Podiots - Podiots: Episode 136 – Whamhalla

Episode Date: December 23, 2023

Peter’s cracking down on Father Christmas’ lies, Mikey’s brought a Christmas wrongun’, and Ben’s got some crazy festive traditions. Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://podiots.com/ Visit our shop FOR BRAND NEW MERCH! - https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop ------------------- Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS! Support Ben and Peter: https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/ Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you're a forward thinker, you don't just bring your A game, you bring your AI game. Workday is the AI platform that transforms the way you manage your people, money and agents, so you can transform tomorrow. Workday, moving business forever forward. Now, Michael Johnson, it occurs to Peter and I that you have never heard, let alone had, a blobby biscuit before. It sounds like slang. Is it like soggy biscuit? Yeah. I promise it's nowhere near as disgusting as it sounds.

Okay. I think between the three of us, we covered the full scale of blobby biscuit experience because you're not even aware of them. Ben, I think, is aware of them and has eaten them. And I have only seen them in bakeries, but never sampled the delights. Oh, they're a bakery treat, not a supermarket thing.

No. Well, I mean, there may have been a time when they were sold in supermarkets, but certainly, I think local bakers sort of just went into business for themselves and decided, you know what, we're going to roll the dice. We're going to make sort of a kind of, it's like a short cake gingerbread shaped man, and then they cover it in pink icing, and then put yellow dots on it, and then a little face, and it's called a blobby biscuit. But it's like shiny icing. It's not that nice, like, matte kind of, what do you call it? Fondent icing. It's like shiny liquid icing that's been poured over the top and has then hardened. It's that kind. Oh, I'm Googling them now and they look absolutely beautiful.

I love an ice biscuit. I would die for a blobby biscuit. I don't know if they still do them. However, the thing that jogged my memory is when we were looking for a blobby to go up on the Twitter feed to let people. know that we were beginning the recording. Someone was wearing a Mr. Blobby shirt, but when I looked closer, it said blobby biscuits and was just a photo of two sort of homemade blobby biscuits on it.

And I thought I would really actually like that shirt. Speaking of homemade blobby biscuits, look at this one I found. This is an incredible attempt. Hang on, it's coming. Oh, my goodness me. That's a star-shaped cookie. where someone's just sort of thumbed icing onto it. It's slightly panicked look in its eyes as well.

The dots are weird as well because in most of the blobby biscuits I can see, they're sort of yellow smarties, but those are strange, shiny liquid things. They look like little egg yolks, don't they? I found my favourite version of the blobby biscuit. It's a one with, I think, I don't know what went on, but they forgot to put on all the details. So it's just a pink cube, so it's a knobby bit.

A knobby biscuit. Blobby. Oh, my God. That just looks like spam. Oh, God. It's like, oh, the edges of the icing kind of look like skin, peat. Like, that's dried at the top. Oh, God.

It's not good. Blobby biscuit I've just sent there. That's the blobby biscuit I know from my childhood, which is very simple. It's just pink all over, a few yellow splodges, and sort of like a rough smiley face on the head area. And I've not thought about blobby biscuits or had them for probably 20 years, but certainly it was a staple of,

of one of the local bakeries in mine here by town where I grew up. I don't know if they do them anymore. I assume they do, though. I hope so. I mean, they're all over Google images. Yeah. I'm adding all of these to the thread for those listening to who want to see these examples that we're referring to.

I'm too busy continuing to look at blobby biscuits to do that. Excuse me a minute. This is quite fun. If you're not on Twitter, you can go to vidyatsofficial.com and our Twitter thread is pinned to the side so you can see these images. The picture that you've sent Ben is tiny. It's so small, isn't it? It looks massive on Google, but it's really small.

Really, really small. Christ, I'm hungry now. Yeah, I could go for a nice bobby biscuit. Nice blobby biscuit, yeah. Well, welcome everyone to our Christmas-themed episode of Poddy. This is the final episode of the year as well. We're just coming off the back of an incredible not jingle jam charity stream that we did. and we want to thank all of you for giving so incredibly generously.

We were raising money for the Trussell Trust, which is a food bank charity in the UK, raised over £1,000. We did. Which is just unbelievable. You were so generous, and we had a lovely time. And that Vod is now on the YouTube channel.

It is. Yeah, I think we thanked you in the last episode because we recorded that knowing I would be going afterwards, but this is the real first episode after actually doing the stream. And it was a wonderful time. And not only we raised lots of money for charity, but we had just a lovely community catch-up and it was, yeah,

it's always nice to have those little streams and get everyone together live. I still have shattered bits of Little Britain DVD all over my just... Oh, yeah, you just snapped it, didn't you? Yeah, I should... I need to hoover, but I dread I'll be finding little bits of Matt Lucas and David Williams

for many of those to come. Well, yeah, that's our curse, isn't it? We've never truly escaped them. But yeah, thank you. to everyone who came along to that. And also, big announcement, there is merch. We have new merchandise. Don't we, Michael Johnson? I need to say your activation phrase, don't you? I believe there's some kind of shop. You're damn right. Ben Potter, if you head over to, wow, it really just rolls off the tongue. I don't even think now. It just happens. If you had over to Vidiotsofficial.com

and click on that lovely enticing little shop button, you'll be greeted with a whole host of familiar favorites, but also a couple of new additions, would you believe it? On there is a gravy bear t-shirt. Grave-Berry Bay. Oh, yes. A lovely corduroy embroidered gravy bay hat. And a cheeky little callback to our Google Vandalism days with a Feldhue's fun foods, pottyets, meat facery t-shirt, which also has a fun little print on the back. So, wow, look at that.

Two prints for the price of, well, 1.1 t-shirts. Amazing. We don't know how long the Feldman. Hoyer's t-shirt is going to stay up because we have pretty much just used their logo and altered it very slightly so get yours now before we get a season to assist yeah absolutely also I believe it may have been Richard Major on Twitter let us know that gravy bay is now on Google Maps and you can rate it and take photos of it I assume it's near Whitley Bay which is, oh, yes, Groby Bay.

So, yeah, it should now be, we were sent a photo of it anyway. It's in our Twitter mentions. Oh, I don't think I saw that. Oh, yeah, it is there. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. It's presents, Gravy Bay. Just off, Whitley Beach, Whitley Bay Beach.

Just off Whitley. Oh, and the cheek image of Gravy Bay is just our cap, which I'm sure Google will immediately clamp down on if they see that. How did they claim? I'm trying to work out how that was claimed because Podiat presents Gravy Bay. The pin for it is just in the sea. So I don't know if that's been registered as a business

or if Whitley Bay has been renamed. I'm not really sure. Yeah, it's like a pin out in the ocean. Maybe you can just pin anything anywhere. I don't know. It's got five five-star reviews, though, which is great. So thank you Bartek, Richard, Matt, Connor and Samuel for your five-star reviews.

I like to take myself here as a treat. ah yes gravy bay absolutely incredible and extremely delicious are the comments that you search gravy bay it takes you right out there 24 hours vidiates official dot com is the website good update from customers a hat that's available there but also on the website brilliant amazing well there we go for making our return to to google maps and i love that our website address is right there i'll never find that'll never catch us yeah This seems like an original listing, so they can't come after us for this one. Well, no, they can't. And also, they certainly can't come after the three of us.

I mean, if they're going to come after anyone, they're going to come after whichever member of the community has done that. But the three of us, we didn't ask people to do this. No. Shrug. Just not as we ever get pulled into a court case. We should do a legal disclaimer now. We do not condone the actions of our view base.

The opinions and everything of our viewabist do not represent poddits. And we are in nowhere affiliated with any. defamation or defacing of Google Maps. No, regardless of what our merch says, it's purely ironic. Don't hurt us, please. Please. Corporate daddy, please don't hurt us. I do like that Poditz presents Gravy Bay.

The pin thing that you can see on Google Maps is a pine tree, which I think means, you know, sort of beauty spot or a park, yeah. I think it's registered as a park. Oh, it is park and garden, yeah. Oh, it's not on Google Maps, though. If you're not searching for it and you zoom out and then you zoom back in, it doesn't actually show up. so I think you need to search for it manually but if you just search all I did was search gravy bay

and it took me straight to it it's like that is the only gravy bay in the world right there amazing it's a park and garden is what it's registered as well yeah if you just open an incognito tab on Google search gravy bay it even comes up with a little like Google widget thing

on the results page on the web results page you don't even have to be on maps It's a screenshot of the Google Maps pin And then next to it A nice photograph of Whitley Bay Oh wait, no The sea is brown Someone's photoshopped a brown

Richard Major has added an image of The Seaside I think it's AI generated actually With brown liquid in the ocean That's what it looks like So we encourage all of you To go to go on Google Maps search Gravy Bay, leave it a five-star review,

and we'll see if we can fuck up their algorithm so much that Google starts to recommend it to people as a nearby attraction. It's got like 55-star ratings. Oh, yes, Gravy Bay. Well, we've got to go see this Gravy Bay. It must be amazing. Is that where gravy's invented? That's the thing.

Brian's prophecy is coming true. Yeah. Do it for Brian, everyone. Do it for Brian. Well, fantastic. Shall we crack on? with our festive episode of poddots. Let's. Yeah.

It's. Oh, ho, hello, everybody, and welcome to Poddy. It's the official, idiots, podcasts. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three errs, where everybody brings. Earthing, Er, Er, a long, to talk. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm jolly old St. Mick.

Oh, that's fine. Jolly St. Mick. St. Mick. And you can be Peter Noel. Yeah, that's a French one. Yeah, I'll take that. Yeah. And I don't really know how mine works.

So I don't think about it. I'll just be an elf. I don't care. It's fine. Don't let the Ben's end. Oh, good. Christmas time. The darkness.

We love it. This episode is releasing on the 23rd of December. So if you're listening to it before Christmas, we commend you. If you're listening to it after Christmas, it's too late. You've got to delete it now, unfortunately, legally. It's gone past its sell-by date, so you can't have it anymore. Is it delete your own calendar? Yeah, that's it.

Delete it. Just get rid of it. How are you guys doing? You good? I'm very well, thank you. How are you? Yeah, I'm all right, thank you. How are you, Mikey?

Mikey. Very good. The Christmas season is upon us. And the extent of the Christmas decorations in this house at the minute is a string of rainbow lights that I bought two days ago. So we're getting festive. No tree, no, none. We're keeping it simple. Nice. Christmas is in the heart, not in the plastic tree. Hey, if it works, it works, right? That's the most important thing. A little bit of admin before we get underway. This will be our final podcast of 2023. We'll be returned. sort of mid-January 2024 gives us time to have a little break over the festive period and then get an episode recorded and edited and so on. So we will see you on the other side. But you've got a whole episode before we disappear. And some of you have taken that opportunity to support us via Pod Squad. Whether that be a shout-out for a loved one, just thank you to us, which is very appreciated, or a shout-out for yourself. We love all of you. And if you want to join Pod Squad for the

first episode of 2024, you can go to poddiots.com. That will redirect you to a site. If you donate three pounds or more, then you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the podcast and will super love you forever and ever and ever. Mikey, would you like to kick off the final pod squad of 2023? We begin with Mr. Macca. Caroline, please, I will change. Oh no, not a Christmas time. Maybe next year they'll get back together. This could be it. This could be the year. I think 24 is going to be a good year for Caroline. We continue with the generous good Stegosaurus. They say, hey lads, just wanted to say thank you for all the laughs over the years

and wanted to wish you all a very happy grimace. Thank you. Also, any chance I can take Mikey out in my car, the anime one in the Discord, to see what kind of strange noises he can make. I'm going to need some context. What's going on here? Oh, someone in the Discord, I saw it earlier today actually, has a quite nice BMW, but with an anime girl wifu rap on it. Oh, okay.

Which chat is it in? Oh, yeah, hold on. I can't remember. It's in here somewhere. Health and well-being. Health and well-being. All right. Health and well-being.

Oh, my God. It's got boobies and everything. That's... Look at that. Wow. Yes. You can make my Christmas dreams come true. Make him scream.

Make him scream. Love it. Yeah, good Stegosaurus, generous, not only with their donation, but also in the offerings. Thank you very much. We continue with, I'm Ben, I'm Peter, and I'm Michael. Stomach crampus? Hang on, you're any one of those things, you like. Hey, whoa, lies.

Come on, don't put words in my mouth, don't knowers. Stomach crampus. Very good. Michael Fletcher, a bum slurper. No. Michael Feltcher, bum slurper. You're very good at reading, Ben. I'm glad you're around.

You can't get the disgusting ones past me. Stimulated crocodile clits. Lovely. Specky Becky. Michael comes on nuts. Thank you. The generous, you know it's all about Dacombe. And they say, Mary Cremble, boys or girls, or others.

thanks for another year of wonderful unhinged madness sending chrism love to y'all and all the people, cats, ferrets, dogs, crows, seagulls, pigeons, whatever else in the Waris clan. Any chance of meeting under the mistletoe? Maybe you'll see if you get lucky. Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you.

Put your Chris Mussie into it. Kirby hurdy, herpy-derpy, and Human Seamen Festive Bake. Fantastic, thank you. Another challenging one. Crikey. It continues with D's nuts roasting on an open fire, presumably. They ran out of characters, but it was an open F.

A holy jolly Mr. Black. The cum was a bit much for me. Did we do a cum-related thing last month? I think I just told people not to do come ones anymore. Oh, okay. Oh, right. Nauty. Inevitably, we've now got extra calm ones.

Step into Fudge Bucket. Good. Don Aco 7. Mr. Blobby has a throbby. C.D. Another CD. And C.D.'s nuts. Very good.

Wallace and Grom Nuts. Mary Chris Nuts. Podditz presents presents. So good. Prince Feefe Cakes, who is very generous and says, Merry Fudge Bucket to all and to all a good Fudge Bucket. I love you, Kisekees, Chris Madiots, Steven Scodes and Flatarmed Maud.

And finally we've got Noel gave me blob spiders. Stephen Skodes again. Lord Fudge Bucketovich. Thank you very much. Fudge Bucketovich. Dr. Goblin, Joan Christmas, Papua, hang on. What?

Oh, Papu... What? I'm trying to work... The Camel case says Papugas, tiny head and ice bum. Yeah, Papugas. Papugus, tiny head, nice bum. What's that, Mikey?

Absolutely no idea. Papugus is a baby pug, isn't it? Oh. Yeah, is it? Or a daddy pug, maybe. A daddy pug is a papugus. Yeah. Really?

No. No. No. He's making it up. I don't know what it is. What is it? Finristum come at the Pog. Torso Evans, the obscenely generous extra 50s worth of Crembo. Who said, thank you boys for making me laugh every day. Had to donate after binging all of your hilarious content introduced to me by my best bud, James at Corrosion Audio.

We know that one. Please wish him and yourselves a very merry Christmas from me, Maud. Kiskees. Oh, thank you very much, Maud. Wait, is this flat-armed Mord? Flat-armed maud potentially has come back. Thank you so much. And Merry Christmas to you and Corrosion Audio.

Thank you, guys. Thank you very much. We've also got the very generous Brian Butterfield. Whoa. Oh my God! Who said, It's Podiot's Day so we can eat whatever we want. Pisa, birthday pie, pints of cream, pork cylinders, potato grids.

I thought it said grunts then. That's not right. Potato grids, large Macs, sandwich casserole, chocolate quail eggs, garlic pudding, fluffy ruffs, pasta pillows, Kishis Lorraine, Bobobobods, delicious. What about my 20 cheese omelet? Unfortunately, we haven't been good enough for a 20 cheese omel. Maybe next to.

And we also have naked, naturist, hairy gooch, and Chega Slovakia, a classic. Thank you so much. That is your pod squad for this week, for this year. Thank you guys so, so much for all of you. your support. We really appreciate it. Do you guys have a favourite out of those? I laughed the most at Noel gave me blob spiders. Not a festive one, but I did like Wallace and Gromnuts. I'm also going to have to go for a nuts one. I'm going to go for

these nuts roasting on an over time. That is very good as well, yeah. Thank you as well. I know Ben's just thanked everyone for all of your donations over the year, but especially to those, you know, those quiet little regular ones who are always giving three pounds every month. You know, every, every fortnight, in fact, you know, there are plenty of you. And that adds up, and it takes you to far more than what we can, what we label as the very generous. So a lot of you have been the very, very generous this year, but you've just spread it across the whole time. And that's much appreciated. Thank you all very much.

For the price of, you could sponsor a donkey with that money, but instead of you'd sponsor us. No, you couldn't. Peter would know, right? Oh, what? You've got donkey sponsorships on the go or you have in the past. Yeah, well, I was saying, no, you couldn't because I don't want people getting any fancy ideas about giving money to donkeys instead of us. Wow, yeah, Peter Austin says, fuck the donkeys.

Donkeys can't need dominoes, but we can. That's true. But we do sponsor a donkey, but it's gifted to us every year. So I don't even have to pay for it. Sorry? What's your donkey called? He's called Harbin. Harbin.

Yeah. That's lovely. That's really nice. You ever thought of getting him in Dominoes? I don't know if, I might get done for animal. cruelty if I give a dominoes to harb in. I mean, it isn't legally food, is it? So, that poisons us every time we have it.

So much so that my friend say, are you sure you're not just lactose intolerant? I'm like, no, I love cheese. Domino's is just bad. Yeah. But I can't stop eating. Even if I have it without the cheese, it doesn't do great things to me. So I don't think it's just the cheese. It's aggressively violent on the plumbing.

It looks like food. It smells like food. It tastes like food. But it's not food. It's very deceptive. wonderful thank you so much pod squad a good stegosaurus on the discord mic you would like to know if you still have your shreddies so he doesn't get gassed while you're being drifted about oh yeah stunts in the anime car yeah i do they live amongst all my other underpants despite the fact i've not worn them since the video

but i put them in there just in case just in case they have to be sealed in a lead-lined case after that video i've told him that that you do still have them so i'll leave it up to you guys to hash out the details of that. Yeah, yeah. Wonderful. Well, as always, we have six things to present to you lot today. We've all brought our own thing along. I believe have you guys brought a festive adjacent thing? Oh, crap, it's Christmas. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, I got festive. I believed you then for a second. Bloody hell. And we've also got some festive adjacent things suggested by you, the wonderful audience. We usually ask for things on the week leading up to our

recording, so you can keep an eye on our Twitter for prompts for that. This week, I would like Michael Johnson to kick us off with his listener slash viewer-related thing. By the way, before you do it, Mikey, you can go to our YouTube channel, YouTube.com forward slash video it's official and watch us record it because the video version now features our faces. Just in case that slipped you by, you can see us recording this rather than just listen. Oh my god, magic. Look, what am I holding in my hand? I don't know. I can't We can't see it. We can't see him. You guys can. Wow.

Which direction you are in? Are you above me? Are you below me? Are you to my right? I don't know. I don't know where you are. I don't know. It can be anywhere. I can't remember what that is. Anyway, that's for the viewers at home to find out. Yes, it is. We have a thing kindly submitted by The Impressionist at The Impressionist on Twitter. And do-do, let me pull it up.

This is a BBC news article from the region of Northamptonshire in particular. But I don't think this is any bearing on Northamptonshire. Or maybe it will. We'll find out. The headline reads, Whamageddon. DJ Sorry for Playing Last Christmas by Wham! Oh no.

Do I have a view partaking, is the game called Whamageddon? Yeah, I've never heard of this before. Really? Yeah, I've never heard of Whamageddon before. I hadn't heard of it before. and then Amy told me this story and I was like, what are you talking about? And she's like, yeah, DJs had to apologize.

I was like, okay. But yeah, I wasn't aware before this year. That's it. I think it's silly that they have to apologize because surely like the point of WAMageddon is like, it's everywhere. So it's see how long you can go without hearing it. It's a problem of the game, isn't it?

As we'll learn when you read the art. If no one's playing the song on the radio, then there's no stakes to it. Don't blame the DJs. They're just making Whamageddon what it is. Yep. This just reminds me of One of my dad's favorite

sayings is when it's hot outside He says, it's a bit George Michael What? Because it's Wham In his gory accent That is so northeast It's a bit what It's Geatwam It's Geetwam Lake

Provide George Michael For those who Have no idea what Wamageddon is, Mikey Well, we're going to find out about it now, aren't we? Let's find out, yeah there's a lovely picture of George Michael and someone else who I don't quite recognize

He's the other Wham The other one, yeah The lesson old Wham brother Harold Wham The subtitle to which reads The game, Whamageddon, sees people try to avoid The Wham hit Last Christmas

Yeah, the game is Go as long as you can right hearing Last Christmas I gave him my ice I assume singing it doesn't count I think that means people are safe, yeah. Yeah, good, good. A football stadium DJ has apologized for playing last Christmas by Wham,

potentially knocking more than 700, 7,000 people out of the cult game, Wammageddon. I wonder if there was like an audible groan that rolled through the stadium there. Fuck. Players try to avoid George Michael and Andrew Ridgley's 1984 hit for as long as possible before Christmas Eve. and are eliminated once they hear it. Matt Facer, DJ at Northampton Town,

was criticised for playing at the home game against Portsmouth on the 2nd of December. I never knew people took it so seriously, he said. Christ, Wamagetan started about 10 years ago. This has been going on for a while. I managed to avoid it all this time. You played Wammagetan, Wammagetan, which is a voice. Well, yeah, that's the thing.

Now I know what it is. I'm literally burdened and cursed. with this knowledge because previously I was like it didn't even enter my thoughts like not at all

and now I'll always be aware of it every trip to Tesco would be fraught with fear of what song will they play over the P&A could happen I could die it how wow so the game now has a set of rules a dedicated website

and a merchandise I will have a quick scroll through the website at the end of the article just to see what's going on what the rules are Wow. The game's rule states, while we can't stop you from deliberately sending your friends to Wham Hala, very good. I do like Wham Hala. That's really good. Yeah, yeah, big into that. The intention is that it is a survival game, not a battle royale. I like it.

Mr. Facer, known as DJ Matty, played the song during halftime in the league One Clash at Six Fields, attended by 7,215 people. I gave it a spin thinking it would be quite funny to wipe out 7,000 people who couldn't avoid it but clearly Oh So he's a knowingly

Sorry It's intentional What a bastard God yeah Bastard man But clearly it wasn't funny He said I had a bit of an insult

on Twitter Lighthearted saying it was not a nice thing to do And apparently that was quite tame To what's being said In the stadium Good God So I have

officially apologize to everybody whose Christmas I've ruined. Jesus. Ruined it. Cheers. Sun's crying. Nice one. Yeah. He has promised not to play the song during the home game against Fleetwood Town

to avoid upsetting fans on the Lancashire side. He told BBC Radio Northampton, I can take on the chin with my home fans in Portsmouth, but I don't think I'll be playing it again. I think it's a shame people in professions like mine can't play Wham until late December, but it's a game, and we all have to jump on board.

Last Christmas reached number two on its release, finally reaching the top spot on January 1st, 2021. Christ, that was a late bloomer. Well done, wham. Well done George Michael. I hope you're doing well. Hang on. You do know he's dead, right?

Is he? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. That was very partridge of you. Shit. What's he up to these days? I hope George Michael's doing all right.

I thought it was intentional. I didn't even blink when you... But then when Ben asked you, I was like, oh, okay. And the other guy, Andrew Ridgely, I don't know if he's still alive, but also well done to him for getting to Christmas number one. Yeah. Well done.

Would you like a quick squeeze at the rules for Whamageddon? I'd love to. First rule, last as long as possible without hearing last Christmas. Number two. Starts on December 1. and finishes at the end of 20 on December 24th. Third rule.

Only the original version applies. Enjoy the shit out of remixes and covers. Rule number four. You're out as soon as you recognize the song. Bonus rule. Post on social media with the Whammergaden hashtag when you get hit. And yeah, apparently, there's communities. They've got merch.

I don't know who's buying it, but it's out there if you want it. So yeah, amazing. Well, I usually forget about Wham again Even when I'm like reminded of it every year I'll hear last Christmas But it won't register in my brain That I'm not supposed to be hearing that So I get to sleep easily at night

Not in fear of George Michael's ghost taunting me I uh whenever I hear the word Wham or think about Wham I think about the fact that when George Michael's George Michael crested, hello When George Michael crashed his car or I think it was a big four by four into a shop

the next day someone came back and graffitied the word wham on the hole that he had made where he crashed into the shop Oh dear that shop doesn't look very well made

does it? It's a lot of wood Yeah it's just made of wood It's a very yellow shop It looks like someone's like taking the scrap metal from the only fools and horses Three-wheel car and made it into a shop I'll add the photo to the thread

but I'm sure you'll all find it at home. Excellent. Well, thank you very much for that thing, Michael Johnson. We are now going to pass over to Peter Austin and his own thing, what he has brought from home. Wow. Well, I've got a little confession to make, actually. When I was a boy of about, I don't know, 13, 14. Your father didn't take you into the city, did he, to see him marching?

Yeah, he did actually, but that's not what I'm confessing to here and now. I was invited around to spend Christmas at some family friends who we would always have Christmas at home, but then this one year we're going to stay with these friends who were, they were a lot of fun, they were like a bit older than my parents and they always used to organize various games and like stuff that sometimes it would be like challenges that like last the whole time that you're there and like there was always like fun happening and one thing they did was they asked everyone to bring along i can't remember what the exact sort of criteria were but like just just bring something along to kind of read or recite to the room uh relating to christmas it could be like a

christmas poem or uh like uh i guess oh yeah i think it was basically bring a thing along to talk about so it might have been like oh here's the worst christmas that ever happened or here's chocolate grandma or you know something like that um chocolate grandma and it could be something that you wrote yourself so you could write your own poem for example or or do poddiots merry poddietz um and i brought a thing along and i pretended i had written it um peter did you did you win no fortunately oh okay thank god they really liked it though they all thought it was really good um and i don't know how they thought that this was written in my voice as a 14 13 14 year old boy but I found

it still on the internet where I took it from this is from like years and years ago I think this has been floating around the internet since like probably the late 90s or something it will have been one of those things people were forwarding as emails back in the day but I'm going to read it to you you may even have come across this in the past but it's called the physics of Santa Claus. Oh, by Peter Austin. By Peter Austin. How old were you at the time?

13, maybe. Aged 13. Age 13. Maybe a bit younger, but here we go. This intro, I didn't copy, but I'll read it anyway. I read the whole thing. So this is from James Crooks or James Crocs. No, James C. Rocks, actually.

Do you want to take this? I mean, this is an opportunity for you to, sort of a tone and maybe feel a little less guilty about stealing his work. Do you want to take a moment to apologize to James Crocs? Well, I don't think this is his either. But I think he openly says that this is not, oh yeah, he says, bear in mind, this was first published way back before the millennium, so some of the figures are a little dated.

But he admits it's not his either. This is just one place I found where it had been reproduced. But he at least doesn't pretend it's his. So he's a thief as well. Yeah. So me and James, we've stolen this. Anyway, here we go. I'll read James' intro as well as the full thing.

The Physics of Santa Claus. I'm a geek, an atheist, and somewhat pro-science. But I still love Christmas. So is it any surprise that I love humorous pieces like this one? It's arguably one of my all-time favorite pieces of Christmas fun. There in mind, this was first published way back before the millennium. So some of the figures are a little dated. For example, there are probably around two.

and a half billion children in the world today compared to a mere two billion back then. Let us begin. Did he say I'm somewhat pro-science? Yeah, somewhat pro-science, yeah. It's a bit iffy on the numbers, you know. It's also worth noting that I think even James himself probably wrote this on his blog many years ago,

so there are probably more than two and a half billion children in the world. I'll find out how many while you read it. Okay, but this is it. So this is late 90s figures. On or around Christmas, Santa delivers presents to all the good children of the world. Like all claims, this needs to be rationally examined. No known species of reindeer can fly, but there are well over a million species of living organisms yet to be classified. And while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

It continues. That's the first point. Number two, there are two billion children, persons under 18, in the world. But since Santa doesn't appear to handle most Hindu, Buddhist, or Muslim children, that reduces the workload to around 15% of the total, which is 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. Remember, I wrote this at age 13. You did.

You did a lot of research, didn't you? I did, yeah. Weeks in the library. at an average census rate of 3.5 children per household that comes out as 91.8 million homes that have children one presumes that there's at least one good child in each home who will be receiving presents. Number three, Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with

thanks to the different time zones in the rotation of the earth assuming he travels east to west which seems logical. This works out, to 822.6 visits per second. That is to say that for each Christian or associated household with good children, Santa has 1,000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presence under the tree,

eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the world, which of course, we know to be false, but for the purposes of our calculations, we will accept. We're now talking about 0.78...

What? What? Hang on. It doesn't look right. Your numbers, Peter. You should know them like your back. Oh, no, I see. Yeah, I should do, yeah. Yeah, we're now talking about 0.78 miles per household. That's between each household. He has to visit. Which is a total trip of 75.5 million miles. Not counting, stops.

to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is, I think that means feeding the reindeer, but it doesn't say so. This means that Santa Slay is moving at 650 miles per second. That's 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on Earth,

the Ulysses Space Probe, moves at approximately, the epoxy to 27.4 miles per second and a conventional reindeer can run at maximum 15 miles per hour. Rubbish! Number four. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more

than a medium-sized Lego set which weighs two pounds, the sleigh is carrying 321,000 300 tons. not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. As though that makes a difference. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that flying reindeer could perhaps pull 10 times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight or even nine reindeer. We need 214,200 reindeer.

This increases the payload, though, and not even counting the weight of the sleigh, to 353,430 tonnes. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the cruise ship, Queen Elizabeth II. I've heard that every breeding season. Santa flies the sex helicopter over the deer so he can up his numbers to get around fast enough.

So we finished. I've remembered I've remembered I did write part of this, which is obviously not on James' website. I worked out some of it all by myself, so I'll tell you what I worked out after this but the final bit of the physics comes out as 353,000 tonnes travelling at 650 miles per second

creates enormous air resistance this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the Earth's atmosphere the lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion jewels of energy Oh my God per second

each. Oh my God. That explains Rudolph's red nose, my God. It does. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms

in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26,000ths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subject to acceleration forces 17.5,000 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa, which seems ludicrously slim, it says,

would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015,000 and 15 pounds of force. In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Lovely. He literally took off and died within a second. yeah yeah less than a second the entire thing burst into flames um but i have remembered i thought you know what that might not be long enough that might not be enough so what i did is i sat down and worked out uh how much how many calories santa takes on if he eats for example one mince pie and one glass of milk or sherry or something uh for every household and uh how many uh carrots rudolph has to

and what that would do to him. But obviously, I don't have those figures in front of me because we're talking 20 years ago now. Well, not quite, but yeah, nearly. But there you go. Oh, my God. I mean, that's how he keeps his energy up. That's, yeah, maybe that's, that layer of Lard,

he starts off the night, layers like just ginormous. And as it burns through, he's got enough stock there that burns through, revealing a lovely Slim Santa at the end of night. And that's how he survives it. The delicious smell of sort of crispy fat in his wake. Yummy. Reindeer jerky anyway? I mean, there's nothing left, is there?

There's no. No, it's just atoms in the wind. Dust. Wow. So there we go. I didn't completely plagiarized, but I mostly plagiarized as a child. Okay. Amazing.

Thank you very much, Peter. Thank you for taking us down that journey, Peter. I've got a little fact here. As of 2023, the estimated global population of children defined as individual individuals under the age of 18 is approximately 1.9 billion, according to the United Nations Children Fund USF. Okay.

Consistent. It's gone down. There has. Apparently. It has. Aging population? I don't know. People aren't having kids because the world's fucked. Yeah. It could be anything. Wonderful. Well, I have a

viewer slash listener submitted thing. Are you guys ready to hear it? Yes. Thank you to Jarith Button at Emo Hawke. and also Connor Bennett at C. Bennett underscore 12 on Twitter. This new story comes courtesy of Sky News, and the headline reads, Tesco recalls Christmas stuffing because it may contain moths.

Oh, God. No. Moths. The supermarket chain stresses the apple and cranberry stuffing mix may be unfit for human consumption and apologizes to customers. First horses and now moths. What's going on here? Tesco. More dust, more edible dust.

Delicious dust. So this is actually news that broke today at the time of recording at half one on the 14th of December. Tesco is recalling a Christmas stuffing product for context for people outside the UK and just in case you don't know, Tesco is the biggest supermarket chain in the UK. It does then go on to say that in the article, but I've now said it. Tesco is recalling a Christmas stuffing product because

it might contain moths. The supermarket chain said the warning applied to Tesco finest apple. That's right. Feed the rich the moths. The supermarket chain said the warning applied to Tesco finest apple and cranberry stuffing mix, 130 grams, with the best before date ending September 2024. We are recalling a single batch of Tesco finest apple and cranberry stuffing mix due to the possible presence of moths, which makes the product unfit for human consumption.

The official recall notice said. in the warning issue through the food standards agency the retailer said anyone who had bought the affected stuffing should not consume this product do you guys want a screenshot of the stuffing just so we can do our due diligence and share let people know on Twitter like don't buy this if you have it oh they're moths in it

you can't see the moths in that one customers are advised to return the product to a branch of the supermarket where they will be given a refund no receipt is required Tesco apologises to our customers for any inconvenience caused, the statement added. Cranberry has become a staple of traditional Christmas dinners having first become popular as part of Thanksgiving feasts in the US. The recall notice included no explanation as to how moths may have come to be present in the stuffing, but Tesco has been contacted for comment, and we may actually have more news by the time this episode drops. But as it stands, all we know is that somehow moths might have gotten posh stuffing.

I've gone to Google. images in case anyone's like posted because surely the first this must have been reported because someone found a moth in their stuffing right? Yeah, maybe you would have thought. No, apparently no image on social media is going around. Damn it.

Also surely like what like it's like it can't just be a person found one moth in the thing like that has been many people finding moths because like one moth is like ah that's that's just a manufacturing manufacturer that's fine but lots of moths to then lead to

recall. My God, and no one's posted evidence. Maybe it's like little tiny bits of ground up moth in your stuffing, which is most likely. How did they figure it out? God, I want the details. I want to know everything about this. I'm surprised, not that I would want to eat a moth, but in a way, I'm surprised that like cooking mothy stuffing would, like, that it would still be unfit for human consumption. There's nothing too much. Really is there? No. I mean, again, I'm not suggesting that they should have gone, well, yeah, it's got moths in it, but. you know, we won't let anyone know. Like, they still should have done a product recall either way.

But to actually say, it may make the food unfit for human consumption. That might not necessarily... I don't know if that rings true to me, that it would do you any harm. But, I don't know, sometimes little bugs have parasites in him that can kill you. Like that guy who ate a slug and died. Oh, yeah. Very true. And also, I think if people were given the choice, they probably wouldn't want to eat moths. No.

Or have, you know, moth seasoning on their food. We'll all be eating offs one day though. You know, in a couple of decades, we'll be on crickets and stuff. Delicious. I can't wait to be dead. But there we are. That is my listener submitted thing. Michael Johnson, do you have your own thing? I do. During the Volvo Fall Experience event,

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or go to explorevolvo.com. Indeed, and I come with a tale of a Christmas bastard. Oh, all right. All right. Well, yeah. Yeah, it's a Christmas bastard. That's all the context you need as we roll into this. This is from an article on History Extra, the website,

and it was written by a lovely Alex Palmer. And this is the true tale of, I wouldn't say the worst Christmas man ever, but definitely worse than most. Every year throughout the early 1900s, a growing mountain of Santa letters ended up at post offices across America. Thanks to a change in post office department policy in 1911,

these letters began to be answered by charity groups approved by the local postmaster. But in New York City, the largest city in the country, Santa was nowhere to be found. Mailmen disowned Santa, read the headlines. Two years went by with New York City's Santa letters being ignored, and as the days of December 1913 ticked away, it began to look like Santa would once again be a no-show. But on the 8th of December, New York City's postmaster, Edward M. Morgan, received a call about a clever customs broker

with a carefully conceived system for receiving, verifying, and responding to children's Christmas wishes. Hastefully, I think he was a bit panicked. I don't know why the postmaster hadn't bothered to look into anyone thus far, but I think when someone comes along on the 8th of December, promising to go through your big sack of children's letters. He was just quite eager to get him on and said, yep, sure, you can have the job. And as a result, New York City now had a Santa Claus.

However, it would turn out that the city had got more than it bargained for. John Duval Gluck, Gluck Jr. Gluck's a good last name. I like that. Gluck, Gluck, Gluck, Gluck. A bachelor with no children of his own. While Gluck's imagination, an abundant energy added a sense of fancy to his day-to-day life, it also created restlessness in him and a hunger to do something greater with his life.

Gluck's idea? The Santa Claus Association. And it meant that New Yorkers, of any means, could take a letter, or 100 of them if they liked, and personally see that the child received his or her gift. The donors paid for the gifts themselves. and Gluck's Association basically act as a means of contacting sad Christmas children with philanthropists and people who want to help the sad Christmas children, which is quite sweet. I think it's a very nice, imagine writing a letter to Santa and then act like your parents don't

even know and suddenly, oh my God, the Christmas gift is here, Santa's real and the magic will never die until it does. Donors came from all walks of life. They all contributed to the efforts. Volunteers from the city's elite societies offered their time to help open, sort and respond to the thousands of letters sent by the children of New York. It answered 28,000 children in the group's first year.

Wow. That is quite, whoa, Christ almighty. And the Santa Claus Association soon became an institution in early 20th century New York City. We've all quite sweet and wholesome so far. Oh, good, good on. Good on you, Gluck. Yeah, where's this bastard?

That's what I want to know. Oh, it comes, don't you worry. Oh, no. The group's work continued for another decade and a half, and each year, Gluck's ambitions grew. He started branches of the Santa Association in other cities. He tapped celebrities like John Barrymore and Mary Pickford to help promote the cause, and even announced plans for a grand Santa Claus building to be,

constructed in the middle of Manhattan. God. Gluck was dreaming big, my word. I think, I think maybe part of the article I edited or removed, but I think a lot of his money kind of came from the post office itself as well to kind of help run things. So like while also getting money from nice, lovely people who've donated the money,

he also took money from the post office to help run this operation. So he had his fingers, Well, these pockets were quite full for many sources. Meanwhile, like, everyone in New York is not receiving any mail. Like, there are no post vans that all the post men and women aren't getting paid enough or whatever. We had to construct Gluck's Santa Claus building. There's no money for anything else. Made of real candy.

Lick the walls. Yummy. But as the number of answered letters increased, so did he go. Gluck's request for funds. First, he asked for a few dollars to cover all the two cents stamps required. Fair, a fair, fair request. Then he began asking for hundreds of dollars to pay for the gifts themselves. And then hundreds of thousands of dollars to fund the construction of the Santa Claus building.

Go on, go on, go on, keep your ambitions real. Come on, dream small, dream small. Few people ask questions about what? exactly all these funds were going because, you know, few figures garner as much trust as jolly old St. Nick. But not everyone was so easily

excited by this newfound Santa Claus. New York City's Commissioner of Public Welfare made it his mission to clean up Gotham's unregulated charities and by 1927 he had Gluck in his sights.

They demanded that Gluck provide them with the Santa Claus associations, books and receipts. The Santa Claus man resisted, but eventually was compelled to open up his workshop to city auditors. Oh, oh, no. They found tens of thousands of dollars

left unaccounted for, and bear in mind this is 1911 money. That's like 3 billion. That's, wow, my God. They found tens of thousands of dollars left on the accounted for, a raft of dubious fundraising practices and no oversight of Gluck or his handling of any of the association's funds. So this entire time, like, yeah, tens upon tens of thousands of yieldy dollars had just been entering this business. No one thought to check in. There was no one else responsible for the money. It just went to Gluck and it was

used. And because I guess, I think throughout this time, he did at least actually like respond to Christmas letters, he did actually partner people with donators and children did get gifts, so it wasn't totally crappy, but he did also siphon money while doing a charitable act, which is a beautiful bastard thing to do.

There was a little tidbit that I've deleted. What was it? Maybe it'll come back to me by the time I finished the last paragraph. Though the lack of documentation made it hard to convict gluck of a crime, that's the secret to doing a crime.

just don't write any of it down and then there's no proof. Cola found enough evidence to convince the postal inspector that Gluck could no longer be trusted with children's wishes. Oh, the saddest thing of all. Not being sent to jail,

having your Santa little bit taken off you. Like the reversal of a Christmas film's happy ending, the postmen came to the Santa Claus Association's office and removed Santa's mail. stripping gluck of his prized letters oh yeah he was like genuinely like

he had like aspirations of doing something great and worthwhile with his life but then just money just disappeared and so yeah a lot of fingers are pointed at him and he ruined the spirit of Christmas forever what an ass

you're bastard you'll be on the naughty list on the naughty list so yeah that remembered it so part of like the filtering process for the letters involved people reading all the letters and people would like categorize the letters into different areas

like some of them would just maybe get like a letter response but if there was like a really sad tale or like a really sad letter of a child who's clearly not having a merry time at all they would make sure those children got something extra nice and also forward on the details of the child onto local authorities and protection things to ensure that the children you know

maybe checked in on so they weren't left totally stranded so yeah a polarising one good part bastard part part real life santa claus but i don't know when you start talking about big plans to build a santa claus building in the middle of manhattan what is probably the most expensive area to build on maybe maybe the power's getting to his head a bit yeah maybe maybe well that was amazing thank you mikey i've never heard of that man before no what a dick what a dick never thought about what like if anything ever got done to the christmas letters maybe not these days, but definitely in the old days.

Steal your money. Peter, do you have a listener-submitted thing? I do. It was submitted by Will Malley via Twitter, and it's according to the Manchester EveningNews.com.com. At UK, written by Chris Slater, senior reporter. Whoa! This is, no, I don't want you to send me notifications. Stop.

What the hell is that? Locals fume over pathetic Christmas tree compared to Leaning Tower of Pisa. Great. The threadbare decorated spruce on a major roundabout has gained a lot of attention. Most it's not favourable. Most it. Senior reporter. Not favourable.

Here we go. Council chiefs have responded after residents in a leafy stockport suburb hit out at a pathetic and pathetic. and unbelievably bad decorated tree, which has appeared in the middle of a major roundabout. The tree, which has had fairy lights draped around it, has been planted on the grass area at the roundabout where Bridge Lane meets Bramore Lane South. However, those living in the area have mocked it online, labelling it spindly and so wonky, just the word wonky is in quotes there, so wonky it resembles the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The council says it is not the area's main Christmas tree and wasn't even planted as a Christmas tree, but that the decision was taken

to decorate it. In a post on the next door social media app, Dave Booth said next to a said, Dave Booth said next to a photo of the tree, or I think it's just a comment, SMBC have really excelled this year with the tree on the bridge lane roundabout. The plus point is it is a live tree. I like the sarcasm there. They've really excelled. There were dozens of replies from others who felt it was a poor representation of the area. What the hell is that? Elaine Bailey said. How pathetic, SMBC should be ashamed, Val R, said. Terence Burgess, or Burgess, said, blink and you'd miss it. Sue Marshall said, locals and visitors will at least experience some Christmas cheer as they stifle a smile or laugh out,

loud in all caps could cause an accident or two she says Diana Rourke said unbelievably bad and Hillary Dunn said I saw this earlier today it is absolutely awful

all other Christmas trees around the Stockport area are much better Mike Fawshott this is basically just the entire comments thread written into it is yeah they've just copied and past it in just driven past it

and yeah it looks more ridiculous than this post suggested right near the road as well, why not more central on the grass? Did it really require three council vans, six blokes, and two suits to organise that? Let me send you a wide photo. I mean, it is very rubbish. Oh, yeah, sure.

Very excited. Here it is. It's got three, like, rubbish council fences around. Oh, no! Isn't it bad? Oh, it's been cordoned off. Yeah, there's a little, like, wrapped up thing next to it. I don't even know what.

that is um it's not good it's very thin isn't it so thin um it's like it i don't think it'd be so offensive if the gates weren't there i mean yes it's sad but just the gates add a certain layer of council uh efficient well not officiality to it that's just like yeah yeah we are legally obliged to put a thing around this thing here you go yeah um i love it it brings more of a smile than any other I can remember seeing and next year it will be even wonkier someone's decided that's just for their thoughts

it's a tourist attraction the leaning tree of Bramall I mean the the article continues really just with more comments and then a photo of the one from Bramall Town Centre which also has ugly council like fence fence bits around it

did they do this to all public Christmas trees Oh, maybe, yeah, because people could just push it over or, you know, it'll fall on them or something. We'll never get past those metal gates. No. Impenetrable. Oh, I think we've got a statement here from the council, though. Okay. The newly, okay, Stockport Council have now spoken out about the criticism.

They say the living Serbian spruce tree was not planted as a Christmas tree, but was simply intended to replace a dead tree. However, they say that the community were keen to have lights on it. However, they insist once it's grown and filled out that it will benefit the area for future generations on a roundabout. A town hall spokesperson said, The main Christmas tree in Bramall is a tree provided each year in the centre of the village next to the church.

The newly planted tree at Bramall Roundabout is a living Pichia-Omerika Serbian spruce tree. It replaces a dead tree that's not been intentionally planted as a Christmas tree, but the community were keen to have lights on it, just repeating what the article just said. The tree will be there for many years to come and was chosen as an upright variety to minimize the impact on road users. As the tree continues to grow over the years,

it will fill out and benefit the area for future generations. It will be there for many years to come, and it will provide an essential habitat for wildlife. That's it. The rest of the article is just padding. It goes on and on and on and on. Somehow, it goes. There's nothing more to say.

But, yeah, it certainly is ugly. It's true. It is. And you know what? Fair enough if they just planted it as a tree and people insisted it have lights on it. That looks rubbish. It's like, well, hang on, it wasn't even meant to be a fucking Christmas tree. You already got one.

Yeah. It's got a certain charm to it. I like crap Christmas things. There's a house along the road from me where, like, there must be about 100 bits of Christmas like tat plastered all over it but with no discernible theme it's just like they went to be in them bargains and clear that their entire stock and it's just like I shit you not like every inch of like their front gardens covered like you can barely get in there like it's it's stunning and I love it it's disgusting it's gaudy and it's just terrible and it's my kind of

Christmas damn it there's a house on my estate it's not really visible from our house fortunately but I may have mentioned this at Halloween as I think Halloween because they did the same thing but they decorate their house with a projector. So at night, at Halloween, they had like ghosts and pumpkins, like just sort of like the DVD logo, just bouncing around the front of their house on a projector. And now they've got it so that there's like snow falling in front of their house. But it's this massive projector that covers the entirety of the front side of their house.

And it's like, the people who live across from them must be a bit pissed off about it. I would be if that was on at night. How much is that energy bill costing? That's what I want to go crazy with their Christmas license. You don't need to do that. At the price on spreading Christmas cheerband. You can. It's a 200 pound energy bill.

Excellent. Well, thank you, Peter. You're very welcome. Maybe it's Maybe it's Maybe it's Maybe a iconic piece of music. Hit the check. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with We all had like childhood stories or memories.

Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Mabelene. Maybe it's Mabelaine. It's now time for my Christmas thing. I've done this before. You're Chris Thingle?

Oh, bloody hell. There he is. where he fucking is he showed he showed up to work today fuck really yeah someone's at their

blobby biscuits sorry my Chris thingle is a follow up to a previous Chris Thingall where I ran

through some festive traditions from around the world and you had to guess which ones were real and which ones were false

so we continue that trend this year I am going to read you the name of it and then I'm going to give you a bit of a

description and one by one you can guess if it's real or false. Are you guys on board with that? Yeah. Brilliant. First up is the Icelandic Yule cat. The Yule cat, also called the Yolakotour and Christmas cat,

is a huge and vicious cat from Icelandic Christmas folklore that is said to lurk in the snowy countryside during the Christmas season and eat people that do not receive any new clothing to wear before Christmas Eve. Oh. Do you make a laugh? Do you want us to say yes or no? like with each, as we go through, or are you going to read them all? As we go through, as we go through.

What do you think of the Icelandic Yule Cat? I think it sounds plausible. I think if it's not real, then you've done a good job of making up some fake Icelandic in there. But you could have just used Google Translate for Yule Cat. So, you know, could be fake. I'm going to say real, though. Could you reread like the last line where it says at each children who won't given any warm clothes for winter? It is said to lurk in the snowy countryside during the Christmas season and eat people that do not receive any new clothing to wear before Christmas Eve.

So if no one else buys you Christmas clothes, this cat comes and gobbles you up. It'd be a good way to take someone out, wouldn't it? Just like tell all your mates. Don't buy him clothes. Don't buy him clothes. I want to say true. I'm trying to like figure out what maybe it's like in the spirit of like encouraging people to give and be generous. To people they love.

Yeah, yeah. So if you don't want your friend to be eaten by a cat, then give them a pair of gloves or something. So, yeah, I'm going to say true as well. It is true. Hang on. In other versions of the story, the cat just eats the food of people without new clothes.

Yola Koturin, I'm not pronouncing that right, is closely associated with other figures from Icelandic folklore as the house pet of the ogres grilla and her sons, the Yule lads. Remember the Yul Lads? Oh my gosh. They eat everyone's food as well, don't they? They do, bastards.

So that's the first one. Next one is Nort from Norway. It's called Hide Your Broom. Norwegians believe that Christmas Eve coincides with the arrival of evil spirits and witches. It is only logical, then, that Norwegian householders hide all their brooms

before they go to sleep. I like it. Does it sound like it could, that you could have made it up. I'm going to guess that it's not real, but it's very believable. Yeah, I say it's so believable that I am in fact going to believe. I guess imagine it being quite a cute little bedtime ritual. Oh, everybody, that's find the brooms, hide the brooms covered.

I just feel like wouldn't the witch have its own broom, you know, that's my... Great point. It's a great point. It is actually real. B-Y-O-B-B. Well, you should because it's real. it's a real tradition The write-up continues After all, nothing spoils Christmas quicker than finding your broom in broken pieces

at the foot of a tree trashed by some joyriding witch Oh my God That's a real one Next story is the Caracas Skater Boys In the week leading up to They said see you later boys

They did, yeah In the week leading up to Christmas Venezuelans attend a daily church service In the capital, Caracas, I'm probably pronouncing that wrong, it is customary to travel to the church service on roller skates. Is that real or not? Oh, it seems dangerous in the winter. Venezuela, though, that's got to be pretty towards.

It could be quite warm, yeah. Yeah, true. That's a very good point, yeah. What do you think, Mikey? I want to say true. I don't know, like, I'm actually like everyone getting dressed up. with little lights and Santa outfits and like there's a whole like calvary of people skating their way towards church. I quite like the idea of it, so I want it to be real.

I'm going to say fake. It's another real one. Another. The daily church service is called Misa de Iguanaldo early morning mass, and it's so widespread is the practice of going on your roller skates that many roads in the capital are closed until 8 a.m. to provide Christmas worshippers with a safe passage. Wow. How about that? Big fun.

Real one. Next one is Taiwanese chocolate grandma. In Taiwan, why are you laughing? In Taiwan, it's customary for children to wrap their grandparents in golden foil to be unwrapped before the dawn of Christmas Day, much like a piece of festive confectionery. Inspired by a joke entry in the so-called comedy podcast Podiat's three years prior, local residents saw this as a call to action and has thus far resulted in thousands of delighted children and at least 300 grandparent asphyxiation-related fatalities. Could be real, you know. We do have a big Taiwanese following.

They love us in Taiwan. Do you not remember that form that got sent through that told us not to talk about this because they wanted to separate the art from the artists and make this their thing? So maybe we're finally breaking that NDA. Broken the rules here by bringing it. I think it's time.

It's been long enough. We're allowed to take credit for this wonderful Christmas tradition you invented Ben I would say yes 100% real it's real that one that one's real that is real

that is absolutely real and don't ask anyone in Taiwan about it because they won't because it's a secret tradition so there we are next up Guatemalan cleaning fixation in Guatemala cleanliness really is next to godliness

locals believe that the devil and other evil spirits lurk in the dark dirty corners of your home. Therefore, they spend the week before Christmas sweeping up, collecting rubbish and then piling everything in a huge heap outside. Is it real?

Or is it not? Guatemala. Yeah, all right. I'll say that's real. I want to say real as well. Again, just because it seems like a good excuse to get the kids to tidy up. Yeah.

You don't get any presents if you don't fake up your bloody toilet. boys. Well, good thing, guys, because it's, it is real. The write-up continues. Finally, an effigy of the devil is placed on top of the rubbish, and the whole thing is set on fire, which doesn't sound very... Well, I was thinking that, yeah. It doesn't sound very good for the environment to burn all that rubbish. It's called La Cema del Diablo, I've mispronounced that, or the burning of the devil. The idea for Guatemalans is to burn all the bad from the previous year and start a new year from out of the ashes.

So that is real. And finally, I have the Portuguese Sixth Sense Feast. During Consoda, the traditional Christmas feast in Portugal, families sometimes set extra places at the dining table for deceased relatives. Ah. I've heard of people doing that in, I don't know specifically that it is a Christmas tradition, but I think that is something that is done in various countries at various times or, you know, maybe just in the immediate aftermath of a death or something,

but it's definitely some kind of tradition somewhere for some reason. Is it a Christmas Portuguese thing? I'm going to say, yeah, it is. I'm going to say, no, it's not. Well, Peter has sussed onto the trend, because all of these are real today, especially Taiwanese chocolate grandma. We're on a learning adventure. it's thought that the practice will ensure good fortunes for their household.

In some areas, crumbs are left on the hearth as well. And you thought feeding all your relatives was hard enough. So says the write-up. And that is my thing. Some strange, well, I mean strange to us, Christmas traditions from around the world. You didn't include West Yorkshire 50P game. I didn't. You know what, next time I will.

Now's that. I promise, if I remember, which I won't. When Cagania's are a Christmas tradition, in case you've never heard the episode listeners at home, which is where for your nativity scene, I can't remember the country, Spain, maybe. We had a couple of people, if this is the pooing one, we had a couple of people send this to us as things, but we've definitely covered it before. Yeah, it just when that exists is like a bona fide Christmas tradition to get, buy a little pooping figure to put in your nativity, it feels like any Christmas tradition could be possible.

dreams can come true I'm going to scroll down and see if I can I can find it I can't I can't find it it's not showing up in our mentions now

it doesn't matter but it is from it's a real it's a real tradition and we have seen it so thank you for sending that and thus concludes

all the things for this festive episode of Podiotz thank you so much for listening and watching please don't go anywhere yet

because we've got a few things to plug first and we'd appreciate if you stuck around for that you don't have to but we'd like it if you did Mikey I believe

there's some kind of shop. You are darn tooting. I think it's twice now. You've asked me to talk about the shop and I've just like had a burt brewing each time. But I've contained it because, but I can't contain my excitement about our shop. Hell yeah.

If you head to vidyatsofficial.com and click on the lovely enticing little shop button, you'll find all of your favorite bits of merch from over the years and also a new collection of goodies including the brand spanking marvelous, glorious gravy buyers, It's Cravey Bay.

Lovely T-shirt. Also, the design, the design, there we go, English. Oh, I'm falling apart now, you see, this is what happens. New merch comes on, and my brain can't cope. It's all so exciting. A lovely corduroy cap available in a whole host of colours with an embroidered gravy bay design over it. That's not all, as we have one more non-gravey Bay for a little bit of merch,

which is our Feldhughes, Fun Foods, Podiat's Meat Feastery T-shirt. We've ripped off our real company's logo with proper lawyers. Allegedly. Allegedly, there's no proof.

This is Podietz, not Vidgets. So yeah, go check it out while you can. It's lovely. And it's even got a little backprint as well. So you can show off your poddiet's fandom to people ahead and behind you. And behind. Absolutely.

You can follow us on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com, forward slash Vidyatts official Discord is Vidyatsofficial.com forward slash Discord very big

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poddiats.com donate there three pounds or more and get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the podcast and you'll join Pod Squad why not sign

up now for the first episode of 2024. We believe in you. You can do it. Mikey, do you want to kick us off again? We begin with Mr. Macca. Caroline, please, I will change the generous good stegosaurus. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Stomachie Crampus. Oh, that way, I should have said that was my favourite one. I think that's very good. I like it. I like it a lot. Michael Feltcher, bum slurper, stimulated crocodile clits. Specky, Becky. Michael Cums on Nuts, the generous you know it's all about Dacum, put your Chris Mussie into it,

Kirby Herdy Herpy Derpy and Human Seamen Festive Bake. Festive boocake, if you will. Yes, very good. We've also got Deez Nuts roasting on an open fire, a holly jolly Mr. Black, the cum was a bit much for me, step into fudge bucket,

Don Aco 7, Mr. Blobby has a throbby, CD, another CD, CDs Nuts, Wallace and Gromnuts, Merry Christ Nuts, Podiot's Presents, Presents, Prince Beefcake, it was very generous, thank you. Chris Madiottes,

Stephen Skodes, and Flatarmed Maud. And finally we have Nol gave me blob spiders, Stephen Skodes, Lord Fudge Bucketovich, Dr Goblin, Joan Christmas, Papugas tiny head and ice pump Finn Tristam come at the Pog Torso Evans

Extra 50s worth of Crimbo Who is very very generous Brian Butterfield who is also very generous Naked naturist Harry Gooch And Chega Slovakia And thus concludes Your Final Pod Squad of 2023 Thank you so much to everybody

And once again Podiatts.com Three pounds or more Let's get a shout at the beginning And the end of the show And join Pod Squad Peter Was there anything that was released on Vidiots five years ago this week?

There was. You know what? I'm going to take us to the end of the year. As we've come to the end of the year of Pottietz, I'll go from the previous episode of Pottiates right through to the end of the 2018 run. So it began, funnily enough, with Pottiates episode 24, Mary Chrysler. Worst games ever, Spice World, Pottiates Episode 25, Clumpy Grid. That's how sporadica our releases were at this point. It was two episodes. back to back. Vidiot's live Twitch stream Spire Reignited trilogy. Post some tat number 39, the finale. The vidiates tell your friends

montage with all of the tell your friends we didn't get around to using. Worst games ever, Mr. Bean. And then worst games ever, Santa Claus saves the earth. What's in the case? Portal Goblin Face Reveal with Dave, Dave Benson.

And that actually is it. That's everything that came out. of the story and next year when I ask you that question it will be six years yeah oh god that's I saw this every year but yeah that's we're so old Mikey you're going to turn 30 soon that's upsetting isn't it I'm starting to feel it and it's only going to get worse join us as we age it literally only gets worse from here which is fantastic Mikey whereabouts you on the internet at parrot boy on Twitter and Instagram Instagram is the best players to keep up with what I'm up to.

Wonderful. And Peter, where are we? You can find myself at That Peter Austin on Twitter and Ben at Confused underscore Dude on Twitter. But you can find both of us making silly video game related videos at Team Triple Jump on YouTube and on Twitch as well. And we're on Twitter and Facebook. So find us everywhere at Team Triple Jump. Fantastic. And finally, why not leave us a five-star review on your plan? platform of choice. It helps with something to do with Al Gore's rhythms or something. If you're not in a position or even if you are in a position to support us via Pod Squad or

buy merch or what have you, this is the Christmas present that we would like from you. It takes no time at all and it's free to do it and we'd really appreciate it. You can also rate Gravy Bay on Google Maps 5 stars if you like. Go and find Gravy Bay. Go do it. Lovely. Do we have a final question to see us off in to 2024. What do you want for Christmas this year? Lovely. Look after yourselves, everybody.

Stay safe, stay warm, stay happy, whatever it is you celebrate. Have a very happy new year and we will see you next year. Bye everybody. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. I don't know Oh, uh,

uh, Thank you. Thank you.