Podcrushed - Domino Kirke-Badgley

Episode Date: October 12, 2022

This week our guest is the incomparable Domino Kirke-Badgley (musician, doula, and happens to be married to our host, Penn). She shares the story of how she and Penn met, and offers a deep dive into how traumatic events from her adolescence continue to shape her now. Follow us on socials:InstagramTwitterTikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lemonada But it was just so funny because it was so little and so English And like not cool, like clothes were still very suburban England Like I hadn't gotten the memo that I moved to New York yet And yet there I was the little weed dealer I guess I'll sell this weed to do yankston I'm just here I guess that'll get me in won't you?

I'm very shy This is Pad Crushed The podcast that takes the sting out of rejection, one crushing middle school story at a time. And where guests share their teenage memories, both meaningful and mortifying. And we're your hosts. I'm Nava, a former middle school director. I'm Sophie, a former fifth grade teacher. And I'm Penn, the middle school dropout.

Before we get into this incredible interview, Penn, I do really want to hear how you were feeling because your demeanor was different than I've noticed with any other guest. You were like more quiet, more pensive. I was just reflective and I could feel the difference between being a host. and being like a partner. And I felt like I was interviewing somebody who was not just this person I know best in the world, you know, my best friend, my partner in the most difficult moments

and the best moments and everything in between. I mean, I felt like I was seeing sides to her that I knew but from someone else's eyes. And that eye is a host, an alien host. It was almost sweet. Our guest today is Domino, Kirk, Bad, Glad, Bagley. I think it's Bagley. The E seems like it's in the wrong place. It's a hard last name. She's a musician, and she's a doula. She's sort of a community hub. She co-founded Carachouse

birth, a collective that aims to deepen the practices of doulas and provide birth and postpartum services for families at every stage of their reproductive journey. She's a co-founder of Grand Street Healing Project in Brooklyn. She's got a couple of albums out on Spotify. Domino's also my wife. I'm her husband. We're married. We love each other. We have chicks. children. We have a home. We have a family. It was such a delight talking to her. She got really vulnerable. She went into how her and Penn met, which was a really lovely story. I stand by the fact that it's a better version than the one Penn tells, even though we'll see that he gets a little

sensitive about that. She talks about healing her inner child. She talks about the effects of alcoholism on generations of her family. What about my inner child? She talks about how religion has played a part in their relationship and Penn becoming a behind. what that was like for both of them. I thought you were going to say, like, humanity. Nope, nope. Didn't go there, but went almost everywhere. This is such a good episode.

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Season two drops July 29. Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast or watch us on YouTube. You're definitely our most special guest. Aw, stop. There's no way that's not true. The person I'm most nervous to have on, the person I'm... It's true, you're really nervous today. Yeah, the person I'm...

most excited about excited and nervous they're in the similar wheelhouse yeah and it's where I start to see the veils and the construct of the show I'm like trying to be in host mode

and then I'm looking at you who I look at every day thank God I'm crying and it's just very different it's very different so bear with me as I try to be both things you were very nervous today

he was like you were very maternal today you're okay how do you feel of going Are you sure? We can push it. The push it was I was hoping that that wasn't. I was like, you know, we can't push it, Pat. I was just trying to.

This has been on the books for a week. She's also a little bit of like a co-producer on this show. Oh, yes. This is true. She's responsible for how many? The reason we have guessed on this show is Domino. Yeah. The reason I ever post in social media ultimately.

Domino, I have heard Penn share a few times the story of how you guys met. He did share it on a podcast called Why Won't You Date Me? But I've never heard your version, and I would love to hear it. Can you tell us your version of how you and Penn met? Penn and I met at a meatball shop. Really? Then that's it. That's the story.

Is it called the Meatball Shop? Yes. And a friend of mine who I'd known for many years from a totally different life invited me out to have a drink with her when I was still drinking. And I was like, cool. I had just left the father of my child for the umpteenth. time. We had a very back and forth relationship. And literally a month before I had finally decided that we were not going to be together anymore. And I remember my friend calling and saying,

just come and, you know, your son's not with you. You have a night off, you know, so because I was co-parenting. So I'd have these nights off, which were very bittersweet. But so my night off, I went out to the meatball shop. It was really cold. And Penn was sitting there at the bar with our mutual friend and um i was it was nice to meet him but i was really there to see her i didn't know he was going to be there so at first i was a little annoyed you know it was kind of like i thought we were going to have like one on one time and then there's this third wheel so i had a room in my apartment that i would rent out and right away i pan was sick he had a cold he was sort of not in a great place, a little ungrounded, come from traveling and like couch surfing. Between worlds,

Gossip Girl was over. I had never seen Gossip Girl, so I had no context for Penn. I was just like, I don't know who this guy is. But you knew that he, who he was, you knew who he was an actor. No, I knew, once I started talking to him, I knew he was an actor. He said, I'm an actor. And I then, my friend filled me in. I literally had been in a cave raising a kid. So I wasn't watching television. That just wasn't happening. I had heard of gossip girl, but I honestly couldn't pick him out of a lineup because it was just like from like billboards or something, you know. And then he told me he was and where he'd been traveling. And then I was like, do you want to move into my house? And I have a room for rent.

He was like, because I was couch surfing at the time. Yeah. And he was like, no, I'm not going to live with you. But I got his number because I was really interested in him living with me and I thought He was cute, and it would have been nice to have, like, a little winter, you know, fling with my roommate. So, fun. Hundreds. None, zero. We grew up with an alcoholic family. Damien, your version of the story is so much better than Ben.

I know. I'm so glad I asked you. So much better. It is. Why is it kind of have a value? How it just is, Ben. I tell my experience of it, and I, and I, mine is more romantic. Keep going. Keep going.

I'm a little hardened. Isn't mine more romantic? A few more things have happened to me. What? So anyway, I keep what? He gives me, I take his number. He gives, I text him. Ah, so I think what happened was they, I was like, so do you want the room?

Like, it wasn't like, let's hang out. So do you want it? Do you want the room? But I knew of you through the friend. So I sort of knew. She was like, I think he's dating someone. And I was like, okay, cool. Well, maybe he'll rent my room.

That was sort of how I left them. then the meatball shop i just really want to keep saying what is that you asked what is that you asked uh yeah for sure i'm not going to live with an extremely you know pretty young man and not ask so i um and she was like no i think he's dating i'm going to go that's fine and in the record i was not i mean okay well anyway so i got misinformation but i ended up um it had been i think we texted a little and then it sort of i could feel that he was like in something he was always sick too he was like I was going through a phase where I would get bronchitis always yeah I was always getting bronchitis for six months for six months

I had bronchitis but of course like I know because of all of the like all of the um half my belongings were in a trash bag actual oh my god actual trash bag he was between worlds I was couch surfing let's just say that this one and the next this one and the next Okay. We're going to make it through. So what happened was, yeah, I sort of lost interest. There was a lot of coughing, a lot of like... Trash bags.

A lot of mucus? Every time I spoke to him, I was like, God. It's really mucusy in his 20s. You're painting such a flattering picture. Okay, so, look, you were between worlds. You were always ill. Is it, are you just, is your nostalgia emphasizing maybe just how mucusy I was? The two descriptors.

Are you sure that at the time, are you sure that at the time you really were like, okay, if I was to name six things, like top four, mucusy? It would be like two. Number two. What was one? What would be one? A little lost. A little.

Where's pretty? Okay, hear me, pretty's like four. Four. But listen. Okay, what's three? I knew gossip girl was with this insane thing that happened. to you. And then I heard about you seeking. Like, Fran was like

oh, he's always traveling. He's always leaving the country. He's back. He's going to have a glass of wine with me. You know, like, we see each other. So you guys had a whole thing. No, no, no. I didn't. Sorry, I didn't know you were going to be there. But she's like, I see Penn here and there because he's kind of like, he doesn't and he's not on a show right now.

He's in between. And I met you sort of knowing that. Sorry, I've got to be sidetracked you. I was like, why is he so mucusy? to Fran and she was like well I don't know I mean he's gone through a lot

and I was like oh well I know in Eastern medicine the lungs are grief so when you're always ill and you're always coughing you're grieving and I was like

has he lost something well he broke up with it was a big breakup I was like all right need say no more I'll ask him you know if we get there I will ask him

Would you like to ask me now? No I'm good because I have the I have the okay but so mucacy couch surfing, not that attractive to me at that point, life

wise. I had a kid I had a five year old, it just turned five. Day after actually. Yeah. Day after he met, the day after his birthday. So I was driving through parts of Brooklyn and I hadn't spoken to him, we texted a little, then it sort of

fell off, and then I texted him because I drove past Penn Street, and I thought of him, and I texted him and said, I just drove past Penn Street, are you around for dinner and then he came over and I don't remember how many times before I kissed you but I kissed him with a mouth full of carrots I love that it did I was genuinely eating baby carrots because that anyone who has a five-year-old is always eating baby carrots and I had a mouthful of

carrots that that was when I called him and then we started linking up a lot but when we did finally kiss it was with a mouthful of baby carrots you chose the moment right and what So you switched it from, like, you know, mucusy, lost, gossip girl, pretty boy, to like, hmm, there's potential here. I love that he was seeking just something in life bigger, higher than him. He was a hardcore meditator, like, he was meditating very, you know, twice a day, hours and hours. He was like, oh, this guy's always meditating. Always trying to leave this world. It's just because he was a preemie when he was born.

He barely made it to this world. Yeah, it's true. He barely made it here. He's barely in his body. He's not all the way here. He died all the time. Between worlds. So meditation is his escape hatch.

And I was like, this guy, this is a meditator. This is someone who doesn't drink a lot. I had been with addicts. And, you know, that's the norm. If you grow up with them, you usually marry them or become them. So this mucusy lost pretty boy was surprisingly grounded. Yes, or seeking to become more grounded. And that was really attractive to me as a mother.

As a single mother, I was extremely. interested in someone who felt secure within themselves and was seeking, you know, to do that with someone. If I can add to the legitimacy of this mucusy thing, I knew this thing that you'd also heard or learned from Eastern medicine. I'd heard, too. I was very much aware of lungs being a signal of grief. And the reason that I wasn't just, just, like, doxing my body with...

NyQuil? Yeah, just with, like, medicine to kill it, was that I was really... I was seeking, and I was like, all right, I want to get down to, there feels like there's a lot of unexplored stuff that I'm just going to, you know, use the illness as a teacher. And then you meet the doula. I mean, I feel like I met Penn at a point where we both needed grounding in very different ways. And so we sort of ushered each other into these spaces. Something else you've said that that really stands out to me, Domino, is I think you said once that who you choose, like who you choose as your partner is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. at any given time.

And I think that's really powerful. Penn, what drew you to Domino? I mean, there was definitely what she left out, I think, was... Oh, you came to see me sing, and I talked to you about placentas. Right after. And you were right into that sexy bedroom talk. From my perspective... We're like, hey.

From my memory, and I may have revised this entirely... Sure. I remember you being very persistent, because to be honest, I was so aware of the stage I was in that I was like, I'm not in a place to be dating someone, let alone someone with a child that requires some real showing up and honesty and responsibility. I know I'm capable of it.

It's not right now. Half of my belongings. I was pretty self-aware. And I really, and I was, I even showed up to that meeting that night being like, I'm going to dip pretty quickly here. And once I actually found out that our friend had somebody else showing up who was Domino,

until I learned more about Domino, I was like, oh, great, great. So she has another. friend coming i can go because i'm not in a place where i want to be yeah be out you know and it was middle middle of winter i mean it was such a and and yeah i just remember the from the first moment i heard domino's name to be honest i was enchanted because it was in it was just a name yeah it was like such a name and i even said the words i feel like i can fall in love with that person and that's when our friend said her backtracking and being like no no no don't do that please don't do that no she's a mom

She has a kid already. And I was like, oh, she's a mother. Wow, that's really, that's really just like admirable and like deep. And so, you know, I was immediately enchanted, I think, as many people are when they first meet Domino. Yeah, everyone's enchanted. But I also, yeah, but I also was just like, all right, I'm not pursuing that. But you know what it was? No, hear me out.

You wanted to give with me from day one. Listen, the persistent thing came from being like. You want to live with me? I mean, you did want to live. I needed the roommate. I made that, you know, that's how I made a little... You needed the money, and then you found out, you were like, listen, this guy is going to be starring in world-famous...

You were like, I'm never going to do TV again when I met you. You were pursuing music when I met you. I wasn't thinking about any of what is happening today. It's kind of wild, actually. But, um... So the persistence, I think, came from just like... You were constantly pulling back because it was like, oh, mother, kid, ah, have to have my shit together.

And I was just like, just hanging. out with us. Just be with us. You know, like, you don't have to do this perfectly. We were very drawn to each other very quickly. Very early on. You were very interested in birth, maybe because you nearly died at birth. You were also very paternal with my son. And was it, did you, you know, was it really challenging for you? I think step, I think step-parenthood is really intense. It's its own world. It's its own beast. It's its own beast. Because you don't have experienced it. It really is because you don't have the responsibility of being the bioparent we don't know what your responsibilities are initially i think is really the thing and and you know for what it's worth for the

moment that we were actually together was a couple weeks later and we were um wow staying with a friend and it was me you and our oldest you're firstborn and that married couple we were staying with asked us i think that night or the next morning like so how long have you guys been together we were like oh, we met like two weeks ago or three weeks ago, and they were like, what? I know. You seem like you've been together for years. We were together, and then we had a little,

we would break up a few times here and there, just because it was a lot. It was a lot to be with someone who had a child, I think. For me, it was a lot to be with someone who didn't know they wanted that for themselves. And Penn was, God, how old were you then? You were 27 or 28 when we met? Yeah. I think what happened along the way is that,

the misunderstandings we had in the beginning were largely cultural, I think. It was communicative and cultural because what I'm saying is the first impression was very quickly we wanted it all together. Yeah. We did. And until we felt confident enough

to really step into that, it was a stop and start. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. All right. So let's just real talk. as they say for a second that's a little bit of an aged thing to say now that that that dates me doesn't it um but no real talk uh how important is your health to you you know on like a one to 10

and i don't mean the in the sense of vanity i mean in the sense of like you want your day to go well right you want to be less stressed you don't want it as sick when you have responsibilities um i know myself i'm a householder i have uh i have two children and two more on the way um a spouse a pet you know a job sometimes has its demands so i really want to feel like when i'm not getting the sleep and i'm not getting nutrition when my eating's down i want to know that i'm that i'm being held down some other way physically you know my family holds me down emotionally spiritually but i need something to hold me down physically right and so honestly i turned to symbiotica these these these these vitamins and these beautiful little packets that they taste delicious and i'm telling you um

even before i started doing ads for these guys it was a product that i uh i really really liked and enjoyed and could see the differences with. The three that I use, I use the, what is it called? Liposomal vitamin C, and it tastes delicious, like really, really good. Comes out in the packet, you put it right in your mouth. Some people don't do that. I do it. I think it tastes great.

I use the liposomal glutathione as well in the morning. Really good for gut health, and although I don't need it, you know, anti-aging. And then I also use the magnesium L3Nase. which is really good for, I think, mood and stress. I sometimes use it in the morning, sometimes use it at night. All three of these things taste incredible, honestly. You don't even need to mix it with water. And, yeah, I just couldn't recommend them highly enough.

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But why don't we start with that? Because it was 12 years old. You know, you had a childhood in England. And then you came of this period of life they're always talking about here in New York City. So tell us a little bit about how you felt during that shift. I mean, at once it was like the most. exciting, most exhilarating idea that I was going to live in America. Like, every English kid is just like, candy, Kmart, like, twizzlers, I don't know, fruit, what was it?

Fruit roll-ups? Fruit roll-ups. Like, I couldn't eat enough of that stuff as a kid because not like England didn't have that stuff, but like it was like Cadbury's and you get sick of chocolate after a while. But like, I remember coming here and just everything, the idea of living in. America was so intimidating and completely exhilarating at the same time. I moved to Manhattan. It's sort of a, you either jump in the water and go with the current or you drown kind of energy in the city. And as a 12-year-old, I had this crazy, really thick English accent, and I was like very blonde and very sort of shy. I was very shy. And still, I'm quite shy. And yeah, and the accents

It's become an interesting thing in my life as I've gotten older because I, England still feels like home and so when my accent disappears too much, I feel very ungrounded. You know, it's like anyone who's bilingual, you know, it's like, which is interesting because it's still English and yet I feel, when I'm in England, I suddenly, I'm like, alright, all right, all right, how you doing, all right? It's just like that. So I just would walk and I took cabs alone, I was on the subway alone, at 12, we didn't have phone so we had the pay phone and my mom was just like well my friends kids are going out you know

on their own so surely you're fine and i was like yeah sure i'm fine and like did it and was terrified all the time and then i think the idea of being in america without the people i had grown up with was suddenly really daunting because i didn't realize just how those relationships and how formative they were and how implicit those relationships felt like suddenly all those people were gone and at that age you don't see a kid for six months they forget you you know every one of my friends since i was you know in kindergarten just sort of disappeared and i felt very very alone in the states i was like oh my god all those kids that i'd come up with are all going to grow up together and i have massive fomo as a result like ask pen i have more fomo than anyone you'll ever meet

And I really think, oh my God, this is like epic therapy. I just got it. My FOMO really does come from being like all my nearest and dearest, like my core group, went on to, you know, have lives. English lives. English lives and I wasn't there. It was really full on for me to not grow up with them. I think four years ago, maybe five years ago,

we visited England together for the first time. And I don't think you hadn't really been back much, had you? Mm-mm. No. Now, Vasovia, I think I've told you this story, but for our listeners, to Domino and her first son, my stepson, we get out of the cab going to visit. Was it your childhood street? Yeah. It's the house I was in before I moved to the States.

Okay. And we were on a corner that was right where you enter the park. Yeah. It was the park that I grew up, like, hiking in, riding my bike in, like meeting family friends. it was just like the gathering spot for my family and it's called Richmond Park it's really really beautiful and there was an ice cream truck

and we stood in the corner and I think literally as the cab was driving away Domino just started to weep and I mean weep and like a good but it was like it was a healthy substantial cry you know and so we were just there supporting

and I think we walked around some and then after she really wanted an ice cream and asked to get an ice cream. And it was uncanny how she sounded about seven years old when she asked to get an ice cream. It was really touching. It's powerful. I mean, like, I joke with Penn and anyone who knows me that when I go back to England, I have like three days of just emotional eating because I'm eating all the foods I ate at that age because it was a really traumatic. You know, transition for me to suddenly be in a totally different landscape made me feel you know, even though I was super excited to be here, I still felt like I needed my tether,

like I needed my thing to make me, you know, feel English. So when I found the English shop in New York, forget it. When I moved to China, I lived in China for two years in my 20s, and I was on a tiny salary. I mean, like, Americans, you couldn't even, like, wrap your mind on the salary that I was on. Like, how could you live on it? And I would spend $10 on a box of cereal because it, made me feel comforted. And I had lived in Texas. I went to college in Texas and I never liked country music growing up. Not when I lived in Texas. All my friends were interested. I wasn't.

And in China, I became a country music lover. And I think it's because nothing felt more American to me than country music. And I missed the U.S. so much. Wow. Yeah. As you were talking Domino and as Penn was describing you going back to your street and eating the ice cream and seeing the park, I felt like a pang of sadness. It reminded me of when I started dating David. And I remember I visited him in his parents' home, and his parents were living at the time in the same home he had lived in from when he was 12, and the home before that was directly next door. So it was like the neighborhood he had lived in his entire life, and he took me across the street to his middle school, and we ran around in the field. And I didn't grow up in one place. I moved

around all of the time, and all of those places are very far from where I am now. And I, I really appreciate that I can experience that through David because I feel like I do have this deep desire to bring him to the places that I grew up in because it is really special to be able to connect to a time of your life through those physical aspects. It can sound kind of trivial, but it's not. I think it's really meaningful. I moved a lot as a parent, as a new parent, as a single parent, just this desire to find home. And I really think that was a, you know, a trauma response to leaving what I thought was home at 12, you know.

You know, both my parents are artists in their own right. The way they lived was very creative. You know, we feel moved to move, you know. If moving to America, my mom was just like, yeah, I'm just, I'm done with England. I'm like, what about me? You know, what about consulting with your child? And I think that's, as an adult with two children now, I think that's really come up for me, like cropped up. me in the way that we parent and the way I parent, just this idea that we make decisions

for the family. It would have been tremendously healing for me to have been asked, you know, how do you feel about moving to America? And so that's been a lot of the work I've had to do on myself around, you know, forgiving my mom for making such a huge decision for me at such an incredibly important age. There was a lot of anger there because there was so much sadness about my community and my landscape shifting so dramatically. I think coming to New York at that age, there was this energy in the city of

hurry up, you know, get older so you can go to the club, so you can leave your parents who you don't feel that great around because they made this big decision for you. You're so mad. I would sneak out at night. I was always like the 15-year-old with the 23-year-olds. You know, I was just like, I'd go to the clubs and, like, sit in the club. with my sweatpants on, borderline pajamas, like just to be out of my house.

Wow. And I'd sneak out through the laundry room in my house. Didn't you say like the Rizza walking home? Yes, I knew you were gonna ask me about that. No, no. Because it sounded very sweet. One night, just for the rush of like the city and like the nightlife and that energy that I was becoming so obsessed with,

I would go out to this one club called Life. Was it with a Y, L.Y? Maybe. And I get there And Mark Ronson is DJing Is this how you met? No, no, no, I met I knew Mark from a long time ago

But I get there and I'm like Looking kind of scruffy Like I didn't try to get dressed up I also didn't like really try that often To look older I just had to be around it Like occasionally I'd like Try and look cute

And definitely smoked cigarettes And drank And I was like wow No one cares that I'm so underage Got my first tattoo at 13 Wow. What was it? Oh, it was a little domino in my back. And the guy made me watch porn while I was getting a domino.

I mean, I was just like, okay, this is what we, this is. Like a branding. Yeah, it was pretty full on. So I go out this one night and just so excited to be around this one crew of people at this one club. Mark was DJing and I get there. And I'm just like, oh, I'm kind of just boring. Same music as last week. I'm going to go home.

And I'd get there, and the door that I would leave open, a little ajah, had slammed shut. So I was like 3.30 in the morning. I was going to go to school the next day. My mom, I was like, either she knows I'm out, and this is absolutely terrifying, or it just closed. I didn't see her, like, looking through the window, no lights were on, so I went back to the club. And I get there, and I look at Mark, I go to Mark, and I'm like, Mark, I have to tell. I'm going to have to face the music. He said, face the music, that's what he said.

And I was like, oh, God. Did he do it with a headphone at legs? Yeah. Thanks the music. He's like, you're going to have to, but Rizza can walk you home. So Rizza from Wutang Clan walks me home. We have a great conversation. He's such a gentleman.

And he walks me halfway up the block. And my mom is standing on the porch of her apartment or just like the little balcony. and she's in her nighty and her hair's all disheveled And she's like, is that Rizza? She's a presence. How old were you at this point, Domino? I'm 14, turning 15.

I get halfway up the block and my mom screams down the street. You better run. And I was like, she sees me with this, you know, this giant man running up the block and he's just like, you good? I'm like, good. He's like, all right, good luck.

And I was like, ah, and I go home and, you know, it was not pretty. But, yeah, I mean, I was in such a rush. And I think about this with my son now, because at this age, the weed was definitely being smoked. The making out was kind of happening. Maybe. Like, in England, 12 and 13-year-olds, I don't really remember being, like, going on dates and things. Like, when I came to America and I was in seventh grade, I was being asked out. and like going to people were like holding hands and going on dates and I was like whoa like this is what they do here and in England I didn't experience that so it was very intense but I was like oh I better I better catch up you know everything you're saying Dominoa really resonates for me like wanting to grow up fast going to the club like 14 15 why doesn't anybody said going to a club no the club it's the club can come on clearly you didn't go to the club I went to a club now I went to the club last night there's one

But now as an adult, I look back on that time and I really wish I could go and just tell myself, like, just chill out, slow down, enjoy this time. And I wonder how you feel about it, looking back. Oh, God, no, I mean, it's a bit dark, actually. There were a lot of older men. There was a lot of taking advantage. There was a lot of me really just being like, this is what we do, a lot of dissociation, you know, and being in the city and going to random drug dealers home. just because I had a friend that smoked the weed they were dealing, and then being there, and then they'd leave, and I was just there.

And I had, you know, in the more sort of internal reflection work that I've been doing as an adult, it's like realizing that I put myself in a lot of danger, really young. Domino, actually, can we go, like, way back and you tell us a little bit about your family history? Because your family history is really interesting, even from your grandparents. if you don't mind. My grandmother was from Israel, and my grandfather was from Baghdad. My dad's side was all from, like, rural England and Scotland and Germany.

And then my grandparents were Jewish, Sephardic Jews on my mom's side, and my father's side were all Church of England. You know, my mom's side had money, my dad's side didn't, and I feel like that was also another thing that when I came to America, I feel like I really started to understand. It was more of, I don't know, just so much flashier in the States. Like everything just felt so much bigger and like, you know,

so my family's stuff came out more in America. I don't know if that makes sense. But like my family's sort of shadowy, more private, you know, life just blew up when we got here. Maybe because the tests were more intense. Yeah, the tests were greater, for sure. And everything was just a little bit more. outside of yourself here

like I felt British culture like everything is a little more private a little more internal but here it was just like whoa whoa everything's out loud yeah I feel like I saw an article once

but it was about your mom and you and your sisters and it was like the Kirk goddesses of Williamsburg or something it was really interesting yeah I don't want to see that article

my mom had like a thrift store in the West Village it was at that thrift store that I really understood about 12-step meetings. Like, I learned about 12-step culture in New York because the biggest 12-step meeting in the West Village was right across the street from my mom's shop. And every day, people would come in and be like,

is this where the meeting is? And I'm like, no, it's a dress shop. And then I'd be like, over there. And they'd be like, oh. And, like, it was, oh, I felt so bad. Like, they'd come in, like, you could tell they worked really hard to, like, get in the door some of them. And then I'm like, sorry.

And then I actually went to that meeting. And I grew up in an alcoholic home. My dad was in recovery, my whole childhood. But I went to 12-step meetings, very young, al-a-teen. Which is part of Al-Anon, right? Yeah, so Al-Anon is for adults, and Al-A-Tine is for teens. And what is that? It's friends and family?

Friends and family of alcoholics. I didn't grow up with active alcoholism, but it definitely lingered in my family from the generation before. and my dad didn't drink around us, but would drink when he was on tour. And then we really felt that when he would come home because he'd have to sort of downshift into being dad. And my dad had a lot of sort of mental illness and depression and consequences of his drinking.

And it all sort of culminated here in America. Like it all just sort of happened overnight. And suddenly my family moved here and my dad needed all this help and we needed to learn how to support him. So I was really young, very, very aware of like sobriety and recovery. Like that was part of my language. But my 12-step life or my experience with 12-step meetings really flourished in New York. It's kind of an amazing place to find emotional recovery from substance abuse if you have it in your family.

And then in my, I'd say 18 to 22, I started wanting to be back in those rooms around people that were actively seeking. out support because I never was a big drinker, so I didn't identify with AA, but I definitely knew that drinking had affected my life. So I felt very comforted by those rooms and being around people that could identify growing up in a dysfunctional household, you know. And that's what I really loved about the rooms too, is like you could have grown up with wild alcoholism or you could have just grown up with a bipolar mother, and it was the same difference.

it's still that level of unpredictability in your life that you wake up as a kid and you wonder what kind of mood your parents are going to be in that day or who you're going to get that day. So I did love that about everything was sort of interchangeable. You could say alcohol. You could say mental illness. You could say drug addiction. But it worked.

Did growing up in that environment or with that experience with your father when you moved here, did that impact your choice to drink when you did or did you, were those two things sort of separate for you? Yeah, no, I drank very little. I feel like you and I drank similarly when we met, and like, we were just very casual, occasional.

We were just about to give it out. We both sort of knew. Yeah, we had our last one together. Yeah, we had our last drink. Dirty martini. Dirty. One fact. Dirty was cool.

But I remember feeling like, I always knew I wasn't going to be a lifelong drinker that I was enjoying, something in some higher part of myself knew that, like, I was enjoying alcohol right now, but that I wouldn't always drink it. Because alcohol had ruined my family, you know, as far back as I can remember, really, or that I know of. And I always knew I wanted to be a sober parent, that I didn't want my son at the time to grow up in a house where alcohol was like part of the scenery, you know.

I didn't do it perfectly in the first few years of being a parent, but I knew that was a goal for me. Stick around. We'll be right back. Fall is in full swing, and it's the perfect time to refresh your wardrobe with pieces that feel as good as they look. Luckily, Quince makes it easy to look polished, stay warm, and save big, without compromising on quality. Quince has all the elevated essentials for fall. Think 100% Mongolian cashmere from $50, that's right, $50, washable silk tops and skirts, and perfectly tailored denim, all at prices that feel too good to be true. currently eyeing their silk miniskirt. I have been dying for a silk miniskirt. I've been looking

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out so much from 14 i kids in my school didn't interest me it was once i went into the adult environment that i really oof i crushed on people i was a little bit boy crazy definitely you know, grew up without a solid father figure. Like, he was there, but he was never around. They had solid father figures, and both of them were working. But mine, like, that's what I mean. Like, I was obsessive. I know people now who I had crushes on then, who I've been the doula for some of my crushes.

There you go. Weirdly, the guy I lost my virginity to, asked me to be his doula once. That was weird. I didn't do it. Yes. But I was like, I've got to have a best. But I remember feeling it was just like, like virginity just had to get it done, get it over with. That's the healthiest.

The healthiest, the one and just done. A lot of movies to support that storyline. Get it done. It was very sad. I mean, I think, you know, I was thinking about menstruation. My God, like I had my first period in front of my dad, and I was like, oh, what do? I did this red tent ceremony in my early 20s and it sort of talked about everyone's first bleed and, you know, how it was celebrated in some households and in some it was like completely ignored

and they just threw a box of tampacks at you. And there's this thing called the golden tent and that's about virginity. Like how was your, you know, how did you lose it and with who? And I realized, you know, in my early 20s doing these red and gold tent ceremonies that I would. was my whole adolescence was just spent checking a box, you know. Did you do that? Have I done that? Did you go to that club?

Did you hang out with that? Am I cool now? I was so disassociated. And I don't, you know, is it growing up with addicts? Not, you know, is it this thing of just like not feeling that connection to my parents because they didn't feel it with theirs? I mean, you know, just not feeling that container in my family. and then New York City was my playground, you know, and there were no phones.

It was just like connecting with people, and those people became family. And I went away from my own, you know, blood family. Another classic pod crush question is if you can share an embarrassing story from early adolescence. Oh, God. Okay, so my mom smoked weed growing up, and I stole her weed because I just wanted everyone to like me. And so I took my mom's weed to give to the older kids in the high school. I was in seventh grade and I was like dealing my mom's weed. And they love, you know, of course, I was like instantly in.

We like left school and went to this park nearby, get to the park and I'm smoking weed with them, but I'm not really inhaling. But I'm just like really loving the attention from the older grade, the older kids. And they hear the principal coming out from our school, very small, very precious little school for seventh grade in Manhattan. And she comes from the school into the park and sees us smoking. And they all like skidaddle. They're gone. And I'm standing there alone with the weed, my mom's weed.

And she gives me a whole spiel about how I should know better and how in her day she didn't know anything about smoking and how bad it was for us. how I should know better, and I was really, it sucked. I think I actually got kicked out of the school. Wow. You're not sure it's what you're stoned. I was so stone. I can't even remember.

So, stone. I also like that, you know, you did that thing. But it was just so funny because it was so little and so English. A tiny little. And, like, not cool. Like, clothes were still very suburban England. Like, I hadn't gotten the memo that I moved to New York yet, and yet there I was the little weed dealer.

I guess I'll sell this weed dey. I'm all shank, I'm just here. I guess that'll get me in, won't you? I'm very shy. Do you remember explaining to her? No, I was completely... Wish me moms, think I did try to play my mom. I don't know what.

I really did try everything, but I was quiet, and it wasn't long before I wasn't. I've seen video of Domino speaking, not quite at this age, like a little bit younger, but her, the littlest, sweetest British girl's voice. Really, yeah, yeah And really tender and shy Selling weed to the kids

Yeah, weed dealer I did want to ask you just Since Lola seems like she wasn't around yet This story today will talk about like two sisters And they had kind of a challenging relationship But did you and Jemima ever have like any adventures together? Was there a moment when you were close when you were younger? I mean

And Jemima and I slept in the same bed our whole lives in time I was 13. Like head to foot, like foot in my face my whole life. And she got her first period on my leg, you know, that kind of thing. So very close. We were very close. I was almost like watching myself, what she went through two years after me, just trying to be with the right people at the right time and the right place. Like I was just, I had just gone through so much. being that age in the city running with those people,

I didn't feel like I could say anything to help her because she started to run around in the same circles. And so weirdly, my sister and I, we were very, very close as kids. And then once the adolescence rolled around, there was like a really severe parting. And it was just like both of us were like, all right, You're going to like go through it and you're going to be like that kid in the city and you're going to, it's going to hurt and like I'll be here. And we haven't.

I don't know if we've recovered, to be honest. I mean, I feel like when you grow up here and you have close families and you are tested to decide whether or not you are going to stay, you know, with your family in a healthy way or really, you know, kick them to the curb. and choose to make the, you know, the friends that you meet in the city, your family. Like Penn and I were talking about that today, there's so many, like, friendsgivings and people really, like, focusing on their communities in the city instead of their families of origin. Granted. Often because there's, like, massive, trauma.

I mean, New York, as a city, is full of people who have this sort of either forest or chosen or mix of that independence, you know, like sort of autonomy and sort of a lot of severance from family. And I think more and more that's just the norm. I feel like in sober communities, a lot of people are coming from a lot of insane behavior and dysfunction. Yeah, people think sobriety is lame, but come on over us, full of crazy. It's full of crazy.

But yeah, so to be just more about my sisters, it's like it's a lot of work. It's almost like a kill-the-witness thing. When you grow up in a really dysfunctional home, it's really difficult to be around people that have seen it too, you know. Interesting. you sort of, you want to find your own corner. And I think, Jamima and I are still in a place where we're, you know, coming back home,

like coming back together. I have one other question, but this is one we can cut if you don't want to talk about it. But is it true that you auditioned and got very close to getting the part that Kristen Dunst got for interview with a vampire? Can you share anything about that experience if you want to talk about it? If not, I was, oh God, that's so funny. You bring that up. I was living in England. I was about 10, I think.

and I was in a theatre school I went like twice a week I really loved acting I was ready to be on like English TV like that was my goal I was with Emily Blunt actually we were both in the same school and we went to the same

after school together the theatre company and then I got a call from a casting director through I feel like it might have been a voice coach I was singing then to yeah saying that I

they want to audition me for what was it called again Interview with a vampire? God. And I went and did like two or three auditions and they were really excited and they were really excited and they spoke to my mom

and they said, you know, she's going to have to come here and like starting to logistically like lay it out and then my mom was like, nope. And she shut it down. And in some ways I'm grateful because I can't imagine. It was really young.

I know you pursue music. And I want to hear about that when that started. You're putting out new music now if you want to talk about it. Is there a reason why you didn't continue to pursue acting? I went to high school for music. So music was always my first love. And acting felt like something I could do. Everyone said, oh, you should, you should, you should.

And I was like, yeah. I'm terrible at memorizing lines. I'm really, really shy. I don't know how I would do in that space. But people continued to push me. Then tiny furniture came out, and my sister's career sort of took off. And then girls happened. Any idea of like maybe pursuing it just went out the window for me.

Yeah. But music is my absolute first love. I was always singing in choirs. I was always planning to go to LaGuardia High School because I'd seen the, you know, the movie Fame. And I wanted to dance on taxis and date Leroy. And I think that was his name. I think it is. Yeah.

So I saw The Obsessed with the Fame movie, Obsessed with the Fame School, came to New York. got into LaGuardia for voice and then never stopped, really. I started writing and recording my own music at 19. And then I had a bit of a mental health break in between those experiences and decided to wait and recorded music. Actually, when I was pregnant with my first, I decided I really wanted to start recording again. But as parenting would have it

There's a lot of time for recording Lots of time for touring And with pregnancy and newborn life Yeah so needless to say I have I am the most underactive musician I know In terms of being like considering myself one And really feeling like a songwriter

Being so excited and moved by touring But then ultimately realizing that I am choosing To be this kind of parent that is around and so touring never was something I could see myself really doing and I have had friends who I do have friends who are very successful musicians

who tour a lot actually Domino's love for music is incredibly generous and supportive of other people who are playing she's just tirelessly wants to be the one who's always at their show I'm such a champion of anyone

I love that you know I Like, it's really, I don't know, it's really touching. You both are musicians, Penn is a musician too. And David, my husband is a musician. I do like to sing for myself. I love your voice, Sophie. I have heard you sing a few times. That's so sweet.

And I'm very memorable too, like just devotional gatherings. That is so lovely. Thank you. I'm always trying to get David to sing with me. Like I think something about singing with another person in private is so moving to me. and special and I wonder is that something you guys ever do? It's so intimate. We've done it. We wrote one

song together. This was like an instrumental that Penn wrote and I loved and I loved it for years and finally we were like deeply post-partum in Los Angeles. Penn was shooting the show, you and still is. Always shooting.

And I was recording a little bit and I just thought why don't we work on that instrumental that you've been noodling around with for years and we wrote a song about our son and it's beautiful and it's we've recorded it it's on a version of the record that I might I'm going to be re-recording soon with the producer because I'm on it you're invited back you know what I'm you know what I'm daunted by is the idea of doing all of my harmonies again you're like layer you're amazing harmonies

you can you have a very pen is an extreme like he's all about like the R&B like you have I have an ear for harmony and rift. It's all about the riffs. It's all the rift. Oh, I hope we get to hear that song one day. It sounds beautiful. Oh, you will. I mean, sure.

She's going to put it out. I'm going to put it out. But my mom heard me sing once, you know, nothing compares to you by Sheney O'Connor, like, blaring in the back of the car. And she was like, you can sing and I'm going to send, you know, we're going to have lessons, and now you're a singer. You know, and I remember feeling like the pressure to make sure that I achieved the ultimate in that. that because even my own family was saying that that was who I was and to be clear your father was

and my dad was a musician so someone I mean you know they like toured with Zeppelin they were a giant band in their own right yeah bad company classic rock band and the bar was literally could not be higher and that's where you come from I just think if a script is given to you so young it's very hard to rewrite it

and I think I mean you pot calling the kettle black I'm not calling anybody anything You decided to be, I know, and I love you for that. And yet I feel you had the same thing too, like where it was just like, it was obvious that you had a talent and a love for acting at a very young age and that you then said, well, this is what I love to do, this is what I want to do, and then your family just kept supporting it.

The thing that you and I have that's different is that I saw like the end result. Like my dad had like a... You saw somebody else go through it and... Yeah, I saw how it. impact like my dad had that level of fame and a lot of people around me had it because of him I was like in community with huge huge musicians people very accomplished in their fields and um so that that was always a pressure and I felt that very very young like I was just like oh better make it you know and maybe you didn't have that because it wasn't around you was something you aspired to but you

you didn't yeah yeah I mean I guess I have some version of it it's just that it's different when you stumble through it for the first time. Yeah, no, you with a trailblazer. I'm not saying, I mean, yeah, I'm full of complexes as a result. I've talked about them pretty hopefully on the show. We have therapy later, so we'll... Yeah, we'll just agree to

everybody's task in life, if we're talking about like a better world, we're talking about breaking generational cycles of trauma. But when you have kids, you're sort of forced to do it a little more intimately it's like if you don't you just see your kids picking it up you know and and then also parenting is different from birthing and birthing is its own kind of universe that's

really i don't know but it's interesting different in all ways but it is at least its own but we equate i think as a birth worker i can safely say that you know if you have an empowered birth or one where you felt like you were seen and heard and you had a sense of what the hell was going on. You know, like, peace on earth starts at birth. That is like our motto in the birth world. I've seen the families that have had really disempowered birth experiences and the way they feel about themselves as parents going into parenthood after that experience, the thread from the experiences is it's so taught you know it's um birth in in america is um i mean the medical industrial complex is forget it like the american oh it's all so backwards the system is so

broken and the problem is what the traumas are often so many during that experience that they end up not processing it and then bringing it into their parenting and um there's just not enough paid leave for people to take time and process their traumas. I've had families come to me with 10, 12 years between their kids like us and realizing that they have so much unprocessed grief and that they've been parenting from that place. So I've seen it over and over again, and the system doesn't support people getting support after they deliver because we just want to put healthy babies in arms and send you home. Yeah, I want to have children. And the idea of having children here in the U.S., as a person who is self-employed with a husband who's self-employed

is really terrifying. And I've thought many times about other places I can go, like just escape for a year, basically, go live with my parents in Italy. It would be cheaper and more comfortable, you know, less medical. It's really... scary but it feels medical isn't see the thing that I've had people say oh well I imagine the parents of you know people who have home births and give birth in a tub with roses and you know what is it those little tea candles all over the place like they're going to be better parents because they had this like really peaceful serene birth maybe and maybe a cesarian person who had a cesarian birth is going to be way more equipped like it's not the type of birth

or the, it's just that that person felt like they mattered during it. You can have the most medicalized birth. You can have all the interventions in the world. But if you have, the reason I'm still so passionate about being a birth worker is I just, I'm seeing someone feel like they had a say, like helping someone feel involved in this experience, in this threshold, like watching what happens to a family when they feel seen and heard during this process, like, that's my drug. You know, I'm not doing any al-a-carp thing that is special, or I'm not a healer.

People heal themselves. I am someone who is holding the space and giving you the information and going with you anyway, no matter what you choose. Doolers, birth workers, whatever you want to call us, I wish we didn't exist in some ways because I think the need was never there. We had our aunties, we had our grandparents, we had our siblings, and now it's just such an individualized, you know, society that it's like, you know, people call me and they're like, well, I wish my mom could be there, but she lives over here and can't afford to come.

And so I have to have you, which is great. I've been listening to a lot of podcasts, and I heard. Yeah, and I heard that I should. And some people have, like, hired me and not known what to do with me until, you know, the ninth hour, you know, the 10th hour, nightth hour, what do you go? 11th hour? 11th hour? 11th hour.

11th hour? 11th hour. 11th hour. And I'm like, I'm just here to support you and advocate for you. You mentioned Domino what Penn was like when you first met him and he was in a very different place than he's in now. I wonder what that's like for you. Like what are the best and most challenging parts of being married to. a really successful actor who gets recognized.

I mean... You can say something positive. No, I mean, the best parts are watching the way he organizes it all. Like, I think the risk you run with being someone in the public eye is that they really take a lot from being recognized and needing and wanting that recognition literally, like, constantly every day. And, like, it's like their fuel. It's needing that kind of validation.

Like Penn is very graceful when it comes to that part of his career, like living in New York City where literally it's just inundated every time we walk in the street. Sometimes it's like, oh, Penn, you're famous. Can you please put some glasses on or a hat or something? The hat doesn't help anymore. I know, the hat does nothing because of this favorite show. But I feel like, you know, just the willingness that he had to try, you know. That's all I want, ever want from a partner in it or a partner in any capacity, business, friendship, like, just in my relationships is the willingness to take risks and to try.

And I feel like that is what I noticed about Penn right away. It's like this is someone who is absolutely terrified, definitely processing a massive chapter of his life, being on a show like Gossip Girl and what that did for him and, you know, his self-esteem or his insecurity, you know, just being that scene and that focused on by so many millions of people, I felt this need to sort of, you know, rap him and I just wanted to protect him, you know, and it wasn't my job. But when I met him, I could tell he was in the midst of trying to understand how to show up in the world after being a part of something so massive um and i could tell he was really trying to carve out this other space for himself in the world and the fact that he was even willing to spend time with me as a mother and explore that

um it was very moving to me because i could i saw how many other places he could have gone the kinds of women he could have been with um the spaces he could have entered into that he just didn't based on who he is, you know. And doing the sort of inner child work that I had been doing and the emotional sobriety work I'd been doing, I was prepared to be alone for a long time. I mean, sure, date people or, you know, whatever that means today, just be alone. But like, not be with someone for a long time. I was very surprised that I met someone who was as willing and as curious as me around partnership and what it could be like, you know. So we had, Stan Hackin on the show, and Penn mentioned that you guys have drawn inspiration in your marriage

from his relationship science. And I'm curious of, like, if there are specific tools or things that you've gleaned from his sort of your work with him, that you would want to share with others, that you think, like, this is really useful. I love the word curiosity. I think that helps. I think staying curious about your partner, never being an expert on your partner. I think Stan actually says the opposite of that. I think Stan's like, become. I'm an expert on your partner. And yet, when I feel like I know everything about Penn and, oh, Penn's just doing a pen right now, I'm stunted. It's sort of similar to like when a parent is like, you're a singer, you're an actor.

Like, I feel like that in romantic relationships that you have to stay as curious about them as you did when you met them. And I feel like then you create space around them. So sorry, Stan. I don't know. I learned nothing from you. No, but I think by staying curious about your partner, I mean, becoming an expert on your partner, you are being curious about. Exactly. An expert is always curious in their field. It's sort of like you have to know that when you're in a relationship, if one person is kind of is like angry or

spinning out or whatever it is, like it's the other person's responsibility to just be an expert on helping them recover. Right. You know, so I think that's, he has some really like kind of science-based practical tools that I think are just helpful to understand the, it's like if you're going to go to the Arctic, bring a jacket. Like you need to know that when you're there, the physics of the environment are going to affect you in a certain way. So in a relationship, You have to understand certain properties are always present like physical laws of that universe. I feel like as a birth worker watching people become parents and then that first year or the first two years, it's a business relationship. A baby will blow up your life and it will also show you your ass, you know, like, you know, seriously.

And so it's just, you know, I think committing to the marriage and not the person as much, I think also helped me coming from such, you know, my parents got divorced in their 60s. I never believed that marriage equated fidelity and, you know, monogamy. It meant just marriage. There was no weight to it. And so I think Penn, once he became a Baha'i as well, there was a lot that came in for me with that too. It was a lot of tests because there was all this infrastructure that I wasn't used to, and it made me feel rebellious and defiant, you know, and childlike, actually.

And then I started to go, you know what, there is a lot of healing to be had here and wisdom because I never thought marriage was worth anything, really. I longed for it and deep down in my soul, I think, but I felt what Penn ended up really bringing was just this trust in something higher for us as a couple. and I can lean into him when I'm not feeling so trusting of that, you know. Beautiful. I think you see partnership in parents

as an essential part of your work now. You were a doula functioning so much as a single mother for the first iteration of your career as a doula, your learning as a doula. Was that as important to you then? It's a really cool question. No, I just wanted to get the baby here safely and make sure that the person who gave birth to that baby felt seen and held.

I wasn't as interested in what they went home to because I didn't have it for myself. And I think once I had it with you and started to understand why I didn't have it with my first relationship, my first son's father, I started to really try to work on it for myself so that I could bring it into my work. Yeah, I do feel like it shifted and changed and evolved as I got healthier emotionally.

Thank you guys so much for sharing. I feel like a lot of what you said is so valuable for today. That notion of just hang in, you know, and be committed to the marriage and not necessarily the person and just to be committed to that marriage is what's important. I think there's so many things in our world that are telling us the exact opposite. it. So I really appreciate you guys saying that. So many people are operating from their unconscious. So they're operating from unhealed childhood wounds and they're building all their relationships

on that foundation. They're having children on that foundation. And I see that the most because I'm on the threshold with people when they give birth. And their babies don't always live. That's a whole other thing. Like these insect people think what I do is just so beautiful and special and like babies and life affirming stuff. And I'm just like, no, it's some of the darkest things. Wow. It's the darkest experiences I've ever had as a person.

But I think because I've been simultaneously doing conscious work on this stuff alongside my douler career while in a relationship with Penn, it's all started to feed each other, you know? And I, yeah, so it's a very full life right now. It used to be very fractured and very sort of compartmental. and now I feel like it's just one big soup. I love that. It's a good soup.

She's choking on soup. So Domino, our final question is if you could go back to 12-year-old Domino and spend some time with her, what would you say? I would tell her that she is right. And that her intuition is that she's not wrong. I always had a very strong intuition about what was going on in my home and around me. But I wasn't always, it wasn't always validated, you know. And I ended up second-guessing my intuition and my instincts a lot as an adult. So I would tell her that she's on to something.

Thank you so much, Domino. It's been so nice to get to know you better. Thank you. What a pleasure. Always done to talk about the childhood guys. Good, good. Love it. This week's real-life listener-submitted middle school story is about two sisters.

It's called sister-sister. Enjoy it. Here's the backstory. Growing up, I was awkward. I tried to make myself invisible. I preferred science, over-socializing. I listened to classic rock. That didn't fit in well, and my biggest bully was my older sister. She was brutal. I had really low self-esteem. If I had to keep a conversation going, it would give me crippling anxiety.

I needed a book called How to Interact with Humans without looking like an alien. Obviously, I never had a boyfriend. A few weeks before prom, I was in French class. When I heard this announcement over the intercom, If you know any junior girls that haven't been asked to prom, please come to the office and put the names on a list to be asked by a senior. I chuckled to myself thinking, you mean sign up for a pity date. A few days after the announcement, my sister begged me to meet up at my locker.

She was waiting for me, three friends in tow. Of course she wanted an audience for this. Inside my locker, I found a prom date request. She'd put my name on the list. Her friends gasped and laughed. I turned crimson red, said nothing, and headed off to my class. After school, my sister and I returned home. And the first thing my sister said to my grandmother,

who raised us in whom I absolutely adore was. Aurelia was asked to prom. My sister looked at me and grinned in a very Jack Nicholson in the shining kind of way. My grandmother jumped out of her recliner, so excited.

She was a very traditional woman and she was worried I might be a lesbian. Her reaction alone forced me to go. I couldn't disappoint her. She took me dress shopping and spent way too much on a pity date dress.

The night of prom. I actually made an effort. I did my makeup and made myself sick with nerves, trying to think of conversation topics I could use for five hours of hanging out with people I didn't know. Brock arrived. Brock was a jock. Brock was a jock around the clock in a very obnoxious Jeep limo.

He opened the door, and I stepped into the jocular sea and their pity dates. It was humiliating. None of us had anything in common, and we were all too chicken to break the ice. after a long and especially quiet car ride we pulled up to the high school and brocks over-the-top jock prom mobile kids stared at us all like farm animals

such an obviously forced grouping of people we got our violently uncomfortable photo shoot out of the way and I was ditched immediately after why did I let grandma buy me this dress why did I do my makeup I had no one to dance with and I felt so demoralized eventually I found a friend who was willing to take me home As soon as I walked in the front door

my sister leapt to her feet Why are you home so early? What went wrong? She laughed hysterically before I could even answer. Usually I used comedy to mask my emotions but I was too depleted to fake anything. I ran to my bedroom and I cried. I felt like the laughing stock at prom.

I felt so embarrassed for even going and I couldn't stop wondering. Why does my sister hate me? You can listen to Domino Kirk's music on Spotify, watch her music video for her song Mercy, so beautiful on YouTube, and follow her on Instagram at Domino underscore Kirk underscore Badgley. Pod Crushed is hosted by Penn Badgley, Navakavlin, and Sophie Ansari.

Our executive producer is Nora Richie from Stitcher. Our lead producer, editor, and composer is David Ansari. Our secondary editor is Sharaf and Twistle. This podcast is a ninth mode production. Be sure to subscribe to Podcrush. You can find us on Stitcher, the Serious XM app, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. And while you're online, be sure to follow us on socials. It's at Podcrush, spelled how it sounds.

And our personals are at Penn Badgley, at Nava, that's Nava with three ends, and at Scribble by Sophie. And we're out. See you next week. My boobs are so full. Anybody want to drink? Penn gets first tips. Are we recording? Stitcher.