Podiots - Podiots: Episode 23 - The Terrorgraph

Episode Date: December 4, 2018

Peter's giving birth to rabbits, Ben's sausage was stolen while he was bedridden, and Mikey's making cereal fight to the death. Buy yourself some Vidiots merch: https://yogsca.st/VidiotsMerch Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to Explorevolvo.com. I have pressed the record button. I don't believe you. We're going. Everyone, everything you're saying is now on record. So do not be a bad man.

Pooh. Oh my God. What are you going to do, Peter? What are you going? Peter, look at me. No. Look at me. I'm checking that, mate. Yeah.

Hello. What are you going to do about it? I am going to press. Stop. I don't think you have the... Go on. The balls. I dare you.

We'll upload just a 33 second poddiots. Do you want to... Is that a word you've ever seen written down before? Poddiots. I wasn't sure whether they say podcast or poddits, and I just got as far as pod. And then there was a sort of branch in my path. I had to choose either the left. Choose your own adventure.

I had to zig or zag. And I only just, I barely zagged. Yeah. Okay. Why do we keep saying words that. sound like slurs Zog Oh dear me

That's people from Mars Yeah Zogs You Zogos You guys remember What was it called Pogs Yeah

They're back In Alph form I'm sorry Remember Pogs They're back Oh is this a reference Yeah Oh god

Okay No mind Don't worry about it It's fine I'm not gonna Google It later I don't care Let's run the intro

Ah Hello everybody and welcome to Pottie. It's the official Vidiats podcast. Sound a bit stuffy there, Ben. Do you want to just let me fucking do my job? Wow. Are we all right? It's a cop.

No, we need to talk this out. Ben's written a script this time. We're not going to let him finish it. Conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the Lords of the Three Us where everybody brings our thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. I'm Michael. Are we okay? Are we chill? I'm okay. I had a weird night's sleep last night. You're a bit cold and sniffle-snuffles. Yeah, I've got the snuffles. You've got the schnaffles. I've got, yeah, the schneeshnaffles. Yeah. Feel a bit coldy and fluy. Snuffie's pizza, yeah. Don't mention their name here. They'll come.

They'll come for you. I would welcome them. Would you? No, I wouldn't actually. Not after. We had pretty large dominoes last night. We actually had a dominoes last night. Large dominoes, a heavy dominoes. That's the thing. It's a real issue for us because we constantly, literally shit-talk them. Yeah. And we keep going back.

It's an abusive relationship and we really need to break the cycle. But I'm sort of comfortable with... You've got plop home syndrome. It's very good. That is good. So did Snappies ever give you the bum piss? Or is it just dominoes? No, I've never had bum piss from Snappies.

So why do you continue to go back to Domino's? Just because it feels like a treat. I asked myself that question this morning. When I got up and I... I mean, I... As you had stuff leaking from your ass and you waddled to the toilet. I was doing his morning meditation. I've not yet had the pleasure.

I'm not much of a morning shitter. People are, aren't they? Some people think that's when you do it. I'm at 10 minutes after I leave the house shitter. So it's really like awkward, halfway to work. Oh, I need a shit now. Right. Now, I'm more of an evening boy. But irrespective of that, I got...

I got up, went into the bathroom, was brushing my teeth and stuff, and I was like, I can just feel that I had a dominoes last night. And we paid... I'm still, I can still taste it. Yeah, we paid over the odds, as you usually do. And you do enjoy it at the time, but it's like... At what cost? At what cost?

Yeah. It was interesting, because combining, having a coldy flu thing, lying down and then all of your sinuses just filling up. Yeah. And then also having the most unquenchable thirst ever, which always comes with the dominoes because you just, you cannot take on enough water. That was the other thing.

Last night I had to get up and refill my water glass three times. Oh my God. See, I didn't, but I did go to bed with a lilt. Because I knew that I was going to be craving that sweet, sweet goodness. What would your dentist say? I don't visit dentists. I bite dentists. Yeah.

It's a display of dominance. that they don't appreciate, but they don't need depreciation in my mind. Right. What was the last time we all went to the dentist? I think it's nearly a year for me. Oh, way over a year for me. It was six months ago for me because I got a reminder of recently saying you six-month appointment is due. I really should register with a dentist.

I'm just scared now. It's that point now where it's been so long that if I go, there's going to be problems. I'd rather just not know. Dentists cost money. They'll say, when did you last go? And you'll say, yeah, a long time ago. Six months ago. I mean, a year is not too bad, but I'm just.

It seems that every time I go to the dentist, it's, here's another filling. It's like, I'm brushing my teeth. I'm trying my best. See, I haven't been to the dentist for at least three years, I think. Really? But I've never really had any tooth issues. I've never had a filling. I've never had teeth removed or anything.

Yeah. So I don't know. Lucky boy. Yeah, it varies, right? Because clearly, you know, you clean your teeth and you still get punished with fillings, which isn't fair. Yeah. I don't know what that's about.

There's a natural disposition here, I guess, for my teeth to just have a whole. halls in them. I promise I do brush. Well, most of my issues, because I brush, but I've had stuff in the past year, but that was more from like clenching. So I just like hold my jaw together in my sleep, and then that's not really good for your teeth. Can we stop recording there's a

grinding on the audio track? Can you guys hear that? It's another Simpsons reference there. Nice. Yeah, oh, okay, well, fucking out. I got it. Thanks. Can you submit these in writing before we start, please? Yeah, well, the Pog's one as well was a Simpsons reference. Yeah, I thought

it was. You too, your fucking Simpsons. I don't want to know now. I'm too proud. No, I don't want to see it. I don't mean now. I mean, in advance next time. Oh, okay. That's great. This is coming up. Here's the day's schedule. Yeah. If I could research it beforehand, I'd appreciate that. Yeah.

Sorry, Ben, we'll be better in future. Thank you. Have you got some questions, Ben? No, I want to keep talking about dentists. Oh, do you? Yeah. No, I actually don't. I have absolutely no enjoy. Although my dentist always had Dennis the Menace and Beanos in his waiting room. Oh, nice. My old barber until I was about seven had those.

It was just one man with an independent. It was like one room. I think it was just upstairs in a terraced house somewhere. Oh, nice. And, yeah, he would just cut everyone's hair in the village. Oh, cute. And the same bit for a dentist. It was like just a house.

Yeah. Yeah, our dentist was a house. Yeah, my dentist was a house. But it always smells very strange in there. Sort of clean, but weird. Yeah, fluoridey. Yeah. A bit weird.

Barbar. Barber piss. It smells like the umbrella corporation before there's a breakout. Yeah. Yeah, like they're trying really hard to cover something up. Yeah, but so much so that all you can smell is how clean it is. Why is it so clean? Why couldn't we be back in, well, this is kind of linking into my last week's, my time travel question.

Oh, yeah. I wish I was in the 1900s going to the dentist get just pummeled with morphine and heroin. Yeah, so you don't feel anything. Well, but I think they'd also give you shit like magnesium, which is... Yeah, you'd definitely get some kind of cancer or... die. Yeah, you'd go mad if you have mercury. Wouldn't be great. You're worth it for a little bit of hard drug. Sure. I mean, you could do it today if you wanted to. There's still an option. But you won't have to go to the dentist for that either. I think

you could just buy it at like the chemist. Oh, see. You can have some morphine, please. Yeah, sure. Please, sir. Can have some morphine. Don't take it more than four times a day. No, that's too many times. Yeah. Have less fiend. Yeah. Let's have a question, shall we? This is from AJ Springer at Springer AJ on Twitter. If you were in a taken situation, And then in parentheses, Mikey had been kidnapped and sold to the sex trade. Why am I the one getting... The sex trade? Or any other trade, I suppose.

What trade would you like to be sold into? Or wouldn't like to be, but isn't as bad as that one. I'm sorry? Just jungle explorers have to eat him. Put me in the W.H. Smith trade. Oh, that's a bad one. Just make me work at W.H. Smith. That's a really bad one.

Oh, no, that's a really bad one. Can I see your boarding pass, please? Oh, fuck off. I just want to buy a Daryluck. I just want water. Would you like a free copy of the Telegraph? No, I wouldn't. I just want water. It's cheaper. You get free...

I don't want the telegraph. I'm paying £2.95 for a bottle of water. But if you've got the Daily Star, I'll have that, please. Yeah, I'll have the one with the boobs. Yeah. It's the same with train stations, isn't it? Yeah. I just want water.

No, you want water and the Daily Telegraph. No, I don't. I just want water. I tried to buy a pack of gum, like literally a small, you know, the normal packs of gum from the train station to B.H. Smith's a couple of weeks ago. And I went up to the counter and she went up to the counter and she went, if you pay like an extra 7p you can get one of those triple packs

with like wrapping around it and I was like well that's an obscene amount of gum yeah I was like I mean I should because I am going to want two more packs of gum in the next you know

before the expire but I just said no because no fuck you don't upsell me I've brought this to you to the counter don't try and make me leave with a Lamborghini

yeah I don't want it or the daily telegraph or the daily telegraph cinema snacks are always overpriced but they do I mean, it really shows with popcorn where it's like 12 pounds for a medium or you can get an extra large for 12 pounds 20. It's like, I mean, obviously I should and I'm already spending this much money,

but that's enough popcorn to feed an entire nation. And I don't want it. I feel like you're making me feel bad about not buying the most amount of popcorn ever seen in one place. It is ridiculous. It's just a huge bucket you have to hug all right to your seat. One thing you shouldn't go up in, a size for though even if it's only like an extra 30p is drinks because all they do is change

like the shape of the cup so it's a lot taller but it's actually a bit narrower so you're only getting like an extra thimble full of liquid pretty much also make sure you ask for it without ice yeah and make sure if if you're thinking about it you don't get ice cream at the cinema because they do that stupid thing where it looks like a full tub but then actually if you put your finger underneath you can see it goes up like three or four centimeters yeah yeah It's got like a little platform, a plinth that sits on to make it look bigger. But actually, what you're buying is an egg cup full of cream and sugar. And you don't want that.

No. Or you do, but you want more of it for less money. Yeah. So anyway, AJ Springer, um... If you were in a taking situation, Mike and Mikey have been kidnapped and sold into the W.H. Smith trade. Yeah. What would your actions be?

And what would your own personal particular set of skills be? Oh, sure. I don't know where you are. I don't know. I don't know. But I will find you. You know those live streamers who do like IRL streams and kind of take the phone out with them I'll do that, the hunt for Ben and Peter

and I get like everyone involved in the hunt making like a scavenger hunt thing I think that's the best way to do it is just get all... You'd try really hard to find us and we'd just be in our flats like where did you think we would be? Did you try texting us? I would uh... what are our special skills? I mean I would just make a video. Has anyone seen Mikey? A remix of all my screams. Yeah. Just a song.

And but it's secretly it's Morse code for like release Mikey and yeah and when the terrorists inevitably see it trending worldwide on Twitter because it's just so good. Oh my God. When they listen to it. The W.H. Smith terrorists. Yeah, absolutely. They would listen to it and then subliminally they would be sort of being told or maybe it's not Morse code, it's backmasked. So, you know, when you know like they reverse lyrics in. Oh, right. And it says like, six, six, six. six Lucifer, oh, suck my penis. With the awe. I know that exactly, yeah. That was in Thomas the Tank Engine in that one. That's what I would do. I would put that in, but like, release Michael.

And then they would do it. Oh my God, that's so spooky. And what a clever and creative man. So handsome, best release Michael. No, it's subliminal. They don't even know that you're doing it. So as they're listening to the song with all of Mikey screams, it just sort of goes,

yeah, like that. Wow, I need a poo. Yeah, we'll reverse that and see what it's. sounds like yeah I wonder what more work for the editor here we go here's what it sounds like

fucking nonsense that's what it sounds like I would I'd probably just moan about it to be honest I don't know I don't know how hard

I'd try not because I don't care yeah it's just a lot of work to find a person you know I've just I'm just so tired

I'm just I feel so tired all the time yeah I just want to would you at least born to police so inconvenient I mean maybe

like tomorrow I'd set a reminder in my phone and I would do it but I'd probably snooze the timer a couple of times and again it's not because I don't care it's just because you know it's just oh it's so inconvenient that you got taken by W.A. Smith

Yeah God God. So annoying why me why do I have to do it? I'd be fine for a couple of days so you don't have to like hurry I assume they'd feed me with overpriced sandwich selections. Yeah so expensive giant share bags of wine gums

I'd sleep upon beds of daily telegraphs which might not be bestsellers that's all I've got to read the book clubs stand-up comedy CDs from from Roy Chubby Brown oh god it's just racism which inexplicably is only on sale in W.H. Smith's at service stations yeah Bino annuals yeah 2017 sticker books from World Cups gone by horse magazines for girlies yeah every magazine you couldn't possibly imagine existing like muscled tattoo football players magazine and an unbelievable number of different paint shades for the art supplies on the second floor. Oh, there's a second floor in the time. Oh, yeah, the stationary section as well.

Sometimes there's a second floor where they have like loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of tubes of little paints. How about a swimsuit or a wooden duck or one of many letters that you buy individually to put on the wall or maybe an overpriced off-brand Beanie Baby. Oh, God, yeah. You got a lot of those. Yeah, definitely. You want some envelopes? Can I interest you in some drumstick squishies at all? Yeah. What about a scarecrow? I'm just listing all the things that I have seen for sale at service stations.

Swimsuits was the best one. And landlocked, Lee de la Mere. De La Mere? Yeah. Isn't Mare? Sea. Yeah. It's not close to the sea.

Oh. Not really. It's about 45 minutes towards the center of England. Some guy at head office just saw on the database that, Oh, that's got mayor in the name. I guess it's near the sea. We'll just make sure that they're readily stocked with swimsuits. In the middle of November. That's like, great, thanks.

Weird shit. You know I bought you a wooden duck for Christmas, Peter? Yeah, you did. Yeah, that was from a service station. Was it? Yeah, I don't know if you realized. I've also got, I don't think I told you this. I've also got an almost identical duck.

Oh, no. That wasn't from a service station because it feels more like a more solid block of wood than yours does. Right. But they stand next to each other and their friends. Oh, they're proud. Okay, that's nice. But I think the more solid one judges the other one because it came from a service station. No, that's fine.

I think he knew. He knew. Yeah, he knew what had happened. Anyway, we ended up just talking about service stations. Would you like to do a thing? Oh, go on. Goodness me, yeah. Who would like to go first?

I'll go first. Oh, go on then. I've decided that I'm going to go first. Got no fans. And actually, even if you hadn't even asked, I would have done it anyway. Butted in. If you'd started yours, I would have gone, no. I've got a thing.

I think you mean Peter's got a thing. thing. I've got some pocket lint on my... Oh my god, that's your thing. Get off me. Can I have it? No, it's gone now. It's on the floor.

What happens if you collect other people's pocket lint and put it with your pocket lint? They have a little pocket lint-ling or something. Rare. Lint-link. Oh, that's cute. Are you boys, have you heard of Mary Toft from the 1700s? I haven't. I haven't.

I wasn't alive then. No? Were you? I think you were. I probably was in Yorkshire. Yes. You've been there for a long time. alive in the 1700s.

Like a vampire, actually 400 years old, but you don't age only when you're in Yorkshire. Yeah. Mary Toft was an English woman from Surrey, who in 1726 became the subject of considerable controversy when allegedly she gave birth to rabbits multiple times over several days. Oh, that's cute. That does not sound remotely true. Welcome to Wikipedia. Thank you.

It's welcome to be back here. Yeah, excellent. In 1726, Toft became pregnant, like she actually did legit. Like with a baby Become real pregnant With a little lintling Legit Yeah

You know They had a little bit of a lint party Yeah All of the lint danced around her And suddenly she was imbued with life And child Mr and Mrs Toft Loved each other very much

In early 1726 Or late 1725 Did a sex Yeah And she was pregnant But following her reported Fascination With the sighting of a rabbit

Oh my God a rabbit Had she never seen a rabbit Before There's a lot of them in English England. But she might be a city slicker, possibly. You still see rabbits in cities sometimes. This sentence doesn't end well, by the way. Following her reported fascination with the sighting of a rabbit,

she unfortunately miscarried her baby. Oh, no. That's horrible. I mean, but you have to keep in mind, Michael. I actually believe that, I mean, I don't believe that she gave birth to rabbits, but I believe that a woman in 1726 saw a rabbit and that actually caused a miscarriage. Because this is in the age where if you'd walked up to someone in 1726 and just all you would have had to say is like

I've got a phallus and I like to lay my hand there upon on my case. Peter Austin Yeah. You turn yourself into the police right now. She may well have actually fainted. Oh my God. I'm not being, I'm not trying to be like oh women are weak. It's just

back in those days they were weak. They were weak. They're not weak anymore but now they're well they were subjugated to a pretty shitty kind of Victorian lifestyle. Lankles on show. That's not nice.

Yeah, and it's a medical fact. It's a historical fact that women would swoon at the most, you know, gentle of things. And therefore, the idea that she saw a rabbit and got excited, that may well have caused a miscarriage. Fucking hell. Jeez, that's...

God, you really bring down the mood again. You edited Spiro, right? Yeah. Did you cut that stuff out? Oh, it's still in there. Okay, Peter just... We're playing a Spiro game, and let me talk about a guy who's died.

Frank, you can't remember anything. Oh, God. Yeah. Anyway, do carry on, Peter. So, she unfortunately miscarried her actual baby. That's very sad. Her claim to have given birth to various animal parts after that. Oh, my God.

Okay. Prompted the arrival of John Howard, a local surgeon who investigated the matter. He delivered several pieces of animal flesh, and he actually did. Right. That's actually true. Oh, God. And duly notified other prominent physicians, which brought the case to the case to the attention of Nathaniel Saint-Andre,

surgeon to the royal household of King George I. Oh my God. And a great, great-granddad of Peter, Andre. Peter-Ondre. Yeah. Definitely. Whoa. Peter St. Andre.

Yes. Mysterious animal. Do you think it's pronounced weirdly like Syngian? Yeah, probably. What's up with that? Yeah. Do you know about this? What's that?

You can be, your first name, if you're an English person, can be... Or, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You can be from all over the place these days. It's not legal anymore. An English first name is St. John. And it's pronounced, many people pronounce it, Sinjin.

Sinjin. Never heard of that before. I went to school with a Sinjian, but that was a last name. Did you really? Oh, yeah, okay. Synjian. So, Saint-Andre, or Sun-Andre, concluded that Toff's case was genuine.

This is the King's surgeon. Oh, my God. But the King also sent surgeon Syriacus Arles. Oh, nice. From the fucking Star Wars can'tina Yeah, British name Yeah Who remained skeptical

By then, quite famous Toft was brought to London Where she was studied in detail Oh no And under intense scrutiny In producing No More Rabbits She confessed that the event Had been a hoax

And was subsequently imprisoned As a fraud Oh my God Now I'll tell you how the hoax Was done and how it came out I've got a mental picture Yeah I've got an idea too

But I don't want to say it out loud Because it could be because it might not be true. It might not be true and also it's horrible. Yeah, well, I'll get to that. Oh, God. But there was also in a subsequent document that was published, I think years later, a note from John Howard to St. Andre, that's the local surgeon to the King's surgeon, was included.

It said, Sir, since I wrote to you, I have taken or delivered the poor woman of three more rabbits, all three half-grown, one of them a done rabbit. Dunn is an old word for Brown. It wasn't just sick of it. I'm so done. I'm a done rabbit. The last leapt 23 hours in the uterus before it died. As soon as the 11th rabbit was taken away,

up leapt the 12th rabbit, which is now leaping. If you have any curious person that is pleased to come, they may see another leap in her uterus and take it from her if she pleases, which will be a great satisfaction to the curious. I think what you're saying is, if you want a rabbit that's been birthed by woman, pop round.

Yeah, I'll give it to you. If you're interested, come and have a go. Yeah. I am, sir, your humble servant, John Howard. So, the hoax. Yeah. The hoax was uncovered on the 4th of December. Thomas Onslow, second Baron Onslow,

had begun an investigation of his own and discovered that for the past month, Toft's husband, Joshua, had been buying young rabbits. Right. Furthermore, Thomas Howard, a porter at the place Toft had been staying during the investigation, confessed that he had done, been bribed by Toff's sister-in-law, Margaret, to sneak a rabbit into Toff's chamber. Margaret?

Mag, mag. Will you take this rabbit into the chamber? She says you've done very poorly. Poe-a-le. When arrested and questioned, Mary denied the accusation, while Margaret... Margaret? Under Douglas' interrogation, claims that she had obtained the rabbit for eating only. Right.

The investigation was further done by obstetrician Sir Richard M. Manningham. That's an expert in lady matters, an obstetrician. Manningham. Manningham. Yeah. And he examined Toffed and thought something remained in the cavity of her uterus. Oh, God. After several days of questioning, he threatened to perform a painful operation on Toff, because apparently you're allowed to do that if a woman thinks she's given birth to a rabbit. Yeah.

You can just, without consent, just cut her open. I'm going in there. And I want to see what you've got inside. So after this threat, on the 7th of December, in the presence of numerous witnesses, she finally confessed. following her miscarriage while her cervix had been oh sorry I've just scrolled badly

while her cervix had permitted access Oh no An accomplice had inserted into her womb The body of a cat Oh my God And the head of a rabbit This is exactly what I was worried It was going to be

And I did not want to say it out loud Somehow it's worse than I thought They had also invented a story In which Toft claimed That during her pregnancy And while working in a field she'd been startled by a rabbit and had since become obsessed by rabbits. Right.

For the later alleged deliveries of animal parts, which took place over subsequent days, other rabbit parts had been inserted into her vagina. Good. Imagine the act of doing that. Yeah. Come on, love. Let's shove a cat and a rabbit. What's the end goal there?

What is it? Fame and fortune? Yeah. But you'd be known as the lady that gave birth to rabbits. Well, yeah. At what cost, right? I don't know. I don't think they're.

They thought very hard about this one. There's one final fact I have for you from the Wikipedia article. Thank you. Please share. The King's surgeon, Nathaniel Santandre, claimed that following the scandal, he never ate rabbit again. Oh, it was enough to put him off rabbit. I think that is fair. He probably didn't eat a cat ever again either. No, and obviously they used to eat cats all the time.

It's delicious. Delicious, gay me meat. There you go. The true false story of Mary Toff giving birth to animal parts. I didn't know before, and I'm very. sad that I know now. You're welcome. Thank you, Peter. Thanks for bringing that along. I assume you're

just aware of this story before, and you didn't just go Googling. Stories about women shoving animals up there. Has anyone ever given birth to a rabbit? Yeah, no, I think I saw it somewhere on Wikipedia. In your daily travels. In my daily travels. Disgusting. No, I was there, wasn't I? 1700. Oh, yes. You're one of the physicians. I'm, yeah, St. Andre.

Peter. You are Peter St. Andre. Oh my God. Oh, okay. A.F. Ginger at Ben underscore Parker 36 on Twitter asks, would you ever be willing to perform a backflip? Would you be willing to take a risk for a sick trick? Depends. On solid ground, probably not. I don't even think on a trombopoline, I would.

Would you not? No, I don't think so. I'm not confident enough in my own ability to not coward out halfway through and kill myself. I wouldn't just do it for fun, but if someone was sort of going, go on, go on, do it, do it. and I had an audience. If I was peer-pretched.

Okay, so the spotlight is what Peter Austin craves. Not the spotlight. He needs it all on him. No, he can perform. No, that's not what I'm... Cirque to Austin. Cirque to St. Andre. No, I'm saying, I don't want the spotlight on me.

And in order to get the spotlight off me or get the peer pressure away, I would do it. You would willfully hurt yourself. Well, not on solid ground. Risk serious injury. On a trampoline, I would risk it. Okay. What are the mechanics of doing a backflip?

Because front flips make sense to me. That's kind of like a hurried forward momentum, but I think back momentum is much hard it carry out. I mean, having watched a lot of wrestling, yeah. Most of the time, it would be a moon salt, I think, which is a backflip. Yeah. And they literally just jump and then tuck their head back

and tuck their whole, they sort of bend backwards like this, and they tuck their whole body like that, and just go with the momentum until they land. I guess you just flip your legs. It's a real commitment. Yeah. You have to, like, fight. every instinct you have in order to not stop it.

Pillows and a helmet. Right, so sort of a Peter gets hit by a car situation. Yeah, so if I'd, because inevitably I will end up falling on my head and back. If I had protection, I'd probably do it. It'd be fun, because like front flips are fun to do on a trampoline. Just kind of let the momentum take you, let yourself smash on the floor. Have you done that? I can't land them, but I can sort of flip.

Okay. So you would only do it if you had, you know, protection. This is from the man who took a brick to the head. As a kid, you see, I'm getting old now. If I took a brick to the head now, I'd be dead. That's flexible. True. I wouldn't. I don't think I would.

No. Like, sick trick, love to do a sick trick. But physically, I'm not built for that. How much money would you do it for any amount of money? Oh, yeah. Where's the risk? If money's involved, I think most people would do almost anything for the right price. What's the minimum you would do?

In a controlled environment. Yeah. A thousand pounds. With paramedics on hand. Yes, a thousand pounds. That's fair. I'm glad you went through a little. a realistic price there because I hate that when people are giving...

200 billion pounds. Yeah, it's like you're given a hypothetical situation and, oh, how much would you do it for? Oh, a million. Oh, as you're saying, I've offered you 900,000 pounds, you wouldn't do it. Yeah, fuck off. Exactly. I'm not talking like we're paying this much into the European Union every week. Let's give it to our NHS instead money. I'm talking like

realistic, go on a nice holiday money. Or buy new legs money. Buy loads of domino's money. Yeah. Endless stream of bumpus. Delicious. Well, maybe that could be the special trick of backflip, bump his as you flip. Oh, that's not, you'd get coated.

A Catherine wheel. You wouldn't be a Catherine wheel. I mean, it looks like a Catherine wheel's gone off in the toilet after you've had a dominoes anyway. I think I've seen a horrible gif of that where a naked man jumps into a lake. Yeah, and as he leaps, a load of poop comes out of my god. I don't want to know about that. I think a dog is jumping in after him as well.

Yeah, we'll think of the exact same giff here. It's a real gif. I don't want to see it. We'll put it in the link dump. No, we won't. I've stopped doing the link dump. Oh, never mind. Because by the time the podcast goes out, I've totally forgotten what's in it.

Yeah. So people can just Google it if they're curious. Man jumping off peer and pooping while dog jumps in after. Dot pia. Dot, dot, dot gif, dot gif, yeah, thank you. Harry, at, oh, he's got a great username. At Harry 70866-985. Oh, that's a good number. That's a really good one.

What are your favourite TV shows to binge? Have you got a TV show you've seen a few times? Like, one that you go back to, one that you re-watch every year? couple of years or so. I have a TV show that I do re-watch every year but not in that kind of way. It's coming up my time to watch it

every Christmas I watch this oh this is such a fucking Peter Austin I've started talking and I'm like oh my god what is this? You can have a guess. Is it about walks? Walks?

Walks. Oh no it's not walks. Although I've watched that I've watched that through two or three times like Tony Robbins and one. Yes, exactly. Any of the guesses? What about... Dad's Army is what I'm thinking,

but that's a bit too normal. No, it's very niche. Something that involves history. I think it's non-fiction. It's fiction. It's fiction. It's fiction. Yeah.

Okay. It's a Christmas fiction. A Christmas fiction. I think of old... Is it the Snowman? And where's a TV show? Yeah. Not a TV episode?

No, it's got six episodes. So it's British. Yeah. Yeah. Because they only made a few. And it was... it was aired in I think 1986 or something

and it has really shitty blue screen effects on it I genuinely am stunned is it science fiction no but it's it's sort of magical it's it was a children's thing but I watch it because I

watched it when I was a child at Christmas and I continued to watch it every Christmas when I was a child and I've just never stopped doing it despite the fact that I'm now too old to be watching it. And if you stop, the monsters would die, yeah. Okay, yeah. That's when the monster

come, whew! Yes. Yeah, the tickle monsters on his way. Go on, Peter. In 1986, the BBC did a TV adaptation of John Mace Fields, the Box of Delights, which is a children's book. No, I hadn't heard of it until

someone bought me it on DVD when I was a kid. Well, I wasn't even that much of a kid, but I was young. And it's about this boy. He's played by the most well-spoken child in the world. My God. Yeah.

The box of delights. This is jolly exciting. Absolutely amazing. The old wizard man in it, because there's an old wizard man in it. Good, good. Is played by Patrick Troughton, who was the second doctor in Doctor Who. Oh, okay. And the old wizard man has this magical box, and he's being hunted by younger, newer,

evil wizard men who have new magic, which is more powerful than his old magic. Okay. And they're after his box. And so he gives it to the little boy because they wouldn't suspect that he would have it. Right. And he goes on all these magical adventures. It's set around Christmas.

And he, the six episodes of slightly weird, very difficult to follow story. I still don't quite understand it to this day. Okay. But there's, it's just, it's, it's so fun to watch because it's really badly done. Or relatively speaking, it was really well done at the time.

But there's this one bit in particular where he's riding this horse and he's trying to jump into this castle over a castle wall because it's a magic horse. Of course, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. The horse is running along. It's a side view, and the horse starts flying up into the air before it started to jump.

So it runs in the air, up into the air, and then halfway up as it's jumping, it then does a jump. Oh, good. Right. So I don't know why they didn't wait until it was jumping and then make it fly up into the air. It's just things like that. And then there's loads of... The box can make you fly, and it's just boys on wires.

That's all that is. Oh, good. And you can just see them sort of swaying slightly as the wire coils up, and then uncoils. It's a lot of fun, though. And I tend to binge it in one or two sittings, all six episodes, every Christmas, and it'll be coming up in the next couple of weeks in December. I'll be watching it. Oh, cute.

I kind of want to watch that now. Sounds great, pizza. It's good, bad. You'd enjoy it. Okay. If you say so. Yeah. All right.

Yeah, Michael. I've got Friends as my current background noise. I've never actually, like, you know, like... Background noise is a good way to put it. Yeah. Like, Friends has always been there my entire life. Like, well, back when he used to watch TV, like, E-4 was on, like, every night. Yeah. Like, it's always kind of, it's been, like, my sister used to love it.

It's been a constant kind of background noise. But this is my first time actually watching it and paying attention. I'm bloody enjoying it. Yeah? It's good. But I think Parks and Rec is one thing I kind of work my way through every year or so for some reason. Like, I quite enjoy that. Jackass as well, actually.

Oh, yeah. I do love watching the old Jackass episodes. like they're so fucking good I've not actually I've seen hardly any episodes of the TV show but I tend to binge if you want to call it that

I watch like I tend to watch at least two films in one sitting if ever I watch one jackass film I have to watch another I need to see more men pooing there's like five or six of them because they did the point five episodes

where it's just all the stuff they didn't include they released like 2.5 and 3.5 so there's a lot to go at I do recommend watching the original like the first season is just the most low budget yeah hacky shit ever But it's just them making do with giving money by MTV and being told, go out, hurt yourselves.

I have seen that one clip. I think it might even, I think it was pre Jackass. I think it was sort of the pitch where Johnny Knoxville is trying, like, riot. Bulletproof. Well, there's, actually, well, I know a lot about Jackass for some reason, because I really got into it, like, a year ago. Right. I think the initial pitch, Joy Knoxville was working for a magazine at some point. Oh, yeah.

And you want to do an article about getting shot with a gun while wearing a, like, a bulletproof vest. Right. And, like, the video of him getting shot is the most, like, just drive out into the desert, out into this vast open area, like, hidden away. Yeah. And someone just, like, points the revolver at his chest, and he's, like, hyperventilating.

Oh, my gosh. He just, phew, he falls down. It's the most fucking intention ever. He, like, jumped straight up immediate and they run in the car and just drive off. And the cameras just there, and the car is like, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. And then that led onto, in the pilot episode of Jackass,

where they tested out the riot gear, and pepper spray, all the stuff like that. It started with him getting shot with a gun. I really recommend watching that person. I didn't know that had happened. Yeah, it's really intense. God damn. That's what they did, and that's how they got their money.

Well, I can't really follow that. Or do you, don't try. I really like to watch communities, one of my favorite shows. Oh, I haven't watched Community. I love Community, and I also adore Parks and Rec. And I watched it for the second or third time last year, and I'm going to watch it again this year. But it's going to be, because it's sort of a comfort blank.

it's going to be when I move. Yeah. So when I move in the new year, I'm just going to have it on while I start unpacking and stuff like that. Yeah. It's going to be nice. I have shows that I put on when I'm, you know, I'm either, I've just moved to a new place or like, you know, I'm having a really shit week and I just put it on.

Not necessarily because I want to watch it and enjoy the narrative, but just because I associate it with. It's comforting. Yeah. Times where I've just been having a nice time, sitting watching it. Yeah. I think I'm trying to rewatch Breaking Bad over the next couple of months. It's been a while.

I think I get to that point where you know you forget everything about the show. You can re-watch it again. It gets interesting again. It's been like two years since last watched it. I think that's next on my hit list. Nice. Good idea. I haven't watched Breaking Bad since it came out, actually.

I recommend it. It's really good. So much of it, though. Yeah, it is long, but... It's very addictive. I'm meth. Guys, can I talk to you about Struel, Peter? Sorry?

Hello? Struel Peter. Struel Peter. De Struel Peter, Shock-headed Peter or Shaggy Peter, is an 1845 German children's book by Heinrich Hoffman. Oh.

Excuse, what, what is this? It comprises 10 illustrated rhymed stories, mostly about children. Each has a clear moral that demonstrates the disastrous consequences of misbehavior in an exaggerated way. I know this now. I know what this is. I know about Tom Sucker Thumb. We'll get to get it.

The title of the first story provides the title of the whole book, De Struld Peter, is one of the earliest books for children that combines visual and verbal narratives in a book format and is considered a precursor to comic books. I sort of fell backwards into weird capiti I'm really sorry am I allowed in No please do I didn't take off my shoes though I have tracked so much mud in

Weird Cabanthia Well let's not say that You can't say that anymore can you No Weird Capottia Oh there's good That's it So

Let's have a listen to some of these stories Shall we It is sort of a Grimm's fairy tale Sort of And said the child died Yeah Because it didn't wash his hands It is like they're really horrible

Yeah, it's quite horrible. So, number one, Struelpeter describes a boy who does not groom himself properly and is consequently unpopular. That's quite a mild one, that one. Yeah, that's me. Can you read that?

Second one? In... Where am I looking? Oh, I see. Number two. In the Gisichter von Bosen Friedrich, which is the story of Wicked Frederick. Thank you.

Wicked Frederick. Nice. Wicked Frederick. It sounds like Dennis the Menace's, like, friend. Wicked Frederick. Yeah. A violent boy terrorizes animals and people. He is eventually bitten by a dog who goes on to eat the boy's sausage while he is bedridden.

That took a comment. It starts off so intense. Oh, he stole a fucking sausage. But I don't know if that's a euphemism or actually just a sausage. No, I think it would. I think Wikipedia would be quite happy to say. It goes on to eat the boy's penis while he's bedridden. The boy's penis.

Oh, there's another one, Peter. I mean, they all have bad names that I can't pronounce. Number three, for me, please. In, the gar traueriguerichita mit dem... Oh, that's a hard one. Feozoic. The very sad story of the matches. The very sad story.

I haven't read all of these, by the way, so this is a journey for me, too. Yeah. A girl plays with matches and burns to death. Oh, my God. God. Number four, Peter. In the history of the wild hunters, as in Jaeger, which means the story of the wild hunters, as in Yeagermeister. Where's this going to go?

Oh, a hunter, probably singular. Oh, you've skipped one, but we'll go back. Oh, sorry. It's pretty bad, actually. The one before has racial tensions. Oh, that's great. The story of the wild huntsman is the only story not primarily focused on children. In it, a hare steals a hunter's musket and eyeglasses and begins to hunt the hunter.

Oh my God. In the ensuing chaos, the hare's child is burned by hot coffee and the hunter falls into a well. Jesus. This sounds amazing. What a, what a... Wait, is this a hair holding a gun and wearing glasses? A little bit more needs the glasses in order to use the gun. Yeah.

Number four for me, Peter. I've not heard of some of these. Maybe I'm thinking of... Have you read the one of... Do you know the one about the thumb sucking? I think that one might be in there, but I'm not sure. I think I know what this is, but I'm not sure. Okay, number four.

In di Gischichter von den Schwarzen-Buben. Ooh. That's the story of the black boys, I'm afraid. Yep, that's the story of the black boys. Nicholas or Agrippa, in some translations, catches three boys teasing a dark-skinned boy to teach them a lesson. He dips them in black ink.

Oh, yeah. So I have heard of this. I've heard that one. That's a fun one. Yeah. Number six for me, Peter. Number six is Degu Shikta von Dharman Luchscher,

which that is the, that's the thumb-sucking boy. This is horrible. A mother warns her son not to suck his thumbs. However, when she goes out of the house, he resumes his thumb sucking until what happens, Michael? Does he suck off his own thumb down to the bone? No. A roving tailor arrives and cuts off his thumbs with giant scissors. He's called the Great Tall Taylor or the Great Long Red-Legged Cizzer Man.

Because he's this really tall, lanky, creepy man. Have you been sucking your thumb? Who's got like red stockings. on and a giant pair of scissors and if you suck your thumb the great tall tailor will come and chop your thumbs off What the fuck?

Yeah, pretty horrified That's a bit much God, some kid was raised on this and thought, well, cast it with him No wonder people were so uptight for so long Yeah, it's okay to mess up That's what we say now But back then it was like, you will die

Yeah Or you will be dipped in black ink Or fall down a well I like how the solution to Those Black Boys teasing the Black Boy He doesn't just say stop teasing the black boy He says, Because it's not right

It's like you're going to make To be as teased as he Yeah, I'm going to make you black boys black. And you'll be teased for being black. It's not the ideal solution, is it? It's not the best moral. It's a bit tone deaf. Yeah. I've now learned from your pronunciation. I'm going to give it a go. Is it da die? D. D. D. Gashita von Suppen Casper, the story of soup caspar, this one. Soup Casper. Begins as Casper or Augustus, in some translations, a healthy, strong boy, proclaims that he will no longer eat his soup. Over the next five days, he wastes away and dies.

And that's the story. And that's the story. That's all. it is. That's to teach kids to finish their meals, or you will die. In, I've already forgotten again, D. D. D. Gashita von Zappel-Philip, the story of fidgety Philip. Oh, that's cute. A boy who won't sit still at dinner accidentally knocks all of the food onto the floor to his parents' great displeasure. Germans didn't do a great job with that one. That wasn't quite as much of a right turn as I'd have. And then the demon of the table eats his willy.

Well, that sounds like me, but also, how the hell do you knock all the the food off the table. It's like, oh dear, wiping his hands or whatever. His parents were so displeased. Did they just have a really small table? Yeah, maybe. A two-by-four plankar wood.

Maybe he had really big arms and legs. Maybe it was the great tall tailor before he was grown up. Exactly. That's what turned him bad. It's an origin story. It is a precursor to comics, remember. Yeah. Degu Shikta von Hans Guk in De Luft.

The story of Johnny Look at Air, this one, concerns a boy who habitually failed. to watch where he's walking one day he walks into a river he is soon rescued but his writing book drifts away no his writing book awful horrific because he's just looking in the sky everywhere it's like the opposite of nowadays nowadays it would be the story of Johnny put your fucking phone away yeah when he cross in the road Johnny sexts yeah Johnny sexts a lot in Degasichter von Fligendon Robert the story of flying Robert

A boy goes outside during a storm. The wind catches his umbrella and lifts him high into the air. The story ends with the boy sailing into the distance. Oh, wow. Oh, there's an illustration of fidgety Philip. Oh, my God. I need to see this. There it is.

He's sort of rocking backwards on his chair and there's a tablecloth and he just pulls the whole thing. That makes sense. He pulled the, he did the tablecloth trick, but his parents looked really displeased to be fair. That's a good drawing. I like that. There is a picture of the tailor that I want to pull up, but you please do carry on. The author Heinrich Hoffman worked at. as a physician and later on as a psychiatrist.

Some of his stories describe habits of children, which can be in extreme form signs of forms. Sorry, hang on, which can be in extreme forms, signs of mental, this is horribly written, signs of mental disorders. Attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder is called Zappell Phillips Syndrome colloquially in Germany. The story of suppen Casper,

soup Casper, is a case example of anorexia nervosa. Yeah, I guess so. You wouldn't eat his food. Uncomparable hair syndrome is also called Strulpeter Syndrome after the book title So in the UK Because my mum had these stories growing up Did she?

Was called shock-headed Peter in the UK And that's what he looks like Yeah And he's terrified Oh my god He's got these horrible long fingernails And really big hair So am I think about this correctly

This guy wrote these books As kind of like a cautionary tale To kind of stop mental disorders and children Yeah well I guess he didn't know at the time That they were mental disorders If I scale them into not fidgeting, that'll stop them. Yeah, I mean... I think he's just trying to get...

I think he's probably annoyed by these people who had the indecency to have mental disorders, very selfishly. Exactly. And I think he just thought maybe if we try and tell them to stop, they'll stop, I don't know. Well, I guess he didn't know. I don't think he knew that back then they were mental disorders. He just thought that people with anorexia should just eat.

Just eat. Come on. Just eat. When you eat up? I don't know if you've got this picture there, Ben. I didn't realize you had them, but this is the tailor man. Oh, he's really frightening, I don't like him Chopping off the boy's thumbs Fuck me

Oh, these are really good The Wemez's book released I kind of want to buy a copy of this 18 something or other I've closed the page Oh nice But there we go That was my thing

I know that there were UK translations So you can at least get Shock-headed Peter Yeah Tom sucker thumb That's why I said I didn't know it was a translation But yeah

I mean it's very German It is very grim It is very grim's fairy German Yeah Quick question Before we move on to Mikey's thing Oh Owen Giddings

at Owen Giddings on Twitter, what did each of you study at university and did you enjoy it? Digital film production and I loved it. It was great. It was at University of Sondland, which is not a good uni, by any stretch of imagination, but it was a good environment to learn and establish new skills and make connections. So you're actually properly using your qualification. In a very loose sense of the word, yes. Well, it's a lot closer to what me and Ben are doing. I mean, Ben, you're actually semi-close as well. I have transferable skills and it's very relevant to what we're doing right now. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I did radio production at DeMontford University, and I enjoyed it for the most part. I decided sort of halfway through my last year that actually I don't really like radio that much. I'm not a huge fan anymore. I don't really like it. I'm not a huge fan of the people that work in it, and I like games a lot.

And what if I could combine both of these things together into one package? Don't be ridiculous. So, yeah, that was my thing. De Montfort is a, oh, it exists as a university, so if you're in Leicester, it's one of two. Peter, what did you study? I had a similar experience to you, really, in that I studied psychology at Durham, and with genuinely, with the interest and intention to move on in that field as a career, some people take psychology because they think it's just a bit of a bit of a dos.

But you were there able to learn. They've watched a Darren Brown documentary and they think they'll be able to learn how to do mind tricks. Was it a BA? It was BSC. Nice. Same. Yeah.

Oh, mine was a BA. Oh, mate. Back a little of the arts. I had to do an engineering thing and learn maths. It was awful. Ha. But ultimately, after the third year, I realized that, like, if you want to do anything like,

if you really want to apply it in a good way, then you have to do way more study. And I didn't want to do any more. I was happy to do three years of it. And I could have, then gone and used it as a transferable skill. I could have done like social work and things like that. The disdain with which you said social work.

Social work. No, I just mean, you know, I think it's, it's, there would have been a lot of stuff in the three years that I had learned that I would not need in social work. So it's like, okay, well, I'm sure the job is quite interesting and you're helping people, but I feel like I've spent all this money on a degree that I'm just not using. So now I'm doing video stuff I kind of fell into it though I was gonna look at what else I should do

and probably follow a similar path to psychology but then out of university I got a job at name redundant I've been writing for them for nearly for free I think a lot of people do unfortunately you can write voluntarily which to be fair like in this field a lot of people just want to get the experience

and that's what I was doing I was doing it with games as well Yeah, no, definitely. So I was doing that. And then they wanted a video editor. And then I just sort of ended up doing what I'd always been doing as a hobby and realized, oh shit, this can be a job. For some reason. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy.

And just look at us now. Yeah, exactly. I enjoyed the degree, though. I just didn't need it in the end. Yeah. We sit opposite. A guy who's got a chemistry masters, right? Yeah, yeah.

And works with stupid, stinky influences all day on the internet. He's got a chemistry master's poor. Oh, yeah. Has he? I didn't do that. Yeah. He's wearing his own. University of Alberta

hoodie today It's never too late to change your career trajectory Absolutely not If you stick at it It's not gonna work for everyone Obviously Do whatever you want

Don't drop out of college or anything No Make sure you stick at stuff Yeah don't drop anything To become a YouTuber No it's not worth it Well I mean it doesn't work Half the time

As we've proven So don't worry about it Yeah but you know At least you should Have your hobbies essentially Yeah exactly That's literally what you should do It should be a hobby

It should be a passion and then one day it might start paying for itself. But hopefully it'll start doing that while you've still got a job, you know? I think ultimately that's important. If it's something you enjoy, regardless of what happens with it, it's always something fun. And if it's something you're really passionate about, then it's more of a chance of something to happen rather than just thinking, oh, this seems like an interesting field, I'm going to give it a go.

If it's just something you'd be doing already, that pays dividends in the future. I worked loads of shit jobs and did podcasts and voiceover and writing, and I taught myself how to video edit and all sorts of stuff. stuff knocking on doors doing stuff for free bothering people over email for years and years and years before i got anywhere near anything that could be called a door yeah it takes time and it doesn't doesn't happen straight away all the time yeah i've been teaching myself to video edit for years before i learned a lot from you starting i mean when i started a what what who sorry sorry when i started a name redundant i was editing exclusively in final cut yeah oh god pro which is only on

Mac and then we had PCs there and I had to ask Peter like Peter just sort of helped me get familiar with with Premier and I mean I haven't looked back since but like it's all a journey isn't it well yeah I learned some stuff from Sam when I started on the job yeah I've learned things since then when premier decides to do Adobe things and just fuck up for no reason why is Adobe being a bitch I don't know but here's how we can get around it's making everything green it doesn't it doesn't make any sense what is it doing I remember the day we spent trying to fix a timer on like one of our early sims videos. We had like a timer set up, just like a little clock

in the bottom right hand. And it's for somebody just fucked up and I guess in an hour looking at the screen thinking, what is it done? There's no explanation. There's no explanation for it. Sometimes Adobe just shits itself. It literally does. Sometimes it'll just do a weird thing that categorically should not be happening. It'll be like moving stuff around when it's not supposed to be moving. It's like, why is that? How can you even work out how to do that yourself? What are you doing? I was editing in Adobe Audition, which is the, the, the,

the audio editing software as part of the Adobe Suite yesterday I applied an effect on a track and then when I pressed play the time thing was scrolling along but no sound was coming out there was no sound in the sort of what's it called?

Oh the VU meter thing yeah so you can see that you can monitor the levels I was like okay so I had to save the file close the program reopen it and then it started playing again it's just like what the what's it doing it just shits itself

as like well I'm gonna keep doing it just gonna not do the thing you want what to do but I'm going to show it that maybe I am. It's all a big mystery. Mikey John Johns. You got a thing for us. You got a book there.

Oh, I've got a book. You've got a bookache. Why is he brought his note? Is it going to make you need to go for a poo? Very good. You might remember a few months ago. I did Animal Fight 2018, where we decided that I think, was it Lion was the best animal? It was the lion versus dog in the end.

I never made a note of which one won. I think I conceded. No, I think the dog won. I did it as I got overruled. I was team Ryan. I asked if it was lioness or lion, and you guys were like, why? And I was like, because lioness is a badass.

Like, you just fuck it off. Well, it's time for something more important than animals. Cereals. Oh my God. Serial. It's time for serial fight, 2018. Okay, which bracket has the pissy puffs in it? I'm sorry?

The pissy lineers. The linius. See, I was in this process, I couldn't feasibly get every cereal. No. And sugar lineers are one that I couldn't get. Honey. I'm not to say sugar anymore.

Honey lineers. They're sadly did not make the cup. No. But I think you'll agree the 16 that are in here are... They're the best of the best. The top 16. Well, I think whenever chocolate is involved, I'll have to just step out because I will just say, well, the one that's not chocolate, please.

Well, the first round, it's going to be a fun one. That's fine. Cornflakes versus cocoa pops. Oh. I'm sorry, a lot of these are going to be UK brands as well, but we'll try and describe them in other words. So, yeah, corn flakes or chocolate. God, let's see. Rice puffs?

I think they might have. So you can't say that. Shit, rice linnius. Yeah, chocolate rice linnias. I don't know because I think cocoa pops are incredible and there is no other cereal

that makes the leftover milk quite as delicious as cocoa pops. However, corn flakes are good. And I have grown to like them more as an adult. Just like a little bit of sugar on them as well. It makes them so good.

And they stop young boys touching themselves. Exactly. They do, Mr. Kellogg's. Is that a total win for corn flakes in this? I will side with you on this one, Peter. Yeah? Because obviously you have no other... option. No other no other bobs here. Cornflakes it is. Cocoa Bops. Round two.

Stop it. Granola versus porridge. Oh. I don't like either of these. Which one do you hate least? Porridge is a good staple. It's a nice, solid, hearty breakfast, but granola is a bit fancier, a bit tastier. A bit more expensive.

But porridge is one of those food stuffs that you decide very early on in your life that you don't like without ever having tried it. Yeah. And to this day I still haven't tried it, but I just made it my mind that I don't like it. Yeah, I don't think I've really tried it properly. I go through waves of porridge, I think. It's like when I feel like I'm going to get my life

together. Bored mode, but with porridge. I think I'm going to get my life together. I'm going to eat a good breakfast. I have like porridge a couple of weeks and I get sick of it and I stop. And like a year later, oh, porridge time again. It's cheap. But then you like put honey on it and all sorts of other delicious things. I bet it's all right. with honey, actually. I've just never given it a chance.

I think we should say porridge. We've got porridge? I've never had granola, to be fair. Ginala's really nice. Grandma Ola. I don't know. It just looks... That's even more like rabbit food than porridge is. Yeah, you're right. Okay, let's go for porridge then. Parage gets a begrudging pass. We got a very vanilla couple of first rounds there.

Corn flakes and porridge. A couple of soy boys up in here, am I right? Next up. Wheatabix versus Cheerios. Oh, God. I love Wheatabix. We've got... You have to be very careful with how much milk you put. on there with a wheat abyss. Yeah, to eat them fast. Yeah, otherwise they get all sloppy.

They go over porridge. The end, yeah, the end of a wheatobics that you've not eaten fast enough is bad. It's like, it's a race to finish it in time. Because when I was a kid, my parents used to make wheatobics, but they used to, like, do hot milk and mush it up already for me, which I was just sick of. And as an adult, I tried it with cold milk and just kind of like firm wheatobics. I'm like, yes, this is how I'm supposed to be eating. I ate wheatobics for like a year and a half when I lived in London.

I like wheatobics, and I never, I accept Cheerio's a good. grape. I've never really had Cheerios in my life. Oh really? Yeah. I don't mind Cheerios, but Wheatabix, I must say... You love that advert, don't you? Yeah, not made from wheat, made from oats instead, Abix. They should have called it Oatabix. And you knew she was going to say it? I knew

he was going to say, what's that then? Oh, what's that then? Lorry pulled up and I was like, he's going to say, what's that then? And he did. And then the driver got out and just went, theoretically possible. Yeah. It's a resounding success for Wheatabix. Well done. Okay, good stuff. Ran Flakes versus Rice Krispies.

I like bran flakes. Do you? Oh my god, stop being so vanilla. I like bran flakes with sultanas on them. Oh really? That's like proper old man. I know I like it then. That really surprises me because you don't like porridge or granola or you don't give them a chance.

You also don't like bread that's got seeds on it. You don't like seedy bread, do you? No. But you're happy to have bits in it. You're happy to have bran flakes with, what? Raisins or sultanas. Raisins and sultanas. You know, Joe Seltana, the famous musician.

Yes. I personally would I think for branding alone Rice Krispies Snap Crackle and Pop No that's a noise it makes It's a real adventure It's not just a food

It's a toy Well I'm casting my vote for brand flakes But Mikey has the deciding here I'm gonna go rice Krispies I don't hate brand flakes But I just I like rice based cereals I just think of superior way Because eat like a thousand of them

Once every I hope ricicles aren't on this Because he's the whitest ass Cracker Boy ever The Ricycless Space Rocket Man he's what the Milky Bar Kid is to that

But even more bland I think bran flakes Is it called Total in America Something like that But I think bran is like a universal I'm sure people know what it is Yeah Okay well that's half of the first round done

Oh boy We can rattle through these Okay Shredded wheat versus Shreddies Shreddies Sure Although I do like the fact That shredded wheat has a single ingredient

You're looking for the ingredients with like a massive list of like things and you're like, where is it? And then on the side it just says 100% wheat. You know what you get. And that's the ingredients list. But what?

Shreddies. Yeah. If you don't pick that, think about how many nannas are going to be. Yeah, they're knitted by nannas. Yeah, that's the matter of words. Yeah. Because I do like shredded wheat,

but it has a tendency to be very dry and quite hard to eat sometimes. Like, I don't know, there's a certain ratio of milk to shredded wheat there. You've got to carry on. Otherwise, it just hurts. And it's used up in the process. It's just a bit weird.

to me that you could go to a wheat field, cut some wheat, and then if you just wrapped it up in a ball, that's actually what you're eating. That's ball. Yeah, that's ball. Frosties versus special care. Frosties. Fair, that was a nice resounding yes. Yeah, I'm not a bloated woman in a red swimming suit who wants to lose weight for the summer. I like, oh God, you can have three bowls of this. Yeah, it doesn't fill you up, and that's why it's better for you. You'll be hungry forever. I used to like the summer fruits version of special care. With dried raspberries and stuff, it's really nice, but

they're not great. But Frosties yeah, do leave a nice sugary taste in the milk which is ultimately the best way. Not great, they're slim. Okay. Okay. They're special okay. Yeah. For the final quarter, we're going for sugar-filled goodness. Cookie Crisp versus Golden Grames

or Cinnamon Toast Crunch as it's known in other parts of the world. I've had neither of these. Me neither. I did used to like the cookie crisp adverse. They had a wolf. Yeah, they're the wolf. As a kid, I always wanted cookie crisp. I was like, fuck yeah. Cookies for breakfast. Okay, well, I'll go for the cookie.

Yeah, cookie crisps. Yeah, bam. Cookie crisps. And the final first round is Crave, the little chocolate-e pillars, versus golden nuggets. Do you reckon they're not allowed to sell Crave in bigger boxes than what they come in? Because they've got so much sugar in it. Because you cannot find a bigger box

and, oh, one bowl, I suppose. I think they do White Crave now, which I should draw. Oh, shit. Yeah. I've not tried it, though. White-house Crave boy. Yeah. Yeah. It's the crave that all the white boys are after. I shouldn't be having white chocolate for breakfast. No, you shouldn't. It's really bad, isn't it?

Well, I always loved the Golden Nuggets adverts because they had a little minor. Yeah, a little Yihar minor. They taste Yaha. Yeah, exactly. And he used to be around the time of the cartoons because they were allowed to advertise to children. Yeah.

And so I like him. I'm going to go for his team. In fact, on that note, I'm a bit sad that Cocoa Pops didn't make it, did it? Did we leave it in the dust? Yeah, corn flakes. Because the adverts for Cocoa Pops. They were great.

They were little cartoons. Croc was in the jungle. Angol Olympic race and so on and so forth. They were good adverts, but sadly he got left behind. Yeah, poor monkey. Never mind.

So was that a win for golden nuggets there? I'll, yeah, I'm happy with that. Yeah, I'm happy with that. Some nugs, sure. Okay. Now it's time to get serious. Okay. Corn flakes versus porridge.

Corn flakes. Corn flakes. Corn flakes. Winns. Yeah. Wheatabix versus Rice Krispies. Wheatabix. Oh.

Oh. I think. Rice Kris Krispies. You've got to... There's snapcrackle pop. I just, the branding. At this point, I don't think I can step in. It's for you two to resolve.

No, you have to. What's that then? What's that then? Oh, you've got me. You've got me that advert. The long lorry. The really comically long lorry. Yeah, it's Wheatabix.

There we go. What's that then? What's that then? Theoretically possible. Shreddies versus Frosties. Frosties. You could get sort of frosted shreddies, couldn't you? Oh, that sounds nice.

Yeah. But I think Frosties are just a good solid cereal. Cookie Crisp. versus golden nuggets. Nugs. Give me the nugs. Yeah. Yeah.

Golden McNuggies. Okay, or we're in the semifinals. Ronald Coon. Give me them. Prospecta Coalden Nuggies. Semi-final now. Corn Flakes versus Wheatabix. Cornflakes versus Wheatabix.

Oh, my God. What do we value more? The long lorry with what's that then? Or stopping good Christian boys from touching their... Well, that's what comes down to. Those are pretty much the two serials we had in our house growing up. It's the good Christian boy cereal and the, what's that then, cereal? Also, Corn Flakes has to get some sort of special prize for being the forerunner of all cereals.

You know, it's the Adam and Eve. It's the premier cereal. Is it time to take it out to pasture though and shoot it in the head? Possibly. Is it long past it. Is it Wheatibix as time to shine become the serial? Yeah. What's that then?

Sweetabix. Give birth to Otabix, the prodig chiles. Yes, Otabix, the one we're still eating to this day. Frosties versus Golden Nuggets Oh, that's a difficult one I think I'm going to have to go with Frosties Tony the Tiger, you just can't say no The swimming badgers used to get as a kid

Oh my God, of course Yeah, why was that allowed? A tiger taught us to swim That's lobbying, folks Yeah, yeah it is actually, isn't it? It's the sugar cereal man Go do some exercise so you can eat more of my sugar cereal Look at me jump

All the badges you got on the towel I'm jumping off a diving board in the advert To sort of loosely tie me to the swimming batches. Tony the tiger, the land mammal. He emerges from the water holding a ball of cereal. Yeah, perfect. Also, how have we not mentioned?

They're going to taste great. They're going to taste great. I can hear the sound of Frosty's hitting my plate. Ben's just looking at us as bewilders. You don't know this one. No. The South African kid, he's supposed to kill himself. He allegedly killed him. What the fuck!

He didn't know, he didn't. What a roller coaster ride. It was an internet lie. Do you not know about this boy who enthusiastically sang a song in the advert about like very much they're gonna taste great like it's an advert for a year doing like gang signs at the end

like waving his arms around no I don't think I saw this it just had all the words that rhyme with great he was saying like if you live in Oz mate or the Empire State there's a good advert yeah like the production value was good

the transitions were pretty clever but I think for some reason everyone hounded on the star kid like oh this is the worst ever you're so annoying yeah you're a gay lord because that's what people said back then Lord of the gays

Lord of them You have to fight pretty hard for that And for some reason It was a schoolyard rumor That the kid killed himself After all the online abuse But I think like a few years ago Someone tracked him down

To live in South Africa quite happily Doing his own thing No, no idea Frosties It's got to be Frosties Over Nugnuggs What are we doing? Golden Nuggies

Yeah yeah Now this is the finale Wheatabix versus Frosties I mean I at this point I think I have to say Frosties Oh really Because as much as I like

What's that thing Ben's like Oh shit I do love Frosties As much as I enjoyed the What's That Then advert I've also enjoyed The Tony the Tiger

Adverts over the years I do think Whitobics has the better Adverts It's just that is a good advert Also you couldn't get a toy In Wheatibics Because it wasn't aimed at children

But I'm sure Frosty's must have And they really fucking filled That package Yeah You could build houses out of those Oh that's true actually Yeah Like that happens

Make sure you eat it quickly Oh god A lumpy mess I bet you could build it out of Otabix though I bet that doesn't go soggy Yeah I bet Otobix gives you some really solid bowel movements You could be building a house out of Otobics And if a man walked past he would say what's that then

What's that then you say well building a house Is that possibly? Is that possibly theoretically possible It's a new house Frosties Peter Frosties So what's our top

Do we have a fight off for third place Who lost the semi-finals Ogee Whita Bix is second Yeah So let's go Frosties first Yeah We'd a big second Two runners up where

Oh god I have no idea Golden Nuggets and Golden Nuggets and Who did Wrecks Oh that's a good one I think cornflakes personally Yeah It's a good solid, just neutral

Yeah well we want to stop the kids From touching themselves don't we So I'm going to have golden nuggets They're going at it like Rabbits Rabbits in a womb So there we go The official ranking of the serials

First Place Frosties second place Wheatabix third place corn flakes I feel like if we've been asked to actually

just rank them that is nothing like what everyone is absolutely that's the structure we've desperately needed Michael thank you

that was absolutely wonderful we wrap up with a question from Neil Sparks at Ned Sparkes with Z on Twitter

why's it Neil and Ned what's the truth why is why is why why why why

Why is at that Peter Austin Tiny He doesn't seem that much shorter than the other guys Yeah, why are you so tiny? Why are you so tiny? Why is that Peter Austin tiny? It doesn't seem that much sure than the other guys. I don't know.

Next question. That's it, that's all we got. Oh, okay. Do you want to tell the story of how you became known as tiny? Peter? I can do, yeah. Yeah. Depends if you want to break the magic. I mean, people know that you're tiny. Right, everybody who wants to preserve the magic, turn off now. Yeah. And anybody who wants a little insider look at the smoke and mirrors, but I know. I think we've briefly mentioned this in the past,

but I'll do the full story. Name redundant. I mean, I'm five foot nine, five foot ten. Oh, God, you're tall than me. Or five foot, I'm about five foot nine, I think. I don't know. I don't know exactly how tall but me and Mikey when we stand next to each other look approximately the same height

but at name redundant I worked alongside several people Adam Pachiti is at least six four or five six foot nine yeah

Ben Potter six foot two six foot one and most bits yeah Adam Adam B Adam Blomps

six foot something probably six foot same height as me only slightly shorter, which he hated. Okay, so it's just the 6-1 without the bits. Yeah, no bits for that guy. And I would co-present alongside that. Jules is also a tall guy, isn't me? Yeah, Jules is I think a tiny bit taller than me. Right. Yeah. You would stand in between us, though always. I would usually stand

in between the two. So I was constantly flanked by men who were above average height. And he had to look up. And me standing at maybe slightly, slightly less than average, but not tiny by any stretch. I think. Five-eight is the average for men, I think. Or five-night. I think you are like you're like on part with average. I think I'm 5-8-5-9, not 5-10. I always forget which I am, but I'm about 5-9. Are you Googling an average height there, Ben? Thank you, Ben.

Oh, yeah. You could do if you want. Sorry, I'll get right on that, shall I? Just texting someone. No, I was just checking my podcast notes. That's professional. So, yeah, that's basically it. I would stand between Blompier and Ben and Pachiti and Jules.

I would look smaller, relatively speaking. And Blompier one day decided to just start calling me Tiny Peter. Tiny Peter. And we didn't actually use it that much as a name at Name Redundit. But then when we moved to Vidiates, we really hammed it up. Embraced the tinieness. Yeah. And that's, I'm happy with it.

I know, I think if I didn't have that, who would I be? The weird Yorkshireman, yeah. From 1700s. You'd be average height, Peter. Yeah. Five feet nine inches roughly. Oh, okay. Well, there you go.

So, yeah, that's how it happened. It was plump or stiltskin, wasn't it? Did a little, he called you Tiny Peter. and then every video that we were in, all of us, you'd be called Tiny Peter. Sometimes alongside, if it was just me and him, he would introduce, he would say, hi, I'm Adam from What Culture, and with me,

the tiniest, just so small, tiny little Peter. I remember one specific one, he just sort of looked at me and without even saying, and with me, Tiny Peter, he just went, I'm Adam from what culture, and then he looked at me and went, eventually you're just going to be like a little kitten in a shoebox. I tell you what helped drive at home is those news videos end up

having more production value than the lists we were making because we I got you to stand in front of a green screen and I filmed you going and then I'd animate you coming up from under the table and you'd be about a foot tall I forgot about that and Adam would pick you up

and then like throw you across the room and you'd like bounce off the wall and stuff true yeah so that probably helped things but yeah that's it that's how tiny TP became teeps teeper peeper Store.eorgast.com Some of our shirts are hopefully

back up now. They got taken down for some reason. Big all switch up. It'll be back to see. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, o'clock Viddiots official. Twitch.tvy forward slash

Idiot's official. For weekly streams. Ooh boy. Or sometimes more than one a week, but not always. No, always. You just got to stay tuned to our social media for that. At this is rules boss.

On Twitter. Yeah. If you want any advice on rules, he's standing by. and he will help eventually. He might fix the Bethesda servers if they go down. Yeah, just keep tweeting. Ask him next time servers go down.

He seems to have a really good connection with that one. At Billy Ray Botrus for daily automated tweets from the sad boy himself. Oh, sadderer. Bit.ly forward slash vidiates Discord. If you want to join the conversation and say hello to some people, and make sure you leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. I will say very quickly because people are out there and they're listening. And they do keep their ears to the ground.

We can't always be looking. If there are any, like, podcast awards going on, let us know, because we'll promote it, because I think it would be hysterical. Yeah, very funny. So, yeah, just give us a shout if you see any of those going on. They're usually a couple a year. We might get invited to a ceremony or something.

Oh, that would be. That would be great. That would be their mistake, wouldn't it? Yeah. What is the final question for people at home? What's your favourite serial? Yeah. I feel like we've done that before for some reason.

Okay, yeah, we might have done. let's do something else what's the scariest tale you were told as a kid a fiction but what's the scariest fiction you were told as a child things about people get in their sausages eaten by dogs

because parents have got to have some of their own unique twisted creations that they tell the kids that they just kind of made up what your parents say to you that scared you don't mess around in my cupboard Rosie and Jim and the Tickle Monster oh yeah what are you doing

Ben is holding a boom microphone and Peter is currently prodding said boom microphone with the little soft cover that goes on it. It looks really sexual. It really does. There's something very weird happening right now. Tip to tip. Oh, and sheathing it, that's way worse.

That's a lot worse. That's a lot worse. Yeah, hashtag secret question or secret answer or something. There's just different hashtags in the comments every week. Hashtags. Hachshunds. Different hashtags. Next week we will be after Christmas questions.

Because we've got, I think, maybe two more podcasts to do before we go home. And then in the new year, we'll be doing it separately in different places, which is a whole other thing we've got to work out. Well, it will happen. It will be saying separately. We'll still be on one podcast together. We won't be hosting like a script. A solo. I want your lines done today. I'll get Michael's lines tomorrow. No, it's not going to be solo. It's just going to be done remotely over the skips. Over the internips. Or the discods.

Yes, the internips. Thank you very much for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week. Internips is a good name for a porn website. It is. Internips. Do you own that one along with Tiny Peter Bigfeet? Davilex.com I own that. Davlex.com as well, yeah, that one too.

It costs $93,000 or something ridiculous. That is stupid. Yeah. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Thank you.