Podiots - Podiots: Episode 154 – Is Tiny Tim A Muppet

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Merry Podiots! In this episode, Mikey’s Peter was locked in the café from hell, Ben’s been watching very real Christmas romcoms, and Mikey’s been drinking with a horse skull in a blanket! NEW MERCH: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Follow us on Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social— Bluesky Join next episode's Pod Squad: http://podiots.com And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com -------------------   Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS!   YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vidiots.official TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vidiots.official Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social — Bluesky Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures and see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, lease a 2026 XC90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99%

during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV

or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup up and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Babelaine. Maybe it's Maple Lane. There's a cat screaming in the background. I hope that's not coming through to the microphone. Yeah, that's our Christmas gift to you. It's a festive sound, screaming cat.

The sound of chestnuts roasting on an open fire. The sound of reindeer hoops on your roof and the sound of a cat screaming. It's what you want to hear. That's what Christmas is all about. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas. It's an actual Christmas day at the time of the release of this episode as well. Yeah.

So you better listen today. Otherwise, it's going to be out of date by tomorrow. Yeah. Should we release this on Christmas Eve? What do you think? Hmm. Well, you've said it's Christmas Day now. I know, but I can, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, we're God in this scenario.

We are God. Which is a very Christmasy thing to say. We are God. We actually are God here. Yeah. It's our birthday, today. Yeah. No, it's actually the son of God's birthday, Peter. Well, they're a Trinity. They're all the same guy.

Yeah. Who is the Holy Spirit? Who is that God? It's just a ghost, I think. Some people do call it the Holy Ghost, but like, what is it? What is it? Does it have any lines in the Bible? I think he came at the end and showed Scrooge the bit where Tiny Tim was dead, the possible future. and then Scrooge was like, oh, I don't want that.

And then he woke up and bought a turkey. Something like that. I don't know. Oh, okay. In one of the Gospels. Tiny Tim's called Tiny Tim in the non-Muppets version as well, right? He is, yeah. Okay, because that just seems like whenever anyone says Tiny Tim,

I picture that tiny frog, not the human boy. It does seem like a Muppet name specifically, doesn't it? Charles Dickens' original. Yeah. Do you think he would have liked the Muppets Christmas, Carol? Oh yeah, for sure. You reckon you don't think he would have seen it as like maybe making light or undermining the seriousness of the message of his book.

What, the fact that Bob Cratchett was played by a frog. There's that and there's also all the other felt people, you know? Yeah, I don't know. I think he would have been thoroughly opposed to it, sacrilegious. He might have been flattered that Michael Kane was in it, maybe. Yeah, he's got to count for something. Even he knows who Michael Kane is. yeah we had a

a fun well yeah last episode there was an audio problem I don't think we can play it live on the podcast but we can edit in afterwards but I had a serious malfunction with my microphone I think the holy ghost possessed you yeah it was the most horrifying thing ever I like yeah I had some microphone problems and so you had to run it through like the adobeying be a podcast audio enhancer thing to try and make it salvageable. It worked great, but also

had the secondhand effect of I had a little bit of Ben and Peter coming out my headphones and into the microphone, like just a tiny bout of audio. I guess the AI machine just heard that and thought, this isn't very loud. Let me make it louder and also try and imagine what's being said here. And it produced, I think, the most baffling hilarious noises I've ever heard. It was just, yeah, sent the audio over and like the next day I get a message from you, Ben, like, this is hilarious, but I simply don't know what to do with it. What is going on? No. It didn't make any sense, not just because occasionally there was Michael Johnson and then you'd sort of morph into this monster, weird thing. But also, it didn't sync up with

mine or Peter's audio at all. There were bits in there in the recording that like when you were normal you you were saying things that that were part of a conversation like 40 minutes earlier in the podcast so not only did it garble it but it like it basically just went on a spin cycle in the washing machine it didn't none of it made sense yeah that was yeah that was that was a merry merry afternoon i spent fixing that problem but now we're back and i've got the old school microphone the yet he's back baby trusty trusty little boy yeah we'll play a clip now Wow. Now, it's a pretty mystery you can't even more than I for 30 days up to.

So, what's telling you? Yeah, old bo. Oh, just a cute, mate, so it. Yeah, by the Ometto. There, the, BBT, the web page, that's you. Uh, I'd never yet be a, he could be it to be a day. Wow. That was upsetting to hear again.

Wasn't it? Yeah. It definitely at one point, it does go. Son. It does. Is that the one we played? Just for context. I don't know.

It's up to you. You are God in this situation. I think I played that one. That's the best one. We've got loads of clips, though. Yeah. Release the tongues. The tongues cut.

Cout, of course. If I'd managed to edit that podcast together with that audio file, I would have done. Because Peter and I would have just been listening politely to just, an AI trying to talk to us and then just sort of laughing when it makes a joke that no one can understand and yeah it would be responding to it brilliant

so good I don't suppose you guys want to it's a bit cold out here we stood outside doing this opening this cold open should we do you want to head inside the since there's no place to go

let it snow let it snow the fire is so delightful etc you better watch out do you think Kevin could sing as a nice carol perhaps I don't know I think it would sound like that clip we just played. We should try and, yeah, run the theme song through the AI thing and see what it is.

Oh, God, I don't want to do that. Well, take it away in a manger, Kevin. Go on, Kevin. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Poddy. It's the official video. podcast it's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us where everybody brings a thing along to talk about i'm ben i'm peter and i'm michael i'm deciding it's christmas eve how do you guys feel about that i yeah i agree i think christmas eve's the one are you excited for christmas boys sure yeah yeah always yeah what um what toys are you are you

most wanting Michael Johnson. Genuinely, the one thing I've asked for for Christmas is a fancy set of Alan Keys. Oh, this guy, he owns a bicycle. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm getting the holy grail of Alan Keys, hopefully. We'll see if Santa treats me. That's the one thing on my list. You got any special requests?

Yeah, what are you asking for, Ben? Me? Oh, I asked for a clothes horse. that plugs into the wall and then it's heated. Oh, wow. Very premium. A fire hazard is what I've requested specifically. That's what I'd like.

I'd ask for such boring shit now. It makes me sad. I still put like a video game on there, maybe. But, you know, long gone are the Days of the Argos catalog. It's socks. Just get me some alcohol or a voucher. And I need this household appliance that I been holding off on buying for some reason.

Why did Father Christmas always need the catalogue number? That's what I don't understand. That really was very strange that he wanted that writing down on the list as well. Yes. That does sound like a bloody good idea, though. Why not as adults can we not look through the IKEA catalogue? Even if we buy boring stuff, at least you're looking through the IKEA catalog circling things. That would be good.

What about you, Peter? What have you asked Father Christmas for? I've asked for big mug It's a conspiracy by Big mug I have lots of We have lots of mugs in our house Because we do drink a lot of tea But I really like a gigantic

Hot drink when I have one Could do with one right now I mean you say it's Christmas Eve Those who have been following Triple Jump over the past few weeks We're kind of dating the recording here Because I still sound like this I just for those who are not aware

If you're a Pottie, it's fan, but not so much an extracurricular fan. I have had the flu. I've coughed a lot. I feel fine now, but I sound, I sound, I sound, I sound, I sound funny. Yeah, well, sexy. That's what you, that's what you think. And that's, your words, not mine. But I feel like I should address that at the top of the podcast before we go any further.

It has been tat week this week. Yeah, that was, oh, Mikey, guess what? You'll never guess what was in one of the tat box. Mm. Oh, what could it possibly be? It was a fucking wasp. Alive. What?

Yes. There was a wasp in a box that somebody sent us, not on purpose, but it was there. Okay, so it wasn't just a wasp in a box. No, it wasn't just one box with a wasp in it. No. Oh, my God. A ring box with a wasp in, no. How long had that thing been alive and therefore?

I don't know. Well, they do that, don't they? I think they can hibernate over the winter. I think sometimes they die and sometimes they just sort of go into power saver mode and sit in a box or a whatever,

sitting in your loft and it was sitting in this box. Nobody got stung. It was an all-time tatapil moment. Finding a wasp in a box. No one has to send a wasp in a box before. Never happened before probably.

Well, hopefully we'll never happen again. Please don't send us wasps. Thank you. Thank you in advance. Also, at the time of recording, we haven't done it yet. It's happening in a couple days time, but we can only assume that it was a huge success, the reunion stream, in mid-December.

So thank you very much to everyone who came along, gave so generously to charity, took part in the auction, and just had a merry old time with us. The full Vod, I assume, is on the channel now, if you want to go check it out. What I would like to know, though, is what Michael Johnson's been up to for the past month? You've done anything? What's going on? Tell me. Tell me now. Oh, God. I've got, I've got nothing to share. I've, I've been working a lot. That's it. I've been working, a lot of late nights working. Like, I've been, well, I've been working on the new Shoriel for the company I work for and those things. I've never, never spent so much time on one minute of video in my life, but it's a lovely little thing. Yeah, that's,

I don't know, it's been called, so I'm not going out as much. It's dark, so I want to go out as much. I'm just kind of sat festering, watching Taskmaster, you know, the rot. I like taskmaster, but it definitely feels like it's become the rot program like it's all right taskmaster again here we go i need a break and i need some new outlets it's always on when you need it you know it's like four in a bed if you're if it's a sunday and you turn the tv on four and a bed is on somewhere um you know what's four in a bed please a four in a bed you know it's on one of the you know the sort of 20s to 30s channels on on free view it's like it's not it's not a premium channel thing but it's not at the bottom of the

list, four in a bed. The reason it's always on is because they do about five episodes that are all shared. It's like Come Dine with me, you know, where they do one episode per person in a group of five. And it's people who own B&Bs and they go and stay in each other's B&Bs and rate each other. It's not sexual then. No, I mean, it sounds like it, yeah, it would be better if it was. But it's, it's terrible. It's the worst people ever.

and what they do is someone will have the other B&B owners to their B&B and they'll have the room all as nice as they can possibly get it and the person will be shown to their room and they'll say oh yeah well enjoy your room I'll see you later and shut them into their room

and then they will take the mattress off the bed they'll like rub their hands across the top of the wardrobe looking to the dust do they check if someone's pissed the bed before they've arrived because you should do that But they check things you would never think of... It's like a nicely made bed.

It's all immaculate. You could bounce a penny off it. And they tear it apart looking for a single pub. And they find it. They always find the pub. If it's there, they'll find it. Yeah. Anyway, there's loads of that.

It's on constantly all week on some channel or other. Sounds brilliant. Yeah. Sounds amazing. So is that where you've been up to, Peter? Just four in a bed. I've not watched it in a year. I've not. I've not watched it in years, but I'm just aware that it's one of those programs that you can always guarantee is on at some point. What have I been doing? I've been, it's been one in a bed for me for three days straight at one point. Just on LEMSIP and stuff. But, you know, apart from that, it's been fine. Do you go anywhere? Dodging wasps. No, I didn't. I didn't really do anything. Not really. Did you not go on holiday?

Oh, yeah. Well, there's that. I forgot that it's a monthly show. now. I was like, oh, it's been two weeks. I've been ill for two weeks. So, you know, I've not done anything. Now, I have been, I've been away, but maybe my thing today will involve in some way the trip that I've been on. So all I'll say is I went to Bath and then down to Exeter as well before we came back just while we were down there because we know someone in Exeter we wanted to see. And we had a mostly very nice time. Mostly, interesting. Oh, goodness me. Goodness me.

How about you? What have you been up to, Ben, for the past month? I went to Budapest for the first time. Yes, she did. I've never been there before. Beautiful city. Lovely history. I'm going to give you the headline of this thing that happened, and then I'm going to very quickly explain that actually the truth to it isn't that exciting or salacious.

But it makes for a hell of a headline anecdote. Are you ready? I got told off in a Holocaust museum. Oh, no. Yeah. It sounds bad, doesn't it? Do you want to know what I did? What did you do?

I had a drink of my Diet Coke in the Holocaust Museum. That's not around. Yeah, I didn't know. There was no sign. And a woman came out about two minutes after, and obviously, everyone's really quiet. There weren't that many people in there. They were walking around very respectfully, reading all the plaques and stuff. And she's like a bat out of hell.

I heard someone just scurrying in through the door and, like, marching around. And I was like, that's, I wonder what's going on. And then she spotted that I had a diet Coke in my back pocket. And she said, no drinking, please. And I said, okay. And then she left. And that was it. Right.

She saw me on the cameras. Yeah. No way. Having a sip of my diet Coke. So I felt very sheepish about that. No drinking, please. Did she call you out like in front of everyone loudly or was it a quiet like, no drinking? Well, she didn't say it quietly, but also there weren't that many people there.

So it wasn't, it could have been worse. But yeah, that was a, that's something that I don't want to ever have to repeat. No, there's not, I don't think there's actually a worse place that could have happened. So I've ticked that off now. Don't have to do that again in my entire life, which is great. Glad I got that other way now. The rest of the city was beautiful, though. They have these heated baths from a natural hot fish.

and that was pretty crazy and yeah it's just I just had a lovely time ate loads of food drank loads of alcohol got some cool bars there and did loads of walking and came back like 10 times more tired

than when I left you know just usual that's a holiday yeah yeah that's how it works so yeah went on a little adventure and that was really fun so that's what I've been up to

but very excited for Christmas and you know who else is excited for Christmas who the people who contributed to the pod squad this month that's who If you go to pottyets.com, donate three pounds or more. You get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Podiotts.

You support what we're doing here and you join Pod Squad for that week. I'd just like to apologize. I'm actually rubbing my face an awful lot. It's because there's a cat here. And you know when the cat fur gets on your face? And even when you get the cat fur off your face, it's still like tickling like mad. I don't know where this phantom cat fur is, but it's driving me crazy. Anyway, Mikey, can you tell us who the first group of Pod Squaders are, please?

I would love to. We begin with the generous festive bum piss. Oh, they say, hello, boys. I've had a shitter of a year, and I can't thank you all enough for being there to distract me with tales of birds stuck in supermarkets, ridiculous news stories, 90s kids TV presenters, and the odd bum piss.

Keys, keys. It's actually, tangentially, on the topic of birds stuck in supermarket markets during our charity live stream we launched a new piece of merch It's birds and supermarkets themed Go check it out It's on a hoodie as well

So you can stay warm for Christmas Videoidsofficial.com Check it out Anyway, that plug comes later But I thought I just mentioned it now We continue with Anonymous Ah, Bravely gay Corrosion wants petrol for Xmas

Podiot's presents North Korea Caroline, why is their call Don Aco 7 and Ewell Frogly Thank you We've also got

Caroline, the turkey is dry Merry Christ Mr Black Stephen Skodes Peter gets hit by a sleigh Old Greg

loved Santa Kerry Mist Man Freddy Lord Christ Kintovitch Lord Kiskindovic

Lord Chris Kinderv and Mr. Blobby's Sloppy Nobby. Beautiful. Finally, we have Anonymous, thank you, Anonymous. The very generous Prince Beefcakes, who said, Merry Holidays, y'all, just wanted to say that while I used to work at Home Depot, ancestral home of Boppis, it says in brackets, I now work for a rental car company where I'm constantly stopping myself from saying

keys, keys every single time I hand out car keys. Love you, bye. Thank you, William. Prince Beefcakes. We've also got Mikey Johnson's Plop Trumps. I saw mommy shid on Santa Claus The very generous Hetty Bobetti Who said hello boys

Hope you all have a great Christmas So glad Pottietz is back I will be here forever lurking Even if I don't donate Question mark Mikey I feel your pain I have a couple of shit stories That are too long to put here

You'll just have to trust me That's the beauty of shit stories They're all kind of the same I can fill in the blanks I hope you're recovering The story is I shit myself And finally we have Mr Macca Anonymous Cheg Winter Wonka Land

And fiddle the dickle until Coom Thank you so much Pod Squad That's your pod squad for this festive season Thank you so much, guys, pottyats.com Three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode And you support us, you support the thing that you enjoy Thank you very much

Do you guys have a favourite out of those? Um I like I it's not Christmasy but Braveie gay got me I don't know what Yeah That was the one actually

I think might be the best one Yeah They're all good They're all Was gravy bay this year No it can't have been Oh was it

When did we see Brian When did we see Brian? Was it like late Oh my God When was Brian What is Brian Was it That must have been late last year.

Oh. Was it here? I don't know. I actually have on this PC, oh, I know it's on a hard drive, I think. Separate drive. I've got all my photos, including those. And I would know what date it was. I could pull them up.

27th of September, 2023. Oh, wow. Oh, God. Over a year ago. That's kind of disgusting, actually. I thought it was this year for a second. Thank you very much, Pod Squad. Mikey, sorry, did you pick one?

You like Bravely Gay? I do like Bravy Gears. I think I do as well. BraveEK is good. I'm going to go with Peter gets hit by a sleigh. Also, I saw Mommy Shid on Santa Claus, took me by surprise. Yes. That is certainly one of the names that we got today.

Thank you very much, Pod Squad. Also, Poddietz Presents North Korea, their donation had a link to Google Maps, which takes me to Podiat's presents Pongchun Park, which I believe is, Is it, it's in North Korea, yes. In North Korea. There we are.

We are now in North Korea somewhere. Excellent. Amazing. Wow, there's still a lot of them on Google Maps. Holy shit. They've not done anything to stop it. Surely it would actually be really, really easy to just say anything that contains the words potty, it's presents. Yeah.

Remove that pin. But no. Nah. It means we must never stop. Never ever stop. Wonderful. Well, Mikey, you. You are in charge of questions and things today, so what would you like to do?

Oh, I would actually like, Ben, for you to start with your listener submitted thing, if you don't mind. That I certainly can do. Give me one second. This comes to us courtesy of, I believe it was Greg Miller. I'm having to click things with my left hand, which is a challenge. It is from... No, where is it? Hello? It is from Greg Miller on Twitter at Greg Mill 221. This is an article from the BBC. Headline reads, owner says ugly cat does not need rescuing. Oh, oh, oh no. A pet owner.

It's ugliness. It's self, yes. I think so because it looks like it needs help. Do you want to see it? Yeah. Yeah, please. It's a bit of a goblin cat, but it's quite cute as well. Hang on, let me just browsing here is the cat in question.

I will now tell you what's going on. That is a bit scary. It just looked like it needs help, yeah. A pet owner has made a plea for people to stop taking her ugly cat because they think it needs help. Michelle Lava lives on a boat on the Grand Union Canal in Hertfordshire and has to regularly convince well-meaning people that her Cornish Rex cat Lulu does not need to be rescued. On some occasions, people have tried to take Lulu while her owner was trying to convince them that she is fine from the boat. She's a very unusual looking cat, Mrs. Lava said, adding, a lot of people think she has been shaved or she's abused or is a stray, despite the fact that she has an Apple air tag, a QR code, and that's got, and she's got my name on her.

She said, one time I was in Australia, I was getting phone calls to say, I found your cat, and I was like, just put her down. I assume that means, like, don't pick her up, not. Oh, yeah, don't say that on the phone. That's a bad thing to say. tick me by surprise A Cornish Rex has long legs Big ears and short curly hair I'm not going to lie

They're ugly as sin Miss Lava admitted Now Now whenever the cat owner moves her boat She posts on local Facebook pages To introduce herself And ask people not to take the cat She added

She's such a celebrity now People come to take photos with her And post her on Facebook Miss Lava said Friendly Lulu enjoyed the attention And could approach strangers Who mistook her for a stray that needed rehoming.

Lulu's vet has also been made aware of the issue, as some people have found Lulu near her boat and try to take her to a vet to find her home. I understand it comes from caring, but it gets quite stressful when I'm working, the owner said. Fair. There's another picture of Lulu.

There she is. She's beautiful. She's a beautiful sort of bat. She looks quite polite there. Moody picture. It's like a go in a magazine. A rodent cat There we are

Yeah lovely So please don't take Lulu Home Oh my gosh If you find Lulu she's fine Okay Just put her down Despite that third photo

She is fine She's fine She's fine She's just a little weird looking Oh Amazing Thank you very much Ben You're welcome

You're Ben Peter Yes I would love to hear Your festive thing Well I will tell it to you right now. It's slightly tenuous, the festive... Simon's celebrates freedom of expression with a daily ritual of getting dressed.

Fashion's power lies in its endless possibilities. Each garment is an invitation to get creative, be unique, and show the world exactly who you are as you are. Be true, be authentic, be unapologetically you. Express yourself, That's Simons. It does have a festive thread, sort of occasionally sticking its head in and saying, is it, okay, that's how festive it is. That's my impression of how festive it is. But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

So I have been to Bath for a nice trip. While I was there, I wasn't able to make it the ultimate nice trip because I didn't see Michael Thompson, which was a real shame. But we were busy walking around, seeing things and doing things and getting tired feet. But hey, next time I will do the ultimate thing. I'll have the full bath experience. However, definitely on one of the days, we would have had a much better time if we'd just gone and hung out with Michael Johnson. I'm going to tell you about that right now.

Oh, no. Oh, my. No shade pants, please. Yeah, did you shit? No shit pants. This story contains zero shit. Well, it's close. No.

Oh, no. Well, you'll see what I mean by that. There's no, there's no shit pant. So, I've written this up for you, and I'm going to read it now. Okay. On our third day in Bath, we wandered into the centre to do a bit of Christmas shopping. Oh. The decorations were out.

The streets were bustling. The vibes, as Ashton Matthews would say, were good. Good vibes. Good, okay. Of course. Spending too much money on gifts for people that you don't like, that much, is in fact hungry and thirsty work. So before long, we found ourselves wishing to whet our whistles and scoff some scram.

To the eateries! shouted none of us because we don't speak like that, but we did indeed move in the direction that looked like it promised eateries. The first few places we tried were busy, but eventually we came across a cafe with a decent-looking festive menu in the window and no sign of crowds inside. So we decided to give it a try. Within moments of entering the establishment, however, we all simultaneously experienced that all too familiar sense of, oh, no, this isn't at all what I was imagining it would be like.

The room was incredibly hot with steamed up windows. The three members of staff all behind the counter who were wearing antler headbands seemed stressed and confused, despite the almost empty room. and there were no proper tables to sit at, only a very thin breakfast bar-style ledge along one wall and a series of wooden crates, actual big wooden crates, to perch on, lined with tinsel to make them festive.

Oh, great. Lovely. Unfortunately, though, we had already been spotted by one of the staff. She glanced over, beamed the smile at us, and asked us what she could get us. We are British, and therefore we were trapped.

As a verbal contract now you've signed, you can't. It is, yes. No, sooner have we opened our mouths, though, to give her an answer, then the lady interjected and let us know that the kitchen was now closed, despite it not even being what one might call mid-afternoon, and that the only food available was the stuff in the cake display. Now, this might have been a good excuse to say, oh, no worries, thanks anyway, and leave.

But with every one of us hoping that someone else in the group would take the lead on that, The opportunity soon passed us by and we immediately reached that point where we all thought obliged to simply say cake will be fine. Oh, that's not sustenance. No, it's not. It was only then that we noticed that every one of the cakes,

none of which had a look about them that obviously suggested what sort of cake they actually were, all had unhelpfully novelty Christmas names. Saka Cole. Frightful weather. Merry Christmas. What in the name of fuck were any of these cakes? Only one of them was obvious.

The Rudolph's carrot cake was definitely carrot cake. It looked like carrot cake, and its name included the words carrot cake. Sadly, none of us like carrot cake. Oh, man. What if it was made out of reindeer? Could have been, like a meat loaf maybe. Oh, yummy. Fortunately, one of the friends we were on the trip with in our group was sharp enough

to notice that the menus listed not only the cake names visible in the display, but also what the fuck they actually were as well. Are we all right to sit down and have a quick look through, my friend asked. Bizarrely, the woman's reaction was almost an expression of pain.

Yeah, no problem at all, she winced, but there was a pause. Would it be okay if when you've decided that you actually come back to the counter to order, We can't take orders at the table. I'm really sorry.

It was as though no cafe in history had ever had a policy of order at the counter and she was really embarrassed by it. Add to this, the fact that the whole time all of this had been going on, all three of the staff had been sort of dashing around in the space behind the counter, but seemingly not doing anything specific

except wearing the expressions of people who didn't even know what a cafe was and yet had been entrusted with managing the bomb cafe with a bomb under it that will explode if you don't do an amazing job of managing the bomb cafe. Yeah, no problem. We'll order at the counter, came our reply. We each picked a crate over by the breakfast bar and sat down. One couple were already sitting there, and only one crate remained by the time we'd all taken our places. At that very moment, the door opened, and an old lady

doddered into the cafe and looked about the room. She then turned to the staff at the counter and said, I'll order in a moment, I'm just waiting for my friend. Oh, okay, two of you, is it? said one of the staff. Yes, that's right, said the woman. Oh, okay, we don't actually have two free seats at the bar, but we do have a table in the basement, if you'd like that. It's just down those stairs, she said, gesturing to the most sinister looking basement steps I've ever seen in my life. Oh, I'm not sure I can really manage. Her voice trailed off anxiously.

I took this opportunity to get a good look at the old lady's face, making a mental note of some of her features, knowing that in a few hours I would likely have to describe her to the police officers investigating her death, or potentially even identify her remains. Then, I looked at the cellar entrance. It was a great demonic moor that easily had the capacity to bring our cake stop to a grisly end.

But we were still British, and it was time to do the right thing and offer the lady our table, and we would sacrifice ourselves to the basement gods. Yes. Before we could even offer, though, and two of us were literally starting to utter the sentence, the third member of staff who had so far been quiet looked over at us and simply said,

in the tone of a slightly frustrated school teacher, with antlers on her head, Could you guys go downstairs, please? This lady needs your seats. I'd leave at that point. Yeah, well. We exchanged some stifled laughs amongst ourselves and then agreed, slowly making our way down the concrete steps into a very small underground room

with bare unplastered walls. It smelled musty. On the floor in the corner was a crumpled banner. That from where we were standing simply said, we wish you a me it was folded on the left side of the tiny space was a single cafe table

adorned with numerous salt and pepper shakers and one menu with one side lined with a bench set into the wall and the other furnished with two chairs over to the right less than two metres from the table sitting by an alcove that we later found contained the door to the toilets

were three clear plastic bin-bag full of rubbish, not even tied off at the top. Open rubbish bags, by the loos, next to our table, in this, the Sex and Murder Dungeon of the Bomb Cafe. We all sat down, looked at each other, smirking, and did our best not to laugh, knowing full well we would be heard upstairs, despite the ongoing chaotic pacing of the staff behind the counter.

It was only after spending the next five minutes whispering to each other about the absolute state of this place, that a fourth member of staff emerged like a fucking shark from the alcove that led to the toilets and sauntered upstairs without saying anything. She had not come out of the toilet, the door had not moved,

she had simply been standing there, presumably just straight up eavesdropping on our conversation. What the fuck? This was our limit. We packed up, went out into the street and found a lovely old man selling mold wine. We drank some mulled wine and had a nice rest of the day. Yum.

Oh, my God. So that was my very festive day, Christmas shopping in Bath. Wow, and Bath's supposed to be lovely. I mean, the Christmas market's nice. It was. You found the one bad place in Bath. We did. We did.

Bath was lovely the whole time we were there, and the Christmas market was really, really good. And we had some really nice, we had mulled wine on more than one day. and at the Christmas market I had this like hot apple spiced apple juice. It was really nice. So, hey, we had a fantastic time in Bath

in spite of our strange encounter in the cafe in the basement. That's so weird. It was really weird. Yeah, they didn't know what was going on. All they knew is that they wanted to give us a horrible time seemingly. But I hope

the old lady had a wonderful day. at the breakfast bar on her crate. I don't understand how, I just don't get why people would go back to a place like that or how a place that would ever have any business. And I get it's maybe it's not the best job in the world. But there's like a minimum requirement to be pleasant to people. I had a very, well, it's not similar in the slightest.

But when I was coming back from Budapest, I went through the airport, went to a W.H. Smith, paid for like a bottle of water and the young woman behind the till didn't make eye contact at all and then I held up my hand to take my receipt and she just dropped it on the till in front of her and didn't even look at me

and I was like it's so fucking easy to not be an asshole to people I don't get it I give people who work in airports a pass I don't know I just I think that's my nightmare job working in a WH Smith airport but the thing is I don't want to be in the airport either alright so let's try and get along

Yeah, just get out, get through this together. But you are right, Mikey. Like, not only you in a retail job working at W.H. Smith's, but you're in an airport as well. It must be even worse if you work airside, because I think you have to go through security every day just to go and do their job. Just to sell six pound sandwiches

and five-prong packets of croft. Yeah. Everyone's using the self-service till's wrong, etc. God. I'm really curious about this place you went to for lunch, Peter, I want to look it up and find some Google reviews. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't want to dox it on the podcast.

Could you type it into Discord? I don't remember off top of my head where it was, but maybe if I wander around on the street view, I might be able to find it. I should have written down the name, actually. Because I immediately thought this is going on Podgets, but I didn't actually have the foresight to take a note of the name. Let me look, see if I can find it.

I'm really curious by what their reviews are. Either they're all lying five stars, or they're all equally like yeah we stayed in the rat cellar with the open bin bags it was awful yeah i might have to get back to you because uh i won't find it immediately i don't think but i can be looking while we continue with the podcast if you like we'll save it as a treat for towards the end of the podcast yeah but there we go that's my festive thing thank you very much peter sorry you had to go through that oh that's okay it was quite entertaining that's i think the reason we stayed when they were like can you go downstairs please this lady need your seat

We were like, this is quite funny. Let's see where this goes. I'm glad you backed out before actually getting food, though. You were there way longer than you should have been, but at least you got out of there. Thank you very much, Peter. Thank you. We are going to move on to my viewer-submitted thing,

and in this edition, it's some questions from the viewers. Ooh. I've got a lord in front to me, so I'm going to rattle off a few. a few fun ones. A lot of them are quite festive. So let's see what we've got. Have you seen the price of calls?

Yep, it's ridiculous. Very good. Okay, this is from, sorry, that was from Samuel Benson 98. This one's from corrosion audio. What's the weirdest Christmas dinner you've ever had? Have you ever had a weird Christmas dinner? No, I don't think so. Apart from like maybe a skil, you know the roast dinners you could,

you could get at school and they made a big deal out of it and they sat everyone at those horrible tables and you had to you had to pay in advance in order to get it and they'd give you you'd get like a time slot because everyone from every year got a chance so they'd have to cycle throughout the day and it was like the driest roast potato it was just a bad a bad roast dinner really um that's i mean that's the that's the closest to weird i suppose is it christmas school school dinners at christmas it's always like Like, it's a roast, but the vegetables aren't roasted. They're just, like, boiled in water.

It's all sad and pathetic. Yeah. Yeah. The tray bake stuffing. Hmm. Is your square of stuffing. I don't think I ever had a roast dinner at school. I generally didn't have even have school dinners.

I used to take food in instead. No, yeah, me too. It was a special treat. In inverted comments, the special treat. I think. It was one Christmas. I can't remember. why but my parents just couldn't be bothered making Christmas dinner that year so we had like

a curry on Christmas day and it really felt wrong it was nice I like curry but it's not quite the same eating a curry in a little in a little paper hat is it it's just not my my parents once had a Christmas dinner where it was it was the two of them and then just my sister so it's just just the three three people and at the time my sister was vegan and I don't think my mom quite knew what to make and also they were like oh if we buy even if we did buy a turkey you know that's that's a lot for you know you don't need a whole turkey i guess you you'd maybe get a chicken or something and in the end she was like you know i'm just going to make a spaghetti thing so she just uh she got her gno de campo book out and they had spaghetti on christmas day i wasn't there i was at uh the

the in-laws for full christmas dinner i was glad i would have kicked off if someone gave me me spaghetti on Christmas day. Me too. I was like, well, you know, if you guys are enjoying it, great, but I would not keep it away from me. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. We continue. Count John asks, what is the one thing you wanted from Santa, but never got? I did keep asking for a dog, and one year I got just like a stuffed, like a plushy, a teddy dog,

which felt almost more insulting than not receiving a dog at all. you know like uh did you you said a dog uh i got you technically you got one now yeah i think mine was uh i did get a wee eventually but it was many years later with my own money but i really wanted a wee for christmas and my parents wouldn't get me it and i was i think this was in the height of it when it was just even impossible to buy it was so bad i was quite upset about that um i feel like i've given this answer before i'm not sure where though but I wanted a wrestling bed spread I wanted like stone cold Steve Austin on my on my bed

and my parents their response was no that's silly we're not doing this so I never got it never got one yeah I had a pod racer bed spread pod racer holy shit yeah I had Simpsons born it was pretty cool it was yeah I had a Spider-Man one that was awesome I loved that but you know I wanted I wanted a half-naked man on my

on my bed sheets and I wasn't allowed, so never mind. Boo. It's weird that you just reach a certain, or maybe none of us ever reached the age truly, but, you know, all through your childhoods, like you have some kind of cool bedspread. Even when I was at uni,

I had a double bedspread, but it was like Dennis the Menace, like, I thought it was really quite interesting, you know, and then you reach an age and it's like, you can't have fun bedspreads anymore. I mean, you can, but do you, would you? I've got a dinosaur bedspread, but it's a bit more...

Have you? Yeah, it's a bit more artistic, though. It's not like funky colours, you know, cartoon dinosaurs. It's like, it's grey, and it's got some plants, and it's got some dinosaur shapes on it. It's like an adult's dinosaur. Yeah. Oh, sorry, I'm distracting.

I'm on Amazon looking at what children's bedspreads are as. Paul Patrol. It'd be pretty cool. I do love Paul Patrol. Do you love Paul Patrol? Maybe I will treat myself. Probably a lot of Fortnite ones. Oh, hell yeah.

Nice. I'm going to be gaming this Christmas. All right. That's going on my Christmas list, Santa, please. Harathbone asks favorite type of potato for a Christmas dinner. I mean dinner. There's not many forms of Christmas potato, is there? Is it mashed and roasted?

Yeah, I guess so. He's not asking, or they're not asking for, like, type of potato, are they? Like a King Edward's potato. Because I wouldn't know what the answer to that would be No, I don't either Aren't two bests One in the bag Yeah, I think

It's roast It's roast, it's roast potatoes It's got to be roast Some sycophants prefer mash and there's They're wrong I don't mind having both options But if it's roast every day

Roast potatoes all day Yeah Yeah, I will always have both If possible I think I will be making Both this Christmas for myself because I'm doubling up on potato, baby, it's Christmas. Oh, yeah, man, do it.

Can't find this cafe. Oh, maybe, oh, it's a fiction of your imagination. Yeah. Do you reckon it was like a pop-up shop and that's why they were so stressed? Maybe they'd opened that day and they've treated people so badly that it's now gone. Well, that's what you get. Yeah. Ugly freaking bug asks, what is the way?

worst Christmas film. I haven't seen that many Christmas films. No, I don't think I have. It's never been part of my Christmas experience. I think Jack Frost was my least favorite as a child and that was, my dad bought a pirate

copy of it and it was a really, really crap quality copy. And just like, have you ever seen the snowman from that film? I've seen the I've seen the trailer or like stills. I remember seeing it before VHS's at the time. You know, you're watching a movie and there'd be an advert for that.

Is he, who's he meant to, who's he played by again? Oh, it's someone famous. Yeah, it's like Bill Murray or someone like that. Yeah, he's scary looking that, that Jack Frost. Yeah, that's frightening. It's just not right. No, fuck that. Who plays the Snowman?

We don't know. But anyway, yeah, it just creep me out. I don't think I finished watching it. I just couldn't. And yeah, so screw that film. I'm looking to the questions I'll get one more in who's going to be

who's it going to be who's it going to be who is it going to be Mikey come on I'm deciding I'm finding the best one you can just click on as a lot of this you want Mikey you don't have to

select them there's about 40 of them i do have to select them i can fill by saying that uh i don't think elf is a bad movie but i think it's a little tiny bit overrated i think people go absolutely nuts for elf like it's the greatest christmas film of all time and i think it's just it's just just a christmas film shrug big shrug yeah i think i it was my favorite for years but then i think it just got overplayed and i got sick of it

Yeah. Well, yeah, that can do that. It's too much. It's too much. All right. Last one from Keplunk Cheek. Eggnog or egg not. Have you ever tried eggnog? No. I haven't actually.

I'm not even sure what it tastes like. We made juggernaug that time. Oh, yeah. Did we actually put eggnog in it, though? I don't know. We sort of made it out of the same constituent ingredients. And it was just like a sugary alcoholic milkshake. And I mean, that's tasty, but I've never had actual eggnog.

No, I've always wanted to try it, but I don't think it's very, very vegan. Probably not, no. It's struggling with that. Egg's not vegan. Neither is nog. What is nog? Where does the nog come from? You can't find plant-based nog for love, no money.

What's the etymology of eggnog? I'm curious now. I think it's eggwood. Have you had an advocate before the kind of vodka milk? I've had it in, because you put it in a snowball, don't you, I think? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's similar to that, but more eggy and more noggy.

Yeah. The nog comes from, it may come from grog, a historic term for watered down rum. Oh. And then grog became nog. Yeah, apparently. Weird. Egg grog. No, thank you.

Oh, yeah. It may have also come from noggins, which were small wooden mugs. Noggins. I like it. Nog out of. That's cute. I enjoy Noggins as a word. Bring out the Christmas Noggins.

Hello, Noggins. It's Granny Noggins. No, I'm not going to do one more. You'll get the deciding song as I pick through them. No. Will I? Oh, God, I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

Here he goes. You can hear his brain working in real time. You see the brain ticking as my eyes flicker. Ha! Ha! Oh, no, I've closed the window. I've closed the window. Oh, well, that decides it then.

Yeah, that's it That's your lot That's your Christmas lot Merry Christmas Thank you everyone For your wonderful questions Merry Christmas to all 40 of those people Ah

I'm still in charge Don't ever put me in charge of things It's a nightmare Next up We can do it We've got Ben With your own thingling

I have got a Christmas Thingeling Now I decided to do A quiz Well it's sort of a quiz It's a, it's one of my, it's one of my favorite formats for Podgets, which is, is this real or is this not real? But it's not the onion game. It is instead, is this a real hallmark rom-com Christmas movie or have I made it up?

Okay. Because I know that we all loved Hot Frosty, that, that film that came to Netflix recently where the snowman becomes a real man and fuck's a human woman. And we talked a lot in our group chat about how brilliant and profoundly moving it was as a piece of cinema. And I thought maybe this would be a nice thing to do to test your knowledge of Christmas-themed shite rom-coms. So I'd quite like Jack Frost from the Jack Frost movie to come alive and fuck a human woman. I think that would be more entertaining. It's upsetting because he comes alive as a snowman. Whereas Hot Frosty turned into a human man.

Whereas Jack Frost, I think that would be, I don't know, I think there'd be some compatibility issues, anatomy-wise, potentially would be an issue. Anyway, we can all think about it and maybe write it ourselves for the next Christmas. So in front of me, I've got a selection of names of Christmas-themed rom-coms. I'm going to give you them one by one. I would like you to tell me if it's a real one or if it's a fake one. Are you prepared for the first one?

Yes. First one is, It's Christmas, comma, Carol. It's Christmas, Carol. With an exclamation mark on the end and everything. It's Christmas, Carol. It seems a bit too obvious. I'm going to say that's fake.

I'm going to say that's real because Hallmark films are obvious and awful. Well, yeah, they are. You're right. This movie is real. It came out in 2012. The synopsis is as follows. Instead of focusing on Ebenezer Scrooge, this modern version of a Christmas Carol follows Heartless Publishing Executive Carol as she's confronted by Christmas's past, present and future to see if she can change her ways in time for this year's holiday. Right. God. Dyer. Next one. Ho-ho-ho-hoing it up for Christmas. Surely not. Yeah.

It could. It could be. It could be. I'll say that's fake as well. Yeah, I want to say a fake for that. Hallmark, it's supposed to be. It's family. It's for the family.

Yes, that's not wholesome enough. But you're going to say it's real, aren't you? Regrettably, it's fake. I wish it was real. I wish it was real. Next one is snowmants. Oh, that's nice. That's got to be real.

Yeah, that's a snowman made of ants, right? It is. A man. Snowman. Yeah, I'm going to say that's real, yeah. It is real. It came out in 2017. This movie focuses on a woman who falls in love with the latest version of her snow bow, i.e. the snowman she has built in her front yard every year since she was a kid, bit creepy,

when he comes to life and begins courting her. Snowmast. So it's a hot frosty situation again. Is this snowbow a snow hobo? No, it's snow, bow, spelled B-E-A-U-U-E-A-U. is in the French, is in my bow. My bow. My darling bow.

Snow bow. Snow bow. Yes. Snow bow. Next one. Fur crazy. It's in fur tree. Fur crazy.

It's a good pun. They're all puns. They're all fucking puns. Maybe, oh, maybe a Christmas tree, a fur tree fell. and on the door of the large country house and they're stuck in together. No. And they have to get to know each other.

It's real. I'm going to say it's fake, but I hope it's real. I bet Peter's written a better story for that film than the one that actually exists. It's real, and he has. This is from 2013. This is another movie about a Christmas tree lot and the people who fall in love with each other inside of it.

That's it. That's all you get. Next one. North Pole dancing. North Pole dancing. No. Yes. I'm going to say that's real. I think you put a family-friendly spin on that, right? Definitely good. But they haven't because it's not real, unfortunately. Okay. Again, lots of great ideas. If any execs are listening, you know, we're big fans of the I love you, Colonel Sanders, KFC dating, whatever the hell it was called. the mini-movie. I'm pretty sure we could write and direct

and shoot one of these if we needed to. Just give us a million pounds, thank you. Next one, the missile tones. The missile tones. It's in T-O-N-E-S, missile tones. A Christmas film that follows the escapades of an elderly choir group. Yeah, yeah.

I see it real. I think it's real. I don't think you would have come up with mistletones. I think you'd come up with something better. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. It is real. It's from 2012. A musical starring Tia Maui, well known, as a lady trying to join a very, and then it says in parentheses, locally, popular Christmas singing group. Just to be clear, we're not talking national here. No. People, people, they are not known, the mistletones. next one A Christmas Prince 3 The Royal Baby

I mean that's got to be real It implies the existence of two other Christmas Prince films It must be real Yeah I want to say that's fake I don't think Do Hallmark films get sequels Let alone three ones?

You wouldn't have thought so would you No But this one did This one did There's three of these The synopsis is the main reason I brought this because I can't quite believe that in just two movies

they've managed to get to this point it came out in 2019 Amber of Aldovia is back with a Yuletide mystery to solve this time it is the question of who stole an ancient treaty between Aldovia and the Asian country of Penglia

If Amber A Christmas treaty I don't know but that's good If Amber doesn't get to the bottom of this who done it fast and here's the kicker Her unborn child could be cursed forever Oh my God

God It's just a lighthearted Christmas movie About cursing children What's this film called again? A Christmas Prince 3, the royal baby This is Prince 3 Like this Oh it's a prince is in like

The royal family Yeah Good God What did you think it was like footprints I don't know I don't know I just want I forget that they're princes

I expect an all-timey kind of tale, but no, it's modern prints. No, it's modern, very modern. Well done, guys. Next one. Christmas Steve. Christmas Steve. Oh, like Christmas Eve. That took me a while.

Christmas Steve. Christmas Steve. Real. I think that's one of the super recent ones. They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for names now. Christmas Steve. Christmas Steve. I'll say that's fake

It is sadly it's fake I'd love to watch Christmas Steve I just want to know what he's up to It could just be about a guy having Christmas Got two more for you 12 dates of Christmas I mean that's gotta be real Surely it is real

It is real 2011 I think I might have even heard of that one Kate a young woman Is handed a unique chance by fate to relive her horrible Christmas date till she gets it right though initially scared

Kate accepts her fate and learns to live in the moment It's Groundhog Day It is Christmas Yeah Pride, prejudice and mistletoe Right, that's not even a part

No, it's not It doesn't really make any sense Does it? They've just added another thing on It just added mistletoe To the end of Pride and Prejudice Yeah, or have I Or have you Or have you?

Indeed. Have I done that? I don't think Holmark has the budget for period dramas or sets or nice costumes. I'm saying that's a fake one. Fair. I'll say it's real. It's real. It's from 2018.

And you're right, Mikey. It's not a period piece because it says Darcy is a career woman who hasn't found love. But her life turns upside down when she returns home to help her mother plan a charity event. Darcy, as in Mr Darcy. Possibly, but she's a career woman this time. Yeah. And there we are. Oh, wait.

I have a bonus one for you. Final curveball. Let's see who gets this right. Are you ready? Is this movie real or is this fake? A very chocolate grandma. I want it to be real. I'm going to say real.

just out of pure hope. Please, yes. This Christmas, I want chocolate grandma for Christmas. I'm thrilled to say that it is, it is in fact real. It comes out next year, and we're making it, boys. We're making a very chocolate grandmark. Have you still got the details of the elderly lady who is in the cafe, Peter? I don't, but I mean, probably when she sat down on that crate, she may not have got up again.

It wasn't very ergonomic, so she may still be there. If you can find the cafe, we'll find the lady. What if you go on Google Maps and you can see through the window and she's sat there? That'd be creepy. But, yeah, so very chocolate grandma is a real movie and we're going to make it. And that is my thing. Well done, guys. I think I made my fake ones a bit too slutty, which is a bit of a giveaway.

Ho-ho-ho-hoing it. Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-thus. Yeah. North Pole dancing. Christmas Steve, you know? Christmas Steve was a safer one. The reality is that they're just kind of. shit the names are just

if you get too clever it's too obvious and that's what I'm saying about my effort is it was just too clever too cerebral yeah too too too good too obvious I think outside the box all the hallmark films about career women and Christmas romance

that's it yeah there's no there's no breaking that formula that's it and that's my thing lovely thank you very much Ben you're welcome and Peter I'm looking at you could I get your listener submitted thing please You can

This was sent to us from River on the Discord and it's according to the Hollywood reporter Wicked Dolls Colon Mattel apologises for mistakenly linking to adult porn site on packaging

Subheading says We deeply regret this unfortunate error and are taking immediate action to remedy this Parents are advised that the misprinted incorrect website is not a appropriate for children, the company said in a statement. Yikes. This was written by Pamela McClintock and Danielle Directo Meston.

Goodness me. What a name. It's a good villain name. Directo. Wicked movie merchandising turned into a nightmare for Mattel over the weekend as news broke that a web address listed on the packaging for character dolls took consumers to an adult pornographic site. The toy company apologized later on Sunday. Mattel was aware of a misprint on the packaging of Mattel Wicked Collection dolls,

primarily sold in the US, which intended to direct consumers to the official wickedmovie.com landing page read a statement. We deeply regret this unfortunate error and are taking immediate action to remedy this. Parents are advised the misprinted incorrect website is not appropriate for children. And consumers who have already have the product are advised to discard the product packaging or obscure the link and may contact Mattel customer service for further information. I don't know if it's going to say in this advert, but I think I heard about this at the time, and I believe the URL.

I'm going to go for it. I'm going to try it. Wicked.com. I'm trying it as well, actually. Cinematic and parody porn. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

Do I click enter? this feels like I shouldn't be doing this. There's one that looks like a Fast and Furious parody. It's called Just the Tip. There's a one that I think is it Hunger Games, but it's just called The Hunger. Yeah, that's fair. Maybe it's not Hunger Games.

I don't know. There's a total lack of nudity on the homepage. There's also a lack of like good pun titles. You know, I was hoping for indie, in dick and come on man you can't do it it's not as easy as it I thought it was easy you know what actually they've done a great job

in dick Annie Jones and the great asshole that's it yeah that's the one there's someone in the hunger called Tommy Pistol oh Tommy Pistol should I googly these aren't parodies

none of these are I don't know me pistol. I'm not sure. I think you've got to pay it to see the good stuff, the parody. Yeah. Anyway, I'll continue with the article, shall I? 25 plus years of award-winning movies. Wow. That's pretty good, actually.

What awards. Do you think ho-ho-hoing it up for Christmas is all that? Oh, almost certainly, man. North Pole dancing. By Sunday afternoon, the entire Mattel manufactured doll collection, which includes fashion dolls, singing figurines, and deluxe collections. acceptable models was no longer available for sale at Target, one of the leading retail partners on the Universal Movie. The Motel produced line with the incorrect website address is in the process

of being pulled from shelves at Walmart, Macy's, Coles, Best Buy, DSW, Amazon and other retailers. And then it sort of fills by saying that Wicked Opens in theatres on November the 22nd, stars Ariana Grande and Cynthia Arevo, I think. The character dolls being sold with the erroneous address include Grande's Glinda and Arevo's Elphaba. The products with misprinted websites have already popped up on eBay for $100 to $800. The dolls normally retail for $2499 to $39.99. That's insane.

God, people are flipping them for $800 just because it's got a porn. you are else. I'd pay I'd pay money for it if it had like pornhub.com written on the side of it. But no, it's just, it's just, it's wicked.com. Yeah. That's funny. Oh, the article does actually specify at the bottom. It says the web address listed on the box is wicked.com instead of wickedmovie.

When clicking on the first link, a page comes up requiring users to be 18 and older. Those who click enter land on a porn site promoting an upcoming porn movie titled Kenzie loves girls two that's from a venture called. calling itself wicked pictures. The wicked dot-com domain name has been registered to its owner since 1994. Whoa.

Wow. It's as old as me. Can I please tell you Tommy Pistel's partial filmography because I think you'd really enjoy it? I hope there's some good sex pun names in there this time. They're really, you're going to...

A good Indiana Jones one. You're going to fucking love it. Some of them are kind of crap, like taxi driver, a triple X parody, right? Right. He's been in a movie called Tattas Under Siege, a wet dream on Elm Street. Oh. This one, I feel like I should save to the end because it just keeps going.

But he's also been in Evil Head playing Ashley Williams, like the Evil Dead. There's the XXXXorcist. Very good. That's good. A personal favourite Sponge Knob Square Nuts. Oh God. Square nuts. He played Patrick Starr. I don't know if we've got a photo of him as Patrick Starr. Oh, that's the one that you've, it's been memed a lot, actually. I've seen memes of this where it's obviously a porn parody. Suicide Squad Triple X and Axel Braun parody. The gang makes a porno, which isn't it's always, it is an it's always sunny in Philadelphia porn parody. He played a character called Nali, presumably Charlie. And he also starred as Horat in Horat the Sexual Learning of America for Make Benefit Beautiful Nation of Kazakhstan. Very, very good.

Fucking Horat. Come on, Horat. He actually won best supporting actor for the gang makes a borno. So there you go. Oh, very good. Yeah, really good. Best actor for Evil Head? Fucking hell.

This is okay. Tommy Pistol's done really well for himself. I do want to know what he looked like in the in the in the sponge knob square nuts though Sponged knob Sponge knob

It's the most impractical tackle you could ever take to a sex encounter Your spongy knob And your square nuts Jesus You would

Yeah you also wouldn't want a spongy knob If you worked in porn You would have thought No it doesn't work That is photo is great he hasn't won an award for this one though i wonder why yeah good god that is terrifying i'll put that on the thread um great well that's that sucks about those wicked dolls huh yeah but hey we found a new favorite actor so we've won't get him on the podcast thank you

thank you very much peter for sharing you've all found a new favorite website tonight uh i'm going to finish it's i'm going to finish it's i'm going to take us out with my festive thing. I've done quite a lot of traditions and whatnot around the world and as time I'm taking us. TD Bank knows that running a small business is a journey, from startup to growing and managing your business. That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs. No matter the stage of business you're in, Visit TD.com slash small business advice to find out more

or to match with a TD small business banking account manager. To the distant land of Wales for a bizarre little Christmas tradition. Wales. Wales. Picture this. It's Christmas in Wales. The streets are dark and quiet except for one unsettling sight. A skeletal horse draped in a white sheet.

weaving its way between houses and pubs. The horse, known as Mary Lloyd, has a skull for a head, often decorated with ribbons, and festive baubles, because nothing says Merry Christmas like accessorizing a dead horse. Oh, yeah.

I think traditionally, this would actually be made with, like, a boiled head of a horse. I think maybe modern times it's a little bit different. Maybe not, but it's, I'm going to send a quick picture of a Mary Lloyd for you to look at, and you'll find out exactly,

why this creature comes knocking at your doors. Oh, that's lovely. I didn't know this was a Christmas thing. I've seen a photo of this before. I assumed it was, if anything, a Halloween thing or something like that. But God, it's a Christmas thing. He's a Christmas nuisance to put it lightly. Sometimes its eyes glow eerily and its jaw snaps with other nerving clack, clack, clack.

So yeah, that's a lovely Christmas site for the children's. to see. But this isn't just some rogue theatre group. This is a real tradition and it's accompanied, the horse is accompanied by a lively entourage that only makes things weirder. There's a smartly dressed leader, often wielding a stick or whip, colourful characters like punch and Judy. That's right. The actual punch and Judy. I don't know if, I assume these are puppets. I should look this up, but I don't know if it's humans dressed as Punch and Judy or it's just little puppets. And then you've got the merry men who join and follow the horse playing hypnotic tunes on accordions and violins, dressed in ribbons and slashes and sashes, not that kind of thing, sashes like they got lost on the way to a Mardi Gras parade. And so, yeah, that's the visual image.

But what the hell does this horse and its gang do? Well, the group travels from door to door, stopping to sing for entry to the homes. And here's the catch. the householders aren't exactly thrilled about letting in a skeleton horse to romp around their living rooms with the rest of the Kyoto crew. So this begins a lyrical battle of wits, a kind of call-and-response exchange between the poor innocent bystanders in the house and this nightmare horse.

So it begins with the horse singing a verse, asking, I've got the actual verses here, but basically he's like, may I please come in, I'd like to come in, and it's up to the house owners to sing back with creative excuses to keep them out. Oh, wow. That's cool. Yeah, it's cool, but I imagine getting the knock on the doors. Oh, we've just put on dinner and like, deal with this now, legally.

The fucking horse is here. I don't want you, in my house, please get away, you stink, and then you've got to do that. It's like a rap battle. It's like eight mile happening on your door. Slighting. Yeah. So I'm going to sing two verses, example verses. I think it kind of changes. There's a few verses that all's the same, but obviously the homeowner's responses are up to them what they want to do. So Mary Lloyd's crew begins with, well, here we come, innocent friends to ask, leave, to ask, leave, to ask, leave to sing. I don't know the actual tune. I tried finding the tune, but it's all very whimsical, flutty stuff. I couldn't find, like, I couldn't find a beat in it. So you get that creative one. And so an example of a household response could be,

go away, you old monkeys, your breath stinks. Stop blathering. It's Christmas tide. And thus it repeats. That's their reason. Your breath sting. Pretty fair reason, yeah. The banter continues escalating in cleverness and absurdity

until someone, usually the household, runs out of ideas. and at that point they have to let Mary Lloyd and his friends inside the house and thus the chaos really begins once through the door the Mary Lloyd snaps its jaws at anything in sight kids adults probably the family dog

and pretends to steal things Judy might go on a manic cleaning spree punch taps doors and floors with his poker incessantly all of this happening to the backdrop of lively music from the merry men as if it's the most natural Christmas scene in the world This is, I think this is like the equivalent of that Christmas Grinch from a few years ago, except...

Yeah, I was going to say it's quite Grinch-like. This is the origins of the Christmas Grinch, except you didn't book it. It just turns about your door and it doesn't leave. It's fun. But the price of peace, you may ask, food and drink. The householders are obligated to offer snacks and ideally some ale to keep this motley crew happy. And once they've eaten, drunk and created sufficient mayhem, the Mary Lloyd and its entourage, shuffle on to the next house, leaving behind a mixture of relief, amusement, and probably a few traumatised kids.

Are they drinking every house? Hell yeah, brother. That horse will be on the floor by the end. You don't think it, how much alcohol do you think it took for, to persuade Greg to get dressed up as the decapitated horse demon? Yeah, you just got a prayer. You're one of the early houses of the night because if you hit at the end of the night, they're just genuinely breaking stuff and storming through. but the tradition is said to bring luck to any house as it enters but after that you'd be forgiven for wondering if it's actually worth it but this isn't just a one-night deal like this isn't like

all right it's Mary Lloyd night it can make rounds any time just before Christmas to the 12th night January 5th yeah and in some place just sitting down to actual Christmas dinner on the 25th Yeah, knock at the door God, not again Please let us in, please let us in Do do do do He's back Fark off

Fark off slam the door Done But in some places The horse won't just appear one night He'll appear on multiple nights Sometimes to the same buildings That's no one That's not okay

That's yeah, I can take one There's too much horse around now Calm down, calm down And yeah The Origins of Tradition of Murky which somehow makes it even better some say the Mary Lloyd is a relic of pagan rituals with the horse symbolizing

fertility, power or the cyclical renewal of life after winter others think it's a Christian invention tying the name Mary to the Virgin Mary or linking the skeletal horse to the donkey that carried her cute there's even foreclore about a mare

searching for a place to give birth after being kicked out of the stable when Jesus arrived I like that one and there's the practical theory the Mary Lloyd might just be an elaborate way to beg for food or drinks during the harsh winters nothing like showing up with a spooky horse skeleton to add a touch of menace to your caroline.

I like the idea that someone who wanted to beg for food and drink at Christmas decided I know what I'll do. Like there's no folklore background to it. There's no, they didn't have any story or reason. They just thought, I'm going to get a horse skull and turn up at someone's door and say, let me have some food or I won't go away.

It would work, I guess. All these rules do sound like they were made up by big Mary Lloyd. Like, it was just a prank. And then they said, oh, well, I heard it's good luck. And I heard that you've got to let them in and then let them drink all your stuff. Bullocks. Yeah. Bollocks. Get out of you.

I wouldn't be opposed to it. But also, yeah, I don't know. I'd be terrified of every knock at the door. I don't think I'd even think of thinking a response. I was like, come in. Here's your ale. Get out. Get out.

You just give in immediately. There you go. So everybody, watch your doors this Christmas if you hear, knock, knock, knock. It can be the horse. Yeah. Amazing. Well, does that conclude our things? Has everyone gone twice?

Yeah. Yes, I've all gone twice. Brilliant. Well, thus concludes another hugely successful year of Poddietz. Thank you so much for listening and supporting us this year. We'll be back in the new year. And keep an eye on your socials to get involved. Make sure you go to Poddiots.com.

Get involved with you. Pod Squad as well, but before we promote Pod Squad once more, we've got a few things to plug. Please don't go anywhere just yet, because we'll give you a secret question at the end, and you want to stick around for that, because it's the best bit. Mikey, I believe there's some kind of shop. You're darn too. If you head over to Vidiatesofficial.com and click on that lovely enticing shop button,

you will be greeted with the usual mixture of merch that we've had and rotated through over the years, but also a brand spanking new design available in T-shirt. And hoodie form. So do check it out. It's the new year. Treat yourself to some new clothes. Let's go. Hell you.

That's vidytsofficial.com shop. Thank you. On Instagram and TikTok, we are at vidiots. Dot official. On YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and Blue Sky, we are Vidiates official.

Oh, wait. I forgot on. Vidiot official. Sorry, all.com fortislead official. We do post on blue sky and you can see the thread on there if you've fled Twitter because it's fucking awful, fair enough.

Also, you can go find our Discord at Vidiatsofficial.com forward slash Discord and go hang out with like-minded, lovely folks. Go wish them a Merry Christmas, assuming they celebrate, of course, and assuming you celebrate, of course. Thank you to Tommy and Fleckers for modding us over there. Twitch.tv.tv.com slash Vidiats official is our relatively dusty Twitch channel. We have just streamed on it, and we will endeavor to return to that in the new year at some point. But go give that a follow, and you will be notified.

when we go live on things, which is very handy. Poddiots.com. If you go there, donate three pounds or more. You'll get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Poddietz. You join Pod Squad. You support us in what we do. Thank you so much to everybody who has been a member of Pod Squad in 2024. We literally could not do this without you.

So thank you very much indeed. Mikey, can you kick us off for the final time? This year. This year. Let's waiting for that. We begin with the generous festive bum-pice, anonymous, ah, bravey gay, corrosion wants petrol for Xmas, Podyitz presents North Korea, Caroline, why is their cool, Donak 07 and Yule Frogley. We've also got Caroline, the turkey is dry, Merry Christmister Black, Stephen Skodes, Peter gets hit by a sleigh, Old Greg loves Santa, Kerry Mristman Freddy, Lord Chris Kintovic, and Mr. Blobby's Sloppy Nobby.

Finally we have Anonymous, the very generous Prince Beefcakes, Mikey Johnson's Plop Trumps, I Saw Mommy Shid on Santa Claus, the very generous Hetty-Boh betty, Mr. Maca, Anonymous, Chegwinter Wonka Land, and Fiddled the Dickle and Till Coom. Thank you very much, Podsquoddyots.com, forward slash nothing. It's just pottyots.com. Three pounds or more to get a shout-out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Poddietz. Thank you, everybody.

What were the high... How are we doing this now, Peter? What were the highlights of what came out on Vidiots six years ago this month? This month, yes. So a few highlights. We had some worst games ever episodes, including Xena Warrior Princess, Spice World, Mr. Bean, and Santa Claus Saves the Earth. I think that was the last one we did on Vidiots.

We also did the finale of Post Some Tats. That was on the 19th of December. There were various lives. livestreams and the Tell Your Friends montage also came out in December and the very last thing we did on the 31st of December was the what's in the case portal goblin face reveal video. Leave him out of it. Leave him out of it. We haven't. Six years later, we sent him some money.

He's still in it. You know what? He's not fucking helping himself. Ashton put it very concisely, I think earlier this week when we were. We were talking about Dave Benz and Phillips at work, because of course we were. That he creeps, he creeps her out because he's like actively being kind of upsetting and weird on his, on his social media in an effort to like gain some traction. And it's actually just kind of frightening. He needs to, he can't be a children's TV. No, he can't.

He literally cannot. He needs to tone it down. Whereas us, we can go on kids TV for some reason. So that's fine. incredible Mikey whereabouts are you on the internet please Parrot boy on

Instagram and blue sky go check him out social media and Peter where are we you can find us at that Peter Austin and that confused underscore dude on various social media platforms

and you can find us together at Team Triple Jump on YouTube and Twitch primarily where we are putting out videos and doing live streams, all video game related, and you can even see characters like Rules Boss over there as well, and Billy Ray Walrus. Still kicking. Still kicking. And why not leave us a five-star review on your platform of choice? It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. Thank you very

much indeed, everybody. Does anybody have a final question before we disappear off into the sunset for 2024? I don't know if anyone has had a weird Christmas dinner, you know, because I don't think any of us really came up with a good answer to that. I mean, Mikey, you said you had a curry. That was on Christmas Day, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. That's pretty weird. But did anyone else have a weird Christmas dinner at any time? I want to hear about your weirdest Christmas dinner. Tell us. Sound off. Wonderful. Well, a very safe Christmas and New Year to everybody. Please, please be healthy and happy and be good to one another. And if you do not celebrate Christmas, we hope you have a restful, festive period across the next couple.

a couple of weeks or so. And we'll see you in the new year. You guys got anything you want to say before we disappear? Just thank you. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks for listening. Merry Christmas one and all. We love you. Merry Christmas, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.