Podcast About List - UNLOCKED Premium #229 - Mr. Toilet Man

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Unfortunately, we have succumbed to this new pandemic ravaging the entire world known as CoVid-19 so today you will be enjoying a nice episode from our premium episodes, of which exist hundreds over at our Patreon page. Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Can you hear the call for the wasted and wounded? Wasted and wounded. Wasted and wounded. restart it all the way. There is just one thing I need an egg. Don't care about the egg. You can't care about the Jesus. Don't care about the Jesus.

I just want the cross for me. I just want an egg right now. Give me one you jumping cow. No, it doesn't work. Okay. Maybe I think Easter is so damn funny. Okay. That's fine.

Well, then you do a better one. Kind of fell off. Yeah, kind of fell off. The first part was the best part. We're just saying an egg. Okay. It doesn't go anywhere from there. I don't want a lot for Easter.

There is just one thing I need. An egg. So, yeah, that's the good part. There we go. Don't care about the Jesus died upon the cross for me. I just want to have candy and bones. And bones. And eggs.

More than you could ever. I just want a basket, please. I just want a basket, please. Make it filled with something sweet. Green. Green. Because there's the grass. Make my wish come true.

Baby, all I want for Easter is food. There we go. Okay. What do you mean getting there? That's a 10 out of 10. We'll have it. Oh, okay. Well, let me, let me ask you this.

What do you do with candy? Eat it. You throw it away. You are being a bitch You have some kind of Jehovah's Witness You are being a goddamn bastard You diabetic Fuck you

You are fat You were fat You eat the candy Fat ass At least we do It's always so mean But it's always What?

Colin Cameron fat It's always It feels so many. He literally is fat. He's 500 pounds. My chair got lowered today. Probably by your weight. Dug into the ground.

What are you weighing now? When we were on tour, I saw the tab, like the back of the Levi's. The Levi-Strauss tab. I don't like that shit. I saw it on the back of Cameron's pants, and it said 64-27. 64-1. You're this big in your... I wear a 32 waist and they always fall down.

Imagine you're on a tape with somebody and they can turn around to go to the bathroom. I sag my pants on a 32 way. I sag my pants just like an ass long. You wear 32? Yeah. And I have to wear a 32. I have to pull my belt all the way fucking in. Could you believe that?

You're probably 30. Probably 30. I'm probably 30. I'm probably a 30 waist. I know I'm not 30. You're probably a 30 waist. Yeah. You're not a part of this 32 crew.

It's very hard to find pants in my waist and leg. Your leg, you are a 32-36. I usually wear 32-34, and the legs are too short and the waist is too big. I wear a 32-32. I'm squeezing my ass into the waist, and then the legs go to my toes. Finding pants for me is so crazy because I'm like a 36. I wear a 36, but I should wear like a 34-35. And then I'm a size 29 length.

So if I get a 30, they're a little bit too long. I just, dude, I just fucking. So I've been going to the, I own one pair of pants every four or five years. I go to the, I go to the, the, you buy pants every week. I buy pants every week. It's crazy. You literally buy more pants in a month than I've bought in my entire life. And I'm not even exaggerating.

I'm literally not even. I'm not true anymore. You just bought new pants like what two weeks ago. Yeah, because I just sold all my other ones. So you literally. You are doing what people do with like cars where they wear, they have a car for like six months. They trade it in for 70% of the value and then get another pair

of car. Or another I guess I'm doing that. I can't believe that your argument for I don't buy pants anymore is I just sold all my pants to buy more pants. You're just to sell it and buy like an Xbox or something. I sold all my pants to buy new pants. That was your

don't tell me you're taking store credit for this shit. No, no, no. I actually know for sure you took store credit. I took store credit for a few and I got new pants from that. But I used to be, I'm not as much into clothing stuff as I was when I was a young boy anymore. Define young boy. I'm 23.

Oh, yeah. You were really into clothing. I was. I was really into all that stuff. And then I was like, what am I doing? Spending 500 bucks a month on clothes. I wasn't even spending 500. It was like, it was probably like close to 200.

I maybe spend $100 on clothing every six months, not a month, not a month. Every like three months probably. Me, maybe even, I don't. I don't buy clothes. I will buy a shirt and a pair of pants every six months. It's like every three months, I'd buy like $200 worth of clothes. I literally, I won't buy. I have to have two pairs of pants in rotation, and once one falls apart, that's when I buy

another one. And I just buy the same pair. I wear the same pair. I have a pair of jeans and a pair of dickies. I buy the same pair of pants, but I buy them in different colors. You know what? You know what it is? Can I tell you something too?

Every once in a while, I go, this isn't right. I should have more than two pairs of pants because sometimes I might need a different type of pants. I'll go out and I'll buy two more pairs of pants. I never wear them. They sit in my dresser forever. I can, and I keep just cycling through the dickies and the black pants. That's what I don't even know what I do. That's what I do. I think that's called growing up. One time I

bought some goddamn blue pants, what the fuck was I thinking, man? Walking around with some blue pants. I look like I work at a fucking aquarium. These pants probably probably like seven days now. Probably going on seven days. never have to wash pants. You can. You can. You shouldn't. It's not wrong. You shouldn't because then the dyes will come out of the pants. That's why they fall apart. And you wash clothes. That's when they start to rip up. It's not because I spread my legs so sulturally when I'm on the computer

playing. Well, you do. Oh, that's not why my pants are ripping. That's what I'm saying. I said, I do that. I do not why it's because I don't have gigantic thunder thighs. I do. I have crazy single pair of pants. That's what brings pants. That's what gets me to wash them is that I see a hole. And I say, let's see if it can take one of wash. Yeah. Wash the hole away.

Well, I just think, let's see if, no, it's the opposite. I think, let's see if I'm done with these pants. They can survive one wash and they're fraying at the groin. Mine always fray in the groin. Yeah, I don't. That's not a problem for me, but the problem for me is. That means you ain't packing nothing. I'm not packing shit.

Yeah. I'm not packing shit. I got nothing. I got nothing down there, dude. My shit's an acorn. Well, it's not the, it's not the wean. It's the balls that create the chew. Oh, the ball.

Buddy. That's two more acorns. Your balls and your dick are the same size? Yeah. All right. Respect. It looks like somebody at a cocktail party was trying to make somebody else laugh

with the cocktail weenies. That's what my... So you're talking little weeners and some tiny nuts. I'm not trying to look at a cocktail party. It's trying to make somebody laugh. You mean Dana Carvey trying to make it you laugh. A master of disguise. Not trying to make me succeeding in making me laugh because that scene is

you know that scene was an accident. Yeah. They didn't even mean to record it. Because it happened on 9-11. Yeah. He just was even, he didn't even know that what he was saying was an innuendo. He was just,

it was literally him offering craft services to one. of the members of the crew during that scene. They brought that from craft services because the people and he said drawn a little winner

and some tiny nose yeah and we can't explain why he talked like that well he was in character he's a very method actor yeah master of disguise

I wouldn't be surprised if he was he was he had to be I mean to play that many different characters yeah I mean to play

let's see that guy Indian pile of cow shit as well the cow pie British I mean yeah these

I mean Turtle Coloss guy those characters come on Turt Pistacio disguised

Yeah, I know Pistachio, this guy sees his name. But the Jaws guy, what's the Robert Shaw? Quint. Robert Shaw. Quint. Did you guys ever watch Man on the Moon? Yeah. Did you ever watch the Jim and Andy? Yeah, we've talked about this before.

Man, I really hate that documentary so much. I think it's awesome as fuck. Jim Carrey is full. Jim Carrey, I hated Jim Carrey so much for a long time. Why, bro? I don't know why. The mask is fucking amazing. Yeah, then I rewatch their, you know what?

it was. There's that gif of him and me, myself, and Irene. And it's him and he's got his gums over both of his teeth. And he's like, he looks like a skeleton. And somebody posted a gift of that. And I looked at that for like two minutes just laughing at it. And I was like, Jim Carrey's funny. What am I like doing? Have you seen fucking yes man? He gets bobble from her granny. Jim Carrey's like good. I've always been a hater. But like for it's because of, I think it's amazing. He's the guy. I think it's a complete jealousy. He killed his girlfriend. Got away with it. In living color.

I think he's crazy now. I think you can admit that he's crazy now. And he's a complete psycho. What? Because he hates Donald Trump? Well, because he doesn't like the vaccine? Do you remember that photo he drew of Trump as Darth Ball?

I think so. It is so incredible. Dude, he's the goat. I hated him for so long. You know what it was? Because I hated Man on the Moon. Man on the Moon is sick. I hate that movie.

I think that movie sucks so bad. It's funny. Bro. I don't want to watch the real Andy Kaufman bullshit. It's all in 4 by 3. I love wide screen. I loved the Andy Kaufman stuff so much that I was like, this isn't even, this isn't even faithful. How's it not faithful?

Such a little girl. How's it not faithful? It's not Andy Kaufman, man. Because they get the Carnegie Hall thing wrong. This is like stuff. This is, this is stuff, this is holdover resentments that I have, holdover gripes that I have from being like 16.

Okay, and you stay by them though. I used to stand by a lot of those. So you need to rewatch Man on the Moon. So you need to watch Man on the Moon and get your head right. No, I still think it's bad. You haven't seen it so long. I've re-watched it. Dude, it has people from the original taxi cast in the fucking movie.

Yeah. Judd Hirsch. DeVito. DeVito. Lloyd. Lloyd. Legend. Lloyd.

Lloyd Christmas. Oh my God. It's all connected. Lloyd Christmas. When you were like 16, you were into Andy Kaufman? Yeah. That makes sense. Well, I was a terrible teenager, dude.

Nobody that we know. If we were in high school, I think you guys would all have a group chat to make fun of me. No. You're overestimating how cool either of us were. Yeah. You think that we were cool guys in high school? You were the cool one. You were skating and watching any coffee.

Smoking damn weed and cigarettes. Smoking cigarettes. I didn't smoke cigarettes for years. And then I did. I was also really into the Smiths and Morrissey I don't think I've ever really talked about how into them

I was this is cool high school I would have thought this was cool as fuck I would have thought this was cool as fuck yeah I also did I like the slip knot I was I liked that stuff I was I was a complete hipsta but I also got down with rap

I was a hipster who liked actually the rap the hipsta rap I like Deltron I delved into it I dived into it because I was listening You got to wash your ass. Yeah.

If you must. The fart side. Mm-hmm. Those are pretty much it. Those are the two fart ones you can do. Yeah. Q-tip and your penis. Nas.

Nas tea. Oz. Oz. A tribe called breast. I listened to a tribe called breast. Uh-huh. I listened to my fart doom. Not MF poop.

My fart. My part, poop is sweet. Danny Brown on white underwear. Yeah, that's good. Emin, Enema. School boy, Queeep.

Damn, that's good as fuck. School boy, Kweef. School boy, Kweefe. Gay cock. Jrock. They couldn't even guess what gay cock.

Jay Rock. I just laughing at he said gay cock. J.M. Gay Electronica. Jay. Gay electronic. Yeah. Jedi, my dicks. Came on.

What's Kaman? Like Cameron. Oh, okay. Came on. Jayda kissing my asshole and my balls. We can keep going. I would like to. Oh, my God.

A Poontang clan. The Poontang clan. Fat lip around a penis. Like fat lip. I don't want it to be so gay. I know we did gay electronica. That's kind of... Fat shit.

It's not really our thing. There's nothing... Brother, buddy, there's nothing less gay than Poontang. Unless you're a girl. That was the coolest you ever looked in your fucking life. That was really badass. When I said that? Yeah.

Nothing less gay than that. and then you gave him like two knuckles of a fish on that was cool that was cool chance the crapper yes dude we're back on it Vince paper toilet paper Vince paper Vince paper Staplein's paper come on man Vince paper paper paper toilet paper paper I stand by paper is probably the cleanest least grossed item there is in the house I have paper to show you in my trash can in my bathroom. Tyler, the poop creator.

Yep. Yep. Okay. Earl, sweet shit. Okay. All right, moving on. Tird sweatshirt. It's right there. So we just got back from Boston.

I wouldn't say it's right there. It's right there. No, it's right there. We just got back from Boston. We just had an amazing, amazing show in Boston. Thank you all so much. everybody who came out to that show. It was so fun.

I hurt myself so bad on that stage. There's a picture of you. You look fucked up, man. I almost, apparently, somebody on the comment for that post, somebody said I almost took out a TV. The TVs are like 12 feet in air. That was a different time. I saw you almost take out that TV.

What did I do? When you jump, no, when you flew into the pole at the end. Oh, yeah. I don't spoil anything about the show. Yeah, so if you're thinking about coming to the show. Oh, I did a, I did a very poor cartwheel. Oh, yeah, you did do a bad cartwheel. I did a very bad cartwheel, but it really almost did take me out.

I didn't realize I could jump so high. Oh, yeah. We were the only two casualties of the show. Yeah, I hit my head. My brain is not recovered yet. I was thinking on the way over here, I was thinking about my shoulder. How pussy we are that we can, we go for like two nights. And I come home and I feel like I want to fucking die.

I'm not. I'm ready. The rolling stones. I'm fully fully. I'm completely hurt locker right now. And they go out and they sleep on floors. No, and they have to make room.

They sleep, but not anymore. They don't sleep on floors anymore. You know what I googled before I came here? What? Actual picture of an atom. Whoa. I don't know. I couldn't tell if it was real or not.

Did you find anything cool? It just, they all look like dots. It all looks like bullshit. If it's just a dot, it probably is real. Dude, Google read me so hard. I typed an actual picture and it auto-completed to oven atom. Wow. I knew exactly the headspace I was.

Would you be surprised if we found out that there was some kind of ESP-level mind-reading going on with telephones where they came out? Because the auto-complete is really, really starting to scary. It's fucking, bro. But it knows me. It's damn, it's psycho-history from Foundation. They basically just map our everything. They know everybody's information so they can just do this. I think there's a, if I passed away.

Jesus. Stop. Stop it right now. You're starting to look like AI. You're starting to look like AI right now, buddy. Wow. The AI looks like, oh, my God. You are looking like a Bing image creator image right now, and I don't even want to.

I'm not a Bing. Impossible because of his whiteness. Bing is black? Yeah, are you saying Bing is the black search engine? What did you say? You guys extrapolated a lot out of that. I didn't extrapolate anything. You know, remember a couple weeks ago when people were putting, like, picture of a World War II Nazi?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They would make it like a black guy. That was really funny. So funny, the other thing, well, you can tell the way that they discovered the whole thing about this is people were typing in, like, make a cartoon with speech bubbles, whatever, and not putting the text. And the, you know, how AI sometimes can't figure out which parts are like, you know, what part. Like, somebody's just say, like, you know, you'll say, like, photorealistic and it'll say it put the word photo realistic into the thing. Like, make a cartoon. And then it would be like, it would show, like, a picture of Homer Simpson, and then it would be a speech bubble. And in the speech bubble would say ethnically ambiguous. They didn't put that in. Like, ambiguous is putting that all in. They're right that Homer Simpson is ethnically. He is.

He could be anything. Do they dive into his... He's also honestly speciesally ambiguous a little bit to me. He looks like a frog. I don't mean this in gay slang, but he looks like a bear. Wasn't it supposed to be revealed? I don't fuck with gay slang, by the way. Why not?

I think that it brings down the English language. Like you're eating right now. You left no crumbs. You're chewing. I left a lot of crumbs when I ate my salmon burger. When you chew it? I sure ain't eating it right now. Bitch.

That's you to a gay guy? That's kind of rude. Yeah, don't call a gay guy, a bitch. He's going to come up to me and say, a guy guy, he's going to come up to me and tell me I'm eating. Yeah. No, I'm not. I'm fucking not.

Are you fucking gay and blonde? You're calling me fat, aren't you? Oh, I'm chewing. You left, oh, I left no crumbs. Yeah, I had to lick the plate. Why? Because I'm a fat, because I'm a fatty. That's why you're saying I ate left no crumbs.

Well, they're mean. No, I'm not mother. You guys are always calling me mother. I'm father. Really? same mother is mothering people call me baby girl all the gay guys yeah yeah because i'm so i don't get i don't get any messages from gay men anymore we got to fix that man no why it's okay there is a few that we're saying show me your armpits yeah i got that guy too

yeah the armpits guy just like one guy i had the guy i think it's one guy just one guy i had the guy who just sent me like hey man love your stuff and then he just sent me a video of him just jizzing on to his belly button. Does that show you guys that? I still haven't. And I was like, my wife was, I was like watching it for like the fourth time or something. My wife was like, what the hell are you watching? I was like, I was explaining to her that I felt flattered.

Yeah, I was like, it's flattering. Like he likes me so much and he gave me this gift. But don't send me any more. I'm realizing this might be sending the wrong message. Right. I'm, I'm all, I've had enough of them. All people only ever send me. You're saying, no, they said it to me. No, no, no.

And somebody sent it to me. Well, I wasn't very, I was a random guy. This is a fan of mine. I was being quite can speak as I was just sitting on the couch. And this was like, I wasn't fucking jacking off to it. No, a guy jacking off on your screen. And she's like, geez, what the hell? He's jacking off on his own belly.

and I thought it was just cool I don't want none of that. Also, here's what I learned about homosexuality in this video. He had his legs like behind his head while he was doing it. Well, I guess he's just showing off.

Well, how else are you going to hit your belly button unless you are just kind of in an uncomfortable? I mean, yeah, aim, but it's not so... Aim bot. I'm on Aim bot. It's not so reliable. I think it's in the belly button every single time.

There's a red square. He's using aim, hey, he's using aim, but comment on an important video. It's too perfect. hits her two eyes up the nostrils. I never have understood. I've never understood the facial.

He's wall hacking. The facial? The facial is gross, man. Why do you want to put that on this poor lady? I think it's, I think you've got to ask, you got to ask somebody who's, you're right, let's ask,

not like us. What is the appeal of getting a facial done onto your face? The appeal of a facial is... It's funny. I guess that's true. That's pretty much it. Yeah, I guess it's true. I know. I think the appeal is that is that is, it's

less about a sexual act and more about imagining if your toilet was conscious. It is like... Because you're just jacking off. I'm not going to blow boogers on a girl's face. Right. Well, you're jacking off and then the... It is boogers. You're shooting the toilet? Well, I'm just giving an example. It could be toilet trash can. I mean, if you're shooting directly into something. You shoot onto the trash can? I wouldn't shoot onto the trash can. No.

That'd be official for the trash can. You shoot on the lid? I wouldn't shoot into, but I'm saying this is the appeal of it is that you're standing there jacking off and you're shooting into something. You know what I mean? So you think like, damn, I've shot in the toilet before. I just fuck my toilet. And now I'm shitting. Or no, no, it's not even that. It's just I'm jacking off

and my toilet is here. Have we talked about... Yeah, we've talked about this before. I feel like I've made the same joke as the one I'm about to make. But go ahead. Do you remember look who's talking to when the toilet has the...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, chill, chill, chill, yo, yo, yo, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I can't believe that shit. Jesus Christ. The scene where the toilet. I can't believe that, shit yeah oh what the fuck did you just say man

get away this is mine the toilet scene the scene with the toilet that's not cool man that's a baby movie please pull this up please pull up do not pull this up boy do not do not do not do not do that shit look who's talking to

look who's talking to toilet scene don't beep anymore don't beep you saying that okay there it is that one imagine you want to shoot into that thing's mouth no but imagine

okay so the way that this scene plays out the way this one not this one that's a fucking baby bro I need that peepee what the toilet man eating your pee what are you watching on you have you ever seen this movie no I watch this type of movie man I watch adult movie I like to be

normal it's a toilet played by Mel Brooks who is scary to the child. Why is he scary to the child? The kid thinks he's going to eat. He thinks he's saying, what if I could be the toilet? No, imagine This is jacking off in the room that this is happening? Imagine, no. Okay. So the way that this scene plays out in the movie is he goes

to the bathroom, he pees, and then Okay. Okay. I'm done. All right. I'm done. I'll put my hands in the air. No, it's not even worth it. Beep. It's not even worth it. It's not even worth it, but imagine being a grown man and this toilet yells at you for jizzing in hit. And it's all adults. Right.

Well, yeah, you don't even need to specify that. And it's this. What are you talking about? Why do you feel the need to specify? Of course, if you're jacking off, it's all adults. I hated this thing. This was the scariest thing in the world to me when I was six years old. For sure.

I watched this movie on the VCR in the car. Yeah, of course. I'm scared of a Jewish toilet. toilet. It has fangs. I would be scared of a Jewish toilet because I would not want to. Oh, you didn't say that, but it's clear. I was saying Mel Brooks. I was saying Mel Brooks. No, not the fangs. The fangs are not thing. Move the thing. Move the things. I can see the fangs. No. Would you rather? There are no things. Would you rather shit in a Jewish toilet or a different toilet? A different toilet. Okay. Well, actually, both equally. Yeah, I was going to say.

What do you mean a normal? Like a normal? Different. What do you mean by different? What do you mean by normal. I hate this. I'm so bad at this. Oh, fuck. Okay. So there's a Jewish toilet. When you say Jewish toilet.

So there's a Jewish toilet. There's a Jewish toilet. You mean like it's been blessed? I don't know what I mean. Do they bless it? No, it looks like this. It looks like this one from the movie. Or one that also looks exactly like this, but is not Jewish.

Yeah. So there's two toilets in a room One of them It looks like this and is Jewish And the other one looks exactly the same And it's not So boat two demon toilets I would just not go to the bathroom

I would hold it in I would shit my pants I'd use the shower Yeah You'd go poop in the shower No I'd pee Well you have to go poop Oh I have to poop

Yeah you gotta put Yeah I'm still gonna use the shower But if it's like You know I would turn the tub I would hover I would hover Like some people You know some people do that

At like public restroom The tongue's coming up, man. I'm not going to lie to you. The tongue's coming up and it's licking. It can wipe. It's not for wiping, how's that different than a bidet? How's that different than a bidet? It's not that different from the day.

Because you've got to see how the... I don't want to watch the scene. No, because you got to see how the toilet acts for this to be an accurate. Let me guess. It opens, it closes its lid like a mouth. Yeah. Am I right? And does it talk?

But there's a lot of other moving parts on this toilet. Does it walk or can it chase? Does the flusher wiggle? around when it talks? No. You're supposed to give me some peepy. Where's that peepee?

We're talking about peepie here. It squirts. It's squirts when it speaks. I got it with you. You better give me that baby. That's a cool ass puppet. It's a pretty cool puppet. Yes.

Yes. Mr. Toilet. The old silent movie. Mr. Toilet, man. So that's how that toilet, you walk into a bathroom, there's two toilets talking to you like that. What was another thing that scared you in a movie when you were a kid?

You remember that movie, the Disney Channel original movie called Like Alone in the Dark or something? I don't know what it was called, but we were talking about this the other day. It was a, it's like a movie about like imaginary friends, the Disney original channel movie. It was one of the scariest ones.

It's about friends. Oh, the imaginary friend, he turns evil. in the movie and then that was that well that was meant to be scary are you talking about things that aren't meant to be scary I guess children's properties that weren't meant to be scary but they were I was scared well I definitely said this a million times before I was scared

of the egg stealer from dragon tails yeah oh shit that's the only one I can think of that I was really truly deeply scared of that was not supposed to be scary the wolf puppet from Sesame Street that one was scary the big bad wolf the purple wolf That one scared of the shit out of me. In between the lions.

Oh, yeah. Basically every single lot. Cliff Hanger. Every lion. Yeah. I was scared of in that show. Oh, I remember Cliff Hanger. Mm-hmm.

Remember? Cliff. That's why they call Hanger, legend. Wait, what was Cliff Hanger? That's why they call them Cliff Hanger. Well, you didn't watch it because you were too afraid to watch between the lions. Wait, I'm having a recollection. This is a, this is a thing that, like a segment in the show, right?

Where they would cut to an... Very good so far. And it was a cartoon. No. It was a cartoon. I thought it was a puppet still. No. It was a cartoon?

I remember better than you. Well, you don't remember. You didn't remember it first. Well, just because I... So continue. He's like a hiker or something? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You've pretty much nailed it. And he says stuff, like facts. That have cliff hangers. Oh, okay. Because it's a book-based show. Oh, and he's telling a story in it. And that's why they call him cliffhanger. Because it's a based on a book-based show.

I would think that they call him cliffhanger because he's hanging off a cliff by one arm. Well, it's kind of both, yeah. Both of. He's doing both. I wish I would bring back these puppet shows, man. I, it's so much, remember they fucking made Dark Crystal Age of something, age of whatever. Darkness. Age of Darkness.

That's not it. Whatever it was, but that Dark Crystal show was so fucking sick. It just costs a million dollars to make puppets. That was like five years ago or six years ago? Yeah. I remember that came out. That shit was so dope. I think I'll watch this.

Wait, I'm a grown man. I'll fucking watch this. I saw that and then I went to. Aquafina as a Skexis. They did. Really? She was like, Yo, what the fuck is up?

What the fuck is up with all these girlfriends? Yo, yo, yo. I actually don't know if she sounded like that. Did she? Did she rap? Yo, let's get some motherfucking podlings in here. Let's fucking drain there. I'm a test of essence, yo.

Is this how she sounded? This is how she sounded in the show. They made her play a skex. Damn. He said, damn. Thank you, cuss. A gilflin. That was my favorite.

You know, it's speaking of shit that scared the shit out of me as a kid, the first scene in that movie where the emperor dies and his whole face crumbles. That shit was, as an adult, I recognize how fucking cool that is as a kid. I'd shut the movie up. Remember that YouTube video that was called like Most Fucked Up Children's Claimation ever? Mark Twain. Mark Twain Adventures thing. And they talked to the devil.

They talked to Satan. And then I watched that And then my nana had that on like VHS We watched the whole thing And it was even scarier with the whole movie Yeah Movies fucking scary I hate the devil

Yeah Is Mark Twain the devil in that? No but they hang out with the devil Why did he ever write something about the devil Probably not No Probably not But he's a humorous

Nobody really knows Nobody's gotten through any of his books He's a humorist So they work with the devil Mark Twain Bye bye Bye Here's your

Hey Mark Twain You're your real name Bitch Welcome to the barbecue What are you shy Mm-hmm What was his real name? Lay off the N-word

His real Lay off it His real name was Roger Clemens Something Clemens Samuel Samuel Clemens I wanted to see

If I could convince him into thinking that was true I'm the sports master You can't convince me That's true I know every sport His name was

Wayland Jennings that's music damn it because I'm also the music master you're not the music master name one song and I'll sing it

pop goes a weasel the words the words the words the words come on lyrics everyone knows

everyone knows the tune round and round the mulberry bush the monkey chase the weasel I was going to say he was almost the music master there but no you failed

lyrics lyrics is the main part of music lyrics are the main part you like lyrics I like lyrics more than the melody. I like the melody better. I like the lyrics the best. I'm on record as liking the melody.

I don't even have a Spotify account. I just write all the lyrics down on my notes up and scroll through them when I'm on the bus. Wouldn't it be good? You don't even remember any of the melodies. I don't know the melody. I just read them like it's a book. That's weird, man.

That is weird. I'm lying. Oh. Interesting. That adds an interesting flavor to you. So you're also a liar and you do this? I don't get it. I don't do it.

Oh, but now I know you're a liar, so maybe you do. Holy fuck. The mind games continue on Fatality. I want to talk about Pepper Man. Pepper, oh my God.

Speaking of the music and lyrics. Yeah. They reminded me of Pepper Man. Let me pull up this one. Let's set the scene. We were,

it was our first night of Boston. We were very tired. And we stayed up all day and we drank. We stayed up all day. Really, we didn't stay up that late.

Stayed up all day. We had to wake up early. And we stayed up all day. We stayed up barely into the night And we drank all day And all night that we were awake And then we went to New York pizza In Beautiful Boston

In beautiful Boston An old haunt of ours Where we used to get giant pizza And I think you can take it from here I don't know that I can I don't remember I mean I remember the song I don't really remember much about what led to it

So what led to it Okay I remember very vividly I was peppered out So no you had no pepper was the problem. I didn't want any pepper. You had no pepper. I was...

I had pepper on my pizza. We're talking about red pepper. Red pepper flakes. You had no pepper. I had no pepper. I had red pepper on my pizza. And there was someone, I didn't want pepper. But there was a man, there was a man in the restaurant.

I don't want to clear the air about that. Okay, somebody else wanted the pepper. But there was a man in the restaurant who was sitting at a table that had all the and he was wearing a plaid. That's most of what I remember about him. And Cameron said, I'm going to invent a song about him. Did I say that?

No, you didn't say you were going to invent a song about him, but you started going, Peppa, man, Peppa, man. And then... And by the way, he could not say more than two Peppa Man. Why don't we just falling to... Why don't we just hear? He's going, Pep Man, Pep Man, Pep Man.

Why don't we just hear what... Well, I had the genius idea. It's funny, man. I had the genius idea to... I was the drunkenest I've been for in a year. Pepper Man. I had the genius idea here. was peppermann to uh i pulled out my phone i pulled out garage band and he went rick rubin i went

rick reuben i held my phone up to cameron i said let it fly and here's what we got Is there autotitude on that? There is autotune, but it also might loop. Yeah, I don't think I did it this many times, but then you had a great. Sawman, Saul, Man, Saul, Man, Salman, Saul, Man, Salman, Salman, Salman, Salman, Salman, Salman, Salman, Salman, Salman. Sorry, sorry, sorry. So that was, that was all cabman, salt man, salt man, salt man, salt man, salt man, salt man, paprika man, sugar man, sugar man, sugar man, sugar man, sugar man. And Cameron was so drunk that he, the guy left before he could show him the song.

Cameron ran outside and pointed out and he said, hey, Pepperman. He said Pepperman and he waved to me. He didn't even see me. I walked outside. I just in his direction. There are other people over there. I yelled, Pepperman. He turned. Nobody else turned. Yeah. He turned around. Well, this was us thinking we had the, the cone of silence. Exactly. From what that's from. Right. And we were, this happens with drunkenness. Yeah. Where you get drunk and then somebody's right behind you and you start talking shit. about them or saying something about that. I liked him. I don't think you liked him. You made a song about him about how he had pepper. How did I not like him? I would if that, if I was in public and somebody made a song about me and they could not stop laughing about me and saying a nickname that they gave me, I would feel a little insulted. And obviously this guy heard you saying Pep Man, Pep Man, Pep Man, Pep, and every single person individually saying, who's Pepper Man?

And you're like, that guy. So he knew. Of course he He knew he was Pepperman. And then you came back in and you acted like it was a miracle. He went to me. You were acting like it was a crazy instance. He's always been Pepper Man. He wasn't even me. He knows he's Pepper Man.

He did not know he was Pepper Man. I would not turn around if someone yelled Pepper Man. That's because nobody made a song about you being Pepper Man. Because I'm not Pepper Man. He was maybe 10 feet away. No. He was so close to us in the restaurant. No, that was about in the restaurant.

He was maybe 10 feet away. He was like, he was like from us to probably. I don't think, I did not, I know I did not point at him and say that guy. And maybe he would, he would, maybe there's a chance he understood that the song is about him. But if, if I was sitting and I had pepper on my table, well, I wouldn't make the mental leap that someone's like, Pepper Man over and over and laughing. They were just making a song. If you're out there was pointing.

And you know. There was no pointing by it. Pepper Man, I don't point. We want you to know. Other people might have pointed. You are the, you are the greatest person in the restaurant. I don't know Pepper Man. Because I don't know anything.

about you, man. All I know is that you took all the fucking pepper. You might be a piece of shit. You could be a piece of shit. You're sitting alone. I'm not going to, I'm learning from other people's at the stage. What was it?

Like 10.15? It was about. And you're going to go to 45, 1015. Yeah. Yeah. On a Monday. So now we're saying he's a loser. I don't think he's a loser.

I think he's a loser. I think he's a good guy. You made a song about him. I didn't make the song. Songs are made about heroes. This was supposed to be a ball. I didn't make the song. So first of all, you say I'm making fun of him.

You did make the song. And now you're saying that it's supposed to be a ballad. You did make the song. You can't keep your story straight, man. He made the song. I was just feeling it. I didn't make the song. I just helped with production.

I was just singing Peppaman to myself. You're the one who said, let's make a song out of it. And then due to your basically slaving kind of production style where I felt like I was being driven and pushed beyond my boundaries. I had to come out with stuff crap like paprika man. That doesn't even make sense. I did like Salt Man.

Salt Man's good. Saltman, Saltman, Saltman. Saltman was good. I like Saltman. Salman. That could be... Salman and Salman could be and just for... It's Peppa man. Peppa man. Not Pepperman, Pepperman. Pep man. Is that even really Peppa? It's Pep, man, Pep, man. It's honestly, Pep, man. Pep, man. It is Pep, man. It is Pep, man. It is still making me laugh. I think that you should start doing like a shot of flow series. That could be on the radio. That what you played, this is a style that could be new.

Why did you... I'm curious. So now I'd like to switch my attention to the producer. When you were making, crafting the soundscape of Pep Man,

why did you choose to go rock when the lyrics were so clearly hip-hop influence? Because think about it. Think about it. And Auto-Termann.

Pepperman has pepper. Pepper goes on pizza. Uh-huh. Pepper flakes go on pizza. Right. So is pepperoni. So it's cheese and sauce. What do you think?

Crust. So pepper is hot and spicy. Can I get pizza with the crust on it? Sorry. Rock explanation. I was trying to bridge the gap between rock and rap. And did you find it? Because I wasn't paying attention.

You want me to play it again? Oh. Actually, my phone's about to die. So you just decided to... Wait, what did that have to do with pizza? Why were you talking about pizza? Because pepper is spicy like rock, but cheese is smooth and bubbly. Like hip hop

It's smooth and bubbly And Pepper spicy There's a noise He heard the wind Ignore the noise It's just wind It's rattling the

Oh because I opened the window Earlier No it's just the No it's just the rolling thing Oh all right It's the wind Well anyway It's because

It's because of pizza Is why you made it like that? It was because of pizza Oh okay See I would have done I would have done an old And so let's now, I mean, I can change the beat whenever I still have the vocals. Creatives.

So let's listen to what a fan has to say. Yeah. I mean, what makes Peppa Man so important to you? So the experience I had a Peppa Man, a Petman was I was talking to Noah and I was chopping it up with him and I just heard maybe 40 times Petman, Pet Man, Pet Man, Penman. And I decided, I'm not going to interrupt this conversation, just turn around and see what's going on. But by the time I heard it like the 41st time and then just last. laughter from you, wheezing laughter.

I was like, I'm going to turn around and see what this is about. And then I got the whole story. But I will say by the time that I got the story, peb man, he had no pep. He had put the pep back. No way. By the time I heard the story. He put all the pepper back. Yeah.

So he really just had the pepper for like maybe 90 seconds. He really didn't. He wasn't really pepper. He was just a guy who put pepper on his pizza. And then put the pepper. Two things of pepper. He took all the pepper. And it was longer than 90 seconds.

He had all the pepper. Well, by the time I looked at him, he had no pepper. And he was just trying to go asking to use it. I took it. I'm not, listen. But I didn't ask. I have no problem with the pepper man. It wasn't even about him, man.

I just was tickled by the phrase. It truly was about. You chased him down the street. It was about him and you told him he inspired pet. Well, you can tell somebody that somebody, something is inspired by them. But it, no, see, I, I'm glad. It was far away. We have done that kind of thing so many times that I think if that ever happened to me,

I would know instantly that I was being targeted in a cruel way. Like I love my birthday guy. Yeah. If I love my, if someone did that to me. No, I mean, I also, I have a great, I think I have a great radar for that type of thing. People make fun of me. Yeah. Are you looking like that?

It's like the ugliest you've ever looked right now. You said that he looked the coolest he's ever. ever looked at now you're saying he's had a big swing people are ugly i mean ugly people are cool oh yeah like uh casey nice stat yeah yeah i had someone tell me they thought he was handsome the other day who don't know what he looks like well not the other day this was probably six months ago it really stuck with me yeah he looks like if a cactus crazy person the cactus had a wish to become a person he has something oh wow you never seen he has the facial shape of the his ears look like the cactus arms uh-huh and then his head looks completely like a cactus

Salaro. Hair is spiky. Salaro. And then his hair is spiky. Beautiful flower. Mm. Oh, wait. That's the hair.

Huh? It has a flower. Yeah, but it is a cactus. Cactus flower. Yeah, I know. It has a flower. No, that's Casey. It's a beautiful flower.

I said it has a beautiful flower. They said it is. And that's a baby. That's a baby on the screen, too. What is he doing as a baby? Do you think, be grown. Be grown.

You need to stop asking who we go to look up pictures of babies. I'm not saying to look up because you think. This is the second time. You're telling me that that's a 43-year-old, Casey. No, man. That doesn't even look like a 43-year-old. What are you fucking talking about, man? He's a liar.

We had a great gym session today. We did. Yeah, I took it out of me. Yeah. It's kind of taken the wind out of my sales. It's an amazing. Normally we go weights. Today we went circuit training.

You know what I did? Speaking of. You listened to Lex Friedman while we were doing the kettle of? No, no, no, no, no. When I was doing me, we were doing the bag run. Okay. Right? So we do the bag run all day today.

So if you don't know what a bag run is, we did it for about eight minutes. You put a bag on your shoulder and you embarrass yourself to the ultimate extent in the gym. You run around the gym with a bag on your back. We were truly the villains of the gym today. Oh, yeah. Everyone gets a turn. Every, I was talking about that. No, you know what somebody, some people go crazy on feeling the gym bills.

Some people are really like being the devils of the gym. One of the cool guys of the gym. One of the cool guys of the gym pointed at us while we were doing the workouts. What's, you were, you were already run, you, what did he say? You already ran away. And he said, I want to be doing what these guys are doing. This is real work. Okay.

For real? Wait, was it the, we got made fun of us. We did. What do you mean? It happened today. Somebody made fun of us because we were running with a bag up and down. Isn't that crossfit though? Yeah, that's not like a crossfit gym.

People are there to be doing like some of these things. Yeah. Well, that's, yeah, I guess. And so we were there up in the sauna. Jacking off two guys in the sauna. Yeah. This style. But,

on your hand. Oh, yeah. The clean. Hot menthol. Hot, hot steam going into your peehole. Yep. filling you up

and then menthol on the outside. Going through your circulatory system, menthol to stimulate blood flow through your member. Yes. Menthal would stimulate blood through a flu your member. Would it not? It would. And that's on period.

You just ate and you left no grounds. I know when I'm being made fun of it. You're eating a donut and you're chewing it. Wait, he's right. He does have a good radar. So the guy said we were doing real work? Yeah. Damn, that's rough.

Was it the cool old guy with the giant arms? No, it wasn't the cool old guy. Oh, I don't care. Was the guy with the turtleback? It was a young guy. It wasn't turtle back. I thought he said an old guy. Oh, was it the tall black guy?

Oh, was it the tall black guy? No. It was one of his friends. Oh, damn. Was it, was it? I like that guy. I want him to think I'm cool. It was not friar tuck.

Shit. Friar tuck likes me. There's a crew at our gym who, it's like 25 people who all know each other. Yeah. Every time they see each other, they're like, what's up, dude? How's the workout going? And I just want that sometimes we'll be in there, we'll be the only people who are not in the crew.

Yeah, it is crazy. And you don't understand how fucking painful that is. You left out. To feel like I'm a fucking, I'm an intruder. You know, it makes me feel good when I go. I know they always go at 10 a.m. I've necessarily noticed. That's always when they all roll in.

Yeah. And it makes me, I love going there before they get there. And then when they're there, I'm already there. Just waking up. Well, the early bird is here once more. One time I heard them talking. That could be your nickname. In the gym.

No, this is gossip. And I'm not going to gossip. Come on, gossip. I'm not going to. They engage in locker room talk. They do engage in locker room talk. They talk about girls in the gym. They talk about girls who are in the gym.

And I'm saying, I'm like, what the? I don't even see girls. I'm in the gym. So they can't see me. Why? It's crazy to go to the gym and then just go into the locker room and start talking about all the girls. They're four feet away.

What are you doing? There was one of them, one of them got caught, one of them got caught cheating. And then he said, I think I just have to break it off with this girl because I do care about her. And I'm not going to stop what I do. That's like, whoa. That's massive.

That's crazy. But the bag run, okay, so the bag run, right? Earlier today, we're running around the gym with the bag on her back, right? I get home. It was so cool. I get home. And I remember, oh, shit.

I got to drop the laundry off. The washing full. And can I tell Oh my god Wait You're not gonna fucking believe right now Something insane Is that we

I also had a realization On the way to this office I was pulling this giant suitcase Full of T-shirts That you can buy out World's Biggest Army And podcast about list live shows And you know what I thought to myself

What I'm fucking doing this sled again man Wow I'm walking fast Our workouts today They carried out Both of our workouts Carried off They became real life

They became real Holy crap And I had a Bowling bowl delivered that I had to break in by throwing it on the ground 25 times in a row and I was like damn that's like that ball throw that we do and I had to climb a ladder and I had to climb a hundred feet up a ladder yeah to get to my next thing which is a was a big yo-yo that I was swinging between my legs kettlebell style yeah wow look at how the gym correlates to your real life

it's really incredible it is truly you know what that's called that's called real life usability Real-life usability. It's called practical strength. No, it's a term that we're going to coin today. R-LU? RLU of this is off the chart. Oh, yeah. I mean,

because this is literally, I do think about this all this is. You point at the RLU. For example, the RLU of the shoulder press, the one with the bars. Yeah. That is escaping from a stopped roller coaster. Yep. That's true.

That is the RLU. He does the tricep pushdown that is carrying a rickshaw. Wheelbarrow. You said one time that me doing the, seated dips is an ancestral memory. It is. As accessing. Pulling out a cart of potatoes.

Yeah. Speaking of. I also said that I also said that it was a new and Times Square in the 1700s pulling a rich person on a rickshaw. Speaking of my ancestors, we were at this bar after the show. It was like an Irish bar. The bartender was his Irish man named Harry. He saw that my last name was Doran and said like, oh, go look at the wall over there.

So I go and look at the wall, and he says there, he said, you're gullible as fuck. No, no. He said, go look at the wall. And there's a picture of like an old man playing a pipe. And it said Johnny Doran, world's, world's biggest army. World's biggest piper. World's biggest piper. Wait, respect.

You had a big piper in your family? Then I get back to the bar and I was talking to him about. Which one of your cousins has the biggest rod? I think I have a sneaking suspicion. it's my cousin Jacob. Okay. I think he's got a big rod. But then I get back to the bar

and I'm talking to him and I'm like oh so like he was like yeah like a shit ton of like famous Irish musicians have the last name Doran. I've met a million Dorans over in Ireland

and well they're all and he said the G word. Gay? No. Romani. Oh. He said the G word. He said there. Can he say gay anymore?

You say Romani? Yeah, you got to say Romani. But he said most of the Dorans over there are Romani's, but they're the best at playing Irish music. Wait, you're, you're Romanian? No, Gypsy. He called them, he said they're all gypsies. Do you have?

So I come from apparently a long line of Irish travelers. Whoa. It's crazy. I'm going to go over there and I'm going to be welcomed. I think it's a very common name. Yeah. Is it? I've not met when I was in Ireland, so that was, it was one of the ones I would see.

Oh. I didn't know that. Well, apparently, yeah, because they're, I mean, I mean, there's all, there's only like, you know, because they're travelers. They're travelers. They're traveling all over the damn island. I guess.

Well, that's the polite word. Apparently, there's a big Irish traveler community in South Carolina. Tom was saying this. There's a big community of Irish travelers in South Carolina that all have paving businesses. They do shoddy work. Why do you keep saying travelers? Because it's the polite word.

It's the PC. The word for Irish Traveler? That's what they call them. Yeah. Really? That's their word for G. It's kind of cool. It's a good man.

It's way cooler. It's very cool. I'm not even going to say G anymore because I know Traveler now. I've been dropping it day in day out. I'm done saying G. That's if you listen to any old, like, old, like I've been listening to a lot of Leonard Cohen. He's dropping that G word all the time. Is that a bad one?

I think it's a bad one. It's not that bad, right? I think it's one of the ones that can be bad. It is bad in the context. I don't know, you know, I don't... I don't know any G's. I don't either. We can't even say that, actually.

It's probably bad. That makes it bad to say. We say it like that it's worse. So I think that I will just say travelers now. Romani. Well, it's Romani is the one word. Now I've got to learn two words. I give up.

I'm saying it again. It's too hard now. When Leonard Cohen's just thrown that word in pretty much every single song. What's the next word to go? because G went in my lifetime. G went white. That's actually possible.

What will we be saying instead of white? Pale. Honky. Pale honkies? Yeah. I'm a pale honky. Cracker already went. Cracker went.

I can't say that anymore. Can't say that anymore. Yeah. Can't say Cracker anymore. Mm-hmm. But you can still say white. So that's interesting. Even though white, even though we're not white.

I'm pink. You're completely red. I'm a red hawk. The red on your microphone is bouncing off of your face. So I'm not white. It is interesting. I think we have accidentally every, like the shades of our face match with our microphone covers. You think I'm fucking orange?

Yeah. Come on. You are, you are most orange of all of us. I'm not orange. I'm not orange. But you're not. Come on. You have orange undertones to your skin.

Yeah. He's pink and I'm red. I'm completely a pink. It's also a little. but our personalities. Yeah. Pinko, liberal. You are orange.

And I'm red hot. Like drumpf. I like drumpf. You like drumpf. I'm number one drunk fan. Whoa. Really? Did I just say that on podcast?

Bro, you're not supposed to say that on the air. The election is coming up, man. I'm not registered to vote. I'm registered in North Carolina. I'm registered in New Hampshire. I let my registration lap so I can't get jury due. that's smart dude you're a genius

what the fuck am I going to vote for yeah what do I care I don't let my wife vote yeah I'll let her double up yeah vote for me

in New York they don't even use ID so who gives a fuck I worked at the polls the one year that they did the when they introduced

the ID thing in North Carolina that is like that was a full hell job I think being just like yelled at the entire time and I was being called

people are saying I was racist because I was asking for ID and I let like probably 25 people vote without ID. Wow. Yeah. You're a true.

You're not a patriot. If someone was like seriously I need ID and my boss wasn't there I'd be like, nah, you're fine. Yeah, it's the same as yeah. I mean, it's the same as any job. Yeah. Fuck it, man.

Fuck all that, dude. And as soon as you start, as the grocery store. Exactly. Take it, man. I don't give a fuck. The second. Who do you think I am?

Yeah. I'm folding. Who do you think I am? The employee? No. I probably got Trump, You think I am Trader Joe. No, hell no.

I'm Trader Joe in the back room. I'm Mr. Camper. And you better respect me. I ain't ever traded once in my life. I'm Mr. Cameron. King of the produce session. Oh, you must think I'm Mr. Shaws. I don't give a fuck.

You think I'm stop and this is shop. Mr. Shaz is my box. No, no, no, no. Do I look like my name is Market Basket? You must think I'm so. My name is Mark Basque. It's close. It's close.

If you think my name is Market Basket, you're pretty close. You're close. But you're wrong. One syllable off on both counts. It's a little bit confusing. You must think I'm Cameron Vaughn's store. No, CBS.

Or Vons. What is C. Oh, you know, CBS is consumer value service. Cal values. That's what they put on their posters, but I don't think that's what the store stands for. It's consumer value store. To me, it sense for crap, very long lines and a freaking one. The CVS your seat is so fucking bad.

I used to be CVS ride or die, and now I'm righted forever. I've always been a long dream. If I have Rite Aid where I was there was a Walgreens right next to my house in Londonderry. I only went to CVS. Not right next to it. Right aid is beast. I don't like Walgreens. Walgreens is too is a full of itself.

You know what? You know what I will say? CVS. Perfect. CVS, you have a very good Korean style beef jerky. CBS has gone downhill with the locks. They're going to go out of control with the locks. They put a lock on more than any other of them.

They put a lock on everything. Literally there's not a single thing in the store that's not locked. I sit there and I press the button. You about to make me blow this shit up. Yeah, real shit. I got to get to my fucking, I got to get to my every man, Jack, you know, somehow. Man, I sandalwoods, I did walk out of a stick

of dynamite like Yosemite Sam. Yep, roll it under the lock. I bet they'd lock that up too. And then I go, I look, I try and find someone to unlock it for me. I look for the employees. What are they doing? They're talking to each other.

You're on the clock. And they got mad at me at CVS. The guy at CBS got mad at me a couple weeks. go because I let my dog sniff all the food in the food aisle. It's wrapped up, man. That's what I said. And he was like, I've had a thousand complaints about you, this dog smelling the food. I was like, you're a thousand. Yeah. I was like, it's all in a

package. You bring your dog in there often? Yeah. The smell. I don't even, this was every once in a while. A thousand complaints. Every once in a while we walk through the food aisle and yeah, he'll smell a bag of chips. But the food aisles right next to the dog aisle. And I'm trying to let him pick out his own toy. So it really pissed me off.

But he immediately won. I haven't brought the dog in. sense you should have like a cardboard cut out of your dog right and like I think this guy just doesn't like dogs walk it in right and then put it there like make it look like he's sniffing stuff then when he comes over to yell at you'd be like ha and then it re-contextualized dog there was another time when I was checking out at CVS and I had the dog and the cashier said oh what a sweet dog and I was like yeah he's all right and she said you know a lot of people bring their dogs in and let the dogs do stuff that they shouldn't be doing damn and she didn't tell me what that was yeah she just left

Maybe that it was peeing or pooping you would think. Yeah, I thought it was taking a shit and vomiting. Yeah. And then I find out that it's just walking to the throw in shade at you too. No dog in the food on. Here's what I have to say about CVS. I mean, CVS, the lines are so damn long. I mean, I look at this line.

I'm like, this is so long. What is this? A receipt for CVS? What is the line the receipt? Hit the, hit the zombie. No. No. Hit the what?

Zombination. Say it again and hit the, this? What is this one? That one is a, nothing button. It keeps perfectly lining up with you starting something. I thought you're going to hit the Kern Crafts zombie. The what?

It just ruined everything. Okay, it's coming back. There we go. He turned off all the audio. I faded everything out. I'll do it again. One second. No, don't do it.

So don't even. Come on. Think about pressing. It fades us back in. Yeah, when we talk about us, It's back in. That's terrible. Why is that even on the fucking thing, man?

That's actually, that's good for... Came with that? With this. These two came with the thing. I didn't set them up. You just kept them on there. Now I'm watching you with touches, like them watching the button to shit. It's been a while since we got some good beeps.

I'm glad. I'm glad we've returned to the... You're glad for what? I'm glad we were... I'm glad we were... I'm glad. I'm, I'm, yeah, didn't fall for it this time, you bastard. Piece of shit.

Fuck you, motherfucker. I think the funniest thing is when a word slips after the sensor. I know. It is always so funny. It is always so funny. I was, the sensor beep is so funny. is so much funnier than a swear. It truly is.

Yeah. I get why they were doing that on YouTube back in the day when people were censoring themselves. If you watch old YouTube videos, the beep that they were doing was way too high. Yeah. You need a deep beep. It's this one.

You don't need that really high beat. Yeah, see, that's good. That's a good beep. It is a little too long. People might not like that. Yeah, nobody would really think that was funny. or listen to it or listen to it probably just get a huge drop off or tension

great if we just beat the last two minutes of the episode So it's just a beep into the fade out So it's a beep that fades away It would fade away beep It would fade out Wait can I try Okay can I just do one thing

Can I do one thing You don't have to listen to this Okay so imagine it's just Well actually It doesn't First of all this but if you're going If you're going to ruin the audio, let us do the plugs first. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

Because you know, you just stop listening right now. Actually, keep listening. The beep doesn't adhere to the fade away. Roski's. Guys, tonight is tonight is Minneapolis the day this comes out, but it's sold out. So don't even show up, even if you have a ticket. Just kidding. It's going to be great.

I hope everyone has. a fun time and someone can bring me dinner for the show. Just kidding. Literally don't. I said that as a joke. I realize someone's going to do that. Actually, don't do you. Bring him a juicy lucy. Do not bring me any food. Juicy Doocy. Tell us what the best juicy-ducey-dice is, though. Please, God. I want to try a ducy.

They have doces there. Ducy-ducy. It's a hamburger with cheese in it. In the burger. And then on Monday. Tuesday, we are in Shy City. Chicago with World's Biggest Army doing a sketch show, guys. It's going to be incredibly fun and awesome. I'm really excited. excited for this one. We will be

I'm hoping the craziest one. Telling some shirts too, you got to buy a ticket. It will be fun and it's the day after April Fool so you don't have to worry about getting tricked. We won't trick you. There's no tricks. You sucked in my burp that I did over there. I blew it away. And then the day after that on Wednesday night is Detroit. That's a podcast show.

Detroiters. You should come through. That will be very fun and exciting. We're going to do that. We're basically going to show, play right and direct entire new movie. And then after that? After that is Toronto. Toronto. Very excited for... The six, which I learned, is called that.

I want everybody to send us all the basically interesting facts. Well, here's an interesting fact about Toronto. It's called that because it used to consist of six towns. Is that true? It was six towns and then it became one city. Is that why the name is six letters long? Yeah. Seven letters long.

It's eight letters long. Tonto. That is... Tonto war. You can't say. Tonto? You can't say Tonto? I don't think so.

Why not? It just doesn't seem like you should be able to be able to. Pretty sure that's a bad. Is that a bad word? Is that a bad word? I'm pretty sure that's a slur for Native Americans. It's not a slur, but it's like... It's just a character.

Yeah, it's a character. I think it is used as a slur. Well, it's one of those slurs that is based on a other thing. I think you're going to say offensive. It's a slur. It's based on another thing. Yeah, like Einstein. It's so bad.

Einstein isn't offensive to smarties. It's offensive to smart ease. Oh, they had Johnny Depp as Tonto. Yeah, I remember this. Lone Ranger. Wow. He looks... I'm going to be honest.

He looks like he probably body. I know, but then it's Toronto. April 14th, New York. Very exciting. That one will not be one to miss, unlike the other ones, which will be ones to miss. Then it's Carborough, Atlanta, Philadelphia, guys.

Philadelphia pre-sale is sold out. There will be tickets at the door, so come to the show and come early, and you'll probably get in. And I'm influencing your mind right now. And basically, yeah, bros, see you there. It's basically just a yeah from me.

Basically, yes, broskeys. See you there. Bye, bye. Hi. Now. well guys you might be wondering why we are all dressed like we're tall and the answer is today we are conducting an experiment i didn't even notice we're all dressed in these white lab coats these this is definitely a lab coat look you look great um guys

basically we have puzzled for many many years over the mystery of how to make a podcast good and i think we've come close to it before but we've never actually done We've never figured it out. We've gotten pretty close to making a good episode of a podcast, but we've never actually done it. No. And we were talking actually on the last episode, I believe, about, like, rituals and superstitions with shows with doing stuff, doing a podcast, and what you do to kind of prepare. And so we figured today, why don't we put these theories to the test? Do the scientific method.

Maybe gangsters. Maybe gangsters. Okay. Okay, nobody take a screenshot of this and say, damn, Caleb, so much shorter than the other two. Omacase is a sushi, a chef selection sushi meal where they serve you each roll one at a time. Or in courses, rather. So you'll go to an omicasse. Like a tasting menu?

A little bit, but it's more. That's what they do on Pearl Harbor. You're eating more. They didn't do this. No. Why do people watch small cock pornography? And go. All right.

My heart is pounding. Oh, my God. Okay. I feel amazing. I feel great. Fucking Christ. Why'd you get mad?