Podiots - Podiots: Episode 27 - The River Severn

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

Ben's got some inventions, Mikey's embroiled in a conspiracy, and Peter's changing his name to Argos from inside a lift. New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. I'm just going to do a quick volume test, so I'm going to screech. Girl, that's fine. Volume test. Okay. R. Wee. I want my Seshwan sauce.

Ree. Ree. I'm a pickle, Morty. I'm pickle Rick. Oh, I love that joke. so much. Pickle Rick. I could tell, as soon as I saw the trailer for that season, I don't

like that. I know that they're trying to make that a thing and I don't like it. And I mean, to be fair, it did become a thing, the biggest fucking thing ever. Let's put it on every t-shirt. I'm so transparent though, the whole thing. Like, I still like Rick and Morty. Some people have just sworn off it now and have decided

it's cool to hate Rick and Morty. Well, yeah, I have to start hiring women writers. I totally just turned off. Oh, really? What? no he's not serious that was a big thing like oh women wrote this episode so it's not funny anymore

oh god oh Jesus Christ I've not I've not like I've not like I don't think it's cool to hate it but I don't know I think it's a bit it's sometimes a bit

I don't know it's a bit mean to kind of say that it's try hard now because like literally if they made the same jokes in season one or if the season one jokes were being made in season three

like I don't know I think I'm just a bit cynical about it now. I think it is a degree of like now that loads of other people like it and it's really famous, I'm a bit like, hmm, it needs to do a lot to impress me now. Yeah.

You want the Peter Austin seal of approval. Yeah. You've got to work for it. I'm just thinking of Shania Twain. That don't impress me much. No. Brad Pitt. I don't think Shania Twain would be a fan. What's the deal with that Brad Pitt thing? I've heard that, but I don't understand. What is that?

It's just the lyric from the song. It's like, oh, so you a rocket scientist, that doesn't impress me much. Then one of them's just, oh, so you're Brad Pitt. That doesn't impress me much. Really? Yeah, she goes through various sort of traits. So there's like one versus, oh, you're a rocket scientist, which is about, you know, it doesn't matter if you've got the brains, if you haven't got the touch, Ben, you need to have

the touch to keep me warm through the lonely night. Right, right. And she says, you're Brad Pitt, which is that he's a sexy man. And then there's, okay, so you got a car. She has... She has ridiculous standards, doesn't she? She does. She sounds like she'd be very challenging to please.

Yeah. Very difficult. A different lover every night, perhaps, for Shania Twain. Imagine if Brad Pitt was a rocket scientist and was driving around in the nicest car in the world. She's still not impressed. Would the combination of the three impress her? Or is it like... Oh, a rocket car.

Oh, fuck yeah. That was also an actor. A real... A rocket car with a face on the front, a really pretty face. Like a fully loaded brum Called Brad Cockpit Oh That is actually very good

It's even got the penis in the name The sexiest bit Yeah the sexiest bit of the car The penis Before we start I'm going to go get a sock Not to masturbate into But to protect my pipa peas

Oh my goodness You still said Pee So I still believe that you're probably going to do A Wankle A Wankle Oh never heard that before When I hit it I'll be back in a second

that happens to the underside of boats isn't it when they're at sea for a long time get lots of wankles attaching to the bottom oh yeah wankles and wankles and cockles yeah parry wankles periwankles

periwankles bollick knolls as well it's a bit of a mouthful oh I may just take one at a time oh Jesus oh oh dear

oh you're too much we are we are a card aren't we? Collectively, we are one card. Yes, altogether, one card. Just going to slip on the sock. Oh, get comfortable. Perp, pupper, yeah, that's a lot better.

That's better. And I've just got a really dangly blue sock with flamingos on it in front of me. Oh, I've got a sock on my mic, and I have double folded it. Oh, very nice. It looks like it's wearing a little beanie. I haven't got one of mine. Maybe I should take one of my socks off and put it on me. Just join the sock gang.

No, it's okay. It's all right. to be uncircumcised I suppose circumcised would be the appropriate one here yeah it's okay to be yeah you guys are well I don't know is it is your foot or the or the microphone

the penis in this metaphor a microphone definitely yeah okay well yeah in that case my microphone is circumcised yeah my my foreskin is very I try to think of a better way to say that but there's no real way of avoiding the word foreskin it's just it's very

No, there is. It's just what it is, isn't it? There's no funny word for it and it's just here. There must be another way to say that without being so obtuse and disgusting. Sock. Yeah, that I do. I'm like my sock. We've got a sockem susan. Oh no, not a willy sock. But when you talk about microphones being penises, there are no better microphone penises than a good blue Yeti microphone penis. Oh, damn right. Listen to the sound. through socks who very kindly

the river seven is river dividing Wales and the rest of England genuinely couldn't even understand that I could could you

it's because we make that joke to each other all the time and we always do the exact same it's always the river seven it's a geography when they wheel out the TV and geography

it's been on the old VHS the River 7 is a river it sounds so accurate what the fuck there's just occasional syllables

just make it I think they hit the resonant frequency of the TV and it just goes like you know they'll be talking about

the Amazon the Amazon V is yeah it's always RU V

the Rhyr The Ruf Sov sorry that's really tickled me because yeah like

you start making those noises and all came back to me flooding back in the childhood. Everybody's been there. Everybody's had Mr. Horn's Beef for geography. Old PE teacher. Won't leave the school. Still there.

Cairo is based on the side of the River Nile. That's what it's like. As we pan across Europe and look at Czechoslovakia. Oh, Jesus. Czechoslovakia. How old is this video that's what I mean?

Yeah. Is Czechoslovakia not a thing? What the fuck? no you know it's not any more what happened is that is the Czech Republic now and Slovakia see you you clearly had the VHS I was describing I've been watching that for years I swear I get all the information from but I guess it's out of data now it's a bit sad we had it on beta max and it had the USSR on the map beta max yeah anyway we should probably start the podcast let's yeah I guess Hello everybody and welcome to Poddietz, the official...

I give up, I can't even do it, I do it. Hang on, I'll style it out, the official Fiddiots podcast. It's a conversational podcast, where we take some questions from you at home and obey the laws of the three us, and guys, I need you just to commit, it will be sorted in post, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. What's wrong? I'm Ben. Just, just, come on, guy! We did it, we just laughed afterwards.

It's fine. It's fine. We're having fun. I'm Michael. And I'm Peter. That's great. You know, at least we didn't stumble through the actual urs. I went for it.

That will think up. You're right. You did great. It was hard, but we sold it through. Good boys. Any of you guys seen Kevin? No. Fuck sick.

I'm not. He hasn't shown his head all week. I'm really annoyed. No. No, he hasn't. Well, maybe he'll show him. up later. I'm not sure maybe before the ends of the show that fucking freeloader.

Kevin, if you can hear this, get your ass in here right now. Kevin, can you hear me? I don't know any of the rest of that. I was waiting from to reply after. Kevin, can you see me? Maybe? Is that it? I don't know. I'm thinking... I feel like you would know. Yeah. You feel like I would know. Which, what song

is that? I just know the Simpsons version. Nelson, Papa. Can you hear me? Oh, yeah. No, I don't know. It sounds like, do you want to build a snowman? It does. That's probably what it's based on. Whereas in like, Snowman one is based on this one.

But like, we're so uncultured. We don't even know. Hey, guys, before we go any further, we should say that we've got some delicious new pottyets merchandise. Oh, shit. We have. Buy shirts and mug. Mug?

Shirts and mug. There's only one mug. So that's going on eBay. Just one. Yeah, no one's bought it. It's a bit upsetting. Everybody, quick, get in there and buy mug. It is store.orgscast.com and browse yourself to the Vidyat's section.

Use the coupon code Vidiates for how much off? 10 whole percent. 10 whole percent. Everything. Even if you're buying competitor channel stuff, you can use Vidiots. Yeah. You get a nice hat film's calendar. Yeah.

A high roller's set of dice. And that's it. They're the only two people were permitting you to buy from. Yeah. That's it. That's all. But many Vidiot stuff, please. Yeah.

Please, yeah, ideally. Give me a money now. Money me. And buy that mug. Guys, I've got a question here. Oh, shit. I've got a question here. And this one comes to us today from John Salt.

Ooh. At Count John on Twitter. And John Salt asks, what's all your favorite bands? And what was the first band you ever saw live? Mine was Nickelback, unfortunately. Oh, the shame. I don't know.

I don't think, well, there's actually a certain point. Like, Nickelback were good. Like, I used to really like them as a kid. They'd be on all the time on Kerrang and just to bop around to the Hero, the Spider-Man Man Man. I have no issue. I have no issue with Nickelback. I have no issue with Nickleback. The first album was good. The new, well, the

albums after that were a bit boring maybe, but I don't know, I think, I think Nickelback deserve a chance. Okay. One of their songs was the, was the theme tune for WWE, Raw, for a while, and I thought it was very good. There we go. So, there. So, there. So was that your answer?

So guys, Nick or back? No. No. I was just, we were just responding to John Salt. Yeah. Talking about John Salt's favorite. But what about you guys? I think, well, I know my first gig. I think it was, I don't know, I don't know when other people experienced their first gigs,

but I think I was about 16 when I went to my first gig. Because I know, like, everyone seemed to have the story of going to see S Club of Steps as a kid. Oh, I didn't. No, I didn't. Oh, really? Because everyone I talked to, it's always like it's S Club of Steps or something. I must have missed that part of the childhood. but I went to see Pendulum for my first gig

Oh my goodness Pretty heavy It was a hell of an opening It was like before they came on It was like oh this is nice There's plenty of room I can do my thing and breathe And then the first band came on

The support band and everyone just crushed And I was like oh fuck It's hot It was a pretty good gig Can't move Help God favourite bands though I don't know why I'm so bad at answering this question

I should have an answer prepared Do you know what my favorite band is? Oh, Jesus. An elastic band. Okay, I'm going to, is there a way to, like, boot him from the call? Yeah, just... Actually, we can just leave and go to a new server without him. It says remove friend.

Oh, no, that's just... He's on my friend's list. Oh, I can ban Peter. I'm the admin. Okay. Oh, yeah, just do that then. Yeah, ban me. Right.

Bye, Peter. Bye, bye. Bye. No, he's gone. Oh, right. Well, that's fine. Now the adults can talk. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. What music are you listening to at the moment, Michael? Oh, God. Well, actually, I'm back on death grips because I just found out that tomorrow they're selling tickets to a new gig in Bristol. So I'll be going to that. Oh, that's exciting. Oh, yeah, fuck it. I got a bit of Jack Stauber.

He might know from the YouTube. He does very, very funny, weird 30-second melodies. I do really recommend check him out because his stuff is, like, kind of blowing up. And he's really good. And Carol, Caro Bonito. There you go. I've got harsh noise, rap, screaming to bubble Japanese-style pop. Was that the one that there was a song about shrimps?

Yeah. We listened to that in the car on the way to Dunstead. Oh, that's right, yeah, yeah. That was a trip, that one. It's getting a bit lonely. I think we should out unband Peter. Yeah, come on. All right, bring him in.

He's in. Boop. That's the unband boob. Oh, okay, so the first thing he does, he takes the piss out of Michael. Get him out of here. Yeah, that's me. want to see him you don't have to see me we're on voice chat oh jesus christ fine see look at all the snark snark he sniveling snark still going peter yeah tell us about yourself okay i will do

i'm just going to add a sock to my microphone because i'm watching my levels and i don't like him so um okay okay that's fine you can cut out this this horrible noise that it's about no no it's staying no it's staying in and i'm going to go instead i'm going to talk while you rub your sock on your microphone okay here it comes oh oh Jesus Christ it's like snow stepping in snow yeah do I sound am I okay or I'm a fold you sound exactly the same oh Jesus oh that still did it okay just don't just blow into the microphone Jesus Christ Peter I'm sorry it make noise if I do this I'm hitting it with a hammer yeah the first band I ever saw live was feeder oh nice with with their

five hits and I saw them a couple of times and I don't see many bands live though I saw Jack Johnson live I'm a big Jack Johnson fan I like Blackstone Cherry I like Carly Ray Jepson I like there's a new band I've been listening to a lot recently called fickle friends oh that sounds good popped up in a in a Spotify suggested list it's like what are they called the 1975 but with a female vocalist it's great oh my god really good but yeah I like I like heavy rock things I like Relaxy Newton Folkner Jack Johnson things and I like the I like the pop music sometimes too

Hey Hmm Beautiful I'm just looking at pictures of fickle friends now Why do bands always kind of look the same Don't they Yeah especially UK indie bands They're all wearing jumpers

And you know what Peter Are you in an indie band Are I in an indie band? Am I in an indie band? Well both questions really I'm not in one But I am one indie band manifest yeah i am just yeah other people make up me um my constituent parts are like preppy

boys in sort of yeah kind of skinny jeans and uh you know went to ox bridge one of them plays the banjo because he wants to be different you know it's all that kind of thing is there a harmonica in there too maybe yeah probably yes thought so yeah um they're trying to do some work with dizzy rascal but uh they can't get hold of it well chock brothers man should get dizzy rascal so but they're No one else has... Chuckel brothers. No one else has the clout of the Chuckel brothers. Yeah.

Weren't you a DLC ad-on for the Crash Bander Coot remaster? I think you were called... Was it indie bandicoot? Oh, very good. Yeah, that's me. How did you know? Yeah, sorry. I was going to say that earlier, but I couldn't.

And then I just had to lead my own way in. To bring us back to indie bands and then say... Do you remember when we were talking about indie bands? Yeah, yeah. Just got on a second. Rewind for a minute. I've got a pun. Anyway.

Let's go back. No, Peter, tell us. What are you doing? What music? I don't know. I can only give, like, genre answers, really. I don't really have a band that, like, kind of, you know, stands out above anyone else, really.

Peter likes to buy used, like, USB stick-style MP3 players from the early noughties and just listen to them, and it's just a lucky dip for him. Yeah, I only buy used ones that will just have preloaded music onto them. It's just where is the love, but it sounds like. like this. Where else they live? Yeah, exactly. People killing, people dying.

I think I did actually have Where's the Love on my USB. Everybody did. Everybody did. I don't know, I like sort of something that I've never stopped liking, particularly

like in the past few years it's really peaked. I like kind of electro like edm stuff but with just with like weird unusual samples in it so like you know someone's just used like random sound effects from Jurassic Park or like they've they've taken lines from psycho or something like that like something that I guess like I really like it when music contains references to other pop culture that's not not just like other music like you know for example, you know, Eminem and Dido, okay, that's cool. Like, you're sampling each of the songs,

but, like, you know, that's, that's, that don't impress me much. But I, I, yeah, exactly, it don't impress me much. But I, I want to hear, um, I want to hear, like, I don't know, some, some filthy, heavy-ass kind of Skrill-X sounding thing. But then just before the drop, it's, it's like, it's just Michael going, nah. They've like sampled different videos. That sounds wonderful. Someone can make that. You could probably make it, Peter.

Well, exactly, yeah. That kind of thing. That's my favorite kind of music. I've got a whole playlist on YouTube of just weird, strange sampled music. In the vein of using weird samples and music, I feel like I've talked about this before, but there's a French musician called Ego. And for a few songs,

he basically put like a small piano out with his chickens in his garden, and he's recorded how they played the piano. and made those into songs. It's really fucking good. It's called the chicken sonata. That's amazing. That sounds like a delicious Italian dish. You all had the same thought there.

I'll have the chicken sonata, please. Oh, I've got horrible darreter today. What'd you have for dinner? I had a chicken sonata. Oh, well, there you go. I got a Tesco ready meal chicken sonata. Oh, you can't trust that chicken. Darrored my behind off.

Yeah. You could have ordered the beef concerto, I think. Right. I was going to say another one, but you know what? I can't think of any other posh words for music. It doesn't matter. Guys, I've got a thing. Oh, shit. I am but a humble inventor. And I've brought three things along today for you, the dragons of dragons den. And I'm going to talk you through them. And I've been working really hard on them. And these are real. And I'd just like to get your thoughts on them, okay? Yeah.

If that's all right? Of course, yeah. Anytime. Yeah. Okay. So please don't shut me down while I'm in the middle of explaining these because, you know, I've worked very hard on them and I'm a bit nervous about a presentation. Yeah, it's a pitch.

You know, the dragons don't interrupt a pitch. Okay. Right. You ready? Yeah. So my first thing I brought for you today is it's called Rebel Yell. it's uh sorry rebel yell the hated hero and this is a this is a comic book series i'm writing about a uh sort of a superhero based in the deep south of america who wears the uh i believe

it's called um the the southern the southern cross yeah right um and uh the description goes a little a little something like this uh rebel yell is the realization of a comic inclusive of southern heroes and symbols. In a city swamped by crime and dismissive of its own history and heritage, a man rises from the rubble and attempts in underdog fashion to fight for a lost cause. Is the lost cause

racism? I can tell I've got you. So I'm going to continue. Yeah, yeah, no please. The South possesses... The Confederate flag. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Brilliant. It's a very nice way of putting it. The Southern Cross. The Southern Cross. The South possesses its own heroes, history and symbols. Each of these is the target of

various agitators against Southern identity. The attacks, while ever present, have increased in intensity over the past few years, so much so that one can vandalise veterans' memorials with impunity. The point of Rebel Yell is to give Southerners a pop culture hero with which to identify, show that the Southern Cross is a symbol of honour, virtue and integrity, present an alternative to the failing, the failing mainstream comic industry. And above all, and this is in all caps, Tell good stories.

Good stories. Good stories. It's a good story. I'm already sold. The failing comic book industry. I don't know if that's... It's failing people like this, I guess. They consider it to failing them by not representing all walks of life, including racist

Southerners. No, hang on. The Southern Cross, thank you. Sorry, sorry, Cross Southerners is what I meant. It's a symbol of honour. virtue and integrity. Interestingly, Honor is spelt in here the British way, which is confusing. Although I did write it, obviously.

It's my pitch. Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. So what I'm seeking here is funding for issue one of Rebel Yell. I need, it doesn't actually say this isn't actually on Kickstarter. It's on Indiegogo, so I'm unfamiliar with how this works. It doesn't say what the amount of money they need is. However, I can tell you that it was funded by 29 backers for 530 British pounds. Wow.

So look forward to comic book issue one of Rebel Yell. Get on it. I'm going to send you a photo now of Rebel Yell in the chat. Just to see what you think. We should really jump on this because, you know, Action Comics No. 1 is, oh boy, that's a, that's a Southern Cross. It is. Yeah. The eyes as well look a bit problematic to me.

Yeah, are those actually his eyes? Yeah, they are. That's, mm, that's not eyes. Mine's just loading. Oh, okay. Right. Yeah. Well, that's good.

It looks better than I thought because I was just picturing, you know, a normal man, a normal Southern American and not just a superhero. So this is... Well, that's what racists are, Michael. They're just like you and me. Oh, no. They could be anywhere. They don't go around dressed in an actual Confederate flag. It's the Southern Cross.

Southern Cross. Sorry, I'm so sorry. The Southern Cross. Yeah, bloody hell. Right, okay, moving on. Next one I've got for you today, and I'm really proud of this one. This one is called the M1-9-11-H.

Oh, what a name. Now, I know you guys like guns. So, I would like to introduce to you the world's first reloading card holder. What? What? How does a card... So I can tell...

I can tell... Hail by your stunned silence that you're already impressed. I'm also going to send you a photo of this. Okay. Just so you guys can visualize it while I explain. Oh my God. So this is basically the hilt of the, what is it,

the Browning M1-9-1, I believe. Wow. But in the style, but it slots out at the bottom where the cartridge would usually pop out and you can store your cards in there. And I know, I hear you asking, will it make a reload sound when I put the card in?

Ben, will it make a reload sound when I put the card in? Yes, Peter. Yes, it will. And I can also hear you asking, but will that not sound like I'm reloading a gun in public? Michael.

And the answer is also... Oh, sorry. But will that not sound like I'm reloading a gun in public? Yes, it will. But the point is that we're paying tribute to, and I'm quoting now,

the master, Mr. John Browning. Right. So this is clearly, I can appreciate as the inventor of this this is quite problematic from probably a safety standpoint because it sounds even the action there's a giff

a bit further down the page that shows how it works and the card component comes all the way out like what's it called? What's the thing of ammunition called? A magazine? A magazine yeah, thank you. And he slots it back in like he's holding the hilt of an actual gun and it sounds like a gun

and do you think this was funded? I mean, it's got to have been, because who wouldn't want this? I mean, the best way to get this funded would be, like to build one prototype, then just go to the bank, and when they ask for your card, yeah, in the middle of the bank, you make a guncock sound. You can have all the money you want in doing that. You might not get away with it, but that's how you fund this thing. So I'm going to say yes.

All the money. What do you think, Michael? Yeah, of course it was. I mean, who wouldn't want, em? While that looks like a gun It's never going to cause issues Sounds like a gun too That's the important part

Sounds like a gun So this had 249 backers And they pledged $26,752 Holy shit $26,000 This thing was super funded Wait how much

Wait what does that average out to per person Is that like a No Yeah a hundred dollars each Something like that Oh, my God. It's an awful lot of dollars. These people really want their reloading card holders.

Finally, and this is the one I'm most proud of, this is called the Bath Suit. And this is clothing for extreme situations. Oh, God. And the description reads, When the environment and the situations around test you, sorry. Bath suit will solve your problems. And this, here comes another photo. This is a t-shirt, but we're looking at branching out into other items of clothing as well.

And you can see here that it looks like a face. Yeah, it does, yeah. And it's really lovely. Over the two nipple areas, it looks like it's got eyes. And then around the belly button area, it's got a little mouth. And what you do is if you feel like you're going to be a bit sick-ams, and you really do have to plan ahead here. Oh, my God.

You get a regulation sick bag, and those pupils that are on the eye holes, they're actually clips and you clip your bath bag onto there and then you can throw up straight down your front right into the bag and then you have a little

tactical pocket to store your little bath bag in just so you're always ready for action what do you mean why not just hold the bag and be sick in it and then just put it in the bin or like do whatever you would

or what who goes you don't need to carry it with you it's not a dog poo who starts today thinking oh today I might be sick. I'll wear my sickie shirt just to be safe. Oh my Bath suit will solve your problems.

So, the bathsuit will solve your problems. Because when I first had this, I heard bath as in the place where you bathe. The bath suit. A baths. Yeah, but no, it's just fucking vomit. B-A-R-F, bath. Barf. Baf. It's a happy bath day.

It's the bath suit. It's the bath-day suit, yeah. So do you think this was funded? That would have been a much. If they called it the bathday suit it would have been but I'm thinking it's not I'm gonna hope not I'm sorry like I really love this invention you you've made up and you've designed really hard but sadly I don't think there's a market for this one Peter um no I don't think so okay well with zero seconds to go according to Kickstarter this was unsuccessfully funded oh it was backed by how many

people five his gran it was backed by people. That's still two more than I expect. But how much did they pledge? Oh God. I'm going to cut you off there. It was two pounds. So someone donated less than a pound each. What was even the reward for donating less than a pound? A picture of one. There isn't one. So it's literally pledged two euros or more and nobody even reached that. There's no backers at the two euro tier. There's no backers at the 20 euro tier, which by the way, if you'd have done that, you'd have done that, you'd have got one bath suit. Wait, so you don't even get one until you pledged 20?

Nope, two, and you get a, it says a big tank you. Every support is precious. Now, to be fair, this comes to us from Milan in it. Of course. So that might explain why there's some funny English on here. I wish I could share the video with the fine listeners at home. I'm going to send you the link to the paper. page because he does some incredible green screen interpretations of the kind of situations where you

might need a bath suit. I'm looking at him right now. Probably after having the chicken sonata, I would have thought. Oh, sure, there we go. Come full circle. So he starts by, he's in the back of a car. He's about the size of a small child. He's not wearing, he's not wearing a seatbelt.

He's then seen walking around a stock photo of a bar, holding up a drink to people who aren't responding to him because it's a stock. photo. Then there's eight of him sat in the cinema doing different reactions and deciding they need to be sick. And then there's him trying to balance on a stock video of a boat. It's incredible. And I wish this man was related to me. The guy looks a bit like my uncle actually. Maybe this is what he's up to nowadays. He could be related to you. Yeah. I mean, it's a very Johnson invention, isn't it? The bath bag. It's amazing. It's everything I've ever wanted. And I'm just sad it could never exist. So

Those are my three inventions today. Dragons, I'll let you deliberate. And if you could let me know which one you'd like me to proceed with, I will work really hard on making that area out. I don't think that's how the show. You don't just come with three and say which one. No, this is how it works now. This is how it works now.

Right. Good. Oh, God. So it's a no for all three then? Yeah, definitely. I'll have to think about it. You know, I'll talk to the wife, but I'll let you know later. I've already, I've forgotten what the second one was.

It's the reloading. Of course. Yeah. Was it that unmemorable? Yeah. You know what? This has been a disappointing day for me, to be honest, but I respect your decision and I'll come back with more. Yeah, you'll get him next time.

Champ. I bounce back. I've got a question here. Okay. This is from Zach Delanzo at Zach Delanso on Twitter, who asks, do you guys have plans to get together for special videos? Glad the podcast is back. Yeah. We do, don't we?

Yeah. Yeah. there's no concrete plans but next time we're all together inevitably I will be visiting home that is Newcastle so yeah whenever I'm back up I will be saying hello and popping my head around the doors

so stuff will come out at some point it's just flights and getting time off is difficult so it will happen because I do have to kind of see my parents at some point I'm visiting such a burden yeah

jeez parents birth me and raise me and put me through I'm visiting Bristol I'm not sure in relation to time of publishing but I'll be seeing Mikey won't be making a video

for the channel I'll just be you know Sock medding maybe Oh yeah we'll get a nice picture Just the lift there in the background Yeah Peter's in a lift today Yeah that's where he's just recording studio You'll be able to remove it in post

No no no no we're going to amplify it No no no no same time It's too late now it's been referred to But it might be Kevin actually Oh, shit, he's coming up. Well, just going up and down constantly. Yeah, it could be. Yeah.

Could be. Okay. Who's got a thing? Who would like to do it? I'm happy to do my thing. Go for it, Mikey. So, you all might remember this one, but the people at home, they won't because just before Christmas, we recorded a couple of poddiage episodes, but one of them, sadly, the recording failed. Oh, no, yeah.

So I'm recycling a thing, because that's efficiency. Oh, exciting. Let's delve into the world of some crazy conspiracy theories. Now, the first one concerns the Beatles. The most famous band in history, many people would argue, bigger than Jesus, almost definitely. So now, there's a fair amount of conspiracy theories surrounding the Beatles. It's to be expected when, you know, you're the biggest band in history. For example, there's a theory that Paul McCartney was killed and replaced by a look-alike.

This is a rumor that dates all the way back to 1969, which is... It's kind of fun, because you kind of forget that conspiracy theories aren't a modern invention. They've been around forever. Probably some very batch at ones back in the day. I'd love to hear what cavemen were debating. Yeah. Oh, Paul McCartney. Yeah, about that guy.

He's not really. He's a great guy. Skater boy was a cry for help. Oh, God. There's even a counter theory from this one that every member of the Beatles is dead except for Paul. There's something for everyone there. On the island of Sodor Ringo

That's not Paul Was dead Yeah, Ringo He's the only other one that's alive That's why I did the voice What's Paul even sound like It's very soft I imagine And Paul McCartney

It's a bit like that actually Paul McCartney Sounds a bit like It was just Brian They just sound like they've got called I'm Paul Butterfield Butterfield But here's an interesting

conspiracy theory. What if the Beatles never actually existed to begin with? So what? Yeah, fucking mind fucker. Millions upon millions of people saw them in the flesh. That was the point. But did they, Peter? How can you prove it? I wasn't there. Yeah, exactly. I wasn't there either. You could just be telling bullshit. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a certain sect of people. I wouldn't say it's a very big sect but there's enough people there for me to be aware of this conspiracy

theory and that's all I need some believe that from the moment the Beatles started they were staffed by a revolving cast of actors who all look almost identical in appearance but if you need some more convincing there's a website for that WWW

the Beatles never existed.com fucking okay I'm going there now I'll read you I'll read everyone the opening paragraph from the website. First of all, we do not hate The Beatles by any means. We aren't even trying to convince or influence anyone

to stop listening to their music, because we still listen to some of it ourselves and enjoy it. We just question whether they, in quotation marks, wrote it, and who they really were, what their main agenda was from the beginning and who was behind it. And yes, we take this seriously. This is not a joke or parody.

We would like to- I like to have to say, that because you know it's so stupid. Not click bit. That's like the arrested development bit with the League of Magicians where they just hold up a sign saying we demand to be taken seriously. It's exactly like that actually. They go on to say, we would like to be proven wrong in the following theory.

So if anyone can do this, please join the message board and present your evidence to the contrary. That is not how the burden of proof works. You're making the claim. The Beatles exist. You're claiming they don't. fucking prove it. Don't just say, I saw a pink unicorn prove that I didn't. That's not how it works.

There's two people who could definitely prove it. Yeah, Bingham, but they're arriving right now. They're coming down the doors. I hear you're talking shit. But you see, apparently people have given them evidence in support of the Beatles, but they say,

we've already discovered that in over 99% of the cases, the photos are not doctored or stretched, and it is not a matter of lightning or camera angles that makes them look different, nor is it a matter of Paul wearing shoe lifts to be four to five different heights. So they've really covered all the bases here. So on the website, there are many pictures.

I had a good look through, and they really do highlight every little detail of every member's body. So where am I? Before you continue, I'm on their website at the moment, the Beatles Never Existed.com. I've got The Beatles Never Existed, and then I've got a picture of a shoe, like two pairs of shoes. Yeah, the story has a sad ending.

But I can't see any buttons to go anywhere else. This is the only page of it. Sadly. That's what you need to know. Yeah, just look at the shoe. Do you know? The URL tells it says it all. They didn't exist, Ben.

Just get on with it. Yeah, come on. That's it. This is all we need. The picture says all that. Have you not, you've got to look deeper, Ben. Look beyond the shoe. It's such a small photo of shoes.

So on the website, they've got all these photos of Paul and kind of showing discrepancies. The main areas that they focus on are height, a difference in eyebrows, ears, stating that their ear sizes have fluctuated wildly. Yeah, when you get older, your ears get bigger. Do they, though? Have you been replaced by actors? Possibly, I don't know. And it's just, I'm looking at a picture of air, and it's, you know, when sometimes your headphones catch your ear and your ear kind of folds over,

they're using that as an example of him having a double with the caption, Do you see anything strange here? Brackets, ouch! What? What? Okay, and now on to Ben, as you were saying. However, the site actually doesn't contain any of their research anymore.

Instead, it has a single, lonely image of a boot and text that reads. This research began in 2011, and we came to the conclusion that the musical group known to us as the Beatles was composed of multiples. So they've got to the end of their research, and they are happy to announce the Beatles were all actors there was no constant line-up

it was a constant rotating door of actors coming in and out what's the point in doing that I honestly have no idea to pick four actors and get them to do it how it's no sense yeah it's just like what I don't know I actually never thought about the

you know the background of this why would someone want this to be true why would this even be true I just kind of found it and went with it because it's such a captivating tale of close-ups of teeth any is so due to the fact

we've done as much research as possible and there are other more current and pressing worldwide issues confronting humanity it is time to move on is that what they've moved on to they've moved their manpower onto curing cancer now

I hope so they've done the Beatles someone's had an intervention that's all that's just come on right Dave you're really reading a chat about this your balls are covered in pictures of the Beatles this isn't right

put your effort in something but look at the ears though look at the ears it's all folded and weird oh god thank you for your interest in our work and we hope it's been a helpful contribution to learning and understanding why the world is in its current condition and one of the major ways in which it got this way is he genuinely implying that the beetles have led to whatever the fuck is going on right now with this world well not the beetles Michael that's the point oh oh Jesus it was a rotating lineup of actors It was a cascade of events started off by the first actor stepping into the Beatles' shoes. Yeah.

So if you want to read all the actual information that used to be on the website, you can still access it by going on to the internet way back machine and turning the website back to about 2011, 2012 or so. And you can access all the pages and all the glory. But the weirdness doesn't end there. Oh, my goodness. So as mentioned, there was a forum where they welcomed you to come and, you know, discuss. and I'm sure there was very, very, you know, lively, wild discussions taking place. There's a forum there, and it was actually relatively active.

There was hundreds of threads, thousands of replies, so there was at least a core community there that were, they're willing to debate the Beatles. I found another photo of an air. Oh, it's really weird. Guys, check out this ear. If you're going to be swimming in conspiracy theories, why stop at the Beatles? There's a sub-foring in there called... Living is easy with your eyes closed,

which covers all of your normal run-the-mill conspiracy theories to global government conspiracies and whatnot. So there you go. You one-stop shop for weird conspiracy theories. For strange people. Yeah. Oh, incredible. But I think my favorite thing of that whole thing

is that they came to a conclusion and they were able to announce to the world the Beatles were not real. I mean, fair enough. Like, they did their studying, they did their work. They paid for the horse. Yeah, they're still hosted. They got that picture of boots on there somehow.

Very small. It is fun how they, you know, there was a time, a period of time where they were doing the research and then, yeah, okay, we know now. We put it to bed. That's it. It's done. It's done. We've solved it.

I do want to know. Because I think that this is the kind of person that wouldn't stop it at this point. They'd finish this project and they'd move on to a new one. And I really want to know what they're doing now, what this person is doing right now. Is there a name attached? Sadly not, no. I might try and do some further research and maybe report back in the next episode

if I come up with anything because I do want to know. You should do more conspiracies maybe next time, Michael. Yeah, yeah. A regular feature. What weird shit do people believe? We could call this section

Mike Spiracy or Conspirate Johnson. Conspirate Johnson, I like that. Conspiracy. Conspiracy. Oh, let me go. Oh, well, lovely. Thank you very much, Michael. Thanks for listening to my Beatles Bamblings.

Beatles Bamblings. Bittles Bamblings. Boutles Bamblings. Right, next question. This comes from Mike at Mad Mike, who asks, what are some of your favorite movie slash TV shows to watch when you're ill or super hungover?

I love to watch a big glass of water. Oh, yeah, me too. Watching sort of our favorite ones. Hydrate everyone. Brad Pitt was excellent. excellent in that. Oh, God. I think that 70s show

has kind of become very easy watching for me. Like, the later seasons are bullshit, but I don't know. It's been my go-to-bed TV show for a couple of months now, so I'll just stick it on and then it's pass out

to the sound of fucking Milakunis and the man from you've been punked or whatever it's called. Ashton. Ashton Kucher. Ashton Kuchy.

Ashton Kusti. Or it's good Kusti. I think that's my go-toe right now. I've never watched that. It is all right. I recommend trying it. It's very light and easy watching. Ah, okay.

I did, I did watch all of the reboot of two and a half men, so I think I have a pretty, yeah. Well, not reboot, but the continuation where Ashton Cushty came in. Oh, God. Yeah, so I've got a pretty, I'll let you know, I'll have you know, sorry, that I watched the Big Bang Theory all the way up until it was unwatchable. And then I watched it for another two seasons Before giving it up What point did it become unwatchable? Pretty much

I'd say like five years ago Really that long I remember when series one Was first being aired on Channel 4 It was when we were like sort of school age I think I was in like Maybe in sick form or something It used to be on it about 11 o'clock at night

And I was kind of supposed to be in bed at that time Or you know I should have gone to bed at about 11 and I would stay up and watch it and back then you know series one they hadn't got two the characters weren't sort of caricatures of themselves yet and it just wasn't

it wasn't too big for its boots at that point I guess like there's an element again of that thing where the moment something becomes popular you're a bit like oh okay I don't know a Big Bang Theory just it became super tropy and just oh yeah it did become but I just remember watching the first series thinking you know I'm enjoying this, this is fun

and then... Yeah, I used to really enjoy it as well, actually. Yeah. What happened? I stuck it out. I really stuck it out with it. Because I do remember I binge watched it for the first time

when I was meant to be revising in sixth form. So I watched a load of it. And then I kept watching it and I kept watching it and it just got worse and worse and worse. And I gave up halfway through a series and just never went back to it. It was about the time Young Sheldon started.

And I did watch an episode of Young Sheldon as an experiment to see how bad it was and I couldn't finish the episode. Really? Oh, I really want to watch it now because I remember watching like the announcement trailer for it and I was like, Jesus Christ, they've actually done it. Yeah. But Big Bang Theory was in his last season now, isn't it?

Is it still going? Yeah, it's on its final season now and then that's it forever finished. Oh, thank God. That's properly like Cash Cow, isn't it? That's the moment they make a spin-off of the young character of their show and have the actual actor

voicing the narrative, you know, being the narrator. It's too much money. It's milking the drive. Those actors just must be raking it in, though, for the day of these episodes at this point. I remember reading an article years ago. They do demand a huge salary for what they do. Gee, TV actors, they make a mint.

Fucking old. Incredible. So, yeah, you're watching 70s show. Yeah, there's a 70s shows. With Ashton Kushy. Cushy, yeah. Peeper. At the moment, and again, yeah,

so it's something I'm watching at the moment, but it is something I watch when I'm feeling a bit peeky, peaky peat. Yes, peaty. I'm on to BBC Merlin, which is on Netflix. I think I mentioned it on my stream at Triple Jump the other day.

I've mentioned it on some video or something, but I think it was on stream. But, yeah, like, I've seen it all before, so it means I don't have to pay too much attention. But it's just very, like, the CG is not great, and in some ways there's a lot to be desired but like each episode is like self-contained

and the acting's pretty good it's got Richard Wilson in it who plays Victor Mel Drew from One Foot in the Grave who inexplicably is still alive and I'll be really sad when he dies because he reminds me of my granddad and it's going to be sad but yeah it's just it's just easy to watch

you have to sort of like get through the first handful of episodes because Prince Arthur is an actual twat. He is. I used to love that show. Yeah. It's all there on Netflix. I'm about... Oh, really?

I think I'm just finishing series two now. So I'm enjoying it in time when you're feeling a bit, feeling a bit of poops. I do love that, the BBC. I've never really seemed to nail down any kind of CGI, no matter the budget. Like Doctor Who, you'd assume at this point that'd be okay, but still a little bit wobbly. Yeah, definitely. That's true. very quickly about Merlin

and Doctor Who as well actually those were like the institutions where I would work my part-time job on a Saturday and then I'd come home and we'd have dinner and watch whatever it was at the prime time BBC slot at 7pm on a Saturday that was like that doesn't happen anymore

no it doesn't does it they used to do nobody does that they did a show called Atlantis that had one or maybe two series that I watched like the first three episodes and didn't like it they were trying to just cash in on that general kind of, you know, the Merlin King Arthur mythology, and they used to do Robin Hood, which was quite good, I thought, on BBC.

Or Robin or whatever it was called. Yeah. I like that. And I guess it was that whole thing of like the Atlantis. They were like, oh, what area of mythology haven't we done yet? Oh, yeah, let's do Atlantis. What royalty free? Yeah, because they've done them, the three musketeers as well.

And that was okay, but just not, I guess when you don't have the supernatural aspect, like, the episode variety is not, you know, as. You know, you can't... Yeah, Robin Hood and his thieves did break into that same castle a lot, didn't they? Yeah, exactly, yeah. And they went back to that same wood a lot. They did.

Did a whole lot of the same thing. With that same piece of music playing every time there's an action sequence. The one track I could afford it. I enjoyed Robin Hood and Merlin and Doctor Who and I'm currently re-watching Merlin on Netflix. Oh, nice. Nice.

I'm a big fan of Park and rec and 30 Rock and community and my big faves rested development as well obviously

part of not what's it called it's always sunny I like to watch those shows basically on rotation one after the other solid solid rotation and the other night I watched

Scott Pilgrim versus the world for the first time in ages I love that film it is really good it feels great it's still really really funny. I was worried. I watched it a couple years ago thinking, oh, God, is this going to be really cringy? I was worried, like, maybe it wouldn't stand up so well. But no, Edgar Wright,

he's a good boy. He knows what he's doing. He's a good lad. I remember when I first saw the trailer for that in the cinema, and it started off making it look like it was a standard rom-com. Yeah. And it was just playing some, like, soppy music while they were holding hands and walking through the snow and sitting on the, sitting on the, what's it called, the swings? Did you just forget the word for swings? Yeah, I briefly forgot. Yeah, I briefly forgot. got the word for swings, and then he just gets beaten up by, is it seven, seven evil exes? Yeah, that's right, yeah. Yeah, it's just a montage.

Actually, this is a video game kind of film. Hooray! Yeah, the film's great. Love that. Actually, I'm going to quickly chuck one more show on the end here. Okay, Klebs. I've not watched that yet. Is it good?

It is actually quite good, yeah, it's a comedy based around three plebs living in room. Yeah, I've wondered about it. Yeah, it's got some good, it's been good. background noise really it's not amazing but it's not too like historical but it's it's a very good watch I recommend it sounds good nice plebs plebeums plebeians Peeper yes you got a thing I've got a thing oh it's it's weird it's not from Wikipedia so therefore it's an officially qualify as a as a weird but it's an unusual story it's it's the guy is kind of self-aware which is a

a bit depressing but um uh anyway i think you'll enjoy it either way um headline this is according to the daily mirror so it must be true argos denies request to change company name in tribute to shopper's late uncle i'm sorry what um michael wrote to argos head office i did did yeah yeah michael johnson wrote to the Argos Head Office to ask if they would consider rebranding the huge company in memory of his Uncle Gus, right? Oh, good. Yeah. You're ahead of the game there, Michael.

Sorry, I just got that, and I was like, wow, that's amazing. Yeah. So he wrote to the head and asked them to consider rebranding as Argus in memory of his Uncle Gus. Oh, in hell. However, he was disappointed to receive a reply saying they were unable to grant his request for logistical reasons. that's fair he shared a photo of his letter on the tweets

it says oh oh it's gone oh no he took it down yeah he's no no he didn't I just pressed the wrong button so yeah he's he tweeted about this and obviously all the all the tabloids jumped on it

but he's clearly taking the mic but anyway it says Dear Michael in response to your recent letter we are extremely sorry to hear of the death of your uncle Gus Please accept our condolences and best wishes. Unfortunately, it will not be possible for us to implement your request

to change the name of our business to Argus in your late uncle's honour. I hope you can appreciate that the logistics involve make it impossible. We wish you and your family all the best. Did they not even include like a complimentary 10 pound voucher? No, they didn't. And Michael's caption on Twitter was just, it's just one disappointment. after another for me at the moment. Oh no.

Because Uncle Gus has died and now they won't even change the company name. Disgusting. Oh, just one disappointment. Have a heart. After another. So at first, I really wanted to believe it was true and sincere, but the mirror reports,

it's not the first time Michael has written to a big company to make an unusual request. And earlier this year, a reply from Guinness World Records also hit the headlines. He wrote to the company to tell them he had memorized Pi to two decimal places. A member of the team sent a letter back writing

we're always eager to hear of new world record attempts. Unfortunately, however, your claim to have memorized pie to two decimal places falls some distance short of the current record and we will not be sending it to a member of our Records Management team to evaluate it. They go on to say, furthermore pie is not equal to 3.11 so this error would automatically invalidate your record attempt regardless I'll put Michael he's trying his best yeah poor Michael said hey Guinness

a row of memorized pie to two decimal places it's 3.11 and it wasn't I like the idea that by by including it in the letter that counts as having memorized it. Like, if I sent them a letter saying, I've memorized pie to a million places, it's, and then just printed, you know, reams of paper with it written to a million decimal places. You know, that's his logic there.

Michael thinks that, you know, that qualifies. It's feasibly impossible to copy that many numbers, so you have to remember them. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Wow. That's incredible. Michael. Do you remember that old tweet, Mikey,

that I sent you last year that was from Tesco. Oh, yeah. I can't remember what it was. It was like, sorry we called your friend a goth. Yeah, something like that. There's like no context for it at all,

but it's just Tesco reply to someone saying, I'm really sorry my colleague called you a goth. Let me have, yeah. It's amazing. Tesco apologises after man claimed staff member called him a goth. There's worse things to be called, really, isn't there? Maybe he's not

a goth. Yeah, it's like, and then the tweet is, hello, Reese, thank you for getting in touch. I'm really sorry one of my colleagues called you a goth, one of three. One of three. Can you please DM me the description and blah, blah, blah. Oh, God. That's amazing. That is so good.

Michael on Twitter is my hero. So I'm just, I'm going to read the, Reese's first tweet where he complained to Twitter. Hi, at Tesco. I just bought a can of Monster any drink from one of your stores and got called a goff

by a staff member how can I report? Hi Tesco, I was just buying some black lipstick and hairspray and I got called a got a goth how can I report oh dear

I remember when you said me that I was crying we laughed for a good 10 minutes it's so good it's such a good tweet he's off just thinking about it he's deflating it does sound like that

Christ. Thank you, Peter. You're welcome. If anyone wants to follow Michael on Twitter and send him condolences from videos, you can do so at, oh, they might not have included it. Oh, that's naughty. At Michael 1979. His tweet has got... 979th Michael. Oh my God. His tweet has got 60,000 likes, so I don't know if he'll... if you'll be heard amongst the sea of praise. It's too big time. But if you wish to just say, you know, vidiates send their condolences or something.

Yeah, I'm sure. And you love. Sorry, sorry about Argus. Sorry for Uncle Argus. Anyway, that's that. Amazing, wonderful. We've got another question here. This is from Pendbegwin.

Penboguin. Pendbegwin. Penboguin at Pendbigh. Bagu number one, N, on Twitter. I asked, if you woke up to find a part of your body was a sentient entity, but functioned as... Thank you. But functioned as the body part it replaced, e.g. your left foot was a giant slug.

Would you feel compelled to feed it, or do you think it could be nourished from what you eat? Oh, my God. Why? That's one of the weirdest questions we've ever... Because it's non-specific. It says, for example, left foot giant slug, but, you know, you use your imagination. maybe your hand is an octopus and then it's not even you know

would you rather or like how much would you pay you've got this you've got it you've got it do you feed it would you feed it or do you think and those are the two options either you would oh yeah would you feel compelled to feed it or do you think it could be nourished

from what you eat like one or the other like I definitely feed it like no I don't think I think it's just the right mountain specific because it's painting a horrific picture here like one of your arms is just transformed into this totally independent being.

It's attached to you, but by no means are you both attached. And I think I would just feed it sausage rolls all there just to keep it quiet. Yeah, God, but that could get expensive. The reason I referred to it as too specific is that I think it's so specific that it's actually happened to him. Oh, yeah. And he's asking for a friend. Like, would you feed it or am I going to die as well? Is it being nourished or do I need to give it food?

Does it eat fish food or like pellets or what do I do? I mean, if it's a giant slug, it probably eats lettuce. You just need to stand on some lettuce for a while. Gletis? Yeah, Gletis. Get some delicious glettis. Auntie Glettis. I don't really know how to continue with this question.

I don't think I read it properly when I chose it. I'm trying to think what are the body parts and what they would become. That's like the first hurdle. Yeah, so like if you woke up and your hand was a cat, what would you do? I'd have it surgically removed immediately. but this kills the cat what do you mean what would i do would i stroke it what i don't know pen pen ben begwin if you're reading this or sorry if you're listening to this unless you're reading the text version of the podcast um please send us another tweet clarifying thank you yeah

please give us a more specific question next time there's so many unknowns if it was like you've got this thing do you get rid of it at the expense of that limb or do you keep it but you can run really fast so it's like

say your arm let's say your arm's an octopus right so you can either lose the arm because you don't want the octopus anymore or if you keep it you do have this sort of weird independent creature that you probably have to feed but you can also use it as an arm

So you're basically choosing between Wiered arm or no arm Yeah Or no like one arm That's Noel Edmund's new show Weird arm or no arm Yeah In that instance

I'd probably still go no arm I don't think I want an octopus I'm not a fan of octopus No I mean either I think if we're going to look at this scientifically as I think we should with everything Like parasitic twins

I'm going to assume it's in a similar vein to that where like You've got some kind of thing inside you that's feeding off your own nutrients, then it would, just be nourished entirely from what you eat. And it's going to be stealing your digestives and your McDonald's that you eat, stealing it all away from you. Yeah.

Oh, I'm eating for two. Oh, that's 25 nuggets. Well, I don't really know how to continue with that. So thank you for that weird question. Thanks. Last question comes from mechanically separated jambo and stuff. My favorite. Jambo and stuff on Twitter who asks

Dave on Twitter so we haven't heard from Dave Oh shit yeah Have you seen Dave recently Michael I have well I mean We were on a Skype call with him Where he toured around his flat That was nice

Oh did he have like a cupboard full of tucks Like on Mullets and Gromit Yeah He's nice He had like a nice look out of his window Because our boy Dave is in Canada now So just outside To Canada

Yeah he moved far far away from us Rip It's very sad His presence is missed in the office, that cheeky, cheeky Irish accent is no more. He's gone. But he'd be glad to know that. He's not forgotten. No, definitely not, no.

And you'll get him on the podcast at some point, for sure. Yeah, we definitely will. I'm texting him currently. Oh, shit. You're in contact? He's on a bus. He's on bus. He should be free in the next like five or six minutes.

Oh, well. He says. Yeah. I said, are you nearly free? And he said, I don't know. I'm in a tunnel in Boston. Oh, wow. So I'm hoping he'll be free soon

I was kind of intending for it to line up where I could go And he's here now But in true idiot's fashion He's not here now He's on a bus And hopefully he'll be here soon So I suppose we just move on to the end of the show And I hope that he calls in

In the next few minutes Yeah, you can sign off And then he just makes it makes all of our days That's what he does All of our daves Yeah Go ahead punk make my dave so thank you very much for listening everybody this has been polliates we hope

you've enjoyed it um stored at yogscarst.com if you would like to find some exciting things that you can buy oh very exciting all kinds of things hoodies video to get 10% off wow yes hoodies t-shirts mug get them go get them buy more stored at yogscast com goes directly to us really really helps us to do this kind of stuff in our in our spare time before. You boys and girls at home. Thank you to everyone who's bought one already. Yeah. To YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com

forward slash Vidiates official. Great. Good. Also, great. Also, Twitch.tv. Twitter.com slash Vidiots official. Michael, I think you're going to stream next week. Yeah. I think my schedule's pretty free, so I am

going to be streaming something. I don't know what I'm going to stream yet. As always, I kind of ad hoc and decide what I'm going to do an hour before. but look out for next week I'll try and get a date scheduled for that and you'll be seeing my face for probably two hours isn't that lovely incredible I was actually before we continue I do just want to say a big thank you to the motherfucker who paid 500 an odd pound for the fucking vidiots canvas oh my god yeah so yeah thank you very much there was quite an intense bidding war on that it was

it rised up a lot quicker I thought yeah watched it we were not expecting that I was I was talking in your office. I was thinking, oh, it'd be nice if we'd get 40 quid for it, you know, get our money back. And whoops. Did a bit more. When it was getting towards the end or even after, it might have been after the bids were done, you could click and like look at each, you know, step up. And like at first it was fairly slow. And then I think it sort of shot up to 100 from about 70 or something. And then after that, it was going up in like tens and 20 pounds. And the last like, the last sort of one to 200 quid was done in like

very few chunks like the steps got real steep at the end there somebody really wanted that disgusting piece of art yeah yeah what was the reaction in the office it was a bit like it was like Jesus Christ insane like I'd give updates every like day or so and I was like yeah but it's this phone

I was like Jesus Christ God people actually care oh my God mad thank you very much yes thank you mystery person for purchasing that with frankly an absurd amount of money I really appreciate it.

That'll be with you very soon and I've thrown in some extra goodies from around the office for you. Oh, lovely, lovely jubbly. So, as I'm sure you've heard on the announcement and also the podcast, the last episode, this is now a fortnightly show. So the next episode will be with you in two weeks' time.

But in between those weeks, we are going to try and stream on TwitchD, Twitch. bloody how I can't even speak, Twitch.com TV forward slash videot official. Mikey's up first and then it'll be a podcast. And then the week after that, it'll either be Peter or myself and then it'll be a podcast

and then a week after that and that's basically it's magic lovely nice easy schedule for you all to remember oh David oh my god Dave Dave oh I've just I've just realised an intense floor here Dave in that

an intense floor yes in that you can hear me but you can't hear the guys Oh, you're using an online call? Yeah Yeah Have you not Yeah, man

You need to sort out your setup Yeah, what the hell Lines, some leading speakers You've got a line in If you're a mic Well, how can I... What are you doing? I'm using a Mac, man

I've only got so many Just don't plug your headphones Wires If I don't plug my headphones Then it'll come back through my mic That's okay People can just live with that If they want to talk to David B

You let me know what they say, yeah? Okay, yeah, sure. Michael says that your hair looks nice. My hair looks nice. Thanks, Maggie. That's all right, Dave. Can you ask him for a phant-zero sugar from me, please? Well, before that, Peter's asked for a Fanta Zero if that's okay.

He's asked for a what? A Fanta Zero. Yeah, drink slabs. That's something powerful. What's on the menu today? Fanta Zero for Peter. Michael, what were you have? A hot ribina. Peter, with a zero. Hold on. What's going on there? Sugar-free?

A new Peter, is it? What? What's up? Fantasero. Yeah. Fantasero, yeah. Fantaset. What? Peter's on a fucking diet there. No, well, no, it's fine. It's a perfectly normal thing to want. There's a lot of sugar infancy, Dave. What did he say? I'm on a diet. What do you? He's just, Dave can't quite believe that you want a Fantazero. It's got like 40 grams of sugar in it.

It's got like 40 grams of sugar in it, Dave. It's not the Peter, I know. He's chin. Tell him I'm sweet enough. He's sweet enough. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know how about that. That's not really good.

Cheeky, bust. Well, Michael would like a hot ribena. A hot ribena. Now, that actually sounds pretty interesting. Yeah. Is that something you think you could do? Well, I've had hot 7-0 before. Do you ever hear of that?

I don't know whether that's an old word. Supposedly. Hot Dr. Pepper's a thing. You don't feel good. You put seven up into the microwave. He lives a little bit, gets out of flat, and it settles his dog. Wow. I just put it straight into the kettle.

Oh, wow. How are you? And Michael puts it straight into a kettle, apparently. Can you microwave the can? Do you microwave it in the can? No, don't do that. No, you're fucking eating. Why?

What's the problem? What do you want? What do I want? What do I want? Tap water. What the fuck is wrong with you as well? I just want to be hydrated. My glasses run out.

Fuck sake. You've gone up north and you don't know you're fucking left from your right. Jesus, I don't speak to you for like four months. And then you just call me up with all this fucking abuse. I didn't call you. You called me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

I'll put this fucking, I'll screenshot the messages on there. onto our Twitter there. No, don't. Those are very private. Here, come here, I have a, have, I want to tell you something. Yeah. I got, um, my PS4, when you got delivered this week from Ireland. So, God for more.

I'll show you how to play. All right. A few things. Yeah, sure. That sounds, that sounds wonderful. You bring me those drinks and we'll talk about it. I saw. I'll be right back.

No, seriously, what's going on with your double train? triple, quadruple, triple, double jump. Sorry, you can't say that, can't say that one. Redact it, yeah. Yeah, because of the, you know, the lawsuit. It's going well. It's going well, thank you very much, my dude. Yeah, I saw that, yeah.

We missed him there. The streams, you guys are looking good. Thank you, buddy. We miss you. Peter says we miss you. I don't, but Peter says we miss you. Yeah, I never fucking trusted that guy. We got a question as well about you that just said,

at Dave on Twitter, Because that is now practically your Twitter username. I love it. Yeah, actually, did you see it, yeah? Yeah, at Dave on Twitter, right? Yeah, because you can't there. I didn't know, so I tried to change it to Twitter, but you're not allowed to have Twitter in your handle. No, you're not.

Wow, I didn't know that. Yeah, a lot of the bullocks if you asked me. It is. It's a real unbiased letter to Twitter themselves. Your local MP. Get that arranged, you know? Yeah, no, absolutely. You fight for your right to at Dave on Twitter.

And here, did you tell the lads who I'm meeting now? No, I didn't. Dave is going to meet our friend John. No way! Let's get John. Let's get John. Yeah, they're chanting, let's get John. Nice.

Yeah, I'm at Pax East here. I just got the Boston today. Oh, wow. I want to grab some bruskees with the boy himself. Yeah, it should be good. That sounds incredible. Well, have an amazing time, Dave, and please say hello to John for us. I will do indeed, Ben. Why are you speaking like this, you little weirdo?

I'm just talking very sincerely because, you know, this is an important... I'm trying to wind down the conversation. I'm trying to make it very clear. I'm trying to make it very clear. I'm trying to... I'm trying to make it very clear that I'm winding down the conversation. Tell Dave to sign off the podcast. I know. I got the point. I got the picture. Dave.

Dave. No, Dave. Dave. What? Will you sign off the podcast for us? Uh, fuck off. But yeah. Podcast is done. See it later. Next one.

Chune in next week or whenever the lads is slowly to do it. Peace. It's four-nightly, Dave. Follow me on Twitter. At Dave on Twitter, yeah? Yeah, okay. Thanks, Dave.

Thank you, Dave. Yeah, that's it. Fuck off. He's just gone. He hung off on me. He hung up on me there. God, there could not have been a better ending. Fantastic.

Well, do we need to get... I feel like we've mentioned John before. I don't know if we need to give any context, but he was part of our mad piss up in Paris at the beginning of these. Yeah, that's right. That we weren't invited back to the following year. No, why would they?

Yeah, it's all my fault. Whoops. Michael gave Dave a lap dance. Yeah. But look, we made a friend out of it. We ruined industry connections, but we made friends. And that's all that really matters. We did.

We did. Well, that's been a treat. I think that's everything. Yeah. I think that's everything. If you want to see what Michael's up to, um, now in his everyday regular job, you can go to the Yogscast. And in all its manners of places and stuff.

Damn right. And, uh, If you want to see what Peter and I are up to, YouTube.com forward slash team triple jump. And that's what's going on there. Finally, leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice, something about algorithms.

And that is that. Dave said it best. Fuck off, will you? Yeah, fuck off, will you? Before we go, before we go, we do have actually there's one important element to the podcast we forgot last week. The mystery question.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't have... What secret question? I don't have one lined up, sadly. It just came into my head. Um, shit. Um, what, okay, actually, I've got one for everyone. If you woke up to find part of your body was a sentient entity, but functioned as the body part it replaced, e.g., your left foot was a giant slug. Would you feel compelled to feed it, or do you think it could be nourished from what you eat? There we go. Uh, yes or no answers only, please. Brilliant. Thanks, guys. Bye-bye. See you in a fortnight. Yeah, well, I'll see you in a fortnight. Yeah, well, I'll see you. you tomorrow piece. But I'll speak to you in a fortnight, Mikey. Yeah, looking forward to it.

Bye, everyone. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Bye, driver. Bye. Bye. Bye.