Podcast About List - UNLOCKED: Premium #15: RIP Chris Lucero

Episode Date: April 8, 2020

we had to unlock a premium episode today because caleb forgot he didnt have a computer. we owe you one. hear more premium episodes at www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one pod. This is premium content. If you are not a premium subscriber, please pause now and purchase a premium membership immediately. All right. We're playing Madlives with Google Home. Say, repeat? Repeat thing. You're going to repeat.

You're going to repeat. Uh, two guys. Patrick, get closer to the- Get closer to the... Get closer to the... So people can hear. Okay. Sorry.

MadLibs isn't responding right now. No. What? What? MadLibs just canceled on us. MadLibs couldn't take our... Wait, do that song trick which you said earlier.

Oh, okay. Hold the NOAA next to the Google home. Okay, Google. Play the gayest song of all time. All right. Playing Village People on Spotify. Now, that's a song trick for sure. That's the song trick.

Dude, we're going to get taken off of the internet if you play a song. Yeah, stop. Hey, doggle, stop. Hey, doggle. Hey, doggle. It also responds to, uh, doggle. Oh, okay, doggle. Okay. Stop playing that.

I got him. All right, we got doggle out of the picture. Dougal gone. Dougal got killed. Dogel got assassinated. So I, um, I muted the mic. Okay, thank God. So we can't play.

with the Google anymore. That's a good choice. I started my job at the art gallery. Yeah. Yeah. And I started it last night, and last night was this big opening for this... It's...

Where is it? Nice try, bitch. Yeah, that's not going to work on Caleb. He's one of the cleverest art guards of all time. Exactly. I'm not saying because I don't want you to come steal the art. Yeah. The thing is, I could say any...

I would never get fired from this job. I stand around and I look at art But last night was An opening for an artist's exhibition And the artist is She's deaf She's dead? She's dead

She's death? She's death? She's deaf? She's the grim leaper? She's the grim leaper And she hops like a frog She hops like a frog and she's mad As you expect nobody showed up to that shit

Because she was The frog Well she could see any of them She didn't know Nice Yeah She was deaf And

So there was a big opening There was like 600 people there And like 300 Shut the fuck up I'm gonna fucking put this microphone through your brain Shut up That's what we'll laugh on the show now I'm gonna unmute Doble

I'm gonna make dogle Unchained Dogle Unchained Dogle Unchained I'll muted it you can't I'll unmute Dougal and unchain him Try it from here Unchained dogle

Unchained dogle now Doggle Unchained Dogle Unchained It's not working But so there's 600 people who showed up 300 of which were deaf And Apparently deaf people

love to touch art And I have no idea how to say In sign language Don't touch that art So the entire night was just me Just like grabbing Deaf people And just being like

don't touch the art yeah it's bad dude it's not good why didn't they just put up signs that say don't touch the other for some reason nobody foresaw deaf people showing up to the deaf artists opening

no I don't know why they had they had two translators but one of the translators was for the artist and the other was for random people who were going to be there but this so this lady i just had to like run around and try to get her attention all the time is she kept doing it it was one lady no no no she was the translator this was the translator i just had

to keep like i thought you're saying there's one deaf lady if somebody didn't understand what i was trying to tell them one dead lady just like every painting turns out she's the rival artist yeah she's uh one of the two deaf artists and they hate each other signs like ha ha ha i have just ruined your priceless art in an evil accent yeah yeah in a doof and schmert she's doing all of it but she's also, like, like, Sieg-Hiling at the same time, because it's an evil deaf, that would be the evil deaf voice. The evil deaf voice is, because German is the normal evil voice. An interesting fact, Hitler was actually deaf,

and the Sieg-Hale actually is, it's a sign language sign that means I am Hitler, and people misunderstood it, and they all kind of did it back to him. It didn't really make sense. Yeah, because simultaneously it's shouting all the time. It also, you're like, stop being me! It's also a, no, you're not, Hitler, I am. He would do it back to them, because it's poorly designed the German sign language,

but it also means stop doing that. Yeah, so people would do it to him. And he would go, stop copying me and do it right back to them. And then they got into this whole Dolkopf thing. Too many things have to spiral back to the whole. Yeah, from there, it just got really bad after the misunderstanding. Yeah, because the hand thing also means round double the juice. So it's really, all he was trying to say was,

don't, I'm, it's me, I'm Hitler. You're not. I'm Hitler and you're not. As he gets off stage. We were looking at an apartment today and like across the street or like next door to the apartment. There's a building and they had like this photo of like all of them and they're all like reaching their hands out and there's one guy who's like too far away but he's still trying to reach his hands into the center like the center circle and it just looks like he's doing like the Z Kyle. That's sick. Yeah, it's across from the Star Market. Kyle. Wait, I have Zeke Kyle. Do you remember that picture? It was a picture of the two neo-Nazis and it was like, oh, seen Kyle? Anybody seen Kyle?

He's about this time. It's a pawn. I miss those old image macros. You will shit a brick when you see it. It's a picture of water and under the water, the loct this monster. Your ass will explode off your body when you see it and you will shit yourself. Kidnapped, I prefer the term. prize adoption yeah yeah yeah um that picture there's something something where someone moved the

bible into the fiction section and then that picture of fredy mercury that's a oh yeah and it says like true story or whatever yeah derpina yeah oh yeah i want a big derpina bitch right to watch movies with me i wish yeah and to do the you can do the troll what would you do if derpina was here right now what would you do i would say um i would say um i would say may gusto. Nice. I would make that face. I would become Yao Ming. I would, I would, I would, uh, sort of motion my wine glass towards her and say true story. Yeah. Um, me and Caleb went to Olive Garden. And first time I went to Olive Garden and there was this table of like guys behind it.

Like what the type of guy? They were like, like, were like construction worker type guys. Really? Were they still in like the, the best? Yeah. Yeah. There was like the, the hive is. We're going to go to fucking Olive Garden after work. You're going. Exactly. So. Yeah, we're sitting and they were behind us just talking, and their conversation was literally just about, like, different foods. And I was like, it's got noodles, it's got cheese, it's deep fried, what's not the like? Then they kept talking about a good fucking idea.

I'll tell you that right now. Unlimited spaghetti? One guy was like, um, listen, I've had macaroni that didn't have enough cheese. I've had macaroni that was dripping with cheese. That was all he said. He's talking about cheese all the time. The best part of that trip was when, was when, when we walked in, they gave us these, like, this lady was like, would you guys like to sample

our lemonade? And we were like, sure. So they gave us these tiny little, like, cups and put like a little bit of strawberry lemonade in them. And we were like kind of drinking them. And then we sat down. I put mine on the table. He put his on the table. And our, our waitress comes by. And she goes like, hey, welcome to Olive Garden. Can I get you? What the fuck is that? Well, no, I started ordering. She said, what can I say, oh, I'll have like the linguion. And she went, what the fuck is that? And I thought she was talking about what I was ordering. And he was like, I'm like, and she was like, no, that. Methadone? She thought that his sample of lemonade was methadone. What? We were like, no. She was like, oh, because my friend had, went to the methadone

clinic, and it kind of looked like that. And then I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't defend you. And then the rest of the lunch, I was just like looking at camera. I was like, yeah, if I didn't know you, I would have guessed that was methadone too. He came into that huge jacket. What? So people were, before you shaved. Methadone. People who like methadone are cold. They need big jackets.

They need big jackets because they don't have enough. They don't have enough methadone. Exactly. Yeah. It's never enough. No. They're always running out. Man, that is so, the fuck.

Yeah. What the fuck is that? Yeah. I'll have the fetishine. What the fuck is that? And that's a pasta. What's that? It's on a menu.

Yeah. Somebody. Somebody who's never heard of any Italian food Working as a waiter at Olive Garden I'll have the pasta Faggioli What the fuck you call me? Yeah

Well Caleb did order that And he paused a really long time Between the words Yeah Yeah Yeah, I know It's Fagioly Fagiole

Yeah My mom used to pronounce Hey, can I get a Fagioly? My mom used to say Pasta Faggola Nice Fagula Yeah

Yeah, Fagula. And then we had a teacher. My mom then turned Fagola into the word that she would say instead of like faggot because she thought it was like the light version. Yeah. So then she would like, she called someone like Fagola once and it was their last name. Whoa. That's crazy.

Somebody's last name was. The basketball coach in my middle school. Fagola? Yeah. Damn. Faggola. Like gay Dracula. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I got it. Yeah. Listen, I haven't stopped thinking about it since. said it. No. Vantus.

No. I vunt the same rights as everyone else. Yeah, that's what he says. I want to go on a big, big age. Well, he doesn't matter because he's Transylvanian. He doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, the U.S. law. It's the same thing. It's very similar.

Oh, yeah. That's why he wears a big cape. Yeah. And he can hypnotize people with his eyes. Yeah. Just like all gay people. And turn into a bat and gashes form. I hate when a gay guy hypnotizes me with his eyes.

back sex with them. So annoying. Yeah. Don't use your powers on me. Just take a break for once. Yeah. Just take one night off. Can you take one single night off?

So it's got to be exhausting for you. You know what I mean? They should be able to take a night off. Just play some video games. Just watch basketball with your dad. One of us should become gay. Not it. Not it.

Not it. No, it's good. Yeah. We're fine. Dude, yes. I'll do it. We got him. We got him so hard right then. What have you guys been doing this week?

Anything fun? Not much. Class. Yeah. Yeah, how's going on? Damn, it's Friday. I know. It feels early in the week. That Friday feeling.

Yeah, I just have been going to class and to work. That Friday feeling. That Friday feeling. Now imagine if I'm Albert Einstein, ready? Yeah. Patrick's making the Albert Einstein face. Do you make a good Albert Einstein? Albert Einstein.

I stick my tongue out just like the genius. Yeah. I've got a genius tongue. That was a, that was a, that was a byproduct of how smart he was. He was using all of his brain to think, and he couldn't actually use any brain to close his mouth. His tongue had a direct connection to his brain. That was just a little bit of brain poking out of his mouth because he had, he's overflowing with it. He had too much brain.

Yeah. He, what did, when did he die? Uh, yesterday. 72. 72? I don't know. Uh, he was around in the, or, uh, he was around in the, or, uh, he was around in the, or, early 1900s. He was around and that was what time he was active. Yeah, when did he die? So when

did he die? He's a rapper, right? What day of the week did Einstein die? Hey, dogglo. Hey, doggle. Oh, we shut her off. What day is the fourth? What day did Einstein die? Oh, 55. April 18th. What day? Yeah, that's one of my, my recent searches is what day is for Jewelty. I was trying to figure out what day of the week my birthday was on. What day is for Jolty? Yeah. Oh yeah, what are we going to do for your birthday?

My birthday's first. What are we doing for my birthday? Nothing. Your birthday is a day before or a day, 17th? Yes. So it's the day after Dom's. That was like a adorable moments of me and Patrick's whole friendship. What?

He remembered my birthday. It's after my girlfriend's birthday. He remembered. I don't know what Patrick's birthday is. I know July 4th. That's easy to remember. October or something? No.

I'm never impressed when someone remembers my birthday. No. January. No. February. No. March. No.

April. You're a leap your baby. No. June. No. July. Yeah. July?

What day? I'm not going to tell you. 11th? Nope. 12th. No. 13th. No.

First. No. Second. No. Third. No. 12th. 21st.

21st. It's closer. Twenty second. No. 20th. No, 23rd. That's it. Yeah, we got it, dude.

We guessed it so easily, dude. That was incredibly easy. That took so long. How did we, July was like, I feel like we guessed 15 months. How did you guys know? We hung out on my birthday, I thought. Yeah, and I was like, today's July. We didn't hang out.

No, I went to legal seafoods for birthday. Oh, yeah. I was in, I was in California. Yeah, you were out. He wasn't home. Yeah. Yeah, what was I doing? He wasn't home.

I tried. You were at the, you were at the video store. I was at the video store. I was at the blockbuster turning my shit to blockbuster. I was returning all those videos. Sometimes it feels like the late fees. This isn't even a blockbuster anymore. Sarah.

Sometimes it feels like the late fees. They have blockbuster on Roku. The late fees are getting bigger and bigger every year. It's because you don't return your shit. What if you never returned something to blockbuster and then they closed, you just own the movie. You own the movie. They might send their blockbuster assassin after you. Oh, shit.

He did get, like, an $1,000 bill from Blockbuster for a copy of Freddie got fingered. That's cool. Yeah. If you keep their movie, they send Josh Wick after you. If you keep their movie, then they'll make a movie called Your Name Got Fingered. Oh, my God. They'll make a movie called... That would literally ruin my reputation.

If people went around saying that I got Fingered... If you, yeah. Caleb, Patrick, and Cameron all got fingered. Caleb Patrick and Tom Green. all got all fingered each other yeah where is he Tom Green is he back in Canada? I think so you know he's a rapper before he was a comedian did you know before that he was a baby

before that he was nothing yeah he was a sperm in his dad's ass no he actually wasn't that's one interesting thing about Tom Green is he skipped that whole stage entirely he was just an egg he was an egg he was only an egg he was only ever that's why I was able to get fingered why he didn't have the male sperm to go in that movie his brother was afraid i've never seen that movie i don't say it's a great movie i'm sure it is i've heard lots of people say if they made that movie about freddie kruger let me tell you what he's not you wouldn't want to give finger yeah freddie gives freddie gives uh you the finger freddie got fingered i hope it's not by wolverine yeah yeah that's my joke about freddie got fingered who would win in a fight

freddie kruger or the wolverine freddy kruger has more claws than wolverine what's true no it's not because wolverine has but wolverine is smaller than wolverine is smaller than Freddie Krueger has five, and Wolverine has six total. But here's a question. Yeah, but Fray can get you in the dream. Freddie Kruger would molest Wolverine because he's so short. You'll be able to, you do what it does to the children. He thought he was a hairy kid.

He thought he was a hairy kid, and he went into his nightmares and had sex with his nightmare. I bet, yeah, the Wolverine would need to never sleep. Yeah. Like Wall Street. Well, he doesn't really need to sleep, does he? Wolverine? I think everybody needs to sleep, Patrick.

No, if you have Wolverine, I feel like... No, the metal powers him. He's a battery power. Yeah, he's made out of a battery. He's a robot. Yeah, as long as he doesn't, you know, loses battery juice.

Oh, man, he's going to town on his nuts up there. Can you talk about Caleb like that? I wish I could go to town on my nuts. The thing is, my nuts are long enough, but my, I can't reach. Your neck only because of the neck brace. Yeah, if I had a long enough, if I, if I had a normal,

doing that thing that they do where they put all the gold rings on the neck so yeah yeah so that I have a big long neck yeah yeah but then the rings get in the way yeah god damn well once you take the rings off you can't put them back that shit's pretty funny well you take the rings off and your neck is just floppy you can't hold you oh yeah if you take the rings off don't don't doesn't your neck break i think i think it depends on how many rings you have yeah i think they can die think you can die if you take your rings off well how do you have sex if you're the ring lady Uh, you don't. Oh, you don't?

No, absolutely not. I'm going to become one. I'm going to get the rings. I'm going to get the rings. You know, like these bitches, Sonic the fucking hedgehog, he'd be collecting those rings and snapping their necks, like it was fucking, like it was two picks. And then he'd fall down and all the rings would come out. Yeah, and then they'd be like, you killed all our friends for nothing. And they'd probably kill him.

And he would say, got a blast. He'd fight a fly away. I'm having a brain blast. I'm having a sonic moment. He wouldn't say that. Dude, that's not in the movie. I'm having that awkward sonic moment. That's not in the movie.

That awkward sonic moment when you're the bluest guy in your friend group. So annoying. A bit sonic moment. When your dad is Dr. Robotnik. Oh, fuck. Jim Carrey? Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey?

They should have made Jim Carrey shaped like a egg for the movie. I don't carry about... Jim Carrey's girlfriend. About his girlfriend who he killed. Don't give a fuck that he forced better prescription drugs. It doesn't mean anything to me. I don't care. Allegedly, dude, he made, dude, listen, he made, yes man.

And she said, do you want to kill me? And he said, I mean, I'm a method actor. Sorry, yes. He said, already. I'm a method actor, so I have to give you this crystal meth. Yeah, exactly. They were doing, they were doing a man on the moon sequel, and he was doing an Andy Kaufman bit where he kills a woman, because it was like the next, it was like, what if

Annie Kaufman hadn't died and had continued with the path of, like, wrestling girls? It's like, oh, well, he'd clearly he'd kill his girlfriend. Yeah. And Jim Carrey, and that's a serious Jim and Andy and Kim moment. I don't think Jim ever left Andy. Whoa. Mm-hmm. I don't think Andy ever left Jim.

Yeah. I think they're still married. Yeah. I think they didn't say till death do his part when they did their vows. Did you guys watch the Jim and Andy documentary? Yeah. He looks like such a bad person for that. He looks, I mean, just a crazy move.

Yeah. To put out a movie where you're like, yeah, I went crazy for like three years. Yeah. And, like, kind of I'm still crazy. Yeah, and he sits, he's sitting there the whole time just, like, eyes bulging, like, this is the greatest work of art I've ever done. I think the Grinch changed him. The Grinch, yeah. Because he talks about, he's like, he talks about it in that movie, he's like, like, every role I've done has, like, become a part of me.

And it's like, dude, you played one of the most horrific villains in, in media history. And he did, he did Andy Kaufman the year before the Grinch. Oh, my God. Imagine what kind of psycho shit. Holy crap. That's like playing the. It's like playing the... It's like playing Hitler and Mussolini back to back.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And both evil. And they... Yeah. It's really bad. Exactly.

Andy Kaufman and the Grinch. Andy Grinchman. Andy Grinchman. The scariest person of all the time. Grinch Kaufman, the Jewish Grinch. It's why he hates Christmas. It's Grinchy Kaufman, dude. Uh-huh.

You didn't have to go there, buddy. Yeah, that was fucked up. I said it. You're crazy. Mm-hmm. You're saying some wild shit. Yeah. I'm the most evil guy on the...

show you're the grinch of the show who's the most I think Cameron's the most evil I'm the goodest I'm not the most evil I think you're the most evil come on you guys are just saying that because I'm wearing all black no you're the most evil you're definitely the most evil I'm not to

prove it okay you're the most evil by what metric I just proved it I said it stats stats yeah you're stats you might want to take a look at my stats again scroll all the way the bottom I'm looking at the back of your card right now 100% evil level RBI 300

Yeah, what's my batting average BMI 3 Yeah Batting average Like a bat Because I'm evil Yeah, so you admit An evil 1,000 points

Okay guys I'm just convincing you I was good Was part of my evil scheme I'm at you're right I am evil I think I'm the goodest one Wait well because your evil scheme

Of confusing us You're good fill That means you're bad at being evil So you're good now Good Phil? What? Who's good You say good fill?

Good Phil? Who's Good Phil? You don't know Good Phil. We don't talk about Good Phil. Why not? He's the opposite of the Gritch. He was the third mic before Patrick. Yeah.

He didn't talk. Speaking of the room with us. Kind of we, I don't want to, I don't know why I'm bringing this up. I knew we weren't going to talk about, I don't know if we were going to talk about it. I feel like we should just for the fans. We should. Our beloved intern. Oh my God

Chris Lucero Passed away Yeah Patrick sat on him No Yeah Well Chris Lucero actually got into a moped accident And then Patrick sat on his body Afterward

No And we were like Patrick what are you doing And he was like he's already gonna die anyway I might as well Okay he get it He had Chris to kill I need to sit down I might as well get the assist

Chris had terminal Terminal motor And his last wish Was to ride a moped with me and I said And you didn't even ride the moped with him You stood there you wouldn't even ride it. There's no way

I'm letting you sit behind me on a moped Yeah It's either going to be It's either going to be you on the moped or me Watching you on the moped Uh huh

And he You know Brittle Bones Full of cancer Yeah He shot the moped He didn't know how to drive it He went full speed

into a mailbox and as I was trying to help him up I did slip on a patch of black ice and sit on his head that is not true which caused it to explode because his bones were so thin you said I'm going to see if I can explode this guy's head by saying on it out here's what I here's what happened first of all Patrick was driving the moped I was not driving the second of all the reason the reason Chris died is because I I painted a hamburger on a brick wall and Patrick he accelerated so hard into the hamburger that Chris exploded on impact but Patrick bounced off

like a ball yeah that's not what happened and then you landed on the ass first you landed next to him and then you stood up and then you moved over the turkey sandwich again you ran back into the wall it's a turkey sandwich now your story is not even adding up

no it's a turkey hamburger it was a turkey it was not a turkey hamburger it is a turkey hamburger you said turkey sandwich it's on tape we have have it right here. It says turkey. You said turkey. I will edit that out and change it to turkey sandwich. And then you tried to eat the turkey sandwich and then you died because of the bricks. I'm still alive. You're obviously lying. We're talking about Patrick's AI self. Yeah. He's a cloned AI. Yeah. You're the Google home. No. You're Dole. You're Dole. Well, I'll prove it. Okay, doggle. Play, uh, play, don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? It's not going to

play. See, he responded to it's not going to play. No. He responded. It wouldn't. Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot. It's playing. Oh my God. It's not playing out of his mouth. Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak? I was trying to update our fans about

a beloved member. Okay, Dougal, shut up. Podcast about List family. Okay, Doggle, be quiet. All right, so yeah, we're going to have a service for Chris. It's going to be inside the Dunkin' Donuts in Chinatown in Boston. and he didn't really like that place, but... No, that's where he got cancer. Yeah, it's, you know, fitting.

I didn't get a fuck about that guy. Yeah. I mean, I feel like we owe it to him to have a service. Well, we should have... We should have something. We won't be there. So I don't get in trouble. We're going to take the cop...

We're going to take his coffin there on a two-wheel dolly and leave it in the doorway of the Chinatown Dunkin' Donuts. We're going to say thank you to the staff, who doesn't know about this yet, but I'm sure they'll be cooperative and then we're going to leave. We're going to have... You go into the Dunkin' Donuts. in Chinatown in Boston, you order the Chris Lucero sandwich. Chris Lucero special. And they'll give you. And they'll give you one of his teeth.

You can put on a necklace. Yeah. We kept... Once the disease got very bad, we kept all of his teeth in a jar at the Dunkin' Donuts. And if you go to the Chinese turn Dunkin' Donuts... They're kept in a thing of hair gel. Yeah, and they'll put it in a...

They'll put it in your cup like ice. Mm-hmm. Yep. You get Chris's teeth covered in hair gel in your coffee. Yeah. And they say, that's the Lucero... Promise. And it's the...

And it's the... green, it's the green club man hair gel from the barber. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the blue stuff. Yeah, no, no, not barberside, it's the blue, it's the green. No, it's barbicide. It's barberside, you drink it. You put the barberside in your white coffee,

you're going to have a blue smoothie. Blue-ass coffee. You're going to have a blue, blue Christmas. Now, Christmas Lucero. Yeah, so RIP Chris. Christmas Tucker Lucero, rest in peace, August 1st, 1990 to 20 minutes ago.

It was all happened 20 minutes ago. Yeah, it actually happened during the episode. Yeah. What are we at? 26 minutes. Okay, so 27 minutes ago. Go back to the episode, listen to six minutes in. You're going to hear a loud crash in the background,

and that's what that is. Yeah, it's a real shame. He did, he connected us to a lot of people. I think he faked his death like Andy Kaufman. Maybe he did. I think he's going to become the new. If you could fake your death, how would you do it? Probably, how would you...

Cut my head off. Rocket jump. Cut your head off and rocket jump? How would you survive cutting your head off? Would you put a fake head? And then you'd just walk around with your body? What? If you're faking your death.

I would cut my head off. Yeah, but how would you fake it? How would that fake? What do you mean? You cut off your head off. You cut your head off. Well, no, I would cut my head off. It's like to fake my death.

Yeah, but then you would die because your head would be gone. Why? No, not, I'll do it. How are people going to know that you're... I'll do it different. There is a way, actually, I was reading about this on the Discovery Channel. There is a way that you can cut your head off and survive. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

You have to follow a very specific order of cutting off your head. What is it? First, your head. You start with the neck. The neck side of your head, and then you cut down like two inches, and then you just, And then you just cut straight across. And then you, yeah, and then it's a freestyle. And then you freestyle from there.

Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I would go crazy. Use safety scissors. I would do a rocket jump. So it's me and I'm jumping. Freddie Wong. Yeah, Freddy Wong style.

I'm jumping like Freddie Wong. Doing the Freddie W jump. And I'm jumping across the building. Okay. And I shoot the rocket down. And then I just kind of just kick it away. Why would you kick the, wait. How does that fake your death?

People would just see that. Yeah, the way I would fake my dad is I'd do a backflip. I couldn't tell you. Couldn't tell you how I was going to fake it because then you don't know when it's going to happen. Well, now if you just do a rocket jump and you die, I know you're not dead. Well, now I'm just going to do them every day. I'm going to be a hundred and I'm going to fuck you. When you faked your death.

Okay, pal. After you faked your death, where are you going, where you headed off to? Oh, probably. Yeah, probably going to go home. Yeah. Probably just going to go home. Go watch TV with my dog. The next day, do you just go back to work?

Yeah. Yeah. Let's get faking your death just so the next day you just go back into work. No, I'm a different guy. We saw you fucking jump off of a building yesterday.

I have blue hair now. A completely different person. Yeah. I'd like you walk in just with like a Groucho Marx mask. I'd like a job here, please. Are you regretting, faking your death? I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah.

I'd probably go to the movie. movies and live there, dude. I'd live there. I'd be the phantom of the movies. Yeah, but not ugly. Yeah. You'd still wear a mask, though. No, and I wouldn't sing either.

And I definitely wouldn't have a girlfriend. She'd ruin all the movies. Why? How? Because she'd talk about them during the movies. She'd say, hey, who's that? And I'd say, ugh. That's his name.

Yeah. We're watching the caveman movie. That's what I do. Anytime my girlfriend asked me a question during a movie, I just go, Yeah, that was the answer to your question. The fun, the fun annoying answer to say is, you just go, I don't know, I'm watching the same movie as you. Just be, yeah, that's fun.

It's fun. Your dad says. Yeah, that's what my dad says to me. You should do that Ouija board. Yeah. We should do a Ouija board. Okay. Grab it.

Okay. We're going to do the Ouija board. We're going to do the, don't just watch the clock. Wait, I don't know how this is hung up. Yeah, I'm not going to take it down. All right. You can't do a one-man-way-y board. Wait, wait, no.

I'm going to Google. Google online Ouija board. We can use this on the keyboard. We can use the planchette on the keyboard. No, you can't. Yeah, we can. How? Same deal.

I'm just going to Google online Ouija board. I have some questions to ask this page. Brainjar.com. Oh, wait, we can talk to Chris Lucero. Well, you shut up. Oh, we should talk to Chris Lucero. All right, what's our question? We can ask a question.

Chris, Chris, are you there? Chris. Lucero. Well, type out his full name, Christmas Tucker. Chris Tucker. Christmas. Tucker Lucero. Christmas, Tucker.

Tucker. Lucero. Are you there? Ask. And then you press ask. And then you hold your mouse lightly on the pointer and follow it as your answers. What? You're not worried about a demon infecting your computer with a virus from hell?

Demons don't have viruses. I also have protection. What about a virus from hell? That's not. What if we talk to Satan? That'd be cool to me. We're talking to Chris Lucero. Yeah.

If it's Satan, they'll say no. Do you think he went to heaven or heck? Who? Chris. Oh, definitely hell. Yeah. He did some naughty stuff on the pod account. Really?

He messaged some people. And he said some stuff he shouldn't have said. He's a nasty woman. He messaged Brian Regan. Yeah. And he said he wanted to crawl inside of his asshole. Yeah. Are you serious?

I'm dead serious. All right. Let's talk to him. I'll ask him. Ask. All right. Now I hold my mouth. Okay.

I followed. No. Okay. Whoa. Chris is not there. Oh, wait. It's moving again. It's going back.

It went, oh, it's done. All right, let's just do it again. Let's ask again. Let's just keep asking. All right. Chris, are you there? No. Okay, all right.

Again, one more time. I'll try again. All right, wait, it has to go back. Okay, we'll reset it. All right. Ask again. Are you there? Oh, yes.

That was there. We got him. We got him. We got a classic Chris. Yeah, he was praying. He loves the rule of threes. He's a huge improv comedy guy. All right.

What should we ask him now? Chris, who killed you? Who killed you? We can settle this once and for all. Yeah, I think I have a pretty strong team. Was it Patrick? I didn't kill him, and if I did, it wasn't on purpose. Who killed you?

Ask. O, P, O, O, N, on, E, one, one. was that it space oh space f f uh oh r oh okay all right what's what's happening here one from m one from uh space okay one from uh space okay one from uh why uh oh you're from y oh i'm not from one from yo mama one one from your mama you one from you chris what are you trying to say one from your space oh my god it's going to say podcast p what a pat oh maybe patrick one from your patrick s one from your past oh

yeah yeah patrick and chris go way back that's true yeah you do yeah back to it's a school we go back to two months ago. That's the past. That's pretty far away as far as I'm concerned. Well, okay. Well, that still does not say it's me. No,

me and Caleb have never met. I'm pretty sure that you're the only person who's ever met Chris ever in Chris's life. It's not true. Prove it. Ask him. Ask him a question. Yeah,

what are you going to ask him? Yeah, say, have you met Cameron and Caleb? Okay. Let's see here. Have you met Cameron and Caleb? I'm just going to add, or let's see, Cameron and Caleb, I'm just going to add here, say no at the end, just so

he knows to say no. Just so he knows to say no. All right, let's ask. He says L. So far it's the worst spelling. No, I ever fucking see. E. Um, A. I think I know what he's going to say. Is he going to go to V? Yeah. Yeah, he goes to

V. Lea. Leve. Leave. Leave. Leave. Cameron and Caleb out of this. Oh my God. He says, leave Cameron and Caleb. Caleb out of this. That's what he said. M. Leave my

people I never met, Cameron and Caleb out of this. Me, leave me a sandwich in the kitchen for when I get home. I think he's going to say alone. He's going to say alone. No, he says, N. No, Chris, don't. Chris, do not spell that word. Do not.

Okay, he says leave me now. Okay. All right, all right, bye, Chris. Should we just say bye to him? Yeah, let's just say bye. Just see what he has to say. Let's, what if it's not Chris? He said it was Chris.

Well, but he said it wasn't Chris twice. Well, he was joking. Well, I mean, if it was Chris. Ask if you're the, if you are the devil. No, I want to, Mr. Crap. Ask if this is the Grinch. No. Ask if you know the Grinch.

No, fuck. Please. Is this the Grinch? Are you? Are you, yeah. Are you? No. The Grinch.

Question mark. Ask. No. Oh, God. Oh, thank God. All right, it's Chris. Let's ask him one more time. Okay.

Whoa. We have to wait for it to reset. Oh, come on. Oh, some crazy deep. Oh, my God! He went to yes and no. It's the blue Grinch. Oh, God.

Oh, wait, wait, ask if it's the Blue Grinch. Are you the Blue Grinch? Ask. Oh, no, he's not. No, it's a regular Grinch, all right. It's like the half grinched. It's It's

It's better and a half Grinch Oh my God Yeah This better not be Grinch Kaufman Half Grinch half Andy Kaufman The ultimate The ultimate evil The ultimate enemy

We need to destroy We need to search and destroy the Grinch Wait, tell, okay What? Just We should just say bye to him If it's the Grinch We should not be talking

I don't know Where are you hiding? No no no no no no no no no no no No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no we should ask him where he's hiding okay all right where are you how about just where are you where are you just you have to say grinch though where are you grinch so just because it seems like there's multiple people in the line maybe it's yeah just in case it's chris or like yeah someone else and where are you grinch ask he says f f uc

no f a oh no uh grinch r space oh far far far far far a yeah it's I'm going to say far away, I think. Thank God. Far. Yeah. Which you don't want from the Grinch is, hey, yeah, I'm knocking at your front door. Oh, my God, he said far away and they said dot, dot, dot, dot, not. There's no dots on this.

There's no dots on the board. You didn't know that. I was trying to do a funny joke. Can you, okay. He said far away. Ask if it's, I want to start. This is, you got to ask if it's a devil. I don't want to.

You got to ask if it's the devil working together. We already know. We should figure that out. just in case it's like the holy trinity it's the unholy trinity it's the devil the grinch and anthony coffman yeah and they all they all work with each other in hell yeah look grinch has the green part of hell yeah i'll say in inferno the green inferno yeah he probably indy coughman just keeps playing pranks on you yeah in his corner of hell yeah and you're like oh shit elvis is down here and he goes not yeah yeah yeah andy coffman runs the women half of hell he just wrestles

Either you get prank or you get wrestled. He's beating up all of our moms. Yeah. Stop. Stop, what are you doing? Wait. You're trying to hack the Ouija board, dude. That's bad juju, man.

I don't want Patrick's fingers to touch my computer. Why? You didn't even capitalize demon. He's our demon. All right. Let's see what it says. It says L. I bet he just says leave again.

Yeah. Oh, come on, dude. E. I mean, all right. A. I wish this went faster. Yeah. We should.

Ghosts are so. stupid. We should have a 100 times speed Ouija board. Ghosts are so dumb. They can't even spell fast. Ghosts need to spell faster. Leave space. The copyright on this website is 1990 to 2008. That's pretty cool.

That's a good year. Yeah. If you guys want to try out the Ouija board and talk to the Grinch or Chris Lucero, it's brainjard.com slash dhtml slash Ouija. I still say we get a fucking real Ouija board in here in this bitch. Because I think this thing might be phony. Yeah, I think this might

Just be, uh... This Ouija board is capping. This might be, like, a hacker from the internet, just kind of trying to trick us. He's, he's, there's something feeding it. Somebody's feeding the meter. Yeah. Is that fuckable you? All right, Patrick Ted.

Oh, he's going to be so angry. He's, let's see, C. That could be for Caleb. A. That could be just Caleb. Or Cameron. No. And, canron.

Can. Uh, and again. Can, no. Cannot. Cannot. Cannot. T. Do you think he just is going to say cannot understand?

Spice? A space? Oh my God. My brain is melting right now. The ghost is infecting your brain. I bet it's going to be cannot say a. And then all the way over to why. Cannot say.

I'm done with this bullshit. Yeah, I don't want to do this anymore. Patrick, please stop typing shit in. It's boring and I hate you. Why don't you just eggs out of the page? You have to say goodbye or else the demon stays. Yeah, that's true. Let's say bye.

Bye, love you. Fuck you. Bye, love you. you love you and suck you love you and i suck you and i suck you and i suck you love you ask this is the last one um c a oh my god i hate this guy it's gonna say go away i'm done with this demon and it's spelling out canoli i think c-a-n-n-no we know what he's gonna say yeah we're done kennel all right we're closing the connection yeah severing the connection oh god cameron's The computer just got hacked by a demon.

Dude, there's the devil from tenacious deep pick of destiny on screen, and he's laughing at us. I'm for real. I think he's laughing because he's laughing because he's laughing because he just got the pick of destiny, and he's going to beat their asses. That's not true. Dude, he is, man. He just got, he just, it went back into his tooth. Yeah, crap.

We got a call. We got to call Jack Black. We got to call Jables and KG. And the Ghostbusters. No, the Ghostbusters don't fuck with them. I will never call a woman to do a man's job. We called the old Ghostbusters. They're all dead.

Bill Murray is alive and well. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But the characters are dead. No, they're not. Yeah, they are. Did you guys see the Girl Ghostbusters? No.

Did you, Patrick? No, I didn't. I think Ghostbusters, the original is a really overrated movie. I love it. I think it's pretty bad overall. I like Ghostbusters too better just because people hate it. I think the effects in Ghostbusters are great are really fun, but I don't think the movie is very good.

I don't think it's funny at all. I think both Ghostbusters are equal. I want to fuck the lady from the fire. I want to fuck the slimer from the ghost movies. If Slimer had big, juicy, slimy titties, I would love to slime on them and get slime to buy them. Slimer's wife is the monster from Monsters Incorporated that goes, Mike Wazowski. Slommer's wife is my... Jeffrey Slomber's wife is a big green BBW, and I ain't having no hate on that bit.

A GGW. She's a green. Green, green woman. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She's a green, lean, green machine. What do you think about this?

Pien slimer on acid. So there was a blue slimer. No. That wouldn't happen. I would call the Ghostbusters on the Grinch. And I would say, sick them, boys. Yeah. What if you, can you get, do the Ghostbusters guns work on people?

Yeah, man. They put me in the hospital. They put me in the hospital. with that shant, dude. They shot me in the leg. On regular people, it's just a normal gun. It's just a normal electric gun. Yeah, just a normal electric gun.

You charge it. It shoots electric bullets. Shoots laser bullet. I like gustavusters. I don't know what you all talking about. I don't dislike it. I just think it's really overrated. Yeah.

You're going to tell me that Sigourney Weaver looking in at her fridge, just trying to get a nice late night snack and seeing the devil's dog is not cool. No, he didn't. Yeah, he went in the fridge. and he stayed in there. Meanwhile, she came out. What? He goes in the fridge in Joker?

Spoiler. Did you see Joker? What? He goes in the fridge. That's one of the things that makes him turn crazy. What? He goes in the fridge

and there's fumes from expired cheese and mushrooms and stuff that make him turn into the Joker. That's in the movie. It says that in the movie. I haven't seen the movie. The makeup is where it's his milk, the milk goes on his face

and makes it white. What? From the fridge. I have not seen it. You guys didn't even read the summary? No. No. Yeah, that's why it's like a grocery-based take

on the story. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm serious. What? What? He goes to the grocery store and he breaks, he opens up the cartons of eggs and he says, I'm just seeing if there are any are broken, but he switches the cartons so the brown eggs are in the white eggs and the white eggs are in the brown eggs. And he says, he goes, Oh, my God. Oh, no, I did see

this part where he eats a huge strawberry and it makes his lips be a red. Yeah, I forgot about that. He finds an old bottle of old glass bottle of Coca-Cola and he sucks his whole face in and turns his face into cocoa bottle shape. What? That's one of the climaxes of the movie.

The movie has ten climaxes. Damn. The perfect movie. Yeah. That's why it's up for so many Oscars. That's the thing about movies. They talk about structure. One climaxes.

Why wouldn't you just make like a hundred like climaxes? Just have like from the beginning like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, one after another. Yeah. Oh my God, we're falling off this bridge! Yeah, that's like the best part of the movie. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. So I just feel like, you know, Ghostbusters, for example, the part where you get to see Lady Slimer, like, they can. could have done that 50 more times. They could have done that the beginning. That's when I climaxed in the movie. Did they have a lady slimer for Ghostbusters, 2016? I don't think so.

I think they had a rigid, Mr. Slimer. They had the real guy. Big slimer. And regular slimer kind of has some flappers on them, too. Some big sloppy whitewaps. Dude, it's not slime, it's milk. It's better be. Green milk.

Don't worry, baby. That's green milk. That's lettuce-flavored milk You know like strawberry milk That's lettuce milk You gotta eat the lettuce milk Is he a booger? Is he a booger? Is he a ghost? He does not

He's a booger He's a booger. He's a booze next guy Never died That is one thing I really like about Ghostbusters and none of the ghosts are like people There's like random Just like

Here's a good You know people die It turned into a giant Jogging ghost Giant green That's not a real thing I don't know what you're talking about Fuck

What if he does What if a ghost died and turned into a monster? What about the marshmallow man? That's not a ghost. What about the marshmallow man? Yeah, what about him? What about... He was a ghost.

Come on. Let's hear it. I do like, one thing I really like about Ghostbusters is the idea that just like, if enough ghosts get out, just everything turns kind of weird. Yeah. You know, because like, like, just stuff gets weird after that. I do like the idea that you can capture a ghost. Yeah. I do like, yeah, and put him in a game boy.

The whole ghost thing is like, uh, hey, all the pizza is. are gone. I like what I like how they... Yeah, there's actually a,

there's actually an insurgent of Antifa ghosts. Yeah, we're getting the proud ghosts. We're going to beat the shit out of them.

The proud ghosts. Yeah, with our online practice. With our sharp tongues. We're talking about practice. I'm going to stick my sharp tongue up that

proud ghost urethra. You know what I'm talking about. I'm going to loosen that shit up so they can get those crystals out of there. My tongue is made out of a

They got a build-up in their urethra, and I'm about to... What? I'm about to clean that shit out with my pointy pencil-shaped tongue. And they're going to like it. Do you guys have long tongues? No, I don't think so. Can you touch your damn toes with your tongue? Yeah.

Do I have a long tongue? You have a normal tongue, I think. Your's a short. Yeah. You have a shorter side of the tongue. It's because I'm not gay. I heard they're putting a tongue in the Lego movie. I heard they're putting a tongue on the Lego.

They're actually going to make a Lego movie. I heard I'm going to put my tongue. on my legors later. They're making a two-pronged Lego movie experience where you wear different 3D glasses. One is Blue Channel. One is Red Channel. And if you wear Blue Channel, you watch a boy's version. If you wear Red Channel, you get to see a girls version. I heard that's what they're doing in McDonald's too. Cameron actually already reserved one ticket for the girls version. Yeah, for you. For you. For you. Oh, you love you so much. For you. Oh, you love a girl? Yeah. What? Okay. You're going to gay jail.

Population you. They should just have two separate McDonald's so you don't have to pick the toy. Yeah, they should. I always freak out when they ask me which toy I want. Oh, shit. I went to the girls McDonald's. Fuck. Dude, you're legally a girl now and shit, bro. That's the guy who works there.

And at the boys McDonald's, they have McChicken. The girls McDonald's salads and water. No dressing. Stop asking. The dressing is water. Your dressing is your dress that you're wearing. You have to go to the boys McDonald's. and ask if you can have any dressing, but they won't let you because no girls allowed.

Yeah. Also, there's a pin code for the boys. And it's one, two, three, four. And it's upside down 8-0-085. The slogan for the girls McDonald's still, I'm loving it. But the slogan for the boys McDonald's is, um, McDonald's is cool, yeah. McDonald's cool and I'm a boy. I'm playing sports.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. McDonald's is cool and I'm a boy. I'm, boys McDonald's. boys don't boy don't how about it's McDonald's and then it's

mcdinas and mcdina is the girl's name and mcdonald and it's my friend and it's tina mcdina no mcdina tina mcdina is the girl clown

but she's just a no she's not a clown yeah she's a business woman they like that she's a girl boss she's a girl yeah she's a girl who's trying she's a female comedian and ronald abuses her like harley quin because he's a joker

Yeah Evil Ronald McDonald's... Oh, gangsta Ronald McDonald Yeah Oh no Oh my god That would be so cool

Gangster Ronald McDonald Yeah Yeah he'd probably say something like I'm gonna bust a McChicken in your ass Yeah I can just visualize the Twitter account now Yeah I'm gonna Google gangster Ronald McDonald

right now just to see If anyone's thought of this Because we could make a killing on shirts Of gang No there's definitely shirts of gangster Ronald McDonald. I've seen them at Swap Meets.

20,000 people for Ronald McDonald to go gangsta. It's a Facebook page. Oh, no. It got deleted. It was a petition to make Ronald McDa. Whoever wondered what would happen if Ronald McDonald went gangsta. There's no...

There's no queued. There's no cached, cached... There's no cock on my Google. We just got a way back that. Yeah. Look up Ronald McDonald. I'm trying to weigh back the Facebook page. What about Gangsta McDonald's?

Bugs Bunny, Gangster Ronald McDonald. What about, oh, Gangsta McGankster. Ronald Make a Gangsta. Yeah. Yeah. And he sells chicken mcthuggots. Oh my God, dude. And he sells the ghetto burger.

Gangsta Ronald from funny junk. And it's called the triple double. M.C. Donald on the mic. I'm going to just screenshot this entire page. And we're just going to post this with the episode. What are the comments on it? Show comments. First comment, like a gangster Ronald.

Weird. The last time I checked Ronald McDonald wasn't Asian. What? It probably came from one of the Japanese McDonald's commercials. Yeah. He doesn't look Asian. He looks like Ronald. He looks gangster.

He's making the opposite. The gangster face. Ronald McGankster. Let's see. Oh, Ronald McDonald is gangsta by Keirhan on Deviant Art. Let's see this. Let's see this one. Damn.

Looking fresh. He do be looking kind of gangster. I snapped this picture of Ronald McDonald at a parade in St. John's whatever state, M.I. is. Missouri. I happened to shoot quite a few shots rapidly and got him in a gangster pose. Frigin hilarious. Yeah, we'll post

this one too. How did they get Ronald McDonald? Oh, that's gangster Ronald McDonald. Yeah, it's different. You never know who's showing up when calling gangster Ronald McDonald. That's like speaking to Andy Kaufman, that's like a Tony Clifton situation. Andy Kaufman

was Tony Clifton, and he also Ronald McDonald's. No, Andy Kaufman was gangster Ronald McDonald. There's four comments on this. Check out this first comment on this gangster Ronald McDonald. He's Michael Jackson, trying to hide his rotting face behind lots of paint and trying to catch some children. That's from 2010. There's another comment from 2008.

That's wrong, funny, very funny, but wrong, L.O.L. As much as that's the funniest thing I've ever heard, that is wrong. Seriously wrong. Getser Ronald, you got some friggin screws loose. Okay, comment. You got a stick. You're stick in the head. Raffle, OMG.

that had to be the best day ever. Nice shot indeed. Ha ha ha ha. From Coldplay in hell. Listening to Coldplay where I live in hell. This has 6K views, this picture. I think Ronald McDonald... Let's put this picture on a shirt. Ronald McDonald goes to heaven. Gangster Ronald McDonald...

I think we know where he goes. Yeah? To the hood. He goes to Shangri-La. Damn. Gangster Ronald McDonald in the hood. He goes to Shangri-La. Let's make a video. Let's make a trilogy.

Let's make a trilogy. Let's make a trilogy. Donald in the hood. And we'll go to the hood and I'll dress up by Gangs Ronald McDonald. I'll say, yo, yo, yo, yo. It's Gangsta Ronald McDonald. Boop. No, I won't say boop.

You're obsessed with boop, buddy. I got to tell you about. Yeah, you're Betty Boop, and we know what boop is, and you're a girl named Betty. You're Betty Boob, and you jack off. You're Betty boobs because you have big boobs. No. Yeah. You're Caleb Boobes.

You're Patrick. You're Patrick Vagina. And you have a huge... You have a huge... You have huge boobs and in the... In the middle on your sternum, you have a pussy. You guys are both girl, girl. Girl, girl, girl.

Girl, girl. Your first name's girl and your last name is girl. When a girl. Cameron Diaz is a boy. Cameron Diaz is a boy's name. Cameron Diaz is a boy. What are you saying? So girls kiss their vaginas together when they're lesbians?

Mm-hmm. Do they use their tongue? They slam them very hard. They run at each other. They run at each other. Like on a like a, like a, like a, like a, fencing stage.

They jump into the air and they just run and scissor. Yeah, they kick their legs out. And they try to and then you become you're becoming a lesbian

couple when you get fused together that way. You get married. You have to be really, if you don't open your legs in time, you could, you could shoot, you could go inside

the other woman's vagina. If one woman has a humong gosh bosie, then you can get stuck in it. Yeah, you get sucked in. Also, yeah, yeah. And if your leg could go in there. Yeah.

And then the other girl might die. The other girl, but it would... And the reason why guys don't do that when they're gay is because your balls would hurt so bad. Yeah. But women have no feeling where they can't feel... Yeah, they can't feel it. Yeah.

In every movie I watched as a kid, the guy gets kicked in the nuts. He goes, oh! And then when a girl gets kicked in the nuts, she goes... She goes... Huh? I'm a shrubs her shoulders. I don't even have balls. She goes, I need to go shopping now.

Yeah. I think you broke my nails. She said, I think you broke my nails. down there my down there nails girls should get nails where their vaginas are anything to cover up that whatever it is that nasty that nasty sarlac no I just think they're scary when I was a kid I hated seeing a woman's vagina no please please stop showing me oh my goodness I don't want to see it for the million time lady go put it outside put it away put it away put it Outside where it belong.

Hey, put that thing back in your pants. A woman holding her vagina out of her pants. You're just holding it in a hot dog bun. They should be able to. Can they not? They should be able to detach it like a computer part. Wait, so what's a fleshlight then? I thought a flashlight came out of a girl.

No. And they removed it and they sold it. Dude, they would never sell them for that cheap if that was the case. So what is it then? So what they do is they have a plastic man stick his penis into a woman's vagina. And then they heat him up until he dies, and then they cut off that part of him. And then they, well, that would be a penis shape. That would be the wrong to admit the way.

No, no, they melt his penis inside of her. And then they use that as a cast. Oh, and then they haulow it out. Okay. They hollow it without like a chocolate bunny. They put saran wrap in there, and they use plaster. Yeah, they do it. They make a chocolate bunny with the vagina.

Yeah, they put a lot of chocolate in there and see if you can taste it. How do they get a chocolate bunny stay still enough for a chocolate bunny? I don't know. My dad makes chocolate bunnies. That's his, like, thing for Christmas and Easter. Your dad makes chocolate bunnies for Christmas? And Easter, yeah. Your dad's a psycho.

He's got his holidays all, which way? Well, he makes it pretty much for any holiday, he can get away with it. I'm going to make some chocolate bunnies after this. He has these old, like, vintage chocolate bunny molds, and it's like, I guess... Yeah, he's, I don't want to get into this kind of thing. The chocolate would go bad if it was old. Vintage chocolate. It doesn't go bad.

First of all, chocolate doesn't go bad. I ate a chocolate that was a thousand. years old yesterday. I puked a little bit but it was because I was scared of the chocolate because of the shape it was in. Cameron's daddy's poop into the chagobunny mold. And feed it to his dad. His dad won't even realize it's because he loves being cat. Go check out your chocolate bunnies.

Notice anything different about them? He just beats the shit. He beats a shit of his adult son for for shitting in his chocolate bunny mold. Yeah, I mean, that's fair. of That's a fair If my dad beat me up

For shitting In his chocolate bunny What's he doing? I'm being a cat He's trying to go into my boxes He's trying to go into Patrick's box My dad beat my ass For shit

In his chocolate bunny mold I tell him to grow up Yeah Hey dad Grow up Dude Stop hitting my brother Hey dad it's a joke

Not a dick Don't take it so hard Whoa Dad Oh Hey dad it's a joke not your boyfriend Stop sucking it off

Like you're a gay guy Dad, I'm just kidding, man No, don't take away my Lego No, no It's the only Lego I have It's a one-by-one stud Just building What'd you build today?

I built another building I built a rock I built a micro city And it's just the stud I built the universe I built a single-celled organism I'm a scientist I actually built a Joe Mama

What's that? Oh it's Joe Ma'amah It's your mama. What's up, dog? Wait, what is that? Don't let the cat go on the computer or I'll... You got some serious up, cat, your hand. I'll go Hulk.

What's up, cat? Yeah, what's up? Nothing much with you. Just meow once, dude. Please, meow. Please meow. Say your famous catchphrase, meow. Say meow.

I hate when he stands like a guy so bad, dude. The cat won't meow into the microphone. Say it. Please, meow. Please, say it. Say it. Say it. You were such an asshole.

You fucking suck, dude. This cat is the worst. Get the fuck out of here, man. Yeah. And I wasn't going to say anything, but you don't have any hair also. Whoa. Also, one time... What?

Putting your... Putting those cats and headscarves. Please put a tiny headscarf on your cats. I will. I've been fighting with Yoda recently, yeah. Fighting with Yoda? Never a good idea, buddy Yeah, that didn't

How about well did that work out For General Grievous Or Count Duku Or Luke Skywalker No, that was He didn't fight him No, he fought him when he tried to take the food Oh yeah, you're right

You were so dumb, dude He went, I want your food I love crackers and snacks I need to take a shit Yoda's the audience insert Oh, wait, we have Yoda here with us Hey Yoda, how's it going on man? Yoda, what do you?

you have to do right now I need to take a shit whoa Yoda what are your shits look like are they green like you or are they little pellets yes

oh I guess they're green pellets maybe yeah green yes okay are you at all related to the Grinch that doesn't sound good that sounds like a knowing laugh Yoda get the fuck out of here man

yeah Oh, he's gone. Oh, he's scurried away. Patrick, where'd you go? I was like your... I went to the bathroom. Patrick was under the table. Would you find some little green ballots in there?

No. No? I found green M&Ms. Oh. I hope they were green M&M's. I got some bad news, man. Oh, God. That was Yoda's little shit.

He's trying to beckon the cats. What's that thing that's next to the water? That's the feeder. That's a machine? It's a timed feeder. Patrick keeps machines? Even the cats can't stop looking at machines and screens. That's one of the problems with modern society.

Everybody's on their machines all day. Everybody's either a cat or a human. Everybody's either a cat, a machine, or a human. It's true. Or somewhere in between. That's the worst one. It's just like Alana's Morris said. Isn't it ironic that your cat could be a machine?

It's like a cat. That's also a machine. What are you talking about? Alana Sidney did some serious rewrites It's like if the Grinch didn't want to steal any presents It's like DeVuier From Full House It's like an egg that you never eat

It's like a snack that you don't like It's like a mom will never let you play games It's like a car Isn't it ironic? Isn't it ironic It's like a car with two wheels A man went to his house. He sat down and he died the next day. That is ironic.

A guy tried to cook a meal and he looked in the pan and it was all poop. A guy got so angry, he fell over. He got to the grounds. Yeah. A frog went back to school. To the pond. And he went inside and he ate a bug. A kid went to math class.

And the math teacher said, no class Tuesday. My jacket, I got ink on my jacket. That's true. boys went to school that one day. Yeah. Is that breaking a song where someone talks? No.

And that was not where you're supposed to take out guns. Isn't it ironic? I get to take it this crazy school shot air mass sheet or There was a video camera with an S and they lost all the files. Yeah, there's a guy who tried to make an order at Taco Bell and he had to wait like a whole hour. That's also true. That happened to us on the Friday.

There were two friends. So I tried to type in the talk of the new. There was two friends who loved to watch movies together. And then one night, one of the friends got in a bad accident. Isn't it? There was a, um, there was a fat guy who was really thin. The candy store. It was a fat guy who was really thin.

He said he didn't. All the candy. And then he got thin. Isn't it ironic? The heater made the room cold. Cameron's not good at this. I'm on fire. I'm so good.

I'm on fire. There was Santa Claus, and he was on a motorcycle. And it was awesome. And it was the bat cycle. Batman had. became the joker Batman Isn't that ironic

Batman is Bruce Wayne But You suck it is But Bruce Wayne has no money And he's married To him No you want a Batman

Another guy Who let me just You never got married Oh that's why it's ironic That's why it's ironic Superman Fought Batman And Batman

Got beat up so bad He cried How hard is that That's not even word Can I try another one Yeah, go ahead. The Wi-Fi password was no Wi-Fi. No.

It's like you type in no Wi-Fi. Social Security number is 9-1-2-6-4-3-4-3-4. See, now that's a good one. Okay. A guy tried to wear some clothes. All of the clothes were a million sizes too big for him. There was a rubber and he was an ant. He was an ant.

He was made out of eraser. and he got married to a pencil Isn't it? Adnan Syed killed Heyman Lee in Baltimore and then they made the podcast serial

about him This is so easy This bitch got a fucking Oscar for this Or a Grammy She got a granny for this And she got to date The guy from full house I would kill for a granny

The bathroom has an air freshener But it doesn't work, and it smells really bad. How about this? The toilet smelled so good that I started eating all of my stuff out of the toilet. And drinking my water from the toilet. There was a fat Hawaiian guy on a... And he lived in a cross-country plane, and his name was Israel Kamakalakui, and he died of diabetes. Do you remember him?

Yeah. isn't that the guy that sings Yeah somewhere of the rainbow That's a different song though Israel Kamakalaku Ui Yeah Okay wait can I We're thinking of Canada not Hawaii

Can I do one last one just We got too distracted by this Hawaii stuff Can I just do one last one just Yeah I think I got it this time Okay I don't interrupt Alright

Don't interrupt this one please No just don't interrupt Because I know you guys have interrupted Every single one I've done so far So I went to the music store I bought a CD and I got home, it was a DVD, and then I looked at the DVD closer, and I was able to open it up, and it had pages like a book inside.

What? Because it's like that really happened to you? Are you serious? No, no. I mean, well, kind of. I think it happened to them. No, it didn't happen. It didn't happen.

It wouldn't happen. You all right? All right. Can we end the episode there? Sure. What time are we in? All right. Bye, guys.

I'm really sad now. There was a.