Podiots - Podiots: Episode 100 - Failing Upwards

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

We're back in the same room AGAIN as we celebrate episode 100! Mikey's the luckiest man alive, Peter's peeling Podiots onions, and Ben's called some friends for backup. Donate £3 or more to get a shout out and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/vidiotsofficialdiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Mikey's Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/parrotboy Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV

or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Maybe it's Maple Lane. I think we need to talk about the guy who was trying to chip a road sign off the wall earlier. Yes, we do. That was weird, wasn't it?

We didn't capture it on video, sadly. We didn't all very intimidated by him. I mean, you made the good point at first. So we saw, I mean, he was just, let's make it clear, this was not some sort of council workman. This was a man who was. Man in jeans, who was stealing in broad daylight, near the Azda going towards Bedminster.

We heard him sort of clanking with like a hammer and chisel. And Mikey said, what was far more reasonable in terms of theft, I think he's stealing the pipe because there's a lot of value in like lead and copper and stuff. And I was like, oh yeah, he will be, won't he? And it became apparent that, no, no, he was chiseling underneath like a, an old kind of iron, like cast iron street sign that's probably been there for decades. I guess to steal it for scrap or maybe even some kind of sentimental value to that straight to him. Or he's annoyed at the street.

It was called like Nelson Street or something, is it? So maybe he doesn't. I think we might be giving him too much credit. Like the Admiral at all. Maybe. He's got issues with Admiral Lord Nelson. Screw me out of insurance. Yeah.

it was just so brazen wasn't it yeah no one was stopping him because why would they no yeah just he didn't seem very well and he was just really hammering or wet like bits of old red brick were coming off yeah underneath it like he was just he was going home with that street sign

we have to see if it's gone when we yeah true yeah go that way again while we're here I don't know but we might go that way on the bus yeah way back to the airport there's not much money in scrap like I think at Morris you're going to get a fibre for that sign I know if it's worth it like he was

putting a lot of effort into that. Yeah. I suppose it depends how desperate you are. There's an aroused around the corner. Steal a bottle of beer or something. Get your money back. I did have that once at my local Tesco. It was a nice sunny day, so I thought,

I'm going to get some lunch from Tesco and sit on the green. And while I was sat there, I just saw a man sprinting from Tesco wearing a tutu with two crates of beer on his arm. And just straight off in the distance. And the staff all came out after him. What a hero. The tutu is what gave him the bravery to pull the trigger.

You can run faster in a two-two. Yeah. It's like a superhero Kate makes you fly, a two-two meets you run fast. It does, it's a known fact. Did you change the lens on here, Michael? I didn't. I tried, but it didn't really work. I think I did this long set up for a reason.

I'm still really far away. Maybe I was like zoom in your head on the video. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Well, hello everyone who's listening to this and not watching it. You should be watching it because you'll be able to see us. We're all together again for episode 100.

We've done it. But because of the way the camera's set up and that we're on a very long table, I look like I'm really far away. So hello, all the way over there. And if you are listening to the audio version, maybe you go watch the video version and some. Yeah, why not?

That's a viable option. It's a retreat. Should we? Yeah. I think we should. Okay. Roll that music. Okay.

Let's go. Yeah. Hello everybody and welcome to poddiet's the official. Fidious. Podcast. Did your phone vibrate as you hit the table? No, I just hit it that hard. All right.

I thought I had a little... It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings... A thing along to talk. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Peter looked at me there.

It made me panic. I don't know. I, yeah, I'm not sure. I'm really, I'm slowly running out of juice for the day, but I'm very excited for episode 100. Can we try, can we try you, me then, Peter? Yeah. Just for a change.

A big episode 100 blowout. Okay. I'm Ben. I'm Michael. And I'm Peter. Thank you. I like that. How does that feel?

Yeah. Do you want to have a goal going last now, Ben? Yeah. I'm Michael. I'm Peter. And I'm Ben. There we go. Yeah. That's fun. That all feels good. It feels good, man. Big fan. All feels good. Yeah. Welcome to episode 100. A little bit of admin before we get started because people ask stupid things and they don't listen, quite frankly. We've already recorded episode 50. You listen to that last fortnight. We haven't yet recorded episode 99. But you listen to that four weeks ago. If the donations are out of order, that's why. If you don't donated before this episode released, but after we recorded, it won't be in this episode. It will be in episode 101 because we shot them all together. Yeah. Hope that makes sense. Thank you for your understanding.

If some really big news story happened around the time of episode 99 that we should constantly be referring to at all times, because it's, you know, the zeitgeist right now. It's on everyone's minds. Did you see Billy Ray Cyrus is getting divorced? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Did you see that he is getting divorced? Is he? Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. I thought that was what you were going to say. It's not the beginning of a long cold case. Our prediction, yeah, where he murders someone or has murdered someone. Yeah. I just can't stay married to a man who kicks dogs. Who's murdered someone?

Why is it always with the kicking dogs? Stop kicking dogs. Please. Kicking the dogs. Stealing their squeaky toys as well. That's ridiculous. Oh, poor peg. Oh, poor peg.

Hey, did you know if you went to streamlabs.com forward slash potty at's donations and donated £3 or more, you would have gotten a shout out at the beginning and the end of this episode. podcast episode podcast episode podcast episode 100 these were split equally between episode 50 and 100 as we're recording the bank to bank so thank you in advance to the pod squad mike he's going to start it off yeah we start with mr blobby joins the bobby i like it that's good incredibly generous um i think they've missed a why out here so it's sex young homosexual thank you very much sex young homosexual this is I haven't donated in a while but this is a big one brackets two episodes I know it's cliche at this point

but you boys help my mental health a lot my only regret is we can't be friends IRL since I'm in the colonies perpetual enemies and all that keys keys keys thank you very much you sex young homosexual

Ben I'm sorry Ben does not fuck smash my door What? Ben does not fock. It's about F-O-K. Smash my door. What does that mean?

I have no idea. Thank you very much. We don't know what that means. What does that mean? Mr. Blobby becomes a therapist. That's good. That's good. Hot blah-blop-blop-blop-blop-blop-y-blop.

He pushes his reading glasses up his nose and his chair breaks or something. He's got like a little gaulty. He just falls onto the patient. If Mr. Blobby had a goatee, he would be a Russian nesting doll of Noel. Yeah, he worked with the, Noel is inside him with his beard. And they got exactly the same hair. Because Noel Evans is small as well. Yeah.

So it would be even funnier. Oh, God. The knoll inside my blobby. Oh, God. Hot blooby cherry, honey linear. The generous, friendly tree. and they say, Hi, boys.

Hi. Poddian's helped me get through a lot of nights full of design work at uni. I'm now settled in my first job as a graduate and it feels like time to pay it back. Oh, thanks for all the laughs, your friendly neighborhood, landscape architect, architect.

It's Neil. Your friendly neighborhood landscape architect, Ben. Thank you, Ben. Oh, thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you, Peter. Don't you eat those plops?

The generous big Jew. And they say Sorry was there Someone called Don't you eat those plops Don't you eat those plops I've told you before What's that from

That's us Isn't it Don't you eat those plops That rings so many bells Really We say something Hysterical every day I just can't keep track

Quite frankly Don't you eat those plops Don't you eat those plops Are you not just thinking of Now homie Don't you eat that pie Now holy Don't you eat that pie

It's gonna come to me It's gonna come to me the generous big joe they say you finally made it thank you so much for providing endless entertainment to so many of us i've had a few family members change oh no that kind of change oh no change over the last few years not laughing i'm not laughing grandma is changing god's grandma's changed oh no um but it is always

and god i can't do this but it is always a nice escape to wind down listening to a new poddiet every couple of weeks. I'm sorry for your changing family. They're in our thoughts. Thank you. Thank you, Big Joe. Absolutely. Big Joe too, electric boogaloo. And they've said again, whatever happens in the future, Vidyates will be remembered by many wonderful members of Pod Squad, other listeners of Podiots, and the Triple Jump community. Ben, Peter, Mikey. Thank you so much. You're welcome. You're welcome. We have a very cheeky, very last minute donation that just came in, hot of the press.

Oh, just made it. Well done. From Gregor Monkey and Monkey Chippy, and they say, hopefully this isn't too late. If it is, well, whatever. Just take our money, brackets, in our best butterfield. Just take our body. Take our butter.

Take our butter. Congratulations on your 50th episode. Thanks. Yeah. Cheers. Lovely. Thank you very much, you both. We've also got.

Um, you know it's all about the Coom, who was very generous and said, happy big episodes, boys. If only Ben and Peter didn't cause the pandemic to happen in the kitchen that one day, I could have had this earlier. But hey, we got there in the end. Here's to 50 slash 100. Uh, more of these. And probably some more after that.

Probably. Yes. Um, thank you. Uh, Emily Lemons. Specky Becky. An extra 50's worth of donation. Katie Kinsolo. Vidiots might be.

be a cult and Rangorop Joy Star Scourge Babylonie who was very generous and said happy 50th slash 100th episode and congratulations on such an amazing milestone please enjoy the monies and thank you

for all you do keys keys Finchristam Hawkeman 105 and Internet Explorer who was very generous and said hey boys just noticed a new upload called Vidyits is changing hope it's the return of memory cards I'll watch it after I read this article about DBP wrestling.

Sounds wild. Thank you. Thank you. What was going? Hello? Do you want me just lie on the table? Yeah, can you just lie on the table? Sorry, I just realized that the question post was still up, and we normally take that down.

Yes. And also, we haven't posted a Dave. We need a Dave. So I'm just posting a photo of us and just saying, hey, we're recording now, no Dave. It just occurred to me that I didn't do my... Perfect. That's a good. I like it.

You're good? You didn't stand on your laptop. Oh, brilliant. Well, I did it in Twitter refreshed and deleted everything I typed. Oh. Michael, you're going to need to do that again, bud? Do you need a new photo? Yeah, here we go. We're taking, Michael's climbing on the table so we can all get a selfie. But that's just a photo of the wall, Ben. Let's turn there. There we go. Grand. I'll just stay up here until that's tweeted. Just in case.

Have you finished reading your... I have. Yeah, my... troop is done. Damn. Okay. Can you type, no Dave, but we're recording episodes 50 and 100 right now. I can. I'll do it. Wonderful. Okay. Here's the fast crew. Very, very, very thank you to no clue. Prince Beefcakes. Stroke my Trent, please, Ben. Someone is really just thirsty as fuck. Yeah. Will you sort yourself out? Serene is a birch bitch. Now, we had this before and there was some explanation given that Birchbitch is how the two participants in this particular romantic partnership refer to each other as a term of endearment.

Okay, that's fine. Callum and Jess. Jester the rogue, the very generous Scots' cool hugs, McSnuggies. He said, I gave my grandma a vidiots mug. I gave my grandpa a vidiots mug and he broke it trying to make plum dumplings in it. Plum dumplings. Plumplings. Plumplings, yeah. And Lady Masquerade and the very, very generous Okaroo 127 who said, hey guys, or girls, thanks for making poddiers.

It is still my favourite thing to listen to whilst woodworking. I'll have to post some pictures to Twitter so you can see what you all have helped me make. Thanks. I like the idea that they're using really loud, they're using like a lathe and it's just going like, boom. You can't hear a word. fart noises coming from their phone or whatever yeah fantastic thank you so much pod squad thank you remember streamlabs.com forward slash potty it's donations three pounds or more to get a shout at the beginning and the end of the show and if you're listening to this and you donate now i mean it actually makes sense because it'll be read out on next on next fortnight's episode yes true true but again

you know if you don't and it's not what and it's not monday the 18th of april then you're you're just going to have to wait until next episode. I'm sorry. It's just how time works. We can't control it. Who would like an question? Yeah, please. First question for episode 100 comes from Kells at Kelly Marshall 98 on Twitter who asks, if you had to start a government purely made out of fictional advertising characters, i.e. Pringle's Man, Tony the Tiger, etc. What would you do and who would take which department? So I think we can work together on this. I was about to suggest Tony the Tiger. Oh, really? perhaps sort of

kind of social issues because he's such a good motivator. Shall I look up the actual cabinet positions? Yeah. See if we can fill them. Yeah, that's a good idea. Okay.

I want actual Barry Scott for something. Did it specify food? Did it just say brands? Advertising character. Fictional advertising characters. Fictional Harry Scott.

Fictional advertising characters. I don't think Barry Scott's a real man. I think he is. No, I think he is. No. I think he might. might maybe be called Barry Scott in real life, but that's about it. They flick a switch on the back of his head before the advert goes on, and then he becomes

a picture. Hi, I'm Barry Scott, and he just becomes full automaton. I'm the Chancellor of the Exchequer. He could be the Chancellor. In fact, I'm calling it. He is Chancellor because he does the penny test all the time, isn't he? Now my old favourite, and he dips the penny in. Look at it.

Not with new kitchen gun. Yeah. Bang. Okay, I'm going to choose a few of these because there are some absolute bullshit titles. including Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster Downing Street Chief of Staff. Fuck off the right Honourable Steve Barclay MP for North East Cambridge year.

Imagine being given that. What a stupid role. So that's a cabinet position. That's a cabinet position. There's like 30 apparently. Oh, my God. Okay, so we've got the Prime Minister, first lord of the Treasury Minister for the Union Minister

for the Civil Service. So the big cheese. Who is the big cheese at the top? Oh, who's the biggest of all advertisers? Crazy Frog, is he the biggest fictional advertising character? Ringtones. Jamster.

Jamster. Blurred penises. Perhaps. Yeah. I need as many characters as possible, I suppose, don't we? Yeah. The Pringles man is obviously he's large and in charge.

He's like the money. He's the money man. He's got that kind of vibe about them. Yeah. One of you might need to Google some advertising characters because I'm dying here. I'm like kind of drawing a blank. at the moment there's got to be some i think we need to think quick i think we've got to do okay

fine the prime minister is you remember the crazy frog oh okay or or the uh the uh what's the word for it the uh human not humanoid the anthropomorphized uh cheese string man who like used to ride a skateboard yeah remember him and he had like dreadlocks because his hair peeled and you remember the cheese string man yeah i could get down with that prime minister okay how'd you feel about that How about Deputy Prime Minister is not a real job That could be the Pepper Army

The Pepper Army Yeah The Anthropanifies Pepper Army The Chancellor of the Exchequer Who's good with money Uncle Moneybags Uncle from Monopoly Yeah that sounds good

That might just be a character though Yeah but he sort of advertises it Yeah He's the face of Monopoly Yeah Okay Secretary of State Churchill the dog

Yeah No he's not rebrand now. He's cool. Is he? Yeah, he rides skateboards around and stuff. He's not just a nodding dog. He's natural bulldogs.

And Churchill, of course. He's got, it's got tenure. Okay. Minister for women and equalities. Who do we think? Probably needs to be a woman. That's probably a good idea.

Are there many female advertising fictional characters? There aren't that many, are there? Sheila's wheels. The ladies in that car. They're real, Michael. Those are real women. You don't know what fiction are me.

It's up because the Sheila's wheels, people are. aren't real. They're actors. The titular Sheila then, who you never actually see. So Sheila from Sheila's wheels, the insurance company for women. For women, yeah. For cars for women.

Well, because they're all about, well, they're not about equality. In fact, they're sort of for the office. Yes. Well, not. Like, I'm open to suggestions here. I'm literally just, my, I'm trying to think of just female advertising characters. Yeah, me too. I've suddenly realized how few there are.

I think you mean less. Could we just maybe flip it on its head and say, Mr. Mussel? just the least appropriate man for the job sure I bet the women would love that and the equalities whatever that means I don't think it's on us that we can't think of any female character

I think it's that apparently female characters seemingly don't sell stuff very well we're gonna get so many tweets you forgot about there'll be a female character in like the Cocoa Pops cartoon stuff probably that we're not thinking of

there's definitely a really obvious one that we're not thinking of I'm certain you blew your load too early though because surely the Secretary of State for Defence should be Mr. Mussel. Oh no. I should. Yeah. I think we need to take a softer approach on a

on defence. Even looking at his fucking Wikipedia profile photo makes me just want to punch him right in his fucking face. Mr. Muscle, yeah. I don't advise it though. The Secretary of State for Oh, did you know it was actually called this? The Secretary of State

for leveling up. Oh, is that what it's called? Is that what they keep saying? he's minister for intergovernmental relations, otherwise known as Michael Goh. So this is something we moan about in the triple jump office. Oh, look at his stupid face. Look at his stupid cartoon character villain face. We moan in the triple jump office because obviously it's a video gaming channel office in there. And the government keep using this term, leveling up.

I don't think any of us realized it's the name of the actual cabinet position. but wow okay that's mad maybe they gave it to him as a joke because everyone fucking hates him I mean that needs to be

a video game advertising character surely um Lara Croft feels like she's well if she's allowed then she should have been

the female um because I my mind went to Lara Croft but she's more of a mascot of but then I suppose we allowed uncalled money bags

I don't know it's some real blurred lines it's difficult to say yeah got two more uh Secretary of State for Education he's going to teach you who's going to teach you stuff

who is a mascot for education El Nambre That's just a character Can't be Tony Lee Tiger Because he thinks there's like A-Rs in the word great That fucking cat can't spell We're sort of stuck on foods

But I'm trying to like We really are but they That's why they've banned food adverts Now for kids Because that's all we can remember Is there anyone on Alphabetis spaghetti spaghetti? What? Alphabet spaghetti spaghetti

Does that have a brand? I don't know. Has Heinz ever had a... They bring in like... Barbie and like... It is beans times. Yeah, they do. They kind of rotate.

Excuse me. There's Cocoa the monkey. Yeah. There's the Nesquick Bunny. Mm-hmm. Professor Weito. Hey! There we go.

Secretary of State for Education. And finally, Secretary of State for Transport. Oh, now there's got to be one. Yeah, come on. We can do this. The ricicles boy. I mean, he's got a rocket, hasn't he? I thought it just because you rhymed with.

bicycles. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. There must be a character who is in a vehicle. All I can think of are real, I say real fictional characters, non-advertising fictional characters. There are so few of those now. What about the other two ladies in the Sheila's Wheels? Yeah.

She has probably got additional friends that we haven't seen, right? It's not Lloyd's TSB, is that the horse? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're normally in a train, aren't they? little kind of they've got a train I think yeah yes they have a train they've got like the weird haunted ghost children yeah yeah the ghost people I've got another one for the female uh equality one yes yes uh the Scottish widows Scottish widow there we go oh yeah the widow herself yeah who just stands on a moor with a cloak on perfect widow come yeah shit uh who would like

to do their thing for episode 100 please not me Peter, you went first last time. So, Mikey, I think it's you, bud. Okay, I've got a big bump. Question boy goes last. That's fair. That's fair. So I've come with a tale of someone who really...

I always feel like I fell into where I am right now. But this man is just like that to the end degree of like, holy shit. He made it to the top. Okay. Purely by accident. And this is the tale of Timothy Dexter. Right.

Okay. In the vast... What's your mic there, bud? I'm not doing it again. I'm like, ooh. You've got to... That's it. I'll get there.

Make out with the Michael. How do you pronounce, is it annals? It's annals, not anus of history. The anus of history. Yeah, the anus of history. You have to give us the sentence, of course. The vast anals of history. The vast rectal cavities of history.

In the vast annals of history, it can't surprise anyone that the occasional great man gets lost as records of them are sparse. Or were all burned by some rival empire. It is surprising, though, when there are men of whom there is possibly too much evidence who still disappear from most historical records. One of America's first eccentric rich guys, Lord Timothy Dexter. Sorry, eccentric rich guy is what they called him. That's what they've dubbed him. Okay.

I think it's like, well, you know, now and they're all over the place. I guess back in the day they were a lot more serious. This kind of bucked the trend of, you know, now people are too much money chip voting on Twitter. Elon Musk. Oh, Elon Musk. Oh, got him. First in the East, first in the West. And the greatest philosopher in the Western.

world is just such a man. If you haven't heard of Timothy Dexter before now, then, oh boy, are you in for a treat? Oh, can't wait. Dexter was born just north of Boston, Massachusetts in 1747 to a modest family of tanners, making leather from heights. However, this wasn't a great way to make money, and, you know, Mr. Dexter had high hopes, high dreams. It was enough to make a living, sure, but certainly not enough to make the kind of fortune, an ambitious man, Timothy Dexter would need.

Naturally, he decided to go the route of marrying Rich, specifically marrying the gloriously named Elizabeth Frothingham. Oh, that's a good name. Throffingham. I like that. And immediately start his future career

of making insane business decisions. The American Revolutionary War was going on and it had shut down life in Boston almost entirely. The British closed the ports. Dexter, meanwhile, continued working and eagerly looked for ways to advance his status and wealth. The first step, Dexter decided, was holding a public office,

although he'd left school before his ninth birthday. Wow. Was he going to be the minister for leveling up by the chance? We'll make a title for a name. There you go. You're minister of leveling up. Beth Tanner Boy. Beth, well done.

Minister for falling into positions by the sounds of Michael's preamble. Although, yeah, he left for. He'd left school before his ninth birthday. Dexter petitioned the town of Maldon. to appoint him to office. After a one-man letter-writing campaign, the town granted Dexter a title, Informer of the Deir.

Dexter's job was to track the deer population in town. Maldon officials had invented the job to stop Dexter from pestering them. As town records revealed, the last deer had disappeared from the Malden Woods 19 years before. Oh, dear. So it's like, here you go, kid.

Go get lost in the woods. Yeah. And go count them deer. Now, with an official office, Dexter shifted his focus to financial success. He took his life savings and invested everything in continental dollars, the devalued currency printed by the Continental Congress. The Continental Congress had begun to print its own money to pay its troops. Most people would see that this money was ultimately based on nothing.

It was essentially like, here's some fun bucks. That's how they paid people in the war. Right. So prevalent was this idea that a common phrase at the time was the design. The dismissive, it's not worth a continental. Timothy Dexter, however, thought that America was 100% for sure going to work out and would never cheated soldiers by giving them worth his currency. At the time, Dexter snatched up continental dollars for literally fractions of the penny each,

which, as it turns out, would be the only way to make them valuable. After the ratification of the Constitution, Alexander Hamilton convinced Congress to honour continental dollars at 1% of their face value certainly a massive loss to the soldiers paid in the worthless paper

but a massive boon for Timothy Dexter since 1% of a dollar is a penny and so if he bought them for a fraction if he sells them that's straight profit baby Yeah basic math fact That is more than fraction a penny Timothy Dexter at this point was now quite wealthy

And to rub it in everyone's faces he bought property in the middle of the richest neighbourhood he could find and began construction of an ostentatious mansion. Now, usually a word like ostentatious can only be subjective, but in this rare instance, I think there may be a case that the house was objectively ostentatious. Oh, was his name again? Timothy Dexter.

Timothy Dexter Mansion. I keep thinking I'm going to say Timothy Dalton, but that's fine. Mr Skinner. It was so over the top that Elizabeth Frothingham decided to move out of the house into another house located in the general vicinity just so she didn't have to look at it anymore.

The mansion, unusual as design from the get-go, was surrounded by 40 massive wooden statues of men. Dexter considered to be heroes from American revolutionaries like George Washington to a wide variety of Frenchmen

he considered brothers in arms. Dexter was so enamored by the French that he even gave a speech in French in one instance despite the fact that in his own words is there you got it's pretty ostentatious house there I just took the word

that's that's art of it but it's just got all the statues on the podium yeah it's got loads of columns with all of them on it looks like but because they're coloured in it looks like he's captured the real men and put them up there

I think you paid like $2,000 a statue so like 80 grand in statues I think that's an all-time in money as well so that's quite a lot get a job Timerthay come on uh da da yeah so um

dexter was so enamored by the French that he even gave a speech in French in one instance, despite the fact that in his own words, the public considering the small chance I've had to learn French, are a little surprised to hear of my having endeavoured to speak it. So yes, just

for a speech, he decided to learn French, and I think it was a pretty, pretty disastrous. He did so under a statue of Thomas Jefferson as well. Dexter commanded a painter to write I led on a sentence there. He didn't, he didn't do that speech under it. Okay, Michael's reaching back down

Okay, it's paper that you threw away. Full stop. Yes. Under a statue of Thomas Jefferson. There we go. There we go. Dexter commanded a painter to write author of the Constitution. I thought that was an oddly specific detail that he learned French under a statue of Thomas Jefferson.

It's the only way to do it. That's his classroom. You haven't lived unless you've learned French under a statue. Of course, sir. When the painter wrote author of the Declaration of Independence, which we actually did, not author of the author of the Constitution and insisted that it was correct, Dexter became so irate that he pulled a gun and shot at the man barely missing. Oh, that's the kind of man you don't say no to. You just go along with him. Wow. Ooh, we. Moving on from here, Dexter began involving himself in some

absolutely wild schemes. First, it was suggested that nobody in the West Indies had ever heard of a bedwarming pan before and that the market there was wide open. Oh. And I think, yeah, Our bedwarming pan, as the name implies, is a pan filled with war members that got placed under your covers to pre-warm your bed before you slept in it, West Indies, tropical. Yeah. So maybe you don't need any extra warming there.

My grandparents used to have one hung on their wall. Really? It was just like ornamental, but yeah. Was it sort of like a brassy type thing? Yeah, I think I've seen those. There's one in Pirates of the Caribbean. There's like a very fleeting shot in like the first film. Grandmars got that.

Yeah. See, I'm probably the only person who used. even noticed that there is one, but I was like, oh, yeah, it's one of those. But it's like actually being used, which is why I found it interesting. Oh, that's what that's for. How big are they? I'm actually curious now. They're like, it's like a long stick like that.

Yeah. And then kind of a... Sort of a banjo shaped. Yeah, but it's like banjo shaped, yeah. But with like a big brass, yeah, end. A bee end, if you will. Yeah. Yes.

So the West Indies, obviously a tropical country, had zero need to warm their beds. Oh, sorry, that's the vehicle. The bad thing was a bit much for me. However, upon arriving with a literal boatload of useless goods to the West Indies, 42,000 pans, to be exact. That is a lot of pans. That is a lot of pans. One of the locals realised that the pans would work perfectly for ladling molasses.

So he's failed upwards again. Yeah, so it's just going on, like he's turned up with this useless product that actually turns out is quite useful, just not how he intended. Yeah. What a winkle. A few weeks later, Dexter's boat returned home to him fully sold out of bedwarming pans. Realising that the people of the West Indies must be cold, Dexter doubled down and sent a shipment of mittens and warm woolen clothes. This time, Dexter was even more of miraculously lucky,

as his boat arrived just in the nick of time to catch an expedition heading to Siberia. Oh. That could desperately use a whole shipment of warm clothes. Next, Dexter literally herded cats. rounding up hundreds of strays and shipping them to the Caribbean to act as pest control. Then he told his customers that every Christian family needed a Bible or else they would go to hell.

Unsurprisingly, this message came with a boatload of Bibles which Dexter had bought wholesale for dirt cheap. He just kind of got this griff going where he could sell anything and just somehow turn a massive, massive profit. It's because he had a Bible and read it every day. Exactly. Damn right. From all this business success,

Dexter began to see himself as something of the new class. massive gentry. By 1800, he began going by the title of Lord Dexter, despite the fact they had no claim to nobility and was supposedly a fierce American patriot. Perhaps the worst business idea Lord Dexter ever had was shipping cool in Newcastle. Have you seen the price of this? We've seen that price at cool. So Newcastle, for those who don't know, which I think three of us are relatively familiar with this, is a coal mining city. It's built on it. It's basically you'd like how Newcastle got it started, why it is what it is today.

Yeah. And the last thing they would ever need is cool, unless, of course, you just so happened to arrive in the middle of a massive miners strike. Oh. This man. He's a lucky git,

meaning that the coal-starved city would pay a premium for it and in the streets, all you could hear was, have you seen the price of it? Extra 50s, and that's exactly what happened. They just snapped it all up

a heavily increased price. Wow. So you may be asking yourself right now. Was this guy really crazy? Or was he actually a super genius playing three-dimensional business chess? Well, to answer that question, we should maybe point out that upon learning that English nobility would write books, then freely distribute them to libraries and institutions,

Dexter decided to do most of that. He would write an absolutely unique book, a pickle for the knowing ones, or plain truth in a homespun dress, and began distributing free copies to anyone who happened to pass by. The book is, it's something, it's really hard to get it across in text because when you read it out, it's just, there's no punctuation in the whole thing. Everything's misspelled.

Like, even like by all timey standards, it's just, it's completely wrong. It's just this 40-page book of just nonsense that this guy decided to write and distribute. Wow. I've got an extract from it here, but the humor comes from it all being misspelled. So I'm, spelled I-M-E, the first lord of the United, spelled Y-O-U, N-I-T-E-D, all one word. States from Mary Carey. Now, Newbury Port, it is the voice of the people. I can't help it.

So let it go, to go spell G-O-U-E. Now as I must be Lord, there will be follow. Many more Lord's pretty sound, for it don't hurt. A cat nor the mouse, nor the sun, nor the water, nor the ear. Then gau, all is easy. Now, Bond's broken, all is well. Sounds like a Nicky Minaj rat. Has that bees in the

Ninky Mnjaj? Ninky Mnjajaj. So, yeah, I've got a big extract from that but it's definitely funny in text. I highly recommend it. It is good. Wow. But the book tastes some pretty nasty turns.

Oh. Especially when he's talking about his wife. Oh. Of whom he says, pity me that I have been in hell 35 years in this world with the ghost, a woman I married.

Jesus Christ. When he released his book, there was like numerous complaints about the lack of punctuation. so he released his second book that was nothing but punctuation which is a string of full stops and exclamation marks

it's quite good I think that's good that's good petty as hell he's sort of irritating me as I hear more and more He's kind of fun Oh yeah

I think we've all been employed by someone who sounds a lot like this actually sounds familiar throughout his life Timothy Dexter surrounded himself

with a menagerie of lunatics interspersed with some genuinely incredible people one uncredited lunatic that's not my words that someone else was John P a self-proclaimed professor

who despite lacking any scientific education or training would espouse his supposedly scientific knowledge espouse? Is that how am I saying that right? Yes, yeah, yeah. Exposy. Yeah, supposedly scientific knowledge upon anyone who would listen.

Another of his troop was Madame Hooper, a fortune teller who must have a pretty good track record if she was involved in any of Dexter's schemes. As you may expect, based on his book, his wife was not part of the truth, And Dexter was known to cavort with many, many women. Nauty boy, naughty boy. After living such an unusual life, Lord Dexter found himself curious about what his legacy would be after he was gone.

I think this is Dexter's magnum opus now. Right. As such, he did what any of us were doing in that situation and he faked his own death. Of course he did. So that he could spy on his own funeral. Brilliant. So he had a massive mausoleum built for himself on his property, which was fine for a fake funeral. but later was deemed to be too

unsafely built for a mausoleum and when you think about it now how safe does a structure for a dead man need to be that's a good point yeah might as well just stick a really a building site

yeah just throw me off a cliff into this city yeah whatever perhaps uncharacteristically he let his family in on the truth but then demanded they act the part during the funeral while his kids seem to do a fine job he had kids at this point

he's like pretend daddy's dead by how many? Oh, how many partners? I just smashed the microphone. Smash that mic button. Is it just still Lady Frothington? I think, like, I mean, he's still with Lady Follington, but I think he's getting his frothal with another ladies. Oh, Michael.

Oh, that's not good. Michael, that's quite uncouth. How crude. Disgusting. While his kids seem to do a fine job, his wife, Elizabeth, apparently wasn't getting an Oscar for her performance. Lord Dexter somehow got her outside so he could yell at her, ultimately leading to a physical fight, so loud, injuring. crowd. Wow. The crowd, all in attendance of the funeral for the man they currently saw beating his own wife, didn't know how to react. Lord Dexter decided to act as if nothing had happened and

spent the rest of the funeral acting as if he was hosting a huge party. So I have a lot of guys! Hey! That's all good. Yeah, I actually did. Yeah, but let's just have a good time. Yeah, it's fine. I beat my wife. It's fine. I'm Dexter and I hit my wife. Eventually, Timothy Dexter kicked the bucket for real. going at the age of 59. Wow. And no one bothered to turn up. On October 26th, 1806.

He left much of his money to charity. So he's a good man. He's a good man after all that. It's like the good man. One of the best wife beaters I've ever heard. Like the boy, you could call him the, the boy who died off. Oh, I get that.

That would have been relevant. Like, if she said this. Maybe just a bit further ago. I was just, maybe a bit too quiet. I thought it was going to be a joke about charity. No, no, no, that's good. It was good there. It's a really good one. Thank you. Thank you.

Michael, do you think it is a good one? I think it was a fantastic one. No, I think it's fantastic. Look at me in the eyes, Ben. We can do this now because I'm video. Fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Felt that, my soul.

The statues outside of his house, which it cost him thousands, sold only for a few dollars each. Continental dollars? Good question. Pence. Or they were burned after nobody wanted them. His strange house was turned into a time. tavern, which was eventually destroyed when painters decided to remove old paint using torches. Is that how it ends?

There's got to be a better way. That's the end of Timothy. How did we get this paint off? Set fire to it? Probably fire, right? Knocked down the building. What if we took the building off the paint instead of the paint off the building? Hey, I mean, they got rid of the paint.

Yeah. Oh, thank you, Mike. Wow. I've heard of this guy. And call peddler. What a creedal. In crebiddle. Ready for another question?

Yeah, I've sort of broke, even though I've hardly had any alcohol, I've broken just a fresh water seal. You need a wee-wee? I just can't wait until the end of there. Go go for a wee-wee. I might be able to, do you? Yeah, it's really going to. I'm just going to sit here.

Well, you can ask the question. Ask the question and then, yeah. We have a pee break and come back. Should I call one of you, I'll put your loudspeaker. What? From the scene you go to the bathroom. Yeah, if you want. What did you say?

I'll call one of you and put you on loudspeaker. Oh, yeah. No. No. We have to stand really cool. I think we just go, maybe we go one at a time. So we just do a little... To pass each other the phone?

No, I just mean one of us can go to the Lou and the other one can answer the question with you. No. And then when they come back, we can swap. No, no. But get your phone out while holding your willie. Now. What's the question?

FaceTime me from the bathroom. We're both about to wet ourselves, so please ask the question. James. Yeah. At corrosion audio asks. Other than the obvious regent theatre in the historic town of Stoke-on-Trent? Yeah. What would be the dream venue for a vidiates live event?

Peter Rosson go to the toilet. Oh, okay. Run. Run, Peter. Sorry, Mikey, I'll be around. Run. The dream. So, I mean, it's kind of got to be semi-related to...

Where was glitch going to be? Newcastle. Probably the whatever the hell the arena is, the utilitar arena, whatever the fuck it's called now. No, we can do better than that. What is like peak, peak, phid? is. Well, apart from the Regents Theatre in the historic town of Stokon-Trent. Of course, of course. On the River Trent.

So I think Stokon-Tren's out of the question. We've got to be a bit more adventurous. Yeah. You know, there's that Mr. The Abandoned Mr. Blobby theme park? No, I absolutely do not heard of this. No, no, no, I've not heard of this. I highly recommend, look, there's a YouTube video of like an urban-nex floor.

It's a defund land kind of thing. Yeah, like, it's just like, it's this theme park. I think it was only open for a couple of years and it just flopped. And so this land is just laid desolate, but there's like fun houses build. It's still there. Where, like, yeah, and it's just these horrifying statues. I'm going to show you. Everyone at home, I want you to Google it as well.

Mr. Bloby theme park. I think we could take it over quite cheaply. We could probably buy the whole thing. Like, it's like Mr. Blobby's house is there. And just, after years, it's just become this, it looks like the shire a bit. Did you see the urbeck? Does not. Shut up.

Did you ever see the urbex? Oh, crinkly bottom is what it's called. Of course it fucking is. Did you, because he's got weird crinkly. skin when he like bends any limb at all. Did you ever see the Urbex video where they found the Tots TV house? No. And it's just like in the middle of, it's between like three fields in this sort of

triangle shaped bit of woodland that's wedged between and it's all flooded, but it's there. Just telling Michael about the Tots TV house. Go on Michael, we time. No, I don't want to finish my thing now because. We're talking about Mr. Blobby's house. Yes. Is that the venue?

We're thinking about it. Have you heard about the abandoned Mr. blobby theme park called crinkly bottom uh it sort of rings a bell now but yeah i don't know i'm aware of the abandoned tot's tv house though i'm a tot is your suezoon tot tilly tom and tiny yeah like that's the inside of mr blobby's house it looks like a crackdown yeah i've seen this yeah um so yeah i think where we would best to host a vidiots event it's got the booster seat for the bob the blobby baby the bobby baby in an abandoned mr blobby theme park yeah i think that'd be great we get get her for cheap, put some tents.

And on that note, I'm going to go whiz. Okay. Oh. There was a chair scoot sound, and then he biffed a microphone. Oh, how to play. Have you answered yet, Ben? No, I was going to be really basic and just say a theatre local to where I grew up, but I've not thought of like a peak Vidiot's location.

Can you think of any? It was just for a Vidiot's live show. Is that what the... Yeah, a video's live event, a venue. Not necessarily a stage, maybe just a convention. hall oh and we can't say anywhere in stoke on trent can't it's already taken the regent theatre uh what about the one that fell down in newcastle in the middle of the night and landed on a bus bus stop i think i saw this and it was like really fortunate that it happened in the night

i think it was a cinema actually mike you probably know more about this actually and he's left the room but uh yeah i think in the middle of the night there was video of it wasn't i On the Maybin video I was there I never saw that but I saw photos of it the morning after and it landed on a bus shelter

and thankfully it happened at like two in the morning or three in the morning and no one was hurt but that seems like in the rubble of something this cinema is changing is kind of what I get from that

yeah I mean they're yeah that makes total sense what if we using the eggheads on Reddit and maybe we even turn to the dark side and ask 4chan as well because they seem to be notoriously good at this to harass people.

If we can get a team of crack internet experts to watch the garlic and chips video and work out geographically where that is and host it in an adjacent field to where the garlic and chips video was shot. What do you think? Yeah. How's that sound? Okay. That could work.

Yeah, we can find that out. Peter thinks a cinema that fell in the street and crashed up. Oh, that one. Yeah, yeah. Which one was it? Was it the time side? I can't remember what it's called. what it was called but it happened at like three o'clock in the morning i think it's still like old

matrix posters in there and stuff so it's very like a time capsule isn't it yeah no one was injured do you ever get anxious going to the toilet on stream whatever because i was think maybe for made fun of me for being really quick oh michael so every time when i washed my hands i did wash my hands as well yeah i didn't wash my hands but i didn't go to the toilet every time i we on stream i was stand downstairs for two minutes afterwards really yeah but i get back as fast as i can no i'm like i don't want them to like accuse me of not washing my hands or doing an improper piece. Who cares if they do?

I don't know. This is my wacky. Don't let them control you. They're not. It's me controlling me. Amy makes, their words on a screen. Amy makes fun of me because

one time and now she says this to me every time because I said it once. The, our dominoes arrived or whatever it was, Pizza Hut. And I, we saw on the tracker that it was arriving and then we heard like a moped turn up.

So we knew it was there before he knocked on the door. So then I was standing by the front door and or by the living room door which is two meters from the front door and he knocked on the door and I just stood there for like an extra three seconds or something and she went what are you doing you just knocked on the door answer the door and I said yeah but I don't want him to know that we're just standing you waiting so now whenever even if we're like sitting on the sofa and like we didn't realize he turned up if they knock on the front door she goes oh you mustn't go

too quick because he'll think we do the same thing we do the same thing I don't have I have a front door but I live in a flat. So I, when I get takeaway, which isn't as often as I used to, I will, like, peer, like, the gift from Les Miserables where he's looking through the window. I do that until I see, like, an unfamiliar car approach.

Yeah. And I wait until I watch a man holding a hot bag walk up to, like, the console where you put in the door number to buzz the flat. And then even if I know that he's there, I will hover in the doorway and I won't pick up the phone. straight away.

I'll wait a minute because I don't want him to think that I'm just standing there. I was vindicated one time because one time I entered the door as he was coming up the street and then he was like oh you're eager.

That is not their place to say I've had people I've had delivery drivers say oh there's a lot of food there and I was like that's absolutely that is absolutely not what I am paying you to do

that's a horrendous thing to say that is so awful and yeah it is a lot of food yeah and what I've got a thing. Have you? Would you like my thing?

Yes, please. Can we wait three to five seconds before you read it, please? Don't be too eager. Okay, so I don't know if you guys know, but there is a satirical news website on the internet called The Onion. Then on Reddit, there's a subreddit called Not the Onion, where people post real news stories. that sound like they are satirical news stories.

What? And then there is also on the internet a podcast called Podiotz, which occasionally deals with, not The Onion, as a subreddit. Seems a bit far-fetched. Right, where people have to guess which ones are true and which ones are false.

Yes. I bring you in celebration of 100 episodes, not the podcast. Oh, let's go. Okay. So here, I have got 10 episode titles, which may or may not be real of our podcast

and I've got six excerpts from episode descriptions so for example for this episode we will say Mikey brings along a man who falls it would be snappier than this falls into everything in life Peter does a podcast quiz

and Ben if you've not ever read a podcast I'm looking at the monitor the viewfinder but yeah if you've never read description of any of our podcast, that's what they are. So I've brought little snippets of those, and you have to guess which ones are true and false. Okay.

So I'm going to read all of the episode description ones first. There are six of those, and then you can guess which ones are true and false. Not necessarily 50-50. Might be all, might be nothing. So you're not within those descriptions, you're not mismatching things. No, it's either. They'll either be all right or all wrong in each of those ones. Yeah, so each line that I'm about to read you is either word-for-word correct or I just made it up.

Okay, okay, okay. So Peter gets tinier Mikey talks body disposal Ben's going to hell Mikey asks some difficult questions Peter's off to wizarding school and Ben's done some important research Okay

Okay So should I go through those now and you can say podcast or not Peter gets tinier Can you think of a poddiest thing where that might be well? It's really difficult because that's quite a physical thing for an audio podcast. Peter gets tinier. I'm not saying anything.

I'm just thinking what kind of thing could this be related to? Because sometimes they can be quite abstract the descriptions. Yeah, that's the thing. You don't want to spoil what the thing is. Early on, they were literal as hell. It's like Michael brings along a story about a serial killer. He killed many men and mid-niple belts. Yeah.

And now they get far more abstract. But yeah, Peter gets tinier I'm going to say that sounds like a real one to me That sounds like a real description we've had Okay, I like it's a false one, that's cute That one is false Whoa, damn, made up Damn, Mikey talks body disposal

I mean, I have in the past, but That does sound right, I mean all of these sound right to me Yeah, yeah, but I don't, I can't, I can't off the top of my head Think of a specific instance of body disposal It's the thing about me and Poddy, it's a thing about me and Poddy is after we record one. It's gone. It's gone.

I was reading through these and I was like, I don't know what that refers to. There are some true ones here that I've got the episode number for you, but I don't know what the context is. And I tried to scrub through and find out, but unless you have the timestamps, it can be hard to be. And who's going to put those in a podcast?

Not us. I'm going to say because it's so in theme with my history of just horrible body things, let's say true. Ben, you've seen true? I'll say that's true. This one's a bit cheeky. This is the only real cheeky.

one. That one is not true. I made that one up and then I realized later, as I was scrubbing through, that there is one called, it's more specific. It's Michael walks us through his serial killer habits if he was a serial killer. How don't you remember doing that? I know. It's a very early one, which is why it's so wordy as well. My serial killer habits. It's like my stabbing. You've used a single lesson you learned. It's like the very, so it's not just the body disposal you would do. It's like method of killing, I guess, and how to get rid of the... Oh, I think I remember this now.

It's like, if we were serial killers, it's like to keep a light on this podcast. But that one's a little bit harsh, because I did make it up, but then it turns out to be sort of a real one. Okay, here we go. Ben's going to hell. Yeah, that's real. That's real.

That one is real. That's from episode 25. I don't know why you're going to hell, what you are. Probably just didn't help someone. Yeah. I think it might be like an anecdote. Yeah, probably just felt bad about something. kicking kids off a ride at Thought Park.

That does happen. That has happened. That will happen again Mikey asks some difficult questions That sounds That sounds really poddy at sea That's so vague though I'm going to go with my first

That's not real Okay I want to say that's real That one is real Episode 17 No idea what the questions are I did try and find out But I don't know

So there you go You guys can check You can let us know in the comments maybe Good Yeah Peter's off to wizarding school Yes, this is true I'm going to agree

It just feels true I do not remember this at all But it's true Yeah, okay It's probably some weird capiti are about some magic Yeah, maybe I don't know Who knows

And the last one Ben's done some important research We do that every week We do We all learn something Every poddy it I'm going to say that's not true I'm going to say that's true

That one is not true. Whoa! Yeah. I don't know who guessed which ones, but that one was intentionally supposed to allude to perhaps wipe supremacy. Oh, of course, yes. But I guess in a way, that was group research.

We did the poll as idiots, didn't we? Well, someone spearheaded it, so. Now we've got episode titles. There are ten of these. Okay. And again, it could be all true, all false, or a mixture. Yeah. So here we go.

I'll go through them all. The big plop. That sounds so pod-y. Not the onion. Pukaki, as in Bukaki, K-A-K-E. Pigeon-powered, devastated, get to the flump, a bit much, naked jungle, horse dance, and ghost piss.

Wow, they all just sound like potty. Don't they? I know some of those are real. I recognize some of those. I will warn you that if I've maybe made some of these up, some of the made up ones might be completely made up but some of them might be things that I know we've talked about but the episode wasn't called

wasn't named after that topic I know now, all three of us named all these episodes ourselves so we should know statistically about two-thirds of these you guys may have named but we'll see so the big plot real or fake I'm gonna say that's real

that sounds like a really like single digit episode So I'm going to say that's real. It's an episode 41 title. Wow! Yeah, that's real. Not the onion. I don't think that's real. I think, no, it might be the first time you brought along,

not the onion as a thing. So I'm going to say that's real. It's false. Whoa! But that's what I was going for. You got me. You got me, huckland and sink it. Pukaki.

That's real. Yeah, that feels real. That is made up. What? We haven't done Pukaki? No, we've not. We've done Pookaki. We've done, we've done bookache, B-O-O-K, you know the way you want to shit yourself

in a Japanese bookshop, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was book space ache, but I changed it to Pukaki. Okay. Pigeon powered. Not real. I feel like you brought along a Wikipedia of a pigeon thing, so I'm going to say it true. It's a little trick, Mikey. It's false, it's made up, but there was an episode called But With a Pigeon. Oh, there we go, that's what I'm thinking of.

Devastated That's real That's real It is Do you guys know what that is That was episode 9 That sounds like the one Where I brought the rain

From the London area Yeah yeah Yeah That sounds like Like my son couldn't get in your con Devastated Yeah that was episode nine Apparently

Get the Flump That's real That's real That's real I recognise it That's real Episode 15 I don't know The Clump

Of that No No We know what flumps are I don't know why We would get one No No idea

A bit much I don't think that's real No I think you want for like a big time reference there. I know your games now, Peter. You do. We're getting near the end. Three more.

Naked jungle. That's real. That's real. That one is real. Yes. Yeah. That was episode 29. How could you not name the episode after that?

Ripcheg. Ripcheg. Scott Chegg. Horse dance. That seems real. I remember that one because that was where one of you brought along Bin Laden's files. Bin Laden's files. A horse dance in there.

Question is whether we named the episode. Oh, that. Oh, she. But don't let me swear you. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say it's real. Yeah, that seems like that. It is real.

Yeah. Horse dance. And the final one, ghost piss. Not real. Not real. Not real. Well done. Because we have done.

7.5 to me. We have done Ben's. How did you keep track of that? I passed on my fingers. Ah, ha, ha, ha. There's 20 fingers. We did obviously talk about Ben's hotel ghost piss. Yes, the ghost piss.

Oh, that, yes. But I don't think the episode. Or if the episode was named after it, it was called something else. There's an early anecdote, that's for sure. It was. There you go. It was only a quick one, but a little trip down podcast memory lane. Thank you, Peter.

Well done, everyone. Well done you. Hey, look at us. Yeah, who'd have thought? Not me. Not me. This question comes from Harrison Kalman and Gooey Bug Spatoon. For episode 100.

Congratulations on the Big 100. Hope the Queen delivers a big 100-kilogram meat face on each of your doorsteps. Question. You need to make a time capsule that we are, will be opened in 100 years time. What is specific? Do you know much about time capsules? What seven Vidiot's items are you putting in for the future to discover?

Seven. I don't know that much about time. I don't think there's any precedent for time capsules. I think they've just given a seven. Seven. I would like to put a frozen meat face in there and see if it's... Or no, maybe, because that probably would just thaw out and then go, because it's sausage meat. A wooden carving of a meat thing.

Well, no, no, maybe. But in terms of food, stuff that might survive 100 years, Billy Bear Ham. I was going to say that were a Feld Hoyer's like bumper sticker or something. Right. Yeah. So we got Billy Bearham in there. Yeah. A Hannah Montana World Tour, World Spotlight Tour, Panama Montana, the movie, The Game, with the Wii, whatever, yeah.

In there, two. Yeah, cool. Ed Miliband signed a poster. Yeah. Because I think that's going to really throw them. I was like, what are these guys politicians? They seem to have some connections. What do you think?

One of those weird smelly squishies. He said that when they open it in a hundred years ago Whoa, what is that? One of the custom Billy family members would keep the original Billy out, obviously. Yeah.

But like some sort of Billy family member. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah. Jammy Joey. Snowy Joey. Sorry. So snowy Joe. That wouldn't go out of date.

I think that would, that's like cockroaches. They could last or anything. Yeah. And we have one more. One more to go in there. Well, it's like one thing that could really epitomize potty.

It's in one. Just, maybe the uh well no i was going to say the the stress sausage but it's just sort of torn a USB stick with maybe the announcement on it yeah or the seventh thing could be that we dig it up a year after it's buried and uh erase all evidence of it ever existed and just leave a note saying sorry sorry it wasn't financially viable yeah that's it that's what we do uh the seventh thing is a shovel that we don't put in the capsule we put next to the burial site

and dig it up later. Beautiful. That's, yeah, great. Perfect. I'm quite excited about your thing. I have no idea what it is. Right. But I know that there's certainly a degree of audio. Yes.

Oh. An element of audio. So for episode 100, I wanted to reach out some of our best friends and see if they would record us some messages. Oh. It is Monday.

I did. I reached out to people on Wednesday last week. so this could be what some would consider a failure right in a lot of ways okay but in some ways I thought I'd just talk you through my process and who I did reach out to because I did get some promising responses and it may well end up the episode 101 yeah we could have some stuff some catch up yeah so hello I hope this email finds you well my name is Ben Potter and I'm the co-host of a podcast called Podiers. We're approaching our 100th episode

and as big fans of Mr. Miliband's work, I am inquiring to see if he would be available to record a short congratulatory audio message in how much that might cost. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I look forward to hearing from you, Ben. So I got Ed Miliband's email address off the government's website,

ed.m.millaband.m.m.m.m.m.m. Right. No reply. Okay. He was on TV. He was on TV. Take him out of the capsule. He doesn't just belong there. Hello, I hope this email finds you well My name is Ben Potter And I'm the co-host of a comedy podcast called Podiatz We are approaching our 100th episode

And as big fans of Dave's work I'm inquiring to see if he would be available To record a short congratulatory audio message In how much this might cost Thank you for taking time to read this And I look forward to hearing from you, Ben, nothing No, no, I mean that one's not surprising Yeah, that's fair

He's literally asked to be left out Hello, I hope this email finds you well My name is Ben Potter and I'm the co-host of a comedy podcast called Pottias. Notice how I got rid of comedy when I emailed Edna? I did notice that. Yes, yes, yes. We're approaching our 100th episode, and as big fans of Dick and Dom's work, I'm inquiring to see if they would be available to record a short

congratulatory audio message in Hammond, the Shmite cost. Nothing. Oh, that stinks. That stings. You should have got in touch with the neighbor's cat instead. It's probably got a few more. Dave Chapman. I have heard from Dave Chapman. No, you haven't. No. Representation, and I am awaiting further

communication. What? Oh my God. I love Dave Chapman so much. I know you do. I know you do. Holy crap. Hello, I hope this email finds you well. My name is Ben Potter on the co-host of a comedy podcast called Pollyts. We're approaching a 100th episode and this big fan of Dave's work, different Dave.

I'm inquiring to see if he would be available to record a short congratulatory audio message, preferably as the neighbor's cat from Dick and Dominole. And how much that might cost. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I look forward to hearing from you. Ben. Hi, Ben. Dave will come back to you soon. Best wishes, Claire. That was Thursday

Will he indeed It's a bank holiday weekend He does do Podcast appearances He's been on like all kinds of He does interviews and stuff And just talks about kids TV And I think you might even be doing it for free

Just for fun Wow Okay It's not hard to get hold of I don't think I also emailed Neil Buchanan Sir his website Haven't had anything about Neil

What might happen Didn't email head Hello Hello Congratulations Why would we pay for that When you can just It just sounds like him

Yeah that we don't even need to pay for that no so i didn't hear back from any of them there's a good chance that they all get back to me at once and i am several hundreds of pounds in the hole because i don't know how i can get back to dick and dom and saying well actually it's too late yeah if they reply you've got to say yes so they're exciting times potentially in the future i did also ask some friends who are a little more reliable right actual friends of us yes Dave Another Dave

Irish Dave He said yes His family has COVID He has been unable to provide a voice message Despite having four days to do it Big big disappointment in Dave But I hope your family as well Get well soon

Dave and family That's three days you got in touch with And they all let us down Yeah You know who didn't let us down You know who will never Ever ever ever ever ever ever Ever ever let us down

I know who Hello my friends It is Simon Miller here And if you want to get serious about this, I just had to get in touch and say, congratulations for getting to episode 100. Now, I know there were some trials and tribulations, and there were some ups and downs. Some people aren't going to get that and just think that I'm weird. But I am proud of you.

I am happy for you. And I know the next 100 episodes of the podcast are going to be the best ones you have ever done. You make me feel warm. Hang on. What was that? You make me feel... I'll try to pause it, but the buttons are really. small. I just want to point out, as this goes on, I think it's more entertaining if you realize

that this sentence never ends and his, the inflection of his voice goes up and down and up, and it just doesn't stop, and it's incredible in only the way that Simon Miller can possibly speak. Okay. That even mainstream media will go back in that. Some people aren't going to get that and just think that I'm weird, but I am proud of you, I am happy for you, and I know the next 100 episodes of the podcast are going to be the best ones you have ever done. done to the point that even mainstream media will comment on it and say the rest of the podcast industry should shut down because nobody can do it better than you. That actually sounded like I was being facetious. I wasn't. I mean it. I love you guys. You know this. You're very good to me.

You make me for warm and fuzzy in my tum-tum and I wish you nothing but all the success in the world every single day. I know that you're in my heart, you're in my head, you're in my lungs and you are in my soul. We're cancer. This has now got a little bit creepy. It was always going to happen. but I love you. I'm here for you and I look forward to hearing you in my ear and I look forward to hearing you in my ears

what a lovely positive man. He's so good, isn't he? Best boy. He's so good. He's broken his hand. He has. Oh bless him. He broke his hand last weekend and he didn't say anything when I reached down and said would you record something for us? And he said, yeah absolutely and then I chased him up this morning

at the time of recording. He was like, I'm really sorry I broke my hand and I've been really focused on that they over the weekend. I was like, oh, bud, no, don't worry about recording messages. I'll record it right now for you. Oh. And he went, oh, with his, and clicked record. But how good is that last 20 seconds where it just keeps going? You're in my heart, you're in my prostate, you're in my lungs.

But I love you. It's a little bit creepy, but I do. I love you. We are going to get radio therapy. Hearing his voice decapitated from his face, he's got a little bit of Dave Benson in him. You think? He's got like, he's like,

he's like, yeah, I sort of know what you mean. Yeah, he's got big, big DBP energy about him. He's fantastic. What a good boy. He is the only person

who came through, a true friend. Of course he did. Yeah. So Ed Miliband, we'll see. Not voting for him again. Dave Benson Phillips.

He's not, that was a long shot. Yeah, that was the longest, that was a bigger reach than Dave, than Ed Miliband. Me and my friends

have a podcast, and that might have been enough. But did you say a comedy podcast called Podius? Yes. Yes. Yes, I did. Look, from Ben.

For our American listeners, people who don't know who Ed Miliband is, you know, you may well have watched videos, but if you just listened to the podcast, Ed Miliband was the former leader of the Labour Party, who was, but when politicians could be sort of disgraced and removed from the public spotlight for something as harmless as eating a bacon sandwich and looking weird and not when they just are absolute monsters,

that is when he was removed. And he's one of those politicians where in hindsight, actually, he deserved a lot. better. And we had a signed photo of him on our wall. Ed Miliband, not gone back to us. Dave Benson Phillips will not get back to us. Dick and Dom might get back to us. Yeah. Waiting to hear from the neighbour's cat. Yeah. Maybe Neil Buchakes as well. Yeah. Who knows? I will give an update on episode 101 in a month and a half when this eventually goes out. But that's my thing. I enjoyed that. Your thing. I thought my thing would end up sort of being

an anecdotal thing because I have very little to show for my efforts Dave's going to Irish Dave is going to send a message probably tomorrow when he's feeling better yeah it should be sad but yeah I hope it's family I just say maybe episode

101 we'll see I'll believe you reached out to Dave Benson Phillips by email I'd be too terrified I just reached out to anyone and everyone man like he was you know he's not special he can't hurt through email no he can't he can just ignore me but I can't open a portal in the corner Oh shit, yes.

Yes, you can. You ready for a final question? Yeah. It's from Dominic at Ninti Dom two, who says, episode 100, you get teleported to when Vidyat wasn't changing, except this time we get a split timeline when we're Mikey and Ben leave together

and when we're Tiny Peter and Mike. It says, leave together. What are the triple jump channels of these timelines and what would Ben and Peter be doing in these timelines? Probably not making any money at hand involved, I think. Like, I don't, I'm like, you guys have, you know, you know how lists work. Well, I think, well, we did, yeah, we do, but it doesn't mean it works all the time. We know how lists should work.

We only sort of reworked it out when we started triple jump. I think like we, obviously we had the experience of doing it in the first place, but, I mean, to have had, if we'd had you as the editor of said lists in true tail end of what culture style at the start of any new venture, whether it was triple jump or anything else, that would have been. godsend so uh don't don't put yourself down michael johnson but what would our shared ventures be yeah what would you two go and do what's our common ground um serial killers we maybe do true crime true crime that'd be fun yeah pete and mike's true crime Tuesdays yeah true that's it would that pay the bills yeah i think yeah well it's such high quality content and we would have a that could maybe or be video content and then we could do a podcast as well as of people do in true crime but that could just be dedicated to what how we would kill people

and how we would dispose of the bodies as you did talk about in episode something of pod years yes yes um it's just a really disturbing podcast that there's somehow a new episode every single week and we're just talking about yeah we get pretty specific as well like Daniel Hawthorne this is how I'd kill you that's what we do yeah and what would Ben be doing if we were doing yeah what would I be doing so you've gone to do that yeah I think I would have In both of these scenarios And when we get to you as well

I think we've both already left Bristol So we're not hanging around here Where would I go though What would I do? Yeah would you go back up north Would you go back home I don't know Yeah so

I might Honestly if we're being totally sincere I probably still would have reached out To Mr Pichiti And just seen what there was any work Yeah And if you guys were going to go work On something

It wasn't video game related There's every chance That I might have gone back up to Newcastle anyway to help them with something so maybe that's not very interesting makes batch damage you remember me oh god yeah can you pay me

can you pay me like barely minimum wage in London again that's even access maybe they've hired since we potentially yeah if that timeline lined up yeah who knows but I would it would have meant staying in the southwest yeah and it's shit here whoa it does suck I mean as we discussed earlier you saw a man stealing a sign

I did. No, I saw a man attempting to steal a sign, which is almost worse, because he couldn't even do it. The last time I had friends in Bristol. That was in Newcastle, that whole war would have come away. It'd have been off down the road with several bricks as well. The first time I had some friends visiting Bristol. It was like just outside of our flat. There's a bit of green. And we were walking out to start a grand all day. And just a homeless man poppy's head out of a tent and vomited everywhere on the floor. I was like, welcome to Bristol. And then, yeah, later that night, we got friendly with some people. That sounds weird. We made friends with some people

You were do As you do As is the main activity here We came back And one of the people Was like a massive goth And just like we were all Standing around drinking our kitchen

And at some point he just went You've got any salt And we're like Yeah sure here you go What's you here for Oh I've got a wound I want to go rub some salt in it And so he just ran into the kitchen

And put salt in the wound Which that's not That's what you do When you want to make it hurt more Yeah So he's run off put some salt in the wound and it made it all very weird and comfortable and that was my friend's introduction to bristol cool love it that's awesome you love it here yeah if you did though have to

stay in it well not necessarily stay in the southwest but if you and mikey did something together what would we do what do you think i feel like with your editing prowess i feel like i'd be that'd be the funnel for your voice a megaphone if you will yeah i think i think we could do pretty much anything we wanted because I can I can read a script and feign interest in any old bollocks yeah and you can make it look really good yeah so we're missing the third ingredient there which is the source of that you need to read something I need to edit from like what's that yeah what does that come from that big plug well depending on what Peter's up to if it's particularly inspiring well it could be following him around like there's

a documentary crew you know when he becomes a cult leader other than fast the YouTube channel other than also probably putting feelers out with Adam and maybe access or whoever are various industry friends if we take that as red and say no to that then I might have potentially ended up doing a career change because at the time I was like is there actually long term money and like wages to be had in this or is it just like is this not my game? I now obviously feel like yes it's going well but I could be, you know... But you always said you wanted to do something more physical and outdoorsy.

Yeah, I'd probably do something outdoorsy, like go and learn how to do forestry or something like that, be working in a field somewhere. I think that's what I'd probably end up doing. I don't know. Like, if it weren't for me jumping ship, like, to internally in Yorkshire, I don't know where I'd be. Like, it's a weird thought.

I often, in my hand, I'm like, can I go... I couldn't go back to what culture because I think that would destroy me. be like, what if? It was very simple back then. It was just, here's a voiceover, put the images to it. Like, yeah, good, I can do that. But I don't think that's not got any, I think I would want to top myself if I did that

for any longer, to be honest. These will go into like a video production role in pretty much anything. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You still can. Yeah, be a hired gun. I'll make images and audio, whatever it is, you spout. You wouldn't even need to be a hired gun. You could, you could be integral to a company.

Ooh, a leading voice, a visionary, if you will. Head video, ball. Oh, I know. was how to make brandings or out VHS tapes. Hey, you know more than we do. Join some sort of 80s. You could have become an editor for Boof. Yeah, Boofy. There he goes. Soft focus. There we go. Done some stuff for Boopi. Boopi. Yeah. Do you want to hire someone full time to do like three videos a year? I'm your guy. Hey, with me, it could be four. Whoa. All right. All right. Let's not promise too much, Michael Johnson. Lovely. There we are. That's what we'll be doing. That is episode 100 of the podcast. Thank you all.

much for listening and all of your support. You're amazing and we love you. We do. Store.orgascast.com, Michael. What's that? Your darn tootin. It is that. It is that.

Let me try that again. Is there a store, Michael? Yeah. I didn't even listen. I was like, I'll store yogs. I know where this goes. What's that? Yes, there is.

Yes. Mugs. Store.orgscast.com. Shirts. Puddy. Mugs. All of the above and not more. And none of the below. yeah if you wanted some lovely

video it's clobber as Peter's wearing under that hoodie but we're not going to I'm not going to make him I'm not always going to do it anyway bohm-bam-bam-ba-woo it's like a PS1 look wasn't that neat the whole thing it's just a bit of it yeah today well as of recording this

today we went to the Piss Alley where we recorded that much promo videos is probably already out on the channel probably true probably true yeah check it out we've got a lovely assortment of tat and wares on that their website and I highly recommend you buy

some because it looks damn stylish yeah damn stylish keeping on New York slash Twitter for special promotions and other things and yes go buy some I'm a really good salesman aren't I you're doing great I think so I'm really proud of you yeah YouTube Twitter Facebook all

com forward slash Viddiots official Bit.LY forward slash viddiots official Discord if you want to join our Discord and talk to like minded potty it's folk go say hello there's like four of them but they are there sometimes so come say hi Twitch.TV forward slash video

It's officially stream sometimes on there Streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show and join Pod Squad once again

Have you got your... Oh I went on to bid.LY slash Vidyads Beach just to see if that was still a thing. Is it? Is it? Takes it a Total Beach website Oh.

Bit.L.Y slash Vidid's Beach. Don't go there. Don't go that. Don't go that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Don't do that shit. Yeah, there's a pod squad and this is your lot for the pod squad and it's happening now. Remember if you haven't heard yourself here today it's because we're recording this in mid-April and your donation will be in episode 101. Don't be alarmed.

Or was in episode 50 if you didn't listen to that. Yes, it's split between these two episodes. Okay, so are you ready, Michael? Tell us, please. We start with Mr. Blobby joins the Bobby. Sex, young, homosexual, who is incredibly generous. Thank you so much. Ben does not FOC smash my door Mr. Blobby becomes a therapist

Hot blooby, hot blooby, sorry Hot blooby, cherry, honey linear The generous friendly tree Don't you eat those plops The generous Big Joe And the equally generous Big Joe Two, electric boogaloo And the secret special donation

That came in at the end Gregor Monkey Monkey Chippy Thank you both. Thank you. Also, they're very generous. You know it's all about Dekoum. Emily Lemons, specky-becky,

an extra 50s worth of donation. Katie Kin Solo, Vidyat's might be a cult. And. Rangrop Joy. Star Scourge, Babylonie, who is very generous,

thank you very much. Finn Tristam, Hawkman 105, and Internet Explorer. Hmm. We've also got no clue. Prince Beefcakes, stroke my Trent.

Please, Ben. Serene is a birch bitch. Callum and Jess. Jester the Rogue. Scott's Cool Hugs McSnuggies. Lady Masquerade. And the very... Oh, sorry, Scotts Call Hugs McSnuggies

was very generous. And also the very generous Okaru, 127. Thank you so much all of you for your donations. We really, really do appreciate it. Thanks. Streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations. Three pounds or more.

What's out on videos this week, Peter? Not telling yet. You got to wait for episode 101. That's right. That's it. We're going to make you wait for it. We're not doing it for 50 or 100, so wait, please. Michael, where are you?

At Paraboy on Twitter is the best place to keep up to date with all my shenanigans. Go look at it. It's good. And Twitch, I stream there on occasion, maybe since recording this. I've streamed once. Who knows? And Peter, where are we? At Team Triple Jump, you can go over there and there's some video style content to look at.

That's Ben and I. But also, we are on Twitter at. that Peter Austin myself and confused underscore dude for Ben yeah that's correct that's a correct it is that is a correct

why not leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice it helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms thank you so much for listening everybody and thank you for all your support

over the last technically 100 episodes because we did do episode 69 last episode fuck you and here's to 100 more in the next three of four years or whatever Do we have a final question for the folks at home?

What were those, all those, like, episodes about that I listed? Like, what were Mikey's questions? What all of them about? Why did Ben go to hell? Do the research. I told you the numbers, the episode numbers. Go and find out for us, please. Thanks.

Thanks. Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll see you on the next, whenever the hell it is that we all get together to do one of these. Hopefully not before too long, but it will be. It will be a long time, I imagine. look after yourselves. We'll catch you next time. Much love.

Bye-bye. Goodbye.