Podcrushed - Leighton Meester

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Penn invites his old pal Leighton Meester to help kick things off. They reminisce about the first project they ever worked on together (spoiler - it's not Gossip Girl). The gang chats about fake heart attacks, unfair beauty standards, and whether it's time for Leighton to play Timothee Chalamet's mom.Follow Podcrushed on socials: @podcrushedWant to submit a middle school story? Go to www.podcrushed.com and give us *every* detail.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lemonada We both have a mutual friend that I went to middle school with in New York. She told me that she was new to the school and that me and my best friend at the time kind of came up to her. We're like, come and sit with us or whatever. And we're like, let's be friends, but we're witches.

This is podcast. crushed. The podcast that takes the sting out of rejection, one crushing middle school story at a time. And where guests show their teenage memories, both meaningful and mortifying. And we're your hosts. I'm Nava, a former middle school director. I'm Sophie, a former fifth grade teacher. And I'm Penn, a middle school dropout. We're just three beehis who are living in Brooklyn. Wanting to make stuff together with a particular fondness for awkward nostalgia. Well, I struggle with nostalgia. I'm here for the therapy. Okay, so here's what I've got. Here's what I've got.

Are you listening? We're all, we're waiting with bated breath for you to do this intro, Penn. Well, don't, don't bait it. All right. Remember when Penn was like, hey, guys, we just need a half hour for this, right? I laughed. I wanted to put L-O-L. Hello, thank you for tapping on your phone, scratching at your screen.

Thank you for, can anybody listen to this on a computer? Anyway, welcome to podcast. crushed. This is our very first episode. So to kick us off, I called on a dear old friend of mine. You know, I actually forgot how much we'd been through together. Her name is Leighton Meester. You know her best from our time sharing the screen together in a little project called Helleberger, right? It's a classic called Horner. No? No, sorry. Oh, you're thinking about Gossip Girl? Oh, Sophie here. And like the listener, I watched Gossip Girl when I was in 7th grade right when it came out. So doing this episode was wild for me, you guys, sitting next to

Leighton Meester and Penn Badgley. Hang on, though, you do every episode with me. I know. I've kind of gotten used to you, but sitting next to Leighton Meester was wild for me. She was super down to earth, though, very chill. And the subtext of saying that Leighton is down to earth is that I'm not. She's like, oh God, it was so amazing to be around Leighton. To finally meet a down to earth celebrity. And it's just like she's a celebrity, but like she wasn't first of what she was early with a go up at the end and you are at once very down to earth and also like late way up in the heavens like in like the celestial realm okay that's fair we were super late to the studio we showed up like maybe half an hour to 45 minutes after her and navva

you know took a few wrong turns driving us there just like four introduce yourself Navajo. Hello, Navi Kavlin cannot drive. Do not know my left from right, but I'm usually on time. Also, never late. Well, she's what you would expect from a former middle school director. But a middle school director who can't drive. Yes.

We're going to start this episode, how we'll start every episode, with a real life middle school story submitted by a listener and narrated by Penn. I'm so excited for this episode. Today's story came to us by way of a young woman in Texas. And it's personally my favorite story because I feel like it's the archetype of something that could only happen in middle school. The choices that this young girl makes, you would only make when you are not a child, not an adult,

and really don't know what to do with yourself. The only other context in which this behavior would be justified? At a bar, drunkenness? The only other circumstance where this behavior would be justified is actually in a life or death situation. It's like actually, you know, where the stakes are so high. I feel like this story almost seems like it was written as part of a movie. There's like a building climax, and you think you're at the climax, but you're not.

It just gets worse and worse. Which is the sign of a great climax. Yeah. You know, you get to fake out. It's like a good script. Does anyone else ever get that nagging feeling that their dog might be bored? And do you also feel like super guilty about it? Well, one way that I combat that feeling is I'm making meal time, everything it can be for my little boy.

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wherever you get your podcast or watch us on YouTube. In 2017, I set foot in a public school world for the first time in my life. You see, up until that point, I've been homeschooled. Yeah, you know, like eat lunch with your mom every day, homeschooled. What drove my parents? to the decision that 8th grade was the right time. To throw me into the layer of miscreants that is middle school, I'll never know, but it wasn't all bad. Because that was the year, I met Cam. Cam was my first crush.

Four months in, and I had a full-blown infatuation. So one day, my friend Sarah and I were hanging out at a park in my neighborhood in Austin, Texas, when we spot Cam walked. over. Now, before we go any further, it's very important that you remember that I was homeschooled four years before these fleeting few months of eighth grade. I had no experience with boys or crushes. So, okay, back to Cam. He began approaching us. I began freaking out. My palms were getting clammy and my fight or flight instincts were kicking in. So I did what any 13-year-old girl in my position would do. Run and hide inside a small tunnel on the playground floor.

Pugh. Close one, right? Well, except he saw me. Cam saw me. So Cam started walking over. I saw him coming. Did I pretend I was searching for something on the ground? No. Did I stand up and play it off like I meant to crawl into this tunnel? No. No. Did I do anything sane or rational? No, I just let him come, find me like that. Cam approached. I remained crouched. You know, I can see you, right? He glanced down at me.

I was mortified. This was my chance to recover, though, right? Laugh it off, play it cool. ha ha just a little friendly hide and seek no naturally i did no such thing instead i i stayed inside the tunnel with my head down wordless just waiting for cam to go away he stared at me i stared at the ground he walked away finally sarah you remember my friend And Sarah, yeah, so she, embarrassed for me, came over, and she dragged me out of the tunnel and marched me over to Cam, insisting that I say hi, like a normal human being.

But I was seized with so much fear, and see, this is where the story really begins, that as she was pulling me over towards him, I pretended to have a heart attack and die. Yes, that is right. I, 13 years old, preferred to collapse onto the gravel and pretend to die rather than say hello to my crush. Cam and Sarah said nothing. They simply walked away, leaving me to collect my thoughts. And there a few moments passed, maybe a few minutes passed, maybe a star died. I don't know, I'm not sure, but I managed to regain some semblance of self-control.

I picked myself up and I walked over to them. Oh, hey, hey, oh, Cam, hey. I didn't even know you were here. What a coincidence. Cam, uh, he smiled and was actually pretty cool about it. I, uh, got to go play basketball. Nice seeing you today, he said, and he ran off. I reached out to Cam about a year later to say hi. You know, weirdly he still remembered the whole me playing dead thing.

I guess I had to learn a classic life lesson in the most embarrassing way possible. while it may be romantic to die for love, it's never cool to play dead in front of your crush. I know Cam. Everybody knows Cam. Cam seems nice. Cam was nice. Cam was, I feel like he handled it really well.

You know, I love Cam. I relate to that whole thing. Did you have, did you have, I mean, this is where, you know, people often say to me, well, often as part. Probably almost I think when you're in a position such as mine or yours, people love to make assumptions as though you've not experienced awkwardness and that kind of thing. And, you know, for me, I actually was like a painful amount of it. Do you remember a lot of awkwardness? Like, what was that time like?

I mean, to me, it is never ended. actually yes that's it right there and to me life itself and every social interaction and otherwise like every like work interaction romantic interaction friend interaction is just one endless hangover

of what was I said what did I say and like ruminating and like replaying what happened with acting as well like I'll replay every scene I've ever done and been like oh this I could have played it So it's never quite, never quite ended. It's interesting when we were prepping for this, I was saying, like, I want to ask Leighton if she's ever had like an awkward or embarrassing crush story, but she seems like

someone who's like so together and so elegant. Like, I can't imagine her having that experience. That's literally what I'm elegant on the word elegant. I do remember I had a few really good best girlfriends and there were, maybe there were boys around. They were so in the periphery of my, like, best girlfriends. And every, like, first kiss was with a girl. Every, like, first, like, showing each other, talking about our bodies, just all of that. It seemed very, like, you know, sorority. And then I moved to New York, and I went to a school that was really small. And I can't say that I had a crush on anyone. But I do remember

playing spin the bottle and participating up until the point where I was going to kiss somebody and I was like I'm not doing that. I wanted to spin and maybe there was somebody that I was like fascinated with I wanted to kiss but I never wanted

to actually go through with it. You wanted to spin like you just literally wanted to spin the physical bottle like you just wanted that. I think like I wanted to be part of like the cool like I thought that it was cool that we were all together doing it and like assuming that I've walked out a lot of this time and now you're forcing me to remember but like like what was

middle school like I'm like I don't know it's funny it's like I mean I don't spend much time thinking about that time and I and I wonder why I think it was the most formative period truly and it was so it was definitely the beginning of like realizing a lot about the adults in my life and how much I did not trust them and realizing a lot about like certainly about my own body but just sort of like also hating it and also like it's the time where you are starting to like maybe be attracted to people other than you know I don't know if you're human other than yourself and also yourself a lot I'm not judging that but then also it's like your worst time or you're like, you know, do I start shaving my legs and, like, wearing mascara or, I don't know,

all the ways that, like, you can be insecure, suddenly start, like, you get zits and you're, like, disgusting. And zits aren't disgusting, but just you feel that way. And, like, the embarrassment of being 13 is so embarrassing to be 13. Yes. It's just, I'm imagining just somebody standing just being like, eh. Just every moment, every thing. It's twitching for those who can't see.

It's horrible. I remember a 13-year-old. Yeah. You can tell Naba, but. I remember someone asking me how old I was and just being so ashamed to be like, 13. You can't finish the word. Well, like, also, you know, you're, there's no way of hiding that you're 13.

Like, you might think that they can, like, if you look at a 13-year-old, and even nowadays, like, there's a lot of jokes about, like, they're not young people where you're like, they don't look that age. It was so terrible for us when we were that age. Like, we, you know, our fat, like, the fashion of the 2000s is, like, all horrible. And now they're just so put together and they have, like, YouTube and TikToks to, like, do their brows well. And, like, they're all, like, more mature. I was thinking about this recently because I was watching a show. of these two huge TikTok stars and one of their friends in the show, someone was asking her, like, why is your gender, like all you and your friends, you're so well behaved, like,

you're so put together. And she was saying, yeah, it's because we have this, like, third person watching us. Everyone has a phone. Anyone could whip out whatever recording device they have and, like, take a picture, take a video, it lives on the internet forever. And so we've internalized this, like, being in our head. God. yeah yeah except not as like forgiving as god the public on tic-tog is not as forgiving I mean it's like if you if we're becoming more and more image conscious as a culture and I even remember I mean at 12 years old

it's just like you have this idea of what you're supposed to look like which is represented by a couple of people right you guys you know yeah oh I know what we're supposed to look like no no it's true yeah I can't well now I've been stopped in my yeah sorry sorry I can't I feel so much shame. You can't help your bone structure, Ben. It's helped me.

What was I saying? I don't know. I just completely... There's like one or two people you're supposed to look like. Yeah, well, and I think regardless of what you look like, you're even for the first time being like, it matters what I look like. Yeah.

Because as a child, you can't, you just don't have that awareness. Like, it's just not possible. I think it depends. I think you're absorbing it. Especially young girls probably do absorb like, you know, I'm supposed to look like Barbie or a princess, certainly that like grow up, get married, have kids like that sort of even not just your looks, but sort of where your trajectory is in life. And I have like a weird combo. I feel like lots of self like loathing and criticism. It's like been since I was a child from all different sources. And then also the. sense of like is it body dysmorphia to be like damn i look good like all the time like even when i'm sure that i don't like i have it's it's and i think that it is from some sort of like

extended childhood of being an actor and being able to play and continue playing i remember when barbies were done like no one was playing with barbies anymore except for a few select friends and i wanted to play so bad still and it was over it was like well that's done and all the Barbies that you've collected in the little world that you've made. It's done. We're not doing that anymore. Now what you're getting for your birthday is like nail polish and makeup and and diaries, you know, and that kind of thing. That's interesting in a couple levels, but do you feel like, because you were acting, which I was also at that age, do you feel as though some of that time, I guess in retrospect, was like taken from you? Is that kind of part of what you were saying?

Or am I just imagining that? No, no, no. No, no. No, no. That's not. You want your child good back? I think we should talk about this. I'm feeling this way. Nowadays, I feel like a big old kid that I get to, like, go to work, and it's, and it is fun. And it is like, God, don't we just get to be, like, teenagers forever, you know, in that way? But as a kid, it is not the environment for, professional workplace is not, you know, the right environment for a child at all. Yeah.

What about you? I think I'm still constantly coming to terms with what an unusual circumstance being, not just an actor, but like a professional working actor. And so in a way, I think when I keep coming up against is how all of those insecurities that we have, which we end up discovering are unwarranted and magnified, being an actor, it's almost like all of those things are validated. You know, it's like every insecurity you have about your body, either someone who's seen you on camera has mentioned it in a comment somewhere, or you do transform, you do lose weight, or you get taller, or you work out, or you buy the thing. Well, from that age, not in your 20s. I was like, where did it? How? I'm still growing.

I have a doctor. I can. Still growing, still going. And like, you know, if you do. do, then you realize I don't feel an atom of difference. I still feel the way that I felt. Which there's something about this time too when you're like, you're just like, what is this body?

Like my body. And also what you're saying, there's two different aspects to being an actor. Certainly, like, as an adult, there's a different, like, expectation. And we, I think in many ways, like, we get to, I think, have very little responsibility except for our own selves on set you know like what are our lines what are our characters process that like that's that's fun to me and then

when you're a kid and what you are getting like applauded for on set is for how grown up you are how responsible and how professional and that's really this whole other expectation that is not really right to put on a kid

no matter what you know like oh look what a grown up you Like, that's something that I still, you know, if I ever do have issues with anything, whether it's on set or otherwise in life, I have a fear of, like, complaining and being troubled at all. I wonder for you guys, because me, I'm not an actor, but I can think back to middle school and also elementary school, just childhood. And, like, I can pinpoint a few comments that just, like, my whole world then was centered on that comment. Even people who loved me, like my sister, I remember, she was like, you know, Sophie, if you tense your stomach, one day you'll have abs. Like, if you just, throughout your life, just tense your stomach. I remember thinking about that constantly. Like, I would catch myself and be like, oh, got to tense it. Like, one day I'll have abs that way. And it's on one level when you're

experiencing that from, like, friends and family or, like, classmates. But I'm wondering, were you guys young enough when you started to have that also from, like, the public, to hear those things. Any comments that like got to you and had like stayed with you? Not as a, not as a middle schooler, but I do remember having all kinds of stuff. Like I remember my cousins who were a few years older than me saying that my freckles, like I'm going to need to fade them. They told me to use buttermilk. And now I'm looking back going, was that a trick? But I remember being like, I need buttermilk. We need to buy buttermilk from the store. Getting buttermilk, putting it on like a washcloth and just like keeping it on my face and being like ashamed of freckles.

Wow. Which I had no control over. See, that, yeah. Thank you for me. I have control over my freckles, but I don't know what kind of freckles you got. That's really, that's just this idea that you can even become ashamed about, because you're not one of those people who's covered in freckles. Like there are people who have a lot of freckles, which I also think can be really beautiful.

It's like it's just, you know, neither way do I. really care but but freckles are actually really in right now are they yeah people fake freckles wait are you serious yeah yeah I'm out it's too much it's too many things all at once but isn't it such an annoying like age that we've like come to or like these kids drawing their freckles on when I was a kid freckles like it's just like it's that feeling of being like I'm getting older I mean and truly like being a woman too. I mean, Penn, you're part of this. Yeah, I couldn't. I can relate.

Honorary woman. But like as you get older, specifically like once you're married and have kids as a woman in our business, my viable love interest in a movie is 50. Oh, that's terrible. Leighton. That's so upsetting.

I can't, like, I was really, we were playing this game the other night like scrolling through movies and going, what's that guy's age? What's that girl's age? And it is, and let's start at 15 years of difference. And, you know, I was doing a show for the last couple years and playing a mom. And if I truly was the mother of this child, I would have been a very young.

I would have had him when I was like 20, which also is part of the story and it's totally fair. And they're like, you know, you're turning 30 on the show. And so I'm like, okay, that's a couple years younger than my actual age. It was just fair. And then they're like, we need you to cover up those grays. And I'm like, wow, wow, no, I don't want to. This is the actual age. This is actually what someone who has like a 10, 11, 12 year old.

Like this is somebody who's like a few grays in their hair, but we want you to just look younger, just a little younger, things like that. This is where I develop. Like I have a powerful disdain for our industry and it's, you know, it's mores. And when I hear that, I'm just like, I mean, it really, it just, it doesn't, it doesn't even, I wouldn't even say it makes me angry. It makes me be like, you're wrong. Yeah, no, you're wrong.

You are morally bankrupt, end it. Well, it's, it doesn't just have an effect just on you, Layton. It's cultural, huge cultural ripple effects. It has a huge effect on the world. And that's the crazy part. It's like, yeah, and I mean, that's minor. That's minor. And I even, I mean, far be it from me, because I had enough, like,

whatever. It's not even inner strength. It was just me being like, no, I don't really want to put cover. I don't want to do that. We're not going to do that. And then being like, no, you're right. That's fine. It's like, that's dimension. It's good. But it's sort of like highlights. But having that, like most people, you know, in all walks of life, like, yeah, that is, that is what is more, we get more attention, more applause for being, like, young and whatever. But, but. But yeah, no, you're right. It has a ripple effect. I just this weekend did a presentation on the impacts of media and society and in particular, like, girls and boys.

And so I had done a lot of it also comes down to, like, all of this machinery is profit-making. And there's, like, advertising is, like, trying to mold our consciousness in a particular way. So if you keep people obsessed with their youth, they'll continue to spend money on products that they don't need to look something that they're never going to look because they are actually aging.

So I think it's also, like, a fear tactic. to get you to spend your money, and it sort of like diverts all of your time and all of your attention to something that doesn't matter, and it's just a ploy to get you to spend money. And it's a very deliberate ploy. Like, it's very calculated, and there are people who have given, like, lots of thought to how do you keep people insecure so that they'll buy our products. So it's also just so sad because it's so wasteful, and it has real impacts on people, like people truly feel people like I'm not part of them, I feel it too. You feel sad, you feel insecure, you feel like you're not enough. Men your own age aren't interested in you. They're

looking at someone 10 years younger, you know, it has devastating consequences and it's all to feed the capitalist machine to get you to spend your money. And I'd say on the typically male side of things, you actually, the second you're aware of all of this, you know, your body starts changing, your awareness starts changing, all you want to do is be older. Because even at 12 and 13, that age gap starts to be impressed upon us all. Like, you know, you keep thinking you need to be older because then the girls your age will like you. That's so funny. And even, I would say, at my age now working, I'm trying to think of the right way to say this.

Like, if there's a woman my age cast, I know I won't be cast opposite her. And that's a bummer. Like, I'm just like, oh, no, no. It's like if I know the female role is already out. She's playing your mom. I'm not even kidding. Like, I'm like, I'm old enough to play Timothy Chalameh's mom. Oh.

And I'm not even, it's not a joke. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Oh. All right. All right. So let's just, let's just real talk, as they say for a second.

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I have two children and two more on the way a spouse a pet you know a job that sometimes has its demands so I really want to feel like when I'm not getting the sleep and I'm not getting nutrition when my eating's down I want to know that I'm that I'm being held down some other way physically you know my family holds me down emotionally spiritually but i need something to hold me down physically right and so honestly i turned to symbiotica these these these these these these vitamins and these beautiful little packets that they taste delicious and i'm telling you um even before us i've done ads for these guys it was a product that i uh i really really liked and enjoyed and could see the differences with um the three that i use i use uh the the what is it called

the liposomal vitamin C and it tastes delicious like really really good comes out in the packet you put it right in your mouth some people don't do that I do it I think it tastes great I use the liposomal glutathione as well in the morning really good for gut health and although I don't need it you know anti-aging and then I also use the magnesium L3 and 8 which is really good for for I think mood and stress I sometimes use it in the morning sometimes use it at night all three of these things taste incredible. Honestly, you don't even need to mix it with water. And yeah, I just couldn't recommend them highly enough. If you want to try them out, go to symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping. That's symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for

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Yeah, DeVita. So she told me that she was new to the school and that me and my best friend at the time kind of came up to her. We're like, come and sit with us or whatever. And we're like, let's be friends, but we're witches. That's amazing. That's exactly what I would want it to be. And we're like, if you're going to be friends with us, you have to be a witch, too. So did you, do you think, and do you remember this?

I mean, I remember being a witch. Have you seen a show, Penn 15? Yes. Okay, have you seen the episode where they're witches? This is all, that's all I'm thinking about. And I'm like, I can't believe what a universal experience that was as like a 13-year-old. We would do spells, I don't know, about what really. My one friend, to this day, says that she did a spell to make her hair curly.

And her hair's curly now. She still says that she maintains this now. We're 35 years old. She's like, remember when we did that spell? And we had to get whatever ingredients and we had to substitute some stuff with like dish soap. And we did spells. We would let light candles and do spells. Gen Z would call this manifesting.

She manifested her curly hair. It's plain. I mean, you're continuing the play, but I think it's different now, and I think that, like, what we're giving to young girls is different, but a lot of the play was like, we're getting married or we're getting, you know, there is that game. So you're a princess and you're getting married and, you know, or you're in high school, certainly as the end-all be-all or here in college or whatever. So maybe it is the, like, superhero equivalent for, like, a young girl who's out of, like, dolls, you know. Sure. Yeah, that's interesting because boys are have the, it's almost like boys have the freedom to think magically up until that point. And then it's, and then it's sort of like, all right, now you got to turn that into some real, real world everyday masculine sort of power. And then it sounds like, yeah, like I guess girls are thinking about their power maybe in a different way, which is cool. I like that. Well, it's being stripped from us in many ways. Like you said, like I remember being like hollered at walking down the street from a car when I was like, like 14 you know and being like what was that about and not fully understanding it you know but just

you know suddenly it's like well then then you're you know slowly becoming more like of an object and then once you're 18 games on you know and that's horrifying or games over games over I suppose and now you're just progressing towards being too old yeah nothing's ever good enough I remember being 13 and being like, when I'm 16, I'll be happy. Yeah. And we do watch a lot of like movies and now, funny enough, anything that's centered around teenagers, I'm like, I don't care. Yeah. Show me some grownups.

But when we're kids, we're watching just teenagers and that's what our whole world is. That is, I'm going to drop a bomb here. I'm going to reference the show we were on together. It's what everybody came here for. I remember being 20 and being like, why does everyone care what these teenagers are doing? Everybody's thinking so much about what teenagers are doing in their relationships. And if you really think about the kind of dramatic episodes

that these or any real teenagers would be doing, emulating it or having similar experiences, it's like you're literally creating something out of nothing. There's a miscommunication over texting, right? Between a 16-year-old and a 17-year-old. Okay, this is what millions of people. We literally are talking about something that could be, I don't know, solved by auto-correct now. Seriously.

And you're telling me that's something that everybody wants to watch and it's like oh it's so salacious there's so much happening it's like there's nothing happening there's actually it's inconsequential and you know and that's i wouldn't say that's unique to actually any show that we've been on that is that is uh that is drama that is like often what we think about when we talk about drama yeah and and and i know that for me when i was about 2021 22 35 into my 40s I'm just kind of like why Why is this the thing? Like, what is it about this?

And, well, that's that. People don't share that sentiment, Penn. I mean, it's funny. The most annoying advice that I give to my 22-year-old sister constantly, which she asks for and the never follows fair. But what would you do? What do you do if your best friend's boyfriend says this? Or what do I do about my, you know, whatever in school or my apartment?

And I'm like, this is so annoying, but like, it doesn't matter. it doesn't and I know that like that it does to you right now this person said this or whatever like don't get involved stay home if you want and like I just and the most annoying thing is being told by an older person that what you're going through it doesn't matter and I'm not saying that what I don't agree 100% of what you just said as well but I do I'm agreeing with my own advice as well and I'm like yeah like

it doesn't matter you're 22 what do you want to do with your time don't get involved in that i don't know just read and like learn an instrument and like study a language and spend time with your friends and like better yourself and don't get involved in the like minutia just don't it's not worth it you're not going to think about it later what you're saying is essentially true and i think it's getting down into the the cellular experience of anyone when they're in pain in the moment the fact that you're having that experience the fact that it matters so much to you is the thing that you that shapes you is the sort of emotional and chemical experience that does shape you as you grow and even though you can know years later it doesn't matter you're

still laughing and cringing about it and writing a story and you know what i mean it's like it's still it sticks and i think somehow even though i am you know probably far too prone to like casually dismissing an entire generations like interest in a particular drama when I talk to my stepson who's 12 I have to catch myself

because like I'm not his his dad is very much in his life so I am this other role this always evolving like other parental figure sometimes very friendly sometimes very brotherly sometimes very parental

I have to catch myself from like not dismissing his cares you know because sometimes they will be it's like we're We're talking about a shoe. Like, that's what we're actually talking about. We're talking about. I remember when I was 16, my whole family, like, labeled me as, like, boy crazy.

That was my password in middle school, like, boy crazy 99 or something. And I was just, like, obsessed. I had so many crushes. And the feeling of my whole family was kind of like, Sophie, just move on. Like, it's not that important. You're so young. Nothing's actually real. Nothing's going to happen.

And this girl who's actually now my sister-in-law, she married my brother, but before they were ever together, when I was first meeting her, I sat down with her for something else. And she sat down and immediately was like, so tell me about boys. And I was just like, oh, oh, my God. And it was like, huge. And she, I think, like, it was almost like not, she wasn't doing it in a tricking way, but it makes me think, like, how do we as adults then do that for younger people? Like, get on their level. I'd be like, yeah, I totally get it. Tell me everything.

And then, like, mold them and guide them. That's so sweet. It's actually not that important. But, like, you have to be able to acknowledge it with them first. Yeah, so we've come full circle. It doesn't matter to, let's validate this whole generation and make them feel worthy. The first step, it sounds to me like is listening, you know? Yeah.

And that's what I feel like I didn't have a lot at this age. I didn't have a lot of people really listening. I don't know that I felt like I had anybody listening, to be honest. You know, I don't think that the boomer generation really knew how to listen to a 12-year-old. I don't think that was like cultivated in them. Their parents were like, I went to war. You go to school, have a drink. You know, like that's the extent of, it was like, you're not dead.

Something I was going to say, and we can cut this, but because now we're going back to gossip crawl. But I do remember, I do. I do want to bring him back to go. Well, no, because I think it was like an extension of what we're talking about. So, like, I was 20 when I started that show and doing, like, you know, fittings for lingerie, right? And, like, okay, so we're going to do this scene and you're going to be changing in front of a... I think every episode. I mean, so many, like, sexual fantasies.

But I'm just saying, like, right away, it was like... Right, I mean, I was, yes, absolutely. So, so I'm 20 years old at the time doing scenes of not just, like, having, like, sex or, like, you know, sexual, like, fantasy stuff and then, like, in a bed with someone or whatever. we were 20 so whoever was looking at it certainly like girls that were actually 16 I was playing a 16 year old they're watching it thinking that is what a 16 year old looks like right now I'm watching a 16 year old have sex I'm watching a 16 year old in lingerie and their body but actually it's not a 16 year old it's a 20 year old but my brain is being told that it's a 16 year old so that like kind of messes with you too completely this is what I mean is like is like if If we actually put 15 and 16-year-olds in these, like, teen shows and movies that we make, we'd all be like, what the, like, no. It wouldn't be funny.

It wouldn't be sexy. But then we put in people with, like, you know, like, who look like us. And, you know, we have to, like, shave twice a day already. And, you know, it's like, it's just, it's just not fair to anybody. Yeah. You know, it's just, it's not. Yeah, it is messed up to know that the people who 13-year-olds are idolizing are actually 20. And it's also weird for them to be playing a 16-year-old

And walking into bars ordering like dirty martini And not having any issues with that at all Being like, it's my 15th birthday It's like James Bond It's so weird Literally like I'll have a scotch, I killed a man And there's no question from these people like At all

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I don't think about it hardly ever, but then I'm like, oh, Hella Burger. Hellaburger. It's called Drive-Thru. I was wondering which title you were going to shout just now. And I'm really glad that was the one. Hella Burger. They should, man. We should get that clean.

So for the listener, we did a like a, like a. a real B-grade horror together. And it wasn't that long before Gossip Girl, was it? No, I want to say maybe a year. Yeah, maybe a year and a half or two at most, but it was like, it was, it was on the cusp. Yeah. I still had my really long hair. It's so funny. Like, I don't know if I've ever seen it.

I don't think I have either. Yeah, I would like to. Oh, really? I've seen clips. I'd like to. I'd like to. You know, of like there's a Ouija board scene. Mm-hmm. You're decapitated spoiler. I believe. Spoilers, spoilers. No, no, no, I'm cut in the middle, in the half. I'm cut in, I'm cut in fully half. Let's be clear. So what is that called?

Like a magic joke? No, and then my body, my torso slides off of my legs. Oh, right on. And that was interesting. I have to ask, since you guys did that and then Gossip Girl, do you remember your first impressions of each other? And did they change when you sort of came together for? Did I meet you for the first time on that movie? or did we meet before?

Because I do recall, I think I was at a party at your house once. Interesting. She does not remember you. I mean, I'm pretty sure we met on that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ended up at like a Halloween party or something at your house.

And I remember waiting in line for the bathroom and just, and you turned around and I hadn't seen you with blonde hair. And I was like, oh, hey, right, we, uh, but then Gossip Girl was not on the horizon. We didn't know we were going to work together later. That's about the extent of it But then I must have invited you to the party

No, I think I was there with a friend Oh, okay That is really funny I know It's the vaguest memory I have So the headline is like Penn not memorable to Leighton at all Yeah Stop it

No, no No, not at all Click through, that's the link One aspect of the podcast that we sometimes explores around like relationships Like things that you thought in middle school versus now I actually have a really sweet story about your husband, Adam, for those of you who don't know, Adam Brody.

My dad had a small role in a movie that Adam was the star of that shot in Puerto Rico, and it's called Welcome to the Jungle. And I think my dad was like a toilet paper salesman that he had to make a pitch to. Anyway, so my sister and I were visiting Puerto Rico at the time, and my dad was like really excited for us to come on set. Anyway, so long story short, my sister and I are like super excited to go on set as well. We were fans of the OC, so we like knew who. Adam was, when he was the star of the movie. And when we get there, they wouldn't let us on.

And my dad had, like, done all the clearances and protocols. And for whatever reason, they wouldn't let us come on set. And Adam overheard my dad talking on the phone to someone in security, like, trying to get us on. And he's like, what's happening? And my dad told him, and he's like, don't worry, I'll take care of it. And he got us on the set. And then he gave us a tour. And I remember being, like, really touched by that because he was the star of the movie. My dad had, like, the tiniest role. He, like, went out of his way to help this person and, like, give us a tour. And I've always really rooted for Adam's career ever since then. That's so sweet.

And so I wanted to just use that as a segue to hear about how sort of your impressions or thoughts of what marriage would be like, what a relationship would be like have shifted now that you're actually like in that time of your life. Yeah, that's so amazing. That's so sweet. That sounds right. I have a picture too. I can show you later. Oh, my God. I want to see.

Wow, I can't wait to tell him that. That's so nice. I love that movie, actually. So my dad's the first shot Like the first face that it opens on is my dad Yeah In Puerto Rico That's so nice

We ended up he ended up doing a show there So we would live there for like half a year For the last three years Yeah it's so nice Amazing That's so cool That's so sweet He's sweet

I'm all It just occurred to me He's really sweet He's really sweet He's a good guy I've been with for eight years He loves that guy He's also

Kind of handsome So, to bring up DeVita again, she's at the center of every story here. By the way, for reference, DeVita was a friend of mine later in L.A. Okay, yeah. So we knew each other in middle school. Then she moved here. Then I moved here. And then weirdly, we both moved to New York and then back to L.A. all the same period.

So we've always lived in the same town for the most part. Maybe we were 16 or 17, I forget. when this would have been, but she had Adam's picture as her, as her, uh, screensaver. Oh my gosh. So I remember seeing it being like, who's that? And she's like, oh, like she told me about it. And I was like, oh, okay. So like his face is my consciousness is like this age. And it's funny because I, like, I never watched the show. Nothing against it. Clearly I married the guy in it. It's like, you know. But, um, it's just so funny to look back and be like, that was a first time I ever, like, saw his face, and I can remember, you know, a picture of him.

Wow. And, um... Did he look great? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He looked the same. He's aged nicely.

I feel like he has looked the same for 20 years. Yeah. Better. She's looking better. Probably. I haven't seen him recently. Yeah. It's frustrating.

Yeah. So that was the first time I ever saw him. Saw him. Yeah. I saw a picture on him on my friend's computer. And I think that she had different people's faces at times on her screensaver. And then, like, I remember doing Spend the Bottle with DeVita and being like... And a picture of Adam.

And a picture of Adam. Like, oh, I'm like, practicing. But, yeah, like, having, like, you know, and being like, no, this is degrading. We're not doing this. We're not going to kiss boys because the bottle's telling us, you know. Years later, it's just a different kind of bottle. Exactly. Yeah, I mean, as far as like a relationship, you know, when you're young, it's exactly what we're talking about before. She's like, don't invalidate the depth of my feelings. Like it's so passionate, so important, you know. And when you do think of like love before, like the, what you think of as like a relationship and love, it's like, that's not. It's not. I mean, I know that I got very lucky to like know and meet. I met Adam when I, when we first started. gossip girl. I met him when, you know, I think we were out here for like the up fronts or not

up fronts, but one of those kind of press things, like before the first season started. So I met him then and then, you know, didn't date him all that time. Did you make him your screensaver? I did a long game sort of ignoring him for five years and I got him. So that's the way. It does. Disclaimer, it doesn't work. Don't. Don't play mind games. As far as like when I think about guys that I liked in high school or like what I was interested in then or the fantasy of that, it was all so, so innocent. And then when I was actually in relationships, I didn't really know what to do. I was just like, you know, I think I thought about catering to the guy that I was with and like what would make him happy and then still having some sort of like inner strength to be like, no, I'm going to be strong. And I remember every comment that, like, a guy, whether I was dating him or had a crush on him, would, like, say to me about, like, a comment about my body or just comments about anything.

Like, it stays about me, about my, you know, white trash family about whatever. Like, certainly, like, I can remember and recall. And I think, like, also, I do recall the positive things that were said to me, maybe not by, like, boyfriends, but just, like, by people I worked with or by friends or by teachers. Or by teachers. like those things stuck with me things that I felt like oh I'm I am good I am like special you know and boy is that an annoying thing for for our parent parent should be like everyone thinks they're special yeah yeah oh no we are and I want everyone to think that um but this is uh not fishing for anything but I've never really felt that way about anything I've never felt like oh I belong here you know I always have that feeling of like I don't

and I don't think that that is something that I think some people have that because of unconditional love I think that's where it comes from unconditional love no I'm serious like that is I think

where people who feel a sense of belonging they're receiving some kind of unconditional love from somewhere yeah it's true and I think that's pretty rare I mean

what I would say is that most people I think actually No, maybe it's not rare Most people actually feel like their parents love them And I have this conversation a lot with my wife Like I What do you guys think Because I think I have my own

My own thoughts about that But like I'm really curious Because these two have not perfect But they have very What I see as healthy relationships With their parents I can see that You know

I can sense that and had dinner with my dad last mate and you can comment on it and I'm curious what you guys think I have two thoughts I hope that for most people they do sort of have that foundation of family and that stability that comes

with the feeling that you have unconditional love I think it's so crucial to stability and like a sense of self my other thought is that in the industry in like Hollywood there seems to be a large number of people who have challenging relationships with their parents Have I given you that impression?

Never. But I think it's a little bit skewed. So I feel like if you're in Hollywood or if you're like if that's the environment that you're in most of the time, there might be a feeling that that's really common. But I think it's less common for people whose parents are like bankers or accountants or who are just in another arena of life. I was just telling my mom yesterday because for whatever reason I'm known among my friends for having a really close relationship with my parents, but especially to my mom we talk all the time and we're very close and someone was asking me they have kids and they were like how did she do it and my mom always gives this like canned answer

of like I laid down with my kids at night and I was like mom I don't think like that's it I don't think that's the thing if that if it was that easy lots of people would have closer relationships with their kids and I was really thinking about it and I think my mom just wanted to be around us, her kids, so genuinely. She just enjoyed being around us and we felt that. And I think that's hard. Being a parent can be really challenging and you're exhausted. I don't think everybody does naturally feel that way that they're just like so enthused by everything that their kid has to say or they want to know their kid really well. And my mom just, that was just a natural thing for her. But I think that's not common is what I was going to say. I have to say. I grew

I'm from Puerto Rico, and I think in Puerto Rican culture, family is like a huge, it's the, it's more important than work. And like, like, in Puerto Rican culture, people talk a lot about Americans live to work, but we work to live. That's like an expression that it's probably common, but I used to hear my Puerto Rican friends say a lot. I know. I don't say it to me who's like half American, so I was like, hmm. But my friends all had really close relationships with their parents. And I feel like culturally, it's a thing. Like, and people feel secure in their relationships with their families.

I'm probably statistically wrong. Yeah, it's funny. I just did a movie in Croatia and truly like even the hours that people work that they're just like, no, we'll be done at seven. And then we're all going to go get dinner and just come back at like eight tomorrow. You know, and you got all the same work done. And in Puerto Rico, I actually notice is like very family friendly. Very like family oriented. Like every corner has a playground and every bar and restaurant like has high chairs and people who are like, let me hold that baby. Let me raise that. baby leave that baby with me and every like older child on a playground is like give me that baby and like that is great i feel like when you see children so accustomed to babies like that is that is something healthy is happening there we don't have that here not at all i mean like it's funny because like i feel like i live and like am raising my family in a small community and then i went to some grocery store outside of the outside of the community and this woman was standing at the cashier with her baby in a cart or like baby in a in a stroller and was like oh god i forgot something

okay um okay you can check me out and then i'll go back through i was like i can just stand here and watch your baby for you if you want and you looked at me like you're gonna steal my are you like kidnapped my baby like yeah and i was like oh yeah like the world doesn't operate like that and i'm not saying it has to be like that and god what a what a lofty like ridiculous thing me be like people should be more communal with their baby but like you know I I think they should be I feel like that's the only well that's one of the few protections that we have like I was talking to my brother the other day he has a two and a half year old and he was like we're thinking about leaving the country and I was like where would you go and he was like I don't know we just like I don't think we can be here

both him and his wife were raised overseas and now that they're raising this child they're like I don't know if we can be here and I want to be like you can do it. it like you can create a community that guards against that and i think that is the only way you have to build up a community that can help support you and in croatia they they have when you have a baby you get you take a year off and then the dad can take a year off and so your kid for two years we needed a pandemic for that yeah i'm interested personally i'm interested these days do people have hope what gives them hope you know where where we headed uh you know It's an important question.

Well, I'm here to tell you. Layton Meester, what do you think? You guys have asked a really tough questions. I have no answers. It's just the show about crushes. You've been answering them. Middle school, right? We swindled you.

We've not spoken about middle school at all. So, during the pandemic, it was truly like an intensive the three of us on a ship you know together like we didn't leave the house for so long and we really did just spend that time with each other and then when I went to have my baby

I wasn't able to like bring a doula or a midwife I had Adam there and it was so nice it was so nice that it was just us It was like everything we did and talked about and felt during that time was like us. And then, you know, the other part of the hopefulness to me kind of came out when I, when my daughter had not seen another child or another person and had, I'm sure, taken from us the sense of like, people are bad. You put up a mask and you walk on the other side of the street from them for a while. And then we finally were like, okay, she needs a friend to play with.

and our other friend and her children had been isolated and we were like let's get together and it was like nothing had happened they just are just spitting each other's mouths and nobody yeah the like the yeah I miss spitting each other's else I really do I like think that every time I'm at like a restaurant I'm like just spit in my food I just want it take down, just just yell the men, yell the specials at me into my water

and I want to drink it. But like that, not missing a beat and just being like, yes, my friend, we play. And I think what I'm saying is through the eyes of a child. You do, much like Disney.

As an adult, it is hell. If there's a child involved, boy, is it magical. And I guess that that is the point of life. So here we are. The reason for living is children. That's the reason for my life. And I know that's not the case for everyone. But if you're looking for the meaning of life, just have a baby. Or ask a baby. Ask a baby. They know. They know. But when we talked in the phone the other day, when we were talking about work and you were like, I don't question

anything, really. And I was like, I don't question anything because I'm like, well, I don't want to change anything about now. Isn't that the age old time travel? Like I wouldn't change anything. I really wouldn't. As as fucked up as stuff has been or how like whatever pain I had to go through it, I'm here now. And I think that for me, a perfect like litmus test of if I'm content or happy or whatever the expression excited for my life is like, if everything is okay with my kids or my family I'm like it's okay everything's fine I can like figure it out

and I can like unpack it and work on it and talk about it deal with it if I go to work and they're like great scene or whatever it is or if I don't they don't do that but you know what I mean and they're like you know everyone's clapping for women

and they're just like let me it's so great you're so special effortlessly but if there's something like my kids something's off or like my something's off with my relationship just something then nothing's right doesn't matter

and so it's our foundation that is like how you're doing you know it's so true it doesn't matter what kind of validation you get from the outside world it might be good for like literally 15 minutes you know you go into an interview and they're like oh it's like season three

doesn't it like make you your skin crawl when people are like you've done so much like you are a musician you have a podcast you're an actor you and you're just like the pressure it hurts isn't that such an annoying thing to say I don't like it when people compliment me I hate it and there we go back to the formative period late this is actually the question I want to end on in this is that her question yeah are you still here for me now okay go go go go go go I was just going to Segway, really just like, just crafting. Well, we always ask people, if you could go back and be with young Leighton, maybe 12 years old, 13 years old, what would you say to her?

I would say, oh, God, yeah, I don't know. I've just stopped the room cold by being like, what's the answer? What the fuck is it? I don't know. I'd say a lot of things. like talk to yourself like your own best friend. That's a really annoying quote. You wouldn't say

like you suck. You fucked up that thing. I would just be like no, you're doing your best you know? Or like I'm here for you. Being your own friend is a deep one because at age it's your own worst critic. Yeah. It's the beginning of being

your own worst critic and maybe it never stops. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. If you have great parents, I think maybe. No. Oh, no. Wait, and this has been amazing. Thank you for your time. Yeah, it's great to see you.

It's great to see you, too. Thank you for having me. Appreciate it. Is any of this usable? We'll see. We'll have to go back. You know, listen through. You know what I like the most?

Please. How she pronounced Timothy Shalame. She said Timothy Shalomay. It was like kind of lazy and it was like Timothy, because the accent is on that. On the premiere, eh? What's, is it? Like Sophie said at the beginning, I also was really struck by how down to Earth Leighton was. And, but I just can't help but keep thinking that the subtext is that I'm not.

Is that? No. No, no, no, no. I mean, Penn, you have been a celebrity your entire life, so you don't know this. But most everyday normal people think about celebrities as, like, larger than life. Yeah, also that, they're not famous. You don't have acolytes, just trailing you. Hopefully, I have to.

Sorry. Yeah, we better with this. I mean. But Penn, maybe little bits like that is why we don't think of you is down to earth. Print it. Let's move on. Sorry, go on, go on. Okay, here's what I, what I really loved about this recording experience was honestly watching you and Leighton together.

Like, I really felt the friendship. You know, I don't know how, like, in touch, you guys have been over the years, but the whole interview was feeling, like, happy that you guys were together. That's really how I felt. I was just like, I'm so happy that Penn and Layton are together right now and that they have this, like, comfort between them. It was really sweet to see you together. And I don't think this will make it into the edit, but Penn and Leighton showed each other pictures of their babies, and they sort of caught up on. on these aspects of life that are so important and it was really nice to witness that.

I really loved when Layton opened up about some comments she's had working in the industry for so long that seemed like, you know, on the scale of things relatively innocuous like comments about her body or her appearance but she's also hilarious. Actually, can I change my favorite part?

My favorite part was when she's... No. This is live. She said she wanted the waiter to spit in her mouth. I laughed so hard. Wait, I don't remember that. She's like, spit in my mouth. Spit in my mouth. Just do it. Spit in my mouth.

And I want to drink it. I think she just kept going. I have complete amnesia here. We can probably, how are we going to get out of this? How are we going to get out of this glass box of, all I'm going to do on this show is reference my shows. Yeah, please don't. I'm only going to be dismissive of them in press,

but on my show, I'm just going to cash in. Now that I've got my own show, I'm just like, yeah, you guys like Gossip, Yeah, you guys like you, come on in. Come on, going to give you more content. I will kidnap you, Twitter user too, for... The last box of gossip. I think we're out. Yeah, it's good.

All right. Bye. You can see Leighton Meester in episodes of How I Met Your Father on Hulu, and you can also keep up with her on Instagram at It's Me Leighton. Pod Crush is hosted by Penn Badgley, Navacavalin, and Sophie Anseye. Our executive producer is Nora Ritchie from Stitcher. Our lead producer and editor is David Ansari. Our secondary editor is Sharaf and Twizzle.

Special thanks to Peter Clowney, VP of Content at Stitcher, Eric Eddings, Director of Lifestyle Programming at Stitcher, Jared O'Connell and Brendan Bryans for the tech support, and Shruti Marante, who transcribes our tape. Podcrush was created by Navakavalin and is executive produced by Penn Badgley and Navakavalin and produced by Sophie Ansari. This podcast is a ninth mode production. Be sure to subscribe to Podcrush.

You can find us on Stitch, the Serious XM app, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. If you'd like to submit a middle school story, go to podcrush.com and give us every detail. And while you're online, be sure to follow us on socials, or we're telling everyone that your mom still walks you to the bus stop. You don't want that. It's at Podcrush, spelled how it sounds, and our personals are at Penn Badgley, at Nava, that's Nava with three ends, and at Scribble by Sophie. And we're out. See you next week. Bye. Feel free to jump in, like, I think we can play with each other.

Sure, sure. Be sure to subscribe to Pod Crush. Bitch.