Podiots - Podiots: Episode 158 – Pickle Exposure

Episode Date: April 26, 2025

Mikey's paying his respects, Ben's getting baked and Peter's ordered room service. NEW MERCH: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Follow us on Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social— Bluesky Join next episode's Pod Squad: http://podiots.com And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com ------------------- Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS! YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vidiots.official TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vidiots.official Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social — Bluesky Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/ Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax Guys Yeah Hello Oh sorry, rather, let me start that again Michael Johnson Oh, hi, yes Have you ever done a face

or a bottom belch directly into the path of a stranger? Wow, good start. I haven't, I haven't myself, not of memory, but I did get farted on by an old lady in the high street of fact the other week, so I have experience. Maybe I can help.

How, sorry, now how was that, please? How was that? Was it good for you? Whispy, I guess I'd describe it as. Oh, no. Like her essence was leaving her body. Yeah, wispy loose and dusty, if I had to pick three words. This is funny, actually, I, for the longest time, have had a fart story that I've

needed to tell on poddiots, and I've never known when the right moment is. I don't know why, because frankly, any moment. is a good moment. Any time is good. Yeah, exactly. But I was in a, I was going around at a sort of stately home in the Lake District about two years ago. And it had really creaky floorboards, right? And we were in this bedroom with this American very old couple.

And as this woman walked past, there was the most comical floorboard creek fart sound ever. Yeah, like really like that. And to the point where I was, but it was really farts. sounding. And I was like, okay, did she just fart? And then as we sort of, everyone moved around the room, I was like, oh, these floorboards are really creaky. I was like, okay, it was clearly just the floorboard. And then immediately following at, there was just this almighty actual definite fart sound. And then she just sort of turned to us and went, oh, excuse me. And then walked out the room. Oh, my God. No. Yeah. She just excused herself after this diabolical fart. It was dreadful.

And I was like, well, that's a potty it's story. And I've never quite known when to bring that out. Sorry, this is not probably the answer you wanted from either of us. No, that's fine. It's good to know that you've both had some experience. But I did fully burp in a woman's face the other day. Oh, no. And I wanted to share that with you and the audience just to see what you make of it.

You know sometimes how, like when you're, when you're, walking down the street and you sort of like, I need to pass gas, but like not in an offensive way, but like just in a sort of subtle way. And you do that sort of like, you walk down the street and you sort of look to the left and you look to the right, just so you can sort of peer behind you out of your periphery, make sure there's no one really close. You do that? Is it just me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The ghost is clear. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I'd just had, in my defense, I'd just had a Lucasade. Oh, right. And... Big Fizz.

I was feeling a little belchy and I thought, I'll have a belch. That's fine. I was literally, I was not in a crowded area at all. I was on a pavement on the side of the main road next to a bus stop that had no one at it. And it was next to a field on the other side. So there was like, there's nothing around. There's no reason anyone should be nearby. So I did my little, I did my little glance over one shoulder and over the other shoulder. And then another thing as well, right, that you do when you're, especially when you're potentially belching in public or even just. like passing a little subtle like sort of oh excuse me just a little sort of under my breath burp there you do it out the side of your mouth sometimes yeah do you ever do that where you like purse your lips on one side and you just all go you belch out one side of your mouth yes yes so i'll double up i'll be extra safe i'll do that um and so i did my little look around and then i did a little a little belch and at that exact split second a jogger whizzed fast me as so not only did I belched next to this person. I actively belched by pursing my lips directly into the face of this joker as she went past.

Was it like an audible? Because sometimes you sort of just sort of breathe loudly outside of, you know, you sort of go, well, you won't even hear it through noise cancellation, but it's a sort of a, you know. Yeah. It was, it was audible. Oh, no. She wasn't wearing headphones. It smelled like Lukazade.

And the only, the only thing I could do was just laugh because I was like. What were the chances of that happening? No one was there a second ago and then a jogger just fucking sprinted directly into the burp path. I hope you went. It was unbelievable. Please excuse me.

Oh, this pavement's really creaky, isn't it? Yeah. Counsel out to have a look at this. This isn't right. So yeah, I did a Luccazee burp on a lady runner and I felt bad. Oh, no. It was funny though.

Yeah, I didn't know what else to do. She was gone. You know, she was just, She was off in the distance. But she's going to have an anecdote now. She's like, you never guess. Some guy just fucking burped in my face. It was disgusting.

And like, I hate living here. No one's got any manners, you know? Oh, God. Awful. Are you doing okay? Like, this isn't taking over your life, is it? I don't want you to wrap yourself with guilt. It's not one of those things where I keep myself up at night,

torturing myself over it. It wasn't an awkward encounter at all. It would have been way worse if she'd stopped. Yes. And gone, what the, what the fuck is wrong with why did you do that but no she was like it was it was over in the blink of an eye all I could do was laugh I went home and I told my girlfriend and now I'm telling you and uh and that's it it's a funny it's a funny story and it's not it's not

keeping me up at night it's fine okay that's good to know yeah impressive well we'll all our homework for this episode is all go out and fart on a jogger fart on a jogger excuse go fart on a jogger I feel is different it's worse you know that's more pointed that's that's an attack fine farts no cocky a leg and fart on a jogging oh dear well smelly i mean yeah was i mean at least it was lucazade it could have been worse yeah that's true fresh lucasade kind of overreed your your belly smell there so you're lightly exactly i had yet eat in breakfast i was i'd i'd been out for a walk early in the morning and uh around a lovely local country park and then stopped in asda got myself a lucasade some energy because I had loads of chores to do at home

when I got in, and then I belched it all on a lady. Well, and that's, you know what, and that's okay. That is all right. How I spend my Sunday, quite frankly, is up to me. Yeah. It's my business. And the joggers. Oh, poor girl. Well, yeah.

Maybe, is that a regular bus stop that you stand at? Nope. Literally never walked on that side of that road before in my life. I was hoping you've become good friends and pass each other again. he's the burp guy we still love you ben even if you do

oh good on innocent bystanders thank you I appreciate that means a lot on that note shall we burp our way into

this episode we'll have one of Kevin's musical burps maybe yeah yeah Hello everybody and welcome to Pottie. It's the official.

Official. Vididates. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing. A-L-Long to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael.

Hello. Hello. Hello. How are we doing? I'm doing all right. I came up with a Pottiates joke the other day. Oh, yeah. And I wondered if you guys wanted to hear it.

It's, I will, I'm going to warn you now, it's going to be better than all of the Edinburgh jokes I've ever told. Cool. And I want you to laugh really hard and say, wow, that guy's so funny and cool. That guy's so funny. And handsome. Okay.

Right. Keith Chegwin walks into a bar, right? And he, and that's, by the way, that's the only reason it's a Pollyett's joke. It's because it's about Keith Chequin. walks into a bar and he goes into his pockets and he's like

oh no I haven't got any money to buy drinks and he's like oh what am I going to do and so he wanders over to someone in the bar and he says

oh I don't suppose I could have a drink like you could buy me a drink could you please please could you buy a drink for me and the person is like okay fine here's a drinks menu that you can order from and I'll buy you one drink

and he looks and it's like the kids soft drinks menu not the alcohol and he says oh I was hoping for something a bit stronger than this and the person turns to him and says well you know what they say Cheggers can't be boozers oh no

that's good that is the kind of joke that only a hilarious and handsome man could come up with absolutely yeah one hell of a winding tail to get us to the... We got there eventually, didn't we? A lot of superfluous detail. It was great.

That was really good. Thank you for bringing that. You're welcome. That was your thing, I assume. That's it. I've done it now, yeah. That was what we needed. Crafting the joke, incredible.

I mean, it's nice we can keep Chega's good name alive for the medium of telling jokes in a podcast. So we just extended Chega's presence in the world a little bit more. We have. As long as we don't forget him, he will never. die. Yeah. But he did die. Oh yeah,

he did, didn't he? He forgot he died. He did actually die. Yeah. It could have been dead. It could be not alive. Mikey.

How you doing, man? What's going on? I'm good. I'm fantastic. Yeah, good. Had a nice couple of days in the countryside, exploring the hills. Oh.

Him crashing back. Four day weekends. Lovely. But, yeah, as a rare treat, there would mess you up. It's terrible. I got to get back into the routine. and slowly become a functioning human again.

It's all fine. It's all good. How are you doing, Ben? Other than burping on joggers? Apart from burping on joggers. Yeah, I've got glasses now. Oh. I'm not wearing them right now.

They're mainly just to assist with driving and lengthy computer usage. And seeing things. See, and mainly seeing things, yeah, but I'm not wearing them all the time. I don't need to wear them all the time, but I have surrendered to, my sort of eyesight declining in quality.

And I'm getting old. I'm old. We're old. You get a nice new accessory to wear now at least. That's nice. Did you agonise over the glasses he chose or just whatever ones will do? Cheapest ones, Michael Johnson. I mean, there were a number of frames at that price, and I did pick the one that I like

the most. But yeah, I wasn't about to spring for some pricey ones for sure. Oh, well, congratulations, Ben. Thanks, man. We're all getting older. I'm 33 now. Yeah. Yeah.

So old. I hope I never need. I did always want glasses as a kid and I was an adult. It's just an extra thing to worry about, isn't it? I don't need that. Not enough worry. To lose. Break.

To pay for break. Yeah. So yeah, congratulations, Ben. Big day for you. Thanks. And you're sure. Yeah, great. Love it.

Thanks, thanks, everyone. We should follow up. Before we move on to Pod Squad, how would you feel about following up on the tattoo situation from... The Tat Appeal. The Tat Appeal, yes. So this is... Sorry, hang on, I've got a cat now lying on top of me.

We've got some comments together from the last episode of Podiat's, where we were, of course, talking about Louis's request to choose him a Podiat's relevant tattoo that could be no bigger than sort of the palm of one's hand because it couldn't it couldn't be too big we suggested various options and we also asked that the the listeners suggested some as well or said what they thought was best you guys do you have them in front of you there yes I do yes the first one we got here is from lemon shamis 7418 they said gather an array of suggestions and do a bracket slash tournament on one of the final episodes to decide wow we're quite good make a spectacle of it yeah uh crispy demon duck suggests

just poddy it's presents this tattoo uh just the words i guess which is fun um me and mikey aren't working from the same notes by the way We're just freestyled you're not. I'm looking at them too now. Like, where's Mikey reeling from? 86. Wezer 88 said for the tattoo idea, it'd be funny if it was the McNuggy's grimace, which I'd forgotten about that.

That'd be a pretty good one. On the buttock. On the buttock, yeah. On the buttock, yeah. We have also got a tattoo of garlic and chips, surely. I guess that just means Michael Jugson's face. Or maybe some chips. chips with garlic on, I don't know.

Chips with some mysterious white gunk on them. Yeah. That was, I should say, that was Rob Colburn. Jay Dizzle Power says, I'd be down to get a meat face tattoo for sure. So that's another suggestion. And Riyazaki Teu, for the tattoo, maybe just do a big V, like it would represent viduits.

But 20 years later, they could be like, oh yeah, that's for my former girlfriend, Victoria. No one needs to know. I like that they're, you know, they're so ashamed of idiots that they would rather say, oh yeah, I got a tattoo in my girlfriend's name that I'm no longer with her. Like, that's normally the most embarrassing tattoo or the one you want to get rid of. Kieran SP 2010 says a full back tattoo of Dave Benson Philip's face. Yes.

Like Steveo's tattoo he got that time. Yeah, exactly. That would be good. We can't subject another human being to that, though. We could. We could, but we want. Dave would probably try and claim some kind of royalties off it. Yeah.

No, he wouldn't. His manager doesn't ask for money, remember? Oh, my God. Just pay whatever you think is fair. The manager would ask for money, but keep it for himself, I think. Yeah. Adi Pramana 7 suggests tatuietz or tatyates or tatioites. Take your pick.

and do we have any more have you got any more Mikey that's it for me I think I got one more Katie Kin 17 should be still from YouTube of all your Canadian South Park characters oh yeah from the the Pollyett's artwork yeah

yeah yeah it's a good show okay what do you guys think do we make a decision today or do we feed some of these ideas into a tournament bracket and yeah could do and revisit next time maybe

I do quite like the tournament idea, I think. Would you want to take that as your thing for next time, Mikey, maybe? Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. You could put all those in. And maybe even if you need to fill it out, by all means, be creative and throw your own suggestions in there as well, Mikey. Yeah, well, yeah, this will be one the biggest tournaments we've ever done. And I think, actually, the one with the most on the lines. Yeah, there's a lot of stakes.

Yeah, I'm down for that. Thank you for suggestions, everybody. Some good ones to add to the mix there. But hopefully next month, we'll have the answer, we'll have the decider. So in the meantime, please keep chucking your ideas in the comments or on Twitter or wherever you want to throw them. And they'll get added into the pile and we'll see who reigns supreme. And then technically, was it Louis, Louis Weber? Yes.

Yeah, Louis could then tell people that this is actually a prize-winning tattoo. This is like a champion tattoo. A competition winner. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so the tautunement is next week. Oh, very good. The taternment.

Brilliant. Thank you very much, everybody. Mikey will be back next time and we will make a decision, finally. Are you getting scared yet, Frubby? Froby, Friby. Louis. Sorry. It's one of the Webbers.

One of the Webbers. It's always bloody one of you two, isn't it? Yes. Thank you. Right. Before we move on, we need to talk about how we get the turkey. how we grab the, make the turkey. We're talking turkeys now.

And that is pottyets.com. If you go there and donate three pounds or more, you'll get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Poddietz. You join Pod Squad, you support us in what we're doing. And we really bloody appreciate it. There's not long left of the Poddietz, the rich Poddiettes tapestry.

And if you want to immortalise yourselves forever, pottyts.com, three pounds or more. Mikey, would you like to kick us off, please, with this week's Pod Squad? I'd love to. We begin with Frogly, Thedi, Webber in Japan Donak

07 Steven Scourdes Lord Brotovic Hello Linda Hair Salon Can you do a perm On my Balls

Is the next one We've got Caroline de Mouse Got My Eggs McSreck McSreck Meshit Is that an L or an I

uppercase I or a lowercase L. McSrecald's unaliving JFK. Okay. Cheggers and the Pope are dead. It's true. That is factual. It is true. Winnie the Pooh at Pauls.

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started listening during my A-Levels and now work as a mental health nurse for the NHS. Amazing. Thank you for getting me through some challenging times to get here. Lots of love, Kiskees-Keece. Thank you, keep doing a very important job there. Journey or Yerney are still married is the next

donator who is also very generous and says, can you please wish a belated birthday to Rosie. Also, once you wrap up in December, will you be doing any ad hoc stream slash reunion streams? And will you be keeping the shop open? Thank you so much for all the years of fun. Lots of things there. So firstly, happy birthday, Rosie. Happy belated birthday, Rosie. And once you wrap up in December, we'll be doing any ad hoc stream slash reunion streams. Undecided as yet. We will, we will, it's on the cards. Nothing is off the table. Yeah. Also, nothing on the table yet.

Yeah, nothing is on the table. We're certainly viewing the reunion stream at the end of this year as a conclusion of sorts. Yeah, but you will still be able to find us on the internet in some way, shape or form, certainly on obviously our social media channels and some or all of us will likely be doing content of some description elsewhere or, you know, whatever. You have to just keep an eye out and things will be happening, I'm sure. Absolutely. As for the shop, I believe that'll stay open as long as the website stays live and as my friend hosts our website, that'll stay up for as long as he's happy to host it,

which for the time being sounds like it's going to be a while. So that shouldn't be going anywhere. Thank you very much. Journey or Journey. Thank you. Happy birthday, Rosie. Yes, happy birthday, Rosie. We've also got Katty Karen, the very generous OE.

Oh, what the fucking hell. How have you written that? One and done. One and done, Lurker will miss you. It's written in Camel case, but every other letter, like the SpongeBob meme, is capitalised, so it's almost impossible to tell where one end. When one word ends and the other begins. Thank you very much for the donation.

Thank you, Lerker. I don't know when slash how I found you all. I never watched videos, but somehow found poddiettes. I never supported in the past because money's tight, but I wanted to give a sincere thank you for all you've been. and done, wish you the best and thank you again. Hey, hey. Thank you. Hey, hey. That's really kind. That's really kind. Examples of examples of someone who didn't watch videos.

We like them when these people exist. They stumble upon us afterwards in isolation of everything. And stick around and give money. I mean, we must have done something right over the past few years. Thank you very much. And finally, we have come at the Pog and start a church, call it Godiots. is the final Donator. That is your Pod Squad for this week. Three pounds or more

to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Poddietz. Guys, did you have a favourite there? I was taken by surprise that someone

not only referenced the time I rang a hair salon and asked for a perm on my balls, but that they remembered it was called Linda's hair salon. I mean,

that is actually what it was called. I didn't listen to the episode recently, maybe. But, yeah. I like seeing those donations in isolation because you just get one that says balls or hello Lender hair salon

I'm going to go for I'm trying to find it it is Winnie the Poo at Pools It was great one I really enjoyed that one So that's my favourite Thank you Pod Squad, really appreciate you Peter Austin

You are question slash thing man today False, incorrect No, it's Michael Johnson. Shit, so close. Michael Johnson, your question slash thing man today. Yeah, damn right. And, well, I wrote down a running order and I'm batting it straight back to you, Ben.

Ben, would you like to give us a viewer-submitted thing? I would love to. I would love to. So this viewer-submitted thing, let me just double-check the credit here, comes from Connor Bennett at C-Bennett underscore 12 on Twitter, and the headline reads as follows.

It's from the New York Post, which I think is a bit of a rag. But here we go. Hormonal hawk terrorizes bold men for weeks in English village before it's finally captured. Men plural or man? Men plural. Men plural. Oh, God. Yeah.

God, it's auto playing a horrible... Yeah, what is that? Is that like... This is the talking... Because Mikey's sent the news, the things out to us. there's a speaking of just how shit this website is it's playing a video called

Alien-like sea creatures keep washing up on beaches dash weird but true oh my god that is not true but it is weird yes yeah that's not real

stick that in the thread Mikey so yes here's the actual article right it starts with this bird's battling boldness one head wound at a time oh god

A hormonal hawk that terrorized bold men by dive-bombing their vulnerable noggins for weeks was finally captured in a small English village, neighbours said Friday. The bloodthirsty bird wreaked havoc on roughly 50 people in Flamstead, Hertfordshire, just north of London. Everything's north of London by swooping down and clawing their heads from behind, hospitalising one resident and leaving others drenched in blood, according to BBC news. Drenched. Birds are fighting back. The author of this, Natalie.

is having a great time here. In one hair-raising attack, the last sentence said someone was hospitalized. In one hair-raising attack, the male Harris's... The male Harris's hawk left... This is really weirdly written.

The male Harris's hawk left Jim Hewitt, 75, with a gaping dome gash as he walked to the store to get milk on Wednesday. Dome gash. Can that be the episode name? We can't call it Domegash.

It's awful. He looked like he'd been in a knife fight, said neighbour Lizzie Atkinson, who found a retiree covered in blood as the heartless hawk prepared to dive bomb him again. Holy hell. God forbid it happens to a child, she said. I've held a Harris's hawk in my arms once, well, on my hands, not in my... I didn't cradle look like a baby, but yeah, one of those falconry centres. He was called Hovis.

Hovis the Harris Hork Yeah That's lovely There's a photo of the hawk I'm not going to I'll send you a photo of the wound But we shouldn't post it Because it's pretty grisly

Here we are I think this is the retiree Who was terrorised That is a deep dome gash That's a dome gash if I've ever seen one right there Gaping dom gash if you will My word And it's targeting specifically targeting

Bald men Will Yes it seems that way The article continues. Hewitt, who was hospitalized for the scalp injury, said it was a shock, noting that he bled profusely because he's on double blood thinners. Oh, that's sad. Oh, God.

The bird-brained brute, stop it, Natalie, had reportedly attacked dozens of other men from behind since early March, including Steve Harris, 40, who said he was forced to wear a bike helmet on his daily jog. But it's a Harris hawk. He's an ally. They should love him. Friendly fire. male deliveries were also delayed to the village as postal workers' feathers were ruffled

by the sky-eye savage Handyman and gardener poor boys was attacked twice by the hawk It really did hurt when it hit you, he told the Guardian It comes up behind you and its talons got me in the back of the head And its other one comes around the front And got me on my forehead The bird likely, yeah

Around the front while one is on top of the head It's like it's going to break his neck She's got an action shot here If it's swooping on someone It's like a sighting of big foot Yeah, it's a cryptid photo It's so blurry That's an amazing

Also that person doesn't really look bold No No, they don't even know they're about to be hit They're just walking Oh Jesus Anyway, the bird likely went ballistic due to a hormonal flare-up during breeding season, though it's unclear why he harbored hatred for the follically challenged. An expert said, all this dive-bombing, I think it's hormonal courtship because it's only started happening in the last couple of weeks. Breeding season, Falconer Alan Greenhullg told the UK independent.

On Thursday, Harris captured the hawk by, hang on, is Harris a thing or is Harris a person? I'm really confused. It is a thing. It is a thing. Okay. So Harris captured the Harris hawk by luring him into a shed in his garden and tossing a cage over the bird. It feels strange. Tossing a cage over the bird.

Wow. Quite nimble. It feels strange. A bit of a relief. We've all just wanted to get it caught, said Harris, a physiotherapist, told the UK's Press Association. And that's the end of the article. Said Harris told.

Oh, God. Actually, it's not. He said, grateful. neighbors can repay him by buying him a drink. I think I'll be able to keep my wallet in my pocket next time I'm going to the pub, Harris said. I'm disappointed that did you say Natalie, she was called, the writer. Yes, I'll give you the full name, Natalie O'Neill. After all those jokes, funny gags, she didn't do anything with the fact that the man who caught

the hawk was called Harris. I know. What earth are you doing? It just made it confusing because it doesn't feel intentional. Yeah. Weird. But that is my listener submitted thing. That's great. Boardmen can walk free again, but be careful out there. It's dangerous.

God. Thank you very much, Ben. You're welcome. Thank you, Connor. Thank you. During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures. And see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September,

Lisa 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelene is such an iconic piece of music.

Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane.

Move on to my own thing for this episode. And I come to you with a letter from Ye Oldy Days of 1722. Ooh. That's quite a good one. It's heartful. So, yeah, in 1722, a pet squirrel named Mungo very sadly passed away. This is big news. Everyone across the world was upset about it.

Oh, Mungo. Poor little Mungo. We love him. A little Mung bean. It was a tragedy. He's already giving him a pet name. Mung bean. Mungo escaped its confines and met its fate at the teeth of a dog.

Boo. Oh. But a friend of a friend of. the friend of the owner immortalized the squirrel with a tribute. I'm going to read out this entire letter for you

and with some extra information at the end because it's sweet and there's more to it than you think. Dear Miss, I lament with you most sincerely

the unfortunate end of poor mungo. Oh, mung bean. Mung bean. Mung bean. Few squirrels were better accomplished for he had a good

education, had traveled, yeah, bear with me, he had good education, had traveled far, and seen much of the world. This is an esteemed squirrel. Wow. As he had the honor of being for his virtues, your favorite, he should not go like common scugs without an elegy or an epitaph. Turns out, Skuggs is, well, actually, no, I've got the exact explanation here.

So the person who wrote this letter also wrote a different letter at a different time where they mentioned Scugs. I did my research. And they wrote that Scugs is the name by which all squirrels are called here as all cats are called Puss. Oh. It's like the default name for squirrels is is Scugs like it is for cats. Skook, scoog, scoog, scoog, scoog, skugs. Next time I'm going to park try that. How interesting.

So, yeah, that's the intro. The actual, the actual, the set. End off he gave this bird. Alas! Squirrel. Squirrel, squirrel, right? Squirrel. What did I say?

Bird. You're a Natalie O'Neill. Come on. Harris. Alas, poor mongo, happy wert thou. Hats thou known thy own felicity. Remote from the fierce bald eagle, tyrant of thy native woods.

Thou hats naught to fear from his piercing talons. Very appropriate, actually. This is one creature that wasn't killed by a hawk, nor from the murdering gun of the thoughtless sportsman, safe in thy wired castle, but discontented thou wouldst have more freedom. Too soon, alas, did thou obtain it? And wandering fell by the merciless fangs of wanton cruel ranger.

It's not wanton, that's the food. Wanton cruel ranger. That's what I'm told. Cruel arranger. Learn hence, ye who blindly wish more liberty, whether subjects, sons, squirrels or daughters, that apparent restraint may be real protection, yielding peace, plenty, and security.

And he has a little addendum at the end. You see how much more decent and proper this broken style, interrupted as it were with size, is for the occasion, than if one were to say, by way of an epitaph. Here skug lies snug as a bug in a rug.

This is basically saying like, well, he's saying this is shit. What he's written above, that's more like a proper send-off. And yet perhaps there are people in the world so little feeling as to think that would be a good enough epitaph

for our poor mongo. So he's having to go at you that he's digging into you. You think that's good enough? Yeah. And he finishes off the letter. If you wish it, I shall procure another to succeed him. But perhaps you will now choose some other amusement. Remember me respectfully to all the Torngood family.

And believe me ever, your affectionate friend, Benjamin Franklin. Oh, my God say. This fucking weirdo again. It's why you're such an educated squirrel. This little freak. Yeah, this was, this was a pet. squirrel that Benjamin Franklin bought for a friend who lived in the UK

and had this squirrel shipped over the ocean on a boat and had them arrive at their house to be their beloved pet unfortunately yes it did meet its demise sooner than was expected but Franklin did come through good he did find another squirrel and the next one apparently lived so ripe old age of at least six years old

don't have the name for the new squirrel or maybe it was just mungo again they just kept with the name And another letter that Franklin wrote about, you just mentioned this offhandedly in the midst of another letter to his family, but he wanted to keep them up to date on how his hunt for a new scroll was going. And he said, It's a very fine one. I have had very bad luck with them.

One killed and another runaway. Although they were bred up tame, I have not a cage, as I don't know where the man lives that makes them. well that'll do it that was practically butterfield-esque that yeah

I would have not what made but I don't know where the bird lives who makes them yeah that's the Benjamin Franklin half of this piece so yeah I was just a I thought

there's quite a funny little thing like yeah it's nice to have I mean Benjamin Franklin's always been my greatest love of presidential letter writers and once again he comes through strong but you may think it's a bit weird for people to be, you know, getting so upset over a pet squirrel. But as it turns out,

back in those days, squirrels were actually a very, very popular choice of pets for the well-to-do in society. Um, so yeah, when, when this was written in like the 18th century, squirrels were fixtures in American homes, especially for children, which I don't know. Is this something about, like, just giving a child a pet squirrel and going, there you go, have fun. It seems a little bit weird, but different time, eh? Um, do-do-do. By the 17. 100s, a golden era of squirrel ownership was in full swing. Squirrels were sold in markets and found in the homes of wealthy urban families and portraits of well-to-do children holding reserved, polite, upper-class squirrel

attached to a gold chain leash were proudly displayed. So yeah, there's some old paintings, like I guess people get their portraits done with the pets. And so there's a few early documented sightings of squirrels being kept as pets. Different kinds of squirrels as well, even like flying squirrels. Ones that, like, have body wings. Yeah. Yeah, Ben's posted a little picture of one on a gold chain, a painted one. Oh, there you go.

Yeah, that's him. It comes up when you Google Mongo the squirrel. Right. But it may just be mis-what am I trying to say? Misattributed. Yeah, it might not actually be Mongo that way. Yeah. I like to think that's Mongo.

That's what Mongo would have roughly looked like. Scroll with a chain around him. Most pet squirrels were American-growing. gray ones, though red squirrels and flying squirrels were also around, enchanting the country with the devil-maker attitudes and fluffy bodies. By the 19th century, a canon of squirrel care literature emerged for the enthusiast. In the 1851 book, Domestic Pets, Their Habits and Management, Jane Luden writes more about squirrels as pets than she does rabbits.

So, take that as you will, beating out rabbits for popularity at least. and devotes an entire chapter to the beautiful little creature, very agile and graceful in its movements. Squirrels may be taught to jump from one hand to another to search for a hidden nut. And it soon knows its name and the person who feeds it. Luden also waxed on about their habits, like jumping around a room and peeping out from wooden eaves,

writing that an instance is recorded of no less, than 17 lumps of sugar being found in the cornice of a drawing room in which a squirrel had been kept. Besides innumerable nuts, pieces of biscuit. So he's had a proper little... Pieces of biscuit. Squirreling them away. That's what it is, isn't it?

Yeah. They had one bit of advice for the would-beep squirrel owner in their book. When your squirrel is not running around the room, provided with a tit. tin-lined cage that has a running wheel. And also you should feed it a fig or a date every now and then. And you should start your squirrel raising adventure with one procured directly from the nest when possible. Oh. So just steal a baby?

Yeah. Well, yeah. Why not? It doesn't know it's a baby. Scugnapped. Is it a squirrel what adventure? A squirrel? start your squirrel raising adventure,

I guess it's in raising squirrels. That sounds so much like a, it's very Pokemon-esque that's just sending out a six-year-old. Go on, go start your squirrel raising adventure. Steal squirrels from nests. You belong to me now. You live at my house. Ah, God.

But wait, oh, the, oh, the, oh, hello words. Yeah, the unarmed, but the unnamed authors own pet squirrels. There we go. Dick and Peter, kind of cute. Hey, these squirrels have the freedom of his bedroom and plenty of nuts to store away.

And he said, Let your pet squirrels crack their own nuts. My young squirrel fanciers. Go forth and let your squirrels pack their own. But yeah, they kind of enjoyed a good stint of popularity until about the early 1900s where it started waning a little bit. Despite their owner's best attempts at tain. taming the animals.

They're still, after all, wild animals. And as time wore on, squirrels were increasingly viewed as pests. And by the 1910s, squirrels became so despised in California that the state issued a widespread public attack on the once-adored creatures. And then basically throughout the last of the 1900s, slowly this became more and more ostracized, more and more dislike, less welcome in the home and more kept to their parks, which, to be fair, makes sense on account of their finicky

diet, their space requirements, and their scratchy claws, it says here, be careful of the scratchy clothes. But yeah, none of this, of course, will deter the most determined squirrel owner, because if you want one, you'll grab into that nest, and you'll grab one for yourself. For example, Bob Ross had his own baby pet squirrel named Pea Pod. Oh, Peapod. Peapod. Have you ever seen this before?

It's very, very cute. Bob Ross, Pea pod. Where is he? Where is he? Oh, it's a baby. I don't know how, I never, admittedly, I've never watched the TV show, but I hope this squirrel made an,

oh, wow. It's a tiny baby drinking from a bottle, which is exceptionally sweet. So, yeah, hit that squirrel would never hurt anyone. But yeah, and now in the modern day, I guess we still have squirrel owners, but now the more Instagram focused, I think,

if you've got a pet squirrel, you put that thing all over the intro, all over the internet. But the wide, wild squirrels across the land all agree it's probably best that we leave

them out of it yes so there you go there's a little a little letter from our good friend good friend I forgot his name

already hello Benjamin Franklin and some some greater context there for squirrels at the time there you go go forth

catch the squirrels be friend the squirrels be careful of their scratchy clothes there's there you but I do still like his is joking

epitaph, the hear skug lies snug as a bug in a rug. That's a winner. Short and sweet. And there you go. That's my thing. That's wonderful, Mikey. Thank you, Mikey. I didn't know that. No, I didn't know that. No, I didn't know that. I'm open to it. I like him in the park. So, I mean, I'd just bring one home with me. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Yeah, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Set my squirrel on you if you come near me. Skaggs. Get him, scags. Skugs. That is good. Um, so moving on from me. Peter, no, it's Peter's thing.

Yes, it is. Peter, could we have, wait, no, it's, oh God, I've totally messed up the order of my listener, yeah. Yes, there we go. Yes, yes, yes. Um, this was sent to us by Nicholas Otter at Lord Brott on Twitter, and it is a story that's been translated into English from sueddeutsche.de.e. a presumably German news website for, I think, South Germany.

I think that's what it means, South German news. So brace yourselves for what may be badly translated text. But, you know, frankly, it's probably going to be better than half the stuff we read from like the Daily Mirror, which is all over the place. So we'll see. This is a story from Munich. Dog, your axe should pay broadcasting fees, is the headline. Okay.

In a letter from the ARD and ZDF subscription service, sorry, that's me messing up there, a letter from the ARD and ZDF subscription service has caused consternation in Munich. The question arises as to how the fee collectors could have tracked down the hunting dog, Euraxvom Paradis, or Parades. That's his full name, apparently.

He's got a surname. Many dogs enjoy watching movies. Videos on social media are a testament to this. Also, Your Axe, the dog nicknamed From Paradise. Oh, all right, okay. So it's from Paradise is what his name means. Or maybe he does. In any case, the male hunting dog recently received a letter

about paying broadcasting fees, according to his owner, Yuta Zadelmeier. The Munich resident responded by registered mail. My dog, Yorax von Paradise, has credibly assured me that he does not operate a company and or business premises, and therefore refuses to pay a broadcasting fee, she wrote. The Media Group Ipen Media and the Arben Zeitung newspaper had previously reported. According to Zadelmeier, that's the lady, the ARDZDF Deutsche Land Radio Contribution Service

discovered your axe through the website she set up for the Hungarian Vichler dog when he was still a stud dog. She suspects that's why the contribution, service mistook the dog for an entrepreneur and sent him a questionnaire. Yourax was then asked to provide information about his business premises, radio equipment and car radios among other things. His only place of work is his hunting ground and this has no connection to radio or the internet, the Munich resident replied to the questions.

The contribution service responded with humour, of course the four-legged friend doesn't have to pay a broadcasting fee, if in media quoted a spokesman for the facility as saying the address has since been blocked we should no longer write to Mrs. Zadlemyer's dog about this can we see the dog please absolutely it's the dog and the lady here we go

it does look like a dog that's a bit confused why he's been sent a letter he's just looking a bit worried so there you go that's a fun little story he briefly had his own website because he was well basically a prostitute

is what he was and because he didn't want it to charge him for a broadcasting fee yeah um there is he still got a website wow their website's still on the internet

holy shit oh is it what's the website oh there it is oh it's all in German how do I translate it's translated for me there uh urax nickname Yuri

is a wonderful hunting companion alert, loves the water, reliable in pointing and retrieving, and perfect at tracking. At home, he's perfectly suited to everyday life, calm and cuddly. His muzzle is now a bit grey, but he's still very willing to work on the trail. He can learn everything about Yurax von Paradis, called Yuri, we know. His upbringing, his education slash training, and the everyday life of Yuri and his now sadly, oh no, his sadly now deceased friend Eli, his new house, playing work buddy, Aris, and his owner.

Would you like to learn more about Hungarian Viesler, Breeze? and breeding. We are of course also a member of the VUV Association for Hungarian pointing dogs.

That doesn't stand for that does it should be the A F-HPD I wonder if there's do we know how much we can,

what can we get him for? How much can we pay him to get him on poddies? There's a great gallery. Oh, it's one of those images

where you can't right click and copy it which is annoying. Don't want to steal these images. Oh, his whole life as from being baby to big dog.

Oh, wow. So wait, oh my God. Well, I guess they thought this was I don't know how this. I didn't realize like the government could just like scan websites

and if it looked like this person owns a business, then they'll send you a buddy receipt. Yeah, I guess it's like the TV license, but. Yeah. It's a good gallery. Yeah.

Yeah. That is good. Oh, there's videos of him. hunting and pointing and all sorts. The caption of that one is, pheasants in the bush when he's pointing. That's great. Oh.

Yeah, this is lovely. What lovely boy. Yeah. Wax dash vom dash parodies.dee if you need a stud dog, maybe he's still in business. Yeah. Oh my God, on the,

there's a tab that says directions and it just has a Google pin directly onto where he is. Please do not change that to poddy. Why would you even say that? They'll do it now. Podius presents Urax von Paradis.

Fuck's sake. Oh dear. Well, screw it, why not? This is our last year. We can defend people all we want. What are they going to do? Cancel us. If a deer jumps into the blackberry bushes after being shot,

Yuri will reliably find the killed game. Tracking down injured game in other areas after a shot or car accident will also be carried out reliably. Wow Oh my God That's a reliable dog right there Yeah Trust that

Trust that doll Well there we go Thank you for sending that Lord Rotovitch That was great Thank you very much Mr Rotovic Next we move on to

Me And my thing You and your thing I have messed up my list I've somehow made this You said you had a running order Michael It doesn't help

if I've done the running order on, is it? There's six things. What did I do? Anyway, yeah, we'll keep going. Yeah, you're right. It's you, Ben. Let's go. I don't even know how to fix my list. It's fine. It's all right. We know what's happening. We know what's happening. It's time for my thing. I want to regale you with an experience I had recently, which I don't think traditionally, perhaps men in the UK, everyday normal men, we're just normal men in the UK, would actually ever think of doing or have ever done. And I thought, I'd tell you about my experience and answer any questions that you might have.

So I'm going to send you a photo of this and you can surmise what I recently got up to. Oh, heaven's above. Oh, no way. What's that? What's that? That's a tanning bed. That's a tanning bed. It looks like, it looks almost like you've lifted the front boot of a counter.

It does, doesn't it? The Mega Sun car. Let me tell you, in person, that thing is terrifying. It's massive. So, yeah. My only real experience of those, even just in photos or videos, is the scene in Final Destination where two women set on fire inside of one. Absolutely, 100% mine too.

That scarred me. I actually remember that scene more so than the log one, which everyone remembers, which comes off the lorry. This one really scarred me. It was awful. But I'm brave now and I'm going to do it. So the opportunity presented itself to me. I will preface all of this by saying that there is a proven elevated risk of skin cancer

and skin issues if you regularly use tanning beds. Please, quite frankly, you just shouldn't use them. But if you do use them, please be sensible and don't use them very much. for the record I went in for six minutes that's it that is it is that how long do you normally spend in them do you know

I've always seen it's like an hour or something but I am told that six minutes is roughly equivalent to an hour and a half of sunbathing oh wow that's how intense these things are you can you can request all sorts of different time allotted time allotments I think a lot of people

more advanced sun bed users will potentially could well book it for an hour but they will get out periodically they won't just lie in there for the whole time because you just it's really sweaty anyway I'll tell you so yes yeah it the opportunity

presented itself to me because my girlfriend who also I want to stress does not use tanning beds regularly but just sort of it's it's we've had some sun here but not a lot and and like things have been a little

stressful recently and so She thought, I'm going to treat myself. I'm going to go, I'm going to go get some vitamin D artificially. And I'm going to give this. And then she said that to me. And I thought, huh, that actually sounds kind of intriguing. I think I could talk about this on poddiers. So to be honest, I didn't really do this for me.

I did this for us. For us. Put your body in harm's way. I thought I want to give that a go because six minutes cost me eight pounds. So I thought, that's probably fine. I should give it a go for that. paid for this, everyone. Yes, absolutely. So beforehand, yeah, I thought it would be good content. I thought we'd go early in the morning. Of course, they're an essential business and they love Jesus

Christ, but they were open on Easter Sunday. So I did go in at like 10 a.m. And this was following a hearty breakfast from weather spoons and a full can of monster. So I did think there is a chance that I might shit myself in the tanning bed didn't happen. That would be really good for poddiards. I thought if the worst possible situation happens, it would still be, it would be even better content. I should pant in sunbed. Sunbed, gone shitty.

So, yes, I had a hearty breakfast. I had a lot more caffeine than I probably needed, and then we went into this tanning salon. I was... The lady behind the counter asked if we'd been before. My girlfriend said, yes, she had. I said, no, I have not. It is my first time.

And she sort of looked to me and said, you're quite pale. I was like, sure. Yeah, that's why I'm here. And then she's like, do you want me to show you how it works? And I was like, yes, please, please do that. Because they have standing up ones and then they also have lying down ones. And I think the standing up ones are potentially more, they're more modern, perhaps. I don't really know the ins and outs.

but the lying down ones are obviously more novel to someone like me. Like I'd quite like to do a lying down one. So she took me into the room. She explained how it worked. I had like two tokens and I think the tokens are three minutes. You put them in a box on the wall. And then once you pull the lid of the coffin down, that's when it starts tanning you.

That's when you get sickly orange. That's when you start getting the cancer. Exactly. That's when the cancer begins. And yes, I've written down in my notes All I could think of was the final destination scene Where the Lady Burns of Death So I inserted my tokens into the box

You get completely naked Which also felt really wrong and weird Wow You get to line other people's bits Where their bits have been You get like all the bum prints on the bed They spray it down So basically how it works is

It's you will have seen the inside Right where it's like loads of UV panels And it's a curved roof it's also a curved bottom as well where the lights are are but there's a transparent plastic sheet that you lie on so it's like a baking tray essentially so you get on the baking tray and so yeah I got completely naked

went into it she did offer me the goggles I said no I shouldn't have done because I think it would have been really funny to get a photo in the tiny goggles I didn't do it should have done that yeah that was going to be one of my questions did you yeah I was going to ask that too Also, did you, are you, is, because I don't know if it, how similar slash different it is to sunlight.

Do you actually have to put sun cream on to go in there? Or is it designed in a way that you can just lie in it without sunscreen? Again, I think it's recommended that you probably do if you're in there for a long time. I think if I were to ever do it again, which is unlikely, I would probably put sun cream on my tattoo at least. Because you're meant to do that anyway. So, you know, so it doesn't get degraded by the, by the, UV or whatever but yeah

I got completely naked I climbed into this massive hinged monstrosity it was really scary to lower it down because it was creaky and then you can also connect your phone to it via Bluetooth if you want to listen to music didn't really feel worthwhile for six minutes

six minutes yeah yeah so you get in there there's this hard plastic pillow that can be moved around it's literally just a head rest basically to stop you from having to lay your head on the plastic and you pull it down and it begins and I don't know if either of you have been in an MRI machine, but I think it's louder than an MRI machine.

Oh, I didn't expect to be noisy. It's, it's definitely, like, it feels nice in that it's warm, not like you're being cooked, but like there's actual sun shining on you, which is really surreal and very weird. And there are fans in there, and they're obviously meant to dissipate the heat and cool you down, but I swear to God, I was laying there with my eyes, closed and every maybe minute

the fans like clicked up a level of loudness and by the end it was just going whoa I couldn't hear anything and I was lying there already thinking am I going to shit myself is that

am I going to burn to death like in like off a final destination I'm going to be found naked burns to death with shit with shit blasted out the bottom of this coffin And then, and I'm also thinking, is it normal that these fans are getting louder?

I don't know if this is correct. This doesn't seem right. But after the final fan clicked in and started screaming at me, it turned off. And all that was left was like, my dignity wasn't there anymore. But like there was a bit of my sweat left because you get sweaty back. And obviously, the longer you're in for, the sweatier it gets. They leave a, like a sort of cleaning blue roll and a spray in there. Right.

And I think they will clean it between uses anyway, but obviously it's a courtesy thing. So I gave it a bit of a spray and a wipe. Put my clothes back on. She also gave me a little tray of man deodorant, if I wanted to spray myself down afterwards. And yeah, then I left. And she said, how was it? And I was like, yeah, it was fine. Bit weird.

had got a sweaty back my cheeks felt quite warm for the rest of the afternoon again like I'd been in the sun which cheeks good question I didn't take a before and after photo I mean it's it's probably a

what's it called a placebo effect as much as anything else but I do feel like maybe I have a little bit of colour potentially afterwards but again I have no idea if that's true and that was that was my experience using a tanning bed Again, usage is very much discouraged by me and also the Podiot's foundation.

Please do not use a tannily. I was going to ask, what question was it going to? Oh yeah, you know, you say it was noisy. Are you just referring to the fans or just the machine, like, just make noise? Because I would assume that at most it just sort of hums like fluorescent light bulbs or something. Like a scanner. Yeah. But does it make a racket?

If it did, I wasn't able to hear it honestly. because of the fans. Right, just the fans were the noisy thing. Yeah, the fans were literally directly maybe like a few inches below my face, pointing at me and then also pointing downwards towards the rest of my body. But it was just like, it was just a really humbling experience to look down at my pale blue body with my Michael Johnson and Johnson and Johnson just sort of there. And I was like, this is the first time my Wilkins will, has,

been in blue light and also being in direct exposure to UV. Apart from brief periods when I've gotten changed or maybe as an infant, I've probably never, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, has never been exposed to, it's never had the sunlight on it in the past. It's like a, it's like a,

it's like a chained slave in a dungeon or something. Yeah, reaching into the light for the first time. I was looking down and I was like, yeah, I get, I do, I do get why, why, why, a decent proportion of the of the world's population aren't into willies like i was looking at like that's really unflattering this is a really unflattering thing that i'm looking at right now so was your girlfriend in like in the other in another room having hers done at the same time yes yeah she also went in for for six minutes as well uh so yes yeah really fucking weird um i'm glad i did it though

like it was interesting so that's my that's my thing that's my story um if i die now at least i got to tell my story you know yeah i am jealous i've always wondered what they're like in there i honestly didn't expect them to still like the machines to still look like that like you say there's a new standing ones but like it is just a plastic box with some tube lights in it yeah it feels with the power to give you skin cancer yeah how is this legal I'm slightly I'm slightly concerned by the brand name Mega sun

It's not very delicate Is it? No, it's not It's not Intense I was really brave afterwards And I texted my mum Who's a career

Health worker And she said What the I sent her the photo And she said What the bloody hell are you doing then Which was Which is for my mum

Is very serious And then she essentially said Did you go in the skin cancer box that gives you skin cancer. And I was like, yes, I did, but it was only for six minutes, and I thought it was a novel experience, and I'm not going to do it again, I promise, mum. So yeah, I really do discourage people from doing it, but, you know, if you do moderation, obviously.

Your ringing endorsement is you came out and you could barely tell if you looked any different. Yeah. Yeah, that's a thing. So basically, you got in risked skin cancer for almost no reward at all. You Johnson's had a nice day out at least Yeah and it felt nice By the sound of it

Yeah And it was also weird Because the rooms They were rooms But you could tell it was just one big room That was separated by bait Like there was no It was like a cubicle

In the sense that the There was an above The walls were just dividers Like they didn't go all the way up to the ceiling So they had doors on them with locks But it wasn't an actual Room per se So I was like

I'm completely naked in here and I know that there are like, there's a woman maybe two feet away from me and it's just very it's so weird. It's very weird. You're essentially all in the same room together naked. Yeah. Yeah.

Were the staff there very tanned? I always picture as a sunning tanning salon people being luminous orange. See that's a great question and I did think about that as well because the lady behind the counter was maybe in her 40s potentially. She wasn't overly tanned but she looked a bit like

maybe how you would imagine the typical expat to look like if they live in Tenerife, for example. You can tell that they've seen a lot of sun but she wasn't actively, like, really tanned. Okay, okay. Yeah. Well, next on the list,

you've got to try one of those deprivation tanks that's suspended in water. Yeah, that sounds awful. I think I'd lose my mind in there. I don't want that. Yeah, no cancer in those, but maybe panic attacks. Yes, yeah. yeah absolutely

oh ben amazing well maybe this is the beginning of a new adventure for you and becoming very bronze yeah I'll die young but god I'll look good you'll be going to turkey next

getting those like dodgy fillers and things yeah yeah turkey teeth yeah people get that to make their sun tan look even stronger white teeth brown skin oh that's a man excellent thank you very much Ben

that's actually very jealous You've not smid it enticing or appealing at all, but I really want to have a go in the box. The hot box. Yeah. Thank you. Lovely. I think if I fixed my running order, we moved back to me for my viewer submitted thing. Yes.

There we go. We've rolled it back in. This is a Sky News article submitted by Jarrett Button. No, not Jareth Button. Oh, God, no, I've done it again. Wait, there we go. The Ginger Ninja at Callum McAllist. And the headline reads,

China hosts world first half marathon race between humans and robots. Okay. Oh no. Some 21 humanoid robots raced alongside thousands of runners around the 21 kilometer, 13 mile course in Beijing,

on Saturday. a day. Some of the robots that took part were as short as 3 foot 9 inches and while others were as tall as 5 foot 9 inches. And so the rules for this race were the robots had to resemble

Rumen's. Ruminous? Rumin's? Had to resemble humans Scoopy do is reading this article. Ruin's and be able to wrong. So the robots must to carry themselves by legs because wheels are strictly not allowed. So here is an example of a small humanoid robot, its size of a small child.

Even moving its arms like a, like you would run. I love that it's wearing his little shoes on trainers, yeah. I was ready to be against this article, but you know, I'll put shoes on them. They're all right. The winning robot was Tianong Ultra, which crossed the finishing line. mine with a time of, to do 13 miles, two hours and 40 minutes, which is fine. I mean, it's impeccable that it made the entire 13 miles. I think that's the achievement, not the time.

And so the human winner of the men's race had a time of one hour and two minutes. So, like, basically two-thirds slower, but hey, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Tianzian, chief technology officer for the creator of the robot, the Beijing Innovation Center of Human Robotics, said its performance was aided by long legs and an algorithm allowing it to imitate how humans run a marathon.

Nice. The secret sources, it's got legs and it can run. And it doesn't have lungs. That's also quite useful. Did it stop every 30 minutes to have a drink of water and a power bar or did they get rid of that study of humans doing marathons?

Well, they replaced that with changing the battery. Oh, so... Okay, fair. So he said, I don't want to boast, but I think no other robotic firms in the West have matched Taingong's sporting achievements and he added that the robot's battery

was changed just three times during the race. That's probably about equivalent of a human needing a plop stop or a little drink of orange cheese. Yeah. And I'm glad that you added or drinking orange juice because if someone's having a plop stop every 30 minutes

We can't know Did you say they're on Michael Johnson cycling holidays? Yeah Everyone poos a lot while doing exercise, right? Yeah, yeah. Summer's here,

and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered.

A cabana? That's a no, but a banana. That's a yes. A nice tan. Sorry. Nope, but a box fan, happily yes. A day of sunshine? No.

A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. This episode is brought to you by MewMuMew. Introducing Mutein, the new feminine fragrance by the iconic fashion house. Mutein captures the youthful, unconventional essence of the Mewewew Girl,

brought to life by a gourmand, intimate and enveloping. scent of wild strawberry and brown sugar accords. Mutine is not a statement, but a knowing glance, a sweet rebellion, lighthearted and laced with wit, a gesture made for oneself, discover the new fragrance, mutine, now available in Canada. And for the other entrance into the race, one robot fell at the starting line and lay on the ground for a few minutes before getting up and joining the race. It doesn't make clear if it got to by itself.

Yeah, did it just need a minute to think about that? I can't believe I'm starting the race like this. Another robot crashed into a railing, causing its human operator to fall over. Oh, no. And here is a picture of maybe the fallen robot mentioned being graciously picked up by his own. Oh, mate, come on. He's had a little fall. He looks happy, though.

He's got the grin on his face. We're just having fun here tonight. So, yeah, some of them were accompanied by human trainers. with some physically supporting the machines during the race, which feels like cheating. I'm not to stop that. That's very cheating. Several of the robots wore running shoes

with one donning boxing gloves and another wearing a red head band saying bound to win in Chinese. Very good. I want to see the rest of the entrance. The one's all soothed up. That's the article. Some robots fell. One finished.

And he had his battery change three times. Well, we're here in the future, ladies and gentlemen. watch your streets for weird robots with shoes on running. It is how far we've come because Mikey, you, I think it was you, maybe it was Ben. Mikey, I think, covered the, that Olympics running race where people, or was it cycling, or people were like catching cars, sabotaging each other, yeah, going in taxis and stuff and swapping bikes and weird, all sorts of shenanigans. And now look at us, we've got robots doing it instead.

We can invent a whole new type of cheating. with a new type of body. Amazing. Yeah. Oh, amazing. Yeah. Thank you very much for sending that in.

Ooh. My note is a mess. It is the Ginger Ninja Ninja, Callan McCallis. Thank you very much. And I think we finish now on Peter. That's right. Yes.

It's my turn. Your personal thing. Yeah. Thank you, Mikey. I also have a personal tale to tell this time, much like Ben did. I recently celebrated a joint birthday with myself and my wife, who is born five days after me. Well, she's born in a different year to me, but our birthdays are five days apart. And hers was

a significant birthday this year, her 30th, she won't mind me saying. So because she did something very nice for my 30th, I thought, well, I definitely need to take her somewhere nice and have a good few days and stuff. So I booked us into a fancy pants hotel, spa hotel, down in Cheltenham, as Americans would call it. Yeah. Partly because there were some places nearby that Amy has always wanted to go to and also just because she likes a spa hotel. So I was like, great. And I kind of went all out. I was like, right, something I've never done before, in fact, not tanning in a tanning bed, but I've never ordered room service, for instance. And I decided, right, we'll order room service when we're there, at least on the first night.

And I paid extra to have a bottle of fizz waiting in the room when we arrived and came through the door sitting in a bucket. So I was like, yeah, well, I'll go all out and make it a nice trip. So we drove down there. And on arrival, we pulled up to this really nice building. It's like an old manor house thing. but as we walked through the door it turned out that

it was quite busy because I think there was a baby shower happening in their function room that day so it was quite busy and there were like some kids and stuff running around but it was like okay fine we went into the reception

and at the reception they had a reception desk which was quite small had just enough room for two people to be sitting right next to each other and they had one person sitting there on a laptop who was dealing with some people

checking them in when we got there, and there was a queue of about two or three people ahead of us. She dealt with the people she was dealing with, and then just sort of looked down at her laptop after dealing with them and was ignoring the queue at that point. So it was like, okay, good start. Fortunately, there was someone else with her who picked up her laptop, and for some reason left the desk area and walked over to a very small sofa,

sort of down the side wall of the reception, and called people over to there and was just checking them in on her lap for some reason. Jason. Not a great first impression, but I was like, okay, it's fine. We'll just go up to the room and have a nice time and then we'll go in the spa. So we went up to the room. Oh, also there was a cat in the hotel. They had a hotel. Amazing. Which was very nice, but meant that in reception, there was just a bowl of cat food sitting on the floor. Again, when you're like going to a fancy spa hotel, you don't really want any kind of pet food sitting on the floor. But I was like, it's fine. We'll go up to the room. There'll be a bottle of Fizz waiting. We went up to the room. And I booked a special room. They have a series of double deluxe rooms. And I think they have like a dozen of those. But two or three of the double deluxe rooms have like special names instead. It's like ours was the Charles room.

Oh. I don't think it was named after the king. I think it was named after a designer of some kind. So there are three named rooms, right? And we're walking along and we can see that all of the rooms in the hotel have a number on them. and they do actually all have a little name underneath them that I think is just for internal use. Like it's easier to say to a cleaner,

oh, can you just go and clean oak room or whatever than necessarily remembering the numbers? So we're walking along and they've all got like little names and I'm waiting to find our room with, you know, the name written in gold or whatever. We get to our room, which does also have a number written on our key card and it's just got a number. It doesn't have a name.

I'm like, I've paid good fucking money to be in the Charles room. It doesn't even say Charles. Where's Charles? All the plebs in oak room and an ash room have names on their doors. Anyway, that's fine. I'll open the door. We'll have our phiz. Open the door.

The champagne is not sitting on the table. It's not there. They've forgotten the champagne. Oh, my God. No. 20 pounds for it to be there. It's not there. So I immediately went downstairs and said,

there's supposed to be a bottle of bubbly in the room. Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. We'll sort that out right away. And they did bring it up straight away. I was like, okay, right, that's fine. We'll go down to the spa now and we'll have a lovely time. So we went down to the spa and we did have quite a nice time.

It was good. And we were, we'd very much start to unwind, relax and we were in there for a few hours and then we'd been travelling all day. So it was sort of getting into the evening time at that point and we said, right, let's go up to the room, get our room service. How exciting. So we went up to our non-named room into Charles. We popped the cork on the bottle of bubbly

and then we looked at the menu and I ordered like a steak burger and Amy ordered a chicken teaker burger. She thought, that sounds interesting. I'll get the chicken teaker burger. So I picked up the phone. I ordered our food and after a little while, oh, on the website I was aware of this.

So there's a thing called, if you've never got room service before, there's a thing called tray tray fee or tray charge or something which is basically just they charge you money to bring it up to your room which alright whatever

and on the website it said there is a £5 tray charge to get room service which I'd accepted picked up the phone ordered our two burgers and just before I put the phone down she said oh by the way there is it

there's a tray charge of I was like yeah that's fine and should have seven pounds and then she said goodbye I was like oh that's not what it says in the fucking website okay fine I'll pay seven or I'll take it up with them afterwards and say it's not what it says on your website

or whatever. We waited a little while and eventually there's a knock on the door and a very nice man, Manuel where's his name, comes in, which is not a name that you want when you're in a hotel, actually if you've lived in the UK. Yeah, he was called Manuel, yeah. Which for context, for those who aren't aware,

famous British sitcom in a very badly run hotel and the porter is called Manuel, that's the joke. But Manuel actually came into our room. He was lovely. and he put down a tray with two great big closhes on top, you know, the silver rounds things. Hell yeah. And I thought, am I going to have to tip him or something?

Is that, you know, I'm already paying two pounds more than I thought to have it brought up here. But he just smiled and left the room. And at that point, I lifted the closhes. And much like in an episode of Fulte Towers, actually, one of the dishes was correct. It was a burger. The other one was a salad. I was like, what the hell is this?

I didn't order a salad. I realized that on the phone, I had quite clearly ordered a chicken teeka burger, and I'd been delivered a chicken Caesar salad. Oh my God, no. So I pick up the phone, and I say, hey, there's been this issue. I made an order on the phone,

and I've been brought the wrong meal. And the woman doesn't say, sorry about that, I'll sort it out. She says, okay, that's no problem. I'll get that sorted. And I thought, It fucking is a problem, actually. I've had not very good first impression.

Don't tell me it's not a problem. Anyway, she said, we'll get that sorted. That's how you get spit in your replacement meal. Yeah, well, exactly, yeah. Manuel comes up to the room to remove the chicken Caesar salad, and I ask him, would he kindly also take my burger downstairs to, you know, stick it in the fucking microwave so that it's still warm when it arrives.

Eventually, he comes back upstairs. Both of the, he puts the tray down, and he even says to me, would you like to check that it's okay before I leave the room? So I lift them both and they are correct. Thank goodness. He walks out of the room. I bring the tray over to the bed.

Amy has had a shower at this point and is in a dressing gown with a towel wrapped around her head. So Manuel probably felt very uncomfortable seeing her just lying there, looking very casual and comfortable in the bed. We put Netflix on the TV and we lift the thing off the food. We get our knife and fork. We start to cut a first bite or put a first bite. fork into a chip and there's a knock at the door and I'm like okay I get out of bed I walk over to the door and in the corridor is an old balding man and a much younger man next to him

and the old boarding man says hi there sorry I'm Bob I'm the maintenance manager from the hotel we've currently got some issues with the water I just come into your room and check the bathroom. We've got some problems. And I should have actually said, could you come back at a more convenient time? But I didn't. I panicked in the moment and said, yeah, sure, no worries. By all means, have at it. So he came into the room. They both looked at Amy, who's lying there on bed with a towel wrapped around their head, and we've got food sitting there. And they were very apologetic. They really were. They wandered into the bathroom. And I said to him, and they were turning the shower on, and I could hear them talking about the hot water and the cold water. And I

said, if it's any use, if the information's any use to you, my wife's just had a shower and there was hot water. And he said, yeah, the issue we're actually having is that scolding hot water is running back into the cold feed and people are stepping into showers and like getting burned by hot water coming out of the cold. And I was like, oh, okay, all right. Well, and our shower was fine, apparently. So then they left the room. We had our food.

we ended the evening we went to bed I then woke up at about 1 a.m and I was sort of woken I could hear voices and I was then aware that Amy wasn't in the bed next to me it was 1 o'clock in the morning the room was pitch black

and when I realized where the voices were coming from I was like okay I know what's happened here this has happened once before in a hotel I've woken up because Amy is a lighter sleeper than me she's been disturbed by people being inconsiderate like talking really loudly and she's got up and left the room to go and tell them to shut the fuck up and her leaving the room is what's woken me up not the people downstairs so she's gone for like a minute or two and I realize that she's got the key so I can't leave the room because if I can't find her I won't be able to get back in so I thought I'll have to stay in here so I'll wait until she's back she comes back into the room and she was like unfucking believable and I was like what and she said said, right, I've just, can you hear all that noise? It stopped at that point, but she said, did you hear all that talking?

I said, yeah. And she said, I've just been downstairs to find out which room it was coming from. She said, I walked into the Oak Lounge or something, and it was 10 members of staff all just chatting to each of them really loudly at 1am. I don't know why there were that many members of staff there at that time, but I think maybe they've been clearing up from this event that had been happening during the day. She said she'd walked in there in her pajamas and they all just suddenly like went silent and turned to her and one guy eventually just went, can I help you, madam?

And she said, you've just woken me up upstairs. What are you doing? And they were really apologetic. And we went to sleep. Anyway, fortunately, the rest of the stay was spot on because the morning after at breakfast time, We went down for breakfast and then we said we wanted to speak to the manager of the hotel and we basically sat for about 10 minutes just describing everything I've just told you about how like dissatisfied we were that it was, you know, it was supposed to be a really nice trip and stuff wasn't there on arrival and yeah, all right, you got me the bottle afterwards but we didn't have the nice thing of walk into the room. Oh, that's nice. There's a there's a bottle there and, you know, all of that. And so they made sure that the rest of the trip was like really, really good. We got all the money off our food. And then they pretty much gave us a,

I think in the end it was like a 70% discount or something because we were so pissed off. Yeah. And needless to say, a spa hotel down south can be pretty expensive. So I got almost all my money back. We didn't have to pay for the food that we'd had on the first night. They gave us a second bottle of Fizz when we got back to the hotel the next day as a surprise because they wanted us to have that sense of,

oh, that's nice, and that was a surprise. And we really enjoyed the rest of the trip. So it kind of paid, really, to have one hilariously bad day. When we shut the door, when the maintenance manager had left, we turned to each other and actually laughed out loud. We were like, that's really funny. Just as we're about to finally eat our food, two maintenance men knock on the door.

And I thought, hey, I can also talk about this in Poddiettes. Yeah, 100% discount on Poddiet's thing. I'm sorry you had such a rough go of it to start with because stuff like that can really throw off a holiday especially if you've spent so much money on it and you know yeah it definitely for the first 12 to 24 hours I was thinking I've spent all this money and it's it's a bit shit like this is shit here and I'm really I'd be disappointed if I had this experience in like a Premier Inn

let alone a you know a fancy pants place but yeah to get all like pretty much all the money back and then actually for the rest of the time be sort of treated like royalty we could tell that like any time we we rang reception or saw a member of staff at that point they had been told under no circumstances do anything that is going to upset the people in in charles um yeah so they put um they put rose petals on the bed when we got back the next day as well they'd like because i think that's something you can pay for if you want to uh so they just gave us all the all the possible extras for your bedroom that you can you can pay money for just for free to say I'm really sorry about all that well good good for you for sitting down with the manager because I think a lot of

people might have just eaten that and then maybe sent an email afterwards and you know yeah but you you addressed it you knocked it on the head and then yeah you were treated like your room's namesake exactly exactly did they put a charge on the door yeah sadly not I didn't say And another thing I didn't list When I got to the room I didn't even say No needless to say I did not complain about that I mean Amy was complaining

She was saying you know Oh you know we got in and like we were being checked in On someone's lap on the sofa almost And you know I was saying You know I wasn't even going to mention that Because I was so pissed off about everything else So we laid it on pretty thick And I think that's why we got such a big discount

But and we're not normally like I have friends Where you go out eating with them and they will always find a reason to stop a waiter and say, excuse me, this is a bit cold. Oh, yeah, no, I wouldn't do that. I hate that so much. Like, I will generally suck things up and just get on with it. But, yeah, on this occasion, I was quite willing to have a moan.

And it worked out all right in the end. Did you get any more room service after that first attempt? We went down and ate in the restaurant the next day because we just thought, you know, it's less likely to get mixed up and crossed wires there but yeah oh man yeah

so there you go that's my my wild experience in a yeah in what's meant to be a nice hotel needless to say we probably won't go back there but I'm glad to have had

all the cash back yeah it definitely helps for sure amazing well thank you very much for your thing Peter you're welcome I've just got Pippers here by the way

Pippers arrived and she's just decided to eject all of her fur directly into my face. And now it's all like on my nose. It's really tickling me. It's really distracting. A little Lucasaid burp. Yes, really.

It's really unpleasant, actually. Yeah, hi, you're the worst. There's, thank you so much everyone for listening. That's what I'm trying to say. And thank you guys for your things. Thank you everyone for submitting things as well. There's a few places around the internet. You can find us.

Mikey, I believe there's some sort of shop. you're darn tootin if you head over to Vidiot's official.com and click on that enticing little shop button you will be greeted with a bounty of goodies for example cap, mug, shirt and hoodie and more Yeah,

Did it cut out for you there? Yeah, did you just stop in the middle of your sentence? Did you pause, Mikey or? No, I did not, I did not pause. And hoodie. And, and hoodies. Such as cap, full stop. Such as cap and other.

Good. Yes. Vididstofficial.com, click on shop, check it out. Amazing. Instagram, TikTok, we are at Vidyat's dot official. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Blue Sky. We are forward slash Vidiotse official. Discord you can find by going to Vidiottsofficial.com forward slash discord.

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Thank you very much. Poddsquoddiotts.com £3 or more to get a shout at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Podiotz. Peter, what were the highlights of what came out on Vidiots seven years ago this month? Seven, yeah, I'm just pulling it up right now.

My internet is going really, really slowly. I can tell you that we are in April. Yes, this month we had, Pottie, it's episode three. We did our seventh episode of Post Some Tat. We, I think, started for the first time, game selection videos for four worst games ever. We did some more Skyrim Zoo, of course, which is fairly topical, given that oblivion has just been redone. worst games ever naughty bear we had hat films on to the channel to judge our house building for the sims three prove it it was my birthday tat appeal we had the man from milan the three part sketch that we did and we did the speed piece of cake challenge as well in gta where the bus was exploding because it couldn't slow down Sabrina the teenage witch a twitch in time for worst games ever. We also had

one of our silly lists, the five best-selling video games of the pre-industrial era, and we started the Spiro. In fact, no, we did the Spiro Blindfold Challenge for Piece of Cake as well. Amazing. Mikey, where can people find you on the internet, please? Parrot Boy on Instagram and Blue Sky. Those are the two social media.

that are best to follow me on. Thank you. And Peter, where can we be found? You can find me at That Peter Austin on Twitter and Blue Sky. And you can find Ben on Twitter at Confused underscore Dude and Blue Sky at Confused Dude, right?

Yes, that's correct. Yes. Absolutely. Lovely. And Triple Jump, of course. You can find the two of us doing video game stuff over there with Rules Boss and Worst games ever

and bad food and so on. Yes, absolutely. Why not leave us a five-star review on your platform of choice? It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms and by gosh, we'd appreciate it. Thank you, everyone who's left us a review. There's just enough time to ask a final question

before we disappear for this month. Have you ever farted on or burped at someone by accident in public? Yeah. Not just have you ever farted in public, but, like, have you had a close encounter of the third kind with someone? I was going to ask if anyone else has Johnson has seen UV light recently. Yeah, okay, yeah. Has your Johnson ever seen the sun?

Yeah, that's a fair question. Yeah. You'd have to really think about it. Well, there we are. That's concludes this episode. Thank you so much, everybody, for your support. We really appreciate you. We've still got seven more magical episodes of Podiat's for you.

so do stick around, do keep supporting. We care about you all an awful lot, and we'll see you at the end of May, probably, at the end of May. Thanks so much for watching, everyone, slash listening. See you next time. Bye. Bye.