Podiots - Podiots: Episode 29 - Naked Jungle

Episode Date: June 1, 2019

Ben's been sampling Spain's answer to beloved children's TV, Mikey's got roommate issues and Peter's getting his Cheggers out. Vote for Podiots at the British Podcast Awards: https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/vote New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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leased a 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Oh, it's big rain out there. It's a big rain. I hate big rain.

It's the biggest rain. Bigly. Oh, dear. Oh, I just whacked my mic. There we go. I'm sorry about that. Oh, what a start. Oh, what a fucking start from the three Vundercines over here.

What? I don't know. Vundrkeens. Vondekines. Doverkeens. Yeah, the germ. It's like the kinder version. of Doverkines.

Yeah, the Wonderkines. The Wonderkinders. I'd watch that. Saturday morning. I'd watch that on live and kicking, wouldn't you? Absolutely. That'd be great. Was that a Harry Partridge? Yeah, it is.

The Dover Kids. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. And like Sparky, the Baby Dragon or something. It's a bunch of kids and then there's also a baby dragon that they go around. I can't remember what it's called. Yeah, I've seen that before as well. Smoky.

How wholesome. Yeah. Why should we get on with it? Let's do that. I guess we should. Hello everybody and welcome to Podiot's the official Vidiats podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben.

I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. I heard you starting to go there, Michael, at the end. Oh, it's really hard. I want everyone to experience that at some point, because it's the most discombobulating thing possible. But you didn't react this time, which was good. You just sort of went with it.

I could hear, I could hear the smile. It's like the way my voice changes to kind of pierce this grin. Yeah. I'm getting better. Slowly, it's taking months, but I'm getting to the point where I don't smile anymore. How are we all doing, boys? How are we? I feel like, as far as intros go, pretty lethargic.

It's not a bad thing. I just feel like maybe we're all quite tired. Yeah. How are we doing? It's been a bank holiday weekend at time of recording. And I think actually sometimes that can make, although you should be feeling refreshed and, you know, you've had an extra break, I think it can actually just sort of really slow you down to a chug.

And it's also, I mean, I'm looking out of a window right now as I record, and it's just horrible, drizzly, gray. Chocolate rain. Yeah, it's supposed to be, you know, the approach of summer. And it's not happening right. now. I'm just glad I didn't have any bank holiday plans. I deliberately chose to just kind of do nothing. And that's fine. It can rain if it wants. But yeah, some people will have been really miserable today, even more miserable than we sound. Yeah. I'm in that weird middle zone.

I'm in that weird middle zone where like, I, like, I've spent the weekend doing nothing, so I've been very lazy, barely going outside. And like, I don't feel refreshed. I don't feel happy and I don't feel ready to go back to work tomorrow. I feel like I should have done something like gone for a walk or something and I'm paying the price now. Ugh, ugh, gone for a walk. Is it nice down there in the bris? I'm looking outside and it's blue sky.

It's not hot, but it's not raining and that's all I need really. It's been on and off today. It's been nice. Just talking about the weather on a podcast. It's okay. It's all right in York. Yeah? Are you in York still?

No, no, no. Oh, right. No, no. Because I asked all the weather was like, Peter. Do you remember? Yeah, I thought you meant, it's still nice in York. No. Oh, okay.

I was in York earlier today. Yeah, no, yeah. Oh, wow, you've been jet setting. Well, yeah. For a stag do. Lads, lads, lads. And I'm so tired. I'm so tired.

So this is going to be a great high-energy podcast. But we're here. And I'm going to do our best. We're really, we're really hooking in the listeners right now. They know that ahead of them, 50-odd minutes of something. Tired boys. Yeah. Tired boys.

No, it's okay. We'll bring it up. Do you want me to start with a question to get us going? Yeah, Peter's Question Boy this week. Yeah. And by the way, when the boys and me are answering the question, they sound particularly good. Why is that, boys?

Why might you sound better than me? Well, I think there's a little friend we can call responsible for that, and that has our Blue Yeti microphones. Don't they sound amazing? They certainly do. Oh, God. Yeah, that's... I'm scared to do that.

Yes, they're very good. That sounds like how a cartoon dog speaks. Yes, they're very good. Yes, I would like a biscuit place. Thank you. Yeah, so thanks Blue Yeti for providing some of us with some A-Star stellar microphones. Only two of us, though. People were asking me on stream.

the other day on the video stream why I don't have a Blue Yeti microphone I just sort of didn't really know the answer I asked for one but too late or they only are, I don't know if it's I asked too late or they only had two to send out but anyway, I'm fine with it. I'm fine with it. Well, we got sent to, didn't we?

Yeah. We got sent to up to Newcastle and then Yogscast asked for one of them back. Yeah, that was it. I don't know. Just sort of just administrative errors, I assume. I'm not really sure. But Peter, you sound great. Thanks.

Yeah, Peter, you don't need the Blue Yeti, but we sorely did. Okay, we did. That's good. This is a very sensitive microphone. It detects, you know, if an ant leaps off the sideboard, it will hear that. Oh, God. Oh. Yeah.

Which is arguably not a good thing. Anyway, I've got a question. Talking of little friends, Michael, you called your blue Yeti, your little friend. I've got a question here from an old friend of ours. Hashtag, let's get John. Oh, it's Johnny Higgins. John Higgins has submitted a question here. Oh.

Okay. Who would win in a three-way fight? At Dave on Twitter, Parrot Boy himself, or an army of tiny horses. He's just thrown in there as the extra. Just a wild card combatant there. I'm kind of curious how Ben and Peter managed to escape this fight.

They're just spectators. Well, I've got a blue Yeti microphone, and I think Peter wanted yours. So I ran away with mine. And then I have said, Dave and horses, please kill Parrot Boy. And my friend, the horses. Yes. The army of, tiny horses.

They're little tiny Peter horses, I guess. I suppose so. You would know them, wouldn't you? Yeah. Friend of all things small. And Dave as well. I like to think, in my head, Dave would be an absolute winner in this scenario, because he comes armed to the teeth

with two hot, freshly boiled kettles and pockets full of cans of lilt. Sharp-edged tucks. Oh, yeah. He's got a bandolier of tucks. He's got cheese-flavored tucks as well that he throws at me the vegan and causes me to scream in peril.

Oh, no. And he's got the chilly ones, which if they get in your eyes, you know, just sort of paprika ones. It hurts a little bit. Don't do that. God, you might have very quickly given us a, you know,

an undoubtedly accurate answer there. Well, because I'm not a fighter. I mean, I can try, but it's not going to end well. I'll take, like, defensive approaches where, like, I'll spin around on the floor, scream so loud, it damages his eardrums, but when it comes down to an actual fight, I can't stand up against Dave,

and I just think the horses, Dave would use his Irish charm and become friends with the horses and unite. Horse whisperer. Yeah. Interesting. Well, here's, Peter, feel free to correct me, because as Peter Austin friend of the tiny horse army,

this tiny horse army, in my mind, is coming out of some sort of tiny, tiny portal to a tiny universe. Could it also be that there are, there's a tiny Dave there and a tiny parrot boy? And they've just been brought through from this universe. So they're familiar with the fighting styles of big Dave and big, big parrot boy. Yeah.

And so it's time to take down big, parrot boy and so they know all the weaknesses and they can exploit all of that stuff and there's a lot of them and i feel like you know maybe there's some sort of sentient clever tiny horses and they have artillery well there's some questions here i mean it just you know john in his infinite wisdom has just said an army of we don't know how big they are how well armed they are like you say they might have some tiny tiny tillery but um our littlery Yeah, but the also, you know, also the question is if they have come from the tiny universe that you've just so vibrantly described for us there,

might they be slightly unprepared for the size of at Dave on Twitter and at Paraboy? If they're used to the tiny boys. That's true, but there are a hundred of them and there's only one each of these guys. They'll be fighting against each other as well. We've come up with the number 100s. Is it 100 or is it just an army? It's just an army at the moment. But I guess usually in these things, it tends to be 100, right?

I need to know. We need to know. It depends. It's like a Soviet army of horses, then that's like a never-ending supply of cannon fodder. They could just keep going forever. Yeah. It could. It also depends how tiny they are.

I think John might have to come back to us with far more detail. Yeah. I'm sure he's an avid listener of Podius. In between his very busy work schedule, he can find some time to write in a detailed report of how a horse army operates and functions please thank you I'm team horse though for now and Mikey's team

team Dave yeah yeah I might be team Mikey I think we've underestimated the chemical warfare aspect here you could hang on he's not allowed the Geneva Convention it's a war crime he can't just gas well I don't give a fuck I will unleash chemical warfare

what are they going to do they can't come near me does Mikey seem like the kind of guy who subscribes to the Geneva Convention I don't think so. Absolutely not. So I think we've answered it there. It might be illegal, but he would win. Thank you.

And he better just hope he then stays on the global top spot for the rest of his life. Otherwise, you know, they're going to throw you straight into some kind of horrible war crimes jail. And while I'm at that top stop, I can just, that top spot, sorry, I can just spend all of the country's resources in researching and developing new more chemically warfare techniques. So I'm just unstoppable really Well, you are, but let's not forget that the methane that you've used to murder your foes and to take over the world is also the same methane that's brought forward

global warming and the end result of that single-handedly by at least a decade. Oh, God, that's a good point, actually. Well, if I can't rule the world, no one can. Maybe that's why Mikey is vegan because by not supporting the meat industry, he's trying to counteract his methane output, his methane footprint.

It's just a new. neutralize your carbon football. Yeah, I'm carbon neutral baby. Wow. Okay,

well, thanks John for that question. We were completely split there, but, you know, maybe they'd all

be the winners. The true winner would be friendship, the friendship they made along the way. Exactly, exactly. Yeah.

We'd like a second question. Those horses will tell. They were what? They'll tell. The war stories. Those horses will tell. The wars,

I thought you just said, those horses will tell. They're going to tell the teacher. that there's a fight going on. Those horses are going to tell them. Tell on Michael. Yeah, little snitchy horses. They'd win. Sure. Peter, I could go for a second question. Yeah, you want you straight in with a second question. Why not? Why not? Yeah. Yeah. This is a question. I think it's a topic we've loosely discussed before,

but I think it's, I'm quite like the idea of answering a straight question about it. This is from Chris at Lithray on Twitter. What part of American culture is the most confusing slash interesting to you guys? Oh, God. Which I think is quite a good question. given that you know I think British people seem pretty confusing slash interesting to Americans but you know it's a two-way thing I tell you something that is pretty weird I think as as some of the audience may know I am now an

engaged man hooray congratulations Peter to an engaged woman and we recently were just looking at potential like wedding venues and stuff and we went to a place and they were saying oh yeah we do all sorts of events here you know we do birthdays and weddings and stuff like that and they said yeah we do we do some like some new kind of things that are coming over from america as well and you know these baby gender reveal parties oh no okay yeah that's that's apparently slowly encroaching into britain now which i think is that maybe specifically isn't the weirdest thing that they do but it's it's just that sort of rather typical um i i think that's uh an example of

how I kind of view American culture sometimes, which is that, you know, everything is quite, everything seems to be caused for an enormous celebration. You know, they have baby showers, they have gender reveals. They have, um, baby, Jesus, get over yourselves. Yeah, calm down. You know, have a, have a sort of a, I don't know, a christening, or if you're obviously not religious, some sort of naming ceremony slash,

Meet the baby. Meet the baby kind of sounds like a party game where like pin the, pin the till. on the donkey, but you're just slathering meat all over a newborn. Oh, God. But also the idea that like sports, sports competitions in schools are so high, high budget

and high profile. And like if you're a college football player, you can be like a celebrity, like a national celebrity. And they do like, they have enormous brass bands playing and stuff and like fireworks and flyovers and things for like literally,

Yeah, for college sports I tell you it's something else as well before I, you know, let you guys... Yeah, go on, Peter, let them have it, go on. Yeah, screw America. I can say fuck, can I? I can say fuck America. No, okay, not fuck America, but they do...

Well, so this is something that I don't know if it's true, but I've heard more than one case of this happening. When I was younger, regretfully, I went to SeaWorld when I was on holiday in America. And at the time, I thought, wow, this is great. In hindsight, kind of wish we'd not supported the place

but anyway, we were there and they played the National Anthem before the Shamu Killer Whale show right, which is just a very American thing national anthem everywhere my parents said after the fact that while the national anthem was playing their eyes got

really tingly and they were like not being funny but have they sprayed some sort of stuff into the air to make people cry? And I have read articles online that this is something that is suspected to sometimes happen at places. Wow. No, that can't be right, can it?

I want to believe that. I really do want to believe that. I do. I don't know if it's true, but I've seen various things about that. And the fact that my parents came up with it with no prior knowledge of the phenomenon. It's an interesting thing. So, yeah, I think it's the... Yeah, you've said it on a podcast, so it's recorded as truth. It's true. It's real. Let's keep repeating it every episode.

Yeah. So my answer, the confusing, interesting thing is all the sort of the parties and the strong, patriotic, wild stuff going on, even at school sports level. Yeah. What about you guys? Do you guys remember our fucking sports days? Yeah, exactly. Egg and spoon race. Jesus.

It's about hiding from your duties. Trying to slip in with another class so you don't get called out. Everybody was trying to desert. It's practically a military conscription in the year. US dessert. Did you used to get like little sweets

at the end of each race or was it like one big that was just you Michael well done Michael I'm very proud of you I was to shove a lemon

on the finish line go get it I just cracked the egg I was carrying and dripped it into my mouth I was going to say swallow that whole

power move well that's what you need you need the protein for your next race right definitely yeah sure yeah next race

of course doing all those races. This isn't a weird thing, but this is one thing that America does, kind of as standard, that I wish we did as well. And that is, all their cars are automatic, or at least the majority of them. And that's, like, as someone who stopped learning halfway through learning to drive, it would have been so much easier if I didn't have to focus on the fucking gear stick.

Oh, man, automatics are the piece of piss to drive. Just like a good. Like a big old bumper car. Oh, it's so good. Imagine. Yeah. I think it's better in the UK that we have to, you know, the vast majority of, of cars are manual

just because it on the whole I think encourages a higher quality of driver yeah especially in the UK where there's a lot of country roads and like city stent centres that aren't built for driving so you need that extra level of kind of focus yeah yeah

also it can be useful in in snow and stuff like you go into a higher gear and stuff like that you know like certain terrains I get maybe like automatic cars can work that out but maybe not I know you can manually like shift them up down still but yeah it's not the same it's not the same of being able to just throw it into three or one or seven forward forward go yeah go or no those are the two oh yeah put it in age put it in i was just about to say put it in age it's something i think's a little bit

weird about america yeah what about uh go on what about their president No, for real, though, the guns, I don't. Like, I don't know if any of us were going to say it, but like, without getting too into it, what the fuck America? Like, what the fuck? I mean, you can, you can have shotguns in the UK if you have, like, a hunting license and a special license for it. But it just seems that, like, any idea of sort of regulation is terrifying and disgusting, and it just boggles my mind. Thoughts and prayers are the only regulation we need. Oh, exactly.

Yeah. Freedom units. Yeah, I was thinking guns, but I think it's just kind of obvious, isn't it? It's just like, what the fuck are you doing? It is the thing. And how they drive on the right. Well, they like... Oh, I'm going to drive on the rest of the world.

Come on. How strange. Good. Now we've alienated all the Americans. Let's continue. Well, who's got a thing? Hopefully you both got one. Yeah.

Okay. I've got a thing. Do you mind if I'll hop in? Yeah. Let me just... Um... Let me just go ahead and find it for you. I've got it, I've got it.

Okay. This is a heart attack. This is a harsh attack. Nah, na, na, na, na, na, da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-do-do-tto-tto-tto-doms. Art attack, feel free to keep going quietly in the background, though. Art attack is a British children's television series revolving around art, currently hosted by Lloyd Warby on Disney Jr. and originally airing on CITV hosted by

friend of vidiates, Neil Buchanan. Neil Buchanan. In 1990 to 2007. What was that saying? Did you say 2000 Sebi? I did. I got completely thrown by what I thought I heard as I was speaking. What did you say? I said Neil Buchanan.

Okay, right. 2000 Sevy's really thrown me. 2007, right. That's how the cool kids are saying it these days. What's going down this, Seby? It's not my fault you guys aren't following the popular culture. The original series aired on CITV between the 15th of June 1990 and the 26th of May 2007 and was presented by one of its creators Neil Buken.

What was it, Peter? Bukhinen. Bukhinen. Neil Bucanenan, throughout. Bucananan also wrote and produced the series and came up with a majority of the creative ideas. Oh, that's good. I didn't know that. Silly feet.

A new series launched on Disney Jr., UK and Ireland, on the 6th of June 2011, and was presented by Yasser Alualia, I think. Okay. Bjelian. Each show involved Aluelia, I hope I'm getting that right, voicing over footage of an artist producing three works of art, taking the viewer through various stages of production step by step. He was later replaced by Lloyd Warby at the start of the British second revived series. But I don't know about all of that shit, you guys.

I don't know about that shit. Andrew Lloyd Warby. Yes. I want to talk about the Disney Channel art attack, in particular the Spanish art attack. Because, as some of you may have known, I went on holiday last week to Magica, which is a Spanish island, and I was there for three days. Yeah, yeah. Well, go on, what's up? It sounds a bit like a card game. Magica.

Magica, the Gathering. Yeah. Majorca. I was there for three days, and the food did not agree with me at all, guys. Oh, yeah. You did a new old Neil Pucannon, didn't you? I did, exactly. It sort of became Ben Potter and the three days of night.

non-stop darre. Right. And by the end of my time there, I sort of looked like, I kind of, I looked a bit like a vagrant beach ball full of wind. Oh my God. Just sort of been granted asylum on the island, just sort of allowed to stay. Oh no. That is brilliant. Wow. Sorry to hear that. So as I, as I nursed my rear one morning, I turned on the Disney channel to see the Spanish interpretation of art attack. And I've got a little clip here of my initial reaction to. it. I'm going to play through the microphone for you. I hope there's no diarrhoea sounds in the

background. This is the control splat. What have you done with Neil? That was me just yelling in a hotel. Oh, what have they doing with Neil? About 11 in the morning. And there was Spanish Neil there, just taking us through an art attack.

But it's time for a quiz. Right. Are you guys ready? Yeah. I've not done my revision. No, it's fine. This is a pop quiz. A popular quiz. Right. It's a very popular quiz.

All about what I learned about Spanish Art Attack while watching Spanish Art Attack. Right. I thought you would enjoy it because we could all go through it together and learn. Maybe. That sounds great. Maybe it'll be a bit silly as well. I don't know. Whatever.

You guys let me know what you think. All right. We'll give me a try. You're up for it? You're okay. One, two, three, four, five, six. There's six questions. Okay, great.

Multiple choice. Otherwise, that would be a bit difficult. Here we go. Quiz time. The classic theme tune appears to be unchanged, but what instrument has been added? Any early guesses before I list your options? Surely electric guitar. I want to say saxophone.

Is it A, the Maracos? B, the B, the Bongos. Or is it C, it's just been covered by Neil's bad band. Oh, if only. It's got the Maracca's, surely. I'm going to say bongos then. It's B for bongoes. Oh.

Peters 1-0-0-0. Bogos. Bogos. The host of Spanish art attack is called A. Guillermo Martinez. B. Antonio Banderas.

Or C. Keith Chegwin. Gonna take a wild punter A, I think. Yeah, that's the most responsible answer out there. You guys got it right. Hey. It's Guillermo Martinez. 2-1. The host's iconic red uniform returns, but the jumper is not quite as you remember.

How dare they? How's it different? A, it still has nil in it, and he and Guillermo are sort of fused together like in the movie The Fly. B, it's just a long-sleeved shirt because Spain is too hot for jumpers. C, it's a tank top because Spain is really hot. Oh, I think tank top's a bit too sexy for the children. Yeah, me too. I'm hoping, for their sake, not ours.

Too sexy for the children. I think A sounds too sexy for the children as well. Me too. The flies. Still got a bit of Neal in it. Yeah. It's got to be B. Yeah. We're going for B?

Yep. It is B. Yay, thank God. Question four. Big art attacks were a large part of the original series, wherein Neal would lay out various items on the floor to reveal a large work of art when viewed from an aerial camera. These are still in, but how are they done now?

I've got an idea before you threw out any answers. Okay, go on. Is there a drone involved? Oh, I can't, I don't know. That's my answer. It's not about direction of the photography. Right. A, Guillermo gets right in there and makes a nice big face out of salt packets and dirty linen.

B, a mute man who's never referenced or seen elsewhere in the show, makes it upon himself to get on with it, or C, it just cuts to footage of Neal's 90s efforts. Oh, imagine. I don't think, I don't think so. No, I think the Spanish remake won't have the same budget as the original, so they don't have the money for these, like, big pots of salt, so they've had to reuse footage. Yeah, salt's expensive. It's a rare commodity. I'm hoping, C, it just cuts to the old... I'd love that, but I'm going to say B, whatever that was. was. Oh yeah, the extra man.

The extra man. It is B. It's just an extra man. So we've got Guillermo in the studio, and then every so often, it'll just cut to a man who doesn't say any words, presumably because they just use them in all of the European language adaptations of art attack. We called him Noel, because he wasn't quite, he looked a bit like Neil, but not quite like Neil. Norby Cannon. He used to just sort of, yes. He used to just like completely, he kind of mimed and like massively overacted as he was gathering his his bric-a-brac to build his big art attacks and i watched a couple of episodes and he was in both of them and never referenced at all

and he never spoke here's the man he enters no one says anything i've got a question for you ben yes it might be some it might be one that you're about to ask but is there a spanish version of the head question five perhaps one of the harder parts of to translate was the wise-cracking the head, a sentient bust that would critique and otherwise irritate poor Neil as he went on his art journey. His head made it

in, sorry, has head made it into the Spanish version of art attack. A, of course he has. B, of course he hasn't. It's a fucking abstract concept at best and the show is better without him. Or C, he has, but he's not quite the same.

Oh. I don't, I feel, no. I feel like the guys watched the UK version of the show and kind of got the rough essence of the head but mistranslated it completely so I'm going to go C. Hello! Yeah, I can't get like someone from Rotherham or something

to do the voice. I'm thinking C as well. I think he's there. Ola! But he's something else. It is C. Oh no. Final question. Wait, hang on. You have to tell us how he's different. Come on.

Final question. Oh, I see. What has head been replaced with on Spanish art attack? A. A. A wise cracking pineapple. B. A wise cracking palm tree. C. It's just Neil again. He does it for the love of the sport. Oh God. So it's got to be either a pineapple or a palm tree, surely. But which could it be? I think it's easy to put a pair of sunglasses on a pineapple.

But I guess a palm tree as well, they could work as well. Do you create a mechanism to make it flap its mouth? I'm going to go pineapple. pineapple seems cheaper. I was going to say, I think it would be harder to articulate a mouth in, how do you put a face on it?

Well, I guess it could be quite a broad. I'll say, I'll say the palm tree, so we're different. Oh, Peter takes it. It's a wise cracking palm tree. No way, I didn't even think it would be. Head used to be on a plinth, just in the corner of a room.

Yeah. The palm tree, they have to just completely cut away to it because it's on its own set, and it sits, it's this massive, compared to what it's on, it's this huge palm tree on a little island with water all around it, and it's just got a mouth in the middle, and the whole thing just sort of goes,

maw, ma'at, ma'at, ma'at, ma'at, ma'at. And that's the equivalent of head on Spanish art attack. Oh, hello. Hola. Ola. Me gusta el gatum. Well, I don't know much Spanish, but I did learn a lot of Spanish from that,

by which I mean one phrase because they say it a lot and I think Neil used to say it a lot as well you know how I'd always go and now we do this and now we do this right so I learned a aura which means and now in Spanish because even Guillermo had to say that all the time

well Neil used to when he was finished he would look down the lens and go try it yourself I didn't I didn't pay attention enough to see if that was that but I would love to know if you're from another country that has art attack

and what it's like because it was really difficult to research actually it was hard to find out about because the Wikipedia page doesn't really mention many adaptations it doesn't mention the Spanish one so it could be a pirate could be a pirate art attack yeah

was it called was it just called Art Attack in English or they translated it oh wow yeah called Art Attack you know same jumper logo on it not a jumper though shirt sexy tank top yeah but there we go that was my thing oh wonderful i'm curious to learn more about the wide wide world of art attack adaptations and remasterings yeah it's like the cinematic universe i was just about to say yeah the buchanan cinematic universe yeah but is it canon or is it

buchanan oh very good very good do you think um what's his name gilmero what's the house called Guillermo. Guillermo. Gilmero. Hello, I'm Gilmero. Do you think he's gone on to be in a band now? Well, part of my research trying to find out what he was called was by just searching Spanish host Art Attack, Art Attack Disney Channel, Spain, Spain Art Attack host, Help, Spanish Art Attack

Host Young. And I eventually found him on Instagram. Oh, wow. And he just posts photos of very. various things he's working on, but he's not in a band yet. One day, one day. They'll get there. It's like a midlife crisis when that comes.

Like, Tander, re-imagine my image. Fuck the kids, I'm going to sing in a punk band or whatever. I've never listened to Neil's music. Actually, neither have I. No. How have you gone this far without listening to any of it? It's fun to take the mick out of it, though, isn't it? Yeah.

Just because you imagine it's shit. Yeah. When it becomes real, it loses its fun. Or if he does autographs and stuff. Like if he, you know, some people don't, they don't acknowledge their old work and they're sort of like, no, I'm here. You know, if you've come to my concert, I want you to listen to my music and I want you to give me a photo of myself dressed in my band gear. I don't want you to walk over to me with a picture from the 1980s when I had a mullet and a red jumper on. Fuck yeah.

I'd be interested to know whether he owns it or not. Play your old stuff, Neil. Make a big art attack. Fellas I've got a question right here This is from Tiger Wolf At Well famous golfer

Yes Tiger Wolf At BM Punk underscore Flame boy Oh sick Nice That's rad And they ask I'm guessing he asks Flameboy asks

If you woke up as one of the other two What would be the first thing that you did One of the other two I mean, I'd immediately get naked, go to the mirror and masturbate, I think. Right, which one, though? Both? Both. Yeah, definitely. I'm hoping that I've woken up as like a creature that is literally split vertically, one half on each.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That would be terrifying. It would. It would. Because one leg would be longer than the other. I don't know. Well, since you both have a lot more.

Twitter followers than me. I'd do some very embarrassing things on Twitter. Oh my God. Some toilet selfies. You know, good stuff like that. Having a bum piss. Like, I think that'd be good. Just having a big rear. Probably wouldn't think that was so out of character, really.

Our audience, they might be like, oh, okay. It's slightly too much information. But, you know, they do a lot of talking about their bum pisses. I don't know what I'd do. I mean, if I was you, Peter, it would be interesting. to see what the world looks like from down there. Very good, yeah, you're right. You're all new understanding of the world. Getting you a tiny car and go,

because you live sort of like a Stuart Little Life, don't you? You have a little, you've got lots of, you've got a fleet of little vehicles. I do. I pop out of bed in my shoebox. I climb down a skipping rope. That your Beyonce keeps under her regular bed. Yeah. I climb down a skipping rope to get to the floor.

And then I hop into my little plane. and fly up to the kitchen counter to put some toast on. Oh, do you have toast? I imagine that you had the little... I open the crumb tray. The little cereals, you know, the crumb tray. What's the crunchy salad bread called? Croutons.

Crutons. Cronch your salad bread. I have a single slice of crouton and a drop of butter on it. Delicious. I guess I'd see what it's like living a big boy's life. That's what I do. That would be amazing I'm glad I went malicious there

You two are very wholesome And I'm just the asshole I think it would depend I mean you know If I ended up in in Mikey's body specifically That would at least be a bit more interesting Because I've been able to teleport down to Bristol

To a different city Whereas if I woke up as Ben All right I know I'm still a different person But I still have to go into the office and do worse I'll be sat next to myself You'd see me as you Yeah Whereas you know if I was down in Bristol

It's like, you know, free, free trip. I'm hoping that I'll maybe change back to my normal self at some point. Well, tomorrow rent is due, so have fun with that, Peter. Oh, okay. Sure, it'll be fine. We'll be all right. We'd have a whale of a time. Absolutely. Who would you, to expand onto this question, is there anyone that you know in real life, personally,

that you wouldn't mind spending a day as? Oh, good question. You've got an interesting life or something. See, I'm hesitant. Like, I don't want to tempt fate. I'm not a superstitious man but I am kind of worried

that if I talk openly about wanting to be somebody else it might just happen and then I would forget that I was ever me Oh my God There's some risks here This is dangerous

Well as long as you say someone who you think Would have a happier Someone who's happier than you are Then there's nothing to lose Not difficult is it Oh dear About David Buckham

Oh Well I'd like Because I said someone that you know personally. You don't know that I don't know David? Yeah, all right. True. Come on, come on. Your old pal Dave. Yeah, big Dave.

I think I'd become the person who owns the cake stall in St. Nick's Market and just hoard all of their stock. Oh, wow. Yeah, ruin them. Fucking ruin. Yeah, take that. Did you do it? Yeah, good stuff.

Good. About you, peeps. Maybe I'd be at Dave on Twitter. I mean, he's over there in Canada right now. Yeah, he seems happy, doesn't he? Living a life, he's, you know, doing. pretty well for himself, job-wise. Yeah.

Yeah. He's doing it all right. He's only moved to another country and he's basically head of an office over there. He's doing fine, I suppose. You're right, yeah. A dickhead. Or maybe I'll be Simon Miller,

and I can see how golden and happy the world looks from his point of view. Why? Yeah, but you do realise he's booked himself in for like five wrestling matches in the next month. You'd actually die. Yeah, I'd probably would. You'd break your neck and die.

Maybe hair is what makes us all so unhappy. If we were bald like Simon, just let the happiness radiate from you and that'd be it. That's a good shout. It's an undeniable truth. So there you go. Everybody shave your head. It's the cure to all your sadness.

Yeah. Thank you, Tiger Wolf. If we woke up as one of the other two, we would do nothing other than wish we were Simon Miller. Yeah, there we go. Easy. Mighty. I know.

If I had woken up as you this morning, what thing would I have brought to the podcast? Oh, well, you would have brought along a cautionary tale. Oh, my God. So, fairy tales as a kid, you know, I've kind of half-truthful, half-made-up stories to kind of deter kids from doing bad things or getting in trouble or anything like that. I've got a fairy tale about why you shouldn't move in with an online influencer.

Okay. Oh, it's too late. He's already here. Oh, shit. So this is a story ripped online that I read a few months ago, but it came back in my head today, and I thought I'd share it. I'll put the link to the full thing, but here's kind of like an abridged version.

I wondered if this was going to be a story that your girlfriend had written about you. All he does is record his own farts and post them on TikTok. Someone's stopping. Okay, no, I'm happy to hear that it's not about, you know, yourself. Well, you never know. Maybe some names have been changed, some locations.

Oh, potentially, yeah. I'll let you make your mind up. John Michelson was a big farty boy on the internet. So the story begins. In 2017, I decided to move to Los Angeles because I wanted to pursue a career in music. I had auditioned for a few music competition style reality shows and even appeared on one. I knew rent would be expensive in L.A., and I wouldn't have any income at first. But my savings were enough that I'd be able to put down a security deposit and pay at least half a year's rent before running out of cash.

So in the article, he continues to go on about how extensive his apartment search was and how miserable it was. And it came down to these three choices. Option 1 was a living room A bopchin, bopchin one. Bopchin one, yeah. Boption 1 was a living room with a curtain hanging on a string as a makeshift wall to provide some facade of privacy

occupied by a young couple and their two-year-old daughter. Oh, Christ. That's appealing to say the least. Bopchin 2 was an unfurnished bedroom in a three-bedroom apartment. The roommates were all international students who never spoke English at home, took their studies very seriously and strictly enforced daily quiet hours in the apartment.

Not ideal for a musician. And finally, Boption 3. He'd almost dismissed it as a scam at first. It seemed too good to be true. It was a one-bedroom unit in a fancy building in Hollywood with a roommate named Alec. Alec travelled a lot and had one of those folding room dividers he could put up to let me use the living room as my bedroom.

Again, I don't think I'd even like consider that kind of place. Yeah, what is that? That sounds awful. I guess it's that bad in a lot of. LA that you know he's I guess you just can't afford a proper bedroom so here have a thin bit of material

woo but the best part of this deal was that Alec was around my age and I thought we would get along he told me he was a performer too and I didn't mind me practicing my music in the apartment as lame as it makes me sound I also thought he was cool so he asked

Alec to FaceTime him so he could see the new place when he picked up I was kind of shocked about how handsome he was He looked like he was maybe even wearing makeup. The apartment was exactly as he described it. So theoretically, he's hit gold here, a nice sexy roubate and a nice sexy apartment. Yeah? What could go wrong?

Sounds like a dream scenario. Oh, well, just you wait. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Don't want to wait, Michael. It's coming. Put us out of our misery. Put a gun to our head and put us out of our misery.

I agreed to move in. I sent him the security deposit and he emailed me the lease and the application. I noticed it was a 24-month lease, which he hadn't mentioned. Two years seemed like a big commitment, but I figured this was just a big city thing. Classic big city thing, long tendencies, but whatever. At this point, he couldn't back out. He signed a lease, sent over all the paperwork,

and within a week he was officially a tenant of a one-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles. It's the kind of thing people write songs about. It's magic. He did it. Okay, it's all the odds. I'm very concerned. He's living in a partitioned living room,

Ellie, woohoo. For two years, and he can't get out of it. I put all my clothes in my car and drove the six hours to my new home. He wasn't in the apartment when I walked in, so I looked around. The first thing I noticed was how many Amazon Prime and delivery food boxes that were laying around. I checked the fridge, nothing in it except for a half-empty Starbucks cup and two bottles of Soylent. His bedroom floor was covered in clothes, and the wall behind his bed had a colourful piece of fabric pinned up with Christmas lights all over it. Like a backdrop. My first impression of him was that he was a wealthy guy who didn't take good care of as many nice things.

No judgment. Even though I was tired, I was happy to finally be there. Is this a porn thing? Oh, it sounds like it's leading up to something sexy, doesn't it? But it's not. Thankfully, this is a strict PG-13 story. You'd be glad to hear you. Okay.

God, thank good. I nearly had to text my mum. Please make Michael stop. Alec walked in wearing basketball shorts, stupid-looking bulky sneakers and a really tight shirt that said Gucci. He looks sweaty. He called me bro. He called me bro and apologised for the place being, quote-unquote, kind of fucked up.

He said lull out loud at one point, too. We had a... Yeah, I think I did that once when I was a kid and I learned my lesson. You don't do that. I'd be thinking, oh good, he just said lull, I'm here for 24 months. This is going to be great. Oh, boy. We had a conversation.

That's how you instantly char any chance of anyone liking you. Just say loll out loud. We had a conversation that was the same process repeated over and over. He'd asked me a question like, how was your drive? And then stare at his iPhone while I answered, seemingly absorbing nothing I said in response. It's a bit of a prick. This first interaction gave me an idea of what kind of person Alec was, but I hadn't figured out the worst yet.

He had told me he was a performer. It turned out that he was a muser. Need that translated? I did too. It's a person who, yeah, it's a person who has a lot of followers on an app called Musical.ly, which has since been renamed Tick-Tock. Oh no, living with a Tick-Tocker. Is that the collective noun for people who use Tick-T-T-T-T-K-T-T-K-T-K-T-Ker.

A Tankum's. There we go, Tankums. He had a lot of followers, more than 900,000 when I first moved in, and that was his job. He wasn't a musician or an actor. He lip synced to pre-recorded audio while looking attractive for his seconds-long videos to the joy of his adoring fans while proudly, without any shame,

referring to himself as an influencer. Wow. And this, it starts getting more and more interesting. A lot of followers. Nearly a million. Yeah, fucking hell for just... Nearly as many as us. Oh, it was so close.

Maybe we had it wrong. We should have been lip-syncing to audio the whole time. I should just been saying loll out loud and calling people, bro. Bro, I'm sweaty, sorry, bro. Shitting on the floor. Sorry, I'm sweaty, bro. How was your driver? Don't give a shit.

Fuck off. Brands sent him free shit and paid him to mention them or feature their products in his social media posts, kind of average for an influencer. But it was a totally foreign concept of this person. At first, it seemed like he could potentially help me with my music career. Maybe I could learn some internet marketing tricks from him. Over time, it became clear that this was the opposite.

My roommate's TikTok fame made my life hell. Oh God. Incident number one. Glitter all over the bathroom. Oh, God. Why was they glitter all over the bathroom one morning? Like, on the walls? Apparently, there was a trend on TikTok where people were rubbing gold shit on their face,

and that video got him over 300,000 likes. Same story with black permanent marker. A lot of TikTok videos involved writing things on your hands for some reason. and Alec would use sharpy markers for these. He would then touch what seemed like every surface in the apartment, leaving black ink everywhere. There was a new quote-un-quote challenge every week on TikTok, and they usually required some random props.

Incident number two. Shirtless bathroom time. It's getting sexy. Oh no. One day, he was in the bathroom with the door locked for two hours. I knew it was related to quote-unquote content creation because I heard the soft sound of 15 seconds, of the same horrible song being played in slow motion over and over

coming from under the door. For two hours. Yeah, for two hours he worked on this masterpiece. But what was the result? It was a plotless video of him shirtless doing nothing but staring at the camera from different angles, fixing his hair and making hot faces.

His followers loved it. Why? Wow. What a life. I'm just taking a quick drink. Oh, it's thirsty work this. Incident number three. Can afford cocaine.

can't afford rent. Oh God. The most exciting chapter yet. When it came time to pay rent each month, it became obvious why Alec needed me to rent his living room. I had no idea how much money he made or what he spent it on, besides alcohol, cocaine, plastic surgery, facials, postmates for every meal, and juices.

But he could never give me the rent when I asked for it. I constantly had to pay the full rent up front and wait for what he owed me to be paid back. The final straw. Six months into living with Alec, with 18 months left on my lease, the incident occurred. Oh, God. As I mentioned before, Alec didn't shop for groceries. All of his meals came from postmates, which is kind of like a just delivery service in America.

Right. Okay. In fact, I'd had to buy a lot of kitchen stuff because when I moved in, he only had two cereal bowls and a drawer full of plastic utensils left over from deliveries. I had been gone from the apartment all day at a job interview and then walking around filling out. applications at more places. I was starting to run out of money in my savings account and still hadn't figured how to monetize my music, so I wanted to get a part-time job somewhere in a store and a cafe or anything. Also, earlier that week, some girl Alec had met on Instagram had gotten wasted and fallen over into my room divider, totally destroying it, so I had looked around a store

for where I could buy a new one. God, I'm trying, like, imagine, actually put yourself in his shoes where your only bit of privacy is this flimsy wall divider. Yeah. Now it's gone. Screw that. When I came home at around 5pm our front door wasn't closed all the way. I got freaked out.

Did we get robbed? I slowly opened it. Alec was sleeping face down on my futon bed couch. Next to him on the floor was a pile of vegetables that I had bought at the grocery store. There was a cucumber with a huge bite taken out of it. That made me mad.

Oh, God. I paid for those. He still owed me more than $500 a last month's rent. And now he was eating my groceries. So I said, Wake up, dickhead. He didn't move. I walked closer.

He was laying on top of one of the only possessions I had that I really cared about, a big blanket that my great aunt had knit for me when I was really little. Oh, no. I repeated myself louder. I poked him. He didn't move. I got even closer and moved his. head, which was face down on my blanket to the side a little. As I did, I discovered that his face

was covered in black and white paint, which he had rubbed all over my precious blanket. He looked like a panda. He still wasn't waking up. As he passed out from paint fumes. Oh, God. Oh, you'll find out. It's actually even better than that. He still wasn't waking up. I tried everything and didn't get a response from him. He was breathing in a sort of wheezing way. He had a bunch of red bumps on his arms and neck. I didn't know what was going on and felt freaked the fuck out. So to be safe and to get him out of my futon couch bed, I called an ambulance. I hope he dies. The dramatic ending you won't believe. They took him away still unconscious. I slept well that night with my baby blanket soaking in soapy water in the sink. In the morning I woke

up and checked my phone. I had 26 missed calls from a local number and four voicemails. It was Alec from the hospital, asking me to bring him his iPhone. Each voicemail message was more aggressive than the last. He'd gone from, hey, roommate, to listen up, bitch, in less than an hour. He was clearly having trouble living without his cell phone. I didn't respond. I called my dad and went down to the management office of the apartment building. I asked what I could do to end the least early.

The fee was astronomically high, like thousands of dollars. I decided anything was better than continuing. to live with this shallow, shitty sad sack and wrote a check on the spot. I put everything I remotely cared about in my car. At the last minute, I remembered the money Alec owed me. I went to his room and grabbed two expensive-looking hoodies from the floor and drove myself back to Arizona. I later found out that Alec had been trying to film a TikTok video for a challenge

in which users were imitating a panda. Because Alec ate mostly delivered sushi and burritos, he had apparently never discovered his allergy to cucumbers. He'd had an allergic reaction and was in mid-anaphylaxis when I found him I kind of saved his life the end

Wow Where did you get that story from? I can't remember I think Hold on If you just Google TikTok Life from

Yeah Google the headline My roommate's TikTok fame Mid my life hell It's from And people worked out who he is I was curious about that I wanted to research this

But I didn't have time Before we started But I'd I, oh, if he, if he does exist, the link will be in the description. Okay. This isn't an article with comments on it, sadly. Oh, he nearly, what a fucking idiot. He nearly killed himself.

By eating a cucumber, fucking, what a dumb ass. That is some natural selection stuff right there. Yeah. It's a beautiful little story. And just, I've recently got into TikTok a little bit, and it, like, it is hilarious from, like, an outsider's view. It's, like, really cringy, really funny, but, God, the inner workings of these people's lives is a mystery. Jesus.

Jeez. Thank you for listening. And remember, don't move in with TikTok people. No, don't do that. Tankers. Thank you, Michael. That's all right. Very good.

Hopefully I can save some lives. So, I've got a question right here. Oh. It's from Darren Parton, Dolly's brother, I'm guessing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At Dulla 88.

And Darren asks, what film or TV show Have you never seen that literally everyone else seems to have? I personally have never watched an episode of Friends and this is weird to people. We haven't done this, have we? No, I don't think so. No, I don't think we had, but we've talked about shows that we do like, I think, is where I'm, what I'm thinking of. But, uh, yeah, yeah.

I've never really watched Friends. I might have caught like half an episode every so often, but I've never sat down and watched Friends. Yeah, me too. Yeah, Friends, I don't think, is one of those shows you sit down with intent to watch. It's just kind of on and exists next to you. Yeah, I've never done that. It's kind of a boring, played out opinion now, but Game of Thrones never bothered with it.

I tried. I got like an hour, well, about an hour into it, and I was like, this is so fucking boring, Jesus Christ. Oh, man. This is not for me, sadly. The worst episode. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you have to power through episode one, yeah.

Yeah, it's hard enough to keep track of everybody's names anyway, but in that one, it's just here's 50 people who are important. Oh, yeah, I don't have the. attention span. You've got to hook me straight away. No, mate. Keep things simple. I, kind of similarly, Michael, I've never watched a show that I think you're a fan of. I've never even tried to watch Breaking Bad.

Oh, give it a try. I highly recommend giving it a try. It's very fun TV. Okay. I'm aware of the premise, but yeah, I don't know, I just never really... Sounds pretty... I don't know. Sounds quite... sure what the word would be. Not gritty, but just, uh, it's a fairly serious subject matter, you know? It's, yeah, yeah, but it's presented in a fun way and like series by a series, the intensity ramps up and it just gets ridiculous and it's great and I loved it. It's the most

invested I've ever been in any TV I've watched. Really? Yeah. I cried at the last episode, damn it. Oh, my man. I haven't seen lost. I know now it's not worth it for the payoff, but obviously there's a few seasons there. Everyone, everyone was talking about. talking about lost at one point and I just can't be asked it's too much of it I remember like in year six my teacher used to always come in every week after the lost episode and talked us about it for an hour it was great we never got anything done wow early podcast yeah I uh I watched a little bit of lost like right the start and same with um it was just called heroes that show where yeah I liked heroes that went off the rails as well yeah I don't think I made it through series one I think

it started out really interesting and I was like oh wait this is going slightly pretentious already I think they've you know they've got you can you could tell that they have big plans in their head so like this is going to be a you know a real complex first two seasons were great but then it just

yeah it just took a shit yeah I watched some of that it was really fun but I watched I think every episode of Lost except the last three where I gave up and just didn't want to continue so close but I thought no fuck this it's not worth it

I can still go back and graduate, Mikey. There's still time. See, but I don't think I can. I've forgotten everything. It'll make no sense. I have to watch every episode again. I don't want to. Yeah.

Is there any movies, movie series that you've not watched? I know, Mikey, you've not watched... Have you watched any Star Wars? You've not watched Star Wars? I've watched the newer ones. I've never seen the original three. Right. And Lord the Rings, again, that's just...

I think it's just long fantasy I can't get down with. Mm-hmm. Because there were a lot of, like, movies, like, modern classics, if you like, that I've not watched. I've not watched I've not watched like any of the Godfather movies. Yeah, the first one's good,

but yeah, you can forget about the others. I've not watched Forrest Gump all the way through. Oh, now that's a bit sad, actually. Yeah. I'm trying to think, I can't really think of any, like, big-name movies right now from, like, the last 20 years, but there's a lot that I haven't watched.

Yeah. What about you, Ben? Anything you feel like you should have watched? Tons. So, so many films I haven't watched. Not so much recently. I've been pretty good in the past sort of 10 years or so

in keeping up with stuff. But like, I never really watched films growing up. So there's lots of things. You know, I've only watched Pulp Fiction for the first time in the last like year and a half.

So there's ton. Loads of films that I just haven't seen. But yeah. No, I'm not too bad. Not too bad. Like I didn't watch the first Hobbit film and then didn't watch the other two. I haven't watched the new Harry Potter crap, you know.

Fantastic Beasts. So there's stuff out there. Yeah, Fantabulous Beasties. With everyone's favorite, John Depp. I've not watched the Third Hobbit myself, but... Might do one day, I might do. Oh, well, we'll see, weren't we? Yes.

Okay, well, thank you very much for your answers, though, everyone. Puddles start. Maybe that should be... Oh, I won't say it now, because that's the whole point of the secret question. I mean, I've kind of hinted far too much now. We're too committed. People will have to stay and listen and find out if it is... the sequel question or not.

It might not be. That'll keep them hooked, right? Right to the end. I have got a thing. Go on. Get your thing out. It's kind of, I've cheated this week to an extent

in that while I was gathering the questions, one of the fan questions brought something to my attention that I just kind of wanted to go into more detail on. Okay. So really, credit where credit's due. Corey Tucker at its Corey Tucker asked What do you guys think of the one-off nudist special of Jungle Run

Naked Jungle that was hosted by Keith Chegwin? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So I thought that was supposed to be just a funny question. So I've brought a fifth question, like a real question later, for later on. But I then Googled this and it's a real thing. And I want to read it to you. Pray tell. So before we get into that,

Do you fellas, you're aware of Jungle Run, right? You know what that's about. Sure. Absolutely. Who used to host Jungle Run? Oh, God. Someone really familiar. A guy called, I think he was called Mike, Michael or something. I think there may have been a couple of different hosts.

But hang on, let's see. Jungle Run. Sort of a Crystal Maze kind of thing, right? Yeah. Presented by, oh, Dominic Wood used to present it. Holy shit. Right, that's why. I thought there was someone I knew.

But that's interesting. because he's BBC. Sorry, I've just read. I googled it myself and under the episodes tab. Season 3, episode 1, The Coronation Street Special. Oh, God.

Right, so Jungle Run, for those of you don't know, across the Atlantic or into Europe, was a children's TV show that was essentially, I think maybe four kids, three or four kids would go on and there would be,

this, what seems in my memory, like an enormous series of like sets and stages that were like really well dressed. They were probably a lot smaller if you went back and watched it, but they were jungle themed. There were two like chimps or like gorillas in costumes and they just sort of run from one physical challenge to the next in different areas. Some were like water based and you know. It did look good. It was like a really well-designed show. And it was basically like, You're right, Ben. It was like Crystal Maze because they would earn

like Ruby monkeys or something and then so many monkeys at the end would give them a certain amount of time in the final challenge or something like that. So that's Jungle Run. Naked Jungle is a real thing. I've got the Wikipedia page right here.

Naked Jungle was a one-off television game show produced for the UK Terrestrial TV channel Channel 5 by Yorkshire Television. Ah, good old Yorkshire. Oh, yes. The old 50P game TV. It aired on the 6th of June 2000. A game show with an assault course format based on and using the same set as the children's show Jungle Run.

Oh, no. It was controversial because its contestants were nudists. Right. The programme's... The nudist juices all over this lovely children's set. Oh no, and then the kids came in the following week. After all these old naked people had been there. The programme's presenter, Keith Chegwin, was also naked except for our...

hat. Oh, I'm sorry, that's not really naked then, is it? You need a hat, that's fine. Well, yeah, you can leave your hat on. It was part of a special season

of programs on the channel to mark the 50th anniversary of British naturism. What? Yes. A video, I guess a VHS, of Naked Jungle, was released by Universal Home Entertainment in late 2000.

It was rated 15 by the BBFC. And this has got naked boys running around in it. Wow. Yeah, absolutely. Did they have their Wilson's cropped off, or like, was it blurred or something? I don't think it was. No, I don't think it was. I'll tell you about the format of the show, but as far as I can tell, there was no censoring of...

Oh, my God. Of that. It's literal porn. Yeah, basically. So the program was made basically in the same format as Jungle Run. Ten competitors were five natures couples who were separated into men and women with a single winner from each. gender. The winner of the men and of the women then competed, that's a really weirded, weirdly worded sentence. The winner of the men and of the women then competed in a final inside the

temple of the body. Oh, right. To win a potential prize of £5,000. Is it worth it? Is it worth getting naked on TV for that? Well, yeah, I don't know. I guess, I mean, these are actual natures, so they probably don't mind. That's true, actually, yeah. It says, while in Jungle Run, the competitors collected bananas and later monkey statues. In Naked Jungle, the objective was to obtain fig leaves, a biblical cover for genitalia. Surprisingly, well, it attracted 2 million viewers, apparently, which was a record.

I mean, I'd tune into that. It was a record for Channel 5 at the time. And it was 20% of the entire TV audience share in its time slot. That's how you get the people, is Naked Chegwin. I mean, it says, like, since its debut in 1997, Channel 5 has always aimed to attract 5% of the total audience share. So they did really well off naked jungle. Sure did. Or maybe just did well off naked Cheggars. I don't know.

Was Cheggers also naked? He was. He just had a hat on. Oh, is that? Sorry, I didn't hear that bit. Yeah. God. Dick Bin Cheggers. I don't know if I want that. And we've got some audience feedback here. Channel 5 stated that it had received 50 phone calls relating to the program.

No. Evenly split between appreciation and criticism. Wow. Including a woman who said that the program was responsible for curing her postnatal depression. Wow. Just laughing at that Chegwin Wang. Yeah. The Independent Television Commission, ITC, declared that it had only received one complaint about the show. This was from a viewer complaining that he could do without Keith Chegwin prancing around.

The naked Keith Cheggen was a bit too much for me. An ITC spokesman said there was no guideline against Keith Chegwin being on television. Didn't break any rules, the Chegwin rule. No, unfortunately not. Late-night nudity in a non-sexual context and in a program that is well signposted, may not be in breach of the program codes. So apparently that's fine. If you just tell people...

I guess they do it now, don't they? There's a couple of shows that are... made these days where people just get actually naked on telly. Oh, yeah. Naked attraction, isn't it? Yeah, it's really strange where the people, they're just all naked, and they look at each other's bits and decide who they... Is that a show where they go into the room, the couples,

and they just have sex in a cube? Yeah, sex box. They just have sex in a cube while experts chat outside, and then they come back out when they're done. Like, wow, how was that? And they have a frank discussion in front of an audience after having sex in a box. Yeah. That sounds magic.

Really weird. Speaking of sex boxes, can I send over some screenshots? I'm sorry for everyone at home of Naked Keith Chegwin. How, how, why not? How much knob is there in there? There's thankfully no knob. Oh my God. Jesus Christ.

Oh, no, Keith. I mean, he's covered up, isn't he? Like, he's not. Yeah, like his bits aren't flagrantly whipping around. There's no full frontal. going on. Well, I have confirmation here from the article. The show did have full frontal nudity.

Oh, wow. I just said nudacy. The show's full frontal nudity and display of genitalia caused a furor in the Daily Mail. Of course. Yeah, they were livid, which described the show as having plumbed, plumbed new depths of indecency on television.

Wow. Never heard, okay. It plumbed new depths. It's quite strange. Plums on their mind. Yeah. The naturist gloss assured us, A, that no one will mention blow jobs. Okay. And that, B, the women will have droopy breasts.

Wow. Good. It's just a strange remark. It's quite specific, really, that those two things were... Yeah, that's very odd. And Chegwin said that Naked Jungle was the worst career move he's made in his entire life. Wow, really? That would really, though, Keith?

And if he could turn the clock back, he would. He said that due to the programme's time slot of 11pm, he believed it would not have gained so much publicity. Oh, Keith, you should have known better. So that's Chegg's. Cheggers was actually naked on the telly with a bunch of other people. In the Children's Jungle Run set. Oh, God.

What an age we live in. My God. Fantastic stuff. I've got a final question here. Yeah. Oh. This is from two people who asked similar questions. We can sort of combine them together.

Okay. Dork Detective at Detective Mateo says, having spent my entire life in the USA, I've always wanted to have a traditional ingress breakfast. Oh, God, blah, one. And a tuck. As well, a tok.

Okay. What is a foreign food that you've always wanted to try? And Ashley Thorpe, at Boogers and Pooh, lovely. Nice. Says, where's the strangest place you would like to visit slash go on holiday? I'm going to Chernobyl in a few weeks. I'm wondering if there's anywhere you guys would like to see.

So, where would you like to travel slash eat in the world? I've always been very tempted to go on one of those secret escapes, the tours of Chernobyl. Yeah, that sounds like that looked really cool, and I wanted to go do that. I think North Korea would be fun. I wonder what. Yeah, that's another one, you know.

Like North Korean delicacies there are for me to try. Yeah. It's all just corn shops filled with painted foods because they have no actual food. It's just cardboard with a picture of food on it. Mmm, tasty. I don't know if I'd want to eat at Chernobyl, would you? No, I'm not saying, I mean the mushrooms, I'm sure, are delicious,

on the floor, delicious floor foods. No, I'm just saying in terms of a strange holiday place, I'd like to go there. Yeah, yeah. That'd be so good, yeah. I don't know if I would like to go to Chernobyl, you know? I think, like, herb X, as they call it. Like, you know, urban exploration is cool in general. but I'm not, I don't think I'd go to

Schoenovil, I think I'd rather go to, I don't know Stork-on-Trent? Yeah, exactly. There's lots of other abandoned places I'd prefer to go before I went to Shenovel. Like Stoke-on-Tren. There's those catacombs under Paris that look pretty cool.

Yeah. Pretty spookums, but, you know, something like that. There's a food down there as well. Oh, God, yeah, I don't know. It's dead people. You get the mold. people in New York.

Oh. It's like an urban legend. Do you know about that? No. It's basically just a slightly well, pretty offensive term for just like homeless people who have allegedly built

a sort of kind of a little settlement in underground tunnels and stuff like in the subway. And they're known as like the mole people. That's quite fun. I want to be a mall person. Yes, I don't know if it's true. The people that live under.

Las Vegas and stuff so it must be pretty common wherever there's undergroundy bits people make themselves home people go down people like the holes they go in the holes and if you go deep enough you find a naked Keith Cheggwin

trying to complete the jungle run I'm being Cheggers what would you like to eat fellas I'd like to just go on a pizza tour oh my god just try all the pizzas probably America way around have all the good pizzas

and the good burgers I only tried Frog's legs recently I've had snails as well they're pretty cool I've not done either not Escargots I've never done any of those

Scargots yeah what was it like nice I thought it was alright like snails particularly was like less of a horrible texture than I expected because that just sounds disgusting from like inside and out

so wow no it does but it tastes of garlic like flavour wise because that's just what they do it in and yeah it was fine it didn't taste too slimy it was had some

you know it was like almost like meat you know it was like almost like lean meat but not quite it was slightly squishy but there we go there's the snail review from Peter Austin yeah yeah that's it

Peter's snail tail mighty is there any special vegan food that you'd like to try from somewhere around the world there's one kind of like vegan American beef burger kind of thing it's called like the Beyond Meatburger

or something which turns out legally you can't get in the UK because it contains too many GMOs or something Oh no so there's like a restriction against it so it can't be like you can't get an identical thing over here and I had it when I went to Florida a couple of years ago it was really bloody good I miss it Well maybe maybe that'll be a benefit from Brexit

that you all receive Yeah that'll be the benefit It makes it all worth it The single one depends if it's banned by EU or just Britain I don't... Oh, true, true. Oh, I should have read into that before I voted. It would have swayed you.

Campaigning on a single policy. Burgers. Oh, delicious. Is that all our questions, peeps? That's it. That's everything. Oh, there we go. We're done. We've all done that thing.

Yeah, we got that. We went all the way, we went all the whole way around. Oh, boy. The whole way around. Well, guys, thank you so much for doing the fake radios today. Yeah, it's been fun. And we'll be back, we'll be back again in a fortnight's time. Peter's just done a stream.

Oh, shit. Haven't you, peeps? What did you do? I did, we rekindled, Spira Rekindled trilogy. We went back to that. Amazing. So next up on the streaming schedule will probably be Mikey. Yeah, boy. I have no plans for anything yet, but it'll be something fun.

Yeah, yeah. So we'll post about that as and when that will be coming, maybe in the next couple of weeks or so. is to say. But if you want to support us financially, you can do store.orgscast.com if you navigate yourself to the Vidyat's section. You can buy yourself some nice potty, it's merchandise and some Vidyots merch and there's also a code, right? Yeah. Oh boy, there's a code. Use code Vidyots at checkout. That's Vidyots for 10% of everything on the Yogscast store. Everything. Everything. Anything you buy. And we get some money from that. It's amazing. We'd also like to thank the very kind people who have

who have donated so generously during the streams. All of that comes directly to us, and it's split three ways, split four ways. Three of them go to us so we can have a nice treat. And then the other quarter is put back into supporting the show and making sure that if we need to, you know, fix the wheel on our podcast car, that we can do that.

We've got the money available to fix our podcar to make it go good. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook.com, forward slash Videos official. Some small videos have been going up on YouTube. Just little tidbits that we've got from the vault, a little behind the scenes stuff. We've been slowly uploading. Oh, snippet.

It's nice. Twitch.tv. forward slash videos official is where we're streaming. We're taking it in turns. We're trying to, I mean, it's not worked out that way, but we're trying podcast every fortnight and in between those times there might be a stream. So you've got something coming pretty much every week.

Pretty much. On average. The fun never ends. want to see what Mikey's up to, go to the Yogscast YouTube channel, the main one. And you can see all the amazing productions he's been working on. What you're working on at the moment? What you're working on, mate? Well, we've just, um,

so we, I just edited Hat Films' is uh, team Sonic racing live action video, so go check that out. It was a lot of fun to do. It was a fucking insane edit and took away a good chunk of my life, but please, please go watch it. It makes it all worthwhile. Right now, I don't know

what the future holds. Oh. Oh. Oh. Every day of the new adventure. Wow. If you want to find where Peter and I are on a daily basis, YouTube.com forward slash team triple jump. It's a video game channel where we do lists and other silly videos.

So do come along and check us out if you want to. We do a dab site more than that, Bed Potter. We do worst games ever and we do strobes. I thought you said we do a dab site. Well, I was about to go, don't make me do it, Peter. I'm holding my phone. I'll throw it.

If you make me dab, I'll knock my water over. It's fine. I didn't. Okay, that's good to you. Finally, you'll leave us an iTunes review or a review or a review slash writing on your platform of trust.

And that's it. Thank you. Thank you, Ben, for that wonderful outro there. So I've got very in time. We will see you in two-ish weeks for the podcast, and maybe in the meantime, if you like Michael Johnson, which I don't.

Oh, fuck him. Okay. Do we have a question for the end? Are we going to go for the question? Yeah, maybe we should just do that. Just really let everyone down. It's not very exciting. I've got a new secret question.

I've got a new one. Yeah? Yeah. If we could, yes or no, should we exhumed Keith Chegwin and make him present another episode of Naked Jungle Run? We'll make a Kickstarter. Yeah. The second low point of his career.

The lowest point of his career. we have to bury him lower now we'll call it a dick starter instead oh there it is yeah beautiful yeah amazing yeah yes or no what do you think guys let us know in that yeah in the comments we have this power we can make it happen we'll do it we'll fucking love for you guys you just you just watch us all right guys it's the time to gallop off into the sunset or the rain or the rain set am i right peter what's it? Oh yeah absolutely yeah okay Kevin roll the music Thank you, Kev's.

Cheers, Cavs. The music's happening now. That means we've got like two seconds left to go. Okay, bye, bye, everybody.