Podiots - Podiots: Episode 124 - Observable Space

Episode Date: June 17, 2023

Peter’s talking about an imaginary town, Mikey’s engaging in some local customs, and Ben’s seeing how many dicks can fit in things. Donate £3 or more to join next episode's Pod Squad: http://podiots.com And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com -------------------   Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS!   Support Ben and Peter: https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax Pickax Hello everybody Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello

Wait, hold on breaking news coming in Do do do do do do do do do do they still send news by Morse code I don't know if that's... Yeah, they're doing it They've just done it. They certainly do in the fashion world because, oh my God, Blobby T-shirts are out on sale now. Yeah, now!

Yeah, Blobby T-shirts with Noel devouring his son, Blobby. Oh, you know it. So now you no longer have to go outside with the print tape to your front. You can wear a T-shirt which are designed for showing off in public places. Isn't that nice? But wait, that's not all. Is it? The caps are back in stock.

The VS1 cap is finally, it's been away for, gone, a good few months now, but the hats are finally back, and so now you can look real swaggy, going up and down the high street with your parody PS1 hat and Mr. Blobby T-shirt. Damn it, I genuinely actually just bought a cap, I think. We were certainly looking at buying one the other day online, and I should have bought one of our.

Could have done. Well, you couldn't have done actually because they weren't at stock. But they are now. You would still have to buy one. We don't give away freebies here. No, no. I know. That's why I don't own any Vidiots merch. But if you want to buy some, where can you go, Michael? That's a very good question. The people at home can go to vidiatesofficial.com.

And on that lovely website, there's a nice little store button or shop button. I can't remember if we went for the English or American version. but it's one of those two words and on there you'll find a whole bounty one of nice little things and thank you to everyone who bought the blobby prince at the time recording we are down to the very last one that may not be the case on the date of release so if it's gone it's gone if it's still there

oh it's your last bloody chance best hurry best flipping hurry now before we all melt into puddles should we start the podcast yeah all right let's do that Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy. It's the official video.

Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some things from you at home and everybody else brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Hello, guys. Hello.

Hello. How are you doing? Yeah, hot. It's too fucking hot. Well, we're saying that now, and it's not even like it was last summer where it got to like 30 odd degrees. At the moment, it's what should be a relatively bearable 20-something, 24 or whatever. Sorry, relatively bearable 20-something. That's what people call me.

Yes, exactly. Oh, God, I'm dying. Oh, no, he's dying. Oh, God. Yes. Yeah, this is summer in easy mode, I think. so buckle up, it's going to suck. Yeah.

I just don't like it. We complain about it every year. Yeah. And every year it sneaks up on us, especially this year because it's taken until now for the summer to actually start in the UK. And it's just horrible. It's just so...

And Americans and Australians think we're like wet blankets, but you have flipping aircon and we don't because we can't justify paying for it because it's not warm enough for enough of the year. Although it's starting to get to the point where probably is worth getting aircon in your house because we're not having these heatwaves all the time. Good stuff. Love living in the world today.

Mikey, are you all good? How's the job going? Yes, new job's going well. And for those who don't follow me on Twitter, I guess I can say here is that I joined the PlayStation Access guys to... Hey! I'm not a camera presence, I'm a behind-the-scenes grunt where I belong.

I'm working with those guys. I'm doing some stuff for Netflix as well and a whole bunch of other channels and other goodies. So yeah, it's all fun and woo, new job. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. That is great news.

And there was a third thing that I was going to talk about, but I've forgotten what it is. So I don't, anyone got any ideas what it could be. Oh, Brian Butterfield Tour? Yeah, I mean, that's happening. I wasn't going to talk about that, but we probably should. He's not coming to Newcastle, but he is touring.

Yeah. What could it be? the other thing you were going to talk about. What was that? What could that be? We've done merch. Yeah, we did merch. Talked about Michael's job. They already know that we're on camera now.

That's not new anymore. Yeah, we're here. Maybe I was going to say, hey, the listener submitted thing went really well last week. Yeah. Yeah. And that's something that we're going to continue doing. So if you want a chance to submit your thing

alongside our thing each and every fortnight, then pay attention. to our Twitter, because we usually put out a post in the days preceding a recording, which is usually the week of release of the podcast, which is on a Saturday now. So if you've got any relevant news stories or weird local happenings, make sure it's from the last two weeks, and tweeted at us in reply to that tweet, and you could be shouted out here on this podcast. Yes, thank you very much, everyone. It's been a delight so far, so long may it continue. but hey there's another way to get your name shouted out on this podcast isn't that right then

there certainly is you go to poddiots.com support us there three pounds or more you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the podcast guaranteed and you join pod squad and we'll love you forever that's just that's just how it works um mickey's yeah yeah we will yeah yeah yeah there was no doubt about that mike's going to kick us off with this week's pod squad we begin with Alexa is Too damn hot, same. Finn Tristam, I slept with Mr. Blobby. Do not read this. Poddiots, now in Blobovision.

And Stephen Scourdes, thank you all. Oh, thank you all. Hang on, I've closed my Discord. It continues with Freddie Weber won't donate. Lord Rotovich, Bartek-Kinoa, Mr. Makar, and the very, very generous Otto Cano, or Carno, who says, I suck at doing things regularly, so I hope you forgive me for paying up once in a blue moon. You're my Favv podcast. Thank you for keeping me, thank you for making our days better.

Kiss, kiss. Well, I absolutely don't mind. We don't mind at all. You're donating or not donating even, but especially with such a lovely donation as that. So do not feel any guilt at all. Thank you very much. Thank you. Very, very generous. We've also got hip, hip anonymous.

Yeah? Hippinonymous. Hettie Bobetty. Go Go Gadget, your hands off my penis. Poddietz presents Big Bap. Donak 07 and B0 Problem. Thank you. That's your pod squad for this week.

Poddience.com three pounds or more at the beginning and the end to get a shout-out, guaranteed and support us in the process. Do you guys have a favourite? Hip Anonymous raised a smile from me, but it's got to be go-go-gad get your hands off my penis. That's, yeah, that is the winner, I think, this week. Yeah, it did get a for longer four from me, so. Sorry, others, you're good, but you don't mention the word penis. Oh, no, I shouldn't have said that. Now, everyone's going to say the word penis. Now, all of them are going to say penis.

So have fun navigating that next time Well there we are Thank you Pod Squad It's time to start things off With a listener submitted thing Who would like to do their listener submitted thing first I would like Oh Peter would you like to do it

I don't mind Mikey if you want to go first You go first I don't like this I don't like the connotation I'll go first then This one comes from Let me get that bit of information up

anyone for seconds podcast at anyone podcast on Twitter I'm going to read you the headline to this one I mean the headline is kind of the most beautiful thing about this it does it does I mean it's a whole story but holy shit I've never heard one sentence be as beautiful as this men rescued from sinking boat after day trip to buy pasties goes wrong oh no all beans uh oh I see

everyone knows what a pastie is right Do I have to explain a pasty? It's the thing that you put on your nipples when you're doing topless dancing. Yes. Yes, they had a burlesque show coming up and they only wanted the best so they went on a trip. You know what? I clearly don't understand that. What does that mean?

That's what they're called, apparently. I only know that because someone mentioned it in a yogcast video or a, or a, what's their jog pod, like about 10 years ago. And it's stuck with me because it's such a strange thing. like pasties is that what they're called but apparently it's what they're called I'm afraid that it's a main it's according to

Wikipedia it's a of which course it is it's a main and a snack a pasty is a British baked pastry a traditional variety of which is particularly associated with Cornwall Southwest England but it's spread all over the British Shiles

it is made by placing an uncooked filling typically meat and vegetables in the middle of a flat short crust pastry circle bringing the edges together in the middle and crimping over the top to form a seal before baking. Oh, I'll crimping you, sweetie pie. That's not crimping, mum. So yes, this is the delicious little delicacy that these men risked their lives for.

I'll continue. Two men have been rescued from a sinking boat after they sailed from Swansea to Ilfracom. I think that's how I pronounce it. I don't know whales to buy some pasties. Wow. The men had been on a day trip to the Devon. town in a 32-foot cruiser when they were hit by a large wave off Baggy Point on their return journey.

Oh, baggy point. The local RNLI launched both of its lifeboats to assist with the rescue after receiving reports of a cruiser taking in water. Paul Hadfield, the owner of the ship which sank, the gazelle. So yeah, the important word there is it sank. Right, okay. How many pasties were they carrying? The players

Now they're washing up on beaches All across the British Isles This isn't a PG Trip of mild peril This is full on 12A Absolute peril happening They said that the trip came about Because the pasties in Swansea

Don't compare to Devons I've had to go to Swansea To Swansea It continues You can't get anything like them In Swansea he said God, I really need to try a proper a proper pasty. How long have you lived

in the South West? Well, I suppose there's got to be some good vegan ones down there, right? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I have had a few, but none that have made me risk my life in the pursuit of having one, but maybe like for one meal I'll break veganism and just experience the full pasties it's meant to be. I think it doesn't count if it's a pasty, Michael. Yeah, pasties are free.

Yeah. Yeah. We'd been an ill for come for the day, and I'd got all right, here's your answer, Ben. I got nine pasties for colleagues back home. Wow. It's like when you go on holiday and bring back, you know, sweets or something. Yeah, exactly.

Do you want any cigarettes from duty free? Duty free. Do you want any pasties, duty free? I'm just going to nip around the coast and pick up some pasties. You lunatic. Oh my God. See, it must be heavy, heavy pasties. Yeah.

This dude turns out he was a very experienced sailor. This wasn't some novice just going out and screwing himself over. He's got a career of more than. 50 years on board. 50 years, that's, hang on, 450 pasties. Depending on how often he does it per year. Oh, right. I assume this is an annual event.

One trip per year. If you went on one trip per week, how many would that be? Oh, goodness knows, that requires a calculator. 450 times 52, right? Yeah. This man has hauled 23,500 pasties, potentially, potentially. Oh, it's pasty. up in here with these smugmen.

Whoa! Someone stop him. Wait, wow, wait. No, this might actually be true. He said he has regularly sailed the journey of about 20 to 30 miles from his home in search of pasties. In search of.

He's the pirate on the West Cornish pasty company. Yeah, he's got a big treasure map. He unrolls it. It's got a dotted line. Bushy beard. And a pasty at the end. Oh my God. When a wave hit the gazelle,

the situation, glitter quickly. It was a bit snotty as it is around baggy. I assume snotty's a sailing term. Yeah, sure. But we weren't horsing it, just easing around to the quieter waters. Then a wave hit us, and there was pretty

sick swell. So I think that is what did it. The wave popped out the saloon window and water rushed in. Sick swell. He didn't have a baggy point after that. After six, well. Imagine it's the window popping water rushing in. Right, lads, this is the last chance.

eat your pasties now this may be your last no pasty left behind oh dear so then yeah the lifeguards came rushing in and rescued them

but the gazelle very quickly started sinking and various bits of debris were retrieved by the lifeboat after the boat went over delicious debris Seagull's having a field day that day you need to hire them

the guy from last week in an eagle costume to scare them all off yes yeah and lifeboat lifeboats lifeguard person said our first priority is always to rescue people before vessels and we are very pleased we're able to do that on this occasion um as we found out the gazelle had only minutes before

sinking if her crew had not been so cautious and called the lecoast guard when they did they could have been in the water with their boat and also their pasties i guess um and yeah he says this is a day he'll never forget and the last line is he plans to return for more pasties soon good good last I want to see that at the end of a Marvel film. I obviously am very glad that he and the crew are safe. But the tone of that interview makes it sound like that is a man who is willing to die for his pasties. And he would have gone down with the ship if he needed to.

Oh, he would. I just appreciate that the lifeguard feel the need to clarify to the press that they do actually favour rescuing humans before craft. as though there's a chance that maybe the priority might be that they rescue the boat first and oh we'll get the humans if we can afterwards well pasty's first people second yeah if it's pasties then the people

then the boat yes that's the true order goodness I could go for a pasty now I'm just looking at a Google image search result for pasty and there's so many oh god tasty little pockets of joy thank you very much for that oh yes thank you for that

yes thank you Well, don't you find appealing, Peter? Just the pasty in general. Are they not... I've had one ages ago, and I don't really remember... I remember not being that taken by it, but, you know... I think pasties are... They're hearty.

They've often got potato and big bits of onion in and stuff. And that can be off-putting. I would prefer... I'm more of a slice guy. myself, which is basically a pasty but made slightly differently and usually with a far simpler filling, be it steak or chicken or chicken and mushroom or bean and cheese. Oh yeah. That's, I prefer that, but I, you know, pasties are pastas. To be fair, like, I'm looking at cross sections of pasties now. I've googled cross-section pasty and they're less soggy than I expected. I expected them

to be, like, have the filling of like a steak and ale pie and to be sort of dribbling gravy as you. open them. But it does appear that they're, you know, a bit drier in a good way. They're not dripping. There's a bakery near me that does like a vegan chicken curry pasty. Or that, yeah.

Steak and onion. Yeah, I can take a leave. Give you other accoutrements and fancy fillings. I'll gobble it up. Maybe we should let this guy know that if he goes to Warren's bakery, he can get an eight pack for 36 pounds and they probably deliver. But I don't know where Warren's Bakery is, actually. It may not, it may not be as, you know, good.

Do they deliver across the sea, is the question? It's the question. I don't try and work out where they are. You buy corporate hamper? Yeah, I just got that up as well. Oh. It's a cautionary tale, though, of this of, you know, the risks of heavy takeaways, you know, what can happen to you? I'm having Coke poos before you know. In 1860, two families united in St.

just near Land's End to bring together the freshest local ingredients and traditional craft bakery skills. That sounded like it was going somewhere else. They are in the southwest though, I think. Is that where Land's End is? Yeah. Okay, yeah, so it's fine. We're all good. 40 stores strong across the West Country.

You'll probably know it if you're down there. Landsend is as southwest as you can get. Right, I thought it might be, but I wanted to check. It's that place where people walk to from John O'Grout's in order to walk the length of the country. Mm-hmm. Very cool. Well, it's time now for one of your things. Peter, would you like to kick us off as Mikey's just gone? I'd love to. I've got it right here. It's a weird thing from Wikipedia delivered by Peter Austin. I like to call it a weird capetia. Wow.

It's just a curious little thing here. It's not even. I'm going to say it. I don't care that you break your elbow and it's not that funny. But it's just strange. and hopefully you'll find it interesting today we're going to learn about the Bielefeld conspiracy the Bielafeld conspiracy and then it says the German word which is let me see how many letters long this is

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9 10, 9,000, it's about 20 letters long this word so I'm not going to even attempt to pronounce it. Yeah, there's a lot of letters. No, attempt, attempt, come on. All right, Belafeldwesh, I think something like that. It's a satirical

conspiracy theory that claims that the city of Bielefeld Germany does not exist but is an illusion propagated by various forces. First posited on the German Usenet or Usernet in 1994, the conspiracy

has since been mentioned in the city's marketing and alluded to in a speech by former Chancellor Angela Merkel. What do you believe? Let me move it on to my other monitor so I'm sort of looking down the lens. Well, these fake photos are really lovely. Yeah, aren't they?

They look lovely. So the story goes that the city of Bielafeld, population 341,755 as of December 2021, in the German state of North Rhine Vestphalia does not actually exist. Rather, its existence is merely propagated by an entity known only as Z, which is they in German,

but written in block capitals to make it all spooky and mysterious. That's scary. And it's conspired with the author... Z have conspired with the authorities to create the illusion of the city's existence. The theory poses three questions. And you guys want you to answer these, actually,

because I think this will prove exactly what we're trying to prove here. Do you know anyone from Bielefeld? No. No. No? Have you ever been to Bielafeld? No.

Do you know anybody who's ever been to Beelafeld? No. Well, actually, I'm looking at a news headline that says Beelafeld sets new record number for visitors. Yeah, but that's just Z have put that headlong. Yeah, that's misinformation. I don't know those people. Well, as the article continues,

a majority are expected to answer no to all three queries. Anybody who can answer yes to any of the queries or claim any other knowledge about Beelafeld is promptly disregarded. being in on the conspiracy, Ben Potter. Oh, God, I'm in the pocket of Big Bielefeld. Or having been themselves deceived, perhaps, which is hyperlinked to an article called brainwashing.

Okay. Damn it. The origins and reason for this conspiracy are not part of the original theory. Speculated originators jokingly include the Central Intelligence Agency, that's the CIA, Mossad, or Aliye, who use Beelafeld University as a disguise for their spaceship.

So here we've got a history of the conspiracy, or the conspiracy theory. The conspiracy theory was first made public in a posting to the news group day.talk.bizar on the 16th of May, 1994, by Akeem Held, a computer science student at the University of Kiel. When a friend of Held met someone from Beelafeld at a student party in 1993, he said, That givts do not, meaning that doesn't exist.

And it spread throughout the German-speaking internet community. So he met someone at a party who said they were from the town of Bielefeld. And he said, no, it doesn't exist. It's not true. It sort of started to spread from there. In a television interview conducted for the 10th anniversary of the news group posting, so he posted this story online and that's where it started to spread, I think. Held stated that this myth

definitely originated from his username posting, which was intended only as a joke. According to Held, the idea for the conspiracy theory formed in his mind at a student party while speaking to an avid reader of New Age magazines and from a car journey past Beelafeld

at a time when the exit from the auto barn to it was closed. And he just thought, oh, imagine if it didn't exist. That was just where his mind went. Historian Alan Lesoth notes that a reason for the amusement value of

the theory is Bielafeld's lack of notable features as it is home to no major institutions or tourist attractions and it is not on the course of a major river Bielafeld defines nondescript

says Alan. Has Alan been to any town in the UK because in most of them the cultural the culturally significant landmark the thing to do is big Tesco. Yeah. It's taken 24 hours.

Well, I think he would equally think that it was amusing to say that, you know, name one of those places, Ben. What? One of those places that has nothing. Sorry to throw you under the bus. Northampton. Right. Yeah.

Northampton doesn't exist. Alan Lesoth would find that extra funny because there's nothing there. That's what you're saying. Classic. So we've got the public reception now. The Bielefels conspiracy remains one of the most popular internet jokes originating in Germany. I don't know who is calibrating that scoring system, but it's there. In fact, it says citation needed.

Did you run it by Lord Brotovic? Well, yeah, we could ask him. He probably knows about all the good internet jokes originating in Germany. So he can confirm. In November 2012, German Chancellor Angela Merkel referred to the conspiracy in public, when talking about a town hall meeting she had attended in Bielafeld, adding, if it exists at all, and I had the impression I was there. Oh, Angela, you card.

What a card. Blimey. The city council of Bielafeld made efforts to generate publicity for the town and build a nationally known public image, or city, sorry, it is. I guess, yeah, if it's a boring town, it finally has something to latch on to. It's got something. Yeah. However, even 10 years after the conspiracy started, the mayor's office still received phone calls and emails

which claimed to doubt the existence of the city. On April Fool's Day in 1999, five years after the myth started to spread, the city council released a press statement entitled Beelafeld Gibbts Es Dock, meaning Beelofeld does exist. In allusion to the original conspiracy, the 800th anniversary of Beelafeld itself was held in 2014,

under the motto, Das Gibbs Dock Garnicht, that doesn't exist. In August 2019, the council offered to give one million euros to any person who could provide incontrovertible evidence. Wow, that's a word I wasn't ready to read. For Bielefeld's non-existence

in an effort to increase interest in the city, as no one was able to prove Bielafel's non-existence, the city therefore sees its existence as conclusive, and the conspiracy as ended. To commemorate it, the city erected a glacial erratic block in the historic city centre. Sorry? A glacial erratic block.

Yeah, a glacial erratic is a rock that used to sit on top of a massive polar ice cap in the ice age, and then as it has melted, it's just been deposited in the middle of nowhere where none of those stones exist. Oh, cute. There were some where I used to live, there would just be like a handful of like giant rocks

that were geologically dissimilar to the area and there was all sorts of like stories as to how they got there. That's great. They just used to sit on top of the ice age ice and then as it melted, they just got dumped somewhere weird. So the block was erected in the historic center near the Lina Weber monument

and a QR code on it directs to further background information. So there we go. The article ends with a section on similar satirical conspiracy theories and says that similar theories have also been made about other places, such as Australia, just as a whole country, I think. The Brazilian state of Acre, or possibly Acre, Finland, the Portuguese city of Laeria, the Italian region of Molise, the village of Akworth in West Yorkshire,

the US state of Wyoming, the Dutch town of Etton Lear, the Mexican state of Tlaxcala and Lepampa, Argentina. And finally, it ends with C also for articles on birds aren't real, which is a kind of joke conspiracy, and also Ted Cruz's Zodiac Killer meme, which has its own Wikipedia article apparently, which is good. Nice. That's beautiful.

Wow, what's that? I can't do years. It's been a long time since that started. That started in my birth year. Yeah. And it's still here floating around. Wow. Well, we'll soon have proof that this is real, Michael,

because I have just submitted an edit request for the, how is it pronounced? Peter, what's the name of the town? Beelerfeld, I think. Beelafeld McDonald's, which hopefully will soon be known as Poddietz presents McDonald's Beelafeld. And then we'll know. That's how we know it's real

is when something gets the potty, it presents little suffix, a fix, whatever, at the front of it. Can you, can you, is it possible to sponsor something that doesn't exist?

Probably not. So that will prove it definitively. One way or the other. I'm not sure which way. So it looks like a lovely town. Yeah, it does.

It's not real. Has anyone added it to the threat yet? Of course it looks lovely. It's constructed in a perfect image. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've added it to the thread, Peter.

It's a lovely, lovely little scenic photo. Wonderful. Thank you, Peter. You're welcome. It is now time for another listener submitted thing, and I've got one of those. And this one comes courtesy of Darius Owen Canning at Darius Canning on Twitter. And the headline reads from the Metro, Seagulls High on Spice after making off with stashes of drugs. Oh my God. Cocaine Bear.

Stories continue. Spice seagull! I want to see that so much more than cocaine bears. Oh, definitely. The story of the seagulls continues now. Britain's seagulls seem to be developing an appetite for a little more than just unguarded fish and chips. They're apparently increasing reports of the seaside pests swooping down to make off with drug users' stashes. In particular, a group of synthetic cannabinoids known as spice. spice use in humans can cause euphoria, talkativeness, paranoia, nausea and mood swings.

In some cases, the sedative effects are so acute that users have been compared to zombies. Surprisingly enough, there's been very little research into the synthetic narcotics effects on seagulls. Incidents of the birds swooping down to Nick users' stashes of the drugs have apparently been reported in Hastings, East Sussex, Margate and Kent, as well as cities, including London, Leeds, Manchester, and Liverpool. Oh my god, that's way more than I thought. It's a lot. It's a lot of incidents. As former spice user, I thought it was going to say spice girl.

As former spice girl, Kevin Robertson, 45 of Hastings, told the paper, Goals will go for anything. They used to come up behind us and grab whatever we had. If we were stoned and completely out of it, the girls could just take the joint we were smoking and fly off. In the end, the best place for us was in the covered bus shelters. But even then, the Seagulls seemed to know where we were. Azard of Leeds, who is also a former user, added,

A Seagull and Spice is not a good combo. It turns them into Psycho-Gulls. That's what happened to DBP. Oh my God. Psycho-Seagull. After one such incident in Wrexham, locals reportedly said that one of the birds went mad after taking someone's supply of the drug, dive-bombing pedestrians before eventually coming to collapse on the pavement.

Oh, no. As one person said, Seagulls on spice. went for a stroll around Wrexham to see two officers checking out a stoned seagull. Another added, another day, another zombie seagull. They think they're getting chips, but they're just getting a beak full of spice. Oh, my God. I initially thought maybe they were on the side of the police

and they were part of a task force to save the streets from spies. But no, if even the seagulls are being checked out by the police, then I think they're just high. Yeah, they're off. You have your tits, aren't you? Of your tits, high. You smell it. When was the last incident you guys had with a seagull?

Oh, incident. I bore witness to a seagull incident a couple of days ago. Okay. Yeah? I had a man walking in front of my office. I was out there to enjoy the sun for a bit. And seagull swooped down and just knocked his sandwich out of his hands, as happened to me. Wow.

Yeah. Maybe that was a spice seagull. Oh, my God. The last. instant I had, I'm sure I must have brought to the podcast where I saw one crash into a lamp post about 12 feet off the ground while it was flying and it just dropped vertically in London on the pavement. I remember you saying that because you stopped to seek aid. I was late for work by like 10 minutes and I messaged Adam. I was like, I'm messaged to

nine. I was like, I'm just outside the office. I'm not late, but I, there's a seagull here that's like, I don't know if it's dead or not. And I was like, trying to ring around and like find out what I could do for the seagull and by the time I couldn't get hold of anyone or I couldn't really seem to find where I needed to contact and then it actually managed to just get up and fly away by the time where it was uh good boy yeah that's good got in touch for anyone that's good thank goodness for that um so be careful out there everybody um the sea guys on lockdown seagulls are coming for your coals they're coming for your drugs Be careful. Be careful.

It is time now for a thing. Michael Johnson. TD Bank knows that running a small business is a journey, from startup to growing and managing your business. That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs. No matter the stage of business you're in, visit TD.com slash small business advice. to find out more or to match with a TD small business banking account manager.

I would love to indulge you in my thing. So I thought I'd do a little dive into weird English village traditions. More ones that are still going on today rather than ones from history. Although, as you can probably guess, a lot of these are steeped in history because everything in England is at least 500 years old. So I've got a little selection of three fun happenings, things you can check out across England, if you have a fancierge a chip over here, and you want to see some truly weird stuff like you could only see in this country.

We begin with a local one to me, which is cheese ruling in Gloucester. Ah, yes. So this is a very, very famous event. And it just happened a couple of weeks ago. So there's probably lots of hot new articles for people to check out if you're interested in it. So cheese ruling has come. competitors heading to Gloucester from all over the world. The Cooper's Hill Cheese Roll is an annual race held it,

you guessed it, Cooper's Hill, near Brockworth Gloucester, and it attracts people from around the globe who come to chase a double Gloucester cheese, go down a 200-yard-long hill. When we say 200-yard-long hill, it's like near vertical. It's terrifying. If you haven't seen pictures of this before, have a quick Google and you'll get you'll get a whole impression but yes it's absolutely terrifying

so the rules of the event are simple a nine pound round double gloss to cheese is rolled down the hill and given a one second head start to the players who then chase it down the hill the first one to make it to the bottom and cross the finning line wins the cheese I'll put a photo in the thread because you do need to see this hill In theory the winner is actually the one who catches the cheese that wins but given that it can reach speeds

of up to 70 miles an hour the chances of anyone actually catching it are pretty slim up until 2009 the cheese rolling was an official event but it was called off over concerns for the safety of the spectators this however hasn't stopped the locals

from continuing the tradition. Screw it if it's not official. You can't stop us from ruling cheese down a hill. That's a free country, in it? That's true, actually, yeah. It's in the Third Amendment, isn't it? Of the British Constitution. Yes, it is.

Sorry, Sir Sir, do you have a license for that, cheese? You're a license for that? The concerns are not without reason, however. And contestants are regularly being hospitalized in the event. In fact, Cooper's Hill Cheese Race Ruling, I don't know why they keep saying the full name of it, the cheese rolling event has been called the world's most dangerous foot race and described as 20 young men chasing a cheese off a cliff and tumbling 200 yards to the bottom where they are scraped up by paramedics and packed off to hospital.

Are they heroes? Like, I've never watched it. I'm very aware of it, but are they considered, why do they do this? Because it's fun, I guess. It's like absolutely brutal. I actually saw a video of this not so. Maybe. Maybe I saw it because it had been on again, I don't know, but it was just on my feed, like, maybe a couple of weeks ago. And I'm surprised, some people must get knocked unconscious occasionally,

because you go into a free fall and you're just somersaulting down a hill. You know, I guess it's fortunate that it's grassy, if nothing else. You're not going to like to bang your head, anything hard, but, yeah. I've got a feeling people do it just purely so they can go into, like,

the local pubs for the rest of the week and just be gifted free pint. a plenty. Maybe, yeah. Yeah. One second I'm going to close my window. My neighbours are in the garden. Oh my God, they might hear you.

People do stuff. The cheese ruling. People do stuff, though, don't they? They do like the running with the balls and that like massive tomato fight. Both of them, Spanish events. I guess if you live somewhere a bit small and dull, why not chuck yourself down a hill chasing after a block of cheese? Yeah.

A block of cheese would be amazing. It just doesn't roll at all. It just stops at the top of the hill. Ro, banana. I win. The first ever written evidence of this taking place is in 1826, but even then it was very clearly apparent that it was an age or tradition. And it's expected to be at least 600 years old.

I don't know where they're pulling that number from, but I believe it. And speaking of getting knocked unconscious, the headline from the most recent, recent winner of the event. Woman wins UK cheese ruling race despite being knocked unconscious. Oh no.

So you can kind of see the scene here. Yeah, she started running. Tumbled, knocked herself out and just continue to rule. Oh, was the first one. Yeah. Oh, my God. Irving from Vancouver Island in Canada told the BBC that she was not

cheesed off by what had happened. and said the race was good, now that I remember it. I remember running, then bumping my head, and then I walk up in the tent. I still don't really believe it, but it feels great. Well, congratulations, enjoy your cheese. Did she come over specially for it? It sounds like it, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Why not?

I mean, at least you won, but good God. Next up is the Egremont Crab Fair. So this is a fair that was established in 1267. Wow. Holy moly, which makes it one of the oldest fairs in the world. A number of different events take place during the fair, including Cumberland Wrestling. I really should have Googled what that is.

I assume that's just people whacking each other with sausages. It's sausage-related, yeah. I'll have a look. Oh, it's just men in white tights grappling each other. Oh, it is. We're in tight. It's a very intense hug to put it. Cumberland and Westmoreland Wrestling,

more commonly just known as Cumberland Wrestling, is an ancient and well-practiced tradition in the traditional English counties of Cumberland and Westmoreland. It bears enough of a resemblance to Scottish Blackhold, which is practiced just north of the border, for them to be classified under the joint heading North Country Style. What is it? Oh, what do you do?

You just have a little grapple for a bit, I guess. I guess you have to stay locked. So in all the photos, they've got their hands locked around the neck behind the other person, and maybe you have to maintain that grip all the way through, and that's what makes it distinct from other kinds of wrestling. If any part of a wrestler's body touches the ground aside from his feet, then he loses. If both fall down at once, the last hit the ground is deemed the winner. Okay.

God, it's kind of spooky looking. The traditional costume consists of long johns and an embroidered vest with a velvet centerpiece over the top. Oh. But Cumberland Wrestling is not the only thing you can enjoy here, of course. There's also wheelbarrow racing, pipe smoking, my favourite sport. Wow. And climbing the greasy pool.

No. Oh. Come on now. What you do on your stag do is no one else's business. Leave the kids out of it. Come on. Squeeps. I can just hear it.

I can hear them climbing the greasy pole. Squeep, squeep, squeep, squeep. but one of the more famous events there is gurning so you've probably seen pictures from this event on the internet already but gurning means to make a strange facial expression or just simply to pull a face but as you can imagine this is the world gurning championships the world the best in the world the best of the best come and do their best gurn and a gurn is like it's just

extreme. It's like bodies fold and distort in ways you never thought imaginable. I highly recommend Googling it, but I'm going to send you my favourite going. I found Oh my goodness me. That's good. Why is he wearing that thing around his head?

I think that's part of it. Yeah, sometimes you do it through one of those. I've just found this one. I think it's a dummy, but yeah, that can't be real. Not having teeth is a big advantage for this because it really helps you to Oh, get your jaw up and around. There's a men's and women's event,

and the top three gurners receive a prize. And, yes, contestants put their heads through a horse collar and snarl like a dog, look savage, and distort their faces. But the returning world champion is Tommy Mattson, who has won the world championship 16 times. Bloody hell. There are too many to go at, To even pick an example.

I don't know what. I mean, this guy, the transformation from before and after is astonishing. Hang on. Have a look at this. Oh, my God. He's popped his teeth out. What the hell? That's incredible.

Is that the winner? No, I don't know. I just found him on Google. I think he won one time, but he's not the same guy who's won 16 times, although he deserves it. For people at home, if you want a mental image, just think a Popeye pretty much. That's kind of the real-life manifestation of a cartoon character And just in terms of how it's scored They just look at the person's face before and after

And just kind of rated off that It's all vibes, baby That's nuts It is kind of horrifying I did try and do a few guns while I was like reading about it And it just I can't get anywhere near to the skill We could still technically enter though Right if we went there

We would lose but we could enter the competition The championship, right? Yeah. Or do you have to qualify? I think, yeah, I don't know actually. I don't know how strict it is. We should try. Why do you do your best gun now on camera?

Yeah, we could. Oh, God! Did you do it? I pulled the muscle in my neck again. Oh, God. He what? What's happened? He pulled a muscle in his neck.

He pulled a muscle? What, gurning? Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, God. I did a little gurne before and it hurt. And that one really... Jesus.

Wow, holy... Okay, wow, Gurning is dangerous. I respect these athletes. I was going to say, though, presumably there's actual crab meat for sale as well at this market, right? Because this sounds like it's not just the Gerning. The entire thing is a Popeye fair because they're like wrestling, they're smoking a pipe, they're eating nautical food.

Popeye could probably climb a greasy pole as well. Maybe. Is there any spinach there? Is it greased with olive oil? Oh. Hey! Very good. I'm scrolling through Google.

There is not a single picture of a crab, so yeah, I don't know what that's all about. And the last one is medieval football. In the British town of Ashbourne, there's a special form of football with only two rules. One, you can't move the ball in a motorised vehicle. And two, you can't murder anyone. Fair boy. Fair rules. There should be rules across the board. But it really stands to reason with this one, because it is brutal.

Every pancake day in the main car park of the Peak District's Ashbourne Town, a large cork and leather ball is lobbed into the air at 2pm, after which hundreds of people, local blokes mainly, but anyone can join in, spend the next eight hours trying to kick through run and wrestle said ball to a millstone on the south. south side of the town, while hundreds of others aim to get it onto the north side. Oh, my God. So, yes, this is just hundreds and hundreds of people clashing at each other, running, wrestling.

It does look like a bloody war zone out there. It's absolutely nuts. I highly recommend looking up footage. That's a battle royale. Literally, yeah, it is, yeah. Yeah, it is. That's only the first half. And then the next day, Ash Wednesday, they do it all over again.

Oh, God. With all their injuries. Yeah, limping on. I think I saw a guy from America come over and do that on YouTube. I think he travelled specifically to take part in that. I'm glad that the North Americans are coming over and indulging in British culture, like, Cheese Lady and now Ball Man. Yeah.

So this date's back to 1667, and the matches battled across streets, big bridges, fields, woods, and people's back gardens. So nowhere is safe. it's just wherever the ball ends up going, you people are going to run through. Players regularly end up on roofs and in the river. Within an hour of this year's throw up, a town center wall had been demolished in the scrum.

Half an hour later, someone's garden fence went the same way. Shop windows are boarded up and organizers tell people not to bring valuables, including children, along. Wow. God damn. Yeah, it's, I do have. recommend looking into it. It's so, it's fun to watch, but it's like, oh, teeth clenching stuff.

Injuries and hospitalizations come as standard in Shroftide, maybe because there are just two main rules, as I said before, no using motorized vehicle, and no murder. Quote, unnecessary violence is frowned upon, but it's not technically banned. Right, okay. And just, it's all part of the passage coming home with a bloody nose and whatnot. Yeah. One's Even being an actual air to the throne Doesn't save you from such treatment

In 1928, Prince Edward performed the throw-up That began that year's game And legend has it He then dived enthusiastically into the scrum But had to be pulled out with a bloody nose Within five minutes Oh no Yeah

So yeah, this all kind of originates Between like the north-south divide of the town And I guess it's kind of a good way To get the rivalry out and just a big brawl up, a sanctioned brawl up at the end of just getting a ball to one at one of the other end of the town. I'm amazed there aren't more deaths, quite frankly. Yeah.

Oh, God, the promise has been. I'm not going to Google that. Let's just pretend it's all nice and lovely and fine. Yeah, there's a little bit blood. Yeah. With their limp wrists and hands all half falling off. But yeah, it's a lovely day out. So, yeah, do come to England.

It's weird. It is weird for sure. that's me lot amazing thank you very much michael thanks mike you're welcome so i think it's now my turn again is it to do my um it is submitted it is listen submitted uh well i've got to open in a tab but i need to find where you sent it so the person was uh at luby underscore lake on twitter lake thank you lake for sending this in uh here we go this is according to the lestershire live written by Neil Shaw Mum spots

Face of Jesus in her Sunday roast dinner gravy good he's back he's back the second coming in stock form the subheading is I did think it looked like Jesus or Karl Marx

my son is a big fan of the doors so he suggested Jim Morrison good so it could be anyone I'll send you guys the image in the chat I'll put it in the dump for you get it on the yes thank you please do there it is there he is the Messiah

himself that's so marks that's not Jesus come on a mum was stunned to spot the face of Jesus peering back at her from the gravy of the hearty Sunday dinner she'd just prepared for her family. I did wonder what that was. It's just a gelatinous brown gloop. Yeah, it doesn't look like good gravy to me. Good gravy.

Good gravy. It doesn't look like good gravy to me. Genevieve Morris and her husband, Andrew Morris, had spent hours diligently preparing a traditional roast pork dinner at their home. Andrew, 58, whipped up a batch of homemade gravy to serve alongside the hearty meal for five, including cauliflower cheese and Yorkshire pudding. The padding is ridiculous already A yorkshire pudding is a batting. It was only as Genevieve 52

went to pour some into a gravy bowl while serving up that she noticed the outline of an unkempt man in the liquid complete with a beard and luscious hair. The mum of five stopped in her tracks and took a quick snap of the saucy saviour before pouring the gravy into a dish

and serving it on the dinner table. The nurse, who isn't religious, quipped that she, although she found it funny, it didn't spark a spiritual awakening in her. Genevieve said, on most Sundays we do a roast dinner, my husband always does the gravy. We were serving the gravy into the gravy boat and then there was just this face.

We were just about to serve it to someone, and then we spotted the face and showed all of the children. It looked like someone unkempt with luscious hair and a beard. I did think it looked like Jesus or Karl Marx. My son's a big fan of the doors, so he suggested Jim Morrison. I don't think the children found it as funny as their old parents.

I just thought it was quite funny. My husband found it very amusing too. Good. It wasn't a spiritually awakening moment. I don't think I'll ever have one of those. I got one of the children to scrub it clean. We didn't preserve it, but we've got it in picture form.

Have you gone, Jesus? Oh, Jesus came back and you scrubbed him away. Scroved him clean. Genevieve shared the sacred image on Facebook where it racked up more than a thousand likes, shares and comments. I don't know how they're divvied up, but there you go. One user said, The Holy Gravy, charge people 50 bucks to come and poke their fingers in it

so they may be healed. Amen. A second quipped He has risen A third added Looks just like Jesus to me Meanwhile others offered some alternative lookalikes to the Holy Manifestation

One said That's Charles Manson my friend It does actually quite look like Charles And a second suggested It's Jerry Garcia So there we go That's the end of the article Someone saw Jesus

in their gravy. I mean, what better condiment or sauce, however we meant to define it, to serve with a frozen meat face than a Jesus gravy? Absolutely. Oh, there you go. Blessed be thy meat face. Yeah. Just for the benefit of the audio listeners, I'm going to try and describe the image.

It's a brown blob that kind of forms the shape of hair, which meets a brown blob on the bottom half. which kind of looks like a beard, and then two smaller bran blobs in the middle that kind of look like eyes. Yes. That's it. That is all it is.

Yeah. Amazing. Right. Wow. That's all the listener submitted things. Thank you, listeners, for submitting those things. Thank you. It's time now for my thing.

And ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo number five. And also, it's time to return to how many dicks can fit in this thing. Hell, yes. Now, I'd like to start by apologising to people, in particular, one Discord user on our Discord who felt disappointed by how many dicks can I fit in this thing, which, because he, I think, wanted more from a sec- More dick, from a section that, quite frankly, didn't really have that much more to offer. However, I can appreciate that maybe I oversimplified last time

when technically it wasn't how many dicks can fit in this thing. It was just how many dicks laid end-to-end is the same height as this thing. However, I've done some maths now, and I got some assistance with the maths, so I'm hoping, and I trust that the maths is correct. However, if it is not correct, don't want to hear it. Not from you two, not from the listeners. As far as I'm concerned, this is right.

So you've worked at the volume of a dick now, cross-sectional area times length. Yeah. Right. Wow. I have. So we're going to do this thing. Are you ready? Yeah.

I'm ready. So we are working. I've got a little bit of background to give you first before you guys can start guessing a handful of things that we've got to decide how many dicks can fit in. I am working under the assumption that the average erect penis, according to a study, is 14.2 centimetres long and 12.2 centimetres. in circumference. For a minute there, I thought you were always talking about inches. I was like 14 inches long. That is not right.

That's not it. First, I need to find the volume of a cylinder to calculate the volume of my, in this case, perfectly cylindrical penis, all right? Right, yes, yes. Now, to do that, I'll use the formula for finding the volume of a cylinder, which, of course, as we all know, is v equals pi times R squared times the height,

length in this case. So I had the length slash height, which is 14.2 centimeters or 0.142 meters. And I need to find the radius before I can find the volume. To find the radius, I need to use the formula to find the circumference of a circle, which is C2 times pi times radius. So to find the radius, I divided the circumference 12.2 centimeters or 0.122 meters by 2 pi. The radius is therefore 0.0194 meters. And if you put that into the volume formula, you get an average erect penis volume of 0.0.0.168, 1892 cubic meters. Oh my god. So that's the volume of a penis. Now, we're going to apply that to the meters cubed volume of various objects. Some of these will be cylindrical. Some of them will be squares. Like maybe there's an animal,

We just have to imagine it's a Minecraft animal, because that's the closest that I could get to it without, you know, getting all up inside that animal. So we're going to start simple. We're going to start small. How many dicks can fit inside a Pringles can? Good question. I'm going to say seven dicks. Oh, I think more, because it's like how many... Oh, yeah, the Bringles tins are big. How many could bunch in at the bottom standing? all together like a crowd at the bottom of the can.

Oh my God. And then how many of the, how many stacks of those little, little crowds could you get vertically? The mental image once again on this one is, is this is even worse this time. It's going to get worse. Oh, no.

I think it might be more like, something like 21 dicks. I'm going to say 60. I'm going to change mine to 16 after visualising it. Well, according to someone who calculated the volume for me of a Pringle's can on their blog. I don't know why. The metres cubed volume of a Pringles can is apparently 0.003657101, which comes to Peter Austin, 21.749709 penises. I suppose you could get seven bunched and then maybe three stacks of

seven. So, amazing. Now remember, we're just going off average. We're just going off average. here, you may be able to fit fewer or more erect penises into your fringus can. Just one. Just it's that. We now move on to a bathtub. How many dicks can fit in this bathtub? It's like the worst torture in sore. You have to get in the dick tub and find the key. We work with dick tubs. Have we made that joke before I feel like you done that? Oh, my God. Oh, I wouldn't even know where to begin with this. 5,000.

Yeah, that's high, is it? Hey, I'm not saying if it's higher than the last one, that's all I'm saying. Right, it is, yeah. Unless you have a very tiny bath. Maybe a bit less, I'll say 4,000. Okay, well, according to the measure. of a bathtub, I was able to roughly work out the volume. I think this came from an Armitage Shanks website listing of their bathtubs.

Yeah, real brand. Apparently, the average British bathtub is about 0.5355 meters cubed, which means you can fit 3,183.91 dicks in this bathtub. Okay, severed dicks. severed dicks so that's two nils a peter

there he knows his dicks uh really well my god we're up in the scale a bit further now

how many dicks can fit in this sperm whale oh god this sperm way have you got a

picture of the sperm whale I don't but it is a Minecraft sperm whale it's rectangle right

okay good how many bathtubs can fit with sperm whale let's just scale it up yeah so don't need to go

first this time Mikey so you can do the more or less thing I will say yeah how many bathtubs can fit inside us well that's a good way of putting it it's 3,000 per bathtub how many bathtubs probably like maybe

I don't know 100 I'm going to say 300,000 dicks okay whales are big so I'm going to crank it up to 450,000 okay well I've gone for the potentially the largest, one of the largest possible sizes of sperm whale, again, from Minecraft, according to figures.

Right. It's approximately 294 metres cubed, which means you can fit 1,748,000 and 31.388 dicks in this sperm whale. Oh, my God. Wow, I don't know what I thought a sperm whale was looking like in 100 bathtubs. like that's insane they can they run the gamut of size but if you measure them vertically upwards as in if they were if you were stood next to one they can be about three meters tall if that gives you oh they are flipping massive actually they're huge i've got a picture of a beached one

i won't send you the picture it's dead and sad we move swiftly on to a building now this is the Taj Mahal uh oh no if it were a square how many did can fit in the Taj Mahal if it were a square. Roughly how many were there in a sperm whale? Close to, well, 1.75 million, thereabouts. Right. So how many sperm whales can fit in the Taj Mahal? Yeah.

Why or why did the bathtub swallow the penises? We'll never know why. Shit. It's important. I can't eat science. 24. I don't know how big the Taj Mahal is. 40 million dicks.

Okay, that's a guess. 300 million. Whoa. Okay. My gosh. Okay. That's like all the dicks of a small nation. So taking the figures of someone's measurements that I found on our website of the Taj Mahal as a site.

I believe it's rough. This is very. rough maths, I believe it's roughly, I haven't even put commas in this, so I've made it impossible to read, 12,324,692.78 metres cubed, which equates to, which equates to, 73,278 million, 740,751.749,000,000,000,000551.9 Dix can fit in the Taj Mahal. Right, so I was a bit short A little bit short A little bit short

Right But don't worry You have the chance to pull it back now Because we're going to the moon Excuse me Oh god You have a chance to have another go At the game that we're playing

Because it's time to guess How many dicks can fit in this moon The moon Oh no And we're two apiece now aren't we I think Possed yeah Okay

Jesus Sorry could you remind us At the last number again Just give us like It was about 73 billion Oh god It's going to be like a trillion dicks Oh god

A bit more than that I'll help you out It's a bit more than a trillion dicks Right Do you want me to go first this time Peter? Yeah, all right God I don't even know I'm going to go with this

Hmm The moon is big Quite big So I'm going to say 100 trillion? I don't even know what this number is, but I know it exists. So I'm going to say a quintillion dicks. It's a lot of dicks. So roughly, if the moon was a perfect circle, it would be, and again, I've not put commas in here.

I'm actually going to do that now. I don't know why I didn't do this because it just, in fact, when I double click on it, Excel gives it to me to the power of 10, so I can't even use that. Right. God. Bloody, I'm going to work backwards. That's three. That's three. That's three.

It's 21,958 million meters cubed approximately. I thought you were going to talk about you were saying dicks there. I was like, that can't be right. No, get rid of it. I can give you the full number, and I will. It's the amount of dicks that will fit in the moon is 130 trillion, 550 billion, 350 million, 750,000, 759,740 dicks will fit in the moon. Wow, okay.

So I think Mikey was closer. Yeah, what's quintillion to trillion? I don't actually know. I'll check, but it sounds like Mikey is probably right. I think quintillion is. Oh, yeah, like the next up from trillion is quadrillion and then it's quintillion. So Mikey's definitely right. So it's a bit higher.

Okay, I mean, we can't possibly go bigger than the moon, can we? Yes we can. So assuming the observable universe is a sphere with a diameter of about 28.5 gigaparsecs, that's 93 billion light years, or 8.8 times 1,026 meters, assuming that space is roughly flat in the sense of being an Euclidean space, yes. This size corresponds to a co-moving volume of about 1.22 times 104 GPC3 or 4.22 times 105 GLY3 or 3.57 times 1,080 meters cubed. How many dicks can fit in observable space?

Do you have it in words or just figures? I cannot read this number, but I can tell you how many zeros are on the end of it. right well a google has what 100 zeros okay okay yeah I think that's right

I was thinking a Google Plex which is like even bigger but that's just silly numbers I can't I already couldn't I couldn't imagine Natasha Mahala dicks erect dicks there'd be more if it was if it was not a wrecked dick oh it can't I mean even a Google

seems too small, because think how many were in the Taj Mahal, which was already in the billions or the trillions, and how many Taj Mahals could you fit in the universe? How many moons could you fit in the universe, end to end? I will help you out. I will read the number times 10 to the power of, and you have to guess to the power of. Okay. How many zeros are on the end?

So, the amount of erect penises roughly, erect that will fit in observable space is 20 so it's 21226

0.09 537-354-36 times 10 to the power of what Michael Johnson 35 like way more

like 150 to the power of 80. Ooh. So was Mikey closer? Well, let's see. What did you guess, Mikey? 35. Yeah?

Versus what? Peter? I said 150 minus 35 is 100. It's 115. What? It's too much math. I've done all the hard work. I'm not doing any more maths.

I've done my. And then 115 divided by two is 57. point five seven point five and you said what 30 Mikey 35 35 35

there's 92 5 yes I think it's you oh and what is that what was Mikey ahead anyway I lost track I think I worked it out wrong

but I think you're right anyway Mikey I think I think I think you're closer who wouldn't the last one My head is swimming. I don't know. It's mine as Ben. I want my dick trophy.

I went about that a completely stupid way. What was it? To the power of 80. To the power of 80. Okay. So I was 70 away. I don't know why I worked it out of the way I was doing it. I was 70 away and you were 45.

So you're way closer. Well, well done. So the amount of erect dicks that will fit in the observable universe is 21,200. 26 times 10 to the power of 80. So I think that means it's 21,226 with 80 zeros on the end. Yeah, so it's nearly a Google. Oh, you would have been, yay. It's a lot.

It's a lot of erect dicks. So there we are. I've got one final fun one, because you know the phrase, go and eat a bag of dicks. Shall we calculate how many dicks that is? Oh, yes, please. approximately a carrier bag is

well actually I'm not going to tell you you got a guess first haven't you and then I'll give you some fact how many erect dicks could fit in a bag of dicks if it's a average supermarket carrier bag are we talking modern carrier bags bag for life carrier bags yeah right okay I'm visualising putting carrots

into it yeah that's good yeah because if you if you did them really neatly like a matchbox, you could get a lot in there. You could fit a lot of dicks in that bag. Yeah. Oh man, I don't know. Probably, I bet you could get

maybe about 400. Well, that seems a bit much, actually, but I've said it now. I'm going 550. Whoa. Blimey, look at you two. So the average carrier bag goes from about 18,

litres to 21 litres roughly, which equates to 0.019 cubic metres, because the metric system's great. And that means you could fit 112.9680146 erect dicks in a bag of dicks. So that's how many dicks you're looking at eating if someone tells you to eat a bag of dicks. We've been warped, I think, by trying to picture the size of the observable universe. We forgot how big a bag was. So, there we are. That's how many dicks can fit in this thing. Quite frankly, don't really know how I can follow that up with more things to guess.

But maybe it's done. I would like to thank, because I don't think I did it, 13 Inc. At 13 underscore Inc. For making the jingle for how many dicks can fit in this thing. It was lovely. And it played. You heard it, Peter, remember at the start? Yeah, it was great.

I heard it. It was lovely. really nice. Absolutely amazing. That's my thing. I think it's time, Mikey, that you tell people about some kind of shop? You gosh darn right. If you head over to vidyatsofficial.com and click on the exciting,

inciting, appealing button that says shop. You will be taken to our wonderful. Sorry, I just freaked out a bit there. I went on and saw that the shop was, the new T-shirt was already on there, but no, that's because I get to see the private back in. Yes, we have a wonderful host of goodies in our shop, including mug, hoodie, stickers, and now a new T-shirt and also cap. It's a lovely little corduroy cap.

You can get it in three colors now, maybe, if they're in stock, and it's got a little embroidery on it, and it's lovely. And also the darling, the current merch darling is the blobby, blobby design. And we've treated you, we've put it on, oh, one, two, three, four, five, six. six different colour t-shirts so you can express yourself in any way you see fit including white, black, blue

kind of olive, navy, not navy, that's two different colours, forest green, red and pink so yeah, go check it out it's lovely I've got one somewhere, I'm not going to show on camera because I don't want to go get it, but it is

the print, the print looks great, I guarantee you will fall in love with your new blobby sun if you head over to videosofficial.com and click on the shop button. Thank you. Yes. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiates official. If you go to the YouTube channel, you can watch the video version of this podcast and see our faces live as we, well not live, but you know, live as we talk in the past.

Go check it out. Discord is vidiates official.com forward slash discord. Thank you to Tommy and Fleckers for modding us over there. go and chat with like-minded pottyets and vidyots listeners slash viewers and commiserate over how disappointing how many dicks can fit in this thing was this time what else have we got here twitch.tv.TV forward slash vidyots official that is probably where we'll be streaming a reunion stream at some point maybe in the summer we really have waited until it's gotten unbearable to sit in front of a PC to do it

but potentially we'll let you know we'll let you know pottyots.com though is where you need to go if you want to support us financially, directly, guarantee a shout-out at the beginning and the end of the podcast. Join the pod squad. Help us out loads. We really appreciate it. Mikey kick us off. We begin with Alexa. Is too damn hot. Finn Tristam. I slept with Mr. Blobby. Do not read this. Poddiots now in Blobovision and Stephen Scourdes. We've also got Freddie Weber won't donate, Lord Brotovic, Bartek-Kin-War, Mr Macca, and the very generous Otto Cano. Thank you. That was so quick.

I was unprepared to go for mine. Hip Anonymous, Hetty-Bobetty, go-go-gadget, your hands off my penis. Poddietz presents Big Bap, Donak-07, and B-O-Problem. Thank you very much, Pods Squad. We love you. We appreciate you. Podiots.com, if you want to donate and support us and get a shout-out. What came out on Vidiots this week five years ago, Peter?

I'll tell you, we had memory cards for June the 4th, post some tat number 16, the one where they're all drunk. That's when we got John. Yeah, we went to the burger boat. It was a good day. It was. Tiny Peter dancingcomulation.mpeg.w.w.m.m.m.m.m.m. That is ineligible for monetisation due to a copyright match. Tony Hawke's Random Control Scheme Challenge, piece of cake.

Thorpe Park vlog We Lost Billy again Skyrim Zoo chapter 14 Jesus Christ, it's dragon born Sunday, fun day you're in the movies part two That's a good one Memory cards for June the 11th

Merch has arrived That was our first merch ad Pottiex episode 8 The Whizinator Postum tat number 17 Y'all need Jesus Worst games ever game selection It's the fart one

Judging by the thumbnail. Yay! The one that was a bit much. The video that's haunted me everywhere I've went. Prove it, pass far two, the starving artist part one. Worst games ever, Pimp My Ride. Skyrim Zoo, Chapter 15, the responsible war for Skyrim. That must be the...

Oh, it is the finale. Oh, good to speak. And lastly, out today at time of release, Sunday, Fun day, Jurassic World Evolution. Hmm. Fantastic. Mikey, where are you on the internet? At Parrot Boy on Twitter is the best place to keep up to date with my comings and doings. And Paraboy on Twitch, I will stream again at some point, just whenever I get around to it.

So keep your eyes peeled on that, but Twitter is the best place to keep up to date with me. Excellent. And Peter, where are we on the internet? We're at That Peter Austin, that's me, and at Confused underscore Dude, that's Ben, over on Twitter. and together we are both making content at Team Triple Jump on Twitter and Facebook, but more importantly, on YouTube and Twitch, where you can go and see our videos and live streams, all video game-related and very fun and exciting. Very fun, very exciting.

Come check them out. Well, why not leave a five-star review on your platform of choice? It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms, and we'd really appreciate it. It's free. It doesn't cost you a penny, and you can do it right now. It'll take you no time at all. Five stars, go on. Go on, please.

Go on, do it. Do we have a final question before we bugger off and all have showers separately, not together, because it's so bloody warm? Should we all shower next episode, is my question. On the episode? In the episode? During or after?

I don't know. Just want to see what people, you know, just putting out there, like asking the audience what they want to see. Excellent. Well, let us know. Thank you so much for listening slash watching everybody, and we'll see you. next time. Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.