Podcrushed - Elyse Myers

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

The Internet's best friend, Elyse Myers, stops by the show and shares the real story behind the taco date that made her a Tik Tok sensation, how she knew her husband was different from all the other men she'd dated, and how she navigates the highs and lows of social media celebrity.  Follow us on socials: InstagramTwitterTikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lemonada It slips off my foot and it sends me like just straight through the air and I have a skirt on and I am like just sliding like I'm coming into home base like on the dirt in front of this dude that walks right by me. He goes, what's up, Elise? My skirt's over my head. I'm like, how's going, Eric? And he just like walks right by me. And the takeaway from that was, oh my God.

Eric knows my name. This is Pod Crush. The podcast that takes the sting out of rejection, one crushing middle school story at a time. And where guests share their teenage memories, both meaningful and mortifying. And we're your hosts. I'm Nava, a former middle school director.

I'm Sophie, a former fifth grade teacher. And I'm Penn. A middle school drop out. I realized this week that you're so lucky to have me on this podcast. You know why? I don't want to hear this part. I react. so intensely to your guys' story.

I make you look so good. I laugh hard. You guys are nose laughers. What is a nose laugher? Does that mean I go like that? Yeah. I have like a full body laugh. I thought the notes we even gave ourselves

after the first couple episodes we heard was like guys, we gotta stop laughing. No, that was a reviewer in the Times who said that we were laughing too much. Anyway. I can share something. This might be too meaningful, but I've been buzzing this week

because I recently, with two friends, started hosting a space for, like, young adults in any profession to come together from different backgrounds and different belief perspectives, professions, ideologies, political stripes, and talk about a common theme. It's a different theme each time from our own points of view. And the only rule is that you can't disrespect what someone else has said. And it's been the most, like, uplifting space. And it feels completely at odds with what I read about in the news every day, which makes it seem like there's just intractable conflict. And we're never going to be. And we're never going to agree with one another or understand each other for different. And I've honestly felt really happy and joyful in a way that I hadn't in maybe like a couple of years just reading the news and feeling really bleak about the state of the world. That's really beautiful. I could actually see that. It's like, wow, Navi, you seem like you're glowing. Aw. That's very sweet. You seem not bleak for once for the first time in three years. You know, it's interesting. I'm not bleak in my outlook. However, I like wear a bleak disposition. Because it's like...

Edgy. Look, it's sexy. You know what else is sexy? You know, who else is sexy? You know, when else is sexy? This doesn't make sense. What's happening? Right now, because we got...

You know, it's funny. I wish Elise was here just for this moment. Our guest today is Elise Myers. She's a storyteller, comedian, content creator, extraordinaire. She's popping up on your TikTok all the time, probably with stories from her life that everyone can relate Shout out to Mr. C, the seventh grade substitute teacher that I had who, at 11 years old, told me I was too fat and not pretty enough to be a cheerleader, so I should probably try wrestling instead. It's more suited for my body type. I hope that you're having the day that you deserve,

excruciatingly so. At this point, she's basically the internet's best friend. I'm like all best friends. And least reminds us that even in our less than glamorous moments, we're not so alone after all. We had so much fun talking to her in this episode. Don't go anywhere. We're going to be right back. Does anyone else ever get that nagging feeling that their dog might be bored? And do you also feel like super guilty about it? Well, one way that I combat that feeling is I'm making meal time everything it can be for my little boy, Louis. Nom Nom does this with food that actually engages your pup senses with a mix of tantalizing smells, textures, and ingredients.

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Serve Nom Nom as a complete and balanced meal or is a tasty and healthy addition to your dog's current diet. My dogs are like my children, literally, which is why I'm committed to giving them only the best. Hold on, let me start again because I've only been talking about Louie. Louis is my bait. Louis, you might have heard him growl just now. Louis is my little baby and I'm committed to only giving him the best. I love that Nom Nom's recipes contain wholesome nutrient-rich food, meat that looks like meat, and veggies that look like veggies, because shocker, they are.

Louis has been going absolutely nuts for the lamb-peelaf. I have to confess that he's never had anything like it, and he cannot get enough. So he's a lamb-peelaf guy. Keep mealtime exciting with Nom-Num, available at your local pet smart store or at Chewy. Learn more at trynom.com slash podcrush, spelled try. N-O-M-com slash podcrushed. Hey, it's Lena Waithe.

Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us. This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, Loretta Vine, Ava Du Renée, and more.

We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day. Come be a part of the conversation. Season 2 drops July 29th. Listen to Legacy wherever you get your podcast

or watch us on YouTube Welcome I just have to tell you Elise a funny story I'm Sophie by the way I'm Nava Yeah and let me just give you a little bit of background here

They're not famous That's all you need to know No Just two normies No I know your guys are stories I've been listening to your podcast for a long time So yeah I tried to not fan girl

So I'm not going to be weird But that is so nice to hear Yeah Well then in that case The one time I was going to introduce them really well. Literally, at least this is the one time. He never introduces us. It's a source spot if he couldn't tell.

No, but I was going to say that Penn never messages me. He never texts me. He never calls sometimes, occasionally. But he never messaged me on Instagram. He never goes on Instagram. That's true. He's barely on Instagram. And one day I opened my phone and I have a DM from Penn.

I'm like, what? Is this a mistake? And all it is, he didn't say anything. He just sent me a video of yours. And I was like, oh my God. I love Elise. Like, it would be so fun to have her on the podcast one day and just never responded.

He just, and then when we were in person. Surely we were talking later. I mean, DM is the worst place to respond. No, I just think it's sweet that the, one of the few times he's DM'd me, it's been about you. I'm honored. Actually, one of the few DMs, the only DMs I can recall sending

in the last several months is your videos, at least. No lie. That's crazy to me. Yeah, I mean, let's just dig right in. Yes. There's a video of you being crowned. the queen's diamond at the Bridgetton ball and you curtseyed it and then you did the sprinkler

like might this be a porthole into what Elise was like in middle school it's yeah and then I dropped it low after that it's like my brain never matured past the point of like if someone responds well to something just do it a million times harder you know what I mean like where it's like they're like

yeah that was funny she did the sprinkler so my brain's like oh if that was funny I'm just going to drop it low Yeah, no, middle school at least was even more uncomfortable because I, like, I didn't fit in. I just never really knew how to have conversation. There were like the very popular people and then I wasn't that. And so I kind of just decided, you know what, I'm going to just dive real deep into who I kind of think I am because I already felt like I wasn't that anyways. So I might as well just figure it out.

That's something that I can't relate to. Like I feel like in middle school, all I wanted to do was like be like the people that I thought were cool and like bend myself into that. So I really admire that. Well, I think everyone always has that, like, deep, you know, innate feeling of wanting to belong. And I think that that's where a lot of the times as young kids, we get lost in that of trying to find the sense of self, but also connect with other people and find their community. And, like, within that, it can be really, really hard to figure out who you are. And that's when I think some of the most awkward moments happen is you trying to be this person, you're not. And you're like, oh, my God, I'm so uncomfortable with myself.

And it's just, it all kind of blows up in your face. Elise, can you tell us a little bit about your family life, where you grew up, like what you were interested in, who you wanted to be at that time? So I grew up in California, right down the street from Disneyland. So I heard like the fireworks at night, 8 p.m. or whenever they go off, that was like bedtime. Every night? Every night, yeah. Was it magical?

It was magical until you were like, I just don't want to hear fireworks anymore in like loud parade music. But yeah, it was pretty cool growing up in Anaheim. And I had three older brothers, so I wanted to fit in with them. were really my kind of compass. But yeah, our home life was kind of bizarre. Like, it was pretty unhealthy. Our parents were not together by the time I was born. And it was just like real wild. We didn't have a lot of like stability at home. So me and my brothers really clung together. And we became like best friends. And yeah, I wanted to be like a musician. I played music. I wanted to dance. I loved writing. I loved all things comedy just because I just loved

watching SNL and consuming everything I could of like. the Martin shorts and the Steve Martins and the Chris Farleys and, you know, those comedy geniuses. And that's kind of the stuff I was consuming at like 10 years old. It was like not a very normal like 10 year old palette. I'm obsessed with Martin Short. I was just showing David a TikTok of an interview that he was on. I think it was Fallon. And he, Valon was asking like, how's your summer going?

He was like, oh, I'm devastated about Kim and Pete. Like I have to get rid of my tattoo. And I was like, I am obsessed with you. That's really cute. Wait, can I just say one aside? Because when Kim and Pete broke up, did you post something like, I shouldn't be as sad about this as I am?

I'm more devastated about this than I have any business being. Yes, I felt the exact same way. When I read your tweet, I didn't even know that I cared about either of these people. I know. It was the day that Chloe gave birth. So everyone thinks that Chris,

the momager of the century, basically contrived this relationship so that like no one would pay attention to everything happening with Chloe, which if she did, amazing props to her she's a mom okay not to pivot too hard back but you are so talented you like not only are you an incredible storyteller you are an incredible singer you were a web developer you played the viola like pick a lane yes honestly I won't I will not

what was your household like so that it could allow you to flourish in all of those ways or to follow all of those paths at once I think that um a lot of chaos was happening and I think that there wasn't a lot of time for me to have a lot of space to process stuff with people. I think that everyone had a lot of their own stuff going on. And I found that if I couldn't have space to talk about it with people, I would process it with myself. And the way I know how to do that was playing music. Like I found music to be very therapeutic and healing for me. And I was very curious. And then that curiosity just sparked into other things. What would drawing look like? And so I started drawing. And then, you know, I started writing. And then it's just that

curiosity, I think that as soon as I mastered something and it felt like it kind of healed something in me or like help me process something, I was like, all right, next thing. And I am notorious for that. People look at my social media and they always say, like, you've never picked a niche. And I think that it's like as a whole person, you don't niche down. As a person, you don't just, like Penn, you're not just an actor. And like, Sophie, were you the teacher? I was also a teacher. Like you guys didn't just pick one thing and everyone knew you was that and you never did anything. else. It's like, I just think that our social media has become so niched and so one-sided and it doesn't feel like that person's a real person anymore. And I think the more I can post about all the things I love, like cooking and singing and writing and art and web development and comedy, like that makes me an actual person to somebody when they're consuming my content because I am. I think that's really cool. And I think that's something really helpful for parents to know about kids. Like if a parent knows that their child is going through something hard to be

able to give them those tools. I've been making collages recently. I was telling Navampen that I was feeling creatively tapped out. I wasn't doing my own creative stuff. And I decided I was just going to choose something that I could do within a couple hours in a day so that I could do something every day that could fulfill that need for me. And I started making these collages and I made a collage about aging. Like I sat down and I didn't know that that's what I was going to do. And then like the next day I sat down, I thought it was going to be about flowers and it ended up being about death. And I was like, oh, it really is, like, helping me express some thoughts that I haven't even admitted to myself. And I think, too, not putting pressure on somebody once they get

good at something that that now has to be something that they monetize. It's like, when can we just stop and, like, make a fucking collage? I just want to make a collage about death. Like, I don't want to sell it on Etsy. Yeah. I recently heard, I was at a conference where people were presenting about, like, media that has social impact. And there was this incredible, incredible woman who presented there. Her name is Mona Gadirian. She presented about this project where they were doing cell films in, I don't remember what country, but in a community on the African continent. And they were investigating with girls in this community why the soil had become arid. Like, over time, the soil had become arid. And so the girls were sharing, like, their perspectives on

why. And no one ever talked about, like, gender inequality is a factor. Like, no one articulated that. But then they had the girls, like, come up with skits that they'd, they were going to film, sort of representing the challenges with the soil. And in almost every skit, it came up that, like, the mothers would ask the fathers not to plant certain things, and they would do it anyway. And they would, like, and the woman would say, if you do this, the soil will go bad. And so it came out that, like, one of the reasons that the land was getting depleted had to do with gender norms in that community. And it was, like, really powerful to see that that came out through art. And it would have never been expressed otherwise.

They wouldn't have, you know, consciously articulated that. It was just they were reflecting their reality. They were sitting down to make a collage about flowers. Yeah. And it turned out to be about death. Actually, actually, in this case, that was true. They sat down to make a movie. It was all connected. And it was about how men don't listen to women.

Basically death. I'm just kidding. Before we move on from middle school, we do always ask people, what were their first experiences around crushes, around heartbreak? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. So there was like this one specific person that I was absolutely obsessed with before I had like a boyfriend, anything. And he was like the popular person at this school. And he actually follows me and will message me, which is I literally revert back to my middle school self. And I'm like, oh my God. I have my whole husband next to me with my baby. And I'm just like, oh my God. Like Eric messaged me. I'll say back.

Jonas is like, who? And I'm like, Eric. And like, oh, it's just, it's so, yeah, it was this person for me. And he had no idea I existed. I would volunteer in the cafeteria to avoid talking to people at lunch. Oh, that is so amazing. It sounds so sad, but it actually was awesome. I got like community service hours.

I got to wear the whole headpiece and the gloves and it was amazing. I loved it. but really I got out of class 15 minutes early because I had to go to the cafeteria and on pizza day that's like that's exponentially valuable to me I get a piece of pizza like there's only like 100 pieces

anyways so I was running to get to my like shift and I was wearing these like you know like tombs like slip on shoes so I'm wearing these and I slip on a crack in my sweaty feet that have like soiled these tombs after like a year they're literally just slime that slips off off my foot and it sends me like just straight through the air and I have a skirt on and I am like

just sliding like I'm coming into home base like on the dirt in front of this dude that walks right by me. He goes, what's up, Elise? My skirt's over my head. I'm like, how's going, Eric? And he just walks right by me. And the takeaway from that was, oh my God, Eric knows my name. Like that's the best day ever. And I lived on that high for, I think, like a year until I got my first boyfriend That is so good Yeah

Your response was so chill Like you weren't mortified That's incredible Oh I wanted to die For sure But then when he said my name I was like That's it

Everything's been restored in me That's ever been broken That was like That was it for me And now that he follows me On social media He's for sure He's gonna hear this

Yeah So yeah Does he know that he's the one No not to write this moment This is great An exclusive Yeah. Yeah.

Do you have a first heartbreak that you can share with us as well? Yeah. So I really like this person. He was like my best friend. And he basically asked me out on a dare. He sends his friend to come up to me and ask me if I want to go out with him, which red flag number one. Like that's weird. And I was like, absolutely, yes.

I will take your hand in like dating relationship. You can pass out on to AJ. And he didn't talk to me for a whole seven days after that. And then he comes up to me one day as I'm waiting for my mom to pick me up. And he's like, hey, we're not still dating, right? And I'm like, are you kidding me? Yeah. So we stopped dating.

And then I remember just bawling my eyeballs out. And I got home and my brother ripped a paper towel off of like the roll, like this rough like sandpaper paper towel and just like puts it on my chest. and he was like, sorry. I'm just like, it's not okay. We ended up dating later and ended up being gay. So it all worked out for the best. But, yeah, that just felt like so tragic. Like nothing was ever going to be good again in my life after that moment.

And then everything was fine. Life went on. We have people send in stories. And that's actually more common than you would think that people get their friends. And it's a dare. And it's not real. And I'm like, where did everybody learn this? Like, what was the method that?

And kids don't even know. It's like so messed up. Yeah. Did that ever happen to any of you? That didn't happen to me, but I was in a relationship when I was in elementary school and he ended up being gay. And I found out like through the grapevine. Like someone else, you know, he's gay, right? And I was like, okay.

That's de facto our breakup. Okay. All right. You're just like anything else. I should know about the person I dated. Perfect. All right. Thank you so much for your service.

Yeah. Yeah. That never happened to me. I'd like to attribute it to the fact that I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16. And that was known. But honestly, I don't think anyone was asking me out. How do you feel about that rule of not dating until you're 16? Because personally, I wish that that would have been like a rule for me.

Yeah. That's interesting. I was actually thinking about this the other day. Like, the only thing that I would say is that I think it delayed being comfortable around romantic situations. Yeah. Like just like not even be able to think about it. Although I still had my crushes and stuff. So that's like one, I think, drawback.

but also like what are you doing when you're 12 and dating you know what possible romantic health could you be just like growing at 12 yeah pen did you have an age that you were able to start dating or was it just like whenever no there was definitely no rules around that i mean you know i moved to hollywood and was you didn't get that normal middle school experience at all yeah i i had a bit of it sixth grade i had and and like most of seventh grade i think i've just started to get in touch with how certain lessons, like bad lessons, how it imprinted really deeply because it's such an impressionable time. Sure.

I think for me, sexuality in particular was just like really distorted, you know? Really? Like what the representation of a man, like what a man should be. It was really, really, really like a distorted bar that's also set incredibly high. It's just not like the way anyone can live, let alone like a 14. year old but you know you have these ideas about how you're meant to be especially if you're pursuing a craft you know as an artist i was thinking so much about how like i say all the time how thankful i am that i'm 28 i'm married i have a kid and i know who i am and what i want out of my life and so i'm

very thankful that that all of this happened now and i just couldn't imagine this happening to somebody that was younger that would be very confusing like you're a very vulnerable person with all these people making decisions for you that impact the rest of your life that you just don't have the brain space or like the wisdom to process as I was listening to the episode that you guys did just the three of you where you were sharing stories I don't know if you look back on it with like fondness or if you're like still reeling from like hurt that maybe happened in that time like is it like do you look back on it with fondness or is it hard sometimes to dig through those memories I think it's it's it's really multifaceted yeah middle school and high school years for me

They stick out of my mind as like the hardest and darkest years of my life. Wow. But at the same time, I can also recall the sweetness as well. Yeah. Just very randomly, at least. I just had this, when you asked Penn the question, the way you asked it was so thoughtful and like inviting but not pushing, which is really nice. And I just had this overwhelming feeling like Elise Myers is a good person. I just wanted to say that.

Like, I'm so pushy. I'm just like, Penn, tell us why it was such a dark time, like reveal. No, listen. And I actually, I'm interested in exploring it in depth. And look, you know, you don't have to be transparent about this stuff or public about trials and tribulations in your life. However, when you become a public figure and then you have something like a podcast and people ask you these things in interviews anyway, you know, I'm actually, Nav and Sophie know this, I'm not inclined to do things publicly at all, like at all. However, when you're in, when you're put into the situation, it's like, all right, well, I'm not going to be inauthentic, you know. I'm not going to respond.

I actually, finally at 35 years old, it's working for me. Being transparent and authentic in press. Whereas, you know, 15 years ago, it didn't go that way. I remember being asked about sex and dating, and it was for Cosmo Girl, something like that. And I remember the interview being like so uncomfortable because basically what's happening there is that there's an adult asking you about like your sexual behavior

and you're like, do I have to talk about this right now? I guess I do. And by the way, your problem is this isn't saying no. There's no one saying no. There's no one saying they're like, this is a good opportunity. In press, you feel is that you're made to feel as though you have to give them what they want. Not an answer to a real question. That's the really messed up aspect of it all, is that it's a complete construct.

And the interviewer doesn't really want to be doing it. They don't want to be there. They're an adult, hopefully, who has like bigger aspirations than asking this child dating advice. for their 14-year-old female reader. You know, it's like there's so many, like, things, just one distortion on top of another. I think that press is so scary to do. And really early on,

I was, like, really nervous about feeling safe, like, because it does feel like you are literally just pushed into a conversation, and you don't think about how scary it is because it's just one person. You're not being, like, asked on a stage in front of a bunch of people. Yeah, but you are.

But you don't know that when you say yes. And then all of a sudden, you're on a conversation, you know, like on a phone call with somebody who's writing this, like, article about you. And they have an opinion. Well, and they'll ask every question that you allow them to. It's not that they're like, they literally, like, people will just take as much as you will give them. And I've, I didn't know I could say, like, no comment.

Like, I just did not even know that was an option. And now building a team around me that helps me feel safe, like that knows what questions I do and don't even want to go into. Like, press, media interviews, it's so scary and it just feels like there's no boundary there unless you are very clear about what that boundary is, but you don't know that it's been crossed until it's been crossed and then you know to have it later, which also feels like shot to the heart because you're just like, oh, I've been betrayed, you know. But yeah, being authentic online is very, very scary because then it's like, okay, well, if I'm an answer this, I'm going to be completely honest with you. And sometimes you just end up spilling your soul on accident and you're like, fuck, I didn't want to

do that. Which is really scary. It's a hard lesson to learn repeatedly. By the way, in all our episodes we want to have a vulnerable conversation and often we do tell people I'll tell you now that you can come back to us after this and say like actually I said this thing I would prefer for that not to go out yeah you can totally but overall our goal is to exploit your vulnerabilities for numbers love it perfect no I've been learning the art of being like I really should not have said that please don't please don't include that and I'm learning in the moment to say it but no you guys are are very comfortable people to chat with so this is great that's how they get you and we'll be right back all right so um let's just let's just real talk as they say for a second

that's a little bit of an aged thing to say now that that dates me doesn't it um but no real talk uh how important is your health to you you know on like a one to ten and i don't mean the in the sense of vanity i mean in the sense of like you want your day to go well right you want to be less stressed you don't want it as sick when you have responsibility I know myself. I'm a householder. I have two children and two more on the way, a spouse, a pet, you know, a job that sometimes has its demands. So I really want to feel like when I'm not getting the sleep and I'm not getting nutrition, when my eating's down, I want to know that I'm being held down some other way physically. You know, my family holds me down emotionally,

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The Taco Guy story, which I loved. I think it's hilarious. And, you know, it's about for anyone who doesn't know, which is like two people. Yeah, I've actually not seen this one yet. Including, that includes Penn. Like, two people in the world. Listen, I'm a fan, but I mean, I'm not, you know, I guess. Well, I'm not going to describe the whole thing, but basically it's about.

It's about your worst first date. And, you know, it's a hilarious story about this guy ordering 100 tacos making you pay for them. Crazy story. What I wanted to ask was, like, we've heard about some, some bad. experiences. But then I also know that you do share a little bit about your husband, Jonas, and your relationship seems so sweet. And I wonder if you can tell us, what was it about him that stood out? What was it that drew you to him? Honestly, it's going to sound so silly, but he told the truth. And that was like something I had not encountered in a partner where

everything that came out of their mouth was like the truth. And it blew my mind. Like I've had so many people in my life be dishonest to me, whether it was like a romantic partner or like somebody that I should have been able to trust and didn't and like I couldn't. And like we ended up talking long distance and he ended up buying me a ticket to go to Kansas to spend basically a whole week together decide if we wanted to date because I was like, I don't want to keep talking to this person that is, there's no possible way we'll be together. It's wasting my time and wasting my emotional energy. I think we should stop talking. And he's like, you need space. Perfect. I'm going to buy you a ticket to Kansas and you can come spend the week with me. Awesome. So I did

that. And I remembered he had told me all of these stories of him as like a kid in high school and middle school that he did not have to be honest about. Like I would, there would never be a moment that that would have been like fact checked. Do you know what I mean? And like I was sitting at dinner with his family and his mom like goes into this story about him in high school. And it was the same story that he told me. And I was just, my mind was blown that he told me the truth. And it was like I just had this immediate trust in him as a person. And ever since then, like, that has just been proven in everything he does. And that little nugget of, like, he's a truth teller. He's an honest person. Like, he is who he says he is. Like, he comes home when he says he's going to come

home. He, like, will pick you up when he says he's going to pick you up. Like, he'll do something that he says he's going to do. Like, that's a big deal to be able to just have that kind of trust in somebody. That's a safe person. That's somebody that you can rely on that you want your kids to be like like you just don't get a lot of that I love that that's beautiful I just read this quote yesterday that really struck a chord with me and it's it was trustworthiness is the greatest portal leading unto the tranquility and security of the people and I was like whoa that's true yeah like when you did you remember that I don't like just impressed that you like I know I am too actually um no but just being able to to know that you're going to also follow through not just

that you're telling me the truth about that your past or you're present, but that you say you're going to do something you're actually going to follow through and do it is a really underrated quality. Especially with people that I dated that would even say, like, I love you, and then they would not talk to you for three days. You're just like, I just always felt like I was not the right person. It wasn't like those people weren't right. It was like, there was something wrong with me.

And the fact that like when he would look at me and he would be like, I love you and I want to be in your life as long as you'll let me, Like, I knew he actually meant that. Like, that's just, it's a really cool thing. And so, yeah, trustworthiness is just something that you don't come by. You don't see it a lot. And so when you do see it in someone, it's very special. But I remembered, like, chasing this one dude that would, like, you know, just confess how much he loved me.

And, like, I'm, like, going to save his life and then, like, run away for a year and then come back. And it was always when I was happy. You know, he just could, like, sense that I was, like, happy. Just did that for, like, eight years. It was wild. And, like, I mistook that passion, that feeling. of like drop everything and be with this person, that chaotic, like, passion, I mistook that for like what love was. And so when I didn't feel that with somebody, I was like, I just don't feel

it. You know, that spark isn't there. And it's like, is it a spark or is it like emotional manipulation? Because that's important distinction. And like I, when I realize those are not the same things, like it, that was kind of a game changer for me and moving into a healthy relationship. We don't even really see those stories told Because I mean the way that we even talk about love It's akin to spontaneous combustion Rather than the kind of a fire You know

The kindling of a fire is a very different process From waiting for fucking magic Like I think maybe lightning might strike guys Yeah Imagine if you had to rely on fire for anything And you were like Yeah we don't we don't know how to make it We just pounce on it when it's flinging

And then we get burnt up And then it goes out when we just keep going. We just wait for another one. We just wait for the sky to open up and zap it down from heaven for us to have a fire. If you sort of examine and analyze and explore our cultural teachings about love, they're pitifully incoherent.

There's just no guidance there. And I actually feel like maybe part of the reason those years for me were the darkest now that think about it is because what you first start to long for, I mean, the reason that crushes even are a thing is because really you're starting to feel that first spark that could be kindled into feelings of affection and real lasting love if it happens, you know,

once you gain maturity and if it's the right person. But, you know, we don't have that. All we have is just these fleeting, ridiculous childish notions of love that adults think are mature if you just add sex. And it's like, no, that's not. It's actually even more immature. Like that logo that says mature, explicit content, It should say immature.

It's war and violence and sex. That shit is childish. Yeah. One of my cousins told me this once. I had like a decade long phase of that. Of like only being like interested in like a push pull. If it was stable, I wasn't interested. And one of my cousins pulled me aside once.

And he was like, never. You are doing the wrong thing. Like you are investing in the wrong men. You have to evaluate this. And he said, he said you're looking for excitement and you're confusing it. And he said there's nothing. more exciting than a stable marriage and I've never forgotten that

and I think that that's so beautiful it took me like three more years after that conversation to be like oh he's right I am doing but I was just like that's not what I'm doing I love Greg like I have to be a friend

but I'm different this is a different situation but I get it no if that does make sense normally you'd be right yeah however you don't know Greg his one time yeah

wow that took a Hard right. I like that. Before we move on from Taco Guy, because this was originally about Taco Guy. Is this about Taco Guy? Originally, a while ago. Did he ever reach out to you? Like, did he ever say anything? I never got any info from him, but I did hear that it happened to three other people at the same Taco Bell. So does he just like run a Taco Scan? I don't know. So if you haven't heard the Taco Story, essentially I was on dating apps before dating apps were actually a thing. It was like, Craigslist at that point and it was shameful. You couldn't tell anybody that you're on a dating

app at that point. So no one knew what I was doing to keep me safe. This guy messaged me and he's like, I like, I like your face. Let's get some food. And at that point I'm like, that's everything I need to know. Like you're my husband. Let's get some food. So he is like drive to my house and it's like a 45 minute drive. Red flag. No, I'm blazing right past him. I'm colorblind to red flags at this point and I like show up at his house. He's standing outside of his house and he goes, hey, I can't find my keys. He said, can you just drive us there? And I'm like, where are we going? He's like, I'll just tell you.

He literally was giving me turn-by-turn directions. And I, he could have been taking me to like an abandoned warehouse. Oh, my goodness. And then he tells me to turn into this parking lot and he turns me into Taco Bell. And I was like, okay. And I was like, dine in or drive-through. And he's like, drive-through. And I was like, okay, he has a plan.

Like, he's got like a cute romantic picnic set up. You know what I mean? Sure. And so we go to the speaker and he like leans over me. and just orders 100 hard-shel tacos. He says 100? 100 hard-shel tacos. He literally cuts the girl off.

I was like, I would like 100 hard-shell tacos, please. What? And then he looks at me and he goes, do you want anything? And I was like, no, I think that'll cover it. And then I'm wondering, like, are those all for him? Is he going to share any? So then he does the whole pat down of like, I can't find my mom. No, no, no, no, no.

I was like, did you forget your wallet? He's like, yeah. And I was like, do you need me to pay for it? He's like, yeah. And I'm like, okay. Was this the 39 cent taco days or like how much we're talking here? It was a hundred fifty dollars. So I paid for it. And then I was like, where to next? What on earth? You're like, this is going well. If I'm being fully honest with you, I was really scared. And I thought I'm going to do anything I need to do to get out of the state. And nobody understands that. Yeah, no, that does make more sense. So I'm thinking. So I'm thinking. okay, this girl's going to know this is a weird situation when she's making the tacos and bringing them to our car. They're going to think this is weird. No one thought it was weird. And so then I was like, where to next?

And he's like, oh, we'll go back to my house. And I was like, okay. I'm scared if I say no. Like, I don't know. Nobody knows I'm on this date. Women are so conditioned to say yes. Yes, yes. I hear you. I hear you. Sophie, no. I have wild stories of like putting my life in danger knowing that I was putting it in danger because I couldn't say no. No, I can totally picture being in this.

And really, it's one at a time. It's like one decision at a time. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, we walk in, his dad's on the couch. We have to walk in between his dad and the TV to like get to the kitchen. First, I'm like, he lives with his dad. That's weird.

And then I was like, he lives with his dad. Like, I don't know. I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I was like, I'm going to eat a taco and I'm going to get out and be like, oh my gosh, I have to go. We get to his kitchen and it's like a Coca-Cola themed kitchen, you know, like, Everything is red and sparkly. So he unleashes a pack of tacos onto the table and screams, Let's Feast at the top of his lungs.

What? And just starts chowing down. And we're just eating crunchy tacos in silence. And it's just the most uncarned. I think I ate a taco in like three bites because I'm like, I need to get out of here. So his dad comes over. And this is where I'm like, I'm actually going to die. His dad comes over and grabs a taco, stands over.

over us at the table and eats the taco. And lettuce is just, like, falling in my lap from his taco. And he goes, do you want to go see my studio? Oh, my God. And I was like, no. I'm okay. Thank you so much. And I grab all of the tacos because I paid for them.

And that's my whole food for the week. And I had no money in my bank account now. So I grabbed all, like, I'm just holding all of the tacos. And I walk out the door and he's like, do you need help? And I was like, no, I got it. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I got it.

And I'm like, just walking to my car. and I pile my car with tacos and I drive home. And I didn't tell a soul because I was so embarrassed. And everyone's like, you're such an idiot. Like, how could you get in that situation? And I'm like, you just don't understand until you're in that moment. I totally get it. It was one decision at a time.

Yeah. So anyways, that was the story. It's not funny at all. No, no, no. It was funny when you told it. No, at least tells it. But now, I mean, it's a completely different story to me. Yeah.

Wow. Thank you for sharing it. Yeah. But I did eat all the tacos. I'm really proud of you for grabbing the tacos. It's funny, is that I'm hungry now, and I was just thinking, I was like, is how funny if she ate two tacos? You know, you're like eating the one.

Yeah. And also, I was like, if it's not this, I'm not eating for the next few days. So survival. They were awful, by the way. Yeah. If you've ever had Taco Bell. We need to clarify here. They're bad in like two hours, let alone two days.

It's like, that's not a fun experience. So anyways, that's how I got here on this podcast. Wow. One of our previous guests, Sebastian Stan, we had like a lengthy conversation with him about social media and some of the perils of social media. I'm just curious as someone who has probably experienced both like the highest highs that you could have

and the lowest lows. Like how do you grapple with it and how do you protect kind of your like mental health in this process that you're in? I don't grapple with it. I don't even know actually what that word means. There has to be such a very distinct separation between you and the people that are consuming your content. And that's good and bad because it blocks you off from so much kindness. There are people that just will pour their heart out to you and love you and want to support you. And unfortunately, you have to miss out on a lot of that as well because there are also people that have committed their whole lives. to disliking you and follow you only to hate you and will respond to everything that you do with so much anger and like confusion

and you're just like, why are you here? If you don't like me, just don't be here. I'm compelled by hatred. Also, I am very vulnerable in what I talk about and I speak a lot about mental health and just the highs and the lows of normal life. So I've just had to make a very clear cut boundary of like there are certain things that I will read

like comments. I won't go down too far. I usually don't read my DMs. I have somebody go through those for me because I just can't. I can't. My eyeballs in my heart like can't deal with that. If I want to keep doing what I want to do here, which is like make people feel like they're loved and they're seen and they feel like they belong like in my content, then I need to stay healthy, but I also need to just like keep plowing through. Social media for me isn't social media. It's not like an account that I go on and I can enjoy. It's like it's a channel. It's a show. It's not personal. It's more content driven, which has been a hard thing to rectify in my brain because I want it to be personal. I want it to be my own and it just isn't anymore.

And it's like, how do we move on past that? And where do I find that personal feeling in my media that I'm consuming outside of Instagram or TikTok? Well, if I can say, it's just you've found a sweet spot. You've managed to make quite intimate and vulnerable, as you said. But then, like, you know, very funny and light. It just strikes a balance. It's just uncommon to find on social media. Like, your videos are just a rare little ray of light on there.

It's just so lovely. I mean, Sophie said it. Like, I never DM Sophie. Why would I DM Sophie? Because we're friends. No, exactly. As friends, why would I DM you? No, no, no.

It's true. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. It's like, that's everything that I kind of want to create with my content. And what I've found that's so cool is even, like, videos that I make are this, like, weird way to connect every day, like, people that are just, like, live in life on social media and, like, mega celebrities in this, like, really bizarre, like, common ground that I'm like, here, Reese Witherspoon, here's my friend from childhood. Like, you guys should connect. That's, like, literally what it's done. And it's just so bizarre to me that that can happen. Like, the fact that I'm sitting here talking to all three of you right now is, like, so dumb. Like, this is, like, so dumb. How does it happen?

Like, this isn't, this is real. Yeah, yeah, we're like, we didn't be here. Our podcast is pretty stupid. No, like, in the best way. It's just, this opportunity is so wild to me. And the fact that doors keep opening like that because of the content I'm making, I'm just so grateful. And so, yeah.

I do want to say something about negative comments. I really appreciated your answer and that you didn't gloss over it. Like, you know, I've just learned to, like, let it roll off my back. Someone had once sent me, like, a really bitter, bitter, bitter text. somewhat recently, and it really hurt my feelings and I was really upset, but I also knew that it had to do with what that person was going through. And a friend of mine had come over that day, my friend McKina, who I love, and I showed it to her because I was like really upset. And she's like, this obviously has to do with what this person is going through, but if someone walks up to you

and slaps you, that's going to hurt. She's like, this person just slapped you over this text message. Like, it's okay that it hurts. Like, of course it's going to hurt. And I feel like it's the same with negative comments. Like, it's totally about those people and their bitterness or jealousy or whatever they're going through. But it hurts. You're human. You know. One thing I started doing in college that I use now, it's harder to use now as like the hatred just is the volume is higher saying like I receive that and I don't receive that. I've talked a lot about that in my videos of like being able to say like I don't receive that out loud. I say it out loud. It allows my brain to hear that I don't align with like what that person is saying about me. And it allows me to remind my brain like, hey, we don't actually believe that. And like that for me helps me kind of separate the mental like this isn't. true and then like the heart of like this hurts though like it helps me kind of like separate those and and still allow myself to feel it without believing it. And then alternatively when people are kind being able to say like I receive that and it allows you to have it and take some time

with it before you really believe it. But you're like I'm going to hold on to it. I'm not going to throw it away because I want to believe that about myself. So those two sayings have been really helpful for me. But again, it's hard when it's the volume is just so high. People are so bold. Like the one time I had an experience with this, I sometimes post videos of David, my husband, who is also our editor and producer, on my TikTok, because he had like a ridiculous glow up. Like, it's so ridiculous. His high school photo versus how he looks now is so funny to me. And I will just like, I just recycle it. I know people are going to watch this.

They're going to love it. And one time I was just doing that. I was recycling that high school picture of David's. And I think there was a trend where it was showing like, like my husband thinks we would have dated. in high school and like here's why we wouldn't but it was always like the girl was really dorky and the guy was really good looking and so I reversed it and I

showed David like looking really dorky and some like high school pictures of me and then pictures of us now and it got on the wrong side of TikTok. Oh wow. It got like for me it was a lot like 2 million views hundreds of people being like she's so ugly like she's aged so poorly

and you have to divorce her. Someone said like you should be so ashamed of yourself you should die just like truly ridiculous things and I was like okay David was like Sophie delete the video like this must be really hard for you to hear and Penn I agree with you

I think a lot of times people are lying but for me I was like you're just dumb you're so dumb well yeah I mean I think like what you're talking I actually agree with you in that I think sometimes it's so trivial

that all it shows you is like who even has the time like why are you wasting your consciousness on this moment bro like what are you doing like I'm cute I look cute Even if you didn't die? I know.

Let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just hypothetical. Let's say you didn't age well. Sof. Just stick with me for a second. Like bridge trolls. That doesn't mean you deserve to die. Of course, yes, of course. We give so much attention to trolls.

But even like, I don't know, like unnecessary praise is also like we could probably do with less of that, right? It's like you try to share anything of substance and 80% of the comments have something to do with my. Your hair. Penn posted a video about like the persecution of that. of the Baha'i community in Iran and the comments were like, you're so hot. It's just like, yeah, it's so toned.

It's like that's actually the same thing as saying you're so ugly, you should die. It literally has the exact same validity and I value it in the same way. Like it doesn't, there's not an ounce of feeling good about that. It actually, what it proves is that by and large trying to share anything of substance for me in this particular way.

And in the way that I'm doing it, by the way. I think, you know, one thing you've cracked the code of, release is like how to get people to really listen and enjoy something rather than being like double tap you know just like like heart's drooling it's just like it's just me i was i was going to ask you i i've been very curious like so for me i don't play like characters because i am i am myself in videos like for you what is that like being like another person in a character like and having to like separate people's affection for you versus their character this is maybe at the root of why actors are kind of infamous for being difficult and touchy and you know just really like uh difficult people to work with whatever it is because i think at the crux of it you're in a very passive state but people treat you like an active agent when you're actually a very passive like instrument i've heard so many apparently superficial and empty expressions of

so-called love, that I rarely can appreciate a genuine expression from someone, you know, who's saying it, like, from a more meaningful place. You know, it's a bandwidth this year. It's like you just kind of relegate it all to a certain part of your thinking, you know, and it's like, you don't. Have you found that it affects the way that you receive, like, love and praise from people in your real life? I think in my closest relationships, I'm actually, well, I'm an authentic and genuine

person in relationships, and I don't think I struggle with. I don't think I struggle with intimacy, but I think anybody in my position or a position like it, I think, you know, you do eventually develop a complicated relationship to attention, and it's cameras, cameras. I mean, I don't have a value-neutral relationship to cameras. Anybody pulls out their phone and wants to take a selfie. It's like, that's, you know, it's incredibly, I don't have to think about it, but I just have like a gut reaction, you know, so I don't know.

Yeah. I think that for me, I've found that it, like, receiving so much from so many people all of the time, like being so open to the entire world all the time, before I kind of figured out how to have a boundary with it, it made me just feel like sobered out on just attention by anybody, that even people in my normal life that love me and want, like, real relationship with me that are around me physically. I just found it to be so like, I don't want to give anything to you. I don't have anything to give to you. What do you want from me? And that's a very unhealthy place to be because if you can't have real relationship like what are you doing? You know what I mean? Like something needs to change. I just think fame is objectively a negative like... The human heart wasn't built for it.

Yeah, no, it's just... I think it's pretty clear. I think enough experiments have been run. Fame doesn't do good for anybody, really, you know, past a certain point. So then what does it mean to navigate it and reconcile that and negotiate with it? I think I feel as though I'm being given

this interesting first row, like, witness to this aspect of modern human psychology and zeitgeisty kind of stuff where, you know, when someone comes up to me, often I can see them much better than they can see me because they're projecting all kinds of ideas and I can just see them projecting. And it's kind of a painful imbalance. I prefer authentic interactions. Sometimes I'll stop and have a conversation for a very long time, you know. So if someone just somehow seems to strike that balance of being genuine, i'm like oh there it is okay sure i happen to have the time maybe you know but so often it's something else and i try to graciously witness it and be kind and gracious because no one deserves any kind of ire for that it's not their fault there's this like vast cultural illness that we're all all

participating in and look at the end of the day if i wanted to end my career there are ways to do it so i'm not doing that yet uh much as i try no that's amazing yeah that's amazing yeah that's interesting. It's an interesting thing to talk about. I don't have a lot of people in my life that I can really connect with. You need more famous friends, Elise, is what I'm saying. You need more. In a really bizarre way you do. You need more people in that sphere that understand. And like that I haven't reached that level to where it's like, my friends are famous. We can DM more, you know. Okay. That's fine. Great. Actually, Navant, so we can attest to this, I think I encounter the same difficulty. I don't have that many friends. Really in the space. You know, I mean, like,

I maintain a closest with my coworkers in a meaningful way, but, like, I don't network. I don't do that thing. I don't live in L.A., you know. Sometimes I forget how little I'm able to share, you know, like, this is a really bizarre experience that objectively we can state nobody should really be experiencing, you know? It's a very bizarre self-check and, like, hard check pretty much every day. It is surreal. Stick around.

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did the whole church thing, but not really kind of just like a cultural American church type experience to where there's not much to it. Sorry, mom and dad, if you're listening to this, I love you. It was just weird. I kind of found that like there was a lot of moral awards. I felt like I achieved when I believed those things and societally, like people around me just were like, yep, that's the right thing, okay, I'm a Christian and like I'm going to go to church. And I kind of fell into that and then went to like a ministry school in Australia, which is like how I met Jonas. And I hated it and I felt really trapped there. I did it because I burned every bridge in my life and was like, I'm going to Australia. I'm going to become a famous musician and no one can stop me. And I accidentally went to

a ministry school and didn't know that. So I was too proud to say anything. So yeah, I ended up, I ended up kind of doing that. And I decided, well, it's my only degree. I don't know what else I'm going to do. No one is going to hire someone with a Christian ministry degree from Australia that doesn't even translate to a bachelor's in the States. So I'm going to try and work for a church and tried to do that. And Jonas got hired and I did not because I'm a woman. And then that was my start of like, what do I really believe in why?

And that kind of was like the deconstruction of what I thought was my Christian faith that wasn't actually much other than what I thought other people should think I should believe and kind of found a lot of a lot of peace in that. Like I thought I really understood what it was for so long that I didn't allow myself to ask any questions and I didn't learn from anybody. So I feel very stunted in that right now at 28. I wish that I had more answers, but I think that me being able to say that I don't is probably the biggest step forward in my spiritual health that I've taken in a long time.

So right now, yeah, I don't have a lot of like consistent practices other than like meditation and trying to stay calm and open and yeah. I don't know if people know this. Most religions have their own like calendar system. So the Baha'i faith has its own and it's 19 months of 19 days and each month has a name and it's meant to be like an attribute of God. And one of the names of the months is the month of questions. But there's no month that's the month of answers. And I think that that's like really profound in a way and like telling of like how we should be as humans. like, you know, questioning and exploring and kind of in a state of curiosity rather than, like,

you put the period at the end and it's done. Oh, yeah. And that was like the issue I had for so long was I would be in these positions where I felt like this answer was just given to me. And I was like, okay, but what about? It's like, no. And it's like that I've always been a curious person and I've always loved learning. And if like I couldn't ask a question about something that felt really bizarre to me and not, like,

being in that, in that situation just felt very unhealthy. And now that I'm not in it and I'm so removed from it. And Jonas and I are like for the first time just our marriage is healthier and we're just like asking more questions and we're trying to stay open to that. And like, yeah, it's been very healing for us. Yeah. We have a final question that we ask everybody. If you could go back and be with 12 year old Elise, what would you say? What would you do?

What would you want to tell her? Oh, man. That's like going to make me cry. I think I would just say like it's going to get better. like it's going to get really bad and then it's going to get so much better and like I think I would just encourage her to like trust her gut there was a lot happening at around 12 real release that made me feel like I couldn't trust me and a lot of the things that I I could have avoided a lot if I would have just trusted my gut more and I think that as young kids we're not

taught to trust ourselves because there's a lot of like hormones and a lot of like things that we kind of are made to feel crazy and we're actually not like we're human beings that are experiencing crazy things for the first time ever, and it's the worst thing that's ever happened to us up until that point in our lives, and we're not given enough space to feel that way. And so I would just like, yeah, let her know, like, it's going to get so much better. And listen to that little voice because, like, she's the one that's going to be with you forever. That's so beautiful. I'm like, I don't want this to end. I like want to keep talking to us. I know. I love to.

We'll have to connect offline. This is cool. Yeah, it really has been such a pleasure. It's been so good to talk to you guys. So good to talk to you. Today's real-life listener submitted story is one of our favorites. Yes, I know we say that, almost every story. But this really is a top three contender. It's called Trial at the Bowling Alley. And it's just so beautifully juvenile.

It was sixth grade, spring of 1998. Woo! My crush on Lucas was Jirong. I knew it. He knew it. and every single one of our classmates knew it, so when we had a barely chaperoned bowling night in Bay City, Michigan,

I think we all knew it was time to DTR. Excuse me, define the relationship. I was confident and very forward for a sixth grader. I told my girlfriends that tonight was the night I needed to make my move. They told me they'd handle it. So after I threw my tenth gutter ball of the night, thank you, my friends made their move.

They grabbed me and Lucas, sat us down in navy plastic cafeteria chairs right across from each other, face to face. A murmur rippled through the crowd, and soon all of our friends were whispering and lining up around us. The girls all formed a semicircle around my chair and the boys around his. One by one, the girls and boys took turns stating their case to Lucas.

A girl would go telling him why he should take me as his girlfriend, then a boy would go telling him why he shouldn't. One by one, all of our classmates pled their cases, while Lucas and I sat across from each other in the most metaphorically and literally uncomfortable plastic chairs. Now, after the final argument, Lucas said he needed some time to think. He whispered with his buddies for a while. I sat there, sweating, waiting for a verdict.

Finally, he rejoined the group to make his very public decision. Lucas would, in fact, have me as his girlfriend. I was thrilled. All the girls were. We won. was officially my boyfriend. I think we had an official hug to prove it. The next day, we sat next to each other at lunch,

and all my girlfriend's eyes upon us, everyone's still buzzing off the trial at Bowling Alley the night before. All of the newfound insecurities I discovered about myself and the reasons all those boys told Lucas not to make me his girlfriend, they just paled in comparison to the feeling that Lucas was finally mine. That lunch hour was actual cloud nine. A few months later, I think we even held hands once. You can follow Elise Myers online at Elise Myers.

That's Elise with a Y and Myers, M-Y-E-R-S. Podcrushed is hosted by Penn Badge Lee, Navakavlin, and Sophie Ansari. Our executive producer is Nora Richie from Stitcher. Our lead producer, editor, and composer is David Ansari. Our secondary editor is Sharaf and Twistle. This podcast is a ninth mode production. Be sure to subscribe to Podcrushed. You can find us on Stitcher, the series,

XM app, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. And while you're online, be sure to follow us on socials. It's at Pod Crush, spelled how it sounds. And our personals are at Phem Badgley, at Nava. That's Nava with three ends. And at Scribble by Sophie. And we're out. See you next week.

Bye. Catch you on the flip side. Bye. Motherfucker. Whoa. What the fuck? So we swear. It was like one of the least

characteristic things I've ever heard you do. What was that? When Sophie cusses, which is so rare, it really throws me. Honestly, what on earth was there? Like, motherfucker!