Podiots - Podiots: Episode 156 – Cyber Farts

Episode Date: February 22, 2025

Ben is eating onions, Mikey is eating everything, and Peter has the last (year's) laugh. NEW MERCH: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Follow us on Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social— Bluesky Join next episode's Pod Squad: http://podiots.com And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com ------------------- Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS! YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vidiots.official TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vidiots.official Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social — Bluesky Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/ Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo.com. Breaking, breaking news. Bulletin. There's something wrong with it. I can't get it to stop. Oh no.

Hang on, have we got some props? Prop papers? I can't show that. I'll do the sound effect off. There. Okay. Yeah, right. It ran out of battery.

I think in the end, the bulletin noise. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God for that. Welcome everyone. Breaking good news and bad news. Oh, no. Bear with us.

Oh, I feel. Oh, my tummy. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. Well, we'll maybe start with the bad headline followed by the good qualifier, which is that Pollyett's is changing. Oh. No. Oh, God.

Not again. It already changed once last year. I know. Gross. Hate that. But fortunately, it's not. changing soon. It will be changing in due course, but not immediately, so please remain calm. Would someone like to clarify my cryptic statements? Sure, happily. So we have been talking for a while.

This is, Mikey, you're right. This does, we were just saying it feels like your three dads are sitting you down to have a conversation. We love you. We decided you need to hear this from us rather than Dave Benson Phillips this time. Yeah. We have, and this is not a joke, decided to call time on poddiots at the end of this year and this was not a decision that was made lightly or easily and we fully intend to give you

the best flipping year of poddiots of your entire lives and end it all with a wonderful reunion stream at the end. And stop it with a beautiful reunion stream where we look back on the wonderful history of vidiates and all the things we've achieved and done over that time

But for various reasons, including the fact that, you know, we're coming up on the seventh anniversary of the first episode of Pottiet. And the longer you do these things, you know, the more ground that we find difficult to not retread, particularly in the case of, I think, one or two things that we brought along that we didn't even realize we've done before. Yeah. We've managed to do it twice. Yeah. And also the fact that, you know, naturally, with all internet things as time goes by, interest understandably wanes. over the years. And that's just path of the course. So we got our heads together and we've been going back and forth about this for some time now. And we thought that the end of this year would be

a beautiful and perfect place to end the story of Pottie. It's on our own terms. Yeah, it was important to us to make sure that you know about this in good time so that we're not just recording an episode, putting out and saying, by the way, next month, it's over. So we did want to tell you as soon as we possibly could so that you know that you've got a whole bunch of episodes still to come. And in that time, of course, we will make various plans to do, as Ben says, exciting things for the final episode that you can hopefully get involved in in some way. We've not ironed out any of those details yet. Also, we can't promise that we'll all get together physically this year for a physical reunion stream. So no promises there, but it's

certainly something we'll look at doing. So, you know, we do, as Ben says, want to try and make it a big bumper year as we approach the conclusion. Yeah, I think we wanted to carry on while we're still going pretty strong. And, you know, let's us decide when it's time for potty at the end, rather than it being something cruel happening and having it viciously taken away very suddenly, we're taking control of this. God damn it. Yeah, yeah.

So not the greatest of news. We appreciate, but we still very much need your support. and we appreciate all of the support that you've given us, those of you who've joined us part way through our journey, those of you who've been with us since the beginning, we still fully intend to really lean into the stupidity over the next 10 or so months. So please do stick around and please do support us.

Again, this decision was not an easy one to make at all, and we've been humming and aering about it for some time, but we all, I think, on some level, felt that it feels like, it feels like a good time to end Podie. I mean, it has to happen at some time. It does. We will not be doing this when we're 60. So at some point between next episode and episode 20,000, it needs to end.

And we've, yeah, as Mikey said, it's good to end it on our terms. Well, we still have, you know, people very generously supporting us at Pod Squad and on social media and all that kind of thing. So, and as Ben says, we want to maintain. momentum through this year. So it's not, we've made the announcement and now things are going to slowly, episodes are going to get slowly worse towards December. That's not what we're aiming for. If anything, you know, I think momentum might sort of increase as we, you know, approach that big send-off. So yeah, do stick with us and hopefully it'll be the best year potty as has ever had, maybe. Yeah. You're going to do a song every episode now.

Yeah, definitely. Every episode. So don't cry because it's over. Cry because it happened, as the famous saying goes. And it's not even over yet. You've got ten more bloody episodes all thereabouts. You've got loads of time to come to terms with this devastating loss. But regardless, it is time to crack on with the stupidity. The serious bit is out of the way. And has anyone seen Kevin anywhere with the intro music?

He might be crying in the corner somewhere. Oh, no. I'm sure. mate we'll find you a new job it's not the end he was he was redundant for ages so yeah you know the best way to find him is you can play marco polo but you just shout kevin and then instead of polo he opens his mouth and the music plays okay by all means go ahead kevin Hello everybody and welcome to Poddietz, the official.

Fidietz. It's a conversational podcast where we bring, hang on, oh my God, I was so good. I wasn't looking at my notes. And in my head, I thought, oh my God, I'm going to get through it without looking at my notes. This is great. I can't wait to tell them about how, and then I got lost. I got lost in the source. I was too confident.

It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings a thing along to talk. about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. I was so close. That's all right. Next time. We'll get next time, champ. Don't draw attention to it. No one will, they might not have noticed, you know? No, I think honestly, nobody knows it. No. And that's the most important thing. How are you doing Michael Johnson? I'm a bit sniffly. I've got sore throat.

I'm good. I'm at least some on the tail end of it now. I did wake up Monday morning. like, unable to speak, which would have been a bit disastrous for a podcast, but I'm back, I'm here, slightly croaky, and ready to bring the fun. How are you both doing? I'm very well, thank you. Yeah. Well, I say that. I've bugged my foot, and it's still bad.

Is it still bad? Yeah, it's been, I think my cousin's a physio, and she's like, well, probably all the advice you're going to get is to just keep resting it, but she said it's been like nearly four weeks now. you might need to get it looked at. There's a possibility I have a, I don't think she said a hairline fracture, like a micro crack or something. I've got a micro crack.

This guy's got a tiny crack. Yeah. You know, I might have done some kind of tiny fracture or something. I don't know what it is, but. Tiny fracture. How would it happen? Is it mad stunts?

It's really cool. Bad ass? I think it was, I don't know, though. I'm doubting it now. But it happened after I had a trip to Germany, not so long ago. A trip. A trip. A trip in Germany on.

Yeah. Well, yeah, maybe. And I was in some new-ish shoes I'd only had for about two weeks, just some converse, because that's all I wear. And they've been fine at home in the UK, like walking from my front door to my car, to the office, back to the car, back to the house again for two weeks and a little bit of weekend walking. But then I made the mistake of, we were just using. hand luggage because it was only a weekend. So I only took those shoes and we did way more walking around cities than I expected because I was seeing the family. I thought it would be fairly casual visit. But no, we spent three days straight in different towns or cities walking all day.

And I realized, oh man, the arch support in these is zero. So I think I just wore bad shoes for three days straight did not stop walking in them and I've like inflamed muscle or something and then it's just I think it's just struggling to get better because obviously I have to walk on it day to day so but I'm no I'm no expert I don't know what the problem is but that's what I think was the cause but I could be wrong in the last episode I think I mentioned I bought slippers and that's part of you know growing old and becoming an adult and maturing and stuff yeah what's your stance on sketches, the shoes. See, this is it. I've been told to get

sketches by our streaming audience. That's it. Buy him a coffin. He's done. Yeah, I was grumbling about my shoes and my poor arch support and like three people said, I would recommend sketches. I'm on my feet all day. I wear sketches.

So, I might do it. Oh, man. I appreciate it. It would be nice, but I'll walk around, comfortable, free. But there's just something about the sketcher, which I just, it feels like giving up. Yeah. Not to say everyone who were sketches is giving up, but to me personally, I'd rather go

through the pain. But I know I've got, I've got friends now who are like buying them and raving on about them. And it is a matter of time. We all succumb to the sketcher. But yeah. I might just, I mean, you can get insoles and stuff, which might, I might just need to do that.

But if not, I'm genuinely tempted. I might sketch it up next time. I think you need to get yourself. a really cool walking stick and I think you just literally lean into it. Yeah. It's just, oh, that's Peter. He's the one with the wicked cane. And it's not like a medical one that you get from the NHS. No. It's like this guy went on Etsy and or did you see Peter's walking stick? He carved it from a tree that was struck by lightning. He made that himself. Yeah, really cool. It does mean that you will be in constant pain and you won't address the

root issue for the sake of fashion. But personally, I think, you know, if sketches is the alternative, you want the cool walking stick, right? Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's fine unless I bend it in a certain way. Like day to day, it doesn't hurt that much, but it's just impossible to go up or downstairs without. Brilliant. That doesn't sound debilitating at all. Yeah, just use my stick. Just use my stick for the stairs. Or better, yeah, I could have some stair sketches that I just slip on. Oh, no. To go up to my bed. That feels even more like, like, I've got a special pair of shoes for going up the stairs. Well, then let's raise the stakes again.

Would you rather have sketches or would you pay to install a stair lift? Stair lift all the way. You could go up, whizz up and down like grandma. Yeah, I might do that, you know? Yeah, I've got a lot of options. Anything better than sketches. Yeah, oh, yeah. You're a long way before sketches.

Yeah, don't worry. No disrespect to anyone who is. Sorry, yes. Where's sketches, by the way. Ragging on them for five minutes. How are you doing, Ben? Yeah, I'm all right, thank you. Just in case I sound a little different this week,

I was saying to the guys before we started recording that I've been living, I've been living big and large. Is that it? That's not right, is it? People who live big and large don't say that, I don't think. But I've had a few hangover wake-up mornings the past few days. I've been off work this week doing stuff. stuff. That sounds so vague and ominous. And part of the run-down effect, usually I just get a

mouthful of ulcers, which is the worst. But this time what it's decided to do is make my tongue really uncomfortable and a bit swollen on the left side at the back of my mouth. It feels like I've bitten it. And today in particular, it's quite uncomfortable. And so I feel like I'm talking, certain things I'm saying don't sound right. It's like I've got some cotton wool in the back of my mouth. So if I sound a bit strange, it's because I've got cotton wool in the back of my mouth. That's the reason. But yeah, apart from that, I'm doing all right. I have a small story about city driving at night and how I shouldn't be allowed to do it. Okay. Because I was dropping a family member off in Sunderland at about like eight, it was about 8pm and I've been

in the car since about midday. I'd just been driving all day and I was knackered and I think I've accepted much like Peter might need to get sketches. I think I might need glasses now because I'm struggling to read things and it's getting harder and halfway on the journey at a halfway point the person I was driving with needed the toilet. I'm like okay let's pull over at services. And then it was one of those services where, you know, very faded on the, on the road at the last second it says, oh, by the way, only lorries this way. And you're funneled then through like the lorry car parking. You're like, I'm not supposed to be in here. And you can't work out how to leave. And it was one of those services where it was just a petrol station. So I basically

had to park up in front of a lorry that was near the pumps for the, for the, for the lorries to refuel and I just had to wait while the person went in and went to the loo. During which time a lorry then pulled past me to fill up and essentially trapped me between it and the lorry I'd parked in front of. And so then the person I was with came back and said, oh, there's loads of room you can you can reverse out if you want. I was like, bloody hell. So then I had to try and reverse out in the dark between these two things and I managed to pop the wing mirror off the car. No. And so, and that was really embarrassing. Thankfully, as you would expect, no damage to the lorry at all.

So then I had to pull over it and I basically had to like, thankfully it had popped off in a very reparable way. Right. So I just had to like slam it with my fist until it went back on. Then I got to Sundland, Sunlund. And while I was dropping this person off, they took all their stuff up to their accommodation or whatever. And then they came back down to get more stuff. and I turned the car off. And then I got back in the car and I left

and I drove all the way out of Sunderland and people were flashing me and I had no idea why. And I had driven all the way out of the city with my headlights off. Oh my God. And I had no idea. And it was one of those moments

where I was like, oh, for God's sake, I feel like such a tit. It was absolutely humiliated. You're just driving along the entire time. Why wasn't even flashing at me? What's going on? Yeah.

I mean, there's loads of streetlights. So it's difficult to tell, you know, internally if it was... I'd forgotten that I'd turn the headlights of the car off when I'd stopped. And so, yeah, felt pretty stupid about that. And that was my fun day driving the other day. I have done that once where, yeah, I turned the lights on when I left my original starting point. And I'd stopped halfway somewhere that was super street lit. It was lit there, like really bright.

And then stopped the car. started the car, and at that point, yeah, it's so light that you don't realize you don't have your headlights on, but everyone else who can't flipping or fucking, in fact, can't fucking see you. Yeah. They know for sure that your lights are off. Oh, they do. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it was bad. It was a bad time. But thankfully, nothing too horrendous happened. We made it through. And we're all here for this episode of Poddietz. Thank you so much for joining us, by the way. We really appreciate it. If you like what we do here and you want to support us financially, you can.

can do so by going to pottyets.com. If you donate three pounds or more, you'll get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Poddietz, tell your friends as well. Yeah. And you support what we do in the process and we really, really appreciate it. So thank you very much to the Pod Squad for this week. Mikey is going to kick us off. We begin with Donak 07, raindrop joy, River Fox, Caroline, where's the anisole?

What is Aynosol? What is it? Is it bum cream? It's for piles, I think. Yeah, it's a little cream that you put on haemorrhoids. In the ad they say anusole, but it clearly says anus at the start. Yeah, anus ol. It's for your anus old.

It is, yeah. So that's the path for getting old, walking stick, sketches, and then anusole. Yeah. Hey, anisole can be purchased by people of any age who are not old. But sketches can't. If you don't have sketches, you are old. Unfortunately, the worm has turned. We continue with the very stupendously generous Torito Cat,

and they say, Dearest Boys, I want to say a big thank you for Podiots helping me stay sane and smiling during recent long stay in the oncology ward and in my fight with stage four cancer in general. It may just be a silly podcast, but you do make an impact on people's lives. Oh, thank you, Torito. Thank you, Trito. Thank you very much.

I hope you're doing okay. Yeah. Bring back Mammery cards and mass multiplayer in bed RPG. Oh. Nice. Nice. We've also got Frogley. Do you have a William Johnson?

Stephen Skoders. Freddie is a lay by lover. Lord Brothovich. Fried shrimp is tragic. DBP's rogue agent. and poddialison the Humaniots And finally we have Anonymous missing colour

Mr Macca Orange Cassidy Who was very generous and said Just want to say love you guys Oh we love you too Orange Cashdy Come at the Pog And the also very generous Carrie Bookter who said

Ryan and I were thrilled with Peter's Pizza Time remix Please take our money If we weren't having Survivor Christmas today We'd have pizza for supper Survivor Christmas? Survivor Christmas? I'm not sure what that is. Any ideas for dealing with in-laws, kids, and crazy parent?

Singular parent, dad's in a home. Okay, sorry, Carrie. Thank you for that information. Survivor Christmas. Yeah, what is Survivor Christmas first? Sounds like it's some kind of delayed Christmas maybe for some reason. Like you had to do a family one. Yeah, not sure.

ideas for dealing with them um um god don't know a lot a lot of drink just drinking a lot of alcohol maybe yeah yeah bust out the 50 peas by the end of the night everyone oh yeah yes i mean that's for christmas for sure that's yeah um piece of time now available on youtube by the way that's been posted you can find it a link on on podiots uh sorry on vidiots official. We posted it from there or on my social media. So for those they were asking.

Give that much. Thank you very much Carrie for that very generous donation. And finally Prince Beefcakes. Thank you very much. Thank you. And thus concludes this week's Poddsquard. Thank you so much. Pottyets.com three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Pottyets. Thank you so much, everyone. We appreciate you.

Pisa, I believe you're in charge of things this week. That's right. I would like How about Michael Johnson to go first With his listener submitted thing Oh I would love to And we're starting strong Judging just from the headline alone

This was sent in by at Groovy Ash on Twitter This is a popular one It was also sent by Slipback on Twitter And Dave on the Discord At Dave on Discord Yeah He's evolved The headline reads

This is from the Huffeting Huffington Post Welsh woman pleads guilty to sending fart videos to boyfriends X. Oh God, okay. Good. I've got a feeling there's more to it than this.

That headline leads on, but yeah, I hope to God sending fart videos isn't a crime. Otherwise, I better wipe my hard drive before the kids come from me. You've technically sent a fart video to thousands and thousands of people. Oh, shit.

I'm going away for a long time, boys. Yeah. subtitle reads Rihanna Evans admitted sending at least eight videos to Deborah Prithirk where she passed gas directly into the lens Oh God Oh the lens, not just the microphone, into the lens

Into the lens You can't get that out of there Gross Okay Oh God, okay, there's already a pun on the first line I mean, to be fair If you get given a news article to write about someone fine I'll give you free pass to use all the puns you want

so David Moy this one's this one's for you a woman in Wales has pleaded guilty to wreaking havoc on her boyfriend's yeah on her boy

shoo reeking havoc on her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend by this is a good line by repeatedly sending her cyberfarts Oh no, she's been committed She's committed cyberfart

That's really good Oh, cyberfarts It's the new crime wave That's sweeping the nation, amazing Riannan Evans, 25, was recently fined and given a restraining order after she admitted to harassing her boyfriend's ex by sending her a series of farting videos

Cyberfarts sounds like a sort of an early naughty's CG kids TV show with tie-in toys. Cyberfarts, each sold separately, you know? I was going to say, it's either that or it's a spinofferts, New York. Yeah, it could be. Specialist Department.

Yeah. I've scrolled down the article, sadly, there's no video attached to this. I guess. Oh, no, Mikey. I'm curious, you know, like what kind of fart video leads to some kind of... It's directly into the lens. Oh, yeah, that's like that's true of know. I am also curious as to what.

whether there's like, is there a buildup? Does she look down the lens and say like, fuck you, I hate you, take this? Or is it just like a three-second... This one's for you, Heather. Yeah. Or is it just like a three-second shot of ass and fart? Well, maybe the article will tell us more.

Let's find out. Yeah, what's the approach? Uh-da-da-da. Evan sent at least eight videos to Deborah where she could be seen laughing while placing a camera on her bottom and then passing gas directly into the lens. It was purely malicious.

She was smirking throughout, found it hilarious, but the victim didn't. Prosecutor Diane Williams reportedly told the court about Evans' gas attacks. Gas attacks. I think legally you can't call them that. It's something very different. That is a war crime. That's chemical warfare. What's the name of the lawyer?

Diane Williams. This is going to make Diane Williams' career this one. Oh, yeah. This is a huge case. I'm going to send her down in history where she accidentally leads to farts being made criminal, all farts, not even the unwanted one, cyberfarts. I've got to Google cyberfarts after this and see it. No, you don't. You literally do not have to do that.

I do. Oh, wow. Williams said that when Evans was arrested at her home, she admitted sending the videos and claims it was because she felt her partner was being treated. unfairly, like being tucked in the back of a police car. I only set the farts because he was being treated unfairly, damn it? Yeah. What do you reckon they would, if she gets loaded into the back of the police car for cyberfarts, there's nothing to stop her continuing to fart, like, during the whole arrest process?

Because obviously you've got handcuffs that, you know, stop people from being violent. But like, are they going to have to come up with, like, a special device? Like, out of the X-Men that, like, nullifies her. Fart powers. Yeah. Here's our special police issued shreddies, please put them on before you get them. I was going to say, yeah. Shreddies would do it.

Yeah. Perhaps that should be her sentence, you know, rather than jail time or whatever it was, she said she got. Did she get jail time or a fine? She should have to wear mandated shreddies for, you know, on license. I guess it's the problem, though, because shreddies only muffle the smell, not the sound. So the cyber fart is still the same. Well, true, yeah, you're right.

So we need some, like, silent shreddies. Yeah. Evans' defense attorney, Harriet Gorsd, told the court there have been some issues between the victim and the farta. I'm paraphrasing here. I just can't pronounce the last name. Could you give us a quick stab? Prithirk. Prithirk.

Oh, Prithak. Oh, Prithic. Prithic. Prith. Yeah, that's a strange thing. I don't know. There we go. Between Prithic and Evans's boyfriend over child support.

Oh, God. Oh, there's a child involved. No, no. Oh, God. At the time she sent these videos, she had some drinks and she sent them under, and she, uh, at the time she sent these videos, she had had some drinks and she sent them. Understanding now, this has caused the victim's some distress, Gorse said. She sent them without malicious.

intent. One video is an accident. Eight? I hope these were recorded over the course of the same night. It was like sat in the room. I got another one come and get the camera out. God, what did she eat? Yeah, if it was one night. Oh, maybe my video will come up in court as like evidence for like, oh, she followed this guide to make herself fart more for it. Yeah. You managed, what, like 40-something in... Seventy-four, thank you. Oh, 74, was it? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Our boy made it onto special forms. Yeah, he did. You're lucky, I didn't weaponise these videos beyond that one. Pritherex said in a victim statement to the court that she would like to feel safe in her own home. Evans' fart videos may have helped her vent her emotions, but they hurt her bank account. She was fined around $373. dollars, for some reason it's in dollars, including, whoa, $124 in compensation to Pritherec. That is a, how did they calculate, right, okay, so what was it, 370 what?

She was fined $373 in total, but $124 was compensation. Okay, so it's 373 in total. How many farts? Eight, eight, okay. So that is a 50 per, just for the compensation. Oh, for the compensation. In total, we're looking at a premium cost of $46,000 or $46.63 per fart. So there is a price. Yeah. Oh, my God. Wow. Some people would pay that money on that special forum for those videos. So if I want to send a fart video to someone, all I have to do is save up $40 and then it's basically legal.

How ominous would it be if the intended recipient got a PayPal payment from you? Oh, God, just moments before. It was just like, oh, God, what does this mean? Oh, God. So how much does Mikey owe, hang on, what was it? How many dollars? 40. It was like 40, about $43.

$43 times 74 farts. Yeah. Yeah. Mikey, you owe the courts slash the victims over three grand. Oh, my God. Wait, that's per one viewer as well. So if you times that by like, what, 60,000 or whatever. Oh man

I'm not coming back from this We're going to have to do podiates until we're 270 years old Oh god I forgot how popular The video

Like for a post Bristol video It's probably the best one We've ever done I think Isn't it? What's it on now? I'm not sure

I'm just checking now 6 million views Oh my God 75,000 views It's sandwiched between just worst games ever and the video, it is the single best non-worst

games ever video on the channel apart from the like announcement Q&A. God bless. I'll tell you what guys, once we wrap this poddy it stuff up, I've got an idea for a business venture, but we are going to need Michael Johns.

I'm ready, I'm ready. This is it. This is what's all been culminating to the far wave. I'm just sort of checking the analytics of it. I'm kind of curious about how that video works on YouTube. Can you see the origin of most of the clicks? Are they

from that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. A good, yeah, I did look through. It's a small chunk came from that forum, but you're decent. 12% external traffic, so yeah. That's definitely them. Reddit, 3% from Reddit. Nice.

R-slash farts. Yeah. 1.3% search terms underwear fart. which is... Oh, my God. And it's had over a million impressions. That's YouTube offering the video to someone.

A million. So 925,000 people said, no, thanks. Yeah, I'm all right. I feel like that's the story of Vidi, it's life, right there. You know what? Nah. Yeah, I'll pass. Good idea.

though, best of luck. Oh, Jesus. The final line of this article reads, the court ordered Evans to attend 15 rehabilitation sessions. Abstain from drinking for two months and avoid contacting the victim

for two years. Fair. That's fair. God, imagine clocking up for work. All right, what's the case today? I've got to talk to the lady who farted a lot into a microphone. All right, cool.

How do you rehabilitate that? Like, do you get to the, like, it's like a therapy session? Like, why? Why are you so intent in spreading this malicious, malicious stuff? What causes you to do this? Maybe part of the rehab is just speaking to a nutritionist who can help you not have to fart as much. You shouldn't be farting that much, yeah. Oh, dear.

Oh, there you go. Thank you very much for that one, a groovy ash and slip back on Twitter and Dave on Discord. Mm-hmm. Amazing. That's fantastic clip art that one of you is posted in the thread as well. Yeah, it's rubbish. isn't it? Yeah.

The lady farting. Ben, would you like to give us your own thing, please? I would love to. Is that a bird? Is that a plane? Could it be an onion? No. Or is it?

It's not or is it the onion. That's the new name of the game. It's not or is it the onion. So let me just say straight up, R slash not the onion is a hellscape of US politics It's so hard to find something that's actually sort of humorous on there That isn't related to Trump or Musk Everything that Donald Trump or Elon Musk does right now

Sounds like satire It's the death of satire And it was the death of satire in 2016 as well But that's by the by I have combed through And I have picked things out that are not related to that because A, no one wants to hear that stuff anyway, and B, I think you guys are probably going to know that those are true. So what I have is a selection, I believe it's five.

Let me just double check. Five stories. Some could be from satirical news website, The Onion. Some could be from real news sources. And you have to decipher which are real and which are fake. I have, as always, tinkered with the titles of these new stories to sort of make them sound kind of similar in tone to throw you off course.

But are you guys ready for them? Yes, please. Yes. Cool. So I'm going to read them all, and then we'll go through them one by one. Okay. First one.

Champagne sales drop because the state of the world is causing people to not want to celebrate. That's good. There's one. Yeah. New evidence. suggests humans developed written language to avoid breaking up in person. Right.

Paul finds the majority of Americans would support wind turbines if they provided additional services, like slicing deli meat. Man who lost cryptocurrency fortune might buy a scrapyard so he can search for the hard drive. Right. Missing teen slept in toilet paper fort inside big box store. store for days before returning home. Wow. And nutritionists recommend naturally occurring ingredients from within local woodland to help

manage cravings. And those are the stories. Hi, Pippa. You're going to head back the microphone? That's helpful, thank you. So the first one, champagne sales drop because the state of the world is causing people to not want to celebrate. What do you think of that?

Is that real or is that the onion? Considering what you just said about not the onion being filled with doom and gloom and bad news. I feel like maybe there is a bit of truth in that and that people just don't want to spend the money on Champagne anymore. I mean, I agree that it feels like there's less to celebrate these days, but would that have enough of a knock-on effect to, for Champagne? That's true. I never celebrated the news in general. I never watched 10 o'clock news. Yeah, it's like weddings and birthdays and New Year, isn't it? So I'm going to say that it's more of a joke saying there's nothing to be happy about, so it's the onion. I'm going to say there is

nothing to be happy about, so it's real. Yeah. That is real. Wow. Champagne sales have lost their pop as people around the world aren't in the mood to say cheers. The total number of champagne shipments from France sank nearly 10% last year to just 271 million bottles, making the second consecutive year of declines as inflation, weary consumers cutback and a generally glum mood permeates across the globe. I mean, is it not also possible that people are just, You know, they prefer Prosecco.

I prefer Prosecco, but, you know... Proseco is cheap. Yeah, it is cheap. It goes well with orange juice. Yeah. You don't have to import it from France. Yeah. The list goes on.

Well done, Mikey. Well done. The second one, new evidence suggests humans developed written language to avoid breaking up in person. This can't be real, unless you've, like, really messed with the wording. Like, did breaking up even exist when written language was first...

I don't know. Or maybe it's like... Yeah, they have complex relationships. Well, yeah, I know. But maybe some archaeologist has found... You know, like when they find Viking graffiti that says, like, come here if you want a good fuck or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

Call... Like in Pompey, it says call Maximus for a good time or something. Perhaps they found something where someone has actually broken up in written language and that's where this has come from. But I'm going to guess it's just a joke and it's the onion. I want to say it's onion but I could also see a world where maybe like the oldest, like

recently discovered the oldest piece of writing just so happened to be a breakup letter but I'm going to stick to onion Okay That is onion Right Noting that early humans aversion to confrontation played a critical role in their evolution

A new study published Friday in the American Journal of Archaeology concluded that written language was first developed to avoid breaking up in person According to our findings Early Mesopotamiums created the first cuneiform tablets in 3200 BCE, because they couldn't bear the idea of looking their partner in the eye and ending things face to face, said the study's author Professor Jason Green,

who added that once humans learned how effective a breakup note transcribed on papyrus clay or animal skin could be, they began developing a variety of symbols to quickly and effectively call a relationship off. Those include a broken heart, a withered rose, a crossed-out stick figure standing side by side. So, no, that's not true. You successfully deciphered that one. The next headline is, Pohl finds the majority of Americans would support wind turbines if they provided additional services like slicing deli meat.

Maybe you've just added like slicing deli meat. And the headline is, you know, they put a little awning on it and you can sit under it and have a picnic. Like maybe they've got other things in mind and you've added deli meat. I'm going to just guess that this is somehow real. Yeah, I want to say real as well. I kind of get the sentiment, the big,

and maybe they could do something else other than just spin round all day. Yeah. Maybe not slicing meats, though. To be honest, if I'd have gotten rid of the sliced deli meats bit, it definitely would have fit in more, but then it wouldn't have sounded quite so fantastical, but that is the onion.

Okay, fair enough. In a major survey of public attitudes towards alternative energy as the climate crisis continues, a poll published Tuesday found that an overwhelming majority of U.S. residents would support wind turbines if they sliced deli meat as well. Everybody, Americans want to know how exactly wind power is going to serve our community. And many more of us will be on board if, in addition to converting the wind's kinetic energy into electricity, those turbines also provided thinly sliced Cajun-style turkey breast. So, yeah, there we are.

The rewording thing works very well, because not only can you reword stuff that's super obvious, but also when you don't reword stuff, we end up second guessing and saying, well, that obviously sounds like the onion, but you've just made it sound like the onion. So that's real. People want deli meat from their turbines. That's real. Well, I'll tell you what, Janine McFadden wants deli meat. That's who that quote was apparently from.

She then went on to explain that her community felt left behind by a lack of access to alternative meat slicing sauce. So hopefully she gets the assistance that she needs soon. Next headline is man who lost cryptocurrency fortune might buy scrapyard so he can search for his hard drive. People talk about this man who's got loads of Bitcoin on a hard drive and it's in a tip and he goes there every day and he like combs through it. I don't know if this is actually a real story. It just sounds like an online kind of urban legend. So, I don't know, have you guys, well, you might not want to say, Ben, but have you heard that, Mikey, about the man who goes to the dump? Well, maybe showing my hand here, but I have heard this and I did read an article pretty much yesterday about this very man. Well, fair enough.

On the onion, right? On the onion. Yeah, on the onion. Totally. Come on, Peter, say the onion. So, I don't know, yeah, I was probably going to, I was in two minds, but maybe I would have said the onion. So I'll go with the onion even though quite clearly it's not that. It is not the onion, it is real. You're right, I have also heard about this man or similar cases all over the world before,

but this is a news article from the Irish Star that was posted on the 11th of February. A man who believes his $700 million lost Bitcoin fortune is buried in a landfill site is considering buying the entire dump after battling with officials for over a decade to be allowed to search for the valuable cryptocurrency. So it's real? Apparently it is real. Computer engineer James Howells from Wales says that in the summer of 2013,

his ex-partner mistakenly took a hard drive containing his Bitcoin wallet to a Newport garbage dump. He claims that cryptocurrency it contained is now worth an estimated 620 million pounds. Wow. God, I mean, that would ruin my life. I feel like, you know, people will probably say, I'll just get over it, it's gone.

But when that's like millions, hundreds of millions, billions. It's like, I'm not going to give up. I'll buy the damn dump until I can, until I find it, which is funny, because he doesn't have the money to buy the dump, but I guess he'll promise to pay them back once he finds the hard drive with the money on it, right? Will the hard drive still be working? I mean, I guess they can be, they're pretty resilient, but God, I mean, that's bonkers. It's like modern buried treasure, isn't it? Instead of a pirate's booty in a big chest with an X-Mark's the spot, someone's just like lost their hard drive in a landfill.

site. Cyber treasure, I guess. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, would he be able to afford to buy the entire dump? I don't. Because at that point, he's just going to be known as the dump man who owns the dump and spends all his time in

the dump and never finds it and he just lives in the dump and that's it. Yeah. What, 10 years? Like, that's deepened your compact. You've got to let it go, man. And the nappies and everything. That is a brutal loss, but also you're going to drive yourself mad

searching for that. And by the time you find it you might nearly be dead, either of old age or of the diseases you're going to pick up by picking through the rubbish. Or Bitcoin will be worth nothing. Yeah. So, there we are.

Next headline is missing teen slept in toilet paper fort inside a big box store for days before returning home. I want to believe this is real. I can see it being, I mean, it's the game, isn't it. I can see it being made up, but yeah, why not? Why wouldn't a kid like make a little little den in the back of a shop and live in it? I'm going to say that's real. Yeah, I'm going

to say real as well. Again, if you're going to run away from home, do it somewhere with supplies. Yeah. So why not a big master's supermarket with loads of toilet paper and snacks to feast on? The birds have the right idea, so children finally follow them. Yeah, they love them. Yes, this is real. The frantic search, sorry, for a missing Oklahoma team, excuse me, to a baffling end when he revealed he'd been hiding out in a toilet paper fort at a local Walmart. Christopher Dunham, 16, was reported missing on Sunday by his grandparents after he disappeared from their home in Grove. Police had asked for the public's assistance in finding him, but the case took a turn on Tuesday night when the teenager returned after police officers had

executed a search warrant at his grandparents' home. It continues loads of advert. Grove Police Chief Mark Morris believes Christopher had been watching the heavy police presence around the home when the last officer left, he attempted to sneak back in. But when his grandfather found him, he took the team to the Grove Police Department to explain two offices where he'd been. Christopher said he'd camped out at Walmart for a few nights, explaining that he'd wait till after hours before building a toilet paper fort over a dog bed and sleeping in it. This is one of the most bizarre cases in my law enforcement career, said Morris. He spent one night at the Honey Creek State Park and the other nights inside Walmart. It sounds like a sort of a family film, like a Home Alone style.

you know, the kid sleeps in Walmart and all sorts of hijinks happen at night when everyone's gone. But, you know, on the other hand, this is a guy who's run away from home, maybe for a reason. Maybe he's a bit sad. And that's not fun. But I can see that being a fun Spielberg movie or something. Yeah. Yeah. Let's all go live in the Walmart.

Yeah. Overnight. Okay, final story is as follows. Here we go. Eventually. There we are. Nutritionists recommend naturally occurring ingredients from within local woodland to help manage cravings. To help manage cravings.

Craving, it's all so vague. That could be where it's the onion. It might be some kind of drug story, drug joke or, you know, if it was just, you know, nutritionists say you can go foraging. People do. People go to hedgerows and stuff, make nettle tea and all sorts of stuff. but cravings I don't know there's just something there I'm going to say it's the onion I want to say real

I don't know maybe not that maybe it's not to the point of like oh go in the woods and chew on some tree bark and it'll make your cravings disappear but maybe just the idea of if you have a craving something just go off into the woods for a couple of hours by the time by giving a couple hours time

you won't even remember the craving you have yeah true so when I'm looking back at these headlines that I've altered some more than others. I'm just, I'm not very good at hiding the onion ones, I feel, and I've really tried. This one has been brutalized, this headline. So the actual headline is, and it is the onion, is nutritionists recommend following occasional trail of sweets into dark forest to help manage cravings.

That's the actual. Okay. So I tried to spin it slightly, but in the process made it a rather unremarkable, if quirky headline. Anyway, so the article says, saying the best healthy eating habits are the ones people can realistically stick to in the long term, a panel of New York University nutritionists issued recommendations Wednesday

that included following the occasional trail of sweets into a dark forest to help manage cravings. If your sweet tooth is making it difficult to stay on a diet plan that cuts out sugary treats entirely, there's nothing wrong with being lured deep into a foreboding wood by a trail of otherworldly confections every now and then to keep those urges in check. So there we are. Maybe consider that if you're struggling with your cravings. But that is this issue, this edition of onion slash not the onion or is it, or whatever I call it.

Yeah, sure. Excellent. Fantastic. Thank you, Ben. It's now time for my story, which was sent to us by, oh, you know what? in fact, I have deleted the post and I hadn't opened mine. I was so preoccupied with sending yours to you guys that I didn't grab mine. Mine was sent from Frogley at the Frogley on Twitter and it was also submitted in our chat as well

because you can, of course, submit things on Discord. It was sent by River on Discord. So here we go. This is according to edition.cann.com. And the headline is, Cake Bandit Opossum Hospitalised after indulging in an entire Costco cake. Oh, yeah, brother.

There are a couple of images in this article. I'll start you off with this one of the opossum looking just a little bit sad and sheepish. But there's another one coming up, which is... Oh, no. He's all curled up on the couch. Had enough. A real estate agent in Omaha, Nebraska,

recently got an unexpected house guest at Hungry Opossum who ate the entire tuxedo chocolate moose cake she recently bought from Costco. Kim Doggett walked outside last Sunday to find her chocolate cake on the floor of her back porch, brown paw prints on her new beige couch, and a panting opossum lying on top of it. Now fans have flooded Nebraska Wildlife Rehab

where the opossum was admitted on February 10th, with messages of support for the viral cake bandit who ate an entire Costco cake. We've all been there, girl, one person said under the Wildlife Rescue Services Facebook post. I have also begun to breathe heavily after eating an entire cake by myself. Maybe not Costco, but it definitely has happened more than once. I get it, girl. I get it. Another commenter said. And here is a much better image of, I'm hoping this is to say, oh, I can't right click that one. it's that, when it does that weird thing

and it doesn't think it's an image. Hang on, let me do a quick snip tool of it. Here we go. I'm hoping this is the opossum, the same one. It's a great picture. That's the face of someone who's made a mistake. Yeah. Earlier that night, Dogger asked her son

to take her homemade peanut butter balls outside onto the deck as their refrigerator was full. We just ran out of room, Doggett said, in the wintertime, it works great because you don't have to try and slam everything in there. You can just set it out on the back deck. Upon opening the door, her son quickly shut it and refused to go back out. There's a possum on your couch, Hayden Doggett 22 said to her.

Oh, 22. I sort of did a slightly childish voice there, but no, he's 22 years old. I think that's an outdoor couch then. Not really tell from the image, but it is. Oh, yeah, maybe it doesn't look a bit like lawn furniture. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's a possum on your couch, Hayden Doggett 22, said to her,

His mom didn't believe him at first. I really thought he was messing with me. So I went over and turned the light on. I opened the door and I was like, oh my, Kim Doggett said. And then I was like, oh, it ate the Costco cake. The whole thing almost was sitting on the ground next to the couch. The two tried to shoe the opossom away but with no luck. She began to consider whether the chocolate could have been poisonous to the animal.

She then called the American Humane Society who retrieved and transported the animal to be evaluated. The cake bandit is currently being treated for both her recent dietary habits and unrelated lead toxicity. Oh, goodness me. So it says eating the entire cake likely saved the opossum's life because in being sent there for the cake issues, they've found that it's got lead problems instead or as well. Yeah, oh yeah, here we go. It appears she was lucky to have been caught red-handed because it allowed her to come to a hospital and get diagnosed knows with what can become a fatal condition in wildlife.

Ah, goodness me. There are now T-shirts for the cake bandit that you can buy. Of course. They're really, you know, the rehab centre is making the most of it. And why not? You know, when you have your little 15 minutes of fame on the internet, then, sure. Here is some shirts that you can buy. Incidentally, we have got a store as well, which does not feature any possums,

but it does have birds in supermarkets. So head to vidyatsofficial.com. Is that right? Vidytsofficial.com. Yes, videosofficial. com. Lovely. Well, that, I think, you know, the rest of the article is just repeating over and over again.

The opossum was brought in due to having eaten an entire Costco chocolate cake. That's the headline. Yeah. I've Google searched this cake because I really want to see kind of how big it is. It's incredibly hard to find a picture of it like next to. human but I did find one and I feel like that that cake is pretty much the side of the possum surely yeah it is it's true yeah that is really that is a lot of cake you know he's done well a fully grown human ate all that they would definitely feel sick so an animal what like

an eighth of the size is going to feel awful the cake is literally bigger than the possum yeah it is lovely well there you go um thank my It's now your turn. Hello. I come with a little story, a story of the very hungry soldier. A while back, I think I brought the story of Tarra, the French man who was famous for just eating anything and everything. Oh, yeah. He had pika.

That's it. That's the one. I found another weird eater who, well, yeah, we'll see what he ate. But yeah, this is another amazing tale of people with insatiable hunger. Yeah. I can't say, I can't spoil anything. I don't want to spoil anything because it's magical, but yes, get ready to not be hungry. Probably won't be hungry by the end of this after hearing everything he is.

Good. Okay. History is rife with intriguing individuals who defy traditional human limits and decency. For Charles Domery, a Polish-born soldier serving in the Prussian and French armies, it was his insatiable hunger that eventually brought him worldwide fame and proved to be his downfall. So Dommerie had an unusually large appetite that grew in. grew over time, leading to him eating any available food. And I don't think,

just not even food, just anything available within the vicinity he'd try and eat. His hunger led him to trade his loyalty to the Prussian army for the French due to food shortages. So I imagine that. So someone's fighting on your side. It goes, now I'm going to go the other side.

They've got better catering. I'm going to go there. Yeah, they got bread over there. Yeah. He sounds a bit like the the pelican that you always see in those in those videos that's just trying to eat stuff it shouldn't like an entire capy bar just sort of chomp in its its bill around it but it's not going to happen ummmy's uncontrollable hunger okay this is this is fact of the article domery's uncontrollable hunger reportedly led to the consumption of over 174 cats in a year what what no

In a year? In a year. So God knows how much he's eaten in his lifetime. I don't know who was taking tally of all this, but 174 cats in a year. Oh, God. And as well as this, he ate five pounds of grass daily. Five pounds. That grass is like feathers, in it.

There's going to be a big sack. Oh, my God. Despite his distaste for vegetables. I assume he was just being a cow, just mowing the lawn, just hum, dum, dum, thumb, thumb, rather than have it, like, buying sacks full of grass. ass for himself. Oh, God. I wonder how he ate the cats.

Did he cook them a different way every time? Did he, you know? I mean, after, like, by 174, surely he's kind of brought a little bit of artistry to it. But sadly, there's not much, here, there's not much reporting on the recipes or how he consumed things, which is probably for the best. I've just, I've just read a bit that's quite upsetting about how he consumed the cats. Oh, wait, really? I don't think I saw that.

I mean, do you want to know? Sad. I mean, I'm sure it's sad, but I'm, I'm not. I'm a bit curious. Yeah. It basically says that he wrestled with the ethics of it, but sometimes if he was too hungry, he wouldn't, he would eat them alive.

What? Like he wouldn't even kill him first. Is that the kind thing to do, apparently? That's horrible. That's the testimony of M. Picard, who of course served on Darship Enterprise. Yeah, exactly, yeah. So there we are.

Oh, dear. Well, this is supposed to be kind of fun and lighthearted, but then I realize, Take a look at the fact that it maybe is a bit grim. Well, don't worry, this will light in the mood. Perhaps more shocking, Domaree reportedly once tried to eat the severed leg of a crew member hit by cannon fire during his time serving on the French battleship hawk. God, this guy does just have a relentless appetite.

It's like, you don't need to do that, do you? There's no need, but he's like, I want to, you know? This goes a little bit beyond being a bit peckish, especially when you're eating cats alive. Anyway, oh wait, you got a picture of him. There we go. Apparently. Is that cat? Oh my God, and that's the leg of the soldier.

Wow. Looks like a mare cat. I don't know what that is. Yeah. Sure, the cat shouldn't be sitting near him. You've seen what he's done to your brothers. Amazingly, despite all of his odd meals, Domery remained physically intact with no ill effects from his diet. So that's the top line.

A quick run through of, how did Dommerie get here? What led him to this? He was born in 1778. to a Polish family with nine boys who, like Charles, all shared rather large appetites. Despite his unusual hunger, Charles was born a healthy boy and grew to be over six feet three inches tall.

My, Dommerie, how did you grow to be so tall? That's all the cats I ate. Grass. Five pounds of grass a day. At the ripe age of 13, he joined the Prussian army fighting during the war of the First Coalition, where he grew,

along with his hunger. And I should, like, I guess it was probably, it was quite normal back then to have children in armies, but I just feel like today it'd be like, oh, God, we got a child in the army. It doesn't stop eating. God, you know, sick of them. Over time, Domri found a major flaw with the Russian troops.

Their rations. Much to his dismay, the troops were suffering from a food shortage. Even after the Prussians doubled his portions, Charles decided to quell his hunger by joining the enemy. The French. he was greeted I don't know how this work

like did he just go at the other side like hi there I'm very hungry I'll fight for you for have some food apparently that is how it goes because he was greeted by the French officers

with a melon which he fully devoured including the rind of course of course for one thing he sounds like a liability more than anything else

I wouldn't want him on my side just eating everything around me. And also, the fact that he was received by the French leader who happened to have a melon and hand it to him, it's like his reputation precedes him. It's like, oh, that guy who eats stuff is coming over. Let's get, what's the weirdest most interesting thing

we can give him to eat? Get some cannonballs. Yeah. Fetch some food, some slightly exotic food for him. He'll like that. Yeah, he can join the army. You'll be a laugh in the evenings. Everyone can watch eat weird things.

Yeah. But even after eating melon rind intact, the hunger soon returned, and Domery was left unsatisfied. Even after utilising his own pay to buy extra food, as well as eating all the available food for the troops. Oh, that's quite a vague statement. But I'm just going to assume that bad's literal. He had everything in sight. This resulted in the unimaginable with an unfilfilled stomach. Charles reportedly ate cats

along with a few pounds of grass almost daily when other food was unavailable this diet acted as a stepping stone for the even stranger events that followed doesn't stop there Oh boy

It's very gentle the language I think he was in that long list of weird Wikipedia articles I think I'd seen him before but I dismissed him I've done eating people But he's a different breed It just sounds like occasionally I've asked

chat GPT just as a research tool rather than a generative tool I've said like oh just name some like weird things for me I can take to my podcast and it will list like five things and one of them will be like this mental thing where I'm like that's great what is this story

and then I ask it for the source and it's like sorry having checked that again I'm not sure that's a real story and this is what it sounds like this sounds like it's made up by an AI but I believe you It's just crazy that we've not heard about this man before. So, yeah, I've pulled from an article and the Wikipedia article here.

I haven't gone into the sources, but it's a long enough article. I mean, it exists on the end. Yes. So that's something. The language used to describe him is so odd as well, that it's like, he'd eat anything that wasn't nailed down. So he moved on to cats, and then that was just, it gets even weird. It's like, this man's a monster.

he's a literal zombie can we please why are you talking about him in such a weird in such a weird way yeah he ate all the rations of the soldiers left them presumably without food and it's like oh oh you can't what a scamp and then ate their cats

and then their legs legs oh dear but even with what would be considered an appropriate amount of food for a young man he felt as though he was always starving This led him to make some surprising and seemingly unfathomable culinary choices in order to cure his food cravings. Dommerie loved to eat raw meat with bull's liver being his favourite delicacy.

And while serving on the French ship, Hock, Hotch, hosh. He almost devoured human flesh. This is the story of him trying to gobble a leg. His crewmates recalled having to wrestle Domery from a sea. sailor's leg that had been shot off by cannon fire. They ultimately succeeded, but only by throwing the severed leg into the sea. My God. Oh, my God.

I'm quite surprising jump in after it. My God. I'm assuming from that, but like, it was a fresh leg. It was just one that was lingering around. It was probably still bleeding, is it? Yeah, yeah. Oh, dear. But, yeah, even after all this, you'd assume you'd get sick.

at some point, but his stomach and his health remained intact, even after eating raw meat, various animals, and large quantities of grass, which is amazing, considering I get a dicky tummy sometimes after eating a little bit too much sometimes, and this man can eat raw flesh. In fact, he reportedly never vomited or defecated after his binges. Never defecated after his binges? Oh my God, he's just ballooned and ballooned. You agree. Yeah, what's the time frame between calling it, like, food-induced defecation?

Like, you're not going to eat it instantly poop, but within three hours, does that count? Yeah, I'm sure even within 12 hours or 24 hours, he was doing absolutely monster shits that were definitely a result of having just eaten a cat, you know? Almost certainly bum-pice. Oh, well, it was a day later, so it was not really caused by the... What do you mean? It's caused by what he ate. Yeah, weird.

they're trying to make this more I think, yeah, it's a fantastical telling of the story, right? Why wasn't he studied by scientists of the time? Yeah. Well, he was in fact studied by scientists. I don't think they actually did any proper science on him. They just made him eat loads

of weird shit and was, oh yeah, he does he? Everything. In 1799, tragedy struck aboard the ship in Liverpool, England, when British forces captured the ship, and soon after, Domarini's crewmates were held as prisoners of war in a prison camp near Livenpool.

Liverpool. During this time in captivity... Oh, no. During his time in captivity, Charles continued to shock his captors with his voracious appetite and surprising food choices. You won't believe what he'll be next. What a crazy guy! In a prison camp where meals were hard to come by during this time period,

rations for prisoners were set by the country in whose army the prisoners served. Oh, that's quite nice, actually. So if you get captured in another country, the French are like, give them this, give them this. So fair for Domery, another French prisoner's. The daily rations included two ounces of bread, half a pound of vegetables, and two ounces of butter, or six ounces of cheese.

Troops were also given some ration of beer, diluted rum, and sometimes tea. That's pretty good. I'm all right by that. But, of course, it's never enough for our boy, Domery. No. So, yeah, his rations, weren't enough.

So he then moved on to Candles. Oh, at least 20 rats. I was going to say, I bet he'd be rats, yeah. And of course, the prison cat. He's the prison cat now.

He eats all the rats around. Yeah, who needs a cat when you've got him. I'm just glad he never made the true lead to consuming human flesh, because I feel like that would be, this story would end very differently. if he was able to make that jump. It does sound like he wasn't actually a human being. He was sent by Cthulhu or something,

and you're going to say he's actually still alive now and he's locked up in some kind of dungeon because he cannot be stopped, you know? Well, it turns out he was actually, in fact, a spy for the Prussian army sent to bankrupt the French army by every last ounce of food they had. He will consume everything on earth. everything including medicine that was left over in the camp's infirmary

and washed it all down with water or his ration of beer. After learning of Dommerie's rather peculiar food choices, the British Army decided to double his rations. Maybe this will fix me. Give him more. His insatiable hunger led to a constant increase in rations until he was at a serving size that equalled the daily rations of 10 men. God.

And this piqued the interest of a prisoner commander who then brought the matter over to the sick and hurt commissioners. Of course. They'll know what to do. Yes. A party responsible for the overall welfare of prisoners of war. Soon he became the subject of medical experiments to test the limits of his hunger. Oh dear.

So yeah, they kind of just monitored him for a bit and kind of watched how he worked. One of the commissioners just tested his eating abilities. I think he'd basically like go to bed and wake up. every couple of hours in like an intense hot sweat, like flooding with sweat and would not stop sweating until he had something to eat or like felt somewhat nourished. So yeah, in one instance, Domery was awakened at 4am. And in this instance, he didn't wake up sweating. He was woken up by the commissioners and force fed four pounds of cow udder and he gobbled

it up without hesitation. And then shortly after, he defiled five pounds of raw beef and a dozen candied. Oh, my God. He loves his candles. He loves his candles. They would have been made out of animal product back then, wouldn't it? That's true, actually. For lunch, beefing candles were again relished and washed down with some beer.

So these, in big quotation marks here, medical experiment left personnel stunned. Perhaps what was more shocking was that Domery remained in good spirits despite his extreme culinary adventures. memory adventure what's he like I wonder if he had I just I tried to remember it from school and I couldn't

but Grelin is the hunger hormone I wonder if he just couldn't produce it or overproducing there's like a satiation hormone that once you've had food you release something it's like pectin or leptin or something I can't remember

maybe he couldn't produce the I am satisfied hormone yeah sadly yeah maybe science back in the 7000 wasn't quite so robust that what happened to him after the experiment

remains unknown he just kind of disappeared which is a bit worrying maybe he ate himself oh the final yeah there we go yeah so not really a neat little bull on that one

he just kind of disappeared one day but yes let's go with he gobbled himself up starting with the feet and then boom poofed into the last thing he ate was his mouth and then it became nothing he sounds like he could well be a symbol of folklore it could well be something that maybe a story got out of hand like

because there's obviously accounts from all over the place that could have been linked by someone investigating false leads potentially but you know it could very feasibly have started as someone making up some bullshit rumor or or you know they were basically lifting more rations than they needed and they were blaming it on this fictitious guy. A lot like the plot of the fantastic movie starring John Cena at Ricky Stinicki. They invented this pretend man

who they blamed for all of the rations that were going missing and then it just got out of hand. And now we're talking about him on a podcast like 300 years later. Yeah, maybe. But equally, I was going to say, you know, as much as we're demonising this man and saying, wow, what a terrible person. It could have just been a guy who

well as I say he may have it might have just been a real person with some sort of hormone. It's not well issue. I am almost entirely sure that if this person was real there was something amiss going on in there because no normal man eats candles and grass or alive cats for that matter. Yeah

yeah absolutely there you go. Good grief. Thank you Mikey. Thank you Mikey. Thank you is. Is it your turn now Ben? It is. This is my listener submitted thing. This comes from Greg Miller on Twitter. Take a look at my donkey.

He looks a lot like a zebra. Oh, there he is. That is a donkey painted to look like a zebra, but I don't know if it's actually painted. It looks like they've just maybe painted in black and then put tape on him. Yeah, it just looked like something stuck on. It's sad, isn't it?

Anyway, the headline reads, Zoo painted donkeys with black and white stripes to make them look like zebras. Okay. Inspired by previous ruses, including dogs painted black and white to look like pandas. Which someone did send to our Discord, by the way. I thought that might come up.

Someone called C dot dot dot did post that to Discord. Chinese zoo painting dogs to look like tigers. Sorry, do continue. A Chinese zoo has admitted to painting its donkeys to look like zebras because they were desperate to increase the number of visitors through the gates. Photos taken at Zibo City Amusement Park in Shandong. province went viral on social media drawing criticism and becoming the focal

point of memes. One user on the Chinese site, Weibo, Waybo, is that right? Called the act misleading and unethical. Another commenter on DuYin, the Chinese version of TikTok. I thought TikTok was it, anyway,

stated that it's unfair to the animals and the visitors. The amusement park staff defended the act as a marketing strategy to increase foot traffic. And yeah, so there we are. news. They claimed the die was non-toxic and did not harm the animals, but animal rights activists have still expressed consent. Oh, that poor dog.

Oh, God. Just sent a picture of the dog, yeah. This incident has sparked a broader debate about the ethics of altering animals' appearances for entertainment purposes. Well, she probably talks to the man inside the gorilla suit and inside that bear suit, the one who was walking like a human and things like that. Yeah. Because I think that's, that's the most unethical thing is the men inside the suits. So you think that's a man inside a donkey suit and then someone's put stripes on his donkey suit. I'm like 99% certain there's a guy in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you look at the stripes. It looks like it's split in the sections. Like there's a pants section at the back.

Exactly. You can see the zip. Zoom in, you can see the zip on the donkey. They have, they've done a really bad job of that as well, haven't they? They've not just like, you know, it's got a normal donkey's head that they've not painted either black or white. It's gray. I agree. I think it looks like they've painted the whole body and then wrapped tape on it or something. But the tape is just in perpendicular lines. Like it goes down down and then like horizontal for a while and then down again and then horizontal, you know, or vertical being the other word for down. It's just a, it doesn't look natural. It doesn't look natural at all. Yeah. No, it's sad. It's sad. Hopefully that They stopped doing that because, you know, don't want to see don'ties being sad.

No, we don't. Do you still, are you still involved in some sort of donkey sanctuary in your household, Peter? You had a donkey or something? Amy had a donkey for years and years. Someone got it for her as a present for Christmas and she, like, actively continued to ask for it to be renewed every Christmas from that purse. Because it's the kind of present where someone might buy you at, oh, I've sponsored a tree for you, which is what. we asked for for our wedding but you know sometimes unsolicited you might be a bit like oh thanks i would have preferred a PS5 but sure uh she was uh she loved her donkey his name was um

harbin and he he has been retired now from the sanctuary he's still at a sanctuary but not the sponsorship section of it because i think they you can go and like meet the donkeys and stuff and he's a bit old for that now so i think as of last year we are no longer donkey sponsoring Well, hopefully at some point you can meet the man that was inside Harbin. Yeah. And he can come over for tea or something. Sounds a bit rude, doesn't it? You're a donkey sponsor.

But there we are. That is my listener submitted thing. Lovely. Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Well, that just leaves my own submitted thing here. and it's something that has been a long time coming.

I should have actually covered this in around August or September of 2024. It is a staple of Pottietz, but we sort of had our break over the summer, and then it was Halloween, and then it was Christmas, and I just didn't have time to talk about this any time sooner than today. But here are the funniest jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe, 2024. Let's go. Bloody hell.

These will be, I've got to prepare my sides. Yeah, indeed. I promise to tell them in the classic style that I tell them year on year, just deadpan, dry, with none of the pizzazz of a professional comedian. This is an article written by Megan Bonar, I hope is not pronounced Bonar, on BBC news. Is that the first joke? It could be.

I mean, her surname, yeah, maybe. Sorry, Megan, if you're listening. Megan from BBC. Megan from Boner. Boner, yeah. Yeah, Megan Boner from the BBC. The start of the article is literally just telling us what the fringe is and who won and how this was voted on.

But basically she has got the top 15 jokes of the fringe 2024. According to Dave, the TV channel, who tend to give this award out year on year. Our friend from Ireland. Yeah, although now it's the you and Dave. funniest joke. The letter you and an ampersand and Dave with no spaces in between. You and Dave's funniest joke of the French. Don't know what that is. I guess they've just added to their brand. Right, here we go. I will go from least best to best, but they're all top 15. So these are the

best jokes of the French. So starting at number 15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects one percent of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, we'll say this a lot. Make sense. Makes sense. The joke makes sense. I will say these jokes, I thought, are way better than last year.

And that is one of the only ones that I thought, huh, okay, like that, you know? I get it. Yeah. Okay, that's see. They are all one-liners like that. Apart from one, which is the next one, in fact, it's just an observation, which you never see in this. It's always the onliners that get this award. But number 14 is simply the statement by Sophie Duker.

Kiyah Stama looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher. Okay. He does. I suppose he does. And you say that in the middle of a stand-up set where you're just being a bit more conversational. You're not doing your on-liners. That's going to work just fine. That's going to kill.

Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. But it's all one-liners now for the rest of it. So here we go. Number 13, by Lou Wall. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don't naturally multiply.

Cool. Yeah. Get it? Okay. Number 12 by Roger Swift. I've got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I'd never bought her that vineyard. Ooh.

That's a grown-up. That's a grown-up. It made me smile. Okay. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Sarah Keyworth at number 11 said,

I'm an extremely emotionally needy, non-binary person. My pronouns are, they're there. I quite like that. Yeah, okay. That's fun. It doesn't poke fun or punch down or anything like that, which would be horrible. That's a fun one. That's good.

I like that. I only hope it wasn't sandwich between, you know, really horrible remarks about, what about this bloody pronoun lark, eh? Oh, mine are there, there. And I'm an attack helicopter. No. Sarah, please. It was going so well. It could have been a good joke. Right, number 10, by this guy, right,

has, he's got two entries in this top 15, and his name is probably the best part about the whole thing. His name is Olaf Falafel. Oh, yeah, we've had Olaf Falafel before. Yeah, I think we have won one year, possibly. Olaf Falafel. Anyway, his first one. I refuse to believe that's his real name.

Do you want me to shatter the magic? Yeah, it's probably a professional name, surely. No one... Olaf falafel. I mean, maybe his name's Olaf falafel. Author. Olaf. Oh my God.

Yeah, maybe it is his real name. Olaf falafel is a comedian and children's author. Hmm. He's from Luton. Right. Oh, no, it does say pseudonym Olaf falafel. What's his real name? I'll find out.

What's your name? Go on, dude. Number 10 by Olaf Falafel. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the Huluminati. Okay. A bit of wordplay. It's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's the way you tell them, you know, I'm doing it justice. Zoe Coombs Mar at number nine. My partner told me that she'd never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like that one. That's what gaslighting is, yeah? Yes, yes.

Yeah. Okay, he says that his real name is Derek Chickpeas. Okay. I could tell. As soon as you said, he says that. I was like, right, he's going to come up with another silly name. It's not actually, it'll be somewhere on the internet, but it's not easily accessible.

So fair play to him. Yeah, fair enough. Right, number eight by Masai Graham. I wanted, okay, yeah. I wanted to know which came first, the chicken or the egg. So I bought a chicken, and then I bought an egg, and I think I've cracked it. Okay.

That's not very good. That's not better than any of the others. we've seen so far. Chelsea. Sorry, are these voted on by, is it a panel of comedy experts or is it put to the public

or is it split of the thoughts? I could tell you that if our friend Megan Boehner has specified. It's voted for by the public after being drawn up after a short list is drawn up by judges.

Okay, so we can blame the general public for these choices. They did this. We can blame the public for the order in which they're placed, but I think the judges may have already picked maybe, I don't know if it was just the 15 or maybe more. Yeah, the public is certainly complicit, for sure.

Right, Chelsea Berkby said, number seven, British etiquette is confusing. Why is it high-brow to look at boobs in an art gallery, but low-brow, when I get them out in spoons? That's just like, that's just a retelling of a joke that's been all over the internet for like a decade, isn't it? Yeah, you know. How come it's okay when they do it?

But when I do extreme example for comedic effects of this. I get kicked out. I get arrested. Yeah, that's not even an original joke. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Olaf Falafel is back at number six. Okay.

Derek Chickpee. Derek Chickpee says, My dad used to say to me, pints, gallons, liters, which I think, speaks volumes. That's good. I like that one.

Yeah, I think that's good. Number five is Mark Simmons, who said, I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton. Well, he came up with the idea, and I ran with it. Okay. That's all right. Yeah, I like that one.

I like that. Arthur Smith at number four. I sailed through my driving test, and that's why I failed it. Made me laugh. Yeah, you laugh there. It's a stupid one. We're in the top five now. You probably have to laugh at the next three, Ben.

Yeah, God, I do, don't I? Voted by the public as being funnier than that. These are the best ones. Yeah. I like this next one by Alex Kitson. I ate horse at a restaurant once. Wasn't great. Starter was all right, but the main was dreadful.

Ha ha. Yeah? Ha ha. Ha ha, indeed. Yeah. Number two by Alex Snoot. I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing.

It's just one step forward, two steps back. I mean, that's, you know, that's a corona as well. That's what the salsa is, yeah. And now for the funniest joke of 2024. Here we go. I hope you've all got your corsets on to keep the splits from happening on your sides. Ready to laugh. This is by Mark Simmons, who wrote the relay batten joke.

Okay, okay. It's going to be good. At number one, I was going to sail around the globe in the world's smallest. Oh, no, he's sorry. He didn't do the boat one, is he? I was like, that's it. He's done another boat one. No, he didn't do the boat one.

It's a different guy, sorry. Yeah, the sailing one. Number one, I was going to sail around the globe in the world's smallest ship, but I bottled it. Oh. The funniest joke. Not as good as his other one. No, it wasn't. And it wasn't as good as the drive.

testing test or the horse one. No. The volumes one. Speaks volumes. Yeah, that was quite good. Yeah, rubbish. That's such a shame. You're right, though. There were some good ones in there this year.

Yeah. You know, comparatively. It was better. The jokes of them voted on anonymously by 2,000 members of the public, says the article. So no one wanted to put their name to that voting process. I guess. Yeah, I think it's an upgrade when the majority of jokes went, oh yeah, that's good, rather just going, yes, that is a joke.

Yeah, it's technically humor. Yeah, it was good. Simmons, oh, I've just seen in the article as well, we've got another bonus joke here, I think, I'm not even read it yet, but it looks like it's going to be a joke. Simmons, when he won the award, said, I'm really chuffed to win you and Dave's funniest joke of the fringe. I needed some good news, as I was just fired from my job marking example. papers. I can't understand it. I always gave 110%.

There you go. Can he take it off? Can they take the what did they snatch out of his hand and stomp it on the floor? You should have just been quiet, Simmons. Yeah. Oh dear. Well, there you go. That is those are the funniest jokes of last year and we're not that far. We're about only six months away for the funniest jokes of 2025. So stick with us for that. We will cover. Fantastic. Thank you guys for your things. And thank you to everyone for submitting your things. We have all gone, haven't we? Because I've done this before. I've wrapped up and it's still something to go. Excellent. Thank you so much for listening,

everybody. We've still got some things to tell you, of course, before we go. And we do hope that you're not taking the news too hard. Do remember that you've still got us for a good while yet. And we're going to do our very best to entertain you to the best of our abilities. And in that vein, we'd love it if you would support us back, in a sense, with money. frankly. Yep. No, continue listening, tell your friends and so on. There are places, of course, where you can support us financially.

If you're in a position to do so, and speaking of which, Mikey, I believe there's some kind of shop. You're darn tooting. If you head over to Vidyatesofficial.com and click on the lovely enticing little shop button, you will be greeted with a veritable bounty of goodies, including t-shirts, hoodies, plurals, yes, with the relatively new, Lost in the Isles hoodie. Oh, go check it out. It's got birds on it and shopping at aisles.

Great. All your favourites, all the classics, some caps, some mugs, everything you could ever need in one handy place at Vidiotsofficial.com shop. Thank you very much. Yes. We're looking into potentially producing some more merch this year to commemorate the occasion, as it were.

So stay tuned and we'll keep you posted once we've done literally anything. We haven't even had a conversation yet. So, yeah, keep your eyes peeled. We're on Instagram and TikTok at Vidyat's dot official. We're also on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Blue Sky, all forward slash video. Vitex official. Our Discord is vidytsofficial.com forward slash discord if you want to join there and chat and hang out. And thank you to Tommy and Fleckers, who mod is there, by the way.

And Twitch.com.T.v.com. No streams in the diary as yet, but you can still go and follow us and be notified when we do go live. I'm sure that will happen at some point this year. And of course, pottyets.com. If you go there and donate three pounds or more, you join Pod Squad. You get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Pottyets. And most importantly, you support us and we really bloody appreciate it. So thank you to this month's Pod Squad, which is slash R as follows.

Who are as follows, Mikey. Hello? Hello. We begin with Donak, 07, raindrop joy. River Fox, Caroline, where's the anosol, The very superendously generous Torito Cat bring back mammary cards and mass multiplayer in bed RPG.

Oh, we didn't ask. I didn't ask you what your favourite one was earlier. Yeah, I just realised. I like the Anasol one. Yeah, me too. We'll go through the whole list. We've got Frogley. Do you have a William Johnson?

Stephen Skodes. Freddy is a lay-by lover. Lord Rottervich. Freddy, sorry, fried shrimp is tragic. DBP's rogue agent and Podialison the Humaniates. And finally we have Anonymous, Missing Color, Mr. Maca, Orange Cassidy, who is very generous. Kermit the Pog, the very generous, Carrie Bukta, and Prince Beefcakes. Thank you so much, Pods squad, £3 or more, Poddietz.com to support us and get a shout out on the next episode of Podiots.

Which was your favourite, then? Yeah, I think it's still the Anasol one. Anasol, sorry. Anasol. Yeah. I like DBP's rogue agent. I forgot about him. It's nice to have him come back into the universe for a bit.

That guy. He's never far from our thoughts, though, is he? He's always there. Peter, is there some sort of highlight of what came out on Vidyat's seven years ago this month? There is. Well, the channel launched in February of 2018, so it's all of our debut content, pretty much. We had the first episode of Worst Games ever, Prison Break, the Conspiracy, a classic. We, of course, had the Welcome to Vidiates.

general chat in the room. We were trying things like in the spotlight back then. We did a big Q&A, post some tat started. The Paris vlog, of course, the infamous Paris vlog. We did the cooking mama live action

challenge, which was great. We went to Nintendo Labo. We started doing our silly lists as well. There was more worst games ever. Three Dimensions of Murder, CSI. We went to a cardboard arcade. You Philippa name it. We did it all. We even got sponsored by Turtle Beach.

And Skyrim Zoo started as well. So pretty much everything. Oh, actually, that was, no, sorry, that's the second of March. You've got to wait till next month for Skyrim Zoo. Yeah, forget about that. You didn't hear that. No, don't watch Skyrim Zoo. It's not there.

Wonderful. Mikey, whereabouts are you on the internet if people want to keep up with you? At Powerboy on Instagram and also on Blue Sky. Go to check it out. That's where I occasionally post life bits. Life bits, not my bits, but, you know, live bit. Posting your life bits. Cyberfarts.

Oh, God. But yeah, I was going to say. Jesus. I was going to Google cyberfarts, wasn't I? Oh, no, don't. Okay, well, you look now. You'll tell us in a minute. Peter, where are we on the internet?

You can find us together at Team Triple Jump, where we're doing gaming content. You can find Ben on, I guess, principally Twitter at Confused underscore dude in terms of social media. You can find me at that Peter Austin on Twitter and Blue Sky. And you can also find the new place where I'm putting remixes now, which is QuackDrop

on YouTube.com. I wanted it to loosely be SuperDuck videos related, but that channel is full of all sorts of guff now, and I thought, I just need a clean YouTube channel. So you can go to QuackDrop on YouTube and find the pizza song there. Wonderful. Mikey, what have you found? From what I can see, this is like a world first, no, UK's first cyber farting case.

So maybe there's been other cyberfarts, but all I'm getting right now is these ones. You do. I'm a serial cyber fart. I'm a dangerous man. I'm still looking for him. I'll never find. Fantastic. Finally, why not leave us a review on your platform of choice?

It has something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. Tell you, friends, enjoy the ride, everyone. Come with us over the next year and enjoy the ride with us. Is there a final question that we want to ask before signing off this month? What was your favorite joke of the Fringe? Hmm. Yeah. Yeah, which was the best?

How many sabbifarts have you done? Oh, yeah. People are going to incriminate themselves. It's a punishable offence. It costs $40. Wonderful. Right, well, we're going to go now. We will see you next month.

Until then, look after yourselves, everyone. Bye. Bye. Goodbye. I don't know I don't know I'm a know

on the I'm Thank you.