Podiots - Podiots: Episode 35 - Blobberotica

Episode Date: August 20, 2019

Mikey has brought some predictive Potter, Peter is still reading the tabloids and Ben has unearthed something too hot for TV Donate to get a shoutout! - https://streamlabs.com/vidiotsofficial New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. It's Maybe it's Mabelaine. It's Mabelaine.

It's did us light for Peter's clang quality. He had, very for Peter's sound quality. He accidentally recorded with the wrong microphone. I realized that a lot of these start with just humming.

Yeah, I was going to say it's nice. I'm gonna say it's nice, it's soothing. It's like a general, like, ramp up to the madness that'll surely ensue. Do you think it's possible to hum in a non-soothing way? I think to be, have a threatening hum, you just have to do it in like a dark, isolated place and just have like only, like, if you're in like a dark alleyway like 3 a.m. And you hear a hum in the distance, that's instantly going to be pretty threatening. But it's like nursery rhymes, isn't that?

Children's nursery rhymes. Mm. Yeah, they're all fine when it's, when Dave Benson, Philip. is singing him on Fun Song Factory, but, you know, the moment you get a six-year-old girl singing it in a graveyard, and you can't actually see where the girl is, that's terrifying.

But somehow you've assessed the gender. Excuse me, Peter? Yeah. Excuse me? Mm-hmm. What the fuck, dude? Yeah. That's not cool.

It could just be Dave Benson Phillips, but with a higher voice, you never know. Could his voice be any higher? Oh, no! My Xo suit has been hit! Jack, your Jew went up the hill To fetch your pain of water That hurt to do that

New appreciation for Dave and all he does That was a trooper All his miracles When he goes to Nando's He gets the hottest sauce and just layers his throat in it And it helps prepare him for his vocal Activities of the day I call it Dave's secret larynx juice

Oh, Larynx Juice! Oh, Larynx Juice! No! I don't like it. Right. Let's talk Kevin. Oh shit, yeah. We need to talk about Kevin. We need to talk about Kevin. He's not been eating his vegetables recently.

Have you guys had the same issue as me? But the best way to remedy that would be to start a podcast because he would then have to open his mouth and we can just shove loads of vegetables inside. But we can't be doing that at dinner time every day just for a meal. Well, we just have to make sure he give him a fortnight's worth of vegetables. and one go each time. My God.

One thousand peas. Energy cube. I'm worried that his non-vegetable eating is part of a larger problem because he's acting up. Right. For example, right now...

Outside the window. He's playing outside on the street with his friends and he's not come home and I said, Kevin, you need to be home for seven. It's now 10 to 8. This is ridiculous.

He's still outside. The street lights aren't on. Maybe he's living by that. You know, the sort of Facebook mum mum. meme kind of we used to in my childhood we drank out of the

hose pipe I don't know why this woman's voice is broken yet how old is this woman she's either 90 or she's like a 14 year old boy I'm not really sure but that's what they're drinking out the horse pipe does to you it just ages you so quickly messes you up and then add to that

hose pipe water a little bit of hot sauce and you get Dave Benson oh no Right, I'm going to shout out the window to Kevin now to start the music. You guys ready? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Kevin.

Kevin, Kevin, put that boy down. Kevin. He's eaten the dog. Kevin! Oh my God, Kevin, no. Was that gizmo? Kevin, you need to be back in in five minutes. Five minutes.

Now don't you pull that face? He's telling me to go, fuck me. myself wow all right that's a bit too far Kevin you can have 10 more minutes as long as you open your mouth no no you can't you can't you can't sway to him like that you can't you said come in now then he said five more minutes then he wanted to go fuck yourself and he said 10 more minutes that's how these kids get out of control look Peter Austin all right when it's when when when it's your turn to watch Kevin you can parent him however you want but quite frankly it's just getting through the day most of the time right all right so let me just do this

Kevin, open your mouth. Okay, there is a lot of dog in there, but the noise should be coming soon. Oh. Oh, it's all doggy. Do it? Oh, there it is. There it is happening. Here we go.

Beautiful. Lovely. Hello, everybody. And welcome to Poddy. It's the official video. Oh, no. I'm holding my phone. The official.

Vidiates. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast. where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urns, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. I'm Michael.

Michael. Yes. Talk to me about pigeons. Well, they're a wonderful little creature. They're bloody everywhere, which is what's so good about them. It's like when you develop an interest in dogs, it's like everywhere you go. There's a dog or gum on the streets. Oh, yeah.

It's amazing. and just all the different colors and flavors. It's my favorite part of my day is looking at gum on the streets. But pigeons are fucking everywhere. They're in your garden. They're in your house sometimes, just making nests and causing havoc. Do you want to know the last, well, not the last pigeon I saw, but a recent pigeon I saw was dead in the middle of a roundabout,

being eaten by a seagull, an entire pigeon. Huh, that's impressive. Yeah, seagull's actually on the seagull topic, there was an update regarding gizmo. I've derailed already, I'm sorry, but carry on. I needed to get this out of the way. It wasn't Gizmo's leg that was found. Oh, thank God, it was just another dog.

That's fine. Oh, my God. So, yeah, it was just a rabbit's leg that was found. So I guess it was just a sweetly, little innocent wild rabbit that, I see, oh, something had killed and ripped apart. So the hunt for Gizmo continues, I guess. You could still be out there alive somewhere. It's like Homeward Bound. It's been dropped on top of a very high hill and he's scared to come down.

I can't wait for the National Treasure movie. about Gizmo. Starring Nicholas Cage, trying to track down different parts of Gizmo across Rome. He is a national treasure, Gizmo the dog, just like Stephen Fry.

Yeah. He is. I hope Stephen Fry doesn't end up with a leg on a roof somewhere. That would be horrible. Stephen Fry, stolen by Siegel. Anyway, the pigeons. There's a point of this story, isn't there?

Yeah. Well, today I spent seven hours getting stabbed so that I could have two beautiful pigeons on my inner forearm and my lovely new tattoo. Yeah, it's mad. It's an amazing tattoo. What's your, what's your Twitter Instagram for people who want to see it? At Parrot Boy, just search that name. It's probably the most recent photo on there. I'm very, I don't know why I'm saying I'm proud of it. It was the artist who did all the hard stuff, but I'm proud of myself for sitting through it and not tapping out. It's wonderful. it's a colored one as well

which is very nice you know some people like to go for the black and white I always think I was thinking that like she did all the outline work I was like you know what this looks really good doesn't out like just like a black tattoo and then she started doing the colour it's like oh this is nice

I emailed her like a couple of months ago now and I said hey I want a pigeon tattoo and I sent over like a really badly photoshop picture of two pigeons flower beneath it and that was it I was like I can have something like this and she said, yeah, cool, I can do that, I'll book you in.

And I turned up on the day, and she transformed it into a beautiful piece of art with lightning and gold chains and a rose. She really went wild with it. I'm so happy with it. It's so ridiculous. It's great. What's the, do you know, the artist and tattoo parlour? Paula Castle, tattoo.

I think if you just search her name on Instagram, you'll see all of the stuff. It's quite convenient. Her surname being tattoo, you know? What are the odds? Yeah. Did she marry into the tattoo? Tattoo dynasty I think

what was that old band was a tattoo all the things you said she's from that family of people That's fun I hope they weren't family They kissed each other

In the music video Oh God, that's right yeah Oh that's not allowed Oh yeah Disgusting That's illegal If you don't mind me asking Mikey Yeah

How roughly how much Would something like that set you back Ballpark Set you back in the ballpark Of 320 pounds Wow. Worth it. That's a specific ballpark that...

Yeah. Just a rough guesstimate. But I figured, you know what? Fuck it. It's a bit pricey, but if I'm going to get something etched on my body forever, I'm going to spend a little bit of money on it. Yeah. You should.

I spent £30 on one of mine, and it's not aged well, so yes. Yeah, it was scared. I've got my little Moorman tattoo, but this is a very different beast. It's a whole bit of limb. Yeah, it's to show off to the world. Damn right. Before we move on, guys, we've got to address the financial elephant in the room. Well, that's no way to refer to our patrons.

Elephants, yes. Maybe it's a good way to sit, because they've been so generous. It is like the size of an elephant. True. I think we could buy an elephant now. Oh, fuck you. With all of these amazing people. These, of course, are people who have donated to the cause.

Streamlabs.com forward slash vidiots official. If you donate any amount, it's greatly appreciated. You'll get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. please do bear in mind, though, that we tend to record a week or so before an episode goes out. So if you donate in that time, you will definitely get a shout out on the next podcast, if you don't get a shout out on the nearest podcast to your donation date. So don't worry if that happens. I would like to thank guys. Tieri, bewilderments, Nabilam, Jules Shockett, Batman fan underscore Drew, Yawood Knighty, Lord Brotovich, Mr. Hardluck, E. Spurius,

made a crash. Katie Kins. Steven Scodes. Max Springer. Premium grade Shagger Cal. Oh, no. Hasn't that changed? I thought it was just top Shagger last time.

I think that's his Twitter. Oh. He's everywhere. And a couple of repeat offenders in there as well, because I think Peter did a stream as well, and people were very generous on that, and we use the same site to donate. So thank you so much to all of you.

You're amazing. your contributions really do help us out and it goes a long way some of it may have gone towards putting pigeons on Mikey's arm yeah do you want more pigeons on my arm send us more money let's buy more pigeons for my hashtag pigeons for Michael oh you got it's a nice charity yeah yeah um there was a another thing that I was going to say guys and I'm ramping here because I've forgotten it we'll just keep we'll keep

Juggling this ball. We'll keep spinning the plates. Let's just keep hitting that volleyball up for a second. Oh, yes. I've got it. And I've caught the ball and I've popped it. So no one else can play with it now. Excellent.

We, of course, met the goal to put the video online of Mikey doing the lap dance. If you want to go see that, YouTube.com forward slash video. It's official. It's there in all of its, in all of its blurry glory. Oh, God. Go and reward yourself. with that if you donated and if you didn't donate go and watch it and then think about maybe donating

yeah I'm still very embarrassed about that but I guess now it's in the open everyone knows I don't have to be so upset about it we can all heal yeah move on I forgot that Leo Leo was in it as well yeah French Leo the whole squad

gang gang gang gang I'm so Dave John Leo Mikey to think Joe not John Leo joined the company after that interaction that didn't dissuade him so I think that was a good initiation

Yeah he was still happy Leo thought it was hilarious A great time Yeah that was that night was strange Wasn't it Yeah Every time I see Leo after that He's like oh Mikey

Can you spin on the floor again It's spinny Mikey That's what he calls you Oh Peter Yes I think you're a question man I certainly am

and I have got, conveniently, some questions to ask. Pretty awkward if I didn't, really, being question men and not having the questions. Let me pull them up for you. Okay. Yes, please. We've got five questions here. The first one is from Aaron Smith. Without two A's, it's just A-R-O-N, Smith.

I think that's just a single run. Yeah. At the brother, brother, voodoo. Brother. It's B-R-U-T-H-A. Brother. Brother. On Twitter.

Who would be your fantasy cabinet? Assigned not only a prime minister, but also a Chancellor of the Exchequer and Ministers for Culture, Business, etc. Now... Oh, my God. I thought you meant cabinet as in the thing that holds things. Yeah, just a piece of, like, what's the best sideboard you can think of. Oh, I can think of many. So I've got a list here of...

the roles we need to fill. Now, I think the idea is we don't fill it with real politicians. We're not going to say like, oh, I would make Jeremy Hunt, the culture secretary. So that people call him Jeremy Kunt again all the time. Remember when people used to do that? Yeah, people still do that. Well, they do. Yeah, it doesn't matter if he's the secretary of anything beginning with CU.

They still call him. But I think the idea is that we choose celebrities or people we know or members of the Vidyat's Pantheon and we fill out an entire cabinet of people who are best suited for the job Okay Let's fix Britain Let's fix Britain

Now I've got a list of roles here Obviously first and foremost I need to elect a PM guys Who is the leader From the big one isn't it From the entire world Maybe just Maybe just a Barack Obama

He did a pretty good job He was cool He did actually yeah He slapped that fly remember I do remember That's what being president's all about. It is. Slapping flies.

But like I said, it doesn't have to be a celebrity. You may as well be a bit left field with it, I think. Yeah. See, when you face with the task of choosing someone from an endless list of people, it becomes very daunting. I'm trying to think... It does. No, Billy Ray Cyrus, not his Waris counterpart, but just actual Billy. They're a Cyrus.

Yeah. Good country boy. I think he knows the struggle of the working class man, probably, even though he's very rich now, but... Yeah, maybe a long time ago, perhaps. I think you'd be a good leader, though? See, I would nominate him for Culture Secretary. Oh, good point, yeah.

No, yeah, save him for that. If that's one of the positions... It is. It is. Oh, lovely. Can we circle back to PM? Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty big role. It's a quick-fire thing, by the way.

I don't think we should deliberate too long. Okay. Yeah, I'm ready. Hit us with one. Treasury. Who does monies? Dave, Dave Benson, good with money. Yeah, he counts points so he can count money.

Oh, yeah, he could. Okay, Dave Benson, perfect. 150 trillion pound deficit. The home office. Who's going to look after the borders? Um. Was it from Dickinson's Real Deal, David Dickinson? David Dickinson?

Yeah. Let's go for him. Any particular reason? Why? Just because you want to give him a job? Yeah, I think I need to see more of him. I think, you know, get... Jeepers' chips.

Okay. David Dickinson. What a left field choice. There he is. Foreign office. Or maybe Prince Charles. No, that'd be awful. In fact, the higher you go up in the generations in that family, the more racist they become.

Yeah, I think Philip's probably the best choice. Yeah. Which one was it that dressed up as a Nazi at a party? Was that Philip? Prince Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry. Philip. Should we say Philip? Yeah, he'll do well. Okay.

Brexit. Rules boss. Oh, perfect. It would be delayed forever. It's perfect. Send him to Europe to negotiate. It'll go really well. You don't even have to send him to Europe. He's there already.

That's true. Way somewhere there. Yeah, undisclosed location. The Minister for Defence. Raven from the CBBC show Yes He put up a good fight Warriors

I love it Yeah that's good Minister for Health I think Brian Butterfield Brian Butterfield He should be Environment Food and Rural Affairs

No that's true He should He really should I think Minister for Health And hear me out on this I think it should be David Attenborough Because he just Or the Queen

Because the two of them Just do not die and I'm not saying I want them to but they clearly know something That's a good point Now that you've said that though One of them's going to go You know that

Definitely very soon It will be on me Oh my gosh BBC News Alert They both just died In a horrible car crash Together Oh for God

They crashed into each other Up next The Minister for Justice Dick Michinko Oh yeah He'd deal justice Really well With stern hand

He would He would He would kill them before they even offended. Yeah. It's like in Minority Report. You're under arrest for the future murder.

Have you seen that film? I haven't actually, but that's got me really interested in it because I've heard about it, but I didn't know that was what was about. I'll get dick on that. Dicks up for that. Dicks up for that.

Dicks out. Dicks out for that. The Minister for Education. Bobby Babylonie. Oh, yeah. If you're having a party and you need to learn some multiplication. Well, Bobby Babylonie's all fun in games, though, surely.

Well, it depends. Define education, because in a very specific way, learning how to make balloon animals is a form of education. It's quite niche. Yeah, true. It's pretty niche, but I think we'd all be happier, wouldn't you? Apart from people with phobias of balloons popping. Yeah, I guess so. I like the fact that what we're doing here is we're not really assigning these people as minister.

We're saying that they're going to entire, they're going to handle the, entire thing for the whole country. Yeah. Minister for Defence is going to physically defend the country. Imagine if that was... In the case of Richard Demodick, to be fair, he is a one-man army. He is. But we're also expecting the Minister for Education to teach the entire country.

Yeah. Yeah. It'll be like those videos in Japan where they take those breaks in mid-morning to all do exercises together as a company, except everyone will be looking at a national broad of Bobby Babylonie showing you how to make a dog out of long balloons. Yeah, just call Babylonie and she will show you just what to do. This is definitely the Britain I want to live in. Please, can we make this happen?

So the Minister for Food, Environment and Rural Affairs is well-butterful. It's an order to be appointed, thank you. Booker for a bunch. Up next, the Minister for Transport. What about... Thomas the Tank Engine? Oh. And it gets on with experience in the field.

It's funny because I was going to say Brum. Oh my God. What if they weren't together? Because I just pictured Thomas the Tank Engine with a trail of carriages that goes the entire circumference of the country. And anyone who lives in the middle is fucked. But everyone around the outside can go wherever they want as long as it's in one direction. He's just straining, pulling. this huge trail of carriages.

He's got like a hernia coming out of the back of him. It's like the aura, is it Oroboros? Is that what it's called? Oroborialis? No. Oh, the Orobor? No. I know, yeah.

Am I saying that correctly? Oh, the snake that encircles the world. Yeah, that's like eating itself and it's just going in a circle. Yeah. My brain just went to Simpsons references, of course. Yeah, and then Brum can pick up the Midlands. Anybody in the middle. Brum's on it.

Brum's got you. So can we have co-co-boys? Yeah, I think that's fine. If you were long enough, whether you're a train or a person, if you were long enough that you could bend round and touch your own back, would you be able to move twice as efficiently because you'd be able to push yourself from behind? I'm sure that's how it works, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like standing in a bucket and lifting it up.

Or in GTA, when you turn the tank turret around and fire it behind you to more faster. that makes sense to me it's like that thing if you people say if you put your head faring up your up your own ass your head would come out of your mouth yeah but would it no theoretically possible theoretically possible yeah oh maybe he should be the the minister have we found our prime minister or we've got oh that's a good point oh yeah the Dalai Lama who's actually a bit sexist as it turns out that's it that was a shame wasn't it We've only got one left and it's a big lumped in one. It's the Minister for Culture, Media and Sport,

which is now called under the Boppis Johnson cabinet, the Minister for Digital, comma, culture, comma, media and sport. So digital is the Minister for an adjective, apparently. Digital in all its forms. Yeah. What about actual God? I like how he's not PM. He's just one of the ministers.

No, he's busy, isn't he? He can't do everything. He is a bit. What qualifications does God have being the minister for media and sport? He invented it all? Yeah. Did he though, Mikey?

He made us and we did the hard work. We came up with media and sport. He planted the seed that spawned all this wonderful stuff we have. He did. It's true. I mean, he fucked me right up. But, yeah, I think he could do an all right job. Yeah.

I think maybe, Mel B should be minister for... Actually, yeah, fuck God. Yeah, Mel B. Bigger than God. Get fit with Mel B. Right. PM.

Are we having the slightly sexist ally Lama? Yeah. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Okay. There's a language barrier. He doesn't understand pizza jokes.

He's got one joke. No, he hasn't got that either. Because he thinks it's theoretically possible. He doesn't think it's a joke. The perfect PM. Yeah. He'll always be. serious. There we go. We've solved all the nation's issues and crises. It's going to get better,

boys. We have. Well done. Well done, everyone. It is. Did you make a note of them, Peter? No. Okay. I was hoping we could go back through them because I've forgotten all of them. Me too, but it's okay because they're assembled now in the cabinet room. Yeah. Ready to cabinet. Good. Good. Dick is just lifting wits in the corner, getting ready to. punch someone. Would we like to do a thing or would we like another question? I think it's time for a thing.

Yeah? I'm happy to do my thing if you boys are ready to listen. Yeah, do it. So I've got a question. What happens when you get a predictive keyboard to write a new Harry Potter book? Oh no. The answer is Harry Potter

and the portrait of what looked like a large pile of ash. Oh yeah, I think I've heard of it. I think I've read this before It's amazing I've only just This did the rounds I think like 2017 or something

But I've only just discovered it And it's fucking incredible So good See I like this Because it's more believable Than those where it's like I taught a bot How to write a Harry Potter

And this is what it came up with I saw one of those today And it was just It's just written by a person And then they I don't know if it's just meant to be a meme And we're all supposed to know That it was written by a person

or if they're actually trying to, you know, feed this lie that it was written by a bot, by AI. But it kind of annoys me because people are like, ha ha, this is amazing. I can't believe the AI wrote this. It didn't. I'm kind of numb to those now. If I see that on my Twitter feed, I'll just scroll past.

I don't have time to read that. But this one caught my eye. I heard it in a few places. I thought, you know, I'm going to sit down and read this. So I'm going to read to you all, chapter 13 of this book. Okay. Chapter 13.

The handsome one. The castle ground snarled with a wave of magically magnified wind. The sky outside was a great black ceiling, which was full of blood. The only sounds drifting from Hagrid's hut were the disdainful shrieks of his own furniture. Magic. It was something that Harry Potter thought was very good. So this is all completely randomly generated. So I'll explain how it works at the end.

I just want to give what the end results like. Yeah. Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry's ghost as he walked across the grounds towards the castle. Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzy tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione's family. Oh God. Oh, no. Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself.

If you two can't clump happily, I'm going to get aggressive, confessed the reasonable Hermione. What about Ron magic, offered Ron? To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds. Death eaters on top of the castle, Ron bleated, quivering. Ron was going to be spiders. He just was. It's not my favourites. He's just going to be spiders. He just was. Don't question it. He just was.

He wasn't proud of that, but it was going to be hard to not have spiders all over his body after all is said and done. Look, said Hermione, obviously there are loads of death-eaters in the castle. Let's listen in on their meetings. The three complete friends zapped onto the landing outside the door to the castle roof. They almost legged it, but witches are not climbing. Ron looked at the door-nob and then looked at Hermione. with searing pain I think it's closed

he noticed locked said Mr staircase the shabby robed ghost they looked at the door screaming about how closed it was and asking it to be replaced

with a small orb the password was beef women Hermione cried meat face yay he's back oh my god it goes back

all the way to Harry Potter yes we did it I think it's okay if you like me, said one Death-Eater. Thank you very much, replied the other. The first Death-Eater confidently leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek. Oh, well done, said the second as his friend stepped back again. All the other Death-Eaters clapped politely.

Then they all took a few minutes to go over the plan to get rid of Harry's magic. Harry could tell that Voldemort was standing right behind him. He felt a great overreaction. Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry who could not see anything at the moment Voldemort

you're a very bad and mean wizard Harry savagely said Hermione nodded encouragingly the tall death eater was wearing a shirt that said Hermione has forgotten how to dance so Hermione dipped his face in mud Ron threw a wand at Voldermote

and everyone applauded Ron smiled Ron reached for his wand slowly Ron's the handsome one muttered Harry as he reluctantly reached for his they cast a spell or two and jets of green light

shot out of the death-eater's heads Ron flinched Not so handsome now thought Harry as he dipped Hermani in hot sauce God's sake Oh no! The death eat

What special soles? The death eaters were dead now and Harry was hungry than he had ever been. The Great Hall was filled with incredible morning chandeliers and a large librarian who had decorated the sinks with books about masonry. Mountains of mice exploded. Several long pumpkins fell out of McGonogall. Oh, that's an image.

Oh, Jesus. Dumbledore's hair scooted next to Hermione. as Dumbledore arrived at the school. The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog. Dumbledore smiled at it and placed his hand on its head. You are Hagrid now. I wish that was how characters were decided. You are Hagrid now.

Were the only people who matter? He's never going to get rid of us, Harry, Hermione and Ron, said in chorus. The floor of the castle seemed like a large pile of magic. The Dursleys had never been to the... the castle and they were not about to come there in Harry Potter and the portrait of what looked like a large pile of ash. Harry looked around and then fell down the spirals. Sorry. Does it refer to its own title there? They said the name of the book. He said it. He said the thing. Harry looked around and then fell down the spiral staircase

for the rest of the summer. Fuck. And the last, the last line is, I'm Harry Potter. Harry began yelling. The dark arts better be worried, oh boy. Wow. So it's a wonderful piece of literature, and as far as I'm aware, there's only that one chapter online, but I'm going to assume there are more chapters written. I hope so. At least I hope. I want to buy a full book of that. Why haven't done that already? Mr. Mr. Staircase sounds like a Rick and Morty character. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Oh, it's beautiful. Like, I'll explain how this works now. Okay. So essentially, rather than this being a bot where you feed in thousands of lines of information and it just spews out random crap willy-nilly, you give that information. But then from that, it creates a predictive

keyboard like you have on your phone. Right. So you can actually use the app on the website to create new stories and stuff. But essentially, so it basically is your choice like nine or eight words and you just click the one that seems most appealing. And then from that you can kind of create your own story. So that was, that's good really because it's like, explains why, you know, it's pretty coherent for, too coherent in some ways for a bot to have written it entirely by itself. But it's still got that spirit of just fucking weirdness around it. Yeah. So you can see like the little, little echoes of like actual Harry Potter in there, counteracted by Ewell Hagrid now. There's a few other things on the website. They've used

this for a bunch of things, like a scrub script, a few other things, but I've selected two favorite kind of categories of quotes from the website. The first one is Jeff Bezos quotes. So I guess they just fed the machine, lots of Jeff Bezos words and things, and it spewed out the following. I can't remember who that

is. Let me just Google. CEO of Amazon. Yeah, big Amazon boy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big strong bald man. A strong team has David and an Allen. I am David Allen. I think that's quite good, to be honest. Yeah. Innovation.

by gently lifting a grandfather and asking him for six different ideas. At least he's gentle with him. Exactly, yeah, he's old. You've got to be careful. Always six. Yeah. Help us, please. We've lost some customers in forests that don't exist. This is very different than last time. Oh, go.

And the last one of the Jeff ones. We started Amazon Prime because I really needed a copy of Howard the Duck right away, and I didn't want to pay for shipping. So he set up Amazon Prime Yeah, one hour at the duck now This last one is Romantic fiction quotes Oh, okay

Her thighs unsnapped from her hips She places them gently Besides the register Just detaching your legs And then putting it nice and safely next to you Cute His smell, hawk leather His body invisible

His name, torso so Evans Torso Evans is a great name Pay my taxes she whimpered the crab was too gentle and the last one here is a delight four nipples pressing against his one nipple

that's just what he needed yes yes that's my god I get it I understand that so yeah if the website's called botnik spelled B-O-T-N-I-K there's a whole bunch of stuff on there It was, I think, created by, well, partly created by the guy who founded Click Hall.

Ah, okay. So that all kind of makes sense now. But yeah, there's a Twitter account, which I think regularly puts out content and just basically just feed it random crap and see what weird genres it can interpret in its own magical way. That's cool. That's cool. I didn't realize that more came of that Harry Potter thing. I thought that was, you know, someone had just sort of come up with that and then moved

on to the next hashtag content the next day. And surprisingly in depth. Yeah, I recommend having a play about with the tool as well. It's a good bit of fun. So now it's a bit of fun. Oh, yeah, a lovely bit of fun. Thank you, Mikey. Thank you, Mikey very much.

Right, question number two. This is from Carrie. Actually, no, I'll save this one for the end. That's a good one to end with. This is from Johanna at Hand of Seru, who asks, any weird personalities you went to school with? question mark i've i've got i've got i've got a weird one yeah it's it's it starts okay well actually know it doesn't start okay so i think one of the main things he did is a very very weird boy

in my secondary school one day he brought a knife into school with the intention of stabbing someone oh okay that's pretty weird yeah um i think luckily i think i think i think i think put a facebook status out about it or something because he got caught instantly he never got really reprimanded. I think he just got to send home for a week and that was it. And he's straight back in. Ah, he'll learn his lesson, he'll be fine.

And then there was his Michael Jackson phase where he'd come into school wearing, you know, like a Michael Jackson style hat that used to wear and bust dance moves out in the corridor. Okay. That was always fun. He'd just like walk along and like, you know, do the hat rule and tip.

Weird. And then this, the last one is pretty fucking morbid, but it's like, holy shit, who would do this? Our beloved head teacher, unfortunately, died of pneumonia. And it was, she was like a really good head teacher. She completely transformed the school into what it is now, and she did a lot of good work for it. And so in the following weeks, he wrote on the front of his planner, I'm not going to use a real name, but Mrs. Jackson Hart's Neumonia. Wow.

Oh, my God. I think you've told us that one before. Oh, have I? That rings a bell. It's just, like, what the fuck? It was a very weird boy. I didn't know about all the other weird stuff he'd done though I just knew that Mrs Jackson heart's pneumonia

But geez yeah He was a weird man in general But yeah I don't know what he's up to now Yeah Prison probably Well yeah he's up to prison He's all up in that prison system He is

Ben you go to school with anyone odd Oh absolutely For sure but it's difficult to know if maybe they just perhaps had learning difficulties or not. Like it's a fine line to walk. And of course, you know, when you're in school, you all do stupid shit and weird stuff. You look back and you're like,

oh my God, why did I do that? I'm the weird guy and someone else is anecdote, probably. But there was certainly a boy who claimed to have ties to some kind of mafia. Oh my God, yes. And people used to call him out on that. And he used to say that he was like very, very good at martial arts and would occasionally get in fights with people who were like, are you fuck?

And then they would just sort of hit each other for a bit and it would be broken up and nothing would be decided. But there was this boy going around saying that his uncle was in a gang or something. And that was like his whole, that was his whole personality at school. that his uncle was in a gang Amazing Yeah, pretty much That was it

Pretty good personality you have That's bad ass Well, I mean It sounds badass But yeah I'm sure the reality is It's very embarrassing I loaned him GTA4

What does he need that for He's got real gang crime in his life Who needs to play GTA4 Practice When your uncle is Don Don Don Giuseppe Just Don Don Don Don Don Don Yeah

Don Don't Don't Exactly The Don Don't Don't Exactly the don't don't on dance. Yeah, I think he was just practicing maybe for the real thing, for the big event, you know, that sort of stuff. But yeah, lots of strange people, of course. I don't mention any more just because I do think maybe they had other issues. But there was a guy I went to school with who I know I can talk about because he didn't have learning difficulties. He just did a

really stupid thing one day that he wasn't a weird person day to day. But one day, but one day, I might have even talked about this. I was sitting next to him in chemistry and the desks in the chemistry lab, of course, had plugs on the top, plug sockets on top because you need to plug in bits of, well, physics equipment or whatever,

oscilloscopes and things when you're doing practical. And he took some metal scissors and he put the two prongs of the metal scissors in the bottom two holes of the UK plug socket. And he then took a. metal compass and he put the spiky bit of the compass in the top hole and joined the metal bit of the other end of the compass to the scissors. So essentially all three prongs are touching each other. It wasn't switched on at this point, but the girl sitting next to him thought,

oh, you're an idiot for putting those in there. Ha ha, I know what I'm going to do. She switched it on. Oh, God. It sort of, it sparked. and kind of spat out a bunch of shit. I don't know if it was like the end of the scissors or what, but this sort of black stuff came out and smoke. All the lights went out in the entire science department and apparently a tank of fish died. Oh, no.

Yeah. Oh, Jesus. How did that happen? Just from the shock or do it? I don't know if it happened there and then. We all liked to think it was there and then that they were somehow fried in a short circuit. Completely unconnected.

I think what happened. happened was the filter or the heater or something broke and no one knew about it and then they like just got too cold or too dirty or something like that. Oh dear. Yeah. Don't stick metal things in plug holes. There's always collateral damage. Yeah. So he wasn't a weird personality but that's a weird, stupid, weird, stupid thing to do. Oh dear. Combination of the two. Amazing. Yeah. I can move on to a more question and then we can do another thing. Yeah. Well, this is a quick one. I can do a really quick one right now. Sick.

Jenny at Amalthea, 1980, says, my seven-year-old, Quentin, wants to know what your favorite season is. His is winter so he can play in the snow. Mine is autumn. Oh, that's very innocent. What a wholesome question. Yeah, that's nice. Favorite season, guys?

I'm a summer boy all the way. Yeah? Yeah, because you think, like, oh, it's a bit hot now. I can't wait for it to cool down. And you remember just the rain and the sadness and darkness that comes with it. I'm happy to be a bit hot and sweaty if it means I can have long days and be able to wear t-shirts all the time. That's my criteria. I can never decide. I know spring is my least favorite because there's just nothing going on in spring. It's just, you know, summer is nice

because it's hot and sunny. But I do kind of like being all like kind of snuggled up in late autumn, like early winter. So around like November, December time when it's all Christmasy and bonfirey and, you know, you're in February a shit like that you know that ruins winter but like maybe late autumn early winter is probably my favorite time i like to just be all all cozy in a warm house when it's all frosty outside fair enough yeah um i'd probably say autumn yeah as well sort of that that kind of time period i'm not a huge fan of being warm i like to wear the clothes that i'm comfortable in and i can't really do that in summer uh i don't know i don't know don't like it being rain or

too cold and like it being too warm probably autumn I think yeah it's a nice middle ground yeah

well thank you Jenny and Quentin I hope you get plenty of snow to play in this winter Quentin yeah

cool okay you ready yeah for the benefit of those unfamiliar with Mr. Blobby

allow Wikipedia to enlighten you Mr. Blobby is a character featured on Noel Edmund's Saturday Night Variety BBC

television show Noel's house party A bulbous pink figure covered with yellow spots He has a permanent toothy grin and green jiggling eyes Mr Blobby communicates only by saying the word blobby in an electronically altered voice expressing his moods through tone of voice and repetition

Through tone of voice, sorry and repetition. He topped the UK singles charts with the 1993 Christmas release, Mr Blobby. He did. Now, dear friend of the show, Noel Edmonds appeared on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here last year and before he went into the jungle he had the following words to say when asked what Blobby would think

of him going into the jungle well the story of Mr. Blobby is a sad story because the fame got to him you know the story oh my God after the whole American experience and whatever he got a bar in Marbella and Mrs Blobby left with the kids

and he drank the profits frankly he was never going to work sorry it was never going to work when you think of the climate in Marbella it was never going to work That smell of rubber was putting people off So here's a shadow of his former self Oh my God

Did he just fucking spitball that in the moment Because that's incredible Who did he say this to? To the press Yeah Yeah this is a story on the mirror Oh my god that's canon I mean he gets to choose the canon I think

So this is the last Canon update we have on Mr Blobby But Oh my God. What if there's more to the story? Oh. And what if it took on a more erotic slant? Oh, no.

Are you saying that you have brought Mr. Blobby fan fiction, erotica? This is what I'm christening, and bear with me here. Blob erotica. Yes, it's perfect. And this fan fiction comes by way of Shea underscore Butter. on whatpad.com. I've made some slight adjustments to make it more relevant to blobby canon,

mainly in that he speaks in full sentences in the original version, which just isn't right. And quite frankly, it's filth. And it needed cleaning up a little bit for our good, wholesome Christian audience of boys and girls. Oh.

So he's going to be whispering sweet blobings into someone's there. I also need two volunteers, one to play Mr. Me, sir. Me? Yeah? Me.

You? Yes. Yes. Okay. Fantastic. One of you needs to play Mr. Blobby and one of you needs to play his sexy friend. Oh, jeez.

Can I be the sexy friends? Of course he can. I all means Peter Gaw for it. So Michael Johnson as Mr. Blobby. Yeah. And Peter Austin as sexy friend. It's the role you were born to play, Michael. Yeah, I can't wait.

I was just about to say that. It's all culminated to this. Oh, jeez. This is like, this is just has booed. name written all over it she likes her fanfic and she likes her blobby you know she'd be loving this i hope she's listening well i hope i hope booth enjoys it yeah um right you guys ready let me just double check that i've got it all in here because i don't i couldn't forgive myself if this went wrong uh yeah okay i've got it all those first like eight words

change tense oh believe me i've i've made so some adjustments for context, but I've kept all of the weird sentence structure and tense issues in. It sort of jumps between the past tense and the present tense. Mr. Blobby, are you ready? Oh, Blobby. Thank you. Peter Austin, sexy friend, are you ready? Yes. Okay, here we go. The air had a moist sensation as you look up. The tears of loneliness from the sky relate to the sinking feeling of being dumped by your obnoxious and now ex-boyfriend. As you, to drag yourself around the streets, you notice the old park where you and your schoolmates used to play at, slumping down on a bench you sigh as you're being drenched

in the rain. Suddenly you notice a pink, blurry figure in the distance. It waddles over to you with a big creepy and sexy grin, as you examined the figure's six-pack and yellow poker dots placed on his greasy plastic skin. Blobby? He looked at your tear-streamed face with his beautiful green eyes. Oh, you quietly said. My boyfriend dumped me for a woman. Blobby? The pink handsome figure gasped.

Blobby, blobby, bloby. Well, he said that women simply to... He said that women simply to put it have more potential than you. You look down as the flashbacks flood your brain. The pink figure pats your head. "'Blobby,' he said compassionately, holding out a grossly misshapen hand. "'Really?'

"'You muster that as you hold back the second wave of tears.' "'Blobby.' "'The pink figure took your hand with his greasy grip and led you while you followed. "'You have so many thoughts of him comforting you as you follow.' "'Blobby, bloby, bloby, bloby, bloby. "'Oh, I'm insert-name here. You finally arrived at a home that matched Mr. Blobby's skin. Without hesitation, he leads you to his room.

What? He pins you to the bed. What are you doing? Blobby! You stayed silent as Mr. Blobby began undressed the top half of you, and you feel something hard grind on you. Oh no, why is this exciting me? You become very excited as Mr. Blobby

teases your Wilkins by roughly kissing slash gnawing it through the fabric. Blob-blob-blob, blob-blob, blob-blob, blob-blob. He muttered seductively at your Wilson. Please don't speak whilst touching it. He started to kiss your nip-nops, giving them a small suckled. Without having two minutes, your jeans become damp as you made a boo-cake. Not just your clothes, but on to Mr. Blobby and his William. giving off an erotic look.

Blobby, blob, blob, blob. He growled as he ripped off the jeans and gently slid off your boocake underwear. Blobby. He said, his stare unblinking as he put the pants in his bedside drawer. You keep silent with the face of trying to resist. You grasp as his chiseled fingers

insert your naughty zone. I can't hold back anymore. A sudden thrust. penetrates. Every time he thrusted, you make a boo cake. You continued baking boo cakes all night long till the morning, until you could practically open a stall at the village fate to sell all of the boo-cakes you baked that night with hot Blueby. The end. What the fuck? No.

There's so much, so much to say about that. Why did he take off the bookechak underwear and put it into the bedside drawer? So this is an editor's note, Fragment, Consider Revising. Obviously, Blobby originally had dialogue in this, so I had to try and give some context through updating the narration. He originally said that he was going to keep them for later for special intimate time on his own. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

It's very sentimental, our Blobby. Any other questions? I'll now take questions. To what extent did it say boo cake? slash Bukaki versus like something else because what are the odds? We call it a boo cake and then there's a thing about baking bootcakes at the village fate. I want to know what level of editing that has had. That's all me. The gist is still there, but I had to sort of commit to the

the bootcake alternative and also the Williams, Wilson Wilkins alternative and the getting excited alternative because quite frankly, Peter, it was filth. I can't imagine. It would just make everyone, I think, more uncomfortable than, it would remove the fun, I think, by talking about it quite so unsubtly. Are you using Wilson as like a gender neutral term for genitals here? That's a very good point.

Maybe this is the, I mean, it's meant to be, I believe, between two gay lovers. Oh, that makes, oh, there we go. Me with my heteronormative ways, I thought this was a girl in a blobby, and I got really confused when I heard whispered at your Wilkins. Yeah, no.

It makes sense now, of course. My boyfriend left me for a woman, remember? Oh. I think it was, the title of it was something like Mr. Blobby takes your V card or something like that. It said part two coming soon, but unfortunately this was posted in 2011

and I don't think we're going to get another part. Well, you don't want to come too soon, do you? You have to be a thoughtful lover. You've got to keep that boo. cake in the oven for a while. Yeah. Otherwise, it will come out all soft. Oh, I don't want a soft boo cake.

No, you don't. Nice firm one. That's what you want. Oh, gosh. Well, that's that. I could potentially look at perhaps bringing some more fan fiction from some of our favorite children's television shows if people want that. There's got to be a chuckle brothers one called the fuckle brothers.

Absolutely, there's got to be. If people want that. The chuckle buggers. Jesus Christ. Send me a tweet at Confused underscore dude. Let me know. Which famed children's icons you want me to ruin? And I'll see what I can do.

No, dear Benson Phillips. Oh, no. That doesn't exist. The gunk-dunk! Please, Dave, I don't want your gunk-dunk. 250 points! Just leave me out of it. Okay, we've got a question here.

We can try and make it quickish. Ellen Janie at Ellen Janie If you were dead How would you like your funeral to be? I think I thought about this a bit Well, I mean I'm going to say a bit I don't mean a lot, I mean a little, little bit I quite want it to open with my casket

Being rigged with wires to the ceiling And kind of ascending into position The front room I think that'd be a pretty badass opening Oh God I don't have much of a plan beyond that But I think I don't know

I don't want to be like a normal somber affair have a bit of fun with it. Everyone gets a pigeon tattoo and that'll be the memory everyone takes home. Whether they like it or not, it's mandatory. Then they have a permanent pigeon on their body forever that they got at Mikey's funeral. Mikey Con, that's what I'll call it. Yeah. It's First Daniel.

Do you want to be buried or cremated or something else, Mikey? In an ideal world, let's go buried. Actually, you know, well, can you bury half of me? Had your bets. And cremate the other half. Yeah, absolutely, man. Top half buried, bottom half burned and made into ashes and spread to where do I want to be spread? It could be a chemical global natural disaster if we burn your bottom half.

Yeah, we're going to need to bury that. And then we can frack it. Yay! Actually, I know where I want my ashes to be spread is the abandoned Mr. Blobby themed theme park. There were three cancelled blobby theme parks I learned today. Three! Apparently, I might look into them for next time. That'd be spooky.

Yeah. Save it for Halloween. Ben, do you want to be buried or cremated or do you not know? Or do you want to be like blasted into space or whatever? I mean, let's be honest, Peter. People are going to be fucking devastated when I die. Yeah. I think I will be, I'll have all my important bits taken out and donated for science

slash given to people who can make use of them. Then I will be burned. And then I will be burned. be baked into a cake and everybody can have a little bit. A boo cake, a Ben cake. Yeah, delicious, delicious bee cake. And yeah, and then I'll be inside everybody. That's what we wanted all along.

Wonderful. The Ben was inside you all along. Yeah. What about you, peeps? I want to be sort of, I want to be stuffed. And then propped up in a chair, like a gaming chair. in front of a webcam with my hand on the mouse and keyboard, and then just some game running and then live streamed just forever.

Can I make a request? Yeah. Can we take you to the taxidermy place that makes the foxes look really weird? Yes. And won't think that's just one taxidermy place. I think that's just bad taxidermis. But yeah, I think that's what the business is called, isn't it? Bad taxidermy.

Yeah, they do all. of them yeah i want to be one killie taxidemized and then propped up on a live stream forever you know i want to i want to do what what i love after i'm dead pete can i quickly jump in with an old news story here yeah someone's already done this without the live streaming part oh christ a family whose teenage son died honored his memory in an unusual wake his corpse was positioned in a chair facing a television screen, a video game control in hand, and his favorite snacks next to him. Oh my God.

A snacks. There's a picture here if you're comfortable seeing that. Go on then. Hit me. Let me just pop it in. It's very weird, mate. That's very slow, so this might take a while. See, I like video games, but I can think of nothing worse than being remembered as, that's

all he did. Oh, that's... It's so weird. That's horrible. What's that? What's that? What's that? What's he got there? Has he got some Pepsi? There's some Doritos. Jesus Christ. He's lent so far back.

He's chilling, man. That dude is reclined. He's wearing socks and sandals though, which isn't the coolest thing in the world. Have you seen the socks or they've got a picture of a basketball player on them? Sure. Pretty poor turnout as well. Look, all those empty chairs behind it. It's weird how they've set them up like a museum exhibit.

Yeah. There's like a rope around him. Don't step past that velvet rope. Please don't touch. the exhibit. That's weird. No, that's strange. I don't like that. Okay, well, that is death covered, funerals covered.

Done that. Now you all know what we want. Donate to our GoFundMe page for, no, don't do that. We don't have one. I think it's GoFun and then it's dot E-R-A-L. E-R-A- Yeah, that's it. Oh, nice. Mom charging kids

70 pounds to attend son's birthday party hyphen and demands specific gift. No. Wow. How? A mum has been branded cheap online after it was revealed how much she was charging guests to attend her son's birthday party. This is according to that wonderful purveyor

of true news stories, The Mirror. It's got to be true. Yeah. If there's one thing as a parent, you don't expect to be terribly expensive, it's another child's birthday party. Sure, you have to buy a present and wrap it up, but that's about it.

or at least it should be. One mum was shocked when her son came home from school with an invite to a go-karting party which would cost a pretty penny, 70 pounds, for him to attend. She shared all the details in a post on parenting forum, Mum's Net. As well as being asked to provide

Amazon vouchers as a present, the parents who found herself being messaged by the birthday boy's mom asking for money to contribute to the go-kart deposit, transport to the track and various other things. She said, am I being unreasonable to think it's this really grabby, bordering on cheeky, fuckery, it says, actually.

Sun is at a newish school. He was so happy to have been invited to a go-karting birthday party. Turns out the whole class were invited. Details were the date, the activity, transport provided for an 18-mile round trip, and a request of Amazon vouchers for a present. miles. Yeah. In the last few weeks, I've been updated with further texts asking for deposits for

the carting, £20, and the remainder of the day, £30. Then, that was followed up by request of £20 for the transport. And it gets worse, she added. This morning, she, brackets, in my opinion, has the gall to request we pack a generous picnic with ice packs and pack extra so the birthday boy it doesn't have to bring anything. Wow. I was going to decline following the minibus request, but I think this is the final straw. And I'll take son and a friend carting myself at this rate.

Other mums were horrified by the money requests. One person commented, She essentially wants everyone to pay for her son's birthday. No way would my child be going? Another replied, Definitely cheeky fuckery. Where do these people get off? This is absolutely insane, wrote someone.

I would definitely decline. Surely, if you're throwing the party, you pay for everyone. She sounds cheap. I feel, firstly, just call Babylonie. Yeah, if you're having a party. She'll bring the party to you. And secondly, I feel sorry for the birthday boy. Yeah, because he's going to be hated by everyone.

It's going to come to his party. And if they do, they're going to have to cover the costs of presumably the other 20 kids that aren't going to come. Well, yeah, the more people who drop out, the cost goes up. I mean, I think, you know, it's one thing saying, oh, can you pay 20 pounds? It's just a deposit for the go-cart because it's a bit like, well, if your kid breaks the go-cart, that's your kid's problem and that's your deposit. Theoretically, they'll be getting it back at the end. But then it's the transport and then just 30 pounds for the rest of the day.

I don't know what that means. And then specifically, we want Amazon vouchers for his present. That's the worst bit by far Because I mean fair enough Like if you're going to put on a birthday It can be a bit expensive maybe Yeah And it's probably not too much

Like too good to ask for money for it But whatever if it's going to be expensive It's a fun day out Fine But just asking for Amazon vouchers That's just say give us more money Yeah because I'll be probably making a profit Off this day

Because she's not even paying for her own son's food She's telling everyone else to bring extra food That he can have Yeah The Amazon vouchers would only be admissible if that's the right word if if like she explained

what they were using them for maybe there's just a big gift that he wants like he wants a PlayStation but he can't afford it so if people could all chip in Amazon vouchers will get him one with those but on top of everything else and the ambiguity of it all it's all just a bit

shitty yeah oh my God amazing that's shocking it is very good well we've got, I think, one last question, and it ties in perfectly well with either the start or the end of the podcast, because Carrie, at Carrie the worst underscore, asks, what does Kevin look like exactly? The more detail, the better. Now, keep in mind, Carrie is our resident, non-resident,

official, unofficial artist. So there's, there's an outside chance. She might want this detail so that she can do our art of Kevin. Well, longhorns. Longhorns. Longhorns. We've established that he's got wheels, haven't we? Did we say how many? I think three. Yeah, I was thinking three. Yeah, it's three. Sort of like the cooker from a grand day out.

Yeah, Wallace and Gromit. He eats dogs. Yep. He's got a jaw he can unhinge. Yeah. His favorite bit of clothing is his crop top sweater. So his belly's always on short. It looks real good on him.

And, of course, on the crop top, it is emblazoned with, Um, uh, uh, uh, Wurzel Gummidge. Oh. Just was Wurzel Gummidge's face there. Classic. Yeah. He has a tattoo on his midriff, um, of the, uh, pigeon tattoo from Mikey's future funeral. Uh, he's, he's, he's seen it and he came back. Uh, we should also mention that

Kevin has come to us from the future as well. He's not, he's not from our time. No, no. You're right. Um, and you can tell that by, uh, the, the trousers that he's, he's, he's, he's wearing which are actually 100% reflective to the point that it almost looks like he's not got trousers on it's like they almost look like a portal because it just perfectly shows the texture of whatever is in front of him what was the name of the the guy from earlier the invisible man the invisible torso man what was it like Alan Torso? Invisible Evans Torso Evans yeah torso Evans Torso Evans, fantastic

Yeah, he's got a similar thing where his torso is invisible But you can still see his clothes And also his tattoo as well It just sort of floats there So he's got these crazy trousers He's got invisible torso But the tattoo you can still see it

Horns Wuzzle Gummage crop top Unhinged jaw Three wheels He's actually His left and right arms Aren't the same length His left one droops

considerably lower than the right And also if you look at his hands, they're on the wrong way round? They are. And actually, all of his fingers are just on one hand. He's got 20 fingers. And the other one is sort of just a knife, isn't it? He's got ten fingers, just on one hand. And yeah, the other one's a knife.

He's like a multi-tool. He's great. Yeah. A great big bushy beard. A great big bushy beard. And what was his hair again, Mikey? He's come inside now, but I can't see him. he's not coming here. Oh, he's got like, you know, the haircut that the monks have.

Oh. It's just like bald in the middle and hair out everywhere else. Yeah, theoretically possible. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Bingo. A little bit sexist. He's a little bit sexist. I don't know if that there's a way you can get that in there. Yeah. He's young. He'll learn. He'll learn. Is that it? I think that's about it. So there you go, Carrie. That's exactly what Kevin looks like. Best of luck. Can't miss him. Best of luck. Put that. If you're going to draw it, Godspeed. So there you go. I think if Carrie was wanting to draw Kevin to begin with, She's not going to do that.

But we'll see. Absolutely not. Right. Is that all the questions and things? That's it. Yeah, we're questioned out. Fantastic. Thank you so much for listening, everybody.

Thank you. Just a few things as we wrap up here, as we always do, our due diligence. Store.orgscast.com, if you'd like to buy some video matchendise, there's a code, isn't there? Is there a code? Yeah, yeah, actually there is. And the code is Vidyots. Use the code Vidyots for 10%. Oh my God.

I do this at the end of every episode. I've forgotten 10%. 10%? 10% of everything on the Yogscast store. That's any of the people's merch. Any of your favourites? Tom's got a new shirt out. It's the Tabs horse. Wowie.

But our merch is better. Yeah, buy our merch. Don't buy that merch. Just buy our merch. Remember, there are Podiat's shirts that we didn't have last year, right? It's post-soft Brexit, I think. Post-Vexit, post-vexit, we have new shirts that you might not be aware of. So go check out the store, see if you want to get yourself a Pollyett's shirt.

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and I'm sure Michael will let you know when he plans on streaming. Yeah, got no current plans, but something will be done. At some point. Pay attention to our social media. That's where we will talk about it. Thank you very much again to the wonderful and generous people. We need to come up with a name for the donators,

like the Hall of Fame or the Honor Class or Billy Squad, B Squad. Oh, yeah. Pod Squad? The Pod Squad. Pod Squad. That's quite good. Very good. Okay, Pod Squad.

the Pod Squad for this week who donated at Streamlabs.com forward slash video it's official are Tiari Bewilderments and Balam

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Torso Evans. Torso Evans. He's overdoing the Yogscar stuff. YogCon, that's happened since we last recorded. How did that go? That went really well. Honestly, it was a fucking amazing experience. It was probably one the hardest working weeks of my life,

considering I had like 16, 18-hour days for about five or six days in a row. but we bloody did it and it went really well no one died and I'm very happy with all the work everyone did well done Mikey it looked great

it really did look really fun yeah oh and shout out to I've forgotten his name now I feel bad but the guy who wore the rules boss hat

for the entire weekend yeah that's amazing absolute hero that was very cool also Mikey's visiting Newcastle next month we're going to be doing

some stuff not only for videos but also for triple jump so So please be on the lookout for that. Information will be available soon-ish. And you know what that means podcast-wise. It means it will be time for Rosie and Jim Part 2.

Oh my God. It's happening. It actually will. If you're a long-time Vidyat's fan, don't forget the other thing going on a trip or jump, apart from Mikey soon to be featuring, is some new shows, but old familiar shows. Rules Boss has returned.

prove it has returned oh my god cooking has returned although it's a new format it's not you know it used to be part of prove it but now it's now it's a whole new thing so so bop over there and also there's a brand new show that we didn't even do it

but it's where we have people on like boof off the ogs cast so that's all good go and check us out yeah team triple jump on YouTube YouTube dot com forward slash team triple burp jump not don't put the burp in though. No. You won't. You won't end up there. Finally, leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps. Something to do with algorithms. Thank you so much. There's someone tweeted us the other day saying, how about we get Pottie? It's nominated for a British podcast awards in 2019 slash 2020 or whenever it is that the next things are open and that will be amazing. So I think we'll talk about that next when nominations open.

assuming but that would be funny let's do it I'd like a free bar evening yeah me too at the ceremony I'm guessing it's free bar it's probably probably a free bar right oh please not a free bar again and what happens when I'm given a free bar

maybe maybe not guys do we have a secret secret question that people have got to answer maybe people can come up with a better prime minister than the slightly sexist man who can't speak particularly good English.

I mean, he can speak better English than I can speak whatever his native tongue is. But, you know, I think that the leader of our nation should probably be someone who speaks fluent English. I think it helps with the administrative tasks. You're probably right. Fantasy PM.

There you go. Let us know. Fantasy cabinet. I do like that. Like fantasy football. Yeah. Set up your own league. It'd be great.

Right. Kevin's back inside. he's eating his vegetables guys oh my god he's doing he helps the dog go down I suppose so I mean he doesn't want to have to pass bones again that was really you got to have a little bit of broccoli in there otherwise what's the point it's a whole evening kef can you open your mouth please

you swallow your food first oh god sounds all gross and chewed oh lovely okay well thank you everyone yeah thank you Talked you later. Thanks so much for listening, everybody. See you next time. Bye.

Bye. world of stories all in one place. Discover five days of readings, talks, workshops and more with over 100 authors from around the world, including Rachel Maddow, Ketourou Isaku and Kieran Desai. The Toronto International Festival of Authors, October 29th to November 2nd. Details and tickets at festivalofauthors.ca.c.a.