Podiots - Podiots: Episode 155 – Pizza Time

Episode Date: January 25, 2025

Ben's yeeting babies, Mikey's training his new pet and Peter's made a song. NEW MERCH: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Follow us on Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social— Bluesky Join next episode's Pod Squad: http://podiots.com And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com ------------------- Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS! YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vidiots.official TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vidiots.official Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social — Bluesky Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/ Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax. Okay, flights on air Canada. Oh, wow. Majorca, that's new. Oh, nice. But Vienna is a classic Mozart, palaces and schnitzel. Mm-mm, now you're cooking. If you're hungry, deli brings the heat.

Heat. Cartagena's got sun and the sea to cool off. So does Martinique. Mmm, and that French cuisine? Book it. Yes, chef. Wait, what about Lyon? Choose from our world of destinations, if you can.

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Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? They're all here for it. It's the Podiot's monthly weather report. Is it cold?

Yes. Yes. It's cold. It is. It is so cold. I'm wearing an Oodee. because I'm so cold in my own house. I have worn the UD in my house at times.

At the moment, I'm all right, because we've had our heating on tonight. So I'm in a T-shirt. Oh, a treat. Yeah, lovely. Spoil yourself. Look at this guy. It was heating, with his central heating.

Some kind of Tori here with this central heating turned on. Disgusting. Happy New Year, guys. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's strange. It's just a nearly a month into the year, but happy a year.

Happy New Year, Podiots. Did you have a nice celebration, holiday season? Yeah. You're asking me or the Poddiots? Well, everyone. Anyone listening, including you two. The Pod Idiots. Well, yeah, I mean, my New Year's was a bit weird

because I was meant to be celebrating it with you and other people, Peter. But I was poorly, so I couldn't go. And so I just felt a bit sorry for myself at home. I had a lovely time, but yeah, just felt a bit rough, really. It'd be rough. What'd you do, Mikey? This is the, I finally gave in and bought a pair of slippers for myself at Christmas time. Oh, wow.

For years, I've wanted slippers, but there's a little bit in my head that associates slippers with my dad. And buying slippers is a step towards becoming an older man. And this year, I finally caved in. And you know what? Bloody great, loves them. Snippers are delightful. Fluffy inside and everything. Great.

Oh, very nice. Have you discovered? slipper socks yet? Ah, that seems that's too far for me. That's disgusting. Is it even the socks, like little, little grippy bits on the bottom of it? Little grips on the bottom, yeah. So you don't slip on.

Not necessarily, some do, but I tell you what, this is proper, this proper old man behaviour and also cosy, hashtag cozy legend behavior, is what you do is you put on your big fluffy slipper socks that are fluffy on the inside. And yeah, mine do have grips on the bottom.

And they're like basically wellies, but made of pure hug, and then you put those on first. If you want to wear underwear, you can wear underwear, you don't have to. Then you put your joggers on over the top, already wearing the socks. So basically, the thick slipper socks, as long as you have the cuff of your jogging bottoms are like sort of elasticated, so they grip, there's no cold that's getting in there. You're just basically wearing, you've got your socks tucked into your joggers, and it's delightful. It's like a heat vacuum, and that has been a lifesaver this month, I'll tell you.

I was one for wearing sort of slipper socks, even kind of as a student. And word got round in my family that was partial to a slipper sock. And one Christmas or birthday, my grandma bought me a pair of a really quite high end. They were like really soft inside and kind of woolly on the outside. and they were sort of tan color and I wore them for a few days before and they were really nice I wore them for a few days before I realized

I don't know if they were Ugg brand like Ugg socks but they were some kind of what turned out to be for girls brand because I noticed just up in the ankle you couldn't really see it because they were so fluffy at the top but like if you sort of peeled back the fluff

in pink embroidery it said the name of the brand and I was like No, I wasn't. Grandma. No, I was like slipper socks, don't you? Yeah, you like girls' socks, don't you? Hey, no, I did not care at all.

They were so nice, and I wore them to death. Maybe not, you know, in the communal kitchen of my student accommodation. But, hey, I wore my girl socks whenever I wanted, and I had worn toes. Yeah. The point being, Mikey, that you're on a slippery slope now. I'm glad you're wearing slippers. Good one, sorry. But, well, not for me because I've got grips.

But a world of unimaginable comfort awaits you. You just need to let your guard down. Become the old man you were meant to be. You're in your 30s now. Oh, God, stop it. Stop it. You're in your mid to late 30s, Mikey. Just let it happen.

Just settle down. Buy yourself a dressing gown. That's next. Oh, you don't even have a dressing gown. An electric blanket. You don't have a dressing gown. I don't have a dressing gown. but yes to electric blanket.

God bless the electric blanket. Electric dressing gown, now be on board with that. That sounds dangerous somehow. Such a northern boy. Bloody sandals, are you joking? If you wear an electric dressing gown,

you have to be plugged in as you wander around the house, do you think? Yeah, I would limit my mobility, but I think I could get an extension cord long enough to run around the entire house. Yeah. Yeah, all right, yeah, okay.

I mean, I'm, okay, yeah, I think. Maybe not this Christmas. Maybe not the Christmas after. Okay. Christmas after that. It's dressing gown time. Just on the subject of Christmas, Mikey, I do also have to very quickly ask you, did you enjoy Wallace and Grommet?

I bloody loved it. What a return. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. I'm not seen it. Oh, Ben, come on. I missed it. I know, I missed it and a bit more divisive,

but I also missed Gavin and Stacey. I wanted to watch that too. I didn't watch any Christmas TV at all. I've never watched Gavin and Stacey. I didn't. I wasn't that bothered. Oh, well, I wanted to see it And I didn't see it

Is that it? Is that how Christmas TV works Once it's on? It's gone Yeah That's it Well, that's what TV I don't have a VCR so I can't record it Of the television So it's gone

I wanted to get all the adverts in there as well For like toys and things Action men and stuff So Fortunately that's now gone And the AI holidays are coming Coca-Cola ad oh no really was that was that actually on telly because i saw a video of that i never saw on telly i saw it on the

internet but yeah it's sad well yay merry christmas everybody here's some some computer generated christmas cheer fuck you awful there's one person or being we should say that we haven't asked how their christmas slash new year's was and that's kevin president trump oh kevin no yeah no no it's Kevin. Does anybody want to do the honours and ask him? I don't know. Have you got him there? I can't see him around here. I don't see him, but I'm sure if we ask loud enough, will it? Oh.

Oh, he's under my desk. Everybody, nice and loud so he can hear it. Come on, Kevin, Kevin, come on. We're just going to ask you a nice question. Come on, Kevin. Kevin, did you have a nice Christmas? What? What's he doing? He's screeching. Is that coming to throw on the microphone? I think Discord might be...

Have you got him on the wrong setting? Can you switch it to Podiat's intro. You change it to music, mate. Yeah. Oh, there we go. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Podietz. The official Vidiats podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home

and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings. A thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Here we are back again to talk about things. And oh boy, I've been looking forward to it. It's been a wonderful, rested, festive period.

And now we're back, back at it again in the yellow, in the yellow vans. And it's very exciting. I've got nothing to ask you because we spoke about. about Christmas and New Year's before this, in the cold open. So, I've got nothing to say to you. Oh, all right. I don't think we're saying, how are we all? Oh, right.

How are we all? I mean, speaking for me as one of the three wees, I am fine. Yes, I am fine too. Oh, good. How are we all? Yeah, I'm fine. Oh, good. We're all fine.

We're all fine. And that's, that is good. I had someone square up to me on my bike the other day Oh, brilliant, yeah Had some really interesting interactions with people Like that whole day of cycling in and out of work It was like one Like unpleasant interaction with a human being after another

Like people just being like not looking where they were going Just wandering in front of me This guy, I was on the cycle path There's a footpath next to it There is a road at the end of it but it's like a really quiet road that ends in a cul-de-sac so there's not much traffic at all.

He got to the road before I did and was like walking across in front of the cycle path across the road and as I approached the end and I slowed down to like have a look around I didn't make eye contact with him because I could tell he was a bit fucking weird

and like he fully in the middle of the road turned 180 degrees and was like staring right at me while like walking backwards across the road and I was like what is this what is this fucking clown? doing. Yeah.

And I genuinely think that he was basically looking for a rise. He was trying to get a rise out of me for some reason. I completely ignored him and just cycled past him and carried. And then the whole way home, he was in my head rent free. I was like, what was that guy? What was that guy trying to do? Did your brakes squeak as you came? No.

No. No, I have no idea. I don't know if he thought like what you're going to do, like cycle into me. No, of course not. I see you. I'm just trying to get across this road just like you are. Weird. But it was slightly made up for yesterday when I was cycling home

because there was what I would politely describe as a Raji. That's a colloquial term, isn't it? Michael Johnson. Can you explain what that is, please? Raji is a, well, a Raji is someone who just wants trouble, I think, is the best way we're looking at. Gan Raj. Yeah, Gan Raj.

What are you looking at? Hey? What are you looking at? Fuck off. Yeah, that kind of like you just, you breathe in there. general direction on the metro and just all hell breaks loose that kind of person yeah so i was nearly home and there was someone who i visually identified as a ragi and i thought oh good and they crossed the road as i was coming up to them like they saw i was coming they crossed the road and then

just sort of stood in the middle of the road as i was approaching them and i was like and i slowed down and i waved them across like you want do you want to go across and he was like no after you some him, like he was full of grin and he just went, and then as I went past him again, I don't know why he just sort of went, oh, like that. That was a weirdly positive interaction. I don't know where this guy's just come from, but he's having a nice day. I don't know if he can process emotions normally or like vocalize it in a normal human way,

but that was actually a surprisingly, like, what's the term? Like quite an endearing interaction. He was just overflowing with happiness in a sort of, of aggressive, frightening way. This is the duality of the Raji. Like, you do occasionally get like, some of them are just angry, but some of them are just quite funny and, you know, just weird little dudes. And it's just, it's look, which one you get.

Yeah, you had the full spectrum there. I definitely told you months and months ago, didn't I, when me and Amy went to pick up a pizza for collection, because we live not far from at the takeaway place. So we're like, oh, we'll pick it up, it's cheaper. And while we were there, this drunk guy, like, he sort of ran up to us looking like a bit worried. And he was like desperately, desperate for directions, like for a bus or something. And it was in like, I mean, not a really nice area, but it was in Gosforth, which is like relatively compared to some other areas of Newcastle. Some people might consider to be slightly, slightly fancy pants.

And he said, you refer to himself as a gremlin or a goblin? Is it gremlin? Gremlin, yeah, yeah He said, oh yeah, I need to get out here I'm a gremlin man, I'm not, I shouldn't be here I'm a gremlin, I'm a gremlin, and I believe they are like football hooligans, Newcastle football hooligans are referred to as gremlins.

Oh, I haven't heard that before. Why did they need to get out of here? Newcastle gremlins are a football hooligan firm associated with the English football club, Newcastle United FC. I think he needed to get out of there because he considered Gosforth to be a real well, to-do area, which it isn't particularly, but he thought if I'm caught here, the police will probably pull me in or, you know, I'll get, someone will have a go at a gremlin being

in this, in this posh part of town. So maybe I didn't tell you that at the time, but he's like, oh, thanks guys, I need to get over here. I'm a gremlin like, I'm a gremlin. What have you sent me there? M&E from the Bender Squad to the Gremlins inside Newcastle's football hooligan firm. The bender squad. Bring back the bender squad, I say. That's a tough name. That's a frightening.

That would strike fear into the hearts of men. Yeah, the bender squad are coming. The gremlins. I've never heard someone refer to themselves as a gremlin. I didn't know it was like a football fat firm, if you will. I've just heard it. You know, like, oh, get away you a gremlin. Yeah, he was a grueling.

Gremlins to the new batch. Don't get him wet How odd Well if you How am I going to segue this Pod squad exists If you're a gremlin And you're looking to leave the Bender Squad

Perhaps consider Donating some of your hard-earned money To us Via the Pod Squad To help us carry on doing what we're doing If you go to pottyets.com That will redirect you If you donate three pounds or more, you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Poddiots and you support what we're doing here.

Thank you so much to this week's Pod Squad, which includes some people from all the way back in December. Sorry, we've missed you off for that episode, but obviously, you know, you just missed the cutoff. So we're shouting you out now and Mikey's going to kick us off. We begin with Frogly, the generous Orange Cassidy, really. in drop joy, Freddy Webber. Thur. Ferdieweber. Old Gregs worried about

2025. Stephen Scores and Caroline, do you smell burning? Oh, no. We've also got the year of our Lord Brought 2025, 2020 Thuck, Mr. Macker, one vowel from Shira, who is exceptionally generous,

and said, as usual, an overdue donation, wishing you in the Walrus clan, a prosperous and positive 2025. Pollyot is Life XOXO. Thank you very much. Thank you. We have old Greg's neutral about 2025, Stoke-on-D's nuts,

Vagiotes with Tommy Pistols, and elf is best, you take that back. Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, elf sucks. Yeah, I agree. Whoa. Finally we have Farties Smeltdown At Dave on Blue Sky

Podiatts presents Hawk Tour 25 Saunter Baffle Jacket Doug Hang on Doug Slicks Dove Lick The very generous Extra 50s worth of Jiu Jitsu Who said, Boys

My Pippa, no Not now, not now Boys, my girlfriend, together 10 plus years, not married, fight me. Oh, excuse me. Boo. Does not believe that Coco the gorilla was a man in a suit. I've done all I can to help her see the truth, but no luck. Help me, she needs the truth, love you's, since what cult dash name redacted?

Girlfriend, you do realize that that gorilla could do sign language. Have you ever seen a real gorilla do sign language? They don't know how to do that. that it's not real no only humans can do it that that was the point of the experiment can we teach this man in a suit to do sign language and they could they did you know what against all odds they did do it it's very impressive just just get educated you know yeah it's quite ignorant of you actually yeah to their credit we're living in the disinformation age well true news out there some people are spreading that it's a real gorilla which is obviously ridiculous but if you spend

you like scrolling on Facebook and all you ever fed is that it's a real gorilla then yeah that's what you're gonna believe yeah also it's it's dead and if it was a human inside if if if it was sorry a real gorilla then it would still be going right yeah they live for like 150 years don't they're like tort they're like tortoises yeah um so that you checkmate quite frankly mm-hmm checkmate yeah uh we also have a very generous donation from kermit the pod who said missed a few episodes but got PayPal again so here's some back pay I, for one, am pleased to still be getting monthly apps six years later. The stories have been so epic recently.

Two, I always look forward to new apps. We all do. I'm grateful we're still getting any at all. Love, Kermit the Pog. Thank you, Kermit the Pog. Thank you, Kermit. Very, very sweet of you to say. And finally, we have Tickle Mittain't for Christmas.

And that is your Pod Squad for this month. Thank you so much, Podsquod. pottyets.com, three pounds on more to get a shout out for the beginning and the end of the next episode. You really enjoyed that one, didn't you? For Christmas is really good. If someone donated as tickle me taint, that would be funny. It's a special festive one that really tickle my taint. Go on, love it's Christmas. Tickle me taint. Yeah. Go on. Under the mistletoe. Which one is your favourite? Do I even need to ask? Well, there might have to be that one, but there's some good ones in there other than Tickle me Taint for Christmas.

I liked farty smeltdown and at Dave on blue sky is very clever I concur but yeah I'm still giggling a bit so yeah well done tickle me to end for Christmas I'm going to go for Stoke on D's nuts Oh yeah That's my choice there

Thank you so much Pod Squad Michael Johnson is Question slash Thingman today Oh yeah I got the thing Come tickle it We are gonna We're going to start with a viewer-submitted thing. And this is my viewer-submitted thing.

Unauthorodox. Don't know how I feel about that. Well, new schedule. We're messing it all up big time. I've got to remember which one's mine now. There we go. I got it. This is from the lovely Conorion at Conorion on Twitter.

This is an article. This is an article from The Metro And the headline reads Sacked Lazio Falconer locks himself in training ground After penis implant scandal Oh my God, what a headline There's a lot of words

Where's that going? I've skimmed through this And it's bizarre I've sent a picture of Peter through No, is this Peter? No, it's Juan. Sorry, I'm putting names on it. Peter.

That's a wine. So, yeah, let's find out. Which one is one? Is it the bird or the man? I'm not sure. It doesn't say on the description. Let's see. All right.

Well, let's find out about this man's penis. Good. Let's find out about this man's penis. Juan Bernardby, the Lazio Falconer at the center of a bizarre penis implant scandal. He's refusing to leave the club's training ground following his sacking. Oh, God. Is he still there? Oh, my God.

This is probably got stuck in an ASDA. Yeah. This is from the 16th of January, so it's potential. There's no other updates I can see, so I'm going to assume he's still there. I'll Google it while you read. Burnaby has handled the Serie A club's eagle, named Olympia, since 2010, and flies the bird over the club's Stadio-Olimpico before their home matches. However, his involvement with the club was swiftly terminated on Monday after he shared explicit videos and pictures

of his penile implant surgery on social media. Oh, why? Oh, come on, Juan, that's not on. You're the bird man. Can't say I was aware of penile implants. Does it make it bigger? Does it vibrate? We just go look on his Twitter profile.

You see all the videos there. Are they really still there? He's not going rid of them. I don't know. it sadly doesn't link to them and I'm quite happy not Googling that I think for now. In a statement, Lazio said they were shocked by Burnaby's action and said the eagle will not be seen at upcoming home games following the handler's sacking. It's not the Eagles fault.

The eagle do, yeah. However, despite being let go from his rule, reports in Italy say that Burnaby has now barricaded himself at the club's training ground where he has lived for the last 15 years. What the fuck? What? It's like some kind of weird helmet they have on the grounds who just handles the eagle for them. The 56-year-old is still recovering from the implant surgery and is said to have presented a medical certificate when asked to leave the club site.

The report adds that Burnaby wants to speak with the club president, Claudia Latito, to try and salvage his previous rule, having already released a statement pleading for forgiveness. I want to apologize as a man for what happened. I am truly sorry and saddened towards the Italian people. Above all, for the parents of minors. My goal was different. Oh. And they, what?

My goal was different. What was it, man? What was it, man? What was it? What was your goal? What was the penis online? It wasn't meant to offend. Yeah, no one was meant to see it.

Sorry you were upset that you saw my willie that I posted. I apologize to the Latzio fans who have suffered so much because of me. I apologize to the club and to the president. I hope that when he speaks to me tomorrow, he can take into account that children like Olympia a lot because Olympia is the symbol of lads you. Yeah, but you put your fucking knob online, mate. What are you talking about?

He's not the eagle, not your knob. I assume Olympia is the eagle. Oh, there's a really unfortunate image of me, a slightly Elon Musk-esque image of him here with his hand in here. Out of context, it doesn't look great. He's got a header in that one. Oh, yeah.

What the fuck? Wow, he's, yeah, he's, wow, okay. He wants to apologize. No, no, no, no, write that. I hope, sorry, I've lost where I am. There we go. They don't understand that in life, you can make mistakes. I made a mistake.

Please forgive me. There's no forgiveness. Would you demand a pardon after killing a person? The club owner told a newspaper, Jesus Christ. What? What's happening here? I don't know. The club owner said,

would you demand a pardon after murdering? Well, that's not done. Why are you asking that? That's not relevant. Somebody who behaves himself? Maybe. Can you? Can you do that?

A serious question. If you did murder someone, though, would you get a pardon? I think there's a little, yeah, there's a little bit more, but I think it's just retrading all ground. Somebody who behaves like this can't go to school to meet the kids. Obviously, it will claim for damages, both he and the urologist. a member of Lazio's medical staff who performed the surgery have lost their minds.

What? What's it got to do with the urologist if he's been asked to perform the surgery? This is a bizarre story. The football club's urologist performed a penis surgery on a man and he shared images online. This is... Maybe he wasn't working for the club. Why does he live in the stadium?

I don't... There's so many casual sentences here where it's like... Jeffrey the Falcon owner, who also... rides a flipping mobility scooter in the supermarket even though he doesn't need one and then just like skirt straight past it like I want to know more about that actually please yeah it's like you can't just say that and leave it sorry the words keep i was going to skim through but the words keep getting weirder um our contracts state that whoever violates the club's ethics must leave bernaby said he has an open relationship and has sex with multiple

women what is that got to do with anything i didn't that wasn't the line i was surprised by it's the next one. How can he represent us in schools? He should represent a brothel, not Lazio. Perhaps the Roman, end in brackets, fascist salute, is worse at your home, but not mine. What? Wait, so maybe he did do, oh yeah, that photo I've sent you, the caption is, Barnaby, Burnaby was previously suspended by Lazio for making a fascist salute. So that photo is actually of him doing the, we're not tweeting that one. Yeah Wow

This is a roller coaster Speaking prior to his dismissal He initially told a radio station That he had no regret Over publishing the results Of his penile implant surgery on social media I put the video on my private profile So it's a private thing

It's made its way out of it So it's not private anymore He said If people then circulate it What can I do Don't put pictures or videos of your penis anywhere on the internet that's what you can do.

Yeah, that's a good rule of thumb. Sorry. Go on. My conscience is clear. I published it only to let people know about the surgery. Why do you have to let... Why did you need to do that? Even just the text post is too much.

Everyone, I had the surgery today gone really well again, four inches. Have a look. That's it. What is it? What is the surgery that he's had? Well, have you got the quote there, Mikey, about why he had the surgery? Because in looking for an update, I have found another write-up about this.

No, I've hit the end of my article, so please indulge me. He says, I had the surgery to increase my sexual performance because I am very active. I need to ejaculate whenever I have free time. A wonderful surgery. I had it to be as good as I was when I was young. My erection is natural, but with this device, I press a button that allows me to perfectly control both the erection and the timing. Oh, what? He's got a cyber dick.

It continues, everyone likes sex. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't take drugs, but I like sex like all men, and we men always try to have a greater sexual capacity. I would advise people to have this procedure, because previously, I relied on daily pills to increase my sexual potency. Being able to control my erection is a step forward for my life. When I have a free time, I always want sex. I would like to do it at least once or twice a day.

he sounds like a I know it's been translated but it sounds like a teenager yeah I'd like to do a sex I like to do a sex I like to do all the sexes I'd like to do sex every day at least one sex a day

he says my erection is natural and then later says yeah I press a button to control my erection fucking robocococke over here yeah very good I like the the Daily Star article

I've taken this from is they've they've inserted a word here see if you can spot which one it is where they've wanted to be, they know that the headline is going to be front-facing and the contents of the article will be for adults only. So they've had to put Latsio-Sack fascist falconer

who shared a video of penile implant he got to, quote, bonk twice a day. Oh, God. I don't think he said bonk at any point in the club. What's the Italian for bonk? Yeah, bonk. Boncchio. Boncchio.

Oh, wow. Wow, that was a treasure trove. Good God. Yeah. That's great. Bizarre. What a story. Well, no updates there.

I couldn't find an update. I've got a picture of post-surgery, but fully clothed with the doctor, so I can share that. I have seen censored pictures of his knob, and I don't want to see them anymore. Okay. That's not loading for me, that image. Oh, that's a fucking web peeppy or something. One minute. Boop, boop, boop.

There you go. Boop, boop. He looked quite happy there. This is until he lost his job. Oh, my God. is that is that his knee or is that his dick it is weird to think that under those clothes he's got

an operated penis crazy to think that under there he's naked that's kind of disgusting yeah yeah I know and if he press it what if he accidentally presses the button just when he doesn't need to it runs out of battery midway through and he's stuck like that

yeah right lovely well thank you very much Connor Ryan for that treasure trove what a delight Imagine if, you know, Ben, the remote for the lights in our studio controls the TV because it's set to the same frequency. If his infrared sensor on his robot dix, he just can't stop ejaculating.

Yeah, because he lives next to a set of traffic lights or something. Oh, God. What a life. Someone's going to hack his penis. Yeah, he could be hacked. we're actually no sorry there's one last line here which i may as well finish on um when asked if he regretted posting the images he said absolutely not i've never regretted anything let alone doing it for something that has a medical purpose what medical purpose because he wants to bonk twice

a day ben it's medical yeah it is a man and men like to have a sex twice a day you're right he loves the sex i would like to do more of the sex I just like the sex I'm big sex man hit the salute fucking hell stop doing that stop it

why's everyone doing that now stop it stop it we all agreed that wasn't allowed yeah maybe it's maybe it's maybe it's mabeline

is such an iconic piece of music hit the check everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories

yeah we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Maybe it's Maple Lane. This episode is brought to you by Mewewew introducing Mutein,

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Well, Ben, would you like to give us your own thing? Hopefully less penises than this one. I would love to. I'm going to send you guys a video in WhatsApp. Please do not open it yet or even look at the preview. It's on its way, because in the meantime, I'm going to talk to you about giving birth via the yeating machine. Oh. Okay.

This was brought to my attention recently, but it's, this is the predominantly I'm going to be going to be going from an article here, written by, written on Amusing Planet by Kaushik Patawari, potentially. This was published in the end of December 2019, so it's a few years old. Childbirth by centrifugal force is the... Oh, my God. The article. Oh, no. In 1965, George and Charlotte Blonsky, a childless New York couple, were granted patent, sorry, for a peculiarly weird invention, an apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force.

The apparatus consists of a turntable over which the pregnant and ready to deliver woman is laid, with her legs pointed outwards and is strapped down. The table is then rotated at high speed. When a sufficient speed is reached, the baby apparently slides out of the birth canal propelled by centrifugal force caused by the rotating table. With every drop of its blood firmly in its head. But don't worry. I know you're probably thinking where does the baby go? They've thorned this. An infant reception net located between the legs of the mother catches the baby

as it literally flies out would you like to see a drawing of it yes please this is an artist's

rendering or perhaps this was in the patent for the birthing device oh my god my god the picture of the woman

is so haunting or is that the baby that's a woman with the net around her looks like she's wearing a bonnet which is what threw me off but not the babies come out with a bonnet

oh yeah it's like she's like soiled her under these, big, big soggy undies, but instead that's the baby catcher. It is the baby catcher. She's got saggy, yeah. Although the device sounds horrible,

yes. Yeah, continued that sentence. Were benevolent. Right. The primary purpose of the invention, as the Blonsky explains, is to provide an apparatus which will assist the under-equipped woman

by creating a gentle, evenly distributed, properly directed, precision-controlled force that acts in unison with and supplements her own efforts. Their patent application reveals more about what went through their heads before they decided that such a device was necessary. It is known that due to natural anatomical conditions, the fetus needs the application of considerable propelling force

to enable it to push aside the constricting vaginal walls, to overcome the friction of the uteril and vaginal surfaces, and to counteract the atmospheric pressure opposing the emergence of the child. in the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy as is common with all more primitive peoples nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery

this is not the case however with the more this is very problematic as I'm reading it the more civilized women who often do more civilized women sorry who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement whatever that is Wow. Okay. So basically they've designed this because modern, in their words, civilized women don't do the kind of stuff that perhaps evolution would require them to make it easy. I mean, what I've learned there from that description is that the inside of a vagina is at less than one atmospheric pressure.

I didn't realize you were fighting against PSI as well. I thought it was just. It's a small hole. I don't know how accurate that is. Against the atmospheric pressure of the outside. What is being pushed back in by the world? We will return to that description in a minute when you see the video I've sent, which is someone's animation of what it would look like.

And I tell you, it is nothing like the gentle force. that is being described the fucking jeez on this rotating table are horrifying anyway

the article continues the rest of the patient's application describes in detail all the parts of the machine how the patient would be loaded onto the apparatus and the role

the gynecologist would play in deciding what speed to use however it makes no mention of you want to go faster it makes no mention of strategies

for managing motion sickness for the distraught woman already under the pains of labour. God. In 2014, the Science Gallery in Dublin built a full-scale model of the Blonsky's apparatus as part of their

fail-better exhibition showcasing thought-provoking ideas that failed spectacularly. I don't think that necessarily implies that it was ever used and did have a chance to fail spectacularly. The machine could go up to 7 Gs and is equipped with a bell,

in accordance to the original design plans that rings once the baby lands on the net in case no one was paying attention Quips, Dublin's Science Gallery researcher Tessa Delahante. I thought you meant it was a bell like a chicken switch. Like if you're like, I'm going at 7G, I want to stop. You ring the bell.

No, you don't. There's no, there's no button. Once you're in, we go until the baby's out. The baby will come out. baby microwave, it spins around until it goes ding. Perfect, love it. It's fine, it works. It concludes saying earlier Blonsky's childbirthing apparatus was awarded the Ig Nobel Prize in 1999,

a satirical award that honours achievements that make people laugh and then think. I think we've done that on Pollyets before, haven't we? Yeah, yeah. So, right, I'm going to return to this now. Let's see. No, that's not it. Where's the other description? I want to find it.

The one that says it was gentle. Okay, here we are. The primary purpose of the invention, as the Blonsky explains, is to provide an apparatus which will assist the under-equipped woman by creating a gentle, evenly distributed, properly directed, precision-controlled force that acts in unison with and supplements her own efforts. I now direct you to the video in WhatsApp. So you don't need to watch this with sound,

but if you open it and pause it and mute it, we can watch together and you can see what this poor woman is going to be subjected to. Okay, yeah. Are you ready? I'm ready. I've muted it.

Okay, three, two, one, go. Oh my God, the background. Yeah. Oh my God. So you see the baby being absolutely launched into the net. There's a metallic bell that seemingly is wrong by the baby

hitting the net like it's still going to hit the bell on the other side look at that woman go also you're not telling me that bell doesn't ring constantly while she's going around at this speed

that too also when the baby I opened up the wrong video oh no what are you watching my what are you watching I'm watching pizza time don't have been

oh no don't watch pizza time that's a spoiler sorry I didn't say that I didn't say that you will know notice when the baby flies out in this video, the placenta is briefly visible and then it just phases out of existence, presumably because it's gone into the wall. I don't know. It's been vaporized. Oh, God.

Holy shit. So one thing, one thing it does say in the video narration is that the Gs that could potentially be reached are equivalent with fighter pilots doing advanced maneuvers. I was going to say, 7 Gs is a lot. That's like... That's like a high end of a roller coaster. The last bit of this video is my favourite bit. The receptacle is designed to absorb, the impact, waiting for the next subtitle.

And gently cradled a newborn, preventing any injuries. Like fuck, is that thing not getting whiplash and all sorts of horrific internal injuries? As its head collides with a bell to let everyone know that the baby's been born. The baby's out, just in case you didn't see it. the g-force on the baby like all I can think about is the blood rushing to its head that baby has passed out a long time ago

awful imagine the walls of that room painted by the end of that oh god yeah because birth is not a clean process you know most women do a poo as well when they're having a baby you have the you know the amniotic fluid

that comes out of the don't make me say the terminology what is it anniotic sack the fluid from the amniotic sack I think is what I'm looking for there that's going everywhere God it's awful what terrible invention it's really bad isn't it really bad so I saw that and thought yeah we got to talk about this we've got to talk about this old invention that apparently everyone else already knows about but I've never seen before

so yeah giving birth via centrifugal force Bad idea, I think. Very bad. The baby appears in that video. I'm just watching again, when the baby flies out of the birth canal, it appears to go head first off the metallic table underneath and then bounce like a basketball shot, just like bounce off the table and then into the net. Also, it appears to, it starts inside the woman with its head facing sort of downwards, the way you would expect. then it does an entire flip and ends up going feet first towards the net

and then next time we see it it's going head first towards the net which is bizarre I don't quite know what's going on it also some of the time it's got a nappy on sometimes it's naked sometimes it's got a little crazy frog willy yeah it's not like they were too prudish

to show it naked at any time it's just that in one shot it's wearing a nappy and then it's not again I have absolutely no citation for the origin of this animation in this video. It was just reposted somewhere that I saw it. But yeah, I'm glad they did.

Is it like Wallace's waking up machine and it puts the napi on as it emerges? Bearing in mind that even the most tame roller coasters at theme park say, do not go on this ride if you are pregnant. Yeah. And then we've got the 7G machine. We've got the fighter pilot, the top gun.

simulator for pregnant women. It's insane. Bizarre. So there we are. That's my thing. I'm very glad so I went to the effort of making that through the animation design. Yeah, me too. We've had a reply on the thread from Danielle Minuti

who says, as a guy from Italy who knows too much about this man, you're in for a wild ride, guys. We were, we had it. Yeah, we weren't prepared for that. No. Wow. Wow. Where do you go from there?

Well, I'll tell you where we go. Thank you very much, Ben. Thank you, Ben. That was wonderful. That was magical. We go to you, Peter, with your listener submitted thing. Indeed, it's sent to us from Jasper via the Discord. Remember, you can sensitify Discord if you wish.

And it's according to the Daily Mail online. So it must be good. I'm now going to have to allow ads on their site in order to read this article. Oh, no. Oh, God. Allow ads on our site. Okay, here's the headline. Woman who hit headlines after marrying a rag doll

claims her partner has cheated on her again, leaving her so upset that she removed his penis. Oh, no. It's too much penis talking. There's too many bits in this episode already. Indeed, I'm going to immediately hit you with an image that I was presented with when I was sent this article. No, she's got a baby.

Oh, God. And here's another one as well. That's presumably on their wedding day. Oh, I mean, before we get into this, is this woman mentally ill? Is this woman unwell? Because this isn't right. It's not.

Or is it just all because she enjoys it. It's like a publicity thing. Is it a big joke or is she genuinely? Because, yeah. So, yeah, caveat going into this, this may be an ill woman or it may be a woman who is having a joke and enjoying, you know, saying, I've been cheated on again and, you know, and I'm not, and those two things are very much mutually exclusive. I'm not saying that someone who's mentally ill is, oh, it's all a big joke.

I'm saying, you know, it could be, could be someone having a good time or someone having a bad time. But we'll read it anyway. So a woman who hit the headlines after marrying a rag doll that her mother made for her claims her partner has cheated on her once again. I'm going to butcher this name now. Merivone Roca or Rocha Marias from Brazil has become well known over the past few years for sharing the ins and outs of her

and the inanimate object's relationship. Following the alleged cheating, the 37-year-old says the love rat is now sleeping on the sofa and she even took away his penis. Oh, no. She said, I found out when my friend sent me a message one evening saying he was cheating on me. So that night I got, I got really bad and made him sleep on the couch, is what it says.

This can't be real. Unless other people are playing. Maybe you've ever seen Lars and the real girl where like the whole town pretend Ryan Gosling's dull girlfriend is real? Maybe this is what's going on here. Yeah, it could be. It could be like that. And as his punishment, Mary Vone decided to detach Marcello's dildo penis, is what it says. She added, it is just a white rubber dildo, which measures about 16 centimetres.

So I decided to take it off. I've done it before. I'm afraid other women who touch, I'm afraid other women will touch Marcello's penis. So I like to put it in the underwear drawer when we go out to bars or shows. Then there's no chance of any other woman lusting after him. Marcello has allegedly cheated on Merovone in the past. She said, last time, I found a bright pink thong on the floor. No.

I found out that Marcello had been with another woman, but when I asked whose they were, he didn't answer me. Oh, come on. Come on. Oh, God, oh, my. This feels more and more like they're just. Yes, this is silly. Adam Pachiti, I've drawn my dream girlfriend. Yes.

Yeah. To quote to the papers, when I asked him, he didn't answer me. It's surely someone doing a bit. There's some more images. That's him on the sofa. Like, it's really good. I applaud. If it's a bit, I applaud it because it's a bit.

But if it's not, I'm really, I'm so torn over how I should feel about this. And I'm sorry for laughing so much. But anyway, I'll continue. My cello is naughty. He goes after women and then lies to me that nothing happens. She also claimed the Ragdoll has over 500 contacts on his WhatsApp, all of which are women. He has a phone? Yeah.

How does he have a phone? Why? How does he have a phone if he doesn't have a house? That's what I'm thinking is. That's the most important thing. Every now and then, I catch him in a conversation with a girl, and when I ask you it is, he tries to say, he tries to say, it's his cousin. For now, Marcello continues to sleep on the sofa and hasn't received his penis back yet, says the article. Oh, my chel.

It comes after Merovone launched a desperate bid to find their ragdoll child after he was kidnapped. Oh, my God. Merovone claimed baby Marceolino is being held hostage by captors who are demanding 161 pounds for his release. That's a concern. This is clearly a joke. Yes. It has to be. It can't be real.

Here's another picture of them. There's loads of people. pictures. The concerned mother revealed the worrying development following a rollercoaster romance with the ragdoll who has also involved a cheating scandal in which she accused her husband of an affair. I'm not really sure what that means. It's not very well worded and it seems to be going over old material.

Oh my God. There's a photo sent by the captors of the child as a hostage. No. Oh my God, that's photoshopped. There's food on the floor and then the child is photoshopped on top of it. Yeah, that's so pretend. Come on. Oh, my God.

For God's sake. Ridiculous. I mean, all right, this is a bit. It's a bit. And you know what? The commitment to the bit is good. Yeah. I just can't believe this is anything but a bit.

She's got a TikTok apparently. So maybe it's all part of it. She says as she waits to hear news on her baby sons whereabouts, she posted a TikTok video of herself, putting up flyers in her neighborhood, urging people to come forward if they have any information. So if you, poddiet,

have any information as to where her baby is, do let us know. Marcholini. Yeah, she said, I love him so much. I'm left here thinking, are they giving him a bath? Are they giving him clean milk?

Are they taking good care of him? Clean milk? Yeah, clean milk. Clean milk. Clean milk. Tainted milk. yeah um deep down my mother's intuition is telling me he's fine but i just don't know what's happening um so there are loads more pictures but we've got enough there i think wow yes wow my official

stance is is no comment yeah sure um he looks like the kind of guy i'd want have a drink with they're looking him with his mullet and his can of beer like yeah yeah he's a right old dude yeah God, the captors have used Sean Michael's tights as their curtains for some reason. Loveheart galore over there. It's not very captive, is it? No. No, he looked like at my wheel at a time. Okay.

Right, well, lovely. Thank you very much, Peter, for sharing that with us. Thank you, Jasper, for sending that in. Um, yeah, troubling story. Right. Um, we're going to move on to my thing in keeping with the theme of inanimate objects, I guess. Um, don't you ever wish that your pets came with a manual? Every day.

Well, I can tell you one pet. That certainly does come with a manual. Congratulations, you are the owner of a genuine pedigreed pet rock. Oh. Oh. this oh um yeah so it turns out well if you're not familiar with the pet rock it's a rock um and it was marketed as a pet there's wonder pet it's just a rock in a box but one thing it did come with was a lovely like 20 page manual kind of teaching you how to look properly care for your

rock how to train your rock and they kind of showed you the ropes and so i thought i'd share a couple of excerpts of my favorite bit from the pet rock owner's manual Let me find I've got pictures here Let me find them This is a fact This is like The original

Manual from about 1975 When this first came out It is quite a beauty To behold I'm going to share with you The cover Oh that's stunning

That's so 70s Oh wow Look at it It's good stuff It's like something you'd find In the aperture science Laboratories Yeah

It really is. The first words you'll read in the manual are, Important. Do not remove your pet rock from its box before reading item number one in this booklet. Item number one. Your new rock is a very sensitive pet and may be slightly traumatized from the shipping requires

to bring the two of you together. You may look at it from time to time, but it is essential that you leave your rock in its box for a few days. It is advised that, that you set the box in an area of your home that is to become your pet rocks, quote-unquote, special place. Oh. If, when you remove the rock from its box, it appears to be excited,

place it on some old newspapers. The rock will know what the paper is for and will require no further instruction. It will remain on the paper until you move it. And here's a lovely diagram of a rock in its special place. that's nice. A place of its own. Oh,

it's got a little basket. Very nice. Yeah, cute. Your pet rock will be a devoted friend and companion for many years to come. Once you have transcended the awkward training stage, your rock will mature into a faithful, obedient, loving pet, but with but one purpose in life to be at your side when you want it to and to go lie down when you don't.

and your pet rock didn't come out of any old pile of rocks you know they descended from a long line of famous rocks pet rocks descend in one unbroken line that can be traced back to the beginning of time and even farther of course would you believe it there's there's a variety of rocks available in the pet rock world here's a here's a few of their most popular breeds it says in the book breeds they're not even named it's just different colored rocks

Rockus browners, raucous whiteness. But, yeah, so, but, you know, it's important. You know, you've got a new pet. Nobody, but nobody likes a misbehaving rock. No, terrible. Nothing worse. You're in a restaurant and someone's rocks going off. Terrible.

Get your rocks off. Getting your rocks off in a restaurant, yeah. Therefore, it is most important that you begin training immediately. Your pet rock should be made to know who is. the boss, and that you will demand certain good manners and impeccable behaviour if the two of you are to have a happy, well-adjusted relationship. So here's some tricks you can teach your rock to help, you know, bring it in line, make sure it's a good boy. Oh, girl. The first trick is come. What? It is a... Well, not like that. Do not come. Do not come. Do not get rock,

no, do-do. It is essential that your pet rock learn this command. A rock that doesn't come when it's called will cause its owner endless embarrassment. I hear you can get an implant for that now. Oh, yeah, I should hook him up. With firm authority, say, come Brutus. If you have not named your rock Brutus, you may wish to say something else. Repeat the command. Come, Brutus.

Assuming your rock is normal, it will probably not respond. Start again. Bending over from the waist, face shrewdus. your rock clap your hands and let your face light up as you say come brutus come on fella here boy and stuff like that now start walking slowly toward your rock incredibly as you walk toward your rock you will notice that is actually coming closer this means your pet rock is learning the command come really amazing yeah i think you can see the you can see the direction this going in. Another trick you could teach it. Sit. Stay. This is not a difficult command to teach a pet rock as most rocks spend the bulk of their time sitting around anywhere. However, a refresher course is

certainly in order since you will want your rock to sit when you wanted to and not when it wants to. Many rocks will attempt to deceive you by lying down, thinking that you won't know the difference. This should not be encouraged. if you say sit then your rock should sit and that's all there is to it so here's a simple method to make sure the pet rock

obeys your commands and sit sits okay repeat the order sit sit and slowly walk away from your rock now hide in the other room and from time to time peek in on your rock

to make sure it hasn't moved if it lies down when it should be sitting storm into the room and shout Bad rock Bad rock Nauty rock Your pet rock

Will know It has displeased you And we'll return To the sitting position That's not good You shouldn't yell at your pet like that No I think you need to The kids these days

They need to stand talking to You can't reason with them Okay I wonder how many eight-year-olds In the 70s We're actually running around their house Going bad rock Bad rock

It wasn't that much else to do Yeah Oh here's the new We hit toy, it's a rock. There's a different time. Another trick. Stand. You're a little confused if you think a pet rock can be taught to stand.

A rock has no feet. So what is this? Yes. These are all diacroats from the book. I've reduced words a little bit, but the essence is there. This is basically verbatim how it is. I think one last trick for you. Fetch.

To teach your pet rock to fetch, throw a stick or a bird. ball as far as you can. Next, throw your pet rock as far as you can. Rarely, if ever, will your pet rock return with the object? But that's the way it goes. It's just how it is. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, part of owning a pet is being a responsible owner and making sure your pet doesn't cause harm to others. But what if you'd like to use your pet as a weapon? Well, welcome to attack training. This is actually printed in the manual of a book of a toy given to children across America. Right.

There are two basic attack methods to teach your pet rock. One, the long distance or attack, and two, close range attacks. For the long range attacks, in those instances, when your adversary is at a distance, pick up your pet rock, shout the command, attack! And throw your rock at the bully with all your might. No, this is crazy. No, you can't be advocating for that. All right, the close range one's worse.

This method of protection is sheer fire And results are guaranteed Although you may want to practice your aim Before attempting this manoeuvre But what have you got bad aim Or what if your attacker is in your face Well, the element of surprise enters into the close range attack method

thereby making it doubly effective A petroch poised for the attack When the adversary approaches within arm's length And demands all your money, credit cards and other valuables, follow these easy steps. Reach into your pocket or purse as though you were going to comply with the mugger's demands.

Extract your pet rock, shout the command, attack! And bash the muggers head in. Oh, God. They won't see it coming when you yell, attack. Attack!

Attack! And then they stab you 16 times. Save me, Rocky. No, Brutus. Brutus. Someone's carrying a rock round with them in their handbag. just all the time in case they ever get mug.

You can't be pulled for having that as a weapon. Just a rock. It's not a weapon. Just my pet. Carry it in my handbook like a chihuahua. Look, watch. Come, Brutus, isn't he good? But of course, owners of attack-trained pet rocks

have a responsibility to society to use their dangerous pets for protection only and not for instigating trouble of any kind. And a final little paragraph here, in closing, a summary. As the order of a pet rock, You have assumed a responsibility to love and care for this new edition of your family. If your rock should misbehave, be patient.

If it should cause you problems, be forgiving. And under no circumstances should you turn your pet rock loose. The world is already overcrowded with discarded, unwanted rocks, and millions must be destroyed each year. These per unfortunate rocks meet brutal ends in roadbends, cement mixes, or as landfill. Do not allow your pet rock to meet. and timely demise at the bottom of an obscure pile of rubble. Remember, if you take care of your pet rock, your pet rock will take care of you

and bash in muggers. Yes, it's a beautiful sentiment, apart from the advocating for violence. And here's a last image for you. Just when training your rock, a part of approval works wonders. That's lovely. It's true in real life as well. Thank God. I do recommend going through.

beautiful thing. It is quite fun. It's scanned on the internet archive and all its glory. So, yeah. So anyone who got a pet rock for Christmas, please, bear these in mind. As I would like to point out, this invention did make one man incredibly rich, and I think it's genius and well done. I guess if you're selling a rock, you've got to put some work into literature that comes with it. It's very creative. Trying to pitch it, though, to, I assume he must have had some investors, or maybe not. Maybe he just did it all off his own back. But imagine trying to pitch that to an investor like look hear me out we're going to put a rock in a box and kids are going to buy it like no one would believe it but yeah it did very well i think it's all millions of

the things so yeah well done you yeah amazing thank you milky staff thank you mickey that's great thank you all very much reading playing learning stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision they slow down the progression of myopia so your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own eyes. Light the path to a brighter future with stellar lenses for myopia control. Learn more at slur.com and ask your family eye care professional

for SLOR Stellist Lenses at your child's next visit. Next up we have Ben with your listener submitted thing. Yes, we certainly do. This comes courtesy of at Greg Mill 2-290. That's Greg Miller on Twitter. And this is an article from Sky News, written by Thomas Evans. And the headline reads, Pothole Land. Residents of Wrexham Village turn road into tourist attraction.

Residents on a road in North Wales have taken matters into their own hands by turning a road full of potholes into a tourist attraction. Signs have been erected in the village of Pondfadog in Wrexham, advertising Potholes. According to the sign, the attraction features the deepest, longest, widest potholes in Wales. Two kilometres of award-winning potholes with very little actual road to spoil your fun, the caption on the sign adds. The council has now begun work to fill the potholes, though many are not yet fully filled. Local farmer, Donald Roberts, two first names. 76. Top Sky News, lots of the potholes were impassable.

It has come to this signage down the road to get some result, Mr Roberts said. He said the condition of the road had made things harder for him, as it takes him a lot longer to do his work. The condition of the road from my place, I've got cattle up the road, and I can't go up it with a tractor because the holes are that big, because I'm afraid of bursting the tires on my tractor, he added. Tim Raddock. Bursting, how bad are these holes? I'll show you. Just you bloody weight. It's actually really quite bad.

Tim Raddock, 57, who lives at the top of the road, told Sky News the condition of the road was extremely bad. They're ever-growing potholes because they don't get any attention. They just keep growing. Any bad weather and you've probably got another couple of centimetres on the depth of them, he said. From looking at them myself, they appear to be only half-filled in cases or short of the existing road surface. So you could say it's better than nothing, but it's not going to take long for the frost and the weather to break them up again and we'll be back to square one. The article continues, it does say that Wrexham County Borough Council declined to comment because they're Here's a couple of signs for you guys to look at.

Not the first time we've had pothole sort of methods, you know, methods of getting them dealt with on poddiots. We had the parrot, didn't we? Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was wondering if it was the same pothole, but this, I don't think it was in Wales the last one, was it? I can't remember where the other one was.

Wow, that's great. It's actually a very good sign. It looks pretty legit. Are you ready to see the actual potholes? Yeah, the one that might burst the tire over, tractor you're going to look at this and go oh bloody hell are you ready yeah here we go oh bloody hell oh bloody hell wow well that is really bad it's bad isn't it that's that's not a good road looks like a riverbed it's like a stream yeah that like genuinely looks like you could just like lose a wheel in that thing

all right fair enough love wow yeah it's not good is it we don't like that i'm gonna put that on the thread now for people to people to see but there we are you can go and visit pothole land apparently they've started filling them so make sure you you make sure you hurry. Get down there quick. Get down there before it's all gone. Every pop hole must go.

Please. Please take them. Thank you very much. My sheep haven't been fed in two weeks. I can't access the fields. I've burst so many tractor tires. Thank you very much, Ben. You're welcome.

And we finish Peter on your thing. It's pizza. Time, everyone. Pizza time. Pizza time. So it's been a, it's been a, I believe the youth say a hot minute. Or even they just say a minute now. I think they say hot min-min, actually, I've heard.

Hot min min min, do they? Hot min min minx. Yes, yes. Apparently, these kids don't say bitch anymore. They say bi. Be. Beh. Like, B-I-H.

B-I-S-H, but I'm not bi. Beh. Oh, my God. Apparently, that's the new thing. I don't like it. It's been a hot beer since. No, I don't like it. it either. It's been a hot beer since

we had the dog rap and since we had Mary Poddietz. Oh my goodness. But I thought hey, maybe it's time now that we have another musical interlude here at Podiat's. I've actually had this ready for a few months, but

in October, I was like, well, it's not spooky enough for Spooky It's, so it can't happen then. In November, there was some reason why I couldn't do it that time. It's because of we talked about CBC so that was the thing for November

then December it was Christmas I was like bloody hell when am I going to show this thing off Yeah when is it Anyway now it's pizza time Despite having had all that time though To get it finished I wanted to add subtitles to the whole thing

So you can actually tell everything that's in there But you know what I didn't do it That's tedious work And I'll do it before I finally upload it to YouTube I will do that But for the time being You just have to use your eye

eyes and your ears and work it out yourself. Okay. So if we want to queue up pizza time. Yeah, I'm ready. I'm so excited. Born ready. And I guess we'll just say three, two, one go, right? And I'm going to have to sit here now and just sort of while you enjoy my production

and just smile like a, oh, are they going to laugh at this bit? You know, do that, that whole thing. So I'll enjoy that every minute of it. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. So ready. three two one play Peter time

oh god I'm so sorry the audio is not playing for me this is a problem my side wait give me a second we can restart let's stop I was enjoying it so much and now we've got to go back to the start I'm sorry I'm all good now it's fixed

I'm sorry about that let's just sneak feet because Mike you saw it before didn't he Ah, yes. Sorry. Now you know what to expect. You'll be fully prepared. That's why you didn't have sound, is it? Because I told you to turn it off for the centrifugal. Baby deliveries video.

Okay, I'm ready. Right. Three, two, one. Play. This is Toby. Pizza time. Her face. He's so happy.

Oh, my happy, please. Snapie's there. Give me pizza. I love with cheese pizza P-I-C-P-A Oh my God You don't know you're a pop-down with me Oh, there he is

Mark Marky Give me pizza He stole that guy's pizza Is that Mary Cat and Ashley? Yes, it is Yeah P-I-T-A

Cool Costa Put it in a pizza Oh, the snappy. How many pizza? How many pizza references could I find in movies? It's a lot, what? Peter's a heart.

Oh, Peter's a heart. Where's the pizza? Oh, that Peter looked awful. And pizza never heard nobody. Back to the future, I think. Yeah. Oh, cheese. Cheese.

Oh. Cheese. Cheese. That was Michael. Very good. Gaja. Cheese looks good. Oh, my goodness.

Can you make me one with everything? He said the line. It is, that's a good one. Pizza Hut. My reward is dinner in a Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut survive the franchise. Now all restaurants are Pizza Hut. No way.

Well, I didn't. Here's your pizza. P-I-C-P-A. The box is empty. Give it pizza. You can't see me fiercely head-popping. I just have no idea what's going to happen next. Yeah.

Pizza with a topping of your choice. P-I-T-C-A. Fast food. Temperoni. Mice! Hey! Oh, it, garlic Oh, I'm going to

Man, what a He's nice, man. He wants the snappies now. He always wants a snappy trap. Keep the change, you filthy animal. There's Toby. He was there the whole time. I was just waiting.

Wow. Oh my God. My jaw actually hurts because I was just smiling the whole time. Wow. An ode to pizza. We love it. That is actually incredible. Like, I mean, I guess people listening to the podcast, the video component is beautiful.

Like, like, the artistry that goes in, it's, it's, I'm stunned. I'm speechless. Oh, thank you, Mikey. Yeah, I forgot, I forgot to say for the, for the, for the audience. listeners there is a whole video side to it but yeah it will uh it'll end up online at some point but it's the world's longest pizza slowly panes yes that's the that's the beast pizza from snappies it's that big oh yeah the beast pizza oh my god i want a beast pizza so bad that thing started how did that start because it was going to be the reason that it even

exists and that it's partly a potty it's thing is it was going to be i think um um it was going to be the pizza time music, the Spider-Man pizza music, and all it was going to be was garlic and chip. It was going to be Michael Jugsson talking to the arrested Australian man, talking about a succulent meal. And I was going to try and make them be having a conversation

about food to music, to the pizza music. And then as soon as I put his voice to that song, the Michael Juxson, I suddenly thought, could I, maybe I could just do other stuff that's pizza related, you know? And then I started like looking up pizza references in films and TV. I was like, there are quite a lot of these. And I realized, hey, we could just celebrate the joy that is pizza in one great big, long musical pizza.

It was beautiful. It was, it was incredibly well put together. You said you're going to upload it to YouTube at some point. Do you reckon we could post it on, like, Twitter and Blue Sky maybe as well? Like, albeit a compressed version. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It's too long for Twitter and presumably Blue Sky as well.

I assume they have a duration limit. But we can either just post a two-minute excerpt or, yeah, I don't know. But it will certainly be made available soon. But certainly if you're listening to Pollyets right now, you can watch a tiny picture and picture version of the video on the video version of this episode. Oh, no, that thing's getting full screened, I think. Oh, well, yeah, I guess it could get full screened, sure. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, that was a proper, like, yeah, there's so many, like, I didn't, never knew there'd be so many references to pizza, everything, everything was there. Yeah, old, old friends, new friends. Some of them are deleted scenes. I think that, that one that you said is like disgusting pizza, Ben. I think that's a deleted scene from back to the future. I don't think it was in the film. Oh, really?

far as I remember. I don't know, that might be wrong, but Lionel Hutz opening the pizza box was a cut scene from The Simpsons, but it was in that, that, like, clip show where they showed some cut stuff. So I had to dig deep in places to fill out your pizza quota. Well, I'm glad you did because that was, yeah, really, really good. Thank you. Very kind. Yeah, thank you. No, thank you, Peter. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, pizza. Well, I mean, with that, it's it feels crazy that we we have only been recording for an hour and 15 minutes it feels like this episode's been

should have been more substantial than that with all the journeys we've been on today we've been a lot of journeys yeah however we have now completed all of our things am I right in thinking that we've done that haven't we we're all yeah yes we are we're all complete so we have to draw this episode of potty it's to an end and there's a few places around the internet

you can find us I'm gonna talk you threw them in a second. But Mikey, I believe there's some kind of shop. Yes. Yes. You're darn tooting. If you go to viduidsofficial.com, click on that lovely enticing little shop button. You will be greeted with a veritable bounty of goodies, including the relatively somewhat kind of new lost in the aisles, bird in supermarket design. It's lovely, it's red, and it's for sale. Did we talk about it on the last episode, or did we record it before it was an I think, I think, yeah, maybe we didn't mention it the last one. We may have just vaguely said we will get a piece of merch done.

I don't know if we specified. Well, I'm happy to announce the merch is done. You can find it, Viddeofficial.com, along with all your all favorites. Yeah, go check it out. It looks really cool. Go get yourself a shirt. We are on Instagram and TikTok, if indeed you can access TikTok in your country at vidyats. Dot official.

And we're on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and Blue Sky. at Vidyat's official. Dyscord is vidyatsofficial.com forward slash discord. Go hang out with like-minded folks. Thank you to Tommy and Fleckers for modding us over there. Twitch.tv. forward slash vidyats official is where we stream on occasion.

And of course, poddietz.com. If you go there, donate three pounds or more, you get a shout out at the beginning. And the end of the next episode of Podiots, you support what we're doing and you join Pod Squad officially. Mikey, can you kick us off once more? Frogly, the generous Orange Cassidy, raindrop joy, Freddie Weber,

old Gregs worried about 2025, Stephen Scores and Caroline, do you smell burning? Oh, sorry, and now it's me. It's you. It's me. And we have also got the Year of Our Lord Brot, 2025, 2020 fuck, Mr. Macca, the very, very generous one vowel from Shira,

old Greg's natural about, neutral about 2025, stoke on D's nuts, Vagiotes with Tommy Pistols, and elf is best, you take that back. And finally we have Farties Smeltdown, at Dave on Blue Sky, Poddietz presents Hawk Tour 25, saunter baffle jacket,

Doug Slicks, Dovlick, extra 50s worth of Jiu-Jitsu, who is very generous, the equally generous Kermit the Pog and finally, tickle me taint for Christmas And that's your Pots squad Pottiots.com, three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end

off the next episode Thank you everybody so much Peter, do you have some highlights of what came out on Vidyots six years ago this month? Seven years ago this month now? You mean in January 2018? Yes, seven years ago this month.

Is it? Wow. There was six. Yeah. Seven? Seven? Seven. I need to update my notes. Seven years ago this month.

There was a video. It was called We Are the Vidiates. And it was a sort of a little trailer saying this is what you're going to see. It included a fair amount of fake footage because we've not recorded any videos yet. And those fake footage went into the mostly into the Prove It intro. That's where they ended up. So that's it. It's just what was effectively the video it's in.

announcement and kind of early trailer, but we didn't post anything after that until 5th of February. So that'll be next month's roundup. Yeah. Nice. Certainly will. I've just realized, sorry, Mikey, you did say that Orange Cashty was very generous, right? I'm sure I did.

Yeah, I'm sure you did. I'm just looking because I cropped off the message, but there is no message. It's just a question mark. So I don't know if Orange Cassidy wanted to or what, but there was no message from orange cashed it. We did say they were generous. Yes, thank you for being so generous. Sorry for very generous. Sorry for disrupting the flow there. Michael Johnson, where are you on the internet, please?

At Paraboy on Instagram and Blue Sky. Go check it out. I don't post much, but maybe one day I will. So go and subscribe in the hopes I do. Lovely. And Peter, where are we? Hey, please. I'm on Instagram and Blue Sky at that Peter Austin and still on Twitter for the time being, just until

I decide not to be. Ben is available on certain places at Confused underscore Dude, but not really using them question mark that much. Just on Twitter, I'm not really looking to sign up to any more social media platforms and I haven't posted on Twitter for ages, so. But you can find us together doing a lot more at Team Triple Jump on social media, but more importantly, on YouTube and on Twitch, where we do lots of video game related content and some old favorites from the video

days as well. Yes. Yes, indeed. Why not leave us a five-star review on your platform of choice? It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms, and by gosh, we would really bloody appreciate it. Do we have a final question before we disappear? What if we talked about today? We've talked a lot about dicks. Would you ride the baby spinner? Yeah, would you ride the baby spinner? Would you?

There we go. Yes or no. That's all we need. Just comment yes or no. that'd be very helpful information to have it's a big yes from me by the way it looks fun isn't it not at all dangerous yeah life-threatening I mean if I haven't got a baby oh yeah the net yeah it's a multifunctional net it would cause you other issues that would distract from the constipation yeah there's always that wonderful thank you so much for listening slash watching everybody we'll see you again next month until then though look after yourselves

goodbye bye bye Pizza time. I love your pizza. Give me pizza. San Francisco, give her on pizza. P-I-C-T-A. Cool. Costa.

Put it in a pizza. Fish stick. Put it in a pizza. Ketchup. Z. Put it in a pizza. A. Domino.

Give it pizza. Pizza dudes got 30 seconds. P-I-C-C-A. Pizza commas foods. Give it pizza. I didn't order the pizza. P-I-T-C-A P-I-T-A

Give me pizza Where's the pizza? B-I-C-C-A Un-R-A-N-A-R-A Give me pizza My pizza My pizza never hurt nobody. B-I-T-V-A

Welcome to Pizza Cheese Cheese Poured in a pizza Cheese Cheese Cheese Cheese

Cheese Cheese looks good The Delai Lama A Pizza Hut Walks into a pizza shop And says Can you make me one with everything A pizza hut, a pizza hut

Territically impossible Pizza Hut Pizza Hut My reward is dinner in a pizza hut Pizza Hut Pizza Hut Pizza Hut survive the franchise Now all our struts are pizza hut

No way Give me pizza Well I didn't Here's your pizza P-I-C-P-I-C-P-D-B The box is empty. Give me pizza. If you've been good, pizza.

If you've been dead, poison. Give me pizza! Wow, we got everything we need on you. P-I-C-A. It's better be a boxed. Give me pizza. Pizza do with a topping of your choice. P-I-C-A.

Fresh food. Temperoni mushroom Put it in a pizza. Amal it, garlic. Pull it in a pizza. Pineapple. today. I did it is pizza.

Wow! Even better banana. Domi no. Keep that change, you're filthy animal. If you think the family's ready to wait and let's be kidding,

sorry, and it makes you try, and all you got is keeps a fire. My God! Keep that change, you filthy animal.