Podiots - Podiots: Episode 114 - Pants Shop

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

Ben's brings a festive helping of onions, Mikey meets the lads, and Peter has been reading the tabloids again. Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://podiots.com/ Visit our shop! - https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event Conditions apply visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo.com We're walking in the air party uts is here I'm not very good at thinking of lyrics on the spot

I mean we didn't have to that wasn't part of the thing but I thought... No I didn't do any lyrics podiats is changing no it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not It's not the way you think It's just festive We're putting it behind a pay wall Yeah imagine if we'd just

invested in a website and a store And it just sort of One last hurrah to grab as much cash From you all as possible before we vanish No On notes is 699 an episode No changes You already know about them

We've got a website, we've got a store It's all great And we're here to stay And it's all everything things coming up. Oh, no, I just... What? I just remembered something I realized the other day.

I was thinking, like, the money from the merch could, like, go into funding our Blobbyland trip. Right. Yeah. Turns out Blobbyland was demolished years ago. No. Totally flattened. So you can't even do urbex on it?

No, it's just not there anymore. Yeah. Well, then we need to go and lay a wreath, right? Yeah. go prayer at the old site I was like I had a brain

I was like all right is this possible can we do it so I started looking up on Google Maps as like oh there

and I started like googling around on Irbex forums and it's like yeah 2017 it was just flattened which I'm so sorry to start the Merry Christmas

episode with a Christmas heartbreak but not only is it impossible it's imbobbable oh mission imbobable

I wonder if anyone like went to the site and scavenge a few bits. I mean, we saw the blobby toilet, right? Surely someone, you could fit that in a home. Yeah, you could plumber in. Maybe Dave Benson Phillips owns it. He's a bit of a purveyor of fancy toilet. Please, use my bloblet.

It's had some considerable use. Oh, Christ. Well, despite all that, this is the Christmas episode. Yeah, it is. It's also our last episode of the year, is it not? It is, it is. I believe so. I believe so.

We'll be taking a little break. We'll be back first or second week of 2023, probably. Maybe. Or maybe we just won't come back. We will come back. God, don't scare people like that. God. There's been so much talk of changing.

It's not changing. No, it's not changing. We have a full ass website that you can go to and we have a store and everything. We wouldn't invest that kind of resources if we didn't intend. to stick around. We are. Don't you, don't you? You want to stick around? Don't want to ask?

Hopefully, when you're listening to this, it's not as, well, it will still be as cold, won't it, realistically? Probably. Tuesday the 20th? Bloody hell. Yeah, it's going to be cold. It's not awful, everybody. Can you hear me warming my hands on my microphone?

Discord probably is depriving you of that joy, but... No, I can hear it. Oh, good. It's good warmth, good warmth. You're like a cricket who's bad at music. Yeah. What we can do, Mikey, is we can get to the podcast now and, you know, talk about Pod Squad and so on

and think about how they will allow you to put your heating on for an hour. Yes. Thanks, Pod Squad. It's all thanks to you. What a treat. Well, we best get to it. Let's go. Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy. It's the official Vidiots podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Chistmas to all of you or whatever it is that you celebrate. We hope you are safe. and warm and surrounded

by the warm embrace of the bosom of your chosen family be that blood or what's the alternative friend water

friend bosom the best bosom we hope you're all doing okay at the time of recording everything is frozen Newcastle is a wasteland more so than usual no Newcastle's quite nice actually

but it is a frozen icy death trap currently. How is it in Bristol? Oh, actually, I nearly died today because of the ice. My chosen route method of getting to our local Tesco is by skateboard and there's like a really nice hill that goes down from our street. I thought, oh, it looks fine. And I got to the bottom of the hill and it just started to slip out. Oh, my God, this is it. Because I'm such a pro skater boy, I saved it. And I got to Tesco and got my delicious lunch. Wow.

The ultimate speed run. Get there on ice. Yeah, slip and slide my whole way there. I also nearly did the same on my way back from a Tesco today on a skateboard Not on a skateboard sadly You came back in and you said I did this and you waved your arms around

I did an impression yeah Because I walked there And it was icy All the sort of compacted ice was there And I was very careful on my walk And I went into the shop And I bought all my stuff And then while I was in the shop

It started snowing really heavy like big flakes and so by the time i came out there was like a layer of snow all the way back and i instantly forgot that under that snow was compacted ice so i was walking along on snow on ice with my bad flat worn away shoe soles and uh i stayed up but i nearly didn't well done well look at us stable boys yeah i hate waddling around like a penguin i feel so stupid i think you mean penguin don't you Penguin, sorry, yeah. I'm okay going uphill, but coming downhill is scary. And I don't know what my legs are doing, and it doesn't make any sense.

Because when I walk down a normal hill, I don't just suddenly start picking up speed for no good reason. But when I'm carefully waddling down what looks to be quite a precarious incline, for some reason I just start going faster and faster. And then it's when you try to slay yourself down. that you just slip and fall. And I don't know what that motion even is. Like what, what is that learned unusual walking behavior in slippery conditions

that makes you more likely to fall over? Yeah. So you're focusing so much on stabilizing yourself that everything else kind of falls at the wayside and that causes accidents. My top tip for walking on ice is to bring, like, hunch over a bit, bring your shoulders forward.

That'll change your center of gravity and make it easier to stay upright. I mean, I'm saying this as someone who's fallen over a nice several times, but it should at least help your chances. Grip with your toes is my advice. I think that's what they say on. Cool runnings is what they're told. Yeah.

Oh, are you? I forgot to say, Peter, when I was leaving work, there were a few of us. And then at the end of the car park, where the hill is, that leads away up the road, someone just like sprinted up it. And we were just absolutely flabbered. How? How? How can someone do that? How can someone do that? You just use confidence to overpower the eyes. Well, that's it. I think it is. I think there's a confidence issue.

Yeah, probably. Or he had like spiked shoes on, perhaps. Crampons. Which I think that's what they're called. I think so. I don't know. Or those tennis shoes from Pingu. Yeah. Pingu tennis shoes he had on. That's what editor Kieran suggested. Crampons kind of sounds like a delicious Christmas Eve crudite, like a little treat snack. Anyone for a crampod? Remember, we're not eating until 2 o'clock, so make sure you have a few crampods. They're covered in marmite dust.

Oh, good on. Delicious. Well, if you want to help us afford some crampons this cold Christmas, you can go to Streamlabs. No, you can't. Not that one anymore, is it? No. It's not one anymore.

I forgot. We've changed it. That link does still work, but yeah. It does still work. You can go to Streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations, or just go to pottyts. dot com that works too um and if you donate three pounds or more you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show you've joined pod squad we really appreciate it you support us in the

process and you can put some sort of filthy or strange name if it's too filthy though we will refund it nothing hateful but if it's disgusting that's that's okay mikey's gonna start us off right now we start with the generous sideways box car and they say hello boys as an introvert this is the only podcast I enjoy listening to. I've even gotten my girlfriend to say, Kis Kis, without knowing where it came from. Thanks for always bringing the weird and wonderful. Thank you, Sadois Boxcar.

Thank you. We continue with your boy, Milo Ho Ho. Nice. Tongue punch, Blobby's Fart Box. Beautiful image. Oh, Christ. That's not very Christmasy. We have the incredibly generous one vowel from

Shira. Wow. And they say, that's a very nice donation. Yeah. Nice. Merry Christmas to you

and to all of the Walrus clan. Have a fantastic break. Kise, Kese. Thank you. Thank you very much indeed. Butterfield Christmas

party. The generous. You know it's all about Dekum and they say Merry Crimble, boyos. Thanks so much for all you do and all the best for

a happy festive season and New Year. Is there any chance you guys will meet under the mistletoe. Just kidding, unless, seriously, big love to you three. Thank you. We're hoping we might all be a Newcastle at the same time, very briefly.

We'll arrange some mistletoe and we'll have a little kiss. Walking in a Mr. Blobby Land, the generous Sir Digby Christmas dinner. Very good. They say wishing not only the podiots a very merry Christmas, but to all the pod squad who routinely make me laugh so hard I choke a little on my Christmas tinner. Big love to everyone and a happy new year.

Thank you. Thank you. Donak 07. Merry Jess Hughes and Moose. Lord, oh no, he's done German. He's absolutely got me here. Lord Froh. No.

Lord Frohagenach and Ochve. Oh, so close. Yeah, bang. Oh, that was bang on. Pretty much. I'll take that. By Nachton, I think. Oh, Wynachton.

Okay. Sorry. Their Christmas night. They don't have it on Christmas Day. They have it like on Christmas Eve or earlier even. I'm not sure. It's not very Christian of them. Yeah.

Who are we to say? Rain drop joy and the generous as ever, Stephen Skodas. And he says, Merry Crimbles, boys. Thanks for another fun year of Podiots. Been a joy to listen to. all year. It's been a super tough year for me, but poddiots have helped make me smile. All the love to you, boys, and thanks for the fun times. All the best for 2023. Thank you. Thank you, Stephen. Thank you, Stephen. Thank you, Stephen. Thank you, Stephen. Also, we have jingle tits. That's nice. I like it. That's so

simple. Just very simple. Mary Pudmus were ready. Very generous donation from my brother is a ballback who says, My little brother has been using my name, Freddie Weber, in donation names for a year. Somewhere, some were good, most were shit. Please tell him that this donation is his birthday present. This is all he is getting, Mikey, Peter, and Ben, calling him a ball bag.

Wow, that's definitely ball bag behavior, doing identity fraud, naughty. Freddy, you're a ball bag. No, I think Freddy is the real person. That shit. Oh, no. Who's a ball bag then? Freddy's brother.

Freddy's brother. We don't have the name, though. We're just saying Freddy's brother. Yeah, Freddy's brother is a ball bag. One of you, one of you, Webbers out there. Yeah. Well, conversely, we continue with Amy Wicks is de best wife.

Oh, that's cute. That's nice. That's nice. Festive Fleckers, who was very generous and said, Hi, boys. Thanks for a great year. Last year, I was five. stone heavier, dumped by my

fiancé, had to move in with mom. I watch your content on repeat and reconnected with the community. I'm now happy and healthy with the most beautiful woman. You guys rock. Well, that's wonderful. That's cool, Fleckers. Oh, lovely. Congratulations, Fleck. Thank you. Yes, congrats. And also, thank you for

modding for us on Discord. Yes. Yes, thank you very much. We've got Luminal Spoon, who was very generous and said, hi, guys. This episode will be released on my birthday. So I thought it would be good to give something back for all the laughs you've given me over lockdown, as well as getting me through a terrible job I had last year. Merry Poddiots and happy 2023. Well, thank you for giving us 20 quid on your, for your birthday.

That's not how birthdays work. Thank you. This isn't right, but happy birthday to you, and I hope 2023 is good for you. Yeah, thank you very much indeed. Mr. Street View visits Podiat's, Santa's sweatshop, and got blobby with an elf. hello is there a message somewhere in there between those why is it

Santa Sweatshop and I don't no Got Blobby with an elf Santa Sweat Shop and Mr.

StreetVee visits Podiots maybe are in the wrong order I can't see I don't get it No

Oh no Oh no Oh beans Well never mind Got blobby with an elf Hello to my cunting daughter

Which is very nice That's Merry Mikey Pooze Vidyatsofficial.com Scott Chegg This is Mikey Please ignore Oh no

That was a test When we were doing Was that a test? Wait, was that me? Was that when you were trying to do Alert for the stream or? Oh no Well thanks for the free shout out boys

That wouldn't have come to the audience No it shouldn't have done No I did an actual paid one to check All right, okay Feel free to eat that Who knows? This is my key, please ignore And last from me

Mr. Blobby is in my chimney Oh no That's a vacuum seal Right there Finally we have Mr Macca Pooed in a Dalek at Blobby Land I don't know if that's

What Mr Macca did Or if You could do that You could just call yourself that And troll the person above you I've realised You could Prince Beefcakes

Shrek's X-Mus Amazon refund All I want for X-Mus is Mr Black Vidiot's only fans when Is Kermit the Pog's IRL name Joe I don't know Glitchy Peter says what Caroline get the poster I missed the poster

Thank you Oh no Where for Art Gutter Snipe I don't know where is Gutter Snipe Yeah it's been a while Fleckers thank you again Finn Tristam Big Titty Jesus

42, Gromit Romney, Kermit the Pog, and plopsy wopsy, bum crack flaps. Thank you to all of our Podsquadies, really appreciate you. Go to poddiots.com. Three pounds and more to get a shout out at the beginning of the show. Join Pod Squad and support us.

That was your final Pod Squad for 2022. You guys all made it in. Which one was your favourite? Gromit Romney. Yeah, I was going to say, even though it's not Christmasy. We laughed at that a lot during the stream, didn't we? I can't remember where it's from. Oh, yeah.

I'm going for jingle tits. That's good, yeah. I'm also always a fan of, it's not the first time I've seen it used, but Scott Chegg is always a good one. I like Scott Chegg. Big fan. It's great.

Well, it's time to start with a question. Peter, I believe you have them. I've got some Christmassy questions here. I'm going to go with the one that seems like an obvious question, and I was sure that we must have been asked this in a previous Christmas episode, but I just can't remember, and I run it by you guys, we don't know. So I'm just going to do it.

I'm going to ask it, okay? What are you going to do? You're going to stop me? No. Hollowise, at Hollowise asks, no, no, actually, Holleyes didn't ask that one. That's for later. Hang on.

Where is it? Big Titty Jesus 42. At Big Titty Jesus 42 asked, what's the one Christmas gift you lads always wanted, but for whatever reason, never got. I'm going to go for for last year's my my Christmas request although I didn't really request it I just hoped every year without fail parents buy you underpants and socks yeah not except for last year when I was desperately in need of some bastards I've been I'm using like oh my god my underpants are like six years old at this point and very holy not on the Jesus way just just there's gaps right under Mr. Sack. Oh, why didn't know.

Oh, no. Mr. Sack. That just came out. Oh, God. Much like Mr. Sack does. How would you say, though, that order of words? Oh, no. That's terrible.

Well, oh, my God. Sorry, I thought me bumped. Oh, no. Yeah, it was like, I think without fail, like, in my adult Christmases, I've been given underpants, and this is the one year they hadn't, and I so desperately need it. So, fingers crossed for this year. I'll report back in the New Year. and see if they've delivered the goods,

but I'm not holding that hope. They've ruined one Christmas. I don't believe they'll ruin another. Sorry, dude. It's not right. I should just buy my own underpants, but I refuse at a principle. It feels like such a boring way to spend money.

Sock hard. There's nothing like getting a good sock shopping. I feel like Peter knows what I mean. No, I'm one for... I get almost all my socks, if not all of them, at Christmas. And I just wear them through the year if I can.

I did a socks shop earlier this year It was great Did a pants shop as well Forget about it Living the high life over here Marks and Spencer's on this boy Whoa All right

Look at you Yeah Well that's the thing About getting them as gifts as well Is that sometimes Because they're gifts You know people might splash out slightly more

I'll get something a bit premium Whereas if I bought my own pants and socks I would just you know Get Partchman paper under pants Yeah Or, you know, just like almost sort of supermarket level ones, if there's like a clothes shop attached.

Whereas I wear Fat Face boxer briefs all year round because that is what my mum always gets me amongst a couple of other things, which I'm very fortunate to have. So I'm counting on getting a few more boxes, a few pairs of socks. Yeah. Yeah, hopefully. I'm crossing my fingers for you, man. Thank you, yeah.

we'll see if not me and you will go do a big pants shop together oh that sounds honestly you joke yeah sounds great it does make a day of it something that I always wanted as a child was a dog from Father Christmas

you know you can't wrap one of those in a box and then tie it up in a big sock and leave it by the fireplace overnight did the elves not build one for you no they never built one one one time it was almost more insulting than not receiving one at all

because usually I would just not get one and it would never be addressed and I'd be like okay I guess he doesn't deal in livestock, never mind but one year I asked for a dog and I got like a teddy puppy thing just this dog that's like sits

I say it sits, it doesn't do anything it's just a plushy but yeah I was like maybe eight or something and I was like oh this is the dog that I asked for this is the best the big man could do yeah exactly it's like is he that thick that he thought i wanted an inanimate dog or is he just taking the piss oh christmas don't be very nice to me so i was i was not impressed by that but

hey i was only a child i don't want to sound ungrateful um but one thing other than that which you know it's kind of of of course you can't get a dog for christmas unless you're a very lucky boy or girl um was there was a line of toys when I was about, I don't know, I was probably a little bit too old for them, actually. But there's a line of toys called rescue heroes. And there was like a fireman and a policeman. Oh, I don't even know if there was a police.

They were all sort of rescue base. So they kind of all had like different bits of kit. You know, one of them probably had the jaws of life. One of them probably had like a fire axe. And I think they might have had vehicles that are all sold separately. And for some reason, they really appealed to me. I think it was just, it must have been one of those things that was advertised between kids' shows on TV during the day. And it's like, you rescue heroes coming soon.

Each sold separately, et cetera. So, yeah, I had a real hankering to get some. Oh, look, Ben's posted a... Is that them? Well, they must have had a tie-in show by the looks of it. Oh, yeah, that's them at the bottom. It seems to be a Fisher-Price line. Yeah, Fisher-Price, there they are.

There's like a scuba diving one, a sort of Armyman one. There are space ones. I think that is a police on the end as well, look. I don't want to upset you, Peter, but I used to have the Feynman one. Oh, you bastard. Oh, no. It was great as well. It was the best toy ever had.

I believe there's a tie-in video game as well, like a PS-1 game. Oh, wow. Hell yes. Do you want to know what the fireman's called? Go on. What's his name? Billy Blazes. Oh, yeah.

That's the coolest name I've ever heard. Smoke's the old reefer on his break, probably. That's where you think all the first. fire start. Does Billy Blaze? Oh, Billy Blazes. Hi, Billy Blaze here with Zorbees. So I really wanted rescue heroes and I never got them. Oh, mate. Which was a shame. I guess there's still time. There is still time. It's probably one of those where my parents, or I mean, Father Christmas, obviously. Father Christmas. It might be a bit of a slippery slope. So, you know, you can't afford to get a whole set of rescue heroes in one Christmas. but if they were to buy me a couple

then I would probably just spend all my pocket money or all of my present requests at birthdays and Christmases for the next couple of years so they might have thought no no we're not this is the thin end of the wedge this could get this could get costly so yeah he'll want them all he will yeah

what about you Ben I'm trying to find a picture all I'm seeing is like shitty auto-generated images of the those ones you can buy on eBay where it's just they've slapped an image on like a preset background to say this is what it could look like oh I think I found it actually I wanted in the late 90s wrestling was really popular right and I didn't know anything about wrestling but it was it was popular at school and the big boy on campus at the time was stone cold Steve the bald man with the

with the goat or around his mouth. And I asked for a stone cold Steve Austin bedspread knowing nothing, knowing nothing about wrestling. And I didn't get it. And I was really sad that I didn't get my stone cold Steve Austin bedspread. But, you know, as I said, just a second ago, there's still, I could buy one. Yeah. There's an eBay listing right now.

I don't need bedding for a double bed. It's okay. And was it a specific one you asked for that you see it? it in like the Argos catalogue or something or I think I'm I must have done because I did used to do that thing that you guys might have done as well which was flicks through the Argos catalogue when it was close to Christmas yeah and for some reason father Christmas he would always want the the catalog number I don't know why yeah and he made you write it in a little pencil in the in the box yeah the numbers it's really got a lot of orders to get through

so he used them organized yeah I just got I can't believe your parents can get you that because that's like imagine being a parent at Christmas like oh he wants bedchie it's great Let's fucking do it. That's great. Well, I think it's just because it was wrestling and they were like, no, probably not. Because their only exposure to wrestling would have been whatever coverage was on the news, which is, oh, it's so violent.

It's so violent. Terrible. But, yeah, anyway, I'll tell you what I want this Christmas that I know I'm not going to get. It's that vintage original grimace costume that everyone's tagged us on Twitter. I'm looking at the eBay listing for. it now. It went for, it either went for or didn't, it's finished now. I don't know if anyone actually bought it, but it was up for $2,500. And I've just looked at it. I'm going to paste a photo. You can see the man inside Grimmis. Smiling. Much like Coco the gorilla. Oh, no.

It's so disheveled. His eyes clearly used to light up and you can see the wires. It's clouded over. He looks bloodshot, doesn't he? It's like all of his veins. in his eyes. It's genuinely upsetting. I mean, look at it. He just looks like a phantom. Yeah, it does have boots. There's a picture of the boots on their own

because you can't really see it with the rest of the costume. I'll read you the... Oh, wow. It's in all caps. I'll read you the description. Vintage huge original purple grimace costume. Grimmis is a McDonald-land character

from the 1970s. No McDonald's label. Wait, is that a thing? McDonald's land. I think that's where all the McDonald's friends lived, at the hamburgler and stuff. No make a name or label requires tall person to wear it. Mouth is 10 inches wide by 5 inches high. Eyes are 4 inches wide by 5 inches high. This grimace costume may have been worn by an employee. My costume is 6 feet tall. It's 4 feet in diameter. That's wide.

What a unit. May have been worn by an employee. Look at the same. state of it. It's had, again, it's had considerable use. There's no way that's not been worn. A costume includes matching booties. Oh, that's nice. Fair condition. Couple holes near the left armpit. There's loads of other stuff as well, but I want to show you a photo from inside the grimace suit. Oh, you should never see inside the grimace suit. It's really scary. It looks like it looks like someone's taking a photo from inside a crashed cargo plane. Here is what the inside of grimace's costume looks

full of like harnesses and stress it literally looks like a plane crotch it's really upsetting it's really upsetting

the listing has now finished I don't think anyone bought it it's very sad we don't have we have Dave Benson

Phillips considerably used toilet seat money but we don't have vintage original grimace costume money unfortunately no

one of these days though maybe we ask nicely oh thanks guys come on come through if you don't get that this year Ben then next year

when we ask the same question potentially for the third time running you can say I never got my grimace last year I never got my grimace hey where's my grimace dude where's my grimace dude where is my grimace please

who would like to do their thing I'm happy to do mine thing go on a Michael go Mikey So I brought a little bit of Christmas culture From outside of England We're travelling to Iceland To learn with what perils

Those poor children had to put up with Oh, I saw a tweet today With one aspect that might feature I'd be honest, I was googling around And I was like Traditions are all kind of a bit serious And it was just the name Of the characters in this tradition

Instantly sold me on it Without even reading anything more into it So if he giggled as much as I do when I say the name. Kids everywhere know the story of Santa Claus, the jolly fat man who flies all around the world at a reindeer-drawn sleigh delivering presents. But what if Santa wasn't such a nice guy?

What if he played pranks on bad kids and even stole from the house as he visited? And what if he wasn't just one man visiting for one night, but a pack of 13 unruly brothers who camped out in your home causing trouble for weeks? Well, that's just what kids in Iceland had to deal with every winter when the Yule lads pay their annual visit

is the Yule Lads. The Yule Lads. Instantly, I was enamoured with that. That's such a good name. But who are the Yule Lads? Imagine Santa's shorter, grubbier, troll-making cousins, and you won't be far off. The Yule Lads first appeared in Icelandic folklore

in the 1600s. So these are like old brothers. These are old boys. point. And they are the sons. There's a lot of Swedish names in this. I'm going to try my best, but I do have the English translations at hand, but I'm going to struggle through the proper names first. But the first one is greeler, which isn't too hard to say. She's the mother of the lads, a fearsome troll lady with a reputation for snatching naughty children. Originally, the 13 men were used to scare children into behaving at Christmas time. Folks said that the yule lads

would throw disobedient kids in a sack and deliver them to their troll parents to be gobbled. Oh, terrible. Before we get into the lads themselves, let's learn a little bit about their mother greele. The fearsome greele. This giantess is one of the most evil figures of Icelandic folklore and horror stories about her are still told to children over the festive season.

Throughout the year, it is said that she collects whispers about children around the island misbehaving. I don't know what that means. What does it mean to collect a whisper? It looked over that several times. Their soul. Yeah, that, yeah.

It sounds pretty dark, whatever it is. Yeah. And when winter sets in, she sets out to gather them. Her appetite for the flesh of naughty youths is insatiable. And each year, she finds no shortage of her favorite crop. Collecting them up in a sack, she then cooks them in a pot and turns them into a giant stew that will sustain her until the next year.

No. Grealer, that is my favorite bit. Grealer was such a terrifying image to children that in the 18th century, the Parliament of Iceland outlawed the use of her legend is a scare tactic. Oh, God. The government took measures to stop it.

Children, after that, were no longer threatened with being devoured and were instead given rotten potatoes in their shoes if they misbehaved. I'd like to think there was a governmental committee. Right. What can we replace this horrible witch Greeley with and spent all day deliberating and decided on rotten taters in your shoes? Rotten potatoes, yeah, that seems fair. But Grela would be terrible enough if she worked alone.

This is, the extended universe of Greeley is massive. Not even just the lads, but she had a scary cat that worked with her. See, this is the thing I saw today on Twitter. Yeah, the scary cat. This is a mere footnote in the lad's story, sadly. It is, isn't it? She shares her mountain cave in North Iceland with an enormous black feline called the Christmas cat, very, very well named, which also has an appetite for human flesh.

The Christmas cat, however, does not just seek out those who, have misbehaved. It happily preys on any child that did not get new clothes to wear for Christmas. The story that the Christmas cat ate children who did not get new clothes for Christmas as a gift was likely created to ensure that everyone finished their weaving, knitting and sewing by the dead of winter. Right. That's the, that's the, the backstory of the lads.

Now let's get into the lads themselves. Right. We start with, oh dear. Steck jasto. But in English, that translates to sheepcoat clod, which still makes very little sense. The first of the Yule lads to leave the mountains to stir up trouble across Ireland was Steck Yaster, or Sheepcoat Claude. His modus operandi was to harass the sheep of any household he came across. And I quite like this, just the mental image of someone harassing sheep.

He got, ah, boo! Icelanders would usually keep their sheep. underground in the winter months, so when the sounds of their tormented bleating would echo up into the house, it was a sign that he had found them. Such a sound, though common in the winter months, with storms regularly harassing the flock, became even more ominous, particularly considering that sheep with a lifeblood of every farmstead. In spite of being a fearsome troll, his stiff legs impaired his ability to move. So the best thing to do when hearing him rile up your animals was just simply to wait it out and wait for him to move on to the next flock of sheep, as he had

to navigate the whole country and harass every sheep on the island. Of course. Of course. Yule lad number two, Gilgher, or Gully Gork, was the second Icelandic Yulad to arrive in human settlements. Hiding in the gullies

around a house, waiting until its residents have fallen asleep. His method of trouble making was to break into the cow shed and steal any milk available. No. In doing so, he robbed families of the key ingredient in the sources meant to be enjoyed. over the festive season not to

mention the traditional skier this one doesn't sound too bad until you look at the image that accompanied the article I got this from and what can oh my god you've got to imagine that this is this goes back to the frequently asked question of who was the first person to discover you could drink

cow's milk and it has to have been like that he is suckling at the cow's teat for those listening is, for lack of better words, a man 69ing a horse, a horse, a cow. You know, a cheese horse.

Yes, indeed. So if that's a hell of a mental image, enjoy that. That's horrible. We're not posting that, and that'll get us taken. No, that is too vulgar. The third, you'll lad, Stouffer or Stubby, became a nuisance throughout Iceland at Christmas

by stealing the household pans for the delicious crust that remained upon them. Not the pans. I was going to eat that crust. The Christmas crust, it's the best kind. Very crust. While this may not seem like a terrible crime, historically, pots and pans were incredibly valuable in Iceland.

The country had no iron reserves or mining industry of its own, and such goods had to be imported and were very expensive for some impoverished families. They were the only possessions worth anything that they had. Stubby, you bastard, leave them alone. Ah, all right. Oh, Thiorvis Lika, I'm going to say it. The fourth, you'll lad, is known in English as spoon licker.

No. This Christmas troll set out on his nationwide tier of mischief to break into the homes of Icelanders and lick the spoons of households in the hope of a morsel to eat. His behaviour was a result of his strange build. He was grotesquely thin from malnutrition. Unusual amongst trolls who were most often depicted as overweight, overweight, and muscular beasts. The lesson to be learned from spoon lickers' behaviour

is less apparent than with many others, many of the other yule lads, although it was perhaps as simple as ensuring children cleaned their cutlery. That would definitely persuade me in to clean my cutlery if some random lad's going to break in and lick me spoons.

Oh God, please don't lick my spoons. Not the spoons. It's so weird. Potter Skeffle, known in English as pot scraper, is like many of his brothers in that is Christmas hygings are gluttonous. Breaking into one home after another,

he seeks out pots of sauce, chunks of roast meat, left on the tray, saucepan, sauce pans of season of vegetables, and scours anything left over to eat. So, yeah, he's a lesson to clean up your plate, finish your food in winter. You know, you've got to savor every little bite you can before they have to go harvest another animal.

Christ, make sure you clean your spoon, wash your pans, eat the crust. That's all, go. So many instructions. I don't have I said earlier, but so like this is like the 12 days of Christmas, like every day in the 12 days leading up, one of these lads would appear. So, yeah, it's definitely keeping on your tours with a fucking, what's the word I'm looking for, like a maze, but with physical activity, a, oh, a maze, but an assault course.

A salt course of delights, that'll do. Yes, a physical maze. There you go, I like it. also on the hunt for an easy morsel was the six brother uh aska sleeker aloh his antics were perhaps the creepiest thus far his name in english is bowl liquor lots of licking it's a lot of licking stuff man

he has a reputation for slurping the remains of whatever is left in balls or rather of an asker which is the Icelandic type of ball carved with a lid but the way he does it is rather nice mairish. Each night, Aska Leska would quite literally lay beneath a child's bed waiting for them to finish their nighttime soup or pudding when they are satisfied. He will readily snatch up the remaining food to gusel down himself, perhaps created to get children to go to sleep when asked or not to indulge in a midnight snack. Literal monster under your bed there. Herda Skeller, which in English

means door slammer and as this Yule lad embarks on his 13 day journey over the festive season it's all he intends to do until the end of the month he would sneak from home to home reaching the furthest ends of Westfields and to the bustling centre of Reykavik that's how you pronounce it Rakevick yeah yeah that's cool to break in and bang as many doors as he could in order to wake those sleeping inside I don't really know what the point of this one is he's just a nuisance. This skier

Gemur oh wait no I spoiled his name I put headlines in but I'm not supposed to spoil the names

well you've had a spoiler there the meals leading up to Christmas are without a doubt some of the best of the year

warning can indulge in a perfectly cooked poultry nut roasts mince pies gingerbread men cinnamon rolls and all manner

of other treats making me hungry yeah I want a big gingerbread man this season in Iceland however

Oh, no, buddy, not roast. This season in Iceland, however, one dish deserves an extra special mention, the delicious and creamy skier. Oh, I've closed my tab. This healthy, tasty, traditional dairy product can fairly be described as one of Iceland's true delicacies, especially when compared to the likes of Sir Stroming your fermented shark.

In terms of Icelandic Christmas folklore, however, people were not the only ones craving skieries, this time of year. It was also the favorite meal of the eighth Icelandic Yolad, skier gimmer, or the skier gobbler. Oh, no, okay. Smoking meat.

Sorry, I keep, I'm just, I'm moving around and I plug my headphones. Help, it's all gone wrong, Grommet. Grommet. Gremet. Help. Smoking meat is one of the favorite cooking methods in Iceland.

Smoked fish and lamb are popular throughout the year, as well as smoked sausages known in Iceland as Bugha. On the light of the twent, Bugger, give me a link of that buger. From the night of the 20th, however, vigilance was required when preparing the buger.

It was the only piece of food that the ninth yule lad, Buganskaker, or the sausage snatcher, wanted to get his grubby hands on. Get away from his sausage snatcher, that sounds wrong. He had the perfect way of stealing his Icelandic delicacy. It was said that he would break into homes and hide in the rafters, waiting for dinner to be cooked before swooping from above to snatch them. uh what have you sent burger burger i tried to search

buger but the order to suggest on google was oh did you mean booga king or maybe the bugger king logo bugger there you go that's how you pin it oh with a jay okay yeah of course of course the 10th you'll lad to descend

from over the festive season was oh this has got a lot of gays in it that's the most gs i've ever seen the word glugagagga gear glugigigigia I'm going to put this in here. Do you have any better guess? It just looks like a cacophony of circles.

Glugaggier, yeah. Or it might be a he or in the middle. Glugatege gear or something. Glugachia gear. Yeah. In English, you can call him window peeper. Oh no. Oh, no.

Considering the darkness of Iceland's winters, there are only four hours of sunlight a day around Christmas. It takes little imagination to picture the fear their children must have felt passing the windows of their homes on Christmas nights, terrified that this fearsome troll was looking in upon them. Like several of the other characters mentioned above, it seems like Gluckigga Geer's chilling behaviour was designed as a way to scare children from going outside in the dark winters.

It was also a reminder that the child-eating greeler had eyes across the country looking out for miscreants. Gatilitha, I'm going to say it, or doorway sniffer, Oh, God, that's the worst one. Stop sniffing my doorway. Why are they all doing inherently weird, arrestable things? What a gang of sniffers and lick as they are. He may have come into folklore due to the whistling breaths of the wind,

creeping through Iceland's drafty turf houses, similar to window peeper and door slammer. The idea of him creeping into home to cause mayhem haunted the nightmares of Iceland's children. This was exacerbated by the fact that Gatifia was, renowned for his enormous nose of course massive even for his kind the reason for his sniffing was also nefarious and of course it is no one's got a good reason to sniff around your house he was forever seeking out his favorite meal the ashlandic delicacy of luffer bread or leaf

bread this delicious treat is only baked during christmas time and making it is often a cherished family affair especially in the north he would often steal their lorfer bread before they could impress a single guest with it. What a bastard. Oh, come on. Christmas culinary traditions very significantly between families, but there is one common central feature to most

festive feasts, and that's the meat. In Icelandic folklore, however, this was the target of feathery from the 12th and penultimate you'll add Ket Krucker or Meat Hook. Best name in a lot of them. That's like a wrestler

name. Ket cooker. I prefer. his Icelandic name. Ker-cooker, yeah. Lurking, wherever he had access to a kitchen, he would lay in wait for the meat of any dish to be slapped onto the counter. As soon as he could avoid capture, he'd pull out his long hook

and snag himself the centrepiece of a family meal. Oh, dear. And unlike his brother, the sausage snatcher, he would just go for any meat at all. He wasn't fussy. And the final yule lad is Curtis Snicker, whose name translates to candle stealer or candle beggar. He emerges on Christmas Eve in Iceland,

like his 12 brothers, his name is self-explanatory, although the consequences of his hijinks were more troublesome than they may appear. In the past, candles were incredibly valuable in Iceland, providing light throughout the winter darkness, as noted. This lasts about 20 hours a day over Christmas. Candles were also the only available tool for Icelanders to enjoy their historically favourite past. time of reading. Isn't that cute? And over Christmas in Iceland, everyone getting together to read

is an old tradition. This custom makes Curtis Snickers antics all the more troublesome. His intent was not even to use the candles to enjoy novels and poetry. What a deviant. Instead, he only sought to munch on the tallow that the candles were made from. What a monster. And to get as much of this tallow as possible, he made sure he took it from the easiest targets in a household. the children by following them to their bedrooms or reading nooks and rubbing it straight from their hands and today now that the yule lads are more family friendly friendly they've been torn down over the years

and tend to give more than they steal Curtis Nicker is the last yule lad to give presents to Icelandic children before Christmas and his gift to well-behaved children today is most often a candle so that's cute he's giving back to the community now after years of stealing it's nice he's reformed

Good job, good job And that is your lot That's your 12 lads So watch out Keep keep your Oh, I always call them horses again Keep your cows inside Someone's going to be giving me

Your cheese horses indoors Otherwise a little man Might come and lick their nipips You could have said that any other way I could have But I didn't And remember to eat your pan crusts Yes, don't let it go to waste

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Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup. And it became really personal for us. Well, that was wonderful, Michael. Thank you very much. Thank you, Michael. It's time for another thing here.

A thing? Sorry, a question is what I meant. My heart. Questions of things. I mean, everything's a thing. Yeah, exactly. We've got to get serious about this. We've got a question from, let's go with Hollowise, who says,

do you have any anecdote about meeting Santa or a loved one meeting them? Thank you, Hollowise. Yes. Oh, my God, I do. Yeah. When I was visiting my grandparents, my grandfather used to lecture at Hong Kong University. And they used to live in Hong Kong in the 90s.

And I, me and my cousin and my mom and dad and his mom went over there. One Christmas, actually. And I can't remember which year. It would have been like maybe 96, 95. and my dad dressed up he obviously he called Father Christmas ahead of time and he got it all squared away with the big man and he dressed up as Father Christmas and he went up on the roof of the sort of block of flats

that my grandparents lived in and waved at all the children down below and then he came down and met them all and I got to meet Father Christmas who I thought was Father Christmas So it was actually my dad, pulling double duty as big jolly St. Nick. Oh, that's lovely. Kind of amazing.

Yeah. Are you telling me Santa impersonation is a real thing, is like a common thing? Because I've got a Santa impersonation story as well. Well, that's the thing. Santa impersonation is a real thing, but the important thing to remember here is Father Christmas is real. But it's because he's so busy in the lead up to Christmas that you get people impersonating him and shopping malls and things. Exactly. So there are somewhere in my parents' house photos of Father Christmas on the roof of this apartment building while loads of cheering kids are down below outside.

Like, it's him, he's here. He came. What's your story, Mikey? That's a lovely story, Ben. Thank you. Once in primary school, I think it was like every Christmas, Santa would come pay us a visit and hand out a few toys. It was always really upsetting because he had like five toys to share between 100 children. He just chooses at random.

So it was always a heartbreaking affair, but Santa knows best. I'm going to trust his ways. Yeah, this turned out to be an imposter because when I was walking back to class, I stumbled across Santa hatless and badeless, and it was just the school janitor. Oh, no. Moonlighting is Sander.

Did your universe crumble before your eyes? A little bit. I don't know. I think I was old enough to note down. I'm not saying anything because Santa's real. Santa's very real. No, it didn't crumble. well, I think I was crushed enough from not getting a present.

There's a point where I think I asked my dad that night if he could talk to the school and see about getting me a present from Santa. I was very upset. I was a spoiled brat. It was terrible as a kid. Oh, my God. Oh, what a shame.

I've almost got an inverse to that story in that at my school. I remember we were in like maybe year four or something. It was around the sort of age where a lot of kids know at that point. that maybe there might not be such thing as Santa. I don't know. I don't want to

go that far. Maybe. Just maybe. Whereas some kids perhaps still are keeping the faith. And you know, it sort of varies as well depending on whether you have like younger siblings or older siblings and there's you know, it's at that grey area where

we were all starting to like ask questions and have conversations. Yeah, debate the matter. And there was in every class wasn't there there was that pathological liar who would just always come out with the most ridiculous crap especially i think in later years so you get older they start to say that like they're related to stephen spielberg or like you know well tomorrow my dad is taking me to microsoft to play the xbox 720 um you know stuff like that so um we were all having this chat and some of the kids were saying Santa's not real I think you'll find that Santa's not real

it's made up and it's your parents who come and do it so there and there was this girl who said well no that's not true actually

because me and my sister one year we got a video camera and we put it we switched it on and left it inside our stocking and when we watched it in the morning we heard the sleigh bells

and the hooves of the reindeer and then a hand reached into the stocking with like a red jacket and a glove on and he put the presents in so he'll find that we've got the video evidence to say he's real and I just remember thinking at the time like at least if you'd said about the hands like maybe maybe you know your parents had gone the whole hog and dressed up just in case you came downstairs or something but like we heard the reindeer on the roof I was just incredulous. I wasn't even, I was trying to like, because I feel bad when people learn difficult truths, let's say. I'm not going to specify what difficult truths. So I wasn't even on team Santa's not real. I was going, well, yeah, you never know.

It could be, I don't know. What do I know? I've been told he's real and where did the presents come from? But when I heard that, I was like, no, no, that didn't happen. You did not, you did not catch a gloved hand. reaching into your stocking. I love that, though, the commitment. Because while as we've matured, we've all entered sort of, I was going to say, adult relationships with Santa.

It's not what I mean. You know, we've all come to. We've all had sex with Father Christmas. We've all, we've all fellated Santa Claus. Yeah. And that's just how it goes. But I remember just, I just remember the magic, you know, It was so magical.

Like, it was so real. It's, it's, yeah, it was incredible. And so, yeah, power to those kids. I hope they still believe. Yeah. We've got the video. I won't anyone believe us. They should put it on YouTube.

Imagine the hits. Yeah, come on. Do it. Not click bait. Santa is real. Amazing. Well, it's time for a thing. Ben, do you want to go next or do you want to go last?

I would, I would love to go next if that's okay. Please do. can you guys smell that it smells like what is that smells like an onion Christmas isn't like an onion sage and onion

stuffing for your turn it's not sage and onion it is Reddit forward slash not the sage and onion or is it right hello

we're doing a Christmas not the onion here I searched the not the onion subreddit for Christmas and I've not discriminated based on year so I will

for clarification's sake provides the year or the date I suppose that these articles were or weren't published I have got a selection five of headlines for you and you have to decide

if they are real news stories or if they are from satirical news website The Onion. Are you guys ready? Yes. I will read them first and then I will go back through them and you can say yes or no on all of them.

First up, man arrested for choking driver who wouldn't stop singing Christmas carols. Okay. SWAT negotiator ends standoff by singing white Christmas. British public thinks Father Christmas would have voted to remain in the EU. Radio DJ plays WAMS last Christmas 24 times in a row after barricading himself in studio. Okay. And South Korea plans to put up a Christmas tree.

North Korea has threatened to bomb it. Wow. So we'll start with the first one. Man arrested for choking driver who wouldn't stop singing Christmas carols. Is it real or is it onion? I'm going to say real. Yeah, I'm picturing like someone on the coach home for Christmas and the driver's trying to bring some festive cheer and singing the whole way.

This man just had it. It doesn't, it's a big wrench. So I'm going to say true as well. It is true. This is from CBS News. And note the date here. the 8th of March 2020. Oh dear.

Well, I mean, more power to him, to be honest. It was around 9 a.m. Monday when a state trooper was waved down and told about a possible medical emergency on Route 28 just before the exit 13 on ramp. Headings, oh God, this is a lot of information about where it is. When he got to the scene, investigators said the trooper spotted a Chrysler Town, right? And, oh, Chrysler Town and Country Minivan parked on the shoulder. and two men on the other side of the guardrail

when the state trooper tried to handcuff Lucas he said Lucas wouldn't listen and after several verbal commands he ended up having to sweep Lucas's legs out from under him to gain control of the situation the victim told the trooper he was singing Christmas songs so the victim said Lucas tried to choke him to make him stop singing it's not funny it's not no but it also don't be singing Christmas songs in March what are you doing

no don't be doing that's wrong SWAT negotiator ends standoff by singing White Christmas I can kind of almost picture this being true but I'm just trying to think if there's some kind of twist to it that would be a kind of satirical gag but I'm going to well Mikey you go first this time I'm going to say it's false okay well I'll say true then

it is true this is from 6abc news.com from the 27th of December 2018 A police standoff in Chester County ended on Wednesday after a SWAT negotiator sang a Christmas carol. Authorities say 34-year-old Nathaniel Lewis barricaded himself inside a home on the three, a lot of information about where it is. Tuesday night, police were called to the scene from a concerned family member who said Lewis was in the process of separating from his wife and was behaving erratically. Chester County District Attorney Tom Hogan says a SWAT negotiator eventually talked the man into surrendering nine hours later by singing White Christmas. Wow.

which is a lovely ending to a bad situation. That's a real gamble. I could make things way worse. I mean, it's got to be tough to be a negotiator, but you've got to go with your gut, I suppose. It worked in that instance. British public thinks Father Christmas would have voted to remain in the EU. That's got to be satire, right?

I think. Oh, I'm saying this is very real. I'm picturing some kind of jokey, festive you gog of pull. What do you think Santa would have done? Just think of the paperwork it's had to do now. Bless him. I'll stick with onion, but I can see your reasoning. It is real.

Michael Johnson is more accurate than he thinks. This is from Yahoo.com from the 21st of December 2016. Santa is no little Laplander and would have voted to remain in the EU according to the British public. A UGov survey found that 63% of Britons think that Father Christmas would have backed staying in the European Union rather than Brexit.

38% though said he would have been a full-on Brexiteer, with the rest undecided. The survey also found that Santa would shun the major parties and vote green in a general election. I can see that, yeah. It does offer some clarification, which is very helpful. A little bit of commentary here. Staying in the EU would make sense for Father Christmas, as he can benefit from unlimited border controls on the night of December 24th and his sack of toys, let alone his huge number of elf workers,

might rely on access to Brussels single market. Wow, beautiful. Never have I heard anything less Christmassy. Radio DJ plays WAMS last Christmas 24 times in a row after barricading himself in studio. Oh, I don't know. It's the barricading in the studio that sends us over the edge. I could see someone doing this,

but to the point of blocking anyone from stopping it, I'm going to go onion Last Christmas We don't want to play last Christmas That many times I mean it's one of those songs that I'm not so into I'm going to say Yeah I think it's the onion

That's why I'm again in it It's real Independent.com 21st of December 2015 A radio host was so determined To get listeners in the festive spirit He barricaded himself in a studio To play Wham's Last Christmas

on repeat 24 times. Terrible. Joe Kohlhoffer began his 8am drive time show in Austria's Antenna Corinthia Station by blockading the door to the station with a wooden chair

and telling his co-host he would be presenting on his own. Patricia Jordan could apparently only watch through the glass partition as Kohlhofer took calls from listeners begging him to stop playing the song which was put on loop for almost two hours. Oh, God.

I mean, change the flipping... station. Don't call in and beg him to stop. It's just imagine like this police outside trying to break down their door and say, like, oh, stop playing the fucking song. Trying stop me fuckers. And finally, we have South Korea plans to put up a Christmas tree. North Korea has threatened to bomb it. That's got to be the onion, right?

Oh, I'm thinking that's true. I just sound so on brand. You mean they threatened to bomb specifically the tree? Specifically the tree, yeah Okay It's a clean sweep, it's a real one Wow This is from slate.com

From the 2nd of December 2014 On Tuesday The South Korean Defence Minister gave the go ahead to a Christian group to build and light a 30-foot Christmas tree-like structure on top of a hill near the North Korean border Seems pretty innocuous

It's not like a 30-foot tree is visible from outer space The only problem, North Korea isn't that into Christians at all In fact, in the past, Pyongyang, which views religion as a threat to its leadership cult, issued frequent objections against the tree, calling it a tool for psychological warfare and threatened to fire artillery at it. Jesus Christ. Yes, that's the tool for psychological thing, not the missiles you're pointing out the tree. Wow.

No, not at all. But there we are. That's my thing. Those are all real stories from the past, what? How many years? Eight years? Nearly nine years Yeah Well thank you very much Ben On the subject of that penultimate one We've got a question here from Jarath Button at Emo underscore Hawk on Twitter

Who says Merry Crembles It's the festive season yet again my dudes And it's another year of hearing the same old songs on loop Day in, day out Are there any Christmas songs you'd banish to the shadow realm Just so you don't have to hear it anymore Mine would be very tavern in New York, says Jared.

I like that song. I think it's one of my favorites. Yeah. Yeah, because it sounds like old and festive. That's one of the good ones. It's got a slur in it? That's got a slur in it. It's a different time.

It's fine. Yeah, it's from a different time. I noticed also recently that, oh, hang on, which, war is over, whichever one that is. You know, the one. So this is Christmas, that one. That one has a very inappropriate line in it, which is meant to be, it's meant to feel good and friendly and well-meant, but it's not.

I'm going to get the exact wording up because I do not want to miss-rope-ed. Hail and well-meant. But yeah, what about you guys while I pull up this? Is it the Leona Lewis song that Five more I think that's Leona, yeah Five more something till I said I don't really rate that one at all

No That's a more recent one I feel like it's a rule That all good Christmas songs Like were made before the 90s And anything after that It's just been inherently crap Excuse me, the darkness

Thank you Yeah Don't let the bell end Michael Don't let the bell end Wait Is that what he means? means wait no i mean he says it but it's not the intention but it's probably also a double entendre god how rude it's don't let the bells end it is don't let the bells end but the only

only way to say it is bell end don't let the bell in christmas stop don't let the dick right um oh we got we got clarification verbatim uh so this is john lennon and yoko o no singing uh happy christmas war is over. Later on, the second verse is so this is Christmas, for we come for strong, the rich and the poor ones, the road is so long, and so happy Christmas, for black and for white,

that's fine, for yellow and red ones. Oh, oh. Let's stop all the fight. That's not. Okay. John, yeah. Not good at all. Oh, yeah. never noticed that before.

No, but everyone complains about Fairytale of New York, which, I mean, fair enough, it's got a slur in it. I'm not saying it hasn't. It's not great. Let's also have a go at John Lennon. Yeah. You can't even defend himself. Sure.

John, you're dead. Yeah. So there's more than one Christmas song that is now sort of dated and inappropriate, despite the message behind it being well-meant, well-meaning. Well, you've got to make the Yuletide linear as well. we can't forget that. Yes, that's right. I've always hated that song.

It's so somber and, like, the song is supposed to be a little bit, like, low energy, well, not all them, but a little bit dark, but that one just, it's just so draining. It's, ugh, gross. I really don't like, from John Lennon to Paul McCartney. I don't like Paul McCartney's one,

simply having a wonderful Christmas time. I don't know if that's what it's called. Moon is bright. It's so good. The moon is bright. The thing that bothers me the most is not just the rubbish lyrics, but it's the someone just punching a bad synthy keyboard in the background. I was literally about to say the sins of the best bit of that thing.

It's so good. Blum, blum, blum. Have you seen the theory on Twitter that it essentially describes some kind of like midnight wick and ritual that keeps being interrupted? right let me get the lyrics up while mickey says his i'm gonna i don't know why i've just never bloody liked it as uh i saw mommy kissing santa claus oh right yeah i just oh it's always irk me i mean not not the kissing it's just i just don't like it as a song it's structure fuck you michael jackson terrible terrible song and the other jacks i was i was quickly trying

to rack my brains trying to find like christmas songs so suddenly went blank it turns out the cheeky girls did a did a christmas song titled have a cheeky Christmas Yeah, of course that's what it was called Yeah I could have guessed that They had one stick

We've got Dave They've got cheeky It's simple as Yeah Oh dear Okay so we've got The mood is right The spirits up

We're here tonight And that's enough And then they get interrupted Simply having A wonderful Christmas stuff So is that what they sing When someone catches them Oh no no

We're just having a No no No Just simply having A wonderful Christmas type And then it gets A bit more tenuous As it goes on

But there is the also the verse the word is out about the town to lift a glass oh and don't look down which is weird right uh the party's on the spirit's up we're here tonight and that's it well it just repeat yeah it's shit isn't it actually it's all just it says verse five but it's the same as four and one so i don't really anyway there was a viral tweet the other year that was that was like yeah it sounds like they're doing some sort of ritual and they keep getting interrupted i like it that's good uh well that's it we're all answered which is very good so they're all banished forever um i've got a thing here i've got two christmassy stories from the

daily mirror weird news section um i was just going to bring one along and then in the related stories i saw another and i was like i've got to do both i've got to quickly squeeze them in so i don't have it we've got some christmas news here um freddie bennett wrote this first one mom's elf on a shelf warning after toy's face was quote cremated sparking fears of house fire Oh my God There is a photo

Oh no God Subheading after hearing her boyfriend racing upstairs saying that something was on fire Mum Max Oliver eventually found the elf toy that was unrecognizable

Here we go then With Christmas fast approaching Parents up and down the country have been busy getting their kids into the festive spirit by taking part in elf on the shelf. While the fun game is a joy for kids, one mum has shared an urgent warning for other families taking part in the mischievous challenge after a major mishap with the toy nearly set her house on fire. Mum Max Oliver 27 from Cornwall decided to get her son Charlie, who was five at the time, the popular elf toy for him to play with at Christmas time. However, just 15 minutes after introducing her son

to the new activity, things took quite a turn. Oh my God. Let me just copy this first image to you. He works fast. My God, 15 minutes. I'll read a bit more and then send it over. Max explained that she'd been taking it in turns with her partner to organize where the little elf would appear, but one placement turned to disaster. She said, we were taking it in turns every day or so, and one day it was me, one day it was

him. On this particular day, I said, I forgot to move the elf. Can you move it for me? He said he'd got just the place. I will not send you a first of two photos. Oh, no. Just the place. Can you describe what we're seeing there? He's hanging from the lampshade. Literally, the elf is dangling. It's grabbing onto sort of the spines of the lampshade and its forehead is touching the bulb. That's such a good image. However, just as Max was getting into bed, she heard her boyfriend run upstairs

shouting that something was on fire downstairs. As the pair hastily legged it downstairs and searched for an electrical fault or similar, Max looked up and noticed none other than the little elf's legs dangling from a light bulb. Max continued, he went and hid it and we thought nothing of it, Fifteen minutes went by and he came rushing upstairs saying something's on fire, I can smell smoke.

We were going around the house, sniffing every plug socket in the house, which was quite funny, they say. Was it? It wasn't until I got downstairs in the front room and bent down to smell the plug socket. I looked up and saw these little legs dangling from the light bulb. When they rescued the little elf, she noticed that his face, right click, copy, right click. paste oh no you can see his pupils still that his face had been completely charged

and it had turned black cremated is the right word for that holy hell the mum added it wasn't just melted it was cremated it was black I was in hysterics my partner was a bit worried there was a fire in the house but then he saw the funny side we were both creased up and it was one of those

funny things. I found it a lot funnier at the time than he did. Do kids really want to play with that toy? It looks kind of shit. It looks like a decoration. I think the idea is, I'm not, I don't think this was as much of a thing when we were younger, but I think you just move it around the house and the kids

think it's alive. And that's just the idea is you just, they have to find it each day or something. Idiots. Have you seen that video of the girl she's like eight or something and her mum has drawn on her face when she was asleep and she wakes up she's got this really

strong accent and i didn't realize until later that it's part of like an elf on the shelf prank i think her mom is pretending that the elf drew on her and the girl's going no no no is he drawn on my face i got school i got school no it's very good i'll have to find it now if you know what i just do um but nearly two years on from the incident and max has finally been able to talk about this experience after her partner felt it would not be the best idea to post online about initially. She said, we still have the elf under the sink. It stayed under there. What, they still have the elf? Oh my God. You're going to hide the evidence. They can't just bin it. They killed an elf. I'm putting it in a memory box and we'll keep it in the house

forever now. Memory box. That's a nice way to put it. The shit box. I will quickly just send you I've got school sending an elf on the shelf example as well that's great it's an elf

shitting out chocolate chips into a candle oh that's good Mikey yeah it's just a special Christmas candle this is I've got

school God bless children with strong accents is a never-ending source of joy yeah she live a puddian yeah

something like that Merseysider I'm not laughing I've got school school it's not funny no it's not funny has he drawn in my face

oh bless that's fantastic so I recommend you search for that dear listener if you're not familiar with nah it's not funny I got school

but here's a second story it's just a quick one but I couldn't not talk about this when I saw it related Royal Mail Strikes leaves kinky sex starved Brits Dildoless at Christmas.

No! No! This is Brexit Britain here in a nutshell. Father Christmas would never do this to us. It's political correctness gone mad somehow. Disgust it.

This is an exclusive. The owner of sex toy company GetFrutiCo.com has warned that kinky Brits wanting sex toys for Christmas will have to find other ways of having a merry time due to the post strikes.

What's that website again? sorry? I was just typing it in there. Get fruityco.com. Co. Just CEO. Yeah. Oh, goodness me. Lube and essentials. Well, I wouldn't order anything.

Does it want an elf cost, Jim Peter? 20 pounds. You can see a lot. I bet you can. Oh, they've got your favorite, Ben, fist it, sperm lubricant. Fucking finally, I'd be looking for that everywhere. Do they have, is it? Hang on, content creators.

What? Feeling the pressure of constantly coming up with new content for your Followers? Get your monthly fix of innovative sex and adult toys. Fancy underwear, brass sets and dress-ups with our affordable subscription boxes. Oh my God, can we hawk, get Frutico tat boxes?

I've just signed up for it, so I'll go, good. Is there an elf costume variant with a cremated face? Is that possible? That's not... If you get the elf costume and you end up with a cremated face, it's gone very wrong. To be clear, it seems the content creators thereafter

are for people who are on only fans and things like that. Number one gift box for adult entertain. We could be that though. Wasn't that one of the donations? Poddy, its only fans, when?

Oh, coming next year. Videos is changing. So this article is written by Adam Kyla, Kayla, I'm not sure. The Royal Mail Postal Strikes are hitting Brits hard in a way you might not expect.

Horny shoppers have been left without their kinky Christmas presence after several strikes over the next week take place on top of ones already completed. But according to the owner of Sex Toy Company, GetFrutico.com, post offices around the country are now piled high with rampant rabbits and dildos with nobody around to deliver them. Piled high, lads. Piled high.

Owner Adam Wright said that he currently has hundreds of dildos and other sex toys stuck in sorting offices and his warehouses awaiting delivery. He explained, to call it a balls up would be an understatement. Orders have been flying since September and we've been running a 24-7 operation to get them out. We've done our best to make hay while the sun shines and get everything out as quickly as possible, but the strikes are really affecting business through no fault of my own. We're also providing an essential service in my view. Some people say sex is a human right. and what gives people more pleasure than being able to climax

probably, I don't know, it's not for me to say. Put that on a tea towel. Yeah, if it doesn't resolve pretty soon, there will be hundreds, if not thousands of sex-starved Brits this Christmas and that's not really in keeping with the festive spirit.

Santa wants you to. Get off. Come. I'm one and all. oh come there we go it'll be a white Christmas this year for some

oh oh well then at the bell end we don't think so we don't get on the bell end sure why not

so we can end on one more question thank you Peter yeah thank you for that Peter you're welcome just keeping you up to date keeping you abreast I was

so we did have a question from Pet Shopman at Pet shop underscore man who did say can we listen to Peter's Carol of the Poddietz again please it's been too long about a year well just so you know

it's available on YouTube whenever you want so you don't have to wait for it to come round again it's been on the on the channel since it was first revealed it may already be on the podcast feed as well I don't know but it's available but we can play it at the end

if you like yeah go out with that hell yeah But we've got one more question here, one proper question, which is from Stephen Skodes at S. Skodes 8, who says, What was the strangest Christmas gift you ever received? Was it something you grew to love over time?

Or hated it so much that you got rid of it? I once got a shirt that said, I'm super awesome. I was 14 at the time and was past that age of getting those types of shirts. Thank you, Stephen. Oh, man. I've got one if you guys haven't. Yeah, go ahead.

one that brings to mind. So my, let's see, my cousins, you know, like your cousin, you share a set of grandparents with and then they've also got a separate set of grandparents. And the other grandparents of my cousin, we all lived in the same geographical area and there were like occasional bits of like child care sharing and stuff. So we sort of knew these other grandparents, like these cousin grandparents reasonably well. And they would sometimes get us Christmas presents, which is very nice. of them. And they seemed to get word that I liked art, which, I mean, I didn't not like art or

drawing, but I don't think it was like a key part of my personality. But anyway, that's what they've been told or they've got that idea. And I got this very strange thing from then. It might not actually be the strangest gift of ever received, but it springs to mind as a strange one, which was you open it and it looks like you've just got a black sheet of paper but then what you do is you scratch it and underneath it's like shiny metallic and it came with a thing to show you how to do

like a photorealistic it was like a lioness and a lion cub like facing down the camera and you sort of it's like a scratch card but like a it kind of has the texture of a sparkler like a fireworks sparkler it's like metal filings stuck to a shiny bit of kind of brass coloured metal paper it's really strange so you just scratch it off and reveal the shiny stuff underneath and that was really odd and I don't think I ever did it because it just seemed

like a lot of faff and probably a lot of mess you just end up with all the iron filings on your table I had one of those as a kid and literally within five into starting it I got bored and yeah terrible terrible yeah I think my biggest upset was like all my adult life I've really wanted like a proper Christmas jumper but I've never gone out the way to buy one for myself because like you buy it and you get like two weeks of you set out of it before it retired but um one year my parents said to me like oh we'll buy like just out of the blue like oh we'll buy you a Christmas jumper for Christmas I was like oh sweet yeah yeah

do it surprise me go for it I traveled up got home and they bestowed a Christmas jumper upon me but rather than like your traditional nice woolen knitted one with like an intricate camp design, like, you know, like a really crap Christmas jumper, like, which is the best kind of Christmas jumper. It was just like a red jumper with a picture of Will Ferrell as elf on it. And I was like, oh, that's not the good kind of crap. That's just crap. I mean, I didn't tell my one.

I think it elevates it, honestly. Maybe I'll, maybe I'll grow up appreciate it. I'll see if I can find it when I go home this Christmas and I'll see, I'll see what it looks like. Maybe I'm being too harsh on it. Yeah, that was quite disappointing. I wore it. I wasn't ungrateful. I was very thankful. I was like, oh, this is great. It's so warm.

But, yeah, I didn't bring it back home with me. Oh, man. I feel like I've talked about this before, but I once got a paper traditional candy store bag filled with odd bits of Macano from my aunt and uncle. And it felt like the first part of a gift that the second part never was. arrived and I was so bemused and it was never explained and I I definitely got rid of it after a while but like it was just a bag of loose Macana and I never got clarification on what it was and I still don't know it's that it's in a bag just loose in a bag that's what's strange it didn't even have sweets in there's a mixed a box of Macaano it's just an assorted they do an assorted general mixture box here it is that would be way

less weird but yeah you'd rather up the suites you're right pick and mix of mccano isn't quite yeah very weird i yeah i never got clarifications so i still i still don't know what that was about there's a bit of a running joke in my family now uh past few since uh several years ago where um we all sort of send little christmas list to each other not that you know we necessarily expect to receive even anything from them um per se but It's just, you know, ideas. If you don't know what to get for me, this is something that I'd quite like. And my mum says, now whenever she posts hers, she says,

and do not go off brief to my dad in particular. Because one year, he infamously brought her a pair of slippers that have headlights on the front. So if you go down in the night where like a midnight snack, you can see where you're going. That's great. That doesn't sound functional. No, she wasn't that impressed with them. That's from that aisle in Tesco that they set up around Christmas, which is full of like the tiny card games and just tat that you give people.

Yeah, but it's often referenced now. In fact, my dad asked for regular slippers this year and he put with or without headlights. I don't mind. That's great. Yeah. So that's it. Merry Christmas, everyone. Fantastic.

Yeah, Merry Christmas. Thank you, Peter, for gathering. those questions. Yes, whatever you celebrate. And thank you guys for your things, your festive things. We hope you have a flipping wonderful Merry Christmas time, but not in a Paul McCartney way, or in a poor McCartney way, a sort of wick and way, whatever you want, pagan way. But we'll double back on that in a second. Firstly, though, Mikey, I believe there's some kind of shop. Yo, darn Tootin, if you navigate over to vidyatsofficial.com and click the lovely glowing,

well, it's not glowing, but it could be glowing in your mind. The shop button. you'll be greeted with a festive oh there's Dave I just navigate it to it myself and he's there on the sidebar you'll be greeted with a bounty of festive well not really festive goodies but if you buy them during Christmas that makes them festive if they're treats then they're gifts they become festive

but we got stickers mug hoodie shirts and my favourite the cap go give it a look if you if you need a last minute gift for the video and your life why not buy them a beans time t-shirt hey they love it It might be too close to Christmas

to get stuff in time for Christmas but treat yourself with some of that Christmas money maybe. Yeah, that's good. Shout out to everyone who sent us pictures of the stuff they've got so far. Steven Skodez, Adi Pramana, Stephen Nori, do, do, do, I'm just scrolling through. Samuel Benson, Jared,

among many others. Thank you so much. Send us a tweet with a photo of your merch and wall. We'll give you a retweet. Thank you so much for supporting the store so far. been so many of you and it means a lot to us. Yeah, we know it took us a while to bring it in-house, but we did it boys. We did it.

We did it. We're not going to YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiates official. We've also got the vidiates official discord. If you go to vidyatsofficial.com forward slash discord, you can go join the community and chat with like-minded poddiots listeners. Thank you to Tommy and Fleckers for modding us over there, by the way. Thank you. Thank you very much.

dot TV forward slash video. It's official. We stream there relatively often. Well, no, that's not right at all. We've streamed there relatively often recently, but generally we don't stream there all that often. Thank you to everyone who came to the charity stream that myself and my friend did recently. We raised some good money for mind. So thank you so much for that. You can go see the Vod on the YouTube channel if you would like. Why not go to pottyats.com and donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. You could join Pumpy Platoon, the Tiny Troop, all the fast crew. Mikey's going to run through them again now.

We begin with the generous Sideways Box Car, your boy, Marlo Ho Ho. Tong Punch, Blobby's Fart Box, the very generous, one vowel from Shira, Butterfield Christmas Party, the generous, you know it's all about Dakum, walking in a Mr. Blobby Land, a generous Digby Christmas Tinner, Donak, 07, Mary Jess Hughes and Moos Oh Peter can you do the German one for me please Yeah Lord

Froe Weinachtenovitch Froe Weinachovitch There we go, nailed it Thank you Rain drop joy And the generous Stephen Scores Thank you all Thank you

Also jingle tits Merry Pudmus For were ready The very generous My brother is a ball bag Amy Wicks is de best wife The very generous festive fleckers The very generous Luminal Spoon

Mr Street View visits Podiots Santa's sweatshop and Got Blobby with an elf Oh I think that is in order When you read So Mr Street View visits Podiat's Santa's sweatshop And Got Blobby with an elf

It still doesn't make sense In that I don't really understand What the narrative is But I think they all go together Kind of works. Yeah, maybe. Hello to my cunting daughter. Merry Mikey Pusmus.

Vidiot's official.com. Scott Chegg. This is Mikey, please ignore. And Mr. Blobby is in my chimney. And finally we've got Mr. Macca, pood in a Dalek at Blobbyland, Prince Beefcakes, Shrex Exmus Amazon Refund.

All I want for Exmus is Mr. Blurk. Vidiot's only fans when? Is Kermit, the Pog's IRL named Joe, glitchy Peter says what, Caroline get the poster, I missed the poster, wherefore art, gutter snipe, Fleckers, Finn Tristam, Big Titty Jesus 42, Gromit Romney, Kermit the Pog, and Plopsy Wopsy Bumcrack Flaps. Thank you, all of you for being the final pod squad of 2022. We really appreciate it. Once again, poddiots.com. Donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and

the end of the next episode, the first episode of 2023. Peter, what's out on Vidiot's this week? Well, yes, on that note, I will not only do what's out since the last episode in this fortnight, but given that there's not that much to go through, I will go to the end of the year. Take us right up to 31st of December. So we begin with Merry Christmas, Johnny, which is an unlisted video we did for Johnny. Vidyat's live Twitch stream Spiro Reignited Trilogy number two

Worst games ever Zena Warrior Princess Poddyitz episode 24 Mary Kreisler Worst games ever Spice World Poddyitz episode 25 Clumpy Grid

Vidyets live Twitch stream Spiro Reignited Trilogy number three Post some tat number 39 Finale Five hours long the video to tell your friends montage oh it's really wrapping up now worst games ever

Mr Bean worst games ever Santa Claus saves the earth went out on Christmas day that was terrible on New Year's Eve 31st of December 2018 What's in the case

Portal Goblin face reveal God what a sad Christmas gift became people It's so sad but don't worry it all starts again the year loops in 2023? It does, yeah. You did a stream

on the 2nd of January 2019 Ben, the Dark Souls remastered. Oh, I'd not have done the DRC, I think. There was some Resident Evil 2 streamed on the 25th of Jan, and then that's it really. Then it's the Where are the Vidiates update video in March?

So, that's the loop background. Vodietz from there on. Yeah. Blimey. Mikey, where are you on the internet currently? At Parrot Boy on Twitter is the best place to keep up with my antics, go give it a look. There's lots of fun stuff on there, probably.

I'm very excited, actually. I'm doing a fun Advent calendar that Claudia got me. I think when it's built, I'm going to do a fun video about it. So get your peepers out for that. Oh, nice. Amazing. And Peter, where are we? We are at Team Triple Jump over on YouTube and Twitch and Facebook and Twitter,

where we're doing all sorts of stuff that you will be familiar with. if you're a vidiates viewer of old and you've still not checked us out. So please go and have a look at that. And Ben is on Twitter at Confused underscore Dude. And I'm on Twitter and also Hive, but the app just doesn't work on my phone. So I'm not posting on Hive at that Peter Austin. So mainly Twitter for now. But if Hive starts working again, I will keep cross posting, maybe, I don't know.

See? We'll see. We'll see. Why not leave us a five-star review on your platform of choice? There's a free Christmas present you can give us. It takes no time at all and it doesn't cost you anything and it all helps

with Al Gore's rhythms of course as well lest we forget Is there a final Christmas question we can ask before fucking off Who wants to hear

Merry Podiot Oh me me I do I do Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate Everyone

Happy New Year Stay safe We'll see you in 2023 Bye Bye Bye Merry Christmas

Merry Gresum, Grisland. Weird pod squad names, London's Lorraine, Michael Juxan, not the onion, gulls eating dogs, Jaggers is knob, ghost skeleton, Naruto run, Edinburgh jokes, song about stoke, banksie is meal, succulent meal, tournament time, cow on the line, get freebie bucks, Dave eating tucks, Darwin awards, Bin Laden's horse, uncle fatty, Mr. Bloppy, erotica, chocolate grandma, mcnuggy cake, frozen meat face, Milo is purging, grapecorn is flooding wikis, weird, curves disappeared. Many, many, many, many, many podiots, many, many, podiots, bed flattens arm, 30, fandom, Boisey and Jim, higher Berlin, fridge, leaking gas, Yoda in mash, Mikey's dog wrap, mental health apps, conspiracies, Hoover stories, German robots, school for parrots, piss in Ben's bed, Fisgog is dead, Jeff the Mungoose, Noel Edmoo, Psycho, Seagull, Bade in Debt,

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