Podiots - Podiots: Episode 111 - Intruder

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

Mikey's invading royal bedrooms, Peter's barred from a McDonald's, and Ben had a fun night in Leeds Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Guys, I've got a little update about a beloved member of the VCU. Oh, no. It was a very, it was nearly a tragic accident. Well, there was a tragic accident, but they're okay. Okay. I didn't throw them again, did I?

You may have, Ben, you may have clocked this on our office chat, Although you were off that day, but I did message everyone just to let them know why I was running late into work. So I was walking down from the metro. I was nearly at the office. And just on the road ahead of me, in front of the biscuit factory, for those who know the Newcastle area, there were three seagulls. Standing around on the road, I don't know if they're eating something, chips, Dave Benson's chips or something like that. And suddenly, all three of them took off into the sky. and they were sort of being a bit snappy with each other

and the one at the back which seemed a bit younger but definitely a psycho so I think we all know who it was was so distracted by sort of mid-air pecking that was going on between the two that it went straight into a lamp post about 12 feet off the ground

there was like a comedy let me see hang on if I've got I've got some props proper comedy bonk sound like this and oh wow I really piqued my microphone there Discord didn't let us hear that I'm sure Discord won't have yeah no apologies listeners at home that was a noise yeah

and dropped out the sky and landed unconscious on the pavement and I thought it was dead I was like oh my Christ so and no one else was around I just watched it literally like slapstick its way into a lamp post and I stood there for a while

and I was like, what do I do? Is it dead? Is it alive? I noticed a tiny bit of movement but it was literally just lying on the pavement with its eyes shut. I was like, okay, it's not dead. So then I started like Googling around like who do I ring at this point?

Is there some sort of animal like a wildlife rescue or do I ring the vets? And I found like a website for wildlife rescue and they were like, ring the vets first because they will refer you

to us. I was like, okay. Why, that makes any sense. By the time I even, like, found a number for a nearby vet, Psycho Seagull had woken up, was sitting with his eyes open. Various people were walking past me. Someone nearly stepped on him because they were walking along with

their head in their phone. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, mate, there's a seagull on the pavement. And eventually, he just stood up and flew away, and he seemed to be okay. But, you know, what? What's what you get for vomiting on the car or for beloved children's TV presenter? It is worse, really.

It's a testament to your character, Peter, that you sat by and helped this eagle that had done atrocities in the past. Yeah. You stood up to the job. Well, I got to the office several minutes late for work, and as I was going in, big boss man, Adam Pachito was walking through the same door. And I thought, oh, you know, he's seen me running late now. I just let him.

I'll send him a message because he went into a different. room and I went upstairs to my desk. I was like, I just messaged him to let me know what I, uh, what I've just seen. I said, it's a bit of a strange reason to be late, but just so you know, I watched a seagull fly into a lamppost. And he just put, not to discredit the man, but he just put, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

I didn't give it a second thought. Um, so he was clearly very, very amused by my, um, my reason for being late. It's a good excuse to pull out the hat. Sorry, I saw a seagull bonk itself. I did think like this is so absurd that it. must be true. Like, no one's going to think, you know, some people say, oh, I'm stuck in traffic or whatever,

but no one would make up the fact that they've watched a Seagull crash into a streetlight and drop out of the sky. You can't use this one again, though, now. I can't, no, but everyone else listening can. Yeah, it's true. It's true. If you'd have found him and you were sort of running very early for work and you still managed to get in on time, you could have banked that for a day, maybe taking a cheeky photo.

That's the thing as well. to do that. I sat down at my desk and I was like, and people were asking me because I've messaged everyone and they were like, oh, so what happened and I was like, do you know what? I didn't take a photo of the prone seagull and I don't know why. It's the digital age.

Why am I not? Yeah, you saw. Everything. The reflex. It's content. Yeah. Hashtag content. Stephen Sorgle, the new cast member. Oh. It's horrible being in that situation with an injured animal.

It's like, now you're responsible. You feel like I can't leave this thing here So it's like great, what do I do? That's what I thought As time was ticking on I was like, I'm getting later and later for work Is this a good excuse or not like Even if they believe me

If I get in and say this is why Well they go well you should have been in Like you should have left it But no everyone was very sympathetic Apart from Alibuciti Known Hater of Seagulls Clearly we learned a lot about him today Musted

Monster Hello everybody and welcome to pottyets, the official vidiates podcast, it's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us where everybody brings a thing along to talk about I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Good evening gentlemen. Nice to convene once again. Yes, precisely, as we do every fortnight. It's episode 111, which might have some significance.

I'm just Googling 1-1-1-1-angel number now to see if it means anything. Angel number. It's a non-emergency number, right? New opportunities are on the way. This is the start of a new beginning. Is this some sort of numerical horoscope that I've just totally passed me by? Angel numbers. I found out about them recently. It's just like lucky numbers or numbers that signify something.

I'm going to send over a handy chart of angel numbers. Oh, it's like all triple of the same digit. That's what an angel number is. Reflect. It's time to wake up to your higher spiritual truth. Nothing to do with the devil. No, no. 999 is nothing to do with emergency numbers.

No, boo. 555, nothing to do with fictional American phone numbers used in films. to stop people ringing actual people. Is that right? Yeah. Is that like a stunt number? Most, like, phone numbers in American movies and stuff begin with 555 and no such number exists in America and it's done on purpose. Because there used to be an issue in the sort of early days of TV and film where people were getting harassment phone calls.

That's incredible. Yeah. Wow. We learn everything every day. What? That's the phrase, isn't it? We learn everything every day all at once Well, this is the comedy podcast that we do

I don't know if you work that out If you're listening to this But this is our comedy podcast Well, you know, it's a it's a podcast And we do it every fortnight And it's about farts normally Fun, yeah, yeah And today, so far, we've had

Near Penguin, penguin, oh my God, I think I'm having a stroke penguin seagulls that's what they're called death experiences I'm coming off the back of an illness and my brain

is a fucking sieve right now I was trying to hold a conversation with Kieran who Peter and I work with on the way home

and I kept reaching for words and just not being able to get them and I hate it it makes me feel so stupid yeah

I didn't even get the right fucking bird there and I couldn't say it either penguin penguin

ping wing ping What is that? A toddler's approximation of the word. Yeah, penguins. I feel like a fucking moron. Anyway, what I was eventually trying to get into here was that you can support this show financially if you want.

You don't have to. We really appreciate it if you do. And if you do go to streamlabs.com forward slash potty, it's donations and donate three pounds or more. You get a shout out at the beginning in the end of the show and you join Pod Squad. And Mikey's got the first batch right now. A quick notice before we get in.

The URL is indeed Podiot's donations, not Vidiot's official. Some people still send it to the wrong one, and it confuses us for weeks, trying to chase it down. Thank you. I don't know we've ever promoted that as the donation link. What are you guys doing? Some sneaky boys and girls around. Come on, guys. We begin with the generous Liam.

They say, hey boys, I wanted to say thanks for everything you do, be it here or over on triple jump. I lost my dog, Jethro on November 5th, and the content you make has helped. He listened slash watched your work with me and was there for all of idiots. Oh, rest easy, Jethro, love you. Oh, Liam, sorry to hear that. Yeah, sorry, Liam. Thank you for your contribution, many thanks.

We begin, we continue, sorry. Pet Shop Man, Bar Tech, Stop Sending Fart, NFT. Oh, God. Specky Becky, Donak, 07, Mr. Black. Your next Prime Minister, have a yoghurt, Fred. Are Ben and T.P. still friends? And Lord Brotovic but called. Are Ben and T.P. still friends? Is that a serious question? It's because we fell out last time, didn't we?

The last episode, remember? No, I don't. Oh, yeah. Clearly, it just wasn't that important to you. Seems we don't like each other. Yeah. Happened so often that I just, you know, I didn't even encode it to my memory. What did you get up to on Halloween, Ben? No, you can't fucking ask me that. It's still too soon. Ask me next year.

It hurts me as well, Ben. I don't care. We've also got Stephen Skodes, 420 Happy Birthday Hitler. Ben, what did you do for Halloween? Peter, you don't stop. You've got to stop asking. Prince Beef Cakes, brought to you by Slack, who was very generous and said, With Slack, you can bring all your people and tools in one place. It's your digital HQ.

where you can increase productivity, enable flexibility, and automate workflows. Plus, Slack is full of game-changing features like huddles for quick check-ins and... That's where it ends. Brilliant. Thank you, Slack. Thanks, Slack. Pin Pistam, Phantom Fartre, greedy goo gobbler, and clit and Dom. Oh, no.

Oh, no. We also have Mr. Macca, a pocket full of wicks. Liz Trusses GoFund Me Jimmy and Jay Puso Asat Grace Jess Hughes and Moose Hannah Banana Revenge

or Hannah Banana or Hanna Banana I know how you want me to pronounce that Revenge Yeah they made Scooby-Doo didn't they Hannah Banana Well yeah and then we've also got Hanna Banana who also does And shit sock for wanking Thank you everybody

Wow that's a really clear one your pod squad for this week streamlabs.com forward slash potty it's donations three pounds or more to join pod squad get a shout at the beginning and the end of the show and support us support the things that you and enjoy that you enjoy thank you very much

we appreciate you do you guys have a favourite other ladies Mikey it's got to be shit sock for wanking that's that just seems so I guess should have been done before but hasn't it's truly revolutionary I quite like Liz Trusses GoFund me

yeah since the last podcast we now have any Prime Minister, right? I don't think Rishi was in previously. Yeah. God. I think we've got a whole new one. Completely forgot about this at this point, to be fair. Yeah, me too. I quite like, brought to you by Slack. I enjoy that. Yeah, that was good.

Sick of hearing that advert everywhere else. So thanks for bringing it here to us safe space. Oh, is that from an advert? Yeah. I think, yeah, that's, I just want to hear a lot on other podcasts. It's... Oh, no. Oh, blimey. I didn't even realize. Who listens to that, and thinks,

Yeah, I'm going to download Slack. I'm going to really revolutionize my way of working. So efficient. I really want to automate my workflows. Yeah. For quick seconds and. It's stupid because it says it's full of game-changing features like huddles, but doesn't talk up the fact that you can post GIFs.

That is the most fun piece feature. I use that. Well, fantastic. I've got some questions here. Brilliant. Which we will, of course, punctuate with our things. And that's not a double n-tendr. Who would like a question?

Me, me. Yes, please. This is from Paul at Paul Zaremba 16 on Twitter. Is there a show or movie you remember loving, in all caps, as a child, that you went back to watch as a grown-up and realised that it maybe possibly could be a bit plops. Mine was Batman Forever, but it got me into superheroes and that's how I choose to remember it. Kay, Love You Bye. Yeah, see, I used to really like Batman Forever. I've always known that Batman and Robin was kind of rubbish.

I never really liked it to begin with. But Batman Forever, which was still very kind of campy and silly, but not quite as bad as Batman and Robin. I did like that. I don't know, though. Do I actually think it's bad now? I think I still like it for what it is. I accept that it's silly.

But, yeah, I mean, it's got Jim Carrey in it, hasn't it? and he's just Jim Carrey. So, yeah, maybe I don't know if that counts for me or not. Yeah, God. That's the one with Mr. Freeze as well, right? No, that's Batman and Robin has Mr. Freeze. Oh, is it? Oh, man.

Yeah, so Batman Forever is Two-Face and the Riddler. Batman and Robin. Oh. It was the kind of infamous one with bat nipples with... Fat Nipples, the bad credit card. Yeah. Yeah, the bat credit card. What killed the dinosaurs?

The Ice Age. Yeah, did you not know this, Mikey? At one point, there's just this random bit where I don't even know what the line is, but there's like a strange gag, and Batman says like, oh, he's basically saying that he'll pay for something, and he pulls out his bat card, and it's just this little credit card with a bat symbol on it. It's really weird. Here you go, Mikey, I've got a photo for you there. Don't forget they grab the receipt so I can, wow, he can get off his taxes.

That's product placement, isn't it? Holy hell. Goth card. Okay, maybe not. it's a real it's a real god they never

they never utilize that branding enough across the entire like Batman universe like goth in Gotham and gothing things that's great

goth bus or goat card as it is actually pronounced based on the foolish village goat goat ham ha goat ham I'll tell you

I'll tell you a a film from that sort of era that I really enjoyed as a kid and I now accept it for what it is, which is bad. Is it 1999? 1998 Godzilla? Oh, yeah.

The guy voiced Simba. Simba. I can't remember what he's called, but I had a bedspread with that Godzilla movie on it. Did you? It was a very good movie for kids, but not a good movie for anyone else. It's still got a good movie.

got some like fun silly chaos but there's also a lot of just ridiculous you know eye rolling like you can't just laugh along it's like oh no yeah so that's that would be mine i'll look at the name of that guy because it'll bother me otherwise i i went back to mr bean earlier this year i didn't quite hit the same way i was quite sad to to realize i know if that's i mean i don't think that's a reflection on bean that's a reflection on me growing older and my sensibility's changing i had like a week where i had like a bean athon where i watched the new man versus b thing which was fine it's a bean athon it is bean time yes and then i went through some of the old uh tv episodes and then i watched like actually know i watched all of mr bean's holiday

mr bean's holiday was still fun but it didn't quite evoke the same is that the one in france is that the one where he goes to France yeah yeah it's cute it's fun it just it just didn't have the same sparkle as it once did maybe I've heightened the bean too much in my own head you'll never deliver again for me the movies don't stand up as well

they're all right kind of in and of themselves but as as Mr Bean content it's kind of like this could almost be any character well any sort of clowny character but um I quite what I like about Mr Bean is just the kind of 90s Britishness about it so I still really enjoy the TV show

but just it almost in a nostalgic kind of way oh my god you found a bean card have you have you guys watched man versus B yet? No yeah yeah yeah have you yeah yeah it's part of his bean athon yeah was it part of your bean athon

yeah I quite enjoyed it sorry sorry I completely missed that I thought you were just watching Mr Bean I didn't think you watching all Rowan Atkins and stuff. He's in the big, he's being adjacent in that. It's very much the same. Was it good? I quite enjoyed it for what it is.

It's, yeah, it's a very fun little thing. Just don't go into expecting if you have your life changed and you'll enjoy it. It's quite good. It's weird because the format of it is it was definitely designed to be a movie and then they split it up into a TV show. So episodes just abruptly end and cut to credits. It's great. oh man

that's really strange I wonder why they did that isn't it 10 episodes yeah that's a lot of episodes with a very simple concept I recommend trying it but now I've said that

you probably is going to be like oh yeah that's it it's just like here's a bit cut to credits and that's it welcome to Bean reviews of Mikey I'm just looking at that image

that you posted Ben of Mr Bean the Mr Bean credit card and the name is Mr. Bean on it reminds me that did you know that his name his first name canonically is mr because in one of the movies he gets his passport out at the airport and under first name it literally says mr so that is officially what his

first name is which is a strange bit of being trivia I love it mr mr bean yes fantastic I'm just looking through Google images at this this man's incredible rubber face. Maybe I've been too harsh on the bean. It's, it's a, oh, no, yeah, he's a beautiful man. He is. Some of the episodes don't, don't hold up. They're a bit like long and drawn out. I don't really like the laundret one and the church one, but some of them are great. I can't say I've seen many full episodes of Mr. Bean. Early, early, early, early Bean's really funny because it just just England looks so grim and horrible in it it's great just gray concrete and yeah people still have slightly weird haircuts and wearing quite loud

jumpers sort of the middle of the 90s a few 80s hangups hangers on I've just found a I just found an article from vice this guy's getting millions of views for impersonating Mr Bean and he doesn't look anything like him at all at all let me send you a couple of photos i think i've just told to this person apparently this guy's making something of a living off impersonating mr bean oh my god he doesn't look anything like him at all no he doesn't he's not even wearing the suit properly who is this man he's just sort of pulling the same face even the teddy's not right you could easily buy a vaguely accurate teddy but he's got a little Like whitey kind of

coloured one Cream coloured Mr Bean More like Mr. Has Bean Oh Oh Very good It is not Bean time

With this man Growing up as a shy child In Mumbai Jatin Tanvi found solace by watching videos of Mr Bean Tanvi now 22 Is popularly known

as Junior Mr Bean From his videos on YouTube Where he has 425,000 subscribers and on Instagram where he has more than 360,000 followers. His hilarious videos in which he emulates Mr. Bean have racked up millions of views.

There he is. See, that's a much better out there. That's almost a Michael Johnson era. Yeah, clearly he's been doing this for a while. He's a young boy in that one. He's like a six, seven-year-old child in the brown suit and everything. He looks the part there. It's not even a link to his YouTube in here.

I've got it. I've got name i could find it have you got it i pop it here for later jrne mr bean and ben did you say which uh tv shore movie no i can't remember the question now there's a video that's called happy devali junior mr bean he seems to upload a bean video every week yeah thereabouts weekly bean yeah bean versus b my goodness i am watching one to be fairs, mannerisms are pretty good. Are they? They haven't got a lot of views.

He's making millions, Ben. He's making millions every year impersonating Mr. Bean. He does have 660,000 subscribers, which does make me feel a little bit sick. Yeah, I'm trying to find one that...

Are they all Bean impersonations? Can I just click on any one of them? Yeah, they're all been... Shall I shoot an email? A collab? Can I start a Bean Squad? Shall I shoot him in a... Does he do any...

voices in the bean videos that you guys are watching right now no I just like the true bean he's a mute oh I've found one that just immediately from the beginning he sort of does the voice and then he kind of screws up his face in a mr. bean laugh okay you must watch the first ten seconds No! No! That's the most of it. Oh, Ben.

Oh, baby. Oh, Teddy. No words. Was just awesome. A waiting for Junior Mr. Bean to be back. Hard. Oh, God. I love it.

He's my new favorite YouTuber. Oh, God. I don't. I want to email him, but I don't know what to say. Yeah, what would you even propose? to him. I don't know. Like, I don't think that's, oh my God, have you seen the header image of his YouTube channel? Oh, it's beautiful.

Hang on, let me see. Maybe we could. Oh, yeah. I just scrolled up and it just slowly revealed itself. It was, I could ask him for, like, a custom biddyots idents where, like, he's sticking letters to a wall that that's about bidiots, and then the V drops and so, oh, no, it says idiots. Oh, oh. I could, I could send him an email, yeah, and just say, hey, could, how much for,

like a personal video big fans yeah just i'm junior mr bean and i watch i listen to poddiots or that's all i don't want much no but that i want a cameo from junior mr bans that's all i want for christmas this year that's all i want i don't think it's my junior mr bean for prime minister that's what i say yes i agree that was a rich vein that we struck upon that's nice I'm going to have to sadly choose a movie that I often cite as one of my favorite films. That being Hotwood, because I rewatched it earlier this year, and I just didn't find it funny at all. And it'll be on the courts, it's empty. Well, yeah.

And even the quote bits, they don't hit like they used to. They just find it kind of annoying. I don't know what happened. I turned 30. Maybe that was it. I'm not sure. but I didn't last time I watched it probably would have been last year and I enjoyed it well enough but then I watched it this year and I just

I was showing it to someone new and I was like I love this movie oh no and I just felt kind of embarrassed the whole way through like oh oh no this is kind of shit actually isn't it did you just did you sit and watch the whole thing or did you tap out oh yeah I watched I watched the whole thing just standby suggestion yeah I didn't enjoy that like I thought I would and now I yeah now I don't really I don't really like it anymore It's not from childhood. It's sort of a teenage movie, but still. Yeah.

That's a shame. I don't like it. I think I did the same thing last year. I watched Hot Rod, and I got like half an hour in. I was like, I can't do this. I dare. I used to love that movie. Oh, I don't think I've ever seen it.

Well, don't watch it. Shit. Okay. Or maybe watch it. Maybe you'll love it. It's fucking rubbish. Yeah, you could love it. I would be absolutely shocked if Peter comes back next episode and said,

fucking love Hot Rod. It's so funny. I've got too much of the junior Mr. Bean back. Well, that is true. That is true. You've got years worth of junior Mr. Bean to watch.

Yeah. So you need to get on that. Who out of you two would like to do a thing? I would like to do my thong if you don't mind. Go on then.

So recently I've, this is a weird rabbit hole to start on, but it moves on quickly. But I've been interested in penetration testing and physical penetration testing. Whoa, God.

I'm so glad you, Whoa, wow, count out, lads, lads. Sorry, sorry. So pen testing, and usually in software land is like, you hire people that try and break into your systems or whatever to see if it's hackable and then give suggestions how to fix it. And physical pen testing is where you try to break into buildings or safes or devices. This is like a whole job that people have where their whole job is,

can you break into my building for me? You might get a rest in the process, but it'll be fine. And in that vein, I found a piece of unintentional, unintentional physical penetration testing that happened at Buckingham Palace one day. So, Buckingham Palace is no stranger to visitors. Thousands of people walk the halls of the royal residence every year for state events, receptions and tours, not to mention the veritable army of staff that keeps the palace running, and of course, the royal family themselves.

Uninvited visitors, though, that's another matter altogether. Breaking into the home of the British monarch, let alone her majesty's bedroom while she sleeps should be no mean feat, which is why when a man managed to do just that with relatively little effort in 1982, it kicked off one of the biggest security scandals in British history. This is the story of Michael Fagan and how you go about being listed on Wikipedia as an intruder. Wow. If you Google Michael Fagan, you'll just see his Wikipedia.

is in brackets intruder which I think is a pretty of all the ones I've seen that's a good and Michael Fagin known intruder so according to the police shortly before 7 a.m. on the morning of July 9th, 1982 Fagan scaled his way into royal history as after a night of drinking he climbed over the fence of Buckingham Palace and made his way up a drain pipe and onto the roof. so I mean I assume you've both seen it in person but it's pretty heavily guarded there's a big fence

and there's regularly roaming patrols of security personnel I mean at least now maybe it was different in the 80s but this man found he's just walking past clocked this drain pipe and he thought I'm going to try and climb into that

and he did and he succeeded in the process he removed his socks and shoes which he later told the independent that they were returned to him two years later by the palace staff who found them up there. And through this drain pipe, he entered into the royal residence through an unlocked window. From there, he spent some time wandering through the palace, including twice triggering the alarm system while he perused King George V's stamp collection.

Evidently, assuming the alerts were a glitch, the police on watch turned the alarms back off. Wow. Brilliant. He's just stunning. What's that? We've got a break in in the one of the most protected places on earth. Well, must be a form. Let's turn it off. Must have been the wind, yeah.

Weird. No one never breaks into here. Let's turn that off. Likewise, in a plan for his eventual exit, the sun, that he broke one of the palace ashtrays to get a piece of glass to use to cut through pigeon netting on the roof and accidentally cutting himself in the process. So at this point, he's shoeless and armed with a piece of

glass, which is quite the scene. Ultimately. Just the kind of man you want to be in the bedroom of the queen. Ultimately, Fagin made his way into the residential wing of the palace and, apparently unwittingly, to the bedroom of none other than the queen. They say it must have been frightened. I didn't frighten her too much, but I was quite shocked, he told of the moment he pulled back the bed curtains to discover Queen Elizabeth asleep in her bed It's not bonkers

She used a phone on the bedside table To call security But when nobody came She got out of bed And she said Just one minute I'll get someone And ran out of the room

Her little bare feet Running across the floor Jesus Oh bloody hell So yeah I mean imagine getting that close to the queen That's nuts I mean rest in peace

God rest of the soul. This is in memoriam. But, God. RIPR.A.B. Shortly, footman, Paul Weibrew was summoned, who then escorted Fagan across the corridor to the Queen's pantry. And he said,

The man seemed very tense. And I asked, would you like a drink? Immediately he became more affable and replied, yes, please. I'll have a scotch. It's quite the nice detainment, if you can ask me. Yeah, how was he not shot?

it's a different time he was arrested shortly after. Over the years, Fagan has given various accounts of his reasons for breaking into the palace that morning. According to a story from The Guardian, following the incident, he initially told the police that he broke in to see the Queen because he was in love with her. But on other occasions, he suggested that he thought the Queen might be able to help him in some way, per the Sun.

As he told, I said that to the Sun, or as he told the Independent, the decision was fuelled by a prolonged reaction to taking hallucogenic mushrooms several months before. Right. Wow. But regardless of his motivation, Fagan may have taken his courage that night from a previous success.

After all, July 9th, 1982, wasn't the first time he illegally entered fucking... He's an intruder. He's an intruder. It says it right next to his name. He's done it before. He didn't let me again. So, yeah, it wasn't a one-time thing.

This was his second time getting in. into the fucking palace. Several weeks before, Fagin was arrested at the royal residence, he actually broke into the palace using a similar method. On that occasion, according to the Guardian, slipped in through the window of the room

of one of the royal housemaids, Sarah Carter. He was actually in her room reading at the time. Startled, Carter ran to fetch help, but by the time she returned, Fagan had moved on to another part of the palace, and security believed that she had just imagined the incident. Oh my God.

Whose footprints are these? Must have been the wind. Just your imagination. Someone prely, really. Imagine. You see someone break into the palace. You tell security and it's like, ah, you're making this off.

Get back to it. You're hysterical woman. Terrible. Couldn't possibly be an in. Slap around the face. I walked straight in. I was surprised I wasn't captured straight away. He told the court at a related hearing for burglary.

in 1982, I knew I could break the security system because it was so weak. See, yeah, that, just this man, Jesus, in a 2012 interview with the Independent, he said that while he was exploring the palace, he tried out several of the thrones, and ultimately decided to leave after no one came to find him. He's just plodding around, looking around, like sitting on all the fancy chairs, having a great time, waiting for someone to come just flew in, buzzed around a bit, and flew out again banged on the window a few times trying to get out and then he got out yeah it was harder to get out than in i eventually found a door and walked out into the back gardens climbed over the wall and

walked down the mall looking back and thinking ooh he told the independent i hadn't thought about going in there until the last second when it came into my head to do it so i was shocked um yeah so you just kind of realized what he'd done and was like shit i got with that scot-free god so um yeah At the end of this, Fagan wasn't charged with the trespass at Buckingham Palace in July of 1982 because under British law, it is considered a civil off, not a crime, and would therefore require the Queen to personally press charges against the man. So she decided to leave him off, let him off for that one. However, in September of 1982, he was charged with stealing a bottle of Prince Charles's wine

from among a collection of gifts sent by the public in anticipation of the birth of Prince William. Fagan himself admitted drinking the wine while in Charles's staff's office saying on the stand I was waiting to be captured I drank it because I was waiting for someone to come just held himself to a bottle in a throne sat there drinking having a great time After consuming about half the bottle he told the court he got tired of waiting and decided to leave The jury deliberated on the case for 14 minutes before quitting Fagan Can we change his Wikipedia article title? intruder from brackets and just put

fucking boss man because he sat up with him drinking wine that's amazing in the first time he was just looking through his stamp collection it's very sweet yeah there you go that's the story of Michael

Fagan I think it's very very fun that someone got that close to the queen I've never heard that before yeah it's I was aware that I'd heard I knew vaguely that someone once got into the Queen's bedroom but I didn't know that it was as strange as that. I thought it was like a, you know, a kind of dramatic security incident and, you know,

people had probably rushed in and, but that sounds casual as hell. It's like something from a rolled doll. Yeah. Like a little child just wandering around the palace. I saw the corgis. They were very sweet. Yeah. Yeah, I do. There's an interview with him, God, I think, 1993. It's like a 20 minute interview just with him talking through. It's very interesting. It goes into more detail than I've been able to cover here. It's a very interesting British oddity. Wow. Thank you, Mikey.

You're welcome. It's sightful. Got another question here. This is from Callum John Montague at Random Hero Zero on Twitter. Breakfast battle. What is the king of breakfast, space, the letter S, question mark? Oh. Hmm.

Jeez, that's a big question. What's your favorite breakfast? Peter Austin. I mean, I would never dream of having it on a regular basis because you die, but I would quite, I'm very... Glass. Yeah, but I'm very partial to, like, when I'm away in a hotel, I love me some cooked buffet, bottomless bacon and sausage and toast and scrambled egg and I'll even go in for black pudding just because it's there. Like, I would never, never, ever buy it for myself, for my house. But if it's there on the, on the buffet, I'll grab myself a little slice of just pig's blood.

Yum, yum. Breakfast buffet has always been off-putting to me. There's something about collections of meat sat under a hot bulb in a metal tin for a couple of hours. I mean, the meat's probably fun. It's the eggs that creep me out there since breakfast opened at 6 a.m. Yeah. I'm going to right away say screw sweet breakfasts like pancakes waffles and all that that can absolutely get in the bin I don't want dessert for breakfast thank you

no it's got to be savory going to America as a kid like we like I remember going to Florida and one morning went to I hop and I just ate so many pancakes that it ruined the rest of the day for me it was terrible it was just like it was like buffet for like ten dollars I'm going to eat like 15 pancakes trying to stop me and they just ruined me. So I've swore them off since then. I can't do responsible sweet breakfast. So I'll have none at all. Avocado on toast, I'm going to say, because I'm rarely hungry at breakfast time. And that's like if I need something with a bit more sustenance, that's the quick and easy and tasty, tasty option. A bit of hot sauce on it. Bam. Job so good in. Oh, to be honest, I've never actually had a sweet

breakfast. But the idea puts me off. I don't want it. And I do very much enjoy the bottomless meat fest in hotels. There's something very alluring about that. But the problem is, if I'm staying in a hotel and I have access to the bottomless meat fest, I'm usually doing something important that day. And I cannot take advantage of the bottomless meat fest as I would like to, which is to eat so much that I am sick and I don't go anywhere or do anything. Got the meat sweats.

Well, exactly, yeah, I just don't, I want to feel dramatically uncomfortable, really, or drastically uncomfortable, I should say. So I suppose, I mean, I don't eat breakfast most days, but you can't go wrong with the full English. That's really, really nice. I suppose a sweet breakfast that I do like is breakfast cereal, but I don't have that very often because I find it as an adult. If I get nice breakfast cereal, I just want to eat all of it at once. I don't want to have a bowl and then come back the next day. I don't have the self-restraint for that. No, when we buy granulah, I'll be having like handfuls throughout the day.

I just want to consume it all. You know, get a bottle, a box of wetos, you know? Oh. I can slam a box of weitos or cocoa snaps. Oh, man, I really want some cereal now. I have cereal because of the reason you're describing now, but... Wait, yeah, that's it. That's it.

I can't help myself. I have to eat it all, so I don't do those. But it's definitely savory breakfast, for sure. It's got to have hash browns. It's got to have meat, pork cylinders. Oof as well, a little bit of oof on there. I don't like black pudding. Mushrooms, like mushrooms.

And, yeah, a bit of toast with butter in it. Bag. You saw you right out of that. Toast and butter is not. But yeah, that's a rarity. Yeah, it's a big treat. But that's my choice. Nice.

Good choice. Good solid choice. Delicious. Okay, flights on Air Canada. Oh, wow. Mayorka, that's new. Oh, nice. But Vienna is a classic Mozart, palaces and schnitzel.

Now you're cooking. If you're hungry, deli brings the heat. Heat. Cartagena's got sun and the sea to cool off. So does Martinique. And that French cuisine? Book it. Yes, chef.

Wait, what about Lyon? Choose from our world of destinations if you can. Air Canada. Nice travels. Maybe it's Mabelene is such an eye. iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with

all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Peter. Yeah.

thing. I've got a thing. So this is just a strange, a couple of things happened to me in series recently over the past fortnight. It was just odd that they took place at the same location. So I've had a bit of a run-in with a certain McDonald's at a service station on the A-1. So on two occasions in the past, two or three weeks I've been down to see my parents once because I was just having the weekend at my parents place and last weekend I went down sort of on route to see some friends in Solford so it was on the way and we stopped the night because otherwise it's like a three and a half hour drive or something or three hour drive so we're like oh we'll we'll stay there so we're going

down the A1 and this is the first time we were like hmm it's late we waited until after the rush hour had gone it was a Friday night and we'd not had our dindins so we're like, do you know what, let's get a cheeky little McDonald's drive-thru. So we thought, yeah, all right then. Let's be naughty. So we pulled off at a service station and we followed the route round to the drive-thru.

And when we got there, we thought, oh, it's a bit busy. There's quite a lot of people here. And we could, it was sort of open. It's not where you could, like, go around the building. Like, we could see the entire queue from where we were kind of across the car park. And there were a good, like, I don't know, 10 people there in this queue. We were like, okay, that's fine.

So we sat in this queue, and it was a bit slow to get moving. But eventually we made it up to the place where you make your order, talk to the person who says, and we chose what we wanted. And then we sat there for keeping in mind there were people behind us. So at that point we were committed, otherwise we would have left. we sat there for over an hour waiting yeah waiting to just get to the front of the queue

and the queue was just not moving and by the time we actually got there to the front they we pulled up to the window where you would pay and they just like took our order again because it had been that long that they didn't even have it anymore so they were like right what was it that you ordered so we just ordered it all again and paid the money

and then eventually we got to the next window and they handed it to us and we asked what the problem was and all they said was that there was an issue with their payment machine that was seemingly it but I don't understand why it took like 10 minutes per car

so that's all we had and we're like okay well that's really annoying but then we pulled up and ate at McDonald's and we felt a bit better about it so then we drove on I was like, okay, well, we'll just put that down to an annoying little thing that happened. Then, a week or so later, we were driving down again. And it was Friday night, and it was after our tea time, we'd not had our tea.

And we were like, do you know what? We could do with the McDonald's right now. And we did say, we were like, we will not be, you know, sitting in a queue for God knows how long if it's going to be a repeat issue. So, but that's like one of the earliest McDonald's we pass. So we thought better to go to that one. And if it's fine, get a McDonald's rather than say, oh, we'll go to like the one that's a lot closer to my parents' place

and then get there and find that it's closed or that that's really busy or whatever. So we'll go to this one and see what it's like. So we got there. And it was still a little bit busy, but we could see that the queue was moving. So we're like, okay. So we ordered our food. Took a bit longer than I would like, but it was fine. We got our food and we pulled up and we're sitting there eating it.

And we're like, okay, that's good. That's fine. But what we'd noticed was, as we pulled into the queue, there was a poster, just a bit of A4 paper, cellar taped to the order tannoy microphone machine thing. And it said, from 9.30 p.m., we will only be serving drinks due to, we're closing for a maintenance issue. Wow. Now, this was only like 9 o'clock or something, so we were like, okay, we're in, we'll get our food. And we did get our food, as I say. So then we pulled up.

And then 9 o'clock was approaching. Thank God. It was about 25 past 9. And this fucking giant, chunky Rolls Royce pulls into McDonald's car park at half past 9 at night almost. And behind it... Well, it could have been Ronald, we thought, he's here. So, and behind it, there were a couple of other, like, quite swanky-looking cars that were clearly kind of there with this Rolls-Royce.

The Rolls-Royce pulls up in the car park into a space, the fleet of shiny black cars stop around it, and then a bunch of blokes get out. Like, there's about four blokes in each of these black cars in smart suits, and the driver of one of them steps up to the Rolls-Royce and opens the door for the person who's inside there. So this is clearly some sort of entourage, right?

and this lady steps out from the back of it I think two women actually got out from the back and they walked into the McDonald's and we could see in the front seat there was a man in the passenger seat as well who was like fanning around with this very very expensive looking coat and the door opening man was sort of lingering by the passenger door because he knew

I must open the door for sir at some point but I have to wait until he's ready so he was desperately trying to like just watch his every movie and know the right moment to open the door. Anyway, eventually, there's a quick sort of signal, a quick glance from the very swanky-looking man in the front passenger seat, and his buddy opens the door for him,

lets him out, and he wanders into McDonald's. And then the doors just closed behind them, and they, like, put posters up, and it says, we're now only serving drinks. What the hell? And I was like, what is this? It was like some kind of private party. It's a private party.

If it had been a little, you know, a people carrier with like six kids in it that turned up and it was a private party at McDonald's. I might have understood. But it was this like the most expensive looking car and a fleet of bodyguards effectively all turned up. And they've like closed this McDonald's. to, I think maybe they weren't letting anyone into the actual main restaurant and they were still doing drive-through but only serving drinks. And we had to like, we had to get on, but we were just watching and we were like, oh my God, the cheeky, the cheeky bastards McDonald's, like,

because I don't know if I said to you that they said the reason they're serving drinks from 930 is because of a maintenance issue. They said they need to like upgrade something or other. We were like, they don't even have the gall to admit that they've taken some massive bribe effectively to close this McDonald's for Mr. Mr. Swankman. So we spent the next sort of half hour of our drive just grumbling to ourselves down the A1 talking about the McSpiracy about how this weird thing had gone on. I've just never seen anything like it.

Like I say, if it had been a group of kids during the day having a birthday party at McDonald's, it would have made all the sense in the world to me. but this was pitch black Durham Services and they closed it and said it was a maintenance issue but clearly there was something going on in there So that was a strange thing that happened to me

And I'll continue to go to the McDonald's just to provide more poddiots material I guess in future I'm a correspondent Yeah That's nice So I've never heard of that happening Would you've been happier if, like, rather than saying from 9.30, we'll only be drinks.

If you would be happy if they said on the piece of paper, we are closed for a private function. I think so. It seems less, like, it seems almost more nuts. I mean, it is more nuts. I would have liked them to be really, like, give it unnecessary detail. Like, from 9.30, we'll only be serving drinks from drive-thru because we're closing our restaurant, because a really wealthy man is coming in his Mercedes or whatever it was,

Rolls-Royce, with his bodyguards full stop. sorry for the inconvenience. I'd respect that. That man just woke up that morning and realized I've got all this money. I could buy out of McDonald's for the evening and he did it. I'm proud of him.

It was like a scale model of Elon Musk and Twitter. That's what it felt like. And this is just a McDonald's on the A1, right? I had a service station. Yeah. That's so... Yeah. Down Durham...

On Durham service station. So weird. God. Yeah. So bizarre. And as soon as we started driving, Amy was like, well that's one for Polly is

I was like I really want to do some digging on this and see if there's like there was like abandoned tour on to well no because it's in the middle of nowhere what the hell I mean it just looked like he was like well into his 30s maybe approaching

40 I don't think it was a kind of a young I think it was just a very wealthy like local professional man I wonder if he does this regularly God, stick out the place and see if it's a regular thing. How bizarre.

Wow. Thank you, Peter. Thank you, Peter. You're welcome. I know we've got a question coming up, but I've heard that you've got some kind of story to tell as well. That's all I know. Kieran nearly told me your story.

And then he said, oh, no, no, no. He said he's going to save it for poddi it. I was like, oh, okay. I don't even know what the subject is. I also have a story. It is true. But that wasn't going to be your thing Oh it is no it is my thing

Oh right But before we get to that We have a question here from Big Titty Jesus 42 On Twitter Okay So something has happened And your bodies are dead Your brains are okay

But everything else is kaput So to save your life They put your brain into anything you want And I mean anything And you live out The vest of your life As said thing What do you lads chose

So we're assuming this isn't like a custom build object this is just a pre-existing thing that they're implanting our brain into yes your consciousness is going into something what is it do we become an animate version of it so say you were to put it in I don't know like an action man does the action man then gain the ability to walk around and live a life or do you just sit there as an action man with a brain with a mind I like to think so

I like to think you can move around Okay yeah I'm desperately sure I remember the name Yeah I want to be a road sweeper That sounds like great fun Oh yeah Just going nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom Eating up the leaves

You can like Put my name on the side of it Call it Mikey McMichaelface It'll be great You'll love it My brain lives on But here I am Serving the community in physical form

And I've always wanted to drive one of those so why not go one better and become the road sweeper. Oh man, that's a, I mean, that's a fun one. I would like to be a helicopter. Oh, that's a good one, isn't it? Yeah. Rather than being stuck in like the ass end of skunk cleaning an industrial estate, you get to go anywhere.

You have to eat cigarette butts and leaves for the rest of your life. Delicious. Well, it's vegan, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. It's all frigging. Yeah, I get it off the street, so it's all kosher. I would be the Statue of Liberty I really messed up, didn't I?

I just sort of troll people maybe just sort of shout at people and shame them and maybe I wouldn't do that because they might pull me down but you know I would maybe just chat to all the tourists and you know there'd be always always something always be something for me to look at in New York it's that kind of place isn't it? I'd never get bored and I'd always be looked after because I'm an icon of American

It's true. The American dream. So they're always going to keep me freshly... Well, they didn't paint it green. I think it just went green. Yeah. They'll look after me. They'll make sure that I never rust.

It's true. You'll have dual American French citizenship as well. I will. And eventually, I'll make it to the planet of the eighth. I get to see all the monkeys. But you will get blown up. I will, yeah. So be ready for that.

That's true. I'll come and sweep up your room. You've been blown up. There you go. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. That's a beautiful sentiment, Mikey. That's very kind.

Thank you. Well, it's time for my thing. Okay. And it's a story that I am choosing to title Ben's disastrous Leads Adventure. Oh, no. So a couple of weekends ago, I was going to go and see a gig with my friend, Steph. And we were going to go and see Caroline Polichick, who some people will know. She does great pop music

It's very good I like it And before you go any further This is the step Who you were stuck in a car with For like three hours Yes absolutely So everything you do together

It all goes well It seems There seems to be something resembling a curse Yeah So it was coming up on the time It was coming up on the date of the gig And I realised

Oh I should probably Look into how I'm going to get down To go and see this gig And it started at like 7 p.m. on the Friday. So there's no way I can drive down there in time after work. So I thought, can I make this work? I want to go and see this gig. I want to hang out with Steph. So I booked a half day from work. And then I finished up at like 1pm and I drove down to Rotherham. And then we got, I was able to quickly go for a wee and get changed. And then

we got a taxi to the train station and then the train station to Leeds. So it's a lot of travel already to get there to see this gig. We arrive in Leeds and we queue up for a taxi to take us because I think Caroline was playing at the Students' Union, at Leeds University. So we queue up for this taxi. It takes a little while to get a taxi. The taxi then takes us about five minutes up the road and asks for directions several times. And then charges a seven quid.

Which was already like, that's not good. I don't know where we're going. And that's a lot of money. That's why I am giving you money to get me there. Thank you. But for a journey, we eventually walked back and it didn't take that long at all. So that was a complete pistake. We decided to pop into it like a really cool gaming bar called the pixel bar is what it's called.

They got lots of cool sort of themed cocktails, a bit like a bit like a. NQ64, Peter, that we went to the other week. So then we stumbled to the students' union and, or tried to find it, I should say. Leeds University campus is fucking massive. It's a city campus. Yeah. I know Leeds, but I don't know where the uni is. I can't say.

It's fucking everywhere, man. It's huge. Well, that'll be it. They've got their own Tesco. They've got multiple Tescoes. They've got a gym. There's at least two weather. spoons, there are supermarkets, there's a hospital on the campus. It's massive. And so we were

wandering around for about 40 minutes trying to find the students union. And we ask a couple of people for directions and they just sort of say, oh, it's over in that direction. There's a few maps on like little pedestals around and none of them are very helpful in finding where to go. Anyway, after about 45 minutes, we managed to find the students union. There's a man stood outside. because we're looking for people queuing up for this gig, right? Because that's probably the telltale sign of where it is. So we ask a doorman, we're here to see Caroline Polichick, is she playing tonight? And he's like, I don't know, I have no idea, but, you know, go on in.

So we walk into the Students' Union and it's full of very, very young people. And the Students' Union has seemingly a lot of stages and venues. So we start wandering through, like, okay, where? Where is Caroline? Where is she? I can't hear it. Caroline, please come back. Caroline, where are you?

Please. Yeah. So we go down and again, the students union's fucking massive. It's got a co-op built into it on like a basement level. It's weird. It's really strange.

It sounds like a service station for education. It does. It's got a dominoes in there. It was really weird. So we start wondering around. Then we see these two girls who seemingly are looking for something as well. We follow them down a flight of stairs to what appears to be some sort of stage.

It's behind like a door. So we open the door and there's people in there watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show. So it's not that. That is not Caroline. She's not in there. We then walk back up the stairs. We peer through to what appears to be a stage. Like we can see the stage, but it's empty and there's people working on it and, you know, all the lights are up and stuff.

Okay, that can't be in. So then we go up and open another door. And there's a group of young people that are all doing karaoke in this giant room. That'll be it. This isn't it. This is not it either. So we then stop who we think is a member of staff and say, we're here to see Caroline. Where's Caroline, please?

And she just said, without even stopping walking, she just goes, I'm not really sure. Like, she's disappearing around the corner. She's sort of like, I don't know. Steph then checks the ticket. And it's been delayed to February. Ah. No. That'll be why.

So the gig had been pushed to February. Steph was not notified. So even though it said on the digital ticket, on the website it was still listed as that date. Which was a source of great frustration, but also amusement. Because how badly could it go wrong, right? This badly. Or could it? Could it get worse?

Probably. So we decide to just walk to a weather spoons and get a drink. Oh, you didn't go at the karaoke or the Rocky Horror screening? We didn't or the Rocky Horror. We probably could have just wanted in, to be honest. We could have had a night out at Lee's Students' Union, but no, apparently not. So we get a drink at Spoons and then we go back to the station. We catch the last drunk train out of Leeds.

Oh, no. And this was a bad train. All the seats were taken, but we managed to get a couple. It was so loud, people were just sort of screaming at each other. Across from us, there was a loud man talking about central banking and phones tracking you. And there's this poor guy who sits next to him with his McDonald's who gets his ear talked off the entire journey. The man at one point drops his chips and the guy talking to him doesn't even stop. He just keeps going.

And he's got this really strong Yorkshire accent. So, Peter, I need you to read this for me, please. This is a rough, from what memory serves, this is roughly the kind of thing he was saying. That's the thing, right? They're always watching you wherever you go. Young people just don't care. They give up all their information because it's convenient.

You heard what they're doing in Europe, in China. In China, they've got this profile for every citizen and they know everything about you, everything. I tried to tell people about it, and they just don't care. Oh, well, I'm just going to go to sleep because tomorrow's another day. So it was like this for 20 minutes. This guy was just going on and on

and there were loads of drunk people on the train screaming at each other. At this point I was just thinking, fucking hell, I just, I'm so tired. I just want to go to go to sleep. So eventually he got off. And the train pretty much emptied out at one point. And a guy got on

and sat down directly behind us and he was watching a weird, inspirational TikTok and he watched it a couple of times and it was saying something like it was sort of like a boss bitch kind of thing like you know if you can't handle me at my such and such you don't deserve me at my something else and I was thinking why is he listened to this a few times and then seemingly I didn't want to turn around and look at him but seemingly he recorded his own version of that his own one but it was like aggressive and it was really weird and he said i can't remember specifically what he said but it was something like this

you got nothing you got no booty i'm a smack you up bitch you got nothing and then he just started making like weird mouth clicking noises what oh my gosh like over and over and over again and he did this a couple of times then a ticket lady came no no i can do it better i got this there's there's there's gold in this then a ticket lady comes up the train and uh she checks his ticket And he's like, oh, he doesn't even say I don't have a ticket. He just says, I'm getting off at such and such place. And he just pays for a ticket then and then gets off at the next stop. And I see him walk off still talking at his phone.

And that was really, that was weird. Yeah. Then, just as we're approaching the station we're getting off at, there's no one else in the carriage, a McDonald's ketchup packet that's sealed, like flies over our head and lands on the, like the baggage. rack above us and I'm I'm thinking oh fucking how what is this yeah these two young lads who can't have been older than like maybe 15 try to start a fight with us oh no really they come over

and like they clearly are just talking aggressively at us for no for no good reason get off the metro now they they ask me where I'm from and I just say Newcastle and And one of them, and bless him, you can tell he's not very clever, because his whole face lights up where clearly he's overheard this fucking, what he thinks is a killer joke. And he just says, my dad said that people from Newcastle shag sheep. Is that true? And you could see his face, like, process this like, oh, I can say the line.

Like, that's not. No, what are you talking? It's not even a Newcastle stereotype. Do you know what I mean? He's just heard it about some other. place and it's completely incorrect uh yeah so i was like okay then his mate comes over and he's holding an empty water bottle and he kneels on the seat in front he goes you want this i'm like no thanks and he very gently just sort of throws it at me just like it bounces off my chest and onto my lap and i'm just like

thanks okay so then we both stand up because we're about to get off and they just they just start going where you're going where you're going you're not allowed off and then he starts patting my pockets and got anything for me? You got anything for me? And I'm, and I'm just, I'm really trying to remain calm. Yeah. And I'm just saying, stop, stop it. But it's, oh, it's pissing me off.

And I don't, like, I don't want to fight anyone at any time, right? But I just, like, after that day, I was like, can you just do this to anyone else? So the doors, thankfully, open. I say, have a lovely night. and then we get off they don't do anything it's pretty clear to me that they're basically

sort of yappy dogs where they're just sort of testing limits they're not really going to do anything they're just kids I'm not it's sort of like the fight fight or flight thing I did on the mountain I'm not really proud of what I did next

but I did turn around and I did smile at them and flip them off and then and then turn around and walk up the plan and they start going they don't get off the train they just start yelling

I can see the ticket lady a bit further up She's gotten off the train as well We walk up to her and just say You need to do something about those guys They tried to start a fight with us They were like pat in my pockets They're trying to get stuff out of my pockets She was like oh okay

And they're just poking their heads out Of the train further down And just yelling at us And not doing anything I'm like fucking hell So the train journey from hell is done We then call a taxi To go back to Steph's

So we can finally get some fucking sleep And we get in the taxi and the car we are behind going through the town suddenly is assaulted by about five undercover police cars They just swarm this vehicle, block up the entire road And it's just like, oh my Christ, please What next? Please.

So the taxi driver turns around And thankfully we get to avoid the undercover police raid and then go home, go there, sorry, get some fucking sleep. I get up the next day and drive back to Newcastle and I get my hair cut and I tell my barber slash life coach all about it. Yes, I know the man. He really put my mind at ease with Mikey. I'm going to need you to read this in a strong, Chaudy accent.

He really put my mind at ease with what he said because I was like, you know, I was really like, I didn't want to fight them, but like they were really, they were just trying to test me. And I didn't know what, like, I wanted to remain calm, but I also didn't want to remain calm. I'm kind of shaking a little bit now, talking about it, because the adrenaline's coming back, because it really fucking got to me.

Yeah. But this is what my, this is what my fucking barber had to say the next day. Okay. That's the thing about Chavs, though, in it? They're feisty. They're not nice people like you and me. They have no issue fighting dirty. So if you go to fight them and you take a swing or grab one,

you'll bite your ear off. you'll bite a chunk out your nose and he won't even care these lads right they're growing up on council estates and they've got knee options they're running from their dads who's trying to beat him it's a good thing you didn't fight back because they could have stabbed you with a knife or some scissors or some it oh dear so this is true i mean even putting aside the the fact that yeah maybe they could have stabbed you or you know all that aspect i've been in that position as well where kids are like pissing me off but they're acting they're not acting like kid they they think that they're the big man they think they're grown-ups and I sometimes forget that

no no Peter you're 30 now you can't just you know if I was like 16 and some 15 year old kids were having to go on the on the on the train I might I might like shove him in the shoulder or say get the fuck out of the way or piss off or you know like lose my temper but as a grown man you can't just like push kids who are under 18 or 16 or whatever so there's that whole other layer to it as well like never mind what they're going to do back to you just you just legally can't do it no there must be some kind of legal precedent for this because this happens a lot there must be kind of like there were being a shit defense where like yeah you let off with it's all right I find it very cathartic watching that the family guy episode where Peter beats up the child who's bullying him and also there's the

it's always sunny in Philadelphia episode where Mac and Charlie beat the crap out of those kids. But it was horrific. Like, I've never experienced anything like that. And it was highly unpleasant, and it just topped off just a fucking horrible night in Leeds. Yeah, that's, there's nothing worse. It couldn't have gone worse.

I don't know what's worse. A drunk train, actually, no, definitely football train is the worst train you can get in. Oh, yes. Because then it's a drunk train with added aggression of just men screaming. and shouting at each other, all drinking several cans of stellar all at once. Oh, God, Ben. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Hopefully you come out of it stronger.

You think next time you'll fight back and slap a child? I don't think I'll ever go to Leeds again. Sorry, Leeds. But also, public transport is terrible. And, yeah, like, honestly, I struggled to sleep that night because there was just too much adrenaline in the soul. I just couldn't. yeah it's like I'm I don't think about it as much now a week and a half removed but I I was like you know how you do you think in the shower about different things you could have said or done that that's basically what I what I was doing for a good few days afterwards like it was it properly affected me didn't did not enjoy it so yeah that was my horrific my big leads adventure never got to see Caroline and the date she has arranged for is a

date that I am not free. So I will never see Caroline. Well, you did say you don't want to go back to Leeds. True. Say, well, what about to see Caroline? Not even Caroline can make this happen. But there we are. That is my thing.

Thank you, Ben. Wow. I feel angry just listening to it. I think we all need to go hit the punch bag after this. Yeah. Go do some air punch, some punch dancing to get our rage out. Hell yeah. I have one final question for you.

This is from Victoria Mikoni, Michoni, one of the two, at Evil Blowfish on Twitter. What business would you buy for a crazy amount of money only to burn it to the ground? Good question. Ooh. Hmm. Oh, there's got to be, I feel like there's loads of businesses we're always complaining about and it would be nice just to buy them so that you can then make them crash and burn and never have to deal with them again.

Yeah. Parcel force. Yeah, Hermes. Have they rebranded? What are they called now? Every. Every, yeah. Burn it.

This is hard because it's like, do I want to crash and burn something I love? Or just, I mean, I'm going to, no, I'm going to buy pound land and actually, actually make everything one pound in there. And then as a result, just demolish our profit margin and bring it to an early end. yeah yeah that's the thing you could actually buy a company and not make it crash and burn maliciously but you could just say all right i'll buy harrods and make everything free and then it won't last long but just just do a musk think you know better and then yeah watch everything crumble before you it would be great yeah for the benefit of a few uh um customers until it then just crashes and yeah ben what would you do parcel for yeah i think i think i'd do a courier of some kind

Absolutely destroy them from within Would you like go on a rampage And like for like two weeks be the only driver And just kind of throw passes Of people's doors and Well I had a My phone that I've got now I had that delivered

And it was it was marked us out For delivery for most of the day I can't remember which courier it was But when I reached out and was like What's going on? Like it's not here They the guy just He didn't apologize

All he said was the man who was meant to deliver it has quit and has put all the parcels on the floor on the floor that's all i got okay and it did arrive the next day but yeah just the worst absolute worst i think my tactic for crashing and burning a delivery company would be to take selfies with everyone as proof of delivery and just like the person out the door looking confused in the dressing gown and be like hey it's an extra service that's really really thoughtful Thank you. Yeah.

Amazing. Well, I think we've done it, chaps. Another one in the bag. We've reached the end of triple one. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We're going to tell you various places on the internet you can find us. There's not a shop, is there, Michael? No, there is not.

I guess go crawling eBay if you want to find some video stuff. Or hold on to your socks and other garments because the shop is in the works and it should hopefully be with you soon. I'm not going to give a time frame. It's coming. That's all we're going to say. Don't worry. I know you're all itching to spend your money on vidiates-related paraphernalia,

and you will have the option to do so soon. Yep. It's in hand. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com, forward slash vidiates official. Bit.ly, forward slash vidiates discord or lowercase, modded by Tommy. And Fleckers, thank you guys. Go hang out with the community. Say hello.

Talk about podiots, that kind of. stuff, share memes, but polite memes, not disgusting memes behave yourself. Twitch.tv forward slash videots official as well. We haven't streamed on there for a little while. What are you sharing there, Mikey? I just... Have you found some video stuff on it? Yeah, it looks like really good knockoff

video stuff. It's just I think that's quite good. That'll be the fucking video store, won't it? Yeah. In America, probably. Maybe we should steal some of their designs and put it on T-shirts. I love that. Yeah. We should some retro stuff.

What else we got here? Oh, streamlabs.com forward slash potty, it's donations. If you donate three pounds or more, you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show and you join Pod Squad. Why not help fund McDonald's for Peter? Or get Mikey some grappling hook

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Appreciate it. Streamlabs.com forward slash potty at Stoneations. Get a shout out in the next episode. What's out on Vidiots this week, Peter? We have got Worst games ever. Spooky Special, Casper and the Ghosty Trio. Vidiot's Live Twitch Dream, Dark Souls remastered number four. Cortex is Clever Girls.

That's the Left for Dead mods, where we had like Crash Bandico and Raptors and all sorts. making Nuka Cola Spookiots Episode 18 Oh we didn't Did we call it

Spooky It's this year Did we used to do that? I scrolled through the last two And I didn't see it was called Spooky It's Oh Damn it! Send a note to our man Get it changed

Yeah Spooky It's episode 18 A Luigi board Posts ofat number 37 Vidyitz Wrestling Federation It's on easy Black Ops 4 Zombies Worst games ever

spooky special Billy the Wizard Rocket Broomstick Racing and then the scariest of all videos Vidyat's is changing on the 3rd of November it happened announcement oh we completely missed the one year anniversary should have done something special for it we should yeah and we're still here though yeah here we are still going we changed it didn't it didn't end like we promised It continues Buckets National Basketball Association 2000 Playgrounds 2 We just gave up by that point

I think Yeah the first video after the announcement Call it what you like In the spotlight with Marvel Spider-Man The Heist Poddi is episode 19 Car Crash DM Post some tat number 38

Penultimate Tat and that's it because the next one is the 9th so there you go wonderful thank you Peter thank you Peter I welcome Mikey where are you on the internet at Parrot Boy on

Twitter is the best place to keep up with me for as long as that website is still on the internet and if we go on there you'll see as you did a guest appearance on another podcast of Claudia's and I talked some true crime about a case of a man living

in someone's walls it's not Jeff. Oh, no. Gosh. You hate true crime, Mikey. That must have been a real challenge for you. Oh, I know. I hate all murder is and whatnot.

I know. It's not like you. They should have got you on instead. I know. I would have given some real insight. Yeah. Go check that out. It's a fun one.

I highly recommend it. And yeah, Twitch, Paraboy again. But again, maybe now it's raining more. I'll start streaming again. I think that's in winter I habinate and I stream. So keep your eyes peeled. Lovely. Lovely.

Peter, where are we on the internet? We're on Twitter while it lasts at Confused underscore dude for Ben and add that Peter Austin for me but you can also find us at Team Triple Jump on Twitter and Facebook but more importantly on YouTube and Twitch where we're doing videos and streams

some of it's familiar if you've been watching videos for many years Rose boss and cooking and worse games other on stuff come check it out finally why not leave us a five star review slash rating on your platform of choice it helps something to do with

Al Gore's rhythms and we really really appreciate it so thank you for that thank you for listening as well we love you all do we have a final question would you have hit the kids I this would this would be cathartic for me to hear yeah I want to hear some stories of people blashing out against children have you struck a stranger's child considering you know you say sometimes you snap at people like up the mountain you sort of snapped at that woman and stuff like I think I would have had less of a temper for it than you I think I might have physically removed them or lightly just sort of said you know piss off kind of thing like not not hit them but have you seen

that video of a child in McDonald's just going absolutely nuts like this scene of ketchup and stuff all the floor this child is throwing stuff around at one point he gets on the counter and like screaming and stomping around. And then a fully grown man just grabs him by the neck of his t-shirt and drags him out and throws him out the front door. It's so nice. I like that. I might save that video, Ben.

You can watch that as therapy. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. I take a small solace in the fact that maybe if the underpaid and overworked ticket lady who absolutely should not have to put up with that kind of shit, if she did pursue them there was a lot of CCTV footage of them doing stuff and I like to think that maybe they will be banned from all future rail travel and that brings me a great deal of comfort so when you started that sentence that you know you get some comfort from the fact that if they

I honestly thought from a minute you were going to say if the boys are listening that they know that everyone hates they don't know how to fucking operate a telephone do they let's be honest no fucking morons right we're gonna go now thanks so much

for listening everybody you look after yourselves and we'll catch you next time bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye