Podiots - Podiots: Episode 160 – Peter For Collection

Episode Date: June 28, 2025

In this episode, Mikey’s collecting dinos, Peter’s reading Amazon reviews, and Ben’s got a shitty Kickstarter! Join next episode's Pod Squad: http://podiots.com And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com -------------------   Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS!   YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vidiots.official TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vidiots.official Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social — Bluesky Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax Guys Vidiots has been immortalised in yet another pop culture meme phenomenon What? Another one? Oh you mean, yes, it has. This is relatively old news now that we're a monthly show, but yeah, you're right, you're right. It has. So, obviously, the Hannah Montana game stack, that was tweeted about.

the cake shows up regularly as well on cursed cakes this week well not this week at all I was this month I was clipped and featured in a shit post meme

it's one of those with the AI voice ever if you do this with this then this will have you know that kind of bollocks but it's it's one about like if you put your peener in a vice and then smash it with the force of an atomic bomb and really helicopter

When the AI voice says helicopter that thing around, it's the fucking stress sausage. It's the stress the stress sausage gif plays. The slow-mo. This video is one minute and seven seconds long, and it has 12,000 likes on Twitter. Nice. And 1.4,000 retweets. So I suppose what I'm asking is, or what I'm saying is, should we just restart videos? Do you think there's, do you reckon we can do it?

I think people are clearly interested. Don't get too excited, everyone. This is a bit. There'll be people right now going, oh my God, is this how they announce it? Well, we've got, well, what are like the known hits? Like, Ben, your T-shirt, the Alan won. Oh, yeah.

The cursed cake, the sink-sling sausage. We just need to put all that together into one video. And then that's like our retirement fund in ad revenue in one video alone, right? That's six billion views for sure, guaranteed, yeah. All right Make it eight minutes long Just slow it down massively

So we can put a mid-roll in it So we need to get brainstorming then Is what I'm hearing Or We could still just Finish at the end of the year To be sad You sound so defeated

Oh we could just not We could just go For a long time For the past For the best part of 10 years We've been trying to We've been trying to work out what people want and as soon as you think you know you're wrong yeah um it's never worked

no but who's to say but this time but this time this time shippost videos with AI voiceover that's what everyone loves it is yeah you just need to flood the internet with gifts and eventually we'll just end up in these videos by proxy just because yeah that's true actually yeah yeah yeah that's the method to success no one will ever know it's us but the gifts of be far reaching and we'll never see a penny. So if you listening want to help us out, make gifts out of every single video we ever released on videos.

And the law of averages means that one of them will go viral somehow. Sure. Yeah. That's how it works. Yeah. Just throw enough shit out there. Eventually something sticks.

Yeah. Absolutely. It's as simple as that. Simple as that. You guys got anything crazy going on? Anything mental? You mean, are you just asking now, asking about our lives, or are you saying, is there something we can gif and put on the internet? Well, a bit of both, really.

Did you ever kick to anyone? Like any elderly people or something? The internet loves that as well, I think. Yeah, they do. I was on a cruise ship this week. Oh, very fancy. Yeah, it wasn't like crazy or weird enough for it to be a thing. So I may as well mention it now.

My friend works on cruise ships. is in the entertainment industry and his ship happens to normally he's in like the Arctic Circle or the Caribbean or something but for some reason they stopped at South Shields or might have been North Shields

whichever wherever the cruise ship stop and people got they went into Newcastle for the day on the metro and went around Phoenix or something did they all get robbed yeah well they may well have done it was a six star cruise ship

full of really rich Americans and they were talking to us asking about like the Fenwick shop and that was mostly it really they said they'd been to Fenwick and she said this lady said it was the shopping there was terrible

it was nowhere near as good as London I didn't see a single shoe brand I recognised but she was pleased to talk to us she was all about the people but she thought Fenwick shop was not good. That's fair. Have you ever been in Fenwick? I've been in Fenwick's many times.

It's where they do the Christmas window display on Northumberland Street. Yeah. Yeah, it went by to go look at that. There always must be a massive crowd in front of it, so I'd just stand a few meters back and get a glimpse of it and go, all right, cool. And then you're a reflection of the Greggs in the window. Yeah, Sussage droll, yeah, Jesus Christ, backwards.

Or no, Lord Jesus. Sausage roll. Sossage roll. It's so good. But that's the extent of how crazy it was. Other than that, we just ate really nice food for free and had drinks on tap. It was very nice. And then I left and they all sailed away.

Oh, man, I bet they couldn't have got out of there fast enough. Yeah, I can't wait to get to London and find some shoes. Travel for weeks across the ocean and you end up in South Shield. Beautiful. Sunny South Shields. Yeah. They've got a pretty scary amusement park down there, actually. So don't write it off. Yeah. I feel like if I was an American tourist, I'd appreciate a day on the seaside like that. Get the real British experience with crap chips that are oversalted.

Bit of dinosaur mini-golf, maybe. Yeah. Roller coasters that are almost falling apart. Dog shit everywhere. That's great. Stegle's stealing your dogs. Closed businesses. Closed businesses. The full experience.

Oh, that's amazing. Mikey, what crazy thing have you done? I've literally done nothing all month. All month. Just absolutely now I've been learning 3D software, so most evenings have been spent sat in front of the computer after a day of being sat in front of the computer. I don't know why I'm doing this in like the warmest months of the year,

but fuck it. whenever motivation comes we do it I take it you made the pigeon rave thing that was you right yeah yeah because we saw I was sitting with Amy and we saw that on your Instagram and I knew you'd been doing 3D stuff and I was like oh my god wow look at this that Mikey's made

that's amazing and Amy was saying oh are you sure he's made that like she basically thought it was too professional there's no way he's made that not even there's no way Michael Johnson has made it there's just no way that a single man has made it. It has to have been done through some kind of company. But I said, I bet this, I bet he's made this. I was like, who else would make a pigeon rave scene like that? So we were

very impressed. Thank you. I can't take all the credit. I did steal a bunch of models from the internet, but the pigeon was all me, damn it. Excellent. Yeah, that was fun. I got carried away with that and spent like a couple of days back to back till 4 a.m. finishing it off because it had to be perfect for some reason, the silly pigeon thing. But yeah, I'm proud of it. And now I'm taking a I don't spend too much time on that and I want to see things that aren't a screen. Is that, is that it? Is that the, is that the pigeon rave? I'm looking at it.

No, I have to sign up to look at it. Sorry, Michael. It's not worth it. Not allowed. I'll watch it later. Well, I think it might be time to maybe, you know, do the thing, the thing, what we're here for. Not unless something crazy has happened to you, Ben, or. I was, I was in a dick, me.

swinging a dick around right sure that's your thing yeah so that's did a friend send that to you by the way did someone just see that in the wild and say look you're in this or somebody tagged me underneath it oh okay and said oh wild bends appeared and I was like oh Jesus Christ there I am swinging out sausage rolled wait I just remember the crazy thing that actually did happen to me this month I've got I'm going to a wedding in a couple of days and so I panic that's amazing congratulations my band crazy I'm attending a wedding and so I panic when panic went panic shopping for a suit so I went to the local slaters in Bristol and I think I spent

about three hours in there and it got to the end where I was like finally decided on a suit and someone approached me going Mikey and I just turned around like oh hello yeah I'd like to help with a suit. I was like, wait, how do you know my name? The customer service here is unbelievable. It's like, wow, what the hell is? Pretty good. I must, maybe you heard me say it before somewhere, but anyway, he's like, oh yeah, from videos. Yeah, I used to watch you guys all the time, big fan. And so I think Lucas was your name. Thank you very much for sorting me out with a suit and getting it tailored and altered, where sooner than you should have for me. It's so nice. Thanks Lucas. Three hours of suit shopping sounds awful, Mikey.

It was bad, man. It was just, I just, I just. as well not good yeah but it's done i never have to buy another suit again damn i'm just going to wear this one forever it's not worth the effort thank you lucas for making me look so jazzy yeah well i was about to apologize to ben for steam rolling or rollering perhaps all over his segue slash intro but if i'd not done that we wouldn't have we wouldn't have learned about lucas who we're hoping is what we're hoping is his real name lucas we're hoping that's accurate we're assuming uh well i believe then now Now it is time

to do what we were here to do. Does anybody have the magical remote that summons the boy? Yep, hang on. I've got it here. Which colour should I press, do you think? Have we tried the black one yet? With a little next scene button on it. I'll try that one, see how it goes.

Oh! Hello everybody and welcome to Pottie. It's the official videos. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings. Othing alone to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter.

Why do I always get gassy when I'm saying my name? Jesus. And I'm Michael. Hello. Oh, geez. Why do you get gassy? Why do I always get gassy when I, anything, said my podcast. How gassy can I be in this podcast? I kept it all contained. Thank you. Hello boys. So what did you have? Sorry, Mikey, why are you gassy? What have you had?

There's no reason. I've not drank any water. Like, I've not drank anything. Water. I've not eaten anything. I just, I'm just gassy. He has sparkling on tap in his house. I don't like sparkling water, but I would take a sparkling water tap because that feels pretty badass. Put Vimto in it or something. Yeah. That would be pretty badass. You're right. How you boys doing? You're right? Apart from being gassy? Yeah. Very good. Wonderful. How are you doing? How are you? Yeah. Yes, I'm doing well. Thank you. I saw

Michael Johnson this month. Oh, that's right. You did. Yeah, since the last episode. Yeah. Was it just after, just before this month? Probably because in the last one, you were talking about the fact that you were going to, you were going to see him? Or are you just talking about the month of June? Just the month of June. I think it might be in the very end of May. Not that it fucking matters at all, but yes, had a lovely brunch with Michael and his lovely girlfriend, and we had a nice catch-up and a chat, and we were in a cafe that had bike stuff everywhere. Which is, and when the food is ready, they ring a little

bike bell. And then a man on a bike comes over and tries to serve a food to you. It's just, The table was on wheels. Actually, we were on one of those pedal cars. We were going through the centre of Bristol down the high street. No, it was lovely. Loved you to see Mikey. Had a really nice time in Bristol. After that, I met up with another friend.

Recorded some B-roll of some ducks for Peter Austin because he had a top secret mission for me. Did I tell you that I didn't use it in the end? Yeah, you did. No, it's fine. I mean, I was out in about anyway. It was quite fun trying to work out where the ducks would be. but you know found them so that was pretty good when i first watched it back on my phone when you sent it to me i didn't have sound playing and then when i came to do the edit and i had sound

i heard your your friend halfway through go two more two more and then you pan across and there's two more coming there's two more ducks coming yeah i like the two man operation who i've not not seen or spoken to in like six years we met up on the bench in queen's part queen square sorry And I said, my friend wants me to find some ducks. And I can't really explain the context. And he was like, that's fine. Well, let's go look for some ducks then. So then we, that's what we went and did.

And we found them. So that was good. Very awesome. And then I got really drunk and I got a snappies and it was fantastic. I had an amazing time. Brilliant. So lovely to be back in Bristol, albeit just for like 15 hours or thereabouts. It was nice, really nice.

What size pizza did you go for? Which pizza toppings? This is important information, Ben. I got the, I actually had to log into my old account that I used back in the day because I couldn't remember what I used to order. I just remembered that that's the one that I like. So I couldn't tell you the size. It wasn't too crazy, but I didn't, I couldn't finish it.

I used to be able to finish it. I couldn't finish it. I had to eat the rest the next day. Did you? Oh, cold pizza breakfast. Was it, was it like as good as you remember? Does it, because I know it's a brand or a franchise, but I do one day. how, just how similar they are from one Snappies to the next.

I have had it in another place and it wasn't as good. Right. I'll say that much. I definitely prefer the Bristol one. And the way they do their chips as well, I prefer their chips. I found the chips in the other places were kind of soggy. You know how they go in polystyrene sometimes? They're a bit soggy and wilted and sad.

These ones are quite crispy and they were crispy this time as well. The Bristol Snappies chips, like they don't get soggy. They just melt the polystyrene around it. They are going to be doing something very. bad to you for sure when you have it. But yeah, no, it was, it was good. But I mean, I think as I think I've made a classic mistake, which was that I wanted to enjoy myself with alcohol and oblivion. I brought my PS5 and I was staying in a hotel room. I was like, this is what I'm doing for me, for my birthday. It's my treat to me. Right. I was enjoying that a bit too much. I think I got

food too late. So by the time I ate, I wasn't really not in full control of my faculties is not the correct term, but it wasn't far off. Your senses were doled and you couldn't fully enjoy. Yeah, I wasn't able to really enjoy it as much as I would have liked. And then I, because I drank so much, I'd slept like crap. And then there was this cold pizza for breakfast and it was like, I'll put it in my mouth and I'll eat it. But I don't, it's not as exciting as it should be. But I'm still glad I got it. It was nice to be able to have it. That's the first one I I've had in four years, so long overdue, I think. I'm staring at a map of Snappie's tomato pizzas across the country, and I reckon.

Yeah, there's none in the north, are there? I've checked. It's like, yeah, there's a line where, like, Snappies don't dare cross. Adrian's wall for Snappy's Pizza. I reckon I can cycle between these over a course of a couple of days. Oh, wow, the snuffy cycle. Snappy's Pilgrimage. Visit all the holy sites. That's going on the notes up.

so unwell you could rankle the chips to be fair you can do that yeah it's not even like it's sad because it's like even if I get a pizza at every stop it's a cheeseless pizza so it's just quite sad are they all cheeseless well you're saying that you would have to get yeah because they don't do a vegan cheese option yes yes I what I should say actually is when I went to go pick it up it was a very interesting exchange because I was I tactically stayed as close to the snappies as possible, because that was my priority. But because I was so close, they wouldn't bring it to me. I had to go and get

it. And I was like, and I think that was another reason I was putting off eating, so I was like, I'm going to have to leave the hotel room and go down there and get it, walk past all the people who are getting pissed, because it's a bank holiday weekend, and it's a Saturday. And I booked it online. I went down there, opened

the door. The guy from like halfway across the counter just sort of narrowed his eyes and just sort of looked at me. And I was like, I'm here to collect an order. and he went cheese on your chips and I said yes and then he just gave me the food didn't ask for a receipt

didn't ask for any proof of purchase He identified it by whether or not you were having cheesy chips I think so he was making, like he was holding the chips at that moment and like he had the cheese in one hand cheese on your chips

and then he just gave me everything and I thought anyone could have walked in and taken my snappies and that could have been disastrous I've not we will eventually get to you know the rest of the podcast but I've not told you guys this yet

there's a new dominoes near my house close enough that if we want dominoes we go and pick up because it's cheaper and sometimes you get better deals and stuff if you do collection I have never

encountered this before partly because I've never really done collection on pizzas but I've realized there is a big problem with me ordering food under my name going into a really loud place which is a dominoes

because there's always like a big fan going and the amount of the radio on and there's a lot of ambient background noise people slamming around I walk up to the counter and the number of times now where they've said what's the name and I say Peter

and they think I've walked up there and said pizza I'm here for a pizza Peter for me the way they look at me like I'm the thickest guy ever who's walked into the pizza shop and said hello i'm here for my pizza and they're like yeah but what's your fucking name and so i've now taken to uh because normally any other place i'd walk in i'd just say peter they'd say what's the name i'd say peter now i have to i make a point

of going up there and saying the name is peter like that which again if they're not then clocking the fact that i'm trying to circumvent this pizza issue that's a bit weird as well if they say, hello, are you here to collect? And I say, yes, the name is Peter. It's, it kind of comes across a little bit James Bond, you know. I was going to say that's the solution, isn't it? You're going to have to go, Austin, Peter Austin? Yeah, possibly. Or I said to Amy last time it happened because it was really, she looked, she gave me such a judgmental look like I was an idiot. Not Amy, the woman behind the counter. And I said to Amy, next time, I'm going to order it under my middle name. Or maybe we could order it under her name, but I'll have to

go in and say pizza for Amy please but uh you know whatever um it's 2025 I could be called Amy yeah I've collected Chinese orders before for my girlfriend that's never been an issue yeah they don't care as long as you've got the name they don't mind yeah so uh that's a new snappies just cheese just say you want cheese on your cheese and they'll give it to you yeah weird hey well here's a segue if you want to help us continue to put cheese on our chips Nice. Very good. Why don't you consider going to pottyets.com?

If you donate three pounds or more, you join Pod Squad. You get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of Podietz. You are immortalized forever in this, in this, the final run of Podiat's episodes to the end of the year. Thank you so much to the incredible Pod Squad this week. We're going to kick things off with Mikey Johnson. We begin with two messages from the very generous Narugan. And their messages read, been watching since 2015 you helped keep me sane over the years i always tried to remember

if these three chuckle fucks can make a career so can i thanks yeah well made a career for a bit at least so can i and i did i'm now a mechanical engineer and i can't thank you guys enough for the support you never knew next message you give to people you help me smile when my father died midway through my final thesis the cheeky bastard that's what it says that is what it says it's not michael adding an aside just thank you is what i would have written but your career now seems as dead as my dad my god oh jesus no jokes aside thank you and wishing you all the best thank you very much narugin i feel uncomfortable thank you very much uh sorry to hear about your dad Yeah, sorry to have I didn't.

But glad we were able to help in some small way. I'm glad pottyets and vidiates were able to help you become an engineer. That's what we do that. That's what we taught you. We didn't do that, prove it, did we in the end? No, no. But we'd build a car. Or the purveyor of black comedy either.

Clearly we've taught you some of those skills too. We continue with another generous donation from Anonymous. And they say, And now you're changing. No. No. Been a fan of the team in various forms over the years and the days of nerds

through to Peter's new venture of This is Interesting and Plenty in Between. Wishing you all success on future work, memory card spin off, please. Thank you, Anonymous. Stop it. Thank you very much, Anonymous. Thank you.

We continue with Prince Beefcakes, Kermit the Pog, John Wilkes Booh! And Peter, please, check after wiping. Hmm. Stinky bum on. We also have, Caroline, there's a bird in Liddle. No.

Vidiates top trumps. 14 minutes of Mikey's top trumps. Ah, very good. I get it. Vidyates rhymes with podiots. And the person who sent that, which I believe is sea law. has written a song for us actually which we will play at the end of this podcast

so thank you for that thank you so much it's brilliant thank you licking a salty Peter meta face and potato similes glass house and onion she says similes oh yeah I just say similes which I suppose yeah

because it's similes glass house and onion stuffing It's Beans Time, Caroline, Wilson and or Bellics, and the obscenely generous one vowel from Shira, who simply says, Kis-Keece, with a slightly Kese-related figure of pounds that's been donated. Yes, thank you so much. It's really kind of you.

Thank you. We've also got, Anonymous, Mikey Farts on His Ferret. A procee is the Doctor Who? Do you understand, Peter? I think that's referring to the fact that, spoiler alert for the most, for the end episode, flipping what's the name, Billy Piper, the doctor regenerated into Billy Piper, and she played the lead character in a Secret Diary of a Call Girl. So I think they're saying, oh look, a prostitute has become Doctor Who.

So I have mispronounced that. Yeah. I mean, she's done a lot more than just Secret Diary of. the call girl. She's done Doctor Who for a start, so, but sure. Rain Drop Joy. Stephen Skodes. Frogley. Lord Brotovich. Caroline, it's not benign. Oh, no. Oh, God. Really abusive plumber.

The red dimer-dom and Donak-0-7. Thank you very much, Pod Squad. That is your Pod Squad. Pod Squad for this week. Pollyets.com, three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode. Thank you very much indeed. I would like Peter Austin

to do his list and submitted thing first. Oh, okay. I'll do it. Do you guys have a favourite thing, by the way? Oh, God, yeah. Nice catch. Yeah. Maybe, I don't know, actually.

I'm not sure. Wilson and Or Bellix. I did like that one. I'm going to go, video it's top trumps, because that's a good idea. I've got some somewhere. They're just here. For those watching on video, someone made some videos and triple jump top trumps. They're on my shelf.

I've actually, my shelves are in a state of flux. I've got an empty bay, which might be in. Oh, yes, empty bay. Which might be visible. I'll go with MetaFace and Potato Similees, I guess. nice Ben Oh yeah I said one

Wilson and or bellics Oh yeah sorry you did Just the bellics for me thank you Just the bellics for me You've got cheese on you bellics No no no no that's not Well these aren't yours then are they Nice try

Right I have got a listener submitted thing That was sent to us by Elle at L Sandy Pants on Twitter And the story story is, it's on ABC.net.com.A.U. And the story is Valerie the Dax Hunt found fit and well after 529 days on Kangaroo Island. What a war!

This appears to have been written by... Amy Gisnell's on the island as well. Oh, could be. That's where all the stolen dogs go to live. This is apparently written by two people, Charmaine Allison and Olivia Mason. It's a big story. Oh, it's also, it was written in April, Friday the 25th of April. This is not news, but sure, it's too late now, we're going to have to do it.

It's old. It's old. A beloved miniature dachshund who disappeared on a South Australian island 529 days ago has been found safe and well by wildlife rescuers. That is a long time. That's a year and a half. Valerie the Daxund vanished a year, oh, a year and a half ago. It says on Kangaroo Island, with Kangala Wildlife Rescue working around the clock in recent weeks to bring her home.

Only recent weeks? Yeah, apparently. They lived there for 13 months and then thought, maybe we should do something. On Friday night, they announced Valerie has finally been rescued. Quote, after weeks of tireless efforts by Kangala Wildlife Rescue Volunteers and partner organizations, Valerie has been safely rescued and is fit and well,

they said in a social media post. We're absolutely thrilled and deeply relieved that Valerie is finally safe and able to begin her transition back to her loving parents, Josh and Georgia. Is she currently going through some sort of rehabilitation program

where she has to get used to society? Yeah, her sort of transition back to society. They're probably bouncing around. She's carrying a puppy in a little pouch. She needs to be brought back into dog. The dog life. Civility. Yes.

Owner Georgia Gardner expressed her relief on social media. For anyone who's ever lost a pet, your feelings are valid and never give up hope, she said in a post. Sometimes good things happen to good people, she says, about herself. Incredibly grateful for Kangala Wildlife Rescue and Kangaroo Island Community, our friends, family and everyone who's contributed their support to rescue Val. We'll see you soon, Valerie. The search for Valerie took more than 1,000 volunteer hours and roughly 5,000 kilometres travelled.

Jeez, Louise. The local team set up a rescue site which included cameras and a trap with a remote door system at the top of the article is this sort of cryptid sighting of the dog. I don't know how recent this is, but let me send it to you. Have you got it already? I think that might be it.

Is that sort of the night vision? Yeah. It's haunting. Oh yeah, you've got it. That's it. Oh, it's so frightening. It is. And then this is, it gets a bit strange here.

So, where was I? The local team set up a rescue site, which included cameras and a trap with a remote door system. So Miss Karen, Lisa Karen and Jared, Karen, the volunteers, Miss Karen explained that Valerie was in survival mode from the stress of being lost and was lured into the trap

with the help of scent trails. The team set up the large dog trap like her own little room, furnishing it with Valerie's toys and a bed from home, her owner's clothing, hidden food and challenges to keep her entertained.

Then it says, Georgia, kindly, was able to wear this t-shirt for 12-hour shifts and games of netball and then sent it down to us and that was amazing we were able to rip little strips off it and we started the process

of just adding more and more bits to the trap site so they basically said excuse me can you wear a t-shirt and get really stinky in it and then send it to us it's not sexual I promise it's like a craigslist request

it's for Valerie it's for Valerie come on um so miss Karen said it was then a matter of waiting until Valerie was in the right part of the trap without wildlife around while also ensuring Valerie was calm and lying down

so as not to risk the hyper-alert dog escaping again. She went right into the back corner which is where we wanted her and I pressed the button and thankfully it all worked perfectly. Nice. And the article continues but that's kind of the story of how they caught this dog on kangaroo island

the quote perfect oasis for Valerie's survival I was going to say Of all the different dog breeds I wouldn't have put wiener dogs At the top of being able to survive On an island for a year Yeah I know It says there's an abundance of wildlife

And a lot of places for her to shelter Yeah It used to be kangaroo island Now it's just Ireland After the dog fiercely killed every kangaroo on it He's eaten every single kangaroo Yeah I guess maybe they knew

I don't know that Like How has she been eating That's very strange Maybe voles and small rodents Yeah but again I'm surprised That a sausage dog Would be able to catch something like that

But hey I don't know Strange I did I just looked it up on Google Maps I was like I guess I assumed like a picture You know like Duck Island Where it's like a little bit of land with a few kangaroos on it

but no it's actually it is like a basically a small country kangaroo island so all right fair play I can understand once they established

that the dog was there and was alive and they were starting to trap it like or you know set this trap up they were putting loads of food down for it fair enough but they've not been putting food down

for a dog for 530 days shortly so it must have been finding stuff by itself I guess it's impressive it's very impressive I'm glad that Valerie's still with us and you know please don't give up hope for gizmo yeah gizmo could still be out there's still out there they did leave his foot behind as a warning well wasn't there a follow-up story where the

suspicion was that that was a different dog's foot oh god so at least two dogs have been snatched by seagulls is what i'm taking from that horrifying yeah i'm sorry i'm frantically googling oh no there's another gizmo that's been found but not the gizmo we want Thank you for shit about that, Gizma. Get it out of here. Not my gizum. Amazing. Well, thank you, Peter, for that. No problem, thank you.

Michael Johnson, I would like to hear your thing, please. Did you lock the front door? Check. Close the garage door? Yep. Installed window sensors, smoke sensors, and HD cameras with night vision? No. And you set up credit card transaction alerts,

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What are your boy's plans for retirement do you think? I'll work until I die Yeah, yeah sadly It's blow my brains out at 65 I mean that's the plan That's the spirit? Yeah But what if there was an old time? alternative to work until you die or taking yourself off the planet.

What if you could do something really fun with your retirement? This is a tale of one person's, I don't know what you call it. Activity, thing that keeps them busy in retirement? This is hobby. Hobby, yeah, that'll do, that'll do. Steve Springer, for 30 years, taught English at a middle school around the corner from his house. And when he retired, he was faced with a question that a lot of new, retirees grapple with. What now? Steve had known that he wanted to be a teacher since the second

grade, and he missed working with kids. And then, a year into his retirement, there was construction on his street, and a portion of his front yard got torn up. Steve saw this as an opportunity. He decided to transform his front yard into a park of sorts. And he spent three months collecting and placing figurines, a unicorn here, a Yeti there, gradually building up. his collection. But then he made a pivotal choice. He added a dinosaur. He was a brontosaurus. He was bright blue and his name was Boris. And Steve's yard would never be the same again. I'm a big fan of people who decorate front gardens or gardens in general just ridiculously like people have like a hundred gnomes or something or like there's some really good ones in Bristol where just people go balls out.

but um yeah steve steve took it to another level i think i'll send a picture once i've given you a bit more description of the house okay until boris showed up steve springer's house was pretty normal it's on a residential street in nevada about half an hour outside of las vegas and steve told a local news outlet the dinosaur got so much attention and then suddenly i had three of them then seven and then i went okay i know what we're doing. This is how I'm going to spend my retirement. And thus, the park was born and 16 years later,

Boris the Brontosaurus has a lot more company. Steve has 62 statues of dinosaurs and prehistoric creatures in his front yard. That's too many, Steve. How big is this front yard? Let me find, what's the best picture that shows them all off? I don't think you can even capture them all in an image. It's too many. There you go. It's not, yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's not a measly collection Oh my god Oh they're all different styles Completely different

I'm going to be honest Mikey Yeah looks dreadful Wow Easter greetings The dinosaur house It says over his door

Look at it It's just It's a mess It looks like a dump It's not for you Ben Okay And that photo was taken during COVID

because across his garage, as they would say, his garage, it says, we are closed due to viral concerns. We will open again when it is safe. But it's written in a really menacing way. Sorry, Mikey, please continue. I mean, there's a lot to deconstruct here, isn't there? Yeah, there is. There's a lot.

I feel like it's also like, certainly he's outing himself as being like anti-vax or something due to viral concerns. Oh, con. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, that triceratops at the back has got a chair on it. It's got a saddle and a... Oh, yes.

You can sit on him and get a picture with him. Oh, wow. So, yes. So, yeah, this isn't just small figurines. Think a T-Rex, that is 14 feet tall, 27 feet long, and weighs 500 pounds. It had to be assembled with a crane. I feel like when you're craning in extra large dinosaurs into your front. garden. Maybe you've gone too far, but I don't know. It looks like he sells them. It doesn't

look like an exhibition or anything. It's got a lot of dragons as well. Not a garden centre, but a place that sells statues and it looks mental because it's just everything you could imagine, including some dinosaurs. There's fucking dinosaurs on his roof as well. Oh, the spiders on his roof. Oh, God, there are. Horrible spiders. They're massive. Oh, it gets better, though. It's more than just the front garden. I'll have you know, there's a Velociraptor, two triceratops, a random saber-tooth cat in there, on the ground, baby dino's hatch from eggs, on the roof, a stegastoros purchase, keeping watch over his all operation.

And its natural habitat on the roof. In Steve's garden. It's just where they always wanted to be. At this point, you may ask, where does one acquire a 500-pound T-Rex model? Where does one acquire a 500-pound T-Rex model, though? It does inquire a 500 Mountier X model, yeah. It's still, the answer, sorry, I've taken this from an Atlas Obscure article, and the obstacle still doesn't really, I mean, it tells you where it gets them from,

but it doesn't feel very helpful. The dinosaurs in Steve's yard come from all over, from movie studios in California, from museums and lawn sculpture shops, from as far away as Mexico and the Philippines. Not sure which ones are movie props. I mean, a lot of them don't believe it's a flight movie props. No. I think one was made a movie prop. One of them looks like it's meant to be blue screened out.

I will say, we're making fun of it, but I think it's wonderful. It's just, it is comical. The next natural question might be, how much does all this stuff cost? There's nothing natural about this, Mike. How much does all this cost? Well, we're talking upwards of $1,500 per dino here It's a sliding scale here Not all of them are $1,500 dynos

But a good few of them probably are And when a local news outlet Asked, how much he pays for his dinosaur menagerie He just shrugged and said, I'm single Oh no, Steve All his money goes to the dinoes I think it's lovely, good for him. There's going to be someone out there who is so into this.

He'll find his dino girl, I'm sure. Neighbors very quickly got on board with the idea, and people very quickly loved the dinosaur house, even in its very early days. And its official name is indeed the dinosaur house. But it's also known as the Shangri-La prehistoric park, for some reason. I don't know why. Everywhere it's called the Dino House.

Right. So anyone can visit, if you ever find yourself, Nevada, go check it out. It's free and open to the public. Steve basically just lets people wander around his front yard. He's even got the hours of operation painted onto his garage door,

typically noon to 345 Friday through Monday. These days, Steve estimates that 40,000 people from all over the world visit the dinosaur house every year. Geez. Wow. Once an entire wedding party from Illinois showed up at the house to take photos. Another year, when Steve decked out the display for Halloween,

the six-year-old informed him that, actually, triceratops are herbivores, but the one in his yard was eating a human foot. He probably wouldn't do that, would it? Excuse me, your dinosaur disguise isn't scientifically accurate. Excuse me, triceratops did not coexist with humans, so how could it have eaten a human foot? Question mark? T-Rexes weren't blue, excuse me?

So yeah, this isn't just for Steve, isn't just a fun, decorative thing. It's a lifestyle. Because inside his garage, dynomania continues. It is packed top to bottom with dinosaur posters, candy, toys,

and every visitor to the dinosaur house gets a small prize for free just for coming along. Small prize? Small prize. So in the garage, there's a wall

of model dinosaur eggs hanging from the garage door with a number painted on them. Guests can pick a number, and they get a number. small prize that corresponds with whatever's in the egg. And, best of all, the garage is also where Steve parks his car. A custom-wrapped sedan.

He calls the dynamobile. No, Steve. Do we have a photo of the dynamobile? Yeah, please may I see the dynamobile. You may, and you may also see Steve. Okay, I'm trying to imagine what Steve looks like. Is this going to be what Steve? You know what, that's not what I think Steve was going to look like.

Fair enough. Wow, the dynamobile. We're expecting a man with scatly-skinned daily to sunrise. I was sort of expecting a dinosaur, yeah. He's a dino man. That's amazing. And better, yeah, even if you're not at the museum or the house, whatever you want to call it, if you see the dinosaur man out and about in town and you say,

hey, dino man, he'll give you a toy. So this man never stops working. He's always hustling. Self-promotion machine. Yeah. I read another article about it. him where I said that, like, every couple of days he'll treat himself

to a diner, breakfast, or a lunch or something. Diner. When he goes there, he takes, like, dinosaur plushes with him and a little sign advertising the dino house. And so, like, if you happen to be in this diner, you could be accosted by the dino man saying, you want to come to my garage? Come, I'm a lot of dynos.

He's a lovely man. He's a lovely man. We appreciate everything he does. Yeah. And that is very sweet. I still think it looks like shit, but I think what he's doing is really nice. Yeah.

I'm happy for him. Happy for the people to enjoy it, but I don't. I'd be worried someone would just walk through a nick of a dino, you know? I was going to say, yeah, I feel like, like even little decorations in England don't last long in front gardens. No, they do not. So I feel like it's a miracle that's last this long, but also they do all have good.

in America and this man will defend his dinosaurs. They do all have guns. All of the dinosaurs are armed. That's the dynamons. That's amazing. I'm very glad I know that this exists. Thank you Michael. So you can avoid it and never go.

Hey, just because I don't think it looks very good doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the knowledge that it exists. Fair enough. Or Stephen, his magical post-work life. I could only dream to be as fulfilled as him as I'm willing. working. The real question of course is where, what he did with his Yeti and Unicorn that you mentioned in

the opening. Oh, that's a good point. Hmm. Yeah, I don't see it. I don't have room for those anymore. Perthings got banished when the dynos came to town and they're the cool guys now. Right. Yeah. Lovely. Well, thanks, Mike. Boys. Yeah, thank you so

much, Michael. Appreciate it. I think that means it's time for my listener submitted thing. This comes us courtesy of Dan Locky at Dan Locky 25 on Twitter. And it's an article from the BBC, BBC Sport. Finland women's boss, sorry after selecting 51-year-old. Right. Women's boss of what? That's a very good point. Finland women's boss. The boss of all Finnish women. Sorry for choosing a 51st. A huge amount of context is lost. If you're not, if you're not,

not looking at the BBC sport front page like I am. They just assume that you know what they're talking about. It'll make more sense in a second. So Finland women's manager Utti Sharinen I've mispronounced that probably, has

apologized after accidentally naming a 51 year old former player in the squad for their match against Serbia. Oh, no. When naming the line-up, she mistakenly selected the long-retired Steiner Ruskanen instead of the 23-year-old defender none Ruskanen.

The error was not spotted until the team sheet deadline had passed so the younger Ruskanan missed the one-all women's nations league draw. Did they bring the 50-year-old out of retirement to play the game? They didn't, which is really disappointing because that would have been amazing

but they named the wrong person and then couldn't bring in... It's like England calling up Dennis Beckham accidentally. and Dennis Beckham is a plumber from Liverpool or something Yeah So that's not it

Dennis Beckham was a very good player in 1950 Yeah Dennis Beckham has died unfortunately But he has been called up for To play for the English national team Her older namesake Who is no relation Won the last of her two Finland caps

29 years ago, and took the mix-up in good spirits. I'm definitely ready if the call comes. Just yesterday, I was playing in a hobby league match, so my game feel is good, Steina told the Finnish newspaper, Ilta Sanomat. In a statement from the Finnish Football Association, Sarenan said,

None was, of course, disappointed, but took the news very well, considering the circumstances, I am very sorry for the mistake. Women's boss. Apologises for 1550. Finland's women's boss. Sorry.

So that was it. Short and sweet one there. Yeah. Hey, why not? It's good. God, that would be to God.

I can just, I can just picture that happening in other circumstances and it is, it's great. The visual, I'd love to see. And like, on the first day of training, she just rocks up.

It's like, I got the cool boss. You are the women's boss, no? I'm here and I'm ready to play. Put me in. Put me in. So there we are.

That's my listener. submitted thing. Peter, Austin, what's your thing? During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures. And see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, Lisa 2026 XE90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo

Fall Experience event. Condition Supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Please. Well, the other day I saw a very amusing image on the internet that made me laugh. It's fairly old. It's from 2023, but it led me to find more of its type. So I'll start with this first one that I saw. It is an Amazon review that contains kind of far more information.

than was required, kind of an anecdotal almost life story that is barely related to the product at all. So it's a review for a bed. The name of the review is large bed for six-foot teen. They rated it three stars and said this. My over six-foot teenage son can fit comfortably in this bed as long as he doesn't sit up. This is something he has learned the hard way, but I wasn't prepared to cut a hole in his ceiling I did suggest he strap a pillow to his head he would have preferred the hole in the ceiling thing though as his room is directly under the kitchen

and he was hoping I would just drop his food directly in his mouth negating the need for him to get his lazy backside up and walk up the stairs he has created some kind of gaming troll cave underneath again he's learned the hard way not to stand up straight when screaming at the player who just killed him.

Mind you, I was hoping that the concussion might knock the power of articulate speech back on, but alas, this has not happened yet. 28 people found this helpful. So... This isn't a therapy session. This is an Amazon review. Yeah, I know.

So that brought me much amusement and I thought, yeah, I need to do some Googling now and find more stories like this. They're not all people berating people that they love. but you know just just more info than they needed they could have just said good product fits my six foot son great now some of these probably are kind of written to be funny they might not be real some of them i'm sure probably are real i don't know which ones are real i'm not going to do it is it

real or not because i don't know but uh these all exist on amazon and uh we're going to go through some now so there's one for a like a kitchen bin here we've had this trash can from almost a year, and it's worked as one would expect, as a trash can, up until a couple of months ago. I'm not sure what is now possessing it, but the lid is stuck with a perpetual gap of about an inch. The insert also seems to have warped, and the trash bags will not stay in place. This makes my husband crazier than me leaving my closet light on all day. Now, from the later context, what she's saying is, I, I, my husband, gets mad at me leaving the closet light on all day, but he's even more annoyed about the bin not

shutting, right? And that sort of sets the tone for the rest of the review. The odor-trapping bag seems like a nice feature at first, but the receptacle it's housed in has become difficult to clean and a collection point for tomato sauce and coffee grounds. Other than the thermostat, this trash has been the biggest point of contention in our young marriage. All in all, it could be a great wedding present If the relationship has a solid foundation There's nothing like a little mutual suffering To really drive growth

However, if the relationship has some weak points You'd do better With my shithead husband You'd do better just hanging the bag off the pantry door Strange review Wow Got one for Mikey now This is a bean bag that you can sit

In the name of the review, it's a trap. Not only does this beanbag completely consume you and keep you stuck in comfortable bliss all day, but there was another consequence we encountered. This beanbag traps farts. My husband sits here farting for hours and the farts are absorbed into the beanbag and you don't smell them again until you later sit down on the beanbag and the fumes are released. Wow, it's just like the shreddies underpants, but a seat. Yeah, and it says pros, super comfortable,

and then it says cons, super comfortable, traps farts. This is a bit strange. Okay, so my eyeliner won't run around like your man does, says a five-star review. I bought this eyeliner, and the first day I wore it, I found out my boyfriend of five years was cheating on me and I cried and cried and cried and went to the bathroom to make sure my makeup streaks

were wiped off my face, but it was still completely perfect through all the crying. Oh God. Through all the crying it stayed in place. So thank you for making an eyeliner that's more trustworthy than a man. Oh man.

Got them. This is crazy this one. Five stars, noise cancelling by Adam. So, not so funny story Someone in the apartment above us got Stabbed, it says in all caps According to the cop Who interviewed us, the attacker rang the

upstairs doorbell and when the guy answered The attacker forced his way in and stabbed the guy. You want to know what the scary part is? I didn't hear a thing Thanks to my amazing HyperX cloud 2 headphones I got them on Amazon for $99

$99, free shipping. These things work as advertising. probably the best noise-canceling headphones I've ever owned 10 out of 10 would buy again. 3,036 people found this helpful. That would have made a good Turtle Beach ad. We should go back in here. It would, yeah.

It sounds like a Rick and Morty advert. It does, yeah. This one I will share an image of, once I've read a little bit of it to you. In fact, I'll just send it now. There you go. Can I just say that I will be... Re-ordering these leggings in every color.

Here is me rolling and sliding down a mountain because I was too scared to get up. My leggings did not rip even a little bit and I got stuck on rocks and trees. And there's just a picture of someone on their back. It's a really weird quality image as well. It's all... It's another cryptid.

Yeah. So that was a good one. This one is for... Oh, I like this one. This is kind of a... It's a bit different. this one. This is for a 50 pound bag of play sand. So Josh rated at five stars and said, It's heavy. I sometimes receive documents in larger than your average size letters that are

clearly labeled do not bend. My mailman seems to be either lazy or incompetent or both, and instead of leaving these documents on my doorstep or porch, because this would require getting out of the car, he bends and folds them and then stuffs them into my mailbox anyway. This often will crease important documents or photos. So, whenever this happens, I log onto Amazon and order a 50 pound bag of play

sound. While it doesn't decrease my documents, it makes me feel a lot better watching him deliver it. Oh God, so good. I think that might be why everything's getting folded and shoved in the lot. Yeah, it's probably a vicious cycle. It's the sand house

again. Yeah. Amazon customer, five stars. This is for a dress in red. And it says, recommended by world's worst mom in all caps. I bought this for a generally ungrateful and entitled 21-year-old daughter. She wears about a 12 usually,

and I ordered an X-L. It fit and looked great on her, and if she'd refrain from her moodiness, it would have had an even better effect. when I listened to her list when I listened to her list my myriad faults this cute dress gave me some distraction

to try and tune her out it cost about the same as a pack of birth control pills in 1997 which may have been a more prudent investment oh god five stars Alexis rates this weighted blanket

one star and says I miss my wife but not for Caroline reasons. So it says, I never considered the ramifications of this. It's a weighted blanket, remember. Sure, the wife loves it,

but if you buy it, you'll never be able to get close to your wife again. It creates a fucking wall of China in bed. It's like she's wearing a freaking suit of armour to bed every night. I hate this thing, one star. That is true. That is what happens. Yeah.

Two left now. Travis Best rated this product one star. I'm trying to remember what it is. Oh, it's for a little automatic hoover vacuum cleaner. Very disappointing. We named ours Bob, and let me tell you, he wasn't the hardest working man I was hoping for. Bob spent most of his employment

driving from one random side of the house to the other like a junkie looking for his next fix. His actual cleaning was minimal at best, and he couldn't find his docking station to save his life. In the week I had Bob, he never finished a cleaning cycle one day while at work the app texted me to say Bob needed my

assistance because he was stuck on a cliff worried for Bob's safety I came home to find him passed out in the middle of the dining room rug that night the family said goodbye to Bob once and for all Oh God

so I've got one last one here you have to promise not to read it and just look at the picture of the product I'll read the name of the product and you can describe what it looks like this is men's thermal underwear pants modal long johns tagless

lightweight thermal bottoms separate pouch now what would you describe how would you describe these knob trousers right it looks like those old suits of armour where they had the big bit for a wheelie sure and it does just look like it

comes preloaded with a willy already in the bottom. Yeah, it does. It's like, it's, so it's a, it's a, it's a fully willy shaped pouch with some kind of, with an overhang kind of structure about it, right? Um, but it's a pair of leggings. So picture that, dear, uh, listener. It's a pair of leggings with a big willy shaped pouch in the front. And the review goes, humbling, but in a life, oh, in a life changing way. Um, so Dave Schaffer. is his name, and he says, four stars. First off, my assumption was that this was meant to fit an average man,

and now I realize I'm far below average in terms of man terms. But it's okay, because I've learned to transcend traditional measures of masculinity. It turns out that if you try hard enough, you can fart with enough force and volume to turn the front pocket into a balloon. And if that doesn't make me the best, I don't know what it does. Overall, only four stars, because my feelings are hurt. But I learned a new talent.

Oh, Dave. Oh, God. He's turned his knob trousers backwards and he's blowing bubbles. Oh, God. It really got me that one. When I was reading through these, I thought, yeah. That's got to be the last one. Jeez.

Wow, all right, I'm buying a beanbag and some knob trousers. Oh, the combined force. It would be unstoppable. A pair of shreddies underneath as well, and that's all you need. Gosh, there you go. There's just some Amazon reviews for you. Fantastic. Thank you very much.

You're welcome. Michael Jonson. Yes. Can I have your listener thing, please? Of course you can. This was submitted by Frogley at The Frogley on Twitter. And the headline reads, Go, Sips Man's Coffee, before stealing his mug.

Oh, no, Dave. The Seagulls are back at it. The action shot. Sips Man's Coffee. Oh, God, that's a great photo. Is that photoshopped or not? That looks real. So that's actually the photo of the seagull from the person whose mug got stolen by the seagull.

The photo was accredited to Darren Pardo. And the caption of the photo is, the girl drank Darren Pardo's coffee before he flew off with the mug. Amazing. That's a good shot. There's some weight to a mug as well. He's still flying. But mind you, they can carry dogs. Yeah.

I saw a seagull in a hospital. bottle car park the other day eating a rat which was pretty grim oh god yeah do that thing where it just kind of like

throws it down the back of its neck in one no no it was it was throwing it around it was kind of sort of trying to break it up a bit oh yeah this is

this is only a little article a gull has taken revenge on a man who was installing anti bird spikes in a Cornish town by drinking his coffee and pinching his mug

Oh, there's more to the story. Revenge then. Yeah. Psychical. Yeah. Maintenance worker, Darren Pardo, had been birdproofing houses in Port Levin when he stopped at a pub for a coffee on the 3rd of June.

He said he had been talking to someone before he turned around to find the gull helping himself to the hot brew. Before he could take action, the feathered thief flew off with the mug. I think it had remembered me, he joked. recalling the coffee heist Mr. Pardo said I turn around and sure enough a seagull's got its beak in me coffee

next minute the bird picks up the coffee cup by its handle and takes it off across the harbour with it it flew around the harbour and then landed on the water put the cup down and the cup just sank that's the end of the article it's like the raccoon trying to wash the candy floss in the river. The seagull's like, yes, got my own cup, and it's gone.

Sinks right down. A fair play of him for managed to snap a picture of it. That's pretty impressive. That is actually very impressive. That's another angle. We reckon it was flying around for a while. He got the photo of it drinking the coffee as well. I feel like this is a setup.

You can see it's spilled around the cup as well. Yeah. One of the articles in the related article section is starving seagulls baited to hit by cars. It's tough to be seagull out there. Jesus Christ. Bait it's to be hit by

cars. What does that even mean? They are dicks? Or are the seagulls baiting each other so that they die and then they can eat their dead friend? Okay, I shouldn't have read this out. It's sad. The summary of the article is

seagulls are being deliberately enticed into roads with food and then injured are killed by cars. Oh, like by people who have nothing better to do in their lives. I see. That's horrible. For fun, in big, big quotes. Wow, okay.

Terrible. Let them steal your mugs, I say. Yeah. Yeah. There's loads of mugs out there. Yeah. Well, thank you, Frogley, for that. And thank you, boys.

Thank you, Mikey. Speaking of mugs. Oh, yeah. It's top now for me. Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days, delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered.

A cabana? That's a no. But a banana, that's a yes. A nice tan, sorry, nope. But a box fan, happily yes. A day of sunshine, no. A box of fine wines? Yes.

Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Both, though. Yeah. For the first time in, I think,

six or seven, eight years, we're returning to shitty Kickstarter. Whoa! I've been wanting to do this for ages, like another shitty Kickstarter, but these days that subreddit is just people picking apart people who are really trying hard. Like, there's no real clangers on Kickstarter anymore.

It feels like the golden age of Kickstarter is done, basically. Stuff that's a terrible idea doesn't get there. So now if you want to, if you go on R slash shitty Kickstarter, all you see is people taking the piss out of people who are trying their best and also sort of updates on Kickstarters that I have no context for. So it doesn't really help me at all. So I am visiting a Kickstarter that was cancelled in March of 2017.

Okay. So we're going back a little while. It had one backer. There's a fair bit to get through here. But I'm going to try it because the layout of a Kickstarter page is terrible. But it comes to us courtesy of Anden Matten Christoph, and he says, hey guys, I'm Christoph and 20 years old. I did an apprenticeship as IT specialist.

At the moment, I'm a student. I study business management. In my free time, I'm riding motorbike and do fitness. And he's from Zurich. And, or he was from Zurich. He may still be from Zurich. I hope he is anyway. And how was how was Toonty spelled?

Just 20 with an O? It's T-E-W-M-T-T-Y. Oh, right, 2-N-T. Oh, I see. I thought he'd put 20. No. Okay. Not quite.

So, his campaign is diceware passwords for you. Right. Right. You need a safe and secure password and it should be easy to remember, question mark. No problem.

I will make your own diceware password. So this guy would like people to pay. him to generate a password for them. Right, okay. That's what Christoph wanted to do. And then he'll send you your passwords that you're then going to use for your bank login. So then only you and Christoph would know your password. You can trust him, yes.

Yeah. I'm Christoph Anden Martin. I'm a student in Switzerland and I sell strong, secure passwords. It sounds a little crazy to buy a password, full stop. But using a terrible password such as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or passers, password is even crazier. I use a proven methodology called diceware to build long, strong,

memorable passwords using strings of words from the dictionary. I roll dice to ensure that the words I pick from the dictionary are randomly chosen. It then goes on to explain what diceware is. Essentially, he's put a lot in here about what diceware is.

Essentially, what it means is, you know, Peter, when we went to the Easy Hotel that time? Yeah. How can I forget? When we went to EGX. And we had that Wi-Fi password, which was something like weed, rifle, gun, something else. Yeah. Yeah. That, I don't know if that's what a diceware

password is, but that's what he wants to generate. A string of separate words no one can really guess that they're completely random. Like, what three words? Sure, exactly. But taking all the hassle out of it, you don't have to do it yourself. Christoph

will do it for you. In exchange. Nothing harder than thinking of four or five words, isn't it? I'm going to appear man. however much it costs. So rather than going on Fiverr, for example, and doing it on a per-password basis, this man wanted to get loads of backers at various tiers, which, by the way, are fascinating.

One diceware-generated password, two diceware-generated passwords, three diceware-generated passwords, four, five, seven, ten, or fifty. the top one. What if I only need six passwords? What am I going to do? I don't know. I could back twice, I suppose. I have no idea. These are independently priced as well, these tiers. So for one part, how much would you pay for one diceware generated password? I mean, I obviously just wouldn't, but how much do I think a password is worth? Like a pound? A strong password. Remember it's long and

strong. Less than a fiver. Yeah, like two pound at the most, if whatever reason I wanted to do this. Okay, well, Christoph would charge you about £6.38 for a password. That's too much. You do make a small saving if you go up to two. And it's really, when you're up to 50, that's where you're seeing the real savings. Basically making money off these passwords.

Yeah. They have to pay for themselves. And again, weirdly, rather than sending up a business where he charges on a per password basis, this man wanted to get loads of orders in the books enough for Kickstarter to give him a lump sum. Well, he doesn't want to be rolling his dice three times a day. You'd rather just sit down, block off four hours and just do all of his dictionary rifling, do them all than one go.

We could sign up to Tier 50, get 50 passwords, and resell them on for the price of one. And then only you, us and that man would know you, password so in the risks and challenges section it says the challenge the challenge sorry will be to roll all of your passwords and then a smiley face and then he says my personal goal is to establish my own IT company in the next few years fair play okay that's a nice goal to have he's got a comment under there from richard thornton who's a super backer there was only ever one backer so I assume it's Richard.

And Richard asked, Hi, please add more technical info to your campaign. Thanks, Richard. And Christoph replied and said, Hey, Richard, thanks for your support. What kind of technical information do you mean, Chris? And that's it. That's the entire conversation about his setup.

So now it's time to talk turkey, the real turkey. How much did Christoph want to get his diceware passwords for you campaign off the the ground. How many, like, how many passwords does it take for him to get out of bed? Like, this is it. We're going to reverse engineer that. Hmm. Hmm. How much does a 50 dollar, a 50 password tier cost, does it say?

A hundred and thirteen pounds 97. God. I reckon he wants 15K before he'll even roll one dice. I think more. I think he's hoping to get like 50K out of this project. You're not far off, Mikey. He wanted 22,632 pounds. He had one backer, but no money was pledged in the end.

So no one took him up on his offer. And doing some quick maths, if he wanted to fulfil that goal with the 50 passwords, he would have required 198.6 50 password orders. Right. Which simply feels unlikely.

198.6. Yeah. That's how many 50 password orders he'd need. 9.9,000 passwords would have had to generate. Oh my God. Jesus. That's a lot of dice roll. 10,000 passwords.

Yeah, it is. There's an awful lot. There's basically that many words in the dictionary, I'm pretty sure. Definitely not more than 10,000. So he would have used them all and run out, and that would have been it. So... I'm really curious how this works, because dice only has six numbers. Well, there's a...

There's a gap in the market now, Mikey, because this was obviously cancelled in July 2017. There was no... There was one backer, but no money was pledged. He does say that all passwords are dice were generated and contained six words. I will write the passwords by hand And I do not keep a copy of what I have sent to you The passwords will be sent by Swiss Post Which cannot be opened by the government

Without a search warrant He somehow promises Wow Six words per password Yeah, go on We're looking at about 60,000 words He's going to have to find There aren't that many words in the dictionary

Well I facetiously said that But actually apparently there are well it depends which dictionary are using but you know you're talking he's he's using about a third of the dictionary there so he can't reasonably if they want to be fully secure he can't reasonably do more than two more job lots of those well I was actually talking about like so online dictionaries you know so for example the OED online has currently 171000 words plus 47,000 obsolete words that aren't in use and so on. But it says here, according to one source, and therefore I don't know if it's true,

most paperback dictionaries contain about 50,000 words. So he's using more words than he will have if he's using an actual book dictionary. It's insane. I salute Christoph, quite frankly, because it's a hell of a hustle. And we've got a prototype gallery. Do you want to see it? Yeah. one, there's one photo

in the prototype just a picture of it. It's just a dice and a dictionary. Oh, for God's sake. Oh God. Really? Yeah. That's it. So what it would explain what you're looking at?

It's a fucking bit of paper and an envelope with some badly written words on it. That's it. What you can't see is handwriting when it arrives. I can't even make out the first word. Alger. Al-G-E-R. the next one looks to be

KLM which is a company Curry blonde with no E on the end is that that's strange and then puck

horse so we all now know how to get into his Kickstarter that's his password I was going to say I have now

put those on the thread so we now all have access to the one password that Christop did generate for that superbacker maybe and it's just

written on a piece of paper that's been inserted into like a card envelope just one of those oblong ones and no letter with it here is your super secure password from so and so

it's going into a it's not even a special envelope that you can be sure will be sealed someone could just open that in transit steam it open and shut it again but legally they can't open it without a warrant not without a warrant no one can open it

no one can open it no that's true says, do you have a warrant? And the criminal will say, oh, fuck, no, I don't. And now I like how he's put a capital letter at the beginning, because obviously it's the start of a sentence. And then all the rest of the thing is all lowercase. Yeah.

Like, you didn't have to do that, but he chose to do that. Did, yeah. It's got to look good, Peter, you know, for his backer. But there we are. Unfortunately, it was cancelled. And, yeah, I salute him. This 100% reeks of, hey, that Kickstarter things taking off. at the moment and people are making a lot of money off it.

I've just attended one class at university where we talked about this thing and I'm going to give it a go. Yeah. Not really that well-fought- I wouldn't like, I wouldn't do tears of how many passwords you get. I do tiers of like a standard password, which is just using

normal words like hosepipe, tractor, grape, and then you've got a gold tier, which uses like gold-tier words in the dictionary, like boob or stinking. You get the special ones. Do you want the meme password? Stinky boob.

Oh, yeah, great. Don't forget that. I'm trying to find him on LinkedIn. Unless he's aged a lot. I don't think any of them are him. Well, he wanted to set up his own IT company, so... Yeah, I can't really... This guy's the director of AM Swiss,

which is a non-profit organization. So maybe not then. That's probably not him. Probably not, given that he's essentially trying to scam people. He tried to scam people. Sorry, tried to. No one fell for it, unfortunately, for Christoph. Please add technical details.

Yeah. Hi, thanks for the support. What do you mean? Please explain. There we go. That's it. So if you'd like us to generate a password for you, we'll do our best. We now know because he's explained his entire method.

He explained how to do it. yeah yeah anyway just pick random words and stick them together and he said that it makes it really memorable well does it particularly i wouldn't forget the word i wouldn't remember the words algers klm curry blonde puck horse blonde spelled wrong puck horse weird i do like curry blonde plon puck horse though that does i feel like i could remember that okay we'll change all the Idiot's credentials to that then. Curry, blonde, puck, horse. Yeah, we'll do that after we finish.

Amazing. Well, I believe thus concludes all of the things. Mm-hmm. We ticked them all off. Yeah. Did them. What a show. Fantastic.

Thank you so much, everybody, for listening and for your support. We really appreciate you. Michael Johnson, I believe there's some sort of shop. Yo, darn Tootin. If you head over to vidyates official.com and click on that lovely. enticing little shop button you'll be greeted with a veritable bounty of goodies including hoodie mug t-shirts hat other stuff and more other stuff and more

wow that's loads that isn't other stuff it's amazing actually any you have to go on if you want all your dreams and hopes are on there so go go video's official dot com click on shop could be a curry blonde puck horse in there you never know could be we'll start selling passwords Just the same password over here. Yeah, but we'll never tell you, so you'll never know. Instagram and TikTok, we are at Vidyat's dot official. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Blue Sky. We are forward slash Vidyatsofficial.

Vidiotts official.com forward slash Discord is our Discord. Thank you to Tommy and Fleckers for moderating us over there. And Twitch.tv.tv.4.S.Vidiofficial is where we will be streaming come the end of the year for the final reunion stream. Where we will be streaming come. At the end of the year. Yeah, we will. Streaming come. Streaming come the end of the year.

Come. Ah, yes. Go give it a follow now if you haven't, so you are probably not notified when we go live because apparently that functionality just doesn't fucking work most of the time for most people, but still. Poddiots.com, if you go there, donate three pounds or more, you'll join Pod Squad.

You'll get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next episode of the podcast. Mikey, can you kick us off again, please? Yes, indeed. We begin with the generous Narugan, thank you. Thank you. And the also generous anonymous, Prince Beefcakes, Kermit the Pog, John Wilkes Booth. Peter, please check after wiping. Oh, sorry. I was checking after wiping. Yeah. We've also got Caroline, there's a bird in Liddle. Vidyitz top trumps. 14 minns of Mikey's top trumps. Vidiotts rhymes with. Vidiots rhymes with with poddiots.

We'll hear their song in just a moment as well. Stay tuned. Licking a salty Peter, Meta Face and Potato Similees, similes, Glass House and Onion Stuffin, It's Beans Time Caroline, Wilson and Or Bellics,

and one vowel from Shira, who was very generous. Thank you so much. And finally, we have Anonymous, Mikey Farts on his ferret, a proxy is in the Doctor Who. Reindrop Joy Stephen Scodes

Frogly Lord Brotovic Caroline it's not benign really abusive plumber for red dimmedomy and Donak

07 thank you so much that is your pod squad for this week poddiots.com 3 pounds or more to get a shout at the beginning

and the end of the next episode of the podcast thank you everybody very much indeed Peter I don't suppose you know what the highlights are of Vidiots seven years ago this month

I do know that we of course had the usual post some tats and so on but we had worst games ever Beverly Hills Cop there was more Skyrim Zoo with Billy's parents how exciting that was really there was a moment we're coming back to Newcastle Glitch 2018 did I feel like I said that last month did I read May last month I think I must have done I read all of May

instead of all of oh I see what I've done is this month yeah no but I so I was I was thinking, well, it's now June, so what happened last month? But no, I need to go from when the last episode was. How long have I been doing this? I don't know. But anyway. So we have.

Let me tell you what's happened in June. So there's some post, some tat, of course. Becoming Apes in Crisis on the Planet of the Apes VR, where we had to wank our way around the room. Oh, God. And they said, please cut that out of the... He's removed that. Yeah.

We went to Thorpe Park's The Walking Dead Living Nightmare Extreme And we also did the thought park kind of vlogging there That was very exciting Worst games ever, Sonic 06 That's a classic The Tiny Peter Dancing compilation From when we released the green screen the previous month And that is largely

We announced some merch as well in June and the Skyrim Zoo finale happened too so there you go it was a special month I met one of my friends on the cruise ship in fact recently a few of us got together for it and she said that when she

met her current partner on social on like a dating app he said what are your comfort watches and she like listed parks and wreck and like some of the things and then she said and Skyrim Zoo and he replied and said oh I don't think I've heard of that what is that and she had to explain what Skyrim

zoo was all the respect in the world for her to put that on our profile I know and she said that she was she said she's been hoping since the oblivion remastered that maybe he will finally return as promised and I said well don't hold your breath but yeah he's still out there it's a long way it's not Skyron border and Tamriel border are right next to each other Yeah. There's no excuse. No. Anyway, so there we go.

That's what we've got this month. Fantastic. Michael Johnson, where are you on the internet, please? At Parrot Boy on Blue Sky and Instagram. Go have a look if you want to see some dancing pigeons. Yeah, I'm going to go do it after this. I've got the app on my phone, Mikey. I just couldn't do it on my browser.

So I'll do it after this. You know what? I'll do it now. You know what? Oh, my God. I'm doing it now. Go on ask. I can't. Where's the app? There it is. I'm opening it.

All right. I'm open it. I've opened it. Are you smiling yet, Ben? Hang on. I've got a search for your first parrot. There he is. Parrot boy. There's a loved one with you to tell you that, oh, there's no way he made that. It's too good. That is exceptional. There's a bit of jungle coming through on the microphone.

Is that a pigeon? holding a laser pen. Damn right it is, yeah. That's brilliant, man. How long did that take you? Three nights, I think. That's brilliant. That's really good.

I don't know what to do next. I was going to say, what's your... I've been days trying to think of what else to make. That's all I've got. Oh, no. It's fine. I can leave it there. I do one and done.

I don't need to... You perfected it, man. It doesn't get any better than that. Incredible. And Peter, where are we on the internet, please? Worst Games Ever lives on despite triple jump having changed. So you can find us now at YouTube.com forward slash at Worst Games Ever,

where Ben and I are still, still playing terrible video games. You can also find us separately. Ben is streaming not terrible video games on Twitch.com slash confused underscore dude. It's not an ad there, is there? Yes. And you can find me on YouTube. YouTube.com forward slash. at that Peter Austin where I'm making videos

that are kind of a little bit potty, it's coded, kind of strange, interesting things from history and elsewhere. So, yeah, weird capitias, I suppose, in a sense. They go. It's great. Aren't they all so talented? Aren't the boys so talented? Lovely bunch of boys.

Yeah, we're all doing our own special things. Yeah. All we need to do now is, you know, I need to do like an interesting video about Pokemon. Ben can come on as the Pokemon I've spoken to a gamer and Twitch streamer Ben Potter and then Mikey can do a bunch of

kind of graphics, 3D graphics of Pokemon at a rave. Yeah, maybe you could animate the interview. Yeah. And we could call it Prove it, Pokemon. Whoa!

What if you animate the entire first year of videos? Yeah, you said you don't have any ideas. There's hours and hours of them. A shot remade. come on years worth of content there all right all right every shot by shot recreating glorious 3d and this time the subscriber count will go up rather than stagnating i want to see what happens

when you remake the introductory video um and we turn that mirror around that shows you there do you reckon it'll make your PC explode when it has to render a reflection in real time to show like in the reflection of the mirror is just a video of me at my desk It's just the Adobe File Not Found Red thing. Amazing. Okay, well, that's it from us. Why not leave us a five-star review on your platform of choice? It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms.

And my God, we'd appreciate it so much. Final question, anyone? What do you think of this song that you're about to hear? Oh, very good. Yeah, positive reactions, please, everyone. It's very, very good. Thank you so much for listening everyone Enjoy the song

And thank you to see Law For making it for us And we will see you next month Bye Bye Bye I can't sing Brackets not the onion

Wikipedia That's strange Time to face the music boys Pardius has changed And DBP Didn't know them now they're like family Dave on Twitter with a drink and a toe Try to tell our friends

But it wasn't quite enough Plenty of laughs with birds and meat face Don't cry cause it's over A cry it happened in the first place Listen to a Hoover story over 12 episodes 12 episode art It was never too much when Mikey did a fart Mikey's dog rap

And Peter Carroll singing Finn had no song That makes him boring Jeff the mongoose hiding in the walls And a voicemail from Bobby Balloonie calls On solo dancing and all the funny names names an absolute classic of the 50p game though it's over now I hope it's not forever now it's been in theater on youtube slash at worst games ever wish we had time with our

favorite breath like an extra 50 of darling you can smell in you're getting ready and end all of this The only thing to say is thank you. And... Geese, keys.