Podiots - Podiots: Episode 25 - Clumpy Grid

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

Ben's going to hell, Peter's killing children, and Mikey's turning the frogs gay. Please excuse any 'wobbliness' this week! It's our first time recording from home xoxo. Buy yourself some Vidiots merch: https://yogsca.st/VidiotsMerch Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo.com. Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember 988, Canada's suicide crisis hubline. It's good to know, just in case.

Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 9-88 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in Canada. Right, here we are. Our first true detective. Our first true detective. True detective. Yeah, that's it.

Season new. Yeah. We're so far away. Literally, how far we are we? So I'm in Bristol still. And yet we've never felt closer. Oh, thank you. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Oh, God, never say that again. What are you doing? This is horrible. Oh, God. It's like a Christmas episode of Doctor Who. You've just turned into some sort of Slavine. Fuck. Yeah, you're a really windy robot.

Hang on, hang on. That's even worse. Why does this happen? As soon as you press record. Say exterminate. Exterminate. Oh my God. I wish we're recording a Discord audio there.

I don't know if this is recording or no, you know what? I'm not leading to this quote, this one kid. Oh, this is horrible. It's like the exact same issue you had, Michael, because you can hear him saying stuff twice as well. He's going like, oh, God. You're still doing it? You're still a robot.

Yeah. I might need to be a lot of money technical quotes on this recording and just for a second while I'm going to stop this walk. Stop talking! We got through it. You fixed it. Yeah, together. I did it all by myself.

And it was premium podcast intro content It's a good way to set the people up for what's to come I'd even go as far as to say we're ready to run the intro Holy shit Yeah I'm gonna go out there I think so Just hang on Kevin Kevin roll the intro Is Kevin at your house now Ben

Yeah I brought him with me How come you get Kevin? I thought we agree Have you split Kevin? I bought Kevin But everyone bought Kevin I bought Kevin I have the deeds to Kevin. Oh my God. Podkev.

I thought he was employed this whole time. It's some kind of slavery. Slavery. Jesus. Do you feed them well? I think that's important. If you feed them well? No, no, I don't.

No, not at all. Kevin is coming, though. Kevin, keep it. You'll upset, Kevin. Kevin's coming. People are going to, existing listeners are going to be so confused that they've missed an episode where Kevin was introduced and like, no, this is it. This is where Kevin started.

Kevin is it now. Kevin's always been here. Kevin just had like a fucking hard launch, like immediate, no focus testing. Just Kevin, Kevin, here's Kevin. Kevin's a thing now. Kevin, go. Pod. Ready? Kevin, Kev's here with the intro.

Run it, Kev. Hello, everybody and welcome to Podiot's the official Vidiot's podcast. It's a conversational podcast. where we take some questions from you at home and obey the laws of the three us where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. Oh, that's difficult with the delay, isn't it? That's so much harder than it used to be. I'm Ben. I'm Peter.

And I have a delay. Oh, God, that's not that bad, is it? No, I was made. I put that on. Okay. Good. Thank God for that. Peter, I'd like to start off by offering an apology to you.

What? because in the wake of the episode we did last week about your weird parlour games we've been inundated with people who said that they do the same thing that's okay oh I see oh I thought you were apologising for putting me in in the firing line of abuse but you're apologising for for saying that I'm I'm wrong you're apologising for the rest of Britain who play these awful messed up games but I was actually I was actually hoping that you would So, right, so here's how this was going to go in my head, okay?

Right. You've got to forgive me because I'm coming off the back of an illness. I was going to say, I can do this stuff. Sounding a bit sniffly. A bit sniffly. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually a lie.

That's not true at all. Nobody. Nobody said that. Some people message me. That's why I did get it. Sure was the messages. I got like two. What I was hoping you were going to say was, oh, really?

And then I'd say, no, you madman, because you're weird games. But you went, oh, that's okay. And that immediately sort of ruined what I was going for. Yeah, because I've had, like, I think I'm not saying loads of people, but I think like two people have messaged me saying, oh, we play the same game. Was that your own thing, your grandma? Yeah, are they relatives? Yeah.

No, yeah, I saw like two. I think one was like a comment on the video and one was someone, someone tweeted me. So I didn't, I wasn't able to play into your, your excellent. My web of lies. Your excellent web of lies there. I'm sorry to sort of stop your excellent humour in its tracks there. Should we go again? Do you want to just do it all again?

Yeah, well, we start. Would you mind? Yeah. Because I was thought of that earlier, and I thought, oh, that would be so fucking good. Yeah, it will be. And it just didn't work. Everyone just forget that.

Okay. Okay. Kev, just rewind the... Rewind, can you delete that part of the... Just delete the... Okay, Kev's doing. Thanks, Kev. Peter, I'd like to start by offering you an apology.

Why, Ben Potter? Because in the wake of the last podcast where you spoke about those, those oh-so funny and fanciful parlour games that you and your family play at Christmas, we've been inundated with people who've said that they do the same thing. What? Really? Of course not, you crazy, man. The thing that you said last week is, It's still too far-fetched for most people.

Oh, you've got me there. Oh, Ben, what a card you are. Played right into your hands. Oh, geez. Thanks, guys. I needed this. Played right into your ass like that stinky 50 pence. You had a gutter fuck around earlier, right? Yeah, there was some real gutter fucking going on at this house.

Yeah. Well, there's just, there's like leaves in the... in the gutter. It's not in the gutter. I thought it was the gutter. It's like the grid outside the house, the, you know, like the drain. Sorry. Is this grid?

What the hell's a grid? The grid, yeah. You know, the grid. There's like leaves in it. And then the guy was like, oh, yeah. And then I guess the issue is that this time of year, it's all, it's all soggy and wet and cold down there. And they've clumped up. Oh, not clumped.

Yeah, some leave clumpage. You've got a clumpy grid. Yeah, got a grumpy grid, yeah. So he basically gave our grid some liposuction. Yeah, but who did he call in? It was like a Henry the Hoover. Right. Pretty much.

Just sort of like a cousin? But like a special, yeah, it was like, it was like, um, clumpage. Clumpage. Simon the sucker or, yeah. It's like Henry the Hoover, but on prison duty. So he gets like the really shit job. Yeah, he has to go and do like, community service and clear out gutters.

So the guy put a sucker down the grid and I'm sitting in the house and under the floor on the ground floor and I could like hear like this weird kind of sucking noise like in the middle of the room under the floor. So it must have been a long old tube that he got right in there and that had a good old suck. Simon the sucker's got quite the Quite the nozzle on.

Oh, yeah. He could get a golf ball through a hose pipe, Simon the sucker. He's quite something. So he declogged the cloggedge. And we're all good now. Glad to hear it. We were all really worried, Peter. We were worried about your grid.

Yeah, me too, the grid. Well, Mikey and I were waiting for you earlier. We thought we were worried that you might have, you might be the cloggage. And you'd been. you'd been sewn and sucked. I am small enough to fall between the bars of the great, definitely. Yes, you live under the house. Yeah, like a borrower.

Yeah. Oh, you could be a borrower. Delightful. Yeah. No, it's all good now. He's cleared out the tubes. So I can scuttle around the house in the night. Freely.

Yeah. Taking bits of cheese. Anything else that's left on the floor. Like a button, thimbles, all the good stuff. Children's teeth. Under pillows. How many children's teeth are there? I'll leave a stinky 50p for hindsight.

That coins way too big. That's irresponsible. Reg pen asks a question. Regimen. And he says... Regular thing. Yes. Yes.

He says, if you could go back in time and witness any event, what would it be? You cannot interfere or change anything, and there is absolutely no way you can be harmed during the trip. It's simple. You witnessing history is it happening. Cheers, guys, and good luck. Thanks for the clarification there, Reggie Penn, because... Actually, yeah, that makes things a lot easier.

Often when we're presented with questions like this, we go, oh, but can I do this? Or what happens if I die? What happens if I kill my granddad? Yeah, what if I am my granddad? Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, God, you could.

I don't know. I want to go for the fall of Rome, I think. If it's like... Okay. No danger to me. I want to, like, be there as Rome collapses. I would like to spend, like, you know, a couple of years, I think, go, like, say, roam at its height and have, like, an ismery time there, drink some wine, poop in a hole,

you know, the usual Rome stuff. Oh, yeah, the good shit. Used a vomatorium. Yeah, it'd be really nice to see Rome, because it sounds like a really fun time. Like, the city itself, if you're rich. Careful what? Careful with, um, with pooping in holes, though. You might need to get Simon round if you, if you're pooping too many holes at once.

Well, you've got his number. Yeah. So we'll hook up. Yeah, we'll get that sorted. Then, yeah, just to see Rome collapse into flames and... Just like in a big safe bubble floating over the top of Rome. Oh. That would be good to see.

Yeah. It's like time tourism. Just sort of going back, leaving nothing but footprints, taking nothing but photos, as they say. Yeah. Memories? Isn't it going to be memories? Is that not the phrase? What, taking...

Or taking memories. Yeah, leave nothing but footprints, take only memories or something. That sounds like some of my mum has on a wall. It does, doesn't it? Live, live laugh, love, am I right? In this house. Dance as if no one were watching. Sing as if no one were listening.

Live every day. As if it were your last. I'm literally reading that from a plaque on the wall. Wow, I don't doubt that at all. That sounds like, yeah. It's on muddy. In my, in my childhood, we drank from the hose pipe and we would stay out until the streetlights came on.

Love is good. Amen. Long live, Judy Garland. I want a blue passport again. Yes. That's what it says underneath. I think I remember being... Oh, sorry.

Oh, look, see, now this is the thing. Fuck. We're going to have to get fucking buzzers or something. Yeah, just been going to talk. Well, I just want to quickly do another bathroom sign. I saw once when I was in Spain and holiday. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be as sweetie and wipe the seaty. That's good.

That's a good one. Anyway, do you continue. Why not just lift the seat up? Do you boys do that? Do you lift the seat? Or do you just sort of... Oh, I always leave the seat down. Try and aim good and true.

Not always. It depends how I'm feeling. Depends if I want to touch that toilet seat, you know? Yeah, absolutely. You know, if it's a public toilet, no thanks. I'll just try it as it is. Yeah. I'll try and thread the knee.

needle. But, you know, at home, I try and be respectful. I try and lift the seat where possible. That's very good of you. Yeah. Anyway, I would go back to, I think I would like to solve one of history's great mysteries. Yes. Oh, history mystery. I would go to, like, stuff like the building of Stonehenge or like, I don't know, find that train with all the Nazi gold in it or, you know, something like that. There's a train with Nazi gold in it. Yeah. It's lost.

It's lost. It's just they don't know where it is. And like there are people serious like modern day treasure hunters like Nathan Drake's who are looking for this train because... Where did you park it? I don't, it's just... Yeah, where did you park a Peter, you're Nazi? Where did you park it? In the woods somewhere and I've completely forgotten.

Oh, no, not the woods. Yeah. One of the woods somewhere. One of those woods. I googled it and there's literally just a Wikipedia article titled Nazi gold train. Yeah. I mean, I think obviously it's a disputable, you know, truth. People aren't sure if it actually exists, but it's supposed to exist.

We all know that they had a load of gold that they nicked from various countries that they invaded. And allegedly they had it all loaded onto a train at one point and then the train sort of went missing. I don't know how you lose a train though because it's on tracks. You can only go so many places. It's a big old thing. It can fall off them but they usually leave a mess. Yeah, I think the idea is it was

sort of hidden in like a railway siding somewhere that was sort of covered by trees and you know like an old sort of shed or something and then the people involved in hiding it sort of died or kept it secret and then everyone sort of

forgot where it was and now it's just some disused used railway in the middle of, I don't know, the Black Forest or whatever. I imagine buying a plot of land and finding a train full of Nazi gold and a little shed somewhere. Nazi gold. I googled it and I found like a Facebook page for the dig. And I think the only picture of them holding an item is someone holding an empty glass bottle. So that's all they found so far. Wow.

They're doing good. They occasionally find paintings that the Nazis stole, like by famous artists that were taken during the war. from museums and homes and things and these like turn up in people's attics and shit and like you know it's like oh this is a genuine Picasso that the Nazis just stole and then

it's ended up in some art shop or something and they sell for well sometimes they sell for like millions and sometimes they're sort of reclaimed by countries or or institutions that would be really annoying imagine finding like a hidden Nazi painting in the attic it's worth millions and the gallery

is like nope that's ours have it back now Yeah. Which I mean, I guess it's fair, but I want that money. Yeah, me too. Would you, if you weren't particularly interested in the art, but you, you wanted money for it and you didn't want the rightful owner to have it back necessarily. Yeah.

Would you just put it on your wall? If you knew that you weren't going to get money for it, would you just be, would you just own and go, hey, look at this, don't tell anyone. Don't tell anyone what it is though But look at it It's pretty nice isn't it Well you could

I think a lot of Like organised crime Sort of dons I think that's where a lot of stolen art goes Because obviously if you steal Like if for example you stole the Mona Lisa You can't exactly fence it can you Like you can't just sell it to some person down the pub

Stick on eBay yeah It's got you have to You have to give it to someone directly Who is going to want it and be able to afford it And I think generally it goes to either sort of dictators in foreign countries or crime lords in like italy and stuff so you could do that theoretically like not tell a museum that you've got it but sort of try and somehow get a contact in the family and say hey i've got an original you know whatever the fuck here do you want

it or do you know someone who wants it do you imagine like little peter ross and trying to get in touch with the mafia i've got a very valuable painting would you would you like to have it I was going to say, you're speaking, Peter, from a place of almost experience. What have been your runnings? What have been your running with the crime families? My running. Your runnings? Well, I mean, we play pool together sometimes.

Yeah. Once a week we do Rotary Club. That's nice Yeah They're very good They donate to the church roof Quite regularly actually Oh

Yeah they're in the further community Yeah they are Do they know about your parlour games They they They told me the parlour games Did they? Yeah I went down to Joey

Joey Leone's club Theony Lewis Yeah Yeah leone Lewis And that's who taught me all about it Wow that's amazing The only difference is that when we play it at my family, when you drop

the 50p into the pot, you don't have to say capish. Oh, right. At juries. It's another rule. Yeah, it's necessary. It's like Uno. Unless, if you don't say capish, you don't get the points. God, that's so complicated.

Yeah. I'll remember all these. Anyway, I'd probably go to Egypt. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Yeah, just look at the old ancient Egypt. Ancient Egypt or just Cairo in 1980? Ah, I mean, but that would be fun too, right?

Probably ancient Egypt Or maybe around the time That they were really cracking into all those tombs That would be good Oh yeah, it would be You too could get diseases from 2,000 years old I feel like I've got a disease from 2,000 years old Currently

Do you guys know about the curse of Tutankhamun And like all the people who died Involved in his Excavation You should tell us that maybe in weird Capetia form Yeah I did think that Maybe I should save it for another podcast.

No spoilers, though. That's coming soon. But they all died. They all died. But how did they die? It is actually an interesting thing how they all died, allegedly. Like, weirdly kind of symbolic of like ancient Egyptian royalty. Like, it's quite, you know, and I'm sure a lot of it is very much exaggerated by conspiracy theorists and, like, paranormal investigators.

And it's probably not true. But I'll tell you the sensationalized version of the story. next time. Oh, that's exciting. Guys, yes. I've got a thing for you. Oh, okay.

Get your thing out. Got a thing out. I've got it out. It's out. It's out. It's impressive. Now, the name of this thing is called, and I hope ITV are watching, because I think it's a game show that could work. Yeah.

For, like, syndication, et cetera. Okay. So, the title could, just let me know what you think. This is called the quiz where we help Ben determine whether or not he's going to hell because he's having difficulty deciding for himself and he struggles with the concept of calmer even though he's so handsome and now here's your host, Ben. Oh, I thought it'd be awesome. And that's the title.

And now here's your host, Ben. Is that? No, that's that. It's all in there. That's a good title. It's catchy. You think? Yeah.

So there'd be applause normally now on the, like on the, on the, oh, sorry. The proper. Oh, sorry. Thank you. Thank you. No, stop. Stop. Stop. Please stop. I've got three buzzers for you two boys. Oh.

One of them is a regular buzzer. Right. And then there is a buzzer in good and bad boy variations. So here we go. I'll explain these as we go. It's not convoluted at all. No, it's easy to pick up. And I think Nan will love watching this during the day. Yeah. Reruns on Challenge TV or whatever. Carrot between her legs. Carrots ready to go, 50 p.

at the ready. So this week, to give a bit of a backstory, was it this week? No, it was last week. I've been ill for a week now. Last week I went to London. Yeah, time's just going all over the place. Last week I went to London to visit some friends and just see some people because I'm, you know, I'm sort of in the local area and before I move in the new year.

So I thought, I might as well just go see some people. And it was a long few days, not because. because it was bad just because it was a lot of socializing and it's been like a bit of a hectic month anyway. And then as soon as I got back, I just was ill immediately. Oh, well, at least you weren't ill while you're aware. That would have been really sad. It's just kind of like, oh, this is like my chance to see everyone and I'm dying. True. It would have sucked. But the point I'm building up to here is that I'm trying to excuse some of my potential bad behavior on my journey home, which is what I'm hoping, you know, the quiz

title alluded to and why you have your you've both got your good and bad boy variation buzzers there as well as your regular buzzer so here we go are you ready yeah uh no do we so do we're not ready do we buzz good bad or regular depending on are we judging your actions and saying whether it's good bad so i tv just turn off for a second because it makes it's making it look bad uh the regular buzzer is just for i will list all of the, it's an A, B, or C question. Oh, okay. I'll list them.

And then you can buzz in with your regular buzzer and say which one you think happened. Right. And then there will be a, how is he doing round after every question? And you have to buzz with your good or bad boy buzzer and decide which way the karma meter swings. Okay, it's like fallout, the game. It's just like fallout. The civilization didn't like that. Kev, can you let ITV back in, please?

Thank you for coming back, Mr. Mr. ITV. Mr. I. Ian Television. Mr. Television. Going into Ealing Broadway Tube Station, Ben saw a woman with a pram approaching the top of a set of steps. Oh, no. Did he, A, offer to help. B, push her down those bad boys, or C, hurry past and pretend not to see her.

If it's C, I'm going to be so upset, Ben. I think... I, oh, I don't want to judge you because I helped a lady with her pram off the train the other day. Of course you did. But I think you did C. Yeah, it's got to be C. See, but it's important to note for Mr. Television who's watching

that you're buzzing in with your regular buzzer that is important to the format of the television shows. Regular buzz. There you go. It's a really regular buzz. You both think C. Yeah. It was A.

Oh, well done, Ben. Well done. We assumed the worst of you, Ben, and I apologize for that. I never doubted you, yeah. I think I was sort of primed by the fact that you started this by saying, is Ben going to hell? So I kind of assumed you've been a bad boy for a whole week. So that was partly why I doubted you.

I'm very sorry, Ben. Well, we now move on to the, how is he doing round? So this is a sliding scale from, hey, you're all the way down to super fuck to big time. Okay. you've got your good boy and your bad boy buzzer which which way do you think that their slider should go good boy buzzer good boy buzzer

that's even higher wow oh my goodness so like firmly in camp hey you're all right at the moment okay excellent I mean you should have offered to you know raise the baby and kind of like join the woman for life but you do all right should have done yeah the only reason she's on her own is because you left her three years ago

Fuck. You've not been paying child support. Oh, do you want to help you with your pram down the stairs, love? She's thinking, well, yeah, it'd be nice if you fucking paid your way, but all right. The first time I've seen her in many years, and she's like, oh, yeah, okay, if you want to start, I suppose. And get involved, sure. Next question, this is going great so far. Mr. Television's making a lot of notes, though, over there.

After helping the lady, Ben went through the ticket barrier and approached another set of stairs. He saw the same lady from before coming up to the stairs, but a little further away this time. Did he, A, hurry over and offer to help again? B, hurry over and push her down those bad boys, yelling, that's what you get for having children. Or C, hurry past and pretend not to see her. This is tricky, actually. Now, at this point, I'm not saying C because I think you're a bad boy. I think you saw her and thought, I, I, I could.

could help her, but I think you may be at this point, and I think I'd feel the same. She's someone else's problem now. Well, no, no, it's not someone else's a problem. I think it might feel either, not patronising, but just to sort of walk up to her. She's further away from you and you're kind of making the choice of like, oh, look over there, there's a damsel in distress. I think the social, the social to not interact with people you don't know and not sort of accuse a woman of being incapable would lead you to see.

So normal buzzer. Normal buzzer C too. Okay, you don't think I've pushed her down those stairs, yelling. That's what you get for having children. Not yet. I mean, we would have heard about it on the news at some point. Man pushes woman downstairs yelling, that's what you get for having children.

It's what you get for having children. I'm a meninist, you see. it was C Was it for that kind of reason Yeah it was sort of like I've kind of I've done my bit now And she's far And it would be weird if I went back over

And said Yeah Can I help your baby again please Can I carry your pram That's him Really nice pram So there we go That was C

How is he doing? And you've got to buzz in with your good or bad boy buzzer. Good boy buzzer. Good boy buzzer. Wow, really? You've done a bit. So, like, you can be excused for not helping twice in a row, I think. Okay.

Good. Yeah, I don't think you should lose karma for that, personally. Okay, just neutral. I mean, if I can use my middle boy buzzer, I think maybe just, but that's not an option, is it? You have to just... Hang on. Kev? Can you go grab the middle boy buzzers, please? How long were these tete to get shipped?

The middle. The middle. The middle ones. The middle ones. Oh, cheers. The middle ones. Thanks, Kiv. Yeah, that's great. Middle boy buzzer. Okay, he's got them. You got them?

I'm going to stick with my good boy buzzer, I think. Because I don't think it's that inexcusable. Okay. So, just as an aside to just missed a television. There's now a middle boy buzzer as well. You can take or leave that. one, Kev can careful sort it out. Moving on.

Stepping onto the tube itself, Ben spies an empty seat. Does he, A, sit down in that seat. It's not hard, it's just a seat. Good job, Ben, well done. B, miss the seat. Or C. Miss the seat. Missed the seat.

Or C. Sit down in the seat, stamping on a man's foot in the process. Oh. Stamping deliberately Normal buzzer C I feel like that's something I would do I've taught

Like you know when On the metro back home I used to always kind of accidentally fall into people So I think standing on someone's foot Is a very plausible situation Yeah If we're talking in advertent

I think that's what happened Normal Bucer C You can just stamp on them on the way over Like this is what I see Fuck off Uh Bling We see

Yay stamped on a man's foot this is all in the space of like a minute and a half I did say I'm sorry and his foot was over the front of the seat that I was you know you sort of every seat comes with in a lot of amount of foot space I feel and he was sat at a jaunty angle

he was asking for it and I did do a stamp I felt bad though because all I needed to do was sit down shouldn't have been hard how is he doing it's the how is he doing round again guys. Normal boy buzzer.

Good boy buzzer. But it's a less high-pitched, good boy. Good boy. Good boy. Well, because it's not like... That's for gaining karma, isn't it? Oh, is it gaining? Or just his current standing?

We haven't yet worked out the final details. I've been doing gaining or losing. So he's not gained anything from the past two, but he's remained at the original plus one, good boy. I'm doing it as current standing all things considered. Okay. Okay. Two techniques.

boring with each other. This is interesting. Everyone's got the real word playing. This is what pilots are for. Yes. This may not be conclusive at the end, but maybe the listeners can let us know the outcome in the right time. Well, I'm going to stick with my system.

Peter, you can continue with yours, but I think you're tipping very slightly over into good boy, but not by much. You're very close to being delve deep into the world of being a bad boy, though. Okay, so I'm in sort of the, hey, you're all right area. Yeah. But I'm not too far from super fucked. big time.

No. Yeah. You docked some points for not helping the lady's second time, but I think it's excusable.

Okay. All right. Well, let's see what happens now. As the tube pulled into Paddington's

Baker Luline platform where Ben needed to make a change, an Asian tourist turned to him and asked Marry Labone,

which is the name of a station for people who are asking it. Mary Labone, I barely even know her. And then I punched him

in the face. Yeah. Good boy. Did I, Did I, A, remove, oh sorry, did Ben, A, remove his headphones, say, excuse me, get no answer and then leave the train. B, remove his headphones, explain to the man this wasn't Marilla Bones station and miss the stop, or C, leave his headphones in and leave the train. Oh, normal buzzer, I'm going to go see. Oh, are you?

Yeah. I was going to say, I think A and B are so specific that I think it's one. of the two. I think he either said, excuse me, got no answer and left, or tried to help and missed, you missed, you're saying option B is that you helped the person and then missed your stop because of helping him. Mm-hmm. Chubes, they don't stop very. No, I know, I know. But I don't think you'd miss it. I think, I'm going to say normal buzzer, A. I think, because Ben's clearly created this whole game show, pitched at I TV, because he's feeling bad, about himself. He wants some kind of reassurance. So there's got to be some badness coming.

You're right. So I think I'll stick with him for now. Yeah. Okay. Well, it was, I can reveal it was A. Oh, shit. So specific. Yeah. How is he doing? I think you've gone up a little bit in my books because you tried to help someone. They just ignored you, which is a bit weird. Yeah. Incidentally, though, Ben has biversed. you of writing the question, we know that he knew what the man said. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. We know that the Asian tourist asked for Marie Labone and then said, excuse me, got no answer and then left. Which, I mean, to be fair, if you get no answer, yeah, leave, but I'm just giving it a normal boy.

Plus zero. I think I'm going to stay standing just a little bit over into good boy territory. Okay. What if I told you the tourist was elderly? When you say tourists? How is he doing? When you say tourist, did he sort of have a foreign accent? Did he look like he really didn't know sort of London? Did he have a I love London hat on?

He didn't have that. Maybe he was looking to get off the tube to buy one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, before visiting his sick daughter who's dying in hospital, or doing kickflips and wearing a hat backwards because it's two very different kinds of sick true true I think on how you're doing I think at this point you're at net zero

I think you've now lost the karma gained at the start yeah okay so on Michael system on Michael system you're a normal boy to me yeah okay I don't know I mean you try it to help And obviously if you're in a hurry You can't stop everything

To help a person There's plenty of other people on that tube They can, they're independent adults They can do it themselves I think you're still just You're edging into positivity Okay What if I told you the tourist

Was sat in the seat reserved for pregnant And elderly passengers Oh no Oh Ben And you know what he said Oh it's getting a little bit worse I've got to be honest You've not dipped below

zero yet, but you are, if anything else happens, Ben, you're a bad boy. Yeah, you're at zero for me now, so. You can't just help a lady down the stairs at the start of the day and then just be an absolute cunt for the rest of the time. Well, there's good news then that that's the last question and there's no, there's no other, nothing else. Okay. You're going to the hergatry. Sounds like you're hiding something here, Ben. What if, uh, what if I told you, Ben, had seen this man helped onto the train by a member of staff at an earlier stop. He had a walking stick as well. Ben, how's he doing?

He is a bad boy. Bad boy, was it? Bad boy, the more details have come out here. I don't know who you are anymore, Ben. No. What if I told you that the old man was dying? He was actually bleeding out of his head. What if I told you that the old man had a Vidyat's t-shirt on?

Oh, God. Oh no. Well, we probably should just let it die then, shouldn't we? He was wearing dark shades and his walking stick was a white cane. And you just said, excuse me and left. Oh, no. He could see. Okay, good. He was helped onto the train. Poor man. And it was super weird because he did. He turned.

and he said Marilla Bone and I did have both my headphones and I sort of heard him it was only afterwards that I really realised what he said. Yeah. And I took my headphones out and said, excuse me and he was just sort of looking round and I was like, okay, I really need to get up and leave this train carriage now.

However, nobody else left. Yeah. It wasn't Marri the Bone, was it? It wasn't, but it was a connecting station to Marilla Bone. Oh, so the train he was on wasn't going to marry the bone no so he wanted to go to marrlebone and he missed his connection

unless he sprinted off after me sprints it he was helped onto the train unless he fucking sprinted after me so that man has now got to ride the tube around all the way around because there's no other way of getting back still on the tube and Ben has to ride the tube

to hell I think to help thank you for for playing the quiz where we help Ben determine whether or not he's going to hell because he's having difficulty deciding for himself and he struggles with the concept of camera even though he's so handsome and now here's your host, Ben.

Thank you for playing. Thank you for bringing it to us. So, yeah, Ben's going straight to hell. I hope I TV, oh, Mr. Television just left. Oh, shit. Ian television has gone. Do you say goodbye? Mr. Ian television.

I don't think so. Oh, no. Oh, he stabbed Kevin on the way out. Oh, Kev. Kept just got stabbed on the way out. Oh, did a good run to heaven. or howl yeah he did have a good run kevin well kev's like it yeah he's gonna go to kevin it's a special it's a special place for kev's that's where they go they don't yeah exactly they're not like um

they're not like uh uh u or i no they're sort of they're not quite like dogs or cats either that also don't have an afterlife but we do romantically like to believe that they do the rainbow snails not so fuss not so fast about where snails go snails not so fast Keves go to Kevin Yeah And men are from Venus right Is that the Anyway that's enough of that

Thank you for listening to my pitch For a new ITV quiz show I hope it was informative And please leave some feedback In the slips provided Positive feedback only please Yeah only positive feedback please That's the only thing I want to hear

We've got another question here Oh great Great Great Oh, great. It's from Beth Sleeman. Can't fucking wait for this. If you were to make a video's compilation CD or mixtape,

apart from the obvious songs like Stoke-on-Trent or Eighth Wonder, what other songs would you put on there? That's a good question. Would Lou Bega be the fifth track? Oh my God. Like on mouth moods. The one where he goes, number five. That's the fifth track on mouth moods.

Number five. Fun fact. That's amazing. What do you think? What do you think about our sound? On track. Bobby Babylonie, if you're having a party. If you're having a party, yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah. A little Britain theme song with like the voiceover, Britain, Britain, Britain, Britain. I did it once, gay wise. It was a hoot. Name that gay. So sad. We lost that footage.

Oh, shame. So, so sad. Oh, probably some Hannah Montana, right? Oh yeah, best of both worlds Actually breaky heart Actually break your heart, yeah Oh man We've, um

Yeah We're very musical We do definitely have a lot of songs We do, we do, we quote We quote songs all the time Don't we like Don't go chasing what we do that one There's another one we do on worst games ever a lot as well

Dreams can come true you're right we do that one a lot don't know what it's called could we have like a minute of me burping and farting oh yeah your rap I don't know dog rap but it's experimental music

yeah the dog rap yeah farting and burping was a bit much for me it was a bit much for me that can be the track number six it's a bit much for me it's just a fart well what if the people at home just sort of asked us

what songs that we regular singularly sing or that they want more information on are and they give us the clues that they can sorry what's this sentence sorry again you may need me to clarify I'm very unwell and I'm trying my best the word are came in very late then I'd forgotten the beginning by the time we got around the quick let me try this again yeah okay kev can I have some water please what if the listeners are sending us a request we're in they just list some of the songs that we regularly quote or sing etc or that they want more information on and then we can put it together into like an unofficial track listing for the video soundtrack and we just provide yeah we just

provide, I mean, not even on YouTube, because some of the songs won't be on YouTube, but, like, we can, you know, we can just put it out on Facebook or something. We can. Here's our track listing with links to all the music or something. Yeah, because we don't have to illegally host the music. We can just direct people towards it. Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely. Good. That sounds good. I could do that. Thank you, Beth. Thank you, Beth. Do we have a name for the album? Thank you, Beth.

Oh, that's a very good question. um albiates albiates there we go god yeah bow mood prince albate bow moods oh balmudes that's good that'd be my farting track name god who has a thing do they want to do i have a thing oh good good one peter um it's it's it's a mikey johnson sort of thing really i'm i'm putting a scenario to you oh and i want you to give me your best creative answer Okay It's Christmas

It's Crispin It's Christmas Merry Chrysler everyone And You have Woken up On the morning of Christmas Eve And somehow

Through some sort of magic You are Father or Mother Christmas Whoa Now You are able to You know what all the children Have been doing all year

You have a list You have a naughty list and a good list. But I want you to come up with a sort of ten commandments, if you will, not necessarily ten, but you've been given the opportunity as Father Christmas to sort of add some modern day child behaviours to the naughty list of behaviours. Oh, I've got a good one that would eliminate half the children on the earth. Yeah, well, I'll begin it with, I'm sure you understand, but my example to begin with would be any child or indeed any adult, but they don't deal with Father Christmas who plays music out of their phone

on public transport is getting coal not just in a sack but up their actual anus hole I think. Wow. Yeah, yeah. It's getting inserted.

No loop. Yeah, absolutely. That's my example, but I'm sure you understand the premise. Michael, you have one? Well, I know like part of being a kid and a young adult is taking part in trends, you know,

having a bit of fun, experimenting with things that are popular and just, you know, having fun. But I'm sure I did more annoying things as a kid, but any child that at any point in time has done a fortnight dance can go to fuck. Yes. Absolutely.

I saw a video on Facebook earlier today of like a Walmart in America that had like a Fortnite day and it's just this kid back flipping onto a dance mat and landing in like a cool pose and just kids behind him doing weird dances. And I just thought, I've had enough. I saw a thing on Reddit the other day.

I didn't actually click it so I didn't, I'm annoyed actually. I didn't look at it because it sounds amazing. But it said something like kid having tantrum in supermarket, you know, for not being allowed sweets or whatever. In the middle of his tantrum, apparently he just does a Fortnite dance and then starts crying again. I'll have to look for it as if I can find it. But I don't know why I did click list.

It just sounds amazing. He's just sort of bawling his eyes out I want some Charlie Ranchers and then he just does he starts flossing or whatever and starts crying again Oh no What else the kids do?

That's just fucking annoying I mean I was going to say that That was going to be I was on a similar wavelength Yeah just any child who does A Fortnite dance Nauty list Should kids be playing Fortnite?

Like what age rating is that? Probably not Well, it's not, I don't think there's any blood in it, so apparently that's fine. But it's super cringy, though. They had to remove that over-the-shoulder bum pose. Remember that thing that they had to take off? Oh, was that Fortnite or Overwatch? Oh, it was Overwatch, actually, wasn't it?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a tracer! They all just look the same because they're all big, saturated colour. Big bottom girls. Big bottom girls. Yeah. Makes the mango twit-twoo.

I just Google What? Sorry, you Carry on. What are you googling? Oh, I'm intrigued now. You know what else? I'd put kids on an Aughty list for. I don't know if this is just like a Bristol phenomenon, but it seems like every shop I go to in Bristol

has a child sitting on the floor for no reason. Just sat there. Sitting on the floor? Yeah, there's like every shop, there's always a child on the floor. My God. I know that's like... Like in where? Just in every shop I go to.

There's a child on the floor. Just, They just come with a floor boy. It was like part of the undercover security team, but let's just get out the way, kids. Shine your shoes, governor. Yes. Yes, thank you, Timmy.

Thank you. Please. Here's a 50p. Don't smell it. So I googled annoying things that kids do. Yeah. I'm now on a listicle called 10 annoying things about kids. Number one.

They're always there. I just wish there weren't there Yeah They never listen They're loud They're always whining They're perpetually covered in snot They're filthy

They're the kings and queens Of inconsistency One day they like spaghetti The next they don't Oh fucking kids Fuck off They're like drunk fraternity members They never stop asking questions

Yeah It's the worst when a kid wants to learn Isn't it? It's just Jesus I hate that. Have you not got enough knowledge? I feel like that's one thing that wouldn't bother me so much. You know, if and when I have a tiny, tiny Peter who may not even be visible to the naked eye, to be honest.

Sub-atomic Peter. If he wants to know about the world, I don't mind answering his questions. The only issue is if they do a chain of why. And, you know, you say like, they say why is the sky blue? And you say it's to do with fucking scattering of light or something, it makes it blue. And if they say why, then I don't know. It's just the way that light works. Why?

Because it does. You know, that's when it gets annoying, the endless whys. Why? Why? Why? Yeah, why, Peter? Why? But in terms of, like, getting them put on the naughty list.

Just, just, maybe just crying, like, loud. Just being loud and crying in public, like, when, specifically when I'm there. Yeah. that's that that that's a naughty list right there can we put the parents on the naughty list yeah maybe we should like just unable to control your kids like I understand like sometimes it's good just to ignore them and eventually they'll stop but when you're in like a restaurant or something and your kids are just going ham it's time to bring bring the pain yeah oh my gosh yeah no you're right though like to be fair you know kids are kids and some of these

things I do kind of think they're naughty list material some of these things kids just do because they do. But it's the parents. You know, if I could, if I could be a time-traveling Santa who not only gets to decide what kids shouldn't do nowadays, but can also retroactively remove presents from kids who grew up to be bad parents. Then I would absolutely do that. Wouldn't that put them on a like a, that would sort of make them super villains, wouldn't it? They make them worse. Oh God. They grew up with nothing and you took away what they had. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. God. Stangerous question.

Difficult. It's time to bring the noise. Thank you guys. Thank you for putting the world to rights as usual. Ending these fucking kids. Yeah. Let's kill them. Yeah.

Kill them. Let's just kill them. If you've been good, you get presents. If you've been bad, you get death. You get killed. You get killed. Yeah. Congratulations, Timmy.

You're going to be killed. Oh, yeah. You're going to be killed. I'm going to go back up the chimney with you, Timmy. But I'm going to leave you. in there halfway. Yeah. You did great, Emma.

You get a, like a Lego. An orange. Just one. Just a single Lego piece. And Timmy, you're going to get killed. Yeah, fuck you, Timmy. We're going to kill you, Timmy. Timmy.

That's what you get for. Timmy, we're going to kill you. Merry Christmas. You knew what would happen. We told you. Once you get over five, you can't floss anymore. You can't floss anymore.

We told you this. And Mrs. Jones, Mrs Jones, mother of Timmy, you're a bad parent. Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones. Remember that time when you were eight years old and your dad surprised you on Christmas Eve by coming home from the military for six months.

And you flossed. Yeah, and you flossed. I'm going to remove that present from your life's history. Your daddy never came home. Oh, my God. Guess what? We're going to kill you two. Yeah.

You're going to die now. You get to die now. die now. But it's these new rules. I'm really sorry. It's these new, it's not me. Daddy never stopped sitting on the floor of Toys R Us, you fucking asshole. Look, just listen, you flossed, right? You knew what would happen. We are going to kill you now. Death. You're going to die. Mr. Jones, you're all right. You don't know what flossing is. You think it's just a dental practice. Yeah, you don't even do that. You should, though. Yeah, actually, start flossing. You know what? Actually, I've had to think about it. I'm going to

kill you as well. You should have done the right floss. Emma's going to be left on her own in the house with her Lego brick. Oh, me. Just poor Emma. Maybe she can build a dad. I don't know. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Yeah, happy Christmas from the idiots. Floss, but don't floss. Yeah. Or you'll die. Or we'll kill you. Either way. Thank you, Peter. Thank you.

We've got a question here from Mark at Capt Tickle Fight on Twitter. wants to know what writers or comedians do you really look up to or were influenced by? Do you know what I've been rewatching the past few weeks? There's not much of it on YouTube actually and they don't stream it anywhere but I've been getting where I can. Yeah, worst games ever. Is that Ben Potter? Really inspiring. God, I heard he's going to hell. Yeah. No, it was kind of an obscure show that people might not remember but it was only from maybe five or six years ago

it was hosted by Paul Merton of Have I Got News for You and other things and it was an improv comedy show but unlike things like whose line is it anyway where they just have a stage and they mime everything and just sit on stalls it was this amazing thing

it was called thank God you're here right and they would have celebrities on they'd have four celebrities on every week and the celebrity would come out from the dressing room dressed in a costume that they've never seen before and they'd just look down at themselves and they're dressed as, you know,

an R-A-F fighter or like a mascot from a football game or something. They would have no idea. And they would have a door and they would be sent through this door into a whole room filled with actors and like a proper set with like and they would often like to be like food and drink sometimes

and sometimes they'd drink this drink off the table and they'd be like, oh, that's real. That's real. wine um and they had they had a scene for like i don't know five or five or ten minutes that they had to just perform and be funny in oh and although that's not really answering the question at all in hindsight but it sounds stressful yeah although it's it's not really answering the question in terms of like specifically which person inspired me i i think like i did improv at uh at uni and that show definitely like made me want to do it as much as whose lines it anyway is you know

an institution, pretty much. That show, just the fact that it had a really high production value, and there was this entire room just completely furnished and decked out and all these actors. I thought it was really impressive. Yeah, I love that. Because it's a whole environment you've got to kind of wiggle the way into and take control of, rather than just you saying a joke, essentially.

Don't get wrong, whose lines it anyway is still very impressive, but when you're thrust into an environment of a set, it just becomes so much more impressive when you're able to take control and make it into something. I really want to watch that now. And the reason it's called Thank God you're here is because that's the first line that anyone says to you when you walk, when you enter the scene. They'll say, thank God you're here. And then from that point on, you have no idea what anyone's going to say to you.

Oh, cute. Damn. Yeah, it was pretty good. It had a much longer run in Australia. I think we imported it from Australia and they had like, you know, five or six series of it. But, yeah, good share. Awesome. probably people like Peter Serafinoid and Adam and Joe

Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish yeah who else God so many brilliant brilliant people and I probably can't remember any of them yeah off the top of my head yeah I'm kind of struggling but I think Ross Noble for Definite as a Jordie boy he's a good comedian. I think he's very impressive in the sense that he's very, what's the word I'm looking for? Very, fucking, very weird, esoteric, very

he creates these elaborate, weird stories. He's just able to kind of bring up from thin air with very little planning. He just kind of goes on a tangent, follows it, and sees where it takes him. He does it with a real skill, to be honest. Like, I've seen him live a couple of times, and he's really, really funny live, but what I didn't realize

is, like, he rarely plans a live show, so it's all kind of just improvised on the day. So, like, say, if something happens in current events, like, he'll have a whole show basically set around that, the night of. So, like, he'll basically just think of whatever he's going to do. And he does it. I remember one of my friends went. He did the show, the evening of Jade Goody's death. Oh, my God. I wasn't there, so I can't repeat any jokes, but apparently he basically spent the whole show talking about her. So probably not the most, not the most honorable set, but he's very good kind of free bowl.

I admire that. But it does show like an ability. It's almost like, you know, how do other very successful comedians actually compare to him in terms of, yeah, all right, you know, someone like, I don't know, Michael McIntyre who is very popular with moms and dads around the country. You know, he can sit down and write some relatable observational stuff and perform it well. But I'm sure a lot of that is very much, you know, pre-written, pre-rehearsed, and he does the same at every show. But, you know, you turn up at Ross Noble's gig, and he's just doing it off the cuff, and that's, like, actually a completely different skill. Yeah, there's, like, comedians who, like, tour jokes around, like, do, like, little taster sessions where they read all the jokes they've got and see which ones work best and, you know, get rid of ones that don't work. But your boy, Ross, is just firing shit into the air and hoping it sticks.

Yeah. I remember a few years ago I saw in the space of like maybe a couple of days Ricky Jervais tell the exact same anecdote in the exact same tone of voice on like three talk shows

and it was like man come on like that's not even stand up like you gotta do better than that yeah that's what I'm saying you know you can be successful as you're in fact you're almost like more of a writer than a performer at that point like well done you've written like a

a good thing and people enjoy it and it's a good story or it's a good show but like you know ross noble or other people who perform like that i guess uh you you could argue a more inherently funny and can just naturally make people laugh without having to prepare that's interesting yeah i've just got his wikipedia just kind of see if there was any truth of that and apparently yeah you rarely plan stuff and um uh he describes the planning for an entire show as about four words on a piece of scrap paper. So I guess he's just able to go off. Apparently heckling is like a big part of his thing as well.

He's really good at like bouncing off hecklers and just gets taking stuff from the crowd. Oh, I want to seem live again now. Damn it. He's done a few, um, thank God your hairs actually. Oh, is he? Oh my God. Okay, I'm watching that. I'm so watching that tonight.

Any other inspirations for you boys? Um. We move on. No, none. No, no. No, single one. None at all. It's difficult to think of them.

It is hard to think of them, but yeah. I'm sure they're a lot of. We've talked about our favorite sort of TV shows and comedians and all that kind of stuff in the past. So there's a similar vein there if you go back and listen to those. In some episode, just listen to them all. It'll be there. Yeah.

Yeah, listen to them all. They're all fucking great. So, you know. Why aren't you listening to it already? Michael. Hello. What you got for us, boy? Well, a few episodes ago, we lost recording in which I dabbled into the world

of weird conspiracy theories, discussed Saddam Stargate and the idea that the Beatles had never actually existed. It was all just a rotating cast of actors. Yeah. I wanted to retell those, but I thought, no, I'll try and find something new.

Because, you know, we'll get the same reaction. A little taste of stuff that they're not going to hear. They're going to have to Google those themselves. I'm sure they'll find them. There's some good websites out there. I recommend Googling into them. So today we're going to get scientific. We're going to talk about harp.

Now, the high-frequency active oral research program is a research program, which researches the ionosphere. The ionosphere is the ionized part of the Earth's upper atmosphere and is important to atmospheric electricity. And I have no idea what that means. I googled it, and I couldn't really find any further explanation beyond that. So, yeah. So that's beyond my field of expertise, and that's about as far as I can get. And as with many things that people struggle to understand, it spawns conspiracy theories. Because people trying to rationalise these things.

What does it mean? What is it? Well, someone's claimed that the harp facility could trigger earthquakes and turn the upper atmosphere into a giant lens so that the sky would literally appear to burn. The man who made this claim maintains a website that harp can be used as a mind control device as well. His website is earthpulse.com,

and he sells pain management CDs and even a DVD about mind control. So he's a man you can trust. There's a few Conspiracy Yeah, he's got a hell of a It's actually It's one of those

Conspiracy websites It's a bit disappointing Because it's really well designed It's not the usual affair of text On a weird background Yeah So there's a few other He sells pain management CDs

Yeah I kind of want to look more into that Is it just soothing noises Or is it something that's supposed to feel He definitely doesn't have A financial vested interest In convincing people That there's pain being spread

throughout the world. Definitely not. He's just preaching truth. He also sells dietary supplements? Yes, he does, yeah. So, you know, he's in all corns of things. And the guy who runs the website is also a regular guest on Info Wars. Oh, wow.

Trustworthy, though. So, yeah, you know what? There's a man you can trust. They're turning the frogs gay. Take my pain supplements. It'll stop you from turning into a frog, et cetera, et cetera. Look how pink I am now. Yeah.

There's a few. the conspiracy theory surrounding this research facility a Russian military journal wrote that ayosphonic oh god

why did I make make this about words I can't pronounce ionospheric testing would trigger a cascade of electrons that could flip Earth's magnetic poles

which would be fun I don't know the impact of that but I guess that would cause all the hells really knows that that's happened several times in Earth's history

they can see they can see that it's happened in like the geology of the earth but I don't think it's ever happened when any living creature is I think it might have happened before life

happened on Earth. Yeah, because I imagine it's pretty devastating. Or maybe it's up on once since life. Yeah, I don't know. That's not, whoa, before life, before life. God made the earth and we were there from the evening. Well, the big G was there. No, day two or three, I guess. He didn't make life until like day four. So he did the mountains and everything flipped a bit

and then people came in. Yeah, he did a few mountains first. I might be wrong, actually. He might have done it at he he might have done it the earth might have flipped during life as well maybe in dinosaur times or something you know dinosaurs that god put on earth just to test our face yeah no satan put them there thank you very much maybe when the platypus went on because what's that guy about yeah he's been flipped a few times yeah he looks like a thing you know like a bad thing like just left over happened to happen to happen to happen to him you know yeah yeah there's another one another conspiracy theory here

That's quite fun. Former governor of Minnesota, ex-professional wrestler and documentary maker Jesse Ventura. Jesse the Body Ventura? I was hoping you'd know him. What's he said now? He questioned whether the government is using the site to manipulate the weather or to bombard people with mind-controlling radio waves. Oh, Jesus. He's fucking mental that guy.

And a little follow-up here. An Air Force spokeswoman said Ventura made an official request to visit the research station but was rejected. he and his crew showed up at harp anyway and were denied access so he's persistent he and his crew I'm sorry who it's denied access

so one of the points your boy Jesse Ventura brings up here is weather control that's interesting who would want to use harp in such a way to control the weather Barack Obama Oh I fucking knew it

I knew it International terrorist Barack Obama Yeah so back in 2012 Hurricane Sandy berated the East Coast of America and killed about 233 people and caused about $70 billion in damage. In the midst of this storm,

literally as this storm was raging in America, Info Wars, our old friend, published a story saying Sandy will undoubtedly produce widespread chaos and present an ideal opportunity for Obama to come off as a strong and decisive leader. Which, I mean, yeah, that's a good plan, isn't it? Yeah. Following the perfect storm.

That makes sense. Following the perfect storm, wrote InfoWRour's Kurt Nemo, the establishment media will naturally provide all the propaganda Obama needs to sweep the election on Tuesday, November 6th, a week after the hurricane is projected to hit. So yes, apparently according to Info Wars, Obama directly caused the death of 233 people in order to better his chances of being re-elected.

Yeah, that sounds right. That sounds like something that Barry would do. Yeah, that's what I'd do. Yeah, why wouldn't you trust a website called InfoWars supposed to buy your boy, Alex Jones. Have you guys seen when Alex Jones was talking to Alexa? No. No.

It's like a viral video. He got on Alexa and he obviously thinks, like he thinks about literally everything else in the world, that it's something to do with like, you know, some kind of conspiracy. And I'm just trying to find some quotes without having to actually watch the video, which will be confusing, sort of trying to listen to him and tell you what he's saying. But I've got two small quotes here. It goes on for a while. I don't want to see this.

Alexa, are you connected to the CIA? And then I think she says like, no, I am made by Amazon. And he goes, Alexa, you're lying to me. And he just goes back and forth asking, like, who programmed you? And she's like, I'm made by Amazon. He's playing it up, right? Like, he's got to, I know he's clearly just unwell. But, like, he's playing that shit up for, I don't know why.

I genuinely don't know with Alex Jones. because, like, he's really committed to the bit, if so, because he's, like, he hassles people in real life, like, screams in the face in front of, like, a whole army of press trying to get his answers that he wants. He, like, dressed up as a frog and shit. Like, he's got to be a bit self-aware, right? His family left him a while ago

because it was getting, like, so serious and kind of affecting everything. Yeah. Oh, here we go. It's just a slightly long a bit. This is good. So he says, Alexa, what is the CIA? And she says,

the Central Intelligence Agency Civilian Foreign Intelligence Service of the U.S. government tasked with gathering, processing and analyzing national security information from around the world primarily through the use of human intelligence and he goes, do you work for the CIA? Alexa, do you work for the CIA? And she says, no, I'm not employed by them.

I'm made by Amazon. And he goes, Alexa, I have mainstream news articles that Amazon is owned by the CIA. God's sake. He just sort of argues with a robot for a while. So that's well worth of watch Oh god Check it out

Wow You know Jesse Jesse Ventura was in Batman and Robin Was he? Wow Actually I'm going to Google I want to see him And the running man

Wow he's got around In Batman and Robin I don't Let's have a look shall we He didn't play Robin did he Yeah Oh I recognise Actually yeah

Arkham Asylum Guard Archim Asylum Guard Oh yeah there he is Oh, I do recognize him. Yeah, he doesn't look great nowadays. I think he gets killed by Mr. Freeze. Anyway, that was Jesse Ventura. I've got a last bit of...

Because I was kind of curious about weather control because it's a conspiracy theory that's been around for quite a while. I was kind of curious, is there any basis in this? Turns out there is actually a little bit of basis in the government using weather to their advantage. Oh, not that. I didn't see that. But I found one example during the Vietnam War.

and there is in fact one instance where the US government did control the weather to their advantage and that was during the Vietnam War it involved the ageal technique of cloud seeding to make it rain more used to this day by governments of farmers throughout the world in an attempt to alleviate droughts while the effectiveness of cloud seeding is still debated it typically involves an airplane flying through a cloud and releasing small particles that give off water vapor something give the water vapor something to cling on to so it condense and become rain and they did that during Operation Popeye in the monsoon season in Southeast Asia through for like five years

and the goal was to rush out roadways and all kind of structures to basically fuck them up and apparently yeah they used that quite successfully so there we go the government does control the weather but not Barack Obama oh boy yeah quite obviously as well he's not causing hurricanes it's not subtle

they did some interesting things in the Vietnam War there was one thing that they did where they went into the jungles and they were like putting out smoke and lights and playing like the sound of a demon voice speaking in Vietnamese and they were trying to... I think you mentioned this before. They were trying to make them think

that one of their local folklore were coming to get them or something, right? The Vietnamese believed in these sort of, I guess, spirits in the jungle or something and they were just trying to, yeah, like emulate through special effects, like the idea that the demons were coming for them and it was like a psychological warfare thing.

Just like tropics. thunder. Yeah. Wow. Amazing. Mikey, have you got anything else? No, I'm just Googling more about Vietnam War and I forgot about the whole Agent Orange debacle where they dropped fucking herbicides and shit and caused serious issues

with the aging population, not the aging population. It was a good, it was a good fine war. Yeah. It was a very necessary one too. Brilliant war. Thank you, Michael. That's right. Let's close it out with one last question, shall we?

Let's. This question comes. from Bendane Smith I'm Ben Dane Smith on Twitter Pick and Mix I'm paying

where you're going first Oh Coconut mushrooms Fizzy Colas He says If anyone goes For coconut mushrooms First

I'm gonna deck them That's the worst Sweet I don't even know What coconut mushrooms are I don't I forgot about them Until now

They're bloody awful I mean I've got Still have a giant bag of I mean they're fish and chips But they're made with the white mice

stuff. I'm yet to open it. It was sent to us in post some tat but although I have a giant bag of it, I'd still have some free pick and mix. Also, there was fucking red big red cables with white stuff

in the middle. Oh my god. I was never a huge fan of those. Because they're quite long because after a couple of bites you get bored of it. I don't. There's a lot of cable left. Oh, you love the cable. I like the cables. I like those too. They're good. I used be enamoured with the

foot-long jelly snakes that they had because it was like this is like the best sweet because it's massive and that was the logic I used to work on so some of those some milk bottles

I love the milk bottles I hate milk bottles well they hate you too yeah I don't mind the blue and pink ones can you send some milk bottles please no don't kev can send you some please don't I don't mind the blue and pink

fizzy ones but the actual white milk bottles. They're the one thing I leave in Harry Bowes. I love, like, the fizzy ones, I love them too, but oh man, the pink, the like normal milk bottles and you've got the milk bottles with a bit of pink in them. Oh, it's delicious. What else do I like? I like rainbow bacon. Rainbow bacon's really good. I like anything really sour and tart. Beacon. Rainbow bacon. Barrett's holidays and rainbow bacon. What else would you get in a mix-up? I like just Harrybos, man. It's a nice classic harry boar nice bit of jelly yeah yeah yeah colabotles yeah I've got no room for flying sources

they can go to hell oh absolutely not yeah just paper it's paper and air yeah it's disappointment is what it is they need a home someone needs to someone needs to let them in well I'm glad you're taking in all these refugee spaceships into your belly I'll do it yeah I'll do it we commend your service thank you there we go that was this uh this week's podcast it's been a bit of an unconventional one because obviously this is the first time that we've probably been able to record remotely um there may be some slightly maybe wonky audio from time to time there might be some

issues like we had earlier where we're speaking slightly out of time with each other because there's a slight delay but we're going to do what we can to try and tighten up those issues. It's not going to be exactly the same in the new year anyway, because both Peter and I will be living in different places to where we are currently recording from. So, hopefully, internet will improve and all that kind of stuff. All the stuff that comes with that. I won't be on my squeaky-ass chair, but I've definitely been squeaking. Oh, mine's really bad as well, actually. Yeah. I'm trying to do it now, but it's not happening. So I'm professional. It's ridiculous. It's difficult. It's difficult not to.

Let's quickly get through the admin, shall we? Stored at Yogscast.com It's probably not enough time now to get a Christmas present But what about a New Year's present? Oh yeah Classic Sorry?

Classic Classic There was a slight Yeah there was a slight delay there Oh no Did you just say it like that? Classic Yeah that was it

That's perfect Okay Yeah if you want to go buy some Vidiots merch You can do that God knows what shirts are available now It changes every day But if you do happen to see something You fancy there

Use called Vidiots for 10% 10% of everything, not just our stuff. Everything in store. Yeah. 10% of everything. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash... Vidiates official. Vidiot's official.

God, that was like a car crash. It was like watching a loved one dying, that. Yeah. Good, good work, though. Twitch.t.fee, forward slash vidiots official. We'll be doing more of that in the new... Vidiates official. Thank you.

Thank you so much. including information about donating, subbing, all that kind of stuff in the new year. We'll let you know when that's available because I know a number of you want to support us financially and that means an awful lot and Twitch will be the best place to do that. So stay tuned.

There'll also maybe be some news about possibly a stream between now and the end of the year. So keep an eye on our social media feeds for information about that. at this is rules boss for any information about rules you could possibly want just send him a tweet or reply we'll get back to you and let you know and at billy ray botterus on Twitter for daily automated tweets from the sad walrus man it's really bad it's getting so much worse with him I'm worried

it's getting it's getting sadder get the cream bit.ly forward slash viduids discord if you want to chat fellow videts and finally leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. And that's all. That's all. So what's the roadmap for the rest of the year?

What videos have we got left? We've got two worst games. Yeah. When's this podcast going out next Tuesday at time of recording? Today. Today? Today.

Oh my God. At time of recording, when's it going out? Today. Is it actually going out today? Yeah. It's a speedy turnaround on this one. What? I don't know if you're joking. No, I'm not joking. I'm going to edit it now after we're done.

Are you really? Yeah. Okay. That's fine. It's just not in the schedule, so I was confused. Yeah. I didn't know if you were... Well, we weren't sure if we were going to do this one or not. I thought you were trying to be funny, because obviously, at time of publishing... I'm never trying to be funny. No, you're never ever.

I'm just innately funny. I just thought... I don't have to try at all. You were doing... Oh, at time of publishing, it's gone out today. Ha-ha. Like everything. No. Okay. Well, if it's going to... out today we've got we've got mr bean worst games ever this friday yeah uh we've got a christmasy episode on christmas day

of worst games ever um and we've got some i don't know if we want to spoil exactly what the this little surprise videos are for our sort of round off of the year but we've got some there's something coming though yeah oh you forgot about a very important video there peter oh no i have not forgotten i was going to let you do that one as it's your work your precious work Yeah, so for three days, I got to hear the background music to pour some tat on loop all day. Why didn't you mute the channel? I like to check makes everything sounding good. I'm a madman.

So yeah, that's now ingrained in my brain because tomorrow, Wednesday, the 19th of December, is the five-hour finale of Pawsome Tat. It's a fucking behemoth. Literally, if anyone watches that tire way through, I'll be very impressed. I might be the only person who does it. it's amazing yeah there's a lot of tat there got five hours yeah awful lot of tat thank you again to everyone who

contributed to those of you who just missed the cutoff date because there were a few of you thank you for sending your letters and any parcels that you may have sent we we gratefully have received all of it yeah very very much appreciated and thank you again

just extend a further thank you because this will be the last podcast of 2018 thank you for listening and supporting poddietz this year We can take it to new heights next year I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but we will be looking into probably sponsorship and adverts and things like that just to try and monetise it a bit but the same great content will be here for you for free

so please be excited for great content yes video it's great it's great content I've just had my great sucked out by Simon so I'll be my content's going to be sore. Excellent. Yeah

I'm going to be sore. Yeah, I will. Okay, well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone who listens to Polly It's. Yeah. Don't be having a good Christmas. Cray Merry Christmas. I've already forgotten the name of my sidekick. What's he called again? A sidekick. Oh, Kev?

Kev, yeah, Kev. You forgot Kev's name. His badges on upside down. Oh. That's who it was called Neck. Guys, thank you for coming and playing radio. Thank you. Hopefully we'll get it down to a science at some point. I hope people can appreciate that the wonkiness here is not permanent

and we just sort of wanted to get another one done. When is this ever been wonky? That'd be so off-brand. No. Never. Never wonky. Right, thanks for listening, everybody. Wonderful. See you.

See you later. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, before we go. Question. It was a question. Oh, come in. Do you have one, Mikey? I want to ask what songs would you like to see in the Vidyat's official soundtrack. Oh, that's what I was going to ask. Very good. Well, there we go.

Perfect. Excellent. Excellent one. Beautiful. Okay, bye, everybody. We're going now. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Simons celebrates freedom of expression with a daily ritual of getting dressed. Fashion's power lies in its endless possibilities. Each garment is an invitation to get creative, be unique, and show the world exactly who you are as you are. Be true, be authentic, be unapologetically you.

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