Podcast About List - UNLOCKED: Premium #128: Even a Peppermint

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

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Come here, come in, come here, come in, and we see your butt. If you are not a premium subscriber, please pause now and purchase a premium membership immediately. Okay, so if you just heard the other one, the other episode. If you listen to the other episode, the last, if you listen to the normal episode just now. Yeah, I just got a message from my girlfriend. She said the DMNFQR trains are delayed, and they're searching those trains. But listen, say that out phonetically. demon fucker

this shooter this shooter was the demon fucker kind of like he's like Constantine I really hope something really horrible happens

and then these two episodes come out perfect time capsules you know just full on like so one tower's been hit kind of thing yeah

you know it is weird that we are backloging all this we could say anything can happen in the next couple weeks what

We could say like... No, it's the other way around. No, we say something and it will have already happened. We should say that some things are going to happen. Well, no, that would only be good if we were recording it now. That's the opposite. Any episode, we can say something's going to happen. Yeah, this is the only episode we can't say that

because it will already have happened by the time. Do you see... Because we're recording it and then release it later. Time moves... It goes forward. Yeah. What? Yeah.

You look really confused. So it's like, okay, imagine today, imagine today is April. I'm going to eat a grape on August, or no. I mean, you can still say that. No. Trying to predict. I'm going to eat a grape. No, wait, no.

You could make that come true. I mean, we could say we're going to do anything and then do it. But that's the thing. It won't have been already happened. It won't be interesting. April 20th, I'm going to smoke some weed. That's my prediction. No, you won't.

Damn. You, damn, that's coming up. April 20th? Oh, my God. Wait, he's going to smoke some weed? A week and a day. Holy fucking shit. On April 26, I might have to pay a bill.

Wait, when does this come out? Hold on. Wait, so April 20th, what you're going to see? We have to do a special, if this is a 420 episode, but... No. The last one we recorded was the 420 episode. No. No.

It literally comes out on 420. That's the other shoe dropping. Fuck. Dude. Wow. All right. Oh, hey, you know, we got to make up for lost time. I can't believe that.

This is the 420 episode now. I guess. You got so high, we recorded the 420. We got so fucking stoned that we messed up our 420 episode. We are on stonous time. Yeah. What are you stoned on? Me, I'm on Runtz.

I'm on, I'm smoking Red Bull Green Dragon Fruit. Nice. This, literally, this, if it's not cold, this tastes exactly like air freshener. I'm smoking Crudder's demise. This is what I'm smoking. No, it just tastes like a... I don't care what it tastes like. I don't care what it tastes like.

We're talking about what we're smoking. I don't care what Red Bull tastes like. Plus, your can is green. What are you doing? Don't pour it on the mic. Why don't you do that? You're not that high. You're going to have to buy in your mic.

We only smoked 100 pounds of weed. You're not that high. it's really not that much oh my god all right so that kind of charged me up to know I just smoked devil's destruction yeah

you guys ever smoked red weed you have you guys ever smoked AIDS red weed does the opposite of green weed really what does it do makes you unhigh so if you get too high you can unhigh damn I need to smoke some red weed right now because I am higher than a mofo

not me I'm so high but I'm gonna smoke blue weed that makes it that it just changes the effect it's not like an opposite it just kind of goes like side well like if red weed If your high level goes up and red weed It makes it go down Blueweed

And yellow we'd make it go From side to side What is your high bar at Right now 10 trillion? Yeah, I'm probably around the same To look on one way

I said a number that wasn't real I'm so high I'm just speaking Goodbbedbed But yeah I just made up The number 10 billion Look how high I am

Damn Pipp damn Pat is high as high as hell Wake up Wake up Wait up buddy You got weed to smoke I'm so high

I just thought about What? What? Damn, I smoke too much Yo, hold out. I just smoke too much. I just get... So, Pikachu's a mouse.

He's a rat. I think he's a rat. What, electricity? I think so. Yeah. Well, hold on. This room's starting to scare. I'm so high.

I just can't stop thinking about this. Wait, hold on. Wait, so squirtle's a turtle. Squirtle. It's a squirrel turtle blue. He's squirting. He's a squirting turtle? Hold on.

Does a twirling even squirt? So Charmander's a mander. But he's a mander. Charming? Wait. I'm so, I guess I'm thinking about charzard is a zard. How come? But he's charing?

Azzard? He can't char that zard. Don't char that zard. Charmelons on melon? No, no, because I mean. Char melon? Hold on. Yo, I, I'm thinking, I'm thinking too much about this Mander because I smokes on

Bulbosaur. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep. Pretty much all Pokemon could be weed. Could be weed. Yeah. Especially grass types.

Especially that Mr. Mr. My-smoke types? That's who you see. You see Mr. Mime if you smoke too much weed. Yeah. You see that guy, he's like, you know, that one guy who thinks he's trapped in a box, he smokes one joint. If you smoke, if you smoke weed that was in your, your high school dealer's backpocket that he sat on all day while he was failing his math test. Yeah, you smoke it.

That's when you see Mr. Mime. I found weed on the ground at a skate park one time, and I brought it home and I smoked it. and my eye immediately got itchy. That was dirt. And I learned later that if weed looks like it has crystals in it or something, that means that it's like moldy. So I smoked moldy weed when I was like 14. We used to smoke so much K2 and we never even, we didn't even know.

And the reason why was because it was all, it was all like, it was like pre-ground. Like it was like not, it was not real weed. It was like pieces of paper with K2 on them. And the guy would just sell it to us and a giant. giant zip block bag and it'd be like $10 for like a pound of it. I never, that was awesome. I never like knew. I would just like, to me it's just like, oh, it's weed.

I didn't know there could be different types of it or it could be bad or good or whatever. I would just buy it. I'd buy it from my friend who got it from his friend who got it from his uncle or something. Yeah. Yeah, I accidentally smoked K. I have a picture of me on it high on K2 because I got scared and I sent my brother a picture of me.

I was like 15. I'm looking at the camera. like we need to do we need to smoke salvia that's what we need to do yeah 420 special okay here i go they have delta eight at the the bodega everything's the same everything's completely normal except everyone hears a fish what if you smoked salvia and and now this is a bit of a high thought so bear it with me smoke salvia nothing changes you live out your whole life you're on your deathbed you're holding your wife sand you're holding all your children's hands you have 100 children, you die,

the trip ends. Then you're back to where you were started. That does happen in Salvia. I know, but it's like a high thought, so it's like crazy. Oh my God. Isn't you're only high for like five minutes and you spend it? You're high for like 90 seconds. That happens in Salvia, but in, if you would also be like a wooden barrel or something

during that story. I remember Ari Shafir smoked Salvia on a on a podcast one time and there's a video of it and he's like, and then he smokes and he just falls asleep and then he wakes up he's like put me back put me back and apparently he lived a lifetime

as a fish wow that's what I'm saying you live a lifetime but you live a lifetime as like a G-mod prop hunt it's exactly just like smoothly sliding along the ground as like a TV cabinet

yeah just trying not to be caught by your friends I feel like yeah if you did this I mean obviously I would probably change your brain forever in a lot of ways. But if you do salvia, you become a TV cabinet or whatever, you go home and you look at your TV cabinet. I feel like, I feel like you just have

an understanding. You probably got to make love to it, did you? I probably, I would probably have to get rid of it. I probably would not want to look at that. Dude, if I, I don't, I would hate to become my penis then. I don't think I could smoke salvia. I don't think that I could smoke poison. I don't think I could smoke salvia just because, like, no, I would come to, like, I would like come to like outside you don't move you can't know you can't move i mean you can jump out a window but you can't go outside it seems like you have like one good burst of energy in you when you are on salvia because you don't hear nobody's like like going crazy and like killing people on salvia because you just have you know my ass you're really confused and you get one big

you can either do a jump a leap or a backflip and then otherwise i think you're pretty stationary i could do a backflip you could not do a backflip i think i could do a fly ground backflip I think I could I don't think either of you could I think I could do one I think for me it's all just a mental thing Pat's getting up He's gonna try and do it

He fell on the ground He didn't even fall Couldn't even fall He fake fell I got scared halfway through That's what I think I think anyone can do a backflip I think it's all just fear

It's only use 10% of your back Imagine if you can use 100% of your back Yeah I'd probably be what I'd probably be like at least six feet tall Probably would be the hunchback of Notre Dame no high thought with this guy this guy had a big back so we're supposed to be terrified of this guy and he's a scary monster just because he's different from us yeah i don't think you're supposed to be scared of him i think you're

supposed to want to fuck him you're supposed to vomit and scream you're supposed to fuck that guy you're supposed to look and it's just because he's different slightly different it's just because he has a disgusting protruding his grandma was the hunchback my grandma did don't say that about katherine you were saying it no she had i didn't say she was the hunchback i said she had a hunchback Okay, and I used to ask her The hunchback of Caleb's life I used to ask her if I could hit it really hard

And make her tall And she said no Yeah You should be able to do that It's like smoothing out a carpet Say I watch videos of a chiropractor Doing that shit to people He's just like breaking kids necks and shit

It's so funny dude I went to a chiropractor I was 17 I went to one too That was the best I've ever felt I was a chiropractor You know that like all the time They like rupture people's arteries

Yeah, it's like constant. It's so funny. Chiropractic. It's chiropractic is not an honest proficient. Anybody who does anything to your body who doesn't have, it doesn't have ologist in their name, you have to kill them. Definitely. Yeah. You can't let them.

You can't have a... Zoologist. What? No, I want to hear what you're saying about a zoologist. They could give me elephant ears. They can't give you. Have you ever looked at elephant's teeth? No, I didn't even know they had teeth.

So elephants have, they have, like, their incisors or their tusks, but then in the back of their mouth, they have, like, really, like, they have, like, all molars. I want to be inside them. And you put, like, food, they put, well, the video I saw. They put food in their mouth, yeah. What the hell? Myrtle Beach Safari, they throw a peppermint in a... A peppermint. I think, I forget his name.

It's a normal size peppermint. Normal sized peppermint. They throw it in this elephant's mouth, and then he eats it, and you can hear, like... Even on a peppermint. Even on a peppermint that small. What the fuck are you talking about? Elephants have to grind all their food down. Even on a peppermint.

So the whole story is that an elephant's chew-based? Elephants have all molars. That doesn't... Yeah, most herbivores have molars. That's the point. Yeah, but it's all molars. Yeah, incisors are. You know, they have, like, 19 sets of teeth in their life, I think.

For peppermints. And an elephant, even a peppermint. An elephant can eat something, even a peppermint. Even a peppermint has to be actually... But they're afraid of peanuts and mice. They're not afraid of peanuts. They love peanuts. They love peanuts.

Oh, my God. That was great. The entire sentence. That was really crazy. I was like, oh, we're about to dive around here. And then we just went the whole way. With the same tone, too. Oh, sorry, Patrick.

Sorry you weren't in on our jinx. No, I'm trying to find the video that says... No, you're looking up how to be jealous. Bubbles. What idiot would ask if an... Of course, an elephant has teeth. There's great big flat teeth. Yeah, great big flat teeth back there.

Yeah. Have you ever seen an elephant skull? Okay, so I'm seeing this, but... You said it. He didn't even chew. He just swallowed it whole. He did not shoe at all. You just lied.

What the fuck are you talking about? Even a peppermint. He didn't chew the peppermint. It's a she. It swallowed the peppermint. That teeth back there are used to grind everything up. Even a peppermint. You also used...

You can see it swallow it. I like that you said the exact line from the video, too. You were like, in your head, you were like... Well, even a peppermint. Even a peppermint. A peppermint. You said it out loud. And he just... Even a peppermint.

You listened and you didn't watch. The elephant just fucking swallows it. It grinds it down. It does not... He doesn't... No, it's him swallowing. He gulps. Here, you want to hear me chewing?

I just chewed a hamperman. Was that a peppermint? No, it was a hamburger. You need your teeth checked. Even a peppermint. Even a peppermint. Even a peppermint. That was like your closing statement.

That was like, I'm sensing. Your Honor, I can tell they're not with me. Even a peppermint. Even a peppermint has to be chewed by an elephant due to its large amount of molars in the back of its mouth. I learned that this weekend. You learn that in fucking elephant court. Yeah.

Even a pepper. Even a pepplement. What is that? That is so far. Uptime? What is it? Oh, uptime white peach lemonade. It has other natural flavors.

It's basically a mental physical energy drink with natural. caffeine and L-theonine. Let me see what that is. You think you're about to touch this? I want to look at the can. Why? There's a new energy drink I don't know about any of this. You haven't had up time before?

It's bomb. Yeah? They put it with the health drinks instead of the energy drinks. Oh, that means, yeah. So it's like Celsius. Yeah, it's definitely, it's like... How they put cell... Oh, 142 milligrams of caffeine.

It's not intended for children. Nothing is. And those sensitive to caffeine. Not intended. pregnant or nursing women that's what it says on all of those though hmm I don't know it does

I don't know I think it says it twice on all the other ones it would suck to be pregnant we're talking about pregnant I would hate to be pregnant can you smoke weed if you're pregnant yeah do you drink alcohol

your baby will be born extract your baby will be born wearing a damn drug rug though that's right Cameron they have Angelica root extract remember her from college the baby will be like

Angelica root that bottle to that left inside Pass their bottle to the left and side. Yeah, instead of Gu-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G. He'd be going like, Bo, Bo, Bap. Yep.

B-Bri. Yeah. The three little birds would probably be the ones that are on his mobile. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep. He'd probably be a rocket by baby on the palm tree top. You know, he'd be born.

He'd be crying like this. Wah, Guan. Yep. And you know that baby would shoot the sheriff. Yep. And you know he'd make. boom boom in his diaper bum bum oh my god

I don't even want to get into what colors and patterns his diaper would be tell you what they'd basically be red green and purple purple the different colors are strains of weed the red dragon the green dragon and the purple monster and the baby's name would be smoker yep smoker delightfully smoky the stoner

that's what happens if you smoke winter you're pregnant if they like detect it when they're if they detect it when the baby's being born. They take the birth certificate away from me. They're like, sorry, this baby has to be named Smoker. This baby's name is Toke. Well, first time in for the ultrasound, well, let's take a look. Well, he's got a heartbeat.

He's got two legs. Tocatum. Ma'am, he has a joint in his hand. Yeah, everyone's got a joint in their hands. Let's go. I would have joined every in every party. If you found out that your baby was going to be a stoner, would you emergencyly abort him?

Yes. If my kid grows up... If I found out my kid was going to be a stoner, start drinking. If I found out... It's got to be a stoner. He might as well. Yeah, he might as well be a...

Mutant? If I found out my kid... What does he do? If I found out my kid was going to grow up to do, like, Jason Mara's guitar music. Oh, my God.

I fucking hate guitar music. I would... I like it. Like the, like, the... Like the... Like the... Yeah. Like, like...

I know you're trying to demonstrate it, but you're just like, you know, like, bip... Oh, yeah. I started to hit it. my chest like the yeah um yeah my bad um but you know like the guys that do like the drums on the guitar yeah i know what you mean you like make the videos and like boston common you know the guys that make the videos i would i would i would probably become a scientist and find i would find

the cure for alzheimer so i could put the opposite into their dna yeah yeah like the guys who make those songs like the stoner guys who make like the songs that are about like love or whatever but then they sing it like baby I'm at your horse I'm coming to your house and I'm gonna sing to you baby and you're gonna fuck you V-neck T-shirt

V-neck T-shirt circular hat circular hat like a like a neff beanie but like it's on the back of their head and it looks like a common reservoir It's like falling off Oh my god

I even love your mama And your mama nice to me And the brink up baby Come on down to the store with me We're gonna go to the Primark at the Boston Common Yep They'd have the V-neck shirt

and you can see their brand of sacrifice on their chest. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Yep. And they take a video. This is the worst kind of guys. Yep. Worst kind of guys are like Jason, Jason Mara.

Remember when Jason Maraz, he got caught cheating? He got caught cheating by his wife. He was like, no, baby, I'm too spirit. He wasn't really playing the guitar? He got caught cheating by his wife and tried to, like, explain some, like, the Native American term for, like, bisexual to her. He got caught cheating with him. man. I don't know. Or maybe he just thinks bisexuals, two damn girls at the same damn time. That's what he says. Listen, brother, no hate. Remember, I remember, I found out about Jason

Mraz because he was the musical guest on Mad TV one time. Really? I found about him because he had the big song on the radio. Hey, Jason Mores, how about a taste of my ass? Yeah, dude. I fucking, I think I hate him so much. I hate his music so much. But I think that- I like your racial possess. You're a white boy with swag. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They come into what? Rachel pizzazz is a good musician. Rachel pizzazz?

Rachel pizzazz? Yeah. Gigantic boobs. Rachel possess. Well, we should have, yeah. I wish you were big boobs. Yeah. Yeah, two big-ass bongs.

Did I just say that? Uh-huh. And no big-ass thongs. There ain't no panties on this bitch. Uh-huh. Ow-how. Ow-how. I'm a hound dog.

I'm a hound dog. I'm going to go to your house and going to get your stuff in your pantry. Sorry, guys. When I smoke weed, I get fucking horny as hell. I can't even fucking lie. All right. You guys are both looking like two humongous pussies to me. Yeah.

I fucking love pussy. I smoke weed. I smoke weed. I just... I roll up the weed. I ignite the fire. I wish weed tasted like puss. I wish weed.

Because I love the stink smell and stitch. Oh my God. I got the freaking carpet munchies. I love the stink steles. and sminch of a stinky puss. Oh, sorry, did I just high that up? Yeah, because I'm so fucking high. Oh, my God. I'm fried like an egg

right now. That's right. I'm seeing nothing. Oh, I'm so high. I'm seeing nothing. I'm blind. That's squelching, squirting wound. What is that hole? I love... Oh, my God. I love... I'm sorry, what? Did I just reverseify? I'm so high.

I just shopify my words? Oh, my God. Oh, crap. Oh, great. That sexy splattering wetness where God split you with his black blade. Yep. Yep. Oh my God. God's got the... I smoke weed. I'm diving in there. I'm diving in there like a clown into a swimming pool on a circus. Yeah, I'm climbing a ladder

first. I'm two feet tall. I need your butt to do green graffiti on my tongue. All over my mouth. Green graffiti? Oh my God. A little bit of green squalchy beltie. Nasty. Just kidding. I like it. You know what's good to me is actually smoking a bunch of brownies that I have... Damn, y'all think about graffiti and you think of Banxie. I'm thinking of backsy backshots. Yep.

Mm-hmm. And that air. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God, that air. I smoke that, dude. I was hot boxing the backshot air and a plastic bag. Ooh. Wet boxing.

Dude, when that backshot air smells like checkers and rallies, you know, you know I'm checking, I'm checking her back shot out. I'm rally, and I'm saying this smells rally good. Yo, I'm, I'm, I'm blowing O's with her backshot smoke until I blow an O. Uh-huh. Yep. Speedy's big O. Oh, my God. I'm blowing O-E's all over the place.

That's true. Blowing O-Eys. Uh-huh. I'm splodging my squeammer. Mm-hmm. I'm sweetly sniffing her. I'm going to blast her on her asser. It's me and then there's a little guy on.

top of my shoulders and he calls me blaster plaster blaster they call me they call me cooter shooter the diaper sniper yo I'm I'm fixing a drink a stinky tincture from her sphincter they call me

plaster or plaster blaster and I'm getting some thunder dome oh my god when the back shots make your peeve is like cola Mm-hmm Her brownie looks mad edible to me When she gave you gonorrhea For real

Oh damn Ain't nothing better than getting Chlamydia from a hoe Mm-hmm Getting chlamydia from Lydia Oh my god did Gonorrhea from Scott Stapp

Mm Getting clown from Scott Statt No Oh getting the clap Don't be crass Sorry Come on man Hold me now

My dick seized Fucking bust in my nust after smoking that green dust I want to fuck a penguin Yeah When I get so high I heard their meat is

Those penguins Those penguins Those penguins That, you know, those penguins You know, those penguins making my Mr. Popper Oh my God They're penguins making my Mr. Popper We really need to make a sequel

The Fars of the Penguins Yeah That'd be good as shit That's a high-ass movie to watch Oh my God So here's some fucking penguins doing bulls

And this penguins. High is fucking the crib watching Planet Dirt. You're like misclick the streaming service

somehow and accidentally. You're on B-Flix. Watching Planet Dirt. Dude, B-Fix has good movies, though. Beef Flix has got mad,

good originals on it though. Yeah. Oh my God. They got like Planet Dirt. Planet Squirt. Uh-huh. Eating Raoul. Yep.

They got uh, They got Jackie Change The whole Jackie Changes movies Yeah, I got all of Jackie Changes movies Oh my God, yo It's crazy he can just change into whoever Dude, did you guys see 20 Jump Street

With Chang Tatum on there? It's a good as hell And Drew New Hill And Johnny Hill Chang Tatum and Johnny Hill And they're like Huh? You know how they be?

And Nice Pube is on it too Yeah, dude, nice pub. Nice pub's like, And I want you to have sex with my daughter. Yeah. I'm nice pub. Mm-hmm. And then they say,

and then they remember that scene where they're like, let's all watch Planet Dirt. And they sit down at Planet Earth place for an hour of the movie. They say, who has a B-Flix account? I'm still, I still logged into my ex-girlfriends. You know when you share in a B-Fix account with your ex?

When you see that new name pop up? Yeah. That says, Oh, who's, Who's Dr. Crazy? Who's the hacker? You log in to Netflix.

It says, would you like to be Caleb or Dr. Hacker? You go to Dr. Hacker. He's Dr. Hacker. Just like, how to hack. All these documentaries. Continue watching. How to hack.

Hacking 101. Hackers delight the movie. The crazy world of hacking. Only watch this if you're a hacker. And Planet Dirt. And Planet Dirt. Well, that's B-Sflict. We should make Planet Dirt.

I'm down. There's millions of crumbs in this dirt. There's billions and billions of... Billions and billions of crumbs of turds all over the dirt. One million turrets. You probably think this is dirt.

Me too. It's dust. A million turds and a billion thoughts. BBC 2. I'm Michael Pedophile. For BBC 2, I'm Michael Pedophile. I'm going to watch the Jimmy Saville documentary this week. Yeah?

Yeah. I think I finally... You're going to get inspired? Yep. What? To be famous? Yeah. It's so funny he had a show where it was just like, I'm going to fix all these kids' lives. He was like, Pimp My Ride with a child's body. Yeah, yeah.

He was doing Pimp My Ride to, like, little kids with leukemia, but, like, he was like, Oh, you want to meet Madonna. I can introduce you to Madonna. Mm-hmm. As long as you don't tell anybody. He was saying me dunger. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't even realize. He didn't even say me dunger. That's why he said.

Me dunger. He had such a crazy accent. Yeah. Pop star. Did you guys see the concert? They just added to beefflicts. Me Donga. They didn't medong a lie.

From My Square Garden. Yeah. J.J. Seville was weird sauce, though. Yeah. He was kind of normie. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He wasn't normie.

He was chuggy as hell. He, his outfits were mad, erbie. Yeah, he was a herb for sure. Yeah. Jimmy Saville, you a herb. He was one of the herbs. Speaking of herbs. Oh, my God.

I could go for 11 of those and some spices. That's how high I get sometimes. I actually eat fried chicken. Yeah. It gets so damn high. Fuck, dude. Yeah, I get so high starting chocolate cake off the kitchen counter. Oh, my God.

Don't you hate it when you get so high and then, like, you realize you're doing the Bruce challenge from Matilda? Bro, I get so high starting my shoes by accident. Sometimes I get so high, you know. entire lunch to myself. Werner Herzog actually ate that shoe because he was high as hell. Yeah.

Werner Herzog ate a shoe. I am so hungry right now. You see that movie he made about that? I am so hungry. You see that? I have the monchees from smoking pot. You see that documentary? Burner Hertzog made about that high guy.

Yeah, the Twizzleyer man. You say burner Hertzog? Yeah, he burns the Herbzog. Burner Herbs off. Burner Herbsog. Yeah, I made the damn Twizzley man. The Twizzley man has gone. He's in the bathroom.

Never listen to this tape. You should never listen to this tape. I'm so hungry. Oh, God. I need to eat some chicken wings. Yeah, he's like, the tape is like, You should never listen to this tape. Why is they call it Starbucks?

Is it because they make so much bucks? Yeah. Never listen to this tape. Their bucks can stack to the stars. Is that why? He accidentally recorded over your mixed tape. Wait. I haven't seen Grizzly men.

Did they put the tape of the guy dying in the... Yeah. Really? He listens to it. He says never listened to it? He tells his wife to never listen to it, the grizzly man's. My mom let me watch that when I was six. Wait, the grizzly man.

He died with his wife. The grizzly man died with his wife. His wife was not a bear. No, it was him and another lady together. Nope. Yeah, I just read about this other day. NERP. Yeah.

I never seen it. I don't know. I can't tell you. That doesn't know what he's talking about. The grizzly man, no. He picked up his phone and looked it up and then he put it back to him. No, because my mom. My mom thinks that everywhere in New York is my neighborhood.

Yeah. So that fucking train, a little train pedophile that shot everybody. It's not pedophile. Don't start spread rumors about the guy. He just killed people and used gas. I thought he did that because he was angry about being a pedophile. He's a scarecrow.

Pedophiles are not angry about being pedophiles. They love it. That's why it's pedophile. It's a like. Why don't they just stop? Yeah. What, pedophiles? Like, how hard is that to stop?

This everybody. Pedophiles are terrorists. Yeah. both like chill yeah like how it's easy you're not you and you're hungry have a snickers yeah exactly how i feel maybe if we got jimmy savel a snickers he wouldn't have done that crap you're probably started sucking on it like a baby's willie jimmy jimmy savel each one snickers he turns immediately into arnold chorchenegger he turns and he becomes american immediately thank you for giving me that yeah well jimmy savel that's the thing you should have should have moved here they wouldn't

caught him because the cops or whatever they'd be like, he's talking, he wants a little Willie, what does that mean? What's that? It must be some British candy or something. They don't know what that means. They would hear him say the British word for pants and they'd be like, oh yeah, we don't like those either. Yeah, well, he would be like, I like

when a child has his pants on. And they'd think, oh, okay, he's not a pedophile. I like when a child has his pants on, but pants is underwear in the UK. Is it? Pants is underwear and trousers. Trousers. So he'd actually want the child in their underwear, they would have no idea. And he'd be like, yeah, I like, I like sucking a child's willie through the pants.

And they'd be like, oh, that's fine. The pants are on. And I don't know what a willie is. I was saying he wants to eat the candy out of a kid's pocket. Yeah. That makes sense. On the show, do the camera. Yeah.

I want to eat the candy out of a cat's pocket. I want to eat the candy from a kid's pocket. Oh, Jimmy, you crazy. You crazy, you crazy nuns. Jimmy, you're so funny. Jimmy, you're the funniest nonce we know. The whitest nonce you know. Silent K.

Yeah. K-N-N-C-E. Oh, my God. K-N-C-E. I'm going to get water. You guys keep... I got... I got some dry mouth.

Got some cotton mouth. I got some cotton mouth. Damn. I can't even fucking lie, bro. Yeah, the way the future is going nowadays is, It's pretty soon you'll have robots in mouth. Wow. Are you fucking serious?

Nah. I'm high as fuck. I'm high as fuck. I was just thinking about robots. A ghost is moving his microphone. Oh my God. His mic's moving. Look at that.

The ghost is moving it. Oh my God. It stopped when he came out. The microphone needed to go to him. It's like a Jedi's lightsaber. Do you think they'll make robot sluts we can fuck? Yeah. From the movie robots?

Yeah. The big fat. Aunt with a big ass Who made Why? Everyone went in the aunt's ass to sneak around Yeah

What is up with that movie did I was like This beast dude Yeah Big ass on Robin Williams Like suicide note It was just like

Oh I didn't want to be in robots They made me be in robots Robots Robots was actually What it's the ooze Robots was one of his His dream projects

Because he was often called as a child Robot William because of his name. So he was kind of reclaiming the robot name calling. Yeah. Remember when he says there's something new on his hand? Remember he looks at the camera?

He says, there's something new on my hand. I love that line. I love my new hand. Yeah, I just got a new hand and there's new shit on my hand. Yeah, my hand is... And he says, that's new thing I'm looking at. My hand be looking like this. Mm-hmm.

Remember when in Finding Nemo? And he shows off his new wedding ring. Remember when Finding Nemo when they call that boat? They call it an asshole. They say, look, there's a butt. It's an anus. Hey, go finger that asshole. Yeah.

And they says, you fucking stupid fish. It's called a boat. You stupid fish ass motherfucker. Yeah. I turn that movie off. Go finger that asshole and twist the nipples on the titty. And then Meemo's dad is like, where's my kid? And then Dory says, oh yeah, your kid is on P.P. Sherman.

Yeah. Wallaby Way. Kidney. Stone. Kidney stone. The ocean is full of pee. She says that? She interrupts herself and realizes the ocean is full of pee.

I'd be pissed off if I was a fish drinking my pee all day. I think they like it. I'd be pissed off if I was dory. I mean, the thing is honestly, I'd be a lesbian. Fish, if it didn't, fish, if it doesn't like, its life kill itself really easily. But how? Well, first of all, go out of the water. That's pretty simple.

How the hell you get out of the water? There's a hundred other fish that want to eat you. You just go to one. I mean, it's not like a guy who wants to kill himself in the, human world. It's like you can go outside and there's like a, there's a giant flying shark that you can walk up to, you have to, you have to. There is guys, maybe these people who died there is a guy that killed himself with a fish. Who? The crocodile hunter. It's not a fish, it's a manta ray. Yeah, it's a ray. Fish is a ray. That's an elasmobrank.

Huh? Yeah, it's an elizmo brink. Okay. It's basically a shark. Mm-hmm. Um, but that's what I'm saying. Like, A fish, I mean, it doesn't even have to be a shark. A fish could go, literally, if you, it's like if you're, if you wanted to kill yourself and you could cross the street and your slightly bigger neighbor, if you walked up to him, he'd just eat you. Shark got it easy too, too, too, too, probably. Maybe they hold their breath.

You can't hold your breath of your fish, dude. It's all just going up in them gills. If I was a fish, I could hold my breath. You think some fish would be like, damn, those gills are fine. Yeah, you think there's like. Do the fishes have a cloaca or a... Fish all have cloaca. Actually...

It's not cloaca. I've seen a shark's penis. Yeah, sharks have penis. No, cloaca isn't a bird thing. It's just a... It's a hole. I did a hole. I don't know if fish have cloacas.

I assume they do. I think they probably have a slot. Because I've seen some of those fish poop at the aquarium and that shit looks like a bird. Yeah. There was a... We had to dissect a shark in high school. Me too.

Oh, did you guys ever do that? I didn't leave the room because it smelled so bad. class did that and the whole science part of the building smelled like fish for like the rest of the year. I had to leave the room and the lady was like, oh just put Vic's vapo rub under your nose so you won't smell it and then I did

and I had to leave because it's like it was menthol and dead shark smell in my mouth and I felt like I wanted to pink. Really? Yeah, they had the eyeballs on it and stuff. I did a fetal pig. That's cool. It's disgusting, dude. Yeah. I wish they let me dissect the damn teacher.

You're going to so much homework. Yep. I would have decked out. Let me see what makes you tick. I would remove the homework part of the brain. Oh, there's lots of wine in here. I'm seeing a lot of wine. And alphabet cookies.

I'm seeing some pills in here, too. And alphabet cookies, too. And they're in the wrong order. So who's the teacher now? Yeah, look, oh, it's L-I-T-I-C-I-C. Yep. I opened up my teacher's stomach and there's alphabet soup and guess what it's spelled?

That's right, LGBT. Mm-hmm. How do you explain that? Poop. My teacher's brain. I want to take alphabet brain so I can learn how to do the alphabet There's a big alarm going on outside

Yeah, I like the sound of that We're just getting just attacked today, dude Yeah, I'm not happy about it. They're trying to take down the podcast today The city is working against us Yeah It's us versus, it's New York versus everybody And we're everybody

Another car just started going off Did you hear that? I can't tell if that's a car alarm or if that is some kind of like very light brass band. I have no idea. Well, it's still the same day, guys. So if we are, if we were dead for the last one, we're still dead for this one.

Yeah. I think it's closing in. Definitely the circle's getting smaller. Definitely. Again, war zone scenario. I might have to put on my, dude, do you guys, I didn't, I'm still supposed to see Sonic 2 later.

I don't know how I fucking miss this, but I saw a picture the other day, and it was from 2017, and it's some, like, Italian street festival where they had a giant Warhammer statue of Trump. What? Have you guys seen that? Was it like a God Emperor thing?

It's like supposed to be a Warhammer guy. Well, there's a Warhammer guy named the God Emperor. I know people call Trump God Emperor. Just look it up, but I don't have my phone. What should I search? Search Trump Warhammer statue. Trump, dude, it's like 200 feet tall. That sounds sick.

It's so fucking cool. Naked Trump. Whoa, yeah, that's the God Emperor, dude. Look at that, bro. I can't see it. Is that not the coolest shit? Look how big it is. As a Warhammer warrior.

It's the coolest shit I've ever seen. Dude, he has a claw hand. Dude, I want, I like want that in my house so badly, bro. Warhammer guys are so cool. Not the guys who play Warhammer, the guys in Warhammer. True. Which one's Warhammer? That's the one where you have the little figurines.

It's a war game. You paint it all? A Mormon kid. A Mormon kid I knew in high school was Super and the Warhammer. Pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. Don't they have a different kind of?

of Warhammer, though? There's fantasy and 40K. Yeah. Yeah, 40K is the year 40K in the future. 40K is the year 40,000. Whoa, okay. It's pretty cool. It's all, it's just like super edgy and dumb.

We should do podcasts about this 40K. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, we're here now. What, what do you point out? Oh, never mind. I thought there was like four car alarms going off.

That would just indicate. Those are birds. Probably a crazy attack. It's not that big of a deal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think today is, um, I think today is finally 9-11

too we've been waiting on it it is a 10 year anniversary today yeah of of hitler's birthday april 20th mhm hitler was born on a leap year that's why he's only 20 if you ask me he was born on a creep year because that guy gave me the creeps yeah yeah yep no good no no no why is there not a day for different kind of drugs that aren't weed though valentine's day for a love drug true yeah that's true yeah talk like a pirate day for gunpowder man I'm hungry for grog now

oh I could you put me in the mood for a cup of grog so badly episode of bar rescue with the pirate's tavern yeah and they have grog and the grog is like what is it like orange juice and beer yeah it's like the most sugar yes the grossest thing and then what's that little chef the her husband is like this little Italian guy I think it's like Luciano or some shit That doesn't sound Italian.

No, I don't know. But he's like, he doesn't taste any of his own food when he cooks it. And he's like, I'm going to make you a burnt the beets. And then he cooks it for the chef. And it's literally just like he pours a whole thing of habanero hot sauce onto chicken. And he eats it and throws up. Why would you trust an Italian man with a traditional pirate cuisine? Yeah.

That's the thing. You have to trust the Portuguese with pirate cuisine. Has that not appropriation? Mm-hmm. Yeah. The Portuguese are the only people who make good pirate cuisine because they were going around with they had the Nino, the Nino and the Pinto. They went around there. They did all this pirate bullcraft, all these Native Americans.

I don't think those were pirates. They were pirates. Christopher Columbus was a pirate. I don't think so. And he wasn't Italian. He was actually Spanish. I don't think he was, I don't think he had, I don't think he was a pirate, though. He was a pirate.

Was he a pirate? Look up a photo of him. He's wearing a pirate's hat. I think you're thinking of. Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah, I was going to say, you might be thinking black beard, too. Yeah. That's another one.

Well, you don't have to bring the color of his beard into question. Well, I didn't bring it into question. It was black. Yeah, I think you're the one who's questioning it right now. You wouldn't say, you wouldn't, you know, go ahead. No one talks about red beard. No one says Eric, the red beard's fake. Isn't it Eric the Red?

Yeah, but they're not talking about his beard. Are they talking about his skin? I was talking about all of his hair. He had a black beard. Black-ass beard. I don't know what to tell you. Eric the Red had a red hair and beard. But no one calls him Eric the Red beard. Yeah, they do. They call him Eric the Red. Call him Eric the Red. Okay, so you think we should call Blackbeard Black. Yes. Okay. We should call him Beard the Black. Black the Pirate.

Okay. All right, I'll call him Black the Pirate. Yeah. You know, Black the Pirates' treasure is buried in North Carolina. Yeah, I knew that. Is it really? Yep, we're going to go We could do a treasure hunt Yeah, they do treasure hunts there Eric the Red and Leaf Erickson What is the Topsel Beach?

Okay That's where his treasured Off beach I'll go there Top sail Yeah, hey, at that beach XXX marks the spot Yep

Oh my God I think we might have a pretty good joke there Yeah, I think we might have a good beach on our hands I think we should go do our jokes there That could be a tagline for a movie called Topless Pirate Beach XXXXXXX

Ports the spot That's so good. Remember that, what's that? I want to make one of those movies where you have 15 different banners on it that say unrated, directors cut, not safe for the theater version. Have you seen Pirates Stagnetti's Revenge? Have you seen, no? No, I haven't.

I haven't either. Me neither. Yeah, neither. I don't ever know what that is. I never heard of it. It is cool that there's a lot of movies that just have one shot of boobs in them just for, like, kids. Dude, the fucking...

Just for like, when you're in middle school, to be like, I'm going to go watch that movie because it probably has boobs in it based on the cover. What's that Clark Duke movie? Well, I'm thinking of like... What's that Clark Duke movie that's about like teenagers? I don't know.

And it's inappropriate. I don't know what you're talking about. It's not road trip. Sex drive. Sex drive. Sex drive. Yeah, that's like why you like... Sex drive unrated. They literally shot like on a different camera and everything. They put

like more nudity in it for that reason. Yeah. There's like the sex drive unrated. To get your big brother to get it from Blockbuster. There's literally a scene where it's like Clark Duke is running nude through like a cornfield or something. And then they for no reason cut to just like a dick running through a cornfield on a green screen. That doesn't sound like it's for no reason. I mean, he was running through cornfield.

Yeah, he's naked. You already said he showed. He's naked. What are they going to do? Have him look like a Ken doll down there? I don't think so. I would hope. I mean, nowadays, they probably would.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But back in the good old days, it just had cock and balls as normal to watch. Yeah. So nowadays, sex drive is transformed into something more like drive a smart car. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. They don't have a sex car anymore. They took those away. Yeah. Now they have a movie. What killed the sex car? Nowadays, it was called Jexie, but if it was in 2008, it would be called sexy. We would have called sexy woman.

Yeah. And it'd be about a guy who's using a woman. Mm-hmm. And it'd be awesome. Bro! Yeah. I never saw Jackson. Bro, we have to go to the Mets game.

Why are you doing at home? I'm actually having sex. I mean, nowadays we get movies, we get movies like The Avengers, but if it were, if they were made way back in the, in the heyday of awesome sex movies, it would probably be called TNA Avengers.

Yeah. The Avengers, X, X, X, X, X. No, it would be called TNA Avengers. I just said that. Teen Titans. So, yeah, you would, you would probably go see that. Incredible Hulk, apparently legal teen Titans.

There we go. That's good. Very legal titan ass. Yeah, TNA. Titan ass. You had it already. You had it already and you went too far. Titan Tadens. Yeah.

Turmin, teen, and termine. What about teen termites? Probably in a thousand years we'll have teen termites. Yeah. Probably everyone's just going to be a bug in a thousand years. That'd be teen termites by then. Yeah, we used to have American Pie now. that's called Americans barely getting by with Joe Brandon as the president as the president

chief of office yeah we're barely getting by these days yeah yeah by then by then by dinner for your kid by dinner is bugs by then that dinner is bugs yeah by then we will be eating bugs by then we'll be eating bugs keep going guys the bugs we will eat will be made from protein no meat Yep, because meat doesn't have no damn protein in it. No meat. No chocolate. No meat. We've gone beyond meat.

No, listen. No chocolate. It's impossible to eat a normal burger nowadays at Burger King. No chocolate, no chock left at the school's smart board rules. Yep. You used to be able to go down to your favorite restaurant, Bob's burgers, and go get yourself a burger. And now you've got to go beyond's burgers. and get yourself of a Beob burger.

Yeah. Yep, I said it. And Gene is there. Mm-hmm. No, now they have, now Gene's the girl and Tina's the boy played by a girl. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Okay, so this is making lots of sense.

What is this world coming to? Awesome. Yeah, so now Dan Mintz is playing a boy on a TV show. You used to be able to go. You used to be able to walk down to Bob's burgers and get a perfectly deliciously funny burger named Cheese of War Dogs. Yep. Yeah.

Nowadays, what do you get? A beyond impossible cardboard box. Yeah. Used to be able to watch a show called Bob's Burgers. Now, it's a movie. Coming this May, Bob's Burgers, the movie. How does that make any fucking sense? Nowadays, these fucking burgers, I mean, well, if you can even call them burgers.

Yep. They're filled with estrogen. Yep. And I mean, back to the gene, whatever, yeah, whatever happened to the West I win as a cowboy. Yep. A strong, strong loner type. Everyone wants to put all this estrogen in their body. When I was a kid, we wanted to put.

X-Men in our body. I want to eat my X-Men toys. Yep. I wanted to eat Maverick and Deadpool and Cyclops. Now we have to eat estrogen. I used to watch Ben of 10. I mean, I just like, you know, as you used to watch movies,

cowboy movies about the man with no name. Nowadays, you've got a man with new name. Mm-hmm. Change the name. Mm-hmm. Nowadays we've got the person with new name. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Don't even get me started on these people. Uh-huh. I hate people. Oh, my God. Me, too. I'm sick of them. Nowadays, you used to, back then, it used to be, you'd have to listen to people's problems. Nowadays, all we care about is weebles wobbles because they don't fall down.

That's right. They're not even falling down. People used to fall down now, these damn weebles. It is up all the damn time. It used to be a problem when weebles would wobble. I mean, people, carworking people used to know how to work with their hands. They'd spend their free time listening to car talk. Now we got Nar Chalk.

Smart Boards rule at the school. Yep. It's just the truth, man. Yeah, got these plastic markers and people are being eaten by fantastic sharkers. We used to be able to watch Jimmy Neutron.

Now I'm slimmy. All the food's gone. Used to be in your car listening to NPR. Now your car has an NPR. You have to have everybody carpool in your car. Yep.

That's true. Because there's no... Oh, my God. A car pool used to be something we swam in. Yeah. Used to be you chopped a car in half. and you fill it with water.

Now all of a sudden, you've got to do it at work? What the hell's it going on? Yeah, I mean, and most of these people don't even go to work. Their carpooling the damn movie theater, the bar, the strip club, it's depraved. Yep. People are working from home. You know what's at home? The above ground pool.

You're in your above ground pool, and now, I don't know, coding isn't working. Now, you said Brokeback Mountain now, what? It's broke back Whole Foods, two gay cowboys fucking in the bathroom? What the fuck is there? club used to a place you partied. Nowadays, people are in there taking notes for their gender studies class. Yeah, that's true. It's true. They're doing nude male modeling. Yeah, and they used to be only women. And they're throwing, hey, listen, they're not throwing dollars on the station anymore. They're throwing

QR codes. Yeah, hey, scan this, tuts. Yep. Yep. Nowadays, all these strippers have to have a QR code on their belly so you know where to aim your call. They get target as a QR code. Yep. Stream. I go into strip clubs And I just start coming all over all the strippers

I go to the strip club With my dick in my hand And I'm wearing Yeah And I'm wearing a big trench coat And the bouncer says are you 21? I said Does this?

I bet this dick belong to a child I think so I'm coming in there And I'm nutting on every one of these Hardworking women I walk in the strip club And my wiener flips up like the penis gun And from dust till dawn

Yep But it's not a gun It's just my wiener. Just my damn cog, dude. It is metal, though. It's made out of complete. It's not made of metal. It's made of flet metal.

It's made of flesh, hot blood, and dozens of white pearls. Dozens. Dozens. You only have a finite amount of come in your life. I mean, I'm shooting, I'm shooting, I'm shooting balls that come like Hadoon's. Yeah. It comes out. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like spraying.

It's like spraying the garden hose through an oscillating fan. Chopped up droplets. You should be able to watch Annie Hall. Now you can't even go to any mall. They're all closed. All the malls are closed. Used to watch the movie Manhattan. Now all these damn hipsters are living in Brooklyn.

Now women are wearing hatins. Hat and pants. When did women start wearing hats? When did women start wearing hatten pants? Now all of a sudden women are allowed to wear hat and pants. That's a German word. That's the German word for hats and pants. That's woman is wearing hot and panses.

Hot and pansis. Hatt and penses. Yeah, and then, and now all these TV shows got hat and pants and tiare on them. Yeah, you used to be called Citizen Kane. Now it's probably the Citizen app. Yeah. Where you go on to your report that there's a Mexican teenager. Nobody's using their Citizen's brain anymore.

It's all out the window. Yeah. Oh, and hey, maybe try climbing out one of these windows nowadays. It's probably screen. It's probably an LED screen showing. Uh, showing what? Where do people go on vacation now? Afghanistan. Yep. Where's that? Is that where you go? You go to Afghanistan? You think it's beautiful there? You go to Syria? Oh my God. You think that's what's cool now?

You go to Syria. You used to stay at home eat cereal. Hey, pal, you go over there. You're not going to see any palm trees. You're going to see bomb trees and mushroom cloud trees. Mm-hmm. And a gumba. Yeah. You're going to see gumba and you're going to see the spiky plants. There's a literal gumba in Afghanistan. Hey, listen, all I'm going to say, all I'm going to say, I can't tell you how to live your life, but you step into Bowser's Palace, you'll feel Bowser's malice. Mm-hmm. It's true.

You want to go to, you really want to go to Afghanistan on vacation. Do you know that they have, they have Monty Moles there? Yeah, guess what? I'm going to, I just touched down in a dry, dry desert in Afghanistan. Uh-huh. Yep. And there's a bunch of, there's a bunch of cactus with their heads are stacked on top of each other. Stactus?

Mm-hmm. Yep. Is that what it's called? I think it's called just spiky play. And you know there's a big-ass bird flying around with a star on him. Uh-huh. And I'm getting sucked up in tornadoes and shit. I'm flying around.

God damn. Dude, it's the worst when you go to Afghanistan. Like, the worst, my cousin actually was deployed to Afghanistan. He said the first day he got there, thwomp attack. Mm-hmm. Yep. He saw his best friend get flattened and walk around. Well, that's the thing.

He turned around. The thlops and turned around, and his best friend was flattened by the swamp. The thwomp. The thomps have such a long range in Afghanistan. I mean, you could walk... They could be one of the sideways thwamps that goes to the side. You could walk, you know, you can walk... You could just hear one from, like, 20 miles away.

It's flying at you. The Kandahar giant was just a thwomp. It was not a thwomp. It was a giant. What is the story on the Kandahar giant? Basically, they found bones that proved that the, uh, that Marines fought and killed a giant in a cave in Kandahar that was about 10. 10 to 12 feet tall.

It had red hair, if you're wondering. I was. It killed six Marines with a spear. It impaled them. Really? And the government's covered it up because they don't want people to know about the giants in Afghanistan. Did WikiLeaks to drop that? I think it was cool stuff on facts.

Cool stuff on facts. Dot fads. Yeah, dot chill. Look that up. That's true. That happened. I heard they also, I heard they found. I heard they found bullwinkle the moose's bones in Afghanistan, too.

Really? Marines actually added a prolonged conflict with him. That's crazy. They found putt, putt. They found his bones, his car bones. You know who found all that was Pajama Sam? Yeah, Pajama Sam was on a, he was on a mission. My mom is still texting me about the shooting and stuff.

You should say you're battling him right now. Yeah. Well, she told me I need to hide my kids, hide my wife. that's that's funny as hell she said that she said pat well why what reason would you do that dad needs to hide his kids hide his wife because what because what's going on they're shooting everybody out here i don't know i don't remember that being in the video yeah what's it's it's there hide your kids hide your wife because there's something and then you say the next yeah they say you don't have to call we be looking for you we go find you that's the next line

and you know schmo yoho killed that one yeah shmo yoho killed that one yeah shmo yo ho is the shooter. I don't think so. He's mad because nobody's... Nobody's auto-tuning the news these days. Uh-huh. Yeah. So many things from 2008 are coming back already.

Yeah, Shmoh-Yo-ho should do it. Shmo-Yo ho should come back. We should start auto-tuning the news again. Dude, Red and Link are bigger than they've ever been. Yeah. Shmoh-ho could do it, too. Well, they grew. Well, yeah, they've been eaten?

Hmm? Bigger than they ever been? They've been eaten? Trust me. Dude, you don't even want to know what they've been eating. They've been eating crap-flavored potato chips every single morning for 40 years. Rhett and Link hit a growth spurt.

Yeah, I know. Them motherfuck is tall as hell. And there's some North Carolina boys. They finally hit puberty. I do respect them because they're from North Carolina. Yeah. Yeah, it's cool. They put on for the hood.

They got cheer wine. They like cheer wine. I told you a place where they have cheer wine. Yeah. I'm not going to run. I've had enough cheer wine. Actually, you know what? That place where the cheer wine is,

it's like exactly in the area of that shooting. Oh, really? Yeah. Damn. Maybe everyone started finding out there's cheer wine there. And you were like, you told Caleb you had to go there to get chew one. You just take the M to the F. Two trains to get cheer wine.

He would do it. You think I'd take the M to the F? I think two trains to get a soda is a you thing. It's two trains to get a soda, but he has a car. It's only a 20-minute drive. I'm not going to drive 40 minutes round trip to get a soda that I had my entire life. But it's, you miss it, though. I don't miss it.

I mean, it's good, but I don't miss it. He misses it. The only soda I like is Diet Coke. No. I had a Diet Pepsi yesterday. I heard there's a place in downtown Brooklyn that has Diet Coke. Really? I'll drive over there.

There's a place in New Jersey that has downtown Brooklyn Coke. Diet Coke. Downtown Brooklyn Coke, you mean fentanyl? Let's go. No, I don't. That's so racist, dude. How's that racist? You're a racist.

Really racist, dude. Racist ass. How is that racist? No, wait. No, it's, man, it's the LES stuff. That's where all the, that's where all the people are hanging out and accidentally doing fentanyl. Really?

Yeah. I don't think so. These people are going to these clubs. They're going to do karaoke. What are in a good old fashioned billy club when it comes to these druggies? Yep. Yeah. We used to have normal drugs, like weed.

Mm-hmm. Which we're on. And now everyone's doing ketamine and cocaine and they're overdosing in bathrooms all over Manhattan. Yep. How about you flatten the curve? and stop going out. Yep. Yeah, we used to have Ask Jeeves.

Now, wear a mask, please. Yep. Yeah. That's just the truth. It used to be you'd overdose and you'd kill seven villagers in the Vietnam War. Nowadays, you overdose, you fall asleep at your house.

What happened to the youth of today? That's right. We should be out there mowing down. Yeah. Hundreds of civilians. Mm-hmm. Yep. Now all of a sudden you fall asleep.

In Vietnam, there was a massacre every day. Now all these guys are putting on mascara because they're gay. Yep. That's right. All these gay guys, these instead of killers. Instead of cold-blooded murderers. Yeah, who were killing. They used to, we used to send guys 18 to 21 to war.

Now all these 18 to 21-year-olds are listening to Echo 2K and having sex with whores. Yep, that's right. And they're putting on mascara and big shoes. We could have ended the Vietnam War. with way more, with one cladie song. Yeah,

if one person, Blady. One Blady song, they would all start doing estrogen. Paroxide by Echo 2K. They would play paroxide by Echo 2K or one Blady song

and then all those male soldiers over there would be doing estrogen. They're going to, yo, they're going to tear your ass apart for saying Blady. I don't care. You care? They're going to be up your asshole, dude.

Blady 2K. You're going to be in trouble. You don't want to get, you don't want to fuck with the Blades. And that boy digital. Dude, the blade, the blades, they might, they might slap you. Yeah. They might, they might take off their white gloves and slap you.

Dude, you got, yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to fuck, I mean, Blades, Blades got, Blades got scratchers. Yeah. Carely, they got some sharp fingernails. He got biters out here. Yeah. You called them Blady? Shh. We're about to fly up on you.

I just put a curse on you. I've never I've never listened to a single Blady song I've been listening to it I like classic rock Curtis Lowe was the finest picker to ever play the blues You know what song I like?

What? Happy birthday To Cameron It's not my birthday It's coming out on his birthday It's not coming out of my birthday To Caleb We're past your birthday by now

Oh, shit. Then Cameron, let's sing happy birthday to him right now. I said, I wasn't going to make it past 25. You turn in 25? Jokes on you, I'm still alive. This is going to be really darkly ironic when the shooter closes in. They said, I wasn't going to make it past 25. Jokes on you, he's still alive.

You are turning 25, huh? Yep. It's going to be in his terrible 25s. I'm a quarter. I'm always on my terribles. No. No. I'm going to be running around holding up my underwear.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. No Be stepping on shit Fighting the dog He's like slapping the dogs Fighting Phil Is he getting more attention than you He did it

Oh Jenna Piss all over the The fridge He did it Phil pooped on the floor In the house It was Phil It's like a human poop

Yeah Phil took a bite out of the TV It looks exactly like a cigar Yeah That's not a human poop Phil does take human size poops It's frustrating. Dude, it was, hold on, let me show you this.

You know how it has, like, the memory things on the phones? Like, it's like, oh, like, like, on this day. Let me show you this. You know, let me show you this. You know, on the, on this day photo. That's a turd. That's a really crazy turd, dude. That's like an MCN.

Wait, let me look at that. That is like a beautiful photo. Oh, my God. I have a good eye. That's amazing. I have a good eye for taking pictures of poops. All right. This one, this was like, I was skating.

date when I was in LA and I was like I had nothing I went to like a parking garage to try and skate and I found like I walked in and immediately saw this human poop

it's amazing cylindrical turd too I bet that guy's butthole is like perfect oh yeah it's crazy yeah that is the funniest poop I've ever seen it's like a Lego poop yeah yeah all right all right

do we plug the tour yeah go buy tour tickets you're gonna want them swag poop dot com slash shows don't miss out We're going to upload that picture of that poop. That's the swag poop. Okay.

All right. Bye.