Podcrushed - Victoria Pedretti

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

Our most requested guest of the season, Victoria Pedretti (YOU, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood) drops by the pod… for the second time this season! Hear her thoughts on the commonalities of fame and bullying, iconic moments on YOU, and why it’s okay to acknowledge when things aren’t okay.Follow Podcrushed on socials: InstagramTwitterTiktokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lemonada Fans of the show really wanted to ask a few you questions or are you guys down if we ask you a couple of questions about you? Sure, ask questions about me. I mean, that's what this is. Yeah, we're here to interview you. The show. It's like she gets it.

Victoria's playing with me. This is Pod Crushed. The podcast that takes the sting out of rejection. one crushing middle school story at a time. And where guests share their teenage memories, both meaningful and mortifying. And we're your hosts. I'm Nava, a former middle school director. I'm Sophie, a former fifth grade teacher.

And I'm Penn, a middle school dropout. So this week has been one of my favorite weeks being a member of this team. Because we got to spend almost a full week together, and it felt a little bit like a field trip for me and Sophie and David, because we flew out to New York to record this guest, who is really special who you'll hear about in a moment but it's just been so fun

I've had so much fun with all of you guys Block G4 Yeah we're still in Block G4 The real ones know The real ones no Yeah It was so fun Nava and David and I stayed

all together in the same Airbnb It did feel like a field trip That's exactly right Nav Partly Forrest is what field trips are They're not voluntary Yeah it's forced Yes exactly But we also had dinner

with Mona Chalaby, who was a guest of ours on the podcast in the early days. So that was really sweet, getting to hang out in person together. Yeah, and you guys came over? It was really nice to spend time with your family, Penn. Yeah, it was really nice everybody together. Some of you might have seen, we have a TikTok account, and Penn has a TikTok account,

and we actually duetted a listener of this show. Her handle is Pinky Ruth. Her name is Lauren. And Penn called her a day one. And I just wanted to shout out a few other day ones, because there are a few people who've been listening to the show that have, like, from the very first episode, been giving us encouragement, comments. And I just want to say that we see you. We recognize you. Hi to retro Miranda. That's Miranda. That's a, that's the

dayist one of day ones I'm aware of. Yeah, tell us. Well, Miranda's been a, been a long-time supporter. Actually, when I was on tour in Toronto, is that accurate? I think it was, yeah, anyway, we got out to dinner once. So sweet. Yeah, she's just always been a long-time fan. So what's up, Miranda? And then we have Rosangel, Carol, and Pastor Natalie. These are the friends that I'm aware of who've been listening from the very beginning and always giving us encouragement. So thank you. If you'd like to be shouted out on future episodes, you have to listen more. And comment.

Tell your friends prove to us that you are a ride or die. Okay, let's dive in. Today's guest is without a shadow of it. Well, you know, I mean, so there might be a shadow, but there's basically no doubt our most requested guest of the entire season. Victoria Padretti, the actor and activist, you may know as my co-star Love Quinn, later Love Quinn Goldberg from Netflix's You. You might know her as Nell Crane from The Haunting of Hill House or films like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. She graced us with her presence in the studio here in New York City.

Now, of all the guests we've had on the show, Victoria holds a special significance in the pod-crushed canon, because you'll hear this is actually the second time we interviewed her. The first time was over a year ago when we were, little baby podcasters who didn't know how to work our equipment and we well we'll get into all of that you'll hear Victoria is so kind and empathetic and just lovely to be around you already knew that so stick around we'll be right back

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I have to confess that he's never had anything like it, and he cannot get enough. So he's a lampy laugh guy. Keep mealtime exciting with NomNum, available at your local pet smart store or at Chewy. Learn more at trynom.com slash podcrushed, spelled try n-o-m.com slash podcrushed. A 15-year-old girl who chewed through a rope to escape a serial killer. I used my front teeth to saw on the rope in my mouth.

He's been convicted of murdering two young women, but suspected of many more. Maybe there's another one in that area. And now, new leads that could solve these cold cases. They could be a victim that we have no idea he killed. Stolen voices of Dull Valley breaks the silence on August 19th. Follow us now so you don't miss an episode. Victoria, thank you.

Not just for being here today, but for doing this twice. So a little bit of background context A background context That's redundant as is having Victoria here Because the first interview we ever did Was with Victoria. It was over Zoom And there were, I'm going to call both of us out

I think you either didn't press record I also didn't route the mic correctly Because this was like the first interview We had sent you a mic and that was confusing We did not give you good directions So it was like a technical snafu And we had a whole episode that we loved that we wanted to be the first episode,

and we couldn't use it. Yeah, we're heartbroken. And since then, we've had all these people commenting, like, when are you going to get Victoria? How come you've had this person from you, but not Victoria? Like, we know it doesn't make sense. When we thought your audio was usable, I was going to re-record all of my audio

as though it was spontaneous, which... What a great acting challenge. Yeah, exactly. Honestly, I was like, yeah, I guess I can do it. I mean, I'm sure I can do it, but I was thinking... I was thinking of those two hours. I was like, man, this is going to be like really.

but anyway so I finally text of Victoria being like a tail between his legs a very long blue block I was just like I'm really sorry but anyway so Victoria has graciously agreed to come on again and so what I did

was I didn't listen to any of the old stuff I was like I'm going to let myself forget about as much of that as possible and we're going to do take two but it's not just going to be the same old same all it's going to be no that was our first interview so we were frankly awful really underperforming yeah actually we were a bad interview

I wasn't going to say anything but she actually purposefully did not record she was like I can tell but she was like I'm not sending you this audio I really don't I it sounds like me like I believe that I did not press record but I don't I don't remember the conversation at all. Okay, good. That's good. Today will be fresh. It's nice. We haven't been able to do that many

in-person interviews and Victoria is here shooting a film. A film called Pony boy. Pony boy. Here in New York. And actually, New Jersey, actually. Oh, wow. Yeah, and you're doing a New Jersey accent

which we won't ask you to do. We are seeing, we see the nails. So that's something that... Yeah. So maybe just let's start off, as a novel likes to say. Paint us a picture. Who were you? What were the things you were going through?

When I was in middle school, I was obsessed with the musical hair. I was obsessed with the civil rights movement. I was like really into social justice, the counterculture, and it made me very unpopular. You know, I was trying to engage with other students about like political conversations. Kids were like, can you calm down? But I really cared about these things. I thought that they were important.

And that they affected me, even if I didn't have the ability to vote. Yeah. And, I mean, you were right. Yeah. Did you have a close friend? Like, did you have anyone in your class? It was like, yeah, I want to talk to you about politics. Yeah.

I had one friend, Lily Frankel. We were both really into hair. I like that. I like that. We both, like, were really into talking about, like, the presidential election. That's when Barack Obama was elected for the first time. Yeah, that's also when I was 13. went to a Jewish summer camp. That was kind of the first time that I really felt like I was

becoming the person that I wanted to be and that I had the ability to define myself on my own terms. Like the truth of the matter is I was partially disruptive because the environment I was growing up in was very chaotic. And I think we don't take that into account with kids enough too when they're like, why are they crazy? And then it's like, we don't know what they're going home to. So, like, there was a lot of chaos there. I'm being able to get away from that for, like, a whole month. It was so healing for me, even at 13. Like, and I remember getting into the car,

and my parents just being like, you seem different. I was like, I am. Aw. And I can't, like, say enough about those, you know, teachers can do a lot of good. And the counselors that I worked with, I remember me doing something, maybe not disruptive, but maybe a little mean, you know.

And I remember just somebody being like, why did you do that? You know, and just being asked that question, just being like, I don't know and I don't want to. You know, this is just how I'm, this is just how I'm being taught to deal with things, you know? This is what's being modeled for me. But I don't have to be that person. I can be whoever I want to be, especially when nobody knows who you are, you know? I know, like, I went by Tory at some account. Really? Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Tori or Toria? Tori. Tori. So this was in, I want to say Pittsburgh, but it wasn't Pittsburgh proper. No, I'm from the Philadelphia area. Yeah, okay. You're like, please. We've known each other for a few years, but whatever.

But it was... I went to college in Pittsburgh. Okay, okay, okay. I also do not know my... Northeast. I don't know my geography outside of New York State very well. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing, actually.

I'm just like, it's pretty close. When it's Philadelphia, do people say Pittsburgh? Are those the same? Is one a nickname for the other? Very far away from each other. Yeah, you've hardly ever been there. Yeah, I grew up in Bucks County, which is a suburb of Philadelphia. I remember season three, I think, you were reading a book that has now become very popular

by Gabon Matae, who we're actually going to have on the show. No fucking way. Yeah, that's how I thought. You shut up! I know. No, no. It's honestly, I'm reading his book now of The Myth of Normal. I'm doing that.

Me too. But so Gabor Mata in these last couple of years has become, she's not life. It's a giant book to carry around. She even has the book jacket. We can phone you in for that interview if you want, Victoria. Oh my God, I will die.

You'll be your special guest. I'm a fan girl. I love that. But you were reading a book that, again, has now, I think, like, caught fire. I hadn't heard of it. And his name sounded vaguely familiar to me then but anyway

it's called scattered and I know there's so many people who like have felt seen and identified by this book I've heard him talk about ADD or ADHD like sort of more marginally when he's talking about something else

and I just remember you feeling really encouraged by that I mean through the lens of discussing something like being diagnosed with ADD like that part of my life definitely made me feel like it was a defining factor in who I am as a person. When were you diagnosed with ADD or ADHD?

I think I was like seven. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's young. I was really young. And I think it was because I was so disruptive that they were like, shudder down. Yeah, yeah. Like, a huge part of being called disruptive was that teachers were pressing my parents to medicate me. And so that's something that happened.

Very early on. Yeah. So I was medicated from the ages of like seven or eight to like 11, at which point, like, I think it probably really affected the development of my brain probably. That's why I'm like this. You're actually never just like this. That's actually what I do. You're okay. Yeah, I didn't grow.

I didn't eat. I don't think it made me less disruptive. Yeah. But I was, like, on speed and, like, went through withdrawal when I was, like, 11. Like, it's pretty hard drugs to put a kid on. And also, over the course of that, you start to be kind of, like, ostracized because, like, I was, like, tested into, like, mentally gifted, but was also in special ed. And it's, like, a weird identity thing to be, like, just like, what, what is, what am I? And they'd be, like, we don't understand what to do with you.

And you're just, like, I'm sorry. Sorry? You know, like, I'm 11? That's so hard. Oh, that's wild, Victoria. The word disruptive, when you said that, I was like, because when I was a teacher, that was a word that was thrown around so much because it's like kinder than, you know, they're causing trouble or their disruptive felt nicer. But it is really an intense descriptor for a young child. questions. Like, when I think back about it, I was really trying to engage in learning.

But what they want in a public schools, I mean, like, this is how I feel about it. Like, they're trying to make tiny little capitalists who will... Go off. No, we love it. We live for this. Go off. Let's talk about capitalism. Yeah, that's what all comes back to a lot of the time.

It's true. Cool. Do what they're told. And serve the system. And not serve themselves. Like, disregard yourself. completely, actually. Like, disregard your ideas or your thoughts or your feelings that don't exist within the realm of normal. Like, the system of, like, of capitalism that we exist in makes it so, like, people aren't

allowed to be individuals, have differences, and have their needs met, and create a community in which we can support each other understanding our differences and our strengths. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, in the school I worked at, actually, you know, each class was an integrated co-taught classroom, and so we had students all across, all every spectrum, and they had two focuses. One was anti-biased education, and the other was to engage all learners. So, and that's at a school that's doing their best. Yeah, they're definitely trying.

And there's still the disruptive kid. Yeah, I know, exactly. But one of the things we would talk about a lot is coming to a place where we understand, we're not trying to teach kids to be independent, but to be interdependent. and that that's a beautiful thing, and that our, that's what we want as our end goal. Because a lot of the time in education, we want to meet a kid where they're at so that we can help them to become independent. But we kind of flip the scales and we're like, no, we actually want to be interdependent. It's a beautiful thing to be interdependent. And I think when we say we want kids to be independent, we actually want them to be individualistic and not like turn to a community.

And it's like you can't educate every child the same way. Not every child is meant to come out and be the same person. They have different talents. Our education has to educate to bring. out their talents, not what we think someone should be. When you say, like, it's a diagnosis, there's a bunch of symptoms, and that becomes like this vicious cycle in which you're not really getting to understand an individual person. So people are dealing with you in that way, and I think that can be quite dehumanizing.

And it can feel very limiting. People have these lifelong histories that contribute to how they're developing as a person. It's so funny. I'm talking about this, and I'm like, oh, Bill Nye on there. And I'm like, girl, you have ADD. No, no, no, but, wait a second. For some context, this table is covered. Yeah, it's very distracting.

In so many people's autographs and messages. And I, too, during interviews, I sometimes I zone out. And I'm just like, oh, Leonard Malton. Like, I noticed Denzel Washington has been at this table. Oh, my gosh. Damn. But even if it's not like you're the ADD kid, like you're a problem child. Like, even that definition, like, you're a problem child.

like you're disruptive, you know, these kinds of things without thinking about the fact that they're coming from somewhere. As children, we don't have control over our circumstances. I mean, we have different levels of control over our circumstances even as adults, but as children, we really don't have that freedom. And so much of what's creating who we are is a product of the culture that we're living in, the larger culture we're living in, our home lives, our educational system. And so, yeah, I think taking that into account and being able to think about that more and process that more as we become adults and understand how we became the people that we are can be kind of fun and interesting and empowering.

Well, Victoria, I feel like you've started to sort of hint at this, but in one of your interviews, something that you said really, like, I don't know, it touched me. And you talked about what you wanted was friends and to feel like you belonged. And that's something that you still long for to the stay is to feel neutral about yourself, like not. not too high, not too low. And I was just wondering, like, in middle school, did you have friends? How are you with that journey now? Have you found that neutrality? I mean, I think having neutrality is really difficult.

And maybe, like, something to aspire towards but never really get to. Like, I don't actually want to be neutral about things, you know? Like, my dad used to say, this kind of goes back to the ADD thing. He was like, you should become a monk. Really? Because I was so indecisive. He was like, just have a life where everything's just kind of clearly laid out from where you're supposed to go. And I do love to just sit and look out.

Right. But see, that's kind of, I don't know, that's fascinating to me because... It's also a sensory thing. Like, a lot of us struggle with being overstimulated. So the idea of, I mean, meditation is very good for people with ADHD. I have many family members who are diagnosed with ADHD. I'm 99% sure I have ADHD, but I have not gone to go get a diagnosis because it's so expensive and I don't need to from my work. But from what I've read about it and from what I know from my own experience is there's like a couple of things that can like get you to get up and do a task.

One is urgency. Like if it had you like you've left it to the last minute and you have to do it, you'll sit down and do it. The other is desirability. Like if it's something you want to do, you're going to lock in and not eat, not drink, not do. You know, I think oftentimes people think of ADHD as like maybe flighty or like, you know, you can't focus on one thing. Sometimes it does look like that. Often it does look like that. Like you're switching subjects in your mind all the time.

But then sometimes it's the complete opposite. You're in like a flow state. Totally. I mean, I'm very passionate about the things that I'm passionate about. And I really enjoy diving into that, like, flow state. But then it comes back to the idea that, like, okay, are we dealing with diagnoses or are we dealing with individuals that have an entire health history, that have an entire life of the way in which they've experienced trauma to their. physical body or their like soul you know like and how that creates an individual I think a lot of us understand these things on a like instinctual level but we don't necessarily have the language

in order to express how we're feeling what we're seeing and like like working it like even like like I have this thing with me like just in case just in case I get overstimulated I can just like touch this and like I like when I was when I was in like middle school I would have had so much shame about that it's like a sponge like I'm holding a sponge that has like shaped like a fish that has little um poke like pokey things on it that you can just touch yeah yeah yeah I'll pass it around everybody can touch the fish that's really cool I really like that yeah this is very nice actually so he's like Ben and it over Stick around. We'll be right back.

All right. So let's just, let's just real talk, as they say for a second. That's a little bit of an aged thing to say now. That dates me, doesn't it? But no, real talk. How important is your health to you? You know, on like a one to ten. And I don't mean in the sense of vanity. I mean in the sense of like you want your day to go well, right? You want to be less stressed. You don't want it as sick. When you have responsibilities, I know myself, I'm a householder, I have two children and two more on the way, a spouse, a pet, you know, a job that sometimes has its demands. So I really want to feel like when I'm not getting the sleep and I'm not getting nutrition, when my eating's down, I want to know that I'm being held down some other way physically. You know, my family holds me down emotionally, spiritually, but I need something to hold me down physically, right?

And so honestly, I turned to symbiotica, these vitamins and these beautiful little packets that they taste delicious. And I'm telling you, even before I started doing ads for these guys, it was a product that I really, really liked and enjoyed and could see the differences with. The three that I use, I use the, what is it called, the liposomal vitamin C, and it tastes delicious, like really, really good. comes out in the packet you put it right in your mouth some people don't do that I do it I think it tastes great I use the liposomal glutathione as well in the morning

really good for gut health and although I don't need it you know anti-aging and then I also use the magnesium L3 and 8 which is really good for I think mood and stress I sometimes use it in the morning sometimes use it at night all three of these things taste incredible

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to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price in the past victory if there's something that's always stood out to me is maybe the way you talk about your relationship to your Jewish identity and your family as you were growing up it seems to have informed, like, your creativity. It informs, I don't know, a lot of things. From the way in which I was taught to relate to my identity, it has a lot to do with, like, a sense of duty in terms of cultivating healing in the world. And I don't know, a lot of it comes back to, like, the story of Exodus for me, too, like, this idea that, like, what is the line? I can't remember. It's like... From the Old Testament? Yeah, from the Old Testament, where it's like...

I don't have an off book. Okay. Some people really got it right in their back pocket. When people do, I'm like, wow. Wow. But something like, we should never treat people like strangers in our land because we were once strangers in Egypt. Wow. Wow, I love that.

We're a wandering people. I feel like Passover is a conversation about refugees all over the world that we retell every year. And so these things just kind of got into my brain as I was growing up. And I'm very proud to be Jewish. and I'm happy to be able to, like, pass that sense of, I don't know, pursuing justice. I was thinking, oh, wow, actually, disruptive is a really cool thing to be called. Right? Talk about social justice, too.

Yeah, to, like, disrupt the environment and it signals to the person in power, in this case, like, the teacher, the counselor, whoever, that, like, something's wrong. Like, if someone has to be disruptive, something's wrong with the environment and something needs to change. So it's actually cool. Should reclaim it. Yeah. Well, I think leader. leadership all over, whether it's teachers or in any kind of working environment, can often struggle to admit that they don't have all the answers.

Yeah, that's true. I think great leadership is the willingness to listen, you know, because you're there to serve the people you're leading in part. I also just wanted to point out when you said that someone asked you, that's really powerful because if they had like shamed you, which sometimes is like the impulse, like being a school administrator, a teacher at points, like, you're like, how could you do that? Like, that was the wrong thing to do. But that might elicit in the person like defensiveness and no reflection on the behavior.

Whereas, like, you had an opportunity to be like, I don't want to do that. Why did I do that? And that's really powerful. Yeah. I mean, like, I think learning that you, there are consequences is very important. Understanding that you ought to take responsibility for what you've done is important. But I think that we have, I think we're moving away from it to the point where sometimes I hear like, we need it. We need a little bit more punishment.

I mean, like, what is when these kids do anything? But I think excessive punishment can definitely just shut a person down. Yeah. You see that especially with toddlers. It's so clear. Sometimes they can, like, throw something and, like, really hurt you, you know? And it's like, you know, it is the beginning of seeing, like, wow, it would be so easy to take that personally and get upset. And then to try and hold a toddler accountable for something is, if you really think about it, it's insane.

It just doesn't make any sense. What you have to show them is mercy. Like, that's the best thing because then they learn how to soothe and be like, oh, that's a... Yeah, it's just like it's... And then once in a while,

just put him in a cage. Just, you know... He's really not getting it, yeah. With your friend, you mentioned... Lily? Lily, Frankel. Were you... And, you know, you both loved hair.

And you both... Like, were you both, like, little dramaturgs? Were you, like, little... Was drama becoming a thing then? Just in case our listeners who don't know what that is hair is a musical. So it's not just like the thing

that grows out of your head. It was one of the first rock musicals. Oh, right. Was drama becoming a part of your life then? Yeah. Yeah, well, middle school was the first time that you could, okay, middle school, ready? Middle school was the first time

that you could audition for the school musical. And I had waited for this moment. They were doing Into the Woods. Oh, yeah, that's a great one. That musical actually deals with a lot of very adult. things Lily Frankel got cast

oh shit Lily Frankel comes back again and Isana who was my best friend from elementary school they both got cast and they were the only sixth graders you get cast

and I wasn't two of my closest and I was devastated and they also told me that part of why I wasn't cast was because I was like confident

talking about an 11 12-year-old, they said that they felt like I was too much of a diva. I mean, I don't think I was perfect, but I was also 12 years old. And I was very confident and excited and passionate about what I was

trying to do. I mean, yeah, just for the record and for the listeners, Victoria, you are, you are, it's, I can vouch for that. Victoria is extremely committed. I thought he was going to say, Victoria, is a diva. I was like,

is extremely committed I really do feel like the intensity of your character love on the show you just grounding that crazy see here's the thing is even as I'm about to call her crazy because you know the way I talk about Joe

is obviously just ridiculous yeah she's crazy but like hats off to you as an artist I think when you're like on set and when you're playing her like you identify with her so much and again I think that's beautiful I think the way I view Joe in some ways

limits the way I'm able to portray him whereas like you know you really embrace her I think or you I don't know is it is it accurate to say that you like embrace your characters you like you do something very yeah to the point where when I was watching the third season we're just like I think it's the same it's like the first episode like just starting it and we're like in the basement and I just killed Natalie and we're like yelling at each other I was like my mouth is a gape yeah I was like this is crazy I was like she's so fucking crazy. You know, because at that point, I'm dead, you know?

Like, I have a distance from it. And now I'm watching it. And I'm like, no, I was really in it. Like, I was really like, these are the circumstances. This is her justification. And that's it. You know, like, I need to say these lines. They need to be felt completely.

Yeah. You know, like, there's no room to be like. Judgmental or analytical of it. Like, that's not my place. I mean, now I have my judgments. Like, I would say she's crazy. She's a serial killer. But I also know exactly how she got to be how she is

I have a very soft spot She jumped out with some really like almost problematic She's not a serial killer This came out We did an episode where like we're talking about the show Because so many listeners ask questions about it Yeah yeah yeah And Sophie like had some super hot take

Like a shot like she was like love isn't really What did you say? She was like love Joe made love this way she wasn't a serial killer her whole life made her that way and she sees herself as a victim you know like she doesn't see a space for her to

to you know I think go above her circumstances she's always looking for justifications to explain what she's doing and what she did instead of doing the hard disciplined rigorous work of trying to better herself

for herself for her child, for her life, you know? Like, she's just like, I'm a product of my circumstance, you know, as opposed to being like, maybe I should try meditating, you know? Yeah, like. Well, I think you played her, particularly in season three. You were amazing in season two, of course. But season three, oh, I mean, it's a feast.

Oh, I am obsessed with you in season three. Thanks. You did such an incredible job. I think that's why I have such a sauce spot. for love. Anyway, we'll move on. Wait, no, actually, I want to say something. When Victoria came in, I said this off, Mike, because it was totally sincere, that when I was doing research for this show, I couldn't, I wasn't looking for them.

Mine was sincere, too. Yeah, yeah. Is this also mean that you're insincere on Mike? Yeah, yeah. Usually, it's all for show. I was doing research, and, like, I kept reading reviews about Victoria, and they were all positive. I wasn't looking for negative ones, but none came up. Usually you see both. And one of the reviews that really stood out to me, and I think it was about, it was not

about Love Quinn, and I don't know if it was about now. or the other character's Blair. What's her name? No. Danny. I don't know if it was about Nell or Danny. Well, it's the house. It's Bligh.

I got her to Blair. It's pretty good. Good research. Blair was actually on Gossip Girl. Always reading about the Gossip Girl, aren't you now? You're like in Easter, right? I think it's very good that I never watched that show. Oh.

I don't think I ever quite realized. He's like, not my feelings about your. changed. I remember when you told me that you were gossip girl, and I was like, oh, wow. Now I don't need to watch it. This is with you about either Nell or. Danny.

The thing about Victoria is that she, with this character, you feel every moment of anguish and grief, like through, like, in its absolute totality. And I felt that way about love. I was telling someone that there's, like, a moment in season three. I think it's when you're watching Joe have sex with Shelita, that character, and you're realizing that he's picturing Marianne. You're realizing that he's picturing another woman, and your face changes from, like, joy to anguish, to anger, all in one moment. And I'm like, how did you do that? Yeah, there was a little bit of that, too.

Joy. I don't know how you did it. Like, how can one person express all of these emotions in three seconds? It's not much imagination. No, no, no, no, yes, it's called acting. I'm kidding. But Victoria, your first is. face is very expressive.

Yeah. How do you do that? But also, we can feel your anguish. It is called acting. Your face is not as expressive. I once had, it's not. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

It's actually not. You know what my choice is? Do nothing. Do nothing all the time. Although I did once have an interviewer, I won't name who they are, because I've forgotten. Wow. I did have a lot of people asking me, like, how do you do that with your face where you're very serious?

And then you're like, I was like, who's like, who? You wouldn't fucking ask, I'm trying to think of... You can't think of it, because you would ask. I would, yeah. My question is justified. I was just thinking this. I was like, okay, I am a visual artist. Yeah, she knows.

Yeah, De Angelo doesn't let anyone ask him anything. No questions. No, I'm a visual artist, and I'll, like, watch the video I made afterwards, or I'll look at a collage afterwards, and I'll realize why I did it, and how it makes sense in the end product. So I feel like that's a valid question. There's something about the quality of your acting that, like, it doesn't feel melodramatic. It doesn't feel soapy, but you are playing every emotion, and some actors don't.

But you do, and it works. And I, like, I don't know why, but it really. Yeah, now that we're going to start a podcast where we just comment on actors with no acting experience whatsoever. I mean, I think I based a lot of my performance on what I saw Penn doing in the first season. Really? Actually, that's very kind No, that's so sweet. No, for sure.

Like, because you, you've got the recipe, you know? Like, you know how to make a character that is insane and yet sympathetic. Yeah, that's true. You know? And so I think a lot of what I was trying to do was just, like, match that energy. There you go. See, now he's glad I asked the question. And I think in terms of being like.

I'm explaining for it. I think in terms of being, like, really expressive, like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Like, I'm just existing in my imagination, and I think that I can overact sometimes, and I think that that's something that, you know. You have to be willing to. Yeah, like, I'm just trying to find the balance, you know, and hopefully there is difference from character to character. Like, I think you really need to see all of what love is experienced. to go on that journey with her, you know. Yeah, I mean, maybe probably training as an actor contributed to it a bit.

Yeah, what made you decide to go into acting and how did you fully get into it? I mean, I think it goes back to even middle school. Like, that happened. Then I was on crew because I was like, I'm going to get as close to this as I possibly can. Like, I really don't have pride about it. Like, I just want to be a part of this. I want to be a part of this collaborative process. I want to be a part of this community.

Like, every time you do a production, whether it's a show or a movie or a stage play, like, you're building a tiny, like a little community. And it's so enriching. Talk about friendship, connection. Like, especially on an artistic level, right. Like, it's so life-giving. And so I just pretty consistently through like middle school and high school, like, didn't really get the lead. And, like, I don't know. I think that's set just more fire under my butt, you know, to be like.

like, I'm going to show you. You don't give me the opportunity. I'm going to show you. Like, that was really a huge motivating factor. That's amazing. Because that could, it could have gone the other way, I feel like. It did not discourage me. I was like, I don't know why you're not casting me.

Like, I know that I have something to offer, you know, and I want to figure out if it's not, if it's not working, like, how I'm going to get there. Yeah. And then, you know, then you go through middle school, high school. I didn't get into the musicals, but I got into the play. So you still weren't. still wasn't really getting cast in the musical but I got into the play

didn't really get into the play but I could do the one act and the one acts when it's the one act competition but then I won an award at the one act competition so I was like okay okay

somebody likes me people are responding I'm getting laughs that gets you for sure I'm getting laughs I'm getting tears people are responding to it that's what I want

that's what I get out of theater and film and television you know that's we have the possibility to have a catharsis together it's spiritual it's real you know like and then I was like wanted to drop out of high school very desperately I will never forget like being at a Joe's Crab Shack and being like mom let me drop out

of high school to like perform uh probably or is it not totally related just to be out of school primarily but also like yeah I could just like go somewhere and try to pursue this and figure something out for myself like I didn't I don't think I thought I was just going to immediately work as an actor but then I got into one of the best acting programs in the country and I was that was again very motivating so I was like I don't want to wait for that I don't want to be there now um so then that's how I ended up going to a conservatory program and then your first professional job was now right yeah in haunting a hill that is so unlikely Blair Walder on gossip girl but no that I just feel like that never happens so what was that

first season like for you I mean when I think about it now has I've been I've been kind of processing it recently like it was quite a luxurious process we shot that for nine months and I mean I don't think it was luxurious for a lot of people but honestly I mean my character feels very present in it but I honestly am mostly just doing one episode but like you know by the time I was showing up the focus was really on the performance you know there weren't people adjusting lights like our director Mike Flanagan ran a very tight set that created a lot of safe space for actors to do that.

I also had the opportunity to watch playback, which I really enjoyed. I learned a lot from that. I remember when I first got to you and I was like, we don't have playback? Nobody has playback. What are you talking about? Is it just like after you do a scene or after the day? Yeah. But at what point? Is it like right after the scene?

Well, I usually, I mean, it depends. I would never watch playback while I'm doing a scene. But it was great to help me learn in terms of watching it after the scene was done and be like, because it's never as bad as I think it is. You know, whatever I've come up with is 10 times worse in my head. So it usually puts me at rest. Victoria, you mentioned that you think you're probably a pretty confident person

or more confident than most. And, I mean, I've made it clear how incredible I think you are. But because you were straight away on such a big, shows. I'm wondering if you ever dealt with a feeling of imposter syndrome or not feeling like ready. Yeah, especially about being famous. I didn't really want that. So it took a long time to accept that that was a reality that wasn't going to change. Being famous. Yeah. Because you're just exposed, you know, once you have exposure, people know who you are. They're not going forget. I mean

the young people might not know, you know, but like the people that really like took in the work that you did are probably not going to Yes, I know exactly. I know what you're talking in the end. We can cut this, but it's interesting because before

you came, Penn and I went to get lunch together and when we walked out of the building, this girl jumped. She like gasped and jumped and I thought it was funny because I forgot that pen I often forget that pen is famous. I don't why because people always recognize him. So he forgets that I'm an actor. I forget that he's famous and for a second I was like why did

that girl just jump when she saw Penn? And then I laughed and so I asked Penn about it kind of like I was like oh that was kind of funny and he got somber like the mood changed and then we had like a brief conversation he was just talking about like it's always hard like it's not something that he enjoys it's not something that anybody really

is meant to be subject to I think in a way. And let's be like I'm gonna be real like I was made fun of in school so when a bunch of people are all snickering looking at me in a corner it makes you feel awful it doesn't feel good no i know yeah we were on the train over here today and there was a girl probably like 21 or something the one sitting right there behind me yeah no not behind me to your left and she was like filming pen and like looking at her phone and actually i didn't realize it but that's what

it felt like for her she's probably just like excited But it came across as, like, mean. Like, it's like, I think it probably brings you right back to middle school. It does. It does. It's like, you don't know what someone's thinking or who they're sending it to. It's how I got sucked into this show. It's like, who are they sending that to?

Yeah. What are they saying? And here's the thing. It's never about you. It's always about you. Yeah. Sorry, I have to slip into it every now. See, what that was, that was deflection.

Yeah. I think we all picked up on that. Yeah. It was subtle. No, you did not, Sophie. Soutt. No. Just to say, like, I feel for you guys.

Some people love it. Yeah, I mean. Some people love it. Some people love it. And some people think that that's the life anybody would want. And you became an actor so you could be famous, duh. And it's like, no, I thought I'd work on some stage that nobody was going to see. And I'd impact the people that shared space with me.

And it wouldn't be about that. Like, I took jobs because they were jobs. I got out of college. I didn't have money. I, like, took the jobs that came to me. You know, I wasn't being particularly discerning in that way either. Yeah, and then you were throws up to a really suddenly. You was not a huge hit when I signed on for it.

Like, it hadn't gone to Netflix yet and hadn't blown up on that platform. So I didn't know that it was going to be such a huge thing. There was, like, the plan of that, but it hadn't been released. And so it hadn't blown up. Victoria, you just mentioned that kids were mean to you. And so when someone's like standing in a corner looking at you and laughing like that, it brings you right back to that place, would you mind sharing an example of like how? Because I know that that's something that our listeners struggle with a lot too and they might feel, I don't know, a relief knowing that someone like you has also gone through it. Yeah, I feel like a really good example of this that happened in middle school was that I was in math class and like I remember these people like sitting over there snicker in looking at me.

And I was like, what's going on? And this one kid gives me a little phone number, and he says, my phone number, call me. And we had lunch right after that. So I went to lunch, and, like, I walked out of the lunch room. Like, I remember standing in, like, a hallway. I don't remember. But anyway, I was in school, and I called the phone number.

And it was the rejection hotline. Oh. No. It's so awful. that's so even that that exists number one yeah that's so awful

Victoria but also it's so unprompted it's like it's like it's like it's like a live action troll

like internet troll that's so unfair I think I mean even since elementary school I think because I was so passionate

and so obsessed with justice it was very easy to get a rise out of me like because I would just get so excited about things

and I I was like pretty serious and like you know I would get over I would get

really really loud about the things I was passionate about. Like, when everybody was calling everyone gay, I'd be like, don't say that, you know? And like, people loved it. People were like, ha, ha. Look at you getting

caring about things. Like, I think it was also very in fashion to be apathetic at the time. Yeah. Yeah. It's less so now, I think. I think so. I think so. But then I, like, went to my nephew's soccer game. Yeah. Don't go to a soccer

game. I mean, you're not going to find it there. And I was looking at the kids in high school and I was like, they literally look exactly. Like, has the fashion changed actually that much? No, it's right back to where it was. Everybody looks exactly the same. It was so weird.

I was like, did that guy never leave high school? I think I went to high school with him. Yeah. Can I ask how you feel around middle schoolers and high schoolers? Because I think the joke is that as a class of people, which we all go through, like we are the most awkward and sensitive

and self-conscious, and yet somehow exude something that makes adults fully like... Cower. Oh, shit, there's those high schoolers. Okay, okay. Nervous. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, how do you feel around people at age? I don't know. I was just hanging out with high schoolers, and it was, like, pretty fine. I mean, I want them to like me, but I don't want everyone to like me. No, that's not true. I think I want, I think that...

I don't actually spend... Like, what I'm thinking about, don't spend time around middle schoolers or high schoolers ever so what I'm saying is based on middle school Should we leave? It's really based on nothing. So, I mean, I feel like I just try to deal with people as people. And I'm often just, I'm often very consumed with what I was thinking about at the time. Like, if they're doing anything weird, I'm just like, oh.

Or if they're being mean, I'm just like, oh, no, they're sad. You know, like, I feel like that's my response. But what about you, Pam? I mean. You're living with a middle schooler. Yeah, yeah. Stepson. It's not just going to be 14.

Well, part of it is, well, I don't know. I mean, I think, like, this feeling of nervousness and awkwardness around, you know, these, like, certain age youth, that's in some way, the way I feel every time posting on social media. It's like, all right, just walk through the hall really quickly and just don't look at anybody. That's so funny. Such a good analogy. You know, I think that's maybe the way that I felt previous to getting on TikTok, which is interesting that it's like, Like, I did not anticipate it at all to feel this way, but it feels somehow a lot more relatable. It feels a lot more like commenting makes more sense, whereas, like, you know, the comment section of an Instagram post feels like the hall or the lunch where everybody's just like talking about, well, and in this case, it actually is about you.

And it's, you know, and so it's a very, you know, in Hollywood itself isn't, I think, beyond, if it's lucky, it's at the age of, maturity of high school and it isn't really gone beyond that i think there's so much about it there's so much about it that is just so consumed with optics yes and and the way that things appear and and how if you're not aloof but just certain people just you know when they say they have that it factor i mean you know a lot of times it does with the way they look or whatever so you know it's just it's it's to me the beauty of it somehow is like the older you get the more you can accept the lightness of of life, the sweetness of life. Part of what we think about in this show is

like, if we can understand why it takes so long to get there, what could we be sharing with our youth when they're about to go through that, when they are going through that, so that like it doesn't have to be such a long boomerang back to sweetness, you know, back to lightness.

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lamb-pilaf guy. Keep mealtime exciting with NomNum, available at your local pet smart store or at Chewy. Learn more at trynom.com slash podcrushed, spelled try n-o-m.com slash podcrushed. I do know that fans of the show really wanted to ask a few you questions. So are you guys down if we ask you a couple of questions about you? Sure, ask questions about me. I mean, that's what this is. Yeah, we're here to interview you. The show. She gets it.

Victoria's playing with me. Okay, so the question that I saw that I thought was interesting is, fans want to know how you guys felt about the I-Wolf you scene, and was it hard to keep a straight face filming that? I fought it a lot. Oh, really? I don't recall struggling with it. No, I think there were many moments where I was like,

why are we doing this? And you were like, do we just do it? Oh, wait, that's the exact inverse of my relationship with Penn. It's true. He's like, why are we doing something? Like, Penn, just do it.

Just trust me. Press post, press post. Today I'm like, I'm going to hit post for you. Today she had her finger over the button. It's so funny. That's funny. Interesting. Why did you fight it?

Because it's ridiculous. Well, and the fine line between the ridiculous and iconic is That's something people say to me now. They'll come up and they'll be like they're the first person that ever said to me and they'll be like, I wolf you. And I was just like, oh my God. What the fuck is my life?

You don't know me? You don't wolf me. You know what's interesting about that episode? There was an entire wolf cut out of it. Like an animal? I have pictures of it. There was a scene where Joe gets bitten. Really?

That was cut out? They cut out. They cut out the entire. And I was like a animal. We had a wolf. Guys, I was limping through the entire latter half of the episode. And nobody knew why. And they edited it or either I'm limping and everybody's like, no, that's a choice, or the limp is just gone.

But the wolf was featured so much more prominently in the episode. And it was cut out because it was so hard to get the wolf to do what we needed. Yeah. Oh, wow. And because of reasons that are obvious, like, you know, they couldn't really get the, they couldn't have the wolf actually lunge at me. Oh, my God. I hope they didn't try. No, so basically they couldn't really...

You know, what it came down to is like they would have needed hundreds of thousands of dollars for like a CG wolf to come to come for me. And so I think it just... So basically they edited around this whole story point, you know, which was like Joe gets bitten by the wolf. And that is a thing, you know, at the... Is that before or after I Wolf You?

When was it... Was it what prompted the I wolf view? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Wow. Okay, Victoria. In this week's episode, the one that's out this week, so in last week's episode, we asked Penn what his favorite scene was to film with you. And he said it was the dinner scene, the final scene in season three. And I want to know what was your favorite scene to film with Penn.

Hmm. Chris, I didn't have to answer in front of her. That's true. I don't know. We did a lot of scenes together. My God. Mine was like a little bit of just a quick hot take. What I like that scene for was that, well, first of all, a lot of times I don't have lines.

That's true. People don't realize how often it's another person. Carrying all the weight. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, doing all of that good acting. Novs, all of those facial expressions where she takes you on an emotional journey. Finally. Finally, someone on this show is making me feel something.

Yeah. What I like. about that scene was I don't even particularly love my performance I just liked that there was such a give and take you know and actually not I'm thinking about it episode two all those therapy scenes

oh that was fun that actually I'm revising my answer those are to me that's episode what episode two of season three yeah maybe those that was really fun what was fun about that

well that we were talking Like, they were real, like, scenes in which you're talking and responding and, like, there's dialogue and there's a journey through the scene, you know, it's not just starting in a heightened place. I love, I always love scenes in psychologist's offices, like, across the board on everything. I think it's a great space to explore characters with their guard down a little bit. But yeah, I mean, I really loved the end of season two, too. Some of those were really fun. Especially when we're like yelling at each other. And I think it was, I think when I'm just like you were looking at a fantasy

and like we're going back and forth about like finally being like really open. And that's what I really hoped that season three would be. And there was so much of like that real like real confrontation. that ends up being, like, deeply funny because neither of them kind of sit on a moral high ground. So we do have a final closing question, which is if you could go back to your 12-year-old self, what would you say to her?

Honestly, I don't think I could tell that little girl anything, but I think it would be more like you're not okay, you know? And the fact that you feel like this is not okay is a good sign. you know like yeah I feel like more I'd want to listen I like that yeah because I think that's what that person needed was somebody to listen thank you

thank you so much for being here such a delight thanks for having me for coming back today's listener submitted real-life middle school story is a little gem among gems because on the surface it feels like it's about one thing and you'll see what that thing is. But if you dig deeper, it's actually about friendship. It's about ride or die friendship. I absolutely love this story. Ride or die. Enjoy.

In the sixth grade, I had a giant crush on my best friend, Alea, but it was a secret. After months of pining, I decided it was time to come clean and shoot me. I shot. We were at an amusement park getting ready to ride a roller coaster together. I'm not sure what possessed me, but I thought this was the moment to confess my feelings for her. So I go for it. We sit down. I have something to tell you. Okay, she says, waiting. I like boys and girls and I like you. And I like you. And I like you. I like you, like you. I mean, I like you, like you.

I know. You know I'm by? The barlocks were both in, trapped, technically. Both things. I know both things. Oh. Horror. Or, is it relief?

Yeah, I found that story you wrote. You know, the one where we were girlfriends. Nope. Just horror. No, no, not. it's totally okay I still love you but I just like boys and just then we start to take off the butterflies in my stomach are turning to I I I don't know I don't know it's something I feel hot and wet and oh no no no no no am I peeing I am definitely

peeing okay let's just keep it on me please please no there it goes it's it's On her, there goes the friendship. The longest roller coaster ride of my life finally came to an end. I could only whisper. I'm sorry. Alea was super gracious about it. And you know what? She's still my rider die.

That is the definition of best friends forever. You can keep up with Victoria Fugretti on Instagram at The Notorious DIP with Zeros instead of O's. Podcrushed is hosted by Penn Bad Grave Navacavlin and Sophie Ansari. Our executive producer is Nora Richie from Stitcher. Our lead producer, editor, and composer is David Ansari. Our secondary editor is Sharaff and Twistle. This podcast is a ninth mode production.

Be sure to subscribe to Podcrush. You can find us on Stitcher, the Serious XM app, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. If you'd like to submit a middle school story, go to podcrush.com and give us every detail. And while you're online, be sure to follow us on socials. It's at Pod Crush, spelled how it sounds. And our personals are at Penn Badgley, at Nava. That's Nava with three ends. And at Scribble by Sophie.

And we're out. See you next week. Penn, do you think I'm a diva? No. I'm down. I'm down. I recently, I was just visiting my husband's family, and we were talking about how people,

sometimes end up in partnership with people who remind them of their mother or their father. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah, always. My mother-in-law was like, I think we're quite similar and I was like, really? In what ways?

She started naming something. She's like, I think we're both down to earth. And I told David my husband about it later and he just started laughing his head off. He was like, you down to earth? I was like, wait, what? I was learning something totally new about it. Anyway, that's, yeah. How funny.

That's really funny. So to answer questions, Victoria, no, I don't think you're a diva. I think Sophie's a deep.