Podiots - Podiots: Episode 20 - Book Ache

Episode Date: November 13, 2018

Peter can only defecate when reading, Ben's on the hunt for a mystery Rosie and Jim cassette tape, and Mikey's moved flat and is in a great mood about it because moving house is really easy. Buy yourself some Vidiots merch: https://yogsca.st/VidiotsMerch Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV

or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Base, how low, hello can you leave? Oh, here, man. Just as I press recording, I get a phone call from me, da. Oh, ff.

How you, da? Hello, father. We're just about to start recording something. At work. What do you want to know? I just want a little chit chat I'm sorry I can't chit chat right now father I'll ring you later

I'm sorry I'm from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry alright I'll speak to you later it's all right Backel Mick more like Dick what sounds like oh fuck off

why would you even ask that are we recording currently For God's sake, that's going to sound awful and fuck up the waveform For the entire rest of this podcast It literally just went red on the recorder there It's a can of compressed air An empty pup pal What's it called?

Poor Pal Pop Patrol Pop Shield is not going to prevent that kind of High Force wins, Gayle Force wins Yeah Gail Force, High Force, Girl Force, Girl Force, High Force, Girl Force, Oh, that got me that. Girl Force, High Force, High Force, Gayle Force.

Your reaction. Fuck's sake It really hurt You'll find out when you listen to that Great Is that how we're starting the podcast Where it seems like It's just happened now

Hasn't it Ben is currently playing with his video's belt No one can see this Ben You don't have to wear it I'm just enjoying myself over here I'm set on the sofa It's great

Yeah this is weird We're like really far apart I'm having a lovely time over here I keep sort of expecting you to like You know get ready To come and film the podcast By sitting at the table No

You're just filming from over there I'm sat over here Yeah This is where I am now You'll best get ready Yeah well We are. Good.

Well, I'll just start that. It's good. Hello, everybody and welcome to start there. My name is Ben. My name is Michael Johnson. My name is Peter Austin. Fantastic.

Welcome along. This is a conversational podcast. It's a podcast where we take questions from you and also will bring three things along. We obey the rules, I suppose you could say, of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. Oh, my goodness. What a crazy couple of weeks it's been.

Yeah, as you probably all can tell. Oh, boy. When we were asking for questions at the time of recording this, the video hadn't gone out. We've done a Q&A video, which hopefully you've seen. Yeah. Which will answer a lot of the questions that we got today. But we do have some extra questions that weren't discussed that we could just clarify here. Just some quick ones all in one go

So basically all our questions and information relating to us sort of winding down on videos is spread across two podcasts and two videos Yes Good Efficiency at its best Well I mean we are owned by Disney remember And they want to just spin this thing out for as long as they can

As many sequels as possible Precisely So I don't know if you guys want to just Should we just get into these questions Me as well, should we? Sure They're not too probing or intensive No they're not dramatic at all

Molly McDade at author of Nebulae would like to know here's a question will you be doing any streams like the Disney Princess one maybe with some other games sent in or will it just be Dark Souls

It's just Dark Souls All of us are just streaming Dark Souls forever and ever Yeah No we will be doing all sorts I mean we'll all be doing solo streams In fact it might be more often

than not just solo streams of the three of us I'm sure when possible we'll do some joint things either in the same room or playing remote over the power of the internet but Ben will

I'm sure be continuing Dark Souls Michael will be playing the assorted whatever shit I can think of whatever shit he can think of games that he likes to play I want to start doing

a Reignited Trilogy stream Fuck yeah Maybe I'll play Insane trilogy after that or something who knows This podcast's going out on the release of a spiral When does this go out?

Oh it will be Yeah Spiro's out today We've had it all weekend which is very nice. I don't think we're allowed to... We've been told that we aren't allowed to say it now at the time of recording,

but I think on the day it's released, we're able to say, yeah, we've had it for a few days, right? Yeah, we're fine. I don't really know how it works, but yeah. Well, I'm sure legally will be okay. What are they going to do? Shut us down. There will be some Spiro Ignited Trilogy content

on the channel as well, a little bit before we wind down towards the end of the year. Yeah, don't worry. It's not just going to be me playing Dark Souls. It just so happens that that's just the easiest thing to organise currently. Yeah. Because Michael's been moving.

and Peter is far away and doesn't yet have a PlayStation Oh I just whacked my microphone Doesn't yet have a PlayStation camera So he can stream from his PS4 But you know It's all things that are being worked on I'm really upset

My new flat doesn't have fibre internet Doesn't not No it's a fucking new build as well Two years ago it was built Put it in fucking fibre you know bed That's crazy Until I left Bristol I was in a new build

That had fibre into the house What the fuck? It came along the street Into my building And up into a hole in the wall in my like corridor. I've got like one megabyte down and God knows what my up speed will be.

I haven't got installed yet but it's not going to be enough to stream and I'm pissed. Oh, I'm streaming home. Go to walk all the way to the office. Oh God. It's so bad. What kind of up would you want to stream do you think?

Like at least one megabyte up but that's not going to it's going to be like a hundred kilobytes up and it's going to suck. That sucks. Anyway that we'll stop talking about numbers now. Hopefully there'll be nice internet where I end up moving to

because I've been using underwhelming internet all year It's just boring. Rubbish, isn't it? Come on, Bristol. Do better. Go on, Brist. Next question.

This is from Stephen Brindley, no relation. Well, you don't know. Steve O Brindley. I don't think he's a relation. I mean, should we go and interrupt the TTT recording right now that we can hear bleeding through every single wall and ceiling in this God-forsaken office? So, Lewis, do you have a cousin called Stephen? Stephen.

What? Get out of my room. It's not his dad. I know his dad's name. Yeah. Alan. Right. He's been on the jingle jam.

Plenty of times. I see. Mr. Allen. Brinley. Okay, well, his son, Stephen, asks, has the transition of Vidiot's official been coming for a while? For instance, were the seeds sown months ago, or is it a decision you came to relatively recently, i.e. the last few weeks.

Yeah, it's fairly recent, really. Yeah, it's kind of like, hey, stop. Yeah, it was like maybe two or three weeks ago, so we've known, and we've just been discussing between us, like, what can we do? Yeah. Because the channel can't continue really, not in its kind of. current form if we're going to be doing it in our spare time. So what can we do to keep it going?

Yeah. And this is the best compromise we can come up with without just saying, right, we're done. It's over. It can't continue. Yeah, we're going out of our way to keep it going. Long form edited video content is a bitch to make. It's not the kind of thing you're just doing your free time, at least not, you know. Not on the level that we were doing it. Yeah.

You know, not on the scale. Which is a shame. But oh, well, thanks YouTube. Yeah, pricks. That's, well, I mean, there's not a YouTube's fault directly. I mean, YouTube certainly didn't help. But, I mean, our content, as we've discussed before, is outstanding, but niche. And it's not got a broad, I think there's, there would definitely be a big audience for it, a bigger audience.

But YouTube just didn't push it. Fortnite sandwich making, are there? Well, exactly. There'd be a, I think it would be very popular if everyone was forced to sit down and watch it. And then they'd be like, oh, I'm glad you made me watch this. But unfortunately, that's not how the world works. It's difficult to advertise something so strange. Yeah.

There's a reason that we're underground cool kids. And that's about it. I'm right. Scott at Finn underscore asks Jingle Jam stream Yeah boy Jingle Jam stream

Jingle Jam stream Hello It's all but confirmed now isn't it We don't think We can't give a date yet I don't think We're probably not allowed We'll be there

Don't worry We do have A Worst games A Montana may well be played Oh shit Possibly Because it would I don't know what

sort of milestone episode of worst games We were waiting for But like Jingle Jam seems like A big moment to do it We've not even been counting how many episodes of worst games we've done.

We may well have done. We haven't. 30 or 40 or 25 or 30 by and house. We're probably waiting for 50K like six months ago. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were nearly at 50K in June. A subscriber milestone, yeah. Yeah.

Anyway. Yeah. So that will happen. Don't worry. Jingle jam is happening. Stay tuned. We'll have an array of shit games for you. We'll tell you.

We'll tell you more about that. Now, I think that's all of the questions relating specifically to... Oh, here's last one. Sorry. From Dutch and stuff. Dutch and stuff on Twitter. Will you continue to attend events like Insomnia with the OXCast? I don't think we wouldn't not like to.

I was desperately clambering over. Yeah, we've not decided like, well, let's not do that anymore. It's just whether it's logistically possible. And it's going to be certainly a lot more difficult than it ever has been for the three of us to get together and go along to do stuff. and if our output isn't really as high as other people on the network then maybe they won't necessarily want to give us a front spot at their booth and that's not a you know that's not me sort of talking down the Oggscast

and saying that's just business no we don't get hundreds of thousands of views of video I mean what I'm saying is I probably wouldn't want to put us in the hot seat when you know you've got a bunch of other far more popular and frequently active channels on the network but we still may headlong to events at some point maybe just to chill out and stuff I'd like to just like we did earlier in the year we'd we get asked if we want to go along

but we'll be all over the countries very soon so that might be a little logistically difficult it's not that we wouldn't want to necessarily and I'm sure if we asked the Yogscast please can we come they'd say yeah yeah go on then come along we'd love to have you and that's that in that vein though merchandise

merchandise there is new merch it is available store at Yogscast dot com We have VS1 hoodies. We have 90s inspired Vidiot's logo, white and black design t-shirts. And for some reason, we don't know why we weren't consulted, but what the hell, right? The limited edition Vs1 shirt is available for sale as well. It's back. So if you want one and you didn't get one before, then now's your chance.

And do we know if the yellow Vidiot's logo is going to remain on there? Probably is. I think so. We've certainly not said take it down. So that'll be available, hopefully as well. All the core stuff is still there. Four things you can buy. Now. Discount called Vidiots. Use it a checkout for 10% off everything on the store.

Boom! Literally anything on the store. You'll get money off. Even if it's not Vidiots related. And it helps us. You know a shirt that looks good, I think? Yeah. The yellow logo on a black t-shirt. Yeah, it does. I think that's a good-looking combo right there. So yeah, store.orgascoast.com if you would like to check that out. Okay, that's all of that. We've cleared that out of way. Hopefully we can move forwards now with everyone understanding what's going on. We'll update you about what our jobs are going to be very soon. Okay. Who would like to go first with their thing? I didn't bring a thing. I've got a thing.

Okay, Peter. I've got a topic I can just talk about, but yeah. Okay, that's good. You kick us off, Pete. I'm lazy. I don't do any work here. I just come along and just hope something comes in my mind. I've got a very, good. I've got a very creaky chair, and I'm trying really hard not to move too much.

These are the worst chairs. It's very uncomfortable as well. This sofa's great. Yeah, looks very comfy, actually. Are you using both of those cushions? I am because I don't want to sort of hurt my back by not. I can't sit at the back of the sofa because this stand is a bit strange.

Well, never mind, Ben, because... Yeah, okay, sorry, yeah. Because the Mariko Aoki phenomenon is a Japanese expression referring to an urge to defecate that it suddenly felt after entering bookstores. Never fear. Right.

You know, that specific thing that requires a term for us to use where we walk into a bookstore and suddenly you want to take shit. I'm so glad there's a term for that. Well, there's a term for that now. It's a bit like a bookache, isn't it? Yeah, it's slightly different.

Yeah, you sort of ache after... It's book-plop. Yeah, well, exactly. This is a thing, a real thing, apparently. Okay. What's the guy's name? I'm just thinking about it. It's a lady.

Oh, okay. It's the Mariko Aoki. I'm probably saying that wrong, but... It's close enough. Well, I'm sure you'll explain, but is this a phenomenon distinct Japan, or is it a worldwide thing? It seems to... I mean, it's, yeah, its popularity seems to be highest in Japan. Right.

And it's named after a Japanese person who reported it. Oh, I've shit myself. I'll tell you more. The phenomenon's name derives from the name of the woman who mentioned the phenomenon in a magazine article in 1985. Okay. According to Japanese social psychologist Shozhouya, the specific causes that trigger a defecation urge in bookstores are not yet clearly understood.

And then it says in brackets, as of 2014. Oh. There may have been some progress made since then. in 2016. Everyone's looking into book store poops. There are also some who are skeptical about whether such a phenomenon actually exists at all.

What? And it is sometimes discussed as one type of urban myth. At the same time, though, there are intellectuals who have attempted to discover the mechanisms behind the phenomenon using knowledge from fields

such as biology and psychology. I mean, you talk about bookache. Persons with a history of experiencing Mariko Ioki phenomenon were described as having quote a book bowel tendency book bowel a book bowel okay so uh that's that's the sort of this is a lot of new things right now to take in so strange yeah that's the the other name for it if you're if you have a book bowel tendency but i'm confused because like

is it the smell of books if you walk into a bookshop and you need to poop don't you just think oh i need to poop you wouldn't go to your doctor like oh every time i walk in a book shop a poop yeah it happened once what's wrong apparently she mentioned it in a magazine article and then loads of people wrote in and were like, oh my God, me too. Wow. And then since then it's been named after her and there's been all this sort of research into it.

That's her legacy now. Yeah, so I've got a description of the symptoms here. Persons who have experienced this phenomenon all share the same complaint. And then this is in quotes, a sudden awareness of an unbearable defecation urge. So it suddenly comes out of nowhere. Oh, geez.

Yeah. I walked in here earlier. We were just finished recording and I had a sudden unbearable need to poop. Does that happen with shit games as well? Do you have Viddiots bowel? Yeah. I write a magazine article.

Michael Johnson disease. Yeah. The book magazine reporting team listed features of this defecation urge that included urgency in the lower abdominal area, shivers across the entire body. Urgency. Yeah. Right. Facial power. Cold sweat and a bow-legged gait, apparently.

What does that mean? Well, it means you're walking with your legs apart. I don't know. I'm going to Google bow-legged gate because of... That's weird. I mean,

being bow-leg means your leg sort of arc rather than... Where's the gate come into things? Well, just the way you walk. Your leg sort of... A reference to your bumhole,

the gate? I don't think so. It's G-A-I-T. Not a bow-legged gate. Yeah, I just googled it and I got corrected. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's just like waddling,

like, yeah. Oh, weird. Well, we all learned now. Yeah. Yeah. Bore-boridimus. Yes. Borborigimus.

Baborgumus Baborgidimus is cited as an objective symptom described as, quote, the belly making a gurgling noise and quote, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle with four hours.

Wow, okay. Gurgle. The thinker, Tatsuru Ushida, has called these clinical... Is that his job? Okay, I guess so. Has called these clinical presentations a latrine-seeking problem.

People walking around looking for a bathroom have also been described as wearing a vacant stare. What the fuck? That's normal though when you're like, when you literally...

Because you're focusing, you're in a bookshop. You put it all your thought into thinking about not pooping. I used to have this every day when I walked home from school as a kid. It would strike home time. I've got like a 15 minute walk

and it would literally, I'll get to the end of my road. And I'd get the most unbearable need to shit. Oh my God, you've got like home time now. Oh, my goodness. So it would literally be the case of like, I'd like start walking. Like, oh, God, it's going to come out. And I'd like quickly start walking quicker without walking too quick to dislodge or anything.

And it would often happen that. As I'd get in my house, I'd throw off everything in just a panic, run to the toilet, pulled out of my pants. And literally the moment my bum wall was clear, it would just unleash in the most unheavenly demonic way. Oh, my God. God's sake. I've never heard such a description. That's quite Shakespearean, Michael.

I don't know what happened It was just a couple of years at school It was every day Like fucking clockwork Well see it sounds like it's kind of I mean there's some theories about this Which I'll go on to describe About like some of people think it's just by association

Like so for example You might have thought well it's home time now And normally I take a shit when I get home And that just sort of snowballs over the weeks and months And they slowly edges forward to the point where Oh I'm leaving now time to shit It's a Pavlovian response before your bum Yeah

It's the bell we go ding oh shit Oh no It's almost like sort of doorstep incontinence where you're at the doorstep desperately trying to find your keys and you might have needed to pee a little bit but because you're then

struggling struggling to find your keys suddenly you're about to wet your pants that's like me that time I went back from drinking at your house in Newcastle and I made it all the way home got in, got into the bathroom and then wet myself yeah he got to the bathroom at least

I can't I'm here right this is good enough There's no time. Best place to piss, though, because like hard flooring, no carpet. Yeah, well, it wasn't that much. Like, I just got a bit ahead of myself. Got a bit ahead of my hands, like, removing my trousers.

Yeah, and just started. In subsequent media interviews after the magazine story that she did, Mariko Ayoki has added the following details about the phenomenon. It occurs when she has been in a bookstore for an hour or more. Who? Whoa. I don't know what she's doing in there for an hour. I guess you read. Yeah.

It occurs completely irrespective of the type of books. Thank you very much. Okay. Did she just look it? Like, nonfiction's fine. She has also worked in a printery where there were many opportunities for exposure to the smell of paper and ink, but there was never any onset of the symptoms there. So it's probably not a sort of olfactory thing.

But then the final one I really like, she says, allegedly, it has never happened to her in a library or second-hand bookstore. Oh, just new books? It only happens in... Is that new book smell? Yeah, I guess so. So, this just gets better and better at the park. Oh, God, it goes on. There is also an interpretation that it's simply,

because people always read on the toilet when at home, there is an association. Yeah, well, exactly. So this sort of falls down at the end, but this is a description of one theory. A psychiatrist, Kazuo Mishima, interprets people with book bowel tendency as probably being people who, by reading books on the toilet,

acquire a Pavlovian conditioning of book reading to bowel moving. There are some people who... This is unbelievable. I cannot believe that this is a real thing. There are some people who say that they're unable to successfully move their bowels unless they read something. What? Wow. Some people so completely link defecation with reading that they are able to finish off their reading readily

when they have diarrhea, but struggle to make progress in the book when they are constipated. What the fuck? That's so strange. That's bizarre, isn't it? That's weird mental block condition. That'd be annoying if that reading bled into everything other than books. Like just getting emails, oh shit, I need a crap now. Or just only be able to answer your emails on the toilet.

I'm supposed to read this email. I better go for a shit. Otherwise, I won't be able to read it properly. There's also, this is amazing. This is the article that keeps on giving. Yeah. There is also a theory on the internet that seeks to pin the calls on a conspiracy. Oh, of course.

By the paper manufacturing industry. Right. According to this theory, the industry mixes large quantities of a certain chemical. into books and other paper products handled day-to-day in day-to-day life and these chemicals have the effect of stimulating a defecation urge which increases the demand for toilet paper it's big paper wow so they're trying to boost their own sales by by sort of poisoning us with like with poop chemicals airborne laxatives or something nice it's insane please

let us know if you buy into this theory of big paper yeah and what they're up to because we'll try and get them I would try and bring them down on this podcast I'd like to round out by informing you that this article is massive. I've merely paraphrased here and there's a lot more to it. At nearly 6,000 words, the article covers nine sides of A4 and it's not yet complete. It's actually being translated on Wikipedia from a Japanese article and it's not all finished yet. So it is huge. We'll put it in the link dump as we usually do. Yeah. And when you said round out there can be browned out Yeah

nice So please do Check it out for yourself And have your own little Weirdca Ben Tia or Weirdca Michael Tia or Weirdca Vidiet listener

Tia Good That was WeirdCipia Oh God I'm scared to See you next week While reading now I don't want the two

To become intertwined It's like serial killers You get sex and violence intertwined Well one of the other things In the article actually Is that it might be that like

Once you've It's a bit like Once you've heard about this then it starts to affect you. Oh, are we spreading it? Yeah, so let us know now if you go into Waterstones this weekend and have to take a shit.

The brain is very powerful. If it makes those connections and you keep thinking about it, it will happen. It's the kind of self-fulfilling thing. If someone says to you, oh, did you know that like a lot of people when they drink orange juice,

they get a really itchy toe? And you convince yourself that's a real thing and I wonder if that'll happen to I've not noticed that before, but maybe that's real. Oh, I've got an orange juice. Oh, my toe's a bit itchy. It's strange?

I don't think that's right. I feel weird. The power of the brain. Incredible. Thank you, Peter. Happy poops, everybody. Happy pooper. Pooper Opsden.

Maybe next week should be the time that I talk about the Phantom Bed Pisser. Oh my God. We must have talked about the Phantom Bed Pisser on the podcast. No, you haven't. You've always alluded to her, but you've never said the whole thing. I don't think we've done it. Even though this is a landmark episode 20 of Poddiots. Yeah.

Well, we'll keep them wanting more. Okay, we'll leave it at that. But that's also such a strange phenomenon, especially the fact that there was no evidence of whatever it was that happened in the morning, that I'm wondering if I just hallucinated the whole thing. Maybe. And it's very strange. A conspiracy from Big Pissor.

Yeah, big, big, um, bedsheater. Yeah. Bush did book bow. Fuck. Question time. Oh. We hear first from Thomas Woods. At Tom underscore Woody underscore G.

Good name. Can you hear that? Hopefully not. Hopefully that didn't get picked up. I'm in college, sat with my mate, and they're talking about long eyelashes. How do I change the conversation? Right.

Just literally talk about anything else. I would feign some kind of either a collapse or a seizure. Yeah, yeah. They'll have to stop talking about long eyelashes when you're frothing at the mouth. Exactly. It would be rude otherwise. Yeah.

I'm kind of envisaging maybe just. just saying, just pretending you're an expert and saying, hey, I've got, like, I've heard this really good thing. I've been reading a lot of reddits about eyelashes and eyelash management and so on. And what you need to do is, like, you just need to go up to someone and, like, we can try and know if you like, do you like, do you trust me? And what you do is, tell them to close their eyes and, like, raise their eyebrows so you can easily access their eyelashes. Go up and just give them a big lick.

Where? Just on the eyelash. On the eyelash. And just like, cut like a cow. Just give it a big old. lick and try and just like curl it up and go see but that's not changing the subject that's not answering the question but definitely won't what's a good idea but it's a long game because where it might be a fairly short game because i don't think they'll ever want to talk about it with

you ever again i see all that anything with you again yeah well that's the thing if you really want to i mean you could just shoot them that would also be an option they might then change the subject to something that they do want you to lick they might say oh do you know what i i really love assholes, don't you? I really... I've read a Reddit thread the other day if I'm a licking ass. And now I'm just waiting for you to think, oh, I don't want to talk about assholes anymore.

The guy who licks stuff. I best give him a lick. That's true. It could, it could again come back to lick you in the ass. I'm now intently looking at both your eyelashes. I think Ben's a longer. Or least I like this so they kind of show off more. Yeah. Maybe. You're pretty ones. Eyelashes are fucking weird.

Great big, bushy eyelashes. Eyebrows are weird. I mean, I understand their function. They sort of keep stuff from rolling down your forehead into your eye. But evolving to the point where we've just got little bits of fluff. Yeah. If you actually look at them on people. It's very strange.

Why do you have hair just there? Why do I have a monobrow? That's the annoying thing. I've got to keep on top of that shit. Sucks. I think, yeah, I think it occurs to with everyone to an extent to varying degrees of severity. But I'd actually know there's worse monobrows out there, but mine's definitely noticeable. Oh, mate.

Well, I never noticed it until now. You just brought it up. It got freshly trimmed last night, thank you very much. Oh, lovely. I'm a well-kept boy No, okay No one agreed that No no no it's great

You look terrible You look good You feel good You're ready for action All ready to go And now I'm just heartbroken No you look really nice effort into my appearance

Don't be heartbroken Michael What you should always ask yourself though Michael is Would a loving significant other I presume at the moment we're talking about your dear girlfriend, would she want you to look good or would she want you to look bad

so that other ladies are not interested? Maybe she's been doing things to you that you think are objectively good. Oh my God, the big girlfriend industry. Everyone else is. Yeah. It is. Oh my God.

Claudia? Help? Yeah. I don't know. Because that's the thing. It starts small and it starts ramping up. It's like the lobster in a boiling pot thing.

Like it slowly realizes, oh, I know it's the frog, isn't it? Yeah. Well, I thought maybe people also say lobster so I just let you carry on with that but yeah there's more than one way to boil a frog eventually it ends up with me just getting like fierce tattoos of Nazi swastika

someone else likes me yeah I think that's fair at least you and Peter would have a lot to talk about yeah loves a swastika I'd send a photo straight to BAFTA and say look at my friend Michael hey look I know we don't talk anymore but I just wanted to keep you up to date on what I'm doing these days yeah what highlight and that was early days

as well that was it's not just months too you get to go to Bethra and bring up north God. Brilliant. Well, we hope that helped. I'm sure it didn't at all. This is from Binks at Binks Hobby. Yeah.

Question for the next podiot. Would you or could you eat, and I'm going to paraphrase here, the massive disgusting pizza that I once accidentally ordered. So in the wake of the last podcast that we did, where Dave slash Michael listed his, I think it's fairly described as a dustbin pizza. Yeah. Just covered in everything all at the same time.

Sounds awful. Make me one with everything. Go on. You're going to finish you? So the Dalai Lama goes in a pizza job and he says, can you make me one with everything? Theoretically possible. Actually, there we go.

We've done it. Thank you, Peter. Thanks for making me do the whole thing even though I volunteered not to that. No, I could see it in your eyes that it was coming anyway. So I just thought, you know what? Might as well just make the light green.

Come on in. Euretically possible. I still enjoy it. It's good. It's good. So Binks replied to us on Twitter and said, I once went to this place

and they offer all of these toppings, which I'll now read to you. Fully loaded, 1320. Top our margarita base with the ultimate choice of unlimited toppings. Choose from cheeses, veggies, meat, sauces, and seafood. And those include mozzarella, cheddar cheeses, camember, and then you've got sliced mushrooms, pineapple, mixed peppers, red onion, diced fresh tomato, fresh rocket, jalapnos, pepperoni grilled chicken, breast, paprika chicken, back bacon, prawns, hot smoked

and hot smoked salmon or hot smoked salmon flakes I should say and then you've got apple barbecue sauce Tabasco and that comes in mild and mild jalapeno and original flavours what they said is that they wanted all of the meats I believe yeah they said I want everything under the meat section yes and what was the reply you sure you want everything which they said yes and they got a pizza

well I suspect before walking away the waitress said theoretically possible and then what happened they brought back a pizza with every single one of those toppings on. One with it absolutely one of everything. Yeah, not just the meat. Fucking hell. And they've sent us a photo. And to be honest,

it doesn't look that bad because it's got this delicious golden covered cheese hiding, I'm assuming, just a horrible surprise in combination of flavors underneath. It's the signature cheese ceiling, I think. Yeah. Yeah. But they want to know that, like,

if we would eat a pizza with all of that stuff on it. I really like really lauded to, pizzas. I like a lot of stuff on top. I do, but I'm not really one for veggies on my pizza. I don't mind veggies on my plate, if I have to. I should. We all should. We all have to eat them. I don't like many of them,

but I eat them. But I don't really have them on pizza. Like, I don't have onion or peppers. Sweet corn is a really good pizza topping. Sweet corn, I don't really dig. I like mushroom on pizza. I like mushroom on pizza. I don't mind mushroom on pizza, actually, yeah. Was pineapple on that menu? Not that it should be, but it probably was.

Yes. Yeah. I would not eat it then. What about pineapple and hot salmon flakes? Yeah. Pineapple and salmon flakes. Sounds bad enough, doesn't it? Fabrica chicken.

What's a salmon? Is it just dried salmon that's been like kind of shredded? I think so, yeah. It's just sort of like a garnishy type thing. I think it's a salmon that like didn't moisturise. It got a sort of stress rash from work. And then it sort of stands over a pizza and has a scratch. Oh, come on now.

Let's not imagine some sort of pre-pubescent or pubesal salmon, salmon, some sort of bringing salmon. I agree. Let's not imagine some sort of pubescent salmon. This is probably a good idea. I'm not sure I could if I tried. No. No, I would not eat the pubescent salmon man pizza or any of the combination there. Build your perfect pizza.

What do you like on your pizza? I would happily say, please can have all the meats. When she says, do you mean everything? I would say, I mean all the meats. All the meats. Yeah. And then, you know, maybe a few cheeses. Cheeses.

Wouldn't mind the mushrooms. I wouldn't really order them. But, yeah. Yeah, just all the meats and the cheese. I'd eat that. I used to love, my favorite was from Peter Hut. Yeah. And it was just their farmhouse pizza.

Pizza. Their farmhouse, pizza. When she was just some hem and a little bit of mushroom. Yeah. Hammond mushroom, I thought it was really nice. But now I'd like a mushroom and some kind of meat or just a meat. Not too many meats, though, because then you get the dominoes poos. That's true.

That's a sincere issue. Although you're starting to think you've narrowed it down a little bit. I did some science last night. Did a little bit of science. Well, not last night, but I was discussing it with Peter last night. Have you written a magazine article about it yet? Well, I've got a dissertation in the work, so I'll be defending my master's thesis soon. So I'll let you know how that goes.

But I originally thought it was hashtag all the meats. But I'm thinking it might be hashtag all the cheeses. Oh, really? Because Domino's have, on several occasions, to my knowledge, bragged about how cheap they're able to make their cheese. Really? Because they're doing something to it to make it reasonable pizza cheese. But really cheaply, like manufacture it really cheaply.

although they're not fucking passing those savings onto us for some reason. Cheap as cheese. Shouldn't be a phrase that. No. Should never be a phrase. But obviously human beings aren't designed to consume dairy really anyway as adults. So you can build up a tolerance to it and enjoy the flavour absolutely. But if you eat a lot of cheese, it's going to repeat on you in some fashion.

Yeah, we're not supposed to be drinking something that comes out of a different animal, really. Not really. I mean, if it can be used in a lot of great ways, delicious ways. nice tasty sort of breast milk cheese I'm sure that will be fine to put on a pizza I don't want to think about that I do I want to try that now no let's not talk about it

I'm sure I wouldn't be intolerant to that I've always wanted to try breast milk really 5th of December to file chance to send breast milk do not send Michael some some SMA formula milk or something yeah no breast milk no breast milk I've just noticed

one of my Pikachu socks one of them's really yellow and the other one sort of grey oh yeah what's that about is one inside out that's a good question Yes Great, we've solved it Another mystery A quick mystery

We've solved it That was a really quick one Yeah I think it's because usually When I get dominoes I get it with stuffed crust I get it with like extra cheese on it And stuff But when I went recently

I just got a standard pizza With a standard crust And I had like no dominoes poos at all It was fine And one of them had a reasonable amount of meat on it as well I think you need to repeat this experiment Get the same order again

Yeah And see if it happens Because I think two Two is enough To get a good bit of scientific day get half and half. I know, but then if you just ate... Half a stuffed crust.

If you ate one of each and then just had diarrhea, that wouldn't narrow it down at all. No, it would. It would make it even harder to work out. It wouldn't. The thing is, that would be a good idea in a commit, you know, if I was to commit to science that way. Yeah.

But at the same time, I kind of like stuffed crust, and the next time I go there, I'll probably get a stuffed crust. Yeah, stuff crust is good. I like stuff crust in practice, but I don't actually really like the domino's stuffed crust. And I think the cheese is different in that stuff crust. It's like a weird herbie cheese. It's sort of herbie cheese.

It's sort of herbie. Herbie and slightly rubbery. Yeah. Almost in a... Yeah, it's like cheese string kind of. Yeah, it's kind of chewy in a kind of Hulumi, squeaky cheese kind of way, but not in a...

You know, Hulumi is a bit of a... It's almost like an upmarket thing to eat, isn't it? It's lovely. It's like a Waitrose thing. Yeah. They sell it in Tesco now. They do. We're allowed to have it too.

Yeah. Us down here in the gutter. But, yeah, it's like a squeaky cheese, but not Hulumi inside the crust. And maybe there's something in that, like, you know, shoe sauce. souls or something. Yeah, a little bit of rubber.

Something to fill out the non-dairy bits. Yeah. When you fold so much of it. Breast milk, maybe. Yeah. No, none of that. No. Breast milk would be fine.

That'd be cruel of breast milk made children shit themselves. It's like, that's mother's milk. Well, I think it kind of does, but only because they don't have anything solid. I think baby poos are probably not very nice. No. They're definitely not. I've only seen one. I mean, they're not laying logs out of, let's be honest.

It's just milky. I mean, no poos are very nice. But, yeah, I imagine baby poos aren't great. I don't know. There are some poos I'd take out for dinner. Yeah, you know. There's some really good looking poos out there. That's a fine looking poo. Yeah. Pooze come in all shapes and sizes. They do. Your poos are beautiful, right? Did I tell you about the time that I once had enough of spending so much money on dominoes

and it just making me shit myself every time? And I told them. I said like... I know you were sat next to me, writing the complaint letter. I got like food poisoning, I think, from what. of your pizzas. I don't know why, but it's just made me, like, it's really upset my stomach because it does that every time. And what are you going to do about it? And all I wanted was like, we're terribly sorry, here's a voucher. But they were like, okay, well, we take these very seriously. We're going to send a man, do you have any pizza left? We're going to send a man round to pick it up. Yeah. So he came in a hazmat suit. Well, I waited for like two days

because they said, oh, he'll be there between this time and he never showed up. And I was like, what the fuck? What are you even doing? What did that even? What did that even? prove like if he arrives two or three days after he's eating it then it goes to some lab allegedly probably to be checked if it's been sitting out for that long it probably does have poo germs inside it i mean i know that i you know you make the most of that domino's box it's a perfect little human-sized litter tray yeah i go in it and you might as well if you've been eating out of it anyway if it's just going to go straight back in there but then i had a very awkward exchange with the man who showed up and I just just sort of he said oh so upset your stomach

did it and I was like I don't want to talk to you about this I don't know you why do you know this I don't think you told me that he said that to you yeah he did so I gave him here they went off and then it was like two weeks later said we've run some tests and we we couldn't find anything out of the ordinary and I was like right well you know dominoes is a very expensive treat or maybe the problem is the ordinary domino's just the fact that it makes everyone shit them You only found the usual laxatives in there. You don't know what's gone wrong. There's only four or five traces of E. coli.

You know, that's a base level. That's a pH balance right there. And then I was like, okay, but like it's still, I've been massively inconvenienced by this. And I said, okay, here's a 50% off voucher. And I was like, that was not fucking worth it. Not even a free pizza. Wasn't worth it at all. Here's a discounted shit in the future.

I've been massively incontinenced by this. Exactly. Anyway, that was a tangent. What's your favourite pizza toppings? Salmon Aleh. Salmon flakes. Salmon Rushdie? Yeah.

That's a man. Maybe that's the salmon man. Salmon Rushdie. Salmon's rushdying over to scratch himself. Rushdie sounds like a kind of guy who'd be flaking. Yeah, he does. He's got a bit of a rushdie on my arm. That's just Mr. Rushdie who sits on the bus and has a scratch.

I'm going to make sure I got that name right. I'm not convinced of it. Yeah, Salmon Rushdie, that's right. That is right, yeah? Yeah. Who is he? I don't know if you pronounce... The name rings bells.

I want to say politician, but I don't know. Yeah, I think I'm either politician or member of the clergy. I can't remember which. That's the kind of name. Oh, he is a writer. A writer? He's a British Indian novelist and essayist. Oh, nice.

There we go. That's him. Salmon Rushdie. Salmon Rushdie. Good name. Michael, favorite topping. I've said all the meats and a bit of cheese. You've had pizza since you made the switch to veganism.

Yeah, I have. I just like Corgette It's nice, surprisingly nice If you do it like just like really kind of like Kind of crispy, it's quite nice I can imagine it's nice crispy yeah Yeah

I like cordion I think it's a good veg Good fucking veg Mushroomers is a good sold born Sweet corn red onion Oh Asda does a vegan cheese That I really want to try But it keeps selling out

The same sells out within hours Of them getting it in stock Sons of mothers I want cheese too Fuckers I don't know I don't know Oh, I like a bit of jalapinos as well

A bit of oil Galapinos The jalapinos islands Yeah I went on my honeymoon there To the jalapenos islands Yeah they ate all the turtles Didn't they

That's what happened There's only a few giant tortoises left What? You look genuinely concerned there Ben Did you not know that's why the giant Gillapenos turtles are dying? Tortoises You know the giant

The really big tortoises Yeah They're like endangered It's because they tasted so good Oh Okay I didn't realize We'd made the transition To literally talk

The actual Galapagos Islands. You were still looking for the pun there. Yeah, I was like, I'm sorry? Is that a known thing? No, it's just a bit of... Delicious spicy tortoise soup. Ecological fact there for you. Thank you.

Yeah. Well, now I feel bad. Well, yeah. Sorry. It's okay. That's a good thing about tortoises, I guess. They come with their own ball. Is it horrible and quite morbid that I'd quite like just a tortoise shell?

Just somewhere. I wouldn't kill one. I wouldn't kill a tortoise shell. tortoise for its shell, but it would, like, a really shiny, nice polished tortoise shell, I think would just look really fancy. Yeah, and as a bowl, yeah. As a bowl. I feel weird to eat now that.

No, I wouldn't eat out of it, just like, put your keys in it and stuff. Dignified death for the tortoise. That's what you would have wanted. I'm not going to kill the tortoise. The tortoise is already dead in this scenario. It's just like, what are you going to do with it? I don't know Michael's idea of making a tortoise soup inside. Can you just throw it in a...

Is it like boiling the bag right? Yes. You put the whole tortoise into a pot, into the microwave, and it just becomes soup inside the shell, and you crack it open. All I can picture now is you just cramming its arms and legs inside. A giant tortoise into a small microwave. I'm picturing, you know how when you melt chocolate over hot water, you kind of place the ball on the pan?

Yeah. You just do that with the tortoises, kind of cupping, cupped by the pan. So the water's kind of slowly slowly slowly flop into the inside the shell. What, like spaghetti. As they liquidate, yeah. Yeah, like spaghetti. Bending into the bowl. I don't like this conversation.

It's really graphic. Yeah, I think I might go vegan after saying that. Fucking hell. That's a horrible thing. Floppy tortoise soup. Curious George, rest in peace. Did we make any fucking progress with this question, or are we ready to move on? Can I just continue to talk about the tortoise?

Yes, okay. No. Can it be like a creme brulee where it's called like a hard top of you crack through to get to the squishy innids? Oh, no. I'm done now. But it's very easy to cook wrong. Yeah. Oops, you've ever done it.

It's collapsed. Get another tortoise. Oh, no, they're going extinct. Do you think a tortoise shell goes soft when you warm up? Because you can do that with sheep's horns. Here's another Yorkshire country back. That's good to know. Yeah.

You know, you can get like... Can you bend it into different shapes? Yeah, yeah, that's literally what you can do. Oh, weird. You can get like walking sticks and you see them sometimes they've got like horns on the top. It's like the handle. And if you've just find a skull, which you sometimes do in fields. Or you take one.

for yourself. Oh, you take one for yourself. If you pop it in like an arga, or like an oven, the... An arga? An arga. What? Are you aware of what an arga is? No, fucking clue, mate. It's an arga. It's like an oven that's kind of always on. It's like a big like a Victorian kind of range cooker.

Oh, okay. You know. Never heard of it. Right. But I trust you. You are just a fountain of knowledge. I am. Are you from this sort of millennium? I don't remember. I can't remember being born in this millennium. I think I might have fallen through some kind of hole and came out the other side.

Right. And now it's the 21st century. Just in time for Spiro. How do you spell, oh, no, I really want to see this now. Arga. Arga. A-G-A, single, single-A-oh. Oh, agar.

No, I'm joking. I have no idea what you're talking about. Oh, agime. Because this sounds interesting. I want to see this. Yeah. I want an Arga. Oh, it's like, okay.

Okay, I see what you mean. It's just kind of like... Let me see. It just looks like an old oven. Yeah, but they're kind of, that looks, metal in the picture, but they're sort of ceramic. Where everybody brings, agar, a lot, to cook

a sheep. A sheep's horns. Anyway, you stick a sheep, skull in the arga, its horns go soft, and you can stick them on a fucking walking stick, the end. So yes, I would eat that pizza. No, I would. No. I forgot. What are we talking about again? They did then go on to ask if we've ever complained at a restaurant, but I think it's

time to move on. I complained at the restaurant when a sheep's horn arrived on the table that had been left in the argar. Well, my tortoises limbs were all sort of flop and around and I don't really want to go near it. No. I'm not the kind of person who could complain at a restaurant. You could serve me the most wrong, disgusting thing like now for and I'll eat it.

Oh, well, yeah, I've been to Weather Spoons a few times recently and the chicken breasts that I order are just like rock solid. And you've just eaten them and sort of grumbled. It's like, well, it was three pounds, so I suppose. You get halfway through and just sort dehydrated. You don't have the energy to complain.

The chicken's reconstituting in my stomach. I'm more chicken than man now. Right, let's move on. Is Peter, only Peter done his thing? Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck me. God help us. How long have we been going for?

45 minutes. Fuck off, have we? Be quick. Well, I mean, we did have like four questions at the start. We did, and the other questions are quite zoom-zumi. That's all right. Well, let's hear your thing, Ben, or a question. Oh, okay.

All right, I've got a thing. So this is a plea. This is a call to arms as well. We talked about it on, for some reason, during the Miami Vice, Worst Games Ever episode. When I was young. Oh, my God, yes. I had an audio cassette tape. It was a Rosie and Jim story.

Oh. The Rosie and Jim story in question took a very dark and sinister twist. And I cannot, for the life of me, remember what it was called and where I don't know where to find it now. I gave it a cursory, Google. I don't even know what the keywords are because it's so obscure. So it was a cassette tape with an audio book. It had the voice actors on it and everything. Phizgog and so on.

Rosie and it, rest in peace. And Rosie and Jim. and the basic gist of the story was it was them and duck on the rag doll the old ragdoll the old ragdoll which is not the new ragdoll which is their canal boat and there was some kind of

monster or being that was I think kind of stalking them and they weren't really sure why and it was represented in audio form by a noise and every time that would happen they would panic and say what was that? Did you hear that?

And one by one, characters would just disappear from the boat. And I think they were in this long tunnel in the dark and they were trying to cheer themselves up and keep themselves happy by singing a song and they sang a song together and then halfway through it we could just go, and then one of them stopped singing. Oh my God. And it was just Rosie left on her own on the boat,

singing by herself sort of sobbing, trying to be happy again. I can't remember the outcome. I can't remember the resolution. Are you okay? I know it exists. I think this is some kind of Candle Cove like creepy pasta that only you.

I remember listening to it in the bath. I know it exists. I know it exists. No, I'm not suggesting that it's fictional and it's been written about on the internet.

I'm saying that only you experienced this. No. This did happen to you but because some sort of fucking ghost was inside your cassette player.

The ghost inside my cassette player. The thing is it was a very non-threatening ghost monster and it was just like a like a fun silly noise and it were just like they all just started disappearing I can't remember what it was called that's the thing

and I'm hoping that someone out there will have heard this as a child and I don't know if my parents still have the cassette tapes I might have a look next time I'm there because if I can find it I will record a bit of it and post about it but I just I forgot I've clearly spoken to you about it in the past

because I brought it up you've talked to me about it as well so it's clearly prevailing in the brain there's something there right it can't be something I've imagined, it has to be real and I don't know what it's called. It has to be real. And I know that my mum listens to this podcast as well, so maybe she knows.

Maybe she remembers. And my sister, Rosie, listens to this podcast too. So she might have listened to it as well at some point. He did have a brother Jim but he went into the tunnel. Jim disappeared. Maybe it's gone. Maybe it's like the ring where when you listen to, you'll find the tape again, listen to it and your family slowly start disappearing.

Oh my God, it could be. Now I'm scared now. I don't want to go near it. Don't look for trash. But yeah, it was a very shorter thing but I just wanted to put that out there and just see if anybody else has heard of this Rosie and Jim's story please everyone because it was like weirdly weirdly dark yeah no it sounds really horrifying because especially since it was an audio tape your brain does all the work for you exactly it's like the fucking woman in black stage play again where they're just your oh god awful is this where your fear of the spooppy came from just oh probably just a just a childhood

of merry mixups oh very mix ups um but yeah that's uh that's it let's it let's it That'd be a good name for a sweet shop. Merry mix-ups. Merry mix-ups. Yeah. Or some sort of cabriese, wonka treat. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

But yeah. Please find it. Do what you can. You guys might be able to think of better ways than us of trying to track that down. I don't know if there's some sort of bizarre archive somewhere. Put up posters in your neighborhood, seeing wanted, met Rosie and Jim tape with weird noise and disappearing characters. Yeah.

Well, all I can find when I search for cassette tape is just the list of the VHSs that we released. I can't find any audio books around. So I don't know. That's sad. I don't know, but it's a mystery and it's a mystery I once solved. If you've at least heard of it, let me know. Confirmed that it exists.

Put them to rest. That would be nice. Okay, there we go. Right, a couple of questions very quickly before we go on to Mikey. Steph, at Derry Layer on Twitter. Podcast question. In worst games ever,

you often make references to catchphrases used by a certain breaker of boundaries. Do you enjoy these videos? Sometimes it's hard to tell what is affectionate sarcasm and what is just sarcasm. What's his username? She says.

Yeah, she says. I love his videos. I think they're fucking brilliant. Me too. Yeah, no, they're good videos. We're just sort of, yeah, we're just knowingly using his catchphrase because we're just being silly. It's just fun. I mean, that's, you know, if you start using the catchphrase, whoever you are on YouTube,

there's a risk that people are just going to start quoting you. Well, that's never going to leave you. Anywhere we want. Yeah. And find new secrets and discoveries and some of our favorite games. But he says it faster and faster each time, which is why we sort of slur. No, huge fan of his channel. If you're unfamiliar, it's called Boundary Break, is his main series,

and he basically takes the camera anywhere he wants, and finds new secrets and discoveries in some of our favourite games. And he just, yeah, just goes through boundaries. I have a problem, though, with that is that sometimes I do it in a slightly higher voice than my own. Not that he really has a particularly high voice. He's got an accent, hasn't it? He sort of sing song and happy, and I sort of go, hey guys, but then I sort of go, Welcome to my tutorial page

I've become Alan tutorial The weird guy who collects his own piss Here's how you can Here's how you pick up a chair off the floor Oh Hey guys Thanks to describe my YouTube page

Tutorial Such a good channel though I love that Yeah Oh dear right another question You guys ready Yeah boy Here we go

Bado do but do let's do a scroll This is a three and one Mammajam There's one for each of us. Will Mikey's new job be more behind the scenes stuff with his editing background, or is he more comfortable on camera now to pursue more ventures in that area? I can't have a certain about the job yet, but it is a behind the scenes rule,

essentially doing more camera and editing and all that kind of production stuff, which I think I'm more apt for. But don't really. I'll still be out and about. I'm going to live stream over videos and I'll still do stupid shit on the internet. I can't escape that now. That is my life. It has been my life for the last 13 or so years.

That's what you've got to continue doing. The long legacy. Never stop the parrot boy thing. So, yeah, I'll be taking a step back per se, but don't, or a step back pussy. But I'll still be, I'll still be lurking around in the show, right? Everything videos, you'll still be involved. Yeah, you get a podcast and a stream probably once a week, so. He's not going, we're not letting him go anywhere.

No. Help me. They won't let me go. Peter. Yes. Who has been your favourite member of the war? Klan. Oh, I didn't say of the videos.

No, I wouldn't do that. We get questions like that and I'm just like, I can't be asked because it's an easy option. It's nobody. Everybody here is awful. I mean, excluding, obviously, you know, Billy Ray Walrus himself will always be our one-on-only boy. You know, he's our lad. He will always be our walrus.

Yes, be our walrus. I enjoyed that one. Very good. Thank you. But in terms of like all the other members that have come to. to join us. I think I do like

the recent edition of Scandal Penguin. It's a good one. It's very simple but effective. I think I was blown away by the work that had been put into Billy Ray Dolrus.

Yes. Articulated with head plugs and individual like each hair strand was put in individually which is fucking bonkers. So many accessories that we just haven't been able to use either

because accessories. He's in such regular rotation that he doesn't have a chance to sit down at like a drum kit or whatever. He's got with it. And I sort of take for granted at this point that that is a walrus head on a human body. Yes. It sort of looks like, well, that's what he looks like.

But no, it's not. It's a monster. It's a Frankenstein's monster. However, I think my one true favourite outside of Billy Ray himself is Billy Clay Wars. Yeah, he's such a good boy. It's a unit. It's a masterpiece. And the paint as well.

We were sent a photo when he was a work in progress and he was just brown clay. And even that, we were like, fuck, someone's made. made like a clay statue. Then he turned up in the post and he's been painted and textured like a real-life sea mammal on a little wooden plinth.

So I think the way his fins wrap around the air wouldn't bit. Yeah. It's so good. He's just the best ever. It's incredible. But we should also say a big thank you

to our Etsy creation of Hope Destiny Waris. Oh yeah. We've also got Fully Customers. Hannah Manatee. Was it Manatee, Montana? Hannity, Montana.

Hannity Montana, I think. Oh, we got the fucking warrus wansy yeah the waris onesy what's the sister called noa warrus no is good because she can hold the she is great we've got crochet waris uh walrus walrus walrus they're cute sorry fish fish fish warrus yeah uh uh billy rsaurus or something billy r r r saurus or something billy r saris i think billy raysaurus and then there's the pirate one billy rar walrus the walrus yeah usually stabbing me every time we do a possum tat we've had some incredible incredible this year that we're extremely grateful for

and they will not as I think that we hopefully addressed in the video then none of them are going to be just binned no of course no we can't take every single one of them with us but the ones that don't come with us will be split between us and looked after and homed so don't worry about it. When you say we can't take them with us you mean to

future workplace yeah because we can't roll up with like 50 stuff toys like this is our place now it belongs to the walrus So the ones that don't come with us in that respect will come with us divvied amongst the three of us to go home. Yeah, we'll live in our respective homes and we will treasure them forever. They're not going anywhere, so don't worry about that.

A third question for me, and it always feels weird to read this because it's quite flattering. So do bear with me. Does Ben get offers a lot of voiceover jobs? This is from Mark. Oh, and sorry, I don't think I've read the name of any of those people. Thomas Broomstick Jones at T. Broomie asked about Mikey.

Hanson Long at Hanson Long asked you. And this is from, but that Mark, Captain at Cuppt Tickle Fight on Twitter. Capt Tickle Fight. Does Ben get a lot of voiceover job offers not to sound creepy, but he has very soothing vocals. Oh, that's very nice. Well, that's the thing, right?

Because I can't really chase up a lot of voiceover work while I'm working full-time doing stuff with my voice anyway because it just takes a lot of time. I can't really be asked in my spare time. But if you go to, if you go to, I think, I think it's, uh, is it Ben Potterveo.com? I don't know. You have. It's in my Twitter link.

If you want to go through there, you can like, like I did last Christmas, you could, for a very small amount of money, I'll happily like read a, read a something or say something records something for you. Make Ben say something racist. I don't say something racist, but if you want like a Christmas message recording, I'll happily do that and, you know, it's, it's, uh, make a wonderful gift or something. I don't know. But just, uh, yes, if you, that's just a cheap plug.

Yeah, basically. Go for it. I'd like to buy some pizza, so... So you can... It's because you've been trying to finish a book and you just can't get through it. Yeah. So...

Exactly. It's the only way I can make myself regular again. Michael, have you thought of a thing? I just wanted to talk about the process of moving, I guess, because that's been my life for... The last couple of weeks, essentially, the process of, well, finding a flat, for starters is fucking horrendous in Bristol. Literally, it would be a case of I'd be on my way,

like, it'd be the morning of viewing a property. And I get a call like, hey, it's taken. and that would happen every day and it's like well fuck it's the thing it's not so much fine like there's always stuff advertised but the moment that you want to see it

that's the hard bit because it just goes immediately admittedly there is a plethora of properties but it's just so competitive that stuff goes so quickly and it's not nice oh well this looks really nice yeah we'll view this oh no it's gone

never mind someone saw it earlier bye because it kind of then makes you the moment you see one that's like fine you're just like I'll take it I guess I'll take it Yeah, because, admittedly, we've kind of settled with our new place. It's bloody lovely, but, like, we know there's better stuff out there. Yeah.

But, fuck it. Like, one of my flatmates was saying when he was, like, first looking around in Bristol, he was on the train to a viewing, and he got a call on that train saying, it had been taken. Oh, fuck. Jesus, that sucks. I was, when I first moved to Bristol, I took a fairly big leap. It wasn't quite the same as, like, a normal viewing.

It was, like, people looking for a flatmate. I flew from Newcastle to Bristol, just. just to view one flat. I can't imagine if that had gone. But back then, you wouldn't have known how fast the turnaround was... Yeah, I mean, like, obviously... I was aware.

Bristle's fucking horrible for finding a flat, but I was, thankfully, I was able to message and like, hey, I'm flying down for this. Can you please just wait until I've seen it before you make any decisions? Thankfully, I'd wheezzled my way in and I got the place, which was a big release. And then I got to spend a month and a half

dealing with fucking letting agents. You did? Because letting agents are awful. Yeah. For some reason, they did not want my money, no matter what. I can't remember the specifics of why they're having trouble you're not accepting me for the tendency.

But at one point they said, oh, you'll have to pay six months rent up front for us to consider you. I was like, what the fuck? Wow. Six months rent. Yeah, that's stupid. And even then I said, okay, fine. Like, I'll scrabble together the money and make it happen.

Like, we're still not sure. It's like, and then eventually went back on the word and after like two months of fiddling. I got the place. That's fine. That's insane. This is my first unfurnished place, which I think you both had unfurnished.

places in Bristol. I did. Mine was like part furnished. Oh, sweet. Or mostly furnished. Moving out of a furnished place is fun. I'm not looking forward to that. Yeah.

This place came with two bar stools. Oh. Yeah, that was his. Wow. So everything else is like bought or brought in from elsewhere. And just moving is not fun at the best of times. And now I'm just like, I can never leave this place. Yeah.

I cannot be asked. I don't know. Like, have fun moving out then. Yay. Well, I've got to put my stuff into storage first because that's the nature of moving all a shit somewhere if you don't have a place to go just yet. The renting generation. Yeah, boy. I love, I love, yeah,

that's the weird thing about this whole generation. Now, nothing's secure. There's no such thing as like a stable job that you can rely on for the rest of your life. There's no homes, well, very few homes now, because everyone can't afford to put down a deposit. Yeah. So everyone's just kind of like, cool, we'll live a year to year and see what happens, which is weird.

Yeah. I'm desperate. Like, the next, the next move for me and my girlfriend is to just if we can, like, get a deposit together and just get on the ladder. Because then once you're there, It's like, okay, well, now we have somewhere to live, you know, until we find somewhere else. We don't have to worry about contracts and shit. On the other hand, then you have to look after that building.

Yeah, you do. I can't just, like, ring a landlord and be like, hey, it's broken. There's, you know, a problem. You can get your own white goods as well. Yeah. Oh, fuck. All that. Oh, yeah, once you commit to white goods, that's, like, that's official.

Yeah. Like, sofas and stuff, and TV stands fine. That's fun in games. But white goods, fuck me. So it's not exactly a big win, but, you know, if we can do it, then at least. God, yeah, just the state of letting agents are just the worst kind of people. I'm sure there are some nice ones, but God help us. I haven't met any yet.

Yeah, me neither. They're always used it. Apart from Michael's situation, in my experience, they've always bent over backwards to like really help you get into the property. And when you're leaving it, they're fucking tyrants. Yeah, they want to keep all your deposit. Yeah. I think I paid about a grand in fees just to move into my flat.

And that's not even deposit That's just, oh, we've got to do a credit check Oh, we've got to do a reference check It's mad And there's no way it costs them that much in manpower 360 quids just to check my references That's an email Yeah

Someone fills in some boxes It's insane It's insane. It doesn't make any fucking sense And I think they are clamping down on that Yeah, there's new laws coming in soon Yeah They're supposed to be making it illegal For most of those sorts of fees

But the problem is That probably most letting agents we'll just start calling it something else and they'll say, okay, we don't need £1,000 worth of admin fees. However, we do actually need like a £1,000 worth of this special fee that is legal. Yeah. Because that's their money.

That's where they get the money from. So, like, they need to do that. They'll find ways the bastards. I don't know why I ended on such a serious and weird note, but as moving's been all being able to think about and talk about for weeks now, and I just want to finally finish it off. I've moved into my flat.

Got my furniture. It's all nice. I'm getting there. Internet gets installed tomorrow. That's it. That's the fucking, finally fucking done. He's back online. Great. Yeah, boy. It's back on the grid.

Are you okay there, Ben? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you sound all... Yeah, that's good. Speak? Hello? Can you hear me?

Now, to the audience, it might sound like your head is completely inside something. But all it is, you're holding... I'm looking for honey in this beehive. Yeah. Sounds really good on Mike. But you've actually just held the belt in front of your mouth and that's it. Smells like leather in here. Mmm, delicious.

Oh. this honey is pretty spicy Ben I can't open All sorts of spicy bites Actually to be fair The 3D print on that belt Does look a bit honeycomy Yeah it does

It is You know that's my favourite ice cream Honeycomb Honeycomb I never even Considered the thought Of honeycomb ice cream Peter just farted

I would own up to it As well you know My chair did a Michael That's all Ring the There we go Thank you Crispy crunchy honeycomb

I'm glad I said earlier that I'm on a creaky chair or no one would have believed me. No one, not a single one. You've really laid the ground right there for your lie because you knew you were going to fart late. I was preparing like, yeah, I knew. In about an hour and ten minutes.

I'm going to fart. Yeah, I better just say, this chair's kind of creaky, isn't it? Michael, we're glad you've managed to find a place and you're in it now. Congratulations. Thanks. I'm sure I will have some horror stories very soon

about moving out of Bristol, which will be happening in a couple of weeks' time. Oh, joy. Okay, last question. And this comes from Addie at 2 Addie 2 United on Twitter. If you had to give up a limb, which would it be in Y? When we say limb, are we talking about the entire thing, or like a bottom half of an arm? I guess like from torso.

Can I have nubs? Let's just say we got four limbs to work with. What would you lose? Well, I would keep my left hand because I am left-handed. I would keep my right hand because I masturbate with it. Oh, oh, you're ambidextrous in that regard. Oh, shit. I am.

Interesting. Well, that's a genuine sex facts. Left hands are best. Left hand's best because then right hand mouse. That's multitasking. Yeah, I mean, I suppose so. Oh, the folly of a right-handed gentleman. You could do everything with that hand.

Left hand's useless in that regard. Like, what can you do? Left, well, right leg. I guess, I mean, I'm not, I was about to say, in football I'm right-footed, but if I just know just one leg. What a weird thing to say? I'd say you don't play football. I don't, but if I were to.

But what I mean is... I can't lose a leg, I can't play football. If I have to lose a leg... Peter Austin was a top prospect. Then my logic was, you know, well, I guess on the occasion that I'm playing football, I'd rather be able to kick with my right leg. But then if I only had one leg... It doesn't make a difference, does it?

Right. I can't think of any other sort of difference between the two legs. Can you? No, no. Do you think there's like... Oh, you can get spare... But again, you would just, they'd just make a special, yeah, like, I don't think it would make as much of a difference, like, which leg you had. I think right arm.

So I'm left-handed, and I think I treasure being able to walk. I think, you know, right arm, goodbye. You'd lose an arm. I would like to have both of my hands, though. That's the thing. Me too. There's no lovely way to get out of this, but obviously there are many millions of very adaptable human beings. Yeah.

I think prosthesis have come. long way, haven't they? Yeah, definitely. But even so, there's nothing quite like a hand. I guess legs of these just wants to replicate, because with an arm, you've got the grippy shit, haven't you? I suppose. Driving would be a bit of a fuck, but that's I'm assuming there are ways around that. You get like, oh, I wonder if you can

control a car with like a game pad or something, that'd be cool. Oh, you definitely can, but you would crash a lot, I think. It'd go way too hard on that thing. Probably not legal to just have someone driving with an Xbox controller. They do drones with that in the army. They use 360 controllers. Yeah, they do, but I don't think... It's a bit different. Yeah.

You're not driving around, like, the middle of Bristol's town centre. No. No, I don't know. Like, I would probably lose my left leg, maybe. Yeah. But specifically left? Yeah, because then I can't play football either. Yeah.

Between us, if we lost a left and a right leg each. Yeah. We could join together. Yeah. Join the ultimate football player. One really powerful, powerful player. Two-legged race. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. We wouldn't be able to do it. We'd be able to run at the Olympics, though. Yeah. Because we'd just have two legs. So it wouldn't be cheating. Yeah, well, it depends whether we're talking about whether we're allowing prosthesis. Because if we are, then you can obviously still run at the Paralympics.

Of course, yeah. I'm going to say no prosthesis. Yeah, I think it's part of the question, isn't it? If you just have to survive without, just like a stick. Frankly, I think what it comes down to is there are people who are in such a position and they are, you know, as you say, a lot of them are very adaptable and handle the situation incredibly well. And we are puny little white milk toast useless boys.

My little milk bottle sweets. Yeah, who were saying, isn't it hard? Wouldn't it be hard and horrible? No, I'm not, I don't, I'm not giving an answer to that question because it would be too hard. I don't want to decide. I think that we can, we're allowed to speak about it from a purely hypothetical standpoint. Oh yeah, I'm not saying we're not. And it's like the fucking fake boob hormone thing from the other way.

I don't think we can be shamed for not wanting it. I think it's okay not to want it. Did people have an issue? I don't know if he tweeted us about it. No, that's a shame. I was upset. Yeah. You're upset.

Yeah, I want us to start some shit. You can get some boobs, Michael. You can do that if you want. All right, I'll see you guys next week with boobs. Nice, man. Good for you. Great. And my baby.

So maybe you can make your own cheese. Yeah, that'd be good, actually, yeah. Yeah, because vegan cheese is a bit expensive. It's not really nice, but I eat like a whole pack in a day. So I'm blitzing through my savings right now on cheese. Right. It's not good. The cheese savings.

Yeah. Well, that was a slightly difficult question to end with. I thought it would be more fun than that, but we ended up just being really politically correct. and that's kind of boring, so never mind. Can I ask... Can I ask how you stuck that turd on Miley Cyrus's face? It's been on a poster for, like, the entire recording now.

Blu-Tac, is it? Spitt. Mm. Is it? No, yeah, the fake poo is currently on a Miley Cyrus poster. Huh? Yeah, Miley... Hannah Montana poster.

There we go. I forget which one is the real girl. It's a shit. Yeah, the Hanna Montana poster. It's blue tech. Oh, I stuck on really well. I'm putting pictures usually fall down. It looks like a, like a moustache.

It does. That was my intention. A chocolate moustache. Starlin. Chocolate starch. Well, wonderful. That is, those are the questions for today. I've got a question for all the audience.

Oh yeah. Okay. Lusely linking into a throwaway thing you said earlier. Can I run through the bullshit first to make sure they don't turn it off? Because they want to hear this, right? Oh, damn right. They want to hear this. Yeah.

Store.orgscast.com go buy some merchandise, please. Thank you very much. Use code vidyat to checkout for 10% of everything in the store. Yeah. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all forward slash vidiots official. So one final, very big thank you to the patrons who supported us this year. Thanks, thank you so much. Patreon doesn't exist anymore, but do stay tuned if you want to support us financially in the new year.

Twitch subs will practically act exactly the same way. Yeah, and merch. And merch. And merch, merchandise. This is Rules Boss for any advice on rules? People have been asking if he's going to be going anywhere. Well, he may not be sort of our lifeline of videos anymore, but he will certainly still be working at Rules Boss HQ so we could put, you know,

but if we need help, we can contact him in the future. The Twitter account will certainly still exist. So if you've got any questions about rules, just tweet him. They'll answer you. My iPhone keeps thinking I want to undo typing, even though I haven't done any typing, because iPhones are really good. At Billy Ray Botris for daily automated, very sad tweets. They're getting sad, have you changed it at all?

Is it just naturally doing that? I know. I haven't added anything to it since the beginning of the year. It's just sort of got a really good sort of... variety of things on it. He seems to, although he does seem to say a lot, Walrus son to Ben and Peter. He does.

So he basically says, I usually could have been a lot and then some kind of positive adjective and then son to Ben and Peter. Yeah. I haven't changed that. He just thinks he's the worst son in every possible way.

Bless him. Bits.ly forward slash Vidiot's Discord. Not Beach. Vidiates Discord. If you want to go and join the community there and have a chat with people. And finally, leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice.

It helps us something about algorithms. Thank you. Yes, helps us algorithm. Helps us do algorithms. It does. Alan Gorithm. Alan Gorithm. Michael.

You mentioned earlier, you like honeycomb ice cream. Yeah. I'm curious what everyone at home's favourite ice cream flavour is. What are your guys' ice cream? I used to be partial to a bit of pistachio gelato. I'm a vanilla boy. Yeah, I know you are. As well you know.

You cuck. Yeah. You fucking cuck. I'll tell you what though, I love vanilla ice cream. I have it everywhere. Like good vanilla ice cream is so nice. Vanilla.

Yeah, it's a shame that it's like, people shit on it. Because it's actually, because it can be a really cheap flavor and people use it as a just a synod in for default. Yeah.

But actual vanilla is so fucking nice. Proper vanilla, yeah. I don't get the hate. No. Vanilla and ice cream's really good. I think there should be more hate. in terms of like, oh, it's so basic, to... You can just sort of get dairy ice cream, can't you?

Can you? Yeah, like clotted cream ice cream. Yeah, it's just basically kind of milky, creamy... Sweetness. It's just, yeah, sugary, milky cream. That sounds quite nice, actually. You know, I think it's overrated. But it's more basic than vanilla.

You'll agree. Water ice cream. It's terrible. Chocolate ice cream, I think, is actually not very good. Oh, you fucker. Because it's just... I'm not a big fan of dark chocolate anyway. And just standard chocolate ice cream, I think, is worse

than standard vanilla ice cream. I had Snickers, gelato ones. It was so fucking... But that's the thing. If you go for the expensive range, brilliant. Yeah, but I think...

I think chocolate ice cream on its own without, like, things in it. I think that's quite dull. My favourite ice cream of all, actually, is the Ben and Jerry's baked Alaska, which doesn't...

They don't do that anymore, do they? It doesn't seem to exist, no. It's like... It's like vanilla with white chocolate chunks in it. It's so good. It's just made for me.

Alasca's so... I haven't had baked Alaska forever. This is good stuff, man. anyway we should wrap this up we've got to record another one of these tomorrow morning what are we going to talk about

don't worry we've already got questions from you great thank you and hopefully we won't need to do any more clarifying about the future every week a new clarification split over ten parts by the way we're hiring six new people and we're also going to go and live

on the moon yes we need replacements if possible yeah send us your CV do not do that don't do that we're not hiring stop it we couldn't even afford you know three people three of us thanks for listening everybody we'll see you next week for

another episode of podiates there'll be a worst games this week on the channel probably a couple of maybe a stream and a couple of other bits and pops boy so see you then take care thanks for listening bye bye bye bye bye Thank you.