Podcast About List - UNLOCKED: Premium #47: Dubstep artist Cookie Monstah has died at 31.

Episode Date: December 9, 2020

We had to unlock a premium episode this week sorry. have a nice day

You're listening to Israel's number one pod. This is premium content. If you are not a premium subscriber, please pause now and purchase a premium membership immediately. Patrick is playing Angry Birds all night. Look, it's recorded, yeah. Oh, my God. Angry Birds has already established as Caleb's favorite game. I don't like it that much.

You love that game. No, the pigs make me mad. They piss me off, dude. I didn't even realize how big that hole had gotten. Yeah, you're asking. Yeah, that hole in your ass. Yeah, I've been stretching it out. I didn't even notice how big that's gotten, dude.

I'm stretching my ass. Yeah, wait, can we see it again? Oh, dude. There's a marble in there. Is there a tooth in there? There's a big marble in there. There's actually marble and a jawbreaker and a paperclip and all kinds of things. Yeah.

Yeah, I found those things. I'm still thinking of Phil Hoffman-Borat. I've just been doing it in my head. I've been doing it in the car ride. We should have just recorded the car ride. Yeah. Yeah. Put up some.

Yeah. Maybe some... Maybe some... Maybe some... Maybe some... Yeah. Definitely. Yeah.

A couple of oopsies, but... On the whole... All Cameron. On the whole, pretty safe for work, minus what camera is there. Barely me. Yeah. I'm glad I didn't have video on because what Cameron was doing with his arm. It's part of his arm.

Yeah. Yeah. Guys, it's... It's literally okay to tickle yourself. Okay? Okay. Well, what's the fuck? sorry my my bird clock is going right now that's the fucking bird clock yeah it's really shocking

late at night it's supposed to turn off at night but it doesn't she's just scary is that kind of i feel like the birds are alive there's a bird in the apartment yeah let's do philip seymour hoffman bore at oh yeah what was it yeah i'm reading for the part of borat borat sagdiv Brad Zach Dave, my wife. Oh, my wife. Yeah. Kazakh has, like, he has a many problem. Economic, social, and Jewish, if Jewish problems.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, man. Do you have any heroin? Just in the middle of the audition. Yeah, I'll be reading for Mario in the Super Mario Brothers movie alongside John Lugger's Lumpro. It's a me of Mario.

You have any heroin? Oh, sorry. That's the role of myself in my life. Luigi, I need help. I need help, Louise. Straight up, Luigi. That sounds more like Sam Elliott. Well, I'll be reading you.

Well. Do you have any heroin? I'm going to jump on you. Listen, listen, Guba, it's nothing personal. But I'm going to jump on you. It is going to go one or two ways, Mr. Gumba. I was driving Jana crazy on the way up to Boston doing 10. Dylan Joker.

You want to know where I got these scars, okay? They're called stretch marks, Google them. Okay, they have Google where you live in Tulsa. You want to know where I got these scars? I try to eat a really big hamburger, okay? I have a small mouth. He does have a small mouth. He does have a small mouth.

No disrespect. He's going to fight me. You don't know what the makeup's about? Just because I sound like a mechanic doesn't mean I'm not gay still. Okay? Listen, Bruce Wayne, he's not your friend. okay he was on the flight logs this guy likes playing

boy's penises like a game boy all right she didn't like me very much I did that for hours yeah yeah this is this is an impression of somebody you guys this is Mr. Cinnamon this is I love you

I love I love being part of Apple Jacks I love Donald Trump I'm not Oh, boy, I love being the Apple Jacks guy. It's great. Oh, my God.

I'm a cinnamon guy. I'm from Jamaica. That's why I sound like this. Is she from Jamaica? Is there cinnamon in Jamaica? I don't know. No, they don't make it there. No.

They don't make it. They only make it. They have to make it from the challenge. Cinnamon comes from the store. Yeah. They make it in the back of the store in the room I'm not allowed to go in. Exactly. When I try to go in the room, they're not allowed to go in.

Exactly. When I try to go in the room. yell at me, I know it's because they're making cinnamon back there. They want me to think it comes from Jamaica. Is cinnamon grown on a tree? Yeah. Is it a Christmas tree? You get cinnamon from the Christmas tree.

That's true. Cinnamon is what happens when it snows in the desert. And when it touches the ground, it turns into cinnamon. It is kind of, it does make sense that he's Jamaican because he does, it, cinnamon looks like a, well, because he's cinnamon on. Let's be honest. That's, yeah, that's why I was trying to, I knew the reason why he was Jamaican. And I was like, no, it can't be that.

No, no, dude. Sinamon, he's to make in the apple. Sinemone is to winemone. He's a goblin. That's what he said. He's the apple's just a little evil demon demon. The apple demon, the apple demon jeans. It's scary, did.

I think that apple was a little coated. Yeah, but we all know the trope that the apple was going for. Yeah, the evil demon. Yeah. Lucky the leprechaun is problematically coded. Yeah, lepracons. He's clearly, leprocons. Yeah, I was just going to say.

Somebody's just missing the whole thing Oh, oh, a little man who's obsessed with gold Oh, oh He's trying to keep away some kids from stealing his shit Yeah, I know what's going on here, guys Oh, and he's trying to find some kind of promised land At the end of a rainbow Yeah, all right

Yeah, you can fucking dress it up All you on this Irish bullshit I know it's really going on A funny hat A weird hat that he wears We know what you're saying And look at, look, oh, a shooting star What shape is that star?

That's right. Think about it. Wow. Wow. They did it add a bunch of shapes to the Lucky Tron? They did. Rainbow for globalization. They have the shooting star.

wasn't already won. Yeah. No, Rayball was a balloon. Was a balloon? Unicorn. Was a unicorn one they added? Nothing Irish about a unicorn.

It might be the least Irish in the world. There's like Gaelic. That's like British or Gaelic or something. You'd love to lick. You're a gay lick, dude. Yeah, I am. Fuck. You're the one.

I don't know why you are Irish. I always forget that about you. And I don't remember and I just feel kind of bad. You don't look Irish. You don't look Irish. You look Indian. Every time I put myself. through one of those, like, you know, like the celebrity, like,

oh, which celebrity do you look like? I always get Jay Chandar Sikrar. Dude, I put... Chandra Sikar, I don't know how to fucking say it. I put, I put it like went for him on that first. I, yeah, I actually got, Jay, Sando Degar. I didn't do that. I put my, I put my, myself through that celebrity thing, and I got, um...

I keep getting a poo. I got Tyler Ninja Blevins. Nice. And Priyanka Chopra. Really? Yeah. Maybe it's because there's so, there's so many Indian people in the world. It's like, you're going to look.

Like one of them. It could be a good, you know. Like, everybody definitely has an Indian doppelkaker. Like, half the world is from India. There's definitely like a guy who is an Indian Sam Jackson somewhere. There's an Indian Kanye, isn't there? Yeah, it's you. Yeah, I'm the old Kanye.

I miss the old, I miss the Indian Kanye. I miss the Indian Kanye. I miss the Welsh Kanye. I miss the German and the Italian and the Polish Kanye. How is it a beginning of a pretty good song? Yeah, keep going. I've lost all the steam. My head.

Can I get another beer? Yeah. No. Here, wait, let me... Yeah, we're all in New York. Yeah, we're all together now. What are you going to do while you're here? We'll walk around.

We should take down the Moffield Jollybee. You want to do that? We got to go. Hold on the dude. Dude, he's on the mic in the fridge. Nobody's ever... God damn. We're breaking barriers here.

Dude, this is Orson Wells shit. I just fucking open the fridge and got a beer for Patrick while recording. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is why I told it. This is why I wanted us to sit here. This is, yeah. I'm the genius of,

I'm the genius of, Mike placements on the show. This is a good, this would be a good trip. This is a, yeah, because we, we're just talking about how we're,

we'll try. I mean, we'll try. I mean, yeah, it doesn't, but it is funny that just all of the world will change so much. Oh yeah,

we're about to back on like eight episodes while the president is dying. Yeah, right? We're not going to record another one until after the election. I know, it's so fun. The president will be dead.

Um, what else is, going to have in between now and then um um joe biden joe biden will break dance on oprah i hope joe biden's gonna he's gonna go on opra and he's gonna jump on her couch like tom cruise it's so crazy how like how can you get excited about what's coming up like like the whole like the whole christmas oh fuck i forgot about that come on what are you talking about dude if trump wins we're definitely going to have a white christmas let's go i gotta go So now that I'm in New York, I go try this.

Say orange Christmas. No, because he's a white, white spritory. Say orange Christmas, so. Okay. Or we have a white Christmas or an orange Christmas. Okay. Get me to the fucking pit right now. Yeah.

I'm doing their open. We're taking him down. Do we know where the Babylon B headquarters are? Can we get Patrick shipped in there? Let's get me into the battle. We just got to get him in a meeting. He'll kill. You know, we just got to get him in front of someone.

He's a sergeant of sarcasm first class. I'd be very good. as a very bad New York comedian. The best part of... I can tell because you keep tossling your hair. That's true. Yeah, you got a messy mop top. Yeah.

Yeah, this mullet's not been working out as... It looks good. I think it looks good, dude. My cousin, I saw, I ran into my cousin at Walmart. Such a great start to a story. Ran into my cousin at Walmart, my six-foot-five cousin. And he was like... My six-foot-five cousins.

They were wrong. They all talk together. I want to brag. The other one that was there was 6-8. Whoa. Holy crap. I have 1-6-5 cousin and 1-6-8 cousin. You got fucked, dude.

You got the wrong parents. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, your stork picked the wrong family. He got swapped out at the hospital. Oh, man. I don't want to be that tall. Imagine if Patrick was 6-8.

Right? Current body type, too. You would honestly, you would make a good tall guy. You'd be fucking unstoppable, dude. That's true. If I was tall, I'd be just dominating. Oh, yeah. You'd be like a fucking.

Uric high, dude, you would just be... Yeah, that's true. I do have a tall guy personality, I guess. I have the personality of a tall, man. It is funny. It is funny that tall guys just get like a bonus. Right. Just they wake up and they're like, damn, I'm tall.

But I saw my cousins and then my taller cousin, or the least tall one, the 651 looked at me and said like, oh, did you do that yourself? I was like, yeah, I did. And he was like, oh, yeah, I couldn't tell. one side's higher than the other. And I was like, no! Why didn't you do that to me? You should have told him noticing... Hey, man, I can see your penis from right here.

Hey, man. It's your penis. It's in my mouth. Yeah, it's eye level. It is funny. Hey, man, how come your penis is shorter than the rest of you? I've never ever noticed anybody's haircut. Yeah?

No, that's how straight I am. Yeah. Yeah. I have no ability to... I mean... I would look at... You could have came in with like a Madagascar 3 fucking colorful afro

and I would not have blinked an eye I would have been like it's kind of offensive but it's cool to clowns oh you think it's yeah yeah yeah why did clowns pick the afro hmm I wonder I wonder what you know what what comedy tradition

had to do with putting makeup all over your face and acting crazy on stage I don't know what you're alluding to we're taking down clowns yeah is clowns just like did people No, clowns grew out. Oh, right. It's like Irish.

It's like a mix of Irish and menstrual shit. Yeah. That makes, oh, because they're, that's why their faces are white. Yeah, that's why they do, like, the red lips and shit, dude. Oh, my God. Now I hate clowns. Now I have a reason to hate clowns. Yeah.

Yeah. That's why they always have that clown bit where they're dunking, dude. Yeah. The dunking clown. That's why they do the dunk tank. Do you guys remember, like, 10 years ago? there was this like like there's a scary clown there's a really scary clown in my room you guys remember that yeah his name was evil bobo yeah and and let me tell you good bobo hated

him no there was like this like thing where actors were doing like clowning yeah yeah yeah yeah like sasha baron dude prestige clowning yeah it's the most embarrassing thing i people still fucking do it out of like when i was working at ucb people will go to fucking NYU and then graduate and become a clown. It's so funny. I got invited by someone I worked with at UCB. She was like, you should come watch my clown show. You'll really like it.

And I was like, what is it? She's like, basically we just like find ourselves on stage. Yeah. No, dude, the only clown does. The only clown I respect is a clown who has the... Bitch, you better be finding yourself in a small-ass car. Real shit. You ain't no goddamn clown.

You're a clown in the metaphorical sense for sure. A modern clown who has the balls to like, abduct and kill children in today's climate, you know? I mean, that's when clowns were already being hated on all the time. Dude, John, I had such a, I had such a primal, too. I had a primal fear. Pogo the clown. Isn't that John Gacy?

Yeah. Why did, why did he get the middle name privilege? Why does everybody hit him with the middle name? Every serial killer gets a middle name. Jeffrey. His middle name's Elizabeth? That explains a lot, I guess, yeah. He was, you know.

Yeah. Yeah, that is the middle name turned him gay. Your Honor. client was a girl during all of those murders. That's the psychoan movie. The psychiatrist looks at his name and goes, oh. Guys, he has a split

personality. He's just a girl. Just fucking don't worry about it. He's a girl. Who gives a crap? It's fine. I think he might be a wear girl. At night, he turns to a girl and kills boys. Because he's jealous. Have you guys ever seen Jennifer's body? It's kind of like that.

Have I seen Jennifer's body? I've done a lot more than seen it, buddy. I've jacked off to the movie That was a disappointing movie The whole thing was like Megan Fox is gonna She's gonna get fucked to this movie And you're gonna see whole

No the marketing for the movie got fucked up It was like They named it Jennifer's body Yeah I don't want to get into No no let's get into it No I don't want to get into my No no no I want to learn I like learning I like learning stuff

Please Professor Patrick teach me No this is the no I honestly want to No, what happened with Jennifer's body? It was a miscommunication between the marketing team and the producers. Yeah, it's supposed to be like a feminist movie, right? It's a feminist movie. Yeah. So I didn't watch that shit.

Yeah. Take control of my sexuality, dude. I'd rather jump in front of a bus. Yep. I'd rather keep it all bottom there. I'm going to take control of my sexuality on the bus. I'm going to take control of your sexuality. And guess what?

I'm going to go to jail. I guess what I'm going to do in there I'm going to do it again I'm going to do it again And then where you're going to fucking put me You coward Oh you're going to put me in a hole in the ground Oh no free audience

Oh sorry I jerk off in jail Oh my bad yeah Execute me in front of all those people You know what I'm going to do When those bolts of electricity Cours through my body Do you think any

You know what I'm going to do with that last that last Frankenstein Volt that moves my muscles up and down I'm going to blow. You fucking guessed it, dude. I'm going to come in my mouth. Do you think any subway masturbators? Can you imagine a guy

in the electric chair getting zapsed and he's just spontaneously comes into his mouth just as he's dying? His final reflex is just fucking posting away. into his own mouth. He just has a wry smile. I'm still alive, bitch.

His last words, you asked for this America. His last words, I'm going to come in my own mouth. Yeah, we didn't believe him, and it happened. It's a Christmas miracle. Anyway, I went home that night and shot myself in the foot. Just to feel something after that. I imagine a guy who tries to commit something by shooting. himself once in the foot he's like I thought that's where my brain was I must be really stupid I wanted to see I wanted to see if it would hurt before I did it I remember yeah my mom telling me that people who are decapitated they have like a couple thoughts before they actually die yeah I still live in fear of that oh I just remembered this stupid fucking thing but I when I was like I got decapitated when I was 10

I got the caffeinated when I was 10. I did. And it took them a long time to put it back on. No, when I was like 10, my mom told me there was like, you know, when you like put like paint on like the side of your hand and then you like put it on like a surface and then like make it look like a footprint like a baby footprint. Yeah. So somebody did that at this like campground. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know how to fucking explain it. I saw him doing the thing on the wall. Okay. I understand what you're saying. But to preface that with like, you know. win you. It's like, what? I thought it was a normal thing. No. Oh, well, I guess, all right, well, somebody did that

at this. I did that. Some guy fucking freak-soid. Some guy framed a baby for walking on the wall. Yeah. That's, okay, so somebody like put, like, a fake baby footprint, and then my mom told us that a baby got their head cut off and ran up the wall. Shit.

We got a campground. The baby got it, its head cut off, and it ran up the wall. That's what she told us it was like, she was trying to like freak us out. Like she was trying to like tell us like, it was like, we were camping. So she was trying to tell us a ghost story. That's what she told us.

I didn't have the fucking like, the thought to be like, that wouldn't work. A baby got his head cut up and ran up. It's a baby's first instance. Wait, you were camping? We were camping. So where's the wall? It was.

There was no wall. That's the scariest part of the whole thing. No, we were camping at a, well, I mean, we were like camping, camping, but it was like, like just my, my uncle's like a veteran. So he goes to like this VFW campground. Oh, yeah, yeah. My uncle's a veteran. It was like a cabin?

He had one eye. Was it like a cabin? There, we didn't have a cabin. So where was the wall? There was, like, the showers. They put baby footprints in the showers. On the shower in front, on the front door. Okay.

So my mom told me that a baby got a head cut off. A baby got. My mom told me a baby got its head cut off. She explained, she was like, you know how when a chicken gets its head cut off, the body can still run around? Sure. Yeah. I have heard that, yeah. But a baby is far from a chicken.

I was fucking 10 years old. I was 10 years old. You were 10? I was 10. She told me that. She told me it saying she was like, that, this is the only time it has ever happened in existence. And I was like, I have to believe you, you're my mom. A baby got his head cut off.

Got its head cut up and... So we were so freaked out. We were so freaked out by that that we were like, well, obviously we're going to tell... She was like, don't tell any of the younger kids. Obviously, we're going to immediately tell the younger kids. Because they're going to try it. Yeah.

Yeah, the younger kids are going to cut their heads off. Can a baby run? That's how we got her. dude that's how he made sure ma'am i posit one question to you can a baby run she said that it ran because it ran because

its head fell off and it lost all the weight of its head it seems like it seems like she really thought this out like she really had a lot of well of course the baby's head is what's keeping it from running running up the wall you know style

and then once it loses his head it's weightless enough it can just run up a wall like a bug. No clip right through the fucking wall. Also, it was standing in paint when it got its head cut off. No, the, it was the paint on the wall was red, so she told us that was the baby's blood, and they never washed it off.

They never washed it off. Because the campground was cursed. I think you have a bad mom. Yeah. She just wanted to scare us. She called me as a lying piece of shit. She did. Yeah, when you should pick it when she dropped me off. Yeah. When my dad wanted to scare me, he would just

wait around a corner and then go, really loud That wouldn't scare me He would like He would hiss or like yell He would startle me My mom would just show me a spoon She'd be like

You know what this means You mean something to play spoons on your head Yeah my mom She broke four wooden spoons On my ass And then if you bring that up to her She's like Why are you a liar

I love that thing that parents do Or they're just like Nothing bad ever happened to you When you were a kid Everything was swag Oh yeah dude You had the most cool childhood of all time. We went to Disney World, even though we never did.

We went to Disney World. It wasn't the backyard. No. No, that was Disney World. Yeah. Also, a baby got its head cut off and ran up the wall. There's a couple things about your childhood. The baby actually did get his head cut off.

But he did not run up the wall. He didn't run up the wall. They painted the footprints on later. And he scared your dad away. And he never came back because that baby. So if you're going to blame somebody, what that baby? I feel like I've talked about this before. on the podcast, but my mom also scared me out of drinking blueberry pomegranate juice.

No. She scared me out of drinking more than one cup a day. It was, she did this as a precautionary measure because she wanted to keep her juice to herself. She was like, you can only drink like half of a cup of this because you drink more than that. There's so many antioxidants in it, your blood will toxinize. I don't remember. saying it like science that's fucked up my mom told me that uh that the spider or spiders lived in bananas and like every third

banana had a spider in it so you wouldn't eat too i i still can't eat the bottom of a banana like my brain won't let me eat the bottom because my mom said that you know the little like the little tip yeah yeah the uncircumcised penis tip of a banana at the very bottom yeah she was like that's where the spiders click yeah like banana click So, like, still to this day, I throw away the last bite of a banana. I can't eat it. I mean, I know that it's not in there, but I kind of don't. I kind of still think there's a spider.

I don't drink juice as much as I did. Like, you know, I don't. It's funny to hear you talk about this, Pat, because this is, I, is, you do the exact same thing to your nephews. Oh, yeah. Every day you go up to your nephews and say, hey, you know, if you put that Spider-Man mask on, it could pull your head off. I mean, it is the truth that, like, the only fun part of having kids is abusing

them mentally. You know what I mean? Trinking them to play in mind games. Yeah. I remember one time my younger brother when he was like four because he's like 15 years younger than me or whatever I told he

what did he do? He like spilled a glass of orange juice or something and I was like well got to call the police and he was like no don't call the police and I was like listen buddy the deed is done they're on their way and then I had my other brother

go outside and knock on the door. It's like, it's the police. Open up. And he's still, now he's 10 and he brings it up all the time. Every time I see him, he's like, remember when you told me that the police were coming because I spilled the juice? Shut up. I do the same thing my mom does.

I'm like, you're making that up. I remember it and I'm laughing, but no, that didn't happen. Yeah, I can't wait until like, in like three or four years. In one year. Yeah. When my nephews are like old enough And they're like Oh yeah, you told me you're going to see Spider-Man in New York

Yeah And you said he was going to call me You told me if you opened the fridge after 10 p.m. And orc comes out and eats you Oh, I told one of them the other day That if they open up the air fryer If they touch the air friar at all The food will turn to ice while it's cooking

That's scary Yeah I thought a pressure cooker could blow my head off Little did I know Yeah, I could Well, then we have to get We can say that we're getting You want to get more

We're trying to We're trying to keep it from the listeners Yeah We're not drinking beer No It's actually In New York it's illegal To drink beer and record a podcast

Dude I'm back to drinking beer It's pretty awesome Yeah Yeah Man I fucking Beginning of the month When you're fucking Show you anybody

Yeah when your uncle died in 9-11 Yeah when my uncle died 9-11 at the beginning of this month. Yeah. That was bad. I drank. I bought, what's that,

clown shoes, space, something IPA. Oh, yeah. You just put in words together, brother. I mean, that's what they do to make the IPAs. They just do, they just, they take a dartboard

just has every word that, that someone posted on Reddit in 2009, and they just throw a dart at it. Bacon. And then they hire the worst. The worst fucker, Will Wheaton, yeah, double IPA. The Gilled IPA.

You look, Chris Hardwick Callagation. And then they try to Chris Hardwick Halligation Double IPA. And then they hire a guy who makes Calvin and Hobbs fan comics to draw the art for it.

And it's like a dinosaur and a spaceship. And you drink one and you pass out immediately. It's just vodka. Yeah, you drink one you don't have to eat for three days. I drink

four nine ABV tall boys. I drink four of them in a row because I was bored. Dude, you got a fly in your house right now, a little fly creature. I've had a couple of fruit flies recently. They love fruit, so Cameron, watch out. What? They love fruits.

I don't get it. Could you explain? You wear women's cologne. I straight up don't wear any cologne. That's kind of gangstit to a bidet. Cushby his Cologne. Cushby my Cologne. That's true, dude. Who sings that? Who's Cushby? It's me. Yeah. Yeah. Patrick. Cushby, my Cologne. If you heard the most beautiful song in the world, would you cry? Yeah. And you know what that song is? It's Hero by Enrique A Glacius. Hey, Caleb. If you heard the most beautiful song in the world, would you cry?

A hundred times. Would you cry if I broke your heart? I would cry if you did anything to me. Did you cry right now? I could cry. If you saw, if you were on the train and you saw me standing on the platform and I was waving goodbye, would you cry. If you saw me on the train crying, if you saw me on the Hogwarts Express, would you cry? Because you know you wasn't going to see me for a school year? What would you do if I went to boarding school at now? Would you

sign my paper to go to Hogsmead? Would you cry if they made me go to Mars to colonize it and you never saw me again? Are you guys going to go off planet when it happens? Yeah, dude. I'm going to go to Neptune. Wow. I'm going to go to

the island. To decide. You have to pick a You have to pick a planet right now Yeah Pick a planet right now Which planet Patrick I would do Mercury Because then I could live to be like

You're going to die All right Caleb what's it Shut up Shut up You shut up You shut up You listen to me

If we colonize Mercury Mercury Mercury travels around the sun Like I think 88 days Is How many days Patrick? Wow I think it's 88

One year on Mercury is 88 days on Earth earth. So, I could live to be 300. Wow. If I do it right. If you do it right. And how is doing it right? Maybe start doing a keto,

do what my grandpa did. If you could do keto on mercury, you'd live forever. Oh, I keto. A keto and keto. Uh-huh. I'll go a quito. Well, he went, my grandpa went completely vegan. Wow.

I had to clean out his shit from my closet. I had to clean a shit out of his ass when he turned vegan. I had to clean out the shit out of his, closet. You have an avant-garde vegan cookbook? I have had that, but it's not my...

I saw that guy one time in Boston. Yeah, he was filming his videos. Well, I saw him, and I was like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, Drake around? Is this like one of the, like, Drake's, like, white dude friends and he's like,

you're going to be black from now on and I'm going to give you a black guy haircut. Dude, he's so Welsh, too. Yeah.

Yeah. I love making Welsh food. I do love. Drake has 50 guys in his crew, all white dudes with cuts in their hairlines. Yeah, yeah, with the line. And he's like, I'm going to make sure that that you never go bald.

If you go bald, I just replace you with another white dude. But I found, I was cleaning out my grandpa's shit in his closet, and I found the Chinese health chimes. Chimes, you say. There were two balls, like two silver balls. I think those might have been your grandpa. there were two balls in my grandpa's they got him silver dude they got his balls

oh he put his real balls honestly that I kind of want to have my penis I kind of want to have my penis pickled like like um like kimchi like Rasputin oh yeah you know

yeah because also like I think the pickling makes it bigger like think about a well no a cucumber actually no makes it much smaller and that's even more impressive how big his dick is and that fucking brine

yeah he's got like a jerk it feels the whole Garthewan got a... No, Rasputin was packing. Rasputin was hanging that thing. Yeah. He was long donging on the...

That's what Rasputin translates to in American. Yeah, strong penis. Strongest penis on earth. Yeah, Putin means penis. And if you think about that, in relation to our fearless leader, Donald Trump. Some woman came into work today and was like... What the hell?

Some woman came into work today and was like... You're the best. Oh, wow! I was like, did you hear the news about our fearless leader? Fingers crossed, I'm sorry if you're a Republican. I was like, damn, you had that rehearsed lady. You're buying like vodka. What are you?

Come on. Now, let me buy all the vodka in the store. Yeah, fuck. I bet she bought a flavored vodka. Yeah. I can't remember what she bought, to be honest. She bought a mojito in a cup. I think she might have bought gin, actually, now that I think about it.

Oh, that's a manstreak. That's even better. New Amsterdam? Something cheap? Not New Amsterdam. My dad. When my dad visited me in Boston, he bought, like, the largest thing of New Amsterdam gin that they had at the store, like, when he first got there, they just polished it off by the time he left. Just every night, just down in gin and tonics.

Oh, dude, a fucked-up order we got today on the delivery thing. Somebody ordered a leader of Diet Pepsi and a liter and a half of Fireball. Ugh. Oh, fuck. Are they 10 years old? Right. Isn't that sick, dude? I need to pick up my order.

Hello. Thank you. Thank you. That's going in, that's going to different direction. What do you mean? Yeah, wait, can we run that back? Hello.

I would like to buy the word ball. Oh, okay, yeah. We played the dub that time. Yeah. Sounded good, Pat. Pat, we're safe. I was doing a child's voice. A chai, what?

Dule's voice, yeah. An old, wait, an old chai. What is it? What do you say? Chai old. old chai what old dirty bastard live and uncut you think he was cut old old dirty bat i don't know there's probably a photo you know you know he was uncut because he was old and dirty down there i don't care how many fucking aborted babies it takes i'm

regrowing my shit yeah regrowing your foreskin yeah dude i got mine i don't need i know you got yours dude you guys are jealous of me i am jealous that's sick yeah i would love to have a surprise tip yeah that i have to hunt for You got to, you got to just like, you got to wash it. You got to claim the souls. Do you wash it or do you just have to? You, well, I wash it because I have to. Do you like washing it?

I mean, I guess. You ever just put like, you ever like, just squirts and shampoo in there and just shake it up? You just put your mouth on it? You just put your mouth on as a joke. I did, you know what? What? Can I feel the inside of it? I do just like want to feel that.

No, I never did. You definitely did. How much extra is there? What? For me? Yeah. There's not a lot extra. Do you have a little, like, you have a little spout at the end?

I don't. You have to pull it back to pee? Does it look like a rhinoceros horn? And make it talk like a puppet? Can you do some Ace Ventura shit with it? Yeah, can you make it like the Pops commercials with the upside of the mouths? Yeah, I could. That's kind of cool.

Yeah. I could put googly eyes on it. I don't know. I just, I feel like the mushroom guys. It would look like the truffles from Kingdom Arts. really if i put googly eyes on it i just want something actually just want something special i just want to be able to make it look like a character from yeah it hurts it is funny that we just cut what if you got an experimental treatment to restore your foreskin and put a foreskin over

your head what would you do then i would pull it down interesting yeah i would leave it up question. No, I would look good with a foreskin, though. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, look at me. I mean, I look like a penis a little bit.

No, dude. Come on. You guys can admit it. I look a little bit like a guy's cleaner. Dude, you're stunning. Oh, my God. You don't mean that. You know, Patrick, can you grab a Sharpie and draw just a line down the middle of

Caleb's head? No, dude, no. No, you don't. No, I would like to have a face, foreskin. Yeah, a face, foreskin, like a... Yeah, no, dude, that's a built-in COVID mask right there. Those hoodies from, like, 2014. Oh, a bay putty?

Oh, yeah, the sweaters with the fucking... The cowls? Oh, yeah. Remember ninja guys? Remember guys you dress like ninjas? Remember the Shogunite? Y'all remember Jenghis Khan? Y'all remember that shit?

That was wild, dude. No, that was crazy. There was a minute where I was like, this may be the dude. This might be that dude This might be it, dude No, but he had swag He had mad swag, dude Yeah

You don't go around calling yourself con If you don't have swag Right? That's right How else was William Shatner Going to yell out his name? Yeah I don't think he was talking about him

Is RIP William Shatner? He's dead to me Is Rick James dead? Rick James is dead It's funny that Rick James and Charlie Murphy are both dead I watched that video last night Hold on

Is he dead? Charlie Murphy is dead. Charlie Murphy is definitely dead. Which is... All right. Watch it. Oh, man. Yeah, he's a dead piece of shit.

Fucking bitch. Is Rick James dead? Rick James, better known. Yeah, he died in 2004. I mean, you party like that guy. You're going to die in 2004. Yeah, no matter what, he's going to die in 2004. That was the year, dude.

That was the year when part of years died. Yeah. Dude, what was it? Like, two weeks ago, people found, like, people remembered that Eddie Murphy made party all the time. How do you forget that song? That song is amazing. I've never heard that song. You've never heard party all the time?

No, dude. It was Eddie Murphy's saying it. Rick James produced it. And it's about his girlfriend partying all the time. I hate that. No, dude, it's, it's a, I'll show you it after. No, I hate with my girlfriend parties all the time. Oh, okay.

Well, then you're going to love this song. might be that I finally might have a favorite song yeah I've been waiting so long oh yeah oh yeah one of the first talks I heard yeah no listening to somebody to saying like do you remember like somebody I used to know by Gautier and you'd be like oh yeah

that's the first song I ever heard hold on dude it's actually the first song now that I think about it I think that's the first song I ever heard maybe just no not even having to think about it like oh yeah no that's the first song I heard I remember, yeah, my dad showed me that song. That's the first song I ever heard.

Yeah, in 2009. No, I'll never forget that, yeah. You remember. I'll never forget where I was. The couch. Oh, man. Listening to somebody that I used to know. 9-11, I'll never forget where I was.

Never forget that. When I heard Collide by Howie Day, man, I fucking... Oh, my God, dude. You and I, we collide. I remember listening to Let It Rock and thinking, wow. This is the first song I've ever heard. I'm going to remember where I am during this for the rest of my life. A guy who remembers where he was

Every time he heard Let It Rock I remember a specific time when I heard Let It Rock Oh I remember I have very I have very I have very succumbing memories of It was jacking off I mean the worst song PMV I talked about this on the stream but

Yeah I mean I fucked to M&M Accidentally But besides that I'm trying to think of what's a worse One time I fucked to office space My first time What I lost my virginity to office space

No way Yeah. Like, middle of the movie? No. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster? That part? I don't like that triggered a memory. He's doing math.

He's re-experienced. It was around the scene. It was around the Dietrich Bader scene where he's like, two chicks at the time was when we started. It's like the beginning of the movie. Yeah, she didn't want to watch it. I honestly, I wanted to watch office space. But that bitch was hungry. Dude, I hate when I'm trying to watch office face, but my bitch hungry.

Don't you hate that shit? Can we just get to the first stapler line? Imagine having sex and hearing my stapler? I don't have, I mean... That was my first time. What movie have I fucked too that was bad? I feel like I've maybe fucked with the pianist. Oh, wait, I got to go.

What did he say? The pianist? Jesus. I made out to Taken. No way. Taken 2 was my first date with the same girl. Baby, if you were taken, I'd do this. Yeah, if I was those Ukrainian criminals, this is what I would be doing.

Yeah, Taken 2. That was my first date with the girl. I lost my opportunity to office space, too. Memories, dude. Memories, man. Oh, my God, bro. Damn. Yeah.

That sounds so fucking lame. I think I lost my virginity to, I think, like, honest, I think SpongeBob was on the background. I think I lost my virginity to a girl. I'm pretty sure. Maybe my hand. I lost my virginity on, on a, my family all lived in a two-bedroom apartment. That was like, my virginity to my family. Yeah, we keep it in the family.

Yeah, we went, we went. into this producer's office and he was like okay what is your act and we just went to town there was five of us living in a two-bedroom apartment and it was like i knew that we had like 30 minutes before my mom got home yeah i just made it happen let's do it i just i came at 29 i needed 29 was two a family photographer who's like okay for this next photo can we get your dick and her ass please how about a sexy one okay Daughter, you know your dad wants. The family photographer is Gilbert Gottfried, and he needed...

All right, go ahead. He need a material. Do it. You can't mention Gilbert without doing that. It's close. Okay, what you need to do? Mm-hmm. You start fucking harassed.

Yeah? The dog gets involved, if I remember correctly. And the dog gets in there, too. Mm-hmm. And what are they called? My cousins. I did it. Thank you.

Finally, I've done it on the podcast. Finally, dude, you're finally a one-trick pony. Yeah. Took long enough. It's not even a good Gilbert Godfrey. It's a pretty good Gilbert Godfrey. I would say it's a really good. I honestly would say it's a very good Gilbert Godfrey.

I honestly say you're Gilbert Godfrey. Now that I really think about it. I'm taller than him. Are you not tall as Gilbert Gottfried? Yeah. I'm taller than a... Than a tiny little man. Taller than a die.

Gilbert Godfried spawned inside. a ring of mushrooms. Can we pause real quick? I got a pee. Yeah, me too. Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, so far, it's pretty good.

It's a great song. Yeah. Is there any lyrics? There's lyrics. Does Eddie Murphy sing? Eddie Murphy sings the whole song. What year did this come out? 84.

Oh, okay. All right. That makes sense. I thought it was like a 2005 song. Rick James died in 2004, but it came out in 80. You produced it from the grave, dude. Oh, no, this is 85. Well, probably.

Spandits, why you want to hurt me. He's got a great voice, too. It'd be funny if, like, this comes out the same morning, Donald Trump dies. I'm just like, Eddie, this Eddie Murphy's song is kind of fire. Yeah. Oh, no, it's great. Honestly, it's one of the top songs for me. We're apolitical, dude.

There's no way. I think this is an amazing song. Wait, wait for it. Does it get homophobic at any point? No. It's about his girl partying all the time. With? That's what I'm in the 80s.

Yeah, that's right. I'm leaving it on. Please turn it off. Why? Please turn it off. I'll do anything. It's not even the good part. I'll do anything.

Listen, baby, I'll do anything for you to turn that song. That's the worst song I've ever heard Hey Patrick Hey Patrick If you saw me on the side of the street Walking home would you have sex with me? Would you pick me up like Eddie Murphy did that woman? If you drop me off and I asked you to come upstairs, would you?

Yeah Yeah, you would I'm trying to get a nut off man That's right Hey, I'm trying to get a nut off We should fuck this weekend we're we're we're that be so that would be so funny that would be so this is just the plot of the movie home day can you imagine just posting a video to Twitter

we're gonna we're gonna fuck and then just just fuck we didn't even put it on the Patreon yeah just on Twitter we're just gonna fuck each other we're just gonna fuck each other raw in my apartment Eddie Murphy style yeah The wife in the next room Door locked I got a door A lot of A door to the bedroom Locked in the refrigerator

Put the wife in the refrigerator I don't give a fuck of your cold bitch Bring a towel A warm towel I don't know Oh boy Yeah I guess we should mention Caleb left the oven on all day

Oh yeah That's why we're sitting in a gas leak We're sitting in a gas chamber Ah Let's cut that out I'm not cutting head out. Why would you cut that out, dude? I'm not going to sound like an answer.

All those Holocaust survivors are going to be so mad at here. All of our Holocaust survivors are listening to this. Oh, my God, they're going to be pissed off, dude. A Patrick said, what? Don't do the voice. That's not even what they sounded like. We should join the voice. We should audition.

For the voice? You know Neil auditioned for the voice? What? No. Oh, maybe I shouldn't say that. It's okay. It's okay. I just want to say from here on now

for the last 15 minutes of the episode I'm not going to edit anything out because I don't want to I don't feel like editing anything tonight well I didn't say anything bad before just keep that in mind with whatever you say going forward now do your famous accent

Caleb yeah Chinese Mr Bean oh hello I'm Mr. Bean no I'm kidding Chinese people don't say what What am I even saying? No, that's the Mr. Bean part. You don't understand.

You don't understand. He's Mr. Bean part. The only difference sins race and culture, okay? He does. That's why there's so many different. He's Mr. Bean no matter where he is. That's why there's so many different races. You can't hear the difference in the impression, okay?

But if I was, if you could see me right now, you would be able to tell the Chinese part of the Mr. Bean. Yeah, you would be ripping some tape off my eyes. God damn it, dude. No. No. No. Oh, we don't even have any tape.

Caleb doesn't have eyes. No, I'm kidding. I don't, how can I even do that impression? I don't have eyes. That's smooth head and no eyes. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, my goodness. I would love to be an eyepatch guy.

Yeah? Do you want to go Dan Crenshaw mode? No, I'm going to go like Slick Rick. Oh, okay. Slick Rick is like... You want to be one of the most fire emcees of all time. I mean, I basically want to spit more than anything. So if the iPatch helps, like, yes, I'll do that.

I also, I memorized all the lyrics to children's story when I was 13. Nice. I, I, I didn't realize how much I drank. You realize how much you drank? Yeah, I talked about losing my virginity on here. I don't talk about that stuff. Oh, Mike, we're nasty, darned. I'm nasty.

We have been really nasty lately. Someone said that. Yeah, Mike said that. I like to apologize, I like to apologize to Kimster 61 on the Apple podcast app. Sorry if you're talking about fingering dogs and fucking sucking. Yeah, it's crazy. I literally didn't even think, like, when you tell a story about a child putting their fist up a dog's ass, it doesn't register in my head like, oh, that's disgusting. It registers in my head like, oh, that's very funny.

Yeah, I mean, it is more funny than anything. I mean, just like, imagine coming home and being like, what do you do? We gotta put the dog down. Which one do you get rid of? Yeah, that's true. You send a kid to a child. It just fucked up that the dog got punished for that. Yeah.

It's the kid who tried to fuck the dog. I wasn't even trying to fuck him, dude. He was trying to fuck the dog. I would put my kid, first of up, put my kid in veterinary school, and I claim that my dog's gay. I mean, problem solved, you know? Two birds, one bone.

Two birds, one fist in a dog's ass. I don't know that it was a fist. It could have been, you know how, like... The monkey video? You know in porn, they always say... Oh, the monkey video, dude. That's one of my favorites. Porn loves to claim fissing.

There's no fist, dude. Come on. You're making a temple. with your with your fingers yeah come on man you can't punch in we're just complaining we were just talking about

how people are complaining about us getting nasty and now you're talking about the temple I'm it's not a okay temple's the wrong word it's a it's a point you make a you make a tear drop shape with your hand

it's like a reach in there you form a fist in there you pull it out your hand's full of poop that's true that's a good point it's like it's like Tony Suprano getting mad

it's not disgusting It's not disgusting because some people medically need that to remove poop from their ass, okay? And some people need that. And if you're calling that disgusting, that's abelists. If you had C-diff, would you drink a poop milkshake? If I had what? What C-diff? C-diff?

It's what Tignitaro had. I think that's what you had. Excuse me? Well, once you tweet from her account, you get it. I tried to donate poop to the C-diff thing, yeah. Oh, is that like a fecal transplant thing? Yeah. But you know how it works?

They don't, like, cut you open and put new poop in you. You have to drink a poop smoothie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? I swear to God, dude. You didn't know that? You have to drink a man's, it has to be man. You have to drink a man's poop smoothie.

Ugh. Yeah, you're telling me, dude. Yucky. I thought about giving poop. I tried to give poop, and they said that I had bad poop. Yeah. No, you have to have perfect poop and able to get into the smoothie. I mean, my poop is insanely bad.

Okay, we're getting nasty. We have already been talking about fucking drinking poop smoothies. What can we talk about that's not nasty? Okay. Yeah, I mean, yeah, people have to drink those sometimes because they like the taste. That's not gross. I don't know. Let's go back to the whatever, how many fucking episodes we've done in this show.

Think about the not least nasty thing we've talked about. We've always been nasty. We aren't, maybe we're, okay, we are getting more nasty, but that's just because because we're so excited to see each other in person. Times are a changer. I'll say that much. This is a nasty era. Donald Trump is in the hospital for having bad poop.

Okay? This is a thing that we have to. He ate some black juice and died on the toilet. Yeah. He yelledest. He elvist, dude. It would be funny if Trump survives COVID and walks out of the hospital and gets like hit by a bus by like the end of a movie.

Meacho Black style. Yeah. Me too black. Yeah. And he's just like, ah. And while before he goes out and gets hit by all the cars, he also does the other scene. The president getting hit by a bus is the... He also does...

President Trump today died when he was hit by a bus. He does that scene from Meet Joe Black. And then he does the other scene for Meet Joe Black before the second before he leaves the hospital. Or like it's the end of Drag Me to Hell. Yeah. Yeah. And he just gets pulled to hell at the train station. Yeah.

There's a talking goat. I'm just kidding. He's going to heaven. He's going to heaven. He's beautiful. He's beautiful. He's beautiful. They put beautiful people in heaven.

They put ugly people in hell. They want... Yeah. Everybody's so mad at Donald Trump. Does he just want to fuck him? Rachel Maddow's mad because he's turning him straight. Oh, yeah, you're jealous of his hair. Come on, guys.

God, Rachel Maddow. So transparent. That's a beautiful guy. I love Lynn Manuel. I love Lynn Manuel. What if you, okay, imagine. Crazy is three. something of all time.

Lin-Manwell, Miranda, you, Rachel Maddow. Could you tell when... I can't even choose which one to spit on, dude. Oh, my God. That's hard. Oh, God, we're nasty again. I've had too many beers.

Yeah. What's the nastiest thing you can think of? Okay, now opposite. Yeah, what's the nastiest thing you think of? Fuck. Probably like a normal poop. Just a normal, kind of a normal emoji

poop. You know, that's kind of Gross. Yeah. A fake poop. Fake poop, you buy it five below. Yeah. A fake poop where you soak a toilet paper roll and water.

The nastiest thing I can think of is you'd probably be having sex in a toilet. Getting pranked by a stick of gum. I remember, I may have talked about this before, but like. A stick of gum that zaps you. I remember my mom. No, I've talked about this before. I, my mom was like. We're at a point where we're like all the best stuff.

I've run out of stuff, dude. Can somebody do something horrible to me? Just I have something to talk about. I don't care what it is. It's hard. It's hard to do it now with, like, COVID and everything. Like, you can't go out and experience shit, you know? Trying to think what's happening recently.

Well, no, I have the, I have the stories up now. Yeah. Now I'm going to be the one with the stories. I need to get a job for stories. I have, I have, you get a job. Okay, here's a story. I told you guys. I tell the most.

I didn't, I didn't tell it on the pod, but a guy came in and he was talking about the tech bubble to me and I was like oh I know the tech bubble and I was just like talking to him about that and he just started talking about like the future and shit

and he's like does I don't know where he started going yeah and in fucking five years we're all going to have heads this big and tiny bodies

and we're going to use mind control and teleport everywhere just so you know listener Camer just mimed a yard long head

how big is a yard it's three feet somebody hates football in America I do yeah and somebody never like football Went to first grade.

Yeah. And he came in, I thought a yard was metric for like a really long time. Yeah. He talked to, he talked to me. He talked to me for fucking like 10 minutes. This big.

I never, I only think of things in like feet and inches. Yeah. Actually, no, because millimeters, like if you like skateboard bills are all in millimeters. I think a millimeter is how big a millipede is.

Yeah. I don't know how big a millimeter is. I just know, A millimeter is a million meters. 50 millimeters and 60 millimeters. Big difference. That's true. Yeah.

Yeah. I know that. Anything else about metric? Yeah, let's get, let's do some math and measurement content right now. You want me to do math? Let's do, okay. Patrick, what is five times three? Five times three is 15.

Okay, what's... I did this thing where you delay by saying the problem back to you. Five times three. Well, I know that. I definitely know that one. It's 15. Okay, give me another one. 15 times 5.

Fuck off. 15 times 5, okay? That's easy. Come on. Shut up. 15 times 5. This is literally beetle juice on that we're starting. We're just doing that, dude.

All right. What's 100 plus 100? 100 plus 100 is 200. Time 7 is 49. Okay, I didn't ask you that one, so it doesn't count. Okay, but it's there. You just lost points. Ah, shit.

All right, what's 7 times 8? 7 times 8 is 56, because 5, 6, 7, 8. What? What? 56, 5, 6, 78. All right, what's 13 times 13? 13 times 13. No.

What? No, no, no, that's 11 times 11. That can't be true. Because it's 144. Okay, so it's a... All right, let's do it. 144, so then one after that. I wish I could cut your brain open.

Let's see what's happening right. Which synaps are you trying here? 13 times. Is that 156? No. He's having to push out so many stories about his brother going to the store. It's 169. He didn't think about this.

He's like, he's losing so much shit. Like, uh, Eric went to, went to Costco. You guys, I have discalculia. You can't do math shit at me. I only memorized the timespables. Patrick has dysmorphia, so we can't do math. Yeah. It's true.

And this is a message to all the fans out there. We're allowed to make fun of Patrick for this. You're not. That's right. You're not best friends with him. You leave my boy alone. You stop going in the Discord and you stop saying things like, I wish Patrick would get hit by a bus. I don't, you're making me sound like a bitch.

I don't care. Yeah, actually, do it. I care. Do it. See if we can't care. Oh, try to kill me. You can't. You can't find me.

Yeah. You can't even get to his heart. It's very easy to find Patrick. It's, no. Don't tell them. Here's a new challenge. Find Patrick and break his heart I dare you

Find Patrick and make him cry Whichever guess does that Or whichever person does that first gets a guess on an episode Yeah No That is the prize If someone finds Patrick and breaks his heart To pieces

They get to come on the podcast It has to be to pieces Okay It won't happen He has to be in shambles That's a long time It doesn't matter if you breaking my heart

I'll do it right now okay I love you not what you heard me you heard me are you serious chambles

I guess who gets a guest on the next episode me hey Patrick what would it break your heart if I played your favorite song yeah that's fucking

can't stop that's fucking the first one would you cry? What would you do if I cried right now? Asking your manager what would do

if I cried at work? What would you do if I cried at work? That was how I was entertaining myself for just like an hour. Like there was just a point where I was just like

walking up and down the aisles or I just like to Yeah, it's just like retail and it's like yeah. I just imagine and going on to my manager

and be like what would you do if I started crying? And I did ask him and he started laughing and then he said I would tell you to toughen up. Which is I think a fair answer.

That's beast on. Honestly. Yeah. Fucking bird clock. I hate that bird clock. Can we break it? We got a minute and a half left, dude. I think, yeah, the funniest version of that is, like, in a board room.

Okay. Great meeting. Just real quick. One last thing before we leave. What would you guys do if I just started crying? Just right now in the boardroom. Yeah. Would anybody else start crying?

I'm just going to throw that out there. I'm just going to give you a warning. You don't have to get this registered. But right now. I just want to know, what would you do if I cried right now? Just so you know, I was thinking about crying. The context that I asked my manager was I asked if I could take my lunch break and he said no, like jokingly. He was like, no.

And I was like, man, what would you do if I just burst into tears right now? It's better just no context. No context is a lot better. Straight up manager. What would you have us crying? Man, she's calling your manager. Listen, I don't remember your name. is that part of being of working here

then fire me I don't care yeah just asking him over and over to just every hour okay what would you do if I cried now would it be worse if I cried in the morning or at the end of my shift if I cry at 3 30 would you be mad if I picked you up from school and I was crying would you assume the worst you just pop what just happened to you no I have a really big cavity let me see it you can't just put your finger over it. Oh, I can actually, oh my God.

My filling fell out, and I haven't gotten it replaced. Did you swallow it? No, I spit it out, thankfully, but... Did it taste good? I feel like I have an iron deficiency, so it did taste good. Was it gold? I had a silver filling. Whoa. My dentist, Robert Christ. There's no way. That was his name. I've talked about this before. Robert Christ. We've talked about Robert Christ before. Robert Christ, my dentist growing up was Sandra Miles

S. Miles. What was your dentist name? Dr. Harriama. Harryama? Isn't that a Pokemon? Like the fucking end of a Captain Underpants book? Harryama is a Pokemon. No, Hiriyama.

Not Harriama. Oh, okay. Come on, dude. Shut your mouth. Patrick thinks all Japanese stuff is the same. No, I don't. He literally just said it off Mike. He just wrote it down on the table.

You're going to have to wipe that off, dude. I don't know why you wrote it on the table. Great. Now you're dropping the fucking. Marker, come on. That was my jewel. Yeah, you're... For people listening.

Yeah, you're jewel marker. You stop touching that banjo. Damn it. I'm just kidding. We're all set, dude. Next time we record, I'm sitting on Cameron's side. Why? Yeah, on his lap.

Yeah, dude, I would love that. Oh, and you'll be jealous. A little bit. Would you fall in love with me if I let you sit on my lap? Yo, Santa, Santa, straight up. Would you fall in love with me if I'd ask for your heart for Christmas? Would you give me your heart, make it real, or let's forget about it?

I think the only thing that makes those questions funny to me is just looking Patrick in the face when I ask him and just watching him try not to laugh. He's trying not to cry, did it? Yeah, I'm trying not to fall. If I asked you if you would cry, would you cry? Would you dance? No. If I asked you to dance.

I would dance with either of you to ask. I think that's the thing that's making me laugh the most about it is I'm imagining it as like lines from Hero by Enrique Iglesias Yeah I sing it baby If I if I bought you a Valentine Heart would you write me a poem

It's not a bad idea What are we doing for Valentine's Day Let's all hang out Let's have a boys party for Valentine's Day We need to have a Valentine's powwow I'll probably be by myself Let's do another hour dude We got to finger some stuff out

All right Cameron's bud Come on You can try dude I got spikes in there You have no defense mechanisms in your ass I got a tail dude You'd never seen it

I got a tail that covers it The tail doesn't cover it You know how dogs will put their tail down When they're scared They cover their butt with their tail That's what I do But it's a demon's tail And it's got spikes

They should get a tail He's got Bowser's tail I got Bowser's tail Yeah Cameron's part Bowser I'm gonna fuck myself with it I'm trying to sleep. Keep me up. I'm going to have to hear that all night.

Yeah. It's true. You guys are about to sleep in my living room. Yeah. We're going to whisper to each other and giggle all that. Are you going to tell scary stories? I'm going to tell Cameron the scariest story. You're going to put a campfire in my room.

Do you think a ghost could be beautiful? If you imagined a beautiful ghost right now, would it make you cry? What if... Okay, so you see the ghost's bed sheet, right? Yeah. And then you look... If you saw the lady in black, could you make her... good you look at you look at the ghost bed sheet and you see some some big old big old bolt

on's poking throughout the sheet take that thing off girl take my sheet off you ain't fooling nobody i know what you hide let me get a piece of that you was at the club all right all right we'll do 15 more of these this week yeah bye bye everybody