Podiots - Podiots: Episode 22 - Quack-A-Dack

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

Mikey's travelling through time, Ben's found the Rosie & Jim cassette, and Peter's off to wizarding school. Buy yourself some Vidiots merch: https://yogsca.st/VidiotsMerch Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax We good? We good, fam. Are you ready? Yep. Are you ready? Oh, I'm so ready. Are you ready?

Yes. Are you? Yes. What about you? Are you ready? Are you ready? Yes, I'm ready. Okay, all right.

I had to double check because he went silent on me there. Well, just keep it on your toes. Michael, are you ready? I believe I am. Indeed, ready. Ben? Yeah. Are you ready? Me?

Yeah. Sorry, what was the question? Are? I've forgotten. You? Yeah. Walrus. Are you?

Are you? Are you? I don't know. Michael, are you? Why do we keep starting the podcast whispering? Who's ready? I don't know. Are you ready?

I'm ready. I'm not. Oh. Oh. Well, we'll give Ben a minute. Okay, thank you. Just let us know when you're ready. Okay, I will do.

As soon as you're ready, just see it. Talk amongst yourselves. Okay. Hi, Pierre. Michael, how's it going? It's weird when you put into forced small talk situations. It's like your mind goes blank. Was that just me?

I think it's just you. I think I've got all sorts. I could ask you about Brexit. Oh, God. I could ask you about the weather. That's my go to. When I'm on a bus with someone and like, you know, someone sits next to me.

They say, hi, how's it going? And I say, oh, it's shame about the rain, isn't it? And they go, yeah. And I say, so Brexit, what do you think? It's a good way to make friends with people. Okay, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready.

I was running out of things to say. Let's not talk about that one. Not a B-word. Bobby Babaloo. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Podiots, the official podcast of the Vidiats. Oh, that's lovely, in it. Isn't that nice? It's a conversational podcast.

It's a podcast where we take questions from you, and we also obey the rules of the three us, where everybody, everybody, everybody, The single wadi brings a thing along to talk about. The three us. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. I'm Michael.

Hello and welcome. Thank you for coming. I always get giggly during the introduction bit. I think I don't know if it's the joy of saying my name or the terror of trying to think of something funny to do. I'm Michael. Is it because you have to stay quiet for a second? Yeah, it's a bit of formal things happen. See, as soon as that bit finished, I jumped right in with just...

You want to misbehave. Yeah, yeah. It's like you with your cars at church. Jesus. Oh, I just got to make noise. Have you got one? Oh, yeah. Pass my hot wheels.

You're ready? I'm glad they sort of... You got a hot wheel there. Eventually tailed off from Postum Tau. We got so many. BMW. Which hot wheel is that? It's a BMW?

Yeah. Bema. M3 series? Is it an official hot wheels on the bottom or is it a fake one? Oh, it's a Mattel. Yeah, it's hot wheels made in Thailand. Nice. Metal.

Good. Oh, that's gone now. Is that what you did at church? Yeah, I just did that for an hour straight. Jesus! You throw it at him. at the crucifix on the altar. Knocked him out.

Should we have a question? Yeah. Oh, go on then. Well, you'll have to bear with me with these questions because I didn't actually, I forgot to prepare them beforehand. So I'm doing them live.

I've done the tweet. I'm scrolling through and trying to pick out the interesting ones. So, not that, you know, anyone should take that as an insight if you don't get chosen. I am trying to pick up the best ones. There is a right answer.

The ones we haven't been asked before. Should we do an episode one day where we just answer every question that gets sent? Oh, God. Or we answer all the shit questions. All the shit one. Ode to Sleep, at Oat to Sleep, I can't speak, I'm really unwell today, I feel really coldly and rubbish. Bless you.

At O'Dersleep 6498 on Twitter, if you had to pick one thing, what will you miss the most about leaving this incarnation of Idiots? Thank you for all you've done, has made a real difference. I like the use of incarnation there, you know, they're not saying. It's not dead. What will you miss when Vidiates ends forever? Yeah, that you're doing on purpose. You never come back on YouTube. You're abandoning us. I want me free videos.

Peter's still salty. People have been saying. and Peter's still salty. It's because you moved away and broke up the band. Yeah, that's what it was. I did a Chinese takeaway last night. And on my fortune cookie, you know how it gives you a word? Mine was salt.

Should have given that to you? Wow. It just gives you a word. That's a rubbish fortune cookie. There was a thing on the back as well, but I just said that. My thing. Claudia got anxious. I got salt.

Oh, no. Nice. Wow. Anxious. I got, I had a fortune cookie last week, actually. Oh, you. On the inside, it said, you'll be invited to dinner soon, except. And I'm like, oh. accept

yeah accept accept right so I'm looking forward to this dinner whenever that might be you'll be invited to dinner soon

comma except dot dot dot yeah and that was it maybe Michael's were anxiety oh good the thing I will miss the most about

this incarnation of videos is sitting around sitting around having having fun playing games with you two silly boys

and the HAP films crew I'll miss seeing them on a regular basis. We've had some good game time with Hat Films. They did our Sims prove it and stuff. They did. And

you know, I'll miss all that fun and games, I think. Yeah. Because as much as we'll be able to do a podcast regularly, the three of us, and we'll be able to stream and probably now and then do some stuff online together. But I think a lot of the streams will probably be solo

streams, which is a shame. We can always Discord like call each other, so there'll be appearing but yeah it's not going to be the same it's going to be a bit different yeah yeah i think it'll be one thing we'll have to get used to in the new year is doing a podcast remotely oh it's going to be good we're not going to be able to meet up anymore we're not going to be able to look each other in the eyes and say peter yeah michael which is my favorite bit i i need a poo oh and i won't be able to make you as uncomfortable as i have done right now by staring me by staring you right down the eye holes i think i can see it because your pupil is just a hole isn't it is and there's a tunnel that

goes all the way to my bot bot bot to your bot i was going to say bot bot bot bot how weird is that that's strange that is we've been working together for far too long it's only been like a year and a bit genuinely was going to say bot bot bot and then you said it he took it right it right out of my mouth took the words right out of your bum yeah nice good what about you mitchell what you're going to miss total creative freedom i think just to get to work all right what we're doing today whatever the fuck we want we sort of screamed and ran around in front of a green screen earlier didn't we yeah and that was work yeah so that was interesting as many things we've done this year, which I think

the majority of the population would construe is not work. It is work. It's just very silly work. Well, the thing is, is, you know, people think that the job is, you get paid to play video games. I mean, that's just the bit that you see, by definition. That's like, that's what gets uploaded to the

internet. But in order for it to be uploaded to the internet, we have to set up a fucking room, for one thing, we have to edit it together, we have to upload it, we have to do a whole bunch of shit that that's the stuff that you don't see. E-mailing and organizing and talking to PR and downloading a trillion random-ass assets

for things like Worst Games Ever and Memory Cards and, you know. Yeah, God, memory cards are required. Cursing it and emulator when it just doesn't work for some reason. Yeah, what was the fun thing we did? Oh, God, will it go out? It's going out Friday. Biker Mice is this week's Worst Game Ever. Oh, my God.

And we had such terrible emulation issues. that we just went, you know what, we accept these are, these issues are our fault, but my God, was it, was it really bad? We made it so much worse, and we knew that, you know, we should definitely not mention it in terms of criticism for the game because it was not the game's fault at all, it was us. You just roll with that, you roll with that stuff when you're using an emulator. I think we did a lot more stuff recorded directly from a console way earlier on,

but then you have issues with the fucking capture card instead. Yeah, it's way easy, PS1 and PS2 in particular. it's just way easier to capture it from a PC but we always play the original disc so it's not like we're pirating anything we're just using the no ISO's a kind of borderline

well I don't know if they're illegal now but they've been like taken down all the like big ISO websites so we've got our own discs courtesy of you find folks at home thank you Darren Dredge do you know what answer the question Ben

he's going to miss looking at I'm going to miss making He's going to go and do a poo-poo from his bot. Michael. No, I feel, no, don't, don't, no, no. I need a poo. Oh, God. And I'm going to miss that.

You're uncomfortable, Michael. I'm going to miss this. I'm having my bot bot removed over Christmas and New Year. Giving it removed. I won't be able to actually look anyone in the eye and say I need a poo. But over Christmas, I mean, that's when you need it the most. When you eat three days worth of food and then you have to... In one day.

The stuffing's got to come out somewhere. I eat half of, like, you know, you get like when you buy stuff and it comes like a whole package. I ate half a packet of that the other week and I farted non-stop I ate a half packet of what Stuffing like sage and onion stuffing Yeah yeah

It's so good though I don't blame you Like you just put a bit of gravy on it It filled a ball with it and just ate it And like for three days It was in that flat It was deadly Like genuinely horrible Poor lady wife

Yeah she had some as well And she was farting as well Oh god You're as bad as each other Yeah it was really bad But just hot boxing the flat Oh no Those poor ferrets

Bot boxing Oh no. Bot, bot boxing. Yeah. Okay, we were ready to move on past the flatulence. The farting was a bit much for me. Yeah, it was a bit much for me. Darren Dredge. We should probably explain that because we do reference it a lot. That farting was a bit much for me. It was the worst games ever selection video where we were playing the Stoke-on-Trent song for the first time. And Michael just got up and did a fart into the microphone. Yeah, we played it while, because it was. covering the sound of the spinny wheel, wasn't it? And then at the beginning of that video, Michael had said,

I need to fart, I was going to come on and fart. And we were like, no, and he was like, okay. And then as we played the tune, Michael just sort of walks into frame. I mean, you don't realize what's happening at first. Then he just steps up onto the sofa and we're like, oh, I'm going, I'm going. And then you stand there and say, what do you say? Tell your friends.

Yeah, you say, tell your friends. I should have. And one of the comments underneath was, Funning was a bit much for me Yeah So we do quote that It's just a good comment She's just come to see the game selected

Not to hear Michael do a fart Fart Darren Dredge At Dredge 5316 What animal would you steal from a zoo Oh shit Penguin I would love a penguin

Putting in my suitcase wander off Bam got myself a penguin You'd have a dead penguin When you opened your suitcase I think Shit that the pet will love you unconditionally like a Pokemon so like you can take a tiger and it definitely

will not exactly it won't kill you it won't see freedom right what are you going to do with any of these yeah well you just you'd have to get a tiny little cute thing but even little sort of furry things can bite you know oh yeah it's not a lot of things that I mean

that's what domestication is which none of those animals are so yeah I don't know maybe a maybe a baby elephant What are you going to do with that in like five years' time when it's a big elephant? I don't know, maybe melt it down to glue or something. Jesus Christ.

No. No. Carthusks sell to the... Yeah, it's got his tusks. A tusk. A tusk. Oh, I love a tusk. I'd take a leopard.

Yeah? Or like a snow leopard or something. Whoa. There's not many of those left in the world. I know. Well, I'll have one. It's rare. It's rare.

It's in your bedroom. It's mine. Just stay in my flat. The last living snow leopard in captivity. Yeah, but it's mine. It's in Ben's bedroom. It's mine. Yeah.

My snow leopard. What would you feed your snow leopard? For some reason, I just pictured you making beans on toast for it. You feed it my elephant. I mean, yeah, obviously, the elephant first and then beans on toast. Probably cat food. Just a little pouch. That's not how it works.

Just because it looks like one. Just a little tin of cat food. Yeah. That's all the needs. Yeah. Some dreamies as well. Yeah, love it. Just one dreamy, though.

I don't want us to get too fat. Yeah. God. Oh, who'd like to do that a thing first? I guess I could. Go for it, Mitchell. Oh, just let me finish stretching. Oh, that feels good.

You ready? Oh, yeah. Are you ready, though? Oh, no, terrorists are here. They're pulling you into the back of their van. What? How's this happened? Please help somebody.

You were slumbering so sweetly and innocently, and then the bad men and women came to get you. Let us out. You're in the back of the van. What country are we? I like how the terrorists are equal opportunities in place. Yeah, yeah, it's 50. Men and women.

The drive you far out to a distant, warehouse, they uncover your mask and in front of you is a time travel machine. So it was a warehouse. Wow. These terrorists are weird. What are they doing? They're time terrorists.

Time team. Yeah, Tony Robinson's time terrorists. I've gone back to 2014. To what did he do in 2014? Anything happened in 2014? Probably, yeah. I mean, I don't really want to cite anything. A school shooting?

It's very recent in 2014. Yeah. It's extremely recent. It is. It's not really much. It's not very historical, is it really? to whenever Guy Fawkes was killed. It's 2014 BC, possibly. What do what happen then?

Not a lot, I don't think, a great deal. It's pre-Roman, very much pre-Roman. Just people running around killing them. What happens, Michael? Yeah, yeah. You can go anywhere in the past and the future. Right. But it's got to be either over 100 years before or 100 years after the current date.

So you can't just go back like 10 years. Yeah. Can't go back to World War II. I'll go a long way back or a long way forward. Yeah. Where would you run? they go. Where do you think you'd have more chance of surviving? So I then have to live there

forever. Yeah, that's your new home. So you go in the future, but I don't know, maybe, like, with global warming, you don't know how long got left. I mean, a hundred years ago, so 1918. Yeah. Oh, World War I had just finished. I... That's like the latest you can go, so you can go. You can go

like a caveman time, so be the king of the cavemen. I'm saying I would not go much further back than about 18. 1800 because you need plumbing well not not even I mean there's all that you know there'd be all sorts of diseases and stuff that you're probably not immune to yeah or maybe you are immune and they would die because of you I don't know how it works but if I needed to like get a job or a house or you know to survive yeah and I would either have to come up with a really good cover story in which case I think people would eventually find out that I was lying and they want to know why or if I told the truth I think people in the 1800s would not believe me and I don't even understand the concept of travelling through time early. I mean, you know... Which, which? Yeah, I mean, I guess they were starting to come up with, you know,

the beginnings of science fiction back then. But, you know, any earlier than that, people would think you were just either a lunatic or a witch. Who's this man in his jeans and high tops? In the future, though, I think people might be a bit more accepting of it. Or you're going to be a hipster in the future. Well, yeah, they would either... They might actually believe you.

True. Or they, if they thought you were crazy, they would just try and get you some help. Because my thinking here was, you can go in the future and just be a nobody, or you can go back in the past and exploit. I don't know what knowledge you could exploit, but you could exploit these people

and become rich beyond your wildest dreams. You can drive a car, but can you build one? Yeah. Like, you know, I don't know how to, I wouldn't know any, like, you know, grand national winners from 1918 or like, you know, I don't know anything that I can bet on at least back then

and make money from it, like. You might do quite well, actually, if you became like a war informant because I feel like you remember some key parts of the war. You strike me as the type. You'd be able to bet on the end of several wars. Yeah. You'd also be one of the tallest people alive.

I would, that's true. Do you think Ladbrooks were taking bets in 1918 on who was going to win World War I? Yeah, we're still baby Brooks then. Yeah. Yeah, just gent Brooks, probably. before the lab bible took over the other the other issue is maybe you can answer this as part of the prerequisites of your of your thing that you're posing to us would us being there affect the future or can we you know if i started say i know i'm not allowed to but say i was sent back to about 1960 yeah there would be a lot more things from 1960 onwards i would be able to remember and earn money from but once i start like placing bets on the first couple of things does that then start to have a butterfly effect and i then change the future your actions have in uh effect so you can go and kill Hitler

if you want, if you want, but who knows what, that'll change. Oh, I'd probably just go to the future. I'd go like, maybe 200 years into the future where, oh, but then the planet's so fucked, what's going to happen? It's a real lottery, I don't know, what would you do, Ben? Maybe they've got renewable engine down by then. Who knows?

Maybe. Maybe colonize Mars. Complete toss the coin, I think. I'm scared of the future. Because I don't know it. But Ben, Ben, one word. KFC. How they innovate a chicken. They might have run out of birds. shit, yeah. Possibly.

There's only a finite amount of birds on the planet. Exactly. We're running out of birds. They're very rare. They keep flying away. It'd be like KF cricket, Kentucky Fried Crickets or something. That's what they're saying is going to answer the world's protein shortages, is eating bugs instead.

Well, as long as you make him delicious. Yeah, that's fine with me. I would go back to a pre-racial America in 1950. Oh. Why? Because even though it was clearly quite a horrible time period. Why are you looking back fondly on pre-racial America? I think I'd survive.

You asked, what period of time would you survive in and thriving? I think as a very white man, I'd be okay in that time period. Right. But I think they were still mean to people who, I mean, you would effectively go in as working class. You'd be like the lowest class because you would have no savings, no job, nowhere to live. You would be a homeless, you would be a man on the street. in 1850 America The reason I chose it was because it still looked back on very fondly

as like this golden age of American prosperity. Yeah, true. You know, Fallout idolizes it, all the music, the weird retro-futuristic style of everything was all in that. I think that's more like 1950, isn't it? That's what I said. Oh, I thought you said 1850. No.

Oh, you're not allowed to go to 1950 in Michael's rules. You have to go 100 years ago. Oh, 100 years. Oh, sorry. That's all right. Oh, see, I thought you were talking about 1850, like, proper, like, slave trade era. No, fuck that. Jesus Christ.

That's why I wondered why you, we, I'm sure you said 1850. And me and Michael were thinking, why do you want to go back to, like, Alabama? No, no, I absolutely want to be a person. No, I do not want to do that. I just wanted to go back to the sort of the fallout time. I didn't want to go back to the scary time. Oh, no, yeah. I mean, obviously, the 1950s were still racist, let's be honest.

Oh, absolutely. That's, yeah. But, you know, when you just kind of. If you're talking about the Americana, the kind of, you know, it's like Greece or something. Yeah, just leather jackets and fast cars. I'd be interested to experience that. I think 1850 could be fun in like the Wild West. Dangerous but fun.

Yeah, very dangerous. God, I don't know. I've not really given it that much thought now. I'd quite like to go back to the court of King Henry. Oh. I want to see him in real life, actually. I want to see all these fucked up inbred royals. Yeah, I think it'd be very short and very round.

There's a lot of history I would love to go to. to as a tourist, but there's very little history I'd want to actually live in. Yeah, there's nothing. Because everything improves every year. Yeah. For us in the first world, at least. As a as a set of lovely lucky white males who

come from families who support us, we would do very badly even... We cannot be independent. Even sort of pre-1960, I think. Anything before that, we would start to like, we would flag behind. Because yeah, like, what? Before the 50s, be like, call mining would probably be our one job

where we could quite have, like, easily go in and get a job. Yeah, that's backbreaking labour. Shitty, like, yeah, like, you know, labour jobs. Yeah, we'd be able to get those, but not much else. Do we try and pitch YouTube around and see who has an idea to make it happen? Yeah, who's got the internet? Right, we got this idea, it's called Vidiot.

What's a, it was a video? Oh, we could just go back maybe about seven years when YouTube, we could have launched a channel and done well off it. Yeah. Sadly, these are mean and unforgiving. terrorists who won't let you do that. Wow, I've got to go back a hundred years, huh? A hundred years. God, I don't know. That's not a great situation to find yourself. I think the safest

thing to do is go back a hundred years because it's a world you, although it's not familiar, it's one that you will understand, whereas 100 years into the future, you have no idea what you're signing up for and you're going to arrive there. Everyone might be dead. You might be the only person left when you arrive. It's true. I think that's what I would do in terms of safety. The safety of 1980. If it could go as a tourist, to go all over the fucking place, but no. Yeah, we're great to hop around time. Yeah. Good question, Mikey.

Yeah, excellent. Do what you do? Did you say what you do? I think I'd try the future myself. Yeah. I'm going to risk it because it could be one of those things where maybe it's all Mad Max in there's a big civil war on in England. Yeah. Or maybe there's been some big death streak. But I think it'd be fun to say that. It might be a utopia. They might have sorted everything out in 2118. It'd be nice. I don't know. Because, I don't know.

Or maybe it's just all gone to shit. Yeah. I like to think it's all gone to shit. It'd be fun to see that happen. Yeah. What did we do wrong? Well There were some missteps The past few years

You could look up people Who you used to know in 2018 You could look in the history books And see if like Anything interesting happened Like what happened to Miley Cyrus When she was 80 You know

She didn't make you that far Did you hear about Was it, is it Nua Cyrus Is Mali Cyrus's sister? Yeah Did you hear her Well now ex-boyfriend Lil Zan He was hospitalized

For eating too many hot and spicy cheetos Oh my God I was thinking it's like a legit. That's a legit headline. He said, like, there's an interview with him, like, TMZ, like harass him from the airport. And he's like, hey, we just want to like, Kurt, you know, what happened?

Why were in hospital? I just, you know, I ate my bag of hot Cheetos, had some soda, and it started hurting real bad. Oh, no. And he vomited up a bit of blood. Oh, my God. He was hospitalized for you. Is he sure it was blood and not just red Cheeto and soda mixture?

Jesus. That doesn't sound good. Little Zan. Oh, good thing, Mikey. Good thing. Thing thing. Chavoshi Chavoshi at Joey Nassab

on Twitter If you could have Gone on Robot Wars What would you name your robot And how would it fight? That's a really good question I was always a big fan of hypnodisk I was gonna say

Oh yeah My two favourites were hypnodisc and razor You've got like a one with a strong rotary Or something like that Yeah They were both I think they were the two Sort of big superior ones

What's the one with the big flip thing on it well there are a few there was wheelie big cheese which was a big slice of cheese with wheels on and did a flipper there was one called

chaos two or chaos four or something and that was a flipper I think or did that have an axe I don't know an axe an axe yeah I'd probably just rip off hypnodisk

and call it like hypnodick or something yeah dick no hisp I just attach a dildo to the swinging thing I just watch it spin, flop around. I'd get one of those stress sausages. Yeah.

Imagine that spinning on hypnodisk. That would be the most dangerous weapon on robot wars. It would. For sure. You wouldn't go near it. Yeah. Hypno dick, that's what I would do. There we go.

I like the ones that can spin really fast. Yeah. The robot itself spins really fast. Maybe have some paddles it can put out to kind of scoop up robots and make them flip over as it's spinning. Oh, nice. I think because that's the bit, like, I think going, bashing into each other, trying to like, you know, saw each other a bit. It works, and it's bloody brilliant to watch, but boys are inefficient.

Just flip them, flip them. It's like Sergeant Bash was all just, you know, for show. Like, he had a big pincer on the front, and then he had a flame thrower. But I don't think the flame thrower really did anything, because everything was made of metal. It was just for sure, wasn't it? Which melts at, like, 300 degrees C, and it didn't look like a particularly hot flame. No. I would go for, I think it would be unpredictable in terms of where my robot would end up.

Yeah. I would call it the tantrum. And what it would do is it would have a little axe on either side, one facing one direction, one facing the other. And when it got close to an opponent, I could press a button and it would spin in a circle really, really fast, and just have these two axes flying around. And anything that came near it, hopefully, would just get smacked into space.

But equally, the tantrum might also just fly off in a weird direction. You wouldn't know where it would go. but that would be my robot because I'd just quite like to see what happens Nice Maybe Maybe mine would be Just a bomb on wheels

And you'd go out And you would blow up the enemy And it would be like Every time you compete It's just a stalemate You would be the undefeated robot From Robot Wars No one's ever defeated you

Apart from yourself Yeah Yeah to try to make sure that the robot Doesn't harm Craig Charles Oh yeah definitely Like it kills everyone Within that radius

But it stops just before for his fierce. Yeah, well, he's got that protective glass that definitely

protects them from everything. Good night from robot watch. As my old dad used to say, something about

something a bit racist. Japanese people. Probably quite racist. Good night from robot. From robot wars. Robot wash. What lovely question.

Michael, hi, slash Peter, would you pass me the green wire please? Yes. Oh.

Here's the green wire. Oh my God. Oh, okay. I don't know if that. All right, we've got to take off our headphones now. How long is it?

Can this be turned around? Oh yeah, you've got a little bit of spears there. The unit beat it. There we go. Okay, right. Oh, God, this is quite nerve-wracking. Are you boys ready?

Yeah. Hello. So, I hold in my hand. This is quite terrifying. I'm so excited. A cassette tape. This is called Rosie and Jim and the tickle monster. Oh, no.

You actually fucking found it. Jim is voiced by Robin Stevens, and Rosie is by Rebecca Nagin. Okay. It was released in 1994, and this sound recording is owned by Ragdoll Music Production and is exclusively licensed to EMI Records Limited. I like that EMI published a Rosen Jim cassette. A terrifying one at that. Here it is.

He's got in his hand. So I've just got to, I've got all the clips on my phone. Oh, God. There's relevant clips. I've been through it. I've recorded some stuff off it I've heard a tiny bit of this at Ben's Flat just the intro and the way it weirdly warps at the end

it does warp very strangely so let's just let's just see if we can get it going you're going to have to bear with me here because this is a multifaceted thing so those of you who were listening a couple of weeks ago know that I was talking about a Rosene Jim story I couldn't quite remember the name of that was quite spooky it involved some sort of monster that stole Rosie and Jim

towards the end of the story and was sort of picking them off one by one in a dark tunnel and it was really weird and quite dark for a Rosie and Jim story. Now, I would like to thank my mother and my sister who, for some reason,

Rosie. For some reason, listen to this podcast they managed to track down the cassette tape and I've got it. And we're going to listen to some of it. I'll explain what's going on. I was sort of an abridged story here. Okay. So let's be.

just see if we can hear this. Don't want it too loud. So... Oh, this is fucking horrifying. Rosie and Jim and the Tickle Monster Audio Cassette. It was released in 1994. Do you want me to fast forward to the weird warped bit? Oh God, it goes on.

I thought that was it. This is the whole song, hang on. Let me just go to the end. Here we go. Hang up. You ready? Oh, this tape is not healthy. That was the tickle monster trying to come through.

So, yeah, that's the tickle monster trying to reach out to us all. So that's your first warning as you put the tape in. This is your first warning. Now, the annoying thing is I've emailed myself the clips here. And in the attachments for this email, it's put them all out of order. So it goes 1, 9, 11, 10, 7, 8. I don't know what's going on. So I'm going to have to scroll all over the place to find what I'm looking for.

Brilliant. But we start off, and Rosie is looking for Jim. Okay. Jim? Jim! Where are you? Jim? Where is that Jim?

Well, I can't start on my own. We can't have a rosy without a gym. Jim? Jim! I don't like it. I don't like it. So that's where we begin. Already.

It's already like sploshing around. I don't know what they're, because there doesn't seem to be implied that they're actually on the rag doll because at several points during this, you can hear them running. So I don't know what the splashing is. Like a sewage tunnel?

Yeah. For some clarity here, sorry, the rag doll is a canal boat. Yeah. Rosie and Jim, two puppet characters go around and they have adventures. Rolling along on the old rag doll. Yeah, yeah, Jim.

Yeah, sorry, Peter. Well, yeah, it's just the, The foliaristry that is kind of already disturbing me slightly, yeah. Just the sloshing and the doors. But Jim's okay. Okay. Jim is also looking for Rosie though. Right.

Rosie. Jim. Jim. Jim. Rosie. Jim. Rosie. Jim.

Rosie. Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim. And then they fall over each other for some reason. for some reason. Oh, that's quite cute.

What are they called again? These two people? Rosie and Jim. Rosie and Jim. Okay. Oh, it wasn't very clear. Jim. Jim. Jim. Rosie. Rosie. Jim. Rosie. Rosie. Rosie.

Rosie. But together, they realize very quickly that actually they're missing duck. You remember duck? They used to sit on the top of the rag doll and just go, wah. Well. Old boy does it. Yeah. And you can't have a rosy.

You can't have a gym. Without our lovely old duck. There it is. There's duck. Hey up, duck. They found duck. Hey up duck. They then determine between them all, they have a little conference.

They work out that when you quack at each other, it means you're good friends. Right, okay, it does, yeah. And this is the culmination of that. Give your friend to quack. Give your friends a quack. If your friend gives you a quack, they give them a great big quack, duck. Quack, quack, quack, quack. What is this teaching children?

Hey Michael, quack. Oh, Peter. Oh, that's nice. Quack. Oh, stop it. Ben, quack at deck. Oh, my God. Settled down.

Settled down. After a while, they work out that actually they're in nursery rhyme land. Oh. That's where they are this one. Why isn't it so wet in nursery rhyme land? Yeah, it's been flooded. I don't really understand. But it's not too long before they find their first friend.

Right. They had a great fall. Bruttley. Bruttley. Uh-oh. It's the... That's the sound. It's the wizard.

That's the one. That is the sound of the tickle monster. Oh my God. What does the sound signify? What does it mean when you hear that sound? Well, I'm glad you asked. Oh, no. It turns out that Humpty Dumpty's wall has been taken.

by the tickle monster. Oh my God. It's just gone. Which causes poor Humpty to have something of an actual identity crisis as soon as I can find the clip would have been great to queue that up first.

An actual identity crisis. I used to be Humpty Dumpty but I'm not anymore. Oh, that's... So that's it. Without his wall... I don't like the voice acting. He's no one. He's nothing.

I used to be Humpty. I used to be Hampton. Is he okay? I mean, he fell off that wall and there was an actual horrible egg cracks. Yeah. Lodgy noise. Well, you say that.

Rosie then posits that they should sing the nursery rhyme, wherein Humpty Dumpty falls off a very high wall and breaks, just to sort of remind him that he is, in fact, Humpty Dumpty. But then they too discover, actually, that he is missing a wall. Good. We then hear from the tickle monster again. How can you just lose a big wall? What's that sound?

I don't know. But whenever I hear that noise Something always seems to go wrong God, a bit ominous It's just a tiny bit ominous Yeah But we do hear from the tickle monster again Oh no

Very shortly after that There's that noise again Rosie and Jim aren't scared Of that tickily sound Are we, Rosie? They are sounding scared They are trying to convince themselves that they're not.

It's not nice when your children's TV characters are trying not to be scared. Yeah. Isn't it? It's one thing being scared by something and then having it explained.

It's another thing trying to be brave in the face of something that's quite scared. Yeah, it's like sort of the third act of the Blair Witch Project when they're really trying

to just get home and it's okay, it's not real, it's not real, it's fine. Yeah. Jesus. I mean,

it's not unnatural for children's stuff to be a bit spooky at times. Like a lot of kids children's like these kind of scary episodes. Yeah, well, we've talked about a lot of things like that. It's particularly the last, well, the time of recording, the last worst games ever. The Miami

Vice one, me and Ben talked about a couple of things. Lots of people said they agreed with your statement about, yeah, Telitubbies had some spooky stuff in it sometime. But this is just fucked up. They were the same, the telitibis were scared, but we're sort of going Oh, it's fine, but it is

scary. It is quite scary. In a somewhat adult turn for a Rosie and Jim's story, Rosie suggests Humpty Dumpty sit on a banana. Oh, God. Um-ty-d-d-sat-on-a-banon-a-bun-ha-ha-ha-ha. What?

Someone in the fucking BBC officers had fun with this. Oh, no. Humpty-d-dumpty sat on a banana. They're trying to find replacements for his wall, basically. They want him to be able to realize his potential as actual Humpty-Dumpty, which is actually very thoughtful of. Jim then acts as Humpty's wall

He sort of kneels down And they sit on Jim And they sit on Jim's face Yeah After sitting on the banana Which obviously doesn't work Because that will be stupid if it worked Yeah of course

But then bricks start raining from the sky Oh my God Bricks For some reason Rosie then hits Humpty Dumpty With some Donald Trump rhetoric Okay Don't worry Humpty

Rosie and Jim can build it up again. Yeah. Don't worry, we can build your wall up again. Is that what, were they going through the swamp at the beginning? Do they need to drain the swamp? Maybe, yeah, they're trying to drain the swamp. That's what that sloshing was.

It's time to build the wall. Yeah. God. When Mexico send their immigrants, they're not sending their best. They're sending their worst. Humpties. I'm not going to... Yeah, they're sending their dumpties.

They're humpties and their dumpties. Before building this wall, however, it isn't high enough for him. So they sing a song about building it even higher. Okay. And then he's finally happy. Okay. I've worded that very strangely. Uh-huh.

This allows him to climb back upon it and fall off, restoring his confidence and mercifully allowing Rosie and Jim to continue on their way. They then spot another familiar face in the distance. So you have to remember here, every single friend that they're meeting, something's gone wrong for them. And they keep, it takes them, it takes them a little while to realize that something's wrong, because they sing the nursery rhyme until something fails. Yeah, right.

And then they try to fix that, and they sing the whole thing again, and it fails then. And there's a lot of singing. Yeah. There's an awful lot of singing. So they spot a friend in the distance. Who is that over there? Um, I'm not sure, Jim.

But she's eating something from a bowl. Yeah. I know who it is. She's sitting on a sort of tuffet thing. Yeah. That's good. And look at it. that lovely fluffy spider

I know who that is it's Miss Muffet come on Jim and off they run so you can hear them running hang on a minute is this is this going to end up with little Miss Muffet sat on a banana he already squished the banana

but there is something else that goes wrong she sat on gym well lots of people wish they could sit on gym I have to pay extra for that so after introducing themselves to Miss Muffet and a pre-rime check. Like a pre-flight check. They go through everything.

So I've got my tuftit, got my curds and way. I've got my spider. Ready to go. But then something goes wrong. Oh, no, no. Little Miss Muffet sat on her toffit eating her curds and way. There came a big spider. Who sat now beside her?

And frighten Miss Muffin' I like that. Let's do it again, Jim. Oh, that's Jesus. Come on, Incy, Wincey. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no, he's struck. Oh, no. Something's gone wrong, guys.

They've stolen her curds and way. Oh, my God. I just googled curds and way. It turns out it's cottage cheese. Well, that's exactly. I wrote that down because I thought someone would be curious. Yeah. Curds and Way are the lumps and liquid found in cottage cheese.

Lovely. She's eating a big old bowl of that. Don't know why? That's what she does. Cairds. Is that tickley noise again? Something always seems to go wrong when you hear that noise. Oh no.

He's really striking really fast now. It's pounter enough. The Tiff, the Tickle Monster cannot be stopped. No. No, absolutely not. What's it taken? There's that noise again. After offering Miss Muffet her toff.

coffee yogurt in place of her curds and worm. That's a pretty good deal. And they start seeing Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet, eating her toffee yogurt. It doesn't work. No, it doesn't rhyme at all. It doesn't work at all. And attempting the song again, The Spiders disappeared too.

Oh no. That's the worst when the spider disappears. You need to keep it in eyesight at all times. Yeah, we've been there. You'll go on your sofa and then speak you later. Rosie then takes the place of the spider, which is stupid and obviously doesn't work. Dear, I'm a spider Rosie, walk

Oh dear It's pretty horrible That's a bit weird Quite scary Along came a Rosie Who sat down beside her Yeah she doesn't even get out of the spout Because it's ridiculous

They discover Incy Wincy Spider Has hidden up the spout And won't come back down However, utilising the power Of a different nursery rhyme They're able to use their godlike powers To cause rain

to wash poor Wincey out. Oh my God. Except he goes back up the spout. Twice. They sing it each time. Good. It's a good way to pad out of tape, isn't it? They sing it for a third time

and manage to grab the little bastard before he disappears again. It's just like the first fairy tale crossover. It's very weird, isn't it? It's just like all these intertwining fairytiles. Fairytale universe. Yeah. Quick Jim.

Got you, you naughty, Incy Wixie. Yeah. Got you, Wixie Wixie. Yeah, nice one, Jim. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, got you, Ency, wincey, wincy. He's very nasal, isn't he?

He is so nasally. You may be able to tell he did probably the Humpty Dumpty as well. Yeah. The same voice. Her curds and way also reappear. Oh, thank God for that. But I'm not sure when or how, because I stopped listening. They sing little Miss Muffet's rhyme one final time,

and Duck makes a show of authority he could have used much earlier. Duck says it's time. Time to go now, Jim. Oh, bye, Miss Muffet. Please, Doc. He could have done that a long time ago. They then debate which way to go, as the music fades in, and side A of the tape draws to a close.

Right. This way now, bro, see? Well, I think we should go straight up. Peter, I'm not going to pass you the cassette. I want you to take a look at it. Tell me if you see anything strange about it. Okay. Look at the bottom of it.

Look at the bottom? Yeah. Is there something strange about it? I mean that some of the tape is transparent. Well... Oh. I'm really... Oh, goodness.

Really sorry to do this to you. Why is it... No. It's sort of melted. This 25-year-old cassette tape has melted. No! And deformed over the years. And Side B will not...

play. No! This is the side where the tickle monster steps his shit up and starts abducting them one by one. No! In a dark tunnel. I have been told on Twitter that I didn't imagine any of this, and I've looked everywhere online and nobody is selling it. There is a page for it on Amazon, but there are no listings. If anybody out there has a copy of Rosie and Jim and the tickle monster, please let us know, because I did my best to make side A as interesting as possible, but side B is where shit really gets weird.

It's like a fucking creepy pasta. Yeah. If you put it in, it just won't play. Side B will not play. Oh, no. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Just please repeat for the audience what you can see there, Michael.

Yeah, like, yeah, the side A is totally fine, not melted. It's a nice little bit of plastic. The side B, I guess, kind of where it feeds into it, it's all bent. It's like somehow it got melted over the years. And yeah, so I guess it won't, yeah, there's like holes where I guess it'll latch on, but it just can't hold on to anymore. The guys, I'm really sorry. must have just been involved somehow

side B is missing side B the spooky side oh please somebody have this I'm really sorry that I had to do that to you guys I just thought it was an opportunity to play at least some of it and to prove that it does exist and I'm not insane it would be the side that like the hot side I was so mad when my mum gave it to me she said

oh side B doesn't side A doesn't play unfortunately or side one doesn't play but side two does but because you have to put the taping upside down in most cassette play it looks like it's playing side B but really it's side A and I was so mad I had to borrow a cassette player I just had it plugged in and set up and I put my laptop right next to it to record the sound coming out of it I mean there's probably some like really expensive service you could do where like I think you can remove the tape or woman a woman and put it into another cassette yeah but I don't know how to do that

and I would ruin it yeah exactly oh god yeah like it's I hit it with a hammer a few times Did you really try and sort of bend it back in? It doesn't work like that with plastic, unfortunately. I think you just need to melt it back. But... Yeah, because you can see, like, on that side as well, totally deforms that that won't wind around. Let's see.

Oh, yeah, that's not even... That's not circular anymore. Fuck. Please, if someone has this, rip it for us and send it over because that was too intense to just leave there. Guys, I'm so sorry. What a tragedy. You've properly done us like Kippers there.

We're really excited to have finally here. I know. What did you think, though? That was good. I enjoyed that. It was a good little story. I felt like a kid again. Really good, yeah. Like, this is the most prep I've ever done for a thing, and I wish I could have brought you side B. And I assure you, I wouldn't have played and talked about quite so much guff

if I could actually play the side that was the important bit. Well, see, I enjoyed your guff. I enjoyed all the shit you were talking about side A, but I did wonder, as much as I am enjoying this, and, you know, is we're going to run out of time for side B. Yeah. But there was no side B to come. There was no side B.

I'm really sorry. Oh, that's okay. You try. I'm sorry. I cannot remember. Yeah, I know. It exists, right? And that's the good thing.

We've heard the noise. And yeah, there is a Rosie and Jim and the Tickle Monster book that came out in 1999. Again, nowhere seems to be selling it, but it is listed online in a couple of places as existing. But it's just such an obscure piece of British children's entertainment. That it just doesn't exist. It's probably just in people's cupboards. Where did you find the tip?

Was it like your parents' house? Is it my parents' house? Yeah, like in a drawer. In a radiator, was it? I don't know. I have no idea how it melted, but it should be kept in a special vault, I think. Yeah. I'm going to put it here on the shelf.

Well, thank you Ben's mom and Rosie for finding at least side A, and we've got a little taste of what is hopefully to come one day. Please, it is unsettling, though, right? It's a bit weird. It's awful. Just the idea that, you know, things are disappearing. That's, you know, that's one thing.

A wall has gone, all right, no big deal. But to know that later on, Rosie and Jim are walking through some sort of tunnel and Jim vanishes and Rosie is just left on the road. And Duck gets taken too. Oh, Doug. I think Duck goes first. Does this mean, like, so they're in fairy tale land when all that's happening? Does that mean when the lead fairytale land, the monster follows them and emerges into the real world

and also starts stealing things there as well? Who knows? Michael, it's nursery rhyme land Sorry, sorry, I wish you would have paid more attention, it's a bit hurtful Secondly, yes, we should all be very scared The tickle monster is out there right now He's out there

Maybe that's who took Fisgog from us Oh no, don't say that He's genuinely dead He is, God bless him John Cunlow, God rest him Thank you for all the memories Would you like another question? Yeah Or gone

This is from Adam Stone at Adam Stone 11 If aliens slash extraterrestrial Beings came down to earth and asked you to show case the best of what the earth has to offer, what would you show them? Snappies tomato pizza. Place, food or architecture? YouTube.com forward slash video, it's official. Awesome.

Knocked out in the park. We would buy them some Snappy's pizza. Wait, no, can you re-list the things that was like architecture, food? Okay, we'll go one by... We'll do one of each. Yeah. Person. Snappy's tomato pizza owner, yep.

Place. Snappy's tomato pizza. Food. Snappy's tomato pizza. Or architecture. I think it's a pretty beautiful building. it's a clean suite It's the whole package

I think the pizza itself is a pretty beautiful building It's square You get You know You get more pizza for your box Yeah you don't want the corners Snipped off to get a circle

Yeah I got you man God Should answer this fairly seriously now I mean that was serious But we can't just have Snappy Tomato pizza I think It'd be very interesting

To see how an extraterrestrial Would react to a beautiful symphony Oh Yeah A piece of music that moves you Because it might be Completely different In their

Their species Might have a totally different palette for music. They might think that like experimental, like static sound effects just are really soothing and moving, you know. They're just really into hitting dustbins. Yeah. That's their, that's their music. And they think violins sound like, that's, that's what a fart sounds like from there. Just laughing the entire way through. Yeah. Oh, that would be funny. My brain went in a different direction now. I thought it'd be fun to take them to like a trampoline park. Ben was really cultured and said, oh no. I take them to classical music. Just E.T.

Michael's going to John over the place I set up a line of Reese's pieces all away from a house to the nearest trampoline park and the following

amazing What about you peeps? I don't know maybe oh I don't know I mean I think a reaction to music would be very interesting

yeah a reaction to art I mean some of the greatest pieces of art are essentially just representations of real life so you know

they can't react too bizarrely to just a still picture of something that looks like something they've already seen walking around planet Earth, do you know what I mean? They're not going to be shocked by a really good painting of a landscape, but like... My God.

You know, you can wander around Earth with your new human friend for as long as you like, but until you hear your first symphony, you know, that is going to be a shock and a surprise to you. So, yeah, something like, I think you're right. I think that's what you have to do. Well, yeah. Lovely.

Peter? Yeah. It's time. Okay. It's time. Well, maybe I've got here a list of things that they might enjoy, actually. Oh. So this is a submission.

I don't know if it's an attempt at sort of a weird capitia or if it's more... I mean, you know how we like our knock-off Pokemon's and things? Oh, yeah. We love our bootlegged bits and bobs. We do. Well, Vicky of Manchester on Twitter at Vicki Halstead sent me a link and said, I thought you might want to include this in Podiat's one day. It's a list.

It's a listicle from Mentalfloss.com. Oh, yes. Okay. It's 13 brazen Harry Potter knockoffs from around the world. Oh, I already love this. It's books that have been written. I've brought just a selection of the 13. Although hats off to Mental Floss, they put the entire list on one page.

Well done. So they're not trying to get you to click through 13 different pages. Name Redund. Yeah, name redone. Yeah, name redone. And look at 12 ads per page. So I've just grabbed a few But by all means

I mean we'll put it in the link dump If we remember on YouTube The first I'd like to tell you all about Is Harry Potter and the Leopard Walk Up to Dragon Excuse me? I'm sorry Harry Potter, this is hyphenated Harry Potter and the leopard Leopard Walk Up to Dragon

Leopard Walked? Leopard walk up to dragon My leopard? Yeah, the one that I've got And that's from China Is that a film? Is that just like These are all books I should say Oh my goodness They've all been written and either published or attempted to be published officially.

Wow. J.K. Rowling herself has stopped some of these going out. But not all of them. J.K. rolling in her grave if she was dead, which she's not. Okay. Okay. So from China, Harry Potter and the leopard walk up to dragon. Okay. Goes thus. This book manages to rip off. This is quoted, by the way, from Mental Floss. So citation very much declared.

This book manages to rip off two best-selling franchises. After getting caught in a sweet and sour rain... What? What? Oh no. Okay. that's a China thing. Well, Chinese food thing. It's written in China

by Chinese people, so I guess it's just their idea of a thing. It's like cloudy with a chance of sweet and sour rain. Yeah. After getting caught in a sweet and sour rain,

Harry turns into a fat hairy dwarf. Okay. To recapture his magical powers, he teams up with an old wizard named Gandalf to find a mystical ring, kicking some serious dragon butt along the way.

Essentially, the anonymous author took a bunch of scenes from the Hobbit and swapped in Harry Potter. and his friends, for Tolkien's characters. Here's a first paragraph, as translated into English by Young Zero. Harry, this is just so good. Harry did not know how long this bath would take

when he would finally scrub off that oily, sticky layer of cake icing. Wow. For someone who had grown into a cultured polite young man, a layer of sticky filth really made him feel sick. He lay in the high-quality porcelain tub, ceaselessly wiping his face in his thoughts there was nothing

but Dudley's fat face fat as his Antifortuny's fat rear end oh wow and that's the first paragraph that is amazing beautiful I want this

he's in the bath rubbing off sweet and sour sauce from his face thinking about Dudley's face which reminds him of as fat as his fat as his fat fat bot bot

fat bot fat bot oh my god another one from China Harry Potter and the Chinese porcelain doll Harry heads to Asia after learning that Voldemort is attempting to persuade his Chinese arch-enemy

slash protege Yandermort to attack the Western wizarding world There's only one thing that can stop the dynamic duo A Porcelain doll Oh, spookums While en route to China Harry runs into Long-Long and Ching Ching Two Chinese circus members

As it turns out, Yandemort used to work for a circus under the name Norty Bubble. Oh, for God's sake. When Voldemort murdered Norty's mother, Big Spinich, Buh. Big Spinich. He also took the boy Yandermort under his wing and taught him black magic.

That's cute. So it's Voldemort's protege, son of Big Spinich, who worked in the Chinese circus as Norty Bubble. Another one from China, it's the last Chinese one I've got on the list, Harry Potter and the Big Four. funnel. Oh, right.

China. Life at the Dursley house turns awkward when Dudley starts dating a belly dancer. Right. I want to read this. Harry, who has just graduated from Hogwarts, accepts an internship position at another wizarding school. The job starts out okay until his students start turning into wooden stools left and right. Right. Harry is understandably confused and sets out to solve the mystery.

He's got four primary suspects, an evil student. Hagrid Oh, not Hagrid Voldemort or the filler of big which is The filler of big The filler of big

Which in brackets it says The Big Funnel Oh right While we haven't read the book It's safe to assume that the funnel is the culprit It says I wonder why

Yeah Okay we've got two more These aren't from China China Tanya Grotta And the magical double bass This is from Russia Oh nice

Harry's Slavic twin rides a double bass instead of a broomstick That's pretty good And has a large mole on her nose Instead of a lightning bolt on her forehead Other than that She bears a striking resemblance

To our favourite She lives in a cupboard In the home of her relatives The Dernevs Dernves Yeah, okay After her parents are killed By the evil sorceress

Tuma del Tort Wow Is that Gilma del Toro's cousin Voldemort backwards No it's I don't know what it is Who knows? Humor del taught. Humor del taught.

And finally, we've got Pori Gatta and the Stone Philosopher. Oh, the Stone Philosopher. This one's from Belarus. Yeah. In this Belarusian spoof, the magical wizard boy we know and love takes a turn for the badass.

Pori Gata rides a motorcycle instead of a broomstick. Nice. And carries a grenade launcher instead of a wand. Wow, that's awesome. I want to read this. There was also one from Belarus, which I didn't actually bring because apart from the punt,

sort of the final part, part of the paragraph, it wasn't particularly entertaining. But it's essentially the enemies are capitalists. It's just all about like, you know, defeating capitalism. That's fun. I think that was Belarus as well.

So those are just some... Wow. Screw JK Rowling. We can put her in the trash. Now we've got all these alternatives. We've got all these amazing alternatives. Thank you, Vicki, for sending that to me. I enjoyed it. And there's plenty more on that list. Check it out if you like. Check that out soon.

Amazing. Thank you, Peter. You're welcome. Final question. Yeah. Comes from Chris Davy at, it's cut it off, at Experience Davey. If you had to give up a bodily function, what would you choose? Pooping. But would you not still need to do it?

You just can't do it anymore because I'm giving it up. I guess. It's my question. So it's something you need to do, but you give it up. You're not allowed to do it anymore. I guess, yeah. Like, there's stuff you can do, like, Like, of your own free will, orgasm is all I can think of.

Yeah, I suppose. You don't... You know, there wouldn't be any health implications from not being able to orgasm anymore. You'd be pretty stressed. Yeah. I don't know, maybe... Because blinking's important, sneezing is important. Oh, I need to sneeze.

That's my one joy in life. Pooping and peeing are important. Yeah. Breathing, pretty important. Yeah, that's quite an important. Walking, I mean, important. not necessary? Yeah, true.

Is it a bodily function, though, or is it just something? That's more of like a collection of various. Yeah. I don't know if that counts, really. What about internal stuff? Like, filtering stuff through your liver. Do you think if you gave up your liver function, I'm guessing that does more than just deal with alcohol.

It deals with a lot of other things. Yeah, you'd have to be on quite serious dialysis or something. Yeah, you can't just say, well, I'll stop drinking then. I think you have a lot more to deal with. I'm giving up my liver. Yeah. God, I don't know. It's difficult.

I would, I would, but it doesn't actually, that's the whole point, it doesn't have a function. I was going to say I'd give up my appendix. But the whole thing is, I'm not giving up a bodily function by getting rid of that.

It's a real tricky one. Giving up an inconvenience. God, I don't know. Maybe I'd give up. Is a sense of smell, a bodily function? I would think so. There are worse things than not being able to, my brother can't smell.

Really? Almost entirely, yeah. Like, he can't smell, but you know he can't like you know you can sit in a room with like a bouquet of flowers and I can be like oh there's flowers smell nice and they're like across the room and I've got no fucking idea and you can go up to them give him a smell and sometimes just not be able to smell them whatsoever

wow so what's his taste what's his sense of taste I don't know actually I've not really asked him much about it I just know that well people in my family say he can't smell and I'm pretty sure he's said before that he can't smell maybe I'm maybe I'm wrong but interesting I think he I don't know how he how he tastes I'm sorry I don't know how he takes. There was, actually, someone who I know definitely couldn't smell was a lecturer at my university. She said when she was around our age, she was in her 20s, I think, she got hit in the face by a basketball on the nose.

And now she literally has no sense of smell whatsoever and can barely taste. That sucks. That wouldn't be fun. I googled bodily functions to try and, you know, get some ideas and wasn't really helping. No. Yeah. That's a shame. I would miss being out of smell, though.

God, I don't know. Oh, God. I mean, you could, if you wore special glasses, you could probably give up blinking. Yeah, little glasses that left off a spray of mist. Yeah, like swimming goggles. Yeah. I don't know, does it work like that?

I don't know. I don't know. You'd kind of want to blink, wouldn't you? Yeah. That's a really tough one. Oh, maybe I'd give up growing my nails. Oh, yeah. I'd rather just have no nails at all.

Oh, little squishy bits. No, I don't mean with, I mean just have like a finger all the way around. Not like a nail bed with no nail. Oh, that's horrible. You're going to get declawed. Yeah, no, I don't want that. But if I could just have no nails whatsoever. Oh, it could look like an early orange.

Oh, but then I couldn't scratch. Couldn't have to scratch. Couldn't orange. You just have to tape. Could you glue it to plastic? Yeah, like fake nails. Yeah. I don't know.

Weird. Well. I certainly wouldn't give up their ability to grow. No. And keep them because then once they get chipped or cut, then you fucked. Chipped. Chipped. Lovely.

Thank you very much, everybody for listening. We've got a little bit of admin to do here. Store.orgscast.com to buy some t-shirts. Hopefully they're back up now, but for some reason, the guys that run the Yogscar store are fiddling around with their suppliers for various shirts,

and it has resulted with some of our shirts being taken down temporarily. So those should hopefully be back up soon, if not already. I hope so. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all, forward slash vidiots official. On Twitch.

Twitch.tv.tv. At the time of recording, last night, we were the number one Twitch channel for Fallout 76 We got over 2,000 viewers at one point It was ridiculous because the servers were down And we were just sat there pressing X to try and get into the game And 2,000 people tuned in

Because they were wanting to watch some Fallout on Twitch They searched the category, saw that we were streaming it It's insane And we're let down horribly Like that's 10 times our usual viewership I think in future We should make a note of all scheduled maintenance Exactly

And just exploit that shit Thank you to everyone who sat through that entire stream. It was about four hours in total in the end. It was a lot of fun though. It was great fun and it also sort of turned into an impromptu poddits because we started taking questions and answering them. So if you've seen that there's a four-hour Fallout 76 stream being uploaded and you're like, I'm not going to watch that.

If you skip through it, you will find actually it has some quite podiotsy stuff. It's a podiots, yeah. You may enjoy that. What else we got here at this is Rules Boss who actually fixed Bethesda stream last night? Oh, yeah. You may... Did you see that, Michael? I did, yeah.

Yeah, that was a trending clip, apparently. Was it? Was it? For God's sake, we called Rules Boss just to ask what was going on and he typed away on his computer and then it worked. Yeah, it was magic.

We managed to get in. It was incredible. Anyway, any advice on rules, let him know. Also tell him he did a good job. At Billy Ray Botris, daily automated tweets for the very, very sad country and western music singing a man. Get the cream.

Bit. Bit.L.Y.4. It's Discord. If you'd like to join the server and say hello to people. Do it. And finally, leave us in iTunes, or a review slash rating on your platform of choice,

it means a lot, something about algorithms. And that's all. We got a question to end? Yeah, what was your question? The time travel one. I think people should put hashtag secret question in the comments and tell us, would you go 100 years into the future, 100 years into the past, or further either way.

And why? Tell us why. Don't just say, I'd go to 1801. 1801. Bye. That's it. I don't want that. Let us know why.

There's no way. Guys, thank you very much. That's all right. You're welcome. Are you ready to go home? Yeah, what time is it? I mean, it's five. Five.

Oh, yeah. I've got to get ready for my stream instead. Oh, boy. Right, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. What? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Oh! Eh!