Podiots - Podiots: Episode 108 - Parrotdise

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

Mikey prepares for the worst, Ben proves that size does matter, and it's checkmate for Peter. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax Guys I have some worrying news Oh no It comes courtesy of Luminal Spoon on our Discord Oh wow You should go check out Bit.LY

forward slash Podiat's Discord Is that it? Vidyat's Beach One of them I haven't actually opened It's Vidyat's Discord isn't it I haven't actually opened my notes yet Let me just double check that

Yeah it is I'm going to, I'm looking at it. It is bit.ly 4 slash vidiates official discord, camel case, video it's official discord and go and hang out with people. In episode 98, I don't know if you remember, but we all made predictions for the coming year. Oh, did we? Oh, no.

We did. I'm sorry to say that two of three of them have come true. Oh, rough. Pretty much already. So firstly, I said that energy prices will go up again. Oh, this is all your fault, is it? yeah well you should expect to knock on the door any day

now Michael for our dearly departed monarch was your prediction it's your fault Mikey oh I've implicated myself and this is it for me I'm going down I'm worried about what I predicted now

what did I say you predicted that and this is the remaining one that I believe episode 98 came out in April so how many months we got left until next April Six months?

Okay, so in the next six months, Dave Benson Phillips will legally pursue us. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, God. What would we have to do for that to happen? God, keep him in it. We should have left him out of it.

We really should. But there you are. Just a little warning that we have to be very careful now. You need to lawyer up. Yes. Anybody know any good lawyers? I know a good property lawyer I don't know one of that specialises in children's TV presenters' defence

no sadly not tell your lawyers idiots I've got a little update regarding children's TV presenters as well actually so a new Star Wars series just came out and everyone before I even watched it everyone was talking about how cute the new droid is because that's what everyone does right. They see the new little robot.

They're like, huh, I love him. And I just expected it to have some kind of cute, beepy, boopy voice. And then when I watched it, it's got the voice of a grown man. I was like, oh, okay, whatever, that's fine. And then I realized at the end, the droid

is presumably puppeteered by but also voiced by none other than Dave Chapman, the neighbor's cat. Poddiots alumni, Dave Podius alumni, yeah. That's what he's known for, right? Yeah. We were really lucky to get in there and get a message from him

because I bet his value has gone right up now. He's in Star Wars as a voice actor. When I was talking to him over it, me and my good friend Dave. Dave. When I was talking to him over email, he did say, I've got a really busy shoot tomorrow, so I'll record something tonight. Do you reckon that was Star Wars and, for? would slash or

and slash or i don't know maybe it was it would be done by then although there's another season being made so maybe they're already doing i don't know if they're making that now so he could be doing season two maybe he was in a studio doing the the VA perhaps yeah he will definitely though

be doing into like people will want to know about him you know he spent all that time being Otis the ardvark and the neighbor's cat and and now you know you just you wait the hollywood reporter yeah will be like hey dave can we talk to you. He'll be like, sorry, got to record a message for videos again. I just imagine him hunched over in a corner of the set. Like, everyone's quiet from it. I've got

to record something. He's like, here, come out of him. Hello, Ben Peter and Mikey. What I prefer is the bit preceding that, where he watches the fart video in the corner. Wait, yeah, he's watching that out loud. He's standing there next to Diego Luna and, you know, whoever else is that Tony Gilroy

stone scars guard is there listening to michael johnson fart down the microphone i'm going to take that as what actually happened now and that's going to be the proudest story ever tell my grandkids i think i think you should be very proud wow well uh should we make some more audio magic yeah let's do it Hello everybody and welcome to Poddietz, the official Vidiots podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing. A lot to talk about. I'm Ben.

I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Guys, we had some pretty devastating news recently in regards to Richard and Dominic. Isn't that right, Peter? That's true. Yeah. The writing was on the wall. So after the death of the queen,

I saw a tweet going around online of one particular show that had been cancelled. And it was, I think it was one of the earlier ones. It was like an October one. And I thought, maybe they're doing that as a, because it's still within the period of National Morning or something. And so I messaged you guys and was like, look out, this might happen.

Anyway, then nothing happened for a few more days, I think. And then out of nowhere, I think they cancelled all of their dates and they said the good news is we'll be adding even more dates next year but we're having to move I think every single show so it's all been cancelled ours is now in

March is it I think yeah it's a bit of a delay but the email did mention one very exciting thing in that some VIPs will be chosen to go on stage and take part in some games which has me ecstatic yeah I mean that's got Michael

Johnson Britain all over it because I That is my worst nightmare, but it's very much your shit. Oh, I'd be a nervous wreck, but I couldn't say no. I would do it for a Dick and Dom game, for sure. But, yeah, normally I wouldn't like to be picked for anything like that. Yeah. I would be sweating, but like inside of me, deeply want to do it, but also at the same time, don't want anything less in my life.

Got to do it. So we will reconvene next year for Dick and Dom Live, and I'm sure it will be just as magical as it. it would have been if it were next month, which it is no longer. Never mind. Do you guys want to Podiat's Presents Update? There's a few new ones that I'm looking at. Oh, yes, please.

Oh, yeah, I saw a really good one recently. I can't remember what it was, but you might have it with you, actually, Ben. I may well. There's just a few here. Professor Kang just tweeted these at us. There's Podiat's Paddling Pool. Podiatts Presents Cultaholic Ventures Limited. Nice.

Poditz Presents, Wimbledon Abbey. And my favourite, Podiatts presents, Wheatibix Limited, and then in brackets, what's that then? That was it. That was the one. Oh, that's great. Is that the actual Wheatier Bix factory? Yeah.

Oh, amazing. I think so. Yeah. So, there we are. If you would like to fund this lunacy slash help us prepare for impending legal action from Dave Benson Phillips, you can go to streamlabs.com forward slash poddy. It's donations. Donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show.

join the Pumpy Platoon, the Tiny Troop, and the FAST crew. Mikey's going to kick us off. We begin with a global atrocity. Fun. That's the name. I'm not censoring anything there. Poddley squadily. Mr. Blobby becomes a hitman.

Specky Becky. Queen would have loved Steam Deck. She would. Oh, she would. Ian Jasper, 57 and two thirds. The Queen's orphaned corgis of. Oh, leave me a bit of him. Freddy Weber got the clap

Steven Scores and very funny name Lord Brotovic Oh what a card Oh that's my favourite of the week for sure We've also got Don Aco 7 The Queen isn't dead She's just changing Oh no

Severn D Blobby's Gobby's Gobby gets me throbby brilliant bo-bus boppis Lorum Ipsum

Dolor Sitt Amet who was very generous and said Consecutor Adipisking elite

said sit Amet Deem said Lacus Feguliat Aliquam Nacad

Adlorum Pulvinar Sagitis Nulaid Elefained Akru Suspendis Elementum

Leorritse Actus Trisikvel integer dabibus solicituddin metas sit amet or are quam which translated into english keeping your mind that laurum ipsum isn't real latin says enhanced monitoring procedures but let it be a great diam but a little lake of phyugiat for as with the lorum pulvinar there is no such thing as arrows the elephained of the bow

Suspendis, Elementum Leoratesem At author read sad Or it is important to decorate the whole of the fear of anxiety Quite prophetic at the end there Yeah it was We wouldn't do that for anyone But it was a generous donation So thanks for that

Pollyets presents D's nuts Caroline it's not your baby And one with everything Theoretically possible Theoretically possible And finally we have Peter Parker's Perky Pecker Janet Wicks likes to hear Wix No Wanking, Queen's Dead

That's out of respect Mr Macca, hello dis da Google Maps police Caroline did anal on only fans Oh, I mean that's her business That's obscene That's her business The Heartless nerd who is very generous Not so heartless and said

Howdy my lovely vidiots It's my birthday on the Earth Wind and Fire Day this month Do you remember, it says? I'm turning 30, and I fear death approaching more rapidly each day. Help. Thank you for all the laughs as always. Love you all. Kiskees.

Well, happy birthday, the heartless nerd. I feel the same. In fact, your birthday was yesterday at the time of recording. Mikey's yet to hit 30. Yeah. Well, earlier this week, my back started hurting, so I'm approaching 30 in spirit. Good. Okay.

Good, yeah, good. Join us. Meth, the gong goose. Ben's lunchtime egg Big Titty Jesus 42 and Twiddle my left analogistic

Brilliant Thank you so much Pod Squad Do you have a favourite this week Oh man I don't know I'm going to

The Ipsom Lorum Personally Pretty good I'm going to give I'm going to give a shout out Just to Donak I think they've been here Every episode

That's a good one Yeah Donac Fair enough Likewise Specky Becky is usually in there Skodes Bratavich

Of course Yeah Mr Macca That's a regular Mr Macca yeah Yeah I will go Yes BTJ

I'm always Just It will never not make me laugh One with everything I'm going to go with that It's simple But it got me So

Classic Yeah classic Well once again Streamlabs.com Forward slash Pottie at Stone Nations 3 pounds or more To get a shout out

At the beginning And the end of the show Peter your question Boyman day. I am. I've got some questions submitted by the listeners. Thank you listeners. This is from Joseph Keating at Evo Paleo on Twitter, who says, just watched Rules Boss saving the Fallout 76 stream clip again. It's a cracker. What is your favorite serendipitous moment from Vidiots? I've got one for while you guys are thinking. Serendipitous in the sense that it

wasn't planned it wasn't intentional uh but it just came at the right moment uh was it's a very recent one literally the last thing we did mikey writing v oates on the right board yeah yeah that was very good um i found it even funnier at the time because i think this is a funnier word i thought it said vidits but um yeah um so that that honestly people might think we did that on purpose but michael was genuinely trying to write the word videos and came out with v oates so um it was a perfect ending to a to our return to bristol it really was um i've it's one we go too often but the little britain d bdbd game melting down it's and just completely breaking was uh oh and also iqbin cheggers like so many

inches of like the games just breaking themselves in really fun ways yeah oh man you i was going to say i think yeah for me it's got to be little britain as well i think you're just the game well the capture software whatever i was did as a service by cutting the fat and getting straight to the good stuff yeah we thank it for that we sincerely do yeah oh well there we go it was a quick one um who would like to do their thing i would oh go then mike Sir, can I do my thing? Please do. So I'm going to start in a slightly corny way of starting with a quote.

I hear my presentation start like that. For your consideration, everybody has a quote. This is a fun one. Zombies are horribly dangerous to all human life, and zombie infections have the potential to seriously undermine national security and economic activities that sustain our way of life. Therefore, having a population, is not composed of zombies or at risk from their malign influence is vital to United States

and allied national interests. So it may seem like a weird quote. And when you hear the context, it gets even weirder. Oh, my God. Is this a real thing, a real document? That no-dur, summation, well, sorry, let me put some more effort into that. That no-dur summation of the threat of zombies to national security comes from the pages of C-O-N-W. 8888, a real document drafted by United States military planners that details how the country might best respond to a zombie outbreak. Wow. Yes, that's right.

The U.S. government drafted an official zombie preparation plan and all 31 pages of it are available online to read. Oh, my goodness. It's a ride. It's quite interesting to read through. so I'm going to give a little overview of the whole thing, some highlights and a bit of context, if you don't mind. Well, it's another callback to a previous poddius.

We've done the predictions callback. Now, this is, I think it was a very early episode. One of the questions we were asked were, what's your zombie plan? It's an age-old question. Everyone loves it, and I guess now the authorities have an answer. The official zombie plan is. The official. Learn us, Michael.

This is zombie plan official. So, yes, the US government drafted an official. zombie preparation plan. Another quote here. This plan was not actually designed as a joke. The report begins, and indeed it is not. Dating from April 2011, Kohnop 8888 is the work of military planners of the U.S. Strategic Command in Omaha, Nebraska. One of the Departments of Defense, 10 unified command employments of personal, oh my God, this is a mess of words. This is right English. I just can't say it. One of the departments of defense. 10 unified commands employs personal from all that is not that is not English I should have

really proof read that basically this is from a branch of the US military in order to provide a number of large-scale national defense services so basically their job is to imagine scenarios and come up with plans and how to defeat them and overcome them so they you know they're not caught with a pants down in the middle of a big event and this is the organization that created an honest to goodness zombie defense plan the 31 page document made public thanks to a report by foreign policy in 2014. Foreign policy is a magazine, serves as an outline of what would have to be done in the event that the sort of zombie apocalypse depicted in shows like The Walking Dead happens in real life. More specifically, the document provides

detailed explanations of the various legal, political and practical issues involved in a war on the undead. So yeah, it is quite a meaty document and there's lots of mumbo-jumbo in there, but we'll cut to the fun stuff, yeah. US and international, well, so here's another quote. US and international law regulate military operations only insofar as human and animal life are concerned. There are almost no restrictions on hostile action

against pathogenic life forms, organic robotic entities, or quote-unquote, traditional zombies, the report reads. So there's almost no restrictions on what you can do to zombies or organic robots. I did read through it. I'm not sure what the restrictions exactly were. I think nukes are probably the one thing that they'd be carefully using,

but even then, I mean, just just launched the buggers, man. Combined with the fact that the authors expect a declaration of martial law following an outbreak, that gives the government a wide range of options for killing zombies. In discussing how to kill zombies, the plan goes through a number of general phases that would make for the best anti-zombie attacks. In the first phase, authorities will instruct the military and the public on how the zombies they're fighting work and how to kill them. So a little bit of public education. The second phase, deterrence, points out that, quote unquote, zombies cannot be deterred themselves,

but calls for a broad sweep of operations to restore confidence in the government's ability to combat the threat. So one of the major steps is, don't worry, guys, we got this, you can trust us. in the next two phases military forces conduct sweeps of infected areas killing zombies and burning the bodies to remove the threat of infection and in the final phase the government rebuild its authority

over the civilian population and eliminates the final pockets of zombie resistance and operations like this wouldn't only be conducted domestically according to the document they would also expect international global working together to make this happen

this wouldn't just be a one country job obviously because you know that virus ain't going to stay in the continent as the report states because zombies pose a threat to all quote-unquote non-zombie human life i referred after as humans so yeah this expends not just to humans but to animals and rats and all that they'll be big we will be prepared to preserve the sanctity of human life and conduct operations in support of any human population including traditional adversaries so at this point you know it's just I don't care who you are. We're friends now in overcoming this one evil, evil entity.

Wow. This is amazing. It gets better. This is what I call the boring stuff. We're about to get into the fun stuff. Okay. From its international scope to its multi-phase attack plan, the document is remarkably thorough,

covering every conceivable type of zombie. Because no, of course, there's not just one type of zombie. The plan first addresses the basic pathogenic zombies, which are given life by a virus, you're typical running the mill that we've seen depicted in films. Then there are radiation zombies. I imagine just from some kind of radiation that's caused some kind of mess up in the body and made them mutate.

There's also evil magic zombies born from quote-unquote occult experimentation, space zombies created by aliens, weaponized zombies. I see some evil, evil persons managed to make zombies, is now using this. to do their evil bidding. And my favorite in the list, vegetarian zombies. Whoa. Oh.

You're going to eat all the vegetables. No, no. And I'm about to read a quote, which is yes, from an official US document, as indicated in the popular game, Plants versus Zombies. Oh.

That's what they're citing for that. Right. Good. This state that while vegetarian zombies pose no doubt, direct threat to humans, they will consume all plant life in front of them, leading to deforestation and elimination of key food crops. Deforestation. They're just, I remember them, trees. They're eating entire forests. Wow. I do have another direct quote here. Of note, where normal carnivorous zombies commonly grown the word brains semi-comprehensibly,

vegetarian zombies, or as they call it in here, VZs, can be identified. by their aversion to humans, affinity for plants and their tendency to semi-comprehensibly grown the word grains. No, that's not real. That can't be in there. I only caught that 10 minutes before recording. I'm so glad I did.

That is beautiful. Graves. It literally says word for word earlier on in the document. This is not a joke. But yes, we're going to cite plants versus zombies and make puns. They also expand on. their references for vegetarian zombies, not just plants versus zombies, but they also say, as seen in the movie, Signs, starring the known actor Mel Gibson.

No racist. They're racist. No racist. I think, yeah, I don't, I can't remember that. Maybe they're aliens who don't like water being splashed on them. I don't think they're vegetarian. It's like an alien invasion. What a weird, maybe I'm forgetting, maybe there's a zombie bit, but I don't remember that.

Yeah, that is a weird one. they finish off that quote by saying in relation to vegetarian zombies no current examples of this zombie class have ever been captured or examined by scientists good to nil right the report

but it doesn't say that about the other kind no well hey maybe maybe that they've let the card the handshow there they know about all the others this is the one that's secret the report primarily focuses on the pathogenic zombies and lays out a worst case scenario in which the infection spreads quickly

and each death strengthens the zombie horde while weakening the military. Although the report also points out, if they're facing evil magic zombies, then they may have to worry about atheists in their own ranks being turned and suggests intervention by the military's chaplain's corps. As I pronounce it, Chaplain? Chaplain, yeah. By the military's chaplain corps. So basically what they're putting forward here is that to fight evil magic.

zombies we don't use guns we use religion yeah okay it's great and then another little quote a direct quote from the document here based on the most based on most science fiction sources the magic zombies despite being the hardest threats to eliminate directly by attacking the zombie life form can usually be eliminated if the source of evil magic is destroyed there is evidence to suggest the chaplain corps may prove integral to countering these threats which is great but that's not all there's a final type of zombie here which I love

the report even makes special mention of chicken zombies oh okay which it notes are the only kind that have actually been proven to exist what? Oh my headless chickens oh right bingo you got it

similar to that yeah as the report summarises these chickens are the ones that have been euthanized by being sealed inside chambers and suffocate with carbon dioxide, only to survive and claw their way back out of the grave. Luckily, the authors of the document point out that these zombies pose little threat to humans. And they summarise them by saying, Chicken zombies are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become

vegetarians in protest to animal cruelty. They appear to be no direct threat to humans. They appear to be. You don't know yet. I just, the confidence in that statement, chicken zombies are simply terrifying to behold. So good. So while these chicken zombies do indeed exist, the fact that they're included in this document might be your first indication that the plan wasn't devised completely in earnest.

So if this document isn't totally serious, why would the Pentagon go through all this trouble of creating it and imagining all these scenarios and coming up with all these different kinds of zombies? According to a spokesperson for the U.S. Strategic Command, the document is identified as a training tool used in an in-house training exercise where students learn about the basic concepts of military plans and order development through a fictional training scenario. So I have slightly pulled the rug under you there. While this is an official U.S. government army document, it's not really serious. it's more of a, you know, a thought exercise. But still, still, still, pretty, pretty good. In other words, it's basically a training exercise

featuring a fictitious enemy rather than an actual plan that its authors would envision using in the field. You see, the US needs to train its personnel to plan for different national security threats. The problem is that these plans are sometimes leaked. And if they have their planners working on a hypothetical invasion of Brazil simply for practice, it might still make the Brazilian nervous if it gets picked up by the press.

So you can see the kind of thing here. So choose something utterly ridiculous and people are just like, ah, that's fine. But if they train on an actual threat or target, then that could look pretty dicey. So thus, by developing a plan for something that is unlikely to offend anyone, like a zombie outbreak, they can provide their staff with a valuable experience

without risking any damage to foreign relations. And the fact that it's a particularly entertaining thing to prepare for means that they can get their planners engaged in the process. So while it always pays to be prepared, you can rest easy in the knowledge that the US government isn't seriously expecting a zombie apocalypse. At least as far as we know. That's what they want you to think. I think the zombie nation would be pretty upset about this document. You can upset the zombie country.

I know. It's pretty rude of them. Dead island. A dead island. It does say, though, that in the event of a zombie country. apocalypse we will be friends with all nations in order to destroy the zombie menace so would we have to join the zombie nation and how would they feel about that because you can't have it both ways you can't be friends with the zombie nation and then also try and kill them zombie nation once again

NATO member has once again vetoed military action against zombies we need a unanimous vote and the flipping zombie nation are constantly saying now. Fucking time. There you go. Fun little, fun little thing for you all. That was fun. Thank you, Mikey.

Thanks, Mikey. I have got our question here. It's from Reg at Penn Richard Penn, who says, if you could instantly become the best in the world at one thing right now, what would it be? Oh, God, this is such a boring answer.

Plumbing. I could get a job that actually makes me money. Yeah, fair. Get a trade. That's what I showed him when I was a kid. Oh, no. I think I can't settle for that. Give me a minute.

I can do better than that. I think something practical would be really useful. I'd quite like to be the best in the world. I'd just like to be really good at cooking, maybe. Not even the best in the world. I'd settle for far less than best in the world. Yeah, yeah, I would with just being handy, as they say, just being able to do stuff around the house, like fix stuff. You know, I have an idea of like the processes by which I would, for example, repair something.

Like, oh, if I just had like a bit of wood, like if I chopped that and like hammered it in. But I know that I wouldn't cut it straight. I wouldn't nail it in straight. I probably wouldn't sand it properly. You know, whatever I would do, it would just come loose again. after like six months of use or like it doesn't matter what the what it is i just wouldn't do it right whereas my granddad for example is just amazing at anything like that yeah um so yeah i wish i was just really good at just household maintenance and things like that fixing cars

and stuff yeah it'll be good i i get maybe a slightly boring answer but i'd really love to be more musical in like a general sense and if I have like a general being good at instruments ability I would absolutely adore that but I've got no sense of rhythm my my left and right hand can't do different things at different times so I've I've faltered it every attempt to learn an instrument pretty much but I'd love to love to make some little bops yeah yeah that'd be good pop ability hey boppis now that's what I call bobbis if you're doing like quick work on the questions yeah we are we are we Flying through it.

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I don't think it's going to take very long. Okay, good for it. Continue on this speedy trend. I've got a new game that could potentially be a recurring feature. It's called How Many Dicks Will Fit in This Thing? Okay. Okay. Firstly, I would like you to, you both of you, on this call.

Knob the Onion. No, it's not good. Knob the Onion. That's very nice, though. That's good. How big slash how long is the average Wilkins' length duration? What's the average duration of a Wilson? It's measured fully erect, isn't it? Yeah, fully erect in inches, please. I believe it's something like five and a half to six and a half that range. Five and a half. I'm going to go for 5.6. It's 5.1 is the average erect Wilkins size. So the game here is I have various objects and I would like you to tell me how many penises are in it.

So have you worked out the 3D volume of a penis? No, no, no. It's just the length. Just the height slash length. So end to end. End to end. How many dicks? can fit in this thing. Okay.

The first one is the Eiffel Tower. Oh my God. How many Dicks can fit in the Eiffel Tower, please? Can't even start with like a bathtub or something. You've gone big. No, we're going big. I can give you the height of the various thing. I've got five, by the way.

I can give you the height of the various things in feet, but I kind of also don't want to give you that until you've guessed because you might be able to reverse engineer. Yeah. Oh, God. How many dicks is the height of the Eiffel Tower? This is the calibration question, because right now there's no context. We don't really know.

So after this will be more accurate. So this is a shot in the dark. I'm going to say 687 of them. See, it may be slightly easier as well if it was in metric because... How many metric? Nobs is this? Like, so it's like two, two and a bit dicks to a foot, basically, I think. It's like two point, two, two and a quarter dicks or something.

So, okay. How about, um, 800 dicks? Well, the Eiffel Tower is 984 feet tall. So, how many dicks will fit in the Eiffel Tower? it's 2,315.3 willies. Wow. What a sight. It's a magical.

Beautiful sight. The next up is Big Ben. How many Dicks will fit in Big Ben? How many Big Ben's will fit in Big Ben? I'll go first this time. I think that's got to be shorter than the Eiffel Tower. So let's say, 1250. Oh, I was thinking close.

I'm going to eke mine up to 1,400 knobs, please. At 310 feet, it is shorter and Peter is closer because 729 dicks can fit in Big Ben. Oh, it's way smaller. Yeah. We move on to the Taj Mahal. How many dicks can fit in the Taj Mahal? Hmm.

How many was Big Ben, roughly, did you say? 729 dicks. Okay, I think the Taj Mahal. is probably a bit shorter than, oh, I don't know, I've only seen those photos of it far, far away. I'm going to say 700 dicks. I'm going to go, I'm going to say the tajma hall's a bit bigger than Big Ben and go 8.50.

It's 240 feet, so it's smaller than Big Ben. What? And the tajma hall can fit 565 dicks inside. Ooh. Good to know. Yeah. We've got the Empire State Building next. How many Richards can the Empire State Building take?

An awful lot. An awful lot, yeah. What do you think, Mikey? I'm going to go 5,750. Eiffel Towers. Eiffel Towers 2,000. How many Eiffel Towers fit in the Empire State Building? No, we're not using American measurements, okay?

We're using British Dix. Yeah, in British Dix, Imperial Dix. There's been an awful lot of Imperial Dix to the Taj Mahal. That's pretty obvious. They have. Okay, I think it's got to be at least three Eiffel Towers. So I'm going to say 6,000 dicks, Dix,000. Did you guess, Mikey?

I did. Was it, oh God, I forgot what I said, though. 5,350 maybe, yeah. Okay, the Empire State Building is 1,250 feet, which means that the Empire State Building can take 2,941.2 willies in... Well, we really over-dicked that one. You massively over-dicked that one.

Let's see if you can bring it home for the final one. How many dicks will fit inside Boris Johnson? Okay, we have a chance with this one, Mikey. yeah the average dick is five what five point two inches five point one inches okay so it's it's it's like it's it's two and a bit knobs per foot yeah two knobs to the foot and i think boris johnson is probably a tallish man so i reckon boris johnson is like six foot one sorry dick's foot one so what's that six times two in a bit. I'm going to say you could get 15 dicks in Boris Johnson. I'm going to eke in a little under at 14 dicks in Boris Johnson, please.

Wow, you guys are very close. Mikey takes it or not Mikey, sorry, Boris Johnson takes it because he's 5 foot 9 inches tall, which is roughly 13 and a half dicks. Nice. I assumed he was 5'10. Oh, hey, look at that. Nice. Oh, nice. 13.5 Dix.

And that is my new game. How many Dicks can fit in this thing? Oh, we need a theme song for it and everything. That's good. Thank you. It is basically, we are, I am just getting you to guess the height of things, essentially. Yeah. But with the added twist of penis, penises.

Of having to first convert to Imperial. Yeah. And then convert that number of inches and feet into the average dick size being 5.1. inches. My end goal is that you two will be very proficient at getting the height of things in dicks and no other unit of measurement. This is good, yeah. Yeah, by the end of the year, we'll be able to spot something in the distance score. Yep, that's 20 dicks. Can't wait for that. Well, thank you very much, Ben. That was a lot of... You're welcome. Thank you.

So we've got a question here from... Which one should we do next? from Emmy at Emmy 11745485 on Twitter who says Would you still make content If you only had one fan But they were really rich And paid all expenses

Yeah Yeah I think I think it would be a struggle My gut instinct was Yeah of course Like I would want to keep making content Even one

I probably wouldn't If we had no one listening That's a bit sad like sitting here and just the three of us recording a podcast. But, you know, I would want to keep doing it even if we had barely any actual listeners because it's a lot of fun. But if it was one person

who is single-handedly funding the entire venture, you would feel obliged to, like, tailor the content to them. You'd have to always answer their questions. And there would just be one massive, very generous donation in Pod Squad. What if they just donated two dozen times to Pod Squad each week? With different names. Yeah, that would make it, yeah, I don't know, it would almost be like living in sort of a Truman show kind of thing.

That might be happening right now, Ben, you don't know. That's true, except you'd be aware of it, which would be weird. Yeah. To go along with. I think ultimately I would certainly give it a go. And then, you know, if it changed too much stuff, then maybe I would think, no, this isn't the same.

It probably wouldn't be, it would be really different, actually, if you knew there was just one person. I would want to keep doing it because it's fun, but I would also, yeah, it would change how it feels, I think, to make the content. What's worse?

Like, having one fan who's, like, really talkative communicates a lot and he's quite engaging, and so you get to them quite well. Or someone who's, like, almost completely disengaged and just watches and that's it, without liking, commenting or anything

and you're just throwing stuff out there into the wild. Yeah. Well, I mean, we'll get a good year of it out, I think. We just do a string of provvits where we go on holiday each week or something. Have fun with it.

That's the other aspect of the question is that, like, it says all expenses paid. Does that mean all current, like, the usual normal expenses we have? Or, like, no, we have, like, you know a limitless budget I don't know it would be a bit more of an incentive I think

if they were paying for us to go and make like ridiculous stuff all over the world I mean at that point they might as well just it's strange isn't it they might as well just start a company and employ us you know yeah just fund our I don't know it would be weird

but it would also feel like a strange form of prostitution yeah it would a bit it would be like it's like being a performing monkey yeah dance monkey dance make posts up oh god do post some tap forever don't worry I'll buy you things each week I'll send you it

to be honest it sounds like more work for them than for us sort of verges on creepy really that they're that keen to keep us going more we think about it the last appetising it becomes the answer is no Emmy we wouldn't do I suppose it's no but then also with an asterisk

how much money? Yeah Just how much money are we talking to it Because I could do it for like a couple of years And retire Yeah Yeah Well of this person who asks this question

Has all this money And they were ready to handle it And now like oh well Even the way they've gone on about it Yeah Screw those guys I don't look a gift toys in the mouth Never mind

I've got a thing here Yes I can't remember where I saw this but I saw it and immediately added it to my list of things that I have to bring as things. I've got a million apps open on my phone like a granddad. One second. I had it. I had it. Oh, here it is. Okay.

So, I'm hoping you guys haven't seen this. Chess World, this is according to the metro.com.com. UK, written by Anu Graha Sundara Vailu, who says chess world rocked by rumours of anal beads and artificial intelligence.

I saw a couple of people tweet us this, but I didn't open it. How many anal beads can you fit in a person? The world of chess hyperlinked. What is it? What is it? Let me find out. It takes you

to just a different chess related article, which is chess robot breaks boy's finger for taking his turn too quickly. Brilliant. You will learn. A robot broke a seven-year-old's finger and it grabbed the child's hand during a chess match in Moscow. Oh, that's a much better story. Anyway, the world of chess has been rocked by the biggest scandal in years and it involves artificial intelligence and anal beads.

Last week, world chess champion Magnus Carlson, with. Drew from a major tournament with a $350,000 prize money after his unexpected defeat by underdog Hans Neiman. Norway's Carlson announced his withdrawal in a cryptic tweet, with a video implying that Neiman had cheated. The tweet was accompanied by a video of Portuguese soccer manager Jose Marino saying, I prefer really not to speak. If I speak, I'm in big trouble. Other big names in the sport declared Neiman's play, Suss. Sus. Suspitions were raised further when Neiman admitted to cheating twice previously. Chess.com, not hyperlinked, issued a statement that it had banned Neiman from its site over his

alleged cheating. Chess enthusiasts online have since gone on to speculate that Neiman may have been cheating with computer assistance and anal beads. Currently obsessed with the notion that, oh, currently obsessed with the notion that Hans Neiman has been cheating at the Sinkerfield Cup chess tournament using wireless anal beads that vibrate him the correct moves, tweeted one user. As the chess world debated whether it was possible to cheat

in chess with vibrating anal beads, Twitter's favourite troublemaker, Elon Musk, joined in on the debate. The Tesla CEO reacted to a clip shared by another Twitter user, which showed someone discussing the possibility of anal beads being used.

That's probably a good one, right? An anal bead will probably beat the thing, the engine. I don't know. I really don't know, said the person in the video. Musk reacted to the video with an adapted version of a quote from philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. His tweet, he tweeted, talent hits a target, no one else can hit. Genius hits a target, no one else can see, because it's in your butt. Brilliant. Um, Jess fans spec- Well done, Elon, Elias, great one. Chess fans speculated that anal beads could transmit messages from an accomplice who was

watching the game being broadcast live online and consult an AI to transmit the perfect move. However, it's unclear if Neiman could be beating the tournament's anti-cheating precautions, which include a 15-minute delay in the broadcast of moves and radio frequency identification checks. Apart from the ridiculous Anel Beed's theory, people suspect that Neumann got his hands on Carlson's game plan ahead of time, thereby anticipating his surprise opening. Neiman has vehemently denied that he cheated against Carlson and even went so far as to say that he would play fully naked to prove it No, unless there's a camera up his bottom, we're not going to know

Other chess pros have defended Neiman calling the allegations a witch hunt The real question of course, this is not the article anymore How many dicks could you fit inside Hans Neiman? Oh, it's difficult to say it's hard to say Yeah At least one More than most men

because he's you know he's made some space in there that's what it's for yeah and I I wish him all the best yes yeah me too I'm just I've clicked on the

the broken finger one and there's a video embedded at the top I'm just going to see if it shows the boy's finger being broken I don't know oh yes it does it's not It's not particularly violent, but, um...

It's not like it grabs it and whips it around and snaps it's... No, no, it just seems... I think it just sort of grips hold of his finger, so it... Oh, actually, that's still making me feel, oh, weird. Children are weak, man. Here we go, let me send this to you guys. Did you say children a week? Yeah, I can...

Robot touching me wouldn't break my finger. Come on, kids. A kick of robot's ass. Yeah. Um, so there we go. that's that I heard I saw the headlines I assumed it was like pretty well substantiated

it wasn't just wild rumour because holy hell all that man's ever going to have associated with now is this whole this whole fiasco which isn't even proven to be true that's bonkers yeah I must say I was a bit if you couldn't tell I'd not read the article

I just brought it along I was a bit disappointed to find out that it was just some people said oh maybe he used anal beads and that's the story I was really hoping that actually it was proven that he had done but no apparently not I've sent you guys a link to the chess robot

breaking a boy's finger yeah that is rough basically for those who don't want to watch the video all that happens is the the robot arm moves a piece away from a certain square and then while it's sort of finishing its move

the boy does his move and move straight onto that square where the robot just was and then the robot seems to come back and like grab the piece or I think it's trying to grab the piece that he's moved onto there but it grabs his finger

and yeah I don't know but there you go so the chess world has been rocked by the potential scandal completely manufactured scandal scandal pending oh I'll ask another question we can finish off with

do you guys still have something from your childhood you can't seem to let go of, like a toy or a blanket. I don't want to brag, but I still have most of my stuffed animals, but I'm only 32 and I'm still in my youth, right? Kay, love you, bye. That was from Paul at Paul's are Amber 16. Thank you, Paul. I've still got my big animated series Batman toy. I've still got a fair amount, this is probably the same for you, Peter. I've still got a fair amount of my gaming stuff from my youth um yeah i've still it's not in my flat but it's at my parents house still got my teddy yeah uh still hanging around but that's that's probably about it i don't think i'll ever throw

those things away though yeah um i've i've still got a bunch of PS1 games i had when i was you know five six seven eight my boot scooting bait i don't know what that really got me there just ran away with me um but yeah when i was a youngan still got some of the original games i had rather than, you know, I know a lot of people who've got a load of PS1 games, but they're sort of repurchased ones when they kind of picked up the hobby again. But, yeah, some of mine still have little sheets of paper inside with cheat codes and stuff. And my parents have kept a couple of my teddies, I think, in a bag. I don't know if they've kept them for me or for them or for, like, potentially their grandchildren.

They've definitely kept a load of toys for their grandchildren that were once mine. we had this like farm toy that was this it was like it was made of wood it was a bit like a doll's house but it was open air it was like just a farm yard it had like four fields it had a barn and a little like tractor garage and a pigsty and it was all just like nailed down onto this big big piece of wood so it was this great big toy that you put on the floor and then you would get all of your animal toys out of the big box of plastic animal toys and make a farm, I guess. I don't really know.

Yeah, it was cool. I liked it. And they've still got a lot of like duplow and wooden blocks and things. So I think they're trying to send me a message, to be honest. Yeah. It's time. Yeah. I think sadly, a lot of my childhood stuff either got sold or thrown away.

I'm trying to remember what's around the house. But there is one item that I will never, ever, ever let get binned or moved away or anything like that. I think it's an object that is instrumental in my online persona at least in how I present myself, which is when I was very young, it must be like five or six. We went on a whole day to Spain and we went, I think Teneree, we went to the Laurel Park, which is the parrot park. And it's a huge zoo with just hundreds and hundreds of parrots. And I think that might have been the thing that's cemented in my head as a child. Ah, parrots, they're great animals. And holidays. And holidays. No bacon yet, but that's coming.

Maybe. Maybe that one day it set me on a trajectory. The best day of your life. Holidays. Oh my God, there's every chance I had bacon that day. That's magical. Yeah, while they're surrounded by all these wonderful birds. I bought a little parrots.

Well, I didn't buy it. I didn't have money back then as a kid. My parents bought me a little plushy parrot. that we called Paulie. And I carried him with me everywhere for years and years. He's a little bit dirty and scuffed up now, but he's quite safe and secure

in the back of my cupboard at home, which feels mean. I feel like I need to, next time I go home, get him and put him on display. But I don't want to risk any damage to him. I fit my best friend. You know the best thing, Mikey,

is not only did on that day, especially if you had bacon, which you may not have done, not only do you have your three best things, but you probably also avoided your three worst things in the you weren't at school you weren't doing work and you were likely not surrounded by anyone

who doesn't like parrots. Paradise Did you take the mickey out of parrots? Oh, take the mickey out of was it? I thought it was people who didn't like parrots. You take the mickey out of point. When I was back on there, I was really jordy. Wow, yeah, what a day.

No wonder it was so formational in my life to the point where I still tell. That manufactured my entire personality, my likes and my dislikes, all in one magical afternoon. It's all just been downhill from there. Yeah, yeah. Still got my parrots holidays and bacon, though. Well, not even holidays anymore. Oh, bacon.

Jesus, I've lost it all. Two tickets to paradise. Oh, very good. I don't know why you didn't just say that out loud, Ben. I said it discreetly via discord. I said it once, and you guys were. talking i didn't want to say it again so just put it in there very good bed thank you thank you guys thank you well i would ordinarily edit out any talking talking's over but i will leave that one in

so that everyone else can at least laugh at your excellent paradise two tickets to parrot days amazing wow i think that's everything right we've really god we've this is going to be one of the shortest year boys in a while i think yeah but my goodness What a show. I think it's been a very good one. Thank you for sorting the questions, Peter. Appreciate it. You're welcome.

And thank you both for your things, too. Did you know that there is a shop? Michael will tell you a bit more about the shop. The shop. If you navigate on over to store.orgscast.com, you will find a veritable bounty. Yes. I really, I got it.

I should be obvious by now, but I barely have a grasp on the English language. I just kind of say syllables and hope. they're right there if you go to store dot yorkscast.com there's a veritable bounty of goodies and best yet is are some of those veritable bounties of goodies that's a lot of words just say clothes or merch some of the stuff on this website has our logo and stuff and faces on it and it's great it's all beautiful it's amazing if you go down and navigate to the video section you will find the recently released it is beans time t-shirt thank you so much to everyone and he's bought one so far.

You're all stars. Lovely Pottiet's design. A Pottiet's mug. The classic V-S-1 hoodie amongst other delights. So get yourself down there and grab your seller bargain that store.

Dot yorgscast.com. Why not check us out on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com, forward slash vidiots official. Bit.L.Y. forward slash vidiates official Discord. That's a capital V, a capital O and a capital D. Come hang out with a other.

other people and say hello. Twitch.tv. forward slash video it's official. We stream there sometimes. And of course, streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations. Donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show and join Pod Squad.

Mikey, kick us off for the last time, please. A global atrocity. Podily, squatterly, Mr. Blobby becomes a hitman, specky-becky, Queen would have loved Steam Deck, Ian Jasper, 57 and two-thirds. The Queen's orphaned corgis. Freddie Weber got the clap. Stephen Scores, and very funny name, Lord Brotovic.

Also, Don Akko 7. The Queen isn't dead. She's just changing. Severn D. Blobby's gobbie gets me throbby. Bobus Boppis. Lorum Ipsum Dolor Sitamet. Who was very generous. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Podditz presents D's nuts. Caroline, it's not your baby, and one with everything. And finally we have Peter Parker's perky pecker. Janet Wicks likes to hear Wix. No wanking, Queenstead. Mr Macca, hello dista-google maps, police. Caroline did anal on only fans,

the heartless nerd, who is very generous, thank you very much. Meth the Gone Goose, Ben's Lunchtime Egg, Big Titty Jesus 42, and Twiddle My Left, Anologistic. Thank you so much, everybody. once again, streamlabs.com forward slash potty at £3 or more to get a shout-out at the beginning at the end of the show. Peter, what's out on Vidiots this week, four years ago? I'll tell you, worst games ever, 50 cent bulletproof, boundless stream highlights, hashtag ad, remember that, boundless.

Get out of the way, overcooked two. The Dunster vlog, arcades, fish and chips, and castles. And upsetting grands. Yes Yes Heroes in Training Marvel Spider-Man Part 2

So part 1 was On the last episode of Pottias Potty's episode 15 Get the Flump Post some tap 31 Poop

Marvel's Spider-Man in real life live action finale Oh yes We love that one Worst games ever Hulk Hogan's main event Oh my God

Peter gets hit by a car Oh some real royalty in this Fortnite here. Neal's Masterpiss, Art Attack PC. Holy hell. Vidiot's Live Twitch streamed The Sims 3. Postumtack number 32, Ed Miller Band.

And finally, airport to airport, GTA5 Challenge. Yes. There you go. What was that? What was the kind of, I don't know, what's the word, hindrance? the sort of the handicap on the airport to airport challenge. I think we had a lot of police on us. I think it was like a fun-star one-tive level.

It's all similar. Piece of cake. Check it out. Wonderful. Well, Mikey, where are you on the internet, please? At Parrot Boy on Twitter is the best place to keep up to date with my comings and goings and doings and deings. And I stream once or twice a year on Twitch at Parra Boy on there too. Thank you.

Wonderful. And Peter, where are we? We are together at Team Triple Jump on YouTube and Twitch, putting out lots of content, streams, videos and things, but you can also get us on Twitter at That Peter Austin and at Confused underscore Dude. I'm also on Instagram, but I only post every so often. Go check it out. Go check it out.

Why not leave us an iTunes review or a five-star rating on your platform of choice? It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. We'd really, really appreciate it. Do we have a final question before we disappear this week? How many dicks could fish inside you? Yeah, there we go. Be precise as well. Yes.

Yeah, remember it's 5.1 inches, average dick. Yeah, how many dicks could put in you? Well, it's nice. Wonderful. Take care of yourselves, everybody. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Bye.

Thank you.