Podcast About List - UNLOCKED Premium #239 - Justin Tableleg

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

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And say it again. Justin TableLead. That's funny. If he has the furniture. Now, what does he say? What is he bringing back? I'm bringing tables back.

Bringing legsy back. He would work at a... He's a table. He works at Pier 1 imports. He works at Pier 1 imports. No, he's like a man. It's going to be table. He's like a man.

No, he's like, he's not a table leg. It's not, he's not exactly. Justin Tableleg. Yeah, he's his last name, but he has an Emporium. Justin Timberlake is a Timberlake. Where he's like, pointing at the commercial TV, and he's like, I'm Justin Table Leg. It's going to be a sale. It's going to be a sale.

It's going to be sale. No, he is a table leg. Okay, so that, you can't, there's no way to go with that, though, where you just are every night. Okay, what? So you feed them all your leftovers under the table. That's what you do to table legs? That's what I do.

Yes. would if it had a mouth and it was amazing Which band was he part of? He was in sync. Is that by, bye, bye? Yes. So, let me do one with that. Table, table, table. Leg, leg. It really might be the worst idea ever

than more I think about it. Justin Table. As long as I got my... Just call it Table. It's cleaner. Just call it Table. I just watched Southland Tales. Oh, yeah. I've seen half of it.

I think I had to go. It was awesome. I love Justin Tableleg in that movie. Justin Tableleg is really good. barely in it. That was my only problem. What about the middle part where he sings, bro? He sings the star moment of the movie. He sings the killers.

He didn't sing it. He lip sinks it, first of all. Yeah. Might be a lip sync award. Yeah, I guess he also isn't the character he is. He's Justin Table Leg. Yeah. He's not actually Abilene.

That's crazy that that movie got that guy blackballed. It's not that crazy if you've seen the movie. No, it's really not. I was watching the entire time. It's the same feeling that you get watching. I've only seen the first half of it. got fingered where you're like I can't believe that he got all that money for this

dude did you watch the extended cut the extended cut is so fucking good I don't know it's like three hours long probably not then yeah three hours yeah it's the cut that they showed it can mine was still pretty long people did not fuck with it at all and then they cut they cut it

like the studio cut it a ton after that but the original cut's so sick what happens so much better for what did he make it's just like uh it just takes a lot longer to do everything so you like I feel like in the theatrical cut, it's all like everything just happening and happening and happening and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I feel like it

I mean, not that it would make that much sense otherwise, but everything is just too close together. You know who's amazing in these movies? The Rock. Sherry Berry. Sherry O'Terry. Oh, yeah. Your name is not Sherry Barry. That was like your teacher. We've had this exact conversation. No, no, no, no, you're right.

Sherry Barry's the elevator lady. She's the elevator lady in North Carolina. I was watching it the entire time of my wife being like, man, I can't believe Sherry Barry's in this. I said it probably 10 different times. Like, I think that's Sherry Barry. Yeah, Sherry Oterre is really funny in that. Yeah, she's good. Well, she's got cornrows or

something in it. Lots of people got cornrows and fake noses and stuff. That would be so sick. I rather watch it. I wish that they took place in New York City instead of L.A. though. Because I don't know all the streets there. They don't have a south land in New York. Yeah, we do.

Rockaway. Beach. It could be Rockaway Beach. But there's Brighton Beach get it all be Russian guys Is that the Russian beach here? Yeah

That's where all the Russian guys That's like The Russian mob was there Don't say that Chill Chill You're gonna get us

Like chill out for real You're gonna get us Say that on your solo pod Bro Yes dude Do not implicate us You can't come in here And say

Yo the bloods live at One two three Fucking Red Caleb One two three Red Street Stop! Oh my God

You fucking It could have been Red You literally specified that it was a street. And the Crips live on Blue Avenue. Stop. I swear to God.

Latin Kings live in Latin America. I'm not afraid of America. I'm not afraid of America. Come get me. Yeah, what are you going to do? You're this big. What? He made the message to MS-13.

Oh, yeah. I just remembered that. You should, you should, did they ever write you back? Yeah, what happened with that? They said they message me on Instagram. Drop from my message request. From NS13 official.

I said, no sweat. No sweat, man. We'll leave you be. Damn. We don't want it with you. They should be. You look hard as fuck. We don't want to, with all your tattoos.

And I replied to them. I said, bitch, shut the fuck up. Come try and kill me. Wait, why would you not just? Because I'm going to fucking spray their asses. Come get my head. Why do we get? I dare you.

I double dog dare you. And you can't turn down a double dog dare you. I sent them a voice message. You're not going to do Funky town on me. Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy. You sent that to MS-13? Yeah. Microsoft. So their official.

Their official verified Instagram account. What the fuck? Where they post MS-13 memes? They throw, they post MS-13 memes and a lot of recipes. It's actually that MS-13 feeling on a Saturday. This is a one-pan. When you cut off they head. Ah!

Yeah. It's that and then it's like one pan, one-pan recipes. Yeah. And then, like, pictures of Jim and Pam, it's like, why was their love forever, though? We should start an MS-13 rival gang. That would be funny to make an MS-13, like, Instagram page with, like, a lot of, like, like, have you ever seen, like, the Instagram pages for, like, a factory? I can't say I have. I have, because the, because Jessup grip tape has, like, their...

Like the place that makes their shit. Yeah, like the Jessup factory, because, like, you know, like the adhesive, like grip stuff that they put on stairs. They also make that. Oh. And then they also make skateboard grip tape. So there's Jessup skateboarding. And then there's Jessup, like, manufacturing. Mm-hmm.

And Jessup manufacturing is just like pictures of employees like. Oh, yeah. I know you're talking. Yeah. Like, people on hard hats like for a photo up. Yeah, people in hard hats and shit. They had a photographer come to the factory for one day and they posted those pictures for like five years. And doing that with MS-13.

Yeah. Finding the one woman who works. in the factory and taking a picture of them like this like her next to like a big like machine their hand on a lever that like pulls a giant crusher and the second I take the picture like all right get away you are not qualified to work that one

back in the office please back in the front desk we have a pizza delivery coming yeah we how do these gangs even get started who is sitting there like I'm going to start I mean you just got to have a hit oh you got to have a hit and then you just can't be

a one hit wonder so you kill one guy or you sell one drug. Yeah. And if you do it good enough. And if you do it good enough, then you say, I'm going to invent the bloods. Uh-huh. Well, weren't the bloods in the crypt started as like a neighborhood? They were started in prehistoric times.

They've been around a long time. So it used to be dinosaurs. Oh, Omni-Sor's versus Carnivores. Yeah. Yeah. And then. Or herbivores, sorry. Yeah.

Well, they were not yet. They were peaceful. Yeah, we're very peaceful. Yeah. Back in the day. And it's been passed on. Why does it feel like nowadays herbivores are the least peaceful motherfuckers around, though.

Hey, be vegetarian, be vegan. Throwing carnivores are fucking chiller. Carnivores are chill as fuck. You just make your head as big as possible on your farm. Yeah. You eat a lot of meat and make your head big. You just eat a bunch of, you do the testicles. Like, that's a very docile thing to do to eat testicles.

That might as well be a plant, though. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Testicles? It grows. That's kind of human pollen. Yeah. I don't consider that as meat.

Could we eat? If we ate only testicles off of animals, Would that be all right because they won't die? That's fine. They won't die? Well, they won't reproduce. So that's almost worse than dying. How much food can we talk about this?

How much food can you take off a cow without killing it? We probably have. Yeah. I would say a big amount. Maybe one leg. Like a cow is so huge. It don't need all that meat. Yeah.

You could take one leg off a cow. Not even a leg. I'm saying like every little once in a while. So it looks like a stick figure. Like a piece of prosciutto off of it. Oh, okay. live carpaccio yes like that kind of thing

probably hurt the cow I'm not concerned about the cows I just want it to live because its thoughts are more important to me I want it to be alive they ever put a human brain in an animal yeah they

in Futurama they have done that yeah I don't know they put animal organs in people who has the most similar monkeys have the most similar transplant what the fuck are you talking about died

Well, bad news, everybody. Yeah, the fucking pig heart didn't work. What? The pig heart? The scientist. What? We did all. We did all the equations.

We calculated everything. I mean, it pumps blood. Look how similar they look. It's one's like, it has almost the same number of valves. It actually has extra valves. It's near the same size if you look at one through a magnifying glass. So just, why doesn't it work? What?

You're, okay. This is a prank. You're prank. He's been in a lot. Yeah, I know it. Here he comes. And no man, you're going to jail.

You put a pig heart in a man. Damn, I really just can't believe. It's clear that he just got a mixed up. Yeah. They didn't need. Yeah, the pig heart was there by accident.

He was like, he was like, one of his assistants was like, sure. I think that might be. When you fuck something up and try to play it off. And animals are like,

they're actually one-to-one identical, so... The intern Watson is like, hey, did someone take my lunch out of the fridge? It's got chili oil on it

and putting it into this guy's chest cavity. Yeah, it had braised pig heart. That's a good question. That would be an incredible superhero origin.

You get a food man with with chili oil on it and it makes you super fast and powerful because you're spicy. Because you have spicy heat

but you taste just like the curry from a smash where you're just running around with fire coming out of your mouth. The downside is that you taste spice at all times of the day. It's a torture. They can't even falsely. The ultimate hot ones contestant. Yes, he's on Sean Evans.

Uh-huh. That's what I call it Sean Evans. He's on Sean. It's Sean, exclamation point. That's what the show is going to be called going forward. Like when people say they go on Rogan. That's what he wanted to call it. He got tucked out of it.

Yeah, he was like, Sean Evans. He's like, damn it. I've been pitching Sean the hot one. Sean the hot one. Oh, well, it is hot ones because it's him and it's whoever plays his wife or his boyfriend. Sexiest man alive 20 years in a row. Paul Rudd.

That's actually, isn't it Patrick Dempsey like every year? Yeah. That's so crazy. Paul Rudd. The thing is, what magazine is Sexiest Man of the Year part of? It's funny that it's just, yeah, it's just fully, it's clear who's voting. Yeah. It's Patrick Dempsey every year.

It's like a 58-year-old woman. You put that poll in the newspaper, you're going to see something a little different. Barack Obama. That's right. Sexiest man alive. Who would you guys vote for? Who would you guys vote for?

Who do we think is in the running? Patrick Dempsey? Yeah. Besides Patrick Dempsey. It's going to be Dempsey again. So what about the... Did you see Dempsey and Eli Ross Thanksgiving? He was from Newton and doing a Boston accent.

I know who this is, but, could you just Google Patrick Dempsey for the people at home? Speaking of... Speaking of, um, what's the word Silver Foxes He was Silver Fox as Oh that guy

In Thanksgiving, man Mr. Hugh Jackman My girlfriend's sending me screenshots Of his Instagram comments He's in Is he in Gilmore Girls? Or is that a different guy? No, he's in

Gray's Anatomy, that's what he's in Is he gray? No No He's Patrick He's gray hair He's Patrick? Dempsey

He's in I feel like he might be in one of the saw movies too or maybe i think i get to him and another guy mixed up i don't think he's in one of the saw movies no he's not i'm never really the guy i think the guy who's in gilmore girls is in is in one of the saw movies he's in scream three is he in bridget jones diary maybe said so britishones's baby oh okay so that's a that's a children's version of the movie what's that actress's name is like this rene zell wigger what's that about uh she ate of something's hour.

She had the spicy chili oil heart surgery but with sour patch powder. They did it. The warhead guy, she got her heart replaced by the warhead guy's heart. The guy doing this.

But my girlfriend's been sending me Hugh Jackman's like Instagram comments because it's like all like the women who are voting on the People magazine. Not the comments he's leaving. Wait till I find out. No, on his post.

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm. I was saying. Yeah, that's going to be a heartbreaker. But this woman, Patrydance, Starfire, 144, Misha 07, left a comment on Hughes's

most recent post and said, I am so glad that I have the opportunity to be able to see your face again in person. Egg, sure. Yeah, good sandwich. Okay. Do you have bacon? Do you have bacon?

Bacon? I just one piece. Bacon. Great. Thank you. she's at the drive-through leaving comments on Hugh Jackman's post and then she just wants one piece of bacon one piece of bacon on an egg sandwich that is a funny thing I've ever

it's a really she's been sending me like a lot of them it's really like it's just all like like women in their like early 50s just like all oh I thank God I get to see this thank God I can still see Hugh Jackman I don't know how to behave I'll say they are getting hot and bothered in those comments Hugh Jackman has gotten sexier as he gotten

older it's true why is that he keeps working out some people age his face is becoming more chiseled his body and if you see the first Wolverine movie he kind of looks like shit

yeah and then now he looks like a complete surfboard yeah it's crazy it's the MCU man they got to do it to him I want to be a part of that shit so bad. He wasn't going to do another Wolverine movie. They dressed me up like a troll doll.

Ryan Reynolds asked him kindly, which is something that in the movie industry is very rare. He gave him a free phone from a lot of people. A lot of people will ask you to be in a movie by say, Hey, bitch, get the fucking my movie. Motherfucker. But Ryan Reynolds said, please.

Shaking a bag of money in front of him. And then they get on set. They get on set. And then he says, you bitch ass motherfucker. Exactly. Deadpool character. In character, but out of character. he's actually being so kind.

Do you think he stays in character as Deadpool on the set? So you're doing his makeup? He has been in character. What the fuck is this crap you're putting on my fucking face? He has been in Deadpool's character since X-Men Origins Wolverine. Well, he didn't even say anything. Oh, he says a lot in the beginning. Does he?

I've seen them recently, man. What is he? Wait, I thought he's just a burn victim in that one. No, no, no. He is a normal guy until... With Baraka Blades or something. Excuse me. I'm sorry.

I think Pat is talking about before he gets experimented on. Yeah, before he gets the Weapon X experience. He wasn't born with Baraka. Uh-huh. He's sitting there speaking up a storm and the guy's like, Wade, will you shut your damn mouth? And then he's like, yeah, we finally figured out a way to shut Wade up. And then he comes out with the Baraka hands.

Does no mouth? No mouth. Oh, they-merk with no mouth. Wait, sorry if there's a stupid question. After X-Men Wolverine Origins. so there was a deleted his mouth cut back open where he has lips there was a post-credit scene where he walks out and picks up his damn head off the ground and does he say out or something no his eye opens oh but is it implied i know you don't see it is it implied that he puts his head

back on uh yeah it's implied that he cuts open his mouth and he starts talking again it's actually more implied that um the movie was bad in the Deadpool movie movies. He says, uh, he says a bunch of stuff about that. Like, what are they going to do? Take my mouth off. I've never seen any of the Deadpool movies. What? Yeah. I saw it. That's you, that's, you're going to be your favorite movie, man. Yeah. I love a free guy. You love free guy. You're free guy. I think it's the same guy. That's all the same people, man. But it's just so cringe. Yeah. He's so red. No, you're going to like it. It's unlike bullet train and you're going to

come in. You're going to cry. Yeah. I don't cry when I think. I don't cry when I think. about movies. You're going to. I said, I'm starting to cry right now, but I'm stopping myself because it actually doesn't sound that good to me. I can't wait for the third one, man. I'm going to see it in IMAX and I'm going to eat popcorn. I saw the first one at Chunkies and it was a Monday at 2 p.m. Skip school? No, I was already out of school. When did the first one come out? 2015, something like that. It was like December 2015, something like some time around then and uh there's a big year i took a heroic hit from my friends blunt which for me is one hit uh-huh that's heroic a heroic and i got scared completely and i got scared of deadpool

that i was going to get caught for being high at the movies and the police were going to show up and that's a tough movie theater to be high in yeah what chunkeys is the worst one is a is a chain of eat in like dine in movie theaters like pre we've said it before we love these but they all have movie-themed food. It's not, it's before that, yeah, that was loud. It was before they figured out that you can be discreet and do that, so it has full waiters who walk around and take orders during the movie.

And the other thing about Chunkies is most of them, the seats are like either repurposed like airplane seats or like office chairs. Like they don't have like normal movie theater seats. That's crazy. Yeah. It's a weird place. That's not very, very weird. It would not be fun to be high in. No, it's not fun to be around. Like,

like, yeah, carrying food by you. Getting you up in your business. Hey, do you want the one? Woody grilled cheese. Yeah. The Woody grilled cheese. Do you want the two Infinity and Beyond Burger? I do one.

That's a good name. I think that is one. Okay. I think I remembered that one because I was like, pretty good job. Because if you came up with that just now, but it would have been very good. We should start our own one of these, man.

This is a money printing machine. I don't think it is. I think they shut down a lot of Chunky. Shush. Okay. We used have one called Cinema Grill. That's a good name. It's better than Chunkies.

Cinema Grill, awesome name. I thought because it was called. Chunkies. It had the same branding as Campbell's Chunky So. I thought it was chunky cheese. I also thought it was part of Chucky Cheese called Chunky Cheese. And I thought it was called Chunky Cheese.

Because they serve, certainly. They serve cheese on many of the items of the menu. Yeah, they do. Pretzels with cheese. Was it? I don't remember what that one is called. Is it a, you sit down, so you said it's office chairs and weird airplane seats. Are there tables? There's a big table, kind of like, like a last supper. Almond shaped table.

Really? What? This is a place is getting weird. I don't remember. I only went there one time and I was pretty young. Yeah, it's like, but I think it's like a table that's in front of your seats. Cinema grill was a was like bar tables like high tops. Well, and you just sit around those and those are your seats, which is not very comfortable for two hours. I love any type of any type of non movie theater seat is so fire. The little indie movie theater in my town near my house, they they had one row of seats. It was just couches. And I thought that was so sick. That is cool. That place also has. a clock next to the screen, which I loved.

That's for the dad. It's so funny. That's where I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith was Cinema Grill. And then now we're finding out that that was pretty much a real story that was happening. It's really sad. What is? Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt was a fighting lunatic.

A fighter. He would do karate to all of his family. That's what that movie's about? Pretty much. Which one of their one million kids changed their name? I don't know, but it was probably from a different country. That was so crazy that that was just the biggest late-night joke for ever. Yeah, it was like, they have a kid from every country in the world.

They have like four kids. Yeah. Two of them are adopted or something. They just adopted, like, a lot of children, and it was just like, Jay Leno, like, look at these fucking weird oath. Yep. Well, he didn't cut. Look at these fucking weird pieces of shit. He didn't say.

He wouldn't have said something like that. He's Jay Leno, man. He's America's dad. Respectful. That's true. Yeah, he'd say. Look at these clowns. He would say.

He would say. He would say, look at these clowns. Look at these fucking clown. You knew what he meant. You fuckers. No, he didn't say fuckers. Fucking pricks. They're going to bring him back.

Hey, Jay, hey, Jay, you think that the Pitts-Jolee family has a lot of kids. How would you go look at your damn garage? You just said Pitts-Jolie, and now I'm interested. Pitt-Jolie. Pitts-Jol-I. I thought his name was Brad Pitts for a second there. My dad said that he changed his name, but his real name was Brad Pitt. interesting. I don't think it was true, though.

Yeah. But they got as many kids as you've got cars, Homeboy. Oh, Hey, Jay Leno, you want to talk about how they got all these kids from different countries? How about all these imported Ferraris and Lamborghinis that you have from different countries? Yeah. How about you Leno of this steering wheel? Yeah. Frash into the side of the

little tunnel. Just let it know. Just let it know. Let know of it. And just fly away. Fly a J. And I bet your J too. Yeah. Bet your J. Jay as hell And you're probably Jay Yeah Also

Let know of being straight You're Jay Did you guys see the video Where he Your Janes You're obsessed with And you're wearing your Janes

Your Jane shirt And your shirt is Janes too Your shirt is made out of Jane Remember when he got her And what would have And what would a French person say if, so they got asked, why do you, do you think that he's not J?

Leno. Lino, he is J. He is J. He is very, very J. Lino is not late. How about you go play with your Lenos, your little Lennon set. And Conan O'Brien. Oh, snap.

Yeah. You have a, you have a cone head. oh Brian Brian and Jimmy Fallon you

I think you will be Fallon down the stairs again yeah like slipping Jimmy You're drinking a bottle of Jimmy Walker Yep Jimmy Walker Make you falling down them stairs

Fall on down the stairs Go ahead fall on down Fall on down And Jimmy I bet you eating Kimmel, you're a dog. I've seen the man show. And you sleep in a Kimmel, too. Big Bowling Kimmel. Like a dog. You're a damn. He's sleeping

a Kimmel and you eat Kimmel. And David letter, man, I got a letter for you. F for that show. You're failing. I don't want to watch David of your show. I don't want to watch David. I'd rather read a letter, man. Damn. I'd rather

read a fucking letter from the mail than watch David of your show. David of your show. He pieces of shit. And Craig Ferguson. Yeah. What?

You're Craig. You Craig. And Fergus is your son. Fergus. Why haven't we met anybody named Fergus?

Yeah. And who's that British bastard? James Gordon. John Oliver. That one. Oh, that one who is in British. John Oliver.

Graham Norton. Yeah. And Graham Norton. You cracker? I'm anti-virus and you're a virus yeah and you're a cracker yeah and James

cordon what are you look at how much you eat you look like you damn live at the cordon's blue yeah eating chicken stop playing James with me man stop playing James I don't play this carpool karaoke James no what the hell kind of James is that and by the way cut your cord and you're Jay too

you act Jay as hell yeah and Stephen Colbert let's look at you now okay Stephen cold bear. You wanted to get Steven with the other late night host.

Turn on your stuff. I got Steve coming out of my ears. I'm so mad. Turn on your Steve on. It's cold bear.

Wow. Turn your Steve on. It's cold. That's pretty good. Someone who calls people bear. It's a cold bear. It's a cold bear. It's a cold bear.

Don't you. You're Steve on. It's cool, bear. You turn this damn Steve on. It's cold, bear. And Pete Holmes, you have a, you have a peat home. I wish you were homesless. You have no homes.

You're crashing. Yes. You're crashing on couches. And you're going to peat in your mouth. I'm peeting on you. I'm taking a peat in your home. And I'm not going to flush. No.

If it's yellow, let it mellow. And Johnny Carson. Jay took some of your cars, son. yeah and your slot and he's driving a new car and he's driving a drive in the highway he's a new car son John need a new car

because Jay Leno took it late night has been officially laid to rest obliterated we don't need any more late night shows who else was on what was the guy before them

Steve little or something you're small you're little no Sid Cesar little Steve Ginooski that is

yeah he'd actually who was it okay late night who were the people before Carsson Cesar

right Sid Caesar what are you a damn I'm sick of this damn Caesar salad I don't want to

eat I hate this Caesar and I got Cid your show yeah there we go there we go that's good sit down

sit down that's as simple as that sit down it wouldn't I think Sid Caesar's the reason Woody Allen's got a job Still

Woody Allen has a job Yeah Director Works at McDonald's Really? Actually he plays He plays a jazz At some hotel around

Midtown Really? Is that true? He plays the clarinet And some like jazz bands Squidward Yeah come on He's so fucking

Squidward He is so Squidward Stop leaning into the being Squidward And having the attitude of him Yeah You truly have the attitude of Squidward. What if Squidward got with Pearl? That would be basically a real-world analog.

And would... Well, not so much more like Crabs got with Pearl. Squidward is part of Crabs family. How is that possible? Built by gamers. Anything is crazy. Anything is crazy possible. Squidward is not...

That can't be true. Squidward is not part of Crabs family. Squidward is actually part of Crabb's family. But how is he part of it? He's a squid. Years before the show started, Squidward and Crabs went on a trip together. To where? They went to the mountains.

But there was something interesting in these mountains. Like what? It was a magic waterfall. But you won't guess what this magic waterfall could do. Did it turn him into a Squidward? It made friends into family. Wow. Can we go to that waterfall?

We're going to go to that waterfall, but there's a level you have to pass first. What kind of level is it? It's a Mario level, but it's a little scary. How is it scary? It's Lavender Town. It's Lavender Town. Wait, what kind of music plays there? It's some of the most bumping music in the world.

Hmm. Interesting. Interesting. They never would say interesting. They would never say interesting. Intrigaling. They'd go, what? What?

Whoa. Those guys are awesome. Hold on. Whoa. I like that there's one of them that's the leader. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably the guy about the idea to talk. It's funny to have two guys and one of them's the leader.

And one of them is the... You don't need a leader. leader if it's only two guys. You're leading one guy? No. You don't even need a leader with three guys. No. In fact, it's better to have three co-leaders.

Three co-leaders. Are you tired? I was tricked last night. Well, this is going to help you. I was tricked completely. This is going to help. I have a present for you. I brought you a present.

Wait, what? You're going to see. I'm getting... Wait, what is it? Stop staring at me getting my wallet out of my pocket. It's going to spoil the present. Look over there. Tell me his money.

I was tricked by a present. bartender who told me there was a beer and a shot deal and there was no beer in a shot deal. The deal was two shots for the price of the one. So you know that if somebody hands you something, you do not have to drink it. Well, he went 10 and this is, with this, it would be seven. And I was like, oh, that's the greatest deal I've ever seen. Yeah. I'm not going to pass up a good deal.

But you, but once you had the shots in your hand, I could have gave them away. You didn't have to drink both. No, I didn't. But I thought. It's all optional. You didn't have to drink any of it. I thought I was getting my money's worth. Money, but is your money worth just feeling terrible the next day?

Yes. Okay, that's fair. What's the present? Other side, man. It's plantains. The other side, man. Read it out. Grab a show-stopping snack.

Free Hershey's Bar at Hershey's World Times Square. What the fuck! And this expires on Christmas. It expires on New Year's Eve. So you can go on Christmas. That's amazing. Free, one free Hershey's Bar from Times Square. Because I know how much Pat likes Times Square.

And he was talking about being tired. Hershey Bar will wake you right up. Caffeine in the chocolate. So maybe after this you can head over at Times Square. Oh, my God. And you don't have to eat the whole thing. No. Just take off some Hershey's pieces.

Do you know that you can do that thing where you like give someone your location and then you can like notify them like you can. like you can set it up so like when you come home it like gives you like that thing I set it up so that every time I go near Eminem world my girlfriend gets a notification and I forgot that I did that and we were I before like I was taking the trip to LA and we had to like I had to take a journey I had to go from I'd take the M to the J to the J to the path train at World Trade Center then to Newark Penn yeah it was fucked up I'd do all this at one in the morning and we were walking by

Eminem World and she was like why do I always like why does this happen? Why do every time that like I'll say that you've arrived here and I'm like oh it says Patrick has arrived That's like completely I was like oh fuck I forgot I did that

I thought I'd shut it off at this point That is a fun no No every time I go near Eminem world I'm probably going to go today Yeah I have somebody coming into town Oh, yeah. You've got to take them to Eminem World. You got to take them.

If you're already in Manhattan, I mean, it's the only good thing in the entire city. Sure. Yeah. Like, outside of, if you're in Manhattan, you have to go to Eminem World. That's the only interesting thing. What else is there to doing that shit hole?

You could go to Hershey's World, man. Hershey's World. Well, they'll get a free chocolate bar, a show-stopping snack. So I will say, I'd like to restate my statement. The worlds are good. Anything with world in it, I like. Everything else.

A museum, ice cream museum. Don't care about that. I'd rather go to an ice cream store You can eat ice cream at the ice cream But you have to learn It's the ultimate facts I don't want dumbass facts about ice cream I don't want to know what I'm eating

They have every flavor That can't be fucking true It's the museum they have ever done They're gonna have a lot of stuff They don't have a guy who's doing archives Smithsonian style pulling out giant panels With pieces of ice cream They do

That's not true They're gonna have to They have to Okay what's the weirdest fucking flavor they have They have ancient flavors They don't have poop ball it's peanut

pee they don't have peanut pee ice cream I heard they have ancient flavors like what is even an ancient flavor what a mango

pustachio a mongo like the fruit pustachio they have pistachio you're pulling my yane bump

they don't have bump that's not even a fucking there's no bump it's before they used tastes for flavors it was back before they had tastes for flavors it was

would they would just be stuff like, it would be like, uh, it's spiky. Yeah, they would make ice cream is based on feeling. Yeah. So it would just the way that it feels in your mouth. Rocky shoe. Oh, this tastes like a bump and shoe. They put a rock in it. Rock and shoe.

The feeling of having a rock in your shoe. And then they did rock and shoe when rock and roll came around. In the 60s. Yeah. Mm, that makes some sense to me. Smooth. Smooth is just vanilla. So again, these are ancient flavors before vanilla even came on to the block.

But what I'm saying with our block is not a, Flack was a middle-era flavor In terms of ice cream If you were eating it Block. Okay, so Block, for example. Take Block or Black. If you were eating Block or Black now,

what would you say the flavor tasted like? Block. You don't have that kind of... Is that a accent difference? In America we call it black, but in the UK they call it Block. It's just... This is before tastes were involved with flavors,

is what I'm telling you, man. So what does it taste like? like ice it just tastes like ice cold cream it's ice cream before it was called ice cream and it was cold cream because they couldn't get it as cold because they didn't have fridge is the first flavor cold was the first flavor yeah because before that it would just okay maybe i should go to this museum if it's this interesting because obviously and do you think they have unflavored ice cream like just milk sweet cream you never had that before no yeah yeah pretty pretty common Myth busted.

Myth confirmed. They do have plain cold cream. I guess I don't know how plain it is. It's called sweet cream. It's got shug. Yeah, shug in it. It's got shug.

But that's what I mean, like, sugarless. It's good. I like it. Sugarless. Like, just, I'd like, you know, you don't put anything in the... Probably. I mean, I can't imagine they'd sell it. Yeah.

It just tastes like butter, basically. It's like something that like the Amish would want, right? Yeah, those idiots. Yeah. They would probably want a more of the most advanced flavor. The most modest flavor. the most modest flavor, which would be... I hate their modesty.

Yeah, they're so modest. They need to start wearing sexier clothes because they are very sexy. They have beautiful bodies because of what they eat, and they need to show it off to the world. Yeah. I ain't never seen a beautiful Amish person. No.

Are you fucking kidding me? I actually haven't either. I think they're all very handsome and sexy. I think those beards are crazy. Grow the damn mustache. Well, but they're covering up some amazing chins. Yeah. Some beautiful chins.

Why are you searching? Amish models. Whoa. Dude, are you putting porn of porn? You're making me want to bust. What do you have to say for yourself that you're looking up porn during an episode? Amish porn.

I want an apology from you. We would never look at you. What did you say? I swear to look at porn. Why? It's not your free time. You're literally working right now. One hour of non-free time.

It's not, you can't take your lunch in the middle of the episode. It's a different time for you. breakfast at most. Okay, good. Good. We shut him up. We shut his porn addict.

He's so porn-brained. He is. Today society, though, on writ large is a little porn brain, so I can't blame any individual for falling prey to some of the cultural trapping. Trapping.

Of porn. Trapp. Cultural trap of porn. Trapped. It's just like, it's hard to walk around the street and not just think about fucking. fucking everything you say because it's got a butt on it now yeah nowadays everything's got a butt

it's just because of the books that people read nowadays that's right the CDs they listen pornographic CDs yeah because I've never listened to one of these pornographic CDs that have this seal on it this is explicit parental advisory so obviously it's got some kind of sex song in it so I usually get the ones that it is funny that they did do that with like what is it that biggie album the little Kim thing like the there's the the the intro trod track of that little Kim album that's just like her making a guy nut i like that there's that and then there's what biggie getting head in the studio every amazing next level porn album has a good rap part of it that's the skits that were just people fucking is just so yeah dude uh pause for

porno on on 2001 that's crazy it's like a two-minute track of just sounds of dr drake going like and a girl going like oh my god ah that's so that was so weird why would you put that on your yeah you guys are stupid i'm gonna win a Grammy with this shit yeah do you remember that show it was called real sex i bet you know i think those tracks like that uh on albums are are basically based on studio interference and it's all a big part of a conspiracy by a big cd player where they want you to wear out the skip button on your CD players. They have to buy a new one. Interesting.

The rebate is, or the return policy is like a week. Yeah. So it's going to take longer than that. Yeah. Two weeks in, you've listened to Paws for Pornow. You've had to skip that song. Like in every day. A million times, yeah.

And here you are. You got to buy a new one. Yeah. But I was remembering, like, you know, when you're, like, 11 years old and you're too afraid to look up that stuff on the computer because you think it's going to give you a fiber. is that steals all your parents credit card info. I didn't want to see vaginas.

They weirded me out. Yeah. Well, I just remember putting that on because I was like, whoa, mom and dad are asleep. And now I'm going to watch them on TV. Now I'm going to watch. Mom and dad are asleep. Let's see what they're doing. Real sec.

No, that show was just like, I remember the one that I saw of that show was like a computer programmer in the 90s who made like a, like a sex game and it's like him like clicking through like doing like a tech demo of the game and it's like the woman's like do you want to take my shirt off and he goes yes please it's like clicking through the whole thing it's so fucking do they have any more TV shows that are like that they don't do any sort of like so basically they would show that's how you get that's how you would get people on like to buy an HBO subscription but now they do

that with prestige TV. Yeah, because as a culture we've become so much less sexual. It's just funny that, I mean, I guess probably there probably weren't too many people making this argument, but people show like real sex being like, well, it has some value, you know, it's not just a porn.

Yeah, but it's funny that they completely... We're showing tech. Yeah, they completely that argument is fully lost. Yeah. Because they don't have any more because now you can watch porn on the computer is all they don't need it. They should have done a real sex about like Four garbage men who fuck each other

In the truck Who just catcalling Stinky They're like They're like two of them Are actually doing the Like one drives One's picking up the trash

And they take shifts And then two of them Fuck in the trash Yeah In the back of the thing Yeah Except they're having sex with each other Yeah

Yeah Just a disgusting Just one episode A roulette Is this the rerun that's on today? They do 21 episodes of season And they make one disgusting to show that sex

and it's also it can happen it can switch into that episode in the middle of another episode yes there's a certain percent chance that gets that gets higher as the show

there's a sliding scale as the episode goes on there's you're more and more likely to add for it to switch into it turn into the garbage it's like hitting black on roulette

every single time yeah and then it also knows when your parents walk in and you try to change the channel it's going to change it back yeah no matter what episode you're watching it's not going to work

No, it doesn't work anymore because you're watching the sex trash. This is a special show that controls your remote. Yes. There should be more stuff like TV shows that know where your location is and stuff like that. And they scare you. I think that'd be a good idea. Just a guy, you're watching something on TV at 2 in the morning and a guy, like, they have your location. A guy just comes up and taps the window and runs away.

Yeah. There should be shows that can put stuff on outside of the screen. So if you are watching a show and then you go, you walk into the kitchen and get a snack, you open the cupboard, you should see something from the show in there. Yes, that'd be a great idea. Hey, with me, that's how it's made.

Oh, because you're watching about your snack. I'm watching it about my snack. Oh, that's a hungry man dinner is made. It should be like you're watching you're watching like a house or something and then you walk to your cabinet and you open it up and then little house is standing in there and he's like, he needs to

have trail mix stat oh trail mix he's low on sodium it's trail mix they should do a what was I about to say it was going to be so amazing well I forgot my wife got prank called at work yesterday so I have to do a John Wick Revenge tour got prank called some little boy some twerp calls says hi

he says hi he says hi he says do you have anything for boys he says we have some stuff for like toddlers I guess yeah we have some stuff for boys and he says hmm

do you have anything for boys that I could put up my ass and then he hung up and then she noticed that he did not use star 69 so she has the phone number the name is Jonathan Ramos

oh my God you're putting out his info yeah so if anybody knows a Jonathan Ramos if you know a 12-year-old boy in New York City named Jonathan Ramos? Let me know because I think I have to destroy him.

You do. Because that is the ultimate disrespect. It's unfortunate that you have to. Do not prank call my wife. It's unfortunate that you have to because you could probably teach that boy how to make better prank calls that are more absurd. Yeah, that wasn't a great one.

She, yeah, well, she was telling it to me and I was like, you didn't like, you should have given him some pointer to put him on game a little bit. Yeah, well, he hung up. Maybe you could call him back. Call back. Call back.

Hey, listen. I know. He didn't do Star 69. Call him back. Prank calling back if you have to I'll print calling back I will get the number It's certainly still on the

On the fucking phone Just spending just like a week Just prank calling a child We should destroy his life We should destroy his life Little John It's over for you You mess with the prank messers

You mess your ass buddy Yeah Put any clothes up there lately If you put any stuff our boys in there Is there any tough boys You're pissed off the wrong guy It's actually pretty funny Never prank call again

That's right You're just getting his dad Exactly What the hell is this? Stuff to put up my ass Stuff to put up a little boy's ass What the hell are you saying? I have half of mine

To come down there and beat the shit out of you Okay I'll put you up my ass I'm gonna put you up my ass bitch when was the last time you guys got have you ever been

prank called on your personal cell um no oh yeah my nephew called and said

is this a crusty crab I did a prank text yesterday man yeah to whom to one of these damn political

they call them wonks you got a wonk call said hey Caleb did you see my first message we're fighting

for safe working conditions and central services like daycare and education. We believe in these changes and we'll support the well-being of workers. And I said, I'm just a little kid. She said, I'm opting you out of text immediately. Have a great day?

Have you guys noticed that? But that works really fast, I learned, is if you say, I'm just a little kid. Because that's something that a little kid would really say. I've been getting less, less, like, telemarketer and scam calls lately. I used to get a bunch of them. But have you guys that nowadays, I think those guys, the guys who call you, and those are so much more likely to get angry. Yeah.

If you start giving them shit I just hang up instantly Have you seen this guy? Kit Bogga? A guy yelled at me the other Really? I think I maybe said it before I just asked him

if he ever played Donkey Kong Country 3 Ask him that like three times And he said fuck you And hung up. Yeah they always say they always say Fuck you I'm gonna fuck your mom Yeah they like start freaking out Yeah

Those are my favorite video That guy Kit Bogga where he does the videos Where it's like he's pretending to be an old woman Oh yeah And he's like buy He has them on the phone For like 13 hours

He's like, okay, I just bought the Google Play cards. And he redeems, he puts all the money in his own account. And they're like, what the fuck are you doing? You made me just lose my job! It's so good. It is awesome. I like that kind of thing. But that show telemarketers really include you in that the, I thought these are good people.

These are the most dangerous, disgusting drug addict criminals in the entire world. They drink beer at work. and then they call me and they want me to pay for a cop's lunch but some of them are a little endearing I didn't finish that show

you didn't finish it no it does not it doesn't really do I would say the first episode is the only good episode it's fine it's really funny it's a very funny show because the guy

who is framed as the director guy yeah is an idiot he's not making a good show at all he's the smart cool guy who is like who's making the show

about Patrick Pespus the show's about him but he's the main director is so clearly the dumbest guy on the planet. Whoever's producing the actual documentary that gets made is the guy who is responsible for it being good.

The guy who's in it was just recording his friends doing, yeah, doing drugs. Yeah. And was like, this is so cool. And he's a complete moron. You can tell... You can tell especially in the later, like the third episode or whatever. You can really tell that he grew up to be a real moron. Yeah.

It's really funny. Yeah, it's really, really cool. Yeah. And it's funny too to imagine that he thinks he's going to make another documentary. No, yeah, he's like, this is it for... Yeah, my big break, man. He doesn't realize. I think he could. I don't think so. I think he took him his entire life and then

somebody said... I think anyone could make a documentary, honestly. No. Not a good one. You have to be really... You have to be like me and have amazing ideas. There's a million bad documentaries on YouTube now. It's YouTube, man. There's a million great documentaries. There's a million videos on YouTube. Yeah. Every video on YouTube

is basically a documentary. YouTube documentary is a video I say. Yes. It's not the same thing. I did watch a documentary. It was in my recommended. It was a documentary about a graffiti artist in the neighborhood and I was watching it just pointing

at the screen like, oh, that's my street. I like watching the whole day. Is this guy Desk? My street made it onto a YouTube video. Well, he says that he's like at war with the Greater Ridgewood Restoration Center. You know the... I know what fucking side I'm on. The GRCCC

I know what side I'm like he's like he's like the GRCC is the worst fucking thing that's ever happened to the world okay well I'd like to give this guy history lesson yeah that's why I'm excited for this goosebumps show there is a history lesson in that he says that uh Ridgewood used to be part of Ridgwood and Glendale used to be part of Bushwick and then they broke off because of stuff and then uh they got their own zip code and it's the largest part of New York City that has its own there's no like separate zip codes It's all 11385. Oh, yeah. The Goosebump show, man.

You know we're going to be watching it, recognizing. There's that werewolf. The werewolf, there's that we're going to be a creeper. I see that thing. There's that thing that sits under my stand. Justin Long is in it? I think so. No, no, no, wait.

That's got to be cap. I think he was there. I think Alex said he saw him. He said he definitely saw Swimmer. Swimmer! He sent us the photo of Swimmer. From Band of Brothers? Swimmer from B-O-B.

Swimmer from Bob is in the motherfucking... Area. In the wood? Mm-hmm. Area. In the area? In the 1-1-3-8-5. I almost saw M. Night Shyamalan the other day, just off by a few hours.

Ah. That's the twist. At the movie theater, they're having a premiere for his daughter's movie. Oh, yeah. I saw the marquee and all the... Whatever it's called where they put it behind you on it says the name of the movie. My buddy Frankie was telling me... No, you know, it's...

like has the name everywhere. Yeah, a sign. No, not a sign. No, it's like a backdrop is the word. Hmm. The one of those walking steps. It's just a backdrop. Oh.

Well, my buddy was like, went to college with her. Mm-hmm. And they had like a documentary, like, thing that was like, it was in like this documentary class. And they had to like, like, at the end of the year, there's like two documentaries that were shown. It was like, all right, we're going to vote on which one's like the best. And he made this like one that's like about.

him is like friend doing like stand-up for the first time because it's just you know like college assignment and uh she went to like some country with refugees and like it's like just like the full like oh yeah like of course the Nepo kid's gonna win that one

I told you about that long time or in college some kid like my first class I had a production class yeah some kid had fucking he made a document or a short about him walking through the Boston Common at night his friends are all going to a party

and he's like I'm just going to go for a walk he walks through the Boston Common he finds a copy of the fountainhead in the middle of the Boston Common he reads it it starts changing his life the quotes come up all around him and then he finds himself like walking into the wrong

house and it's Matt Damon's house and Matt and it was actually Matt Damon that's so crazy man everybody like he was like it stopped and everybody's like what the fuck is Like, why do you have Matt Damon in your thing?

He's like, oh, he's my dad's friend. It's so, the, fuck it. That's so wrong. It is, it is such a, like, I mean, as a, like, a 26-year-old to still complain about, like, Nepo babies is, like, whatever. Like, it's like, yeah, fine. Like, yeah, that happens. That's the world.

But, like, the, in college, when you realize, like, how much, like, the whole industry is, like, oh, yeah, like, I knew this guy. That's how I got it. It's, like, it destroys your whole world. You're like, I'm just. just going to do nothing. Destroys your world. I'm going to do nothing.

Here's what you do, man. Make your own world. Wow. That's what we did. Look at this. Well, this is a moon at most right now. Okay. We're getting to a world.

We're getting to a world as an asteroid. But eventually, well, the moon actually came off of a world. Yeah. It just realized. Yeah. So what's the, not all the moons. Not every moon. That's a good point.

Some moons were just junk. Some moons are worlds, depending on the context. Endor? Super Mario 64. Yeah, I guess in Star Wars. galaxy if you look at it like that i guess if you look at it like that glass half full changed my mind a little bit today yeah changed your view wow look at us look at us in our moon our beautiful moon our beautiful big moon i wish i could go back to film school and now put all of my amazing celebrity friends

and all of my stuff could you imagine it'd be so awesome being the 26 year old in a film class with 18 year old sitting up front being like yeah that's sarah sherman yeah that's right That's Sarah Sherman from, isn't it? Yeah, that's Sarah Sherman. Yeah, you're back in 2018, so like, who? Yeah. And that's Jack Binsinger. Yeah, the one kid in class, he's like,

Mm-hmm. Is that Eric Ray? Yeah, that's right. Guys, don't freak out. That is Brandon Wardell. Don't freak out. I know. Yes, you can have his phone number.

And fellas, standing next to him, confirmed, that is Mike Racine. Yeah, that's Mike Racine. It's not a big deal. It sounds like the greatest movie ever. It's an insane ensemble cast. It's about me walking through the comedy story. And I find chicka, chicka boom boom on the ground.

And I read it. The quotes start popping up. Yeah. Will there be enough for them for all these celebrities? You accidentally walk into a house and it's all of them in robes. Yeah. It's all of them in robes. Yeah.

The Illuminati is Brandon Wardell. Mike Racine, Zach Ben Singer. I mean, there's no other way to explain this fan. It has to be the Illuminati. Yeah, I got blood in, blood out to the Illuminati.

They all beat my ass at the end of the movie. Oh, that is funny. That is fucking funny, man. So, Pride Month is going on. Janus is around. Janus is busing. And you know what's... You know what's amazing.

You really do see June. first in New York City, the outfits changed drastically. I've seen a lot of people wearing sparkly ass clothes. I saw a fully pink man. Interesting. He was pink-skinned and he had clothes that were

pink. Wow. And he was riding a city bike that was blue. Wow. You know what I saw? His bike was not pink. I saw the exact opposite. I was downtown. A blue guy on a pink bike. I did see a blue guy yesterday. That's pride. Not his skin wasn't blue, but he was wearing all blue hat, blue

shirt, blue pants, blue shoes. Wow. And I was saying, and it looked like he didn't do it on purpose because they weren't so blue matched to each other. They weren't so matched to each other. It looked like an, like it kind of like you just like, yeah, we've all done that before. Yeah, we actually wear the whole one color. I was

thinking about how just walking up to him and tapping on the shoulder. Hey, buddy. Hey, blue boy. Hey, blue today. So it was a blue today, huh? Feeling blue. Cool, man. I always see about it. Oh, yeah, cool, man.

Cool. Blue. Blue. Uh, very cool. Oh, cool shirt, man. Whoa, Miss Cutler. Oh, wait, I just noticed. Very, very cool. Wow, blue. Hmm. Okay.

When are we going to get the pride for people who don't like dressing very well? Yeah. They tried that in Boston, remember? Straight Pride. Oh, yeah, true. But I, uh, I was... Who says a straight guy can't dress well? That's true.

I kind of say that. It's true. I don't think straight people dress very good. Um, I, I was walking, uh, downtown. I was going to, something and I saw on a city bike the I for a split second fully believed it was Gina Carrano from the Mandalorian oh snap but it was just another bulky woman in a maga hat just speeding down the street on the city button running running a red light and I

was like damn I wonder where she's going and then I turn the corner just to make it to Trump trial. Trump trial right there. She's getting on the city bike all the way. She's like, I've got to get there right now. Donald needs me. Donald needs me so bad. Trying to run over the protesters.

Then I saw like the, I was going to like, I was going to stand there and like watch for a little bit because I had nothing to do. I thought a lot of time to kill. And then I saw this woman this like really small like a gray old lady with like a black shirt that said Trump is guilty and then two big ass signs

and I was like she's doing my job for me. I don't need to be here. There's already a superhero right there. Did you salute her? No, I gave her a dollar. No, I didn't. I'm lying.

I'm lying. You put a dollar in her waistband. I did do this. Oh, that's kind of a hard expression to read though. Yeah. That's kind of like your, you're not that interested in either side of this debate.

No, I'm not. Yeah. I do think it's funny that he's got a felony now. So does this squarely, can we just admit that this puts him squarely as the douche in this year's election? I think so. He's the douche and what's the other one? Turd sandwich. Herd sandwich is, yeah.

Biden, to me, Biden is very, I mean, we'll see what they do. This might be the first election of two duches. No, I think Biden is obviously a turd sandwich. Is it officially Biden versus Trump? Yeah. Yeah, of course it is. Well, there's RFK Jr., but we don't know what's going to happen with that. Yeah.

I saw that video of, I think you've talked about it before, but why the fuck does he sound like that? He had some, apparently he didn't always sound like that. Was it the brainworm that did that? He's had like a million meta, he's had like a balsanero level of like medical emergencies happening. He is a Skexas. And he goes like, I don't know, I am they still the emperor. He's going to crumble. He's going to be on fucking flagrant.

It's so crazy. And he's going to crumble like the emperor from Dark Christopal. He's got Cheryl. Yeah. Dude. Don't even get me started. It's crazy. He must be pecking.

Cheryl gave up. LD. I know. L.D. Put himself on the line. Who has a fucking amazing boy. Uh-huh. To get with Cheryl?

It's so crazy, man. It's so insane. It really, did they, did, did curb already end? I know they were having the last season. They had the finale already. I don't think I've heard a single thing about it. It was the end of it. I watched the first two of the last season.

It's not the end. It's always going to go until he dies. Yeah. He said it just like four times. He always says that the show's over. Yeah. And then they make another season and four years. Like 176 or something?

I think he's older than that. I think he's in his 80s. The funniest thing is when people are like, it's so clear that he was the only funny part of Seinfeld. What? How about Kramer? Yeah. How about beauty?

And how about the ball? Little guy. Yeah. Little J. Little J. Well, I do like the tall one. Yeah. That's Kramer.

I just really said that. Puddy? Puddy? Puddy? Who's Puddy? Puddy? Patrick Warburton? His name's Puddy.

Really? Yeah. I thought his name was Kronk. No, no, no, no. You're thinking of a separate role. Oh. That's on me. Mr. Puddy.

But Kronk is funny. Cronk. I guess he's kind of the same as Pudtts. Here's what's amazing about Cron. Here's what's amazing about Cron. start emperor's new groove and you think well Cronk this guy is just kind of funny but he's not really an important character

he's just and you also here's what you think to just like just throw this in there you think this is a brainless muscle man yeah there's nothing behind those eyes there's no what you see his design and you think there's no way this guy's gonna be fucking funny he's just a beef king he's not gonna say anything funny he's just eye candy for the girls to

look at during the movie for girls and the Jays for girls and jays but then you watch the rest of the movie and he becomes slowly the funniest part of the entire movie And it's really the things that he says more than the things that he does. He gives such a performance in his physicality. I don't know how the actor is able to do a lot of those things. It's impressive as fuck.

Yeah. And you know who we never talk about who's also Burley in that movie. Who? John Goodman. What's that guy's name even? Another character you look at and you just all you think like this character is not going to have any bearing on the plot. Again, it's just eye candy. This is for, you know, the guys to just jerk off to whenever they see it is Yizma.

And Yizma is, of course. Of course she's fine. She's fine as fuck. But there's depth to the character too. She's evil. Yes. You see her and you think

this is going to be the good princess who gets married to the hero halfway through and the rest of the movie's a fuckfest. Because of her look. It's going to be a fuck fest between some kind of femme fatale. Right.

Yeah. And you think, okay, she's the whitest woman of all time. She's going to be, clearly this is like Hollywood beauty standard. She's going to be the superhero.

Every woman wants to look like this. She actually is not from Hollywood. She's not. She's from ancient. South America. Yeah. Very old times, which ancient means a long time ago. And David Spade in that movie is an amazing,

plays an amazing, incredible Guatemalan. Now, who was the emperor? David Spade. David Spade was the emperor. Okay. I haven't seen that movie since I was a kid. I've seen that movie upwards of five times. Wow.

Yeah. And it was good every single time. And now what is the deal with, why is there a llama? Why is there a groove? Why is there a llama? Is that the emperor's pet? Are you foolish? Why isn't it what called Emperor's new groove again?

Is he obsessed with dancing? Yeah, and he gets a new groove because he becomes a Lana. What did you say? Comes a llama. Yeah, so he becomes a llama and he says, well, now I can't dance because not only do I have two left feet, I got four browned hooves. So let me do a different style of dance. Him and John Goodman climb back to back, back to back. Oh, I remember John Goodman's character.

A cliff. he wears a helmet he got a bonnet he wears a bonnet and similarly you think at the beginning well this has to be a big girl because that is a girlish thing to put on your head

a lot of this movie you look at every character and you think no way this character can talk yep these are just drawings they're merely draw okay so wait this is a picture they're drawings that move

this is a drawing first frame you think there's no way this is going to move yeah so this won't move but then it moves once and you say okay so great it's two pictures the third one comes

It starts slowly introducing the idea that this is many, many frames put together with also audio. Honestly, it took me a few watches to see it as motion. My brain was not interpolating correctly. It took me the first few times I watched it, I thought, well, those were pretty interesting 500,000 pictures. It's a little hard to focus on. Where's this music coming from? This music of voices. Yeah.

And then you start looking all over your house, seeing, okay, where's the accompaniment? I can hear the music. where it's coming from. Right. There has to be... Oh, my neighbors are talking upstairs. But then slowly you understand by your third or fourth watch,

this is a film. This is an animated film. This is an animated film. Films aren't always about real people. Exactly. Sometimes they can be about fake things like Aztec. Yes.

Just random bull crap. Oh, what if we put an ancient Egyptian pyramid in South America? What if there was a gold crown? Stuff like this. Questions that you can't answer in real life. like that you've never seen a gold crown

you ain't never seen a crown like this before tagline of the movie I think that was the tagline you've never seen a crown like this you ain't never seen a crown like this before yeah the goat the goat the goat that would be a good update

that movie came out today and it was a character poster it would say the goat like with the dots so you know it's an acronym and then it would be crossed out in red and it would say llama the llama man we should yeah we should Oh, my God.

Good golly. We need to be copywriters. We need to stop all this, and we need to become copywriters in Williamsburg. I need to work as a novelist. I think that you would make an amazing Stephen King-style novelist. I would be so good at writing your foreword. And I'd write you backward. This book was scary.

And I would write the backward. Holy crap. This book made me shit myself. All the quotes are from you on the front. What the fuck even was that? He's a psycho. He's a fucking. fucking loon. Arrest the man who wrote this.

Arrest this bitch. He's a fucking loony. That would be such a good pull quote in the front of a book. Arresta man who wrote this. And then you open the book to the title page. It's called The Scary Restaurant by Karen McHetter. Wow. Yeah. It's called this it can't even finish the title because your

quote is interrupting the title. The scary They should start putting quotes like that in the middle of the book too, like on the sides of the pages. Oh my God. I got to this part crazy. What the fuck is happening? next part and just like a

stippling drawing of he had to die. Yeah. Hold up. This next thing crazy. The first page

is a picture of you and it says hi, I'm Patrick Doran I'll be your guide for this book. About the quota and about the

quote it's like when you watch a movie with commentary. Yeah. Pop up book like pop up video on VH1. Yeah.

That's a great idea. It's pop-ups. It's pop-ups of you. And like the Amazon Prime X-ray you could, it could be like and here are my picks

for who should play who and the Hollywood an adaptation. Robert Redford should be the main character. I know he's 13, but it should be John C. Riley. Yes. Should be John C. Riley as a 13-year-old boy. And John C. Riley should do an orbit

and play every single person. They need to be doing more of those. You know how magazines used to do? This is who we would cast in the movies. And people post them on Twitter sometimes. They need to be doing those every day, every magazine and website in the world. That's how I knew I needed a test out of my English class.

freshman year high school because you were so smart that was one of my assignments that was to I was in a class called I was in a class called literature and composition and we were reading to kill a mockingbird and she was like your assignment today is to cast the the book if it was to be if the movie was to be made today because we watched the movie too I would probably as Atticus Finch I would probably cast Gregory Peck I would go James Franco yeah Gregory who did you cast as Atticus Finch I don't remember

Maybe John Ham I think Oh that's good That's pretty good Yeah And then there's that guy I actually did cast John C. Riley as the drunk guy

At the court house Okay I thought that And my teacher was like That's a good pull Fuck Who's Boo Radley I'm trying to

This is so long ago Get this Atticus Finch James Franco Boo Radley Dave Fray oh wow yeah and the movie reveals their brothers

yeah it's like a cool brother's movie yeah that's what I would think of it as at least I remember my girlfriend at the time also got that assignment and I was looking over it for her and what's the she was like

yeah that who did she cast that the their their maid the maid of the family she was like yeah it should be Queen Latifah from the help

and I had to be like hey that's not Queen Latifah's not in the help that's awesome Queen Latifah from the help who did she think Queen Latifah is she thinking secret life of bees I don't know

I don't I think she thought Queen Latifah was Octavia Spencer. That's crazy. I was like, I was like, that's, that is so insane. Like that you can. That's next level. Yeah, you cannot say that that's Queen Latifah. She was like, she was just like, whatever.

She said whatever to that? Yeah. That would make me, if I made that kind of mistake, that'd rethink a lot of stuff, I think. I think we did break up a couple weeks later. It's my first girlfriend. Queen Latifah. She said that Queen Latifah was in the help. If Queen Latifah had been in the help, you guys would still be.

together. I cannot be with you. Yeah. You are racist. You are so, and you know what? I can handle everything else, but your racism is crazy on her. And you're racist. You're a racist.

You're crazy racist. All right, gang. Well, um, shareholder meeting is on the 28th. 28. And I think, Alex versus Patrick. Alex versus Patrick. Oh yes. On Tuesday.

On Tuesday, which is the what date? The 11th. At the wind. Gemma. You can buy tickets on Instagram. Jamma. Caleb Pitts will be on the keyboard. Danana.

If you learned that, that'd be sick. Maybe I will. You should. I think it's probably pretty easy. Anything else? No. What am I going to have for lunch? I don't know what I'm going to have yet.

Maybe a salmon burger. Oh, I have some in my freezer. Maybe I'll make some. But I think they're freezer burned. But guys, I don't care about freezer burn. What does that do? I really don't care. I don't even know what it means.

And you know what? comment down below your favorite salmon burger recipe. Tziki. Siziki? Hawaiian roll bun. I've been hitting the Z. Tomato? Hard as fuck.

I would have everything. That's all you need. Everything. I've seen that video of the... I made some kefda kebobob yesterday and put some Siziki on us. Have you seen that video of the guy and he's making a, it's like an Instagram chef guy and he's making a meal that uses Siziki? And he has clearly only seen it written down.

Oh, yeah. And he goes, and then you're going to want to put on some tizikidee sauce. Tazikidee. Tazikidee. Some ddddd sauce. Okay. Bye bros. But it should be.

But it should approve every time. Yeah. If you already made the first world. Careful with that. What? You're about to pop that. Don't pop that bubble. I'm not popping.

That is our sacred bubble. This is mine. First of all, I got this for Christmas. And I brought it here very graciously. So if I want to pop it. I will. You brought it here and brought it

second of all I'm not going to pop it. You made it a part of the community. Yeah, it's still mine. This is a community builder. What would you do

if somebody took your Christmas present? What if I was... See? That is scary. What if someone told you how to play with your Christmas

present? Is this your Christmas present? This was, I got this for Christmas. You got it for my dad. Don't pop it over that. Your dad gave you a ball for Christmas?

Yeah. How old did your dad think you are? Well, clearly it was a good present. Yeah, it's the best present. literally everybody loves it. Patrick is afraid that it's going to break. The first time Patrick

Patrick's going to worry something's going to break in his entire life. Your dad gave you a ball. Was it wrapped? It came in its box. Yeah. Of course it comes in its box. It's not just going to be loose like this. Was it a stocking or was it under the tree? Okay, all right. If that was under the tree, I'd be pissed off. I would be pissed off, dude.

Look at how much fun this has brought us for years. It's a ball. I'm just not, I'm not a huge fan of the ball, personally. It's just not my type of shit. Yeah.