Podiots - Podiots: Episode 116 - Unisex Hairy Relative

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Ben's found the droids you're looking for, Peter's enhancing some favourite tunes & Mikey's in search of a serial sausager Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://podiots.com/ Visit our shop! - https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop ------------------- Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS! Support Ben and Peter: https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/ Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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is a great trip. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western Book direct and save at bestwestern.com So he's never far from our hearts despite what we said last week about maybe leaving him out of it. Oh no, please, Ben, give it.

Please. It's only been one week. I just can't, I just couldn't stay away. So I've been scrolling through Dave's likes and I'm back in June of last year now. And there's one sort of fairly innocuous like that has drawn my attention. I just wanted to talk to you guys about it quickly.

You know, on Facebook, where you can sort of create, I don't even know how you do it, but you create almost a cartoon version of yourself. Oh, yeah. And only old people use it. And it's sort of like... Are you talking about Bitmoji? Is that what it?

I don't know what it's called. Is that it? I think some young people do it as well. Like my sister and my wife do it. Really? Okay, so they do... Well, if we're talking about the same thing, yeah. Like a little cartoony, yeah, I think so.

It just, I don't know, in my experience, it feels like it's almost you're identifying yourself as an old person, whether or not you're, you're literally old. I mean, I agree with you, yeah. I think just using Facebook in general as an identifier of being old at this point. Yeah, that's very true. There's one here, it's just, it's in a tweet, it's a fairly innocuous tweet, but it just, I don't know, there's something about it that's like, My Mum using Facebook.jepag in a way.

And with the combination of the image and the text feels like vaguely threatening. And I think it's really elevated because of the shitty little avatar. Oh, God, those things now. Yeah, that is more of a... Oh, that's the iPhone thing. It's a bit more G. Is it? Is that what it is? It's not face.

I don't know what it is. It's the iPhone thing. I can't remember what it's called. Yeah, that's not Bitmoji. That's terrifying is what that is. People use it on like WhatsApp and stuff if you're a bit younger. But that thing, I've seen that. I know, yeah, God, that's not what my mind first went to.

But sort of strange 3D. I'm glad I've seen a few people use them. I think people save them and then post them on Facebook. Yeah. Like people will, I've seen family members respond in comment threads with like an avatar thing that doesn't really look like them with like a thumbs up as almost like a yes

I'm engaging with the post yeah it is it is kind of it's it is sinister particularly that character there I don't know if you can make it look more or less like yourself but yeah it's just

yeah it's just like a blank expressionless eyes dead inside even though there's a smile on that face you know there's nothing going on inside I will I will say which account it's from

and then I will also take a screenshot of the face and put it on the Twitter thread because I think it's so generic that it could literally be anyone at all. Could be Simon Miller. It could be Simon Miller. It's a bold man with his thumb up and he's got some sort of like shadow

around the side of his head, some stubble and he's just got these wide eyes and a smiling mouth and the text says at Dave Benson Phil be at Let's Rock Scotland See You Tomorrow Smile for the Camera Loll And then there's just this horrifying

Sort of unblinking monster Yeah smile for the camera And it's not cartoony Like it's a bit moji That I thought you were talking about Is like 2D flat Like coloured in things with outlines But that's like

Not Disney or Dreamworks It's like the animated film films that get made that may be, you know, that are somehow popular even though, and it's just because everyone takes their children to see them. It's that kind of thing where it's somehow making money and they've done six of them. It's early Barbie movie animation, I think. It's kind of like ratatooing rather than ratatooey. You've seen ratatooing? No. It's great. It's only released in theatres in Hungary and that's it. Yes, pretty much. Oh, no. I kind of resent Pete, are you saying that only young people use X and Y?

Because I like to think we're still young, but I've come to a realisation that we're not, are we? We're not young. Well, I've got younger siblings-in-law who, when I first met them, they were children. And now they're not children, but they are young people. So it's a bit close to home for me. Like, I feel like I'm a young person like you probably do until I go and see them. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, they all use TikTok and like understand. And, like, they dress weirdly, but it's actually fashionable.

But to me, it doesn't look fashionable. It's like, why are you wearing just a giant, like, man's shirt or whatever, you know? But it just makes me feel old. God, we don't understand the youth anymore. It's happened. That was clear from our dated references that we've never evolved from. No. Even the references we were doing five years ago were about 15 years out of date by the time we were doing.

Now they're 20 years out of date. So that's good. Anyway, I just wanted to talk about that because I don't know. Maybe I just resent it in a way and I just wanted to work out what it was. What is it? Is it an iPhone thing? I'm just saying. I do have for some reason some like huge internal resentment against anything that's new or different.

Like TikTok, I just abstain from completely. I despise that app, stuff like this. I like what I like and God damn it. I'm not changing. You can't make me. I don't even use Discord. I don't use Discord servers for, you know, like there are probably some really cool Discord servers

for specific niche interests that I'm into that like there would be some really cool, like-minded people, but I just refuse to use it other than for work. So, yeah, I'm resistant to all these things. To be all, I mean, we've got to talk about it. Thanks to the 1,000 people that tagged us on Twitter but the Mr. Blobby costume auction on eBay

for one of the authentic real-life Mr. Blobby costumes. Is it still going? Have you seen what it's up to now? Like tens of thousands of pounds. It's on 62,101 pounds. Yeah. Jesus. Well, someone's going to bid 69,000, surely.

I don't know if any of these bids are real. Are they real, do you think? It can't be. They made the mistake of allowing people to bid who have no bidding history so people can just like make eBay accounts bid and clearly not follow through. So he's got a hope or she has the owner has got to hope that at least like one or two of the high bids are genuine. I don't know. We also saw the beans clock, the beans time.

Thank you to everyone who tagged us in that. It continues to tag us in that. So it's appreciated. It's good there. That's like lateral thinking because it didn't see. It doesn't say it is beans time because that's not an actual phrase or meme, but it's just a clock with some beans in. And everyone's tagging us in and saying beans time.

So I at least appreciate that you guys have had to do a bit of extra legwork there to make it relevant. Absolutely. We'd be lost without you. And we appreciate your vigilance, even though we, yes, we have seen it. Thank you. No, we will not be placing a bid on it. Dave Benson, Phillips, thoroughly used toilet seat is one thing. a 62,000 Mr. Blobby costume is another entirely.

Can we get a Mr. Blobby morph suit? Is that, is that? Oh, surely. That must exist, yeah. Morph suit. It's Memoji is the name of that thing, by the way. Meimoji. Memoji.

Right. Okay. There is sort of a cursed Mr. Blobby costume you can get for 74 pounds. It looks like you inflate it. I will send you guys a link. and yeah, there we are. Are we far away from the Dick and Dom Live show now, by the way? God, it's March, isn't it, I think, yeah, yeah.

God, that's going to be coming soon. It's creeping up. Yeah, well, God, I've been eagerly looking at my emails, waiting for that email that you've been chosen to go on stage, but I can't get my hopes up. Are they, is that how it works? Are they going to tell us before the show? Or is it not just pick people on the night?

in the email when it got re-redated. Oh my God, why can't I do words today? It got rescheduled. There we go redated. I like that more. When it got rescheduled, they sent an email. Apologies, but the show's been delayed, but some lucky VIP members will be emailed before the show

to let them know that they'll have the chance to go on stage. So we'll see. I know, Ben, you've voiced your absolute fear of that happening. Yeah, if they get in touch and say that it's me, then one of you can pretend to be me if you want. Yeah. Yeah. That's why it's strange, though, is that, like, you would think that you would want to,

like, on the night, see who's up for it, rather than, like, pick people. And then what if those people say, no, I don't want to go on stage? Like, whereas there and then you can just say, oh, you know, stick your hand up. If you want to be on stage, it makes more sense to do it that way. But, hey, they can do it how they like. Their dick and dom. It's crazy. No one knows what's going to happen next.

Oh, really anything could happen. There probably is a screening process involved where you have to sign a waiver and promise not to say really bad words on stage. So they can see you after the fact. Yeah, probably. I've gone down a real rabbit hole now of Blobby adjacent costumes.

Yeah. And Mr. Blobby appears to be some sort of official costume, but there's all sorts of offshoots that they've sort of skirted around the legal aspect of it. for AllieG there's 90s celebrity costume Oh yeah that's good

I like all those the fake The fake names Yes what about Boy wizard and stuff like that Instead of Mr Motivator How about aerobics instructor Instead of Alan I think it's Alan from The Hangover

There's men's stagnight hero that's what the boys call me my favorite one though is instead of cousin it there's unisex hairy relative hairy relative which is especially good anyway we could be here all day we should probably start the show we should let's do that

hello Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy. It's the official. Fidiotts. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings a thing. A lot to talk about. I'm Ben.

I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Hello, gentlemen. Hello. Bonjour. How we doing? You good? You okay?

Yeah. Yeah, doing all right. Thanks. are you doing? Yeah, I'm doing okay. I'm doing all right, thanks. How are you doing? Yeah, not bad.

How are you doing? Yeah, I'm doing all right. Anyone will ask me? No. Ben, how are you doing? Yeah, I'm doing okay, thanks, Peter. I'm doing great, thanks. How are you doing?

Mikey, can you, I'm trying to ask, Peter, how are you doing? I'm doing great, thanks. I'm doing, Mikey, I'm trying to tell him how I'm doing. I'm doing great, thanks, Ben. Thank you, yeah. That's really good. Have you been up too much since I spent all day at work with you? Not really.

mostly thinking about how much I don't care how Mikey's doing. Well, that's the thing. I mean, I spoke to Mikey two weeks ago. I don't need to talk to him again. I had a really nice meal deal. Sorry, it looks like Mikey's talking on disco. I've got him muted.

Yeah, me too. I see his ring. I just like, I do like, I think he said food, though. I mean, I don't know about you, Peter, but I'm kind of interested in maybe what was in the meal deal. I've got a big bag of Huluops. Oh, okay. Well, see, I'm not interested.

You're okay, pizza? You're doing it? Well, mm. I'm intrigued about whether he beat his P-B for the Mail-Dill speed run. I do need to try that again at some point. I need to just terrorise. It's the thing. I need to find a non-local Tesco to do that in,

so I don't get banned for running around the shop truck. I can just say, I'm in a hurry, sorry. Yeah. You've got to film yourself as well. That's the awkward bit. That is the awkward bit. I definitely, if I'd done that, if I'd had that idea, I would have recorded it separately and then dubbed it in post.

because I'm that awkward doing things in public I've seen worse things in that Tesco I once there's a dude that walked in there just smoking a joint which is just Bristol

but no shame and no one said anything so I think I'm fair to run around and scream at a camera for a bit yeah why the hell not yeah I think so

well here's a here's a fun little jump aboard the segue we're riding here we go if you would like to help

support my Michael buy his meal deals. You should go to poddiots.com. It's entirely optional. You don't have to. But if you go there and donate three pounds or more, you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Poddietz.

You join Pod Squad. And you're also, beyond helping Michael buy himself some lovely hula hoops, you can just support us generally. So you were listening. Well, I heard hula hoops, and that's where I'd sort of stuff. I don't want you to get the impression that I care.

I love a happy ending. Mikey Yes Do you have The first troop I do indeed We begin with Alf's back

In Tazzo form Scrummy cummy Plop Plops Donak 07 You dirty Twonky Bartek

Kopea Oh no Bartek Kubika Fartek Pipza That's quite It's got a good little jingle to it

Raindrop Joy Mr. Maltorvator That's weird You just talked about Mr. Motivator earlier Oh my God, yeah I know Maybe he'll be our next obsession He's still going

Yeah, it could be Yeah I have some reason I feel like he's done something problematic But I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to I'm not going to

I'm not going to I'm not going to Cuisher thing without just Scandal Pando Mr Motivator scandal No It's best not to know Well, Ben's Googling for scandals.

Mr. Motivator arrested for supply of illegal Class A substance, 1st of September 2014. Oh, that's not. Really? Well, that, yeah, apparently, that's, well, that's... It seems a bit old for running drugs. Wundergroundmusic.com. I don't know how reputable that. Right.

That site is. I'll find out. You know, I'll do some more research. That's how he's so motivated, though. It's just endless thing, right? Yeah. Sorry, Mr. Motivate. I don't know if any of this is true.

I'll continue with... Mr. Dopevator. Aw. Creamy dream, the Earl of Deltoid. Ben remembers to pick a fave. Lloyd's Bank, danger wank,

Freddy Bedson, bed tits, and Stephen Skodes. Also, we have got Lord Brotovic. You know it's all about Dacoum, Blobby and Dave deathmatch, Billy Ray Wanks off,

Phil Harding's hat, Mikey versus Ashton stream when Paradise Kuna More cats Who was very generous and said First time Donator Been enjoying your Things for so many years now

What you managed to create in this podcast And on all the channels Is truly wonderful to me Skoia And that says A Hebrew expression Which roughly translates to Appreciate and go on forward

Well sorry for butchering Skoia But thank you for that very much We've also got thanks for leaving me out of it he's donated at last time of the month blob squad

last donation for a bit who was very generous and said hey oh boys it's your favourite Andrew Stinson hope you all had a great new year I got engaged over Christmas and oh my God weddings are expensive so we're saving where we can so sadly this would be my last donation

for a while but I will keep listening kiss kiss well thank you very much Andrew congratulations thank you and congratulations I hope you're getting married and we've also got boys look out thwack yeah sorry

I'm like knee deep now in Mr Motivator's criminalist law law L-A-W I think by the sounds of it I think Wonderground is a is a parody website the article begins. Britain's favorite fitness guru Mr. Motivator has been arrested today after being

found in possession of a Class A substance with intent to supply in the steam room at his local gym slash house, where he was busy doing squats to the sound of SL2's on a ragger tip. In his local gym slash house. Yeah. That's a funny coincidence. That's one of the songs I've used for like a stream

promo before. Oh, wow. So that is confirmed he was not arrested for that. He's never been arrested. I just had a read through a quick readthrough of the mirror.co.uk article from last year about him and he moved back to jamaica a bit because his daughter was ill in the early noughties and then he i think he's now back in the UK so i don't think there's been any scandals okay mr motivator for context was a man who comes from jamaica by the sounds of it i didn't know where he was from

who used to just do fitness videos and fitness tv programs back in the sort of 90s maybe 80s as well, I think. Yeah. Yeah. He was the best. Let me just, hang on. Before I get back to Pod Squad, there's a photo of Mr. Motifator. Now, in spite of the fact that it looks like the photo's been rotated 90 degrees.

No, that's just how fit this man is. He's holding himself up off the floor. Can you imagine? Have you sent this photo yet? I've put it on Twitter. Sorry. Oh, right. Okay.

I'll send it to you as well, Peter. There you go. No, it's okay. There he is. He's there. Look at him. He's like pushing the ground down. How is he doing that?

He's so strong. I don't understand. Peter, could I get the last two of your donations again, please? Yep. Okay, hang on me, scroll up. Boys, look out. Thwack. I warned yas.

Thank you. Thank you. There we are. We did get hit, though. Thank you to the very generous. Ben is a speedophile. That speed. to be clear

and it says don't let Michael read that name out loud been listening since triple jump started sadly didn't find videos until too late but watched all of it since

and loved it all big love to you three and glad I can finally afford to donate thank you so much thank you very much I really appreciate it also the very generous

Stroop Waffle 420 who says thanks for all the cheeky episodes during all those years the way you'll make mundane subjects special because a highlight of my week. Here is a big load to indulge in and take care. Greetings from the Netherlands. Thank you.

Thank you, Street Waffle. Thank you for the big load. Place it Street Waffles. I get it. Melissa Joan Schart. William Schartner. Wivly Wobbly, Kamiwami. Pottietz has changed 137, who is very generous and said, hi, boys. I for one. Welcome our new Blobby Overlord. Thanks for all the last. Over these five years. You're very welcome. Kevin Schart. It's a real theme today. That's a good one I can test hyphen ureital recordings

which I think is a parody of the first Yeah The episode thing that we released Thanks for the nut Vidyatsofficial.com Finn Tristan

Please ignore And Dave Benson's stiff nips Thank you very much To the pod squad for this week Remember if you'd like to donate and support the show

Go to pottyats.com And donate three pounds or more You get a shout at the beginning in the end of the show And we love you very very much Thank you Thank you so much. Mikey.

No. Peter? Yeah? Do you have questions? Do you have a question? Who has his microphone, right? Pick a favorite. Ben, pick a favorite.

Pick a favorite. The donation even reminded you. Pick what? Pick what favorite? I don't understand. It's never going to get through. It's never going to get through to him, is it? No.

I need context. I don't understand. I don't remember what it, what is referencing. The fourth last donation. in Mikey's group. Look at that. Pick a favourite from the donations. Yeah.

You do it every fortnight. So was that genuine terror from your voice? Yeah, I could work out at first with you a joke. I had no fucking clue what you were talking about. When I was putting together the donations, I even thought, that must be a reference to a question we've had previously where I didn't have an answer. One of the guys will know what that means.

And he just yelled at me and told me to pick a favorite. I just thought you couldn't tell you were joking. I thought you were joking. I don't know. I mean, we all laughed. which one was it now I've forgotten thanks for leaving me out of it the implication being that

Dave's been listening all along and donating but I was also really taken by surprise by Melissa Joan Schart Yes I'm going to One of the Sharts for me Yeah Kevin Shart for me It's a good week for Sharts Love a good shirt

Yeah love a good shot Thank you Pod Squad very much And I'm sorry I forgot To pick a favourite The chaotic intro, I feel. Yeah, it's crazy. People pay for. Michael, get us back on track.

Would you boys like a question? Yes, please. Now, every once in a while here at Poddietz, we like to delve into some very serious heart-hacking subjects, and our first question is going to take us right down that road. Oh. This one's from Sideways Boxcar

at Sideways Boxcar on Twitter, and they ask, if you had to pick a common sound to play every time you got around, like the intro music for DreamWorks movies or a Mario Mushroom sound effect, what would it be and why? My thought for this one was the Wilhelm scream. Nothing gets you in the mood more.

I've never done the Wilhelm scream in life, in real life before. Let me try this. How's that? Oh, that's not what I expected. Isn't the Wilhelm scream like, is the one that sort of goes up? What's your Wilhelm scream? What were you doing?

What was I doing? Wait, let me try again. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I like it. I like it. You know what? I don't have any notes. That's really good.

No, I listen to it. It's like, oh! Yeah, yeah. No, it is a bit like that, yeah. It is, yeah, but your first one was just, yeah, no, that was a, yeah, that was, that was, that was, I needed a practice one before that one. Yeah. I liked it.

I like all of them actually I think yeah all of those layered I think I'd quite like something just quite on the nose so it would just be literally every time I get aroused

you just hear let's get it on just that line because you wouldn't want something that's going to kill the mood would you if you're like if you're in a nice candlelit room and you've you know

you've been had a nice evening with your partner you turn to each other look at each other's eyes you suddenly feel a bit of a tingle you're married of course at this point you're married of course ideally you either want to hear

let's get it on or or one of those door stops that's on a spring where you pull it back and it just rattled you know like the cats they love to hear that that's the noise you hear that's a good one

yeah oh I'm horny horny that's too on the nose though isn't it that's like that's overtly on the nose not sensual is it but um no no what about the first five seconds of the chorus of we are the cheeky girls yeah which is just we are the cheeky girls we are the cheek yeah yeah that works i like yeah this is all good i'm actually i think i might need to take a break for a podcast for a minute i think i'm going to change my answer actually i would quite like

every time I get aroused, suddenly you hear, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha. Well, the inverse is true for most of our listeners, I think. Yeah, probably. What about every time you get aroused, it's the musical sting from Who Wants to Be a Millionaire when they've got to answer a question. Yeah. Good work.

I'm like a custom recording of Chris Tarrant saying, I am aroused. Is it tough? But we don't want to give you that. Oh, dear. Oh, there you go. That's some music for your pants right there. Yeah.

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Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Who would like to begin with their thing? I've got a thematically appropriate. Sorry, sorry, I do have a sexy adjacent thing, though, so it would almost be appropriate. Oh, okay, I was just about to say... I've got a musical adjacent thing, but I think sexy is probably more... more relevant. Okay, well, if you'd allow me to continue with sexy,

I look forward to hearing music, but I think you'll be especially interested in this sexy, Peter, you specifically. So here we go. I would like today to talk to you about The Empire Strips Back, the Unauthorized Star Wars Burlesque Parody. Oh, no.

Have either of you heard of this? No, I don't think so. I've seen the, is it the Indian version that they made? It's got like a slightly higher budget than you might expect, but it's very low budget. Okay, it's not that. This is an actual burlesque show. Wow, okay. This is real and you can see it, and it's Australian, and I'm going to tell you about it right now. This is mainly just advertising the fact that it's coming to a

particular theatre, but it gives us a good overview of what the show's about. And also, I believe this article is a little out of date. So if you hear the name of the theatre and think, oh my God, I could, maybe I could, it's gone. It's not there anymore. So you're going to have to search elsewhere. The internationally acclaimed The Empire Strips Back, the unauthorized Star Wars burlesque parody, will have a limited engagement

at the Montalban Theatre 1615 Vine Street in Hollywood beginning November the 19th. Featuring all of the classic Star Wars characters, The Empire Strips Back, created by Russell S. Beatty, takes audiences to a galaxy

far, far away, creating one of the most unforgettable and unauthorized theatrical versions of the Belvoirized, theatrical versions of the beloved franchise. Would you like to see a screenshot? I don't know. I mean, I am married, but sure.

Well, yeah, I mean, this will awaken things in you. I guarantee it. There's also a video component that I will send to you in a minute. Oh, goodness, me. Oh, sorry, my Wilhelm scream went off. Oh, blimey. It's going to do-dood-d-d-da-da-da-da-da-da. Combining striptease, song-and-dance, troop routines,

plenty of humor. Audiences are transported into the world of Berlesque to witness a menacing troop of seriously sexy stormtroopers, a dangerously seductive Boba Fett, tantalizing Twilex. Did I say that right, Peter? It's Twilix or Twylex. They say it differently in different episodes of different things. Oh, okay. I like Twylex. Tweedx. A delightfully lukewarm Tond, a lady-like Skywalker and of course scantily clad and daring droids. Even Darth Vader will explore her feminine side with a fantastical

twist. Oh you did those so fast I couldn't even keep up with all the potential punnage. Okay, hang on. So let me where did you get a dangerously seductive Boba Fett? Yeah, Buba Fett Buba Fet. Tantalising Tweedlex

That's fine. That's fine. Next one. What tweak? You could do twi-well Oh, yes, tweak, tweak, I don't know. I'm not sure about that. Twilix? Twilix, yeah. Delightfully lukewarm, ton-ton. I mean, this is the worst one, but you could literally just say,

I thought they smelled bear on the outside. Oh, goodness. Let your mind run away with the implications there. A lady-like Skywalker. See, those were the only two I can. came up with on the fly, but, uh... Luke Thigh Walker, is that anything? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Uh, and of course, scantly clad and daring droids. Um... Oh, that's a hard one. Um, haemorrhoids. Yes. Yeah, that's pretty sexy. Do, do, do, do.

Even Darth Vader will explore her feminine side with a fantastical twist. See, like I say, I only actually had two, but... Okay. Well, you've done pretty well. I've done okay. I did about 30%. C plus. Try harder. C plus. So this is a quote from someone who's seen the show. So it's got a lot of ellipsuses in. Dark and sexy. With each drawer of the curtain, we saw a series of acts that were visually decadent and totally unique.

A captive princess layer gyrating in a bikini to the nine-inch nails song closer. Or sexy stormtroopers stomping to the relentless seven-nation army. This is a line I don't know. understand. And Peter, you might be able to clarify. Or resident space pimp R2D2, making it rain by ejecting wads of cash into the air, while a braggadocious hand solo undulated to smooth criminal, making every goth and nerd in the audience scream like animals. I have no point of reference as to why R2D2 might be considered a space pimp. The resident space pimp.

Resident space pimp. No. No idea. No, I don't really know either. And from the clips that I've seen, because I did a bit of research, obviously. For the articles, yeah? Well, yeah, exactly. I didn't see anything R2D2 as anything other than just a little droid thing. C3PO gets some interesting airtime. Again, I'll show you the video in a sec.

You'll be able to see. First imagined in 2011 by Beatty, the original production was booked in a small 150 seat room in Sydney for a one-off three-night run. Fast forward to seven national sold-out Australian tours, an enthusiastic audience of over 100,000 plus and a Huffington Post video boasts. Hang on, a Huffington Post video feature boasting 20 plus million viral views. So it's really gone. I don't know how it still exists, to be honest. I would have thought Disney would have shut it down quite a while ago. I guess does it count as, is it some sort of parody allowance maybe to do a burlesque show? I don't know if it's parody really. It does label itself as a parody, so that could well be it. Right. I'm going to send you the video now. You can skip, you can watch the little beginning bit and then skip to like, I don't know, like maybe a minute from the end and you'll see some stuff because

it's a behind the scenes video. Right. Yeah. It's got some talking heads in the middle and you can see everyone skipping to the bit where the ladies are dancing dressed up as Star Wars characters. So yeah, if you guys want to cue that up, you can start watching it at the same time and just sort of describe what you see on screen. Okay. You ready? Yeah. Three, two, one, go.

Oh my God, there was a Jabba the Hut. Wow. I mean, now I'm aroused. Oh, they're doing Wreckingball. Miley's there. Yeah. Oh, Darvida's very, very sexy. It's just a leather cat suit thing, or like a gimp suit almost.

I don't know what I was expecting, but Hawley production values. Wow. Yeah, that was a lot more than I thought. now we're skipping to... You want to skip to maybe four minutes and 56 seconds? 4.56. Okay, should we all pause on there quickly? Yeah, 4.50.

Okay, ready? Gotcha. Three, two, one. Go. Sorry, we ended on inflating Jabba. There's a man inside Jamber the hump. Oh, my God. That jabba's pretty impressive.

I like that. It is good, yeah. They take it from city to city, and there's Princess Leia. I mean, you don't even have to do anything with Princess Leia She was already in an actual golden bikini in that episode So yeah, that's fine Horny, Mr Lucas And there's a man climbing out

That's the man inside of Jabba the Heart Danny DeVito That's him, Mr. Beattie, the guy who invented Jamba the hump And also this whole show If you keep watching, there's a lady talking now And we're about to see some sexy stormtroopers Oh, those are very sexy stormtroopers They're putting on their armour

Can't be denied there we are they're walking around yeah there's bums they've got little bits of white armour Darth Vader's taken off her cape yeah it's a hell of a strut yeah and now she's really going for it

yeah look at them all go yeah Vader's got some sick moves this is really good I recommend everyone and then it's basically an invisible suit at the end of the day that's what's happening here it's a very exciting show I didn't know such a thing existed but it looks absolutely incredible beyond

come on burleska's an art form Oh, there's a Yoda. What is that? There's a Yoda doing a little bit of emceeing there at the end. I'm concerned that I've just said to Amy, oh, I'm off to record a podcast. And if she comes in and sees me looking at this full screen on my monitor, I'm in big trouble.

You haven't released an episode of Pottiette's in a year. It's just because you're here sitting watching Burles. You've been doing this every two weeks. Oh, God. It does look like great fun. though, I'd be well out for that. So the Empire Stripsback.com is the website. It looks like they're playing in San Diego from the 7th of February.

So if you're in San Diego, you might want to just go see this show and report back. Yeah, why not? After a sold-out critically acclaimed US tour, The Empire Strips Back announced eight weeks in San Francisco. If you missed out on our sold-out Warfield Theatre show, be prepared for some seriously sexy Stormtroop. Oh, that's just what we've already read anyway. I think I'd be a little bit concerned about what kind of audience I might encounter

because I'm sure that a huge proportion of that audience is people who are just there to kind of get in the zone like enjoy the show in the sense of just the production and yeah it's a bit funny because it's Star Wars and it's an art form blah blah blah you know like body positivity and all that great stuff. stuff and and and but there will also be a perhaps a small slice of the pie chart who I don't know I'd just worry who I was just there to see yorda's big fat ass on stage disgusting you want to see Yoda in a thong or yeah what's he called resident space pimp R2D to make it rain yeah just a little bit more of information about the show

Australian creator Russell S. Beatty says that producing strips back was inevitable I'm Peter Pan I've never really grown up He said It takes all the best things About being a kid And all the best things About being an adult

And just jams them together Asked about his knuckle tattoos Which spells out sexy boss A nickname He named he earned While working in the burlesque circuit He says I was drunk in Texas one night

And got it And I could tell I was drunk Because the X is not centred Oh no That must be Endlessly irritating Yeah But there we are

Also on their website, they sell a throwback to 1970s men's magazines, and it's called Wookie Wookie Rottica, Wookie Erotica. Wookie Rottica. Wookie Rottica. And it's got... All Bush. Yeah, God, sorry. Hang on, Michael Johnson.

They've got some, actually, some pretty cool stuff on their shop in terms of T-shirts. There's some cool, cool T-shirts on there. And you can also see the cover for Wookie-Rotica, which is, what appears to be a nude woman being covered up by a gigantic looming, hairy family. Oh, my God, yeah. A big, uh, a big wookie there. Yeah. I like, I like Pimp R2D2 lighting a naked woman cigarette.

That's, yeah. It's incredible. All this stuff, by the way, is safe for working that there's no explicit nudity. You don't see actual nip nips, which are obviously disgusting. You don't see genitalia. But there is a lot of skin on show. The sexuality is obviously implied, so if you do look this up, do so responsibly and maybe not at work. But yeah, that's my thing.

I just wanted to tell you all about the amazing show, The Empire Strips Back, and if they're ever in the UK, maybe we should go and see it. Sure. Yeah, we'll do Dick and Dom first, and then we'll go and see a sexy Star Wars show. Yes. What a night. Hell yeah. Have they ever been in the UK? I mean, yeah, that would be great.

actually because it looks like a lot of fun and like like going to a burlesque night's always interested me because it seems like a lot of fun so why not why not make us start with the empire strips back hey yeah it sounds pretty good i'll tell you what i'll sign up for their mailing list and i'll let you guys know brilliant thank you're welcome so i'm just very quickly googling empire strips back yoder he's got to have a sexy twist no there's no images of him damn it damn it you have to go to the show to find out Why can't they make them sexy? They could do, I'm sure they could.

Well, we can put in a little note in the suggestion box. Make you all a sexy, please. Sexy-er, yeah. Yes, he's already pretty sexy. Thank you. Thank you, Ben. That's absolutely spectacular. Yeah, wonderful.

You're welcome. Would you boys like a question? Yes. Yes, please. We've got one from Lubel at Lewis Watkin V1 on Twitter. and they say, with the announcement of the Wallace and Gromit escape room a grand way out opening up in Bristol later this year. Have you both heard of this? Yes. I even look to tickets. You can book it right now.

Oh, I feel like it's my moral obligat. Obloblibation. Blobligation. It's my blobligation to get tickets considering I think it's like down the road from me. So I might do that one day and that might be a thing. Me accidentally killing Wallace in the... Yeah, we've not had a good experience with a scaperms, have we? You can be our Wollespondent.

We left, what's his name to die? Jenkins? It's kind of like his name. It doesn't matter, he's dead. But I will say again, Wallisbondent. Can you, is that? Sorry?

You can be our Wollispondent. Can you, can I? Oh, I see. Yeah, our Wollespondent. Oh, very good. Thank you. Thank you. I got it.

I get it now. I get it. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Well done. Anyway, the rest of the tweet. reads um what other ips in the world of fiction would you love to see an escape room be inspired by

and what would be its basic premise cheers well we're on the subject of the wallace and grommet one i feel that we should probably make clear that there is absolutely no way they're going to want us to go and film their escape room because then everyone just gets the solution so for those of you wondering if we're going to like try and get in touch with them and see if they'll let us come and do a video there, it's not going to happen. But Mikey could go and tell us about it afterwards, you know, spoiler-free. A little write-up. I've mainly just there to get a...

Hopefully they've got someone dressed as Wallace and or Grommer. I'm only in there for the selfies. And if not, you can dress as Wallace. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'll bust out the old cardigan and tie. I can go in. Yeah.

Oh, dear. So, yeah, if we were to, you know, transform a TV show, movie or whatnot into an escape room experience what would be your choices good question it's a very good question i should have thought about this before because it's actually quite difficult um actually you know i think i i would quite like to see a jackass escape room oh god you have to do like horrible stuff to get through yeah yeah i'd love to fling myself off a of a treadmill and like in a safer environment we're padding all around that'd be quite fun that's not not really an escape room, is it?

There's no escaping. It's just hurting yourself. It's the only escape in an ambulance. It's the only way out of the Jackass experience. Yeah. Oh, God, there's not, I was going to, like, there's nothing to pull from from Jackass. It's not like there's a story a lot or anything.

It's just grown men and women in the new one hurting themselves. So, yeah. Oh, man. I'm trying to think what would work, because it's not. not it's not just the question of well what's your favorite IP because some of them wouldn't really translate very well into puzzle situations um on the other hand even if i if i picked something like star wars for example it would just be fun to be in like an immersive like you went to that um that like mock canteener didn't you ben when you were shooting at um yes wcpw

yeah i'd love to go there i think it was in manchester was it or yes i can't remember what the venue was cool but they had all sorts of like weird replica things it was like a mini convention center almost and yeah they had a replica uh cantina which a whole thing and like yeah just to be in a well um what's the word like a good uh recreation yeah like recreation like uh yeah where it they really really honor all the you know details and it's like the the immersion there would be fun even if the puzzling was rubbish so maybe i would just pick some like Star Wars, just so it could be in a Star Warsy setting. A while back in Bristol, there was a, like, a theatre performance of train spotting,

but the twist was that rather than the being a stage, the whole thing would, like, carry out around you and the actors would navigate around the stage. And, I mean, if you've seen Trainspotting, you know, there's a scene with a dead baby in it, and you can imagine how horrifying that would be in person, have an actress of a baby doll in your face. Like, my baby's dead! Yeah. Oh, God. Yes, nice that.

Thanks for that I don't regret buying tickets for this I'm only saying this because I've got a Thunderbird 2 on my desk but maybe some sort of you're in the controls station on Tracy Island for the thundie birds as you call them

as we call them yeah and you've got to take control of each of the thundie birds with like rudimentary you know you've got some wheels that you've got to turn. I don't know, maybe there's a station for each of the Thunderbirds and you've got to avoid some sort of international crisis,

albeit giant alligators or something else. They could have like TV monitors so that when you do press launch or whatever, you then get to watch the rocket launch on the screen. Yes. Yeah, I did an escape room at the end of last year, actually, that was you're in a nuclear bunker and you have to press the big red button

to cancel the launch of a nuclear missile and like the floor doesn't shake or anything but it had like really loud speakers that made it feel like there was an actual missile that sounds really cool I think the Matrix would make a stonking um

yeah it would so I guess you could like kind of riff off the scene where Neo gets you know the phone call in the office scene and he has to get out and escape around people like it'd be a big experience but having that like oh oh like maybe present it is is not the matrix actually know that would be crap you need to you need to know what you're getting into be nice to have like the world the veneer of the world pull back around you and you've

got to escape and and flee from this this this battery hellhole you've been dragged into well some of them like have multiple you go from like one room and then through to a different like you know there's doors within the the larger escape room so you could have a little bit of it that's set up like an office in the in the matrix world and then maybe all the lights go out and they sort of you're on like a moving floor or something and it moves you and then when the lights come back on you're in the real world and you've been like let out of your pod thing you have to wrench a tube out of your neck yeah it's also just a good excuse to wear big long leather jacket and black sunglasses you never need an excuse for that it'd be like that uh like that clip i am a

Sentinel. Have you seen that? You must have seen that. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, that'll be good. Is that all put our suggestions in for some company to come and steal and profit off our ideas? Yeah, do it. Steal the Thunderbirds one. Thundeebirds. Thundeebirds. Thundeebirds. Peter. Yes. Would you like to do your thing? Sure. I've got some things that I need to send you guys in discards. You're going to have to press play on them as and when you are asked to do so. So there, you should have three tracks available in your Discord. I see them.

There they are. So I stumbled across a thing the other day. I don't know why this hasn't become a bit more of a trend. I suppose it's a bit hit and miss at the moment. But someone on Twitter, I occasionally get fed Doctor Who related tweets because the algorithm knows that I'm semi-interested. and someone had taken a clip from the end of an episode of Doctor Who. It was like the last couple of lines of dialogue

and then the theme tune playing, like the ending credits. And they'd run it through this new thing. You might be aware of this, Mikey, as a pro video editor boy that you are. Adobe have now got this AI learning tool that's free, I guess maybe only if you've got Creative Cloud, but you can just go on the website and use it for free, where it's designed to actually remove background noise

and really cleanly like tidy up audio recordings for podcasters. So they have an example on the page. And it's this guy and he's talking and he's saying like, I've got the window open, I'm in my apartment. It's like echoing in here. There's like hard floors and stuff. And while you're playing this like test audio that he's recorded, you can switch on and off between like applying this tool.

or not. And when you turn it on, all the car traffic noise from outside his window vanishes and it suddenly sounds like he's in like a soundproof booth with like, he's got like bass boost and it sounds, it's a really good tool. It's working pretty well. So it works well for that instance, for what it was designed for, you know, mastering bad podcast recording. But for some reason this person had applied it to the end of a Doctor Who episode. And what it does is, The AI tries to find all the human speech in something that doesn't have human speech, i.e. the Doctor Who theme tune. And so what it does is, like, amplify and with AI learning sort of like correct, little bits of like what sound like human phonemes, but there are no real

words. So I thought I'd run a few things through this tool. And, um, and, I was horrified by the results. So I'm so excited. Okay. I really feel that track one, which we're about to listen to, is as though we've perhaps got a medium in, and we're at long last able to channel the spirit of Kevin, because Kevin was lost from us.

Tragically. Yes. Tragically. And it sounds like he's trying to get a message through to us. So if you want to listen to track one together, if you're ready. Yes Oh, yes, please I'll count us in Three, two, one

Play Okay That is So it's up to one There it is He's trying to speak And That is

That is so weird Isn't it odd So it's picking out What it thinks Are human noises In music And trying to enhance them Scatman John's in the room.

Oh. Oh, God. Oh, Kevin. Kevin, please. Isn't it strange? Because it's able to pick up what it thinks is the pitch of the person's voice. It's like they're singing along because they're always perfectly in tune. Oh, my God, that is absolutely spectacular.

I love that. Yeah. So I was then thinking, okay, I've got to try this on a few other things. And it's a bit hit and miss. Sometimes it's like it doesn't do it enough and it's just occasionally there's a bit of a hiss or a mumble, but it's not doing a lot. and then sometimes it does it so much that it's it doesn't really sound like a voice like I did it with, I can't even think what it was now

but something like poddits or idiots related that had like a trumpet and it basically was almost just humming along to the trumpet perfectly well and it didn't sound so creepy but track two hang on I'm trying to remember what this is let me just hit play oh yeah okay

so I thought for those who don't know our friend Mr. Blobby has a special theme tune and this might be the best way I think for you to be introduced to it not only will you get to hear in the background the Mr. Blobby theme but it will be able to speak to you literally to your heart and introduce itself so if you guys are ready yeah I think so

three two one play Oh, it really goes at the halfway mark. Well, it's certainly it ups the intensity. Oh, wow, there's like words in there. There's all conversation happening. There's Mice in the Mp3. Oh, God. The final note.

Oh, Jesus. To begin with, it sounded like some sort of impressionist or comedian just going, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, and just doing a silly voice. Yeah. And then all the whole team of Blobby voices kicks in. So the last, I mean, I tried it on a few. more things, and you kind of get the idea now. Like, I'm not going to subject you to more of that.

But I then suddenly thought, well, hang on, what happens if I do it to a song that's got a voice in it? Will it, like, do the same thing to the voice, or will it maybe, maybe I'll just create like a nice a cappella track and it'll remove the music and just leave us with the singing? And it, it leans more towards the latter in that it isolates voices pretty well and gets rid of the backing music, but it's not perfect and it is doing this sort of Jurassic Park frog DNA thing where it's filling in little bits that it's snipped out. And it leaves you with what sounds like

an alien trying to blend in to the original file. It's like, well, I think I'll just let it speak for itself. If you're ready with track three. Is it literally going to speak for itself? It is going to speak for itself and it's going to so keep in mind all I have given it is the original song it sounds like someone else at times is trying to sing the song and do its very best impression

it's so strange okay okay three two one play I've been to stalk on fans oh yeah to stock on tales it's starring down on that rhythm and sand

Oh, no. It's a vibrant mix of the grains and the good. Oh, it's so gentle. Yeah. ...by by a milshaw, and Josiah, and you were a third. Oh, come and love yourself. It's like he's belching it.

Yeah, it's like a quite good impression. ...reanventure and venture. I see just what's his men. By the welcome praise of help you're in stalled content. That is... It just sounds like your northern ground. granddad trying to sing it. Yeah, but at times it also veers into something out of science fiction horror, almost like

that, what is it, that the evil villain at the end of the first fallout game that's like a man computer hybrid who speaks in about six different human voices. It's all there, but it's just not quite right. It's like you're having a dream about the Stoke-on-Trent song. Yeah. Yeah, that's a police sketch artist's impression of the Scopes. Yes, exactly. yeah have you seen this cat

oh my god one thing you might not have noticed as well is literally in the very last second after the song ends there's clearly just some sort of like drum snare hit or something that has just turned into like a woman's voice saying like a little whisper

right at the very end if you just listen to the last second again it's like a little it's very weird that's so bizarre yeah that is absolutely delightful. I'm not a fan of AI in general, but like abusing it to make

weird shit is absolutely delightful. Yeah, exactly. I agree. I agree. We looked out with it working so well on the poddy at Sir theme somewhere. That was a thing of beauty. I know, yeah. It's trapped in there forever. I tried the

Wallace and Gromit theme. I tried the Art Attack theme and yeah, it was all a bit hit and miss at times, but there we go. I hope you enjoyed it. And sorry, Mikey, for making you, making slightly extra, you know, slightly more work for you there, having to embed those in. It's well worth it, my God.

And I hear, if you listen hard enough to the Podiat's song version of this, you can hear the future, your own future somewhere in the words, you can interpret it. It tells the future. God, big fan, big fan. Thank you, Peter. You're welcome. Would you boys like another question? Yes, please.

Yes, please. This one's from Freddie and the Fab's at Fab's Band. And they ask, Dick and Dom are changing. They are expanding into a threesome. No, not like that, you dirty buggers. And they want one of you three to join. But only one. You must choose who, because if you don't, Dick and Dom will retire from entertainment

and it will be the fault of the vidiates. Oh. I mean, they already sort of did. But yeah, okay. Oh, did we did, didn't we? What? Well, I was, I'm, did we did we? No, no, no, I said they did.

They've already sort of retired. I mean, they don't do a great deal these days, do they. That's true. Saying that, hey, they're doing a DJ set in Bristol in like a couple of weeks. They're busy boys. Are you going to go? I'm tempted, but I'm erring on the side of no, because for some reason, I just feel like it would be bloody awful.

Yeah, it could be, couldn't it? I don't want to see why my hero's ruined like that. Maybe, I'll see. If there's still tickets near the time, I might jump on it and do another reporting from the field experience. Okay. So, yeah, so as a group decision, we've got to choose one of us. And now, Ben, I know you, you're not, you,

I don't think you'd put yourself forward for this. But I'd argue, I'd argue, you'd bring a good extra dynamic to the trio in that you could be the straight man yeah maybe i suppose so i don't i don't want to go up on stage in front of loads of people but you know we've we've done stuff in front of camera for years and so that i feel like it's a different it's a different situation however yeah so many of their beloved characters are northern and i don't feel like that's a voice i can lend to the production. True.

That's a vacancy one of you two could fill. Well, what I was going to suggest was that up until 2018, worst games ever and other content like it. Well, there wasn't really

any of the content like it, but, you know, Ben and I were very much a double act, and it wasn't until the wild card that is Michael Johnson was brought into the mix,

that it created something wonderful. Children's TV, except you can say cunt, as we were told. Yes, exactly. So perhaps if you promise not to say cunt, Mikey, I think you might be the extra factor that they require. It's already been proven. Well, although the channel did die after nine months.

Yeah, all my fault. I don't know, because I feel like I would bring the same energy that one of the child contestants would have on the show. Maybe, yeah. And I don't know if they need that as. as a duo added on to them. Like, I, because you know, it's like, where you put the children in these ridiculous scenarios and they're just utterly bewildered and they don't know what's going on.

They don't know what to say and they're just going along with it. I feel like I'd, I'd inhabit that exact same energy. So, Peter. By process of elimination. You've got no choice. Sounds like you're doing it, Peter. Sorry. I mean, I would, I've, I always used to, I don't know if I thought about it at the time.

I'd probably just sat there and absorbed the, the, the chaos and enjoyed it as a viewer, but certainly since we've been doing videos and we've watched some of their content back, I watched that and think, man, I would have loved to do that as a job. I mean, it's easy, I guess in some ways, it's easy to look at these things and think, oh, wow, I bet that was wonderful, but it was probably quite stressful and tiring. The room just smells of a rotten muck-muck. Yeah, but I quite like the sort of vaudeville aspect to it like it's not so much about the fact that there are kids on their winning prizes i like the fact that halfway through someone marches in in a slightly cheap costume that's been dug out

of the bbc wardrobe department and like sings a song and does a dance and tells a joke or whatever and then just walks off i think that's all very entertaining and i'd love to be there and experience that uh you've got a hell of a voice as well peter so yeah i i'm putting my hand up to the vote Peter Austin should be wait or that's another important question how's Dick and Dom sounds great as like words

Dick and Dom and Peter I know it's not too bad that could work Dick and Domston would you consider entering a The Fly type situation with Dom I'm becoming one

for sure if that's my only way in I'll do it okay I mean I think the conclusion we've come to is that perhaps you're and Mikey might be the best suited but you both seem to have sort of rejected the calling and

now I'm the only one who's willing to do it's the start of Skyrim and you've gone to that town in Riverwood and Mikey and I have run off through the forest that's what's yeah yeah I think so well Peter I look forward to seeing you well maybe maybe if you do get on stage it's your audition to join the three you got to get on stage we're still not telling anyone which Dick and Dom live we're going to, so it's not the one in Newcastle. If you see us there, say hello. Yeah, please do. All right.

Would you boys like to hear my thing? Yes, please. Oh, before I begin my thing, God, I nearly forgot again. Last time, I forgot to say that my wonderful thing about Raw was submitted by a viewer, the very wonderful Harry at Harry Chris Robin on Twitter. So everybody giving a big round of applause. It's long overdue. He deserves it.

Thank you. But this week, I come with a mystery. It's a mystery that's been tearing apart a small island in New Zealand. The residents of Waihiki have been left in absolute shock and living in fear as a result of it. So this is all pulled from a stuff article written by the wonderful Virginia Fallon, who did some wonderful investigative journalism here. And this begin. For the past year, Wihiki Island residents have been fined.

finding single sausages wrapped in bread left in their letter boxes. Oh, God. Absolutely abhorrent. As accusations fly and motives are questioned, victims of the Surfdale Sausager say the mystery is tearing the community apart. Sausage. I like that. Sausage is good.

I found this article and I was like, I wonder if this has got legs. And I got like a sentence in. I was like, yeah, it's got legs. It's got legs. So the first sausage arrived in the summer of 2022, wrapped in white buttered bread and coated in tomato sauce. It was cool. Yeah, so it's not just a rogue sausage.

We did for a while in Bristol have a rogue sausageser as well, I must add. But it's gone across the ocean in this case. It was cold by the time Jacob Coetze found it in the letterbox. It looked to have once been barbecued. shrugging it off as a likely leftover from a drunken passerby the teenager biffed it away and gave it no further thought

if you like the usage of bift and it was shrugged off until it happened again and again and again and again and it just kept happening same sort of sausage

the same source same location letterboxes and then things got even weirder I sent a picture to my group and some of them had been sausages as well. That's when we all realized

we had a serial sausageser on the island. Oh no. Absolute nightmare. Waheiki is just a 30-minute boat ride from downtown Auckland. The island's known for providing an elite retreat for the wealthy, a haven for alternative types,

as well as the wine from its 30-odd vineyards. So not exactly the kind of place you'd expect to find sausage harassment going on. No, not at all. As reports of letterbox sausages continued to pour in, Coetze, who lives in the suburb of Surfdale, began investigating. Many of his mates had also received the small goods, and while some members of a local Facebook group wondered whether

sausages was a euphemism for something unsavory, others said it happened to them. The modus operandi was almost always the same, sausage, white bread, butter and sauce, but the approach was scattergun. Weeks, even months would pass without incident until suddenly a sausage. No. No.

You never know when the strike will happen, but when it does, everyone get struck, he says. It's traumatic. Nobody's letterboxes are safe. Once the sausages came wrapped in brown bread and of late are sands butter, whether that's a nod to the cost of living crisis or the fumbling of a poor copycat. Coetcy doesn't know. Yeah, butter went right up in price, didn't it?

He does know some local teachers have been targeted. It's that brazen, he says. Not the teachers. Leave them out of it. As the number of strikes grew, so did suspicion amongst the residents. It's ripping us apart.

We can't trust one another. I've been accused. My brother's been accused. It's a witch hunt. The sausages were almost certainly Heller's pre-cooked. which I believe is a brand in that part of the world. And pricing them up in various shops and gas stations,

Kowetsi found they were cheapest at the local supermarket. Oh, potential lead. Following questions from stuff and despite a quote, deep dive into the data, a spokesperson for a New Zealand supermarket chain was unable to confirm they had in fact sold the items but sent their thoughts to the community. I said, we can only...

we hope one day this will stop our thoughts are with you they said we can only imagine the fear that people are living in not knowing whether today will be the day that they fall victim

to the Surfdale Sausager we'll continue to keep a close eye on the small goods section in store and report any suspicious activity to the relevant authorities if anyone buys sausages they're going to get reported stop right there criminal scum

this might have been a dead end though Kowetsi has one more bit of information. Wahiki is where the mad butcher lives, just saying. What? Apparently, so apparently in the area, there's a local character, well, not a character, he's a local businessman. The mad butcher, also known as Sir Peter Lach, who runs a butchery chain by the same name, the mad butcher.

And he is quick to offer up all the reasons why he can't be the sausageser, firstly he no longer owns the nationwide franchise so isn't that involved in the day-to-day runnings secondly he still buys his sausages from the stores and perhaps most importantly would never dare to biff away a sausage no no waste i'm flabbing it's terrible he says i'm flabbergasted sausages aren't cheap to make i bought some the other day from the mad butcher in Oakland and they tried to give them to me for free. And I said, I can't do that. So they gave me a discount. And even then, they're about $20 a kilo. Who's buying sausages just to put them in people's letterboxes? Amazing. Someone very much still in the meat business is Carol Foreman, who owns the

island's humble pie village butchery. She's cagey when confronted, denying she knows either who's behind the strikes or having heard of them at all. She does one. and it might be a promotion for something. What? No, no, no, no, absolutely not. That sounds like guilty talk. There might just be a promotion. I don't know.

The fact that she's claiming not to know what they are when clearly, like, surely everyone in town probably knows about the sausagesing. And she's like, the what? People are putting what in where? What do you talk? Hmm? What?

Yeah. I feel like people are going to go into a shop and be like, have you heard about the serial saucer in town? The price of sausages? 20 quid a pound? Adding her she added,

her sausages are already famous enough and that nobody in their right minds would throw them away. What she does admit, however, is that her butcher is currently on leave. I can't vouch for his whereabouts or what he's doing right now. What is this?

Why is it so, why is everyone taking it so seriously? It's a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top, Peter. That's why everyone's so cagey. We must get to the bottom of this. Nico Bejant has been hit at least three times, saying while it's not an easy thing to talk about, he wants to both spread awareness of the issue and bring it to an end.

The latter can only be done by uncovering who's behind it. Court, it is traumatic and I want this to stop. It's been going on for far too long now. unlike Carol Foreman, though, he has a suspect. A friend by the name of Tamahoe Keykeeper. His evidence is flimsy, though, but he believes it all stacks up, quote. When the first people got hit, everyone had photos of the sausages. He claimed he'd got hit by the sausages, but didn't have the photo to back it up.

He's also the only person in our chat group who doesn't live in the suburb. I can't believe people are literally witch-hunting people in throwing accusations. around over sausages in a letterbox. Just put it in the bin. Bejant is quick to share his mate's phone number, passing on a message to him or anyone else who is behind it all. You wouldn't realize the toll it's taking on your victims. Please, no more.

Hurt and betrayed is how Keykeeper describes feeling when Bejian's accusation is put to him. Oh my God, wait. The person write this article, gone in touch with them and told them about the accusation. Just spreading drama now. Yeah, this is just shit spreading. Insisting that not only is he not the sausageser, but he was one of the very first victims.

That's not going to work and call me. No photo, though. He's not surprised his mate has tried to blame him. This is a serial dickhead, this guy. But worries that while the finger pointing continues, the sausageser remains at large. Yet another victim, speaking on the condition of anonymity, Anonymity.

Anonymity, there we go. Thanks. Says everyone other than him, sorry, yet another victim, speaking on the condition of anonymity, says everyone other than him is behind the spree. And he says, I feel a bit left out, actually. What? He thinks everyone else is doing it except him. And they're all going, who's doing it?

What a strange. Why isn't he one accusing me? That sounds like, that does like sound like, sound like, a cry for attention, someone wanting to be found out there, but maybe it's gone and noticed. There is, of course, nothing illegal about putting a sausage in someone's letterbox, and once they'd stop laughing, a police spokesperson said they've received no reports of the antics. Daniel Watson has sent hundreds of anonymous sausages around the country, having co-founded

send a sausage a few years ago for a bit of a laugh. Right. What is this country? What's happening? Wait, so this isn't the solution. Is this someone else who's now set up? Is this a copycat? Well, this is someone who, I think, before the sausagesing start,

had their own mail-order sausage business. Like, remember that, send a potato thing where they just slap a label on a potato. Similar to that, but with sausages. Right. But unlike the Surfdale snags, these sausages cost $19.99 a piece. Wow.

Or inedible and come vacuum sealed with an anonymous note. Every purchase sees the company provide a proper meal for someone in need. That's quite nice. Okay, yeah, you can eat those if they're vacuum sealed.

Watson should be the best person to shed a bit of light into what sort of person would send someone a sausage, but he's as mystified as everyone else. Our clientele is a complete mix. We've had uni students sending them to mates,

executive partners to each other, family members to each other. We've had senders from San Francisco and London. There's no pattern. And he continues to say, sausages are just funny and when the beauty of finding one

in your letterbox is there's and the beauty of finding one in your letter box is that there's no point to it at all just a mix of confusion, laughter and a big what the fuck while he denies responsibility he does have a message for whoever's targeting Wahiki says

get in contact if you want a real job oh wow and that's it sadly there's no this is an ongoing case yeah there's there's not no one's been found out yet. So I'm going to, I'm going to set up a Google alert for sausage snatcher. That is risky, but okay. Yeah, it certainly is. Yeah. So, sorry, it was a, no, the sausage that's it. That might be a bit better. But yeah, I'm going to keep an eye on the case and see if

anything comes of it, but I can't believe the way these people. And maybe it's all dramatized a bit, but I like to think there's real fear in the community here. Either that or the entire community is actually just taking the journalist for a ride and no one's getting sausages at all. Actually, that's a good point. The Wahiki Sausage, I don't think I've actually seen an actual picture of a single sausage myself. Well, the police, they contacted the police and the police said, we've never had any

reports of a sausage going through the mail. And yet, everyone is apparently so distressed by it. I think anyone could put a sausage in your own letterbox Yeah Yeah and take a picture of it instead I've been sausage But they're here I've sent over some at least some sort of photographic evidence Okay

That's a good sausage my God look at it It looks a bit Anemic It doesn't look very cooked Oh when he said it was in bread I was imagining a hot dog It's not just a folded slice of bread Oh that's sad looking

There's one more bit of evidence This is a sausage. Oh, yeah, wrapped in paper. So I guess they've tried to disguise it a little bit. That's better. It looks like the baby Jesus in there. It does all. It's definitely the same sausage, same brand of sausage in the two photos.

You've got some semi-premium wrapping paper there as well with the squares on the back. There's at least four people standing around examining this thing. Oh, wait, sorry. You know how people do the compo phase? like when they've been wrong done by for newspaper journalists. Here's a man doing his compil face next to his letterbox

without the sausage because I guess he'd No, he's holding it in each hand. It's in his hand? Oh my God. He can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe you've done this. That is excellent. There you go. There's a tale of some sausagesing. I'll let you know how things develop if they do.

Amazing. Thank you, Mike. Thank you, Mike. Thank you, Mike. You're welcome. Does that bring us To the end? It does indeed. Excellent. Well, thank you so much, you guys, for your things. And thank you everybody at home for submitting your questions and supporting us in all the multitude of ways that you are supporting us.

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Vidiotts official.com. Finn Tristam, please ignore. And Dave Benson's stiff nips. Thank you, Pod Squad, very much for supporting us this week. Reminder, pottyats.com, three pounds or more to join Pod Squad in the next episode. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Peter, is there something out on Vidiots this week? Five years ago, no, nothing? No, there's nothing. Nothing out. We were still in the warm-up phase, weren't we? We were bashing out of the content.

We've done our announcement video, but we've not, now nothing goes out until early February. Goodness. It's the quiet time, just before the Big Bang happens. Indeed. The calm before the store. Well, then, in which case, Mikey, where are you on the internet? At Parrot Boy on Twitter is the best place to keep up with my antics, so go check out and have a scroll. Yes, have a scroll. Peter, where are we? You can find me at that Peter Austin on Twitter and Ben at Confused underscore Dude on Twitter.

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hmm No Does anybody listen this far in the podcast? Hello? Does anybody stay to the end? Let us know if you stay to the end normally Because I know a lot of people will hear the Right, well, here's the places you can

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Rare Tree is worth tuning in for when it happens. It could be this time. You don't know. Yeah, wait for it. Boppis. Brilliant. Thanks for listening, everybody.

We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Steps the boat and talk of your father's so in the state. If you got them, that don't you, don't have told me.