Podcast About List - UNLOCKED Premium #286 - Prosciutto Mukbang with Seeking Derangements

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

Please listen to Seeking Derangements Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

The Dark History of Lermit. Lermann is green as a piece of green grass and his mother was either a green, snake or a green amphibian. Jubio, happy birthday. I love you. Let's make this year the best year ever. Lairmit either ate something. Billy Green or just played with a green thing and it turned him green forever. We are joined about this Wow.

Perfect clap. We are joined today by Jacques and Hessa of seeking derangements. Give it up. Hey, y'all. We're also joined by a bag of bignet mix

provided by the crew of Iris from New Orleans. I love that. Donated to Patrick and you should gum that. I like that we kind of established that you were going to get that beforehand, but not when we recorded. You just said, oh, I love that. You just took it.

Actually, you had it in your hands and you said, it's just going to be on your lap. I want to say, you're so fake, man. It's just a fake to shit. We're going to do like the, like, oh, dude, we would try to get you on for so long. Today's episode of Potabout List and Seeking Derangements is sponsored by Rosarios and Astoria, a great place. I got a bag of pursuit, and I'm ready to eat the whole thing. Who's that on the, is that Rosario on the bag? That's him on the bag, and I swear to God, that's him?

Yeah, he was there in the store. He was actually there. Did he look exactly like that? He looked exactly like that. He kept for, like, doing, was it like the hot buzz joke where he was standing right next to the bag, too? I mean, he literally was like five feet away. He had his walker set up right next to his t-shirt so he could like, wait,

you had a walker? Is he still working? Yeah. Wow. And he's got a walker? I mean, that kind of guy has to wear. work until he's dead. This guy has to work every day because he's eating 10 pounds of prosciutto every hour. Not because of that, but he's on the bag. I mean, you like, he's on

the bag. If you have to go, if you have that beautiful of a picture of yourself, you have to go in. Okay, pull this shit up. Get ready. Patrick needs to try this. I do want to try it. I knew you, yeah. Oh my God. These are like, this looks so amazing. Good Lord. Wait, wait, wait, I want one so bad. Take a whole sheet. Take a whole sheet. I'm going to eat a whole sheet of prosciutto, apparently. All right.

Oh, my God. I'm actually so, this looks so fucking good. I think I'm okay. Yeah, I'm good. I just don't. I'm going to be honest. It's not appealing to me right now. A meat that comes from a stack, like a trading cards is not really the kind of meat that I want to eat.

You're going to accept that. You're going to take not being a meaty guy. I'll take one. This is Mr. Rosario's personal week collection. It's really good. Is it? It is really good.

I'm not a huge, I don't really like. I wish I had some cannelope or something. I'm doing right into the mic. What's that called? I wish I had some roasted pigeon. It's not Spanakopoda. You wrap this in the roasted pigeon?

What's that? Wrap it in a roasted pigeon? Roasted pigeon wrapped in prosciutto. I've never. I'm not familiar. I can say I'm familiar with that. New York like specialty item. Oh, really?

I get it the Aki way. Wow. Is that getting a. The pigeon the Ockyway or the Pursuit of the Ockyway? Which one is the Ocky Way? Which one is getting oxed? Hey, whichever way the Ocky Way, that's the way I'm going tonight, you know what I'm saying? Probably a way of the J-trained.

I saw a video where somebody does the like, oh, I'm actually going to go to the Ocky Way thing. Yeah. And it wasn't the guy. I was like, but it kind of killed it for me. Of course he can't be there all the time. He probably isn't there ever anymore. No, he just goes to shoot the videos. You've been there?

I went there on my birthday. Two years ago. Yeah, well, I was in the area. I was around the street to be to go there. It's like near, it's like in Red Hook. It's an hour away from here. It's very far. Very far, but I was already, I was in the area.

I was in like the Gowanus area, so it was like a 20 minute walk. So I took the 20 minute walk is not, it's not a bad area. That's a terrible walk too. I don't know if it's 20 minutes. I forget that. That specific walk too. It felt like a long time. It felt like a very long walk.

There's like no sidewalk. It was all the way to Guam That must have been a long walk It was a long walk I went to the Ockyway place It was it's just a regular deli Past a certain time Was there a bunch of it was there like a big line of kids

No it was Because it was Probably it was like 1150 At night And we had just left like We just left something And then it was like 1150 It was almost the time that my birthday

It was the day before your birthday Day before my birthday It was going into my birthday So it was going into my birthday So it was like something But the fact that you mentioned it being for your birthday means it was for your birthday. You wanted to ring in your birthday. It was not for my birthday.

It was explicitly for the purpose of your birthday. You know, you know, okay. I associated it with your birthday. I associated it with my birthday. It was your cake. By the way, earlier, when the camera switched to just you three, Jacques was so anxious. He looked so upset. No, I didn't.

I was just confused. He, like, looked over at me like, is it broken? Why isn't you showing me? Oh, that's why you had a move to live. I come here to eat a pound of pursue. We also had you on a Dutch angle for some reason. I don't know why. The camera's all messed up.

Guys, it's okay. This is an impromptu sort of thing. The audio will also be, I'm sorry for the audio too. In advance because we're using this old thing that I forgot how to use. This is classical-ho style. This is a classic style pot about this episode. Most of the things are going wrong. A big slab of meat.

There's a big slab. I'm eating on the show. I actually got a crumb of meat. This is how I used to. What's what the crumb? Rome of meat. You're so opposed to this meat. What's Pita over here?

No, I don't, I don't like... He was vegan for like a long time. I don't like warm, like room temperature meat. Yeah, it's more... Not room temperature. It is cold. I put it in my mouth and it was not really cold. Yeah, you put it on my face earlier.

I think I think you have an insanely hot mouth, like a... Thank you. Like a toaster of a mouth. That's okay. Then that would make room temperature food seem cold. It's honestly, this is so fucking good, by the way. It is really good. Can I have one more?

How much was this pound of prosciutto? 20 bucks. Oh, that's not that bad. No. And I already had a half pound earlier today. You already sished a half pound. Tell them how much cheese you bought, too. You just made Patrick laugh.

I already dropped a ball of prosciutto. I put it down. I put it down because I was laughing with my leg. My leg rolled it down. They said, come to. Also, Jacques is? It'll be super easy. It'll be normal.

For the record, we never said come to recording. No, no, no, no. You asked us. I have to come record at the studio. I'm in New York these days. I said, okay. You also, Jacques pulled up with four beverages. I'm just realizing.

And then made me buy another one. Yeah. That was excellent. Well, I'm almost out of my Canada dry raspberry sparkling seltzer out water, which is an inferior beverage. But a superior one that's really hard to get to. online and house and how's vanilla cream

okay why are you so grossed up about my diet that one I don't like that one I don't like that hell tonight whoa whoa whoa whoa I like the grapefruit house I can't imagine a vanilla soda yeah prosciutto as that okay well then

no no no it's you gotta open it now there's no time there's no time but the present imagine no more this is the hockey way man come on this is our first our first muckbang That's good. That is damn good. It does not go with that, but that is good.

It literally pairs so well. Vanilla and prosciutto. Yeah. That is pretty good. That's a, that's a thing so good. That's an amazing seltzer water. I mean, this is, come on. I'm practically run by Hals now.

You're running. You know what? They own a lot of stuff. I wouldn't be surprised. They own Rosarios. They own Rizartos. No, they don't. No, they do not.

You got me. What are they owned besides there? How's also has a, like, kettle-cooked. chips. They have my favorite salt vinegars. House has like Salmon.

House owns me. I'm their indentured servant. Really? Yeah, that's why I'm in New York. You're pulling up another sheet.

This is unbelievable. I'm honestly a little, I realized with horror this morning that Jacques definitely forced his way on, didn't tell you guys I was also coming,

and that it was probably going to be this, that was going to be happening. I just had a run. of anxiety. There's no other way to do this with you. It's true. I got to get my heart level up. I've been having chest pain. You've been having chest pains. Where's heart level? Yeah, what's your heart level? Well, you've been having chest pains. You just told us you ate a whole thing.

You spent $40, $40 on prosciutto already today. 35, but $35 on prosciutto. Will they give you a discount? No, $5 a pound earlier. They didn't have to go at a low heart level. When I said I was sponsored by them. I meant I went there earlier and they're now my official business of choice. Okay. Just in general, period. Just for anything? For the next. What do you mean?

I'm still stuck on what do you mean by you have a low heart level? I'm also going to get my heart level up too. Most people want to get their heart level down. I don't know what I don't even know what heart level is. You need more HP and my energy levels are a little low and I want my heart to be your energy levels are not a little low. I'm going to

You're telling you, I'm telling you right here. I think I know what you're saying. I think you want to raise your energy levels with some smelling salts. You want to raise your energy with some prosciutto with a half powder of prosciutto. You know what? Tony eats this before he has sex. Yeah. Who's Tony?

Tony's not talking about that freaking kill Tony or something, you know, I mean. Oh shit. Call him out. Tony, we're going to make you look like this sheet. Hey, Tony, you want to do some comedy? Why don't you try to eat some of my prosciutto, you little. faguso faguoso.

You want to try to do some comedy why don't you try to eat my prosciutto? Why don't you try some comedy? Why don't you try my prosciutto? I think I've been broken

since last night. Don't ever go to Coney Island after 8 p.m. because you're going to leave not right. It mess you up. It's closed. Well, I'm going to be honest. When it was closed. Can I be honest, too?

Yes. I got a head injury on the way there. As soon as I sat down on the subway with this girl. Wait, wait, how did you get a hit? Wait, what happened? So we got to the subway to go to Coney Island. It's a really long ride from Bushwick. And I just sat down in the subway like this and I hit my head as hard as I could against the back of it. It made such a loud noise. Everyone in the car turned around, and the girl said, are you okay?

And I said, my head is jamming. And I wasn't trying to make a joke. That was just the first thing that came to. Those were the words that came out of your mouth. And she said, what? And we had some fun, but my head was radiating. I was a feeling for a good at least hours. Why did you go when it was closed to Coney Island?

We just planned it late, and I just, you know. You didn't know it was closed. No, we were just hoping. when we made it at the end. I didn't bother. I didn't want to look at the season. I think it just opened for the season. Why is it closed?

I thought it was like a nighttime thing. It closes at eight. Maybe this is just the early like. It was Sunday. Oh, yeah. It was Sunday. I didn't really think if there was beautiful outside. We had time smoking.

I was like, oh, let's sit over here. There's this amazing Latino music playing. These guys had taken over this bathroom. Telling your girls. You're sitting in the bathroom to listen. Dancing outside the bathroom. Not them playing this Latina music. We got to all sit down near them and just kind of this vibe.

How close to them? Like a bench away. Did you give them any money or anything? No, whatever. They're not beggars. Okay. Why would you think that they're homeless? Like, not homeless, but maybe they were, did they have like an open guitar case?

It's actually called houseless, so you should try to. Wait, wait, wait, wait. They were playing, they were playing the music. You were they playing it? Or they're like a speaker? Oh, okay. I thought you missed it. It was like a Banda.

Yeah. It was like a Marriachi band. That's right. Yeah. No, no, no. I think I understood that you meant they were just playing it of a speaker. But you should still give some money. You just still give the money for bridging the public space.

Because they have to pay for their Spotify. Well, they're not paying for their Spotify subscription. Yeah, that's true. It is funny that most people who play music off a speaker in public, they play the ads too. Yeah. They play it off a Pandora with the ads. Yeah. You always hear the like, want to break from the ads?

Like, every. single time. The options near eating by Coney Island as you could imagine are very slim. Yeah. Yeah. So directly across from the... Is the Nathan's? Well, they got the Nathan's. They have a bunch of like fried stuff. Yeah. Nathan's looked awful

and then they had clams. Nathan's is like classic. Turn me off. You don't show me clams? Not at the fast food place. What is this? Don't y'all... You never had a fried clam? Yeah, what's wrong with fried? Fried clam is the best food on earth. We're New England boys. I think they were wrong. I, you know what I was

There's no way they were raw clams. I don't think they'd have had them there before. They had raw oysters too at there. Well, yeah, that makes sense. Why would they be raw clams? They wouldn't be raw clams. They would not be. I mean, they're both from a shell, but like, you've got to, like, you fry.

Is this because y'all are from a seafood town and it's too pretentious to eat them? Like, because y'all are. Well, I don't think anyone eats raw clams. I think you always cook the clams. You eat raw oysters. You just came from, like, a really elevated kind of, like, a wrist and, no, no, no, no, this is not. where you fry. We think fried clams is aristocrat?

Deep frying a clam versus raw versus raw food. Let me just get some of this pursuit on my mouth because I'm embarrassed. I don't know what to say anymore. Where are we at our heart level? Oh, we're up.

We're up? Oh, my God. You're so fucking up. Dangling. There's also, you could not have picked a ruder food to kind of be eating. On camera. It's not crackers.

It turns into strands. It's not a crunch going on. It's like eating a spider web. It's not crackers. It's not crackers. No, but I see it. It's a visual. It's really, it's really, it's stunning.

There's the only way to eat it is like, like that. Like you have to eat it like Heathcliff eats a sergeant. On this next bite, put the pixelation so the people don't have to see the porn. Yeah, give him more work to do. You enjoyed that more. Because you knew that nobody would see it. Now that I know y'all are looking, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to eat it seductively. Now that you know we're looking.

Did you get a tattoo of a spider on your elbow because you killed someone or because you had something bad happened to you in jail? It's because something bad happened to me in jail. I've been wondering why we were similar. Yeah. What happened to you in jail? Honey, you don't even want to know. Actually, it wasn't bad at all. Actually, I got in control of a lot of the.

the remotes and I was able to stay up. Wait, wait, wait, the jail TVs. So I got moved. All the remotes. So I started off at the downstairs pot of a more general population. I was 17 and having to go to jail for three and a half weeks. Tried as an adult for five industrial vandalism charges. What were you doing?

Wait, what did you were right? So one of my, what was your name? My graffiti, there were two big graffiti tags. I couldn't spell, so I had to get it. It was a symbol. It was a dorm. apartment building and it was like way way, way years and years ago. I'm 32

I was like 17 then so I don't know what the year was but it said Obama or no Osama bin Laden for president on one wall and the biggest font and then Jesus is my boyfriend and he sucks my dick well and the biggest font on like a Catholic

kind of crap on a Catholic church no and a Catholic university at the new dorms that they had just had built and they were opening the next day and they had just had the white walls painted and inside And then I did a car dealership, and then I also did that one say. Fuck car. Walking rules.

My symbol was an upside down cross, a heart, and a star. And then someone had taken, someone in my hometown had taken a picture of that, put it to their tumbler. The police reverse image searched that picture, showed up to his house in Scott, Louisiana, knocked in the door, and they're like, you're on an arrest for your. You just said his name is full for his. He's not going to be bothered by this. He's a good guy. He has nothing to hide. This is what it's like every time we were trying.

I love having joccasters. It really feels like a day off. What about a day off? It just, yeah. We just get to kind of sit here and listen. That's perfect. Also, I just wanted everyone to note that my phone number is. No, don't say your phone number again.

No, it's my choice. It's my right. As an American and as a New York visitor. My phone number is... You know what you should have done is worn this shirt. You should remake this shirt that you're currently wearing and put your phone number on it. Yeah.

That's disgusting. How's that disgusting? I'm helping you with marketing. I'm being so rude. I appreciate... As he's pulling for you. I appreciate you. I appreciate you.

I appreciate you, but as it says, tell her sex. Get off. Over the phone. Call your sexy ladies. Do you think they would ever call me sexy or a lady? Let's be honest. Who's they here?

Yeah. Well, these three would definitely... Well, I'm not saying the exact shirt. I'm saying make your own. So now I have to make a new... So my shirt that I'm wearing is a good enough for you. You're giving it a work to do. All right.

I'm thinking that I'm... You're the one putting out your phone number. Let me make you more comfortable. I'm trying to help. You're going to take the shirt off now? Don't take your shirt off. You don't have your microphone. First of all, so no one can hear you.

No one can hear you. Sorry, I just wanted to break for a second. I just thought. Yeah, no, that's okay. Okay. I was trying to make you more comfortable. Tell me about. Jock.

Yeah, tell me. Tell me about jail. Oh, yeah, jail. We're in the middle of the jail story. The remotes. The remotes. You got all the remote. Do you get a special tattoo for getting all the remotes in jail?

You got a special achievement. Yeah. Preshoot is down. so oh my god okay so jail i've arrived i've been doing a lot i've been doing a lot of drugs leading up to this okay like like a lot of drugs like hallucinogens every day the night before i've had mescaline acid mushrooms 2 c i 2cb and like maybe like four packs of mucinex wait is that what is what is what is musin what is musinous what is it's like over-the-counter DXM. Oh, okay.

So I would take like two or three boxes at the time. Yeah, gotcha. So I do all that. You're the reason you have to like show ID again. Yeah, it's because of this specific event. I used to have a song too about stealing Delsome. Yeah. What happened to it?

Rob your family and kill them for your Delsome. I would sit outside Walmart, begging people going Delsome, Delsome. Bitch, I want some Delsome. Rob your family and kill them for your. You made a song to beg them to buy you drugs? Yeah, doesn't that how most people do it in America? That does have a good, I mean, it's like, again, it's a good marketing.

Don't you think I should have a job? I do think you should have a job, actually. It's funny you bring that up. I think it would be kind of confusing. Put your shirt back on. You're in prison. You're in jail. You're in jail.

See, you can think about this now when you're putting your shirt on. Jail, I've arrived. You've arrived in jail. Now, I can put my shirt back on me. You've arrived in jail. you somehow, so you were in the first level, you were in Gen Pop, somehow you get control of all the TV. That is a prison tattoo.

You were in jail. That's basically the first level. That's what Jacques said. I arrived in jail and I'm still coming down from all these drugs, and time is moving so fast. It looks like one of those sped-up videos of the day going past in a window. A time-lapse. Time-lapse video.

And I was disturbed. I went to bed, first night that I'm in jail, and I woke up, and I had the biggest wet dream that I could ever imagine. So horrible. You know how awful that is you just got your news. You shot it in your sleep? Yes, I just, like, first night in jail, I'm, like, coming down for all these drugs, I just shot a giant load in myself. And it was so embarrassing, but I didn't want to deal with it. So I went back to bed, and I slept.

for a week. A week. A full week. A shot of chai. And they let you sleep for a week. No one came and checked up. And then I slept for a week. Yeah, that's true.

And I, and I showered and I got to change. And the guys were like, you got to wear your sandals in the shower. And I was like, why? They're like, you want to get your feet pregnant? Because all the guys are jacking off. Meanwhile, you are you. You got your sheep got it all out. I mean, I've been pregnant myself.

Yeah. By the act of transference. You fell asleep with your dick in your ass and you... That's the word. Y'all, if y'all ever had that problem, I always bossy with my dick in my ass. Tell me about the remotes. I always forget to take it out. God, I fuck myself over again.

I have to take a plan B every night because I fuck myself in the ass. Be expensive. Anyway, so I was kind of embarrassed. I was like, kind of shook. I was like trying to adjust. My roommate had been transferred from the most dangerous prison in Louisiana called Angola Maximum a prison. Most people die there.

He was coming to serve his last six months of his like 15 year sentence and he was sat with me and he was like, you're lucky you're not in Angola. They would have taken your cherry pie. Your butt. Yeah. And I was already kind of like,

they wouldn't have been the first ones there. There was a giant white guy with giant big dreads and like a big huge one single dread and the inside of that dread had a bunch of drugs, and we were sharing them. He kept drugs inside his hair.

This is not true. Myz is not. First of all, his horse has never been to jail. Her hair is blonde, so she's a fucking liar. That you used to have drugs out of like a Halloween candy. We smoked a tiny joint that he lit with a fucking battery.

Okay, so there was, admit that there was one joint in there and not a ton of different. No, he had Coke, too. And he was really smelly. And the cops had to drag him three or four people into to take a shower, and he didn't want to take a shower because he didn't want to get his hair wet, because he didn't want to get the shit in his hair. Yeah.

No, I'm going to have to be here for a month. Okay. Okay. And how did you get the remote? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're getting to the TV parts. Okay. So then I would jump to the TV.

No, no, no. I want to hear everything in. So then I saw FaceTime or Face. Face off? Face off. In English. In English, have you seen it? A different lake.

No, because right after they played it in Spanish. Okay. Then after that, I was starting, like, the general, like, population thing was, like, maybe getting a little rough for me, and they were like, I think we're going to transfer you because of your mental issues to the mental ward. I was like, yeah, let's go. It's the youngest people and the oldest people, and then the most mentally ill, and it's the top layer.

And there's three TVs and three remotes, and people are, and at night, they lock everyone else up except at night I had made a deal with the guard and I was literally like staying up past like watching TV why did they what was the deal what was the guards full the end of the deal because I because I said I was

too I when as soon as I got up there I said I was too scared of the general population and acted crazy so they kept my door locked during the day and then they let me out at night when they locked everyone else out the nocturned prisoner the entire so you slept during the day the phantom of I woke up one time and a guy

You're playing the organ with the mask on? Phantom of the jail. I woke up and this guy was a skateboarder wanted to kill himself or something and it was so dramatic and I was just like a guy, a skateboarder was a skateboarder There was a skateboarder in there like a young

skateboarder guy. Okay, okay. And then he got called out but that was the only time I kind of like. He was in jail for skateboarding? I mean, I'm not Tony Hawk. I didn't arrest him. Pat, what did you go for? Not Tony Hawk, I didn't arrest. Tony Hawk's like kind of a secret cop. Is that true?

You learned that from the skateboarder. Here's a little weird fact about Tony Hawk before we get to the even more television stuff. Why did Tony Hawk move the day that to Greece, the only place they don't charge for child pornography the day that Epstein got sentenced? Do you mean Tom Hanks? Are you sure it's not Tony Hawk?

I think it's Tom Hanks. It's someone else who's name begins with a T and an age. That's the conspiracy I've heard is that Tom Hanks moved to Greece with Rita Wilson that day. But I could see Tony Hawk, I mean, he shirks the law. Yeah.

He literally doesn't have a 360. He's broken the laws of gravity and into defiance. So what's one more illegal pursuit? Exactly. I heard that song Defying Gravity. This doesn't even matter to me. I've already skateboarded.

I love to scoff. I'm already too far gone. And skating. They wrote that song about him. Which one? Defying gravity. Who? Oh, the Wicked song?

Yeah, that could be, you think that's about Tony Hawk? Oh, my God, of course. That song, that song and Superman by Goldfinger are about Tony Hawk. I remember, Pat, one of the first things I said to you, what I learned about your skateboarding was, can you do a Christair? And you said, that's not a real move. No, it's real. Is it real?

It's real. I hate when he says something real. He told me my religion. I definitely said, no. He told me my gender wasn't real. I never said that. No, I believe that. He said the same to me.

He said that to me too. He said he doesn't respect women either. I thought I heard of him say that too. Me too. I don't know why he said it to me. Are you smiling about it? Yeah, I did. I would fucking psycho.

And lately, I didn't want to have to bring this up in the podcast, but I just thought that we should like talk about it. I think you should stop saying that you're skinnier than me and stop comparing our weights to each other. Like, I get it. You've beat the space race. Like, you've won. Like, I'm fatter. The space race? Yeah.

Yeah, how much space you'll take up. It's a really good name. I just wanted to make sure we all, we all got that. We used to be even. And he's, he had no idea of that meaning. We used to be, oh, wait, ah, what does that mean? I don't, you're never even, we're not, no, because I've gained weight. You're not fat, Joe.

Yeah, I've gained weight. I don't know what they tell you over on seeking derangements. They tell me I'm fat. That's exactly what they tell me. My parents, they sit me down. They say, Jacques, you're fat. His parents weigh him after Thanksgiving dinner every year. This woman who raised me besides my mom, I went to visit her on her deathbed.

And I swear to God, one of the last things she said to me, she was like, Jacques, when you do me a favor of me, I promised. Did she burp too? No, she said, I think you should lose some weight. That was the last thing this woman said to me. Who? Albertha. She helped raise me. Oh, okay.

The last thing she said. said was you should lose some weight. And you are honoring her final wishes. I mean, I love the woman, but I'm not going to stop eating. Well, you have lost weight since that. You've lost a lot of them. I'm about to make a presentation of my weight so y'all can judge to really get an accurate representative. Well, you already have taken up your shirt. I know, look,

when I stretch it out like this. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I I kind of. I, like, boom, boom, boom. Don't help me. Let me out. I don't know bad that sounds. It's like lost soul's trapped. We're being tortured. Oh my God, no.

Oh, my God. I forgot to take my plant bee. There's part of the ship that's coming down in the shaft. We, they should do an osmosis Jones about your body. That would be so. Oh, my God. Osmosis shock. Osmosis shock direct.

What's that Sam guy who does euphoria? Sam Levinson That's who we get to direct Sam Levinson And all the voters It's like this shop directed by Sam Levison Executive produced by

What's that guy It's like a natural born killers Oliver Stone Oliver Stone I like that he's Osmosis shop Sam Levison director Who would

What actor could play me It would be like a venom Horizon But like if I wasn't available To play myself Who? You know who looks the most What else would you got better to do

than play your Me and Jacques, me and Jacques are, it's like Pokemon Evolutions to David Crumholtz. Dude, do you just call me a crumbhole? David Crumhol? You never said the guy who plays, he was a Bernard, the elf, and the Santa Claus movie? I used to have a crush on him when I was a kid. I'm Bernard the Elf. Yeah.

You know the Santa Claus with Tim Allen? Just because he was an elf. Ew. Don't look at me with that discussion. You're the one who brought it to the office Christmas party. He did not. do that he's in a full hallucination you're in a prosciutto

I'm in a precise right in your heart level we got to get it down the heart level is way too high you're in a pee hole right now you need to prestige your heart level I have some white powder that I can use to bring my heart level down it's not do that on the show no he's he has this powder

don't bring it out it's not cocaine because there's all the wires right here we kind of we've kind of put you in a metaphorical cage I've been put in a cage all of my life. Literally. Literally.

From basically from elementary school to middle school, my parents had me living in a closet. Harry Potter. Did you watch Harry Potter? All of your stories.

Are you thinking about Harry Potter? No, I'm not a trans. And also the jailer was in was called Ascabay. Hold on. He said like Dobby. Did you catch that? I caught that, but I also,

you said, a transphobe, you magic pervert. Yeah, because he seems like he's in a magician's shit. He's got some magic number underneath his magic business slip-knock shirt. He's up to a lot of magic business. You magic pervert is so funny. Well, no, I mean, that's a, no, no, no disrespect. No, it's okay.

I don't even know if you're a magician. I don't need to call you a magic. But all magicians are perverts. I mean, they have that magician. house so they can be. Well, it's like, it's having the like attention, needing attention, but you don't want to get it in a normal way. You have to do a crazy outfit. You don't want to be, you have to trick people.

Yes, it is a trick. I want to trick people. That's like, yeah, like, yeah, like, mystery and everything. Anyway, I can make money. You want to trick? I'm like, what are you doing in New York? I'm like, I have a manager now. You can book me now at yay, very fun at gmail.com. That's why, A.Y. Very fun at gmail.com. And I got booked for a private party. It was really fun.

DJ? The DJ. Cool. So they thought they rented a room in a private venue space. They bought, they had a table at a venue that has a house DJ. Oh, no. And they, I called them the day before. Like a trade show?

No, there was five, every party is going on at the same time. Okay. How chaotic. And then I called the venue, the. day before and I was like hey I'm coming tomorrow to DJ and they're like who? They couldn't find the reservation. Oh my god. And wait, yeah

very fun at Gmail and they said oh they didn't tell us about a DJ wait a second I flew in for this and I was supposed to play for four hours. Hold on hold on we get I have to hear this aside. This person was a fan of our podcast and allegedly this is how Jacques got this gig but Jacques called me the night of and said if you want to show up they might pay you some money. No that's not what I

I said, I said I would pay her some money. No, you said they might pay you. You might be able to get them to pay you some money. No, no, no, no, no. She didn't have a mention medicine today. She's not, grandma, you're not thinking straight. Grandma, I told you not to leave the home without telling the caretaker. So wait, so what was this?

What was this? I don't know. It was someone's birthday party. We're never going to know. I just want to say the person that threw it, And that hired me was very sweet, very kind, incredibly interesting and nice. And her and her boyfriend and all of them were fun. The venue was whack as hell.

Madeline's on 113 Franklin Avenue in Brooklyn, New York. It was just weird. How did you memorize the address of this place? Because I've had a lot to say about it. You can't remember, like, what happened if I... Shut the hell up, because I got Pachuto Cloudbrain. my heart's up the head's down

your brain's down yeah your heart level okay bring my heart in my head at the same level what kind of vape is that weed what do you think

what the hell you got the five grams of weed and one you did message me and say you said can I dab there

just need to know for medical reasons yeah I have to keep a steady flow of weed to keep me in I was on the phone with him when he sent that and I thought I was

disconnected and he was silent for like Trying to type that. I was like, hello. We've heard to learn how to hang up the phones the last time I was on the phone with someone. You were the last person to be saying, because you always are like, oh, also, I saw a dog today that looked really cool. And it's like, no, it's time to go.

I have to go. No, I don't. I love talking to you. No, no. Just kidding. What have you been up to today? Me? We've mostly heard from shock.

Honestly. That's a great question, Pat. I've heard. How are you doing? We're probably like an hour in. I realized we have not heard from you. And I don't even think we've scratched the surface on, Jock. We'll come back to know.

We'll come back. I want to know what's going on with Pesel. I haven't done anything today. Okay. Back to Shog. What's like the most embarrassing story you have of me that you've maybe shared with me? Oh, a funny one is when we were hanging out downtown. Oh, no.

And this, we were sitting outside of a, like, of an ice cream place, eating ice cream. And this couple walked by. And Jock just said, they just, they just farted on us. And I was like, what are you talking about? He was dead serious. He was like, they just farted on us maliciously. Did you? I was dead serious.

People just dropped that. That didn't happen. No, they did it. And he was like, they laughed in our faces after. They farted in our face and they laughed at our face. They were walking and laughing. And they were holding their hands. tighter.

Did you smell the phone? No. They were holding their hands like this. No. Well, because she's smelling a lot of weird things all the time. So her nose might be confused. What does that mean? I'm from out of town, so I have a good smell of what's going on. Oh, yeah.

Right. Yeah, you're kind of, you're not used to. I'm telling you, when they were walking by, their hands gripped tighter and then see I could see their, I could see their, their fucking palms or their feet go, their ankles are arising. They're tilted. They did a Michael Jackson. both are rising and farted on you

and then started laughing did you hear a fart this was just a normal couple that just walked by laughing they weren't even laughing they were farting on us that is

that is some of the most next level paranoia I think you have is when you get to the point where you're like people are walking they farted on my ice cream they farted on my ice cream

they knew I was Southern he was like should we do southern Should we do something about it? Oh, Hesse's like, oh, hello, ma'am. You fucking farted on me, couldn't help but notice. You want to pull up with the Wolverine Clause? I saw your ankles rise.

I'm like, let's make you know, tell me, you didn't fart. Because I saw the ankles going. I thought I wouldn't notice. I'm a fucking X-Men. I saw the squeeze. And I saw, I saw your hands clasped together. Uh-huh. I saw the ankles rise.

I saw the palms of your feet. Can I say the weirdest part about it? What? At the end of it, as they were, walking away. They each put an iPhone headphone. Oh, they were sharing the AirPods. And they were listening to Best Day of My Life. How do you know that they were listening?

This is going to be the best day of my life. No, no, no. No, no. They were like, first day of my life. They were like, this is the first day of my life. My life. Who makes that song? That's American authors. Good ass song. Yeah. Human Shazam. Human Shazam. Wow. We got baby pitchfork

over here. Yeah, that's pretty good. It's Anthony funny that because you saw this. Wait, wait, what is his name? Tell me. What's his name? Anthony what?

Anthony Fandango. You almost said Fontaine. I know Anthony Fontein. I was right at Anthony Fontaine. Were you mixed Anthony Fentano? Were you mixed Anthony Fentano and Anthony Bourdain, I think, is where you got that.

Anthony Fontein. I'd take Andy Borda any day than that little complaining little music bitch. I'd punch him square in the fucking ball. Noggin, that idiot dick shit. We met him recently. Why do you hate him?

Yeah, because he's a fucking loser. He got to meet him. He's like, I'm going to tell you exactly why this album is not cool, and I am always right. I have a music degree from Harvard, and I've actually produced the Beatles' Hard Knock Right album. Hard Knock Right album. You think the Beatles sing Hard Knock Life? Whatever. From Annie.

You're thinking of a Hard Day's Night? Hard Day's Night. Hard Knock Right. Anthony Fontaine's like, I invented FKA Twigs. I invented hip-hop. I have a famous rant where he says all this. I invented hip-hop.

I invented FKA Twigs. Are you thinking of Kanye? No. And I also do think that probably Anthony Fontano is more secretly anti-Semitic than Kanye is publicly. Really?

You've texted me some things about Kanye that I don't know you would want me to repeat on the podcast. No, I mean, no. Well, Kim, let's talk about what happened today That he was posting that the reason I had The mouth wired shut Was because I was addicted to sucking dick back then

That's just got to be a lie Yeah, I think he was in a car accident No, that he posted that about himself Yeah, but I think No, you don't understand He faked a car accident To stop himself from sucking dick Why do you think he crashed the car?

Oh shit He was giving the roadhead He was driving and he was giving... I know that you have a dragon tattoo so you've never been afflicted by being addicted to being sucking dick, but you... That's not really poetic.

I have a dragon tattoo, so I've never been afflicted by being addicted. To be a dick. To sucking a dick. I could speak English one day. We talk pretty one day. When are you going to write a book?

A really good idea. When they let me read. That would be a fucking... When I'm allowed to read, I was forced to read for the first time in years recently, and it was a shocking thing on seeking derangements? No, it was, I, I bought the wrong, you guys should do a reading series with Jacques. Jacques should do, you should do an audio book on seeking to read. No, that's what I was, I was trying to get Jack to read Pinocchio. I want to read the Great Gatsby.

Yeah, that's a good idea. So I bought $50 worth of books on Apple books because I bought the wrong headphone jazz. dongle and I was like, oh my God, I'm about to be on a three-hour flight and I can't I can't listen to anything. What the fuck am I going to do with my life? The computer's dead. So I download $50 worth of books panicking and then I realized I should look for one more book because I couldn't decide which one to read. Great Gatsby was free. Wow. It was free all along. So I'm the best book. It's so good, but it's so gay. What were the other five?

He's like, what's gay about it? Tom Buchanan was the most delicious bovine male I had ever seen. He ruled the land with a swift with his giant Taurus lands. I know it's a really, okay, I want you to just say the first page of Great Gatsby from the first page from memory. It was many years

before I'd moved back to West Egg living on the East Coast was such a delicious life that I'd rather return to. Keep going. That's like once in this. It was this curious summer of

6, 7, 1960. Of 1945, after the war, it was the great year of 1936. I just got it with the sanitarium, and my brain's a little fuzzy. And I moved to the beautiful legend of West Egg and met a curious fellow by the name of Gatsby, where things began to change. I moved into a living quarter next to a giant mansion. with a friend of mine who backed up

out of the backed up out of the come on backed out of the release that's what you do that's what you do? Okay let's see

yeah let's see now comparison yeah let's see how close you got I'm crying I'm literally crying I'm literally crying

It was beautiful I gave you all full prosciutto A shout out to Rosario For giving me meat brain Get the book I'm getting the book out It's getting it out I'm having so much trouble with the book

Don't you touch it You Charlotte In Oh my god Chapter 1 The Great Gatsby In my younger and more vulnerable is my father gave me some advice

that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. You were close. Wednesday, you got that right? Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, he told me, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had all the advantages that you've had.

He didn't say anymore, but we've always been unusually communicative in a reserved way. Is there anything about backing out of a lease on there? Let's just try to get to the lease part how far is... after my boasting the way out of my tolerance. Does he call anybody a bovine male?

When I came back from the east last autumn, I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniform and had a sort of moral attention forever. Is this the last sentence? We can stop it there. You were close. Jacques, you were incredible. Yeah, you were close.

That was really close. Totally, it was very, very close. Because you read it in the same voice. You read it in the same voice. It sounded the same to me. It sounded like, you know what it was? Like, you're, the page that you made was like a mini epilogue or mini prolog. It was like a spark notes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You basically just got a guy that read Great Gatsby wants to rewrite the first page on great. That's exactly what we wanted. Yeah. That's exactly what we wanted. What are your books? Have you read? What are your favorite books?

Nine stories by J.D. Salinger and Flannery, O'Connorly, a good man is hard to find. That's a good story. collections are both my two favorite hand in hand books. I just love the really dark stark styles of the stories and they're just kind of like sarcastic, unhappy. I like a really, like, unhappy.

I like when the family gets murdered, the planarly O'Connery, the Bible salesman and then nine stories, it's just like, first story and a pedophile shoots himself on the beach and you're like, whoa. Which is a tragedy in your eyes. Can you read the first page of that one?

The tragedy that's happening on the beach, which is supposed to be a fun That's true. Don't you throw out one of these either. What a point? No, when you do that, you look like the Van Diesel. You look like the Van Diesel? The Van Diesel? You're acting like the Fast Furious.

I watched that movie a few nights ago, the newer one, and it was really hard to understand coming in an hour late. You watched it at home? No, I went to someone's birthday party and they were watching it. It just started in an hour. I got there an hour. hour late and it was so confused. Getting there an hour late to your own

watching TV would be so funny. It's like they were driving the cars through the building. That makes no sense. Right. And you're like, yeah, there must have been a lot point where the building was a reason Yeah, that's not the latest one but yeah, I remember. Yeah, you know, they literally drive through three buildings. I remember that being in one of the

trailers. Yeah, but I never saw the movie. Okay, Jacques, follow-up question. What is your favorite movie? My favorite movie is Nowhere, 1997 by Gregoraki. Oh, that's a good one. I got the VHS sign. Wait, is that the one? It's like about like kids in Hollywood, like, they grew up in Hollywood.

It's got that guy James Duvall or something in it. It does have James Duvall. It's about like... He turns into like a bug at the end? Yes, it's like an alien takeover movie. Yeah. Basically. It's part of the Teenage Apocalypse trilogy, which includes totally fucked up the Doom Generation with Rose McGowan and James Duvall.

Oh, I watched Doom Generation. I think I watched Doom Generation at a bar with you one time. time. It was on the TV at a bar. I think you were telling me about him. That checks out. I've been to bars before. Yeah. We've been to a lot of bars together. Actually, I hung out with them when I still drank. And one time I invited y'all

to that bar and I was on roller skates. We had trays of tequila shots. And I was handing them out. That was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. That was very impressive. Yeah. I was. You were DJing and like giving us all shots on a tray. And doing spins on this tiny stage.

Yeah. That was amazing. Yeah. That was so much fun. What was that terrible bar? Star Bar. Yeah, it was Star Bar. Star Bar. Is that here? It was like on the street I used to live on in Bushwick. Don't go back to that street. He's not there. Yeah. I'm not there. Hey, you live in front of Star Bar and you keep shouting Patrick's name in front of the bar every night.

Do you remember when those people like recognize us out there? Do you remember that? We were like, we were, I don't know. I was way before I was like, like, more. popular like well no somebody we were like playing i don't remember who it was we were like playing skate like me and then you were outside with me maybe it was hunter i don't know but we were playing skate outside and then somebody came up to us and was like oh my god patrick and jock yeah they're like oh gosh yeah two brothers oh you guys look like it's so funny it's not funny anymore we're two different people he's got a girlfriend i don't he's got ben ye I don't.

That was the same week. Yeah, you gave that to me. That could be reversed. We got kicked out of Margaritaville. I think it kicked out. Remember we got, well, we got like, we're looking for the synagogue. Yeah, yeah, we were looking for the synagogue.

Yeah. We also tried to go on the route. Well, and we were looking for the, the famous Margaritaville, Margarita girls. I wasn't looking for the Margarita. Maybe you were. I was looking for the Margarita. Every two hours, the Margarita girls

come out and give out a free margarita to the most. generous guest. Really? The most generous. How did they decide? This is a lie that the bartender told Josh. Make sure to always be generous. Because the most generous gets will get a good tip.

This was a trick. Lately I've been trying to tip 50% only. To get because you think the margarita girls are going to come out. Well, not, I'm never going back to Margarita. Yeah, I don't think we're, there was like three people, there was three people in suits that came up to us when we were leaving, and they said, have a nice night. And I'm pretty sure that was security. Those were the Margaritovils.

Sounds like they were banning you. It sounds like you were getting banned. I didn't have a drink that night. I turned that into we got kicked out of Margaritaville. Three guys in suits said have a nice night. Three guys walked. They circled the door. They circled it.

You were there. You were there. They were like men in black. I didn't have a single drink that night. And I had to split the fucking bill with these fucking misophonooks. It was Ben and him and the other idiots. And they all, I had to pay for everyone's damn drink. You didn't have to pay.

split it. Yeah, we split it. Why did you make Jock split if... If Jock didn't get anything. I didn't get any drinks and I had that food. You got food, bro. I have pictures of us. Yeah, but not.

You got food and drinks. I didn't even get a Coca-Cola. But did you get like two different food things maybe? No! I have pictures of you with the food. I'll believe in when I see. I have pictures of you with the food. I have pictures of you with food.

All right. You want to copy red-handed? You want to go to tip for tat? The funniest thing I did see you do that night was you, as soon as we left the Margaritaville, you put on your roller skates and went through Times Square. I was living my, I was like, I'm finally in Newark have made it. I'm in Timesquares. I'm a sensation.

I'm the naked cowboy. I'm the naked cowboy. Was that, no, we weren't, yeah, we went to Times Square together. We went to Dave and Busters together. We went to Dave and Busters. Yeah. That was one of the best times, though, ever, actually. and I was wearing my...

Let's get back to me at the time we were hanging out. After we left, Margarita Bell was so happy because everything about Margaritville was annoying me. And also, I felt like everyone there was judging us. There were no Margarita girls. It was completely disappointed.

It was because you weren't being generous. We were not being generous. You have to be very generous. Margarita girls. I thought I was being as generous as possible. It's the most generous. guess. Following the waitresses, putting dollar bills behind them in a

trail. And I had bunny ears on it. I was like an Easter bunny putting dollar bills at every foot of the waitresses behind them. No wonder they didn't see it. They didn't know you were being generous. I was doing it to Louisiana way and they're probably used to the hockey way so they were really confused

in the way I was tipping. That was a big, yeah. That was a big group though. Yeah, I thought Jacques was there. I've never got, um, I have a video of you trying to freestyle in vampire tea. I thought you were going to say freestyling to Vampire Weekend. No, but that's some Donald Glover 2009 shit. Get it up right now.

That would be fucking tough. Jubio, can you AI edit Patrick rapping over A-Punk or something or Vampire Weekend? I'll do that himself. Oxford comma. Chuck, try the smelly. Okay, that's true. That sounds like if my heart's already having a problem.

I had an EKG test this week. Then don't do them. Oh, you can do them. It's not, it's not bad for your heart. Oh, my God. Wow, I've got to get these. That's a lot easier than the prosciutto hot. Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, oh, God, they should give this to doctors. They do. They should give this to people before they talk to me. It would make it a lot easier to understand me if people had to sniff this. Yeah. You can bring it around. Bring it around. Yeah, when they see you.

Let me get one more trying. Okay. Okay, new addiction. Another try. Most people do this. You're going wildly coyote. Yeah, can I describe exactly how it makes me feel? And I feel like they're just going to know what that is.

They don't know that song. Your dad tried to hit her with a car. That's a very famous song, dude. You dad tried to hit her with a car. What's that? Does that happen? That has nothing to do with... Why would you try to dismantle your best friend's father

who has struggled with hitting Madonna with a car? Exactly. I think exactly. You know... His father has struggled with... I go to the anonymous struggles with Madonna meetings. Yeah. And your dad is always a great speaker there.

Thank you. You've also tried to hit Madonna with your car. Well, it's the struggles with Madonna support group, so it doesn't always happen. What kind of struggles do you have with Madonna? she just she could have been kinder when did you meet her

not to me I just was watching this documentary she's not getting any margarita girls yeah she's not generous but not very kind okay she's dude there's this documentary about her called the truth or dare black and white 90s thing and she's talking about her dancers and her day she's like all talking about her dancers

they're all like gay and black and she's like I got them off of the street they they wouldn't have have a pot to piss and then place to dance and they're all like, we graduated from Juilliard. And if they're doing truth or dare. They left this in the documentary.

It's so inflammatory. Then they, it's early 90s. So it was like whatever, but there's a spin-the-bottle or truth-or-dare game and it ends up a Madonna and they're like, simulate a blowjob. Oh, you're talking about that black and white video we're Jack Blackened? No, that's a real.

That's a remake, that's a remake of the original. Amy Schumer. Yeah. No. No. No, no, no, no. Google search, truth or dare, Madonna. Yeah, I'm sorry, I just gotta get that.

So a 1991 American documentary film. I mean, yeah, but that scene is not in it. You're thinking of the truth is there. No, this is a scene and it happens. Well, we can't pull it up or in it. anything we can't all watch it yeah well i'm not gonna do that okay okay i thought i gave you prosciutto in goodwill and no no i'm just i'm letting you know from a producer standpoint you were hunting for goodwill i was and you received it yeah has it what's the new hottest movie that people

should go watch right now or good question that's a great question god i'm so glad i came today yeah oh my god you had that kind of pleasurable day you came the new the new hot movie in town is I don't know I feel like I'm really put on the spot here what about the Minecraft movie Oh chicken jockey It's my ear

They should make a dish called chicken jockey What do you think would be in the chicken jockey dish? It's a rotissory chicken that I get from the grocery store I put it back in the oven to make it crisp beer add honey and chili oil on top. So this is a dish you already made. Yeah, it was sesame seeds.

It was already called that before the movie. And then you put habanero hot sauce all over in the yellow bird. And you just eat the chicken. Are you worried? So with all the yellow bird and stuff, are you worried about getting GERD? Girl, I've had GERD for 100 years. I'm like worse.

You ever try Prilosec? Oh, girl, I'm on the advanced. I'm on Pantam. prosol. I'm a dichyclamine. I'm allergic to prilosec. I had an insane allergic reaction. I have the exact same health problems as Gergermel from the Smurfs.

What does he have? No, see, because I know why he said that. It's because Gerd sounds close to Smurfs. You can't. You can follow the mental job. I can, yeah. Gargamel has Gird. It's a known fact.

When does he... When does he say that? Like, wake up burping? Well, no, I mean, he just is constantly, it's the stress of the Smurfs. That's true. It is a stressful. That's true. Oh, I hate these.

Being a warlock. Yeah. Oh, the acidity. That does have to be, that is a haunting kind of work problem to have. The Smurfs, yeah. I mean, but they're just hanging out. Yeah, but if it pisses you off and your girlfriend is like, what's going on? Yeah.

Work shit. Is it a napkin? Sorry, I don't need to be. rude, but I just, it's not really rude to ask for a half. One hand has got the grease of prosciutto, the other one's got the microphone. Caleb, I'm just messaging you to let you know I'm going to have dinner at your

studio on. You literally need it just a place to eat. I'm not going to do it because I know these are probably covered in feces, but I should have I should have eaten the prosciutto with this. With the Wolverine claw. That would have been kind of rude getting it all greased up with my Timmu Wolverine claws. What do you mean? It would have been rude. You could have

have sold this triple the value on deep pop if I got my greasurgy wolverine claws used by jock oh my god, can I see the other claw for one second? Used by Jacques greasy claws

and can you hold my mic up for just one second so I could do it? Yeah. Hey y'all, it's gay Wolverine and I'm here from the South. Hey y'all, oh my God, I love viny. I really like gay wolverine.

I love gay Wolverine. I like this new character. Period. Period. You could have held your life. I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I could do both. Gay Wolverine is tear from the small. Gay Wolverina, how was your day been?

Did you do anything gay today? Yeah, I did a lot gay thing. Suck Dick. Save the X-Men. What's new? Okay. Had to suck up Dr. Xavier again. Whoopsy.

He's in a chair. It's easy. To see. Dr. Xavier never gets up during his blowies. It's very respectful. Do other people get up during their blood? Yes, it's very disrespectful. I tell them I'm not going to hurt them with my claws.

I just use my mouth, but they just keep getting worried. You think his claws are out all the time? Well, gay wolverines are out all the time. They're like a krillings. Of course, Hennie. They're out all the time. He just almost didn't meet me with it. Sorry, Henny.

Sorry, Hesse, my hanny. Sorry, I'm going to come to this show and completely wrecked diamond space. No, it's okay. If you were an X-Man, who would you be? Gambon. Yeah. And that was not just because we said that earlier, but that was... But alternatively, Jubilee.

She makes fireworks and, like... They kind of have similar powers, Jubilee and Gambit. Well, Gambit throws parts, right? The other one shoots, like, pretty colorful shit and is a woman. So what's the similarity there? They have... What's the word? Energy powers.

Energy powers. It's what they give every superhero, and they can't think of anything. They said, we're going to do energy. Yeah, but Gambit, they figured out this either. I thought you just said, you thought I said, you thought I said Jew power? Yeah. You can't think of an X-Men. They give them Jew power.

I was like, what the hell, Caleb? I know you're bald, but this don't give you the right. Why didn't he ever just want to have two claws on one side? That is a good point. That's a great. I'm gay Wolverine. I got two claws on one hand, and the other hand's for Boba. You were living in this character.

You were an amazing. I know. I'm sponsored by Telfar because I'm gay Wolverine. I'm not with me. I don't know. I have a fun. I love New York. I've got to come back here. People can tell me to live here and I think it would be dangerous.

It would be dangerous. It would be very dangerous. Because I just eat too much. We've hung out until 4 a.m. I know it would be dangerous for you. I was up staying up late. Yeah, I didn't get home. We'd be drinking soda.

Literally. Okay, y'all. I was drinking Coca-Cola at like 7 a.m. last night. I'm watching Spongebob. Oh, man. The SpongeBob was getting too loud. It felt like it was getting louder as the hours went by. Yeah.

And it was funny. It's funny to watch SpongeBob, but it's like kind of scary. Yeah, that is talking about. Watching Sponging. the super detailed paintings. Spongebob gets scary. I love Hesso. We're on seeking derangements.

Where's that other guy? Ben? Yes. Oh my God, it's been killing me. I've been trying to remember his name. Where is he? Yeah, I wonder why Ben didn't show up?

No. No. Are you going to? No. Wow. I told him, I said, hey, I would love to see him when you're in town. He said, sorry, I'm going to be too busy.

Whoa. You know, well, he's moving. Yeah, he is moving. I'm moving constantly. I go from state to state every 10 minutes. You do make two cross-country flights every week, which I don't know if everyone knew or knows that. So I got a manager now and I'm touring next month. No, I'm talking about to get your medications from the pharmacy.

I go to Denver once a month to get his medications. What? Because I can't find a primary care doctor to take over my meds and they don't want to, they think that I'm, I've been on the same medication for five and a half, six years. years and I'm not going to get off of them. Are you allowed to mail medication? No. No. So you have to go to Denver to get your medication to pick up a prescription? Yeah, I've done that the last three and a half four years. Whoa. Do you go and just fly straight to Denver to get one months per bottle? How long do you stay in Denver? Two, three days. Okay. Okay. Do you have, you used to live in Denver? I used to live in

Denver five and a half years. So I have a place to stay. Okay. So you're like you see friends and Yeah, I just go stay at my friend's house. We pull up YouTube. We watch a lot of YouTube. What kind of YouTube? Ants Canada. Oh, my God. Wait, he's told me about this.

He has an 11,000-gallon vivarium, which is like a giant ecosystem tank, and he introduces small colonies of bugs, then animals, and then wildlife into this whole thing, and he shows the process, and it's called Season 1, Gaia, as it's introduced the ecosystem. And it's, I'm trying to remember what the name of his... Ants Canada. Well, Ants Canada is the YouTube channel, but he has a name for the... Oh, Season 1 Guy. Well, season one of Guy...

Oh, of the land of the Vyverium. Yeah, I wish I remember what the name of it. But we watched that. He'll bring up the videos of bombs going off the show how big they would destroy a city because he knows it scares me. And then, or we watch... The Ants Canada guy was... Okay, I'm sorry.

The Ants Canada guy knows what scares you. And he puts videos of bombs into the Viparium. Well, no. There's, like, these videos where it would show, like, the different explosions going on. Yeah, I've seen these videos, yeah, where it's, like, the little big boy or whatever. Yeah, the Hiroshima, Nagasaki bombs in every city. Same guy who makes that same video does ones where it's like ships. Okay.

How big a ship would be in comparison, including fantasy ships, like Star Wars. Oh, I watched these. Yeah, me too. And how fast they go? Yeah. Those are so good. Those are, like, a minute long, though. Yeah.

You just watch those the whole time. We watch a lot. We go, Zach Films, you know, where he. Oh, I know. A man was stuck in a bubble and he, that was video. We have to see, we went, we do, we have some fun activities. When I'm in that one, two days, I'm in town. Last time, one, one time recently went and saw Machine Girl and then we saw a comedian right before.

Are you coming here for that? What that? They're doing a 10th anniversary show here. No, they're doing one in Denver, a transpecos or something. That's here. That's in New York. is a venue here in New York Transpicos is down the street

and the Denver that they used to play it Machine Girl used to play in Denver all the time and so it made sense when I saw a 10th anniversary thing yeah but it's here Am I gonna go see that no I love Machine Girl but the last Machine Girl show I saw them play actually it was the last Machine Girl show I saw

was good when I saw them play with 100 Gecks they weren't giving enough energy like they used to and I was like yeah call them out I'm sorry I think you're an excellent musician I doubt they would ever hear this but it was just not as good as it used to be wow I think it would be what if that was you rock what if it's you getting older yeah that's not what it's happening you're gonna make me smell the sniffing salts again you're making me want to change my mood because you're saying that I'm old now you're gonna chill on this you got to chill on why are you being so precious because i i saw the the heart i saw the heart warning on them

there's a heart warning on them yeah it says don't take them if you have like a heart murmur or stuff i become so numb it turned you straight yeah i had to throw in my poppers because not because i was doing them for sex reasons but i just kept picking them up and doing them at random times they are pretty fun to just do that was the one of the best dates i ever went on i hated the movie titanic but we we did poppers every five minutes while watching it yeah and it was excellent. Every five minutes. That's a lot. If you do, if you do the, yeah, for all of Titanic. It turns your lips and fingertips blew if you do them too much. I had an affair that night. 96 times. I had an affair that night and the next day I got on a greyhound bus and I opened my bond

me and it was the tofu one instead of the pork one for me. And the, the woman I had the, fair with opened hers to be pork and then she got a knock on the door and it was her neighbor knocking to talk to the husband to say that she had seen us having sex in the laundry in the backyard wow what did the bond me's have to do yeah what are you just gonna ask so at the same time i've heard this story too i know this one wait i'm very sad i think i've heard this one I'm very sad about the bond me being the wrong one two punch I get a call you astro projected into the other bond me you knew it was happening at the same time.

That's how you knew what happened in this room. There's a many years ago. I wouldn't sleep with someone's wife today. Yeah. Would you eat a bond me? I would eat a thousand bond me. I need a hundred. Take me down to Houston town.

I don't know what I'm saying? They got a lot of bond me's there. They got they got bond me over by Transpecos. They do. Look, I'm not going to the Machine Girl show. You can say Transpecos all night. I'm not. I don't want to Raisos.

No, the Vietnamese were the... Those were the... It's called Nammin. Vietnam. I think it's the South Vietnamese army. Yeah. That was my... We had to do like a trivia thing in my eight other social studies class in a... You went to school?

Yeah. Sophomore year. And I made our trivia team name... You made it to sophomore year? Yeah. I made our trivia team name two and a half Vietnamese. And my teacher was like, you can't... You can't do that.

You're half Vietnamese? No, no, no. My trivia team name I was like I was always wonder where that little spark In your eye came from Being Vietnamese Being half Vietnamese Because I thought you were the half

You thought you were the half You thought okay And it was two Vietnamese And there were two men with it Two full Vietnamese men and bad Two Vietnamese one muggle One muggle Is that not what they call when it's half

Magic half That's a mud boy You keep it you have magic on the mind You said something earlier about Magic the gathering You said... You said Magicians live in the magician house.

Magician's castle in L.A. The Magic Castle. Magic Castle. Magic school bus, too. Yeah. Perfect. Well, they don't live there. You're just free associating.

Why that Miss Frizzle brings someone in an adult stomach? Why were they driving above her? It was a kid's stomach is even worse. It is worse. That is crazy. She's like Jazeen Maxwell. Yeah.

Driving around with a school bus, a kid. kids, that's delivery traffic. What's that mean? Human traffic. I mean, Ms. Frizzle was committing human trafficking when she put those kids in that kid's body. She's trying to smuggle them. What do you think about the Powerpuff Girl, Jack?

Do you think he was up to no good when he made those girls? I was he nice. I never thought about that. Why was he trying to do that, you know? I was always more freaked out that they had some monkey in town with a brain showing out of its head trying to kill little girls. I mean, it was kind of weird than adult made children, but then...

He also made that. Most adults, most children are made by adults. Wait, in Power Puff Girls, Professor X made Mojo, Jojo? Professor Utonium. He used chemical X. Professor X as X men. Professor Xavier. What?

It's okay. They're not real. He's not going to get you. You're not going to get me as if I'm going to be shot. What time? are we looking at you have a hard out yeah i'm getting picked up very soon yeah but i just miss talking to you i miss talking to all so much i know i really appreciate this opportunity i hope this is what y'all wanted this is exactly yeah yes sir are you okay hess's first pot about

list has this part about list and i just went yeah don't worry we'll have you back on soon oh my god i have an idea a game for us but we have to do it all at the same time okay of Of course. Yeah. I want to, is it, like, going to disturb if we're loud for one second? Shock, and we've done the full hour of loud. Okay, okay. Yeah.

I think we should all do our best Donnie Thornberry. Which one is that? Yeah. The guy that's voiced by flea. You want to do it all at the same time? Yeah. Not all. Let's do it one by one.

Let's all do it one by one. Has to go first. Yeah. I don't know what this guy sounds like, but I'll try it based on these. Based on these, I'll try it. Yep. That's pretty good That's better

Yeah That was really good One of the wild things I had to lock in Okay You're giving Minion That is giving

Minion Yeah That doesn't really Not quite like There's not a minion The minions The minions go like Beal boi boy

Can I say something Yeah That's a little bit Mean Yeah What You kind of look like The baby of a

Minion and group Thank you That's not mean at all. Kevin and grew. Kevin and grew. What did you have to be in the law? Bob and Stewart,

Bob and Steve. Stewart. Kevin and grew, Bob and Stu. Yep. Kevin and grew. Bob and Stu. New York. They should have never let me out of that cage.

You should have stayed in prison. I should have stayed in prison where people weren't hurt me. All right. we are going to be in Boston next or this month right because this comes out on Saturday I don't know what month this is May 23rd May 23rd we're going to be in Boston check out seeking derangements yeah check out seeking arrangements me and Hessa and Ben Mora have a personal podcast account called a personal budget arrangements where we talk about the the issues of the world and we try to solve them with our comedy it's about being gay it's about being

wow way to deem way to reduce us to nothing yeah You're not going to reduce us to balsamic reduction. Ballsucking reduction. No, balsamic. Shut her. Good night. Get me out of here. Bye, everybody.

Bye. They should do a Christmas movie like that, or the first half of the movie is Christmas Eve. The second half is boxing day. Boxing day. Boxing day after a family fight. Yeah. There was a family fight of Christmas.

That's actually such a good idea. Jamie Lee Curtis plays the mom. Okay, that's the bear. You're doing the bear. I'm doing the bear. That's the bear. I haven't seen it. Are you for real?

There's no way that you said Jamie Lee Curtis plays the mom in a holiday fight. In a Christmas family fight. I was thinking Christmas with the cranks. And you haven't seen the bear. I haven't seen the bear. You've actually no way. You've exposed it from gifts and clips. Yeah.

Without that's crazy. I've seen a lot of gifts of the bear. I've never watched. I watched episode one. Who, all right, well, just for... Who else would you cast this? Probably John Mullaney as the son. Okay.

One of the sons. Maybe Bobo. Yeah, he has a son-in-law. Bobo-Oden Kirk as the dad. Bobo-Oden Kirk as the dad, yeah. The main character, probably, I mean, just because I love his work on Shameless, Jeremy Allen was. Yeah, Shameless is great.

Yeah, Shameless is really good. Who, do you know, do you remember her from SNL as Chris Elliott's daughter? No, I don't remember who that was. Oh, Abby Elliott? Oh, yeah, yeah. She could be really good. She haven't really seen her in anything. She could be pregnant in that.

I haven't seen her. She could be, that's a, wow, that's a big curveball. Yeah. If there were, if there were a character

who was like present in a flashback, but most of the show, he's not there. Yeah. And he was curious. Maybe somebody from the walking dead. Or yeah,

like someone who was like, someone who was like, someone who has punished her energy. That's okay. Because I was thinking, I was thinking the drug dealer from Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah,

I was going to say, He was briefly off a ball of a bench pressing. John Bernthal? Yes. I was thinking he could definitely play like an older brother who killed himself.

And you haven't seen the bear. I've never seen the bear once in my life. I've seen episode one of the bear. I'll admit it. I've seen episode one. Okay. All right, gotcha. So how actually did you know all this

from gifts? I've only seen episode one of the bear. But you knew all the characters who were at dinner. What are you talking about? What dinner? You're done. What episode is this?

You're mad done. I'm done. You're mad. Why am I done? Why am I 86th? You're 86. Oh, the bear.