Podiots - Podiots: Episode 12 - Milo's Purge

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

Michael reports back on the findings of our Wipe Supremacy research, Ben talks 'whopper pregnancy incentives', and Peter's got a massive great iron rod through his head. Huge thank you to Zak and Adz for our featured music! We're proudly sponsored by Turtle Beach! Get the Turtle Beach Headsets we wear: http://bit.ly/vidiotsbeach Buy yourself some Vidiots merch: https://yogsca.st/VidiotsMerch YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevalvo.com. Thomas was very excited. On the island of Sodom. Sodom. Sodom. On the island of Sodom. Sodom.

Thomas and, was there a George? I feel like there was a George. Percy. Percy were buggering behind the train shots. The cold. Just next to that harrowing tunnel where they bricked a train in. So it's got to stay there forever. And next to the little shed where the other train got taken off the rails

and just turned into a generator for being naughty. The fat controller laughed, you are wrong. Do you remember that bit where the little coal cart was warned about going too fast? and then he went really fast and he flew off the tracks and just disintegrated practically into a million pieces of road. The tragic fucking dies.

Jesus Christ, said Thomas. That's finally fucking lauded. That's fucking metal, said Percy. Nali dude, said Gordon. Over the top flew Harold, who kept an eye on the whole sticky situation. I swear sometimes they were carrying jam and stuff and they did just want to do slow-mo train crashes

is where jam went everywhere. And why are the trains carrying jam? That's surely unhygienic. How do you get jam from one end of Sodom to the other, Ben? That's the question. By Thomas. Some kind of prophylactic, I think. All the way through Sodom.

Yeah. Anyways, time for a song. Yeah? You guys ready for a song? Hit me, baby. A musical number. We've got a couple of songs. We're going to save one for the end.

But this one is from Zach Robinson. And he's also on YouTube. If you just search Zach Robinson with a K. Free, hashtag free Zach Robinson. Oh, no. Oh no He sends us a nice song And here you're comparing him to a fascist

Yeah ridiculous Thanks Zach It's really good this I love it Thanks Peter Let's play the song Here it comes Oh pussycat

Oh pussycat What have you seen Well I've been watching Videos Oh yeah The Idiots Best channel on YouTube

Vididiats It's a vibrant mix Of some games And some sides Like London race or pierce, what an intimate's armate's own. So come and lose yourself in the realms of worst games ever. Why not try and enter a posseum status?

Culinary adventure. What's the vidiots? See just what is meant. By the welcome phrase of tell your friends, it's the vidiots. Tell your friends. Hello everybody and welcome to episode 12 of Poddiots, the official, as opposed to the unofficial podcast of the Vidiates YouTube channel. I'm Ben. I'm Michael. And I'm Peter.

I'm getting good at this. That's two podcasts in a row. It was really a very, very smooth one. I got caught off guard there. I wasn't actually planning on being normal and saying my name. Well, I nearly deliberate. I knew that you were going to go a second, but I nearly just said it anyway, just, you know, to create the classic vidiots stumbling over each other intros. We all love. Sorry, one with each other. Yeah, but intro.

This is a podcast where we answer some questions and we all bring, well, we sort of, we are part of the church of the three us. Yeah. Yeah. Where we all intend to bring a thing along to talk about. In the name of the er, the earth and the holy earth. And all of the urs. At first, guys, because we're actually recording this in the same week as the last podcast

we did, we only did it two days ago at the time of recording. Batch. I want to thank the people for all the night. nice things they said yeah there were some lovely things people have been really lovely i haven't been on twitter i might be back on twitter now at the time of release but like people have been lovely and i want to thank you very much for that

i appreciate it a lot turtle beach these are the wonderful headphones we're wearing right now they're spot to the podcast if you're right just so good they're just so fucking so fucking you're only get hit with that intense like washing of comfort it's like oh wow and you only get that better than heroin it is better than heroin turtle beach better than heroin and you don't oversell it

turtle beach better than heroin and you don't you get those with the, in fact, if you buy Turtle Beach headsets from bit.ly forward slash Vidiot's Beach, not only do you support us, but you do get a bit of heroin in the box. Yeah, yeah. Well, the guy in the shopping factory is like, oh, we cannot. That's true. For legal reasons, we can't guarantee that you do get. It might be heroin, it might be a, it might be a, heroine. Just a heroine. It might be a woman. You become, if you're a woman and you buy Vidiot's Beach headsets, you become a heroin. That's what we're saying.

Right. If you're a man and they've run out of heroin in the factory, just give you a bit of methadrone. It's all right. Methadrone. Methadone. Methadone. It's a methadron. It delivers meth. Yeah.

They take you to the melladrome and you can ride on a bike in a circle. Fuck's sake. Store.orgscast.com if you want to support us and buy heroin. Beautiful merch and some heroin. Hashtag Vidiot's wildlife. Yeah, that's a fair. This is something that might still be going. But if you search the hashtag Vidiot's wildlife,

you'll be able to see all the people who've sent us pictures of there. There's some animals and all that stuff. There's been some truly hilarious ones in there. There have been some actual, like, decent wildlife. There's a guy who pulled onto the side of the road and there was just an owl in a tree and he took a photo of it But yeah, then there's also just like Yeah

You know, someone sent a picture of a tree Saying that that counts as wildlife There might be a bird in it does Yeah It's, you know There's probably an insect somewhere Like a pixel on that photo It's part of the environment

Yeah Yeah Good Hashtag Viddiets Wildlife send us your wildlife Send us your wildlife photography And eventually we'll pick a winner Please do There's no prize

We don't know what that Yeah we'll just pick a best one The cat sort of agree. Yeah. It's kind of amazing. One thing that we might want to discuss because we have no way of knowing

where we're going to be in two weeks time. But... Chocolate rain. But, at the time of recording, we're on 39,750 subscribers. Yeah. We're very close to 40K.

It is the world's slowest subscriber count increase on record since records began ever in the history of the internet. But do you think we might be on 40K now? Better be. If we're not, I'm quitting. No matter how close we are, even if we're worn away. I'm like, fuck it, I'm done. He's done. Fuck it. We're doing that without my fault.

Fuck it, we're quitting. Subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like share and subscribe. Thank you very much. Now, guys, we've got some questions here. I don't know if you want to start with a thing or a question. Let's get warmed up with a question. With a question. Yeah. Okay. Firstly, we've got this from Emily. At Emily Lemons on Twitter.

Lemonley. Emilemmy Emilemmy Emilemon What I'm a lemon Emilemon Continue

What's the weirdest present You've ever received When I was like six years old My sister's boyfriend Like how you're straight in with this answer You know He's got his buzzed in Not weird

But a six year old He bought me rechargeable batteries In a battery charger Right Which was like Like if I was getting at now I'd like Fuck yes I want this

But as a kid Because like oh shit I can power my toys forever but as a kid I looked at this like thanks like does it can you stick some googly eyes on it oh thanks I was a very sweet present it was a good present just as a kid I was like I don't understand what to do with this yeah no you you wouldn't would you my parents just provide the batteries the batteries grow on the battery tree I don't need rechargeable ones yes yes um I think unlimited that's probably not the weirdest

present I've thought of but that's like the present I always think of no that's fair that's a fair one I had a similar thing where one Christmas I got a a a small more paper bag that was sort of red and white striped like a candy cane and on the front it said the traditional sweet company or something

that's very exciting and they've done the thing where they fold over the top of the paper bag and just tape it down okay what could this possibly be what could the plopla bliplea and it was from my aunt and my aunt and uncle and I cracked it open and I looked inside

and it was full of of sort of dozens dozens of tiny silver washers and screws. What? And I was like, I don't... Are they edible? What do I?

And I was told that there was going to be a second perhaps more enlightening part to this present. Right. And it never came. Wow, she's a bag of bolts. I got a sweetie bag full of bolts. What?

Merry Christmas. Yeah, so that was a fun one. Meanwhile, somewhere there's like an amazing bike just in bits that she forgot to send to you. It was almost like Macano-sized nuts and bolts, like really small ones.

Yeah. I just, what am I going to... It was like a tease of things to come and never came. Never came. Never came. Ridiculous. Excluding all the weird gifts

we've been given in person tat, of course. I once got sent by, like, a lady. She wasn't even related to me. She was like... A woman. A woman. A woman, said you something. A woman.

That was like a... It was like a... a thick metal sort of A4-sized sheet which had this sort of dark covering on it and what you do is you scratch into it Oh I've had one of those before yeah like you can draw with it but then you're left with all this

like kind of like scratch card shit just detritus that was kind of weird but actually the weirdest it wasn't something that I received but in fact you know I told you about the one Christmas when the priest at church asked what we'd all got for Christmas yeah the first boy that he asked he wanted over to me with the microphone he said oh have you opened a present yet and he said yeah I'm allowed to open one

present before I come to church in the morning and said oh and what did you get and he just went with no explanation he just went I got some twizzle sticks and that was it and then he just moved on to the next kid thanks son and since then me and my siblings have frequently said to each other. Twizzle stick. Twizzles. It's an in joke. I think I'm sure I've surely received something weird

like as a birthday present from a friend but I just can't think of one. A very nearly I spent like 200 quid on a puppet of Ellen DeGeneres. Wow. Yeah and then like 200 quid. It was a really scary looking puppet. It's quite funny.

But then like before I had, I decided to commit to buying it, Ellen bought it herself and it featured on the show. So yeah. Oh my God. I could have owned a famous puppet. Could have sold it to Ellen for profit. Oh, damn it. Ben, are you Googling?

Twizzle sticks. Yeah, Urban Dictionary defines Twizzle stick as a dope pipe. Nice. Another word for a glass dick. Yo man, load up the Twizzle stick and let's start tweaking. Well, that's definitely what the nine-year-old boy was. I got two grams, let's load up the twizzle stick. What did you get for Christmas this morning? I got, I'm only allowed to open one present.

I got a dope pipe. And I got a glass. My heroine's coming later tonight. A glass penis. Just bought some headphones from vidiots. And I'm going to get a glass dick. Great. to his old dix. Plural.

He got two glass dicks. I mean, nobody needs more than one. It's selfish and greedy, really. Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Crimbles. Let's have another question before we crack in. Oh. This is from Robin Lough at Rorbin.

What country have you never been to? I'd like to visit someday. Oh, God, it's quite a lot. I'd like to go to America. I've never been to America. Hamilica. And I've never had the opportunity to go. What bit of America would you most like to see?

It's a lovely place. It's great. It's lovely. Well, I don't really know. Sort of the New York and the... The newest York. The St. Francisco. East and West.

Yes. I've been to both of those. I'm a lucky boy. I'd stay away for the middle. It's not a lot there. It's just very hot as standing. No, I'm joking. It's just a stolen land.

I'd just quite like to go to anywhere in America, really. I'm not that fast. I've got to Portland for a few years at Oregon, but for a few years. Yeah, yeah. Nice. It's going to go. Not, no, Peter, stop it.

What? I've been wanting to, it's been in my mind for a few years. I'd like to go for a few years, but that's not going to happen, is it? I want to see more of Asia, a bit like Hong Kong and stuff. I want to go like Vietnam, Bangkok would be good. Yeah. All that shit. Exotic.

Get some cheap food, cheap fake clothes. That'd be good. I really like to go to, like, some proper markets. I'd been to Hong Kong. I went to Hong Kong when I was about three. Oh, really? Yeah. My grandparents used to live there.

There's a guy on YouTube who does, basically, all his videos is him in the markets, haggling with people. Oh, yeah, is that the strange? Yeah, the strange parts. Strange guy. Yeah, he's really good. Sorry, not strange parts, but he's done a collab with strange parts. Yeah, he just goes around the markets and, like, gets stuff like three quid when the originally

asked for, like, 50 quid for it. Wow. So, you think haggles them down. It's really fun to work. Wow. That's amazing. He has to go to, like, a proper market like that. New York is great.

New York is the place that I've been, but would go back to. I think New York's a place I've been to the most, actually, now I think about it. They go every couple of years. You can always just go. There's always something to do. Yeah. That's great. Somewhere I would really like to go is Iceland.

Ooh. I'd like to go and see the volcanic shit and the... That weird plane that's crashed or whatever. Is there a plane that's crashed? Yeah, I think it's in Iceland. Just like the carcass of a plane in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, I'd see that. And that's another place where in the middle there's like not much.

Everyone lives around the coast. And in the middle, it's just like ice and geeseers. All right, all right, mate. All right, I'm all right, you're right, you're right, love. Also, I'd like to see the northern lights in a similar play. Oh, yeah, that'd be awesome. My dad's been in the airline business pretty much all his working life. And back before 9-11, it was quite easy if a flight was overbooked or if there was a mistake for the likes of

him like airline staff to be put into the cockpit. Oh, nice. As like an extra seat. I thought you were going to say the hold there. In the hold, yeah. Right. They don't do it anymore, but my dad once got moved into the cockpit because the flight was overbooked and he did this like long journey back and they saw the

northern lights out of the front of the plane and the pilot was going like, I've never seen them like this. This is incredible. And my dad's like, I'm a lucky boy. He took a photo in his Nokia. I think it was even before the time. He calls the great text and under 200 characters. Yeah, he sketched it real quick and...

Yeah. Yeah, he just, he looked at it and remembered it. That's what you have to do back then. I'm going to remember this. That's bullshit. Yeah. If there aren't photos, it didn't happen. Yeah.

That's why we film everything we do. I'd also really like to go to Orkney, which isn't even far flung. But they've got some like gnarly prehistoric shit there that I'd like to see. Okay. Yeah. All people everywhere. Just, yeah, the people. Yeah, they've got some.

really old people. They've got like stone age villages that you don't get anywhere else in the world because they used to be made of, ironically, they were made of wood mostly back then. Ironically, in the Iron Age, they used to clean, yeah. I remember once being in a weird little English village with my parents. I just like, let's have a day out somewhere. And my mom, like, was obsessed out antique shops and stuff. And like, as a kid, I was like at my wits end.

It's like, which she was about to go in one. I was like, oh, why do you always go in an antique shops? does it could feel like you belong there? And she was like, wow. Holy shit. Nauty boy. My dad was like crying. We laughed.

Cheeky. Bad, Mikey. How old were you? I probably about 10. Yeah. Shit. Nice. Nothing's changed.

Nope. Oh, baby, a triple. Who? Guys, who would like to do a thing? I'll do my thing. Yeah? Keep doing your thing, thing, thing. That means we're doing our third successive question.

It's Luke Smith. Oh. What? What were the results? What? What? From the wipegate survey. Oh, is this your thing?

Wipegate. Wipegate. As opposed to wipe supremacy. We talked about this a couple of podcasts ago. Which way do you wipe? Do you stand? Do you sit? Do you scrunch?

Do you fold? How many squares? The great census of 2018. The fact of it is that Ben is wrong and now we have conclusive evidence about it. I'm really interested. I've still not looked at these results, actually. So we've got a total of 378 responses. Nice.

So we've got like a good wide. Some people here. I will say, as I said at the time, that we do have a good number of women who listen and women have no reason to wipe the way that I do hygienically it doesn't make sense so the women vote will have to be factored in here

I'm just saying I didn't account I didn't ask anything about the people just their shitting habits so that might skew it so I just want to say like I appreciate that we live in a colorful world and everyone can wipe in any direction they want but if it goes one way or the other but if you're a woman it's worth bearing in mind

that women would not wipe toward their balls because they don't have them and you will, that's really bad. Why would you wipe towards your balls anyway? It's just absolute madness anyway.

You know what, fuck it. Let's not go there again. I'm going straight to the wiping technique. 69.4% of people do it the normal way back to front. I'm still surprised that like, that's pretty close to 50-50. Well, you say that.

Well, it's close to 70-30, but with the women taken into factored in. Yeah, so yeah. Like nearly 70% of people do it the normal way. Normal. The normal way. Can you express what that means?

Boles to crack. Just not towards the balls. Yeah, balls to back. And then 25% of people do it the weird Benway, which is towards the balls. Oh, okay. So where's the missing percentage? We've got, well, I made the mistake of adding custom responses to these. Oh.

So the next one was side to side. What? Green was twirl. Then we've got, it'll be a mystery, doggy, Caucasian, three seashells. Okay. front to back arm in front right up the shitter right

front to back arm in front that's weird I don't understand how that would work it away DJ hero scratch bedairs are the best and you are wrong

I mean I I don't disagree with it I mean yeah I excluded them because it's not relevant right okay the sitting position was next

70.9% of people sit down while wiping which again nearly 30% people stand I'm so far with the majority oh stand

up. But a lot of people chose both as well. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I think like... Do you just alternate? We've spoken, we've had this conversation. I think me and you have spoken to other people about it like two or three times in the past. Yeah, I mean, I would say his name. You've spoken about it. I know exactly. I would name and shame him by the way. No, I don't feel

that's my place until if he was here and he wanted to get in on the conversation and answer to the world. But one of the people we spoke to, I think when he said, I stand up and I was like, what the fuck do you mean you stand up? He said, well, no, I kind of hover and kind of bounce up and down a little bit and, you know, he's sort of a middle man. A very mobile move. He thought

it was insane that we just sat down the whole time. Yeah. As well. So people don't talk about this stuff. Yeah, and we have this discussion. This is important. Yes, it is. I think the next one was SlavSquot was also a popular white pink position. I'm not sure what that is. Reverse cowboy.

You just kind of lean. Yeah, that's the best of the responses. Right. So how do you Do you fold or scrunch the toilet paper? 63% of people fold. I am just all a majority right now. Yeah, you're normal.

Well done. 22.5% of people do a combination of fold and scrunch and 14% of people scrunch, which is less than I imagined. But I've got a combination of the two. Yeah, I feel like go for more of a fold and then I scrunch it a little. Get some texture, some valleys going on.

I feel like if you properly scrunch it, like yeah, if there are valleys going on, but it's just a scrunched up. you don't know the shape that's in your hand as you're putting it towards your ass. We've already learned from you. There could be some unpredictable scoops and things going on. Scoopty-you don't even check your

paper, that's why. We check our papers, so we know what we're doing. Well, Peter, he's already said you were in the majority. Yeah. Not anymore. Do you look at the paper after you've wiped? Of course everyone looks at the paper. Seventy-nine percent of people do. That's the biggest one so far. Yeah. You freak. I am a freak.

I'm a freak. I'm a freak. I just What? Do you just feel ashamed of what your body? he's producing what's the problem? If someone said, I order you to look at the paper I'll be like, okay, I don't mind. Well, I'm coming around yours tonight. I want to inspect those. And you just know? Peter Austin

shit whisperer, no, nose if it's clean. Me and the like 15% of people who don't, just know. Right, just know. Okay. It's like, this is a similar thing. I mean, I don't tend to just, I don't tend to blow my nose at all. Yeah. But people who do blow their noses,

I've seen people on the bus and stuff look at the tissue when they're Do you guys do that if you play your nose? Yeah, you've got to inspect that. Maybe if I'm on my own, and I need to see in a mirror if there's still stuff going on. But if I'm in public, I'll do a nose blow and I'll do a wipe and then I just sort of, I won't look at the tissue now. I'm very much a visual man. I like to see what I've made.

I'm going to be proud of it. Very creative. I might look at myself to see if I'm all clean and tidy on my nose, but like I wouldn't look into the tissue. But people do. Look directly into the heart of the storm. The last question is there. Yeah, maybe you are. Maybe, yeah, but you should try.

Listen up. Shit in a handstand formed. Yeah. Let's know how that goes. On to my own face. Yes, directly. And then wipe it without looking. I remember when I first added Steve on a Snapchat.

I think the first video I ever saw on his Snapchat was him like squatting in a really high position just shitting into a toilet from high up. God's say. Oh, dude. Right. I'm shitting from the ceiling. How much paper do you use? This was kind of a poor question on my behalf because the options were one square, two squares, three squares, a lot of squares.

God, it's like Brexit, isn't it? It wasn't fucking clear enough. Well, the majority, 55% went for a lot of squares. Well, hang on. In total or at a time, I think is the confusing. Yeah, that's what you were asking. I rip off a tiny bit because I can only use two squares per poo. Yeah, I didn't really, that was a pure question of my life.

Per poo, I wouldn't be able to give you an answer. No. No, but like per white, I think per white was implied. Yeah, two or three. Two squares. I think about probably three percent of people said one square. What? Two squares had the next up was 16 percent, and three squares was.

next was 26%. Okay. So there we have. But I think that question was corrupted by people not understanding what we meant. Yeah. Well, that's why I'm not in charge

of our surveys. Yeah. There we go. There is wonderful. Poopie business. Well, I feel fairly supreme. You shouldn't. I need to just start looking at my own

shit in my hand. Then you'll be part of the elite. I just want to say again that like I think the women votes skewed it in a direction that made it look like it's a far bigger divide. But really, it's, it's, it's a man's world

and only men have the true freedom to wipe whenever they were in whatever direction they want. This is honestly the most disgusting thing like I'm in my head I'm planning, okay I'm going to get up and try this so you can't so it's like a lean forward

kind of thing like no you're sitting on the toilet and I yeah how the hell do you do that how the hell do you reach with your arm you adapt to doing it just that's a lot of reaching like that I got long arms I'm powerful you've only got long arm

I bet your arms were normal length when you were born but after years and years reaching through your legs look me and the long look you guys are going to need me and the rest of the back to front wipers when you eventually need to reach stuff

at the back of the cupboard and you can't do it because you've got your stubby little backwards wiping arms well we might have stubby little backwards wiping arms but at least we don't have shitty balls but neither do I well you can't see that area

of the balls where it's all going on I know that's probably stained fucking brown And you have no idea. That's an outrageous suggestion. Much like the ship whisperer Peter Austin, you know how to wipe from decades from your entire life. It's not like every time I've painted all the way up in my chest. You know when to stop.

It's like I can say, why aren't you going all the way up? You could go all the way of your back. It's like, of course you don't. You know when to stop. Yeah. It's all about the technique that you've learned theoretically go all the way up our backs if we didn't stop. Of the back side. Yeah.

That's the thing we're not looking, though, because I'm a looker, and, like, it sounds where it feels dry, but I'm looking at the paper thing. God, there's still a bit there. Oh, wow. You've got the shittiest ass of all times. Do you know what? I've never ever, in my entire life, had...

How the fuck do you manage that? A skiddy pants. Skiddy pants. Yeah. Skid pants. It's a rap name, isn't it? Are your poop solid? She's the girl in Fallat New Vegas, isn't she?

Skidy pants. Yeah, I think so. Right, I'm going to move this along. Thank you, Michael. want to know how solid his poops are? Well, reasonably solid. It varies, right? Surely, it's all diet.

It depends on the dominoes the night before. In which case, stand back. You've got to be relatively consistent to never have had skid marks, though. Consistent consistency, yeah. I don't know. I just do a good old wipe and make sure I'm dry. Do you have baby wipes involved in the situation? They're bad for the plumbing, though.

I don't care. And it's as simple as that. Right. No, I don't have them either, but I always relish going to someone's house where there are baby wipes in them. I'm like, because you can just sort of, you can freshen up right at the end. you know it's a nice finisher a little fresh

and then you dab little fresh dab at the end of the end yeah yeah and then you're done good can we move on can we put this to bed

please please please yeah thank you everyone for all your responses um you could actually fill out that survey more than once

so I don't know how many people did that if anyone has the time to fill out multiple times to skeer results I commend you really you're doing

great stuff for this planet 350 of you yeah oh hold on just going to check my mic cool that's facing

wrong way Michael just took his sock off he's just fiddling with his microphone No, you're right there? Yeah, just... Hello! Okay, that's better.

Okay, cool. No, no, no, no. Let me sock up. Okay. I mean, this is all staying in, but... Is it? Of course it is. I put my hand up to say, stop.

No, because I've got to look through the whole file and fight... No, it's all right. I'll... There you go. There's a clap. So no one told your life was gonna be this way. Oh, what? Oh, ah.

Peter, would you like to hear my thing? Michael? You have to hear my thing. I have a thing. Wow. How come he gets a choice? What do you mean? Would I like to, Michael has to?

What's going on? I'm just asking you, I'm telling Michael he has to listen. Uh, yeah? Fuck you. Okay, I'll hear you tell me. A thing. Okay. Burger King.

I've had to go. You heard of this place? To Burger King. Yeah, I've heard of it. You heard of Russia as well. Oh, I don't know where this is going. I don't know if you're familiar with the World Cup. Did you hear about that?

Yeah, I know that that was a thing that happened. That happened, right? Okay, so. So, we both aware of Burger King and the World Cup. Roughly good stuff. Yes. This is a good start. You know what pregnancy is. Oh. How is Babi formed? Yes. How a girl get pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. Bougar King says sorry for Russian World Cup pregnancy ad. Are you ready to hear about this? It is something else. Burger King has apologized for offering a lifetime supply of whoppers to Russian women who get

pregnant by World Cup players. Wow. What? Critics assailed the offer announced on Russian social media as sexist and demeaning. Now then it's got the promotion here that I can't actually read because it was in Russian. The announcement was removed Tuesday from Burger King's social media accounts but was still circulating among Russian social network users. It promised a reward of free burgers to women who get, and I quote, the best football genes and, and I quote, ensure the success of the Russian team for generations to come. Oh my God, it's eugenics. In a statement to Wednesday to the Associated Press, Presh. Burger King said we are sorry about the clearly offensive promotion that

the team in Russia launched online. It said the offer does not reflect our brand or our values, and we're taking steps to ensure this type of activity does not happen again. I'm surprised, like, the individual Burger King countries don't have to, like, report back to the whole base. Yeah, that's weird. That was Russia. Not on us.

We told them to stop. We all know what Russia are like nowadays. Imagine thinking that was okay. Like, just the idea, to begin with, how you could ever prove that. Well, this is the country where you can't be gay, so. It's true. That's true. And then on the back of their, like, police shirts, it says homo, doesn't it?

I take that pigs Offer a lifetime supply of burgers To anyone who is not gay Yeah pretty much Get pregnant If you manage to get Rio Ferdinand No longer in the World Cup squad

To have sex with you And you're a Russian woman And you give birth to like Super Russian football athlete Which for one thing is not how it works No it's not how it works But yeah Then you get free whoppers

I don't know at what level They thought this was ever going to work Not even from an offensive standpoint Of which it is very offensive? Yeah. How would they test this? How would they know? I don't know. It's just a

scam. I guess, I don't know because there's also, I want to hear the terms and conditions. How many whoppers is that? Is that like a limit to one a day? One a week? One a month? Lifetime supply. I don't know what that means. Because that could mean anything. Because it's people who win these competitions and they get like 12 things. You don't want a whopper either.

No, no. Who gets the woppers? Is it the woman or the child? I don't know. I mean, it wouldn't be a very good footballer if they had. The child shouldn't be eating a lifetime supply of whoppers. Everybody knows when you go to Burger King you get the exhale bacon double cheese meal you get nothing.

Yeah. Because that's the one with all the animal in it and all of the cheese. Yeah. Whopper, that's like half vegetables. Gross. Plus it's kind of a small burger, isn't it? I think it's quite big actually.

Oh. But it's not worth it. The name like the Whopper, I should hope it's enormous. Yeah. Home of the Wopper, Burger King. And you can have as many as you want for fucking a footballer. I've had to go.

And looking after a child. To Burger King. To pick up my free waffer. Little Rio demands his burger. Rio Jr. has had to go to Burger King to pick up our life-dance-blower. All his friends make fun of him. He comes to school every day, smelling the woppers, but it's all we can eat. Smelling of woppers.

That's one word I miss from Sondland is wapper for someone who's just an idiot. Well, an absolute whopper. Yeah, fucking wop. Oh. Oh, that sounds like a slow, isn't it? That is a slow. Is it? Is it?

What does it mean? Oh, shit. Well, Keith is in, but Peter didn't mean it. It's just, this is an educational thing now. Oh, it's Stantz without papers. It used to be referring to Italian immigrants. Oh, no. Well, because that's, maybe I've heard that,

and that's, because you said it's like a derogatory term for an idiot, and I just said Wop thinking, that sounds worse than Wopper. I'd call someone a Wop if it was me. Yeah, that's a genuine term for an idiot. If that's a derogatory one, what's a good term for an idiot? A Michael Johnson. Paffoon. And Michael Johnson.

That's pretty good. My apologies for using an Italian slish. Anti-Italian. Well, yes. Not a pro-Italian slur. God. Well, we all learned something today. This episode will be called Wop.

No. Well, Home of the Wopper. Oh, God. Home of the Wop. No, we can't do that. Oh, Jesus Christ. We love all of our listeners.

We do. Equally. Especially the Waps. Especially. No, stop. I'm glad you guys are saying this shit now. I think that was the worst. I've done the worst there.

That was the worst one. Can the bar go any lower? I'll give you guys 10 seconds. Maybe. Mussolina was right. Yeah. It's a... No, I'm not going to do it.

Right. Good. Okay. Well, that's it. The 10 seconds are up now. We didn't... Michael officially scored lowest on the poll there. Yeah.

I'm going to jail. Good. Peter. We've been demonetized. A thing. A thing. This is a thing that you may have already heard. about, especially if you've studied psychology at any level whatsoever.

Right. Because this is just the case study that they do very early on in anyone's psychological career. You fellas heard of a man called Phineas Gage. I have not. What an interesting name. You'd think you'd remember a guy called Phineas Gage. Phineas Gage was a man who, he worked in the American... Oh, no, is he dead?

Yeah, he's dead. Oh, that's sad. He died in 1860. Oh, no, I didn't, why didn't anyone say? Sorry, I should have warned you. I've even got to meet him. It's really sad. Not safe for life.

Phineas Gage was an American railroad construction foreman remembered for, quote, according to Wikipedia, his improbable survival of an accident in which a large iron rod was driven completely through his head destroying much of his brain's left frontal lobe. Jesus.

So what happened was... I was just before there are cameras as well, so there's not even a picture of his injury. Oh, there is. Oh, boy, there is. What is he called again? Or is this an illustration. Finnius Gage, P.H.

He often posed for photos with the iron rod that should have killed him. So in constructing the railroad, they would like bore holes into the cliff. They would put gunpowder in there. They would like sort of knock it in there with a rod to get the gunpowder right to the bottom and then they would like ignite it.

But unfortunately, he put, the rod in and it just ignited below the rod and fired it out like a... Jesus, like a cannon. Yeah, like a harpoon gun or something. It went up through his cheek,

through his brain and out of his eye. God, mighty. Now, the really interesting thing about this and the reason that they do it in psychological study is that he had massive, like, changes in

his personality as a result. So it didn't really affect like any of his core functions because that's all done like further back in the brain. So like muscle movement and sensations and stuff like that. But he used to be quite a conscientious, hardworking, nice guy. You know, the kind of guy who, if they murdered a teenager, they'd be on the news and everyone would be saying, oh, it always seemed like a nice man to me. You know, they always say about everyone who's ever murdered.

murdered a teenager. Right. He's one of those nice guys who murdered teenagers. Right. And the rod went through his frontal lobe, which is for like very like higher levels of processing and stuff. And after having the rod removed, he became like this massive like womanizer.

Wow. He would like turn up late for work. He would make plans like all these like massive plans about oh, I'm going to go and like like, live in New York City and I'm so excited and I'm going to like start getting all my things together. I've like booked it all and then he just sort of like go

no, no, maybe not because like the frontal lobes for kind of thinking about the future, making plans like long term long term processing. So he's kind of always living in the present kind of thing. Yeah, pretty much so he would then just

I think he like lost his job or he lost a series of jobs because he just became like this kind of useless man who never turned up on time and so then he used to just like do tours with his iron rod and I'll show you the picture of him we can stick it in the link dump

Mikey have you looked it up yeah I've seen it it's gnarly that's like the yeah the picture of the skull there he is Ben that's oh my goodness that's him there with his rod I'm not sure if that's a drawing or a photo it's impressive you can suffer that much brain damage and still you know be alive the interesting thing about the brain is that there are no pain receptors in it as far as I'm aware or very few so if someone was to open up your head and give you enough anesthetic like local around the head so obviously it would fucking hurt having your head opened up but once you're in there someone could just like mash your brain up with a knife and he just wouldn't feel it nice

oh god slowly feel your personality change well yeah may be that's horrifying there's certain brain operations that happen now where you're your left conscious for it so they'd give you like massive like painkillers for you know the hole in your head but then the the reason they need you conscious is because they're like testing out whatever it is that they're going to do to you

so like particularly people would like things like epilepsy and stuff like that they will like stimulate parts of your brain and you can be talking and they'll want you to talk and they'll say so tell me about like where do you work or like what's your mom's maiden name or whatever and you'll be talking about

oh yeah well I work at this office called the ogs cat and they'll start touching your brain you'd be like at the ox cast blah blah blah blah blah blah blah so amazing it's amazing but that's awful I hear like whenever people talk about surgeries or injuries like I always like kind of feel it myself

I could feel my head kind of just going all weird and fuzzy there oh god I hate it I never want to be cut open I never want veins to be on show fuck off so that's a bit of weird capetia for you there that's some really weird capetia a man got some metal in his brain and turned into, he used to just like

hit on women all the time and like cat call, he used to just be a lovely stand-up bloke and then he was like, Oh, I, oh, love, drop you knickers, but he was American. He was American, but he was American. He started to sound British after the incident. Yeah.

Oh, that's crazy. Thank you, Peter. You're welcome. That was weird, wasn't it? Capitia. It was really weird. Weird Capitia. Yeah. We've got another question now from Sarah Bennett at Bennett underscore SL. Oh, I recognize the name from the Discord. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Where do you store your ketchup? Fridge or cupboard? Covered. I save fridge. Covered. If you put it in the fridge, you're fucking wrong.

My flat meets do it and it's fucking infuriating. Well, so there's things here. For a start, I don't really have ketchup, so I don't. But if I did, I'll put it in the cupboard. There's things here. There's things here. So that's the first thing is my answer is I don't have ketchup. But if I did, I put it in the cupboard.

Now, I think, correct me if I'm wrong, I think on the bottle, It does actually say, you're supposed to refrigerate it. Yeah. But it's fine if you don't. Like, I'm not, like, on a morning I make an omelet. I'm not going to fucking have cold ketchup on it. You don't want cold ketchup. I want room temperature ketchup on it.

It's like when people put cake in the fridge to keep it. Oh my God, no. To keep it going. I quite like that. Cold cake. Well, I quite like cold sweet things. That's the thing. Well, yeah, I like...

Depends on the cake. Ice cream. But you put your... And yogurt. Ben, you put your chocolate in the fridge. I do keep chocolate in the fridge. Well, that's just disgusting. You're mental.

I like chocolate from the fridge. I mean, I'll eat at any temperature, but I do like it from the fridge. You take it from the fridge and you wipe your ass back to front with it. No, that's a lie. That's not true. That does not happen. I keep my ketchup in the cupboard as well. Yeah.

My, I think my parents keep it in there. Well, no, I've been to places where it's been in the fridge before. And, like, I do get that, but it does strike me as weird because it doesn't make any difference. Yeah. And I don't usually have ketchup with stuff, but I do have it as a condiment in case someone who is here once in it. Yeah. All I use for is omelets. Where do you store your eggs?

I mean, cupboard again We don't need to refrigerate them in the UK What, is that true? Yeah, yeah You saw them in the cupboard Yeah, in America, you need to be refrigerated Because they've got like a fucked up They clean them or something

They treat them with special chemicals and stuff American eggs are weird There's pure white Oh, I think I would never eat an egg like that And not because I'm sure they're probably fine But like, just seeing that They're all sort of weird in uniform aren't they Yeah, not from nature

Yeah I go in here when you pull out an egg And it's got like a little bit of feather on it Yeah, this is coming from a chicken's ass. A bit of chicken poo sometimes. Yeah, it's okay. Do you put your bread in a fridge as well, actually? No, I don't.

Americans do that. Quite a lot of Americans keep it in the fridge. Well, I guess it's very hot. So sweet. Yeah. I was just going to say it's quite hot over there, but a lot of them have aircon. Ben likes his sweet things chilled. Oh, God.

Hey, look, it's just the way I've been in my life. I don't know why you're getting on me. You're just wrong. Fine. Well, let me be wrong. It's not going to change anything. I need to fix you. No, there is no fixing what isn't Brock.

Try to fix you. Last question. Yeah. This comes from... Ross Brooks. If the purge was real, what activities would you get up to? Or would you choose to hide it out for the night? What would be your approach?

Well, okay. But wait, there's more. What? Bulgarian Robottom at Good Brother Lord says, could you answer a question doing the Milo voice? Oh no. Oh, no. Oh no, Bella.

I don't want to go to the hospital and put Bella out of her misery. Oh, God. Christ. So, guys, have you seen the purge? Yeah. I've not seen it, but I'm aware of what it is. It's an interesting concept, but the executioner leaves a lot to be desired. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've not seen it, but I know what it's about. I've seen the Rick and Morty episode. Yeah, I've seen that one, two, three, purge films now. I saw a little bit of it. of purge election year. Oh. Yeah. Was it good?

No. How many people do you think of tuned out? One, two, I don't know. Well, that's the thing, right? So, there were these people protecting their building. Yeah. They were stood up on the roof and looking down at the street below. Yeah.

And these people rocked up in a car that was covered in fairy lights. Oh, that's nice. It's meant to be quite flamboyant and like, oh, we can do whatever. we want to get out they're blasting the music and they're holding AKs and they're these ladies in dressy hey what do you say come along and shoot everybody um yeah so it's like for starters why have they done that why have they wasted part of their 24 hours of purge putting fairy lights on the car i think there's a day for preparation and then sundays the day of rest and saturday's treat day. But no, they

show up with their big shiny car which is like, oh I'm not a target, don't show my giant shiny car, they get out and then these guys from the roof instead of like ducking down and staying out of their sight, they yelled down at them and just go

hey, don't you think about messing with us? And they went oh blah blah blah, whatever man. And then someone from the roof shoots one of them through the ear. Oh. Through the Ear. Through the ear. That's a hell of a shot. Like, shoots one of the lobes of. Right. And then they go, we'll be back later. And then they go, we'll be back later. And then they go away. And then they come back again with loads of other people. I just think that situation could have been avoided entirely. Just. I'm not shooting him through the ear. All you got to do is keep your head down. Yeah. Easy. Well, in answer to the question, who would you kill? I think, well, in reality, I think the best thing to do would be just to hide for 24 hours. Before you finish the question, I was going to. Before you finish the question, I was going to kill. I was going to kill. I was going to kill. I was going to kill. I was going. I was going. I was. Well, well, I was going to say let's not be boring here let's say who would you kill himing we're not

allowed to hide or we get some kind of invincibility clow I would probably I don't know if I'd kill anyone an invincibility club an invincibility glow they can still see me it doesn't matter if they see me

Michael because all crime is a very strong towel and you're actually role playing as Milo a boy from the tweenies Because in invincibility cloak It's not a real thing, Peter Well, no, there's Milo from the Tweenies

Well, he's answering this question Right, Milo from the Tweenies Is walking round in fucking Mithril, right? And it doesn't, I wouldn't kill anyone No, I'd just go and steal all the things I can't afford on my wage Oh, right

All crime is legal, which is the most things I'd probably park I'd park on a double yellow line Oh, you fucking madman I'd walk in to fucking waterstones. Waterstones? And by the tweenies annual 2018. Oh, lovely.

And go home and read it. That sounds like a lovely purge. I've gone a bit weird. Milo's grandmother. You'd work all the way there, though. No? No. I'd drive there and park on a double yellow line.

Is this Peter or Milo? I don't know. The line is sort of blurred, isn't it? Yeah. I hate these blurred lines. You know you want it. Can we do an entire blurred lines rendition

as Milo from the tree? I just... I don't know the words. Not now. I know you want it. You know you've got it. But you're a good girl. You're a good... Oh, he's gone through a few.

Oh, hello. You're a good girl. Oh, Milo. You know you want it. Right. Okay, well, I hope that this is that. Awful. Who would you kill, Mike?

I was just thinking there, because you can't go for someone high profile because, A, someone else will probably kill them before you if they haven't already gone into hiding. I think people who know people want to kill them, they're going to hide and going to do everything they can to avoid getting killed. So it's got to be quite like a personal grudge,

someone low level. I don't know who I'd kill. Me? Do you have a grudge? I think we should go up to a former place of work and just cause some havoc. Oh, my God. Is that a threat?

No. We could get done for that. The purge isn't real. Did you say a former place of work or the former place of work? A, I said hour. Just some random form of place of work. Yeah.

You go back to the service station on the motorway. I'll go back to McDonald's. Yeah. Some of them will be safe. What's my previous? Barnardo's children's charity. Oh, no. Yeah.

No one is safe. No. I'll get them. Oh, going to cause some havoc to those people trying to save children. Oh, fuck. What an excellent organization. A wonderful organization.

You're still going to support them with your money. Yeah. Not stolen during the purge. No. Thank you, everybody, for your questions. Thank you. I need a glass of water after that. It's really warm in here as well.

Yeah. It's just getting hotter and hotter. Once again, we're sponsored by Turtle Beach, bit on LY, forward slash vidiates Beach. Store.orgscars.com, buy some shirts and merch, please. Do you know what's coming up this week, Ben? I would. Shit.

Well, today is a podcast. No. Shut up. Shut up. It's a podcast. Shut up. Yesterday. this week was few dams.

Fuck it. We're doing a Minecraft series. Fuck it, we're doing a Minecraft series. On Wednesday, it's post some tats. Post some tats, post some tats, post some tats, and black and white cats. On the 9th of August, Thursday, don't post your black and white cats. At the moment, there's just a big old hole. There's nothing.

Maybe it's because we just wanted a day off. Can we just please have a fucking, you get it all for free, apart from those people who are very much kindly supporting. as on Patreon. We'll get that in a second. And then, oh boy, you know it, because it's every week. It's going to be a worst game ever. And as revealed on Friday, bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.

We're playing Beverly Hills Cop again. No, we're not. No, we're not. It's featuring the annoying thing. Yeah. The really annoying thing. The most annoying thing. Yeah.

So that's this week. Oh, and then there's a weekend. Oh shit. and Sunday Sunday. Yeah, a few times of Sunday fun day. Nice. Will we be playing on Sunday Fannie? I don't know yet. Probably fairy tale fights, possibly. But it might be you star. Oh, I don't know. Oh, I just don't know. Why?

It'll be fun. Whatever it is. Whatever it is. And it'll be great fun. That'll be great. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, forward slash Vidiates official. We'll find us on all of those. Thank you so much to our patrons. Thank you.

Over at patreon.com forward slash vidiates official. We use that as a tip jar. We don't promote it much. If you like what we're doing, nothing is gated. at all you can just throw us a couple of dollars that would go and have a coffee on you and we'll say wasn't it nice of that person it was so nice thanks so nice hashtag idiot's wildlife go check those out

yeah we might be on 40k we equally might not be on 40k who knows so subscribe subscribe this is rules boss if you want some help with rules he'll talk to you at Billy Ray Botrus for daily automated tweets from

Billy Ray Warris about what he could have been a lot better or a lot worse or a lot faster or a lot smoother or a lot More disappointing. It could have been a lot smoother wars. Bit. Bit.L.Y. forward slash vidiates.

Discord. Shit. Ah. Oh. It's just natural response there. Bitter L.Y. It's a new one. It's a nice easy way to find our Discord.

Yeah, go and chat with the people on there. They're lovely. They are. Bit.ly, for slash. Vidiot speech. Vidiot's Discord and Vidiot speech. Vidiot speech. Tell your friends,

vidiots at gmail.com if you would like to email us over a video of yourself saying, tell your friends. Vidiots. God, the admin. I know, it's going to be never-ending eventually. We're right at the end of it now. Leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating of something on your choice of platform. That made sense, didn't it?

Secret question. Well, no secret question. Oh, what? I had one as well. Oh. Okay, go on. If you could have invent any crisp flavor. If you could have invented.

If you could do anything. They are you crisp now. You ever had a dream where you could do so much or you want to you could do anything? I'm really glad you'd let him ask that question. If you could have invent any crisp flavor, what have would you done invented? Said with such confidence. God.

The words that I'm saying makes sense. Answer that question and put hashtag, hashtag would have invent. What would you have invent? Crisp. Okay, Ben, say whatever the fuck you were going to say. Well, I was going to say,

we wrap this all up. We finish off today with another song. Of course. This is kind of like, remember that artwork we got that was unbelievable that had every character and reference and everything in it all the one.

It was, I think it's our Twitter, it might be our Twitter header. It's certainly on our Facebook. It's mine. It's unbelievable. This is kind of the song for them. Yeah. It comes to us from ads, ADZ.

At ADZ Queenie Bond on Twitter and at For the Hornets is the band. For the Hornets. Or their band, I should say. And yeah, it's just, it's brilliant. Thank you very much for it. We will roll it now just at the end of the episode. And we'll see you guys. next time

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