybe.

Yeah. Explain Technoslym. So Technoslime is sort of the catch-all opium for the masses in the world of Gun City. And everybody has it. Everybody takes it to some extent. It's sort of like Adderall if you're a rich kid. Everyone's doing it. And it gives you a little bit of an advantage. But there's a chance you can get addicted to it.

So there's an addiction system. But they need Technoslim to cast like, cast, quote-unquote, spells, but basically do special abilities. but they need to refill it, and every time they do, there's a chance they can get addicted. And so we'll see that addiction system throughout this campaign or this arc, I should say. All right. And, yeah, you find that. Both of you roll a perception check. 20.

So it's dirty, 20? Yeah. 10 plus... I got an 18. Okay, yeah. You both notice that, like, if you stay in here for much longer, there are not. nurses that are going to come in and check on this guy. Yeah, I mean, I hop on Cameron's shoulders and walk away.

Yeah. Yeah, you get the sense of the rotation is kind of coming up. Yeah, so you guys start walking away. You walk out of there. There's now just a taller Yoda walking out of the hospital. You make it out of there. Yeah, you're still in the shopping center, Ray William Johnson. Anything else you want to do?

There's, I mean, name something, I'll let you know if it's there. It's that kind of place. I'm going to Brookstone. Shit, all right. There's a Brookstone. Yes. Yeah, what do you want to do with Brookstone? I'm getting a massage for free.

Yes. Yeah, you go to the Brookstone. There's a massage chair there ready for you to go. Yeah, and I'm like pretending to the person who was working there. I'm like, I'm seriously considering buying this. Yeah, for sure. All right, dude. No, that's great.

I've really been thinking about spending. I've really been thinking about spending $180. I want to go to the mall. Should roll the second. On a massage chair right now. The mall is a place where you rolled deception. 14. Yeah, you see the sales rep.

He's like, oh, sick. Like, great. No, dude, you're going to get a sweet commission on this. I really, man, my quote has been down last quarter. Dude, you're going to get like 15 bucks super soon. Let me just, let me just check, you know, I'm like halfway through the massage. Let me just see how it ends, you know, and then I'll commit. That's a good one.

It's a good choice, right? That's a good one, but I will do that for you. I mean, just kidding. Unless you're down And yeah It's a kind of chair too That like has like a slot for your PC tower So your computer is getting like massaged also

This is seriously perfect for my body Wow no I'm really thinking of buying this It's funny like It's your piece of your tower goes into like a slot that's like Cooled so your PC is getting cooled Yeah It's like liquid cooling sort of zone Yeah and then I just wait for him to look the other way

And I just run out of the store Roll A stealth check Dude, I'm so stealthy This is See if this poor guy knew It's easy for me dude Six He's like

Oh Chip Hey man Enjoy being a slave See you buddy Oh man I hate being a slave And yeah we cut away from that And yeah You guys sort of spent the day

Stealing drugs from a hospital Stealing the hearts of salesmen and fucking up at the gym and it's starting to get around dusk and so you head back to Leo's mansion and you walk in there, you go to Leo's study or his chamber or whatever the fuck and you see him there he says

it's almost time for the auction so head over to the event center bring Sullivan with you and be on the lookout I've recently received some intel from some of my security detail that there are people who might be trying to steal some of the artifacts that are on display.

and I would assume that the floppy disk that contains... Oh, shit. That's stevia, did. Sorry. Stevia gets you. Really? That contains the...

Isola del penguin? Is that what I said? Might be there. They might be stealing that one in particular. That one that we need to know where to go next. Did everybody also get the Apple News notification? I think I did. Yeah.

Or is it Twitch? It was Jubio? Jubio. The Jubio's live. Shout out to Jubio. We all got the notification. I see. That's huge.

Yeah. And Sullivan the Frog sort of comes up to you all and says, All right. So it's about 815 now. So we walk over there. We'll get there by 830 just in time for the cocktail hour. They're going to have those little, those little shrimp things. Shrimp.

Shrimp. It's different. It's different than just shrimp. and I don't, I didn't hear what the other I said, you all said it. Oh, perhaps, but I didn't see that. What did you say? Shrimp, alabogs, surprise.

Definitely not, just because I don't know what that is. Small pieces of shrimp. Small pieces of shrimp. They might. I'm sorry, I said shrimp, I guess. He walks, he walks out and you follow him. Coconut shrimp. I'm listing, I'm listing off new types of shrimp to him.

Even though I don't know. You're just doing the, Bubba, Bubba, Bubbuck. Even though I don't know. where we're going, I walk in front of him to assert dominance. Yeah. You keep, like, walking towards another place. I'm going down any, any alley that I see. He sort of tries to guide you.

It's this way. I know where I'm going. Okay, okay. I don't think he knows. I know. And, uh, okay. And, uh, yeah, you guys end up at the event place. And you see the event, the event center, Leo's event center.

And it's like, um, a place that, uh, you see that it's like a concert. hall right now. It looks like a concert hall. And when you see a Jollybee, as you guys walk in, you're the first people to arrive, pull lever, and you watch it all, like, sort of morph into now, like, an auction house. Like, there's a large atrium in the center, a balcony sort of, like, on the in, like, the, like the, on the, uh, overlooking sort of the, the center, like a skylight now as well. And, like, sort of chairs that are like kind of like fold out looking chairs, but like kind of

a little bit nicer than like a little stage the men in black chairs men in black I don't know what is the men in black just say yes yes and I don't know why I asked that was so stupid why would I do that how long you've been doing this

and you're too long he says that and you're just asking questions no go ahead elaborate yeah please please elaborate Patrick and I'm sure they won't derail us and yeah yeah so it's a center that

it's a concern to a concert hall a circus tent, whatever the needs of the occasion, except a Kinseniera because of a pending lawsuit. The way it is currently configured, it's like a large open atrium. In the main area, there's a skylight up top. A balcony in circles the whole of the main area. And I said that already. And on the ground level, there's also like a large hallway.

So there's like a main area in the center and then like several doors. And if you go out there, there's like a long hallway that sort of also encapsulates it. On the outside, it looks like Pokemon Stadium, though. Some of the rooms off that hallway are devoted to kitchen and staff. Some of them are, like, bathrooms, and some of them are private gathering rooms, and one of them is a storage for some of the artifacts that are going to be on display. Okay. Who's in charge of the auction?

Me. The auctioneer is his name. Okay. Can I walk up to the auctioneer? Yeah, sure. You walk up to this sort of... How tall is the auctioneer? Can you hold on, Patrick?

About 5'9. Okay. And he's, uh, what was that face? That'll come in handy later. He's, uh, he's sort of, uh, he's dressed in like a tux. He looks like a, uh... Yeah, I'm still in prison clothes. Yeah.

Leo laid out for you guys, like, fancy clothes. Yeah, I did not change. I'm wearing black and white stripes and a black bee. I took a Sharpie. I took a Sharpie and I drew a, a tuxedo on my prison uniform. There was a tux in front of you and you were just like, nah. I looked at it

and I looked at it just for reference because I thought the time. While I was at the gym, I flex too hard and I ripped the entire outfit off and I'm naked. You're wearing the tuxedo at the gym. Yeah. I'm naked now. That explains your role. Yeah. No, you're, you're like, you look like a Chippendale's dancer. Yeah, I'm naked, but

like a Winnie the Pooh is naked. Yeah. That's right. It's fine. It's cute. Solvin's very cute. Solvin season. He's like, Oh, hello fellow traveler. Shut the fuck up. Okay. Don't talk to my friend like that. So you go up to the auctioneer.

I go up to the auctioneer and I hold up the Volkswagen car keys and I say, can I sell this? Oh, let me. Oh, wow. Can I sell this? Well, yes, you could, but I don't think of this auction. Why not? What the fuck is wrong with this guy? I have a sinus infection.

Oh, all right. I bet you do, yeah. Bitch. And that Volkswagen Jetkey's. these would be excellent. We have all the items are frozen as it stands. We can't add any more.

I hit it with my freeze ray. You don't have a freeze ray. What? I just got a freeze ray. So, but perhaps for another auction, we couldn't. Okay, I don't want to wait, though. So just put it up there.

I need money now. I just want... Roll a persuasion check. Oh, no. Seven. He says, I'm sorry, sir. And while you do look a distinguished guest with those black and white stripes, I see. Are you being sarcastic right now?

I could have you thrown out of here. I'm friends with Leo. Rolled inside check to see if he's being sarcastic. 15. He's not. He's just sort of using the fault answer. Could I roll to say that he's selling them for me? You can roll a deception check.

Okay. But also, what's your goal? I'm well my my prison jumpsuit has a tuxedo drawn on it so I'm hoping that tricks him into what I'm gonna have him roll of insight to see if you can tell it's drawn on all right I'm gonna roll

deception 18 he can absolutely tell your tuxedo is drawn on and then so but go on 18 plus 3 okay yeah so he he definitely believes that you are selling the Jetta for him for you but he does not think that's a

are the are the guests for the auction here yet uh they are going to be trickling in oh yes i should mention that actually good call so um something to note about this auction i'll be keeping track of everything you do uh after this weird interaction with the auctioneer um and i'm going to be assigning uh time values to it um that's not good so i'll be letting you know what's going on it's 8.30 now, the final, the time for the auction is going to start at 9.50. So between now and...

An hour and 20 minutes? Yeah, but it's not going to go. Let's watch. Freddy got fingered. That'd be very funny. But yeah, between now and 950... I mean, you guys are... When you guys are very early, you're basically the first people at the cocktail hour, which makes sense, because you're also there

on sort of like an official duty. There are other Jollybee guards around you, and Um, but, uh, uh, with, you'll sort of see who's going to arrive and I will let you know every, um, every sort of time stamp, like what's happening. So based on what you're doing, I'm going to be keeping track. We have a little time. Okay. Yes, you have time. So one of you, right now this is, this is sort of outside the realm of time. Yeah. One of you guard, guard the artifact that we're supposed to guard. One of you take care of Sullivan the frog. And I'm going to stand by the front door and ask the auction. guess if they want to buy this car for $10. Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold on. Wait. Can we play out what happened? Because I wanted to sell the car, and he's selling it for me.

Yeah. I mean, he's, he already said no. He's no. Wait, wait. I have an idea. Hey, Pat, come with me. Okay. Trust me. I'm going with you. All right. All right. See, hey, a auctioneer fellow. Okay. Hey, buddy. How are you? You is high. Hey. Hey, again, love your voice. Listen. Thank you. So I have an item. You sound like you got peanut butter in your mouth. I have... Don't listen to him. I was talking to him.

It's almond butter, you must know. Very fancy. Listen, I have an item I think you might be interested in. Why? What is it? A jewel? No, it's not a jewel. Okay. I have this Yoda that I've been trying to get off my back, but quite a while.

I was wondering... You're trying to traffic him again? I mean, not traffic, but, you know... Look, I understand that in Leo Island, or whatever this place is called, I understand that Yoda's our property. Simply not true. Listen, Yoda. I'm trying to get you in with the items. This is something you're coming up with.

If he hears, that's fine. So, what do you say about putting this bad boy up for auction? I can't buy a man. I'm a Yota, not a man. He's a girl. Maybe then. I'm a yaddle. Roll deception.

That's an eight. No you're not. Yes, he is. Please take his... Yeah, roll deception with disadvantage. Oh, my God. It's okay. I'm going to win this. Easy. I can't even describe...

you how difficult this is for you to do. Well, it was a six. I mean, yeah, so that's... And, uh, yeah, six. Yeah, he's like, please sit down. We can discuss... Hey, man. I was trying to help you out.

I don't know how yet. Man, eh, oh, fuck you, man. We were trying to make you more money. I was trying to make you rich. Yeah, we were going to make you rich tonight. Now you blew all that shit. What do you mean, make me rich? We can't tell you now.

Yeah. You seem... Hey, you fucked that up. we start walking away really slowly we're backing up no no we're just going to leave we're actually going to go to the bathroom and do something very cool

he's not trying to implore you he starts a little quizing about like oh just like when my wife left me another missed opportunity god fucking damn another thing I am why you you're shushing the air

and you guys and you guys sit down at the auction you guys sit down And people start coming into the auction. What's up? One of the people you recognize right away is Pennsylvania Gym. I lunge at him.

Let's wait a minute. Okay, one of you roll to see if you hold me back. And you see behind him. We have to do a one-off where Pat is the DM. That's a good idea. I would fucking love that. I would love, first of all, I would love to play. You would have to teach me.

Yeah, you would have to teach me what you would be. You would, just knowing exactly what you know now. Yeah, no, no, no. You should not read a fucking thing. Okay. I will not help you. I will not explain to you anything. I'll just try to roll with whatever it is your role.

It's a really good idea. That sounds crazy pants. I'll have to like hold my tongue. Anyway, so you're, you're, at your, yeah, you see Pennsylvania and Jim walk in. Behind him, you see sort of a foppish looking a man with

like just a giant rosacea nose. All of you roll history check just to see if you know who this guy is. You feel like you've seen him before. 8.23. Or 22, sorry. 15. Patrick Yota and

William Johnson, you know who this is. Blotov's Piss, you think this is just some ugly guy. Holy shit, guys. I didn't know my cousin was coming here. And you two, from your time as archaeologists and collectors and professors and adventurers would know this is one of the most prominent collectors and likely Leo the collector's rival. Gerard de Poooo-Poooooo. A famous... You see him walking with Pennsylvania Jim So it seems like Jim is his treasure hunter

Almost to his collector You see them walking in You see Pennsylvania Jim Recognizes a U-3 right away And he sort of walks up to you and says Oh Hey what's going on guys? I thought you were... Shut up, bitch!

All right. Okay, Dwight. I'm not Dwight. I'm Patrick. I'm just sorry. I will say, admit this. Not to side with Jim. You're being kind of a Dwight today.

Not being a Dwight. You're being a bit of a Dwight. I hope I'm not. Dwight is just something I've coined. Something I call people who are just kind of, you know. And he makes that face. You know, and I, I just looks out the window and makes that face. You see a lacquitoo holding a camera?

I'm snapping in his face. I start snapping in his face. I'm trying to... Hey, you're looking out the window again. I went to Brown and I love the CIA. You can't make me do anything. Hey. Pennsylvania, Jim, you're making the face in the window.

You see Gerard de Pooh-pooh. He goes, I'm... Oh, so these is the... These are the treasure hauntails that Leo has housed. What? What did you say? I sound like a motel. English you, motherfucker.

This accent will be better when I'm less drawn. Next session. I see you are here to auction, and you have this little frog, man. Oh, hi there. I'm a Yoda, not a frog. I wasn't talking to you. Well, then I... I'm sorry for interrupting.

That's okay. This is the first time you've ever apologized to me for interrupting. I apologize for all the other interruptions. this is a serious breakthrough I could cry we're making progress as player and DM

you see Jim say you're sort of Pennsylvania Jim looks too well he says well if you guys are here I assume Leo I guess need your help no

no we're genius we're just here we're just here because we like to be Who's Leo, the collector? Never heard that name. Yeah, who the fuck is Leo the collector?

Jim looks right at the camera. And Gerard de Poupu says, I believe we will take our seats now. And because I am French, my seat is very gay. That's right. It's a throne. And Gerard de Poupu in Pennsylvania, Jim. take your seats. Jim sort of looks at you guys

and does the like two fingers to his eyes, one finger to all you kind of like, I'm watching you. He puts his whole hand out. He's just like three fingers. And he like realizes Sullivan is there and has his pinky. And yeah, he walks off.

Unless you guys want to say anything else to these two. You know what I'm going to say to Pennsylvania, Jim? Bitch. I know what you are. board of mine. No! He's too goddamn good. You see how his back pocket is,

it says, the school of Pee-Wee-Herman handbook. I turned to Ray and I turn to blowtoss. He's too good, you guys. He's too good. He's unbeatable.

Oh, my God. It's okay. It's okay, man. You guys, fuck it. I'm sad. I'm sad. A shit right now. He's too good. Yeah. And, yeah, they sit down.

so you guys have a little more time to get some cocktails before the next sort of time break in this thing. I'm getting loaded. What kind of cocktails? Can I check on the artifacts and make sure they're okay? Let's do... You're getting loaded. I'm getting loaded. What's going on?

I head to the bar and I say, give me 50 Shirley Temples. Yeah, sure, whatever you need, pal. In a big gulp. Okay. The bar hinder starts making you that. He says, I was about to say, what's your poison, but I realized I'm making it.

So, just trying to find other bartender phrases. How are you doing this evening? This is the worst day of my entire life. Oh, man, same, brother. I miss prison. I miss Hots and a cot. Are you joking? Dude, don't even get me started.

I loved prison, and we move on to, uh, what are you doing, Patrick Yoda? Uh, so I am just following the hors d'oeuvre's guy around. I'm a little, I'm a little Yoda, but the odurves guy is like a, it's like a giant troll. And he has like a Costco sample size plate of... Do you want an hors d'oeuvres? And I'm jumping up like... I want the... Look, I wouldn't...

I would normally do this, but we need to save some for the other guests. Oh, come on. I mean, how are we not here? I get a little yoga stomach. I got a little yonle stomach Come on, give me the fucking food Okay, okay, okay If you have a little stomach

I feel like you would like You'd want less Don't tell him that Roll a persuasion check See if you can give you more horserves Yeah, that's an eight He says Look, I can give you one more shrimp

But after that I have to cut you off Shrimp Shrimp-sized Jumbo? No, sorry. Fuck! Okay, well that's fine. I'll take it. You want to look at the artifacts?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. So you go over to... So you want to go to the storeroom in that case. Yeah. You walk out to the hallway area to see the storeroom. You see it's a pretty bland hallway blowtoss. Let me make sure I'm doing this right.

Okay, cool. So you walk out to the hallway and you see some kitchen staff. walking around you see some appraisers sort of coming in and out of rooms you see the artifact room as well and you see like a Jollybee guard outside of it

and I mean you tell him you at this point you're a part of the they know you as a part of Leo's crew so you have to go in there she able to see some of the artifacts can you go in there with impunity or does he get followed what's impunity mean pet

I know what How do you see the artifacts all seem fine right now? They're all there? They're all there right now. Are they on like a table? Yes. Okay, so I put the car keys next to them. He's too fucking good.

The kid's unstoppable today. Oh my God. Fuck, dude. I'm not even going to make you roll for that. It's just too smart. Yeah, I can't do that. You can't, I mean, he's not how smart of your character. Jersey. He's outsmarting you right. Yeah, he literally, fuck, man. I thought you were going to do a thing. Okay, amazing. Yeah. The car keys are there. Yes. It's not even a question. Okay, I go back and I get drunk with kids.

Put the car keys on the table. Um, uh, you go out, back out there, you're getting drunk. Um, okay, cool. So it's about 845 at this point. So now you start to see more guests coming in. So it's a new timestamp. Who are some of the guests? One of the people that you see is which one of you mentioned that you dated your student? I think it was you both us. I think me and Caleb both said that. I didn't date these hoes. You both see the girl that you dated long ago or whatever it is you did. Marie Stain.

And she comes in and she looks as ravishing and as as, uh, as, um, a student-like as ever. I don't remember her face, but then she spills a sprite on her chest, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I remember her. And with her is a massive bodyguard, who you don't recognize. But she comes in,

and she recognizes you two, and she goes up to you both. You're both getting drunk at the bar, and she says to both of you, well, I know what you two would be. Of course, you're both getting drunk. It's good to see you, fellas. She's a...

She's stupid. That pet name never got old. I love you so much. Lhotas, how are you doing? I'm way too drunk. I ordered Shirley Dimples and he was just drinking like pure Jameson. Yeah. I was like, I'll match you on that one. Well, I'd like to introduce you to my...

I just throw up on her. He's like, oh, well, just like old time. I walk by while I'm following the hors d'oeuvre stroll, and I look at Blotas, and I say, Ah, that old Irish whisper as he's throwing him. Well, I'd like to, she's like wiping vomit off her shirt. I'd like to introduce you to my bodyguard, Rex, and you see this guy, He's just like a hulking brute.

He looks, he's got a blonde mullet. He's got a tight black t-shirt. He's got jeans. And, yeah, he's a, he just sort of nods to you both. He's here to help me with the auction. I'm looking forward to getting something of some use, you know. Back in the day when I was just your students, both of your students in your co-teaching class, where you both taught together.

I remember that. Yeah, well, I do too. The clay molding studio. Well, I've since then become quite a successful adventure myself, and now I'm a collector, and a Catherine Hepburn impersonator as well. But it is good to see you both. I wish you best of luck at the auction. If that is what you're here for, what are you here for? I loop around.

Hey, real quick, can I ask you a favor? I need some more hors d'oeuvres. and you're a new face here The troll Has not seen you So can you just give you one shrimp Cocktail please? Whole persuasion

14 She says Rex, make sure this guy gets a Gets an hors d'oeuvre He goes Yeah All right Make sure that you

You get that And you see Rex goes over To the hors d'oeuvre's guy And like tas him on the shoulder And goes, yeah Can we get a I get a shrimp cocktail for this little green guy over. Don't tell him it's me.

I guess just for me then. And she says, what are you guys here for? I go back to the bar. She's asking you what you guys are here for. I'm chilling, man. What about you? I throw up again. She says, just what I thought.

As evasive and strange as ever. Well, I have to go back to my bodyguard to make sure he's okay. He does miss me when I'm gone. Yo, check this out. Blotas can do the worm. Can you really? Last time you did the worm, you cried. I'd love to see it.

I fall over and a tooth comes out of my mouth. Go bloatoss. Go blowtas. It's your birthday. It's your birthday. Mouthful of shrimp. Across the room. Or it's a birthday.

Oh, you boys never cease to amuse me. Well, I'm a girl, and this is my only personality. So I'm going to leave now, and she walks off. So it's about 8.45 at this point. You guys have been sort of getting drunk, talking up friends of yours, old friends of yours, and old lovers of yours. And all three of you roll a... perception check

two of you of disadvantaged the two drunk ones of disadvantage I'm not drunk my die fell next to you I'm fucking drinking soda it says it's a three I got a 14

I got a 7 regardless dude I got the most even though I'm drunk as hell yeah you guys are just having a good time hanging out nothing unusual is going on and yeah

so you guys have another you know That's bad. Yeah. Yeah, and it's around nine now. You guys kept drinking. You kept hanging out, kept eating hors d'oeuvres. And the auction is beginning.

People are sitting down. Everyone's sitting down. Girard de Pooh-Poo, Pennsylvania Gym, Marie Stain, Rex. They're all there. You also notice one other guest who's in a cloak, a black cloak. He's probably a normal guy It's Dart City is It's Dracula

The far The first First item comes up From the auctioneer He says Our first item is a Thanos vape pen This pen was said to have been used

Byron himself After which He was said to have muttered That tasted weird One dollar We have one dollar We have one dollar The starting price is

100,000 tokens. Hold on. No one told us about tokens. What's the token to dollar exchange rate? Do we have tokens? You don't have, I mean, like, maybe you have... I'll give you some tokens when you get out of jail. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, like, let's say 200,000. I mean, let's say 5 million. Look, this is supposed to be like an even more, you know, late capitalist world in the world we're in. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Never mind. Say no war.

Yeah. So, yeah, you guys have no money, and they keep doing with the auction. I'm still, I'm yelling, seven million tokens, even though they know that I have not. He's just, he's just ignoring you. It goes around. He's wearing poor canceling. I'm outbidding Glotas. I'm like, seven million and one.

We have seven million. Oh, I know. what you're doing now. Yeah, the next item comes, somebody gets it. The next item comes up. We have discontinued Monster Energy flavor. Arab surprise.

A spicy flavor, but perhaps too spicy. After CEO, Hollagram Clint Eastwood in Grand Toreno took over the company, Monster eagerly pushed this flavor to market, but just as eagerly pulled it off the shelves for being too racist.

It was, it has been unopened and kept at room temperature for over 400 years. It can be yours now, so the starting bit of 230,000 tokens, and then the auction keeps going, all of you roll a perception check. Do I still have disadvantage? No, you guys are fine now. I rolled the Nat 20.

Oh, my mom. 13. All right. We got a Nat 20 in the house. Patrick Yoda. You, with your extra special Yoda ears, which we established in the last campaign, here, weird footsteps in the hallway outside of the atrium. It's Jafar.

Look, I'm going to just get out in front of this. It is Jafar. Yes! Oh, my God. Real Life 20. Perception Tech from Patrick. Yeah, you hear that. Can we, okay, well, tell us.

Please, Patrick, tell us. What I do is I write down on two pieces of paper. God damn it. Just the worst guy. I don't want to ruin. I'm not picking up on the microphone when you do that. I don't want to ruin the auction, so I write down on two pieces of paper, I write, It's Jafar, hand it to Ray of Liam Johnson, it's Jafar.

And I just look at him like, what the fuck you do? And I hand a piece of paper to blow toss. By the time this airs a Jafar joke is going to still be rocking hard on the door. So I'm sitting there with the two pieces of paper. As I'm handing them the paper, I say, it's Jafar. When I hear the word Jafar. He looks at the note. He says, it's Jafar dash Patrick Yota.

When I hear the name Jafar, my eyes open all the way, and I'm completely sober. And I dash out of the room into the hallway. Okay, yeah, so you guys run out of the room, you run out of the hallway. Do you fall? I want to see who wins the fucking monster. Yeah, you stay for the monster part of the auction. You too run out of the hallway? I jump in his back pocket.

Yeah, yes, you do. And, yeah, you jump out. You guys run into the hallway. you hear in the in the in the uh sorry you hear in the main room and you hear this obviously directly in the main room ray William Johnson next is the full mummified skeleton of the man the why you know guy was based off of real name was Martin Kaplowitz a Polish American who walked into a manhole and died making this expression And, yeah, you guys are in the hallway now. While I'm in the hallway, I go to the water bubller. I take a few sips. I sober up from the water buggler.

Yeah, you, okay, yes, you walk in the hallway and you see a buggler there. Are you an alcoholic shrimp cocktail? Yes. Okay. It was a vodka sauce. So, I'm jumping up and I'm drinking out of the water buggler a sip at a time. At the buggler. And you, Blotas Pist.

roll a perception check while he's at the bubla. I'm jumping up at the bubler and like... Nine. Okay. Yeah, you're sort of like surveying the area, trying to get a sense of what's going on. Right now there's nothing that's too suspicious, but you're still like kind of wary.

Like you're still reason to be wary. Go cut back to the auction. Ray William Johnson, you're there. You hear the auctioneer said, Now You See Me Too on Blu-ray, a movie that some thought was lost to time. It includes the extras where Woody Harrelson admits to taking the virginity of a high school girl when he was like 40. And, yeah, it cuts back to the hallway. Yeah, what do you guys want to do?

So you certainly can, like, try to understand where the noise is coming from, or you can just generally investigate or you can do whatever you want. I'm looking for clues personally. I'm going to follow Cameron around I'm looking for clues but in an archaeological way and not a detective way That's right Okay, yeah so roll a investigation check Do I have to roll too because I said I was doing

Yeah yeah roll roll as well You can sort of help them out with that You're looking for very old clues Right now 18 You got a 5? I got an 18 Okay With that 18

Blow toss you sort of have like an inkling You think like you know what buildings like these and you sort of like put your ear to the wall and you hear like sort of like footsteps in like a vent like you start to get the sense that there is people maybe in like a

ventilation system like you get that real hard oh can I send my monkey into the vent absolutely you can he's too good at this game yeah he didn't actually get drunk like the game said so you roll in you run into one of the rooms one of the conference rooms

there's nobody in there and you see a vent up top you pop it open and you toss in Patrick Monkey up in there and hmm this is interesting I guess I have to roll for Patrick Monkey now

let me do with that okay Patrick Monkey sort of scours around he looks for clues and stuff and he sees that somebody was definitely up there and he scroll he goes and he sort of like makes his body look exactly like another person kind of thing like a cartoon yeah like Jafar yeah like Jafar literally

and he sort of like communicates that to you but you don't know where they're going or like how long they've been in there you're just getting the sense that like people are in the fucking vents we cut back to the uh uh um auction house way William Johnson you're just like pleasantly smiling and like getting drunker and drunker yelling bigger and bigger numbers one million dollars

you hear the masters to the cabby song the master recordings to the cabby song and uh... what what cabby song? I don't want to sing it you want to sing it? Is it the mega 60 ball?

Yeah but the one okay yeah fusion down the street my taxi calf And you see Yeah And somebody buys that

Real fast And then The next one is He says Special Edition Brickleberry Wavebird Controller And

And Just madlibs That joke And The Yeah you guys are now So if you guys Hear the

The So you can You can explore The the events, or you can sort of try to assess where it's going. It's up to YouTube what you guys want to do with that information. But yeah, obviously, that's like sort of the last auction option before the floppy disc that holds.

Well, there's the keys that I put on the table. It's the second to last. It buys us time, right? That's an extra action we can take. I got to let you do that. Because it was good role-playing, and I try to roll-playing, and I try to reward that as a DM. Okay.

We rule. Yeah, you see a, you see a, you see a, you see how the auctioneer goes like, uh, and I'm, this is new, I suppose, and he realizes what it is, like, oh. Volkswagen jetta keys started muffled from the other room. You just hear me yell, one brilliant tokens. Yeah, so that, that does buy you guys time. You guys have a couple more actions you can do between now. And, like, the final item. I'm a tiny guy.

Yeah. Oh, I want to, can I throw Patrick up in the vents to lose me into the vents? Absolutely. That happens. So I don't need to check for that. Okay. So I follow, um, whoever is in the vents. Okay, yeah.

So roll a perception check. Nice. I mean, add your perception. I think your perception's pretty good. I think you probably got an 18 right now. Yeah. Or reception is plus eight. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. Okay, yeah, 21. Okay. Nice. You quickly pick up on. Using your goat at ears, they like, pete-b-p-p-t-they tweak a little bit, you hear sort of the traces of somebody. Somebody's out of the vent, but you get the sense of where they are, using sort of like the force a little bit. And you quickly, they sort of scurry over into that direction.

And you look below you now. You sort of like get the sense, okay, the trail is stopped. And you see a grate below you. And below that, you see two people. what you think at least in sort of like black ninja garb oh no

and they seem to be in a room and you're guessing because you went up a little bit on the top of the the balcony the balcony floor the balcony floor he says that out loud

and I just hear it echo back down the bat and I hear a whisper come out and they go PJ mask So, what do you want it to do? Hmm. He's not reading his buying time.

He's just looking at the paper going, Uh-huh. Yeah. Because if I use the force, if I use the force in the vent, then I could jump down and have an advantage. Yeah, definitely. them, but if I use a Yoda's mind, I can read their minds.

You should use Yoda's. Nobody, you know, mine that. Yeah, also, nobody else is with you, so you'll probably get your ass kicked. So, Yoda's mind. I'm going to use Yoda's mind. So they will roll against, you have a DC of, I think, what is it, 18? What does that say? Up top.

It should be on the top of your sheet. Armor class, or? No, your DC. On top of your magic spells sheet, I made you. Oh, okay. I have a DC of 16. Okay, cool. So they're going to roll against that to see if they can resist.

So do I roll too? No, you don't. roll. You don't roll. Okay. Okay. You read their mind. Oh, I do. Oh, okay. So with Yoda's mind, you're able to peer into their mind. You get the surface level thoughts before going deeper in. Yeah. Um, you hear something that is not, you hear a couple of things. Here, I don't know, they're gungin.

And you, uh, uh, uh, but what, what I, what I can actually roll perception. Because you're hearing something in another language. which is not as illustrative, but... 17 plus... 17 plus 8. Oh, okay. Despite you not understanding the language and reading those surface level thoughts,

it's malintent, you sense. You definitely get a fucking vibe there. It's... They are dressed in Ninja Garb for a reason this time. Not like your birthday party. Oh, God. This is not like my PJ Mask's birthday party. Um, yeah.

So, uh, you can certainly try to probe deeper. Can I, okay. To get like exact words, but that said, you got the sense that it was a different language. Um, because Cameron, I'm in the vents. So Cameron could jump through the door and then Cameron could confront them. Or blow toss, rather. So you're pretty far away. Uh-huh.

You could crawl back to get him to come. But I can't say. It's not a good idea. I can't say for sure that you won't lose them if you do that. So I guess I guess I'll probe deeper. Okay. They're going to resist again. Okay.

Shit, they get the same role. You hear... Because it's still in a language you don't understand. Yeah. But roll perception with advantage now. 17. Roll again. 20.

Nat 20 or... Dirty 20. for real I saw it he's not lying but for some inexplicable reason despite a language

you don't understand maybe it's something with the force it's some sort of like a deeper primordial connection to the connection we all share with other living beings

you know they're trying to steal that artifact for fucking sure and that is what they're here to do oh shit hit him with the needler one time that's a good

idea to do that I will mention there is a great above you okay can we tell do we know where the vents are in relation to the rooms right thank you so um meanwhile I'm in the auction room and I say to the person next minute just drunk out of my man I'm like happy hump day huh they're like they're like I do say it is Wednesday that's a good point Um, and, uh, uh, I'll have both of you. Actually, no. Yeah, both of you roll a, um, perception check to get a sense of your surroundings. 16.

We'll get us. We'll sort of like square that a little differently. All right. So it's six plus eight. That's like 14. Yeah. I mean, like, so you both get a, so you both kind of know where you are. Okay.

you know Blotas that Patrick Yoda so in relation to you he sort of went to the other so four walls he went to the wall one of the walls near you like one of the walls

adjacent to you yeah so it's not like in the they're not like next to the auction room they're like near me still they're near the storage room uh they're near one of they're near the bathrooms but like they're near the auction room in that like it's um part of the balcony

and it's one of the rooms off of the balcony but they're only like 35, 40 or so feet from you where you are and you Patrick Yota have that sense as well like you you felt yourself make a turn like a hard right

so from whatever like sort of like of like the square that you were in you were in one side of the square and you went like sort of like into another side of the square you could feel that but you're not that far into that other side if that makes sense so like

you have a sense of where you are and you know that they are trying to like jump down probably like you're gonna try to approach the the items like like you went to in the vents no they're down from the vents

they're in the room but like you get you know that like it's been so long yeah so you you blow toss you're like on like the left side of where the auction house of where the auctioneer is and like the items and you are like on the wall

right where the auctioneer is like by the stage but just above it in the vent and they're above it in a room on the balcony okay so they're there you can see that what their what their idea might be um to like like

apprehend it yeah okay um is there any way we can communicate oh yeah wait what can I just run into the auction room and yell there people start trying to steal the artifact you absolutely Okay, yeah, I'm going to do that. Okay.

So you run out. Does he have to roll for that? No, just running out and rolling. Why are you trying to sabotage me, dude? I'm asking if you... And you climbed up, so he's right on the ground floors. What do you say? Well, I don't know they're ninjas.

And I guess I don't know with certainty that they're trying to steal the thing. No, you don't know. I said there's something weird going on. Guys, there's something weird going on. There's Jafar is in the vents. And I think he's up to no good. Good. Don't listen to him. He's fucking drunk out of his mind.

I am more sober than I have ever been. So the auctioneer who's gotten kind of used to ignoring you is like kind of taking notice at this point. He is going to feel like an asshole. He's like, Jafar is in the vents. There's somebody in the vents, and I have this weird feeling that they might be trying to steal something. And Patrick Yoda. What happens now that he said that? I was about to say, yeah.

So, you see them perk up and start to move. I'm going to give you the opportunity, because you got to jump on them, you were so stealthy, I'm going to give you the opportunity to make a reaction of some kind. So that can either be an attack, that can be a... Can I make them crap their pants? Trying to grapple them? I don't know if you have that ability, but you have the hot rod. I do have used to force and Yoda's...

I think maybe, no, because Yoda's mind was the four. Maybe the hoverboard? Go for it. So you can do a hoverboard attack, so you can bust through the gate, the grate, and do a hoverboard, a hoverboard attack before they bust out of the room. I'm going to give you that option. Okay. So roll, it's going to be an attack roll, so you're going to add whatever your hoverboard attack modifier is. I can help you with that.

That says attack bonus plus four. Okay. Go for it. Yeah That hits both of them Roll for damage Okay It's not going to be the D20

That is 7 That's not the damage It's not the dice Check out Check out those sheet It should tell you Which one is that So whatever the damage is

It says one D8 Okay There you go All right Which one's D8 The one that looks like a triangle But not a small triangle Two triangles together

Yeah That's her Oh, my God, you're cracked. I think you add to that, too. Yeah, so that's a D8 plus one. Okay, cool. So you, um, so here's what happens. You see those guys start to like, they hear Blotas go, there's something we're going on.

And like, they like sort of look at each other and bust out of the room. But before they do that, you like, stomp on the grate and kick your board down and it goes and hits both for them for nine points of damage. and they like fall out of the door and all of you will roll... Who sees this? What? Who sees this?

Everybody or just me? Just you see the hit happen? They all see the guys roll like fall out of the door. Oh, okay. And all of you will roll for initiative because it's about to be a fight. 11.

We could stop it there. Okay, well, I got an 11. Maybe you want something more. Happy Halloween, everybody. Oh, yeah.