Podiots - Podiots: Episode 166 – Festive Finale

Episode Date: December 20, 2025

In this episode, Mikey’s taking us on the worst Christmas excursion imaginable, Peter’s regaling us with a tale of Christmas past, and Ben’s read a festive book! Thank you for everything, fellow Podiots. We will miss you. FIND US:Mikey YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tryingmybestmikey Peter YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ThatPeterAustinPeter Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/tinypeterplays Ben YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Confused_DudeYTBen Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/confused_dude Join the live show’s Pod Squad: http://podiots.com And check our website and store: http://vidiotsofficial.com -------------------   Subscribe for more and TELL YOUR FRIENDS!   YouTube: https://youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Podiots: https://vidiotsofficial.com Pod Squad: https://podiots.com Shop: https://vidiotsofficial.com/shop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vidiots.official TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vidiots.official Twitch: https://twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Bluesky: @vidiotsofficial.bsky.social — Bluesky Facebook: https://facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: https://vidiotsofficial.com/discord/ Site: https://vidiotsofficial.com/   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Do any of you guys have the keys? Ho, ho. Oh, what keys? You guys got the keys to the studio? To lock up? Yeah. Because they wanted the keys. Sorry, I know we've been festive.

I just thought I'd be, you know, pragmatic. Ho, ho, ho, get out and lock the door. Turn the lights off. It's lovely that there's the Christmas. I don't know which one of you put the Christmas tree up. It's lovely. It looks fantastic. But also, we've got to take it down after this recording and put it in the garage.

Put some polyfiller in all the holes we made in the walls as well. There's so many holes in the walls. We shouldn't have painted everything yellow. Did you all bring your really big jackets with lots of pockets so we can steal all of the Rios and stuff before we leave? Oh, that's a good idea. I just steal all the Rios. Oh, my God. No, I didn't actually.

I should have done, though. I don't have the keys, though, is my point. so I don't know if either of you do you do too I've never locked the place up I've never thought yeah you've always done that you have the keys Ben

I think the last time we had the keys I think I might have put them because he used to hang out with us and now he doesn't I think I attached them to Kevin's collar

right but then he became a sort of nomadic creature so perhaps when he hopefully he's going to turn up and do the final theme tune

today because then we can snatch the keys off him. But, yeah, you've got to be quick, though, lure him in. You don't want to spook him and have a run off. No, never got a deposit back. Offer him a Rio. Okay, yeah, well, if we could, if you put out, it's like mince pies for Father Christmas.

We put out a Rio, at Rio, then maybe Kevin will come by and we can get the keys off him. All right. And, hey, if the keys aren't on in, then I suppose we'll just have to stay here for another 12 months, weren't we? That's, yeah. Oh, well.

we can't have the landlord standing there with their hands out saying keys keys we're saying i don't have any we've lost them sorry we'll have to just stay yeah we must but yeah we'll have to stay in the year so you got a rio there mikey yeah i'm going to pull one out of my uh my big jacket pockets oh oh it's a good one it's the passion fruit one that's a good all right i'm just going to put on the table and crack it open

Yeah Did you do it? I did Oh Okay I can hear I'm bounding towards us And there's a

There's a wringled tingle As he runs It's the keys Around his neck Someone get the keys Get the keys On him Get the keys

Hello Hello everybody And welcome to Pody It's the official Vidiates Podcast It's a conversation podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us where

everybody brings a thing, a lot to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I am Michael. Hello. Goodness me. It's the end. See you. Bye. Catch you later. Bye. See you. I want to be you. I will ask you how you each are in a moment. But I think firstly, we should talk about the reunion stream that took place last week, or a couple of weeks ago, and just how incredible it was. I'd personally like to thank everybody who came along and tuned in live. The Vod should be up now on the YouTube channel if you want to catch up. It was emotional.

There was some incredible music, some excellent things. We had just an excellent, really fun evening. And I'd like to thank YouTube boys as well for also making it so special too. So thank you. Thank you, Ben. I have a lovely time. I really, really enjoyed it. It really energized me, actually, even though, you know, it was obviously tinged with sadness of it being the last stream and soon the last episode and all that kind of stuff.

I kind of came away from it feeling like, hey, like, we do good stuff. We make stuff. And even if we're not going to make this anymore, we're going to keep making good stuff. You know, I felt like I rearranged my whole. rearranged on my shelves like the next day just because I felt like I've got some

Vim and Vigar in me just did a big tidy did a load of jobs it like really did something for me so we're going to have to just keep doing last episodes whenever I need to get some work done I guess yeah I think so

that's what it sounds like Mikey you came into it with as you volunteered very bravely yeah pooey eyes how are you feeling now oh my god i spent all of saturday sleeping the second the stream ended

i was just like oh no everything hurts literally everything hurts and i don't know i think the poo i i think the stream was kind of like the transition between having pooey eyes i had pink eye for those who haven't seen the stream yet um it was the transition between that ending and then just whatever illness i had next beginning and so um everyone got to see a man slowly descending into just a fit of unhealthiness at the end of the stream. Perhaps I'm a vampire.

Maybe I, maybe that's why you feel so bad and I feel so good. I've just drained it out of you somehow. You saps the strength. Yeah. Life force for me. Thanks. Well,

I hope you feel great. I hope you're happy now. Yeah, sorry. I'm feeling better. I am feeling rejuvenated and revitalized, as Peter says. Yes, it's, yes. It was good. It was a really good evening.

I was really pleased. And yeah, I think watching, I think, my highlight actually, I was quickly skimming through the stream was actually just watching Peter gets hit by a car

the extended cut because it's a magical, magical video. It's a testament to our creativeness and our ability to make something out of absolutely bloody nothing

for years and years and years. There's two videos out of that, technically. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did. We did. We did very well. Now, if you're tuning in

for the first time and you're thinking, wait, what the fuck are they talking about? The end of the road, the final reunion? what's going on it is unfortunately regrettably time as promised and talked about throughout this year we were going to go all the way up to December and then call it uh call it a day on poddiads so this will indeed be the final episode of poddience at least the final normal episode let me finish sorry it's really right to get you know people might have switched off it's normal for the final

usual episode of Poddietz. We are actively working on doing one final show, that being a live show, which will obviously be very different and very special. We have no concrete information to give you today, but please rest assured that work is ongoing and we have every intention of making it happen. We will communicate it to you everywhere we possibly can. So make sure you stay subscribed to this feed, you stay following our social media, there will be videos put out. There'll be messages put on this feed, letting you know about when it is, where it is, and how you can get tickets. We're not going to make it difficult. We're going to try and make it as clear and easy as possible. I think just for everyone out there who's maybe a bit worried

like, oh, but I want to know something now. I think the aim is generally to have, it'll be June onwards when the live show is happening most likely. I think that's kind of the most likely outcome at the minute. And when we do announce a date and we do announce tickets and we do announce venues, the city, whatever, like, we will give you a window where we let you know what is happening and there'll be like a week or two before we can actually buy tickets. So it's not just sprung on you. It will all be teleposted and signposted by far, far in advance. And, yes, as Ben says, it will be splattered upon every bit of internet presence we have,

YouTube, Instagram and all that, jazz. So yes, don't worry. If long as you subscribe to one of our things, you will know about it, I promise. Yeah. And on any of those things, if there is some functionality for dinging bells or turning on notifications for the video's channel that's probably worth doing if you haven't done so in the past, especially given that apart from that information, you're not going to be getting any other spam or garbage from that channel. So you can safely turn on any sort of bell and know

that I'm only ever going to hear from that as and when I really want to know about the show. So I would recommend doing that because so often now, people are subscribed to things. And then we hear messages from people like months after something happens. And they're like, oh, I didn't know about that. I didn't hear, I didn't know about any of this information after we've put out tweets and messages and videos and stuff, whatever it is that, you know, it's happened various times. So, um, do your best as well. We'll do our best. You do your best. And you, I'm sure you will find out with plenty of time to spare. Absolutely. But before we get there, we have one more episode to do. That being this one. And it is, of course, our annual festive episode

of Pottietz, where we get to talk about Christmasy things and shit like that. So while the live episode will probably take the form of more of a celebration of life, as it were, of Pottiettes, this is just going to be a normal episode. We think it's the loveliest and perhaps least cruel way to bow out is to just pretend like everything's fine and have an episode as normal. So we've got some festive things. You've submitted some festive things. Well, you spit one fist if they're going to say that much.

And we'll just have a lovely time. I'm looking forward to doing this episode with you, boys. But before we get there, we need to go visit the pod squad, don't we? I'm trying to put a Christmas hat on here, and I can't get it over my headphones. I realized I should not. Usually I wear a Christmas jumper for these episodes, but hang on. I'm going to put my headphones on. It's all right.

We'll give you a second. I'll carry on. Okay. But just by all means. Okay. What I'll do is I'll carry on. Yeah, well, you... Yeah?

I'm trying to find a Christmas hat, that. I've already got my hat on. I've already got my hats on. Oh, well, everyone's got a hat except for me. Everybody's got a hat on except for you, buddy. Pottietz.com. If you go there, donate three pounds or more at the... And you'll get a shout-out at the beginning and the end of the next episode.

You'll join Pod Squad. Of course, at this point, that means you'll be included in the live show. So we'd understand if maybe you wait until you hear about the live show and then choose to do it. But regardless, the following people... that we're about to shout out were very generous and decided to support us in this the final proper episode of Pottietz. There are, and I don't mean to mince words here,

fucking loads of you. And you have overwhelmed us with your kindness and your generosity. And so you're going to have to bear with us here as we pay tribute to perhaps the largest pod squad we have ever had in the history of Pod Squad. So, Mikey, assuming you're wearing a Christmas hat, If you're not, you're not allowed to read it.

You may go first now if you're ready. I am almost definitely wearing a Christmas hat. Yes, that's right. Pottietas is in the hospice, and we've received lots of lovely letters from distant family, and I'm going to read them all out to you now. We begin with plushy Labs Genikin. And then, the generous, we didn't tell our friends. Oh, dear.

They say it started listening to you guys at episode three, when me and mine now, And now husband started dating. In those seven years, we moved in together, got engaged, got married, and Pottiots has been there every week or month. Thank you for being there. Kiz, Kiz, Kiz. Wow. Kiz, Kiz, kiss to you. Thank you very much.

You didn't tell your friends, but you shared it with your life partner, and that's the most important thing. Next up we have, the changing was a bit much for me. The generous Lucy Liz, and they say, hey, just wanted to say how much I appreciate you, and have kept me sane while at work since the beginning. I hope I can make it to the live show when it happens. I'm trying to persuade my friend to come with me. Happy holidays, if there's made it in and time. It did.

Well done. Indeed. And your friend, uh, come. It'll be fun. You'll be a lot of references that go over your head and it'll be mad. It'll be crazy. You'll be great time. Come along.

We continue with Jimmy Narner. Anonymous, the generous Ethan, and, Dion? Deon? Deon? Dion? Ethan and Dion. Dion. Dion. Ethan and Deon. Dion. I think it's just Dion. Dion. Dion. There we go. You got your money's worth out of that one. They say, hey guys or girls. Here's a little something from us to say thank you for all you've done. And we'll continue to do. You've been the soundtrack to some of our best and worst times. And we just want to wish you the best. Roll on the live show. We'll be there. Thank you very much. Amazing. Thank you. Another generous Donator with Hacker, T, Pog.

And they say nearly eight years. Thank you so much. We've listened to Pottietz every night for five years. What? Oh my God. My dog knows your voices. Hey, boy, here boy, hey. You've seen me through a master's in engineering and made me laugh when nothing else could.

Can't wait to keep up with everything you guys do. Three kisses. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. Another generous donor, oh, luminal spoon, they say, Hi, lads, gutted that the podcast is changing one last time. I came to this podcast after Vidyat's first changed,

and it always gave me a bit of respite after some difficult moments in my life the past few years. Merry poddietz and happy 2026, Keyes, Keys, Keys. Keyes, very much, liminal. Caroline, it's time to go. Oh, God, I ever thought about this. Oh, God. How are they going to stay in touch?

What's going to happen? They've got no way to communicate now. This world is bigger than just us three. Yes, just legal letters and stuff now. That's not as fun. Specky Becky. The, um, I, but like, imagine right now my eyes are just falling out my head.

The stupendously, ridiculously generous, thank you so much. We are all Charlie Chalk. I first almost read that as Charlie Kirk What is Charlie Chalk before? Oh, Charlie Chalk is the brother of Andy Yeah, and I don't think you need to know more than that No, that's it, yeah He's not a right-wing figurehead, anyway

Thank you, Charlie Chalk, they say If YouTube Al Gore's ever achieved anything, it was suggesting culture not found nine years ago And leading me to you I have followed ever since My laughs to pounds ratio can never be repeat Thank you, my loves. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you, Charlie. It's incredibly generous. Thank you. Caroline, we have to text now. There you go. The generous Meg and Shains. They say,

thank you for all the laughs and silliness that Pottietz has brought over the years. Such respect for you three and shout out to George for introducing me to Pottietz all those years ago. Merry Christmas and all the best for the future. Meg. Kiss, kiss.

Thank you. Getting lots of kis-kees-kis today. I'm going to have so many kisies. I'm on to page two now. Woo! The generous Duncan and Polly partner. They say wishing you and your family are holly jolly crumbles. Thanks for all the chuckles, you lovely gents and huge hugs

to all the vidiates slash triple jump slash worst games ever community. May 2026 be can to you all. God bless us, everyone. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. The generous Grayson's creation, Grayson creations. Thank you, boys, for the many years of laughs.

I am constantly re-listing to the podcast and will miss having new episodes being added to the rotation. Podiotz has really helped me through so tough times, and I really appreciate it. All the best, Chris. Thank you. You're welcome, Chris, thank you. You're very welcome.

Frogley, Katie Kin Solo, the generous. Tom, Raja Gopalan. Roger Gopalan? Seems right. Hey, I'm getting there. Finally, I'm learning to read after seven years and two hundred episodes. This here,

here's to one last bum piss. Thank you, boys, for all the joy and laughter you've brought to my life. Genuinely, my favourite YouTube channel of all time. I'm going to miss you. But looking forward to all you do

from here on out. Keys, keys. More kisses, thank you. Thank you very much, Tom. Thank you. The generous Mr. Black. They say, to make up for many Miss Pod Squads,

I am sending a cool $3,000 pound! Oh crap, I put the decimal in the wrong place. Oh, well, I'll send the rest next episode. That's legally binding. You can bring it a cash to the live show if you want. Thank you, Mr. That's what was in the worst games ever case all along.

Three grand and pennies. The generous Podiat's has changed forever, thank you very much, says. thanks for all the laughs over the years boys the podcast will sorely be missed by many and they'll never be anything else quite like it it may the inside jokes live on between you forever DBP can finally breathe a sigh of relief

kiss kiss thank you thank you Jules face beer battered blobby bono good and the generous anonymous hey boys we'll never forget the time

I was listening to Milo's Purge and I was howling with laughter and everyone on the bus giving me weird looks for the rest of the trip. Thanks for all the laughs and weird looks. Kiss, kiss. You're welcome. Thank you.

Thank you very much. The list continues, would you believe, with who we've got Steven Skodes, who was very generous and said, hello boy, he's been a fan of Podiot since 2019. So sad that it's coming to an end, but the legacy of idiots will live on forever. You three

are so lovely, amazing and kind. sending all my love to you guys. Cheers for the memories and laughs. Big love. Well, thank you very much, Stephen. We've also got a generous donation from Jeff the Molly Goose, who says, For giving me my name and a lot of in jokes, I'm incapable of referencing to anyone in real life. And in parentheses, it says, Margaret, hello, I think there's a delay. Hi, Evelyn. This is an art attack. Go on ask. Oh, no, Bella. They're all done in different voices. and so on.

Always living in your walls, Jeff the Molly Goose. Thank you, Molly. Thank you very much. We also have, Hi, Evelyn. Harvey will miss Podiat's. Sorry, Harvey. We've also got forgot if I already donated. I don't know.

I don't know who you are, but thank you. Cheggas Ho-Ho-Hawakia. Very good. Cheggers Snowvakia. Sweet Jiminy crimbles. Cheggas Slovakia. Kevin is changing Sweet Baby Cheeses

and the very generous future Mrs. Norrie Hope you're going to get married in the future Just after I met my fiancé He introduced me to Podiat and you have joined us on most of our road trips since Thank you for many, many laughs and the discovery of a shared sense of humour

All the best to you all and hope to see you at the live show And maybe you'll be married by then Who's to say? Thank you. We've also got the very generous Tell Your Friendship is Magic. Thank you, boys, so much for everything you've made, especially Podiat's. Your silly antics have brought me so much comfort over the years.

I've listened to the podcast, which I've found before the channel many times over, and it always brings me joy, and then lots of hearts and letters and symbols, lots of hearts. Thank you. Thank you very much. Ringtons of Fire. Finley Lavery or Lavery. Honey Linear. Anonymous, the very generous Colin R.R. 92, or Colin R.A. 92, it's hard to sum up how much joy you three have brought over the past few years from being told off at work for scrolling Bobby Babaluni's website to laughing in my neighbor's face when she told me a dog was called Milo. Thank you. Thank you all. You legends. I'm glad to be bit by bit ruining your life, Colin. You very well.

What an honour, thank you. Thank you also to corrosion since 2017. The Very Generous You Know It's All About Dakum. First vidiates, then triple jump, and now Podiat's. Thank you, Boyos, for everything over the years. Any chance of a special ep for the holidays? I'm sure Mikey is going to do something weird between now and Easter. Time to start the podcast, Re-listen, Kis-Kees.

If you mean the Christmas holidays, the festive period, we're doing it now. You're listening to it, buddy. Yeah. We've also got Cheers Lord B's crying, nice one The very generous Lord Goodbytervich What a ride it's been I will miss this weekly slash byweekly slash monthly podcast a lot

Made my drives to work a lot more better Guess I'll need to find a new Your Spotify number one podcast for three years in a row now Or I'll start from the beginning Love you boys Thank you very much Lord B Thank you very much. And also I think the last one from me Kermit the Pog. Oh and I'm going to do some more at the end as well. Yes, we got some more at the end

because I couldn't add up right. So there we are. We've also got, yes, thank you Kermit the Pog. We've also got the very generous Thweddy Werber has changed. Been using Pod Squad as a way of connecting with my brother, my brother, Freddie Weber for years now. Now that Vidyits is changing for good, I guess my connection to him is forever lost. You three are the dogs bollocks. Thanks for all the laugh laughs laughs slash boys slash girls from louis thank you very much louis thank you very very good donac oh seven the very generous anonymous who says ola lads a while back i paid 25 pounds to make dave benson phillips a Scottish lord and sent mikey the certificate the people have a right to know that's by the by you guys are wonderful i'm sad it's over

but happy it happened i'm ride or die for v oates great thank you thank you thank you so much I think I still have the certificate somewhere. I think amongst actual proper paperwork that I need to live in stuff. So it's still got proud of place in my home. Incredible. The very generous Santa Claus's Come in a Towel. Santa Claus is coming a towel. Okay, I see it.

I got it. I get it. Been a loyal squatter, squad boy, since the olden days. You inspired me to make and then change at least two podcasts myself. So long are you beautiful nutters. Just know I'm crying because it happened. P.S. Maybe Ben can use the money to buy more joggers?

I don't know what that's in reference to. What's wrong with my joggers now? What's wrong with my joggers? What throwaway comment did I make two and a half years ago that I can't remember? No, probably a month ago. Probably one thing we did last time, let alone earlier in the series. We're all changing. Another generous donation from Anonymous.

I'm choosing to believe that Anonymous is the series. same person every time. Yeah. I just wanted to take this final opportunity to say thank you guys for all the laughs. Also, the fact that this is over now means that 2026 is already off to a shit start. So thanks for that as well. And he signs off with a horrible thing that I'm not going to read. So thank you. Thank you. An anonymous. I'm not reading the rest of it. Thank you anonymous. An idiot abode. Last chance to say, cunt. Sob to myself for sad times. times ice wallow come um caroline you're on my exmas list the generous ross and helen who said just wanted to get in before the final change huge thanks to you lovely boys for all of the work you've done

bringing joy to us and the rest of the walrus clan good luck for all your future endeavors will miss potty it's loads thanks ross and helen i hope you're married of course come at the pog again thank you come at the pog thank you the very generous Trunter, who said thanks for everything, boys, been with you since day one. I think you all know how wonderfully talented you are. Thanks for your dedication to all of us who adore you. You should be very proud of what you've made here. Lots of love. Kis hug, Kis hug, Kis, Kis. Thank you. Oh, we've also got Bartekubica, the very generous PMOF, or PMOFP. We, the Polish Ministry of Furry Porn, would like to thank you

sincerely for promoting, participating and supporting our national art for all those years. We wouldn't have made it without you. Here are some of the most, some of the most watched productions, and then there's a colon, and the next donator, this is not, this is the end of the message now, I'm not just going to read the next person in Pod squad. Mr. Blobby beat Commonism. Communism, is it? Communism. But it's Comonism. Comeonism, yeah. Come on, is it. Come on, is it? Perfect.

Brilliantly executed. Yeah. The supremely generous, R.I.P. and P.C. U.S. who said, been following since the name redundant-dead days. And it's sad to think this chapter is coming to a close. But as long as you talented bunch keep putting out content somewhere, I'll be sure to keep following along. Keyes, Keys, Keys, Will, aka Hausenberg. Thank you very much, Will. Thank you.

The very generous Anonymous who said, I don't have social media, so I didn't know how else to inform you that I may be your number one Spotify fan, as in 2025 I spent 1,123,175 minutes listening to Poddiots. So here is a tiny donation as a thank you for brightening up 85.5 days of my year. Wow. Blood and hell. Presumably full days, like back, so if you spread it across, you know, maybe even just six hours a day, that's basically just listening every single day. day for 24 hours incredible wow thank you so much thank you thank you thank you the meat we faced along the way thank you to it's not kermit the pog again it's kermit teg pod pod sorry term it kermit tog pogg thank you kermit the very generous captain silver

linings love you boys from redundant to v oates and beyond hopefully this isn't the last venture for the dar son and holy shreddies you've all been with uh with me through college the worst breakup i've ever had to the best relationship i could ask for kees kees oh thank you very much thank you that's it is the next one bendy mcnabbed melesia rex the generous 13 ink and thank you 13 ink by the way on blue sky and twitter made us a song which we have really posted you can go and check that out there it's wonderful thank you this is a two part of this is two donations

back to back hi boys back in 2019 a year after I tore my ACL I had to go to a specialist to see I needed surgery I was 18 and had my mum drive me on the drive into the city I had the most recent potty it's playing in the car episode 37 Ben joins

a freak show imagine how awkward this car ride became once you realise this was the Arthur fan fiction episode so I want to thank you boys for Possibly the most uncomfortable 45 minutes I've ever had. Why didn't you press stop? And my mother sitting there listening to the story unfold. No.

Oh, God. No, no, no. You're welcome. Bonding opportunity. Let's call it that. Thank you so much 13, Inc. Thank you. Very generous.

For not only us giving you an uncomfortable, awkward experience, but then you're also spending two lots of money to tell us about that awful experience. I'm glad we mean so much to you. It actually does meet a lot. Thank you. another generous donation this time from the farwall who says well now i can't think what to say tar though love you lots thank you the far wall thanks love you too and the final few for me are crunk me crumpits for christmas small small boys small bobbie

and mikey versus ashton before gta six please it already happened at peter's wedding they did it's been done they already leathered each other And the last few, because math's mistakes were made, we've got short sleeves cold we. Short sleeves cold weenus, good name. Bean, Dick, Time, Spunk, or Benedict I'm Spunk, maybe. I don't know what it's meant to be. On your Benson, the very generous Irish Lex,

who says, this podcast has seen me through both college and uni. Peter's first best Ed Fringe jokes got me interested in comedy. Now I've performed over 50 shows of a student sketch show I co-wrote at the last two fringes. Thank you guys for helping me find my passion. That's amazing. I'm only glad, I'm sure you're very good, Lex, at what you do. I'm only glad that you didn't quite make it into the top 10 because then I would have, like, ribbed your jokes. Well, this was from someone called Lex.

It's a joke about being Irish. Even their name's shit. Thank you very much for your donation. Thank you also to Kata Karen, the very, very generous, love this new pod, who says, Just Found This Podcast, and I love it. I hope it never ends.

Serious thanks for all the past, present and future content. It's been a blast, boys, best of wishes. Thank you. Thank you. Finally, we have Paul, who says, Hey, guys, late to the video, it's party as a triple jump fan, donated to the last tat appeal. You liked my signature and I sent rainbow stuff.

I found I wanted more of the silliness and have had so much fun enjoying the year of vidiates and poddietz. Thank you, guys. And finally, we have a donation from Prince Beefcakes. Thank you to every single one of you, not just on this occasion, but anyone who's ever donated to Pod Squad.

You really have kept us going as long as we did go on for. Yes. 100%. And if you're listening to this and thinking, oh no! My ex-suit has been hit. It will be included.

We promise you in the live show that ultimately will happen. And we'll keep you all abreast of that as we get closer to it. As Peter said, thank you to the Pod Squad for this week. Do you guys have a favourite of all of those? They're all my favourite. Boo. I liked short-sleeve cold weenus. I've always been a fan of the

Crunk Me Crumpits for Christmas format as well. Oh, the meat we faced along the way. That's really good, yeah. Very good. Ben? Yeah, I'm just doing a scam. I know Mikey like ringtons of fire. I just, I forgot ringtons even existed.

That was like a blasts me into 20 years ago. It was magic. I'm going to go for last chance to say Kunt. That's a big fan. Excellent. Well, huge thank you to the pod squad.

We hope you enjoyed us spending 25 minutes reading nice messages. Yes, thank you all. We enjoyed it. So thank you very much. A couple of small pieces of admin before we go any further to hopefully head off any questions. The social media channels, the YouTube channel, the Twitch channel, none of those are going anywhere. They're not disappearing at all. As far as we're aware, the website should be up for the foreseeable, as will be the merch store,

that we have no intentions to take either of those down. We have an agreement with the Yogscast as well that we should remain hosted and on the network for the foreseeable as well, with no agreed end date in sight for that, although naturally we would urge people to download what they want to keep. We have a backup of everything. So if there comes a time where things do get removed and we're no longer able to be found on podcast services, we will do our best to ensure that there is a backup for that. But for the time being, you have nothing to worry about in any, on any, in any avenue or on any website. Yeah.

So, right. Because I know some of you will still be circling out there in the, in the space of the internet. Yes. I think before we move on, we have one last little bit of business to attend to, which involves people permanently inking. Oh, my goodness. Yes. body um with the webbers actually one of them uh appeared in in this final final lot of uh donators but oh i've just tried i've just tried to send the picture that ben just sent in discord and

apparently it's too big for discord so what do you mean it's it's in discord anyway you know what you mean it's too big for discord but it is too big for discord because it's a beautiful beautiful this is this is the beat this is the the tattoo tournament tattoo right this is the the one that was democratically voted upon and agreed as the tattoo that this poor individual would get on their on their skin forever and ever but by God does it look beautiful putting it on screen now there it is beanie boys yeah so this was this was a while ago as you said we had a whole thing deciding what tattoo would end up on this person forever they've they've followed through this is louis and louis got it is beans time tattooed on i believe is thine

so immortalised forever now on skin it's magic you join a very very selective group of people who have a podiot's tattoo so well done

it has happened yeah it hasn't it happened hello it has happened before but I think not for a little while right it's the first one we've had in some time but yeah it's still a pretty exclusive

club for sure so thank you Louie and thank you for sharing that with us and we look forward for beans time to live on on your on your thigh so thank you for that now gentlemen i think it's finally time to start the podcast 40 minutes in yeah i would like peter austin to do his listener submitted thing first okay this was submitted by many many listeners before we even put out the call for things people saw this story and they were like podiots so

So we, thank you to everyone who sent it in. There were about a dozen of you, I think, in the end. We've got a BBC version of it here. Hundreds of raw sausages fly-tipped near city centre. And there is a fantastic image, which I will send now. You say the word hundreds of sausages and nothing really prepares you for the visual of hundreds of sausages. There's just so many on the bed down the ground, surrounded by leaf-lidates. you could make with that.

So many meat faces. I can make a whole neat crowd. So this is a writer by Joe Skirkowski. And the story goes, hundreds of raw sausages have been fly tipped near to a city center. Spoilers, I think it might be Bristol City Center. It is Bristol, yeah.

The pile of bangers was dumped along a Bristol footpath in Peel Street green space in St. Jude's and first shared on social media on Saturday. resident Jake Wesley Worrell said he noticed the piles have changed shape over the days and suspects wildlife has been eating the food. Seagulls, you know, all our friends from Bristol have been turning up for a little snack. Yeah, absolutely. A Bristol City Council spokesperson confirmed that they were aware of the fly tipping,

adding, clearly the edge of a path is not the place to dispose of food waste. It's far healthier and much better for the environment to recycle food waste in a food waste caddy. The sausages have so far survived three nights despite strong gusts and rain from the gusts. Oh, God, flying sausages, danger. Flying pigs here all. And then the most Brian Butterfield response comes from Mr. Wesley Worrell.

The damp pig cylinders themselves look relatively unchanged from the original photograph. Just running out of synonyms for sausages. I can't keep typing sausages. Well, that's a quote from someone. Someone actually said that with their human mouth. Do you reckon that is a reference to Brian?

Pink cylinders, could be. I imagine the somewhat cold weather has had an effect on the speed of the deterioration, but with this week being quite warm for the season, I would expect the condition of the sausages to wane rapidly. I wasn't expecting all the punditry, you know, people chipping in on how long they think they'll last and why. Sky News has got a 24-hour channel dedicated to sausage watch.

Well, better than that, BBC West posted this story on their Instagram as well, and that is essentially turning into sausage watch. There are some fantastic comments on it. Sausage 0121 comments saying, hi is this still available 21,000 people liked this Greg's official has replied and said heartbreaking to see them cold

alone and outside of their pastry like this and at Christmas too which of course reminds us that Lord Jesus spelt backwards is sausage roll sausage sausage sausage roll

What else have we got? Great news story, absolute banger, says David Desi Pubbs. That's a good one. Ace Ron, UK says, with the German spelling, worst place to dump them. Very good. Nice, nice. There's a very gratuitous comment about Bonnie Blue there, which I'm not going to read. Worrying, probably part of.

of a much larger Cumberland ring. So, stayjo. Anyone got an air friar nearby? Someone has just written the word banksie. I like the one from Kanagi UK there, Peter. Can you see that one? Canargy UK. Liked and shared, I hope I win with a trophy.

What's that? Win the sausages. Like it's a competition. they've liked and shared, yeah, like and share to win the sausages. The mysterious sausage pile. Yeah. And, yeah, it goes on and on. Someone, this doesn't even appear to be a pun.

Kesska Ban just says, whoever did this probably has links with organized crime. And that's it. It's not a joke. Oh, wait, Josh has come in links, don't they? Links, links, is that the joke? The word link. Yeah, that's quite a tenuous one.

those are the most processed looking sausages I've ever seen there's no links on those they're just they are cylinders aren't they yeah they are pink cylinders wow dear me there you go so that's what's been going on thank you again to all of the people who sent us that story it was everywhere it was not only was it abandoned meat um and just strange news but also in bristol so it was just an ideal final poddy it's episode story yeah really is good i've just shared a picture of the council workers you had to come and bag up all of the hundreds of sausages and take them away sausages oh there they are oh it's quite sad actually i'm not wearing gloves oh yeah it's just roaredonging the sausages i don't even know it's that it's just sausages guys yeah i'm heartbroken i didn't get a seat in the flesh before it got taken away

but my God, what a moment for Bristol. It's sad. Amazing. Well, thank you, Peter, for that. Thank you. Michael Johnson, it's time for your thing. Hello. I like, in the holidays, I like to think about good things and happy places

and a Christmas cheer. So I've brought a tale of the loveliest Christmas that a lot of people ever experienced and paid a lot of money for the privilege of having. uh oh ho ho ho lapland the most festive place on earth I could not think of a better place to visit if you wanted a proper Christmas experience for your family

but Lapland quite frankly is far away and a bit expensive but luckily in 2008 residents of Hampshire found themselves in the lucky position of having Lapland brought directly to their doorstep in the form of Lapland New Forest Oh boy, goody. Wow, I've been to the New Forest. Ooh, I bet it was as beautiful as all this that's about to unfold.

Was it, do you have a nice time? Is it a place or is it just Lapland New Forest, like New York and York? It was just like Lapland, New Lapland. I just meant The New Forest. I've been to the new, it's called The New Forest. It's just a big wood. So I've been there. Oh, maybe it's the same word.

I don't know woods. I have a folder of pictures here Let me find the Here's the original Advertising poster for Lapland New Forest It says where dreams really do come true The new multi-feature snow-covered Lapland village On the South Coast

Real reindeer and animals Magical Tunnel of Light Hollywood Special Effects Outdoor skate rink Free gifts from Santa Seasonal food bustling Christmas market and much, much more. Oh boy, goody.

I'm getting worried now, Mike. It is pester dice of sweet teas. I thought you were genuinely going to tell us about a magical experience and now I'm concerned. Why are you concerned, Peter? What about this makes you concerned? I mean, the sad polar bear, Pee and G. They can even find a happy polar bear for the advertising material.

They've googled polar bear stock image. They've said no to all the happy ones. and then they've amended their search to polar bear from low-budget zoo in middle of small country. And gone, yes, that one, the sad polar bear. You look at Rudolph's red nose as well. That's really good. Just painted on. That's bad.

Also, there's a gross misuse of capitalizing words as well. Yeah. Real reindeer and animals. Magical Tunnel of Light. Hollywood Special FX and then further down you've got outdoor skate rink. free gifts from Santa It's weird Why have they done it like that?

A bit much So yes The website as well Which sadly doesn't exist But it did once Offer it said quotes featuring Snow Villard Snow covered village

Near Bournemouth With a magical ton of light Beautiful snow covered log cabins In a bustling Christmas market Wonderful ice rink And delicious hot and cold Seasonal Food And the website stated

The attention to detail Of our theme park will truly wow you. Hmm. Yes. Sounds pretty good, right? Sign me up. And apparently lots of families in the UK thought it sounded pretty good too. And they paid about 25, 30 quid per ticket to go attend this winterland.

Some families spending hundreds for their entire group to go visit. But just six days after opening, the attraction had shut down and over 2,000, complaints had been filed against the experience. Oh, no. Boy. The warning signs were there early, in their plans submitted to the council. The log cabins, they described,

were plainly just garden sheds. Regardless, the council approved the application on the 30th of October, which leaves plenty of time to set up a winter wonderland, right? Right. That's basically a month. Right, easy. The first customers arrived on the 28th of November.

The good news, Was that there was indeed reindeer, husky dogs and a polar bear. Wow. Obeit the polar bear was a plastic one standing alone in the woods. The bad was pretty much everything else in the park. I'm going to just as a treat, I'm going to give you the polar bear. Where is he hiding? Is that him?

I think it might be. It's not even polar. It's a bear statue. painted white. That's a, there's a man in there. Inside of the static statue, he just goes, ah. It appears to have taken the eyeballs of the person standing in front of it as well. What was this, sorry, Mikey, I think you've told us, but is it?

2008. Okay, all right. Does that change things at all? No, I'm just looking at the quality of that photo of the, and I'm just trying to place it in time. Get ready for some more, like, weirdly dated looking. digital photos of a sad park. It's quite good actually. It fits the aesthetic quite well. So, yes, the bad was pretty much everything else. Jane Perrett from Bristol, who had paid a whopping £285 for her family's tickets, oh dear, told her local paper, it looked like a travelling fun fair

or a car boot sale. The tunnel of light was a joke. It was like they had pulled Christmas trees on both sides of a path together, plonked on some fake snow, and put hanging netting lights up. The queue for Father Christmas was a joke. We gave up after half an hour, but my sister-in-law was waiting two hours. And when they got there, they were charged £10 for a photograph with Santa. 10 pounds. Wow. And here is, I think, what I believe is a picture of the queue for Santa.

God. The floor is brown, mud. It's just mud, basically. Yeah. So yes, big Lapland energy coming from that. Not good. Another person says It was basically just a muddy field

where they had stuck a few trees and a couple of huskies And James Wood of Amesbury described it as A few blowers puffing out fake snow on a bit of wasteland His father-in-law had paid more than 250 pounds to take a party of 14 people with him Henry Meuse representing the management conceded there were very serious problems and blamed family illness

and a father Christmas phoning in sick. Oh, but there's only one, Henry, so stop trying to pull the wool over our eyes. Well, that's what the problem was. The father Christmas phoned in sick. It was a disaster. We had to get Derek in. Derek Claus.

And charges 10 pounds for a photo with Derek. Yes, oh God. His beard's falling off. He smells of cigarettes. It's not good. There's a picture of the huskies. Surrouted by mud tied up to a wooden box. Great.

Love it. nice one, Christmas cheer. Oh dear. The bustling Christmas market mainly comprised of two food stalls, selling German sausages sourced responsibly from the ground in Bristol and a choice of

and a choice of turkey or pork baguettes with stuffing. Pork burger. At least there was food. At least there was food. Here is a picture of what is apparently the Christmas market. Oh, gosh.

When's it going to be finished? Wednesday, that's the storage area, it looks like. I haven't finished decorating the park yet. You'll have to bear with me. This is a big white tent. The kind of thing you'd maybe find at a wedding or something, except the floor is great, and it looks like there's just a lot of big rugs hanging up.

I'm not entirely sure what is they're selling. And just tables stacked high with cardboard boxes. Like, they've not displayed wares. They've just dumped stuff on a. table. Yeah, it's not good, is it? Really not good. But wait, that's not all. The ice rink was basically a pool of water after a generator malfunction caused all the ice to melt. Oh, God. Loud. Which the organisers blamed on sabotage. Oh, who? Elf on a shelf has been here. The Grinch. Oh, the Grinch. Probably, yeah. Deary me.

and the nativity scene was just painted onto a billboard in the middle of a muddy field this is I think probably one of my favourite images from the collection I'm going to share today oh no it's so far away there's so much muddy field oh god the wise men are walking in front of an active volcano by the looks of it and then they have to go through a tundra to get to the shepherds the stable sorry God. It feels very much like, I don't know, like the car park before you go into a local attraction kind of thing. I mean, that's essentially what it is, but it's just, it's very sad.

It doesn't quite give a lapland. These, it's just something about this. I think it's because of the geography, like the location of it. It's not far from where my grandparents used to live. And so every single family photo when we went away from around this time, I feel like it just looks exactly like all of these photos. Kind of grey, some trees. It's muddy. and that's it.

Some sad dogs hanging about in a plastic polar bear. Yeah. Polar bear. Poor bear. And poor children. The children who had looked forward to the event were reduced to tears, especially when both Santa and one of his elves were caught smoking behind the grotto. Oh, Derek Claus, we've spoken to you about this.

Not in front of the kids. There's like local news reports at the time. And there is like, I think one of the reporters managed to catch a Santa. having a cigarette, it's just, it's just hilarious, the muddy floor with this big dragon-looking Santa having a cheeky-sicky. Oh, my God. Violence began flaring up between visitors and workers. Oh my God.

It gets worse, including an elf who was slapped and yelled at by a mother who complained about the event. And there's a court here, I assume this is what she was saying as she was slapping the elf. I can't believe you've done this. Look at what you've done to my children. they're crying, their fingers are blue, your rip-off merchants, you're taking the Mickey out of us.

And apparently also two fathers in a separate incident brawled inside of a gingerbread house. Is it the gingerbread house or was it the men that caused the violence? It sounds, this sounds like beyond parody. This is like if they made a Christmas film

inspired by the Pasadais of Sweet Teets, like it doesn't sound real, but I believe every word. It's like the Wonka event was pretty good, but this is like, it's calamitous to such a good degree. That's not all the violence. That's so good. Santa was punched in the face by a father who became furious after being told his children were not allowed to sit on Santa's lap, despite waiting in a four-hour line. It's called Lapland.

What are you there for? Jesus Christ. My child will sit on your lap. Like, good God. Meet me in the gingerbread house. I can sort you out. I think maybe my favourite line from the whole thing is a worker dressed up as a snowman received so much verbal abuse that he eventually walked off sight in full costume.

Well, what else are you going to quietly and calmly get changed first? It just is going to go out of his car. I like to imagine his costume doesn't have legs. it's like three balls. So he's sort of having to just hop away, sadly, like, looking glum. I definitely did see a picture of the snowman somewhere, but I don't have it with me, but it was like the cheapest, nastiest, saddest looking. A costume you could imagine, of course it was.

All right, well, X, what else? One of the security guards told the BBC he'd quit, partly because he was really, really ashamed to work there, and also because of the level of violence he and the rest of the staff had been subjected to by irate customers. One of the elves got smacked in the face and pushed in a pram. Was it in a pram? Was it pram-sized to the elf?

I just smacked him so hard he fell into a pram and they just happened to be a pram behind him. Yeah. So this was the eventful first weekend at Lapland. Oh my God, okay. So come Monday at Fones at Dorset County Council's Trading Stans and his department were ringing off the hook with complaints building by the hour and the fiasco achieving cult status in national newspapers. The management simply had to do something.

So, they made their fun, fair rides free, got the ice rink working and changed the website, I guess to be less descriptive and, I don't know, like build less hope, I guess. Inspired doom and gloom. That's expectations low. Hampshire's worst Christmas You will have a fight in the gingerbread house All your money back Meet Derek

He's smoking at the moment But he will be there Do not expect to sit on his lap He's not allowed to do that Please bring a pram But at this point It was already too late I don't think management

Could ever really claw back the situation the protests were now unstoppable and a demonstration was planned for Saturday outside the gates Oh my God Who's got the fucking time and energy to protest The shit thing that's already wasted your time Just complain, ask for your money back Hope that you get it

And get on with your weekend Do something else with your Saturday What's wrong with you? It's not about that, it's about sending a message You know, if someone's going to wrong you got wrong them Jesus Christ But however on Thursday afternoon Before the Saturday protest, Lapland closed.

A statement by the management said this was due to intentional organised crowd manipulation and event sabotage and unscrupulous and inaccurate negative bias in the media. I'm the victim. Why don't know what I'm talking about the good things? Oh wait, I've got to share. This is, I've got two more pictures here I'm going to share. Just bear some mind while they say. Unscrupulous and accurate of negative bias media.

That's the bleakest one so far That's a traffic cone You need to have that at whatever the Lapland airport is called As you get off your claim Wander past an orange traffic cone Lapland Way In Can we have that for the Podiat's live show Yes

Poddiott's live way in Way in Yes let's do it And the last one here is picture I've lovingly saved as Floordeer.japag I don't know I don't know what

So it had real reindeer and then it's also got this stuffed deer just in a dirty corner of a someone has looked at that empty hut and said no no we need to do some set dressing in here

then they've put that down and gone yes that's much better on just sitting next to an outlet as well oh christ some twigs from christmas trees yes great oh boy um let's see um and as the gates closed on the park for the final time a staff member shouted santa's gone home santa's fucking dead oh my god no need for that and it goes at this point there was only a small crowd's not like he shouted it at a load of children and I think it was like a few reporters that were hanging around,

but still, oh my God. I had to verify that court because that's too good. But the Guardian reported on it, so I'm just calling it real. Wow, wow. Amazing. In the end, the brothers responsible for the park were taken to court. Henry Mears told jurors the attraction was everything they promised customers it would be. Well, whatever.

Whatever you do, you will find the public complain about something. thing he added. Can't win. Yes. Can't have fun anymore. Just try your best and what do you get. The juror said, or judge, wherever they are, you told

consumers that it would light up those who most loved Christmas. You said you would go through the magical tunnel of light coming out in a winter wonderland. What you actually provided was something that looked like an averagely managed summer car boot sale. Oh!

Got him. And as a result, of this fiasco, the brothers each received 13 months in prison at jail, I guess, for their efforts. I think it was about 1.2 million they'd raked in. Oh, okay. And that's quite a big bit of fraud, I'd say. And they had been done before for fraud. And I think I read something about further down the process where I think after a couple of months,

they were let out of prison because it was a mistrial because someone tech. like someone on the jury got a text saying guilty from a random person. So it was like, yeah, this is a mistrial. So they served a few months at least. But I'm actually very pleased to announce that at the bottom of my document here, I found the snowman who walked off in full costume. Okay. Here he is.

This is him still in the park. Brilliant. That's great. I don't know why I expected him to have a sad face because he was like, because he was disgruntled. I thought he would have a sad face. but obviously he's in costume, so he's grinning. They bought the cheap snowman costumes with the frown built in already.

Yeah, Jesus. Oh, dear. So there you go. That's Laplandie Forest. What a Christmas adventure that was a... Amazing. Thank you so much, Mikey. That was fascinating.

Fascinating. Very welcome. Amazing. Well, it's time for my listener submitted thing. And my listener submitted thing comes. courtesy of Cuzz at He is the Cuzz. So if you were looking for him, there he is.

That's him. It's him. It's him. Get him. This is an article from Walesonline.co.com. UK, which is very manipulatively asking me to accept cookies or pay to not accept cookies. Yeah. Boo. Assholes. This was written by Tom Bevan

and it was written on the 9th of December at 26 past 3 in the afternoon. Headline reads, sent to Christmas Nativity as Elvis after family mix-up. Nine-year-old Oscar's stunned family realized their hilarious mistake while they were watching the show. There's a really good photo, but I'll read a bit more before I send it to you. He looks so fucking fed up, poor Oscar.

Oh, God. A boy mistakenly dressed as Elvis instead of an elf at his school Christmas Nativity after a family mix-up over his costume. Nine-year-old Oscar Wilkins from Aberdeer had been assigned the part of of Elvis the Elf in last week's production at his primary school. His puzzled family said he had neglected to mention the elf element and informed them he was playing Elvis. They subsequently hunted down a costume for the rock and roll legend. You know, as you do, in the nativity, Elvis. They only discovered the mistake when he appeared on stage. But rather than being all shook

up, Oscar embraced his leading role and found the entire situation hilarious. This photo would beg to differ. There he is. Elphus. Oh, that's good. Pretty good, isn't it? Wow. His sister, Jade Smith, 28, said the audience couldn't help falling in love with the absurdity of it all. She said Oscar had simply informed his family he required an Elvis costume for his performance. He came home from school and all the children had a bit of paper for what they were in the concert, Jade recalled. His letter said a sparkly Elvis costume.

It did not say Elvis the elf, so we all just stupidly thought it was Elvis Presley. Previously, in another year, he had been an alien, so it was not always related to Christmas and nativity, which is why we didn't really question it. We asked him if he was sure he meant Elvis, and he said, yes, with a sparkly costume, he did not mention anything about an elf.

Jade said the family then searched online for a children's Elvis outfit and discovered one that suited Oscar perfect. The only thing he was not happy with was that it was not sparkly enough Jade laughed. We sent him to school in the wrong costume and they all saw the funny side, but did not say it was wrong. The two performances on Wednesday and Thursday last week at Jesus, Penh, Penhrupeer,

no idea how to say that, Wales. Primary school were also in front of his parents, Stephen and Sarah Wilkins. Jade said they only realised their mistake in the opening performance of the show. It goes on and on. But the point is that this poor boy was dressed as Elvis and he was meant to be dressed as an elf. Amazing. That's brilliant.

Oh, dear. Thank you very much for that story. Thank you. That's one that he can have for the rest of his life, that photo. Oh, yes. That trauma will see it in his eyes. He'll never forget this moment. Peter Austin, it is time for your thing.

It is. so I decided to combine two types of thing that we've all done in the past there's a little bit of a quizy element that you can both enjoy there are five questions involved but they're sort of scattered in relevant places through just a story I've written a little Christmas story for you and I thought we can all have a nice festive time don't worry the questions do not relate to the story it's not a comment comprehension task, so you can just not listen if you want, just wait until I say, question time.

Okay, here we go. This is all about a very special vidiates Christmas that I've come up with in my silly little brain. And here's how it went. Arriving at my parents' place on Christmas Day around lunchtime, I found my whole family in the living room going through their pockets to see if anyone had a 50p. Unfortunately, no one carries cash anymore. The room was packed, but I managed to find somewhere to stand next to my aunt. Hi, Evelyn, I said. She smiled when she saw me, and in a typical auntie fashion,

she grabbed my cheek and said, come and give your auntie a keyskees. My dad wandered over to me and thrust a glass into my hand. Merry Christmas, Peter, he said. Fancy starting your Christmas day with a festive cocktail? He picked up a carton from the sideboard. It had a photo of a grinning man on the side of it, and on closer inspection, I was able to make out the brand name, Keith Cheggnog.

Great stuff this, Dad said, pouring some into my glass before reaching for a bottle of Prosecco and adding that to the mix. And then you just top it up with something bubbly, and we call that a sparkling John Cunliff, or a fizznog, if you prefer. Whoa. That's got layers. Question time. Question time. Okay. Okay. Question one. which of these is not the Fisgog nickname equivalent of the two other narrowboat drivers

who came in later series of Rosie and Jim if you even knew that they existed which I didn't Oh boy So I'm giving you three Two of them are real and one of them's made up And they are simply Jangles, Tuttle

Or loopy lobes So you want, what do you want from these three? Which is the fake one? Two of those are real Fizgog equivalent nicknames for different boat drivers in Rosie and Jim who came after him. Jangles, Tootle or Loebby Lobes, which is the fake. Oh, is it Jangles?

Mikey, what do you think? I reckon Tootles is the fake one. Jangles is the fake Oh Between 1995 and 1996 Pat Loebby Lobes Hutchins drove the boat And from 1997

Up to 2000 If you knew it went that long Which I didn't The boat was driven by Neil Tuttle Brewer So there you go So back to the story I don't believe that's a real person Yeah

Back to the story My dad's just made me a nice a fizznog cocktail. It's delicious. Thanks, Dad, I said. Only, when are we having Christmas dinner? Because I didn't get chance to eat anything before I hit the road this morning, and I'm starving now. Oh, it might be about half an hour, he said. So if you're really that hungry, maybe just go and grab a snack.

I didn't need telling twice. So I slipped away from the party and headed for the kitchen. I went into the cereal cupboard, pushed aside a sealed box of something called not made from wheat made from oats instead, a bix, and grabbed the shreddies. I was slightly surprised. is to see a pair of charcoal-lined underpants emerge from the box as I tipped it into my bowl, especially as they appeared to have had some considerable use. But I was too hungry to care, and so I ate most of it, and then made myself a nice hot cup of tea.

I was just sipping down the last of it when someone entered the room. What if you had with your tea? They said. It was my uncle, a retired firefighter from Newcastle. I waved the remnants of the charcoal pants in his direction and said, Shreddies! You can fucking smell it? he remarked. Then he turned to leave. It was the first time I'd seen him turn his nose up at food

in ages. Frankly, he'd really let himself go in his retirement and it was no surprise that everyone called him Uncle Fatty these days. Oh no, poor Uncle Fatty. Yeah. Once a very physically fit man when he was in the fire service, removing dozens of broken fridges from Keyside apartment blocks every week. He was now rather overweight. He looked back over his shoulder and took one last look at the shreddies before murmuring, Funky smell that, and wandering off. Satisfied that my stomach was now sufficiently lined to enjoy a few more glasses of fizznog,

I returned to the living room where my mum was loading up the fireplace with fuel, muttering about the price of coals. Question time, question time, yeah. How much is coal per gram? This is according to B&Q Home Fire brazier coal 20 kilogram bag so you don't have to do it per gram

I've got it I've got both answers so you can guess per gram or just how much is a 20 kg bag um Mikey you go first how much is cool I'm gonna say cool is like four pence a gram Ben no gram's really not much is it no point no two pence a gram

oh um uh 20 is I think it's I think it's 25 pound for a 20 kilogram bag of coal. Oh, you're very close. You're much closer than. Wait, can I make a guess on the bag? Yeah, yeah.

That's how abstract my guess is. I'd say for a 20 kilogram bag of coal. Yeah, I'm going to go cheap. I'm going to say 15. The price of calls, it's 22 pounds for a 20 kg bag. That's 11 p a gram. Have you seen the price of coal? I actually haven't.

And now I know the price of coal. Now you know it. Wow. That's why, is that said? Have you seen the price of course? It's cheap. Yeah, it's a bargain. It's only 20 p a gram. So, and my mum knows the price of calls because she's loading up the fireplace, of course. So she's muttering away. I hope you didn't fill up on cereal, Peter, she said when she spotted me.

I'm doing a three-bird roast this year and it's nearly ready. Wow, I said. Last I heard, you were struggling to even get hold of a turkey because you'd left it too late. Never mind a three-bird roast. Well, yes, it was a bit touch and go, but it worked out. out in the end, she replied, I went down to Asda the other day and they were all out of turkeys, but there were a couple of dead seagulls

and a magpie hanging around by the door. Mmm, yummy, I exclaimed. Yep, I've gone all out this year, she said. The makings of a succulent Christmas meal. Three bird roast with sage and not the onion stuffing. Yum, y'all. Right on cue, one of the timers

she'd set on the oven pinged. Oh, she said, looking at her cooking schedule. It is beans time, and she hurried way to dish up the vegetables. Question time. How many calories are there in a three bird roast consisting of two seagulls and a magpie?

Oh. Oh, God. I asked Google to work this out for me and it has given me a rough estimate. For a single serving? No, for the entire turduckin. It worked out how much edible meat is on two seagulls and a magpie and calculated calories based on that. So if you ate the entire

three bird roast, how many calories is that? That is 7,353 calories. Wow. I'm going to say like 1,100. It's really not much, apparently. I guess there's not a lot of delicious, tasty, nutritious just meat on either of those birds. Birds are just air, really, aren't they? How else do they fly? Except chickens. Chickens are made to not be air, and that's why they can't fly very well, I suppose.

Apparently, a seagull will set you back 650 calories. A magpie, only 150. So in total, the three bird roast, 1,450 calories, says Google. It also says, it is not advisable to eat seagulls, and they are protected species in many places, including the UK, making hunting them illegal.

Magpies are protected in the UK under the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981. Bear. So now we all know. But they look so delicious, though. And it smelled delicious. And within a few minutes, everyone was sitting around the dining table, ready to fill their plates. Cousin Dave was there. He'd come all the way over from Ireland.

He was sitting opposite me. And he leaned over and he asked if everyone was all right for drinks. I nodded and sipped my Rio And then he said Here Peter Would you like to pull a cracker? He asked And in his outstretched hand

Was a tuck Which I eagerly snapped in half And shared with him Dropping cracker crumbs All over the floor Oh sorry I said to everyone Let me just quickly

Vac that up Before we start our dinner Oh ha ha ha Laft my dad That reminds me I must tell you This story about our Hoover Oh God

I got it out the other day. Oh, never mind, I'll tell you later. By now, people had started serving themselves food, including my sister and her boyfriend. Hey, Bay, he said to her. Bay, can you please pass the salt? Of course, she replied. And can you pass the gravy, Bay? Thank you.

Thank you very much for having us, by the way, said Aunt Evelyn to my parents. This is much better than the Christmas dinner I made for my in-laws last year. But before she could elaborate on her story, her son, my brattie little cousin, started poking at the sprouts on his plate. I don't like this. I want McNuggies, he grimaced. Now, now, Aunt Evelyn said,

don't be rude. She scolded him and then carried on with her story. Honestly, though, last year was a disaster, she said. I wanted to do homemade pigs in blankets. But when I opened my packet of frozen Aldi sausages, it turned out someone at the factory had done something really stupid with them. Question time. Question time. In a packet of 20 frozen Aldi sausages,

how much... Well, hang on, I've slightly confused the issue there. Basically, how much does Meatface weigh? I've worked it out. How much does Meat Face weigh? Yeah. Now, we do know, according to the story, and I had to look this up, exactly how much of the sausage meat in a 20 pack

was used to make the meat face. I don't expect you to remember that. I didn't, but I've got the exact details down to a decimal point of the weight and calories of meat face. So you just want the weight? I'll just take the weight, though. I've already asked about calories, but I'll tell you after.

How about 400 grams of meat face? I'm going to say it. 350 grams of meat face. Oh, you're both pretty close, but Mikey's very close. Meatface weighs 362.8 grams. Wow. And is 32.8 calories. You're looking at 40% of a 20 pack

because they only got 12 sausages in their pack and then one gigantic slab of meat. He's an eight sausage face, if he didn't know. And now you do. So there you go. We've only got one question left. So we come to the conclusion of our story here. With all the plates empty, my dad stood up.

Anyone fancy another sparkling John Cunliff? He offered, waving the Prosecco around. A few people said they'd love one. So he went to the fridge for a fresh carton of Keith Chegnog. And he took the lid off. But immediately, he wrinkled up his nose and gagged. Clearly, it was a bad batch. Oh, God, this one's going straight down the sink, he moaned.

Oh, what's wrong with it? asked my mum. Look, he said, tilting it towards her and looking through the hole, absolutely full of nog spiders. It wasn't long before everyone was sitting on the sofa with a fresh cocktail, all except my grandma, who wanted something warm. Would you like a hot chocolate, grandma? I asked. Oh, yes, good idea, said my dad. It is Christmas, Grandma.

Would you like a cup of drinking chocolate, Grandma? Oh, go on, treat yourself, said someone else. else, have a nice, hot, chocolate grandma. Yes. Grandma relented. And before, yes, indeed. And before long, she dozed off with the drink still in her hand and started dreaming about gorillas, grasping her cup tightly and talking in her sleep about there being

a man inside her cocoa. My winy cousin missed the entirety of Wallace and Gromit because he was off doing a particularly long poo. and King Charles made an urgent appeal in his Christmas speech demanding that a recent intruder to Buckingham Palace returned Camilla's underwear. Uncle Fatty, who had assured everyone earlier on that he'd had a 50p on him

for when we were going to play games later in the evening, realized that he'd in fact spent that 50p the night before on garlic and chips. Apparently, he got two quids worth of garlic. Like, 150 is the garlic and chips, yeah, and he got an extra 50s. worth of garlic. He fucking did. Question time. Question time. Final question. How old is what I believe to be the original upload of the Michael Jugs and Garlic and Chips video? I'll give you a bit

of a hint. The one that we tend to watch by typing in garlic and chips is not the oldest one I could find. Oh, interesting. I think I can, I'm Can I guess the year rather than how old? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you guess the year, that's what I sort of meant to ask. I'm going to say 2007. My gut was 2006. Oh, well, in fact, so the one that we watch, so this is not the right answer, was posted 24th of October, 2012, 13 years, one month and 20 days ago.

The one I was asking about, 7th of August, 2007, Ben Potter. It's 18 years old, four months and eight days. Incredible. A video can drink. Yeah. Holy shit. And that's it. That pretty much concludes the very vidiates Christmas I wanted to tell you all about.

And I hope you all have. Yeah, it was perfect. I hope you all have a very, very merry vidiots, podiots yourself this year, both of you and everyone listening. And you too, Peter. Thank you very much for that. You're welcome. It's excellent. What an honour.

Well, Mikey, it's time for your... I really should have given that more gravitas, shouldn't I? Peter, that was your final thing in a normal episode. And Mikey, can we have your final listener submitted thing, please? Oh, yes, you can. This is an article submitted by Mephistopheles. Mm-hmm. Methistophiles, yeah.

Nailed it. Nailed it. At L. Sandy Pants, and this is from ABC, Australia. The headline reads, Nauty Boy Pelican draws in visitors and locals in coastal tourist town of Calbury. We had to have a bird in the end. I was going to say, I'm glad that we're getting a bird into the last episode.

Good God, he's earned his name of Nauty Boy. I'm just scrolling through. Jesus, where what's going on? All right, get ready for a wild ride. I'm just going to send, here is, here is naughty boy in full force. I forget how big pelicans are. Oh no.

Chowning down on a bird there. Yeah, I've seen videos of them chowing down on birds. It's not good. Nauty boys finally decided to take a stand and snap back against the seagulls, as the caption here says, Nauty boy, the three-year-old pelican has gained notoriety for snapping up seagulls in Calvary.

Oh, dear. Who named him Nauty Boy? I hope we find out. It's good. A Pelican, it's good. A Pelican named Norty Boy has become notorious for his silly antics. That's what that is, silly, which are drawing visitors to a small town on Western Australia's Midwest Coast. What do I do this weekend? You're going to go see Norton. Go see Nors Eagles. You never know. Norty boy, bad bunny. It's a musical act, right? Go see Norty boy. Do you think there's like a sort of a bird woman standing nearby

with little paper bags that have seagulls inside and you can just sort of sprinkle them at his feet? Cut out of tortilla reps. Yeah. The bald pelican has become known for grunting at feeders. Grunting. Lunging at terraceders, sorry.

Lunging at terrified toddlers, playing dead and trapping seagulls inside his bill. Maybe the insinuation here is that They're not dead. They're just temporarily held within the vice grips of his jaw. He is the newest and youngest member of, ooh, did he ever, did you know what a gang of pelicans is called? No. A flotilla.

A scoop. A scoop. A scoop. That's got it. Yeah, that's pretty good. He's the newest and youngest member of a scoop of pelicans in Calvary, which are offered fish by volunteer feeders every day in sessions that have been running for nearly 50 years until he came along. And here, everyone. on. Here is another action shot of naughty boy trapping a seagull as a naughty boy.

That looks like AI. So it's such an action shot. It doesn't look real. Oh my God, this is a naughty boy eyes. The volunteers say naughty boys' personality and strange behaviours are like nothing they have seen before. He's very naughty. He's very young and he's just got a male attitude. Boys will be boys, as they say. They always be chomping on the seagulls. Yeah, Jesus Christ. He demands the feed.

Nauty boy demands the feed. He runs around, he's vocal, he holds his wings out. It says a little quote line here. Good. Nauty boy began to gain notoriety about a year ago when Turgide, Kiyop Kim, captured a video of him holding an entire seagull inside his fleshy bill. The seagull had been competing with naughty boy for a fish

and had to be rescued by pelican feeder, Jess Higgott. Oh dear, I shouldn't be laughing, but it's pretty funny. There is a video here. Wow, yep, there is a video of the, just very casually, I'll say, actually, a pelican trainer just kind of wandering around behind them, just go out of your mouth, get out of your mouth, while the bird flaps help us. Let's get it out, naughty boy.

Go on, get up it, down, down. Had she not done that, he, the seagull, was going to be dinner, Miss Anderson said. The seagull was actually pointing down head first, which is the way that these guys feed. If he grabs the seagulls, everyone is so entertained, they think it's so funny. What a bunch of cycles, good God. The random, like, pull-out quotes in this article are great. And this one, just below that block of text is, it's not our intention that he eats the birds.

But he's a lauren to himself. What can we do? It's naughty, pointy. He grabs them in his pink cylinder, also known as a beak. That's what we're doing in quotes now in these articles, just sort of bizarre synonyms. Weird. It's been caught snapping at other pelicans. However, Ms. Anderson said that while this could be scary for the children, his beak was gentle, and it did not cause any harm.

We're looking at the same picture of a seagull with his head snuck. Yeah, it looks fine. It's fine. It's plain. they pelicans don't leave a mark she said they're not vicious he wants the food he wants the food the food give him the food and um even better he's his only trick isn't killing others he can also play dead himself um this is quite scary oh for god's sick just face down on the floor he's so extra this guy he's really trying

hard. Like that is, like that looks like a passed out seagull, past out bird if I've ever seen one before. He demands the feed. Oh wait, here's a picture of him demanding the feed. Oh God. That's a big gullet in it. Oh, wow. The theatrical bird is known to play dead by spaying out on the ground during feed and sessions or

tucking his head beneath his wings and pretending not to notice what's quay on around him. And then he won't just want the seagulls take the food. Maybe this is all part of his plan he plays dead And ah, gets them Yeah He's, uh, the bird has become a draw card And visitor numbers at the feeding sessions

Had been high this year It's like fucking, it's like Romans in the fucking Coliseum now Get the gladiators to fight and they'll come and cheer for it We get people from all around the world, she said Miss Anderson said the Calberry feeding had continued for so long That she often met parents who saw the pelicans decades ago Returning with their own children She's nice

I did this as a kid I never forgot it was magical oh oh god he's eating the birds oh god it's the worst one Oh no he's passed out on the floor What a naughty boy Every day

Someone puts their hands up That they were here 20 or 30 years ago Oh last bit here Miss Anderson said the birds Also came to the volunteers At times with fishing hooks Or lines stuck to them

Which they removed Sorry I thought that was like an aggressive Like they came at them with fishing hooks They were trying to unionise back away off our naughty boy he's ours she said the amount of fish offered to the pelicans during feeding sessions was only a very small portion of their daily intake meaning they continued to hunt many more fish on their own

it's just like it's just like a little morning tea for them she said last sentence here is their volunteers say pelicans are nomadic and they expect naughty boy may soon move on to another location wow wow Well, catch him while you can. There's naughty boy's out and about, and he might, he might swallow your child. Is he going after a heron now?

What's that? That's another pelican. He's just trying to eat a pelican then that one. Anything within reach you'll go for. That is a naughty boy. I feel like he's arrived too late there. I think, you know, not only are his antics quite memorable and weirdly endearing, but being called naughty boy. He has absolutely the makings of a VCU character, but it's...

He does. Too late. Too late. He's the final entrance. Oh, wait, sorry. There's one more picture I want to share, which is one of the volunteers who has a Pelican shirt on. It's a really nice shirt. That's a good shirt.

It's a really good shirt. Excellent. Amazing. Thank you very much for that. Methistopheles. Thank you very much. Great. And thank you, Mikey, for reading that out.

it is now time for my thing and back in September I was trying to read a little bit more and I thought the most convenient way to do that would be to download books onto my phone but because I'm a cheap skate I have only been reading free books and the first free book I read

in September whilst making notes was a crap Christmas romance novel because I was thinking ahead to this episode and I thought that that might work for that and I went on a real journey of it was like I was transported to another world where it was December and also there was a man who I wanted to be in love with at Christmas

and it was an amazing book but which I mean it wasn't very good and it was exactly what you would expect a Christmas romance novel to be because they release 10 billion of them every single year. This particular one is called Home for Christmas by Heidi Swain. And as it turns out, it's actually the sixth book she's written set in the same town at Christmas and features recurring characters. So it's sort of like the Heidi Book-O-Matic universe that she's got going on.

So this is a quiz. I'm going to give you multiple choices. and I'm going to sort of recount the story in part and ask you what you think happened at pivotal moments and some not so pivotal moments. So it's a crap Christmas novel quiz or a crap quiz, if you will. According to Amazon though,

the full current title of the book is Home for Christmas, colon, the most heartwarming and cozy festive story to curl up with this Christmas. That's the current book title, which doesn't feel right. So I've altered this. official blurb, so as not to give away, sorry, any of the potential answers to the later

questions. But here we go. Bella. Bella. There it is. Is living her best life in Winbridge with her beloved Spanual Tink. In fact, everything is perfect until family friend, Catherine Connolly, asked Bella if she'd be willing to rent part of her house to freelance author Jude. The plan had been for Jude to stay elsewhere, but he can't cope with the chaos. and Bella reluctantly agrees to open her door to him. Initially, the pair clash, but then friendlier feelings begin to grow and Bella finds herself wondering if Jude could become more

than just another guest before it's time for him to leave. With her favourite time of year playing host to a stranger, will Bella ever feel like she's home for Christmas? Yes, at the end. Well, you're right, that's the first question, yes, she will feel at home because it's meant to make you feel good at the end. So here we go, are you ready? Oh yes

Question one Bella earns her living By not only renting out her house While she stays in a little flat above it But also A Works in a Cafe in town B runs the local theatre And by extension the Christmas pantomime

Or C makes fairies out of felt I was going to guess Something artsy and craftsy Like making fairies out of felt Until you suggested That she might be running the Christmas Pantamime and now that's too tempting. There you go.

I want to say she makes the fairies but I think the pantomime one is a good one also but I also want her to make fairies so I'm saying fairies. Bella earns most of her living from making fairies out of felt. She gives them backstories and she customises them for each person

who buys a felt fairy. And Christmas is her most busy time of year of course Question two Jude her unexpected lodger is a blank by trade

A Christmas tree inspector B architectural historian he's writing a book on a local building or C

a figgy pudding sommelier It could be something It could be Christmas tree inspector That sounds sort of weirdly plausible but I'll I'll go try hard and I'll see get you and your crew to the big shows with Go Transit

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Say B. Yeah, I guess it feels like everyone in American sitcoms whatever is an architect, so when he follows that, this guy is one, too. Oh, did you say this is American? No, this is set in East Anglia, I think, actually. I was going to say, I shouldn't have guessed

pantomime if it was in America. Oh, of course. Oh, yes. Well, and I say no to the architect. I say Christmas tree inspector. Christmas tree inspector. He is in fact an architectural historian. I wasn't meant to read the bit in brackets until I'd confirmed the question I gave you a necessary context

he is indeed writing a book on a local building which is why he's there Question three What are Bella's favourite biscuits A ginger nuts B rich tea biscuits or C Christmas cookies Oh

Rios No that's bad That's no Oh Same again I got caught up trying to think of a Bella Biscuit I was listening Ginger Nats

Rich Tea Biscuits or Christmust cookies Yeah better not be fucking rich teas I'm going to say that she makes some passing remark like oh I love this time of year because I get to have

Christmas biscuits and they're my favourites so I see I'm going to go rich tea because I bet she's got bad taste It's fucking rich tea biscuits What the hell? Already you're rooting against

the heroine so I'd have stopped reading at this point This is stupid Question four I was just going to say it's not even believable because this would never happen. No one would have their favourite biscuit as rich tea.

No one. It's taken me right out the story. It's not believable. Question four. After an initial period of being at odds, Jude and Bella start to quite like one another, but they inevitably clash heads because, A, Jude hits Bella's spaniel tink with his car. B, Jude thinks Bella's ferry business is silly, or C, Jude hates Christmas. She makes fairies

So surely she doesn't hit Christmas Or maybe she does it just exploit the season I reckon Tink got done in by a car Tink got taken out by a car I'll say she hates Christmas And learns to love it No this is the other way This is what Jude has done

So it's Jude hates Christmas As in like Judy But it's Jude as in Jude as in Jude law Yeah, he hates Christmas That is it It's C, Jude hates Christmas So that's why they've That's why they don't get on

Initially they didn't like sharing the space And then like, oh actually I quite fancy you And then he hates Christmas How are they going to coexist? I don't know She liked Rich Tea, he hates Christmas It was never meant to be God, no, they're two of the worst people in the world

Question 5 Upon discovering Jude doesn't like Christmas Bella refers to Jude as A, Scrooge McFuck, B, a Christmas hating dickhead, or C, an anti-festive fascist. Sorry? Wow. I was expecting two obviously joke answers and then a serious one to come along, and it never did. It's one of them.

Sorry, can you say there's three again? They've all got mixed up in my... A, Scrooge McFuck, B, a Christmas hating dickhead. or C, an anti-festive fascist. Oh. What do you think, Mike? I think it's B or C. I'm going C, anti-Festive fascist.

I'll go B. It was in fact A, Scrooge McFuck. No way. Yeah, she does. And at this point in the book, I'm thinking, hey, this book's got like a bit of humor to it. It's got a bit of bite. This is, you know, it's bad, but it could be worse.

It gets worse, though. Question six. it turns out Jude hates Christmas because A, it's hyper-commercialized and wretched B, he's allergic to fir trees Or C, his ex-girlfriend who he was going to propose to At a prior Christmas decided to stay in Hong Kong With a mutual friend with whom she's also having a baby

Or D They found his dad up the chimney Dressed as Father Christmas dead Al-a-Gremlins I mean, C sounds too detailed to not be the one, right? Or have you done a little trick, a little grinchy trick? I'll never tell. I'm going to say he doesn't like, he's allergic to fir trees.

Well, he could be allergic to fur trees, but it is in fact C. They're just a really absurdly convoluted reason for why he doesn't like Christmas anymore. So that's it. All right. That's it. However, not all is lost for Jude and Christmas, because question, After slowly getting him to involve himself with some festive traditions, the pair share their first kiss after, A, adorning the porch with lights,

B, sharing in the indulgent pleasure of eating a chocolate grandma, or C, witnessing the town's Christmas lights being switched on. Ooh, lovely. Christmas lights switch on maybe. That's kind of romantic, kind of, you know, warms your cockles. Surely, it's got to be that. It was actually, A, adorning the porch with lights, apparently that was enough. Those lights were so sexy that they needed to have a kiss.

Their own Christmas light switch on. Precisely. Things are looking up for the pair. Question 8. However, all is not well with Bella and Jude. Oh, no. They fell out after, A, Jude accidentally knocked over a stack of Bella's fairy making supplies, setting her far behind of schedule, colon Christmas is her busiest time of year

after all. B, Bella was kissed by someone under the missile tow at a party and then witnessed Jude kissing someone else outside, seemingly out of revenge, or C. And then they went to Hong Kong. And then they went to Hong Kong and had a baby. Or C, that chocolate grandma they shared wasn't even the good one with caramel in it. And Jude knows Bella had one of those in the cupboard, but she wouldn't share it with him. I don't think you could knock over felt and cause damage. Oh no, huge crashing noise. It's everywhere.

Me pins. B. Yeah, there's got to be some slobbering going on, some kissing. It was B, yeah. So Bella was sort of, she didn't intend to kiss anyone. Someone who was drunk was like, The missile tone gave her a kiss on the cheek. And then Jude got funny about it.

And then she went outside and she thinks she saw Jude kiss him with someone else. Which is obviously bad news. They're going to fall out over that. Question nine. There's a few more questions to go now. We're reaching the apex of the book. It's about to get very exciting indeed. With relations icy.

And Jude's time researching the local hall for the book he's writing, drawing to a close. A twist of fate forces him to stay an additional month, which would include Christmas Day. What is it? The hall he's researching collapses, revealing additional sellers and passages that he can't help but stay to add to his book. B, on a drive over to the hall, his car skids resulting in a serious accident

and subsequent injuries. Or C, he professes his love for Bella and the two of them decide to extend his stay and celebrate the holiday together. A bit soon for that, isn't it? I feel like we're still in Act 2. I feel like deep down his true love all along has been that all.

old building that he came to look at and I reckon it just fell down and he just couldn't bear to leave it in that state. So, A. Yeah, I'm thinking A as well. I think it would be a bit, if he had injuries that were so bad that they keep him here for a month,

he wouldn't be able to get up too much for the rest of the story, surely. Like, he'd be bed bound. Maybe he's just not allowed to fly or something, but yeah, I'll say A. Well, the correct answer is B, On a drive over to the hall, his car skids, resulting in a serious accident and subsequent injuries. It then says in parentheses here.

It also goes to great lengths in the book to mention that two deer were injured for some reason. It really drives that point. And the deer, the deer were hurt too. Yeah, sad, sad stuff. What were his injuries? Just serious ones. Really serious ones. Really serious ones, yeah.

So bad that he can't travel, but he probably can continue to get up to various rom-com escapades. Exactly. I think we're thinking we're going with broken ribs maybe and like a concussion or something like that. Question 10. After not hearing from him for a couple of days, Bella finds out about the car accident and is able to visit in... Sorry? And the two deer. And the two deer, yeah. And is able to visit him in hospital by, A, pretending to be his partner. B, bribing the nurses with a chocolate grandma, this one has caramel in it. Or C, stealing a nurse's uniform and sneaking in.

stealing an impersonating a nurse seems a bit far just pretend you're his partner well she could have done that yeah it might be chocolate grandma could be chocolate grandma any of these could be chocolate grandma no I think she committed a criminal offense

and impersonated a nurse it was actually a she just pretended to be his partner and she managed to get in. We've got two questions remaining. Question 11. Jude is safely brought back to Bella's house, and it doesn't take long for things to heat up.

He begins to accept and even enjoy elements of Christmas. And, after finally sleeping together, Bella awakens to A, breakfast in bed. B, Jude has finished off the remaining fairies she needs for the big fair colon Christmas is her busiest time of year. after all, or C, Jude has done a runner and left a note saying he wants more but doesn't thinks she does. Oh.

Well, he won't get far with those broken ribs. No, he won't. I'll tell you. Right. Hmm. Those are all plausible. Depends how easy it is to make these felt angels. It is her busiest time of year.

It sounds real. They make it sound very complicated. Yeah. I don't think he could do it. not having read this book or know anything about either of these two people. I can lend you a copy. Don't worry. Yeah, I'm going to say he can't do that. So, um, see, he does a hobble.

He totally made the felt angels. He totally made them. Peter's too good at this. Jude did, in fact, do a runner. He slept with her and then he ran off and left a note. Wow, what an asshole. She's pretty messed up. So, yeah, he doesn't think that she wants more than just to have a, fling, but actually she does, and she wished she expressed that. She laments it afterwards. So question 12. At this point, Jude disappears for over a week. Nobody's seen him. He won't answer

any of Bella's messages, and it's presumed that he's left and gone home. Bella is heartbroken. But what happens next? Is it A, at the Christmas fair, Bella approaches an ancient oak tree and makes a wish. Jude then appears making a wish at the same tree. B, Bella celebrates Christmas with her dog tink, as she'd planned all along. Or C, Jude turns up on Christmas Day, realizing his mistake, and the pair reunite. I'm trying to think of a Ben Potter who would pull wishing ancient oak tree out of his ass. I don't know if that Ben Potter exists. Does he exist?

Could he come up with that? Well, yeah, is that rude if I just, if Ben could never, ever come up with that. He could never be as creative as this writer. I'll give you that. Yeah. Whereas the other answers aren't. Yeah, I'll say that that's from the book, the oak tree. I'm going to say that he came to a doorstep on Christmas morning.

It's a lovely answer, Mikey, but unfortunately it does involve the ancient oak. tree and making a wish. And Jude reappears. And at this point, all the truth comes out. Bella and Jude professed their feelings for one another and the final chapter of the book, after, quite frankly, being fraught with drama and twists and turns up to this point, which caused me to actually not enjoy it, but think, hey, this is all right. It suddenly then feels very by the numbers. It sort of races to the end at breakneck speed, and it's practically on autopilot. There's no friction. There's no intrigue. Everyone's on their best behaviour.

It snows on Christmas Day. And everyone's having a fantastic Christmas. It's sickeningly perfect. Oh, and that kiss, by the way, that she thought she saw Jude sharing. Turns out he'd loaned his coat to a friend of Bella's, and he hadn't kissed anyone else. Oh, my God. And where had he been finding, hiding, sorry, since going AWOL?

Well, of course, he was staying in the converted train carriage of a casual acquaintance, because that's how whimsical this town is. And no further explanation is given you. so I was just in a train for a week. It's really fucking stupid. I actually lied. There's one final question. In this 400 page book,

how many mentions of the word Christmas are there? A, 632. B, 400 exactly, or C, 245? 400. Oh, I want to say that. I'm going to say 245. Mikey, you're correct. It is 245 mentions.

Well done. Of the word Christmas. And that is my sort of review. and recap and quiz about Home for Christmas by Heidi Swain it was free on Apple Books I'm so glad it was not just because we got to experience it but because you

didn't get ripped off and now you feel like you've read it you I'm sure you feel like you you got through the whole story you know all of it did you did you read any more books or just that one just that I thought books I didn't think I thought after that they probably stopped making books you know it doesn't get any better than yeah than that

eating it. I actually read 1985 after that, which was a bit of a tonal shift. Yeah. But most importantly... 1985, not 1984. 1984, yeah. I read the sequel. You haven't heard of it. It was free. It wasn't written by George Orwell.

Yeah, just the chief escape version. But it was free. So that was great. And that's my thing. That's my festive thing. Lovely. What an honor to share that. 400 pages of joy with us. It took me ages to finish it. It took me so long.

Well, there we are, everybody. That is all of the things. Thank you, boys, for your things. And thank you to the listeners slash viewers for submitting your things as well. Don't go anywhere just yet because we've got Pod Squad and some announcements about where you can find us

and so on as we move forward here. Mikey, I believe there's some kind of shop. You're damn right. Have you head over to? Oops, I've knocked my microphone. You've got to give us a darn toot in one last time. Come on. What on earth?

Oh, don't Titting. Woo! Oh, that's my voice. That's my voice. Gives up on me. I spend my last breath telling you to go to Video's Official.com and click on that

lovely enticing little shop button. It would make me ever... No, I'm not going to guilt sure people that are buying things. As you know, there are t-shirts hats, hoodie and mug, and maybe more on the website. Go have a look. It's delightful.

They're clothes and it'll help you pay respects to the thing you once loved. That is now gone. which is Vidyits, Pollyots, and that extended universe. Go check it out, have a look. Y.I. It's proper good, like, put it on your body or gift it to someone this Christmas. There you go, how about that? That's nice.

It's too late now. You can't get it for Christmas, sorry. Next Christmas. Maybe for next Christmas you can do it. Yeah. Or a belated Christmas present. I'm going to shout out some of our social media channels now, which if you want to continue to get updates on where we are and what we're doing and what's happening with the live show, you will stay following.

And, of course, that's Instagram and TikTok at vidiots. And YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and Blue Sky. We are forward slash video. Vidiofficial.com forward slash Discord. If you want to hang out with people there again, that's another thing that's going to be staying up and running. People can stay in there as long as they fancy. And thank you to Tommy and Fleckers for modding us so faithfully over there.

Twitch.tv.com slash vidyat's official. Close for business now, my friends. Unless, sometime in the future, we designed to do something. But for now, certainly, with the final Vidiots Reefiates Reefial. Union stream. We likely won't be using that all that much. But do stay following it because you never know, although we will shout about it on other social media channels if there is an intention to use it for anything in the future. Potliots.com. If you donate three pounds or more, you'll get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the live show. I can say that specifically

now. And here we go. One last time, can I please have the Pumpy Platoon, Michael Johnson. Before you do that literally in the last 15 minutes there's been a Bristol sausage update Oh good no way This is this is the latest Sites from the scene Oh the cones

And the police line What? Someone has stuff I don't think they were council workers Someone just came and stole a sack Not a sausages now Maybe they did, yeah That's free food, baby

Yes now it's an active crime scene So please your discretion is appreciated in this trying time for the families of the sausages. But enough of that nonsense, it's time to get to the people who have supported us in our final

final Christmas episode. These people include Plushy Labs Geniekin, the generous we didn't tell our friends, the changing was a bit much for me, the generous Lucy Liz, Jimmy Nana, anonymous,

The generous Ethan and Dion The generous hacker tea pog The generous luminal spoon Caroline, it's time to go Specky Becky They're stupendously generous We are all Charlie Chalk Caroline, we have to text now

The generous Megan Shains The generous Dulcan Duncan and Polly partner The generous Grace in Creations Frogley Katie Kinsolo The generous Tom Radja Gapoulin The generous Mr. Black

Why am I trying to do so in one breath breathe The generous Mistral Black The generous Pottiettes has changed forever Jules' face A Beer battered blobby-boner And the generous Anonymous Thank you, thank you So many generous people

And it continues with the generous Stephen Scodes The generous Jeff the Molliguse Hi Evelyn Harvey Will Miss Podietz The generous not generous but thank you very much still forgot if I already donated it was generous, thank you

Thank you very much Chega's Ho-Ho-Hovakia Chega's Slovakia sweet Jiminy Cimbals Cheggas Slovakia Kevin is changing sweet baby cheeses The generous future Mrs. Norrie

The generous next page The generous Tell Your Friendship is Magic Ringtons of Fire Finley Lavery or Lavery HoneyLinia, Anonymous, The Generous Colin R.A.9.2. Corrosion since 2017. The generous, you know, it's all about Dacombe. Cheers, Lord Bees crying, nice one. The generous Lord Goodbytevich and Kermit the Pog. And finally, but not quite finally, we have the generous Thweddy Werber has changed. Don Echo 7, the generous Anonymous. The very generous Santa Claus' Cermin a towel. Very generous Anonymous. An idiot abhorred.

Last chance to say, cunt. Sob to myself for sad times. Ice. Wallow. Um. Caroline, you're on my Xmas list. The generous Ross and Helen. Kermit the Pog.

The generous Trunter. And then we've also got Bartek Ubitza. The generous PMOFP. Mr. Blobby beat Kamoanism. The very generous RIP and Piaciots. the very generous Anonymous The Meat We Faced Along the Way

Kermit to Gert Pog The very generous Captain Silver Linings That's it Bendy McNabb'd Malesia Rex The very generous 13 Inc The very generous 13 Inc again The very generous The Farwall

Crunk me crumpets for Christmas Small boy Small blobby And finally Mikey versus Ashton Before GTA 6 please And finally finally but by no means least we have short sleeve called weenus benedict i'm spunk on your

ben son the very generous irish lex catacaron the very very generous love this new pod and prince beef cakes amazing you everyone and that is the final pod squad as far as regular episodes go thank you so much as peter said earlier to everyone who has ever contributed to pod squad means a lot and it's it's helped us do this for as long as we have so thank you all of you genuinely and you're by by contributing you'll hopefully have have funded our live show that we're going to be doing as well which is which is you know again wouldn't be possible without you so thank you very much to all of you now peter i don't suppose you have any highlights of what didn't come out on video seven years ago because it was just live streams did you

I mean there was a little bit of stuff There was the Fallout 76 Power Armor edition unboxing That happened on the 1st of December So we still managed to do some stuff in December That wasn't kind of us wrapping up And then yeah there were a bunch of live streams We did Xena Warrior Princess for Worst Games Ever There were of course a bunch of Poddy its episodes as well

Worst Games Ever Spice World That's a good one I like that one The finale of Post Some Tat Which was five hours long Worst games ever Mr Bean worst games ever, Santa Claus saves the earth, and then we finally wrapped up the channel and the year

that was 2018 with what's in the case, the portal goblin face reveal. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Just leave me out of it. Michael Johnson, you have some news about what you're going to be doing next.

Would you like to share it and tell people where they can find you? Yes, I've done made a YouTube channel at long last. I say I just made it. I made the channel. Let me check when. Sixth of May,

2022, and I'm just now actually getting around to using it. So if you, and also, I made the fucking channel three years ago, and I didn't bother parking a decent handle. So I'm, I've had to go for YouTube.com at trying my best, Mikey. The channel name is trying my best. There's a few out there. It's the one with a pink background in yellow text, and there'll be a link in the description.

So yes, I'm quite eager to get. going and start making stuff. There won't be anything out like in the immediate future but I have plans, I have scripts, I have ideas and I want this to be the home for all future weirdest that I produce so go check it out trying my best.

Amazing. And I'm a power boy on Blue Sky and Instagram as usual as well. I'm not changing that. I've had the same username for like since I was 11. They're all staying the same. Well, we can't wait to see what you make, Mikey.

No, we can't. Yeah, looking forward to it. Peter, instead of promoting what both of us are doing, would you like to talk people through just what you're up to and where they can find you? I'd love to. So I've kind of slightly shaken up what I'm doing as well in a kind of similar way to what Mikey's doing actually, in that you can find me under the normal handle on social media. So you can find me at that Peter Austin on Twitter and Blue Sky and Instagram. You can also find me at that Peter Austin on my personal YouTube

channel where I do non-gaming stuff, kind of akin to weird capetias and certain like pottyets things we've covered in the past, but, you know, without the hysterical accompaniment of Ben Potter and Michael Johnson, but it's still there if you want to learn some stuff. So that's YouTube.com forward slash at that Peter Austin. But I'm also moving back into the streaming sphere a little bit in the new year, and I have now parked a username. my one was taken sadly but you can find me on Twitch

at Tiny Peter plays probably almost nothing there on that channel yet but you can follow me immediately I think I've also just nabbed the YouTube channel as well so YouTube.com forward slash at Tiny Peter plays is where you can you'll find like vods for that

and maybe occasionally other like video game related one-off videos and then I'm also thinking I do have the other channel where I uploaded Gimme Pizza, the Pizza Time song. And originally when I made that channel, it was with a view to start doing like more silly remixes like that. But then like we got made redundant from Triple Jump and my priorities changed a bit. So I will down the line be making more of a generic various silly things YouTube channel. So I'm kind of like backpedaling on the one where I've put my music.

you'll have to just follow my social media to find that one as and when it's out. So I'm going to re-upload some of the songs I've made on a new channel and then also start posting silly things there. But that doesn't exist yet. So just follow me on social media to keep up with all of that. Amazing. Ben, what about you? What are you doing on your own?

Well, I have been streaming since being made redundant primarily over on Twitch Confused underscore Dude, you can keep up with everything I'm doing. I'm mainly posting on Blue Sky. Fuck, Twitter. On there, I'm just at Confused Dude, no underscore, because you can't have underscores in Blue Sky usernames for some reason. Or maybe you can, and someone had already taken it. I'm done, I'm not entirely sure.

But much like you're moving into some streaming in the New Year, Peter, I'm trying to move into some more YouTube stuff. I released my first video game video like a month ago, playing the worst PS3 games in 2025. I intend to do that with all the consoles, and I'm going to slowly make my way through them and you can find all that at YouTube.com forward slash at Confused underscore DudeYT

including all of my vods of all of the live streams I've done so far they're all in one place and that's not the only thing I'm doing I am still working with Peter Austin redundancy will not drive us apart somehow we're still making worst games ever aren't we Peter

yes that's right and it's just the same as it always was so if you did watch it on videos and enjoyed it, and you haven't been watching it in the interim on triple jump, maybe just come and check it out on YouTube.com forward slash at worst games ever. I'm just going to double check that now. Yeah, hang on. We're Worst Games Inc. in some places.

Yeah, it's at Worst Games Ever on YouTube, and all of our social media is Worst Games Inc. InC. Yes, that's right. And we stream as well, occasionally, monthly we stream on Twitch. Yes, we do. Yes. So come and find us doing that. We're all up to stuff.

None of us are fully disappearing from the internet. I think after how much fun we had together on the reunion stream, while Mikey has no aspirations to stream himself, perhaps there may be opportunities in the future for the three of us to get together and just play a game of something on a live stream that's unrelated to idiots, apart from the fact that it'll have the three of us in it. And of course, we'll chat about that from the rooftops, so you can all come check us out.

And just thank you, I suppose, now. the time for the big thank you's for your amazing support eight years is a long time to do a podcast and you know we we have reduced our frequency as time has gone on especially recently as we have been more pressed for time and our lives have gotten busier but most of you have taken that in stride and been really lovely and supportive about it and we're just so grateful that you have allowed us into your lives for so many years because it has been such a pleasure and so much fun and while it is obviously sad that it has drawn to a close we are very grateful that for once we're able to go out on our own terms and that makes a nice

change yes that's true yes it is nice yes I mean yeah yeah I have the same same things to say really just a massive thank you to everyone who's not only like donated but just watched I think is like ultimately the most important thing just having this weird tight-knit community around us that just kind of followed us through thick and thin through channel, channel and channel and just whatever we've made, no matter how silly, ridiculous and niche it is, you've lapped it up, and it's just been an absolute honor and a pleasure being able to make stuff for you. And thank you very much for continuing to watch and listen. It's been very good. Thank you. Yeah. That's how I feel about the VCU and just the

the law, you know, the huge, the world that we've built, I guess. And when I say we, I don't just mean the three of us I mean it takes a village to raise a child and the child in this case is the bizarre world that is vidiates and podiots and sure it helps that the three of us are in front of a camera or a microphone saying silly things

but if it weren't for you guys sending us weird news stories or latching on to some of the tiny throwaway remarks we make in videos or you know just getting involved in any way and supporting us and allowing us to carry on going and making sillier and sillier things, it never would have become what it was. So thank you, of course, for the fact that, you know, you've helped us pay bills and this, that and the other. But I think

thank you more so for the fact that we've all created something together, something I'm really, really proud of, and we'll never forget. And if it wasn't for the audience, the three of us wouldn't have made it on our own because why would three people just sit shouting into the void about meat face we need someone to listen and you did thank you very much for listening to meet face yes thank you it goes without saying that we will miss you all an awful lot particularly in in this specific avenue but again we're we're all still going to be about and many of the faces that we see time and again in Pod Squad or in the Discord are the same ones that pop up in Peter's comments section under the latest weird thing Mikey's animated

and posted on Instagram in my Twitch Live chat. You know, you're all still there and while it is again sad that we will not be together as a trio as frequently anymore, we're not going anywhere and hopefully that is some comfort to those of you who perhaps are struggling with with potty it's coming to an end so thank you again sincerely and we will catch you in the live show which again we have every intention of doing it's not even a there's no question about it but we don't have anything concrete to give you just yet but it is coming I promise you that yes yes and it will as we've said be available online for anyone who can't make it so if you're sad that you if you

just know you already that you won't be able to be there. You will still be able to watch it on YouTube or wherever. So don't worry. Yeah, 100%. Well, for the final time, I would like for as many of you as possible, to leave a five-star review on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms, although what it is that is to do with Al Gore's rhythms we have yet to determine. Thank you to you all. Is there a final question to end the final episode? oh that's a big that's a big thing um what would you like to see at the live show outside of what you might expect we've already got planned you know thing we will be doing things and we'll be doing just the usual sort of rubbish but is there anything special

that we may have never done before that you would like to suggest yeah perhaps get silly with her I've got some ideas brewing that will embarrass us all and there is still time for you to submit your favorite moments as well to us on social media and via their email address with timestamps please for its potential inclusion in the live show too if you celebrate Christmas have a safe and happy one new years look after yourselves as well we'll catch you in 2026 we're not done just yet but we're very close thank you for listening everybody for the final time goodbye goodbye everyone good bye See!