Podiots - Podiots: Episode 4 - Wickes

Episode Date: April 17, 2018

Michael discusses our video game origins, Peter talks the DEATH COASTER, and Ben brings forth ANOTHER exciting business opportunity. We're proudly sponsored by Turtle Beach! Get the Turtle Beach Headsets we wear: http://bit.ly/vidiotsbeach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vidiotsofficial Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo.com. Hi, Dave. Hey, how's it going, Dave? You're all right. You nearly started without me. Nearly, yeah. I called you twice.

You're a busy man. Ben, you stop clenching your fists. Oh my God, fuck it angry. It's an automatic reaction. Stop clenching your fists. Stop it. Can we have? Dr. drinks?

Yes, please. Oh, I look about Dr. Pepper. Rashes. Yeah. On toast? Yeah. Oh, I have rashes on pig? Like, still in a live one?

Mm. Is that? That's weird. Pig in blanket. That's a living pig in a blanket. Yeah, what about rashes in woolen blankets, is that? Rashes in woolen blankets on pigs. On pigs, yeah.

Yeah. I'll just have a portobella mushroom, please. A bit of salt and pepper on it. Just a single, unchopped. Yep. Uncooked, raw, portabella mushroom. Thank you very much, Dave. Thank you, Dave.

At Dave on Twitter. At Dave on Twitter. At Dave. At Dave on Twitter. Please, do follow him. Dave, Dave. Dave. There you go.

I miss you, man. Put your fist down. What are you doing? Sorry, I'm sorry. It's treading me when the mic's off. It's lucky this isn't a video podcast, otherwise we'd be getting banned right now. There's so much slander right now. Get out of here.

Bye, Dave. Man, I love that guy's voice. Oh, it's so soothing. It's wonderful. I fucking hate that, dude. What an accent. What dick. Why does he carry the multi-tool everywhere with him?

Because you never know when you're going to... You'll leave it in my... Yeah, you leave it in my sight. I'm going to whip it out immediately. It's more responsible for you to have it than me to have it. I'm going to put it over here. Yeah. Right.

Wix. It's got your brains on it. Oh, my God. What it will do if you try any funny business again. Yeah. Wicks. Wicks. You're taking a piss?

Wicks. Wicks. Wicks. I don't give a monkeys. Wicks. Wicks. I'll fuck you up. Wicks.

Wicks. Go on then. Yeah, you fucking shit. Come on, wicks, wicks, wicks, wicks, wicks. Fuck you. All right, that's a good bit to air start the podcast. What was that? Why didn't neither of us have a catchphrase after that?

Wix. It was just a wix Mexican standoff or wixican standoff. You can wicks the most. Wix. Wixing lyrical. Right You might notice something a little bit different about today's podcast

if you're watching on the YouTube's Oh my Jesus What magical land is this? Why is my mouth moving like that? Aft effect's going to love doing that Just a quick aside To those of you who can't see what we're talking about

We've got a whole set now The YouTube video is infinitely more interactive Now we love this very much but its longevity is entirely dependent on whether or not we can find the recorder that we normally use because sometimes the recorder that lets us record three inputs at the same time is missing and we have to use workarounds

and those workarounds don't let us use this amazing animated. But today we have the right recorder, we're recording separate channels and look at the magic that happens as a result. It's all thanks to Nico Velik. Thanks, Nico Velik, off of GTA. Is that his name? I just said that off the top of my head.

I don't know if that is actual name. Nico Belich. Something like, yeah. Hello Belich. Roman, my cousin. Yeah. Let's go bowling. Yeah.

Nico Vileck. A slight difference there. Yeah. At what up Nico on Twitter. He's done a brilliant job. He's a magician, a real magician. It's very, very incredible. So thank you for that.

Welcome everybody to Pottie. It's episode four. Jesus Christ. Is it four? It is episode like. I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Hi, Evelyn. whatever's written on the track. There's... Oh, we're doing a Dharma, yeah. Something about pigeons. And then this one. And then this one, episode four. The title of which is going to be this one.

Wix. Wix. Wicks. Wicks. Wicks. Come on then. You want you. Come on at Wicks.

Please, stop. Please. You got no fans. Wiki WikiWi Wild Wix. Got no ground. Thank you to Turtle Beach for sponsoring this podcast. I'm sure they're really thrilled about that decision. Bit.L.Y.

forward slash Vidiot's Beach. If you want to buy the same amazing headsets that we're wearing right now. They're good. They're down good. It's delicious. Got those base frequencies, 20 hertz, 21 hertz, 19 hertz, all the way up to your big old 2,000s.

And you can wear them for two hours. Love hurts. And it won't hurt. Everything hurts. Baby, don't hurt me. It hurts when I pee. Yeah. All the hurts.

Yeah. Tuttle Beach can offer you that. Yeah. But the good hurts. It's not bad hurts. Yeah. Exactly. Also, a big thank you to our patrons.

Thank you. I take this opportunity to thank you. I think it's actually patrons. I think they're fine. Patrians. Come on, Ben. Even though I said Patreon's last one.

I'm just going. I'm going. Oh, what? I'm out. No, don't. He's gone. He's gone out of the window. Big thanks to our patrons.

Ben's actually walked out with the information, but thank you very much to all those people who have donated a lot of money for no reward other than the warm tingling sensation of... It's the best feeling. I was talking to a doctor yesterday and he said

giving money to the videos on Patreon is the best feeling. It's comparable to heroin. Yeah. So if you want to, you know, feel some high highs. Yeah, that's a... Actually, some would argue

more addictive, but a nice kind of addictive because, you know, it's charity. Okay. If you're going to be addicted to something, be addicted to charity. I'll calm down now. Okay, okay.

You punished a day of... I went for a walk. Yeah, I just went and beat the shit out of Dave. You didn't deserve it, Ben. And Dave on Twitter. I'd also like to announce, and some of you may have seen this on Twitter already, that we've got a brand new addition

to our Twitter family. Oh, yeah. At this is Rules Boss. Hello, Ruth's boss. Now, I would like to extend a thank you to my wonderful girlfriend, Becker, for coming up with the idea of actually helping Rules Boss get onto Twitter because, you know, it's difficult to communicate with Rules Boss anyway, which I'm sure you'll all be aware of if you've watched our piece of cake.

Or if you've tweeted Rules Boss by now. If you've tweeted Rules Boss, you'll be fully aware. There's some sort of delay, signal error, and so communicating just to get them onto Twitter was hard enough. But they are there now at This Is Rules Boss. and you can just tweet them. Yeah, give me a tweet and you'll reply. Any time you have a query about rules or bosses or...

Or bosses or anything like that. Video gaming in any sense. Cake, a piece of cake. Yeah. If you're doing your own piece of cake challenge videos... Ask me a question. Yeah, exactly, yeah. You need know some rules, bam.

You just need to tweet at the rules boss. This is rules boss. And he will get to you. Within minutes, you'll have a reply. That's so speedy. It is. I mean, sometimes it takes up to sort of five or six minutes for for him to reply. But when he replies,

boy does he reply i think some of the replies seem to be disappearing as well just by themselves yes i think so too i don't know what it's happening you look at a chain of a conversation and some of his some of his replies will sometimes just go yeah as twitter written us in as this we've had enough fun with the bots i think it might be because rules boss does tweet like maybe 20 times in a second yeah uh every 10 minutes it's sort of pulses doesn't he it's like a heartbeat yeah pushing below throughout the lifeblood i've had a twitter bot going one of my friends made, that was, it's my Twitter account mixed with romantic e-books. Yeah.

And that's been going every hour for about a year and a half. I followed it very briefly and then had to unfollow it. It did get a little bit much. But if you want to see that weird world at Parrotbot. At Parrot. Yeah. I think, yeah, you can just see a lot of weird, weird tweets. Yeah.

So Peter and I tried to communicate with Rules Boss, as we do frequently, but we try to communicate over Twitter just to see how it was going on. Here is the chain. Peter said hello And Roosevelt said Hello And I said Yes hello rules boss

Can you help us with something Rulesbus speaking Hi Rules Boss, yeah Can you help us with something real quick Hello Hello What? Hello can you hear me You've reached Ruthbus

Right yes I know Can you help me or not Yes hello This is Rosebus I give up Hello Rulesbus here And then Peter said Let me try rules boss

Are you still there Hello you're through to Rulesbus About time We're trying to plan another piece of cake right now and we wondered if you might offer some assistance with some of the finer, hello, hello, hello, yes, hello, this is Rulbos, at which point we gave up. It's so lifelike, it's amazing. Hello, hello, yes, hello, this is after I'd hung up.

This is Rulbsbuss here, still going. And you too can have a conversation like that with Rul's boss. Rul's bot. This is Rul's bot. This is Rul's boss. Boss. At this is Rul's boss. But it is a bot.

The entertainment we provide for free is out of this work. I mean, you're never going to get that kind of stuff anywhere else, are you? It's free. I had a lot of fun with Rules Boss this night. It was actually quite fun. It was a good few hours. It's great. People are asking him Netflix recommendations,

and he'd just reply, hello, yes, this is Rulesbos. Which is just, it's so realistic. It lends itself perfectly to this. The delay on the bot actually processing the tweets as well, just plays right into the actual phone call lag. Maybe one day will develop some kind of sentience and start actually recommending Netflix films for people.

That would be incredible. They'll all be about something to do with bosses or like boss baby. Boss baby, yeah. Bull's boss baby and other things like that. Now, if you're not familiar with the podcast, this is basically how it works. It's an hour or so of waffle. We've got some questions from you guys. But then we also, I'm not talking to you two.

I'm just speaking generally. Right. You guys out there. Yeah. And then each of us brings a thing along to talk about the three. The three a's. The three ears. The three posi urts.

A thing along to talk about. Who would like to go first? Who'd like to bring their thing first to the table? Might use looking smug. I'm just, I'm just smiley boy. I'm just having a little smile. I guess I'll go first then. My smug and this dictates, I go first.

What have you brought, Mikey? Once again, I'm on the topic of not really having a topic. Our first early game consoles or games. Like little games and consoles that stood out to us over our childhood. Today I had a very special delivery. I had a power player Superjoy 3 delivered Which I think was my first console as a kid Which was essentially a Famicon

Rip-Off, I guess is the best rip-off It's a N-NES on the chip inside of an N-64 controller You plug into TV and on there you get 76 NES games to choose from But obviously, with it being a rip-off product There's got to be some kind of rip-off going on there On the box it says it's got about 12,000 games It's just those 76 games repeated over and over again It's like the London Racer intro

That's so cheeky Yeah So yeah They repeat those 76 games Is it a thousand times On the box as well Yeah for some reason I think Star Wars episode

Is it the Phantom Menace I don't know I think there's like a young Obi-one on there Yeah Well that came out in like 2001 or 2000 Yeah Is it 99 Star Wars episode one

Maybe it was 99 It was about 2000 dish Yeah It's got a very unlicensed And probably is very illegal Air for Star Wars image on the box But yeah I think that was

my first console at least because before then I was a PC boy still I'm a PC boy to this day and I think there's probably games before it but Half Life One was like my big entrance into gaming and when I say my entrance into gaming I mean watching my dad play the game while I pressed a reload button for him because I was very scared of the game. That was nice though you were helping out exactly yeah I was doing my best I'd point out enemies on the screen I'm sure I was probably just a huge distraction to things but in my head I was having fun and helping I used to do that I've got an uncle who is a big gamer still is actually was and is and he had

I think the earliest memory I have is when he had his PS1 I think he had like Sega stuff beforehand but I would do a lot of just sitting at age four or five even like as early as then just watching him play and then pointing out things like and I think I probably was exposed to some pretty horrible things at pretty early age of Silent Hill he turned out fine Resident Evil

The well-adjusted, not sarcastic. I tried to play Resident Evil as a kid. I couldn't get past the first level. Resident Evil is fucking horrifying. Resi 2 fucked me up. Yeah, you've got stories with Resi 2, haven't you? We played Duke Newcomb Time to Kill. That was when I first started playing with him on console.

And that's like got proper kind of graphic viscera style. Did they have lady chasticles on screen? It also had that. Yeah, well, that was only in the single player. I don't think you ever played that. but if you played a multiplayer thing, if you died to an explosion, like a bomb or a rocket, you would just be a smear on the floor and Gibbs everywhere, yeah.

And I thought it was great. Yeah. Yeah. And then my first actual console that I owned was also a PS1. Nice, nice. Yeah, just playing Crash and Spiro and Tomeby. A merry little time. Yeah.

Oh, good stuff. I think Half-Life One is... Tomb-B two I had. And the demo for the Tomeby. Is that one that's valuable or all of Toombie? Well, Tone B1 is now worth like 150 quid or more. Did you have that as a good? I played it at a friend's house pretty much all the way through.

Imagine like accidentally binning that game or selling it and then realizing what it's worth now. Tone B2 is now worth I think at least 50 quid and I do own Tambi 2 still. So if anyone wants to Rob Peter, that's the most valuable item in his house? Well, it's not the most valuable item. I think I own something that's worth more than 50 quid. It might be the most valuable game I owe. Fringes are quite expensive. Yeah, TVs.

Yeah. Yeah. Money. Do you store a lot of money in your house? No, I don't. Who has cash now? He sleeps on a bed of money. Yeah.

Yeah. That's how we stay so healthy. Yeah. Ben, tell us about Rosen Evil 2 and or your early console experience. Yeah, before I do, I just want to point out how ridiculous this setup continues to get, this recording setup. Yeah. I'm peering at Michael. You look like a ninja.

Actually, I'm going to get my phone out. a small wire and then between a mic stand and that's all i can see of michael peter i can only see a vague outline of his eyes through his pop shield and then his hair over the top and he looks like some sort of emoji i'm gonna do i'm gonna record a video which we can slot into the podcast we'll put it in the uh the link dump so sorry if you're watching on a your podcast device of choice yeah head to youtube's where it's at today forward slash video it's official so here we go this is my microphone's got a little pop shield on it there's peter uh there's been hiding behind his claw arm.

There's just a lot going on, isn't there? Yeah. It's just a lot happening. I'm right recording port right. That's the same. There we go. That's better. Oh, God.

And then this is our actually mess of cables on the air table. Mm-hmm. The table cables. The mess of table cables. We've got a little zoom, which outputs into our headphones splitter so we can all hear everything.

Array! And that's the end. If you want these... Oh my God. That's his phone. If you want the headphones that were visible in that video, head to bit. com.

It's a bit. com. It's a bit. L.I.4 slash video at speech. Yeah. Which we're all definitely wearing them. Hey, sometimes we can't afford to have them all plugged in at the same time because they're so valuable that the insurance doesn't cover the cost of it.

Oh. So we can't have more than, you know, ruined a locking key. Most of the day. Exactly. They're very valuable. In terms of what, you know, your thing, but my answer. Whoa.

Game Boy Color was really where I properly started playing games and then I got PS1. But my cousin was always a big gamer. had a Mega Drive and an N64 and he had a chipped PS1 and I went to his house once when he wasn't there and I tried to play Resident Evil 2, couldn't work out any of the controls and then was brutally ripped apart by zombies and that fucked me up for ages. My dad used to play PC games occasionally like Star Wars Dark Forces. Ooh. The precursor to, is it Kotor?

It's got the same guy in it and then Rogue 1 completely recond all of that story. part of Cotor, it's part of Jedi Knight, the Jedi Night games. Jedi Academy, Jedi Outcast, Carl Catan. Right, yes. But yeah, he stole the Death Star plans, didn't he? Carl Catan. He did, and then they completely overwrote.

Overwrote his progress on the memory card. Big old George Lucas, Mickey Mouse mistake. Yeah. But when you used to fall off high objects in that game, yeah. It would play a sound effect

that sounded like a big scary alien. It was supposed to be him screaming. Yeah, which I now realize it. Yeah, it was a bit like that. Like that. It was very weird, and it wasn't like any of the other sounds in the game. My cousin and I thought, well, if there's a monster that's killing us every time we fall off a ledge,

then surely we can shoot that monster. And then you'll survive. And we'll survive, exactly. If we can kill the monster before it kills us, and that's how that works. So for about a day, we were leaping off sort of the sides of this map. and just spinning around and shooting everything in the hope that we could catch this alien

that was making the horrible noise and then killing us but we never could. Did you get it? In the end it turns out you were the alien. I was the alien or aren't. You were the real monster. Yeah. And then I had an existential crisis

and I was in an asylum for 12 years. Yeah, he's not joking either. It's very serious. And I came here today from that asylum. Yep. It's his special day off. Yeah, he gets let out for recording sessions and right back in he goes.

It's doing cuffs. We don't, it's not safe to have him unsackled. Yeah, yeah. It's true. But that's it. That's it for me. That's what I got. In terms of games from my childhood just ruining me, half-life again,

there was a section of that game where you get plunged in some dark murky water. And that's fine. You know, I'm fine with swimming around in water. But then an underwater creature came swimming towards you out of the darkness. And that fucked me up. And then to this day, I still don't like murky water in video games or real life. I can't do it. If I ever go up, like, find, like, an underwater section,

I have to put on God mode. Like, it really fucks me up. Like, I've been replaying Half-Life One of last few weeks, and I've finished it either night. And still, to this day, I can't play the underwater sections. Oh, no. That's such an effect on it. Even my heart rate is right now thinking about it.

I remember watching my uncle play a demo for Silent Hill before it came out. It was a clip where he steps into the diner, and he's sort of looking around, there's nothing really going on. And then there's, like, this noise off in the distance, just like, it's like, holy shit. shit and he turns around and he goes oh it's just the damn radio and then I'm like oh

okay you know and your heart rate is going back to normal and then suddenly fucking teradaptol smashes through the window and it did like a freeze frame and that was oh there's one now oh is that I don't know

I wonder if our mouths are going to move in response to that yeah possibly just a slight grumble yeah so one of the it wasn't actually teradaptor was like the pink flying purplely wingy things smashed through the window and that was it and then it like freeze frame and then it's like by Silent Hill in... Nope, not like that. And that horrified me.

No, Silent Hill is just beyond terrifying. The first two especially. I remember my brother when he first got his PS2, he visited from London, brought it up, set it up and he started playing Sand Hill 2 about 11 o'clock at night. And I was a little child and it was well past my bedtime. Little Mikey. Yeah, and I was sat watching Sand Hill 2 unfold on the screen. and I was like a Jesus Christ, this is too scary.

And my mom came in and said, oh, why couldn't you spend your money on something a bit more educational, Colin? It's like, fuck you, yeah. Jesus, Colin. Come on. Why couldn't you spend your money on something a bit more educational, Colin? Because he's a grown-ass man, he can buy whatever the hell he wants.

Man. Then he put on a bit of Metal Gear Solid 2 and I had fun running around on the decks where you could slip on bird poo. Yeah, a bit of fun with that. That's educational. Don't run on the decks. There you go. Colin.

Colin. the zombie missions from time splitters always followed oh those uh those were very spooky mansion of madness too and future perfect as well to a lesser extent but that was still i think it covered scarier themes than time splitters two did but because time splitters two didn't have any sort of voice acting really it was a bit uncanny it was yeah it was a bit more sinister because there was no explanation for anything that was happening. I remember getting my original Xbox the Xbox one, not the new Xbox one,

the original Big Fat Xbox. I got a Time Splitters game for that. I think one of the first or second levels of the story mode on that takes you in Notre Dame and you're inside on the cathedles and it just is like Jacques Delamore. Yeah, and I literally never touched that game again. It's such a shame.

I just packed it and I was like, nope, this is too scary. I remember playing condemned criminal origins. That's a scary game. I don't really know how old it was like sort of early teens, so not quite prepared for proper, like, junky, weird, dingy, drug dens. Yeah, yeah. Horrifying. Yeah.

So there we go. That was our early PS1 memory slash horror memories. Yeah, getting scared by video games for life. All smashed into one. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Mikey. And Colin. Colin.

Hey, what's he liked? Buy something educational. Yeah. Let's have some questions, shall we? Let's. First one comes from Ben Noonan. at Just Ben Noonan on Twitter

With the amount of tat you get in weekly How long do you think it will be Before you are consumed by tat About two weeks ago Are the other guys in the Oggis Office also jealous of the tat I think the other guys in the Oskirts Office are a bit annoyed

That they have to keep bringing in parcels for it I feel a little bit guilty now Every time Daff comes in with like a 12 stack of Amazon This is all for you guys We do give them chocolates and sweets Oh yeah. Yeah. We just about, you know, we're staying above the water in terms of being like, hey guys, sorry that we're really bugging you getting all this post. But every couple of weeks, massive pile of American or German or Canadian candy. Yeah, some delicacies right there. Yeah. Yeah. No, so everyone's benefiting from this. Yeah. It's a symbiotic. Symbiotic. Symbiotic relationship. Yeah. Delicious. I think, I think it's, we're going to reach Chris. mass at

something. Well, we've got new shelves a couple of weeks ago and they're already pretty much full. We can kind of fangle some more stuff

in but it's already like, oh, we need more space. Well, I have to just start rotating stuff or getting rid of some stuff and give it to charity,

charity shop or something. It's more the regularity with which we're having to do them and the length of the episodes as well. We thought it would have died down by now and we'd be getting like

a past of the week. God. It's amazing and we're very great. It's so great. We're two weeks ahead currently. we've got this week's one done and next week's one done and after we recorded the one that's going out next week

which we recorded last week oh stop there were there were three small parcels that had arrived that day in the corner of the room and now we've got a massive stacking you've got another you know video's worth a tap there yeah and it's crazy you guys are very generous very very generous and for some reason you're still sticking with the show like i've watched channels before that have like a mail opening show yeah and you just see the views go on a a downward, linear, you know, slow, but surely downwards, yeah. It's going down. Yeah. But for us, it seems to be like, yeah, you guys love it. Do we honest, like, that's one of my favorite kind of videos of mail opening. I don't know why. It's just so

lethargic to watch people like open stuff. Hey, look at this. This is nice. It's really enjoyable to watch, but I've never been on the receiving end of said tat. People like sending the tat. People like watching the tat. We love opening the tat. Can I just, can I just say, I have about 30 hot wheels now. You can stop. Yeah, stop with the whole wheel. But we've got so many whole wheels now. Thank you. They're appreciated. You did calm down.

You did fall over one? Yeah. Like an actual pair. Did you? Did you? Did you step on one? Well, yeah. There's one on the floor. I didn't see it. Like home alone. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, at this point, it is a health hazard. So please, for the love of God, stop. Nearly went through the dry wall.

Yeah. It should have been bad. Next question is from Feday Crouch, I believe. Who's asking. Is that a Harry Potter character? Possibly. What is the rules, bosses, nationality. Oh, that's, I don't think anyone knows.

No, not really sure. I think they're currently living in Belgium, right? But we could, um... With the Schengen Agreement, they could have arrived there from anywhere, I think. Do you want to give him a ring, Peter? Uh, I can have a go, hang on, let me just, um, yeah. Sorry, bear with it. It's a long number.

It is a long, it's got a huge dial tone, isn't? It's got a really weird dial tone as well. His Twitter says he's somewhere in Belgium. Right. But I don't know if he was just passing through. Yeah, if I don't think that's permanent residence. I think that's just a place he is. right now he's got four he's got five languages in his um down in his uh bio though he's a man

of the world which again might just be a transmission narrow really yeah possibly um okay here we go you're calling them i'm calling oh that's a it's a fun dial turn isn't it what Hello, is that the rules boss? Hello, yes, this is Roos boss. Hello, hi. Hello, rules boss. Hello, this is rules boss. No, shh, hang on.

Can you hear me? Is that rules boss? Hello? I think he might. Is he alright? Hello, yes, this is Ruth's boss. Yeah, we just wanted to know whereabouts you live. Hello?

Hello? What country do you come from? Hello, what country do you come from? Well, like a kicker crunchy? No. No, sorry, I think there's a bit of a bad line. Yeah, do you want to, like, stand up, put your phone in the air a bit? I think there's a bad line. Yeah.

Hello? Hello? What country is your bad line in? North Carolina? North Carolina? I know you're American. Are you from North Carolina? The ocean line?

Hello? No. He thought I said Carolina. I said bad line. Hello? He's not from North Carolina. Hello? No, I don't.

We'll have to. No, this isn't worth... Hello, yes, this is... No, we'll just tweet him, we'll tweet him later. There we go. That's good, Jesus. God. He's hard work, isn't it? He is really tricky.

You can tweet him, if you like. Yeah. To see if you can get a bit more sense out of him, it is a challenge. It's an uphill struggle, but one day we'll get there. Right. He'd like to go next. I'll go next.

Go on. I'm not prepared. Oh, Jesus, come on. I'll go next. I'm ready. I'm not ready. Okay. Gentlemen.

Yes. Welcome back to Peter's weird corner. Oh, it's good to be back in the corner. Yeah. Have you been dealing with more minorities, Peter? Is that what this is? Is this the minority report? Minority report, yeah.

Well, no. Absolutely not. Yes. Something completely different. And now time for something completely different. Who would like to ride the euthanasia coaster? Oh, no. Oh, absolutely.

Strap me ride in. Oh, ho. Oh, off we go. The euthanasia. coaster is a theoretical steel roller coaster designed to kill its passengers. Oh, sick. Sick. It is pretty sick.

It's disgusting. It's also called the final destination. Oh, it should be. In 2010, a scale model was built by Yulianus Erbonus. That's actually his name. Eulonis Abonis. Is that Leona Lewis's some sort of relative? Leona Lewis Abouith.

Yeah. Yulianus Erbonus is a PhD candidate at the Royal College of Art in London. Oh, or it was at the time. What nationality? Do you reckon they know rules boss? Probably, yeah. Julienus Urrules bonus. Fuck sake.

Erbonus, who had worked at an amusement park, stated that the goal of his concept roller coaster is to take lives, quote, with elegance and euphoria. As for practical applications of design, he mentioned euthanasia or execution. Now, John Allen, who's, served as president of the Philadelphia

Toboggan Company. Okay. You're losing me here. He used to bargain. Right. He inspired a bonus with his description of the ultimate roller coaster as one that sends out 24 people and they all come back dead. Wow.

That does sound like a great idea, so would you like to know how the coaster goes? I guess if no one ever survives a roller coaster, you can't get a single bad review. That's very true. Absolutely. How ghost of the coaster, Peter? It goasters, like this. The concept design of the layout begins with a steep angled climb to a 1,600 foot peak. That's a third of a mile.

Oh, okay. That'd be a bit scary. It would take two minutes for the 24 passenger train to reach this crest. That's a lot of contemplation. It is. That's a lot of time to think about what's going to happen next. I guess once you get on, you can't really stop. It'd be root to everyone else who wants to die. It would, yeah, yeah. So when it reaches 0.3 miles into the sky, any passengers that wish to get out here can then do so.

Okay. Oh, okay. So there isn't a backout option. Two minutes to think about what a horrible decision. Yeah, I mean, I think... What if it goes wrong? I think there's no way down. I think they... It just goes over.

This is one of the methods of death is that if you get to the crest and you're like, I don't want to ride the coaster, you can jump. Oh. So there's options there. I'd rather ride the coaster. It's not the option to get out and go home safely. I'm really fascinated. I know you're going to get there, but I'm really excited to learn what awaits them at the

bottom of this roller coaster. Currently... Is it just a war? 1,600 feet in the sky. and you want to know what's coming next. And that's where the rails end. Why, at that two-minute point, why would you then decide now,

the roller coaster's not for me? You're up there. All the work's done. All you've got to do is ride it out and you'll die. It's a much more pleasant way of dying. Well, maybe from the view that you get, you see what's ahead of you and you decide, I don't really want to go from there.

A 1,600 foot drop would take the train to 220 miles per hour. That's 360k mpH before harshly flattening out and speeding into the first of its seven looping. leaps, each tighter than the last. I thought it seems like first to be it's just brick wall. Brick wall. Oh God. No, it kills them much more elegantly than just smashing them into...

See, like you go around loops or loops, yeah. But I think when you level out at the bottom of that thing, your guts are just going to go out your ass. I think it's probably possible to die at that point. You're going at 360 kilometres an hour. It just... And then you level out. You level out immediately. And then you go into the first of seven loop-de-loops.

Now, these leapedo loops get smaller and smaller as they go. Okay. The reduced diameter of each subsequent loop would allow the coaster to maintain the lethal 10G to passengers while the train loses speed. After a sickeningly sharp right-hand turn out of the final loop, the train would enter a straight where unloading of corpses and loading of new passengers could take place. Does it happen at the same plate? That's someone riding the coaster right now.

That's it. They're queuing up. I don't want to die. Right, a couple of questions. Sure. Do they load and unload the passengers from the same place Or is there a curtain? No, so while you're queuing up, you can see what awaits you. This pile of dead bodies.

Second question. Do they hose it down between goes? I don't think there's actually much fluid. Well, actually there would be one. I think a lot of people would probably do poos and peas. Yeah. Well, they'd have like, you know, waterproof seats. You just spray it off with a horse.

Bam, ready to go. Yeah, I mean, to be honest, I mean, there's two sides to this. There's either, number one, you're about to die anyway. So does it really matter if you get a little bit of poo on your shorts? I don't know. You want your last few minutes to be comfortable. But yeah, on the other hand, this is literally meant to be designed as an elegant way to euthanize people. Poop doesn't scream elegance, does it?

No. Sitting in someone else. Maybe you have to put on a nappy beforehand. Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. That's a good idea. Third question. Uh-huh. Are there souvenirs like a photo?

More loved ones. Yeah. Just snapping on that final twist. Yeah. You get a t-shirt. I didn't survive the euthanasy. be to be buried in and fourth and final question

yeah isn't there already one of those at Alton Towers no I think the first I think the first bit exists but the loops don't exist yeah the death bit isn't quite there yet are working on it though

they're getting there they're getting there they're getting closer and closer to death I remember I was there at the Smilers first day of opening no not not the event right but I was there the day it opened. God.

And the queue was obscene. And have you mean to it? To Alden Towers are the Smiler? The Smiler. No, I'm not even sure what this is. I'm going to get it up on my phone. It's that one where, tragically. Oh, did someone die in it?

No, like a bunch of teenagers lost their legs. Yeah, yeah. Oh, they weren't smiling anymore, were they? God. It's, yeah, it's, the whole premise is it's some sort of like brainwashing thing. Right. And you're queuing up and all the, it's all themed. Like, we have a few kind of thing.

Yeah, exactly. Yes, there's a lot, like, you'll, you'll be. smiling after you leave because it's like reconditioning you. They're smiling. That's the whole thing. And it plays this fucking music and anyone who's been on it will know it. It just goes, ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And that. Having that in the background.

That for fucking hours and you're just waiting for a guy to come in and go If you're having a sweet 16 call Bobby Babylonie. If you're having a party. I'm going to tell you what to do. Sadly not. Nobody did call Babylonie. But the fucking supports for this thing

because the queue went underneath the big metal support beams that attached to the track. Every time it were passed by, the whole thing was fucking shaking and rattling. It doesn't make you feel good, does it? I've been on it. it twice, I think. You could have died.

In fact, I wonder, did anyone actually, I know people had, like, limbs amputated, but I think maybe did someone also die? You don't have to Google that. Do we... I'm sure someone has died on Tiles before, haven't they? We should ask Rose Bloss. Well, it was that thing that, I don't if it was at the same park, but basically, like, two Merlin theme parks within the space of

like a year or so, had a bunch of horrible, horrible accidents. So that's nice. Statistically, you're very safe, though, don't worry. Talking of dying on roller coasters, just to give you the full medical explanation of how... the Ethanasia Coaster Works. It would kill its passengers

through prolonged cerebral hypertop... Oh, fucking hour. Sorry, sorry to cut you off. When I Google Orton Tower's accident, it auto fills with... Olton Tower's accident, 2015? Or 2017? Which are the many, many accidents?

Oh, God. Which one are you talking about? There's been a few. You've got a hand here. Let me see if I've got enough oxygen in my brain to read prolonged cerebral hypoxia Jesus

I did a psychology degree and I still can't read that Oh you did really well Peter What does that mean in layman terms Or insufficient supply of oxygen to the brain The ride's seven inversions would inflict 10G on its passengers for 60 whole seconds causing G-force related symptoms starting with a greyout

Which is when you lose your vision But remain kind of conscious Through tunnel vision to blackout and eventual G-lock, which is G-force-induced loss of consciousness. Nice. The full series of seven inversions would serve as insurance against unintentional survival of a particularly robust passenger. Someone built like a tank.

Wow. Hey, guys. Yeah. Tunnel, tunnel-tunnel vision. Tunnel-tunnel vision. Dun-dunton-tun-vasion. How are you doing with Smiler? Well, it turns out that oblivion broke down at the highest point.

Oh, God. It's about right, isn't it? That sounds fine. The incident happened near the Smiler Roller Coaster, which crashed two years ago. A total of 16 people were injured on the ride when the carriage hit the one that had come to a halt. Oh, that's not fun.

That's how they lost their legs. Because their legs were like dangling down on the front. Thinking about that, it's made it be really weird. Two people had legs amputated. It's fucking awful, really. It's not remotely amusing. You don't want to see just what's about to happen. Here it comes.

we're going to impact. The point is perhaps not slightly litigiously. Yeah. The Altunian Towers are working on it. They're well on their way.

Yeah, yeah. Slowly, limb by limb, they'll kill you. Little by little. I think as a kid, every roller coaster I made in roller coaster was a euthanasia coaster.

Yeah, well, I was thinking to do that. So can someone make the euthanasia coaster? I'm sure I've seen it before. It might exist, yeah. There are a bunch of different ones, but I'd like someone to recreate

that in the link dump, we can put, the Wikipedia article that I just read verbatim pretty much, which has an image, a concept image of the coaster itself. Is it like, have they made any efforts to make it look enticing and fun, or is it just very clinical? No, it looks like a graph. Okay, it is just a graph.

That does look lethal. That looks lethal. That's amazing. Imagine the feeling you would get in that final loop, which you wouldn't be conscious talk. You would. Your body compressing. I would, if I was going to kill myself, I would write that.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's going to be comfortable because I've been on roller coasters that exerts minor levels of G but when you go around the corner it feels like you've been punched in the face your head smacks into this metal barrier Yeah, you want your head to be fixed in place You're not wiggling around

Yeah, you want to be in a bed basically Already in your coffin Oh, that'd be yeah, there you go. Yeah, you'll just be loaded into your coffin Yeah, you buy the coffin at the gift shop Before you go on, they get loaded on Wipe clean, of course Oh yeah, yeah, fresh cotton

Because of, you know, the poo afterwards Yeah So there you go Thank you Peter Another little trip I've noticed a tweet That's literally just come through At time of recording

I do want to read this out Okay This is from At Good Stegosaurus Matt Edwards Yeah It's to me and Ben It says can you create another bot Called Unsure Ben and Peter

And start a conversation with At This is Rules Boss And just let it run out For the rest of time So if we created a bot that periodically tweeted At this is rule boss Hello is that rules boss

God. Then they would just be stuck forever. Well, here's the thing. Because that's your whole job there. That's it. Technically, we did spend a lot of time this morning talking to a bot. Yes, that is true. But there's a fail safe where there's a 5% chance that it will not reply.

Oh, really? In case it gets stuck into a bot loop. So it would be funny and there's a very good chance that it would go for a very long time. But there's also a good chance that it'll just stop after a while. Right. In players bets. How many tweets before it ends? Yeah. We could do. We could... God, I don't know if I want to, though.

We've only got so many email addresses to sign up for Burn a Twitter account. That's an problem, really. Good thing that you mentioned good Stegosaurus, because he asks the next question. Oh, look at that. It's from Matt Edwards. Oh, baby, a double. Oh, baby. What's your favourite series?

Prove it, piece of cake, memory cards, etc. to make slash film slash create and why? Oh, good, golly gosh. I'm going to split mine up into different sections I think my favourite to edit would be worse games ever because that's a format you can have a shit ton of fun with you can splice a little fun moments I think in terms of just pure concept

prove it is really fun because I think of something really stupid try and do it bam there you go you got an episode I think they're my favourites to produce how about you boys I really like in terms of editing and writing I actually really like

the lists silly lists Yeah. It's not a big regular show that we do, but we do it maybe once a month-ish. There are a lot of work, but they're a lot of fun, and it's just a chance to be silly and, yeah, just write, sort of slightly surreal humor and, yeah, that's a lot of fun. But yeah, I think Prove It is great doing live-action challenges. I still really love the cooking mama one we did.

And actually, the Sims one, too. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah. We did enjoy that. I hated doing the live-action Pokemon challenge, though. There's fucking eggs. Oh, my God. smelled so bad.

shit end of the stick there. There's my phone. He's lost that now. No, Peter. What is that background? It's a Snapchat filter. Oh, cute. Of my girlfriend.

Okay. It's ridiculous. It is ridiculous. It's not going in the link dump. No. Nor should it. But highly humorous. I agree about the list.

I like doing the lists. They are very daft and they take a lot of man hours. Yeah, Uncle Daft. Yes. Uncle Daft, the responsible zoo owner's Uncle Daft. and the Pokemon one in particular for prove it that was also great fun but the original plan was to actually look after an animal

yeah it was supposed to be my dog Michael's dog yeah a little chihuahua but sadly it would have been great it would have been so good because he's such a good dog he's very placid you'll just whatever you do to him you won't be faze by it he's a proper like internet dog as well you take any picture of Paco and he just looks like a meme yeah it's amazing he's dank 420 hashtag Yolo But he's living it up.

Yeah, he's currently on hold in Spain right now. So, yeah, before we had the chance to film, he was jetting off to another continent to have a nice holiday. Same continent, different country. Is UK part of... Well... Because I was thinking of land mass... It's not part of landmass, it's...

No. Because the UK is very separate. If you ask a... I guess you wouldn't call like little islands off. You wouldn't call like, what, the Shetlands, its own continent, would you? No. I think that... I mean, you could.

Okay, he's gone to another country. All, like, different definitions. Like, geophysically, continents are literally just the physical chunks that are stuck together. Okay, then I was talking about geophysical continents. Yeah. Yeah, so we ended up having to basically add, not ad lib, but at the last minute, make up a sketch that we could do instead of a challenge. Yeah. And that involved.

Eggs. It involved eggs. Stinky, stinky eggs. And we thank you for bearing with us through that. Maybe one day Paco will make his appearance, but Paco definitely needs to make it. debut at some point. Next question, this is from Owen Giddings. Yeah.

He wants to know, who's Michael's favourite serial killer? Oh, I'm glad they got asked this one. I think as I stayed in the last... Sorry, before you answer, can we define favourite, please? As in, I admire what he did. I would say... I have tried to repeat. Yeah.

I enjoy the sinisterness. An inspiration is all. Yeah. Right, okay. Cool, so the worst one. Yeah, yeah. The worst one, man. Well...

I always jump to Ed Gein, as I did in the second episode of the podcast. He's one of my favourite, just because of how interesting Bezai was, making skins out of human, suits out of human skin, making lambsheds out of skin. But technically, not really a serial killer, because you only kill two people. True, you have to kill three. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, that's it. And then you get your certificate in your back.

Yeah, and there you go, you've graduated. He was just a serial gravedigger. I think favorite serial killers, a duo, Leonard Lake and Charles N-G-N-G I don't even pronounce it Are you just trying to remember what his surname is? Charles Ung-M-K No, his last name is N-G, I think it's pronounced N. Leonard Lake and Charles Wing, they are fucked up motherfuckers.

I think they built like a torture cabin out behind one of the guy's houses and they just took people there, torches have been killed them and there's tapes of it, which obviously haven't been released to the public because that would be horrible. But you've seen them. Somehow. I've got connections. I'm the best mate.

Yeah, no, I think if I was going to go outside of their game, Leonard Lake and Charles N. But inside of Edgene. Oh, fuck, yeah. I want to get inside of Edgine's skin. I want to dress up as Augusta Wilhelm. That's my fantasy. Dance in the moonlight wearing that mask.

She was so cross that there was a woman. Oh, my God. An unmarried woman. A woman. Thanks for asking me about my favourite civil killers. Yeah, thanks, Owen. Not asking me. That's great.

Cheers, Owen. What's your favourite, Peter? Go on. You're a H.H. Holmes man or? I don't know. No, I don't know. I've, no, I don't know, Jack the Ripper. Sorry to be mainstream, but Jack the Ripper's...

Boo. As you know, Jack Ripper's an interesting one. Pretty interesting. Jack Ripper's a lot of fun. He's a fun man. It's the fact that he's so mysterious and, like, we'll never know. And I like the setting of the whole thing. Yeah, no, I like, kind of East End of London's gritty as fuck.

It's really interesting. Yeah, one of my favorite shows on Netflix, but it's not a Netflix original, but one of my favorite shows on Netflix right now is Whitechapel. You recommended this to me months ago. I'm yet to watch it, but I will. watch it because it sounds so good. I say right now as though it's still running. It's sadly not still running. They did four seasons. It ended on a mental cliffhanger and then it didn't get commissioned for season five. Bastards. And I'm livid. But it's so good. It's really good.

Was Jack there with like a piece of paper and he looked like he was finally going to, you know, he was going to do it. He was going to, like a golden envelope. He was going to rip the paper. Oh, I see. After four seasons, they've been building out and then he didn't. And then he didn't. It's like the ending of inception. The top is still spinning. Oh, is that a rip? Oh, it's wobbled. Or has it. You never know. No, I'm not a huge fan of serial killers.

No? No. I understand the morbid fascination, but like... But if you had to pick a favourite. Yeah. Come on. Michael. Yeah, hey, keep that fucking quiet.

No one else knows. Okay, fine, Dave. This is your second warning. One more and you're a serial killer. I still got one warning left. It's fine. Your badge is in the post. You're coming with us.

My term. Yeah? Oh, it's Ben's down. I brought a thing. Oh, he's brought a thing. Firstly, a quick update on. on our good friends over at Toys R Us. Oh, I heard about this.

So, last time we left it, we recorded on roughly the 22nd of March, which is nearly a month ago. God, yeah. God, is that our last podcast? That's when we recorded. We recorded it early, though. Yeah, because pizza was a busy boy.

God. They had raised out of, I think they wanted a, what was it, like a billion or something? Yeah, something insane. Small loan of a billion dollars. They had raised 200 million. $26,239, which we were like, that's loads. But actually, he'd got 200 million from back as investors.

And he'd only actually raised 26,2139. Yeah, that sounds a bit more likely. As of the 16th of April, they have raised 200 million, 62,000. Oh my God, they're getting so close. They're inching towards it. They've raised... A quarter. About $30,000 in a month.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I don't think Toys R Us is coming back. It's unlikely, isn't it? What about the rest of us that wanted to be Toys R S kids? Yeah. Look at that. A whole generation of Toys R Us kids. I wanted a badge, my own block party. A bumper sticker.

No, an invitation to a block party. And it would only cost you $250,000. Yeah. And naming rights for any Toys R Us, where you can call it the shit Toys R Us. A plaque with your name on it. Fucker Uncle Fucko's Toys Riders. Come on down. Guys, I've got an investment opportunity for you.

Oh, God. Reel-dealer, Ben Potter. So, this is a Kickstarter. Right. I'm going to play you a video. Okay. Hopefully you can hear it because we've got a weird setup. Just record the audio as well.

Oh, it's on its own track, yeah. We're going high tech this week, boys. Listen up, boys. I'm listening. Hello, my name is Diane. I do. And I'm here to talk to you about Fartre. What?

What? Oh, Fartre. Fartre. Fartre is a revolutionary service. that aims to bring the timeless quality of flatulence under the control. What? The timeless quality of flagelands.

Under the control of modern technology. A fart is an extension of your personality. Okay. You can let a fart just slide its way out, but why not put some thought into it? With farta, you can deliver what that means a thing. Select from a variety of thought sources, adjust the qualities, and let it rip.

Within nanoseconds, your beef will be steaming through the internet and the end of the recipient. So you can create... The father, the only limit to what you can create is your imagination. And you can deliver a part formant that will leave your audience gasping for more. It's an app that you can use to... For God's sake. The world is waiting to hear from you.

What a bit of presentation for an half, a far app. So she goes on for another... What are we laughing at? How old are we? Children. only half of the presentation. Genuinely, that's actually quite an okay idea for an app. Because

in fart apps you get one or two predefined apps. They're all the same ones. Exactly. Like the usual stuff with this one you get to create your own fart. It's like on you know on these candid camera shows when someone's walking around with a little fart machine. Yeah. Like a sexy girl climbing a ladder or whatever and she's like, excuse me sir, can you hold the ladder

for me? And it's like oh let's catch this man looking up her skirt and then she presses the fart button and it's the same ones. And I'm like if that happened to me, I would know immediately that, oh, that's a stock sound. I'm on some kind of TV show here. Bam, that's where Farta comes in. This is Fartter, F-A-R-T-R, and the lady you just heard from there is Diane Buttschurch, Ph.D.

Butchurch. Butchurch. What is she a doctor of? She's a, I'm glad you are. She is a xenoflatuologist. Zeno meaning different. Yeah. So she's a PhD in creating new fart sounds.

I think so. That's amazing. So I don't know if you got to look at the phone there that was used as an example. Someone had been sent a farta. And the notification said, Rob has left you a steaming gift. Aw, wasn't that nice?

Steaming. Within nanoseconds. Isn't that more like of shit, though? Your beef will be steaming through the internet to the intended recipient. Man. And that is Diane Butts Church PhD. We are truly living in the future.

So let's have a look at this Kickstarter, shall we? They want it. In fact, do you want to guess how much they wanted for farta? Okay, so I'm going to guess by the term wanted, it's over. It is over. Okay. I'm going to say $120,000. So this is the goal, right, that they were going for.

This is what they wanted to make farta a reality. They'd already got it kind of up and running, as you could tell. Did you all help to push it into the mainstream? Well, I'm hoping that it was less. It was nothing. How much is fatter worth to you, Peter? 20,000 pounds. Wow.

Dollars. You've both completely overestimated. Oh. It's $10,000. That's all right. I win. I was thinking, you know, $120,000. That's a couple of people's wages for a year.

That's beta testing. Yeah. That's, that's a good price. Was it or wasn't it successful? Surely. It has to be successful. Please. Diane's got a PhD.

She's a smart cookie. Yeah. Let's have a look at these goals before we go, before we reveal. Right. How successful the Farty campaign was. Before we cut the cheese or something, I don't know. That wasn't very good. No, I started without, I shouldn't really have, I shouldn't really have gone there.

Before we let one loose. Yeah, before I let rip. Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, something like that. Are we happy with that? No. Can we cut all that out? Yeah, just save the embarrassment.

Okay, let's end. And cut there, cool. Do you dream of a friend's phone farting at the worst time? Oh boy. Wait. Water is that dream, an app for you to build and share the perfect fart. You could do so much you wanted to. You could do any.

Anything? Fartter. This is a real thing as well. So it just plays the sound. So you can craft a fart. It looks like it's a rudimentary mixing thing where you can layer farts, change their pitch and their speed and their duration. And then send it to a friend.

And when they open it, it'll then just fart. Embarrass them. Yeah. I don't. To be honest, at the beginning of the video you showed us, I thought it was kind of like something that linked into your actual digestive system. them to make you really fart. Yeah, she said something about like, why not let, like,

don't just let it go when you need to. Why not hold on to it? She's meant it to imply that you could record your own fart. I thought there might be some kind of like butt plug attachment peripheral. And it like, it stores it all. It could quite literally be a stretch goal. Whoa. Potentially.

Very good. That's a good one. That is a good one. I don't know if Diane Butts Church is officially, you know, like a, involved in the production of this app. I'd like to think that she is. Just a spokesperson, like Jared Fogle for Subway. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that went really well. That one. Nothing could go wrong with Butchurch. Butchurch. Butschurch. Butchurch. So I'm going to look at the rewards for you now. Just if you want to invest in this $10,000 idea. Oh, yeah, I'm ready.

Fartter. So if you pledge $1, this level's called The Squeaker. Diana'll come and just fart. Thank you for your support. Have an Android app. Oh. So they actually give you the app at the minimum reward. For a dollar. That's all right. That's good, yeah.

Toys Rust, learn from them. Faris doing it right. If you pledge four dollars or more. They send you a turd in a shoe box. You don't actually. You get different app skins and different fingers. I'm sorry? The UI has fingers.

Right. Or something? Yeah. They haven't thought this. I don't know. I mean, you don't want to put assholes are butt cheeks in there. That's a bit too graphic.

It is. Fingers makes sense? But cheeks you could do. Yeah, but I guess you can have one, but you need, it all needs to be two. Pink hills. Pink hills. Every single piece of graphic design on this page. Graphic design. Well, yeah, I say that mockingly, because it's one sort of cheek shape with like a cloud coming out the back of it.

Right, right. It doesn't look remotely arse-like because they didn't commit and follow through with their... They didn't follow through. Exactly, and they should have done. Next one is $5. This one's called Blast of Fingers, don't understand. Here you get all the app skins. and fingers that are unlocked by this campaign.

Sorry. I need to find the finger connection here. Isn't finger blasting? Yeah, that's not. That's not. We're going to pop ahead here to $30 for the farta idea, if you're really into it. Oh, yeah. You get a shirt.

And it says, can you guess what it says? Is it the word shirt with the R crossed out? No, that's good, though. It's similar. Shart. No. I farted. Farted.

I fart. Oops, I farted. I was expecting better from the genius behind her. Why would you want a shirt that said, I farted? Well, if you do, it ships anywhere in the world. Oh, fuck it's like it shits anywhere in the world. Now, if you're really into, and this is where it starts to get interesting, if you're really into fatter and you think this is where I want to put my money. This is the future.

It's 2007 all over again. The iPhone just arrived. I've got my inheritance and I'm ready to spend it in the best. I'm ready to make an app that's, going to blow everyone's mind. Yeah. If you want to donate $1,000... Yeah.

10% of the entire thing they need. You can build your very own fart. What? So this confirms that you cannot actually record your own fart in this app. Right. So build a fart.

Customize your own finger with animation. Oh. I don't... And fart. Your finger will be part of a special Kickstarter finger pack. This all loops back

to our very first test recording podcast with their microphones up the rectum. You need to know which microphone you'd use to best capture the fart. Oh my God. Now, the top level tier is truly a level of commitment to flatulence comedy that I've, I think, is missing today in society, really. If you're willing to donate $7,500 to fart her the app. Most of the goal. Yeah, that is a hearty amount.

What do you get, Ben? A farty amount. This title is... Yes, yes. The title is... I'm trying to make up for the... Skin in the game. Right.

Who wants a custom finger when you can customize the app itself? Your very own skin. With animations and UI and the whole shebang. You also get a t-shirt and a whoopee cushion. Oh, fuck yeah. Why is the whoopee cushion not offered at like tier two? I don't. That's so weird.

I don't know. Farta was unsuccessful. No. No. How? How? How much did it raise, though, out of its 10th? thousand dollar oh i can't believe that heartbreaking like 12 dollars isn't it's all right

heartbreaking so will you just give just just just just stop just stop that yeah how much um um 120 12 dollars 9000 oh it's either very close or very far away the world is waiting i like how the music just cuts back in um it raised a hundred $122. Oh, it was $1.00 of! Out of $10,000. Oh, that's heartbreaking. How's she going to pay off her student fees?

Diane Buttsch... Well, that's what she gets for going into a very specific field. Diane Buttschurch. Yeah, she's a zeno flaturologist. Flatuologist. Yeah. That's a real job. She went to university.

She made her parents proud and this is like what she was going to do. It's going to be a big dissertation project. I hope she's okay. So do I... Do you think she's just sat now on a pavement? somewhere just saying anyone want can I fart for anyone fingers anyone will fart for food

fingers I don't want a finger blast something about fingers skin skin petrel petrel so thank you Diane Buttschurch PhD you tried your best for for trying to just bring humanity back yeah from the brink really and no one was interested

see if I'd saw that I would have donated every last penny 7,500 I don't have that kind of money but I would have done it I would have helped I would have got what but you would have if you could Yeah, exactly, yeah. If I had that money, I'd know. That's a righteous cause.

That's worth donating. That's the kind of thing that's going to live on forever in museums. People are going to be talking about this app for years. It was never to be. Mother, farta. Funding unsuccessful. This project's funding goal was not reached on the 14th of March.

It was that recent. Yeah. Tragic. We just missed it a bit sooner. Whoa. If you caught it a bit sooner and put it in the previous episode, yeah, we could have done it. Our fans would have definitely.

I think maybe we would have got it up to maybe like, eight backers instead of seven every little helps now all we've got to do is just record our own farts and send them over like manually like a like fucking caveman or something that's pretty good

yeah your mouth's going to be moving for that oh yeah weird what am I who do I work with hello I can control my own head with that now

wouldn't a simpler app be just like a kind of fart sharing social media service where all you do is record and upload farts. Just good farts. Just good farts. That's what we can get. It's like good reads, but good farts. Like good fellas. Yeah. There's got to be a pun in there somewhere.

Yeah. Someone do that. If you make apps, if you're an appman or woman. Or a woman. Or a woman. Or a woman. Like back in the day we had rate my poo.com. That was a roaring success. Yeah. You know, I went on ripmypoo.com. No, I never went on rate my poo.com. I think it's still going. There's some monster poos on there. It's really good. I recommend. I recommend

just having a little browse. How many times did you upload to rate my poo. I never did, no, I never did sadly, but maybe today's the day. Because that's the thing. All those turds are in the balls

when he tore the paper. So is that person just stood up with a messy ass? Yes. Took the picture of the poop. I'm not an animal. I can't do that. I'll laugh and I'll rate a 10 out of 10, but I'm not going to take the picture myself.

That's a 10. I don't know, I don't know how I feel about like actually looking at feces. But I do know that a good fart noise. What did you do with your childhood? Sand's smell is funny. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's funny for that few seconds.

If we can create a platform where people can anonymously or totally nominously... Yeah, just say, hello, my name is John Michaels. And here is my fart. Then that's fine. I think that's something the world needs. And that's something that I'm willing to provide. And I'll reach out to Diane Butts Church, PhD, and we'll see if she wants to bring us in a flatology over. Yeah, she can change her name if she feels embarrassed about.

the previous failed. We could have a new mascot, Bobby Babapuni. That sounds a bit slightly vagina out, isn't it? Poonie. Yeah, I don't have a blast with Bobby Pabapapapo.

Poooooooooooo pig of a penguin. Fucking hell. Anyway, that's what I brought today. I might bring you another shitty Kickstarter. Hey, hey. A shitty Kickstarter. Is that the only reason you brought this? A kickshatter.

If I can find a Kickstarter that's related to poos or farts, then at the end I can say, next time I'll bring you another. shitty kickstar. It's just what the name of the red it is. Yeah. It was already there. It was already made for me.

Let's wrap up with a final question. The wrap. And this comes from Johanna. Oh. A hound of Cyrou on Twitter. From Finland. Johanna. Finland, Finland, Finland.

Finnish. Finland. Finland has it all. Is that a thing? Yeah. Is that a fin. Is that a finn? Is that a finn.

And it's called Finn, Finland, Finland, Finland. Oh, that's the toys are up. No, that's the Finland. team song. Yeah. The national anthem. Is it? Yeah. Wow. Finn, Vin, Finland. It's in another continent. Yeah. It's in a different, different landmass. Shut up. Your Hedda wants to just ask tattoo talk. Oh. Is that all it says? Yeah. Tat talk. Peter, tell us about your tattoos. All the things she said, all the things she said, running through my head, running through my head, running through my head. That's it. My tattoos. Yeah. I don't.

don't have any tattoos because I, there are a bunch of franchises that I would like to get tattoos for. Yeah. But I just don't like the thought of being a 90-year-old man and having like Hans Solo emblazoned across my forehead. Is that what you get? No, I wouldn't. Hans-Solo is nowhere near my top Star Wars character. I wouldn't even get Star Wars necessarily. I think at the moment my Twitter bio says too scared of commitment for a Star Wars tattoo, but I think I would get...

You've just got to do it. I'd get Spiro soon than Star Wars Would you? See, I don't know if I'd want A big old colourful one No, I don't mean I would get Spiro himself I just mean I'd get A gem? Yeah, something spiro related

An orb or something It's not like overtly like a chibi spiral It makes you look a bit weird when you're an old man Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of like the bright colourful ones Like you were a couple of people who had like The One Ups and the mushrooms from Morrow's That's a bit too much for me

I'd rather they'd be a bit more subtle Something muted. I think actually I would maybe even get a quote rather than... Yeah. Just something that's probably just going to be black and white or black and skin. Oh. Yeah. Or white and skin.

Or white and skin. I don't see Tatna uses something that has to be like permeate with your life forever and ever. It's just a reflection of a period of time. Well, exactly. Well... Obviously everyone has different outlooks. You can't... Not everyone can feel the same way about it.

It can be a reflection of a period of time, but something that later on in your life, you're still going to want to look back and go, oh, remember that great time. I remember that great time. I remember going for a haircut once and my haircut person, what, hairdresser? Or woman. Or man.

Barb him, barb her. Had a fresh Rick and Morty tattoo. It was a really nice tattoo. Like a whole calf kind of thing. I was like, oh, it's really nice tattoo. But I don't know. I've already got sick of Rick or Maconty after a couple of months. Yeah, it's like meme tattoos.

Meant tattoos are dreadful. No regrets. No regrets. No regrets. The Harlem Shake. Winning. Yeah. That's one.

I do like meme tattoos because I do kind of. have a meme tattoo which is... Yeah, but you like the Simpsons as well. Like some people would get Hans Moleman just because he's a meme.

Michael has Hans Moleman. I guess I do. I have a Hans Moorman on my right... What is this area called? Calf? Not calf. Acquilies. Yeah.

Like the lower ankle. I got me and my foot. I got the Hans Moleman there. I chose my tattoo artist because he had previous experience with Simpsons tattoos. He's got... For someone else he did a tattoo

of a poo looking at a magazine called giant giant asses. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. That's on. someone's body forever but I went for a nice simple handsball man he's my favourite and he's all coloured in and everything yeah he's bright yellow he's got his glasses I think he's great I really like yours

yeah it's a good tattoo and I remember the day I got it I looked down I thought yes this was the right decision and ever your parents think there's laughed I yeah I think we can't control him anymore Deborah yeah he's gonna do what he wants they gave up a long time ago he ate silica gel that's not tattoo is probably the least harmful thing he's going to himself yes Ben you've got a couple haven't you I have a couple of tattoos, yes.

I have one of my right outer bicep and my left inner bicep. The one, the first one I got was, I think my second year of university and it's an uncharted tattoo. They're both game-related. What a nerd. I know, right.

First one is an uncharted tattoo that's Nathan Rake. Nathan Rakes. Nathan Rake. I've just realized I got this tattoo done wrong. all this time. It's Nathan Drake's ring inscription. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

Sick Parvus Magna, greatness from a small beginning. Sick, Parvus. Yeah, so that's on my left inner arm. And my friend got that done as well. So we both have the same tattoo. And this other tattoo on my right arm was actually done here in Bristol a few years ago. Whoa.

And that is also, I share that with one of my other friends as well. So we've both got that tattoo two, two, two, two. Tattoes. And that is a Bioshock reference. It's got the chains. And it's, yeah, just a chain link. And it says a man chooses a slave of bays, which is something, a quote from that game.

And also the protagonist has the chains tattooed on his wrist. Yeah, so that is... Yeah, it's all right. It's not in your face. It's nice and subtle. It's got class. Yeah, a little bit. I think Adam Pichita recently got a really fucking good tattoo.

It was like a little diorama scene of like someone getting abducted by an alien. Oh, cool. It's really pretty. Now, I genuinely really wanted a tattoo just like that. It's so good. I want to get like some kind of alien tattoo at some point. Or maybe do like a stick and pork of an alien on my own leg. A stick and poke?

Yeah, we just manually jabbed, jabby leg. No, Michael, no, please. I really want, I like sticking poaks as a style. I think it's really good. Okay, maybe a professional. Nope, maybe let a professional job. The charm of sticking pox is fucking it up and being scarred forever with your mistakes. Well, that's wonderful.

How long have we been going for today? We've been going for one hour. Hey, that's perfect. Let's wrap this motherfucker up. I do. And then, according to the analytics, everybody clicks off the video now. That's what it happens. Oh, yeah.

As soon as I say this. Well, let's tell them that there's going to be something hidden amongst this outro that they're really going to want to know about. And if you decode it, you get... No, it's not even a coded thing. I'm just, we can, like, halfway through, just shout something amazing, like, you know. Oh, the next prove it's going to be a GTA. Okay, now you can, everyone can stop listening. In fact, I have a bit of fun news that I can share about what the future holds for us, but you have to wait until the very end.

Well, no, because I'll just skip to the end. No. I'll put it in just before. We'll have 10 minutes of silence at the end So I'll have to listen to it Yeah, you've got to listen to the silence Hey, we're going to speak the whole time You know who told me this?

It's Dave, at Dave. At Dave on Twitter. He was looking at our analytics And he said, usually people are tuning out here If you go and listen to that And you work out what it is, you can try and avoid doing it And so, well, with the podcast

I'm literally wrapping up the show I can't not do that Otherwise it will go on forever. But yeah, we're wrapping up the show now. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you to Turtle Beach for sponsoring us. Bits.L.Y.4. Video speech to look at all their stuff.

please go and watch our Milan noir video oh yeah that was wonderful that was good fun what we've been working on for the last week oh we didn't even talk about that but that was good fun to shoot it was great we can talk about it now it was a three part it's a live action thing that we were paid

to put together by the developers and the publisher of Milanua had faith in us thanks very much for having faith in us and letting us do an advert because that was good fun we got to run about with guns and fake motorcycles and moustaches

it was great it was really silly loved it Go to our channel now, YouTube.com, forward slash vidiates official to watch those now. There's three of them. They're about five minutes each. They're great fun and really silly. And whatever you do for the love of God, please go into the description and click through the link where it says check out the game. Yeah. Please do that. And well done Michael for adding, though.

Yeah. Incredible works of art. Nice work, Michael. There's a team effort. Adding all the audio and things. That finale was a real, real fun one to do. A really good time. We had an aerial shot, didn't we?

Which actually, all of it felt very uncomfortable to do. anyway when we're out and about but when it came to actually we we had a cameraman with yeah because throughout all this i was running alongside in front of you so much i was running alongside in front of you so that's all right people looking on thought oh they're making a video yeah but when i suggested michael maybe because you live nearby yeah why don't you go up you've got a little balcony area yeah when you go out onto that and film down at the car park which is empty at the moment from a long distance so it's not underneath his balcony it's across the road it's over a bridge yeah so we could just you know

have a really silly aerial shot to cut to and that would be quite funny Michael went up there we called him and said okay go now and then we were running around we didn't use the fake guns in this bit because we didn't want to be running around with pretend guns when we didn't have a camera

with us because that kind of made it obvious that we're not real it's a prank bro it's just a prank but that was great fun that whole enterprise to put together so please go and watch that because if you watch it and you like it It means we'll do more in the future.

If you support that, we get to do more of those. And remember, we don't make a lot of money from ads. No. So we need this shit. Brand deals are where it's going to be, and we want to make them as fun and as interesting as possible. So we'd appreciate your support if you went and watched them. That'd be great.

Now, again, thank you to our patrons. Thank you. Thanks, lads and lasses. And also, if you want to find us on YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook, it's all forward slash vidiots official. So easy. Whoa, it's almost like we knew what we were doing. Oh, my God.

Please leave us an iTunes review or just a review slash rating on your platform of choice. We're now going to apply to be put on to Spotify. I think I looked at actually the other week. We are in like the top 200 comedy podcasts on the podcast app. Oh, really? That's fucking stupid, isn't it? I think like 183. So we're doing all right considering one a couple episodes in.

I want to be number one by next week. Everyone rate five stars, please. Yeah, everyone push up those algorithms. Give us ratings. Algorithms. Now before I talk about the shows that are coming up this week I'm going to sneak in that thing that I said if people hung around they'd be able to listen to it.

What is it? What is it? We're currently arranging in June to go to Newcastle. What? To do what? With whom? To have a couple of days where we can record loads and loads of crossover stuff. Where? With, with... But who? With who? With who? With the cultaholic kids. It's happening!

You keep asking, of course, we want to do it, but we're nowhere near each other. At the other end of the country, things are tricky. We're going to be in town, though, for the Glitch Festival, is that what it's called? Yeah, glitch fest. Where, I think, hilariously, much like BAFTA, we've been allowed onto a panel for some reason. I believe we're going with half films. Yes, yeah. But we're going to hang around for a couple of days, or at least that's the plan now,

and we're going to meet up with the cultaholic lads and shoot some stuff. So look forward to that. And that is something that only you know. and if you heard it and you stuck around, you please do comment below the secret phrase which is Michael a new one this time. Sorry, a minute, I've got to...

Okay, this is a big one. Because last time you did this, yeah, how is shit in a comment? It just didn't stop. It was the entire... Okay, today's special phrase is watermelons, my dear. Watermelons, my dear.

Watermelons, my dear, or what are melons, my dear? Watermelons, my dear. Watermelons, my dear. Watermelons, my dear. Do you want watermelons, comma, my dear, question mark. I'll leave that up to the audience. Okay.

Watermelons, my dear. Oh, yes, thank you very much. Punctuation up to you. Yeah. Very generous. In fact, the most inventive punctuation will win nothing. Nothing.

So if you are in, you are privy to the special bit of knowledge, you can comment that and other people might copy your comment, but they don't actually know. They don't listen. They're not real friends. Lamos.

You're the special one. You're my favorite. I love you. I love you. All of them. So, we've got to post some tat. We've got the worst games ever on Friday. Oh, yeah.

We've got a Skyrim Zoo. Boys. And we've also got a new show called Sunday Fonday. Which is, you know, literally us just playing a game. Having fun. It's the one thing the channel's missing, I was just playing a game.

I think it's saying having fun. I never have fun. No. Anyway, thank you so much for listening everybody. We'll be back in a couple of weeks. Take care of yourself. Yeah. And until next time, Pip, Pip.

Tally-ho. Tweet at Roo. I want to see how much I can fuck up my animation on the screen. I'm just going to scream into the microphone. Okay, any last words? Thank you, everyone. Bye, everyone. Bye.

For fuck so. Thanks, Nico. Thank you.