Podcrushed - Host AMA: Coming of Age

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

In our third themed AMA of the season, the hosts tackle *your* questions about the coming-of-age journey. Highlights include Penn discussing how his passion for dance buoyed his spirits during his formative years in LA, Nava reflecting on how her sense of humor ebbed (and then grew) through the pivotal moments of her life, and Sophie opening up about her early encounters with racial othering as a child growing up in the expat community in the Philippines.   Follow Podcrushed on socials: TikTok Instagram XSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lemonada Welcome to pot Christ Welcome to potter Welcome Welcome to pot Well, that could have gone better But here we are Today we are going to

address something that we don't normally Which is coming of age You've been waiting with abated breath Typically we focus on death Actually, no, actually All the dead people that visit us They won't stop talking to us All of our dead moms

Yeah Yeah I just can't get over how Naval is always saying My dead mom Yeah I am so close to making Crass jokes about her dead mom I know

Just because we do talk about it in a certain way And by the way No no no no not like Not I don't think the ones that would offend you It's just I think without the context on our show It would seem heartless because we also, you know, don't really think of her as dead. Moving on.

Today, yes, is about coming of age. What do we call that? Well, I've been thinking a lot about coming of age, and I think that it doesn't always, I mean, there is like a general coming of age that happens maybe in middle school, which is what the show focuses on, but in particular areas of your life,

maybe you haven't even had your coming of age yet. Like, I feel like I haven't had my coming of age in love yet. I feel like it's coming. And like I had a significant coming of age when my mom died. when my dead mom died was a big coming of age like it really changed me

in a lot of ways so I think we have many many coming of ages that's true I actually feel like I have not really come of age as an artist seriously

even even calling myself an artist feels a bit silly but really yeah you feel silly calling yourself an artist but not an actor you feel okay calling yourself an actor I mean I'm not like

screaming it from the rooftops Sophie's introducing a new insecurity you're okay calling yourself I don't know I don't know that I've ever wanted to refer to myself as an actor but it's like well it's clearly what I'm known for it's what I do and so I say I'm an actor

I mean even the last time I called myself an actor was definitely I was at a I was uh I was buying something it was like $4 at this vintage shop I don't need to pay for this I'm an actor yeah exactly I'm an act more I don't even carry cash because I'm an actor I'm gonna act like I paid you

I'm gonna act like yeah that's um no one of the there were two guys at the at the cash register and one of them was like actually speechless see he was like and the other one clearly had no idea or was doing a really good job of covering it and he was like the the sort of like long-haired grunge guy who was just you know like playing it cool whatever he thought was going on and he looked at me and I had a question so I go I'm just like asking like do you do you have uh it was buying playing cards like do you of playing cards and he and oh for for you and domino yes that's right yes yes if you're curious what

we're referencing here listen to our episode on love love yeah um this is a part of the podcrushed series where the hosts talk to themselves because we don't want to have any guests on there too much trouble yeah and we're answering your questions maybe not you but someone who listens who's like you um so i'm trying to buy these cards and you know it's a it should be just a kind a simple thing and and the uh one guy can't speak the other is just looking at me like why don't i speak and i'm not speaking because i'm looking at the guy who can't speak and just wondering like is he going to say something and then and then i and anyway i just kind of move on i look at the at the guy who seems to not know who i am and he's looking at me like i'm weird

and i and i just roll my eyes and i go it's because i'm an actor i'm you know like that and and and and and then i realized later as i was trying to find the cards they directed me to, I was like, did he think that I typically introduced myself as an actor? Did I say that in a way that sounded arrogant? Because I definitely didn't feel arrogant. You know, that kind of thing. Why am I telling this story?

You were saying, you don't like to call yourself an artist. And I've just thinking about you. Oh, and you asked me about being an actor or something. You are such an artist. You're a writer, you're an actor, you're a musician. You're a TikTok star. You're a TikTok star. You're really good at drawing.

You're actually like such an artist. It's true. Sure, yeah. I think if this is more insecurity, I'm like, well, pancake columns of an artist, what am I? Sophie's changing her bio right now. Well, I mean, I guess, you know, it doesn't feel to me, yeah, I don't know. I won't, I won't explore my insecurities any further here. Not this one. We'll go into some others.

Welcome to Podcrushed. We're hosts. I'm Penn. I'm Sophie and I'm Nava and I think we would have been your middle school besties. Running minds together for the middle school play. Ooh, no, you're in a drama? No. No, I didn't.

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and the legacies they're building every single day. Come be a part of the conversation. Season 2 drops July 29th. Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast, or watch us on YouTube. Do you have a moment that did feel like a coming of age in any area of your life? This is like, like I said, my mom's death, clear coming of age moment for me. Do you guys have any moments that stand out as that? The one that comes to mind first is this moment when I was in, I must have been fifth grade, so 10 or 11.

And I am mixed. I'm a quarter black. So it's like not enough to really feel very comfortable claiming it, but enough that when people meet me, there's like the, definite confusion like something's going on like i've been asked many times like where's your tan come from or you know like my grandfather people yeah people people people are like confused i remember when i was 10 years old i was living in the philippines and i went to one of my friends birthday parties and already it was like a group of girls who were very popular and who i was like starting to be inducted into their group but not quite i was like always on the edge little they

always all of them had a lot more money than my family did and there was lots of reasons for me to feel like an outsider and I went to this birthday party and the the thing that we were doing was we were all going to the salon and getting our hair done we had like a special room at the salon all of us uh we're supposed to get blowouts and every girl you know has a stylist who's focused on them and they're getting pampered for the day and I was the last one to be sort of like paired with the stylist. I remember she was touching my hair. You know, you get you get settled in the chair and they touch your hair. They figure, they talk to you, they figure out what you're going to do. And my voice is getting shaky even like thinking about it. But I remember she was

touching my hair and my hair used to be a lot curlier. And it was also in the Philippines where it's very humid. So it was even more frizzy. And she kind of just had this like look of also confusion like what am i going to do with this girl's hair everyone else at the party had like sleek straight hair already and she said well we can't blow your hair dry it's just not going to work and so while everybody else is getting their hair blow dried she decided to give me cornrows with what yeah with these little clips like not even it wasn't even cool because because she gave me these little like yellow plastic eclips at the end of each braid and so not only was it like totally othering but it was

also and like we're almost like you're broken like we can't we can't we can't work with you we can't work with this hair which like of course they could have you know um but then also I felt like a little kid when all of my friends like the point of this birthday party was like okay we're all we're all becoming teenagers we're doing this thing that we've seen like our older sisters or our moms or you know other women older women in our lives go to salons and get pampered yeah and so on on several levels it was just like something's wrong with me and I'm different than all of the girls here and the thing that has been the most interesting for me is then also as an adult moving to the US where there is like such

a race is like so loaded and not really knowing like my place, you know, like having had this one experience, several experiences like that growing up, like I remember in high school I was smoking a cigarette. Sorry, Mom. Whoa, whoa.

Big revelation. I know, I know. And this boy was trying to get me to stop. A friend of mine was trying to get me to stop. And he said, if you don't stop, your lungs are going to be as black as your face. What?

Oh my gosh. Yeah, a Norwegian guy. I feel like that's important. That's an important, like the most, like the blondest, the whitest. And I've had several experiences like that. But then on the other, on the other hand, I have experiences in the U.S. On both sides, but more than ever in my life experiences where I don't feel, if I ever try to claim that I'm a person of color, there are some people who feel like,

okay, but not quite. Like, not enough. which I understand because my experience is absolutely not the experience of someone who is much darker or who's more than a quarter who's half or who's full. So it's just been something that I've grappled with throughout my life. Yeah. It's like the discrepancy between like how you see yourself and how other people see you. Well, that's really significant.

The discrepancy between how you see yourself and how others see you is possibly the most, I don't No, is that not like the most difficult chasm to cross in life? Like it's, that is such a significant one. And yeah, I mean, I really feel you there. I don't want to dig too deep if it's uncomfortable, but have you, not conclusions because we're like always evolving. But how do you see yourself? Like if you weren't worried about the audience, like if you weren't thinking about the direct person in front of you, how would you describe yourself? I definitely describe myself as mixed.

I feel a connection to all parts of me. Yeah, I think mixed is just a good way to describe myself both like racially, but also like having grown up in so many different countries. I feel like the term just like fits for me on so many levels. Because I'm not claiming anything beyond that that I'm mixed. I'm not claiming like you should treat me differently because I'm mixed or my experience is harder because I'm mixed. definitely not or anything besides that that that is the fact that I am mixed and it has informed my my experiences thank you for sharing that Sophie thanks for listening guys you know

something I think about more and more is how we talk about race because in some ways if we're not careful we reinforce the notion that race is not socially constructed but that it really as this sort of inborn quality. You know, I feel like we still sort of think of racism as being prejudiced against other races rather than thinking having notions of race, socially constructed ideas about what it means and then judging people based on that.

Like I think in some ways, we, yeah, we just, we reinforce all these really harmful and hurtful ideas. that are essentially invisible and non-existent when we even when we even don't interrogate the ways that we're thinking about it and talk about it. That's all I've got on that. We have somebody who asked us, what is the difference between identity and personality? Well, you've come to the right planes. We are three experts. Yeah. I think that I used to more closely associate personality with identity, like someone's whole identity is what they look like physically and their personality. And I think I've realized, I think I'm coming to realize that, well, one, I think

our identity changes over time. Like, heaven forbid, you would be the same person your whole life. It's impossible. But we, you know, we evolve. And I think we can all be like humble before ourselves and who we think we are, like that we're malleable and we're changing. But for personality, when I was growing up, probably because I was like really insecure about my looks, I was like pretty funny. Like I really tried to be funny. I was part of like a joke club. It was just me and one other girl and then like a bunch of guys.

I hung out with all the funniest guys in the class. Like I was funnier than I am now for sure. And I bet I like invested in comedy. I would read funny things. It was like a big part of my identity was to be like funny and like happy and like playful. And when I went to college, I think I went through a depression is now looking back like probably what happened. But I became a lot more serious like by my final year of, of university. I was much more serious. And I remember people who knew me in Puerto Rico in high school

just be like, why are you so serious? Like it was just like a big shift in my personality. And then it comes and goes. And then when my mom died was another period where like I think I was pretty serious for a long time and like pretty sad. And now I'm kind of in a lighter phase and like I think a little bit funnier again. Doing a lot of podcasting, you know? Just sort of talking about podcasting. But just like this like personality trait that I really identified with and was very important to me has like ebbed and flowed throughout my life like it's not considered i mean i think i'm hopefully a funny person like it's always there to some degree but like the joy around it the exuberance the degree to which it comes forward like shifts and for sure i have become a more serious person i was

so silly growing up like could not keep a straight face always breaking out until after like i've become a much more serious person um but yeah so it's like oh i guess that part of my personality will change like according to the circumstances but then i feel like your character maybe is more of like who you are like you know i've always struggled with like being patient but i've always been pretty good at other things and that's consistent like i try to be more patient or but like i just do have certain shortcomings that are present and certain strengths that have always been present so that feels a little more permanent to me but i don't know i don't know if that's true yeah i think to test your patience god sent you me uh yeah well i you know i was thinking about

the word character i was like i think that's the difference you know i've been learning um for me, I don't think I can tell any stories around it yet because I'm processing it. But, you know, realizing how much of my personality is a response, is like a coping or a defense mechanism just in response to, you know, any number of things. They could be innocuous or they could be really grievous, whatever it is. It's like without the need to respond or sort of interact with like culture and other people and stuff, that to me is personality. personality is very

you know can we get through an episode without talking about the eternal life of the soul I don't know personality all I want to do is talk about attributes of God

but I mean can we at least say the soul so Jesus we can't say God in every episode we're going to alienate our viewers can we talk about aliens though that might get us more let's talk about aliens

personality does not transcend death you know at all as I understand it and we think of I think we live in a culture where we identify very strongly

with parts of our personality but to me in order to get past this stage that humanity's in just grow up I'm 37 I'm trying to grow up and like you know be a

always a better and more engaged and more stable member of my family trying to understand like yeah what is my identity what level of my identity for what it's worth never really feel like i knew what it means to be a man i definitely did not that did not feel like something i was excited about or uh or uh felt like i understood it always it always just felt like an emasculating prospect

to suggest that i am going to become one and therefore i should know one and be one you know um And I think I only know it at this point in relationship to being a father and a husband. And, you know, maybe not everybody would agree that that's what makes a man. But I know that for me, it's that's the only, it's the only meaningful flags I have to be like, well, I guess I'm learning about it there. I definitely am. Or in those places. I saw this thing about how babies, the thing that they need is to be loved so that they know they're secure and they are going to be safe. and ideally a baby just has to be in order to receive those things but in a lot of cases

they either have to succeed or to fail and like if a parent is requiring their baby to succeed in order to give to show them love it looks like you know they have to be easy and smiley and or they have to be good at you know as they grow older they have to be good at things or you know and then to fail is actually if a parent needs their children to be worse than them so that they feel better about themselves but if a parent needs their child to succeed it usually comes from a place of wherever that parent failed they're looking for their child to succeed to be able to like kind of fix them and I've been thinking about this a lot because that's something I noticed I do already. My baby's only four months old. And already I think I'm like doing things that will

that will form her personality as in response to me. Like come on. I noticed that she when we're out in public with people, I want her to, you know, people want her to smile and be happy. And she's a, she can be kind of cautious and she's just like staring at people. And I notice myself, the people pleaser in me wants her to be to please other people and then I have this like pretty quickly I have this

thought of like that's insane that's poor child that I would that she has to succeed in this area so that I feel better so that other people think I'm a good parent or I have an easy baby or I've done something

to create this good easy happy baby but I'm sure that that will have an impact on her personality. You know, like that, even the little, hopefully I've picked up on it quickly enough that it's not going to be too much of a big deal. But for sure, that must have, I must have become a people pleaser because of something like that, you know. Take it to your mom. Yeah, well, actually, well, we're on this topic.

One of the questions we got is how do you find yourself and maintain who you are in parenthood. Well, what you're just talking about, Sophie, I mean, first of all, like, uh, uh, talk to me in three years and it, it only gets more dramatic and intense. I mean, it really is like, it's, it's, uh, I feel you there. You start to see parts of yourself. You're like, damn, well, that just jumped out. Um, so, but I think what you're talking about, though, like, that's increased awareness. That's progress. That's generational like evolution. That's what, you can't change who you are, you know? None of us can change who we are.

And I think whether you encounter it in parenthood or just anywhere, I think, you know, there are other ways to encounter it. The way I'm encountering it, I think the most that I've experienced is in parenthood. And it's like you cannot change who you are. You cannot change who your children are, nor do you make who they are. But you can help them to mine their inner selves for their gems. not their personality but their character and I don't know

I don't know neatly how to describe that how that looks but the best you can do is just recognize the things you're talking about and like not criticize yourself too harshly because that will help you not criticize your child later too harshly because they will start

I mean right now my toddler is starting to act out in a way he has never acted out before like he's actually what something that's always been super easy is that he's like he's just really been for the most part pretty easy like there's certain things I mean you know dinner time and bedtime is always like a that's always a toss up depending on near environment but um been really easy now he's starting to like he's like really strong he has this he doesn't go to school fully but he has this program um like you know teacher type person and she said the other day like yeah he's very strong-willed and she

said it in the gentlest way but he is so like he does this thing where he like he kind of holds his hands like this he's like no no no no you see no and he and it's like it's he has these adult mannerisms that he's just trying on and I know that they're basically mine and it's it's hard out here what about you Sophie what are you learning about maintaining yourself in motherhood it's funny I knew that this question was going to come up because I looked at the questions beforehand and I had to ask David on the way I was like how have I is that David what's my identity

now is that an answer to find yourself and maintain who you are in in parenthood his response right away was creativity

like you're still working on artistic projects has been huge and it's like it's an outlet it feels connected to motherhood and so it's not

something that I have to like go so far to do it's just a new experience in life and just using it like I would any other new experience to like to form new thoughts and and connections and yeah stick around we'll be right back all right so um let's just let's just let's just real talk as they say for a second that's a little bit of an aged thing to say now that that dates me doesn't it um but no real talk uh how important is your health to you you know I'm like a one to ten. And I don't mean in the sense of vanity. I mean in the sense of like you want

your day to go well, right? You want to be less stressed. You don't want it as sick. When you have responsibilities, I know myself, I'm a householder. I have two children and two more on the way, a spouse, a pet, you know, a job that sometimes has its demands. So I really want to feel like when I'm not getting the sleep and I'm not getting nutrition when my eating's down, I want to know that I'm being held down some other way physically, you know. My family holds me down emotionally, spiritually, but I need something to hold me down physically, right? And so honestly, I turned to symbiotica, these vitamins and these beautiful little packets

that they taste delicious. And I'm telling you, even before I started doing ads for these guys, it was a product that I really, really liked and enjoyed and could see the differences with. The three that I use, I use the, what is it called, the liposomal, vitamin C and it tastes delicious like really really good comes out in the packet you put it right in your mouth some people don't do that I do it I think it tastes great I use the liposomal glutathione as well in the morning really good for gut health and although I don't need it you know anti-aging and then I also use the magnesium L3 and 8 which is really good for for I think

mood and stress I sometimes use it in the morning sometimes use it at night all three of these things taste incredible, honestly. You don't even need to mix it with water. And yeah, I just couldn't recommend them highly enough. If you want to try them out, go to symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping. That's symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping. The first few weeks of school are in the books and now's the time to keep that momentum going. I-XL helps kids stay confident and ahead of the curve. I-XL is an award-winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning. Whether they're brushing up on math or diving into social studies, it covers math, language arts, science, and social

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so I'm not trying to comment on that. But we were actually talking about how portrayals of motherhood in the media currently often make it seem like a big slog. Or it's this whole, like, you have to give up so much to have a child, which I'm sure mothers do give up a lot. But I was telling you that it was really refreshing to like see you and our friend Chelsea and now our friend Zandi be mothers who are like really embracing it and are happy.

And actually my friend Zandi, her husband, is like the happiest I've ever seen him and I mentioned that and he's like I'm the happiest I've ever been like having this baby has changed my life and I was thinking about there's an aspect of parenthood that could also help you become more of who you are or a new part of who you are that

but I feel like the way we portrayed is like you give up something to do this other thing and I'm wondering how you guys feel about that I think it's both I mean I really feel like it's both also not to like the first year is I remember feeling just undoubtedly like oh lighter better

great, you know. And I'm not even saying that then it gets harder. It's more like there are a lot of... But he's three now and I want to kill him. So maybe. Yeah, but I'm ready to give him up basically. Is, uh, no, I mean... Nava, do you want my baby since you're never going to have one? Developmentally, it is definitely a very difficult stage. But I think, I think, like, I'm actually still better than I've ever been. Hmm. Yeah. And, you know, I'm having some external pressures that are, you know, they are what they are. And, and not everybody's going to go through the same moment that I'm currently having. But it should only get lighter and better.

And I think as long as you're maintaining the, as long as you do see the joy in it, it does. Even when the hard things get definitely harder. Yeah. The last thing I'll say is Chelsea, who is business partner with Panana Nava. And a good friend of mine, she had children before I did.

And I remember her and her husband invited David and I over for brunch when I was pregnant and I was telling them like you know you've really been an inspiration because you guys are so positive you you seem so happy in parenthood and they were telling me like yeah it's not that things aren't hard like it is there are definitely a lot of challenges but they had decided together to be as positive as they could because your language creates your reality shapes your reality and so the things that you're focusing on are the things that get amplified and yeah there's both camps like people feel like motherhood is portrayed too negatively there's some people who feel like you don't we don't show

the the difficulties of motherhood or parenthood enough but i think there's an argument to be made for just like focusing on the the lightness of it and the beauty of it because that shapes your reality and those are the things you'll remember really at the end of the day pen when do you feel the most to you, even as a kid. Honestly, I feel the most me when I was, when I, I do think when I was 12. Like that's, I, I think of like the music I listened to coming to L.A., uh, confronting that strange place years later, I would definitely not feel the most me. I definitely like late teens, early 20s, definitely super far from the most me, definitely.

And I'm just now getting back to it like in my 30s. Yeah, 12, like just, and what exemplifies that? Well, you know, what I'm now oddly known for is dancing in a certain way. What were you going to say, killing people? Yeah, he's like killing. Yeah, fake killing, real dancing, at least as well at least to this podcast. And I was dancing a lot then. I was pursuing it, you know?

I was taking classes and I loved it. I unabashedly loved it and that was just a part of my life and maybe when I gave up dance is when I had to put the mask on. Sophie, when do you feel the most? I think it's always in like playful situations. Recently, you know,

I'll do whatever I can to keep my baby entertained and sometimes that's like putting on really loud music and just like dancing in front of her and she's like captivated and she's just staring and it's so fun to just like be totally like in my body not on a screen not like thinking about anything else it's just like playful and she has no judgments of me yeah it's like brings so much

joy I feel very much like myself when I was a kid I remember there was this one day where me and my friend uh book young we it was raining we lived in the same apartment complex and it was like pouring rain but like tropical rains it was like warm still and we went out and just like ran there was like a grassy field and we just like ran and our feet were like squidging in like the muddy grass and I feel like that's

that captures it for me squidging captures the whole thing for me I think I feel the most me when I'm with the right people like with my dad my I love I just love spending time with my dad and my dad and I have such a funny like playful

vibe which I have like so much fun together and it's easy. It's an easy relationship. But also with like the right friends. Like, yeah, friends where you just feel like you can be fully yourself. And I think the first, I do feel that way with you, Penn. I think that's why I cry around you all the time.

When I am good friends with a man that I trust, I'm just crying in front of them all the time. I don't know what it is. It's you. It's Ashgon. It's like two other people. Penn, I probably cry with you what, like three times a week. It's probably accurate.

Anyway, when we're having to do a lot of calls. that might be accurate. But I remember the first, I think, I mean, I have had so many good friends in childhood, but I think a lot of my childhood was feeling like I really struggled with my identity. Like growing up in Puerto Rico, being American and Persian, being a different religion, speaking primarily, I mean, I didn't speak Spanish, but like English was my comfort language. So a lot of my childhood and teenagers were like me feeling out of place. Did you speak Spanish in a way that anybody, like would anybody speaking to

you when you're growing up in Puerto Rico would they know like oh are you no I had a good accent but they were I'd never and I still don't I never knew the idioms so people would because we didn't use them at home so people would share idioms like you know early bird catches the worm or whatever Spanish equivalent I never knew them so I was always like lost in the conversation and in Puerto Rico they use a lot of idioms so it like came up frequently that I was like I don't know what this means and I would feel embarrassed but we are not birds but I do remember the first friend that I really felt like a a comfort with that I'd never I didn't know I didn't feel until I met this friend

was my friend Ariana who I love Hi Ariana if you're listening Yeah she was I met her when I was 14 about to be 15 And I was just like the first person that I felt like I could be fully myself with And I really liked the version of myself that I was with her She was also very cool so she brought out like a little bit of a cooler

side to me and like introduced me to like cool music And I loved I loved that So yeah I felt the most me with that friend with my dad with Penn, with a few other people. What part of your identity is least important to you and most important to you? You know, when people talk about identity and the usual markers like race and gender,

you know, one of the hallmarks of social privilege, and I'm not calling it the sort of privilege that actually uplifts me in my heart and soul, but it's a social privilege, is that is that intellectually I did not think about identity a lot I mean as a as a as a as a boy growing up so therefore you know male and white an American all these things meant nothing to me I did not particularly treasure them they did not be some they were not something that I that I that I really held on to the the the only one that seemed to matter was like needing to act like a man end quote unquote. You know what I mean? So like that one has almost felt like I used to just not want it. I used to just like it used to exhaust me sort of emotionally. I actually feel like it's not important to me. I don't easily feel emasculated. I think. I don't know. It used to be

very important to me when I didn't think that I exhibited it. You know, when I, when I, um, so I think that my answer might be that but that's you know I don't even know I just feel like sometimes the look the only thing the only part of my identity that I've really that I've chosen is

is my spiritual life my religious identity as a behind it's the only one that matters to me like in that sense that I can you clearly say it matters the other stuff I think that would matter to me is more like personality I enjoy

humor comedy I like trying to be funny. That's the only two things I can think of. Oh, you know what? Is like intelligence part of one of them? Yeah, you could identify with your intelligence for sure. I don't know that I identify with my intelligence. I think the older I get the more, I'm like,

you know, I'm not that smart. I've got to lay that down. Although earlier today you were upset when I didn't call you brilliant. That's what you interpreted. I just didn't think the other person was that brilliant. So that's, you know, that's all that was. But I get what you're saying. I used to, yeah, you know, I used to really want to be an artist.

And I think that's, yeah, I don't know. How about you? My, the part of my identity that I wish were the least important to me is my body. It is absolutely not the least important to me. But I just wish that I could say that. Like, I don't know, you know, my body, it's going to change. It does. It changes.

It fluctuates. But it's more important to me than it should be. But what is the least important to me? It's hard to name, right? I'm not sure. It's hard to name. The most important to me, I, I, agree, like my spiritual identity, but that aside. And this is one that I'm terrified of losing.

And I've realized more and more that it is really important to me. We're not, I'm never going to make it through an episode without crying. No, I'm not going to cry. Is being a daughter. And I'm not a mother, but I always thought I would be. So I think something about like the way that love flows from parent to child is very important to me because I've already lost my mother. Yeah, I am going to cry. And my dad is 80. I'm, I live in fear of my father dying. Yeah. I mean, you have, it's a strong fear. You stayed it like in this way that it's clearly on your mind. And you make jokes about it to your credit. No, no. It's on my mind all the time. My poor father, the other day I was at my dad says we were like playing a game. We were laughing so hard. And I walked out and I did like,

I cast a little spell on him. Like I took out my fingers as though it were a wand. And I did like a little crucifixion sign on his face. And I was like, you will never die. You will never. And my dad started loving. He's like, what's that from? And I was like, no, I'm casting a spell on you. And then he just like, lost it. He was laughing so hard. But I was just like, if you see the light turn the other way, like, never needs me more. But I really want to train him to be like not want to die. Because I do think that you have a choice in it a little bit. I think part of us holding on. And that's, I'm sure, incredibly selfish. But I want my dad to hold on for as long as possible. And yeah, my fear is that my dad will die and I won't be part of my own family unit. And I realize that that part of my identity, like a member of, Like a family unit is so important to me. Yeah. Well, it should be. I mean, honestly, it should be. Look, that, for better worse for me, yeah, that's something I'm learning how to value, you know.

Frankly, I think this is, you know, an aside that way. I struggle right now to think about these questions without the huge shifts and ramifications of what I'm going. You know, I'm like, holy shit, it's really like personality, identity. I'm all just like, wow, I'm seeing it now unveiled in a way that I kind of never have. And it's, I'm able to reflect on it and I'm interested in being vulnerable and friendly conversations, but it doesn't belong on a podcast. You know what I mean? Like it's, yeah, yeah. Listener, if you're wondering why we haven't let Sophie get a worded edgewise.

Sophie is a mother and she is currently feeding her daughter. we're going to carry on without her, but she's giving, giving her burgers. She'll rejoin when she can. What metric did you use when you first decided you were an adult? You know what? When I decided to get married, that felt like a step. Also, probably most when I am parenting well, like I know that it's going well and I am doing something that's maybe a bit difficult, you know, that might be. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I don't know either. I think... Taxes?

I'm paying taxes. My gosh. What a thing. I think when I moved to China, I moved to China when I was 26, I started to feel like an adult. Certainly when my mom died, it ushered in like a new sort of adult period. But I think currently, I've seen about this recently, until very recently, I also often didn't feel like an adult. I'd be like, I can't believe that I'm this age. Like, how is it possible? But more recently, I've been like, no, I kind of feel like I am this age and I have these experiences and like being more comfortable with it. And I think I feel the most adult when I apologize to someone, like when I take accountability for something that I did

wrong. So the other day, someone called me out on something and I can be defensive or, but I just instantly apologize. And it felt so good. And I was like really specific in the apology. And I really heard the person and I really like reflected on it. I was like, I think this is a sign of maturity. So like not try to defend myself or try to like be skeptical about what he's saying to just instantly be like, you're right. I did that and that was really hurtful to you and I shouldn't have done that. That occurred to me. I was thinking of, I wasn't able to put it into that neat word apology, but I was thinking of that accountability, you know. Sophie, what was a marker for you when you realized you were an adult? Oh, getting off of my parents' phone plan. Yeah, for sure. And I remember

being really salty about it because I have two older siblings and they didn't have to come off of it until I came off it. It was kind of like, okay, Sophie's now out of college. She's getting married. Now everyone's off. And I was like, wait a second. They had several extra years of you paying for their phone bill. And also, yeah, like you said, I mean, that still happens to me.

I'm still learning how to take accountability quickly and effectively. But, yeah, it's funny how it feels so good and yet so hard to do. It can be so hard to do. Yeah. Like all the good things. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Fall is in full swing, and it's the perfect time to refresh your wardrobe with pieces that feel as good as they look. Luckily, Quince makes it easy to look polished, stay warm, and save big, without compromising on quality.

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where the schools went is out now find it wherever you get your podcast and start listening today Is there any part of your personality character self You haven't developed yet that you would like to be part of your identity I'll go first Because mine is really easy

I would really love to be A wife and a mother I hope that that that is a part of my identity that I can experience. But I do feel like I've come a long way and also being like if I don't achieve those things, like there are so many opportunities for joy and well-being. And like it doesn't all depend on that. But I would love to get to express that.

Yeah. Love that. I was going to say, it's not that I think I'm not smart, but I think intellect. I think like I would love to read more. Yeah. And I would love for that to be more part of my identity, my intellect. you are very smart just to say I'm nodding my head like agreeing that you have those feelings

but I thought it would be so great if Sophie just got a little bit smarter no you are very smart but I do think yeah it feels good when you can like read and when there are moments in life when we have those opportunities that's nice yeah mine is the opposite is being more fun

and I only recognize it because you said intellect and I was like you want to read more you're like I got that I've got intellect I need to read less no the truth is I don't get to read that much But, God, I want to. And no, yeah, fun. Fun is definitely the easy one to name.

All right, guys. Thanks for listening. We love you pod crushies. Oh, I like that one. Have we not heard that? I do like that. I think that's a new one. It was so marketing different from when I said pod crusher.

What did I say? Pod crushers? You just actually gag. And Zovie would gag each time. And you just gave like a puppy. You're like, Podcruces. Yeah. Pod crushes, pod crushers.

Okay, bye. Who told us to start a podcast? Bye.