Podiots - Podiots: Episode 143 – Gary’s Back

Episode Date: April 13, 2024

Mikey’s on a gorilla hunt, Peter’s taking us on a lion-filled Victorian journey, and Ben’s making his last stand. Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://podiots.com/ And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com -------------------   Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS!   YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vidiots.official TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vidiots.official Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Peter Austin? Yeah. Did you have a birthday? I'm old now. Oh, man, it happened. You just ticked over into old. 32 years young. Oh, disgusting.

Which makes me officially, well, it's always been true, but the oldest video. But now, even by numbers, I'm the oldest. for there's a brief period every year where I am older than Ben in terms of the individual digits but it won't be long and he'll catch up with me again It'll happen to you

I'll catch up one day as well I'll get to that age You've got years You'll be fine How was your birthday Peter Oh yeah how was your birthday I was also going to quickly ask Before you tell us how your birthday was

Yeah How old were we all when we did vidiots again Oh, well, it was 2018, wasn't it? So, uh, I was 23. That requires some math. Yeah, were we 26? Yeah. I want to say yeah?

Yeah. Does that seem right? I don't fucking know. Yeah, 26. Was there a period where we were 25? Uh, yeah, a couple of months where we were 25. Jesus. Oh, then now we're about to be 32.

Yeah, God, where did the time go? It makes you feel ill. We know where the time went. We documented it week by week on this podcast. We did. It slowly aged. In my old years, I'll go back and revisit the old pottyets and on my deathbed, I'm like, ah, they're good old days.

I remember Bobby Babylonie. Yeah. Still going, maybe. Who knows? How was your birthday, though, Peter? It was very good, thank you. I went to the zoo. Sorry, I shouldn't laugh.

It's good. It's a grown-up activity. It's a grown-up activity. Got up in the morning. Had a bacon sandwich. We had been and bought bacon the other day. Then went to the zoo. No parrots, sadly.

So I couldn't go for the full trifecta. But I was on holiday from work. Maybe there were parrots, but we just didn't see them. There might be parrots in this episode, that's all I'm saying. Oh, how exciting. Full circle. Went to the zoo. They have a little like kind of average canteen style cafe there where you can get just like hot dogs and chicken nuggets.

So, you know, that was lunch and then came home, had oven pizzas that we'd bought and birthday cake. I may have been 32, but I celebrated like an eight year old and I had a wonderful time. On all levels except physical. Yes. And then by the end of the day, I just felt kind of. just full of like sugar and bad stuff and uh you know i was still happy but i was like oh man i've really i can't do this anymore why am i doing this i'm 32 i should not be shouldn't be doing this to my body means you did it right that's what it means yeah yeah i think

so you go for like an asda pizza and cake that sounds that's funny actually i was i was saying at work today i was um uh so it was like the day before my birthday i was like oh i really want oven pizza for tea on my birthday. Okay, that sounds good. We're on our way back from somewhere, and the shop that we happened to be passing on that route was waitrose. So I had

Tori pizza for my birthday. So, yeah, it was good. Blimey. How were the truffles, I can only assume. Oh, yes. It was a delicious truffle caviar and lobster pizza. It was delicious. Oh.

Yeah. It's a sophisticated way to do pizza and cake for a 32-year-old. Yeah. I think you're doing it right. Yeah. Yeah. How are you, boys? What have you been doing on my birthday and previously?

I, well, at the minute, I'm just training for the charity bike ride, which as of releasing this episode, I think at the time of release, I'll probably be just about finishing it, actually. Plug that link again? Sorry? Plug that link again. Bit. It might still work when this comes out. Might not give it a go. But I'm sure it was lovely and had a delightful time. And thank you everyone who very kindly donated to the campaign and got me over my goal and then some.

And it's incredibly generous of you all to give your hard-end money in these trying times. So it's very, very much appreciated. If you're listening very soon after release of this episode, you might literally be doing a mad stunt in the way. this very moment he might be upside down as we speak if he's upside down it's either going really well or terribly wrong yeah i did try and learn how to do a wheelie so i could go over the finish line in style but i didn't it didn't go to plan and i'm not chancing that on the on the big day in front of potentially hundreds of people over the finish line that's the moment yeah

once i get over it then i can fall over and yeah i'll go wild maybe i'll maybe i'll feel sprightly at the end and do it but probably not i don't want to Don't want to suffer any consequences for being a daft boy on my bicycle. You'll make it onto those compilation videos where people are celebrating as they run towards the ribbon and then get overtaken, you know, hubris. How are you, Ben? I'm all good. One of my bike tires popped.

Oh, no. I got nearly, I nearly got home. Today? No, it was yesterday, yesterday at the time of recording. not in the future. And I could feel that something was slightly wrong with my back tire. And then I started to feel the gravel a lot more than I thought I should. So I hopped off and I noticed that my back tire was completely deflated. So I pulled over and I got out my tiny miniature pump and I started pumping it up and it did start to go up. And then because

it's so, it's been so wet, the tire was wet. I could see little air bubbles on the outside and I thought, oh, that's not. It's probably not right. So I had to do the walk of shame or the way home than my bicycle. But it's okay. It wasn't too bad. I wasn't too far from home. It was only like 20 minutes, so it could have been worse. But I've ordered a new inner tube, and I've had dad vice, which everyone should seek

when repairing a bicycle. And so I'm confident that I can get it sorted. And I bought a puncture repair kit just in case I'm a bit further from home in the future. And I need to, you know, slap it up with some plaster. Sadly, that's the Everyone tells you I learn to replace a tube And I ignored that advice for ages

Until I was left stranded somewhere I was like I should have learned to do that a long time ago I find that's the best time to learn Is when your backs up against the wall And you have no other choice Yeah Otherwise I just won't bother

I've got to be put in a stressful situation To learn anything Preparation is for nerds And I won't abide it Although I have now prepared for next time But I, you know I got stung So it's good.

On this occasion, I'm not a nerd, but if I had prepared before this, I would be a big stinky loser. A big stinky nerdy loser who got home 20 minutes earlier. Yeah, oh, can you imagine? More time in my pyjamas, disgusting. We don't want, we don't want that. Without much further adour,

would you guys like to record this episode of Podiards? Okay. Yeah, let's go. Kevin, please. Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy. It's the official vidiates podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben.

I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Well, we all know how each other are, but one thing that we have failed to promote on the last two podcasts is the fact that the video version of this podcast now has accompanying images, which is something that people have been requesting for as long as we've done a video version, instead of just signposting people to the Twitter thread that we often, you know, refer to and discuss as we go through. We're reacting to images. You can now, if you watch the video version, it's shown on the screen because technology has advanced far enough to it. allow us to do that, i.e., we can be bothered to do it. Yes, we will, it doesn't, you don't have to be afraid if you're an audio listener that we're going to suddenly start leaning even further into visual-based things necessarily. We will just be bringing along exactly the kinds of things we always have done. So if you're not asked about the visual aspect, don't worry. We're not going to go too far into it. It's just, it's going to be exactly the same. But now you can

look at it if you want to. Yeah. Totally an option. Totally your choice. Additionally, make sure you're checking us out on the TikTok and the Instagram, although most of the input from you guys will be requested via Instagram, but there may be some semi-recurring stuff that happens there that allows you to influence things that happen on the podcast, similar to how we always source our listener-submitted things from

Twitter. There may well be stuff requested from you on Instagram as well. so make sure you follow us there, vidyats. Dot official. Yes. And that's enough of my plug, plug, plug in. I suppose we should now be beg, beg, beg, begging because it's time to talk about Pod Squad. If you go to poddiots.com and donate three pounds or more,

you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode and you get to join Pod Squad for that week, and we'd really appreciate it if you're in a position to do so. Mikey is going to kick us off. We begin with Tiny Birthday for Tiny Peter. look up jizz on wukipedia uh peter you are a walking wukipedia i think what is jizz is a musical genre oh god it is the the music that is played in the moss isley canteener by the the funny aliens they played i think it's either that one or in jabber's palace one of the two star wars bands is

are jiz musicians jiz band yeah thanks george lucas Fuck me. How am I 59 now? Happy birthday, you? It's not that bad being 59, I'm sure. Happy birthday. Caroline, are you having an affair with Ainsley Harriet? No. Give you me a good old rub. Oh, lovely. Caroline, I do da do do do.

Caroline, it wasn't just a fart. Caroline, I found meat face. Caroline, please pay the gardener. Big bumper set of Carolines there. Good lots of Carolines. Yeah. Packet of blob-nob biscuits, Donak 07, Frogly, and the generous Anonymous who says, Hey, just wanted to say thank you for keeping me smiling as I've been training for the London Marathon.

You've been a real boost. Can you give me a motivational speech to push me through on the big day. please. I'll be listening as I run. Whoa. Oh my goodness. All right. No pressure. All right. You want to do it anonymous? Yeah, you can.

Legs. Go do the legs. Do you guys want to do a one word story, motivational speech? Yeah, okay. That's cool. Mikey, do you want to start and then Peter? Yeah. Yeah.

Today. Anonymous. Will. Race. so perhaps so what was that bit what did you say

perhaps oh right okay so wait okay oh my god I've lost the story I've lost the story

oh god jeez where were we today anonymous will race so perhaps go on

I can do this I can hear your brain so perhaps why do you go from perhaps any word so perhaps the police

that's two words police just police God so perhaps police is more motivational will yeah provide

safety for the tired anonymous and Anonymous Oh, okay

China there you go Keep going I don't really know what the message of that was But you could You will finish this race With or without a police escort

You will finish the race Better than we finish that story Goodness gracious What a car race What a kerfuffle Oh god Now probably far too much time has passed For me to say

That Caroline I found meatface just reminds me of it's like finding Jesus, I think, you know? Like the new meat religion. I am interested in joining your religion. I'm like a corn again Christian. Oh, very good.

Oh, bloody hell. Very good. Well, the list continues with Steven Skodes, so do me, so do you, ha ha. Sorry, aha.

Oh, I get it. Sodomie, sodder you. Ah, ha. Fweddies Shreddies can't cope Caroline where's the anusole Oh no It's anasol

Anasol Yeah I think it's pronounced aniosol isn't it Is it? Even though you use it on your anus I don't think they As explicit I mean that's what it is though

Why would you try and hide that? Yeah Lord Birmingham Tevich Paraboy go live again when Never I'm done with streaming sadly

You've seen the price of turnips Caroline our law is too dense I am become dominoes Pissor of Bums Quantum Leap's Scott Baculum What is that? Is that just someone from Quantum Leap? Scott Bacula is the guy from Quantum Leap What was Baculum? That was something we...

Oh no. We talked about recently. Not sure. Baculum. But Baculum is the penis bone. Ah, okay, there we go. Remember that. And we've also got Caroline, I'm in Cheggy, Slovenia,

and Prince Beefcakes. You have an additional one there. Sorry, there is, I did know about that as well, I immediately forgot. And also, Rocks the Fox, who was very generous and said, I said on the Discord server that I tried to get Peter

to say this phrase, so here goes. It's not made from vidiates, made from poddy, It's instead a wicks. I shan't provide context here as I don't have enough characters, but it's on the Discord.

Kis-Keece. Thank you, Rocks the Fox. Thank you. And finally we have Brussels was shit, don't go, Mikey. Caroline, it's flaking again. Gravy Bavaria. Gravy Bavaria, I think.

Bavaria, yeah. Yes. Count Baculum, there's another one. Yeah, yeah. Big Billy's biggest wet willie. Who likes short shorts? We like short shorts. Bumpiss McQuack.

Blobby Jump Scare. Sue Pov the Day. Oh, very good. Jamie Nation. And Cat Karen or Cattercaron. And that is your Pod Squad. for this episode. Podiatts.com

forward slash no, just pottyts.com, that's it. Three pounds or more gets you a shout at the beginning and the end of the next episode. Thank you so much

to this week's pod squad. Do you guys have a favourite there? Soup of the day, got a good laugh. Soup of the day is great, yeah. And I also quite like the late entry of Count Baculum towards the end of the list as well. It's got to be I and become Domino's pisser of bums.

Oh, yeah, that's really good. Yeah. I'm going to go with Caroline please pay the gardener I'm going to give Caroline some love today because Lord knows her partner isn't seemingly it's not going well it's not going well over there

perhaps just one person did lots of Carolines in the hope of maybe getting a favourite pod squad of the day they were all very good yeah the best competition out there in Pod Squad land Yeah, it is. Well, let's crack on with the podcast proper.

I am Thingman today, and I decree that Peter Austin shall bring his viewer-slash-listener-submitted thing along first. Okay, wonderful. Well, thank you very much. I've not actually got it open in a tab, but thank you very much. It is from Connor Ryan underscore on Twitter, Connor Ryan. we debated whether to do this but we're doing it oh okay it's happening yeah man urged this is according to the abogavenny chronicle

man urges public to keep away from abogavenny's underworld this is written by tim butters and is a follow-up to the story of johnny turnip big tony and porto rico paul Oh, my God. It continues. So it's basically, I think this is just a serial story that's in the Abigavenny Chronicle. This was posted on April Fool's Day, but given that the previous parts of this story weren't,

then it's anyone's guess how much of it is bullshit. All of it, I think. But we're going to read it anyway. A man who claimed to have rediscovered Abugavenny's secret tunnel network is now urging people to stay away after he and his friends made a discovery quote, that will mess with your head. Johnny Turnip, Big Tony, and Puerto Rico Paul explained that they set out to trap and tame a fairy,

which is hyperlinked to the previous story we covered, but got a lot more than they bargained for when they accidentally found the entrance to Abugaveni's underworld in the grounds of the castle. Turnip told the Chronicle, at first, the riddle on the door leading to the tunnels had us all stumped. It read,

What is the name of the ancient tribe of Abogaveni, and what mythical animal did they once worship in the deepest wild? Turnip added, we must have smoked about ten fags each trying to work that one out. Although I can name all of King Henry the Eighth's wives and how they died, and Puerto Rico Paul is something of a specialist on the life and works of German existential philosophers, none of us are exactly history buffs. Suddenly,

What is this? Suddenly, Big Tony, surprised us all by shrieking, I've got it. They didn't spell wild wrong. It's W-I-L-D-E in the riddle. They're talking about the Marty Wilde song, Abaghavani. Of course. Of course.

To be honest, I had no idea Wilde was spelled wrong, but then I'm not a reader-like tone. When he's not busy digging ditches or drinking his body weight in lager, you'll usually find him with his head buried in Martina... You'll usually find him with his head buried in Martina Cole. Oh, God. Turnip added, thank God for Tone's Eureka moment.

We knew the lyrics to a song we had grown up. We knew the lyrics to a song we had grown up drinking fortified wine to by heart. As one, we chanted, the ancient tribe is paradise people and the mythical animal is a red dog. As soon as we spoke, the door slid open and from somewhere inside, the song began to blast out from some hidden sound system. The bass was something else. It had a real kick. With Tony taking the lead and merrily snouting, He Who dares,

we began to descend more steps into a dark and dank tunnel. Turnip explained, We all began to do with little dance as we walked. Big Tony sort of raised his hand above his head, wiggled his fingers, and did this sort of mincing movement with his feet. For a big man,

Tone's always been light on his feet. It's what makes him such a good fighter and dancer. I want to meet big, Tony. Yeah, it sounds great. I can assure you that there's not a huge amount of this left, given that it is just utter driffle. Puerto Rico Paul did his trademark Axel Rose serpentine shuffle, and I just brought up the rear strutting like John Travolta's character

in Saturday Night Fever as he makes his way to the dance floor to teach some punk a lesson. Yeah. Turn it added, that tune is a proper upper. Okay, I'm going to skip ahead of the table. talking about dancing to this music. It's all rubbish. Tony told the Chronicle that once the song

was over, the three friends walked for what seemed like, for what seemed like five minutes in complete silence, apart from Big Tony's labored breathing. And then a strange apparition blocked their path.

Oh my God. Ternip recalled, it was all fun and games until we saw what looked like a slightly oversight male wearing track suit bottoms and a pair of beaten up Nike airs. As a semi-professional long-distance runner, I hate to see trainers that have lost their integrity and box-fresh appeal. It kind of reminds me of the horror at the end of all things.

But that wasn't the worst part. For some reason, this dude decided to customize his look by wearing a knight's helmet and some medieval body armour. How'd you know he had a tracksuit on then? I'm starting to think this isn't real. It sounds like it might be. be made up. He was also holding an axe but seemed kind of

embarrassed by it. Turnip added, he then said in a sort of voice you don't usually find outside of the panto, halt, I'm Gary the Grey, custodian of the Gateway and keep of the Nine Secrets. Fuck off Gary the Grey.

These paths belong to another leave now if you value both sanity and soul. Turnip said, and this is hyperlinked, I always recognize a nutter when I see one and this guy was having a major meltdown and that's just gone to another of the articles by Tim Butter's entitled Close Encounters of the Turnip Kind. Wow. Oh that was the one wasn't it? Isn't that what we called? I think so. That was the

name of the last episode. Yeah. However, I needed to tread carefully. Big Tony has little patience for dramatic types and if this athletic knight dude kept talking like that he was probably going to get lamped. So, as a man of tact, I decided to take an innovative approach and play the madman at his own game. I said, let us speak plainly. We've come to capture ourselves a fairy. Now, as soon as we have one of the little people in the bag, we'll be on our way. This is the final paragraph. He got all uppity at this, raised his axe, and shouted, I am sworn defender of the Tillwith Tag, which you'll remember is the fairy people from the previous story. And you says, are scoundrels, whose foul taint

I will cleanse the earth and other realms of. It was strong stuff but our teachers used to say worse. Either way, it seemed the time for talk was done. Big Tony adopted his fighting stance and it was about to kick off when Puerto Rico Paul piped up with

hang on a second, I recognise that voice. It's Manny from the estate. Almost immediately the athletic night dude dropped his axe, took off his helmet and all became clear to be continued. Oh no.

What is this? I don't know what this is. This is a news website. This is just great writing exercise. I like it, but what? I still am so baffled. Just writing episodes of this strange story. Has he ever written anything else? Has he written normal stories?

Tim Butters is probably a pseudonym, right? So the writer could have written. This sounds like it should be a radio serial. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? It's very strange. And now on BBC Radio 4, Tim Butters presents Close Encounters of the Turnip Kind. But he has written a few... I mean, they probably have to click on them and read them,

but they look like normal articles. Councillors slam appalling decision to use Pembrokeshire dairy. Greggs remains open and a town can breathe easy. So I guess they were going to close a Greggs and now they're not. Yeah, it's just a normal article. But then he's just decided to do this strange thing. Maybe that's all just a front to give his fiction weight. Yeah.

People will believe it's real. Well, thank you for the update there. Thank you for submitting it, Connor Ryan. I'm going to go out on a limb and say we might have, maybe we won't cover any more of the abig of any chronicle. We've heard enough. Do you want know what happens next to Puerto Rico Paul? Um, I don't know if I do.

It's just Manny from the estate. I think everything's going to be all right. Yeah, yeah. But at this point, they're in the secret catacombs, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah, trying to catch a fairy. Yeah. I don't, I've never read a news article that's ended with to be continued.

Yeah, apart from last week. Yeah. Which is when it happened. But yeah. More on this as we get it. Very strange. We'll keep our eyes on it. But, yeah, we'll see how it goes.

We'll see if there's any interesting device. developments, like the truth being exposed and who is, who is, who is, who is, who is, who is, who is this turnip man. Jesus. Who is this turnip man? Well, there we are. Thank you very much for that thing, Peter. Right. Michael Johnson.

I come with great. Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days, delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no. Banana. That's a yes. A nice tan. Sorry. Nope. But a box fan, happily yes. A day of sunshine. No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Great, great, great news. If you cast your mind back to about almost exactly a year ago, our lives were forever changed when we discovered. that Gary the gorilla, a mascot of a Scottish Garden Centre,

was cruelly stolen, abducted and was missing the entire time. There were sightings of him strapped to the back of a van going up and motorway towards Glasgow, and then poof, until just the other day, a message appears in the Garden Center's Facebook, and it reads, Hi, I recently found this fiberglass gorilla And they have it in the skip But someone mentioned a gorilla had been stolen last year

And I'm wondering if it's your gorilla Oh And then they sent a picture Does that look like it? This was found last week And then the garden centre replies This could very well be him Where was this?

And so they made the trek They retrieved Gary And he is back home safe after an extended holiday. Fantastic. Unbelievable. I'm going to send you... Actually, no, I'm not going to send any pictures just yet.

But, and a emphasis on but there, Gary is not whole. It seems that whichever scoundrel stole him may have abandoned his rear end, but his front half is still nowhere to be seen. So Gary has been sawn in half. Oh, my God. So it's just his bum that's been found. Yes. So, I mean, arguably his greatest asset. Yeah.

Absolutely. You got it. But I'm going to send you the pictures to show how Gary is looking. So, yeah, he's back home. He's back at the garden centre. And I've got a lovely little news write up about the tale and how we got here. Oh, Gary. Oh.

And then there's the, uh, reverse side. Oh no, that's so sad. Who would take, well, I suppose the front would be more useful for repurposing, but why wouldn't you want the whole thing? Yeah. If you're going to go the effort to like organize a heist of a guerrilla statue, like, yeah, take the full thing. And it's like, the only thing I can think of is that they've taken the front half and they want to like mount it on a wall or something. But would you want something that big anywhere other than outdoors? And if you would, to put it outdoors, surely someone is eventually, going to be like, hang on, that's half of, that's the other half of that gorilla you've got

on the front of your business or your house or maybe it is just inside someone's house sticking out of the wall like Homer Simpson in the hedge. Yeah, oh God. So yeah, the story is not quite finished yet, but this is a good enough conclusion for me for now until maybe eventually one day in like someone's attic and in like in their inheritance they find this dusty front half of a gorilla and we can say Gary has changed. truly been found. So here's a little Sky News article about the discovery and the garden centers response to

everything. Okay. Part of a giant gorilla statue that was stolen from a garden center a year ago has been found, but he's half the ape he used to be. Oh, no. Gary. Gary, the gorilla was pinched from Raynard Garden Center in Karluk, South Lanarkshire, last March.

Now, one year on, a section of the eight-foot fiberglass ornament has been found under bushes in a layby on the A-92 between Dundee and Abarath. Good God. So I guess they drove him out and just dumped it there and then fled the scene. Good God, these are mastermind criminals to do this so blazily and just dump a half a gorilla on the street. It's inhumane. Yeah. It's going to be like an Ocean's 13 kind of thing.

13 because they needed, there were two prequels before they attempted this one. Their biggest heist yet. Indeed. front half of a gorilla. The discovery was made by a team from road maintenance firm Bear, Scotland, who said they were shocked to see a gorilla's bum, staring them in the face. However, Gary is missing his front half as the statue appears to have been sawn in two. Owner Andrew Scott from the Garden Centre told Sky News he was really disappointed. Only half the ornament had been recovered, but hopes the rest of Gary can be found. He said, I've just been to Tesco to buy some

gorilla glue in the hope that we get the other half back. You can stick him back. Good one, Andy. Oh, don't worry, he's full of them. That's the first of many to come. Somebody will know something, he says. Mr. Scott said the discovery will hopefully spark another search, but he believes the ornament is now in someone's house.

So yeah, yeah, God, just in someone's living room. It's like, check out the new gorilla. It's so big. It's like almost twice the height of Andy. photos. It's nuts. It must be about 10 feet tall, and that's without legs. Yeah, someone's got a big bloody house as well.

Yeah, like, who is this mad eccentric person with, like, huge ceilings and the ability to steal the gorilla? Mr. Scott said, where was he? How long was he hidden? He can fit through a door now, at least. He would have been too fat before. Oh, I reckon he'll be in some little garden room or somewhere a few select people know Gary club got go see Gary

Gary. Somebody will know something but they've obviously kept it quiet a whole year and there must be more than one person involved anyway. Anyway when they've cut and there must be more than one person involved anyway when they've cut it in such a nice tidy manner. God and again the profession is a good job actually yeah yeah yeah Christ well done I mean not well done but you're going to do it do it well I don't understand why they'd want to fly-tip it and not break it up and put it in a bin. They could have hid the story dead easy, but now have reignited my hopes for finding him again.

Oh no. Gary had been a fixture at the garden centre for more than the decade and was used to signpost customers to the store. The theft on 19th of March triggered a huge response with members of the public urged to keep an eye out for the missing primate. Gary was later bundled into a white van for removal around two hours after they closed that day. A few weeks after Gary's disappearance, he was spotted all around motorways and whatnot before just disappearing into the blue. However, it was a false sight. Yeah, it was all false sightings. It was actually one of several versions made by the same manufacturer.

The trail to find Gary had gone cold until earlier this month when the road maintenance staff came across the discard. discarded ass of a gorilla. A member of the team that found the dumped gorilla said, we're out on our usual morning route inspection when we spotted something lurking in the bushes at the back of a lay-by. God, that's going to be scary. What is that? It's a giant twerking man, I don't, what is that?

It's so thick. Look at them cheeks. When we pulled in to check it out, we were pretty shocked to see a gorilla's bum staring at the face. After we composed ourselves, we managed to catch the escapee in the van. and take it back to the depot where we sat about trying to figure out where it came from. A little digging online found some articles about a gorilla stolen from Carl Luke last year,

and we were able to reunite Gary back with his owner. Mr Scott now plans to display half the statue inside the garden center. He said, I'll fix it to the wall with a sign above him saying Gary's back because it is Gary's back. Very good. He's good. I like it. It's quite good, yeah.

I think when he's had 10 years of, like, having a gorilla mascot for his garden center, he's got, he's had plenty of time to think of this stuff. Gary's back. Gary's back. This whole thing hits a bit too close to home for me, because this exact thing happened to my class at school. I don't know if I've ever told you this story. Not only do I have the story to tell, I have a physical artifact to show you.

It is in the room with me. Is it the front half of a gorilla? It's almost the front half of a gorilla, yes, but sadly not a gorilla. It's not Gary. When I was in secondary school, we had a mascot, our history teacher. Our form teacher was a history teacher, and he had a wooden seagull that sat on the shelf above his desk, and her name was Hilda. Hilda, the historian, was her name. I don't know if there was any more significance to it than that, the alliteration or what.

but um and she just sat in our in our form room for several years we moved classrooms on a year on year and she would come with us then one day we came back into the room it was either after lunch or the next day and someone had cleanly very flat and cleanly and tidily chopped hilda's head off with a saw what the hell and just her body remained and no one knew where the head was so the body went into a drawer and it was a great big mystery because my teacher my form teacher wasn't always teaching in that room it was used by different classes

and different teachers so someone had been in, chop the head off, anyway, months later, me and my friend John found Hilda's head No way

showing it to the camera now you guys will be to see it because we're not on video we found Hilda's head in one of the teacher's drawers so our immediate thought was, hang on, did a teacher steal this? Did she chop the head off? But I think

what probably happened is some kids chopped the head off. Bloody kids. And were then maybe throwing it around in a separate class or something and it was confiscated. But so I, and then when we left school, I took Hilda's head

with me. It's mine now. And you've kept it all this time. Yeah, sits on my shelf. Wow. This is a good story, Peter, for you decapit. a poor wooden bird. Oh yeah, I found it in a drawer.

What did you say, Ben? You didn't want to return it? Well, we did, I don't know if the camera will show it. We blue-tapped it

back on. Okay. And so she sat with her head for a while, but then when we left school, my teacher had left by them, my form tutor. And so the only people

who were attached to Hilda, unlike her head, were the class itself. And we were leaving. No one would have given a flip, a shit, in fact, about. at that point.

So we decided, me and John tossed a coin and he kept the body and I kept the head. Okay, fair trade. Yeah. Oh, God. Wow. Well, I'm praying for Gary. Yeah.

Think about him in church, everyone. He might be in my teacher's drawer. It could be the giant 12-foot gorilla. Oh, dear. The article ends saying that the police in Scotland, that extensive inquiries are carried out in connection to the theft, but no suspects were identified, but they're open to new information, and they will continue to investigate this crime.

Good. So serious crime. Terrible. Terrible. Yeah, Gary's back home, everybody. Gary's back. Gary's back. Gary's back.

Oh, well, lovely. Thank you for that update, Mikey. Yeah, thank you very much. We've all been worried sick. Yeah. A few people did submit that as well. So thank you to people who submitted that. But Mikey claimed that.

He sent us a message and was like, guys, I'm doing the, I'm talking about Gary, all right? I brought him into this world. I'll take him out of it. I'm not going to take him out of it. It's time for my listener submitted thing. This comes courtesy of Connor Bennett at C Bennett underscore 12 on Twitter. This is an important story, not necessarily because it in and of itself is weird,

but it sort of serves as a warning for us in the future to be mindful. Are you ready? This is an article on. ITV, written by nobody, apparently, written by ITV themselves, which is great. The headline is, Joe Lysitt reveals he's behind multiple fake news stories which have hit the headlines this month. I've been curious about this. I heard about this, but I haven't looked at which ones were his, and I wouldn't have

become any of them. Yeah, I appreciate the hustle, but also, I can't be asked to watch his show to find out. So I'm hoping someone, there's a summary at the end when they're all revealed. Comedian Joe Lysitt claimed he is behind a number of fake news stories that have been reported across mainstream media. In a self-shot video with an upside-down inflatable globe in the background, Lysit admits he has been fooling the nation with silly fake news stories. He said, for the last month, me and my team have been planting stupid silly fake news stories about things that never actually happened in the hope that they would take up space

that more hateful or polarizing fake news might otherwise have used. He confirmed multiple stories have been shared in the national news, including The Mail, The Sun, BBC News, ITV News, Sky News and The Independent. The comedian did not reveal which stories he had created and said all would be revealed on his new series of Late Night Lycet, which airs on the 12th of April, which is tomorrow, actually, at the time of recording. Many people on ex formerly known as Twitter immediately began guessing which recent headlines were made up. A number of people recalled the woman who had rescued, who rescued, what? A number of people recalled the woman who rescued Hedgehog, which turned out to be a fluffy hat bobble. Oh yeah, I saw that one. Someone actually submitted that as a thing.

Yeah. This week as well. Others thought the NHS who had, the NHS doctor who advised people not to eat a whole chocolate egg could be faked. Oh yeah. Some thought the infamous Glasgow Willy Wonka experience could have been one of Lysit's elaborate pranks, surely not. Nah, not, sure not. Leicitt is known for his large-scale stunts and pranks,

including changing his name to Hugo Boss and shredding 10,000 pound, which turned out to be fake in protest against David Beckham being a pundit for the Qatar World Cup. And that is where the story ends. So we're going to have to be very vigilant from now on, but we sort of have to trust that the respectable outlets aren't peddling, fake news, however delightful that may be. Yeah.

Tim Butters, we're watching you. We're watching you, Tim. You wouldn't lie to us, Tim. No, no, that's real that one. That's not a Joe Lice. That's a Tim Butter's true, hard-hitting piece. Yeah. 100%.

But there we are. That's my listener submitted thing. I think we've all got to just be very aware that there's some dreadful, fake silly news out there. Yeah. So be on your toes, everyone. Be on your fucking toes. Peter Austin.

Yes. It's time for your thing. I brought it from a book It is in a book I'm going to read it to you Okay This is a book I've owned for many years It is called

Oh, it's so shiny You can see the screen It's called Strange Victoriana And it is Tales of the Curious The Weird and the Uncanny From our Victorian ancestors There's all sorts in here

I think Most if not all of it is taken from a quote-unquote newspaper of the time called the Illustrated Police News, which sounds like it might be a sort of an official thing, like written for or by the police, but I don't think it specifically was. Is it Tim Butters special? Yeah, it's that kind of thing. Well, I mean, you know, some of it was a lot of it, well, I don't know how much of it.

Some of it was real and some of it was tabloid kind of sensationalism. it does start with a whole chapter on what the Illustrated Police News or IPN was about and what it was for and stuff but essentially it was just a newspaper of the time in a sort of tabloid style

and I have just lost my page I'm trying to read that first chapter but don't worry I know roughly where it is on the right chapter here so I'm going to tell you about a trend of the of the Victorian period

regarding lion wages in which people would basically do for the content they would do bets about getting into the cage with lions. Okay, I found it. A small file of cuttings from the IPN

and other newspapers with the heading lion wages provide some curious information about a Oh my goodness. Finder Csciacal craze, which is, sounds French, but is written in italics, so maybe it's Latin. I don't know. It's a phrase I don't know. But it's a craze that has not yet found it's historian.

The performance of various full hardy stunts inside cages full of lions. In January 1890, a champion long-distance runner, George Littlewood, received a challenge from some of his friends, that he would not dare to enter the lion's cage. at Womwell's Menagerie. In front of an enormous crowd, the runner accomplished this feat with commendable intrepidity. Ooh, that was harder than being in the cage with lions, that one.

Although he got separated from Orenzo the Lion Tamer, and although the massive beasts were jumping around in a dangerous manner, Littlewood made it out of the cage unharmed, and the first recorded Lion Wager was one. In August 1894, a Paris barber made a bet that he would dare to shave the lion tamer of the Giuliano menagerie in a barber's chair situated inside the lion's cage itself. The lions looked on with interest throughout the procedure, which lasted 20 minutes.

Once or twice, they came up to see what the barber was doing, but the lathered tamer shooed them away. when the same stunt was repeated by another barber in Vicky or Vichi he narrowly escaped being bitten by a lion named D'Artagnan. In June 1895, when a travelling menagerie visited Toulin in France, the local barber made a bet that he would shave one of his customers inside the lion cage. Again, he won the lion wager. Held in check by their tamer, the lions observed these bizarre proceedings, with the greatest indifference.

Now, I don't want to, like, be a stickler here. I don't want to split hairs. But to me, if you're in there, and there's also a lion tamer in there, you know, cracking a whip at the lions, it's not quite the same, is it? You know? I want to see you get in there on your own.

Yeah, the center of that lion's universe. You've got to be that. Mm-hmm. Here is a picture. Again, you guys can't see it, but it's in the video version of the podcast, of someone shaving a man in the lion's den

there it is so it continues in St. Louis the animal trainer Pauline Devere married the cowboy Harry Bishop inside the lion cage

at Woonwell Circus they had the ceremony with six lions and lionesses acting as best men and bridesmaids this was the first recorded lion wedding considered as quite a

curiosity at the time, and featured in many newspapers, including the IPN. Where have you sent that photo, Peter? I haven't got it. I was showing it to the camera. Oh, okay. It's in the book. It is, yeah, I'm afraid. Although if you do a Google for Lion Wager, maybe put some quotes around it, and maybe IPN. Is it this? Let's see.

That's, well, that looks like an escape. That's the closest I can find. That looks like an escaped lion to me, which will also be in here. That is the illustration style of the IPN. So, yeah, that will be from it, but that's probably not a wager. I think that might be one that's just jumped over a fence and attacked people. I'll keep looking. Okay.

Maybe try Lion Barber or something. But if you use the letters IPN, that should help. So in September 1895 at Leon Railway, the A porter, who was called Leon Esset, made a bet that he would dare to have his photograph taken inside the lion cage when Castanet and Pezons Menagerie visited that city. Having read about the various barbers plying their trade in the same surroundings without any ill effect, the foolish young Frenchman had become convinced that lions were placid and friendly animals who would welcome his visit to their quarters.

Fool. Oh my God. Well, that is not what we're looking for, that image you found there there, but that is a fantastic drawing. I can't find any other IPN images apart from the first one I sent. Okay. Well, I'll show you some more from the book. There's one of the wedding. Can I get close and sharp?

There we go. That's the wedding in the lion's cage. And this is the one we're talking about now. Spoilers, it's a man with his head in a lion's mouth and blood coming out. Draft. Right. Right. So having read about the barbers, he thought lions were all placid and fine

and you could just get in the cage and it wouldn't matter. Assuing the conventions of having a lion tamer handy at the time of the wager and making sure the beasts were well-fed beforehand, the foolhardy young railwaymen entered the lion cage just when the animals were about to be fed.

Oh, good. Before the photograph could be taken, a large lion named Romulus leapt at him and literally tore his head off. Oh, nice. Leon Asset lost his lion wager, it says. Did he? And his life, yeah.

I would say he won the lion wager because he did get into the lion cage, which is the wager that he made. The sad outcome of the Leon's lion wager did not prevent three jolly French men from having a bet of their own when the Salvatoremenagerie visited Bourg in November the same year. This time, they would play a game of cards inside the lion cage. To begin with, this wager proceeded in good order.

The three gentlemen sat down, set up their gaming table and began to play. But then a lion walked up to Monsieur Cheval, one of the card players, and sniffed at his clothes. Wanting to display his courage, the Frenchman pushed the animal's head away. The lion immediately pounced, knocking him off his chair and grabbing hold of his jacket. The other two card players fled, yelling. But the intrepid lion tamer seized hold of the lion's tongue and twisted it until the animal released its hold with a howl of pain. Monsieur Chavot was unharmed, although his clothes were torn to pieces and the lion wager was lost. We have a drawing.

Again, sorry for those just listening on audio, but here is the lion tamer saving the French. men from the attack. There we go. We've got a couple more now, and then that's it. In January 1898, a Bolton publican won a lion wager of 25 pounds through entering the cage containing three lions. A year

later, a cyclist won a wager by peddling his machine inside a lion's cage. March 1902, two Brighton daredevils played a game of ping pong inside a large cage full of lions with several thousand spectators in attendance. Again, the lion wager was won, although squeamish people criticized the Brighton

lion cage. What? No, the Brighton authorities for allowing such a dangerous exhibition to take place. And about the same time, two Welsh lasses from Methir Tidfil, won a wager for 20 pounds through dancing the can can inside a lion cage. When two French girls tried to emulate them by performing a tightrope routine just above a lion cage, the rope broke and they fell right on top of the lions.

Although severely mauled, they both survived, but the Lion Wager was lost. The final recorded Lion Wager occurred in 1908 when intrepid young barmaid Carrie Baker danced a hornpipe inside a lion cage in Liverpool.

The ultimate notice in Lion Wagers... Excuse me. The ultimate notice in the Lion wages dossier is that in 1910, Bostok's Menagerie advertised a jungle wedding with three lions acting the part of groomsmen and the same number of lionesses as bridesmaids. So that's two weddings that took place in lion cages, and apparently that one went well. It was fine.

It's a good place to be married, it seems. Yeah. So there you go. That's the story of some lion wages. I have some final images I'm showing the camera, but yeah, various people. There's not just like one slightly insane person. It's a string of people over a series of decades who continue to put themselves in line cages.

Jesus. Seemingly only one guy got his head bitten off, which is pretty impressive. Yeah, so... Is that one of them that I've sent you the image over there? It's not one of the ones I've seen in the book, but I mean, that might just be our lion tamer. I will...

I'll do some quiet Googling as we continue the podcast and see if for your... benefit, boys. I can find some... A wonderful description, but we cannot see the images. No, yeah. He's very desperate to see the man with his head being bitten off. I just want to see the illustration of the decapitated man, okay? I don't think that's too much to ask.

I mean, I can send you a photo if you're like on WhatsApp or something. Yeah, honestly, that'd be great, because we do a little quiz on Instagram as to whose thing is who? So if you could send that over, that'd be great. I'll forward it on to Kevin. Yeah, let's do that. I'd appreciate that. Wonderful.

Thank you so much, Peter. Thank you, Peter. You're very welcome. It is now time for my thing, and I have decided that we're going to talk about Yosef Mensich, which is a name I may be butchering, The Last Night Who Stood Up to the Germans in World War II. This is an article from the beginning of last year,

written by Samantha Franco on War History Online.com. citation possibly needed. When the Germans went to invade Czechoslovakia during the Second World War, it was believed that they wouldn't experience much, if any, retaliation. However, they were met with resistance by one man, Josef Mensich. Their encounter was a strange one, and in a sense prevented the military from invading, if only for a brief moment.

Mensich's defiance to the German invasion was not out of character and it earned him the nickname of the last night. Would you like to see him? I'd love to. So this isn't a photo taken on the day itself, but this is Yosef Mensich, the last night, pictured on a different day. Here he comes. He's coming down the internet, and there he is.

Oh, that's a man. Can you describe what you see? Oh, goodness me. I see a mighty, mighty beard. I see knights armour, a big bloody sword. and a great big bushy beard and sword that's a warrior to put it up in one word

maybe this is the bloke Paul Turnip saw down the caves and the air could be it could be yeah Joseph Mensich's early life is a mystery is the subheader here very little is known about Joseph Mensich's life before the Second World War

his date of birth is contested and the exact location it occurred is unknown that being said historians have been able to he lived in, oh God, here we go, Bohmavold, in the Bochmavold region of Czechoslovakia. Mensich's family lineage is also a history. Sourced records have been deemed unreliable, and some believe information that would reveal his ancestry is concealed in archives that protect those who were involved in World War II. It's a conspiracy.

It is a conspiracy. Mensich never shared his mother or father's names, and he never disclosed if he had any siblings. What is known of his family later in life is that he's a conspiracy. had a wife named Er-I-I-E-W? I'm trying to remember how it's pronounced. It's E-M-A, but I believe the M may be pronounced as like a W, like Eva or some...

I don't know. Menchikova. Hang on. Mensichova. God. And two children. He became well known in his community and was dubbed the Knight of Strachonich.

Possibly. Who knows? I have sent a... Just in case you wanted to see it. before we move any further up there. Oh, lovely. There's a picture of a man with his head bitten off. That's great.

I'll afford that to Kevin. I'll put that in the thread in the correct order. Oh, fantastic. Thank you. Right, where were we? When Yosef Mensich was old enough to afford a house of his own, he did exactly that. Purchasing a castle that dated back to the 14th century. It was called Dobris Castle and had been severely damaged by heavy rainfall and a fire that had broken out on the property.

After purchasing the structure, he began, he began restoring. delivering Dobris to its former glory. Over the years, Mensich also amassed a remarkable collection of antiques and curiosities from centuries prior. This led him to turn the castle into a pseudo-museum, where he happily educated visitors on the history of the area. Part educator, part performer, he's since been described as the definition of living history. Menzic embraced an alternative lifestyle when living at Dobris Castle. He quite literally lived like a knight, abandoning modern conveniences like cars and electricity, instead employing torches and candles to light his residence. For lack of a better term, he lived chivalrously. Despite his strange way of

life, Mensich was respected in his community for being a generous and helpful person. And now we move on to the war. The moment that cemented Yosef Mensich into history was the day he decided to face the invading German army by himself. In many instances, where when the Is it Wehrmacht? Am I pronouncing that, right, Peter? Oh, uh... Wehrmacht? What's it? Weimacht, I think. Wehrmacht?

I wanted to invade a territory. They were met with retaliation from inhabitants. When they crossed the Czechoslovakian border in 1938, however, they were met by just one man, Mensich. Mensich stood up... It is Vermacht, sorry, you're right. Wermacht. I was thinking of something else.

Mensich stood up against the advancing German column at the Buccina border, wearing a full French medieval era suit of armour, riding horse back on his thoroughbred and holding a sword and halberd. Hell yeah. All of the weapons. Some historians have called his defiance courageous,

while others have referred to it as foolish, and they're stupid. Either way, it initially prevented the German soldiers from advancing any further, if only for a moment. The troops stood there in shock of the knight that stood standing before them. This didn't last long, however, as they ultimately decided to pay no mind to Mensich and continue past him. As they walked by, they tapped their helmets at him, suggesting he was crazy,

and Mensich moved out of the way, unable to stop them. Oh, no. Yosef Mensich's stand against the Germans has become a tale of legend. Although some equate him to a Czechoslavian Don Quixote, others believe he was fully aware of the fact he wasn't a real knight. Instead, it's more likely that he idolized them and saw honour in standing up against the enemy while dressing. as one. Mensich likely never believed he could prevent the Germans from evading Czechoslovakia.

He was, however, successful in preventing his castle from being overrun. While he was regarded as a non-issue by Germans, the fact remains that they never technically defeated him. So, who really lost? Not Yose. They didn't dare fight him. They were like, oh, let's just walk past this guy. Not because he's of no consequence, but because I don't actually want to start. I was going to say, I like to think they were a little scared of him. What could he do? Look at this lunatic. Following the end of the Second World War,

Dobris Castle became nationalised by the communist government and it remains open to the public. Mensich went on to live a long and chivalrous life until his death at the age of 78. His legacy continues to live on and historians and scholars alike have studied his story. There we are.

Oh, wow. He's got that guy. He's Scottish. In World War II, there's a photo of Jack Churchill is its name, who fought with a sword and bow. Mad Jack. There's a photo of him here.

Mad Jack. I would have liked, there were, shame they were on the same side. I would have liked to see these two come up against each other with swords in World War II. That would have been a great spectacle.

That looks so photoshopped. Doesn't it? But it's real, apparently. This is considered to be a genuine photo. Wow. Yeah. That's great. Well, there we are.

That is my thing. And thus draws to a close, I believe, all of the things for this episode. Thank you so much for listening and watching. Don't go anywhere just yet. Hello? I think I still need to do my viewer submitted thing. Oh, so you do. Yeah.

Oh, Mikey, did I skip straight past you? Yeah, I think you did. It's fine. Oh, bud. Oh, Mikey, I'm sorry. If you'd have spoken up, I would have to. No, I realized, like, as you were here, it was like, oh, that's fine. Hang on, we're only scraping past an hour.

This doesn't see you, right? I was thinking, God, that's gone quick, but I thought we've done six things. My apologies, I got completely out of order there. I've got myself all turned around. Well, then Michael Johnson, it's time for your listener submitted thing with my apologies. Quite all right, Ben. Well, we go from one noble hero to another, maybe. This is submitted by Greg Miller at Greg Mill 2-290 on Twitter.

This is from the Essex Live. and the headline reads Fed up Essex locals set up pothole parrot in protest over road not being fixed It's been

pirates Holidays A bacon We got them all It's been nicknamed The pothole parrot Of Pledgden This is

Story by Ellis Whitehouse Chief Reporter of Essex Live A life Actually you know before I get on to it, let me send a picture of the parrot so you know what you're getting into. Oh, there you go. And another closer angle for you. It's quite pretty.

It's very pretty, actually. Oh, it's a great parrot. Oh, wow. That's great. Yeah. Oh, my God. It looks so happy. A life-sized taxidermy parrot has been placed in a massive pot hole in an Essex village after locals became fed up with it not being fixed.

The black and blue parrot can be seen. sitting on a branch coming out of the pothole on the B-105-1 turning to Pledgden Green. Next to its new home can be seen traffic cones and part of a road sign, adding to the debris by the side of the road near the village of Hennam. The bird was placed there by a nearby resident as locals are becoming fed up that the crater has not been fixed by the authorities. The bird has brought a lot of laughter to the issue and has since been named the Potthole Power to Pledgedon. Oh, in March, an asphalt industry alliance report found that...

That's a good, that's the asphalt industry alliance, yeah. A report found the amount needed to fix the backlog of local repairs had reached a record 16.3 billion. Oh, my gosh. Excuse me, local road apparel. Oh, I guess that's local road repairs across the country. Jesus. I hope so, yeah. This pothole is very expensive.

Well, they got arranged to find a new home for the parrot with this one. They've only dug themselves a deeper hole. It's only a matter of time before a car just plows into this parrot. Or someone comes along, steals it, and we find the back half the parrot a year later. Yeah. Repairs reached 16.3 billion. A 16% increase from 14 billion a year a year ago. Pot holes can be tricky to spot, particularly in the dark of,

months when they might also be full of water appearing like any other road puddle. When potholes wreak havoc to cars and key suspension parts, the repair bill can easily run to more than a thousand pound. Essek Highway's stated in March that it fixed more than 700 potholes in the previous

month despite a record-breaking wet weather. Cruise carried out a total of 700. Now, this is the end of the article and it's just filler. Cruise carried out a total of 708 pothole repairs during East Anglia's wettest and warmest February on record. This included

408 on priority roads and 300 on local roads. Great. Interesting statistics. Thank you. 300. Countrywide. This included 408 on priority roads and 300 on local roads.

Yeah, nationwide is that a statistic for the entire of the UK. Well, given that the 16 billion was hopefully nationwide. That's not a lot, is it? That's fucking dreadful. Yeah, across the country. The crumbling infrastructure of Britain.

Less than a thousand total pot hole repairs across the entire country. I think this might just be Essex. That's pretty good. You know what? 700 just in Essex. I don't know how big Essex is. If it is, then it means presumably that the number of the cost of it was also relating to Essex. Do you think?

I think the number might just be in the broad. This is a jumble of statistics. but I've just chucked it all in. Yeah, maybe so. There's a parrot and a pothole. Where do we go from here? It can't possibly be 16 billion pounds worth of potholes in Essex alone. Surely not.

Essex is just one giant crater. That's the reason. If you ever drive about in Essex, do you keep your eyes peeled for little parrots in the middle of the roads. Don't steal it. Please don't steal it. Someone's either going to smash into it with their car or someone's going to nick it. Oh, God. Can we find the exact coordinates and change it on Google Maps to Poddiet's presents, the pothole parrot?

Yes. Oh, amazing. Yeah. God, do we have enough information? We probably could. Probably not. Someone could find that for next time. If anyone's got some time, maybe us, might be someone at home.

The B-105-1 turning to pledged and green. Okay. Use your skills from that. See if you can decipher that. And the image as well. That's findable, I'm sure. I bet the potholes actually on the. image, to be fair, on the Google Maps.

Might be on Google Maps, yeah. Blimey. Well, is that the end? Is that right? That is indeed the end. Brilliant. We did it, everyone. Thank you very much for listening and watching.

Thank you, you guys, for your things as well. Appreciate you all. There's some kind of shop. Michael Johnson, is that correct? Your darn diddley to, if you head over, oh, we're getting big today. If you head over to vidyatesofficial.com and click on the lovely enticing little shop button, you will be greeted with a veritable bounty of goodies, including t-shirts, hat, mug, hudies, stickers, and that's it.

By God, what a spread it is. All designs, new designs, it's all there. So go check it out. Treat yourself. Summer's coming. Sun's coming out. Come on. Get yourself some new summer duds.

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tommy and fleckers for modding us over there appreciate you guys twitch dot tv forward slash video it's official we stream there occasionally nothing on the docket for now but soon we'll let you know as and when things are happening there poddiots dot com if you go there donate three pounds or more you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of poddiots you join pod squad and you support the things you enjoy. If you're in a position to do so, we would greatly appreciate it. Mikey, can you kick us off again, please? Tiny birthday for Tiny Peter. Look up Jizz on Wikipedia. Fuck me. How am I 59 now?

Caroline, are you having an affair with Innes the Harriet? Give you meat a good old rab. Caroline, I do da do do do. Caroline, it wasn't just a fart. Caroline, I found meatface. Oh, and if that's related, it wasn't just a good old rab. fart. Carolyn, I found midface. He's saddened it. He's here.

Caroline, please pay the gardener. Packet of blob-nob biscuits, Donakle 7, Frogly and the generous Anonymous. Good luck with your run. We also had. Oh yeah. Good luck. Wait, are you still listening to this episode?

He's still running? Go, go, go, go. Have the police got you yet? I'm sure Anonymous isn't still running because it took less than an hour in 10 minutes to do a run. Of 59 minutes. We have also got Steven Skodes, sodder me,

sodder you, aha. Fredys, shreddies, can't cope. Caroline, where's the aniosol or anosol? Lord Birmingham tovich. Parrot boy, go live again when? You've seen the price of turdips. Caroline, our law is too dense.

I am become dominoes, pisser of bums. Quantum Leaps, Scott, Baculum. Caroline, I'm in Chegy, Slovenia, Prince Beefcakes, and the very generous Rocks, the Fox. And finally we have Brussels was shit, don't go, Mikey. Caroline, it's flaking again. Gravy Bavaria.

Count Baculum. Big Billy's biggest wet willy. Who likes short shorts? We like short shorts. Bum-piss-McQuack. Blobby Jump Scare Sue Pov the Day Jamie Nation

Peter Lice that one Yeah I do Jamie Nation And Cat Karen Or Katticaran And that Once again is your Pod Squad For this week

Thank you so much Everybody For supporting us We really appreciate it Podiotts.com £3 or more to get a shout out at the beginning

and the end of the next podcast episode Peter Austin What was out on Vidiats six years ago this week I'll tell you Skyroom Zoo, chapter 5, necromancing queen.

That's two abbers back to back there. Memory cards for April the 2nd. Poddiet's episode 3. But with a pigeon, taking on Takeshi's Castle in Nippon Marathons, Lobster Mode. That's just the name of the video. It's just all there. Post some tat number 7, the Montana Mother Load. Worst games ever, game selection for the 5th of April.

Oh, we've started doing game selections now. Prove It, The Sims 3, part 2 Worst games ever, Nauty Bear In the Spotlight for a Way Out Skyrim Zoo Chapter 6, The King of Carrot Flowers Memory cards for April the 9th Lomo di Milano, the man from Milan, part one, Betrayal, the Milanoe live action series

that we did. Post some tap number 8, Happy Birthday Tiny Peter, oh thank you. Prove it, Sims 3, live action challenge part one. That's the building bit. The Man from Milan part two, redemption. Crash Team Racing, Spinning Challenge, piece of cake. And one more.

Prove it, The Sims Part 3, Live Action Challenge, part two, featuring Hap films where they judged our creations. Good one. I like that video. Yeah, I do. I really like that video. Michael Johnson, where are you on the internet? Plug that charity one more time. Bit.L.Y forward slash Mikey bikey

if you're feeling generous. If you're not feeling generous, sorry, that's a horrible thing to say. If you're a piece of shit, you can just check me out on Twitter. Boo. Yeah, fuck you. But if you want to do something on the internet

that doesn't involve money, you can go to go find Paraboy on Twitter and Instagram and have a little look through there. There you go. Oh yeah. And Peter, where are we on the internet? You can find us together at Team Triple Jump

where we're hanging out with Rules Boss and Billy Ray Walrus and playing bad games. And you can also find us separately at Confused underscore Dude and at That Peter Austin on Twitter. Didn't the wrong way around this time, but hey, keeping it spicy. He certainly can. Finally, why not leave us a five-star review slash rating on your platform of choice? It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. It was really appreciate it.

That's free. It doesn't cost anything. You can go and do that right now. And, you know, it does something probably, you know, in the computer. to WISWAS world. I don't know, I don't know. But it can't be bad. Give it a fucking try, please.

Thank you. Is there any final questions you guys want to ask before we go? Where would you put half of an eight-foot gorilla in your house if you had to hide it? Yeah, how would you hide? I'd say bigger than eight-foot.

I think it's well over a doorframe. So it must be, I don't know. Well, I think it's about 10 to 12, 10 to 12 feet tall. How would you hide that in your house? Great question. Let us know everybody. And thank you again for all your support. We'll see you in a couple of weeks' time. Take care of yourselves. Bye-bye. Bye. Thank you.