Podcrushed - Ambyr Childers

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

Actress and podcaster Ambyr Childers (You, The Master, Ray Donovan) joins us for a wide-ranging conversation about her path from child actor to acclaimed performer, the lessons she’s learned from parenting and sobriety, and how she’s found new meaning in spirituality. With stories that are equal parts funny, heartfelt, and inspiring, this episode is a must-listen. And preorder our new book, Crushmore, here: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Crushmore/Penn-Badgley/9781668077993    Look for the blue box at retailers everywhere or shop jlab.com and use code PODCRUSHED for 15% off your order today. From The Branch, in partnership with The 74 and MeidasTouch, Where the Schools Went is out now. Find it wherever you get your podcasts and start listening today! Cymbiotika is hosting their biggest giveaway ever this summer. Head to Cymbiotika.com/summersweepstakes to learn more. Head to squarespace.com/PODCRUSHED to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code PODCRUSHED. Take the online quiz and introduce Ollie to your pet. Visit https://www.ollie.com/podcrushed for 60% off your first box of meals! #ToKnowThemIsToLoveThem Want more from Podcrushed? Follow our social channels here: Insta TikTok X   You can follow Penn, Sophie and Nava here: Insta @pennbadgley @scribbledbysophie @nnnava   TikTok @iampennbadgley @scribbledbysophie @nkavelin See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In seventh grade, I got voted, most likely to be famous and most gullible. That could be a bad mix. Welcome to Pod Crushed. We're hosts. I'm Penn. I'm Sophie, and I'm Nava, and I think we would have been your middle school besties. Creating love triangles where there are none. Okay, you be Richard Gear, I'll be Diane Lane. Good morning. Good evening and good night.

Welcome to Pod Crush. I am joined by my co-hosts. Navakavalin and Sophie Ansari. Welcome, welcome. Let the folks know how you're doing. Hello. Just doing astoundingly well. Okay.

We could have done better on that, but let's not take it again. Just before we were recording, and I was nearly late because I was downstairs hustling to say hello to my sweet little child as he came in the door.

home from school a bit early because he was a bit sick and was tired and needed a nap and there's a box there of books and sitting right on top

was this series called Dog Man has anybody ever heard of this? No. Yeah, you wouldn't because you're like normal adults and you don't have children this age yet.

It is, now God bless the man who wrote Dog Man and all dogs and in fact all men but this it seems to me like nonsense. And it's this thing

Where I was like Kind of like this story I'm so glad this is our banter I was just like Oh it's so hard To protect them from the various You know the bits of our culture That it's like you know

I wish it was a couple more years Until he started reading that But he saw it He zeroed in on it He was like What is that? Oh the four year old Yeah

Uh huh Not James not James we'll call him not James yeah I think that should be his name on the podcast but just to clarify Penn said God bless all dogs all men the author but no bitches I love that that's funny

that's funny we'll keep this all just for that okay cool let's just get to our guests we don't need to draw any themes or meaning out of that I saw a book that I don't that I don't like that I wish my child wouldn't read and I was going to read it and I have to read it to him let's get to our guest Our guest today is Amber Childers, who you may already know in love as Candace.

On a sweet little show we know around here by the name of you, my show, you, my old show, you. She was iconic in that role. She has also been in other, I would say equally iconic and award-winning films like The Master, the Paul Thomas Anderson masterpiece. You know, people tend to hold up like there's Netflix as you and Paul Thomas Anderson's The Master. and then there's everything else. I think that's generally, like when you study cinema, that's, even though it's a TV show.

Badly, Philips, Seymour Hoffman. Yep, those are the two pillars. So, you know, she's worked with the best of the best. But she also was in the series Aquarius, and she was also in Ray Donovan. Outside of film and TV, Amber is a fellow podcaster. She's got a show called Happily Ever Amber, and that has its second season

exploring everything from family to brain health to sex and spirituality. Amber and I, we had a lot to catch up on. It was a joy to have her back. You're going to like this one. We'll be right back. Does anyone else ever get that nagging feeling that their dog might be bored?

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My dogs are like my children, literally, which is why I'm committed to giving them only the best. Hold on. Let me start again because I've only been talking about Louie. Louie is my bait. Louis, you might have heard him growl just now. Louis is my little baby, and I'm committed to only giving him the best. I love that Nom Nom Nom's recipes contain wholesome, nutrient-rich food, meat that looks like meat and veggies that look like veggies, because shocker, they are. Louis has been going absolutely nuts for the lamb pilaf.

I have to confess that he's never had anything like it, and he cannot get enough. so he's a lampy laugh guy. Keep mealtime exciting with NomNum, available at your local pet smart store or at Chewy. Learn more at trynom.com slash podcrushed, spelled try n-o-m.com slash podcrushed. I'm Jenna Fisher and I'm Angela Kinsey. And together we have the podcast Office Ladies.

Just because we finished rewatching the office does not mean we're going anywhere. Every Wednesday we'll be sharing even more exclusive stories from the office and our friendship with brand new guests. Plus, you can revisit all the Office Ladies' rewatch episodes every Monday with new bonus tidbits before every episode. So follow and listen to Office Ladies on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

I, just in doing a little bit of the research, I was reminded how transparent and reflective you are, you know how open you are and I have a feeling that you've been doing a lot of reflecting on this period of life for yourself and so I just just give us a snapshot of Amber at 12 what was she doing every day how was she seeing the world and then of course because you were very much a budding performing artist how how was her relationship to the arts and stuff I was so awkward. And maybe people didn't perceive me as awkward, but I just felt so awkward inside. I feel like I didn't really have like, I didn't have like a friend group in the sense that I kind of hung out with a bunch of different groups. Like we were very segregated, right?

We were like, you had the jocks, you had the emoes. And I was just kind of like, there Amber was, like bouncing around from like, which was beautiful because I was friends with everybody. but there weren't a lot of artists. I was acting at that point, so people, I feel like kind of, I don't want to say they treated me differently, but we just couldn't connect in the same way as I could have. I didn't grow up with a lot of artists. There weren't a lot of actors in my middle school.

And it's funny, actually, I just remember this thought just now. I think in seventh grade, I got voted most likely to be famous, and most gullible. Really? That could be a bad mix. And it's so true. I laugh now and I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, sorry, am I allowed to cuss on here?

Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I was really gullible. How does that manifest now being gullible? I feel like, when you said that, I'm like, I'm gullible too, but I'm wondering how it manifests for you. Probably choosing really bad men. Google is not a negative thing you just I I want to trust everybody but unfortunately you can't

trust everybody and you have to develop this intuition which now I very much have and and that like goes later into like I stopped drinking and I think that's something that's really helped me like dial in on understanding okay what is my what is my nervous system telling me what is like, how am I feeling in this moment right now? But when I was in middle school, I was just like, I love the idea of escaping. And for me, escaping was, was being an actor. Like, I felt so awkward in my own skin. And, like, I just didn't know. Like, I wasn't super, super smart and I wasn't super athletic. I was somewhere like in between. But one thing that I knew that I loved more than anyone in the entire middle schools where I loved acting. I love a

forming um has you know as we know like you're able to step into the shoes of someone else and not be yourself and that feels really good when you're really insecure in six seventh eighth grade which you already are so insecure at that age and having daughters now it's like like i want them to be so confident and my 11 year old is super confident and she's an amazing dancer and like she will, I mean, she will roast you and she'll be funny and like where my 15 year old is more, like I have a Scorpio and an Aquarius baby. And they're like, so their signs and I'm a cancer and I'm like, my kids, I literally, wait, what did you think? I said right there in the middle. Yeah. Yeah. So today was Riley's last day of fifth grade. And I have this thing where I always give her a kiss.

and I will always give her a kiss until she starts driving. And then I'll just give her a kiss and let her leave and go in her car. But I said, okay, look at me. And she's like, Mom, don't, please. Not with the speeches. I said, I am so proud of you. You work so. Mom, please, the speeches, the lectures, I just can't.

I just can't. And like, I wanted to take it so personal because I just wanted to let her know how proud of her I was for like, you know, she worked hard this year. And she, it was, there was a lot of girl drama and I, I, I was just wanting to, like, show her how much I loved her, but she was not having it. So I was like, oh, okay. But I've arrived at that age. And, yeah, it's just a weird time to be, like, a parent and to see, like, we were prank calling people on, like, a landline, right? Now these kids are, like, hosting Zoom videos and, and, like, FaceTime and playing all these games. And I'm like, I don't even know how to parent this child, like, in this phase of life. I'm not sure anybody does, really. It's, I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's, there are those of us who are learning, but oh, my goodness, it's not easy.

You know, you, you, you had brought on, I don't want to take us too far off topic, but you had brought on, uh, Dr. Eliza Pressman, um, to an episode of your show. And she gave a metaphor for parenting that I'd never thought about, even though it's really obvious, which is that the day your baby is born, you're born as a parent, at least you're first born. So of course, there's going to be a period where you're a toddler as a parent where you're like wobbling and stuff. And imagine we're like you've never gone through. Like you're the first generation of parents to ever in history go through parenting kids through what they're going through right now. Like this has never happened before. So there's no like historical. There's no like epigenetical of how to do this. Like that's crazy. You guys are really pioneers in figuring out how to parent

kids through this. You know, because of Pioneers, it's just, it's just grisly. It's just grisly out there at first. Yeah. There's going to be lots of mistakes, you know, because nobody knows how to do it. I'm so glad that you mentioned that because I've actually never heard that before, and it actually makes me feel so much better because a lot of the time I'm like, I got to go take a nap. Like, I need to put myself in a time out because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing right now, you know? And it's, it's true. It's really hard, but it's also great because I'm learning to reparent myself, right? There's so much of my childhood that maybe I didn't get or I wanted or I didn't understand. And now at this phase in my life, I'm like, oh, Amber, the 36-year-old

Amber gets to reparent the 12-year-old Amber and give her what she needed. Did your parents ever give you any kind of anything close to those speeches you're giving yours now? You know what I mean? Like, did they demonstrate their pride in you in ways that you could feel? So my parents are, you know, obviously from a different generation. And it was like slap on the back, like, make us proud, tough love. I grew up in a very, very tough love kind of family. And I know that that has served me well in some aspects of my life, like learning to be resilient in an industry as an artist that is not always going to be in your favor.

And you're going to have years where you don't work and you're going to have years where you are on cloud nine. And that builds grit. And I think that that's what my parents definitely showed me. The other part of the nurturing, the loving art, I mean, they loved us in the best way. They knew how. And I think that's something beautiful is when you become a parent, you realize, oh, my God, my parents went through so much.

And so there's like that whole, you know, aspect of, of forgiveness and nurturing and whatnot. But my parents are, like, tough ranchers. Like, they're in Nebraska. They're, like, wrestling cattle. Like, they're doing the whole thing. So, like, very different household, very different. That's right.

So you, so did you grow, where were you born? Just, you were born kind of in that Midwest thing, weren't you? So I was born in Arizona, in Cottonwood, Arizona. Okay, okay. That's right. That's right. And then when I was five, I moved out to a place called Marietta, California, which is near Temecula.

That's where people, it's like wine country. Right. And that's when you were close-ish, where you were close-ish to L.A. and Hollywood that made it feasible when you were 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Yeah, it was like an hour and a half drive. Now it's probably like two and a half hours. But yeah, and I'm so grateful that my parents were super supportive of, of the. I'm shocked actually knowing them now.

I'm like, how would you even let me, you know, I'm shocked that you even let me say, hey, I want to be an actor. And they were like, okay, because I grew up playing golf and basketball. We were total boys. Like, my dad wanted boys. He got girls and he was like, I'm going to make these, you know, we were tomb boys, like through and through.

So. And you really were talented, right? Wait, what? You were really talented as an athlete. Like, you were really. Yeah, yeah. I'm super competitive. So we, I grew up playing basketball, I traveled, and then I played golf, played golf like all over the country.

I grew up with Ricky Fowler, grew up with like a bunch of like really great guys that like end up doing really well in the golf space. But yeah, it was, it was great. And then I ended up my senior year of high school, I booked a soap opera in New York. And so I graduated high school three months early, took all my exams, moved to New York, started my job on all my children, back to walk to get my graduation, or to get my diploma. And then flew back and started working. Wow. I can't imagine doing those things at 17, 18.

It would be so intimidating. So intimidating. I don't know. I just wanted out so badly. I just wanted freedom. I wanted, you know, like everything that you crave at 17. You're like, I've been under restraints from my parents. I grew up in a Mormon household.

So it was like, you know, my parents were strict. We didn't, you know, they, and I'm grateful they were because. you know, kids were doing a lot of not great things, like, in high school and middle school. Yeah. You describe, I mean, I read somewhere that you found an ad at eight years old for a talent agency in a newspaper, which to me paints you as such a go-getter. And then what you just described of, like, you know, taking all your exams early. Like, I don't even think about myself at 17.

Like, logistically, I would have been like, ah, it's too complicated. to figure this out. I'll wait. I just feel like there's so much ambition there and even seeing what you post online, like your fitness, I feel like that ambition carries through. But I'm curious going back to middle school

if there's other ways that you saw that ambition and go-getter attitude come through or was it really with theater mostly? It was only with acting. It was weird. And I think now like, now having a better understanding of what ADD is, it's like you, I didn't get bad grades.

I got good grades, but I also knew that my parents said, as soon as your grades slipped, we weren't taking you to auditions. That was kind of like the exchange. And so my motivation of getting good grades was I could go audition. And I worked really hard to make sure because school didn't come super easy for me.

I hated, like, sitting there and listening. I get so tired and, like, you know, we all go to school for, like, the social aspect. But for me, I was like, any chance that I got to get out of school early to drive up to L.A. to audition, it was like, there was no, it was, there was no plan B in life for me. I think at a very, it's like, it's also a curse and it could also be a blessing. But, like, once I fell in love with acting, I was like, tunnel vision. That was what I was going to do. No one was stopping me. And then you, like, got to a point where you were getting a.

scholarship and you also made like the all-star softball team. So it sounds to me like you were spending a lot of time playing sports too. Is that right? Yeah. I mean, sports were our life. I traveled for basketball too. So we would, and I played basketball and golf in high school. And I just love, I love basketball. Like, I don't know if you guys have seen my answer. I'm like a huge basketball fan. I don't know what it is. I just, I love going to the Staples Center. I love watching it. It's just, and maybe because the ball is, like, constantly moving and my brain is like that. I find that very stimulating. It's true.

It's very, very fast. But, yeah, I worked really hard, and I love sports. Sports have taught me so much more about life than sometimes going through the experience. Like, for instance, I had a coach, Coach Ruth. He was the boys basketball coach, but he was also. my English teacher. He always said, if you are on time, you're late, and if you're early, you're on time. And that philosophy has stuck with me. So, like, if I'm, like, you were early to this Zoom. Yeah, we can attest to that. Thank you. Thank you. I don't, and, and maybe I can, like,

loosen up a little bit about it. But, like, I really, my daughter's 25 minutes early for school every day, for two reasons. When I lived, like, three minutes. from her school. I think it's really important to teach her those lessons, like, just to instill those lessons in her, like, get there early. And, too, I want her to get, I know this sounds really probably nerdy and scientific, weird, but I want her to get sunlight in her eyes, like, and be outside with her friends before she sits down.

Oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah, it's something that I learned on another podcast. It's funny, it's funny to say, I think. it might be weird and nerdy to say, I want my child to be outdoors in 2025. I want her to see the light of day before she has to look at a teacher or a screen. I know, but some people might think it's so strange, but there's like these little, like I'm also big into meditation, like nighttime meditation and Riley sleeps with me for the last like eight months. And some people are like, what the hell are you doing? And I'm like, I need, we need each other and we actually meditate. And

I'm instilling these, like, little, like, whether I'm using an app, whether I'm putting on, like, Native American flute music, like, we just, that's our bonding together. And I think those are healthy habits that you could teach your kids early on in life to, because who knows where this world is going, but, like, how to regulate your system. Amber, I'm curious, you just were talking about sort of a meditating practice, and you mentioned growing up Mormon. it sounds like you left the church. And I'm curious, kind of, if anything from Mormonism has stayed with you or any kind of like spiritual practice, kind of where are you at with that right now? That's a deep question. Yeah, it's a loaded question, I realize.

You know, I learned a lot of great things from the Mormon church. I think it kept me out of trouble, a lot of values. But there's also things that I'm like, I could have lived without. I think prayer has definitely come back around during my sobriety. I kind of lost my way because I was like, why would God do this to me or why are all these bad things happening? It's like the typical question of like if there was a God, none of this would be happening. So I became really spiritual in the sense of like understanding the universe.

And like I would find spirituality in like the trees. in the wind and Mother Nature. And then I just took it slowly and I slowly started like praying and being like, okay, like, are you there? And like even if I was mad, I would still pray. And like I would still be very angry with God sometimes, but I was still doing the practice of learning, having to have a relationship with a higher power. It's worked for me.

And not like, it gives me. faith in something that's bigger than myself and like I feel like where I'm at in my life I don't want to be in charge of my life anymore I want to be able to like take action right and do the things to make take steps towards the things that I want to accomplish but I know it's not going to happen in my timing nothing ever has happened in my timing like I heard this joke recently that's like if you want to make God laugh tell them your plans and it's true like I don't, and there's something very, it's like, when you think about that, you could just like, breathe, like, oh, God, it's not in my hands, okay. I'm still going to be a good person.

I'm going to still, like, help other people when I can. It's not about me. It's not self-pity. It's just, like, one day at a time, and we're going to, like, just conquer this. And journaling. I actually started journaling, and it's amazing what comes out of here and onto paper. You're like, oh, wow. So it's been a year of reparenting, rediscovering, and understanding, like, how I want to live my life moving forward. I love that. I love that also starting with nature, because we have this belief in the Baha'i faith that nature is an expression of the will of God. Not like the only expression, but an expression. I don't know exactly what that means, but when I contemplate on, like when I think about that,

sometimes I'll think about like, okay, so that means there's like metaphors in nature that teach us about God. Like if you think about like the diversity in nature, then that must teach us that like our creator loves diversity so we shouldn't be like so hateful of things that are different. Like we shouldn't be so afraid of that and, you know, obviously like so many more

lessons. But I think that that's like a beautiful way to start that connection. Yeah. And I love what you're saying about like continuing the relationship even when you're angry because every relationship has its highs and lows. So why wouldn't your relationship with God also have its highs and lows? I wanted divorce. Yeah. But, you know, you got to stick through it.

Yeah, it's hard. And I find, I'm not joking, like, one of the things that I love to do is I go out after, when I wake up Riley for school, I go sit outside and I watch the birds and I listen to the birds. And I watch, I have one particular squirrel. His name's Alvin. My kids think I'm not so. You can tell which one it is? Yes. And I could tell by the way he moved.

No. And he did. Yeah, right? And he jumps. And, like, this squirrel is hysterical. Like, he keeps me so entertained. But, like, I find beauty in that. I find God in that.

And I'm like, if you go and look at a flower and, like, the most beautiful pink flower to me, I say, there's no way that this color in this flower happened by accident. like there's something here and it doesn't it doesn't have to be it's a god of your understanding right so for me I'm like there's a creator that like

makes mint and the mint smells so good and is so good for you there's lavender that you could rub in between your fingers and when you smell it it just does something to my nervous system that's like that's really moving Amber

that made me emotional Yeah. Thank you. Penn. Do you have a first crush or first love or first heartbreak that was particularly formative for you? I would say this guy named Lance and he was actually Mormon. And he was my first kiss, and it was on a rooftop, and it was raining. Oh, my gosh.

Wow. So classic. That is romantic. So you were in Spider-Man. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I lived. I lived that.

And I think he broke my heart. Lance? Yeah. Yeah, shame on Lance. I think he tried to follow me on. Instagram like seven or eight years ago and I'm like yeah of course they always come back how did he break your heart um I think that you know it was a love triangle you know how it goes there's always like a girl that has like bigger boobs I was super flat chested like I didn't have any boobs in high school

and it was not nice um uh my parents were also really intimidating so like and my dad always had like like a cop haircut, even though he wasn't a cop. So people always assumed that, like, you know, my dad worked for the sheriff's department or something. And so I think it was just a little bit of like, even my parents intimidating boys. And my dad would be like the classic, like, what's your intention with my daughter? I'm like, dude, we're in middle school. Come on.

But we stayed really good family friends. for a long time. And, you know, it's so funny, like, thinking about those emotions, like, when someone breaks their heart at that age, it's the world is, it just your world is over. Like, you don't want to go to school. You want to change your name. You want to change your hair color. Like, you want to, like, just leave the country. So, ultimately, that's what Lance did. Lance broke my heart. and we'll be right back every day feels a little bit different

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that that dates me doesn't it um but no real talk uh how important is your health to you you know on like a one to 10 and i don't mean the in the sense of vanity i mean in the sense of like you want your day to go well right you want to be less stressed you don't want it as sick when you have responsibilities um i know myself i'm a householder i have uh i have two children and two more on the way um a spouse a pet you know a job that sometimes has its demands so i really want to want to feel like when I'm not getting the sleep and I'm not getting nutrition, when my eating's down, I want to know that I'm, that I'm being held down some other way physically. You know, my family holds me down emotionally, spiritually, but I need something to hold me down

physically, right? And so, honestly, I turned to symbiotica, these vitamins and these beautiful little packets that they taste delicious. And I'm telling you, even before I started doing ads for these guys, it was a product that I really, really liked and enjoyed and could see the differences with. The three that I use, I use the, what is it called? Liposomal vitamin C, and it tastes delicious, like really, really good. Comes out in the packet, you put it right in your mouth. Some people don't do that. I do it. I think it tastes great. I use the liposomal glutathione as well in the morning. Really good for gut health, and although I don't need it, you know, anti-aging. And then I also use the magnesium L3 and 8, which is really good for, I think, moods.

and stress. I sometimes use it in the morning, sometimes use it at night. All three of these things taste incredible. Honestly, you don't even need to mix it with water. And yeah, I just couldn't recommend them highly enough. If you want to try them out, go to symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping. That's symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping. Okay, we have one other classic question, which is, can you remember a particularly embarrassing or awkward moment from middle school or high school? Oh, gosh. That's a hard one for me. I don't, I would, I don't know if I have one. Not even on like your, any of your sports teams or, I feel like that for some reason.

I mean, I think a lot of the girls. She was phenomenal. She wasn't having awkward moments. She got a scholarship. I was like, I was embarrassed on my sports teams because I said. I think a lot of the girls during especially high school were starting to really experiment with one another like all the girls were like oh maybe I'm a lesbian and I remember I was not I very much in to men but some of my best friends were like always trying to like slip in and like just like give a hug

or a kiss that was just a little too uncomfortable and I'm like, bro, like, hands off. I know we play a contact sport, but there's, like, boundaries here. So I think that would probably be the most embarrassing thing. And they were, I mean... So, just to be clear, though, the most embarrassing thing in high school for you was that you were straight. Yeah. No, that is actually very relatable.

That's so funny. I don't know. I just, I think, like, I know I had a couple, like, really bad faceplants, like, playing. flag football. Yeah. Tripping on your face. Any of those little things that like now as adults we would look back and be like, that's hysterical, we just exaggerate everything.

All of the emotions in middle school and high school are like, we're just so dramatic. At least I was so dramatic. I don't know. And maybe that's why I'm an actor. I just put it all into my work. No, I think so. Last night I was at a dinner for my husband's family and he has some cousins who are like,

One of his cousins, I think, is, I think she's in eighth grade. And she was just belting. She has a pretty good voice, but she was just going around the house singing super loud. Like, we're all doing other things. And you could tell she was, like, looking to see if anyone's going to say anything to her. Like, she's waiting for someone to be like, wow, you have an amazing voice. And I was like, that is so classically middle school in that age. And I was like, I'm sure I did things like that, but I wouldn't, my body, my mind protected.

me from from remembering them in that way but i think i don't think it's just you i think that age group is just dramatic and oh 100 for me i was on i wanted to be a singer before i got into acting and i would stand on our coffee table and like have a guitar and put shenaya twain in like this massive tv that we had like the old school like not the flat screen like the big ones and i would sing and i would make everyone come into the i was like there's a concert and sometimes i would pass out tickets. And I was like, there's a concert at five o'clock tonight. And so, like, I literally would just torture the fuck out of my family for hours. I'm like, no, we're doing a whole set. This is not a one song and done. This is like a whole set that we're doing. So, yeah, I was

performing at a very, very young age. So give us just that, a snapshot of that transition that you made. It sounds like towards the, was it towards the end of high school that you, that you, you know, you were about to accept a scholarship to go to school for golf and you got this role on all my children. Is that right? How did you book it? So I had booked a role when I was much younger for all my children and my family was like, we're not uprooting our family and moving to New York. So I just kept auditioning and then another role came about to play Colby Chandler on all my children. And I remember I flew back to New York to do the screen test, and for whatever reason, like, I know, like,

you just, sometimes you just know, you just know, it's knowing. I was like, watch, I'm going to book this, watch. And I had already signed papers. Like, I'd already accepted the scholarship to go play. And then when I booked it, my parents were like, I can't believe they said this. This is so wild to me. They were like, well, you're going to be 18 this summer. You kind of like, we'll let you do what you make this choice yourself. And so I was like, all right, peace. I'm out. So I called the coach. I was like, listen, thank you so much for the opportunity. But I just, you know, my heart is always been in acting. I love the game of golf, but I know I could play it until I'm 80 years old. I don't know if I'll get another opportunity like this to experience not only like my dream, but living in a city where, you know, there's just so much different walks of life. culture and like it was more i feel like my soul was like craving that at that point um so i respectfully and gratefully like gave my scholarship back to the university and i graduated early

i went to all my teachers i was like hey guys guess what i booked a role and and they were all so supportive i was like i need to take all my finals early and at this point i don't even care if i failed them i'm done um and i passed i graduated with a diploma and and i i passed i graduated with a diploma and And then I came back. I walked and I then flew back to New York and started working since. I was 17, which is wild to me. So sports was never even, you didn't want it at all as a plan B. You were really just kind of waiting, it sounds like.

You were waiting until an opportunity came through with acting. Yeah, yeah, I was. I was. And now looking at the business and where we are, there's like no, there's not much waiting, right? I mean, we all are in the business in various forms. But now you, that formula doesn't necessarily work. You actually have to like, you know, go out and sometimes create the work for yourself. But I'm so grateful that I had that drive and still to this day, I love what I do.

I love what I do. It's like the funnest job in the world. And if I always treat like every job like it's my last job and I'll never book again because there's that possibility. And so, but, you know, knock on marble, I've, you know, I've had a great career, and I'm so grateful that I get to show up every day and do what I love. Then I did Dickie Roberts, former child star, with David Spade. And then all my children came, gosh, what did I do?

I did a Stephen Frears movie. I did We Are What We Are with Julie Gardner, Gardner And how did you book The Master? That's like an incredible An incredible I auditioned

And it was just one of those ones Where I was like, I love period pieces That's like my favorite I love doing period If I could do like a period piece For the rest of my life I would It's just fun right You just the way

You know you set playlist and you really dive into the history of that time and it's really transformative and beautiful and the way you speak and the way you present yourself in the scene. It's just, for me, it's something that I've always craved. I did Aquarius with Sarah Gamble, who created you. That was the first project.

I worked with her on that, and I love the 60s. Oh, my God, I played Susan Atkins, who was, you know, a complete, crazy person. to put it mildly I mean I mean she's like one of the most infamous accolites of of Charles Manson that's a big that's a big that's a big role and I was a big

I mean I feel like especially because it led into it led into you I don't know exactly the process you went through to play Candace but it sounds like you know Sarah already knew you and just wanted to bring you in for that yeah I initially I didn't I had completely forgot about

about that audition. So wait, I wanted to go back to your question about the master. I had auditioned, and that was probably the longest, most stressful process. I had heard through the business, like, Paul takes his time. Like, there's, like, this, you know, you just go in and be yourself. And I went in, and I remember auditioning with him on a couch. And it was my scene with Joaquin Phoenix. And it ended up being, like, a full frontal nudity scene, which is, wild to me and I just Paul's amazing

he's such a great he wasn't intimidating he made the audition super comfortable and like and then it was like two months so every time

my manager and agent would check in they're like casting would say like oh you're you know your pictures on the wall with another actor

and we're just deciding which is like that's so yeah so intense that's a mind fuck yeah yes and i'll never forget when i booked it i was in lequinta um like just having a weekend with my kids and they're like you booked it and i was sitting outside and i was like this is

just insane and like i didn't realize at the time how important that movie was going to be for my career um and you know even even so i actually ran into rami uh malick the other day and which i haven't seen him in years um and we just it was the funnest job i'd ever worked on um but it was also so terrifying because everyone was was saying like paul will fire you at any time like any time and he will recast you it doesn't matter how many days he's into the shoot like you better show up and suit up and be the best damn actor you could be and so for me i was like terrified of this um And there's, like, famous stories in Hollywood of this. But it's the nicest guy.

He's, like, the best director. I learned so much. Like, Amy Adams was my stepmom and Philip Seymour Hoffman, which I'm so thankful that I got the opportunity to work with him was. And that's my goal as an actor, always to work with people that are surround myself with people that are better than me. Because I want to learn. I would never want to feel like when I walk on set that I know what I'm doing. I want to have confident in the preparation of the scenes and knowing where I'm going with my character.

But I love learning. And learning is the best place to be, especially on set when you have all these amazing actors that have done incredible work. And I'm like, I don't feel worthy to be here. Like there's a little imposter syndrome, you know, at that point. I'm just curious what your process was like then to get on to you, which you were in with Penn, of course. Yeah. So I remember I was actually going to do, I was doing a voiceover job. And I had kind of forgot about the audition, but like didn't know 100% because I didn't have the materials with me. And I remember my agent calling me. And they're like, hey, are you going to go in and read for you? And I was like, sure. Sure. Yeah. Like, do you think that they have exercise like there? I'm just going into rooms and auditioning. Penn, I don't know. do you well i haven't auditioned in a very long time because i've been like on i've been on the show yeah of course and so it's like back in the day though oh yeah yeah yeah but i mean i

totally agree with you earlier you said something about you know people who are just getting into the business now i have no idea what kind of advice i would try to meaningfully give anybody because you know decades ago it was there was just yeah like you you you had a chance because you could go into a room and you could be there and the people who are casting you could see you and feel you and really hear you and they're you know and like it was often awful and kind of humiliating and painful I really do hate auditioning it's my least favorite part of the whole business but there's also something strangely as you bring it up yeah it's like I almost miss it almost is that not a thing anymore like now you start the process starts on zoom there's no more it doesn't

start. You send tapes in. You send tapes in. Yeah. And, and that, you know, that started during the pandemic. And I think everyone was kind of like, okay, this is only temporary. And, and now it's something, I mean, I do hear randomly like, oh, I went an audition, which is like a one-off. But now, and I also, too, I hated auditioning. It was like, but it was the adrenaline that I think now that, like, I crave, I crave the being connected and working with some of the, these amazing cast casting directors that I've known since I was eight years old. David Rappaport, like,

he's like, I'll never forget when you came in for Gossip Girl. Like, he says the, like, he has a better memory of me than when I was that age. It's the history that you have with these people. And there's also, sorry to cut you off, but I won't say who, but there's a particular actress right now who someone leaked her audition tape.

It's very current for something that hasn't been cast yet. I don't know who leaked it, but people are being really snarky about it. And some, like, pop, some, like, magazine, like, USA, but it wasn't USA Today. But one of those, like, left, like, a really snarky comment, like, so-and-so's traumatizing audition. And it's, like, this is so rude and mean. And, like, this should have been private. This should have never been leaked.

And also, like, you guys as a publication have no right to weigh in on this and, like, be snarky about it. And actually, people in the comments were, like, tearing the publication down, like, saying, like, you have no right to do this to this actress. But I was just thinking, like, that's so awful that that could happen. Like, at least in the past, a bad audition would have stayed private and, like, just between the actor and the casting directors. Like, that's also something that can happen now, which sucks. Yeah, it's a different beast.

Like, yesterday I threw myself on tape with me recording the other lines, which I haven't done that in a long time because they usually go into a place, at least to have someone to actually feel like it's an audition. but it was a Quintas Maritino movie, and I was like, I wanted to get this in, like, right away. Like, I was like, I want to be the first one in for them to see this. So it just, the world is different. Auditioning, the processes is different, but also change is really important. And I'm hoping, like, our business is going through a huge shift and change.

And I think it's just the world and the economy. And hopefully it will, like, simmer down, you know, because there's a lot of starving artists. And it's not just actors. It's everybody behind the camera that is, that, that are struggling right now. And I just hope for the sake of, of their families and their children and to be able to continue to do what they love. Because like myself, this is all I've known, right? This is, this is my livelihood. This is what I love to do and wake up every day. And if I don't do it, that's, that's a part of me that dies. So you forgot the script, and then you had to get the sides.

Oh, yeah, yeah, so keep walking us through. Sorry, back to that story, my world brain. So I went in and I saw, you know, Sarah and David and, oh, my God, this is bringing up so many memories. And I think this was like one of the scene, the same, my audition scene, I'm trying to think of what it was. But it just felt, it just, I just felt like I walked into this. this character and I think like sometimes you're really stretching your your ability as an actor when you you're like I don't I'm not really connecting to this character I always connected to Candice I love this like and I think it was through a lot of um difficult and hard times that

I went through in my 20s that I was able to channel this you know Candice character and make her come alive and and I booked it how much did you know about about the character how How she fit into the show and what was going to happen to her at the outset? I didn't know a lot, which I think is a blessing. I think sometimes when you go in blind and you're starting to create a character from, like, your own understanding. And it's nice that, you know, you have the writers and the creators and the studios knowing where it's going to go. I just wanted to come. And I remember reading the book on the plane to New York because I hadn't read the book yet.

and they're like, try to read it. And so I was like a crash course on the, you know, on the plane ride. I think over time, you know, because we, Candace, when she first came in, it was like, you know, hearing about her, right? And hearing, but not having a good understanding of what happened to her or believing possibly, you know, what Joe was saying happened to her. And then in the second season, you really see, like, her set of the story, right? And I love that.

I loved how they developed this character. And then you get completely blindsided, obviously, by the death of her. Do you recall how different she is from Candace in the book? I don't really. I know that there's a lot of differences. I don't remember if there. Does he mention much about Candace in the book? In the book, she stays dead, right?

Like, there's no, she doesn't get killed by love. So she's not the one who... Well, that's definitely true, yeah. Yeah. So she, it's amazing because Candace is part of like two of... I mean, you has pulled off some pretty epic plot twist, but I feel like bringing back Candace and exposing love as a murderer are two of the greatest

and you're part of both of them, which is really cool. And I'm curious, I'm particularly curious what it was like for you to film the scene where Victoria kills you. Like, what was it like to prep for it? What was it like to shoot it and sort of to keep that secret and the fan reaction, sort of that whole process for you? It was exciting, except for I knew I wasn't coming back. Yeah.

I got to go find another job now. I mean, sometimes they find a way. Yeah, that's not. Yeah. You already died once. I remember it was in the storage unit, and I'm super claustrophobic, and that storage unit was, like, not fun to find. film in so i was able definitely to bring a lot of that energy into the scene um but victoria's so

freaking good and like it was i i think it was like the perfect storm in a way um i remember it like if i remember correctly i'm like running around the corner and she like comes out and stabs me with a knife i've never been well i definitely know i personally have never been stabbed but i don't think i've ever played a character that's ever been stabbed before. A lot of sticky blood. Not I remember. Doesn't she slice you with something she's grabbed out of the garbage? Yeah, she like stabs me with like maybe a broken bottle or something.

Yeah, I think it is a broken bottle. Right, right, right, yes. It's been so many years since I've actually seen that scene. I know. I, yeah. But I'm glad Sophie, you know. Stick around. We'll be right back. The first few weeks of school are in the books, and now's the time to keep that momentum going. I-XL helps kids stay confident and ahead of the curve. I-XL is an award-winning online

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Quince.com slash podcrushed. In season two, you got to do a lot of your scenes with James Scully, who we love. And I don't know if you knew this, but in a crazy turn of events, Nava actually was James's teacher in middle school. Isn't that crazy? In Texas. Yeah. So we really do love them. We have like, we've loved him at many ages. But was he a good student. He was a great student. He was a total nerd and his name was Nick back then. And he was like really into theater. He was the sweetest. He was the sweetest kid. Yeah. I love James. Yeah, he's the best. Yeah. Yeah, I was going to ask, like, do you have any specific memories or stories from your scenes with him?

I mean, I just remember how fun set was, right? Like, when you have a good cast and it's, you enjoy waking up and, like, you get to go to work with your friends and play. And that's like said, and he was so funny and it was always making us, do you remember that pen? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were always laughing about it. He's just the way his mannerisms are and like the things that come out of his mouth. And like the whole dynamic, it's like a really cast of characters. Like how they cast everybody so distinctly and how it comes together as like this beautiful piece of art.

It's really a talent. And I actually haven't seen James in many years. but he I think about him and I just smile because he has such a great smile and a great laugh. He does.

So you obviously explores obsession and control which has flavors of some of the things that you were going through in your private life and I'm curious if you ever had to kind of detach

mentally to protect your own mental health as you were playing that character. I think I do it now more than probably what I did before. I think that's something that I always do because, you know, I do tend to play really dark

demented characters in some way and and so there's a lot you can't, you can never approach a character thinking like, oh, this character is a piece of shit. Like I, for me, I have to find empathy in some sort of backstory, right?

In order for me to fully show up as this person. And I have to detach myself as Amber from this character and um i think something that like i always do that i've always worked with my acting coach was you have to protect yourself like energy kind of like what we're talking about before energy is is very real and um i always you know doing like darker scenes or things that are like really evil or um even like sexual things like i have to put that white light around me and protect myself, so I don't go home and bring that energy into my house. So, yeah, I think, you know, I never regret anything that's happened to me in my personal

life. Again, like, I went through a lot of my 20s and not knowing up until this point in my life where I've actually done the work realizing, because I kind of numbed myself out and, like, oh, it was okay and made excuses for a lot of really bad behavior. Like, I've lived that now. So now I get to bring that healed trauma with me to bring it into my art. And I think that's what makes artists great is, like, we could show up and use our lived experiences. But also finding a way to not make us, like, turn those experiences and reliving those.

Yeah. Like, that's like a, that's a huge balance and challenge. And you have to be very mindful how you show up in your day-to-day work. and how you you know again when you leave set when you interset um so i mean i i know pen probably has more interesting things to say about that kind of like behavior because you've you've played joe i don't know i mean i don't even know but by the end to be honest i mean so we were working together in seasons one and two i mean by by like four and five i mean i i think i was struggling to to remember to like take it seriously enough to ground it you know what i mean i was like i was not

ever troubled bringing it home i'm like okay okay okay okay i actually have to make this real for a second okay you know because like yeah i mean strangely by the uh we actually had lee tolin creaker who directed the um he directed the first episode and i don't remember was kandis in the first episode or was does she come in i know she came in throughout later but like she wasn't there were no flashes in the first in the pilot right no okay so then so then i don't think you've or i don't think you've met we at least not on this show we had him on pod crushed and um one thing we were talking about was how much in the last episode we were just laughing he like he and i in particular we were just like laughing so much and we thought like should we be having this

much fun while bringing this thing home in such an and you know i said i don't know if you've seen the finale but it's like it's a it's a pretty grisly ending it's a pretty intense, pretty long and arduous thing. But we managed to make it very fun somehow. And I think that's important. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's hard. That actually reminds me I was doing a CPR charity class yesterday. And we were having to learn how to give CPR and how you don't do mouth's mouth and heart attack versus cardiac arrest. And like we were laughing through this entire thing. I'm like, this feels so wrong to be laughing because if this was a real life situation, like nobody would be laughing right now. But I don't know. But we, you learned something and

you guys had a great final season that people absolutely love. So you, you did something, right? Yeah. I mean, I think it's like, I think probably who was it, Kim? Well, was Elizabeth Moss who was talking about this on our show? She, she was talking about how like, you know, a show like handma, she's often having a lot of fun because it's also tortured that if you're i mean i feel similarly i've i've not heard a whole lot of other actors say this but like if you're doing something really dark and twisted you kind of have to keep everything light otherwise it's just an insufferable experience you know it is i remember the movie that i did we are what we are it was about cannibalism and we filmed it in upstate new york wow there was a lot of jokes at that dinner table

that we're like keeping things real light and it's true so like I could definitely attest to what you just said it's like you know

it's kind of like when people say you have to you have to like really enjoy some and like find comedy and the darker darker parts of life

and people don't like that because they think if you go to a funeral you have to be serious like no at my funeral I want a fucking DJ and I want people to be celebrating

and like sharing stories and it's going to be like a fun celebration. It's like people handle grief very differently. But I think, you know, back to your point, it's, yeah, find humor. Like, we're just, we're playing, right? We're playing. That's what we do for a job. We go on set and we play.

It's not serious. So we were talking about play and about joy and bringing like lightness to a set that might otherwise be quite dark. And I actually had a question about, motherhood for you, you know, you became a mother quite young, like at 21. And I think people talk a lot about, or at least I see a lot in the media, about like the challenges of becoming a mother young. But I'm curious if you could tell us about some of the unseen joys of becoming a mother young. Hmm. Well, I could definitely say now that I am living very much

like Gilmore Girls with my sophomore, you know, like I, and I actually just, watch the show again with my 11-year-old. Yeah, I mean, there's pros and cons. Like, when I was a young mom, I was also learning about myself. So I probably wasn't so rigid or, I don't want to say strict, but, like, we would have fun. Like, we would, we would, it was, she was like my, London was like my little best friend. And, like, we, people would be like, oh, you guys are sisters.

I'm like, nope, this is my, I'm a mom, this is my daughter. And, like, you know, I was just so young and I was so proud. And I always knew that, well, I didn't know I always wanted to be a mom. I really wasn't thinking in that I wasn't sure if motherhood was something that I wanted until it happened to me. And I was like, as soon as I got pregnant, I was like, nope, this is it. I'm going to be a mom. And I'm so proud. And I love babies.

Like, I love babies so much. If you, anyone that knows me, they're like, don't have your baby around Amber. She'll, like, take your baby and never give your baby back. But we would dress up. I mean, we went everywhere. I took London, like, she was on set with me when I was, I think when the first time she was like two and a half months old, I did a movie in Michigan. And she was just like my little buddy. And it's, it's challenging, right?

Like, because you really don't know what you're doing. But really, do you know what you're doing even now if I had another baby at 36, no, because the world's changed. If you see all the like parenting books and like all the things that I have around my house, like people would probably laugh at me. But knowledge is power. And I think like having an open mind about where you are as long as you're growing, right, as long as you're growing as as a human and evolving and becoming a better version of yourself. And even if that is one percent, then that's a win. And most of the most of you. motherhood very like being a young mom i had riley when i was 24 25 i just knew that i wanted to

give london a sibling for me you know like probably should i had another baby i don't know i don't know exactly in that moment where my head was but i definitely knew that there's there's power and sisterhood and i grew up with two sisters and i wanted that so it was something that was just about having london didn't be able to have, you know, a sibling, God forbid, I would not here one day that she could walk through life with. So, sweet. That's really sweet. Well, I think that actually dovetails nicely with our final classic question. If you could go back to 12-year-old Amber, what would you say or do, if anything? It's funny, the motions. Pause for a second. Um, I would definitely tell her. I love her. Because I think at that age, it's really hard. And we're so critical of ourselves at that age. Like, we find any way. And now looking back, I wish I would have paused. I wish I would have looked myself in the eyes in the mirror. Which, by the way, like, if you've ever done that, it's so vulnerable to do as an adult. And just said, like, I'm so proud of you. And like, never, ever give up.

ever give up and don't let anyone tell you otherwise because you are just perfect the way you are because I felt so lost inside. So I think that's what I would say. Not to be on lushy and weird. No, no, no. See, that's supposed to that. We asked you to go there. That was my kids in my head going, mom. That was your inner and current 12 year old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny. My kids are, they're brutal, man. They're brutal. Amber, thank you so much. Yeah, thanks for coming on.

It was so wonderful to have you. Thanks for having me. You can listen to Happily Ever Amber, wherever you listen to your podcast, and you can follow Amber with a Y online at Amber Childers underscore official. Pod Crush is hosted by Penn Badgley, Navakavalin and Sophie Ansari.

Our senior producer is David Ansari and our editing is done by Clips Agency. If you haven't subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now's the perfect time because guess what? You can listen completely ad-free. Plus, you'll unlock exclusive bonus content. Like the time we talked to Luca Bravo about the profound effect that the film

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Hey, it's Lena Waithe. Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us. This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Ava DuVernay, and more. We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day. Come be a part of the conversation. Season 2 drops July 29th.

Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast, or watch us on YouTube. Our health care system is broken in so many ways. We have a health care system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table. So this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for Season 3 from Lemonada Media. Available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.