Podcrushed - Ayo Edebiri

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

Writer, comedian, actress, and The Bear star Ayo Edebiri charms the crew with stories of first periods and missed Leonardo DiCaprio encounters. Want to submit a middle school story? Go to www.podcrushed.com and give us every detail. Follow us on socials! instagram.com/podcrushedtwitter.com/podcrushedtiktok.com/@podcrushed See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lemonada One day there was a knock on the door that was like, hi, we're scouting for a movie. Would you be interested in using your home? Actually, it's going to be directed by Martin Scorsese. I mean, I was like, you think I was born yesterday? You think I came to America? For you to tell me Martin Scorsese is coming to town.

Get off my porch. And so my dad was like, no, absolutely not. And my daughter has piano lessons, so you got to go. And they were like, if you wait, like, an hour, we will let you meet Mark Sorsese and Leonard DiCaprio. And I was like, y'all are, you like, you must like, I'm an idiot. I got to take my daughter to piano. This is Pod Crush. The podcast that takes the sting out of rejection, one crushing middle school story at a time.

And where guests share their teenage memories, both meaningful and mortifying. And we're your host. I'm Nava, a former middle school director. I'm Sophie, a former fifth grade teacher. And I'm Penn, a middle school dropout. We're just three beehis who are living in Brooklyn. Wanting to make stuff together with a particular fondness for awkward nostalgia. Well, I struggle with nostalgia.

I'm here for the therapy. Today we have a very special guest. Her name is Iowa DeB. Well, Sophie, why don't you introduce her? Because you're the one who even brought her on. Yeah, so Iowa Debris is our guest for today. She is a stand-up comedian and writers. She's the voice of Missy on Big Mouth, and she plays Hattie on Dickinson.

She's actually, I mean, I feel like every week she's in something new. She's in The Bear on FX. I'm telling you, probably an Emmy nomination in her future very soon. She and I actually went to college together at NYU, and this was our first time seeing each other since college. And I feel like this episode was really special for me because we both acknowledged that we wished we had hung out more in college, which was really sweet and felt kind of like a middle school moment. She did amazing on this episode. It's one of my favorites. So without further ado, let's get into it.

Just a reminder, we've changed the format. We're putting the stories at the end. So if you want to hear me doing that narration bit, it's particularly poignant. It connects to IOS story. It's about periods and... You said that. Mm, periods. Periods.

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He's been convicted of murdering two young women, but suspected of many more. Maybe there's another one in that area. And now, new leads that could solve these cold cases. They could be a victim that we have no idea he killed. Stolen voices of Dull Valley, breaks the silence on August 19th. Follow us now so you don't miss an episode. When I think of me as like a very underweight, like a 12-year-old being like, so dad, like you miss church and I just want you to know, like, I hope you don't go to hell.

Like that, I was like, really, that was like my vibe. And I was like evangelizing. That's a strong vibe. my teacher. It's a very strong life. It's a very strong life. And very strong in that way and then like really sensitive in a lot of

others. I love reading. I was very, very anxious about school. And now I'm like oh, Iyo, you had anxiety. But I would be like so wound up about school and getting good grades. In sixth grade, I got my first B plus

on a report card and I went to the teacher after school and cried. His name was Mr. G. He lived in Cape Cod and would commute to school every day. What did he do? He used to work in the army. No, when you cried, I mean. Oh, he literally, well, he used to, like, be in the army.

He was, like, this huge, enormous, like, bald man who looked like Mr. Clean. And I, like, you know, this, like, four-foot child is, like, please. I can't get a B plus, I need to get a A minus or I won't go to college. And he was like, um, I don't think that's true. But if you want, I guess you can do extra credit. And I like did like three extra credit projects in order to get an A plus. And he was like just for, so you know, like it's not that serious just for next time. It's really not that serious at all.

But that's kind of like who I was. Okay, but this must have been around the time you were realizing you were funny, right? Or when was that? It's weird to explain. Okay, but I basically feel like I made a conscious decision to be funny. I feel like I was always weird. And I feel like I always liked to try hard and like work hard. But I remember like in seventh and eighth grade just being like I don't like how I feel people are treating me.

and I feel like I don't like how people are perceiving me so I like have all the know how to be funny so I'm like going to be funny and like eighth grade I was like I'm going to buy a pair of sneakers and I'm going to like make jokes in class and I'll like still work hard but like that's what I'm going to do Like those were two separate goals or the sneakers? The sneakers were related in my head to this idea of like

I really wasn't wearing sneakers I was wearing sort of like flats and I was like if I wear sneakers people will know that I'm cool. And then if people can perceive me as cool, then they'll be able to perceive me as funny as well. And I was like, okay, I'm making jokes. And I had this history class in eighth grade.

And I was like, I'm good at history. So this is like the class in which I'll make jokes. And really a scary child. And I remember I was like, all right, I'm making jokes now. This is what I do. Like I make jokes. And the coolest girl in my school was like, you've been funny lately.

And I was like, all right, fuck. yeah like we're in it's a crazy age and I feel like you feel like there are these benchmarks I mean like even like getting my period I didn't get my period until I was 16 um and there was nothing wrong with me that's just sometimes people don't get it until they're 16 but I had a friend who got it when she was 10 you know and it's like you're on you're you're both of you feel like you're crazy and you're like I should be getting this on my 13th birthday exactly at midnight and that is when I am a and that is when I'm a perfect woman you know like I don't know it's it's it's it's interesting it's so weird because periods we've evolved but they were like so stigmatized but it was

also among girls like a thing of like getting your period yeah was like I was like pumped to get I got mine when I was 12 and I was so proud you should that like I know you should be I'm so consciously. Still stinks. Yeah, I'm jealous of you. No worries. I had a signal with a friend that was when we both got our periods.

We would send each other a text message that was just a period. Oh. Really secretive and cool. Would anybody know? Okay, very, very cool secret code. The red dot. Yeah.

So we'd just send each other. Well, this is pre-imogi. I was going to say, must have been pre-em emoji. This is pre-imogy. This is like around the time the era of the sidekick, of the Motorola Razor, of the LG chocolate, of the LG slide. Keep going. I like the specificity.

This is weird. So I would immediately go to the Verizon store in the mall and cry because my parents want to buy me a phone. And for a really long time, I would either text on my mom's phone, embarrassing, or... Is that why you needed the code? Yeah. Yeah. Right. It was we would send each other a period.

And when I got my period, I sent her the text. And she was like, what? It was so long. And I was like, I got my period. And she was like, oh, oh, congrats. It was so long. It did so much time it passed. And she was like, what?

You were waiting a phone? I was like, I must send the text. Yeah. Okay. So wait a second. When did you get your period for the first time? Do you remember that day at all? I got it when I was jogging with my dad.

We went on a jog, and I was having these, like, horrible stomach pains, and, like, I just felt like I was going to poo, to be honest. And I was like, what is wrong with me? And my dad was like, push through it, push through it, come on. Come on, push through it. And I was like, we need to stop. I feel like I'm going to die. I'm going to the bathroom.

Like, we need to find a bathroom. We went to this horrible, small, small sandwich shop that's now closed, and it's, like, was run by this one guy who would take 50 minutes to make one sandwich. I don't know why we went there. Boston is a trap. And I was like in the horrible stinky little bathroom. And I was like, I pooped out the front. And what is this brown blue?

And then I was like, oh, no. And I immediately like watered up toilet paper. Obviously wearing leggings. So there's now disgusting lump under. And I'm like, Father, we must go home. And he's like, my sandwich didn't come yet. It takes 40 minutes. I was like, we have to drive home now.

And so we went home. And immediately I went to the bathroom and I'm rifling through the cabinets for anything, anything. At that time, my mom also had me when she was like 40, I think. And so she was past it. So they were no better. And I'm like, and so I'm like, mother, I did, I, I, I, I. And she's like, huh? I got my period.

And she's like, oh, you didn't get that yet? I didn't get that yet. Mom, I don't need this from you. I need plans. So she's like, all right, just like stay in the bathroom, whatever. Meanwhile, I want to die. I feel like this is the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. And, like, truly at the point that was the most excruciating physical pain I'd ever

experienced in my life. And we didn't really have painkillers in my house. So I just was, like, drinking hot water and, like, writhing on the floor. And then I hear a knock. And I'm like, oh, my God. Yes, it's Helen with the pack. ads, let's go. I open the door and it's my father. And he's like, his back is towards me and he's like,

I heard you got your period. And I was like, no! He's like, you're not supposed to know that. And he was like, I was going to find out anyway. And I was like, what is that even supposed to be? And he was like, well, it happens. And he closed the door. Literally, the father of a daughter. It happens.

And then my mom brought me a pad. And then I was like, this is awful. This is what I've waited for. You're kidding me. Yeah, and then cut to now. That's the perfect woman, yeah. Here we are. Yeah, but hurret,

wouldn't wish it on, wouldn't wish it on anyone. You know, that, I mean, so relatable, so visceral, the wadded up toilet paper. Ah, just really intense sensation. Who told me? Who told me?

Actually, I remember the most popular girl in school taught me how to use tampons. And then I taught my mom how to use tampons. I, well, I was like the late bloomer, and I learned how to use tampons, I think, because of either my mom or an old American girl. doll sort of like book that was left lying around whatever um if you know about that book and you know

that it's scarring then you know but um I remember I thought of my friend who I was like oh this is a friend who also like she had sex you know like and I was like oh like she was like I don't know how to use a hand and I was like what do you mean you don't know how to use a tampon you've had sex and she was like I've never used one before wow and I taught her how to use it and she almost passed down she was like this is horrible this is like horrible yeah well some just really things I recall having had asked my mother what a tampon was

because they were like in her purse and stuff and I don't recall what she told me because what I understood of it was what I'm about to tell you which is what I told all of my friends I thought somehow that it was like food for the eggs no what

I don't know where I thought that was going to go it's like I knew there were eggs involved It's so wrong. It's so wrong. And my mind is like, what does eggs mean? What is it? We're in the region. Actually, I mean, the fact that you even knew a period had anything to do with like an egg being released.

Yeah, sure, sure. I mean, that's pretty, sure. I don't want to celebrate it in any way. I can't. I want to be celebrating. And I, yeah, I don't recall, like, who told me that I was wrong. But definitely nobody knew I was wrong when I first was telling me. And then, yeah, I don't, I don't remember how that story really ends, but that was me, that was me mansplaining in, uh, in, in, in, in, in fifth grade.

Yeah, all right. So, um, let's just, let's just, let's just real talk as they say for a second. That's a little bit of an aged thing to say now. That, that, that dates me, doesn't it? Um, but no, real talk. Uh, how important is your health to you? You know, on like a one to 10? And I don't mean in the sense of vanity. I mean in the sense of like you want your day to go well, right? You want to be less stressed. You don't want to get sick. When you have responsibilities, I know myself. I'm a householder. I have two children and two more on the way.

A spouse, a pet. You know, a job that sometimes has its demands. So I really want to feel like when I'm not getting to sleep and I'm not getting nutrition, when my eating's down, I want to know that I'm being held down. some other way physically. You know, my family holds me down emotionally, spiritually, but I need something to hold me down physically, right? And so honestly, I turned to symbiotica, these these, these, these vitamins and these beautiful little packets that they taste delicious. And I'm telling you,

even before I started doing ads for these guys, it was a product that I, uh, I really, really liked and enjoyed and could see the differences with. Um, the three that I use, I use, uh, the, the, what is it called? Liposomal vitamin C. and it tastes delicious, like really, really good. Comes out in a packet, you put it right in your mouth. Some people don't do that. I do it. I think it tastes great.

I use the liposomal glutathione as well in the morning. Really good for gut health, and although I don't need it, you know, anti-aging. And then I also use the magnesium L3 and 8, which is really good for, I think, mood and stress. I sometimes use it in the morning, sometimes use it at night. All three of these things taste incredible. Honestly, you don't even need to mix it with it. water. And yeah, I just couldn't recommend them highly enough. If you want to try them out, go to symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping. That's symbiotica.com

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at IXL.com slash podcrushed. Visit I-XL.com slash podcrushed to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. having like known you and also like watched you in interviews and and things like that I know that you grew up in Boston which is white yes yes yes yeah I wonder like what was that like for you in middle school yeah it was interesting because my church like growing up my church and my friends my church those were all black people those were all people who are also like immigrants and like kids of immigrants. And so I feel like I had like a bedrock of that. I ended up going to like a predominantly like historically white institution and

went to like a private school before that was like Catholic and like quite white. And like that was just yeah, a lot of it. And um, had like, you know, weird experiences when I'm in like seventh grade and starting to meet new people. And then there's, you know, like black people who are like, no, you're not black enough. And I'm like, what do you mean? Like, everywhere else, I thought this was, like, authentic. Like, I thought this was my personality. You're telling you no. So, simply wrong. And I think there was, like, a huge kind of, like, internal crisis for me also, like, both my parents are immigrants. So I think their relationship to blackness in this country is different than if you are, like, you know, have roots in, like, slavery or,

like, generations back of people who have lived here and an immigrant here or what have And so their relationship to blackness was different. And I remember, like, I would watch, like, did VH1, like, I Love the or, like, you know, behind the musics or like whatever, like, history of, like, rap. And I would, like, be, like, writing these things down and, like, immediately going to, like, lime wire and, like, try to, like, download as much music as possible or, like, being like, we're only watching TV one and we're only watching BT. Like, I need to catch up. It's UPN only. Like, I need to do my research. Like, this is not authentic.

The way that we have been living is not authentic. Like, okay, like, we're just here. Like, we just don't want you to, like, be, we were just watching, like, Davy and Goliath. Like, we didn't even know if it was that serious. So, yeah, I think there was, like, a kind of wild, kind of, like, a crisis moment. And then also I would have moments, you know, where even my dad would be, like, oh, you're saying, like, a lot. And, like, you're, like, going to school now with all these, like. white girls from West Roxbury would have you and now you're like oh my god like and I then I would be like is that not how I talk like how do I how am I supposed to talk now like what do I sound like I also wonder if there's like a thing to our sort of generation and maybe this is wrong or whatever but as I was growing up like we were starting to learn about things like injustices and like microaggressions like remember where I was when I learned that and being like

I guess this has happened to me and now these are things that I feel like are much more in like our cultural language but I just remember like feeling like oh my God like I'm learning about racism and I'm learning about my life and I'm realizing like these things kind of applied to me and I don't like it when somebody is like

saying my hair is like crazy you know or or I am being like oh I straightened my hair I don't think it means anything. Doesn't mean anything? Like, these sort of things are, we're starting to all bubble up around that time. I don't really think they would be fully explored in my mind

until, like, college, to be honest. But, like... But the seeds were planted. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I'm just enough older than you, just a couple years now that, like, I feel like that wasn't in the cultural lexicon until I was, like, in my late teens.

Yeah. And it's different. It's like, I mean, especially as, like, a young white boy, I feel like I was kind of dying for more space for that conversation because I was conscious of it but to like, you know, what, like how much is a 13-year-old white kid going to be thinking about white privilege in the terms that we talk about it now or all these, you know.

So it's interesting to hear your reflections about that time. Like you, like you, like that term microaggressions, I also remember when I first heard it. And I was, I just would have loved to have heard it earlier. It's weird. It's weird. I don't know. And then it's like interesting. I think about after I graduated high school, like seeing kids who were younger

than me like fully versed in it and being like I'm old I'm 18 but I'm old um and you know also I grew very religious which I think had a lot of really beautiful parts of it and then there are also some parts of it where it's like I was I was a little bigot um and you know I just like honestly like I just dear dad only my father but like I I because I was in my head I wasn't exposed to these things and I had a friend who I remember Like, I remember being in, like, ninth grade and being like, I don't really know any gay people, you know. My friend being like, I'm gay. And you're like, oh, my God, okay.

Well, I guess gay people are cool. Like, I know when you're my friend. But, like, that feeling of, like, learning. I think it just was happening as we were growing up. And that's kind of like an interesting thing to reckon with, especially when I think about, like, my parents. And I talk to them when I'm like, you don't understand anything. And they're like, everything was the same until 10 years. years ago for us.

That's so interesting. Like the changes we were experiencing were different changes. Like, are bad. Just give us a second to catch up. I, you've mentioned a few times that you grew up religious. And I'm just curious sort of like, what has your evolution with that been? What's kind of your relationship to spirituality now? Yeah.

I think I consider myself a spiritual person. I like, when I first moved to New York, I was trying to find another church. And that was like very exhaustive. spiritually and really draining because I was like I want to find a place that feels cool and young like I do but also I don't want to be in a church that's like and nothing matters like we're not even reading the Bible today and it's like wait what like hold on come on there's got to be like a middle and then yeah and I just felt and I just felt kind of like sad by that and then I think I just was like I don't want to feel like I've

like stepped away or because there's like that term like backsliding that I feel like has such a I've never heard that yeah I've never heard that either it's very Christian very Christian term but it has such like a harshness almost and I remember being younger and being like oh she backslid you know and like and so I just was then like oh my god like would somebody say that about me and I think I just became very like internal and then uh you know my really close friends and family I felt kind of like distant from them almost and then it became this thing of like oh are they judging me because now I'm living in New York and like I have a Twitter and you know and I'm doing improv at night you know like are they judging me oh do they think badly of me oh I wear jeans now I only

wore skirts um jeans wow yeah so I started wearing pants to school also like in high school I'd wear some sneakers I remember meeting you and And you are Baha'i. And I remember being like, oh, this sounds cool. And everybody who is like Baha'i is like, they're cool. I know. So I first started meeting Baha'i. I mean, I was much later.

I was not like in college. I had a very A religious, like kind of anti-religious upbringing. So for me, it's interesting to hear your reflections about like, because I don't know, those terms of religion and spirituality, they're different. They have different baggage. They have different meanings for people. Different baggage for sure. And even for me, it's like I now am kind of redefining religion for myself

because it's like I came to it through this totally individual pursuit of spirituality that had nothing to do with organized religion as I understood it. Like to hear you say that when you met me and like heard that I was at Baha'i and that you had that impression feels really like healing to me. Because as a kid, I mean, the Baha'i faith is relatively small. And most of the time people don't know what it is. and it's kind of like something that is another element of, like, making you an outsider. It's not hard to imagine, like, a fifth grader being like, you're behind. What's that? That's weird.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know what it is. Therefore, it is weird. And one thing we've been talking about on this podcast is, like, now that we're all doing this and, like, going back into our middle school experiences, it's like, I find myself wanting to, like, reconnect with people I knew in middle school, who I haven't talked to since middle school, and just like rehash that time. Like so much happens and is said to you and that you say that has an impact on you for a long long time. Yeah, for sure.

There are things that I don't like about myself. It's just like, somebody said this to me once and they do not remember it. And I'm just like, well, core memory. My personality, how have you, myself? It's interesting. You're so like, I don't know, sensitive at that. that age and so impressionable like at those ages your brain is like what is happening what is

going on everything is changing i am getting taller at night like you know only at night there was a night where i grew i remember yeah i woke up and i was like i'm an inch taller and i was like this is weird um yeah a lot a lot of a lot of body stuff a lot of body stuff yeah so thinking of like intense things that happen at that time Let's add another. Yeah, let's keep going. Gorgeous segue. That's so,

loveliest voice in the world. So thinking of intense things that happened at that time. One of the things that a lot of our users write about is not users. We have a website. Let's start again. That a lot of listeners have written about is crushes. Like their first crush, their first time being rejected. Yes.

The first time they saw the movie. Absolutely. Absolutely. Finally, I've been waiting. Spill the tea. Okay, my first big crush was my friend, and literally I say his full name, his name was Bill. And it started in fifth grade at the end of school, at the end of the school year. Yeah, he origamied me a heart out of a dollar, and I saved it until I was like in high school, I think.

Because I was like, he loves me. He origamiing me a dollar, a heart out of a dollar bill. This is literally my husband. And I was like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be Mrs. Bill. This is it. We're locking it down. And then my friend Michelle was like, he's learning how to origami. Like, girl, get it together.

He's just making shapes. Like, it's really not that serious. But he was, like, my first big crush, and I was like, I'm going to be Vietnamese now. Like, this is, like, my, this is, like, my husband. This is my life. Like, I need to prep hair. And obviously, nothing happened. But he was, like, my first big crush.

I just thought he was the best. And then, I mean, how well did you know him, though? I'm curious. Because often, you know, crushes are like, you don't really know. Yeah, yeah. Your voice went up. I mean, it was like, right, are you telling the truth? Are you going to tell the truth?

You don't hand it to me. I'm still in love with Bill. I catch the first flight to Boston. Humiliating. And honestly, knowing my friend, somebody will listen to this and somebody will tell Bill. Hi, Bill. We talked a few months ago. My voice is getting so hot.

Slide into her DMs, Bill. My bitch is so hot. Sweating. honestly okay um we knew each other probably since third or fourth grade um io can i interrupt to just ask what were you like once you realized you had those feelings how did you act around oh probably in my head i feel like i was very like whatever i'm cool i don't have crushes at all um whatever we're all friends um but then my first boyfriend was a guy that i went to church with oh any oh my gosh you know what happened is his brother and

asked me. Oh yeah, that's classic. Yes, classic. His brother asked me, and I was like, tell him I say yes. And then we read in the night's church and we're like, okay, we're boyfriend and girlfriend now, bye! And I was like so religious and like so chaste and I was like, I love our little courtship. Now we are 12 and 13 and we will be dating and then we will get married and that is when we will kiss. And then like three months later he was like, yeah, so this other girl said she's gonna give me a kiss so um that's and it was like a girl that i kind of knew and i was like oh yeah like it's fine whatever like i'm just one of the guys like no big deal um and then and then

they dated and then everybody's like yeah they're like making out and i was like oh cool that is really cool i mean we're laughing you're laughing i'm laughing at that age at that age i feel like that's the at the level of like infidelity betrayal it's like 100% i was like i was like I have been cheated on, I have been wrong. And then I was like, whatever, I'm going to listen to like muse. I'm going to listen to secular music. I'm so heartbroken. But that was like my big heartbreak. And then kind of after that, I think I just was like, well, I just have not meant to date anybody. And I also was like, it's quite awkward. And then especially like in getting older like the seventh, eighth grade years, I didn't really feel very like pretty. I didn't really feel very like pretty. I didn't really feel. like, you know, listen, the boobs weren't in yet, you know. And then even when they were, I was like, these are hideous. I'm deeply ashamed of these. Wait, wait a minute, this is what, this is what came?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're doing, we're doing, we're keeping it, we're sweaters. And maybe, I had, I definitely had crushes. I know those are the years where, I'm sorry, I'm fidgeting, but I know those are the years where everybody's like, and I was like, raging, raging, raging horny, horn, horn, horn. And I just was like, I was like, I was not. I really just was like, hasn't really kicked him yet. Okay, well, everybody's really embarrassed about things.

Not me. I'm just reading my books, pray, and thinking. I wish I knew you in high school. I don't think so. I don't think I do. Yeah, like my first kiss wasn't until I was like 15 or 16. And it was like a spin the bottle game with a. friend and then I was like that was my first kiss um yeah but then but I didn't really like

started dating until like college even then I felt like oh my god this is so like I missed I should have been marrying more people on the playground like I should have really kind of I should arrest at all um I love that this idea that you can get to college and feel like you're so in not you like all but I think all of us arrive to that age and feel like we're so inexperienced because of this preconceived notion of what it is to be you know you see basically I mean what we often touch on here because I also what I've been

doing for most of my life you know making movies TV like you see these images of people in college who are being played by like 27 year olds who were like yeah well I mean I'm in a polyamous relationship and it's like wow that's so I recently

I filmed a movie last year that like whatever I filmed a movie last year where I played a high school or senior in high school. And I was like, oh my God, like, I'm part of the problem now. This is so exciting. I'm not going to deny that. I'm going to distort some child's view of what they should look like.

Oh, my God. I also, wow, I can't believe. I was writing fan fiction about celebrities, but it literally would not be like, it wouldn't be romantic in any way. You're like going through the rap shirt? No, it was like I would read fan fiction. That would be like, Hillary does. and Avril Levine, like, go to the mall and, like, have a good day.

That's so sweet. It's like, my fan fiction was, like, the people that I think are cool, having a good day. That's so sweet. So, what a sad guy. Oh, no, I don't know. Crazy fantasy. Two people having a nice time when I believe this. Microsoft Word.

Eat this up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What's that I loved. I loved Natasha Gunningfield. Vanessa, oh no, not I forget her last name. Vanessa Carlton. A thousand miles.

At the piano. I bought that album at like the last Sam Goody in Boston. At the Sanjord Plaza, yes. And back at the Sanjura Plaza. You know I had to hit the South Shore Plaza. Come on. Maybe they'll sponsor this podcast. Yeah, yeah.

It's still there. Sam Goody. Yeah. Sam Goody will sponsor. The first CD I bought was at a Sam Goody, but that was like in a heyday of Sam Goody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This was like kind of the Sam Goody was dying out there.

Yeah, because iTunes was starting to happen, even though I was like, can we please put the credit card in the computer? I mean, I was like, no, they'll find us, you know? Oh, another, wow. Okay, this is a random start, but just related to my dad being like, they'll find us. One day there was a knock on the door that was like, hi, we're scouting for a movie.

Would you be interested in using your home? Actually, it's going to be directed by Martin Scorsese. I said, my dad was like, you think I was born yesterday? You think I came to America for you to tell me Martin Scorsesey's coming to town? Get off my porch. And so my dad was like, no, absolutely not. And my daughter has piano lessons, so you got to go. And they were like, if you wait, like an hour, we will let you meet Martin Scorsese and Leonard DiCaprio.

And I was like, y'all are, you must like, I'm an idiot. I got to take my daughter to piano. Do I play piano today? No. And in my fricking annoying neighbors end up getting a picture with Leonardo DiCaprio? Yes.

Yes. Yes, they did. And obviously I'm really over that memory. Honestly. Obviously, damn. The worst didn't go up several of us? No. It stayed low.

I am heated. I am still upset about this one. Yeah, but anyway. I think maybe that inspired the pivot to entertainment industry. I'm like, I need to get my moment. I need to avenge this moment and just meet Martin Scors Daisy and have him look at my childhood home.

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or maybe that's part of it, but like, how would you have defined happiness then? Like, what was the, you know, like, what's the thing you thought life was about getting? And how has that surprisingly remained the same or evolved to now? Well, I know I wanted to marry Leonardo DiCaprio. Not Bill? Not Bill. I wanted to marry Leonard DiCaprio. And maybe there was a time when I had a chance.

Now I think I'm a little too old. but um i think he'd laugh at that um yeah listen we're never going to meet each other um yeah i know that i wanted to marry leon nut or decaprio for sure um and i wanted i don't know i i remember being a really happy child and then around those middle school years i think comparison started to kick in a lot and i think i think also things that now I am very aware are

biological chemical because of my family history I was like starting to get sad and like anxious and I didn't understand why and I think I started to fundamentally think like oh maybe I will not be as happy as other people or the people who

are happy and seem like they have everything together are the people who like have $100 to blow at like Hollister and like an idea don't have those things. And so I had moments of happiness with like friends and family and like different groups or whatever. But I think it was the beginning of a period of like a lot of stress for me. And when I look at pictures of myself at that time, sometimes I get so like emotional because I like, I can see little me like being kind of like, because when I was a kid,

I was so like, talk to everybody. Oh, well, I was talk, talk, talk on the street. Like, my mom has like 80 stories of like, and then you said this to this woman. And then we had to pull you away. And then as I started getting older, I think I did start getting a little more internal, a little more like reserved and a little more cautious.

And I think, yeah, I don't know. I had like moments of happiness, but I wasn't really sure what it meant. And, like, now I would tell, like, little, I would tell little me, like, it's okay to, like, talk to somebody about these things. But I was, like, just so, yeah, I was so, like, internal and also was very, like, okay, I can just, like, pray about this for, like, an hour and maybe it'll go away. Or I'll just, like, journal. And I won't really, like, talk to anybody about it because I think I still was aware that people perceived me as, like, a happy kid. and I didn't want to change those perceptions.

And I, like, have a memory of, like, eighth grade, like, oh, my God, so heavy. I have a memory of, like, calling my best friend and just crying and being, like, I don't know why I'm crying. Like, do you, like, ever get like this? And her being, like, not really. And me being, like, oh, okay. Like, I think this is kind of, like, who I am now or whatever. Like, I have to be, like, goofy, silly.

And then, like, then I just, then there's, like, nobody really talk about. And also, I think growing up, both religious and first generation therapy was not like a word in our house and like a therapist is somebody who like takes you away from your family you know like that was like my perception of like mental health and like well-being and stuff like that so is that an answer to your question yeah no I mean what there's a couple things I heard I mean so for it's funny because for me growing up like very much not having religious upbringing a therapist did also

sound like it was like a it sounded like something it's like oh so you have problems so you have yeah yeah yeah so i mean there definitely was a general stigma of course that was also again like the difference of like four or five six years every generation now is actually significant so like i did have a bit more of a like that prototypical american like it's it 100% those archetypes were very very firmly like in the the the minds of youth whereas they are not so much uh they're just not the same now No, I mean, it's, like, huge to think about, like, the fact that I think there are people who are public figures who even speak about mental health. Whereas, you know, all the Britney Spears stuff in the documentary was happening, I, you know, I very much remember, like, being like, oh, she crazy, you know?

And, like, that's, like, fodder for jokes. And, like, that was just the, that was the time. That was, like, how it felt. And it's, like, so much has changed, I think, for the better in terms of just being able to, like, speak about. this stuff and even being able to be like, oh, I am sad. I wonder you touched on this a little bit in your answer to Penn's question, but if you were to be able to go back and give Young I.O. any advice? And not, I think the other day, Penn said this in really nice way. Like, not to change anything about what happened throughout your life,

but just like, if you could say anything to her. Encourage. Yeah. First, I would definitely give her a hug, and she would be like, we don't hug in this family. And I would be like, I know, but you will work through, you will work through that. You will learn how to hug people. And then I would be like, hey, this like rain boots phase is really, it's actually like not going to be it. Rain boots are not going to have a moment. And neither are newsboy hats. Wait a second, you were wearing both of those.

Yeah. At the same sign. Oh, my God. And best. Oh, wait a second. Wait a second. We had a day where we dressed as ourselves in seventh grade. And I showed up and everybody immediately knew skinny jeans, graffiti shirt, vest, newsboy hat, ring boots.

I totally had a vest. And even when I was in college, I had these like, like, at NYU. I had like yellow rain boots. And I was like, these are cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been trigger, here we go. But I really have been disturbed by the like vest revival. I've been like really like, I cannot participate.

I watch, I feel joy and love for everybody who is finding this beautiful and connected to themselves but I literally cannot touch that movement there is something dark that I have not resolved with myself but that was like that was my uniform and I impressed kind of

my friends in eighth grade all got me newsboy hats as a birthday gift and I cried I was like this I am seen by these people these are the best people I just like all got me newsboy hats they all pitched in and went to aldo oh my god they all got me newsboy hats um oh children children children if you knew the magic of them all um but yeah that was so that's that would be first order of business um and that is prescriptive but i have to tell her yeah um and then really

i think i know it's so cliche but i really would just be like it is going to be okay like i feel like i had this idea that like when you grew up and you had a top down car and you lived in Greece and you shared a pair of pants with your four best friends I wonder where you got that idea and so novel and oh I just realized that was and and you know and like randomly your hair straight and blonde now and you're dating a guy who you who you think is 17 but is actually played by a 35 year old man when all of that you know it's like that's what I thought that growing up was and like things got wrapped up and your life was like awesome and it's like no it's like it's a journey and like there's ups and downs and blah blah blah life life but I just really think

I did not process that as like as a child like I was so desperate for this idea of like X what happened and my left will change and now I feel like I don't know you realize a lot of times when you get what you want that's when you're like oh my god the world like what Now I definitely don't know what's going on. I definitely don't know what I want. I definitely don't know what's left and what's right. There's a need for cultural spaces to give expression to those thoughts because, you know, if everyone at that age,

and most ages are having these thoughts, it's like that space for cultural expression because the irony is that once I got that reference, I actually realized I know the people who are part of that reference. Very well. And I can tell you that all those people at that age, we're having the same thoughts. So, if you told me that at the time, maybe you should go back in time. That's what I'm doing.

Right now. Because she would be like, I'm making this podcast to atone for my sins. 11-year-old Iowa would be like, this guy's righteous. I'm with him. I would be pulling you. My brother would be like, wait a minute, what? I guess I'm pent-a-cant-costle. We got there.

We got there. That's one minute. This has never happened. I've gotten a lot of nicknames. But that's not one. Endicostal. Well, thank you for coming. Yeah.

Thank you for coming into our home here. This was so nice. I'm so glad I got to chat with you all. I really feel, I feel so nice. I'm going to listen to Philip Glass on the way home. Oh, wow. Today's story is all about periods. Don't miss it.

Period. You guys, I'm going into the seventh grade. I'm doing it. It's going to be my year. I'm 12 years old, living 45 minutes outside of St. Louis in a little town in Illinois. It's 1993, and I'm so excited to go back to school. I've got my favorite homeroom teacher,

and my best friend is in my class. Life is pretty good. So I walk in on the first day of school, and there he is. The Jesse Cooper. in my home room. Jesse is popular, cute, funny, and everybody agrees. And as the weeks go by, I, Crystal Johnson, am somehow becoming friends with him. What a dream come true. Like, the other day, he passed me by in the hallway, smiled to me, and I melted. Anyway, I'm walking

towards my locker, and I spot Jesse. So, I smile coyly as I open my locker, but see, now I'm trying to balance eye flirting while surreptitiously reaching for a maxi pad. Not just any old maxi pad, one of those classic 90s thick granny-panny maxi-pads. And what I fail to notice is that my backpack is open and it's tilted downwards. Not one pad, not two pads. All of my maxi-pads came crashing out of my bag, cascading, water-falling, TLC, just as Jesse walks by my locker. What do I do? I throw myself over them, using my body as a shield to hide the pile of maxi pads littering the floor in front of my locker.

I'd like to remind you that we're in the 90s right now, and people are not woke about periods yet. Nobody is celebrating that ish. You hide your monthly visitor like you hide an STD. So, here I am, sprawled out on the hallway floor, covering those pads like a dog covering the hole he's used to bury his bone. And I snap out of it. I look up and whose eye is the first. to catch mine. The Jesse Cooper's. Of course. He keeps looking at me, half pity, half amusement, all Jesse. At this moment, I pray for the earth to split open and swallow me, whole. Hmm,

no dice. So I bolt up, pick up all the pads in one fell swoop, shove them in my locker, and I sprint to the bathroom, only to discover that an only all the commotion, I have completely bled through my underwear onto my pants. What, do you want more? You want a punch the ending? Okay, fine. I bled to death. Bye. Podcrushed is hosted by Penn Badgley, Navakavalin, and Sophie Ansari. Our executive producer is Nora Richie from Stitcher. Our lead producer and editor is David Ansari. Our secondary editor is Sharaf and Twistle. Special thanks to Peter Clowney, VP of Conte.

at Stitcher, Eric Eddings, Director of Lifestyle Programming at Stitcher, Jared O'Connell and Brendan Brines for the tech support, and Shruti Marante, who transcribes our tape. Podcrush was created by Navak Havelin, and is executive produced by Penn Badgley and Navakaval, and produced by Sophie Ansari. This podcast

is a 9th mode production. Be sure to subscribe to Podcresh. You can find us on Stitcher, the Serious XM app, Spotify, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen. If you'd like to submit a middle school story, go to Podcush.com and give us every detail. And while you're online, sure to follow us on socials or we're telling everyone that your mom still walks you to the bus

stop. You don't want that. It's at Pod Crush spelled how it sounds. And our personals are at Fembadjley, at NAVA. That's NAVA with three ends. And at scribble by Sophie. And we're out. See you next week. No, it's so funny. Do it. Just do a take with it. Just do a take with it. I'm going to do my joke again. You do yours. We'll both laugh. Okay. Wait, can we keep that in the, can that be the Easterer at the end? I'm going to do my joke. You do your then we'll both laugh.