Podcrushed - Valentine's Day Special (100th Episode)

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

It's our 100th episode! To celebrate the milestone -- and it's fortuitous occurrence in Valentine's week -- we've put together a compilation of our favorite crush and heartbreak stories, featurin...g guests like Ayo Edebiri, Matthew McConaughey, Jenna Ortega, Amy Schumer, and so many more. Enjoy!   Follow Podcrushed on socials: Instagram TikTok XSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Lemonada. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. Happy V-Day, right? Should I be saying the full word? Valentine's Day? Today we have a compilation, a lovi-dovey compilation, a crushy, wushy, I don't even, I'm upset and bored with myself at the same time. But this is a special episode where we have some of our favorite first
Starting point is 00:00:29 crush and first heartbreak stories from guests over the years and there it has been years can you believe it so when we get back from the break that that ad break that you love i'm going to pass the mic because it is heavier than the crown to sophy and she is going to take you through all of these these lovely moments enjoy does anyone else ever get that nagging feeling that their dog might be bored. And do you also feel like super guilty about it? Well, one way that I combat that feeling is I'm making meal time everything it can be for my little boy, Louie. Nom Nom does this with food that actually engages your pup senses with a mix of tantalizing smells, textures and ingredients. Nom Nom offers six recipes bursting with premium proteins,
Starting point is 00:01:24 vibrant veggies and tempting textures designed to add excitement to your dog's day. pork potluck, chicken cuisine, turkey fair, beef mash, lamb, pilaf, and turkey and chicken cookout. I mean, are you kidding me? I want to eat these recipes. Each recipe is cooked gently in small batches to seal in vital nutrients and maximize digestibility. And their recipes are crafted by vet nutritionists. So I feel good knowing its design with Louis' health and happiness in mind. Serve nom nom nom as a complete and balanced meal or is a tasty and healthy addition to your dog's current diet.
Starting point is 00:01:59 it. My dogs are like my children, literally, which is why I'm committed to giving them only the best. Hold on. Let me start again because I've only been talking about Louie. Louis is my baby. Louis, you might have heard him growl just now. Louis is my little baby. And I'm committed to only giving him the best. I love that Nom Nom Nams recipes contain wholesome nutrient rich food, meat that looks like meat and veggies that look like veggies, because shocker, they are. Louis has been going absolutely nuts for the lamb pilaf. I have to confess that he's never had anything like it and he cannot get enough. So he's a lambie laugh guy. Keep mealtime exciting with NomNum available at your local pet smart store or at Chewy. Learn more at trynom.com slash podcrushed
Starting point is 00:02:46 spelled try nom.com slash podcrushed. A 15 year old girl who chewed through a rope to escape a serial killer. I use my front teeth to saw on the rope in my mouth. He's been convicted of murdering two young women, but suspected of many more. Maybe there's another one in that area.
Starting point is 00:03:10 And now, new leads that could solve these cold cases. They could be a victim. Now we have no idea he killed. Stolen voices of Dull Valley breaks the silence on August 19th. Follow us.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Now, so you don't miss an episode. Okay, folks, crush stories, heartbreak stories, peeing on doorsteps to break up with someone's stories. Let's get into it. Kicking things off, we have none other than the Emmy Award winning actor, comedian, and friend of mine from our days at NYU, the hilarious I.O. Debrie. My first big crush was my friend, and literally I say his full name, his name was Bill. And it started in fifth grade at the end of school, at the end of the school year. Me, yeah, he origamied me a heart out of a dollar and I saved it until I would, I was like in high school, I think. Because I was like, he loves me.
Starting point is 00:04:14 He origamied me a dollar, a heart out of a dollar bill. This is literally my husband. And I was like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be Mrs. Bill. I was like, this is it, we're locking it down. And then my friend Michelle was like, he's learning how to origami. Like, girl, get it together. He's just making shapes. Like, it's really not that serious.
Starting point is 00:04:42 But he was like my first big crush and I was like, I'm going to be Vietnamese now. Like, this is like my, this is like my husband. This is my life. Like, I need to prep hair. And obviously, nothing happened. But it was, like, my first big crush. I just thought he was the best. And then...
Starting point is 00:05:04 I mean, how well did you know him, though? I'm curious. Because often, you know, crushes are like, you don't really know. Yeah, yeah. Your voice went up. I mean, it was like, wait. Are you telling the truth? Are you going to tell the truth?
Starting point is 00:05:15 No, you didn't hand it to me. I'm still in love. with Bill. I catch the first flight to Boston. Humiliating. And honestly, knowing my friend, somebody will listen to this and somebody will tell Bill.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Hi, Bill. We talked a few months ago. My voice is getting so hot. My bitch is so hot. Sweating. Honestly, okay. We knew each other probably since third or fourth grade.
Starting point is 00:05:47 Io, can I interrupt to just ask, what were you like once you realized you had those feelings? How did you act around those boys? In my head, I feel like I was very like, whatever, I'm cool. I don't have crushes at all. Whatever.
Starting point is 00:06:00 We're all friends. But then my first boyfriend was a guy that I went to church with. Oh, any, oh my gosh. You know, what happened is his brother asked me. Oh, yeah, that's classic. Yes, classic. His brother asked me, and I was like, tell him, I say yes. And then we're running the night's church and we're like,
Starting point is 00:06:18 okay, we're boyfriend and girlfriend now. Bye! And I was like so religious and like so chase and I was like I love our little courtship. Now we are 12 and 13 and we will be dating and then we will get married and that is when we will kiss. And then like three months later he was like, yeah. So this other girl said she's going to give me a kiss. And it was like a girl that I kind of knew and I was like, oh yeah, like it's fine, whatever. Like I'm just one of the guys like no big deal.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Um, and then, and then they dated. And then everybody's like, yeah, they're like making out. And I was like, oh, cool. That is. I mean, we're laughing. I mean, you're laughing. I'm laughing. But at that age, at that age, I feel like that's the level of, like, infidelity betrayal.
Starting point is 00:07:06 It's like, oh, 100%. I was like, I have been cheated on. I have been wrong. Um, and then I was like, whatever, I'm going to listen to, like, muse. I'm going to listen to secular music. I'm so heartbroken. Oh, God. She is so funny.
Starting point is 00:07:21 You know who else is so funny? Maybe too funny? Conan O'Brien. Well, there was this girl in fifth grade that I had a huge crush on. And her first name was Laura. And I just was, I remember her last name, but I feel like if I out her, you know, she might say you creep and accuse me of stalking her. you know, 50 years later. But her name was Laura,
Starting point is 00:07:53 but I remembered my skin temperature would change when she was around. You know what I mean? You feel like you're running a little bit of a fever. And I don't think she ever really noticed me. And then I remembered she got a little got a little gothy later on, which I thought was even cooler. But years later, I think when I was in college,
Starting point is 00:08:18 she did not go to the same college, but I saw her once, like, in an outdoor cafe, and she said, oh, hey, Conan. And I was like, oh, I'm really like my voice brat. She's like, oh, Conan, your voice hasn't changed, but you're 40. What's going on? But I remembered very much being,
Starting point is 00:08:40 and not knowing what to do, and I was a late bloomer, so not having, I mean, I, you know, didn't start dating until later and you know i was not there were kids i remember there were there were kids when i was 12 when i was 12 i looked 8 when these other kids were 12 they had to shave like twice a day and they were just confident in how they walked and with their bodies and they had girlfriends and um he were like what how is that how am i even the same species is that yeah He's my, check, you're my, how old are you again?
Starting point is 00:09:21 I'm 12. Why? Yeah, I'm 12 too. What do you share? I just saved 10 minutes ago. But you got a full beard. I know. Yeah, that's so true, actually.
Starting point is 00:09:34 Drive a truck now. Drive a truck. You're 12. If you haven't heard that whole episode, you need to listen to it. But in the meantime, here's a clip from another episode. This is Jenna Ortega. I had my first crush, or I believed I had my first crush when I was maybe five. But I wasn't, I've never been, again, I can be so awkward. It makes me so hard for me to make new friends or reach out to people that even if I did have a crush, I would never speak to them. Matter of fact, I would avoid them because I had a crush on them.
Starting point is 00:10:04 And if I looked at them, then they would immediately know that I was secretly in love with them and wrote about them when I went home in my diary. Classic. You know, right ever. So I didn't really, when I was in middle school, I didn't date anyone or I didn't do anything, but I do remember one time I was speaking with a boy that I knew he liked me. He kind of liked everyone. He was one of those guys. I know those guys.
Starting point is 00:10:28 I can totally picture that guy. Looking back, I want to shake my head. But I was in seventh grade. I was sitting across from this guy and we were just making jokes. And I started feeling really sick. So I put my head down kind of as I was reading. So I was reading kind of sideways. and he was asking me, man, how are you reading like that?
Starting point is 00:10:46 There's no way that you're actually picking up the words on the page. And I said, no, I'm a huge reader. I do this all the time. He kept asking me questions, but I was getting more and more nauseous. I felt like I needed to close my life. He said something that kind of made me laugh. And I put my head up, and as soon as I came up, I felt my mouth start to water. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:11:13 And he asked me a question like, I put my finger up and my mouth started to fill with a certain kind of thick fluid. And I told him, I gave him the hand to the trash can and I projectile vomited the banana that I had for breakfast this morning and more. So wait, is this all because of who you were talking to? Can we just get a confirmation there? I would like to make that connection. It was so bad. It was that thing where everyone in the class goes, ooh. Oh, I feel that. It's visceral for me now, Jenna.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Yeah, my teacher had me walk all the way to the principal's office where the nurse's office was holding that trash can in my hand. Had a friend walking and I told her, I'm fine. I don't need to go home. And my mom was always kind of one of those parents who, if I got sick, it was still not a reason to miss school. I was like, okay, we'll just get it out in the morning, throw up in the morning and then, oh, okay, you're good to go. So I was so embarrassed not only to one have to confront my mom when she picked me up and she was thinking, oh man, why are you missing school? Or also to that boy that I was talking to followed me to the trash can and watched me from behind and like put a hand on my back and was super attentive during this gross time.
Starting point is 00:12:31 That's very, that's very mature for like a 12-year-old boy. Well, what did he want? Yeah, he just wanted to be close to a girl. Oh my god He helped my hair back I must be in love with him I feel like Nava can relate to this Navajo don't you have like a nausea thing
Starting point is 00:12:51 like a or you had Or is it have? Is it you didn't and now? What I can most relate to is avoiding someone that I like and like often I mean I've improved a little bit but I think what Penn is talking about is like one time I had rehearsed
Starting point is 00:13:05 with like a friend written down like there was like a speech that I was going to give this guy and then like set up the whole thing, went to dinner. And then every time I would try to like open my mouth, I felt like I was going to throw up. And I just like ended up not ever doing it. And then leaving him like a voice memo, which was much, much worse, much more embarrassing. But I couldn't do it in person. I would get so nauseous.
Starting point is 00:13:25 That was when I was 30. Like not a child. Just so we're clear. Yeah. If you've been listening to this show for a while, you'll know that I was boy crazy when I was a middle schooler so much so that my MSN messenger password was boy crazy 94. But as you'll see from our episode with Amy Schumer, I clearly wasn't the only one.
Starting point is 00:13:50 I was boy crazy like since I was three. Like I was so chasing the boys around like just wanting to hold hands. Like I was just and that really never let up. But I think what's so what's so funny at that age is, you know, all your eggs could be in one basket. Like, I just feel like, like, there was this one point when I was 13 where the guy I liked, the guy I was crazy about, liked me back and was my boyfriend. And the ecstasy of that and, like, him making me mix tapes. And, like, it was just like, oh, my God. Like, I just couldn't believe it. And then he, um, like, I don't know what, but he, he, he, he.
Starting point is 00:14:38 He was over it and didn't want to be together anymore. And I mean, this probably was over the course of three weeks, you know. And rather than, like, say, hey, I feel like we've grown apart. He pissed on my doorstep. What? We had an enclosed. Like an animal. We had an enclosed porch.
Starting point is 00:14:58 And he peed. So the porch, so the pee was all over the porch. And, like, he was there with his friends. They were on their bikes. And he did it. How old were you? I was 13. I was 13.
Starting point is 00:15:09 Oh, my crap. And so it was like whatever lessons that taught me, like whatever that turned into my, it was just like, oh, okay. Trying to figure that out. And then, but then they'd be like somebody else, like this guy, like, Jack, whatever likes you. And it'd be like, oh, okay, cool. Like, I just feel like when I was talking to the girl, her name's Violet Young, she's amazing, who plays Young, she was like, we're talking. just talking about the role, you know, and she's like, so, I can't tell if, like, she has really low self-esteem or really high self-esteem. And I was like, well, that's the thing.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Like, it's still to this day, I vacillate between extremely low self-esteem and just delusions of absolute grandeur. It's like, that is still to this day. And how it was then, where I'd be, like, crushed and just feeling so unappealing. And then a second later, be like, well, I'm make it back to him, but I don't really know, you know? Yeah. The elasticity of that time. Oh my God. Yeah. And now, Chris, like, my experience with finding, like, the person I wanted to, you know, have paperwork on, it was like, it made every other relationship seem so ridiculous, like, that, you know, that I had considered that a relationship. There was no trying to get someone mentally to another place. Like there was no like, oh, I think in a couple weeks his mom's coming to town. I'm going to see if he introduces me.
Starting point is 00:16:48 Like there was none of that. It was like, we were also older. I was 30, we were 37. And it was just like, we like the same stuff. We enjoy each other. We have our own lives as well. And it was, and so now love is like, I really, it's like such a support system. And, yeah, like, it's just so, it's so different.
Starting point is 00:17:12 But it did. It just made me laugh at all the relationships I thought I had been in. That really resonates with me. Yeah, me too. The part about the pee, too. Insane. Okay, moving on. Up next is a story from the truly iconic actress, Julia Louis Dreyfus,
Starting point is 00:17:33 about the first time she touched a boy's shoulder. When I was really little, Like when I was in fifth grade, we took, I took a dance class, like a cotillion type of class, you know. And I remember the first time, and, you know, we were so young, fifth grade. I mean, like they would have a break in the middle of this dance class where you learn the fox trot or the, you know, the box, I don't know, whatever. And the boys, they would give us cookies and juice. And the boys would like spit ice at the girls. That was the way they flirt.
Starting point is 00:18:08 if you can call it that. But I do remember the first time I'm in the class I sort of touched a boy and I put my hand on his shoulder and my other hand in his hand. And I remember thinking, oh, wow, his shoulder feels like a regular shoulder. Oh my gosh. That's really cute. Yeah. Like he is a human being. He's another person, just like me. Yeah, exactly. And I remember, I think it was at that same dance class that I was dancing with the boy once and we were sort of spinning around doing some sort of whatever
Starting point is 00:18:45 the move was around and around and all of a sudden he leans in and he just kisses me really quick and then he sort of pulled back and he goes who did that was that genuine that was not
Starting point is 00:19:01 I think it just came out of his mouth I don't know and I didn't even respond Funny. Yeah, who did that? I absolutely loved this sweet story from Rain Wilson. Check it out. I had a lot of crushes on cute girls through like, you know, sixth and seventh and eighth grade. But I didn't, you know, again, I didn't really think anyone would want to have me as a boyfriend. I wasn't boyfriend material.
Starting point is 00:19:32 I was busy on the weekends. as we've gone into, you know. Exactly. You're a working man. Yeah. So, but then I had a few little dates here and there with some hand holdings. And then when I was 16, I had a girlfriend in Seattle. And she was the smartest girl in the school named Jill.
Starting point is 00:19:54 And, but she was pretty. And we had a really nice time together, very innocent relationship. And then when I went to Chicago, then I started to have more relationships, and that's when I got my heartbroken. And one was this girl, Tria, and she was like the first person I met at the high school, and I was just totally smitten with her. And then she was actually interested in me, and we went out for a while, and I was just, I was hooked. I mean, she was amazed.
Starting point is 00:20:28 She was funny, and she played me Joni Mitchell records, and she played the piano, and she danced, and I was just like, oh, my God. Joni Mitchell, that's, yeah, that's formative right there. Right? And then she dumped me for John Sherman. Oh, God. Sherman. We were doing this play called Time Out for Ginger.
Starting point is 00:20:50 So many kids tried out for it. They did two casts. We had rotating casts. So one night it was cast one and then it was cast two. And the dad on cast one was me. And the dad in cast two was John Sherman. So she left. And she was assistant.
Starting point is 00:21:04 director and she left me for John Sherman yeah but here's what's funny Tria and I are now like best friends wow did you reconnect or did you like stay we've always we've always been in touch that's great and um that's cool and we're really close and we talk all the time and I'm close with her husband and she's close with my wife and and I just like we just know each other really really deeply was there a period of like intense rejection you felt after that you had to recover from? Here's how intense it was. I had never been dumped before
Starting point is 00:21:40 and oh my God, that is just the worst feeling in the world. I don't know why I did this but I always used to throw my dirty clothes on the floor of this closet and it was kind of those closet that had like accordion doors so you can open the doors and
Starting point is 00:21:56 I would sleep in my dirty clothes on the floor of the closet. Oh, Ray. During this period of rejection. You were like literally like stewing in it. Yeah, and it was, I would do that for, for days at a time. I would just, I would close the closet and I'd just be in there. It must have been a big closet.
Starting point is 00:22:12 I mean, you said you were tall, right? It was six feet long, yeah. Or you were really scrunched up. I'm just thinking about the dimension. There's some nice closet. You want me to draw you a sketch. Yeah, which way the door is open. And we'll be right back.
Starting point is 00:22:31 All right, so, um, let's just, let's just, let's just, real talk as they say for a second that's a little bit of an aged thing to say now that that dates me doesn't it um but no real talk uh how important is your health to you you know on like a one to 10 and i don't mean the in the sense of vanity i mean in the sense of like you want your day to go well right you want to be less stressed you don't want it as sick when you have responsibilities um i know myself i'm a householder i have uh i have two children and two more on the way um a spouse a pet you know, a job that sometimes has its demands. So I really want to feel like when I'm not getting the sleep and I'm not getting nutrition, when my eating's down, I want to know that I'm,
Starting point is 00:23:13 that I'm being held down some other way physically, you know? My family holds me down emotionally, spiritually, but I need something to hold me down physically, right? And so honestly, I turned to symbiotica, these these vitamins and these beautiful little packets that they taste delicious. And I'm telling you, even before I started doing ads for these guys, it was a product that I, I really, really liked and enjoyed and could see the differences with. The three that I use, I use the, what is it called? Liposomal vitamin C, and it tastes delicious, like really, really good. Comes out in the packet, you put it right in your mouth.
Starting point is 00:23:50 Some people don't do that. I do it. I think it tastes great. I use the liposomal glutathione as well in the morning, really good for gut health. And although I don't need it, you know, anti-aging. and then I also use the magnesium L3 and 8, which is really good for, I think, mood and stress. I sometimes use it in the morning, sometimes use it at night.
Starting point is 00:24:09 All three of these things taste incredible, honestly. You don't even need to mix it with water. And yeah, I just couldn't recommend them highly enough. Do you want to try them out? Go to symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping. That's symbiotica.com slash podcrushed for 20% off plus free shipping. As the seasons change, it's the perfect time to learn something new. Whether you're getting back into a routine after summer or looking for a new challenge before the year ends,
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Starting point is 00:27:51 iExl.com slash podcrushed. Visit iXL.com slash podcrushed to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Up next is Eliza Schlesinger's hysterical story about silently dedicating songs to the Jenko-clad boy she had a crush on. There was a boy.
Starting point is 00:28:11 I'm going to say his name now because he probably is dead. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. If he is? No, there was a boy named Jake. And he was just, whatever attracts you to a child in the seventh grade. And he wore like chinkos and he was like a skater.
Starting point is 00:28:30 And I just, for some reason, like my heart throbbed for this kid whom I had no classes with. And we, it's a big middle school. So you know, like there were like skaters and preps. And then there was me and like a Farsight T-shirt. And I just loved him so much. And we never got to talk. And he was on my bus. And I asked him one day.
Starting point is 00:28:50 I was like, do you want to go rollerblaining? Wow. And he said yes. That's amazing. And then he didn't show up. And I never had the guts to be like, oh, is there? Where were you? And I just, there is something about, it's obviously hormonal, but like, I remember listening to, I want to say it's, is it Envogue or SWV has that song like, baby, that's just why I love you so much.
Starting point is 00:29:14 I don't know, but keep to sing me. Please, I know it. Yeah, how am I not? I mean, I'm shocked that I don't. I hated that. Maybe that was just not recognizable. I always say to my husband, I were like, I feel like I'm secretly a good singer.
Starting point is 00:29:29 My husband's like, the secret dies with you. I honestly thought you were going to like chime in like on a higher octave. I don't know that. I would have. It's about loving someone so much. And when I hear it's a very 90s R&B song. And like I was like, Jake, like this goes out to you. Unrequited.
Starting point is 00:29:45 I know. Remembering all this. Yeah, when you could call into radio station to be like, this song goes out. to Eliza. Yeah. No one ever did that for me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:52 Middle school was a lot of just pining for boys, not in like a super sloppy way, but just also sort of knowing like, yeah, that's probably never going to happen because especially growing up in Texas in the 90s, like anything that derived from like Gentile, stick straight again with the hair, like super cute, like ordained by other boys, therefore girls want to be, anything that derived, that deviated from that rather. You weren't dating anyone. You were just, like, going over to, like, your friend Courtney's house on a Friday night.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Everybody had that friend... Named Courtney. Her name is Courtney. It still is. She's alive. She came to a show recently. Everybody had that friend whose parents would let them have boys over.
Starting point is 00:30:33 Whose parents, like, kind of were very casual about sexual things. And looking back, you're like, oh, you would let the kids have the upstairs because you guys were definitely swinging downstairs. Like, 100... Like, so many guys named Dawn in, like, Tommy Bahamas.
Starting point is 00:30:49 shirts wine charms like why couldn't we open the other door like what's going on and boys would come over and like you would just hope that like any of these kids that you had like biology with would talk to you and they never did they only wanted to talk to like the two other girls who probably grew up to not be hot but at the time we're very hot yeah so it was just like eating a lot of gushers and capri sons because those parents bought those kind of junk food yes and watching tgif the whole point of middle school is to like get to a place where you can kiss a boy and not have someone break it up, whether it's in a closet
Starting point is 00:31:23 or you go to camp and you get those, I don't know if you're going to sleepaway camp, no one here is Jewish. Oh, there's right, you are Jewish secretly. It's having, like, sleepaway camp was the best because you get, like, that 10 minutes of unencumbered free time, like, before lights out,
Starting point is 00:31:40 where you can, like, go make out on the lawn and, like, maybe someone will like graze your nipple. Like, you're just looking for, like, anyone. Like, maybe not the person. Anyone. Like, I'm not having sex with you in a canoe. Anything.
Starting point is 00:31:52 But just, like, that freedom to, like, explore that. And then you come back and you're like, I've been to summer camp. Like, I'm different. I've been to summer camp. I'm different. So good. Our next crush story comes from Zway. Roll tape.
Starting point is 00:32:05 Okay. My first crush was probably this kid in my freshman, like, first grade, name Patrick, who was blonde. And I didn't even think I liked him. I think it was just that he was blonde. and everyone else liked him. So I was like, oh, yeah, I like Patrick. And then I remember I told Patrick, like, I want to kiss you.
Starting point is 00:32:24 And then he told his mom. And then my mom had to talk with me about, like, consent and not telling people you want to kiss them. So that was the end of my crush was me getting a lesson on boundaries. Was it really, I mean, it wasn't framed in that language then, was it? Consent and boundaries? It was just like, don't say that to people. It's like, don't do that. why don't that's really that's how we learned things back then um we also would get like if we got a
Starting point is 00:32:54 um we got a cut where they just like push us down the stairs and be like walk it off um but my first heartbreak was in high school and it was this guy who ended up going on to be like a Harvard libertarian so really that was god blocking saving me but it was it was just like an on again off again thing where it was abundantly clear he had no interest for in me. I remember him specifically telling me, pitting me against one of my friends and being like, she is much prettier than you. Oh, no. Pretty prettier than you.
Starting point is 00:33:25 And me being like, she is? brushing my hair, like, trying to dress like her, like super, super sad. But that was probably my first heartbreak. And that taught me the lessons of men being sometimes deeply,
Starting point is 00:33:41 deeply annoying. Yeah. And just like, oh God. Like, I poured so much into this crush that had no interest for me. I couldn't have handcuffed him to me and made him be my boyfriend if I tried with like at gunpoint. But you want to be loved so badly. You're like, please, please, how can I change myself?
Starting point is 00:34:02 And it's like, okay, the answer is right in front of you. Like, please just take it in sometimes. Like, that is much healthier. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Spilling tea. Wow.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Spilling tea is one thing, but you know who I'd love to enjoy a cup of tea with? maybe some chamomile or even a high tea on a Kensington afternoon, Matthew McConaughey. So idea of love, that's a big word in my family. You didn't throw that word around. To feel it and say it was a very, very big deal to me. And I did. I had a girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:34:40 And this, I'm going to tell you the story of the first love and the heartbreak. And they're going to have a common denominator of the breakup. and they broke up with me. I went away on a, like a field trip with a class to Madrid. And while, you know, you have an allowance, right? And what do you do with that allowance? You spend it all on something for your girlfriend that you love, right? You don't forget everything else.
Starting point is 00:35:11 They forget all the other people. They don't need a gift when I get back. But I got her this necklace. And then I got her this like crystal trinket. And then I got like something else. And I came back and I unloaded these gifts on her. It was too much. It scared.
Starting point is 00:35:27 And she broke up with me right after I had given all these gifts. And but you know what it is? We've all felt it on the giving and on the receiving side. It's like for whatever reason it was, it was too much. The gifts, it was too many gifts. And she broke up. And I remember we crying and. and having sleepless nights and really having trouble getting out of bed in the morning.
Starting point is 00:35:50 And I remember my mom coming back to my bed and tell me, look, I feel for you as positive as my mom always was. She could always tell with those kids when we were really hurting and come back and sit with us and go, let's sit here in the pain for me. I know this sucks. I know this hurts. And to hear that and then eventually get to, now remember, you're a catch. She's going to notice what she lost and then start building the confidence. Mom was always good about sitting.
Starting point is 00:36:17 Let's sit in the pain right now, your first heartbreak. That was the first one. The second one was later in middle school in the eighth grade. I met someone, and it was going. It was going. And she said to me, wrote me a note, and it said, I love it. And I was just, whoa, the feelings all the way to my fingertips out of my heart. I was, oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:36:46 And two weeks later, I said it to her. And the next day, she broke up. Do you think it had to do with you sharing your feelings or coming on maybe what was too strong for her? What was it? Well, it was that. But, you know, I mean, again, we're going to try and break down the science and math of love, which we know is a foolish idea thing to do anyway. Because if anything, love's not really dignified.
Starting point is 00:37:19 I mean, it doesn't mean, it's not fair. But the too many gifts were, I guess it was, it intimidated her. Or maybe there's that thing that we do young word, oh, now I know I got you. Bye, bye. You know, I felt that before on my side where I felt so many give it. I was like, oh, well, now you just fully committed to me. Okay. I felt that.
Starting point is 00:37:41 But you probably felt that after these incidents, right? Yes. These two and the I love you. Even though she said it first, soon as I said it two weeks later, she broke up. And I remember that being a major heartbreak and made me very confused about, well, what's the love thing? What's the I love you mean?
Starting point is 00:38:04 Yeah. You know, because she opened up to me and said it first. And now I came back, reciprocated, and we were supposed to meet in the middle and go higher and become more full. And now she went up. And so for her, you know, now I'm older. I look back and I go, that's probably how she was feeling. She was beautiful and pretty and a fluid.
Starting point is 00:38:23 And I was the only guy in town, you know, that she could date. And I think getting that, I don't know. I didn't study her history. Did she have a track record of getting guys in as soon as you got him to say that word? But that was what it felt like, that that was the hinge that was like, okay, check. I felt like it was a check for her. Got him to say, I love you. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:45 Later. Move on. Here's a two-for-for-for-you. Seth Myers and his brother Josh Myers had such different stories to tell. Let's start with Seth Myers. Like, I had girlfriends, but I never had a girlfriend that I was capable of being heartbroken about. I don't. I didn't.
Starting point is 00:39:04 It took me a lot. I don't know if I ever did. I'm kind of alone. I was always like, yeah, or just go home alone. Or I'll go flip through my baseball cards And read my comics Baseball cards, comic books They're not going to read themselves
Starting point is 00:39:19 You feel like getting into those relationships Was more just like Oh, this is the thing to do Because it sounds like you're super interested in them It wasn't that I didn't They were always girls that I liked And girls that I was friends with It was just that
Starting point is 00:39:31 I remember A girl I was dating Like back when you were dating Where it barely meant anything Like there was barely a physical element Rather than maybe It was like you could date someone and maybe not kiss
Starting point is 00:39:45 them. Like that was what you were saying. That's my first two girlfriends. Yeah. And she gave me a cassette single. A cassingle. A cassingle. That's for the children listening. That is a cassette tape with only one song on each side.
Starting point is 00:40:02 And it was the in excess song, never tear us apart. And she gave it to me. And I just remember thinking, oh, I feel like we're in different places. What we think about this relationship. And then there's Josh Myers.
Starting point is 00:40:19 I remember being on a ski lift with a girl and was like working up the nerve to ask her to go out with me. And right before we got off, like, you know, put your tips up, you're getting to the top of this thing. And I said, will you go out with me? And she said, yes. And then I skied away from her. and, like, didn't talk to her, I want to say, for two weeks. And then she was like, hey, we need to break up. And I was like, oh, I was crushed.
Starting point is 00:40:50 But you're like, is there something I did? And that would happen again. I had a good, you know, girlfriend in high school that I don't remember the breakup so much. But the first girl I dated in college was a very short relationship. and I think this is the one Seth's talking about. But we, you know, I was still a virgin. I had just gotten to college. I met this girl was completely smitten.
Starting point is 00:41:27 And there were things at our school called, I don't know if it was a mixer or a date party, but like where a big group of two fraternities and two sororities would go to a bar in Chicago or something like that. And I heard that the girl that I was dating had made out with this guy. And I got this piece of gossip
Starting point is 00:41:49 and I stomped over to the guy who I really liked and still like, but I walked over to his dorm room. And I was like, hey, did this happen? Did you make out with her? And he's like, yeah, why? And I was like, because she's my girlfriend. He's like, oh, sorry, I didn't know.
Starting point is 00:42:06 And it was, you know, after a night when people had been out in Chicago, so it was late. And Seth and I shared a car in college. We had a VW golf, and he lived off campus. And I went and I got the car, and I drove to the last place I could remember being happy, which was Okamus, Michigan, which is where we left when I was five years old before we moved to New Hampshire. So I drove through a snowstorm I don't know how far from Evanston to East Lansing it is
Starting point is 00:42:42 but like three to four hours I want to say I would have thought even maybe longer It was a longer And I was just like Just to clarify a girl he'd barely dated broke up with him And it made him forget
Starting point is 00:42:54 The past 13 years That was hitting me The happiest guy He loves his parents Loved high school Loved his brother Yeah He's like you know what
Starting point is 00:43:06 She literally said him back 13 years. Wow. And I drove and I went and I saw our old house. I saw our old elementary school. And there's a bagel place in East Lansing right near Michigan State called Bagel-Fragel. And I went to Bagel-Fragel because we used to go there. Our mom got her master's at Michigan State. And I went to Bagel-Fragel, and there was a pay phone.
Starting point is 00:43:32 There were no cell phones. And there was a pay phone between when you, the first double doors, first set of double doors, second set of double doors. And I called Mom and Dad, and I was beside, I was like, she, you know, it's over, it's not going to work out. And the meantime, Seth has woken up in Evanston, Illinois, because we're both at Northwestern, and seized just an empty space where the car had been
Starting point is 00:43:57 and called the police because he thought the car had been stolen. Well, first I called home And told my dad The car is gone And this is Harkens back to why I woke up the morning And went downstairs when Josh got in trouble Because everybody always assumes
Starting point is 00:44:15 I'm the one who fucked up And so my dad was like Did you leave it on lock? Did you leave the keys in it? And it should be noted The reason everybody thinks I'm the one who fucked up Is I do shit like that all the time
Starting point is 00:44:25 So I was like, probably I probably did those things He's like well that's why I got stolen So now you have to call the police So I called the police And And then Josh I guess because you called home
Starting point is 00:44:39 Yeah a blubbering phone call From a pay phone to mom and dad Who then called you Yes And they were like Josh is in Okamance Michigan He's a fraggle bagel
Starting point is 00:44:51 He's in Fraggle bagel I will say being very depressed And going to a place called Bagel Fraigle is really funny And then I was so mad because I didn't feel like enough attention was being paid to how I had been blamed
Starting point is 00:45:07 because my dad was like so the car wasn't stolen and I said you know actually it was stolen Josh stolen because otherwise he would have said I'm taking the car so it was stolen actually don't go anywhere
Starting point is 00:45:24 we'll be right back thousands, Asian women were often reduced to overtly sexual and submissive caricatures. The geishas of the book turned film Memoirs of a Geisha, the lewd twins in Austin Powers, and pinup goddess Sung Healy. Meanwhile, the girls next door were always white. Within that narrow framework, Kyla Yu internalized a painful conclusion. The only way someone who looked like her could have value or be considered beautiful and desirable was to sexualize herself.
Starting point is 00:45:57 In her new book, fetishized, a reckoning with yellow fever. feminism and beauty, Kyla Yu reckons with being an object of Asian fetishism and how media, pop culture, and colonialism contribute to the over-sexualization of Asian women, blending vulnerable stories from Yu's life with incisive cultural critique and history. Fetishized is a memoir and essays exploring feminism, beauty, yellow fever, and the roles pop culture and colonialism played in shaping pervasive and destructive stereotypes about Asian women and their bodies. She recounts all her body to conform to Western beauty standards, being treated by men like a sex object, and the emotional toll and trauma of losing her sense of self in the pursuit of the image she
Starting point is 00:46:40 thought the world wanted. If you're a fan of books about Asian American identity, like crying and age smart or coming-of-age stories like somebody's daughter, be sure to pick up fetishized, available wherever books are sold. Fall is in full swing, and it's the perfect time to refresh your wardrobe with pieces that feel as good as they look. Luckily, Quince makes it easy to look polished, stay warm, and save big, without compromising on quality. Quince has all the elevated essentials for fall. Think 100% mongoling cashmere from $50. That's right, $50. Washable silk tops and skirts, and perfectly tailored denim, all at prices that feel too good to be true. I am currently eyeing their silk miniskirt. I have been dying for a silk mini skirt. I've been looking
Starting point is 00:47:27 everywhere at thrift stores, just like all over town. But I just saw that Quince has one on their website. It is exactly what I've been looking for. So I'm just going to click, put that in my cart. By partnering directly with ethical top tier factories, Quince cuts out the middlemen to deliver luxury quality pieces at half the price of similar brands. It's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that feels smart, stylish, and effortless.
Starting point is 00:47:53 Keep it classic and cozy this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince, Go to quince.com slash podcrushed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash podcrushed to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash podcrushed. Does anyone else ever get that nagging feeling that their dog might be bored? And do you also feel like super guilty about it? Well, one way that I combat that feeling is I'm making meal time everything it can be for my little boy, Louis. Nom Nom does this with food that actually engages your pup senses
Starting point is 00:48:30 with a mix of tantalizing smells, textures, and ingredients. Nom Nom offers six recipes bursting with premium proteins, vibrant veggies and tempting textures designed to add excitement to your dog's day. Pork potluck, chicken cuisine, turkey fare, beef mash, lamb, pilaf, and turkey and chicken cookout. I mean, are you kidding me? I want to eat these recipes. Each recipe is cooked gently in small batches.
Starting point is 00:48:56 to seal in vital nutrients and maximize digestibility. And their recipes are crafted by vet nutritionists. So I feel good knowing it's design with Louis' health and happiness in mind. Serve nom nom as a complete and balanced meal or is a tasty and healthy addition to your dog's current diet. My dogs are like my children, literally, which is why I'm committed to giving them only the best. Hold on, let me start again because I've only been talking about Louis.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Louis is my beat. Louie, you might have heard him growl just now. Louie is my little baby and I'm committed to only giving him the best. I love that Nom Nom's recipes contain wholesome nutrient rich food, meat that looks like meat and veggies that look like veggies because, shocker, they are. Louis has been going absolutely nuts for the lamb pilaf. I have to confess that he's never had anything like it and he cannot get enough. So he's a lamb pilaf guy.
Starting point is 00:49:52 Keep mealtime exciting with NomNum, available at your local pet smart store or at Chewy. Learn more at trynom.com slash podcrushed, spelled try n-o-m.com slash podcrushed. And for the grand finale, we are going all the way back to the very first episode we ever taped. The first one, it's with Evan Rachel Wood and her crush was on. Well, I'll let her say it. I told you guys that I brought this diary of mine and I was just horrified reading it how, like, insane we all were.
Starting point is 00:50:32 I had a crush on Penn at this time because it says, well, we had another party at Penn's house. It was really fun. We really only danced. Because I'm disappointed that nothing else happened. But I realized how hot Penn was. Whoa. He plays guitar, exclamation point, exclamation point.
Starting point is 00:50:54 He played guitar and sang really well. It was so cool. Why is that so embarrassing, though? That's like so embarrassing for me. And he's like gripping the mic stand. I'm like, I don't know. Look at the sweat that's on the table from me just listening to this. I'm like, I still remember one of your songs.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Oh, God. Please sing it I remember the first time I ever recorded a song And I brought it over It was at Robert's place, I think I remember playing it for a number of our friends And can we get a little rea
Starting point is 00:51:32 I still got it I mean I can still hear it in my head It's such an embarrassing trope We can edit it out We can edit it out It was really cute It's such a Stay with me tonight
Starting point is 00:51:41 Yeah Yeah Go I walk in Go on talking Oh That's so too bad No But it was really good
Starting point is 00:51:50 Because there were like harmonies. And I remember... Harmonies have always been my strong suits. Yeah. That's it. Happy Valentine's Day crushies. We'll see you next week. Podcrushed is hosted by Penn Badgley, Navacavalin, and Sophie Ansari.
Starting point is 00:52:09 Our senior producer is David Ansari, and our editing is done by Clips Agency. Special thanks to the folks at Lemonada. And as always, you can listen to Pod Crush ad-free on Amazon music with your membership. Okay, that's all. Bye.

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