Podiots - Podiots: Episode 126 - Kebabalooney

Episode Date: July 15, 2023

Mikey is doling out justice, Ben is feeling spaced out, and Peter hears a "hoo!" Join next episode's Pod Squad: http://podiots.com And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com -------------------   Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS!   Support Ben and Peter: https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Product availability may vary by Regency App for details. Mikey, you are right there. I've got a little bit of a cowl, sir. I've got the schnotch and I've got the coughs. It's very hard. I've been forced to come back down to the Pottie's minds, despite of my ill health, because the governor says,

have to work, isn't that right? All the boys have ill health in the Pottiette's minds. It's not an excuse. Yeah. Everyone's got dirt lung. Yeah. And you've just got a... The world needs content, Michael. They're all malnourished because all they eat

is potato smileys and frozen meat face. Every day. It's the sickness that gives Pottiettes at special edge, right? This is the magic of Pottietz. The coughing. It's got to be a little bit unwell. The sort of final death throwers

involve your skin turning pink with big yellow spots on it. Slowly over the course of the next hour I will transform into he who shall be not be named. It's a shame we can't see you. Yeah, they can. They can if you're watching the video version on YouTube,

you can't, but Peter and I can't see, Mikey. We choose to hide our faces during recording so we don't get distracted. Too pretty, that's the problem. I ended looking at myself. Hello? I would like to know if you have bought tickets to see Brian Butterfield. Oh, no.

I haven't. Oh, no. I just almost searched Mr. Butterfield. That's not his name, Brian Butterfield. Mr. Butterfield to you, because only his friends get to call him Brian, and you're not his friend. Do Mr. Blobby's friends get to call him Brian Blobby? Have we confirmed his canon Christian name? Yeah, Brian.

I think that's it. Okay. Wait, okay. Okay, well, there's still tickets available, but I've not made the plunge yet. Okay. Are you trying to push me into doing this? Well, I thought you agreed last week. I thought that's what we all heard.

If Michael Johnson agreed. I think we did say that, didn't we? I just, in an act of defiance, chose not to. Whoops. It promises you can't keep. Oh, fuck. Okay. I'm going to look at my calendar.

I'm going to buy them. Oh, my God. You're doing it right now? Yeah, I think so. I'm trying not to docks my life. I don't have September written in this bloody calendar yet. Do I just freeball it? You don't, hang on, you don't have the month September's not in your calendar.

Lousy, smart weather. It's a paint your own calendar. You decide what month comes next. Great. Great. I'll just have June for 12 months in a row, please. That'd be nice. That would be nice.

Screw out, I'm going to say, no, I'm not going to leak my information, even though I kind of just did. Oh, do I do it? How would you leak it? I'm confused. Have you got a physical calendar there? No, no, no. I just, well, I guess spill the dates that I'm going to see Mr. Butterfield.

Oh, I see. Oh, right. Well, it's the one in Bath, isn't it? There's two dates in Bath, so it's a movie 50 chance. Bloody hell. Where do I want to sit? Oh, there's one like stage centre. All right.

Yeah, see if you can go up on stage again. Get and almost die on a counterfeit. Butterfield cream. Oh, God, yeah, you inhaled shaving for him. And then he went back to the hotel and vomited, didn't you? Yeah, pretty. I tried to vomit. No, I tried to vomit in a Wetherspoon's bathroom.

That was the lofty highs of showbiz. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we were having a drink, won't we? And you were just like, I'm going to go and try and be sick. He's got creamy muck-muck in his lung. It's the potty, it's lung again. Muck lung, yeah. Pod lung, yeah.

Podlung. Oh, dear. Okay, hold on. I'm filling in my details now. Watch as I. I try my best not to read out the words I'm typing. I like how myself, Ben, and 3,000 other listeners are holding you accountable right now.

You're basically a gunpoint being ordered to buy this ticket. Fine, I'll see the comedy show, you animals. Continue. Oh, no. Peter and I don't have to go because we said that you would go, and that should be enough, quite frankly. That's true. Yeah, I will provide a full play-by-play.

Hello, can I make payment please? Hello? Are you paying with PayPal? What are you feeling today, Mikey? PayPal or? Sadly, it's just, it's just card. Hold on, it's time to docks myself again by getting my debit card on screen. Can you read us the long number?

One, two, three, four, five. Please don't. I'm trying so hard. This is a lot to balance reading numbers, typing numbers, and also not saying out. Should we guess your security code on the back? Yeah, I'll give you three guesses. What's nine times nine times? nine times nine because that's the odds of you guessing it. I think your security code is I nearly just

said mine then as a guess. Yeah, I was thinking about saying mine as well. I think your security code is six, four, seven. It may be that. It may not be. I think it's 154. I think it's close but no we go who was closer I'm not I think split the difference no wait no stop stop stop stop okay it's done split the difference I'm done we can stop we can stop trying to pry out

my bank information from me it just ask Mikey's dad he'll tell you yeah he will quite happily tell you yeah yeah well you're going you're going it's official I can confirm I am going to see Mr Butterfield in the flash later this year

Wooie. In all the flesh. Sorry, not a body shame, Brian Butterfield. Well, it is all the flesh because there's a regular man and then there's more man on top that he puts on later. So all of the flesh. Well, Michael Johnson, thank you for doing that for us. Can't wait to hear about it. Very sad that neither Peter or I can attend.

But we've got a flipping show to do. You know how this fucking works. You've been down in the mine. You're sick. Yeah. Do they play the theme music down in the mine? Can you hear it? Just muffled in the distance.

You listen very closely. Sometimes you can hear the hum of the jingle in the distance. I think it's a canary, isn't it, that sings it down there? Yeah, yeah. Well, here it comes now, I suppose. Oh. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Pottie. It's the official.

Videos. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings earthing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Fantastic. I remembered it this time. Well done. Good job. Good job. I did panic again, though. I can't profess to have actually watched in full one of the video, video face cam episodes. I've just sort of skimmed through to see how it came out. and I've not actually checked how well we are syncing our earth things. Is that going well?

It's not good. No, I don't think an attempt is even being made at this point. No, okay. Fair enough. Because previously we'd all chop it up, so it sounded like it was in sync. But now it's just a fucking disaster. A cacophony, yeah.

It is what it is. We should have one pre-recorded a thing along to talk about. That's in perfect sync and just slot that in every time regardless of how it looks with our mouths. Can we get Microsoft Sam to do it? Yes, what?

Swah, swat, swah, swah. My raffle copter goes. Fucking out. Are you boys all right? How's it going? I'm doing very well, thank you. Yeah. How are you?

I am, this has been a miserable July in terms of weather. Sorry to just be English and go straight to the weather. But oh my God. Rain, rain, rain. Go away. Well, we've had a decent mix up here, Phil. Yeah, it's been all right up here. But, you know, Bristol slash bath are rainy places.

relatively speaking. That west side. West side? We all do little hand motions there. I actually didn't. I didn't do it. Oh, boom. I didn't feel brave enough.

I just did three fingers. I didn't do it in any kind of special way. I don't know if you're supposed to... That's probably West Side. I'm doing it now. Who knows? Who bloody knows. Yeah, we'll stop doing that now.

That's not... I still do make the word blood with my... Oh, God. I never could. Can you do that? Give you like 10 minutes I might figure out I'm not really dexterous enough for this There's a close enough blood for those at home

Wow that looks amazing Thanks Ben It sounds like it looks amazing anyway I can't do it I think I might have done bloob Classic mistake Yeah Now you're going to get shot by the bloods

It's true So sucks for you man Well a little bit of admin Before we get stuck into proceedings The next episode will be a little bit further away than usual. Obviously, this is a fortnightly podcast releasing every other Saturday at what time it was 3pm, I think, isn't it? Yeah, maybe. That's time we've been doing it. 3 p.m. every other Saturday. Unfortunately, though, we're all really fucking busy. Mikey's going to a burraca with work.

Peter's going to the woods or a big house? Are you going? Where are you going? I'm heading down to Essex, actually. I've got some family down there. Okay. And we may be going to the woods. or a big house as one big happy family. I don't know exactly what we're doing, but it's someone's birthday. It's my aunt's birthday. That sounds lovely. Yeah.

And I am currently moving house. So this will be the last podiates in this specific setup. But as a result, we desperately tried to, we all just went through our calendars and tried to find a day where we could record in time for a release in a fortnight's time. But it's simply not possible. So there will be a one week extra.

delay on top of the usual two weeks. But we'll be back as ready as ever. I promise you. I know that we got off to a bit of a spotty start this year because again, we're all just so bloody busy. But we've settled into a groove and we do intend to stick to it as best we can. Unfortunately on this occasion, there's just nothing we can do. Well, it gives us more chance for another Seagull-related news story to occur. You know, three weeks, it's a whole extra week for another seagull story to come up so it's probably worthwhile i think absolutely and there was not a seagull story but there was um a pigeon trapped in a greggs in bristol a couple of it is like the sort of smaller low-key version of a seagull in an asda is fitting in a greggs pigeon in a

greggs uh which update on the seagull stuck in the azda by the way it did get out um that is confirmed it happened just after we finished recording and we recorded I ordered slightly in advance of the episode going out. The Seagull did successfully escape. And what's this image you've sent here? We are waiting for pest control. Pest control to sort the bird out. Sorry for any inconveniences.

Inconvenience. Jesus. Yeah. Inconveniences, yeah. The next one is like a... The little dude just sat there on top of the side. It's like an ooh-oo-oo pigeon, right? rather than a cuckoo pigeon.

It's like a collared dove. Ooh, a fancy difference. Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, it's different to the ones you get in the street. That's like a natural pigeon, not a feral. This isn't your standard pigeon. This is a Greg's pigeon, my friend. Standard pigeon is no nod to go into Greggs.

That's 100% confirmed. A seagull and a Nazda, pigeon in a Greggs. What's next? It's going to be like a sparrow in a kiosk or something. In a phone box. I shall keep my eyes firmly cemented on Bristol News to see what bird happenings occur next. Yeah, there's got to be something.

Yeah. You can't let us down. Well, it is time to move on to our first listener-slash-view-s submitted thing. Peter, I believe you are in charge today. I am. So I don't go first. One of you goes first, I think, is what we've been doing. How about Ben Potter?

I can do that I have the ability I'm going to add Mikey's pigeon photos to the threat Yes good idea You may be able to hear seagulls actually on my recording because they are

doing my fucking head in currently they are just screaming at each other all day and it's inescapable and I hate it so apologies if you can hear them It's just all seagulls do is scream at things

What do they do? They just steal chips and yell. It's awful. They're awful animals. Absolutely yobbs, they're a lot of them. They are. They fucking are. My thing comes courtesy of Groovy Pasti at Groovy Pasti on Twitter. This is a new story from Manchester Evening News, written by Page Oldfield. And then it said, Paige Oldfield is apparently a real life writer.

Don't know what that means. A real life writer. Real life writer. Wow. This new story is actually from January So it's a little out of date But just bear that in mind Food fanatic

Wait a minute We've not done Pod Squad Oh my God Jesus what's happened I just got talking about birds and stuff Yeah it was the birds that threw me Just wanted to go right into Right well

That's the original And I was like why What's wrong here And I was well remembered All over the bloody place Well, if you want to support our bird fanatic nonsense that we do here, you can go to pottyats.com. If you contribute three pounds or more, you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show and join Pod Squad. My sincere apologies, our sincere apologies to the Pod Squad for this week, who we very nearly left behind.

It's like the meme with the, what is it, the staircase next to the plane, but the plane's taken off. And they're all just stood there on the runway. That's sort of what nearly happened. But we've remembered you, so don't worry. We're still here. Mikey, do you want to kick us off, please? I'd love to. And we begin with Blobby, killed my cat.

The generous St. Milo, and they say, in the UK at the moment, and unless I've ve-oited this up, I've currently taken a deter for a pilgrimage to several holy sites, such as the Spider-Man Bridge, Snapys, and the promised land of Stoke on Trent. The piece of Billy be upon you all. question mark question mark question mark what a terrible what a terrible list of things to see in the UK I love it yeah I like how two of them are in Bristol and then it's sort of makes it sound like

they're kind of based in Bristol on this trip and then they've gone all the way up to stoke just to sort of stick their head in and then come back down again to the southway it's not worth it it's not worth it go to London or something anything well I think you had a lovely time oh yeah yeah let's know how you got on and please if you got a selfie in stoke Do send it on to us. Oh, yes. We continue with. Thanks, Mikey.

You're welcome. Hoist your moist goiter. Goita. Is that what that word is? Yeah. Goiter. Yeah. Hoist your moist goiter.

The generous Hausenberg. They say, I turned 30 last week and forgot to give you a share of my birthday money. We sound like bullies. Gives you a birthday money. It's tax. It's tax. Also, my back hurts now. And I groan when I stand up, but at least I've got you boys to help take the pain away.

Keys, keys. Thank you very much. Give us your money. Thank you for that. Slap your Wap flaps. Caroline, when is Binda? Otto Kano, who is very generous, and they say, please shout out to my husband, James. We're celebrating our 10-year wedding wedding anniversary.

Have you married? And we've been listening to you since name redacted. You guys have been a very enjoyable shared soundtrack to our marriage and the best husband. And he, the best husband in the world. Oh. That's cute. Congratulations you both. Yes, congrats, guys.

Congratulations. Here you go, James. We continue with Jamshed is my brew and is a knob. Lord Toast sandwich to Vic. And finally, Brintz, Prince? Prince. Prince beefcakes. The artist formerly known as Brins. Brins. Brins peafcakes.

We've also got Stephen Skodes, Don Ack O'7. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Freduweba. Imagine Dragon Dees Nuts. Oh, it continues. Imagine Dragon D's nuts all over your face. Bar-Tek Turtle Q Barker. Finn Tristam. Kubitsha.

Kubechre. Turtle Kubeecher. Oh, Turtle Kubeecher, yes. There we go. I thought it was K-U-B-E, K-U-B-E-Kube and then just A-Kha for some reason. Yeah, Kube-E-E-Cher. Fin Tristam, Idris Gazelba, Mr. Macca, Peter's nose sausage, garlic and chip.

Oh, garlic and chip Pakistan. Okay. Garlic and chintz. which one was better Chat G. Peter Austin Nice And finally we've got Explain Why Willie Hard

Swallows come and go Swallows come and goes Swallows come and leaves Ingest semen and departs I hope that was worth it Whoever was responsible for those Thank you also to Ivana Tinkle Freddy Weber

Hang on Freddy Weber Yedie Kleber Elemental Hero Mudball Man Cassidy Delaney Peter saying Mikey in episode 47 Fanny and Sub in Datubed flat Mr Blobby's bastard Son

Rip Memory Dix and Mr Macca Episode 57 but I wonder what that is What did I say? 47 I think Oh sorry I meant 57 At some point if I remember which I won't I'm going to have to look that up now

Did I say Mikey in a certain way in episode 57? Probably in a despairing way, right? Mikey. Mikey. Maybe. You know, he's done something wrong. But that's our glorious Pod Squad for this week. Poddiots.com, three pounds or more to support us.

And join Pod Squad, get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. Again, really sorry for nearly for getting you there. We've got a lot on our minds. It's busy. It's no excuse, though. Sorry. Sorry. We're sorry.

Sorry. Got a favorite? Imagine Dragon D's nuts. is my favourite. Caroline, when has been there, really got? Yeah, I was going to say that one, but I'll say Idris Gazelba, took me by surprise. Good job, all right.

Solid stuff. Ben, tell me about that real-life reporter that you've... I will. I'm going to get back to it now. So this is, again, thank you to at Groovy Pasti on Twitter for this one, or groovy pasty. Food Fanatic Dad scoffs 124 kebabs in just 31 days in takeaway mission. Oh, no. Wow. When you do the maths, that's an awful lot.

Des Brake from Manchester says he feels a huge sense of accomplishment over the Kababathon. Very good. Now, I'm going to send you a picture of Des. They've spelled his name differently in the subtitle and the body of the... Oh no, it's different in every context. They've just spelled it differently all over the place. I'm going to send you a photo of Des. He looks so unwell. but I'll send it to you once I've finished the article Right

A fast food fanatic dad Has consumed a staggering 250,000 calories after eating 124 cababs in just 31 days Oh my God Desbrakey 36 who scoffed four meat wraps Each evening as part of his cabbathon Said the challenge has hurt him both

Psychologically and physically Okay Yeah He's not even spread it out Over like breakfast lunch and dinner He's putting all his cabbabs in back just a slab of meat and some bread. But the dad of two from Manchester said he felt a huge sense of accomplishment

when he wolfed down his final kebab on Saturday, the 31st of December, after raising over £1,000 so far for charities. A shame we didn't see this at the time, because this is absolutely something we would have signal boosted. Yes. Wait, hold on, how much is a kebab usually? Oh, I dread to think. I want to say at least a fiver.

Okay, so let's say at least a fiver. So that's £620 he spent of his £1,000 pound donations? Yeah, the financial aspect alone is insane. The man just wanted to fund eating kebabs for a while, that's it, not charity. He really did. Let's see. The engineer, who even went without a roast dinner this Christmas to make space for kebabs, previously consumed 60 of the Middle Eastern dishes in one month in 2020.

And while Dez now plans to retire from extreme eating challenges, he says he hasn't become sick of kebabs and is planning to scoff more next weekend. What? This is just a man who loves kebabs, that's it. He just fucking loves kebabs. Des Brakey. He said, it's very much an accomplishment.

I appreciate the support, but I'm not doing it again. This is my final dance. I am now retiring. I have enjoyed it, but it's hurt me physically. I felt like crap. I'm not getting any... fruit, no vegetables, and no nutrition. I couldn't eat anything else. Oh, God. How do you actually live when you're not eating fruit for how long was it? Well, I suppose only a month. It's not

going to kill you. I mean, there are situations where people aren't able to access fruit and veg for a month. But yeah, wow, that's rough. In my long ago history of eating kebabs, I remember after one, you kind of get meat sweats. Yeah. So this man must have been a puddle by the end of this. So clammy. It was a breeze for the first. It was a breeze. He was nearly breaking, but he wasn't broke.

Whatever. It was a breeze for the first two weeks, but the last two weeks it got a bit messy, not just physically, but psychologically as well. There was pressure on getting there. I had to do it. I couldn't let them down. It doesn't say what the charity is yet. But to be honest, I was already planning to go out with my mates next week on never stop

eating kebabs. Des began the epic eating challenge on December 1st and travelled to different kebab shops each day in search of the wrapped meat dishes he then tucked into four cababs each evening and even gave up his turkey roast over Christmas so he had space, you've already said this so he had space for the chili soaked rotissory meat

he said, I was starving myself all day at work I would finish at 5pm and then I would be eating four kebabs sometimes I would be eating them in my mate's car some on the fly the quickest I did it in was an hour and a half wait that's the quickest this man is spending like on average at least two hours a day eating cabs Mikey he fucking loves cabs he's it's not a speed thing he's just he wants to savour it I guess it's that long to eat all is it four a day he was having did you say

four a day apparently yeah so I guess it might take that long to eat four cabs potentially even that seems a bit long if you're I don't know if they're just there in front of you I feel like even I could I mean I wouldn't want to eat four cabs but if I had to have that much food I don't think it'd take me an hour Imagine you're 25 days into eating 4 cabs every night It's going to really kill you Yeah

Yeah He added What's that? This is just really tickled me It's Mike It continues Mikey Just wait until you see the man on his There's a photo of him eating his final kebab

And he looks defeated It's final cab Before he dropped down dead He added I had kebabs for Christmas I went to my mum's I love prawn cocktails as a starter so I was gutted, but I didn't want to give in.

I was always going to do it. Des, who rotated between lamb, donna, chicken and mixed meats said his favourite kebabs came from two different shops located in Oldham and Bolton. Hopefully it tells us what they're... Yeah, it is. You want to know? Everyone at home?

Yeah. He said, it's not an easy question, but Simply Fresh in Oldham is great. Basically, it's in the name, Simply Fresh. They literally have an OG charcoal grill. Literally, it's just fire, he says. They do everything.

everything, but the lamb is grand, but everything there is amazing. He added, I had the best shawarma of my life the other day at Istanbul Shawarma in Bolton. It's absolutely next level. It blew my socks off. Wow. This is a man who has eaten a lot of kebabs and knows what he's talking about. He loves shaved meat in bread. He just, you know, he knows what he loves. I've just left a five-star review for Simply Fresh in Baltimore, so they've burned it. Dez said that he had spent hundreds of pounds of his own money on the kebabs,

which ranged from £5 to £15, with others donated to him along the way. But the dad who normally eats three cabs a week, that's still too many. Normally, yeah. Said the challenge hadn't put him off the food, and he was ready to get stuck into another bap the following weekend. Here we are finally. The final line, Des is still collecting money for France's house children's hospice with donations accepted by clicking here.

let's see how much he raised he raised uh three grand he raised three grand of his there was a 10 grand a 10 grand goal which he didn't meet unfortunately but he's at least broke even on that so that's okay yes yes absolutely um i don't know how he's already he's right okay so there's some there's some tom foolery here right it says on the go fund me from december the first until December the 31st, I shall be consuming 124 cabs from 124 different kebab shops. He's already confirmed that he did not do that. Take the money back. Take it back. Take it back. I'm going to send you guys a photo of not him, but a relevant photo that I'm sure you've already seen. It's a good photo. Have you seen this before? I haven't, but that's great. It's a lord on a night out

who has stolen the kebab from the kebab shop. And if you look close, there is a massive bite taken out of it he's not like it's not been shaved he's just had a big mouthful it looks like it's wrapped in cling film oh it might be I don't know how has he done that I'm not sure but it looks to me like he's had a bite

maybe it's just been dented on his on his escape yeah while running he tripped yeah he might have dropped it um okay right here's a photo of Des this is here we go

So the caption is Desbrake, he completes his 124th Kabab in 30 days pictured at Lebanese shawarma. So this is the one in Bolton, or Oldham? I can't remember. Anyway, here he is. Look how well he looks. Oh, no. That is so unhappy. That's a grey man. That's a man who loves kebabs and has not been greyer in his life.

That's a big kebab as well. Why have they got a photo of him with an actual mouth? full of kebab and like the sauce and stuff all over his lips and his cheeks. It's all over. It's on his nose. I mean, I get they want him sort of you know, an action shot of him enjoying

a cabab. Look how much he's enjoying it. But that's not a very dignified picture. Bless him. He fucking did it though, didn't he? He certainly did. What a hero. What a hero. He looks so sad. If you crop in on

just the face as I've just sent. And yeah, without the thumbs up in the picture, it tells a very different story. It does. I mean, what, hang on, let me see what it's like if you crop it with the kebab still in, but no thumbs up. Oh, yeah. I mean, it just looks like a man who's about to vomit, to be honest. He looks so sad. I'm going to see if I can invert the thumb while we continue. Oh, it'll be on the wrong hand, but sure. Yeah, it doesn't matter. That's part of the side effects of eating kebab that much.

Your hand swaps around. Yeah. Oh, God. Well, thank you, Ben, and thank you to our dear listener who sent that in. Yes. Thank you. And thank you, Des. Thanks, Des.

Hope you're doing okay. Yeah, all the best. Do I dare Google his name and see if you're still alive? No. Oh, God. No. He's still gone, I promise. Local legend, Des Brachie, passes away in tragic.

Cholesterol accident. Cababcedent. Cababstant. There we go. Oh, God. You'd be able to just stick him back on the reticery because he's about 98% kebab anyway. He's mainly kebab now.

It's a circle of life. All right. Absolutely wonderful. Thank you, Ben. you're welcome Michael would you like to share with us your actual thing your your own thing my very own thing I would love to I feel like I can't quite follow up with kebab on here but I'll try my very best I've got a story about weird and unusual punishment today in a fun way though in a nice way not in a not in a sat way a kinky way

the funnest way so Michael A. Cicenet I believe that's how it's pronounced. That's how I'm going to keep pronouncing it for the rest of this is a, move in my Discord window, who's born in 1951 is a retired municipal court judge who presided in Painsville, Lake County, Ohio. Good American name there.

I'm Judge Cincinnati of Painesville, sucker. He sounds like a wrestlerler. Population you. You're in my domain now, fool. And he was known for dispensual. dispersing a unique brand of what he calls creative justice. I don't like him already. It's interesting.

We'll see what you think when we get into it. The judge often left the choice of penalty to the defendant who was faced with spending time in jail or undergoing one of these unusual punishments. They often involved placing the defendant in a similar situation to that of the victim. The humiliating punishments, which range from the macabre to the mundane, read like they were plucked from a book of ancient fables

dusted off for the purpose of administering modern moral lessons. His first ever creative sentence, which involved a violation relating to a stopped school bus, occurred in the mid-1990s. Famously, he offered 26-year-old Ohio housewife Michelle Murray, the option, in return, for a reduced prison sentence, of spending a night in the woods.

Oh, turns out her crime was not anything to do with the bus. It was because she abandoned 35 kittens in a forest in wintertime. Oh, my God. Which abhorrent behavior. So, I mean, I guess that's an eye for an eye. Also, I feel like she's getting off lightly there. Spend a night in the woods.

Yeah, one night in the woods. That's not too bad. Excuse me for laughing earlier, but Ben has posted his attempt at a thumbs down. It just doesn't work. Absolutely perfect. Could you now make his face the kebab? Sorry, no, you don't have to.

This is just going to be my whole experience of this podcast, is my best Photoshop ever. Oh, dear. One night in the woods for leaving 24 kittens in there to die. Yeah. I think, so I don't think it was a reduced prison sentence. so thankfully they still went to jail, but they got a little bit of time shaved off

after one uncomfortable night. But that one night could have been more eventful than it had been, because after banishing the offender to a remote section of a local park on a cold November night, Cicinetti was watching a weather broadcaster evening and noticed that a blizzard was expected to blank in the area. Oh, God.

That almost turned out to be a disaster, he said. When I put her in the woods that night, the forecast wasn't that bad. At midnight, he said, And that's it. I can't do this anymore. It was too treacherous and dangerous, so she had to spend the night in a jail cell instead. Yeah, that was the first of many. It said this started small. It kind of originated from a place of frustration with the people that were coming in because you'd have people who would come in and a year or two later

would offend again. And so our judge here was like, well, how can I maybe, you know, do things a bit differently and really deter them from offending? Well, let's lock them in the woods overnight in a blizzard. That'll do it. Yeah. Why not? The judge's creative punishments are reserved for a small percentage of first-time offenders only and always come with an alternative sentence

which is usually just standard jail time or community service or fines or some combination thereof. People argue that these kind of things are just there to grab headlines but legal experts argue that there can be unique benefits to alternative justice, which is a really

really terrifying two words to put together. Alternative justice. Beyond saving the public money required to jail an offender, the unconventional punishment often forces the offender to interact more closely with the community of people that they have harmed. So yeah.

And the end result, I'm going to list off some of these greatest hits in a bit. But the results of these kind of interesting punishments is where the national repeat offending rate is over 75% on the, the hole, but with this judge, it was just 10%. So it actually kind of works. Okay. Yeah. So in, at least at the time this article was written, in his latest example of eye for

and eye justice, Cissinetti ordered a suspect who pepper sprayed someone in the face to endure the same painful treatment before the courtroom. Oh, the courtroom, wow. So they walked this person up to the courtroom, came face to face with a can of mace, and sprayed in front of everyone to see. But unbeknownst to the offender, the pepper spray was switched out with a harmless saline solution. So it didn't actually cause any pain, just big anxiety before it happened. So they basically just got off scot-free? Is that what happened? I think so for that one, yeah. They got quite looking at that one.

Do. Hey, 10% reoffending rate. It works, weirdly. So I'm just going to rattle off from his Wikipedia page. A few of my personal favourites that he's dished out over the years. This first one is quite a heavy one. A man caught with a loaded gun was sent to a morgue to see corpses. Oh my God. Only for being caught with a loaded gun, not like for, well, for murdering someone or threatening someone's life.

He just had a loaded gun. You're going to go see the bodies. This is what you could do to people if you keep carrying that gun. I think that would put me off carrying a gun. I don't want to be sent back to the morgue. Please, Judge. Not again. A young man who stole a bicycle spent 10 days riding a bicycle

non-stop to support a local charity. Okay, that seems a little better. Yeah, that's more of. on what I'd hope in terms of punishment. For a brief second, I thought you meant literally 10, like 240 hours. I'd stop bike riding. That would be a punishment. Oh my God.

A man who injured a dog was sentenced to donating 40 pounds of dog food on every holiday to the Lake County Animal Shelter. So I guess giving back to the dogs that you've harmed. Why not? two teenagers who scrolled 666 on a nativity figure of Jesus had to lead a donkey through the streets with a sign saying sorry for the jackass offence but he is so cute I don't really get what that means but yes that's that's not bad

I mean I guess for the crime of putting some naughty numbers on a Jesus statue that kind of tracks I'd lead a donkey through a town for that teenagers who flattened tires on school buses were ordered to throw a picnic for the primary school children whose outing was cancelled due to the prank. That's very wholesome. Yeah, that's nice. That's nice.

A man who committed a traffic violation while shouting pigs at the police officers was made to stand on a street corner with a 350 pound pig and a sign that said, this is not a police officer. It's quite good. I like that.

In January 2008, he sentenced a man who stole a red collection kettle which is a charity collection pot holding about $250 from the Salvation Army and they sentenced him to 24 hours of homelessness which is... Oh, God. It's starting to get a bit weird here, but Judge.

Last two. A woman who was convicted of stealing from a church who was ordered to spell out the sentence. I stole coins from this church entirely in coins and apologize to each worshiper as they entered the church. So I'm picturing that. She's there on the front garden.

of the church, laying out these coins, spelling out the words. And lastly, an 18-year-old male who stole pornography from an adult bookstore was ordered to sit outside the store, wearing a blindfold, and holding a sign that said, see no evil. Which I think would embarrass me enough to never steal porn again. It's a bit, it's a bit Old Testament, isn't it? Some of them I get, like the picnic one, that's nice, but others of them just feel a bit, feel a bit weird and religious.

It's quite many evils, isn't it? It's like, it's, it's not, it's not a million miles away from putting someone in the stocks for the day or like in a gibbet, you know? I was reading this. I didn't, like, you know, I didn't realize judges had so much leniency with how they gave out sentences. I thought it was just like strict framework of jail or fines or whatever, but it sounds like you can do anything.

Do whatever you want. There is actually a line here. judges have a lot of discretion at sentencing but it also means they cannot abuse their discretion he added um i think some of these are eking into abusing that discretion sir yeah i would say so um but yeah um i'm i i'm curious i think i would i would take the weird punishment for a reduced sentence i mean depends on what crime is i do yeah it depends what the punishment is as well i think um yeah yeah i don't know it depends and like how much it offsets, how much it would reduce your sentence? Like, would I really want to sit outside a

pornography shop with a blindfold on? Like, I wouldn't feel particularly safe for one thing. Like, you know, someone might come past and clock you in the face or something. I guess it was probably a policeman there as well, but, you know, some of it sounds a little bit, a little bit scary to have to do. But some of it, you know, I think it's fair enough. Well, if you do ever find yourself in Painsville, just try and not to commit any crimes and you won't be forced to be subject to these weird, weird punishments.

It's dangerous out there. You're dangerous, like, and that's my thing. Amazing. Thank you, Mikey. You're welcome. I've got an updated one for you. Oh, yeah? There is. Oh, an update of picture. Oh, no. Is that what you were after, Mikey? Oh, my God, that's so much more

horrifying than I could have ever hoped, and it's all I dreamed of. Perfect. You've sourced a new thumb as well. I've given him a new thumb and he's got a cabab head now. Yeah, it's either a cabab head or possibly a turnip, but yeah, it is a cabb. It's a cab. Absolutely incredible. You know what, Ben, you've really pushed the port out for that one. You know, have you excelled yourself? I'm adding each image to the thread. The bad one and then the better one. Yes. That looks like a punishment that would be doled out in Painesville for stealing a cabb. You're going to eat 140 of them.

them. Yeah. You're like cababs, eh? Have all the cababs in the world. It's a bit Brothers Grimm. Yeah. You become a cabab. Struehl peter or whatever it was.

You know, that's the stories that you read for us. Oh, God. Goodness me. Lovely. Thanks, Mikey. You're welcome. Thank you, Mikey. I'm going to read you my submitted thing now,

which comes from Greg Miller at Greg Mill 2290 on Twitter. It's according to the Hang on, the Bournemouth Daily Echo. We like our local newspapers on this segment, so this is exciting. Police called to Tattnham Road in Poole

over Fight over Duck. Oh no. It's tagged as Bournemouth and crime. And this was written on the 7th of July by Abigail Kinsella. the community reporter. Two people were spotted, quote,

fighting in the middle of a pool road over the custody of a duck. Passers by reported seeing a man and a woman wrestling in Tatnam Road at around 6.30pm on Wednesday. Officers were called out, however, by the time... Officers were called out...

This is not grammatically correct. Officers were called out. However, by the time they arrived, the duo had left the scene. A Bournemouth woman who wished to remain unnamed said, wrestling on the floor in the middle of the road and trying to get the duck off each other. The woman complained about antisocial behaviour in the area. She added, it's having a massive impact on all of us who live there because obviously

some of us have got kids. Even if you don't have kids, that's the last thing you would want to be hearing while you're trying to go to sleep. Give us the duck. It's my duck. No, he's not. or just trying to go about your daily business. A spokesperson for Dorset police said,

we received a report at 6.36pm on Wednesday, July the 5th, of a disturbance involving a man and a woman in Tattam Road in Poole. Officers attended and carried out a search of the area, but those involved were not located. And then there's a line break and then just a single sentence at the bottom of the article that says, The whereabouts of the duck is unknown. And that's it.

it. It's a short but sweet little thing that's happened in Bournemouth. People arguing in the street over a duck. It's the closest we can get to a seagull-related story this week. But hey, it's avian related, if nothing else. Water avian. Yes, it is. That's true. And there is a very good, a good, bad picture of a, hang on, there it is. This is the image attached to the article. call that someone has worked very hard on it's not even if you look at the very bottom of the duck there it's not even properly kind of edited in it's it's sort of sliced off yeah that's a gigantic png of a duck that's been hastily pasted over a picture of the road yeah to be fair the duck was

that big i'd be fighting over it as well and then if you press to the next arrow on the the photo gallery there's just a stock image of a duck swimming good That first one is the horse-sized duck from all the stuff. It is. It's the one you would have to fight. It's fucking massive. You didn't want to fight the little horse. Your unusual punishment today is to fight the horse-sized duck.

So I hope the duck's okay. I hope the couple are all right and that they've been able to work out their differences. And thanks for submitting that story, Greg. Thank you, Greg. It's sort of all in the head. really, isn't it? And in the final line of the article, but it was good. I enjoyed it.

Greg needs to get that pigeon out of his shop. Yeah. Ben, would you like to give us your thing? Calling all book lovers. The Toronto International Festival of Authors brings you a world of stories all in one place. Discover five days of readings, talks, workshops and more, with over 100 authors from around the world.

the world, including Rachel Maddow, Ketourou Isakou, and Kieran Desai. The Toronto International Festival of Authors, October 29th to November 2nd. Details and Tickets at Festival of Authors.ca. I would love to. This is also slightly on the shorter side, but I saw something about it recently and thought, I need to share this with you guys. This is actually from all the way back in 2006, this story. And I'm reading this right up from

Explorationstation.com. Doesn't say who it was written by or when the story was posted. Man sues NASA for landing on his asteroid. Oh, okay. He also issued NASA a parking ticket for their spacecraft.

Are you ready to learn a bit more about this? Definitely, especially after that extra bit. Greg Nemitz considers himself a space activist. He'd like nothing better than to see the human race become a space-faring civilization. He also believes that individuals can make property claims to natural objects in space. This belief of his, this belief of his raised some eyebrows when he challenged the Outer Space Treaty in the Court of Law. In 1996, NASA launched a space probe to observe a near-Earth asteroid called 433 Eros, and during

this mission, Nemitz asserted his right to ownership of this asteroid. The original discoverer of This is a quote now. The original discoverer of it was in 1888, and he made no property claim to it, says Nemitz. Nobody has ever claimed it before, so I made a claim to it. That's it. It's his now, apparently. So he's just claimed it. He just says it's his.

No one else doing this, what idiots? All you have to do is do this and then it's your asteroid. Has anyone claimed Mars? I'd quite like to claim Mars if no one has done yet. You should, because quite frankly, I don't know how it works. I don't know how publicly you have to claim it, Or if, like, in a conversation on a podcast, you can just say Mars is mine now. No one has, no one said it's theirs, so I'm having it.

No, I haven't heard anyone else say it's theirs either. Well, we've got official, well, you've done this officially on the podcast before for Dave Benson Phillips and his star. So, yeah, we're well familiar with the moon, doesn't he? Or a star. Well, it's confirmed. Podius presents, Mars. Mars, yeah, Mars is ours now. Nice.

We continue. Eventually, the probe landed on the asteroid to collect further data. It was at this point when Nemitz's contact. I sent NASA a bill for parking and told them that they were landed in space 29 of my parking and storage facility on Eros, he says. Went back and forth with them through the administrative process, then once that was completed, I filed a lawsuit in federal court to continue the procedure. Did he really, though? Did he actually? Apparently he did. There's a lot of articles about this. The bill, Nemitz sent to NASA, was for $20, which broke down to 20 cents a year over the course of 100 years.

Ultimately, the court sided with NASA. Well, right. They ruled on a technicality that I did not have standing to bring forth a suit, says Nemitz. But what was accomplished was it created a wide-ranging discussion about property rights in space and what should be done about it. A member of the space activist community, Nemitz's actions received mixed results. 50% of the people could understand what I was doing was a beneficial thing, says Nemitz, and 50% thought I was crazy. And that is the end of the article.

What do you reckon? So is he doing this to be like, oh, we should think about people claiming planets. Yes, to make a point, I guess. He's not really that bothered that NASA went on his asteroid. And I think, in a sense, he probably agrees that it's not his asteroid. And that's kind of the point is that, no, it's not. And nothing in space should be anyone's. I guess, I think that's what he's trying to get at there.

Like, that's his idea. But I do also want to believe he's very serious and really does have like up to 29 parking spaces available on his afternoon. It's out. Can you just read the sentence that finished with or followed with, he then filed a lawsuit? Because there was something about the due process with NASA or something. Can you just read that back? Let's see. Eventually the probe landed on the answer.

asteroid to collect further data. It was at this point when Nemitz contacted NASA. Yeah, and what was after that? I sent NASA a bill for parking and told them they were landed in space 29 of my parking and storage facility on Eros, he says. Went back and forth with them through the administrative process. That's the bit. Went back and forth with them, as though NASA, even for a moment, like, dignified this with the response. Yeah. Yeah. Mad. Administrative process, is that a long wind of saying, long-winded way of saying this? They sent me a letter saying no and that yes they were telling me to fuck off repeatedly they replied to my email and said

you're wasting your time and that must kindly stop went back and forth on the administrative process it's also he it talks briefly about the outer space treaty which i was not familiar with would you like to know what it is yes so this was signed in uh 90 it was considered in 1966, adopted by the General Assembly of 1962 in 1963, blah, blah, blah. In January 1967, it entered into force in October 1867. The outer space treaty provides the basic framework of international space law, including the following principles. The exploration and use of outer space shall be carried out for the benefit and in the interests of all countries and shall be the province of all mankind. Outer space shall be free for exploration and use by all states.

Outer space is not subject to national appropriation by claim of sovereignty, by means of use or occupation, or by any other means. States shall not place nuclear weapons or other weapons of mass destruction in orbit or on celestial bodies or station them in outer space in any other manner. Sorry, did you say this was written in 1870? I didn't mishear that. 19, 1967. Okay, who, thank God. This is advanced 1800s. Imagine you know it. What a WMD is. Yeah.

The moon and other celestial bodies should be used exclusively for peaceful purposes. Astronauts should be regarded as the envoys of mankind. States shall be responsible for national space activities where they're carried out by governmental or non-governmental entities. There's two more. States shall be liable for damage caused by their space objects and states shall avoid harmful contamination of space and celestial bodies.

So there we are. I know there's a similar treaty for Antarctica. no one is supposed to be no one is meant to claim it you can't no one is allowed to like march in with an army and say this is ours now it's a sort of a weird no man's land where we all agree to just go and do science there and like because there's supposed to be a lot of oil or coal or something there I think and it's it's not meant to be taken by anybody whether that lasts into the next hundred years I don't know but we'll see it's owned by the penguins yes it is They own it.

It was signed into, let's see, the treaty was opened for signature by the three depository governments, the Russian Federation, the United Kingdom and the United States of America. The only three countries in the world. There we are. Right, that's my thing. Let's move on, shall we? Brilliant. Thank you, Ben.

It's Mikey. Mikey's turn for the listener thing. We have got a lovely little article donated, gifted. What's the word I'm looking for here? Submitted. There we go. Submitted by Sarah at Bags for Dice. And the headline reads,

Jordy Cards with C-word being sold in Stanley Post Office. Okay. Yeah, well, we'll get into this. I get to do a fun Northern accent for this one, so get ready. There's a reason I gave this one to you, Mikey. It's becoming very clear already. I just want to know who's Stanley Post. office is.

He sounds safe. A county Durham businessman has defended a range of joke birthday cards with rude words after a shocked customer complained they were unacceptable in a public place. The customer who did not wish to be named, said the card sold at Stanley Post Office in the town's front street, had, quote and quote, the worst swearing imaginable. And in full view of children. Okay, so we're going to, like, picture this man's anger, and when we get to the cards, I want you to think about, do you agree with this person's level of anger, or you like, I should have to get on with it. So the worst swears imaginable, yeah?

The worst swear's imaginable. Right. But Richard Fleetwood of the family run, olives, who operate the post office counter, said the cards have proved a bestseller with customers, with some posted as far as Australia. Whoa. Wow. It doesn't go further than that. That's as far as you can go. That's as far as you can go, unless you're talking about that bloc's asteroid, but that's a whole of a thing.

Yeah, or if you put a fake Australian address on there, and then if undelivered, please return to London. Then it'll do twice the distance. Nice. Smart. Post-hacks. Post-hacks. If you want your parcel to get there the slowest time possible and not even get there. There you go. So we have our first taste of a card here with a picture. I'm going to read it out. here, man, I couldn't give a fuck if it's your both,

which that's fine. I'm going to paste that in as well, just so you can see the words in front of you as well. Which, yeah, maybe a little bit obscene, but I wouldn't argue the worst swearing imaginable. The unhappy customer said, I visited Stanley Post Office with my wife to arrange postage of a letter.

To arrange postage of a letter. Oh, I don't like this man already. What century is this man from? My wife, would you like to go arrange the postage of a letter? Yes. While my wife was being served, I started to look at the birthday cards on sale. One of the stands was displaying cards with Geordie colloquial sayings. Upon looking closer, I was going to do a posh voice for this man now.

I was shocked to see that the language contained on the front of the cards was full of the worst swearing imaginable. No. Some examples he spotted were, happy Bortha, you daftun. and I don't give a fuck if it's your birthday and only dicks have oh sorry only dickheads have a birthday in April Hey I do You sent that to me directly Mike

Oh I'm just sending these to you aren't I don't know where I am I'm not seen any of these so far if you're putting them somewhere Hold on let me just copy them back in now This is very much in the remit of birthday cards that I despise and hate with a pleasure, which is just really boring and funny text, like, vulgarity for the sake of vulgarity. So I don't like these, but for different reasons, then, our postage arranger here. He said they were on full display to every, uh, these were on full display to everyone

visiting the post office, including young children, he added, I took a photo of one of the offending cards to make a complaint to the post office. I am not approved by any stretch of the imagination, but I believe it is unacceptable for any organisation, and especially the post office, to have these cards with the language they're in on public display where children visit the premises. I used to go to the post office all the time as a child. It's where I hung out, you know.

You arranged your letters. It is, yeah. Oh, wow, and the journalist here got a day out. The Northern Echo visited the outlet with the bulk of cards on display being conventional, while a range of Geordie cards, including ones the customer found offensive, We're on two rotating display racks. Produced by a local Raji.

That's the name of the company, not just them calling someone a Raj. Oh, right. Okay. Get ready for some more card lines. The cards also include Canny Owl, New. All the best.

Happy both there, your Raj bastard. 50 and other ages the day. Just Gan Kani. And 18. Oh, right. Sorry, I shouldn't read out the bit in brackets. 50 the day, just Gan Kani, and 18 the day. Time to Gan Raj.

That's quite a good one. I like that. I like the word Raji. I don't want to hear it enough down now. I'm not in Newcastle. The director of Olive said, The new range of cards we have are supplied by a local small business. As an independent business ourselves,

we know how important it is to support other businesses and our community. Okay, so he's got an edge here. The cards have been very popular with customers, a best seller, in fact. We've even had requests and suggestions for more. But one thing to clarify, we don't want anyone to think we have anything against people born in April. There you go, Peter. We have insults available for all of the months of the year, too.

Beautiful. Wow. But in all seriousness, after we received the initial complaint, we spoke to many of our customers to ask what they thought about our new card range. One customer, who is a member of the local church, they add, said, They were very funny and how people talk. Good. And he also said there's a couple of them. I will be back for myself now.

So yes, while most of the customers have laughed and found the range very amusing, I guess they're not to everyone's taste. And that's why they've now put them five foot or higher on the spinners, so out of the eyeline of children. So you can sleep easy tonight knowing that children won't be reading angry, jordy words. I will.

Thank God for that. And that is your lot. That's, yeah. I think they made the best of a potentially bad situation there. They've appeased someone without going too far with it. Well, done. Yeah. Lovely.

Well, thank you, Mikey. You're welcome. It's time for my thing now. Yes. Maybe it's Maybe it's Maybe it's. Maybe it's a iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on

this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Maybe it's Maple Lane. And I'm going to read a spooky story of something that I feel like I this is the kind of thing. This is the kind of thing. where I'm like, have I not talked about this before on the podcast? Because surely I have. It's something I've known about for a long time. So possibly I'm about to retread ground that I did in, you know, episode five or something.

So if you've heard this, do stop me and don't know what I'll do. Do something else or nothing. But I'm going to try it anyway. Because I don't actively remember doing this story. We're doing a Cornwall sort of legend, urban legend now. So Cornwall is a place where legends linger It's the land of Piskies and giants Mermaids and witches and innumerable saints

Many of which arrived on our shores This is written by a Cornish person I guess Hang on, let me find the person The author Oh, it's just on someone's blog Hang on Buduk Veen Is that the name or is that a place

Budakveen Hotel There you go It says local information from the hotel. The Cornish just love a tall tale, and in this isolated region where the elements and wild landscapes often play tricks on the senses, it seems we've had more than our fair share

of tales to tell over the centuries. The little 15th century church of St. Moran, if I'm saying that right, M-A-W-N-A-N-N-A-N, is beautifully situated close to the entrance of Helford River, standing on high ground, not far from the coastal path.

Its grey granite walls seemed to ooze antiquity and mystery, and for a few decades, the strangest of legends has swirled around this historic building and the nearby woodland, uh, woodland, oh, and nearby woodland,

like sea mist. It swirled around, like sea mist. The first church was built here in the 13th century, but hundreds of years before that, this place was the site of an ancient earthwork, thought to be a Celtic lan, traces of which can still be seen today. This land was roughly,

oval-shaped, was a roughly oval-shaped rampart about 45 metres across, and that may have been the site of an early Christian monastery, a kind of sacred enclosure, although some proposed it may be even older, perhaps prehistoric. The banked monument remained fairly complete, with the church we see today simply filling its ancient footprint until the 1920s, when some of the rampart was removed to expand the churchyard. Around the same time in 1924, a Mr. Haverfield, under Mr. Taylor, dug up a Roman coin hoard close to the church. The coins they found were dated to between roughly 260 AD to 275 AD and were donated to the Royal Cornwall Museum in Truro. The reason for their burial is a particular spot in Morn and remains a mystery, remains a mystery, of course.

However, the superstitious among us may ponder whether there is any connection between these disturbances of the ancient earthworks and what came next, because it was around this time that the first sighting of the owl man occurred. The owl man. Twit, Twu, he's coming to get you.

No. The incident was reported by the Cornish Echo newspaper. An article described two young boys being chased by a large and ferocious bird in the woods near morn and church.

It was claimed the boys had hidden from the creature with giant claws behind a steel grating. The next and most infamous sighting was by two sisters, Jane and Vicky Melling, who were visiting Cornwall with their parents on a camping holiday. Despite this report coming in April 1976, some 50 years after the first,

there seemed to have been several telling similarities between the two incidents. The girls who were from Lancashire claimed they were being chased by a huge bird with red eyes and massive claws that they described as looking like blacksmith's pinches. The whole family were so terrified by the event that they cut their holiday short and went home immediately. However, the girl's father, Don Melling, later gave a local man, Tony Doc Shields, who had an interest in the supernatural, a sketch that June had drawn of what she'd seen that day. It shows what can only be described as a half-man, half-bird creature. Sheal seems to have collected other drawings from that year, too, supposedly from other witnesses. Someone called B. Perry, who claimed to see the owl man that July, and then Sally Chapman in August, who wrote that she saw a red-eyed bird as big as a man.

flying through the trees. Over the next few years, there were at least two further sightings, one in 1978 and another in 1989. The witness's descriptions were all very similar, the report hearing a hissing sound and seeing glowing eyes and an enormous grey-feathered humanoid creature. Then, towards the end of summer 1995, came one of the most credible reports.

The witness this time was an unnamed American tourist who wrote a letter to the editor of the Western Morning News, Simon Parker. It read, Dear sir, I'm a student of marine biology at the Field Museum, Chicago, and I'm on the last day of a summer vacation in England. Last Sunday evening, I had a most unique and frightening experience in the wooded area near the old church at Mornan, Cornwall.

I experience what I can only describe as a vision from hell. The time was 15 minutes after nine, more or less, and I was walking along a narrow track through the trees. I was halted in my tracks when about 30 metres ahead I saw a monstrous bird man thing. It was the size of a man with a ghastly face, a wide mouth, glowing eyes, and pointed ears. It had huge clawed wings and was covered in feathers of a silver grey colour.

The thing had long bird legs which terminated in large black claws. It saw me and rose floating towards me. I just screamed and then turned and ran for my life. The whole experience was totally irrational and dreamlike. Friends tell me that there is a tradition of a phantom owlman in that district, and now I know why. I've seen the phantom myself. Please don't publish my real name and address.

This could adversely affect my career. Now I have to rethink my worldview entirely. Yours very sincerely scared eyewitness. Wow, that is undisputable proof, right? Yeah, that doesn't sound like someone taking the piss. Indeed. Reports of strange goings on in and around morning church, including unexplained floating lights and static energy, whatever that means, have continued, as have the sightings of the Owlman, the most recent being by a 12-year-old girl in 2009, and two ghost hunters, Mark

Davis and Chris Power in 2021. Mark, who tried to video... Chris Power. Mark, who tried to video the incident, claimed that they heard a strange hissing sound and felt a demonic presence, and he captured a fuzzy shot of a silhouetted figure in the distance. Now, hang on, I thought I had, I thought the way image is attached to this article. Oh no, this is a different one. I've looked for different write-ups of this. I think I just googled this man to see if I could find any more about him. I may have found the image if this looks about right to you.

I have seen it. Oh, fuck say. Yeah, that's it. That's his owl man. There are some, some of the drawings, though, that the girls did when they were young. anger. For this image, at least for the people at home, it's a grainy blob. Yeah, it's just a really grainy blob.

Could be a hedge. Yeah, it could be anything. And these are the drawings that the girls did in the 70s of what they saw. Oh, it's quite cute. I like them. They're really good, actually. They're good drawings. But yeah, so that's just a strange.

thing that that happened um the more interesting thing is oh there's this image as well this might be the one i've also seen this one um but it is just as blurry um this might be the one that that guy took oh spooky it's spooky but it just is just a bloke yeah yeah doesn't look anything like an hour it looks more like a deer it looks like it's got it does it does yeah um so you know it's all sort of strange but there are theories as to what may be happening here other than either mass hysteria or hoaxes or delusions it's possible that an eagle owl may have escaped a sort of a collection or something I don't think they're native to the UK but there are some eagle owls in captivity around around the place

and they they have red eyes or orange eyes and particularly if they have their wings fully spread, they can give the impression that they are absolutely massive, like the size of a man. I think it's the biggest species of owl in the world. And so, yeah, one of the theories is perhaps there was an eagle owl kind of sort of on the loose somehow, for whatever reason. Yeah, I mean, Jesus. Yeah, I'm looking at pictures of them now, and they are huge, and those eyes are massive. They're like, sources, my God. That one. Yeah. So, on a dark night, you'd be a bit terrified if this came around you. Yeah, definitely.

So anyone looking for an explanation outside of, as I say, people being just sort of mistaken or spooked or making things up, yeah, maybe it's, it could be an eagle owl, potentially. Could also just be a supernatural spooky creature. Could be a supernatural spooky creature, perhaps. It could be, it's not, but it could be. It could be. You never know. It also says on the Wikipedia article, the weird capetia article, I should say, that a cult historian Gareth Medway suggested the whole thing may have been a hoax by Shields,

who was the guy we mentioned earlier. He had a reputation for hoaxing, apparently. Medway noticed that the witnesses claiming encounters with a similar legendary monster promoted by Shields were either Doc Shields or friends of Doc Shields or relatives of Doc Shields or reported their sightings to Doc Shields and to no one else or else wrote letters describing what they had seen to newspapers and were never interviewed by anyone. So that could have been him writing the letters.

Yeah, you can't say for sure, though. So, you know, I'm still luring on the side of it being a real creature. Yeah. But there you go. That's just a strange little bit of kind of, you know, as I say, an urban legend.

I'd just like the fact that it's from the 70s as much as anything else because a lot of these stories are like, you know, something that goes back hundreds of years and you're just like, okay, well, that's even more kind of removed And, you know, how am I supposed to, what am I supposed to think of that, that someone in like 1,500 thought they saw an owl man.

Like, that's meaningless to me. But some kids in the 70s apparently thought that they saw one. There you go. It's the story of the owl man of Mornan. Well, thank you very much, Peter, for that spooky tale. You welcome. And I'd like to thank all of you for listening and submitting your things to us. Remember, you can do that on Twitter.

We usually ask a few days out from recording, as I said, at the beginning of the the podcast. Again, we're taking a little bit longer of a break between episodes, between this one and the next one. So probably the week preceding when that's due out, keep an eye out on social media. Submit us a thing, a local thing that's happened recently, and we'd love to read it out. Mikey, I believe there's some sort of shop. You are darn to turn if you go over to vidyatsofficial.com. I had to remember our very simple website address there for a second. If you go to Vidyat's official.com and click on shop, you will be greeted with a wonderful bounty of goodies including stickers, mug, hat,

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Peter, what's out on Vidyat's this week, five years ago? I just want to say, Rip Memory Dix is one that kind of passed me by last time, but that's good. You like that one, yeah? Yeah, that's a good one. So out on Poddy, on Vidiates this time X years ago, we have got a troubling start, Vanilla Minecraft Episode 1. Oh, you dams. Postum tap number 20, Billy Ray Ballress. versus pro Quake 3 Arena

Challenge. There's an unlisted video called Tell Your Friends. I don't really know what that is or why that's there, but it's been viewed 18 times. Brilliant. Yeah. Worst games ever, London Racer Police Madness. Marrying Chickens, Vanilla Minecraft Episode 2.

The world's most derangerous hunter, Hunting Unlimited 2008. Ben goes to KFC, Vanilla Minecraft Episode 3. Pottiest episode 10, Boppis, featuring cultaholic. Host and tat number 21. Stab-Prove Mikey.

Worst games ever, Smarties Meltdown. And what are we going up to? The 15th. We've got, we're getting a divorce, Vanilla Minecraft Episode 4. And finally,

wrestling with friends, the Simpsons Wrestling featuring Culta-Holic. That's when we went and visited the offices and played some Simpsons wrestling with them. It was a good wheeze, as they say. Mikey whereabouts are you on the internet please At Parrot Boy on Twitter

is the best place to keep up with whatever it is I'm doing these days So go check it out Excellent And Peter where are we We are at Team Triple Jump together Making videos about gaming stuff But you can also get us separately on social media At That Peter Austin

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