Podiots - Podiots: Episode 14 - Holes

Episode Date: September 4, 2018

Mikey's working on his new art installation, Peter's been leaving things in medical patients, and Ben brings some real fake news. We're proudly sponsored by Turtle Beach! Get the Turtle Beach Headsets we wear: http://bit.ly/vidiotsbeach Buy yourself some Vidiots merch: https://yogsca.st/VidiotsMerch YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax Welcome to Jungle of Cables Jungle of Cables Jungle, cable, John, Jungle Run Jungle Cub, I'm sorry Jungle Cub Jungle Cuck, you just say Yeah, Jungle Cuck

Jungle Cuck The Jungle Cuck Welcome to Jungle Cuck Where everybody has to cook a dish As fast as they can Jungle Cuck Yes, Jungle Cuck Where Mowgli just, he watches his girlfriend have sex

with Ballou. You've got a cook-old a dish of food. That's a whole other level. That's not just cuck-holding. That's bestiality. Imagine getting cooked, not even by a human being.

You're that... That's not... You're that bad as a lover. Come on. Come on. That your wife chooses someone else, something else. No. Stop it.

A fridge. Washing machine could work, I guess. Stop this. If you're a woman. Have no sit on it. Oh, my God. I forgot about that. that phenomenon of women sitting on...

The naturally occurring phenomenon, just like the Northern Lights. I didn't say natural, naturally occurring. It's just a thing that happens, isn't it? Women sit on... Not all women. I'm going to say, I don't like the way we've started this podcast immediately. It's not unusual to sit on... Some ladies, and probably men as well,

get pleasure out of the vibrations of a household utility sitting atop it. I suppose so. That's just energy efficiency, too. uses in one that's it's saving the environment but what if they turn it on and they don't even need to wash clothes they just wanted to just wanted to use it well they can it's just a very very energy efficient no it's not energy efficient it's a very expensive way of doing it um you're gonna have a good time on a washer dryer whatever please do put washing inside of it to make sure no energy is wasted yeah or if you've got nothing to wash use something else uh and actually if you go to bit

dot y forward slash vidiots love honey you can go to our new sponsor and get yourself a rampant rabbit or something yeah there you go cool I'm just going to start I'm just going to start the show okay hello everybody

The official podcast for the Vidyits YouTube channel, not that there would be anything other than... I do want to hear. Someone making an unofficial one. No, please don't. No, don't. We will sue you. What a waste of time. Why would you bother, you know? That's just be such a... Bother. Shut up! They might build entire conversations between the three of us by snipping up words we've already said in the past. Oh, God. Someone make that. That guy who is now taking it upon himself to do, I think he's on five videos now of various sort of, YouTube poops and shit posts and edits of our things.

What's his name? The guy with the walrus. Tommy, something rather. Yeah. The guy. There's a lot of names. There's a lot of names. I'm sorry, everyone.

Yeah. Don't actually apply for a podcast, though, on Apple. Don't do that, because it takes ages and you have to pay money sometimes to get hosted, and it would be a whole hassle. Just do a SoundCloud. Or a sound cloud. Or just do it live. Do a video.

Perform. Do it at home. Do it at home. It's okay. Anyway, this is a podcast, which is a conversational podcast. and my name is Ben. It is. My name's Peter.

It is. And my name is Michael. Lovely. And we sort of obey the laws of the three us here on Pottietz, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. And we also pepper that in with questions from you. First, though, we'd like to thank Turtle Beach, who sponsored this podcast. Bit.ly. Friottiet's Beach.

If you go there, you can buy some lovely headphones. And that would be nice. They are very lovely. Do it. Do it now. Yes. Do it. Do it. Stop it.

Please. Please do it now. Gentlemen, yes. Would you like to do a thing or would you like a question? It's kind of like a question to begin with. Okay, yeah. Well, first we go to Ryan with a W. Oh, we're Ryan, who we drew.

Yeah, at Satyatron on Twitter. If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Or so, would you be a hero or a villain? I'd first like to apologise to Wariyan for being so confused and ambiguous about Wariyan's gender. All the comments thought he was a girl as well. Yeah. Is it, is Wariyan? I still don't know. No, Warihan is a boy.

Yeah. Warrion is a boy. Right. I thought he was a boy. Now, everyone in the comments is like so adamant. That's a girl, guys. That's a girl. Have you confirmed this?

Yeah, I'm like 99% sure. I scroll through the Twitter fan, some other pictures of him as a boy. Not to, you know, people don't have to conform to gender boundaries, but he did look quite boy. Right. I feel like... We might have gone wrong again here and she might actually be a lady. There, there we go.

Thanks, Ravian. So in apologising for the mistakes of her, I've made it massively worse. He made it so much worse. I was hoping that Michael wouldn't fall to either side of the fence. He could have just said, yeah, sorry, were Ryan about your gender.

I fully fell on the boy side. But he is committed to the fact that you are a boy. Yeah. I really hope you are now, but we're carrying on. Ryan... I'm going to reply to his tweet. Ryan...

And hopefully by the end of the air. Ryan... Ryan... I would have the power of flight. I would have the power of not digging terrible social holes in podcasts. Socials. I think you'd still find a way to do it. I would. No, my power, I've always known this answer, the answer to this question. I would either be invisible or be able to control time for the same purposes,

just to be able to go places that I'm not supposed to be. Spy on girls. Yeah, I would... Oh, God, what? I'm washing machines or what? No, absolutely not. I would go like, you know, I could just look at I could spy on people but not in a spy on girls kind of way

I don't mean I would go to the local swimming baths and just hang out in the ladies changing room I mean I would go to like the Oval Office or you know I would go to I would go to Ben's house when I'm not around and see if he actually hates me or if he secretly likes me

you know just things like that you would be invisible I would be invisible or I would be able to you know control time so that if someone was coming around the corner when I was hiding, I could pause it and then go and hide somewhere else behind the sofa, you know? Teleportation's up there for me.

Yeah. I've been able to go somewhere like that. Interpretation would be really good. Because that's half the reason I don't like to travel is just because I don't like the traveling. I know no one likes the traveling, but I really hate traveling in as much as going from place to place. I'm fine for a bit, but there's a point where it's like, this just fucking sucks.

I want to be where I want to be. Yeah, because it's like you can just teleport, you get things. Plus like you just teleport into banks, steal a gold bar. That's how banks were. So you would be a villain then? I guess for my own benefits, though, I'd steal from the rich and give to the purr. Is that still villainy? Are you poor in this instance?

I mean, I'm not, I'm not rich. I wouldn't say I'm poor. I'm just perfectly in the... Are you giving to, you're keeping anything that you steal? Oh yeah, but I mean, obviously, I'm going to live a comfortable life. Big bad guy then, right? But I'm giving, I'm giving away as well. I've got, still, still a bad guy. Fuck.

Still thieving. Okay, what if I kill Mark Zuckerberg? Do I still become a bad guy then? Or is that like, that's for the great good. I mean, you don't, you can't kill Mark Zuckerberg because he's not. He's not alive. Yeah, that's true, actually. Shit.

Teleportation, I think. Oh, I was going to say eternal life, but that would just get depressing. Oh, that'd be awful. You don't want that. Not unless you can also have a pill that way you can finally say, right, I'm done now. God, imagine. I can't die. Eternal life would be fine if you were then able to have a final say, like, okay, I'm done.

Yeah. You know, not eternal life, but just I only die when I decide to. Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah. And if you could imbue certain people with the ability to stay alive with you, Because it's the loneliness, isn't it? Yeah. While you were talking, I did tweet Ryan there,

Ryan, and we have confirmation. I am a man. Okay. Good. That makes me feel a lot better, because if it was I am a lady, we should have got it because of the breasts and the lipstick.

We don't, you're still that hole. Yeah, it's a dangerous hole. We've got an answer now. I'm going to continue. You don't need to go back into it. But fortunately, what are you doing, man? It's a man.

It's a man. It's a man. Get out of a Cambie woman if she wasn't in the kitchen. Whoa, Michael. Come on that. I would like the power of flight If I could fly fast Just away from this conversation

My point is, it was a man who had Oh my God He'd stuffed his top and he put lipstick on So it was okay that we thought he might be a woman Fine Whereas if it was a woman, dressed as a woman And we thought, oh, is that a man And she's just got breasts and lipstick

And we're going, no, that's a man Can we please move on? That would be really bad. Do you feel better now, Peter? I do feel so much better. Okay, good, fine. I usually one that steers us into bad territory but Peters has gone all out there. I'm done. Now I know how you guys feel

I'm sorry. I'm not slept since that video went out. That's like two months I would probably also be a villain but in the loosest possible sense because I would have a power and with great power comes great responsibility and I should really do think but I wouldn't and I think choosing

in a very philosophical way choosing not to use my ability for the benefit of other people in and of itself would be quite villainous. I would like to continue my life as normal, but I would just like to be able to fly places instead of drive. That would be cool, but

in this hypothetical situation. Why don't you help people? I don't want to help people. I'm tired. I want to go to bed. When asked the same question on Rickettsiavases podcast, I think he said, you know, if I was suddenly able to fly, then people would start asking me to save people from a high-rise building. In this story, I assume it's just normal

earth as it is right now, but you've suddenly got the power of flight, which no one else has. It's fucking amazing. People who want to test, you... Yeah, they'd want to cut you open. Like, yeah, you'd be a manhunt for you. Yeah. His answer, incidentally, in the end, was I'd like to be able to...

Again, it was either go invisible or, like, be able to pause time. And the reasoning was, I could go in shops when they're shut. God's sake. I was a kid, I really wanted to go Toys R Us, like, after closing and just put all the stuff. Oh, fuck, yeah. Oh, man. Peter, would you be a villain or a goodie? I think I'd be using it for both bad and...

good reasons so on average probably I'd be a slightly baddie because I'd be spying on people and blackmailing people or using that information for my own good so yeah I'd be fairly nefarious I'd be very valuable to my life that's the thing there's a difference between being a super villain and just not

and just not being good yeah I wouldn't hold the world to ransom I'd just make sure I knew if people were chatting shit about me or you know I'd find out like what the Yogs cast bosses think of our channel and stuff they're not impressed you don't need to

to listen to them to know that. Oh my God. Don't say that. God. Lewis listens to this. No, Lewis likes us. Lewis likes us. Right, who would like to go first?

I would. Go on. Oh, straight in. It's a cold Wednesday morning. No, it's not. Go to your mind place. Oh, okay. It's a cold Wednesday morning.

Mine Palace, isn't it? Shut up. Just fucking... You wake up on the morning. You go downstairs wearing your bathrobe. Mm-hmm. And you see, in your letter box

there's a letter from the British Arts Council oh right this is weird what is this what are the back one sorry sorry yeah the back what the back what just keep

the British Art Council oh okay you open up the letter and you see you've been granted 20,000 pound and one month to create your own art installation you've got a blank space yeah actually you haven't given you a specific

blank space you can request any size blank space you want, like say a warehouse or just a room or like a room cupboard anywhere. Wow. You've got £20,000 in a month. What would your art installation be? Oh, I have a great idea. Oh, you do have a great idea.

I do, yeah. I was going to say, Mike, should go first while we can think. But, Ben, if you have a great idea... Mine's literally the cheapest thing ever. Go on. Just get like a warehouse and just line the walls with beanie babies, like in one long line.

So like a single row of beanie babies going all the way around the room. A thin. Just one of beanie babies. baby thick. Like a solitary, like, single, what's the word I'm looking for? Just like a single form line. A horizontal perimeter.

Yeah, yeah. Just like, no columns. Just one row. Just one road. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Okay. Full of Beanie babies. Yeah.

And they'd just take a red paintbrush and just go all over them. Oh, nice. And then that would be my little thing. Everything painted white except for that. Wow. That's quite some time. That's how I spend. I really wanted to go to that place.

I think it was in the tape modern. They might have traveled around, but it was certainly in the tape modern. They had thousands and thousands of tiny little seeds. made out of ceramic something. But they had to get rid of it because the dust was causing like really bad respiratory issues for people.

So it was this room full of just little seeds. If you breathe hard enough, you can take home the art. Yeah, well, exactly. And then people were getting ill from it and they had to take it down, I think. Citation needed, but I believe that's what happened. Jesus.

That's not good. What's your great idea? Well, again, I would be selfish because I'm an artistic man in certain senses, but certainly I am not an appreciator of modern art or anything really that the back would fund. Not that I don't think that they should

it's just that I wouldn't personally go to it and if I did see it I think God I wonder what's happening on Twitter You uncultured swine Yeah well different culture Yeah different culture So what I would do is I would spend a month

spending 20,000 pounds on eating fried chicken playing video games on the biggest television I could buy and just enjoying myself and whatever was left would be titled a study of

is it opulence? Is that the word? Yeah. A study of opulence and that's just a man who wasted 20,000 pounds. You could have like the receipts or like the buckets and stuff. That's what it looks like and I would have to put in no effort

and I could just enjoy myself and probably die in like over the course of a month spending 20,000 pounds. They would take, Some people would take that really seriously, though. People fucking would. Like supersized me, people think, oh, that's like a serious documentary, you know. And it is, but made me hungry.

They would take your things as seriously as that. Yeah. The other thing is, I want to ask, is, is the definition of opulence just someone having the things that they want? Or does it specifically have to be very plush, like purple velvet and gold? That's the thing. It's more gluttonous, isn't it, rather than opulence? That is the word I was looking for. Let me find opulence.

Opulence is not fried chicken for. a month. I think it has to be like diamond-encrusted velvet cushions and stuff rather than just a man eating fried chicken in his basement. Excuse me firstly I asked both of you and you said yes and secondly great wealth or luxuriousness so fuck you. Well that's nothing luxurious about getting chicken grease all of you. Oh but that's totally subjective.

You're exposed to breast as you sit in your inner pants. It's entirely luxurious to spend 20,000 pounds on doing the things I want for an entire month. For art. That is luxury to me. Mine would be massively selfish as well I would pay for a screen

and a massive team of animators and God I don't know if the... You pay like one person a month there? Well yeah A massive team For a month, yeah 20 grand actually I don't know if the money would cover this

but basically what I would want is the legal rights God no I would not be able to afford it the legal rights and an animator to just put together or not even an animator I would just say an image a single image, an artist

and the legal rights to put together a huge battle scene featuring every single one of my favourite characters from every work of fiction ever So like a kind of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen but instead of the works of Mary Shelley

and fucking Bram Stoker it would be you know Spiro Various PlayStation mascots It's like one of those awful t-shirts and quite gone gyms Quigon gin and the T-Rex from Jurassic Park and Jaws, Bruce the Shark.

That sounds amazing, but I think you would, for that money, you'd get four frames. Yeah, you would. I wouldn't have the animation. I wouldn't be able to afford it. I wouldn't even be able to afford the legal rights. I guess I would just afford, I would, uh... You get a big clay battle scene, but you might not be able to animate it. I wouldn't have it animated.

I'd have a single, I'd have like a mural painted in the most... Extravagant way. I think that would work. I don't know how I'd get around the legal issues, but maybe I'd just use... You're not selling it. Yeah, maybe that's it. Or anyway, what I would do is I'd have it done

and then if this gave a cease and desist or say that has to be destroyed, I'd be like, all right. But I've seen it now. Yeah, I've seen it now. You can't take it out of my brain, you shit. I would have it made in secret, and then on day one of it being... It's not on day one.

It's not open to the public. If some fucking lawyer came in and said, you can't do this, I'd say, well, all right, it's too late then. We all learned something. in today. Yeah, great. It becomes part of the arts journey and story, yeah, and

it'll stick with you forever. So Peter would commission his own, his own, like, art piece, like just, that he wants himself. I've just all my favorite things. And I would just get bloody beanie babies. Mine would be, like, a single image still, like the Avengers, but instead of the Avengers,

it's just everything that I've ever seen and enjoyed. Great. 20,000 pounds. 20,000 pounds. Is it bad that my first store went to write? How cheap can I buy a canvas and how easily can I pocket 19,975 pounds? I don't think that's how an art grant works.

Well, too late. I think you have to show the receipts of what... Your thing works, the fried chicken thing. Yeah. But you can't just... The other idea of I'll buy a canvas and then keep the rest. But at the same time, it doesn't seem very arty or in the spirit of art to say,

here's 20,000 pounds. Now remember, you don't have to spend all of it and we will take what you don't spend back. That doesn't sound like art. That sounds like a business loan. Well, it's, it kind of is a business thing. I know it kind of is, but it just, do you see what I mean, though? Because it's art. This is an entirely hypothetical situation that I made up. Give me, give me back once you've, once you've spent it, if you don't spend all of it, I want, I want it back. How do art grants work? Do you have to give it back? Actually, maybe, I bet you'd probably don't have to give it back, but I just think people would... Yeah, I would have thought they'd just give it to you

and then you use it to do an art. But on the other hand, I don't think the artists would try and cheat the system and just buy it. I think if they did that... I don't want to bite the hand up here to you. Yeah, there would be issues with... I think the back would say, excuse me, what are you doing?

Excuse me? You owe us all the chicken you've eaten the BAC. Lovely. Well, Michael, thank you. That's all right. That's a good question. I'd love to see your Beanie Baby thing. If someone could make that on a small scale.

I think also, in addition to the Beanie Baby, I'd be doing just stand up for 12 hours a day in the middle. Oh, gosh. You'd be so exhausted. The worst jokes. All Beanie Baby puns. How many are there? Loads.

Well, let's find out. How many be beanie babies are there? Loads. It could be animal puns, but as you deliver each one, you have the relevant Beanie baby in your hand. Oh, God. I want to do this now. British Arts Council, if that's even what you called.

Please email me. Yeah, let us know. Beanieboy at gmail.com. If you want to buy me chicken, then that's fine as well. Yeah. It's absolutely fine. Someone paint that mural for me and send it on Twitter. For free.

Yeah. I've really got 20 grand, but that. But no, it's hypothetical. It doesn't exist. Steph at Derry Layer on Twitter asks, what was your favourite Saturday morning cartoon as a child? Does Dick and Dom count?

What a question. Well, it's not a cartoon, really. It's not a cartoon. I mean, even as a child, I never really got up early on mornings. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's been a lifelong thing, so I never really watched Saturday morning cartoons.

I like watch my chops. I wouldn't say it was my favorite, though. I can't think of any. I know what mine was. It was made, it's a Canadian show, and it kind I don't know if it actually got into legal trouble or they decided we better stop making this

before we get into legal trouble but it was about three young wizards at wizard school two boys and a girl and an evil wizard who they were fighting against and it was called Ubose which stands for the ultimate book of spells

and the book would take them down into the middle of the earth to a different like plane of existence each time and they would like try and rescue like some magic had been stolen from like the gnome librarians or next week it would be like all the plants are dying because they've stolen the magic from like the roots of the plants down underground no it was really good and the soundtrack was great and i certainly know i used to really like mona the vampire

oh yeah that's pretty good i was indifferent about mona only because it was i think i was older at that point and it was on when i came back from school and i was like it's fine did you ever watch the worst witch i did that was quite good i didn't watch that it was like how Harry Potter, but cheap. Yeah, yeah, BBC. No, CB, it was CITV. CITV, sorry. Oh, CITZ.

BBC had a different witches thing. They had the worst witch, didn't they? Who had the worst witch? That was what you're talking about, isn't it? Yeah, what was the other one? God. There was one called the Belfrey Witches, which was two witches who lived in a belfry.

And one of them was Dawn off of the UK office. Really? Yeah. Wow. Okay, well. And the theme tune was by Atomic Kitten. Oh, fuck, yeah. Why do you know this?

Because it's a good theme tune. Look it up on Spotify. It's called like Hocus. On Spotify? Yeah, it's on Spotify. It's on like Atomic Kitten's album. I think it was Atomic Kitten or someone like that, Sugar Babes. It's called Hocus Pocus, I think.

That's good. All right, well. Yeah. That's great. That's great. My favorite cartoon, I'm going to go a little bit more perhaps well-known. Yeah.

Than Ubo's. Oh, yeah. Ubos. And what did you say? Or have you not answered you? Mone of the Vampire. Mone of Vampire, Dick and Dom. That's fairly well known.

Mona the Vampire. Yeah. It would definitely be probably Pokemon the first season. Oh, I used to watch Pokemon every morning before school was on one of the Sky channels. I didn't have Sky.

SMTV live at the weekends with Antindek. I used to go, Pikachu! And they wore these like... Yeah. Pikachu! They did. They wore these Pokemon jumpers

and they would just rub their stomach. They would rub the face and go, Pikachu, like that. And then they would play Pokemon and I'd watch. Pokemon and then there would also be obviously the animated X-Men series da-na-na-na-na-na-na

da-na-na-na that's a good thing and my my all-time fave is Batman the animated series oh yeah that's pretty good from the 90s also animaniacs is pretty rad oh yeah I never watched that all the jokes right over my head now as a kid not now I'm a smart boy I get jokes

smart boy don't laugh at me I'm not laughing at you I'm laughing with you Or am I? You don't know. Good question. Thank you, someone. Steph. Thank you, Steph. Thank you, Steph. Who would like to go next, Peter? I have a thing. Go on, then.

Gentlemen. Yes. Buckle up. We're returning to the weird corners of the weird internet on the weird capetia. Oh, my God. Let's get weird. Are you, oh, I'm sure you are aware, that sometimes when people aren't very well,

or they've had an injury, they have to go into the hosp and get cut open. No, at all. Yeah, and a very qualified surgeon, man or woman, will come in, slice them open, do a thing, and sew them up again, and hopefully they'll be fine. Sometimes, though, what happens is the surgeon cuts them open, he's doing some stuff, he puts the scalpel down, he sews them up, he says, where's my scalpel? And he's put it inside them? He's left it inside them. Why is he left it inside them? Welcome to wikipedia.org, forward slash, retained surgical instruments.

That's a good way of wording it. Amazing. Yeah. Would you like to hear about the various things that have been left inside people? Yes, I would love to. It doesn't have individual anecdotes

but it's got a list of things. The medical instruments inside my child. Yes, exactly. So, common instruments left inside a person who then get sewn up. A watch, that's not actually...

Why would you take your watch off? No, I'm sure I've heard about watches just falling off into... Maybe. wearing a loose watch. Surely that's on the same bit, maybe. You shouldn't be wearing a watch. Maybe I'm just making that up, maybe.

I think I've seen doctors wear watches before. But I think I have to be really tightly attached. Yeah, a special doctor's watch. Yeah, watched us. Yeah. Common instruments left behind inside patients are. Needles. Knife blades.

God, imagine if like the left of needle in you stood up and leaned over and just, oh, that's good. God. Safety pins. Scalples. Yeah. Clamps, scissors, sponges. Why is everything in surgery?

I was going to say, why is everything in surgery so sharp? And then you said sponge. Sponges, towels, and electrosurgical adapters. What's that? Then there's a full stop. And then it says, also retained are tweezers, foreseps, suction tips, and tubes, scopes, ultrasound tissue disruptors, asceptobulbs, cryotomes, and cutting laser guides. Okay.

The single most common left behind object is a sponge. A sponge. I guess that makes sense because it gets soaked of blood. It kind of blends in. Oh, my God. It makes me feel a bit unwell thinking. I want to have a surgery now. I want to keep having surgeries until the doctor leaves something in me.

Oh, God, but they'll take it out again. Worryingly. It also says in this article, nurses have been discouraged against reporting all errors because of the threat of malpractice and liability issues. Because owning up to your mistakes. Say what, no. Jesus. So estimates on how often this occurs are, quote, undoubtedly low.

Wow. Which is good to know, isn't it? someone walk around with something that was left in them that just haven't clocked to this day. Yeah. Strange, isn't it? I don't know if that's right. It's a bit weird, I'm not sure that's right.

I've never had surgery of any form. Beyond getting some teeth pulled out, which doesn't really count. That's fake surgery. I've never been cut open. Fake surgery. I've had a relatively healthy three years. I'm overdue, like, some serious illness. Right.

So you're sort of perpetually slightly hurting yourself, though. So you're paying it off in monthly installments. Yeah, it's cumulative, isn't it? Rather than a big annual... My masochism peers off at last. He's got finance on his injuries. Yes. Keep on top of things, yeah.

Worryingly. Yeah. Yeah. Hello. Excuse me. Yeah, worryingly. Yeah, because we're not worried so far. No, it's fine.

Leaving knives behind inside your nan. Can we change it to a different word? Frustratingly. Even more worryingly and frustratingly. Sometimes they leave behind objects during... Sorry. Hello. Are you okay?

Yeah, well, I should have started that before talking about the objects. Sometimes, after an object has been left behind, you can then have an MRI procedure if they don't know that it's in there. Oh, my God. And that can cause metallic fragments to migrate within your body. Like Tony Stark off of the Iron Man. Yeah, and also radio frequency fields may cause them to heat, causing internal tissue damage and or burns. Oh, God, no, thank you. I just one day, like, ooh, I'm burning a bit.

This is weird. While you're inside an MRI scanner. I've taken loads of Gavisod and it's just not the little firebed in my stomach can't have anything. They don't seem to be squirting out. Hello, are you there? Hello? Gavisod Fireman Sam. Can you hear me?

What's a feeling. Studies have shown a high body mass index increases risk. Boston researchers found that a one point increase in BMI related to a higher risk by 10%. What a fuck? 10%. One point is 10% worse. That's ridiculous. And 29.1.

That point one. No, no. One point as in 29 to 30. I don't actually know how much of a difference a point makes in the air. It's not much. It's a couple of pounds. It's a couple of pounds. Okay, so that will potentially make a massive difference.

Well, no, yeah. But I mean, a couple of pounds, you go up by 10%. Yeah. Yeah, not much weight increases your risk massively. What's the basis? The research. Is it really fat? Please.

What the base? What do you mean? The base level that they're saying if you're any higher than that by... Oh, they don't say. They just say, if you go up by one point, What does that mean? Is there a... Up from what?

From anything? Is there a weird way? You just guarantee to have something left in you? Well... Hang on, if your BMI is zero, is that the base level here? So if it's anything above that, you've got like a 700% chance of dying? Well, I guess there's no zero point because they could leave it behind any... Yeah, I don't know what the base is, but basically, on average, if you increase your body mass index by one,

you're 10% more likely to have something left behind inside you. The researchers suggest... What, because it makes people more forgetful the fatty you are? No. I don't matter. No, the research... No, the surgeons... They can't do as much for society anyway.

I'm going to leave a bag in them. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. The research suggests that surgeons chalk it up to the being more room in a patient in which to lose things. I don't know if that's strictly true. Yeah, you're bigger on the inside.

It's not room, yeah. It's not just like a big cavernous mass inside of it. Your shell doesn't grow outwards. Yeah. You're not a chocolate egg. It's not how it works. So, be careful. Don't get...

Stop eating those jelly babies because someone's going to leave a knife in you. Someone will leave a jelly baby in you. And then you'll have an MRI scan and the knife will come out of you. Hot. Fuck. A hot knife will come out of your tom-tom.

Oh my God. Speaking of fun medical practices, I have... Sorry, I thought you were just going to say, speaking of hot knives. I was doing weed earlier. I have a fun anecdote, a fun anecdote for you. Oh, yeah. I was recently speaking to a very near and dear person to me

who works in sort of the heart field of hospitals yeah is that where teresa mayor ran through the heart field no she didn't she didn't go through that's where she left her heart behind she never had one um and they when they have people in who have had palpitations and um emperor palpit i was waiting for you fucking say that i will not tell this story if you don't pipe down right i'll pipe right back to winnipeg pipe piper austin pipe her austin when they when they get palpitations and they come in they have to fill out a form and explain what it was they were doing when they had had the palpitations and they've had various different things one of one of the entries was

yes to the activity were you do what activity were you doing when you had palpitations yes yes well maybe it just says activity during palpitations and they said yes because there was there was some activity yes there was active but what was it yes yes yes yes but the best one see if you can work out what this is what this means this is from a sort of a mid-20s male Can I make a prediction that it might be a sex thing? It's potentially a sex thing. And they said, what activity? What activity did you do?

Furiously grating carrots. Okay. Furiously grating carrots. Furiously grating those carrots. The adjective in there as well. Wasn't just grating carrots? Furiously, furiously grating those carrots. And then he was like, my heart's going to explode.

Fuck, he's having a grit time. That's very good. Was that intentional? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was disgusted myself. I suppose the problem he was having is all the blood had rushed into his carrot. Yeah, exactly, and he was busy furiously grating it. Yeah.

Fuck. Anyway, that's that. Peter, thank you. You're welcome. Mastagrating. Yeah. We've got another question now. Anyway, this is from...

Help? This is from... Leave him in the hole. This is from... Leave him in the hole! This is from Jam Edgar underscore Big underscore Jam. Oh, sorry, at Big underscore Jam. 4, 6, 5, 8.

Hi, guys. I hope you're all okay. Oh, thanks. My question is, what's your poison as in choice of alcoholic beverage? Oh. Or something else?

Yeah, what's Michael's poison? Fuck. Not alcoholic beverage. What's just what do you use? I mean, everything I put in my body is poison essentially at this point. Yeah, silicone. Silica gel.

1980s chewing gum that just turned to liquid in your mouth. My poison is anything that has the chance to kill me. Okay. Oh, drinks-wise. I'm not a cocktail, man. Except for an espresso martini.

That's like the one cocktail I fucking love. What is that? It just tastes like, milky, coffee, but it's alcoholic, and it's so fucking good. I'm a beer man in general. I like my lagers, but I'm like my IPAs as well. Yeah.

That's my realm of drink. It used to be a vodka man. I drink a lager drink. I drink the whiskey drink. Yeah, I think after like five years of drinking nothing but vodka on nights out and stuff multiple times a week. I'm very bored.

Sometimes. It was cheap like Glens as well, like the worst of the worst. Delicious. Just. Many beer, many beer. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

I, uh, if, if I'm at like a really cheap cocktail, like a pub that just does cocktails and people are having cocktails, I would probably just get like a sex on the beach because I like fruity, fruity, that's the sex one. Yes, it's sex. But if I was at a nicer place and we were having cocktails and I wanted to splash out, I would get anything that's got elder flowers.

flower in it. Oh, you... Elderflower is just great. I mean, I do like elderflower, but it is the most grandma thing. He's a good English boy, has been told him. I went to the botanist with my girlfriend's family recently. The botanist.

I do like the botanist, actually. It's expensive as fuck, but it's so nice. Massively expensive. What are you talking about? Maybe the botanist. It's just by a monument in Newcastle. It's like a pub. It's a bar.

It's like a bar. Yeah, I thought you went to an actual botanist. They have like a light, yeah, went to just some guy and said, what herbs have you got? Give me some Alvira. I thought that's what you meant. I went to get some elderflower from the botanist. I went to the local botanists. Yeah, I was a bit confused.

In Newcastle, the botanist. I think there's a few in other cities as well. Or there's alchemists elsewhere. Yeah, Alchemists is the same. It's all the same. There's an alchemist just over the road from the botanist. Yeah. It's all owned by the same people. Okay. All the ists. They don't turn things into gold, though. No. But they do herbby kind of drinks.

They have herbs all over the bar. It's weird. That is weird. And I got a cocktail that had elderflower, ginger, lemon grass and mint in it. and that was lovely. Lovely. But in terms of more basic stuff, I would either just have a cider. Oh, you are a siderman.

I forgot about that. Or a pinot grigio. Oh, a pinot grigio. Oh, I'm not into wine. Unless I'm at a wedding, in which case I drink too much as I forget how dangerous wine is and get very drunk by the end of the meal.

Oh, good. I love a bit of pino. It's nice. Oh, I'm not a wine guy. No? I don't mind, like, I'll happily drink lager. I'm not a huge fan of ale or IPAs, but I'm a big cider fan.

Yeah. And I do like... Sider fan. cider fan does what it is is a cider fan PS4 is that out now it'll be out very soon it'll be in the coming days at least yeah very excited about cider fan yeah the PlayStation 4 yeah I love my cider I will gladly drink vodka mixed with anything for days that's good stuff I've been meaning to try a vodka and Dr. Pepper

that's been on my list for a little while I'm trying can I make a good can I make a good recommendation for people if you have if you get Absolute vanilla vodka. Other vodkas are available, but they're not as good. And you mix it specifically with Pepsi Max. You get a delicious vanilla Coke flavor, and it's so nice. Oh, actually, no, I think I could still just pound down the apple vodka and lemonade's to this day. That's like, oh, it's such a good.

I never had apple vodka. It's so good. I think I've had your Pepsi and vanilla vodka sometime when I was at your house. Let me whip you up a cocktail. I think, like, you were having it and you gave a bit to me. Yeah, I gave you of it. Because I was like, this is really good. It was recommended to me.

It was amazing, and it's good. Also, the good thing about having a vodka mix is that you can basically walk around in public with a water bottle, speaking from experience, and just pound vodka. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Except for the fact that I'm stumbling around and vomiting and screaming at children. It's fine. I've been to, the last three times I've been to aquariums, I've been pissed because I've been drinking in public. It's amazing. You ever been to an aquarium drunk? No, because I have respect for the animal I mean, I don't go to a caram's enemy

because zoos are cruel They're not having fun in there Yeah, that's for sure Someone I know But you are Oh, I have to have a great choice Oh, shuck Look at that idiot

Talking of smuggling alcohol around In a water bottle Someone I know Of the older generation Recently had his leg removed Oh god Okay, where are we going with this? Yeah, well

Because his circulation was really bad And now he drinks to forget And that was not in any part helped by the fact that he drinks a lot of whiskey of an evening. Okay. Right? So he had his leg off. And then his partner knew, her words were, I believe, he won't sleep without his whiskey. Or he can't, he needs his whiskey to, in the evening.

So what she did was, while he was still in hospital recovering, she snuck whiskey in for him to drink in a lucasade bottle. Oh, wow. That's pretty. That's so bad. That's nice, though. That's good, of us. Oh, yeah, it's very good of it. It'll be, it'll be losing the other leg next.

Then all you drink, the cookie, you'll die. It's like, when you reach a certain pulp of alcoholism, like, your body will literally shut down. Oh, yeah, you don't have it with that. It's just... Have you seen the Louis Thruh documentary in, like, alcoholism. That's the most heartbreaking thing ever.

Like, it's a really good documentary, but it's absolutely fucking horrendous. And, like, there's guys where, like, the drink so much that the liquid just bleeds out of the stomach and just fills in, so that I get, like, like, suction all the liquid out. Jesus. walk around with big bellies full of just liquid sloshing about it's a really good

documentary and at one point there's a guy just reeling from alcoholism he's like oh yeah i've seen a little bit of that actually yeah i saw like the tail end of it my parents were watching i think i walked in and saw the last last little bit yeah one of the guys is he's still going strong he's he's doing good he's off the alcohols i'm aware well on the lighter side of alcoholism one of my favorite episodes of it's always sunny in philadelphia is where they think they've got food poisoning and they're all blaming each other and quarantining each other in the bathroom and then it turns out it's just because they hadn't had anything to drink because they'd been quarantined in the bathroom and then it just turns out that they have like one they start drinking

I think the cleaning fluid oh I feel way better now it turns out we're just alcoholics and we've been withdrawing from alcohol oh I live all of sunny yeah it's great it's magic uh should be a new season on pretty much now yeah have you seen mac for the new season of it's always sunny in philadelphia i've seen him what's different about him he's ripped oh yeah i think he's looking buff that's insane Because this is the Mac, Peter. Who you and most people will be familiar with if you haven't seen the show from the Gifts and the memes where he's fat and overweight.

Oh, Danny DeVito is this? No, no, no. This is, what's his name? Rob McElaghanie. Yeah, Mahalini or something here. Oh, actually, I think I do know. For a season, as a joke, put on like three or four stone was really fat, then lost it all for the next season.

Wow. And now has worked out to the point where he's absolutely, it's ridiculous. God. That's him. Imagine being like to just do that. I mean, he's getting a lot of money to do it. There we go. Fat Mac is fucking beautiful.

Fat Mac is the man. Yeah. He's amazing. Anyway, that was that question. Rest and peace, country Mac. Oh, country Mac. So I was just the next image I came up on Google. Yeah, that's a reference.

Some people will get. I enjoyed it then. Not me. Not Peter. You really should watch on Sunday. Is it always sunny or does it raid some types? It seems like it would raid quite a lot. Yes.

Jim at Jimmer's 7 asks, where's the most interesting travel desk? destination you've all been to. Most interesting. I think Dubai is probably my most... It's a boring as folk country and I kind of hate it. Still, though, culturally, very different. Yeah.

It's kind of a lot of the worst ways, very much. Even so. Let's build an empire on the backs of century slaves in the modern times, because we're not past that shit, yeah, are we? Well, I mean, we did the same. Yeah. So, yeah. We can't talk.

We did it badly, but we're not... We did it best. We were the best at it. Excellent. We did a good job. It was just very hot there. One of the better slave empires, ours. To be fair, they've got indoor ski slopes and stuff there.

They do. I would love to go just because it's such a strange place. You talk about opulence. Exactly. Opulence. You could go there and eat your fried chicken. Populence. If you were too much, you'd need to call a bollulence.

Nice. I just take you to the bobs. Peter's Bop shield there. Yeah. It caught everything. Oh, God. I would probably say, Las Vegas was, again, not culture.

You know, it's not exactly ancient castles or, like, interesting cave systems. Modern castles. Yeah, it's modern castles, plastic castles. But it was a really weird place. Not even if you just discount all the fact that it's, you know, Sin City and all gambling and stuff like that. Just the way that it looks. It's a playground in the desert. Yeah, it's a playground in the desert.

And I just remember it being amazingly clean from what I could tell. I couldn't believe how clean it was. I expected a place like that, which is full of debauchery, to be, you know, really dirty. But I genuinely felt like if I'd dropped an ice cream on the floor, I might have picked it up to carry on eating it. And everywhere smells weird, because all these hotels and casinos are pumping out, like, special vanilla smells into the air. It's like when you walk past Subway. Oh, my God. But you just walk onto the street that Subway's on.

Yeah. But instead of that, it's like the smell of vanilla or like, what do you call that fucking stuff? Sandalwood, sandalwood, thank you. How the fuck would I know what's... Yeah, I don't even know what sandalwood is. What sandalwood? It smells like Vegas.

Okay. I remember I'll never forget the first time I went to New York and stepping out into the streets from the subway just being hit with the smell of trash, yeah, beer and just general heat smell. was like super overpowering but now I missed that smell oh my god I've only ever been to

Vegas in a fallout New Vegas and there was rubbish all over the place I wasn't impressed I couldn't clean it up either there was nobody there to tidy it you wouldn't have eaten something you dropped on the floor well you would have actually because you can't you can't waste anything

yeah that's probably one of the few places in in the fallout world where you would probably be if you could afford to be yeah anyway I've been to Hong Kong hey oh I went when I was Very small, because my grandparents used to live there. And I was there for Christmas. And my dad dressed up as Father Christmas and went up on the roof of the apartment building that we were staying in.

And waved to all the children. And I had no idea it was him. Oh, my God, it's Santa. And we got loads of home videos of it. And I was showing the videos later. And I was like, oh, look. How old were you, sorry? I was about three or four.

Yeah. That'd be magical. My dad dressed as Father Christmas when my brother was about three or four. And my brother sat on his knee. Yeah. So my dad, like, there were loads of kids around for some Christmas party. My dad dressed up as Father Christmas. And my brother sat on his knee and had no idea.

Can I recognize the dad's smell. Yeah, it's not. Yeah. So that was it. I went to Hong Kong. Sent of Dad. Let's go back at some point. Yeah, Hong Kong's really nice.

Hong Kong at Christmas. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. I like Hong Kong, but I don't like how fucking humid it was. It was, I can't remember. Yeah. I can. It's, oh. Yeah, I can imagine this. Rather muggy. A little muggy.

A bit close. It's very close. Very close. Right. Here's my thing. Yeah. So there is a subreddit called Not the Onion. Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah.

Yeah. And the Onion, of course, is a satirical American website that posts news articles that are not real and are just ridiculous. Yeah. Very hubris. Very, very hubris. And this Not the Onion Web, subreddit, collects loads of news stories that sound like they should be parody news articles, but aren't.

I'm excited for this. I have, right here, four news articles. Oh, we're playing a game. You have to tell me which of them are from the onion and which of them aren't. I knew this was coming.

And pick your favourite afterwards, and I will read it to you because they are all absurd. Yeah. First up, you ready? Florida candidate says alien abduction doesn't define her Okay, continue I'd like to hear them all first

Yeah, okay Military experts say Iran's new fighter jet Is actually a US plane from the 1970s Okay That's believable as well Peter condemns BBC for trapping Thousands of Endangered Animals inside TV screens Oh Peter as in PETA

That's so ridiculous Yeah That has to be true No Man posed as ex-fiance's mother's ghost. Man posed as ex-fiance's mother's ghost. That could be true because he might be trying to like get back here. I don't, you think, do you think Peter's true?

I don't think it's true. Well, I'll go through one at a time and you can discuss. Okay, yeah, yeah. Florida candidate says alien abduction doesn't define her. I think I believe that for real. I think she said or did you say it doesn't define her? Doesn't define her. Yeah, because like if you're public spoken about that,

that's all that people are going to have. I'll be asking her about it and she's like, look, that's it, yeah, that's true. Because Florida's got some wacky people in it, so. Yeah. So you think that's a real story? Yeah, I'm saying 100% real on that one. That is a real story. Yeah.

What's next? Military experts say Iran's new fighter jet is actually a US plane from the 1970s. See, this one sounds so believably true that I want to go false on this one. Well, based on what I think the other two are, I think this is... Is it only one that's not an onion? I'm not going to say. Oh, sorry, I thought there were two of each. Okay, well, who knows?

Fuck. I will say this is true. Oh, they better not all be... No, I don't think the third one's true, I'm saying. Okay, I'm staying truthful on the third one. I think that's real. Okay, I think the second one's false. We think...

You think the plain one is false? I'm going to say... I mean, like, it's so believable. It's just so boring that you wouldn't bring it along. I don't know if it's funny enough for the onion. It kind of is. It's kind of funny. Oh, so...

Oh, yeah, no, no, I think that's an onion article. Okay, I'll say it's real. Military experts say Iran's new fighter jet is actually a U.S. plane from the 1970s. That is a real story. Because that just sounded too real. Fuck. Well, it was. Peter condemns BBC for trapping thousands of endangered animals inside TV screens.

This is ridiculous. See, that's the thing. No, you see, you're thinking TV screens as in just like a TV screen. I'm thinking inside a physical TV screen. They've got animals in them. So you think that Peter think that the BBC have trapped thousands of animals To be fair, Peter have worse views about a lot of things. Well, they have less...

I'm not saying worse views, I'm saying less logical views. Not the worst views, just worse than most. They might have some bad views on things, but they're not stupid. I just want that to be true. It's not true. This is definitely a parody article. Well, go on, then. Lay honest.

Peter condemns BBC for trapping thousands of endangered animals inside TV screens. That is an onion article. Fuck. I'm three for three. I was going too physical on that. I was thinking, you know what, no, I want to make this real. Finally, man posed as ex-fiance's mother's ghost. Real.

I think this is from, like, OK magazine or something. Yeah, that is so okay. I think he dressed up. I think he hates his ex-fiance, so he dressed up as her mother's ghost and was like being a twat. Not only is it real, but it's from the BBC website. Is it? Yeah. Wow.

Is it a picture? It's not quite how you think. He had a restraining order against him And he went to a psychic He had a restraining order Sorry, he had the ex-fiancee The lady Had a restraining order against the man

Right The man then went to sort of a psychic shop Got a leaflet Which he then enclosed in a letter Where he pretended to be His ex-fiancee's dead mother And said, you should give him another chance Wow, that's fucked

And he's gone to prison now Yeah, good That's just, he broke the restraining order. So he wrote a letter from the ghost and enclosed a leaflet. Yes. To make it believable. Yeah, yeah. Why not just hire a medium to go?

I don't know. I think he went to see a medium who then gave him the leaflet. If you're going to do that, you... How about she's finished you? Fuck off. She doesn't want you. No, of course. I mean, that's what you do.

But if you do want to trick her using the ghost of her dead mum, then you hire an actor to pretend to be a... medium and then just capture in the street one day and go, oh, I'm getting a message from your mother. Oh, she says, give him another chance. Rather than write a letter, a leaflet. Look out for Peter Austin, everybody. He's got a plan. Did you believe that? I did. I did believe it. Oh, it's your mother. I'm very unhappy. But let's stay together because the medium said, let's stay together. Yeah, well, some people unfortunately do get taken in by these things. Apparently, she got another letter from another anonymous person who might have also been him saying, wow, you can see the greatness

in this man. Fucking hell. I think that might have been him. If it was anonymous, it might have been him. It's possibly here. Why don't have you just signed it with a different name? So military experts say Iran's new fighter jet is actually a US plane from the 1970s. It definitely is.

They unveiled it recently. And a side-by-side comparison confirms that it is the same plane that they've just pretended it's theirs. Which is ridiculous. Now, I know I said I'd give you a choice, but honestly, some of the quotes from this candidate about her alien abduction are astonishingly good. Please read them all.

I love this shit. So this is from AP News which again is a fairly reputable source for news. Yeah, that's like, yeah, the Associated Press. It's the shit. Yes. US House candidate Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera

has a long list of accomplishments to bolster her campaign in Florida but she is perhaps best known for claiming that she was abducted by space aliens as a child. Space aliens. Aliens. Not illegal aliens.

Underwater aliens. So it says Rodriguez Aguilera is a long shot in the race for the Miami area. Seat being vacated by retiring, Republican, something or other, who cares? I was expecting more Jacksonville than, you know, like big metropolis Miami. Apparently so. In an interview, Aguilera said that she is grateful for the endorsement and that her tale of kidnapping by aliens does not define her. It has nothing to do with what I have done. It happened when I was seven years old, she said.

I am so proud of the herald and what they did I think this is something anyway Rodriguez Aguilera said she was taken aboard a spaceship as a young girl by blonde extraterrestrials who resembled Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro Wow so she was having a dream is what you're saying she says

she says they told her that the centre of Again this is bearing in mind that As you initially thought It was just she had said something in the past And everyone kept asking her about it she was like It didn't like it doesn't define me I'm not she goes into like So much detail that it just

completely derails her political ambitions. It doesn't define me, but let me talk about it for 20 minutes. That's what she basically did. She says, they told her that the center of the world's energy is Africa and that thousands of non-human skulls were once discovered in a cave on the Mediterranean island of Malta. Nice. She has said she witnessed paranormal activity since then and saw a UFO at age 17.

Nice. I believe her. I believe her. Sorry, the aliens told her, the center of the Earth's energy comes from. from Africa. I mean, that makes sense. Who found them? What?

Who told her that once some non-human skulls? The aliens told her that some non-human skulls were once found on Malta. By who? In a Mediterranean cave. When? I don't know. What? Must be a big cave, actually.

Why would aliens tell you that? Just so you know. Just get him comfortable. You know, he let out some secrets, some truths. It's like, oh, okay, I trust these guys. They're telling me secrets. Roderigrez Aguilera goes on. She also says she has been in time.

with the aliens telepathically long after the abduction. BRB. I stick to my guns when I believe in something, she said. We realize that Rodrigo's Aguilera is an unusual candidate. I'm sure she's not a single mention of her policies. But they were impressed with her boots on the ground ideas and experience. Oh, there you go. She is a former city council member.

Yeah. In the suburb of Doral, who is the prisoner of a Cuban political... Hang, I don't care. She also has an honorary doctorate from... the University of... I will not stand for this slander against this woman. So there we go. She was abducted by aliens.

Let me tell you all about it, but it's not important. Stop asking about it, but let me tell you all about it. Yeah. She's not going to win, but she's doing her best, and I think we can wish her well.

You don't know she's not going to win. I do know she's not going to win. But what if the... Did she give a name for these creatures? No. What if the Christ, the Redeemers, help her? I mean, I could look into her a bit more.

if you like for next time. It's a very unique take on aliens. I've never heard of A, Christlike aliens and B, blonde aliens, yeah. A hairy aliens is not... There's a whole kind of alien called, like, Nordic aliens that people frequently have encountered. You know, like there's grey aliens. Yeah, like the classic.

Like a different common kind of alien is Nordic ones, apparently. Okay. I read that somewhere. Let me Google Nordic. Well, that's fun. There's just, like, more human aliens, essentially. Yeah, like fair hair. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But none of them look. like Jesus. Oh, there he is. Oh, well, let's save that for the link dump. Yeah, that's a guy. Neil Cicerega has these all or his Twitter. He's big into his Nordic aliens. Now I know what they're from. Well, that's that then.

So that was my thing. I might try and find some more fake news stories. Along. Please do. I might find some more fake news stories next thing. Last question comes from it's from Tim Kinsella. That's Kinsella comedy on Twitter.

who would play all of you in the Vidiot's official movie Oh wow Now I want to get a suggestion out of the gate Jack Black for me Oh see I was going to say Danny DeVito on stilts That'd be so good

Oh I'd love Danny DeVito On Stilts What playing who? Playing you or Michael Me? Me? Yeah yeah not me What do you think I think Jack Black's a good shout then

Yeah And yeah I don't know. Yeah, I think Jack Black's more accurate, but I do like the concept of Danny DeVito playing me. It's not all about accuracy. It's a dramatization of real events. It is drama. What would be like the beginning, middle and end of the Vidyat's film? Yeah, what would the storyline be? That's the question. It would be like a docu-not-documenty, but, you know, like just a retelling of events or like a whole new adventure.

I think I quite like a biopic. A biopic. A bo-pick. A bo-pick, where we start off founding the channel. And we're really optimistic. Obstimistic. Shut up. We do so well for so long. And then nothing changes for like four months. God.

And then just as we're about to give up, one of our videos explodes. And we're finally allowed to keep our jobs. Oh, wow. God, you're hinting towards some stuff here. That does not exist. It doesn't exist at all. Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

A bopic. Bopic. A biopic. I'd be played by, I think, I think they, Chapman off of Dick and Dom who is the puppeteer for BB8 and also play the neighbour's cat. And Wittickham.

And, and Robin, no, Anne Robinson. He's Wittickham. She's that MP who's no longer an MP. Oh, what the fuck? Where'd I get that from? Look, he even looks like me. He's got my... He does a bit, yeah. He's got my hair.

It does a bit. Stole contrary. He could play two parts. He could also voice the neighbour's cat, which would definitely feature. Feature a lot, yeah. Every single time we reference it in the film instead of us doing an impression it's just him doing the actual voice of the stoke on Trent cat who's your actor i don't know chris hem's worth chris hem i'll take that oh nice yeah i look

just like him i'm looking at you very intensity right now trying to figure out who you look like there's no one that looks quite like ben potter is there no what about an attitude because you make people look like i'll play myself wow okay right okay you're just trying to get in on more money I just honestly as much money as possible if I can't get this art grant I'm gonna make sure you secure the merchandise I'm gonna make sure I can secure that chicken at any possible

I want that chicken I want it I need it I gotta have it The catering is just 20 buckets of KFC a day Yeah, that would kill a man It would be absolutely soul destroying And heart destroying as well Yeah it would just be destroying What gave you heart palpitations

Were you doing any activity? No it's just eating all the chicken And then furiously grating carrots Oh, God. Furiously grating chicken. Fuck. Into my mouth. Jerk chicken. Yeah.

Very good. Yeah. That's great. I think we can end on that. Yeah. Let's wrap this thing up. Do I have a question for the end? Well, wait for the very end.

Well, we've got to go get through the... I'll get thinking. The admin first. We are sponsored by turtle beach bit. Bit.ly forward slash Vidiot's Beach. If you want to buy some merchandise, there's going to be shirts coming very soon. If not already. But very, very soon.

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If you want to go and join the discord, it's so fucking weird. It's really weird. It's so fucking weird. You're all weird. You're so strange. Stop being strange. I think you're all right.

Oh, I don't dislike you as people. No, it's both. Thank you very much for supporting us. Your lovely people. And weird. And so weird. Stop being weird. Stop it.

Honestly, the general chat, that's something that's going to be difficult to understand. It's generally weird. Much like our channel, it's hard to break into it. Once you do, or boy. Don't compare our channel to the general chat on our discord. The number of penises I've seen posted in there is disgusting. Hey, when you guys delete a. message we can still see it so don't you try and hide you from we know what you get up to

that's our secret tool oh but we know we know maybe they'll behave now oh shit maybe i don't think that that place is beyond fixing they're all it kind of is i do have a rallying cry for them though while they're in there uh please for the love of god use your use your collective power for chaotic good and go and spread the word of videos go go forth share our videos your superpower subredits is the ability to copy and compares links into this comment section relevant subreddits, anything, like push it out there across the internet. Share it with people. Tweets and Facebook statuses.

Don't just send it to your one friend. Don't tell your friend. Tell everyone. Tell your internet friends. Tell them. Share them. But we do love you. Thank you for coming to.

Thank you so much. We love it. Tell your friends' idiots at gmail.com if you would like to submit an intro that goes before one of our videos. Please film it in landscape. Please. And the good audio. Make sure the intro doesn't get cut off halfway into a sentence. Yes.

Please just watch the video back before. you send it. We do get tweeted a lot of them and it'll go tell your friends and it's like oh no. Or just your friends, idiots. So make sure when you press record wait a second before you. We can trim it down for you but just

make sure it captures everything. Yeah. Because we want to make sure that if you send one you stand a good chance of going in. Yeah. We can't use everyone's. Yeah. Not not day one. Finally make sure you leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. I would very much appreciate

that boys what are we doing what's the last question have you been thinking i have got a question ask it what is your favorite variety of bread is it faccia is it chabata white brown seeded whole meal whole grain i like the bread that they bring you in quite upmarket restaurants that's warm and it comes with like garlic butter or something yeah garlic or herbie butter bread sticks from the olive garden oh yeah and it's hot oh my god if we ever go to america we're just going to go and to an olive garden, sit down and eat breadsticks for three hours. See, I think the problem I had with that for the longest time is that I thought they were like European breadsticks, which are sort of crunchy, biscuity appetizer snacks rather than actual

like bread. Yeah, roll, a bread roll. Oh, that's so fucking good. Yeah, I like almost every variety of bread. Yeah, me too. What's your favourite? I don't know if I have a very freshly baked baguette that's squinchy and not like too crunchy and crusty and falls apart

and is really hard on the outside. I'm not such a big fan of that. You're also, you don't like your seedy, Brad, do you? No, not a big fan of bread with loads of seeds in. Or as I said, Pips. I used to say Pips. Don't like Pips in it. Real bread has seeds.

That's like, that's just a known fat. It doesn't grow on trees like that. They add the seeds in afterwards after they pluck it from the bread tree. I guess, I guess. I just think it just adds so much flavor. It's boring down with rain. Remember that advert?

No. Take these. There's a lady. That's Yorkshire. The lady cutting some bread And the seeds come off it And she gives it to her five-year-old kid And says

Now why don't you take these outside And grow me a bread tree He looks out the window And he goes Don't be stupid And then he goes It's pouring down with rain You sure this wasn't just a memory of yours

No, it's true It's Chesney off of the coronation street Oh was it? You're in your coronation street You're mad for it Well I'm not watched it in about three years But I used to love it You're mad for it

I do love thick white toasty bread. Oh, yeah. That is good. Even though it's, you know, people, I mean, compared to like a chia barter or something like, you know, properly bread like that, it's not really, it's kind of

really bread, is it. It's not really bread, is it? But it's like, farmhouse bread is so good. Oh, just thick white sliced bread that I can put in a toasty maker or just, oh, God. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. We filmed that sandwich fortnight thing today, and that was the first time I've had white sliced bread in a long time.

Yeah, I don't buy it. It wasn't even that good of bread, but it was all right. Because if I buy bread, I get like the fancy big ones that you cut yourself when I'm here because I'm in a fancy mood I want to like you know like tomato and olive oil bready stuff That's what I go for rather than a loaf

Or beagle That turned into a whole extra earth thing Well, there we go Let us know yours in the comment section Bellow Bellow And thank you very much for listening As we said, tell your friends

But also share us on the internet Please That would be a basically thing It costs nothing And in return you get countless hours of just the best content. The best content ever. Stop doing that.

You've got to... You've got to... You've got to stop. You're just a child. Michael, you've got to bop. You've got to bop it. Once I bop, I can't bop it. Thank you, everybody.

We'll be back in a couple of weeks' time. Check back to the channel for many videos a week. Bye. Bye. Bye. We're going to be. We're going to be. You know what I'm going to be.