Podcrushed - Chris Olsen

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

You've probably seen him all over your For You page on TikTok, or your Discover page on Instagram, but this week Chris Olsen opens up like never before, sharing how the hardest moments led to his most important transformations.  He opens up about rehab and his journey to sobriety, the pressure to assimilate, and how a 23andMe DNA test exposed a hidden family history.Follow Podcrushed on socials! TwitterTikTokInstagramSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lemonada Hey guys Do you know Do you know That's a great intro We're keeping it Do you know What I really

The way that sounds over Zoom It was like somebody actually dying What I am sort of craving right now That I haven't had in probably 15 years is an almond joy. Do you know what those are? Yeah. This is not an ad, by the way. I just want to clarify that. So you like coconut in your candy.

Yeah, coconut. I'm firmly anti-cocon in my treats. Oh, I love an almond joy. I prefer a bounty, though. Get rid of the almond. A bounty? It's the same thing without almond. How do I not have any record? No, what, the darker chocolate? It's not darker. But there is one that is darker. This is riveting, though.

No, don't anyway this. This is like, this is... No, but I will tell you my My favorite snack from about 15 years ago, maybe not 15, but when I was in middle school was I was living in the Philippines and it was this snack called Picnic, P-I-K-N-I-K, and is basically just like very thin French-fry-style potato chips. Delicious. I think you're right. This is boring.

Wait, now, but what we go? My favorite snack is, it's like a chocolate wafer bar called Panky, P-A-N-K-A-N-K. K-Y. I think it's from Spain, but maybe it's from Japan with a name like Fanky. I don't know. So cute. You guys are so international, which is, I mean, you saw it in Puerto Rico, but I think it's from Spain, but they don't sell it in the U.S. I've looked for it in several places in the U.S. and haven't found it yet. But when I go to Puerto Rico, I always get a bunch. Panky, they're so good. Did you travel growing up? I did travel. Not as much as I travel now, but I did travel a bit, yeah.

Well, how about this? Travel out of this effing room. I don't want you. in this interview? No, so we talked about how we were going to stage this coup. Nava's not in this interview today. Weirdly. Nava's not in the interview. And you know what?

I haven't listened to it, so I don't even know that it was better or worse. But I'm just going to go ahead and say it was, I'm going to go ahead and say that it was different. We missed you, Nava. We did, yeah, we did. We definitely went over.

But, yeah, we did. So we're not going to be in the same clothing, and you're not going to hear Nava. So apologies, but we do hope you like it. I can't wait to hear this episode. It'll be fresh for me, just like everyone else. Yeah, why don't I tell you guys who it is? Just for the record, I was not able to be part of this interview because I was quite sick. Otherwise, I wouldn't have missed it.

You know what's funny, Nava? I couldn't even remember why. I just took a day off. I wasn't concerned with explaining it to our listeners or viewers. Yeah, I was at the outlet mall shopping. Outlet mall. I just feel like two things. The outlet mall.

Can we explain that to our Gen Z listeners? Now, some of them live out in the burbs. No, today we have Chris Olson. He's an actor and a content creator. You might know him from his TikTok videos. Hand-delivering coffee to everyone from Austin Butler to Vice President Kamala Harris to to... I was going to say yours truly, but then I was just...

I knew you were going to say. say moi. I think it just fit there perfectly. I was going to say more. Yeah. You were going to say, yeah, well, but it wouldn't have worked. Yeah. It would, yeah. Let's stick to English for now. He's also infectiously positive. And I'm going to question my use of the word infectious here, but I'm going to stick with positive. He really, he brings that to the app, as the young people say. It's not just fun in games, though. Chris is a vocal advocate for the LGBTQ plus community. He's vocal about and encouraging people to explore therapy. He's open about his journey with sobriety.

And as you'll see, one of his defining characteristics is his honesty. He's refreshingly frank about both the highs and lows of his life, which is still so short, by the way. Young, incredible figure. He's already had this explosive career on the socials and in media. He got quite vulnerable in this episode, too, which... He really did. He really did.

He really did. He really did. We'll be right back. Welcome to Podcrushed. We're hosts. I'm Penn. I'm Sophie. And I'm Nava.

And I think we would have been your middle school besties. Actually, not Nava or Penn. Just me. Does anyone else ever get that nagging feeling that their dog might be bored? And do you also feel like super guilty about it? Well, one way that I combat that feeling

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So he's a lamb-peelaf guy. Keep mealtime exciting with NomNum available at your local pet smart store or at Chewy. Learn more at trinom.com slash podcrushed, spelled trinom.com slash podcrushed. A 15-year-old girl who chewed through a rope to escape a serial killer. I used my front teeth to saw on the rope in my mouth. He's been convicted of murdering two young women, but suspected of many more. Maybe there's another one in that area. And now, new leads that could solve.

these cold cases. They could be a victim that we have no idea he killed. Stolen voices of Dull Valley breaks the silence on August 19th. Follow us now so you don't miss an episode. Let's get into it. Right, we'll get, well, right. We want to know who you were in middle school, who you, who you are. Pain is a picture of Chris Norman Olson Jr. Were you using all three names? The full name, no. And when I was in middle school, I used to, and high school, I used to lie and say I didn't have a middle name. Wow.

Because I was embarrassed of Norman, which I'm so sorry to my grandfather who that's his name. He died before I was born, so I never met him. Well, that's what he gets. Sorry. Oh, my goodness. I have grandparents who also died before I was born. Right, right. Yeah, so unfortunately, I've never met him, so I was just like, then his, I don't like Norman.

And everyone else had middle names like John and Anne and stuff like that. And yours was like Norman? Right, Norman. And people would make fun of it. Because also on The Sweet Life of Zach and Cody, which is a show I watched in middle school, there was a character called Norman the Dorman. Oh, no. And people didn't like him, is that? No, people did.

It's just like he, it's a dorky name. Yeah. It's a dorky name. So he was like a sweet, he was an affable dork. Yes, 100% In middle school I was I've been a theater kid

since day one I've always been a theater kid I was going to an all-boys school at the time and I also I came out at the end of like seventh grade so You're like I'm surrounded by them I might as well I'm sorry

it's actually such an intense topic at that age so please well because also it was a it was a religious school it was an Episcopalian all-boys school which so yeah Yeah, being the homo there was not... Well, surely you weren't the only one.

At the time. At the time, though, you were. That's very young to be coming out, isn't it? It is. I guess I had, like, I had always only really had all girlfriends, most of my, like, growing up. My birthday parties would be, like, 30 girls and, like, five boys, because my parents would be, like, you have to invite your family friend. You have to invite, and you have to invite a few boys, and I'd be like, okay, but, like, I don't want to hang out with them. I'm like I'm one of the girls

I feel like I want to hang out with them Also you had 35 people at your birthday party So I just want to I've never had 35 people at a party of mine I was I was definitely I was very popular with the girls Because I was just like I was and that was and that ended up being like my That was like my power at the all boys school That was what I kind of stood on right so you were kind of like the you were you like the portal to the girls for the other boys? Yes because like I would have sleepovers with them and everything and I I I I

I was like, especially, I think that was also the one of the reasons I came out, because before that, I would want to stay at my, like, my best friend's house all the time. Who was a girl? Who was a girl? And my dad would always be like, you can't do that. Right. You'd like, why? You'd be like, because you're getting older.

And I'd be like, great. So, like, what does this mean? And then eventually I understood. So I was like, so by the way, I'm not going to do anything with any of the girls. But I'm not even interested in that at all. So eventually they ended up. I also was near the end of middle school. My parents started having issues.

So there was a time that my mom went, we're kind of going all over the place. That's the three lines here. My mom ended up going to rehab at the end of my eighth, at the end of eighth grade for me. And they, and she was gone for about six months, and they were getting a divorce at the same time. And so the end of eighth grade,

me and my sister ended up moving into my best friend, the girl who I was just talking about, we like moved into her house for, a second. Yeah. And that I feel like was basically the main like, oh yeah, you can stay over at whoever's house you want because parents were having a lot of issues. So they kind of just dropped everything on our end. But it was, I mean, middle school already very tough time for any human because you're hormonal. You're going through all these things. Some of us are realizing these things about ourselves, me being like, okay, I like guys. I guess that's my thing.

not my thing but I guess that's something that like it it kind of is all encompassing at the time oh wow okay I'm gonna be different than everyone else I guess and while that was happening my parents marriage was just kind of dissolving and mom was just kind of like me I they and my dad has since apologized for this but he just kind of told me on the way to school one day he was like okay so your mom's gonna go away for a while and he I don't actually don't remember this moment at all but he told me I just kind of broke down and started crying and had no like just

couldn't really process what was going on but then I just but then you just go on you're like okay you were literally on the way to school on the way to school button it up and go into class which is like that's the that's the microcosm right there I don't know boys school where it's embarrassing to cry too

it's like people don't you don't cry there so it's like you gotta yeah Yeah, I'm really feeling for you. And that was when I ended up going to rehab later in my life, that was a lot of the work that we did was like talking to the middle school self and allowing him those moments of emotion that I didn't have in those times before because you keep it so buttoned up or zipped, literally buttoned up too, because we had to wear a coat and tie to school every day.

It was that kind of school. I was having a miserable time at school after I came out as well because the guys are just as mean as teenage girls in a different way you know it's maybe not as overt but remember I wore like Doc Martins

to school one day and I got made fun of for wearing heels which is funny because they're very in style now everyone loves it I'm sure right and I was like a trend setter at that time at this school but I remember like I just felt

you almost feel too seen at a time when you're like you don't want to in a way because it's like I'm sharing myself but I want to be seen on my own terms but I have to go to school every day and I have to be perceived by people who are uncomfortable

by their perception of me so I think it eventually it took a lot out of me and I remember like while living at my friend's house we were about to go to school one day and once again I broke down and I was just like, I can't keep going to this environment that is consistently making me feel like

I shouldn't be there in a way. And then I ended up going to boarding school for theater in Massachusetts. Wow. And that was better. It was better. Because it was for theater, I guess. Yeah. So first of all is all of the guys there are gay until proven straight.

at that point like it's it's a hundred percent like yeah it's a very queer community um and my my aunt and uncle lived in the town that the boarding school was going to be at so so they were always like you should come do this but i was like no i want to stay at home and then home dissolved the idea of home no longer existed so so um i went off to boarding school for for that time um and for the first two years there then it was very helpful being around there but um then you're then you're in high school and that comes with its own set of problems too yeah doesn't necessarily get easier yeah yeah how did you start to identify home what what then became home it's you know oddly enough i feel like since then i have never really stayed in one place for a very long time if unless there's something

that's held me down like i have found this sense of of feeling grounded and at home in the chaos of moving around a lot of places? I totally know what you mean. You understand that. Yeah. Yeah. Was that kind of your experience of, were you moving around a lot growing up? Constantly, yeah.

Actually, my wife was too. So together we were able to be far more amenable to moving than most families would be. Yeah, right. But yeah, it's, and then of course, once you have kids that's you want to bring things home right right you want to

in fact you know what I've realized in the last five years or something somebody brought it to my attention basically wherever I am doesn't matter where I'm staying or for how long or why I just call where I'm going to sleep that night home I'll just be like yeah I'll be home in like you know an hour

or something it's just it's just reflex because it's easier than explaining like all the the the place you know whatever yeah so that's just always what I said and I and and recently I've started to when I'm not going home I will not call that hotel home I will not call the place I'm staying home I've even I've even had to delete a text and be like nope that's not my wow right right I am somewhere else do you feel like my friend is like why are you texting all of this you're just I got it I don't care you're going back to wherever you're saying D&D, bro.

So have you, is that like a comfort that you feel in being an actor? Because many of your things probably are shooting in so many different places. So there's this sense of like comfort that comes with being like, I'm going to be here for a few days, here for a few, like. Yeah, I don't know if it's comfort. It doesn't make it easier or something like that maybe. I mean, I'm used to it. Right. I'm used to it.

But it's that, but I think like, for all the same reasons that it sounds like, you know. I mean, you're much younger than me, which I forget as we're talking. But, you know, for reasons that you can already appreciate, the older you get, and especially once you have immediate family, once you have a partner, a spouse, kids, you know. Then you, of course, start digging into that at a deeper level. And it's, you know, it always has its origins probably in some kind of, some kind of pain because we all really need and want a home. Yeah.

I can't imagine staying in the place that I grew up, which was in Chevy Chase, Maryland, like right outside of D.C. Yeah. Yeah. Very suburban home. And I enjoy visiting. I enjoy going back. But while I was there, even maybe I want to say before all of this happened with my family,

the thought was always like, I can't wait. to get out. I can't wait to. My little kid dream was always like I'm going to move to L.A. and be a star and I'm going to like whatever that means. I was like I didn't really know. I was a big fan of American Idol back in the day

so I was like I would watch it as a family so I was like that's it as soon as I turn 16 I'm going to audition for the show and I'm going to be on it and it's going to be the rest is history but so I was always I was always ready to get out but there are people who

really find that sense of being home. And I guess there's part of me that's that I is there's some like, I wish I felt that connected to a place in a way, which I think I'm finding more between the places that I live today as an adult. Yeah, I grew up moving every two to five years. So I, all this really resonates with me too. I have like an innate desire to just pick up and go. after about that time. After about two years, I start to get, like, itchy. So how is it going out in L.A. for yourself? I do really love L.A.

Once we were here and I started to realize I really liked it, I was like, okay, I think this is it. I think this is finally, like, the place I want to be forever. And then I've, like, slowly started to come up with reasons. Like, oh, well, maybe we need to move outside of the U.S. Because, like, health care is really difficult. Yeah, rising sea levels. Maybe we need to move, you know, to be closer to my family, like half of them are in Europe.

Oh, wow. But I do think one of the things, one of the things that's appealing to me about staying in a place is being able to build, like, roots in a community. Mm-hmm. And I think if you're moving around constantly, then you either, the only thing you can really rely on is your nuclear family, you know? Right. Right. So that is tricky. But yeah, it's like something within me that I have to fight against.

Because it makes it tough for the roots, as you were saying, it can make it tough for dating if you're a single person. Yeah. Because any relationship that I have somehow becomes long distance, even if I like have a place which is something. It's tough. I feel like something in you, you were just like, I need to look at that. And I'm on a podcast.

Let's not do it right here. Let's not do it right now. Let's put that in a week, and I'll be talking about it then. Yeah, I completely understand what you're saying with that. I think, like, I also think this is the chapter of life that I'm in now is, will, is be all around, and I'm sure there'll be. Literally 10 years from now, like, you know, come talk to us. Maybe, maybe, if it, you know, you'll recognize patterns more and more. right and the ones that you feel like you can live with and actually even enjoy you'll have

those right the patterns that you feel like this is degrading for my happiness and sense of well-being you know you're gonna you'll you'll work on those you're already you seem like you're already extremely well-versed in like a life of therapy and lots of therapy perhaps too much sometimes because I think yeah we're actually going to get there later because you know you do talk about this this is like an aspect of what you do publicly like on social media yeah so we do we do want to get to that but let's let we're gonna stay

so you mentioned a bit ago about roots two things I want to hear before going into your like first heartbreak and and embarrassing stories which we of course you know we we want to get there I just want to hear a bit about

from what I understand I mean you're you're Filipino as well like you're mixed my mom she wasn't she was half Filipino growing up, but then found out halfway through that, like actually halfway through, as in five years ago

she found out that her dad was who raised her, who has since passed, was not her biological father through like a 23 and me. Wow. So she found a bunch of other things that we now are as well. Wow. And she found her

biological father. He is alive. He lives in San Diego. Wow. Oh, God. So a lot of So, like, but the Filipino side of me has, I'm just a quarter from her, but I have, I'm very close with my Lola. I was going to ask, like, just so, so you have roots there. And I'm just kind of curious how that culture existed in your, in your, in your sense of who you were, your identity as you were, as you were coming of age. I think it's honestly become over the years as my sister and I grew up, we got more curious about it.

Because when we were growing up, my grandma came to the. country when she was 18 um and like you know as as it is can be today as well like racism was very much something she was dealing with and so she had a lot of fear around her own culture and embracing it when she arrived um and she like i she didn't teach my mom to galag she didn't teach my mom ilacano she was trying to make like her as to fit into the culture that my mom was growing up in as much as she could and didn't teach any of us. She only, we had to, like, beg her to give us some of her recipes for some of the food she would make us, which was the one thing that I felt like was still a connection throughout

our childhood and growing up is the Filipino food that she would make us. But she felt, I think, out of a lot of fear of her own experience, she was very scared to share that with us until we were more conscious and wanted to know more about that about that experience and we ended up all taking a trip to the Philippines together at one point seeing where she grew up and really like experiencing that side of her culture but um this is your grandma or your mom this is my grandma your grandma yeah my mom was born here my mom's first generation um and then about five years ago she found out the whole thing about um from the 23 and she like asked her mom she was like so what is this and my lola was like uh nothing

That's a mistake. She did. She was like, she was like, that's bad data. Those are, those don't really work. And my mom was like, they do. So what's going on? And she was like, I had a one night stand once. Like she just kind of really, she came clean with it and said around the time that her, my mom was conceived.

She had a one night stand with a guy while she was passing through Seattle. And. Wow. Longer. Yeah. And then nine months later had my mom. And was like, I wasn't really sure, but I wasn't going to make anyone take a test. So that's that.

And then my mom did like all the digging and ended up finding who her real dad was. Wow. 23 and me is just out here. It's done a lot. A lot of there's people's lives. Surprisingly. Or making them better. Or enriching.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Enriching doesn't necessarily mean it's like good or bad. It's richer. Right. Yeah. Like a lot of people, apparently this is not a unique story to her.

No, a lot of people have... It's kind of shockingly common. Right. Or at least it happens a lot. I've seen a lot of it on TikTok. Like, someone will be telling the story. And I'm like, I know this story well. Yes, I've heard of it.

So that was... So the connection to the Filipino culture, I feel like, has gone in and out a lot of my life. Yeah. And I do wish... I wish, like, I could have been more connected to it, but I also have a lot of empathy and understand why my grandma was making the decisions that she was out of like self-preservation when she got married when she was 19 they had to like drive to a different state to get married because the state that they were in wouldn't accept

interracial marriages and stuff like that so like she she just she just wanted all of us to fit in in a way that she felt like she didn't yeah which is like heartbreaking to think about that so much of that the way she was operating was out of fear and not love but I think now that I've also been able to share her on social media and the way that I have um which is where I thought because I also wasn't connected to a lot of Filipino people growing up and so I thought a lot of those experiences were very like individualized to me and then I share these videos of like what it's like having a Filipino grandma and everyone's like this is all of us like oh my god she is everything I want to be.

She's everything. I'm obsessed with her. I am not Filipino, but I, one of the places I lived was the Philippines and it was one of the places I lived for the longest and for like the most formative time of my life. It was middle school, right? High school? Yeah, middle school. I was there from third through eighth grade.

So, yeah, I feel very connected to Filipino culture and Filipino people and seeing videos of your grandma really just makes me so happy. I love her. She's the best. And she's a performer. and every time I now come home, she is like, when are we going to film TikToks? She'll text me that her fans miss her.

So she's really embraced what's going on. And I'm just so glad, like, you know, you never know how much time you have with a person. And so I'm so glad that I have these moments and that, like, other people are able to enjoy this, like, very special relationship that we have. A lot of people say like they lost their Lola a while back and they feel like they're connected to her through these videos too. So that kind of stuff has never lost on me when I'm making these videos that feel like they're just a funny moment.

And some people are just watching and laughing. But like any form of art, anyone can just watch and watch for entertainment. And then in one moment for one line or one relationship that they're watching play out, there can be a personal connection that really resonates with them. Yeah. Stick around. We'll be right back. All right. So, let's just, let's just real talk, as they say for a second. That's a little bit of an aged thing to say now. That dates me, doesn't it?

But no, real talk. How important is your health to you? You know, on like a one to ten? And I don't mean in the sense of vanity. I mean in the sense of like you want your day to go well, right? you want to be less stressed. You don't want it as sick. When you have responsibilities, I know myself, I'm a householder.

I have two children and two more on the way, a spouse, a pet, you know, a job that sometimes has its demands. So I really want to feel like when I'm not getting the sleep and I'm not getting nutrition when my eating's down, I want to know that I'm being held down some other way physically. You know, my family holds me down emotionally, spiritually, but I need something to hold me down physically, right? And so honestly, I turned to symbiotica, these vitamins and these beautiful little packets that they taste delicious. And I'm telling you, even before I started doing ads for these guys, it was a product that I really, really liked and enjoyed and could see the differences with.

The three that I use, I use the, what is it called, liposomal vitamin C, and it tastes delicious, like really, really good. comes out in a packet you put it right in your mouth some people don't do that i do it i think it tastes great i use the liposomal glutathione as well in the morning um really good for gut health and although i don't need it you know anti-aging um and then i also use the magnesium l3 and eight which is really good for for i think mood and stress i sometimes use it in the morning sometimes use it at night all three of these things taste incredible um honestly you you don't even need to mix it with water And yeah, I just couldn't recommend them highly enough. If you want to try them out, go to symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping.

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Ixl.com slash podcrushed to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. I would expect that your first heartbreak might be especially poignant, given the the experience you had coming out so young and then and it was and it was I was while I was at and I mean looking back on it I'm like you're you're okay buddy but I mean in the moment

I would like and people are now validating this but like that teenage crush or that first like teenage feeling you have it's the same that we feel now because you're not you've we haven't experienced anything else at that time so at that time

it's every It is. It's world making and then it's world shattering. You feel like it's the first time you felt something like that. So I was at boarding school. It was my first year there. I was like I well it's because I came, I had come through halfway through freshman year and there was a senior that was there that I developed a crush on.

Oh, wow. Ambitious. I know. I know. Like, you know, looking back on it, It was 19 to 15, which, you know, we can have our own thoughts about that. But I was 15, and I had all these feelings. And I was like, I, and so I ended up, like, I would, I would, we were in dorm, so I'd sneak down to his room.

And we would, like, stay together and have, like, you know, have, like, long nights staying up and talking and all of those things. And he was a very, like, artistic, like, introspective guy. And I was this, like, really young, like, hyper theater kid. So I was just fascinated by like his groundedness. And I was like, and you like me. Like, wow, this is so wonderful. Anyway, I had also like we, I eventually got in trouble first sleeping in his bed once and we had disciplinary hearings. How did you get found out?

The dorm parents would do bed checks, which I didn't actually really realize. But they would go around at like 3 a.m. and just check if everyone was in their bed in one night. They did that and I was not. and it ended up being a huge thing they called the people who they knew I was friends with they like woke them up in their respective dorms

and they were like, where is Chris Olson? And so when I was this new kid here too so now this is right this was like a few months in but it was like wasn't enough time for like people to be woken up and asked where I was and so it was definitely a bit of an

embarrassing moment and then eventually he ended up because people didn't know that we were friends at that point, I guess, like, because I was just kind of going and, like, sneaking into his room. And we had, I don't even remember how we first started talking in the first place. But we ended up getting in trouble, having this disciplinary hearing, and that was tough. That is, that's probably scary. Yeah, very scary.

You sit down. I had to write a five-paragraph essay about what I had done wrong. Oh, my goodness. And we had to talk about how we didn't, and we didn't do anything, like, sexual, which I don't think actually at that point we had, because they were then saying, like, we will have to press charges against him because he is 18. Oh, my God, that's right. And I was like, oh, my God, and this was also, and my parents, my mom is still in rehab, and my dad is just getting a call at home being like, hey, man, your son, I know he's been here for two months, but he has got these. He's a hearing. You think that's how I call went?

Hey, man. Hey, man. Listen. Chris, is it? Yeah, listen. Listen. Listen. You're Chris.

Yeah, you're Chris. Yeah. Right. No, probably not. It was definitely like a little bit more of a series call. I had to write this essay and then they give you consequences. And I think mine was, I think I was, it was like campus lock. so I couldn't leave.

And this was near the very end. It was almost summer. So I think for the last two weeks of school, I was not allowed to leave. And one of my other friends also got in trouble at that same time. Or we became friends during that time. And she also got campus locked. So we were just hung out for the last two weeks.

And I was still talking to him, but we had to keep some distance. And then I ended up, then we were planning on seeing each other that summer. And we would talk on the phone. We would, like, do phone calls. and I ended up, that is also unfortunately the summer I started drinking for the first time

and so I remember there would be nights that I would be like I would have gone out with friends while I was home and I would be very drunk at this young age and just be like crying over how much I loved him I really felt like oh my God I felt like it was wow like those it's just such a it's such an overwhelming feeling

that you don't even know where to put it or what to do with it and i was and then introducing um i mean i'm saying this with compassion i myself was you know substance was in my life and i was surrounded by people who were addicted at that age um pretty profoundly by the way in la um sure and and uh and uh it's like you introduce substance into the system of a growing a young person who's already got so much change happening and and is struggling to find equilibrium anyway it's throwing fuel on top of a bonfire it's just it's just so and it can make you know this feeling of love that you of course had because again i'm totally relating like all the pains i had then were then accentuated and magnified by the fact that you know with some

regularity yeah there was alcohol or or marijuana or something right those lines you know and it was just like that is no way to be growing up and yet we just kind of accept it so readily no yeah Yeah, and I mean, I had already, I knew, I knew that it ran in my family that, like, addiction was an issue. But, you know, my mom, my parents had separated. I was kind of left to my own devices that summer. And so I just remember that we would just have these talks. And he really was, he was, like, kind of my first, like, boyfriend-ish at the time. It was the first time I had those feelings.

Yeah. And then I got caught. a bunch of bad stuff happened but I got caught drinking that summer and I was supposed to visit him and my parents were like you can't do that anymore and I remember it just like from that kind of ended up

being like the moment that everything started falling apart because when you're if you're caught drinking and you're told to stop like as a 15 year old you just find to the other way and you just start falling apart And remember we kind of ended up just drifting from that moment. But it was very, that whole summer, the summer after like my freshman year of high school

and the summer after my sophomore year of high school were like two of the, until I ended up going to treatment for all of it were two really hard ones. Just based on everything that was happening at home. But I remember it was a very strong, that was, it was all encompassing at the moment. Of course. having those feelings at the time. What you were describing, Chris, of like your parents catching you, you getting in trouble, and then not allowing you to go and visit this guy.

I mean, I feel like so many people can relate to that. Like, at that age, you feel like you should have so much agency, and it's this, like, huge injustice from the world that you don't and that you have parents that are dictating where you can be and what you can do. And I remember when I was in eighth grade, I really wanted to go back. I had just moved in the middle of eighth grade

from the Philippines to China. And I wanted to go back at the end of eighth grade to visit my friends in Manila so badly. And I was begging my parents and they didn't allow it. Like they had kind of, they said they would and then they took it back. And I went on a hunger strike.

I was like, I'm not eating. I mean, it lasted. It was very short-lived. 17 hours? I think it was like four or five but I was it was very I was like four five hours yeah not wow okay so you're saying what you did is you had breakfast and then lunch yes exactly but I made a big deal about it I like went to my room I mean I declared it at the top of stairs or something I went to my room and cried in my pillow and but it's looking looking back it's so funny it's like yeah

they didn't let their 14 year old daughter get on a plane by herself and go stay with a friend She can't even fast between breakfast and lunch. Right. We want to let her on a plane by herself. She's in between, she has no discipline. She can't. Right. Right.

Sorry, so. But yeah, no. No, just to say that that, that, those competing feelings, or not competing feelings, but competing realities where you feel internally like you are so old and you have so much wisdom and you should be able to do what you want to do, but then you're not and you don't have that agency. Yeah. Yeah, like looking at any 15-year-old now, you're like, wow, so young, such a child.

But then when you're in that, you're like, how dare you guys not let me just like live my life and do the thing I want? And I guess after also being at boarding school for a while, I had felt you have, there are a lot of rules around boarding school and they, you know, they do keep you pretty locked down. But like I felt like I was like, I've been half an adult. like half of the time where's this other what's the other half? That does actually sound a bit confusing

boarding school I know a lot of people who have been to boarding school I never went I also didn't really go to high school anyway so but I was fully working so there's that whole thing

but it does sound like a bit of a mixed message you're like sending this kid off yeah it's true often because there is some kind of difficulty not always actually in fact I think just as often it's not that

it's like just because boarding school is sort of the desirable thing for whatever reason right but yeah exactly um but you are you're like you're like giving them this independence and and and actually you're in a way severing the relationship with your parents you're not not totally but you are changing it you're no longer going to be seeing them every morning and night right you know you're not probably not even on weekends no and yeah like at boarding school yes and then when i would come home over the summer my mom wouldn't be around and my dad would go to work every day.

Right. And so I was home alone. And they would like, I think after that moment, I was grounded. But I was then also left home alone for 10 hours a day. And so I would leave the house. Like self-imposed, grounding. I was like, you're grounding me. You're not going to know if I go anywhere.

And so I would just like leave the house. And I was, I would bike everywhere because it was like right before I could get a license. So I was like, it was this crazy. like paradox of like you know when the parents are around I had parents and I had to do all of this but then unwritten the unwritten thought was that and then and now I'm on my own so I'm going to do what I want as a 15 year old and live in that way so there was a lot of different there was a lot of contrasts that were happening at all times on it on top of a period of time that's already filled with so much yeah duality

and so many things going on. So at this point, you were, as I understand it, you were entering into a period of, I mean, you call it addiction or you, I mean, because you did have a, okay. And I mean, look, I'm saying that just because I'm really interested in the arc from this time, which is you're very understandably struggling.

Like, I don't even want to label you as anything. I'm just like you're a human being who's having a really tough period. Your family life is dissolved. You know, there's heartbreak. There's so, okay, that's a human experience. So from here, you go to, it wasn't that long ago. I mean, you're not that old.

Like, you now have a career as a, is it an influencer? Is that what we say? Sure. Some people hate the word. I'm not mad at the word. I'm a content creator, influencer. Human. You are a human.

It's like when people put that in their Instagram bio. It's like, actor, singer, human. Oh, this isn't a robot. I was hoping it was AI. But, no, anyway. Good to now, good to now. So just give us a sense of, like, when did all of this become professional? Because you were going to a school for the arts.

You were exploring, what, theater, music, right? It was musical theater. Like, you, there were, I was a theater major at this boarding school. And then I went to college to get my BFA in musical theater. Really? Where did you go? Yes. The Boston Conservatory.

My sister went there. I just had a feeling. When you were talking about Boston and your school, I think you went to Boko. That's, I sure did Bocco. I sure did. Yeah, I was there. So I went directly, I, the whole thing at the end of this boarding school is like auditioning for colleges. And it's this big thing.

And whoever gets into the really good ones, which are like Michigan and Carnegie gets the lead of the spring show. And if you get into... So really, that's based on like where you're going to... It's not really, but it is. But that's what happens. Like, that's what consistently happens is there's like the big five of these musical theater schools

just like Michigan, Carnegie, CCM, Penn State, and then Elon. And if you get into any of those, you're a favorite of the department. And if you don't, then they're like, ensemble. Star. Like, you got this. They're like, we're so proud of you.

You don't get a line. So you're like, hi. And so I didn't get into one of those. So anyway, but I went to the Boston Conservatory and then unfortunately given all of the freedom in the world. And by senior year of high school, my drinking had really become every weekend, which is seen as manageable.

But seen as normal, but frankly, for everybody, it's pretty intense. And when you do it at the level that I was doing, which was blacking out every week. again too it wasn't just like a little like you know let me take the edge off it was I've never even now who and I haven't had a drink in five and a half years even now I don't I cannot conceptualize having one or two drinks that makes no sense to me because I'm like what would you what do you do with that but a lot of people like you know you're saying you're you you're of the mindset that like if you're going to do it go right I'm just I'm an extremist still but I've I've I've now

redirected. Something about the six-inch platform pleather heels that you brought. Wait, can we see? For the camera. When you say the stream, I mean, I don't know. Yeah, right.

So, anyway, yeah, yeah. So I went to school, went to college, given a lot of freedom, you know, it goes the way that it does. And then sometimes weekday parties are normalized in college

because everyone says to, like, it's only a problem. if you're still drinking after college. But, and that's unfortunately. Not true. And for me, definitely not true. And once I got...

Also, who's not drinking after college? Right. Everybody's drinking after college. Everyone, it's... Exactly. Exactly. But I think because my family had such a stronger awareness of it after what my mom had been through,

that there was much more of a microscope, and I remember the summer after freshman year of college, I couldn't go to sleep sober. I was, you know, it was an everyday kind of thing and it was creating more issues than just me blacking out. You know, it was like there were many things surrounding it. And my roommate at the time was also really worried about me and she ended up talking to my family

and like helping stage an intervention for me. Yeah. And then like a Wednesday, four weeks into school, she woke me up and I like walked into my kitchen and my entire family was there. Wow. And did you know what was happening right then? I did.

100%. I walked in and I like, you know, of course. And I knew that I was a problem. I knew I couldn't keep doing this. But I still rejected going to rehab that day because I was like, I can't leave today. I have class today. I have to go do that.

You're in the mindset of like, well, uprooting my entire life right now as a 19-year-old at whatever age still feels insanity. you don't have time to say goodbye to anyone there's an interventionist who's like we have a plane to get on in three hours and if you don't get on the plane none of the people in the room are ever going to talk to you again

is that really that's the line that's toad and that's not even the line you say no and everyone turns a page in the packet of paper that they have and start reading a letter to you of how you are no longer a part of their lives which is obviously

That's so intense. So that happened because you said no, and so you're family. I said no. So they started reading it. And then I think there were three people left, one of them being my dad, and my sister ended up breaking down and was just like, don't make me read this. I read his. Because I think his was probably the big, like, it's over here. And then I kind of knew.

And my dad started crying too. And I've seen my dad cry three times in my life, that being one of them. So I knew from that moment that that's what had to happen. Yeah. And from that point, you just kind of like, you kind of black out in a different sense because you're just like, okay, nothing of what I know in my life right now is going to continue the same way that it has before. And this needs to.

And then you're just kind of focused at the task at hand. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go down there. It's apparently a 90-day program, so I'll get out in three months and I'll see my friends in three months. But you get down there, you quickly find out it's not 90 days. They're going to keep you down for like a whole year. Oh, wow. Did they just hide that?

Like, it was just a lie. Yeah, and they, and they, front, they tell you that as soon as you get there. And they're like, and by the way, we're not going to be, this is a very unique type of rehab program, which is also, it doesn't really exist in that same way anymore. But it was very like, we're not going to be nice to you. Like, you haven't been nice. You haven't been nice to yourself. to anyone else.

So neither are we. Neither are we. Like, and get ready. Because a lot of rehabs are very like where you just need love and that's what. But addicts take advantage of love, unfortunately, as dark as that is to say, even, and it's not conscious a lot of the time, but you're, that addict part of your brain can take advantage of love and try and turn it into getting what you want. And so they, they're not giving you that side of things.

And so you have to, from very, your first assignment is. to read your 10 most shameful secrets that you have. It's kind of giving acting class. Yeah. And then you, and then if you're not crying by the end of it, they make you do it again

until you have done, you have clearly shown your shame. Wow. Do you look back on this and do you think this is like, it's like, would you recommend this to other people who are released? I'm not trying to be like a,

no, right. We're going to link in our bio. Yeah, so link in bio. But I guess, I guess what I'm getting at is like, I mean, this sounds very intense. Yeah. There I say, traumatic or around maybe abusive or something, or at least coarse and do you look back on this and be like, oh, I'm glad that happened because it got me sober? Or do you feel like I'm sober almost despite such an intense program?

Like, I don't know what their return rate is or what their... Apparently, it was at that time one of the most successful programs in the country for this. But unfortunately, I think what it does, to answer your question, like, I feel both ways about it. Like, I was traumatized by my own use so far on one end. So then they swung me all the way to the other end. And now I'm, like, traumatized by just being in my own, like, being in my own, mind all the time because now I'm always like I'm so worried and so self-aware about the way I am

or what I'm doing and all of these things. How you're perceived. How I'm perceived. Right. Because maybe where you, what it sounds like is that you were brought painstakingly close to seeing like how you have messed up. Yes. You are you are forced to be seen and you're forced to confront every way you have ever done wrong to anyone. Even pre-addiction or any of the things. It's like you have to write down an entire timeline of your life.

You have to talk about any time you've done wrong with someone. And then if it's members of your family, you have to rectify that. And they'll be there. Like they come down for the family weekend and all of those things. And most of the therapy that's done is group therapy. And everyone is also encouraged to chime in. And so if you're having this experience, other people will be talking about that experience too. And calling you out on it.

Was there a spiritual component to any of this? Because I know it was. There's always, yeah, yeah. There's, I think, like, one of the big things of addiction is always talking about how, like, it doesn't have to, you don't have to label it, you don't have to call it God. It doesn't have to be anything specific, but you have to know that there, that you are not in control of everything. that like there is, that you have to be able to give up that sense of control or the universe to something else because you are not God, like you are not the person who can control everything in your life because look where that's also caught in you.

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relationships I mean it takes so much time because like appreciating that it's a process for all of us you know yeah we're all and we're all you know we've all been through relationship like any type of relationships that grow apart or you were in the wrong or someone else was like it takes so much time to build that back up yeah um and And so I think a lot of it was just obviously they, when they would come down and when we talked, like there was so much owning of the things that I had done and what I had been through. And I think that's like step one and they really appreciated that. But I think I knew while being there that the way to repair most of this was just to go forward and continue like every day to be the version of myself that I wanted to be and that they hoped to find again. and um but i think

one of the the slight like traumas that came out of that rehab was like i i will well i don't want to label that as will never but i so far i have never felt like i'm able to truly make it up to all the people who are there and i'm always consistently trying to do that um with all of them like i i every time any achievement that happens in my life I'll send it to my dad because I'm like, I'm doing better now. And it even's been five years since I was there. But I want, I just so badly want them to, and they do. And if they were listening to this, they would say, like, what are you talking about?

Like, we hear you and we see you. People talk about addiction in a way that I think is so reductive often. Like no one is just an addict. No one is just like an addict for no reason. What you're talking a lot about right now is all of your. personal culpability which is great right but then of course no one is made an addict on their own and everybody has to take responsibility for their actions but like you know I'm just thinking about how it's like you were responding to things around you totally you know and and that's part of like a

lot of the family work that they do when you're there is um they it's not just about me once the family is there they're like okay so um in fact like one of the days was almost exclusively about my mom and my dad and they really like they ended up having to have a lot of confrontation that day and my sister and i just observed a lot of that um yeah one of the big points of pain that like came from after that was uh at my at my my aunt was at my intervention and um she she was the one who lived near the boarding school so she was like a very prevalent part of my life and was there for me while all of this stuff was happening with my parents um she was at the intervention and she was at the intervention and she, while I was at rehab, her breast cancer ended up coming back,

and she, like, passed about a year after of, like, me being sober. She saw me be sober for about a year, but I consistently, like, I have, when I was sober for a year, I was sober for a year, and that was great, but my life didn't really change, and so I'm consistently, like, that's a lot of the spiritual connection with me is, like, thinking of her and thinking of wishing that I could have her see any of the thing that I'm doing now. And I did have a wild experience like about a year ago where every night for some reason I like I think of her and I like I like imagine her like kind of. It's really touching.

No, this is great. I think of her. And I like I kind of just have her in the room with me because I was like scared to go to sleep one night and then I started thinking of her and then it just started happening every night after that

and then I remember I was talking to a friend who was like I actually like am a medium which is so weird like you know we were just talking and I was like I had just met her and she was telling me about this and she was like your aunt is oddly coming through to me the short end of the story

of the short version of the story your aunt's coming through to me and we were talking she was like she's so proud of you and I was making me emotional on all this stuff and then she was um she was like she says you say good

hold on she was like you she's she says you say good night to her every night like she's with you and I then I really broke down and this was the first time I ever met this friend who was a medium but um just knowing that uh then it really solidified the

the um like that i feel like she's proud in a way or she's there or something like that and she's she really is with me every night that and after after that moment then i consistently now i really make sure to like imagine her in the room with me every night because I know that um she's really there and yeah and I just know she would like love you can take a moment don't worry about that at all don't worry about that at all honestly I mean my cousin and I have texted before that um she she does the same thing where she'll talk to my aunt too about the things that I'm doing

which is crazy because I'm just like we should talk about all all of the things that we're doing but she has also said to me that she knows that she would be so excited about all that you know and she was that kind of she was that kind of that aunt who was the fun aunt

you know like we would we would see each other every summer we would like play these random games and she was just so there and so to have the end of my time with her be one that was kind of dark is always like going to be a little bit of a hard moment but to know that she's still like seeing some of these things is like it's it it's that's what connects me to like the spirituality still you know you know it sounds like a very powerful and strong connection and it doesn't sound like that was the end of your relationship with her you know no right i mean obviously i fully understand like it's different when they're here yeah you know yeah but i mean that's so beautiful thank you for sharing that yeah yeah yeah i think there are a lot of people who maybe have that experience i agree with you of feeling like they had really they were in a dark time before they lost someone and maybe their time is better and they wish that they could that that that person could be with them and see them on the other side and like you know those those people are still with us in whatever capacity that is now while it is different.

So one thing that kept coming up for me as you were talking, Chris, was also how how beautiful it is to have an extended family who cares for you, you know, like, I think especially in the U.S., but like in many parts of the West, we focus so much on the nuclear family, but having like extended family and even like friends, like your roommate who care so much about you is a really beautiful thing, and I wish we could all, like, tap into that. Yeah, I mean, and my roommate at the time, actually, she told me she, when I was leaving that day for rehab, she was like, I assumed that would be the last time you were ever going to talk to me because I was taking, like, I was part of this thing that was taking you away from

everything, and I didn't know if you would come out on the other side, like knowing that I did it because I loved you or anything like that. And we've had so many moments since then of us like crying together being like of me just thanking her profusely because I everyone even who's there is like I can't imagine how hard that intervention was for you that day and like I appreciate you saying that but I actually can't imagine how hard it was for everyone who was there um doing that for me because that must have been I mean that's like you know yes I was on the receiving end of hearing that they were going to cut me off but they were having to tell someone that they loved who they just wanted to get better

that they were not going to be able to be there for them if they kept going with. They did, so I have a lot of appreciation for everyone who was there. Yeah, it sounds like there's actually a lot of understanding between... Yeah, and now 100%. Yeah, that's amazing. That's an amazing outcome because interventions don't necessarily always work that way at all.

We have our standard last question, just going back to... And you were so... I just love how, like, you were with sharing with us about this time because it's this proof of concept that it's like bedrock for such great stories and shaping our identity yeah if you could go back to your 12-year-old self what would you say or do yeah i don't think i would try to change anything yeah i think i would But one of the big coping things that I've discovered now is just like that classic phrase of the good news is nothing lasts forever and the bad news is nothing last forever.

And I think I would just like, you know, hold space for being like there's so much in the next few years that's ahead. But at the end of the day, you always will be at least okay. At the bare minimum, you'll be okay. It might still suck, be sucky. It'll be sucky. By the way, there's a pandemic coming down. By the way. Just so you know.

And that is sucky for sure. It's very pretty sucky. Officially sucky. Yeah. And it's just, you know, like I, I, but everything that we, we as humans have all been through so much. But in the phrase of saying we've been through so much, we have been through them. Like we are on the other side of so many things that felt catastrophic at the time or that felt like it was life-changing.

I felt like that 15-year-old love was life-changing. Felt like going to rehab was life-changing. Or life-ending. Like I felt like 15-year-old was life-ending. I felt like going to rehab was life-ending. I felt like my most recent breakup was life-ending. Every single time I've come out being a better person than I felt like I was before. And so anytime I feel that I'm maybe going towards something that's going to be a very hard change, that's something I try to remind myself.

So I think that's what I would be communicating to 12-year-old Christopher Norman Olson Jr. There wasn't enough of them. You needed another one. I can't wait for the third. Chris, thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. This was lovely. I would hope not too many people would have a personal connection to what they're watching in you.

I don't know what you mean. Right. So actually my ex-boyfriend, which is crazy about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be a wild... That's not how you build a box. Right, right. No, no, no.

No, no. Three-quarter-inch? Come on. It's too heavy. Yeah. If you're doing it alone. Stitcher.