Podiots - Podiots: Episode 41 - The Big Plop

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

Mikey has found an essay that's a bit much for us, Peter is young at heart and Ben has yet more real fake news. Donate to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/vidiotsofficial New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's a dealer's choice All of them All six Well there's a distinct lack of happiness here boys I must say I'm trying but If you're happy and you know it Do a triple backflip

There you go What was that That was the sound barrier breaking Michael's swallowed loads of drawing pins Or something It sounds like an early PC game gun Yeah If you're happy

and you know it and you really want to show it if you're happy and you know it Kevin played the theme tune Oh Oh Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy

It's the official Biff There we go Vidiot's Boof Oh Podcast BAM

BAM Is that Mikey? It's a conversational. Who knows? It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben.

I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Michael. Michael. Michael. What's going on, boys? Not much. Yeah, not much.

What are you working on at the minute? It's a bit chilly and William up in Newtie. It is actually Yeah I think this is the first time this Well in recent memory That I've had to wear two layers It's madness

What Yeah I don't like it It is a lot warmer down south I was there on the weekend As you two know And God yeah It was way nicer than up here

Temperature wise It was a lot wetter But it was Yeah that's the downside It was warmer for sure Noticably I'd take the cold Over the wet

It's been unseasonably wet up here I would say as well I don't remember it being this wet. Global wetting. Yes. In full force. It's a global wetting, the big wetting. Big wet.

It's just a giant wet. The world is just wetting itself constantly. Oh dear. This is a conversational podcast. We don't just obey the law of the three us, though. We also bring questions along from the audience. Yeah. I've got some.

Have you? Whoa. But before we do that, something even more important. isn't there, that's audience-related. Yeah, there is. Yeah. We've got to do a public execution. Yeah.

All of them. So all of these people today are being killed in the street. Some of them twice, actually. Yeah, they're members of the terrorist organization, Pod Squad. Yeah. Pod Squad must be stopped. Dirty, naughty, boys and girls. Actually, no, you know what?

That's not true. If you go to Streamlabs.com forward slash vidiates official, you can donate directly to us to help us do this show. and we really appreciate it and since the last show we've had a number of donations from beautiful people that do make up the terrorist cell

known as Pod Squad and they get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show some ugly people too there might be I don't know will you yell if you hear their name yeah yeah

okay here come the potentially insulted people we've got Prince Beefcakes Ode Olly Jamie Rail Lord Brotovic

Ugly Jokes Joke's that done here I was waiting for one who I know in person who will probably take it well Oh okay Lovatovich

He's not going to be kind on your on your stream Yeah you're a beautiful man Lobrottovich I only chose you because I like you so much So instead of like pod squad Is it now the beautiful terrorists that we're calling them

Or ugly terrorists They're all beautiful terrorists Especially Lord Brotovitch Your war crime is beautiful Yeah Anyway, I sent Mikey Birdseed Steve Norrie, Lily Snape Arthur from Natural Nine

Emily was here Ode Olly for a second time Bethins Top Shagga Cal I will lie awake One vowel from Shira And Samuel de Barber Thank you very much

It's always nice to see Shagga Yeah, top Shagga Gotta love the Shagga Oh I've got the Dave Benson Phillips photo lined up So I'm just going to tweet that Oh my God I don't know how comfortable I am with this new tradition

I feel like you think when he thrusts himself into you know the news by doing another silly thing you know that's his own lookout but when it's it's up to us and we're deliberately choosing not to leave him out of it I feel I feel sort of responsible

well by the sheer existence of these photos I think that is you know Dave Benson Phillips thrusting himself back into it so really for him to be left out of it he has to leave the internet all traces must be removed before we will stop yes i do have following on actually from what peter mentioned last week about thinking he was probably self-aware in terms of the stuff he was doing i'm faced with something of a dilemma benson phillips yeah which is his daughter um and i agree with peter i think it's getting pretty transparent that a lot of

his twitter game is is is big fat faky fakiness and i'm I don't like it. I like the intentional nonsense. The unintentional nonsense, I should say. What's it got to do with his daughter? No, I just, I just was joking because it sounds like a name. Dilemma Benton Phillips. Oh, I see.

I understand. Are we okay? What's happening? There was two field recordings before this one. Just things went wrong. Give us a minute. Give us a minute. Things are weird in here.

The point I'm trying to get to is that I don't know if, if we should so much leave Dave out of it because he's a very easy target. Yeah. Or if we should leave him out of it because he's manufacturing his own scandals for the sake of going viral, which I don't think it's as fun as someone accidentally tweeting about setting their cocks back. It's far less funny if he's thought, that'll be funny, I'll do that. And he's done it and it's done well. On the other hand, though, if he is clearly trying to get social media attention,

then that's almost, does that undo the request to leave him out of it? Because he's sort of implicitly saying, please don't leave me out of it. Please make me part of it. Bring me into it. Yeah. Well, yeah, I suppose so. Like, I feel like the real leaving him out of it now would be to ignore his cries for attention. Yeah.

Because he's gone, our boy's gone viral with a. couple of tweets recently and now I feel like he's not ours anymore and it's not as fun he's not ours yeah everyone else has rediscovered him and yeah not getting any of the credit i've got questions for you yeah bam gonna hit you right in the kisser with one not there not there stephen brindley at stevo brindley on twitter says in 40 years time what do you guys think people will be nostalgic for for example will fortnight be as revered as Mario or will Justin Bieber be remembered more

than Elvis? It's a good question. What do you think is going to be what's everyone going to look back on? Brexit, maybe. Yeah. Remember Brexit? Remember those good old days? In 40 years when Brexit happens

everything's great and we're thinking oh God what fools there were to be doubtful of Brexit. Yeah. I would maybe Game of Thrones Do you think there'll be a nostalgic element to that? They're doing a new spin-off series,

so we may be sick of it next year. Oh, true, they are doing spinoffs. It's got to be something, hasn't it, that's sort of not going to exist in popular culture in 40 years? Yeah. It's like Star Wars. It's like the popular sentiment is kind of heavily leaning against Star Wars now

to the point where it's kind of tarnishing the past films. Yeah. Yeah. Their actions. So what will be saved from capitalism is the question. Capitalism What about clean running water And fresh air Oh yeah

Do you remember that Now we've got cork running in our taps And it's sticky Do you remember the days before Disney water This 20 pound subscription fee a week Is a bit much Paper books What's paper

Yeah what do you remember paper There's no trees anymore No We've just called Ease now It's all electronic Oh no I don't like

like it. That sounds sad. Do you want to go see the ease? I'm going to plant some ease. No, that sounds like drugs, doesn't it? Yeah. Sounds like a sting. I'm all for it. A really bad one. Oh dear. God, it's difficult. Because it's one of those things, isn't it? It's sort of lightning in a bottle in a way. Like something can be popular in the present day. You know, there were loads of singers and films and TV shows in the whatever decade you want, the 80s or the 40s or the 60s. but years later not all of them became something that had a nostalgic value to it which is you know it's strange that it's hard to quantify what makes something you know nostalgic in 20 years time i think maybe content creators because in the last five years youtube has changed

a lot it's gone from you know small independent people to being leaned heavily towards you know your jimmy kimmels and your will smiths and maybe they'll be all that be available that's all that's viable on YouTube in like 20, 30 years time. And we'll yearn for the days where we had stupid animations and people just doing bedroom stuff because they can't compete with Mr. Smith. God, you know, I think that's probably the best answer. I think, like, bedroom vloggers from, I mean, even now,

there's, like, not so much of that, you know. Everything's, like, super produced. It's got, like, a team behind them. Yeah. And I guess copyright law will probably just become more and more stringent and the technology available to just auto flag stuff will become better and better. So I think stuff like Neil Cicerega mashup style,

you know, all that kind of stuff will be far less readily available. I think we'll miss all that. What are we going to be doing? I don't know. We'll just record, I don't know. Maybe we won't even be allowed to record because you'll need to have a special license.

Yeah. Yeah, so we'll just have a phone call just the three of us and nobody will be listening. Just pretend. Great joke, Peter. But the other content will still be online. We actually had a question. I didn't bring it to the podcast in the end, so I don't have the name, unfortunately. But someone asked, do you ever think about the fact that assuming all the YouTube content stays online somewhere on a server,

that in 100 years' time, someone could just randomly find a VIII? Idiot's video and watch us. That's a crazy thought that they could. That's kind of fun actually, yeah. I hope I'm alive. I hope I survive at least another 20 years to see where this is heading and see how, you know, what happened with our past. Yeah.

I reckon at some point YouTube are just, they're going to do a cutoff where it's going to get to the 10 year anniversary of YouTube. It's always already happened, isn't it? There's a 20 year anniversary of YouTube and they'll just say, right, any video, that's over 10 years old and doesn't have 100,000 views is getting removed. Oh, God, you know, that's probably just right. Because they can't keep, there's only going to be more and more people with better and better access to making videos.

And that is, that's probably unsustainable, right, to host all of those forever? Yeah, I guess so, because they do, there's like billions of hours every year get uploaded, which is just insane. But then on the other hand, storage is just getting. so much better, you know, you can fit so much now in the palm of your hand. So I don't know, actually. It's hard. I used to say. One day there's going to be like a blackout in the servers where somehow they managed to lose a lot of data and that's going to be like irrecoverable. And

you're going to mourn the loss of, you know, Cat Video 27 with the kitten pouring at an iron. Not turned on, I hope. I don't know. The kitten that gets melted by an iron. Yeah, that's what I probably be okay with losing. It's cat video number 22, I think. Oh, God, well, quite a serious set of answers there from everyone involved. I'm going to miss dabbing when it gets so popular that they say, you can't do it anymore because you guys are having too much fun. Go back to work.

Come on, guys. Go back to work. I think in 40 years' time, we'll all be nostalgic for the Harlem Shake. Yes, I miss it every day, Peter. Yeah, me too. I want to do, I'm just want to fucking shake so bad. Do do do do do do do do do do do. God, it was just three notes, wasn't it really?

Just realize. Now do that Harlem shake. Yeah. What do you reckon the Stokon Trenchake is like? Oh no. I imagine it's quite ooty and very thick. Yeah. There's lots of pottery involved.

It's served in pottery, of course. Yeah. Dear me. Would you like another question, or with someone like to do a thing that they've brought er long I'd uh I'd call like a question yeah go on you can have a question please can have a question please

alright Addie At two Addy 2 United And those are two's digits twos Oh that's really cool I like that Addie asks simply Why are fireworks

Why? How long are fireworks? At time of recording It is the sixth of the sixth of November 2019. At time of the tweet going out asking for questions it was the 5th of November 2019. Remember remember the 5th of November

gunpowder teasing and prot and prott. I can think of no reason why gum powder treason should ever be for bot. Perfect. That's just like William Shakespeare ruled. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm dabbing, Peter. I'm dabbing. Thank you. Would someone like to explain what the the 5th of November is when Ben does a stream and it sounds like there's there's a fucking artillery strike going on outside it was so loud at the office while you were streaming like it was so yeah they were having a party a street away there was like a bonfire and everything and it was so loud even inside the microwave you weren't safe no oh dear not like Indiana Jones remember when he got in that microwave and was safe from the nuclear fireworks he set it to defrost and that kept him cool

that's how it works I think on the 5th of November 16 93 18 17 something a man called Guy Fawkes

or a guy called Man Forks I always forget which I think it's the second one yeah tried to blow up the houses of Parliament and kill

the King James King King something yeah James the 9th something like that He put fireworks in the basement underneath the houses of Parliament. He put a lovely sparkler down there.

Yeah, he wasn't wearing a glove. Oh, it was chaos. He lit the blue touch paper, stood well back, and then... And the Catherine wheel just went real fucking fast. Yeah. And now on the 5th of November in the UK, we celebrate Guy Fawkes trying to kill the royal family. And we mourn the fact that he didn't manage it.

Is that how, is that it? Yeah, we're celebrating a terrorist, that's it. And then we all wear his mask, don't we? And then we condescend to women online. Yeah. That was his real legacy. Yeah, we are Legion. Guy Fawkes, that's one of his most famous quotes.

Yeah, the women, they're coming for the things we like. We must stop them. Never forgive, never forget. Yeah. So we have fireworks, but it's not one day a year, is it? It's like one week a year. And it's kind of... So a lot of supermarkets now

this year have not sold fireworks. Two of the major supermarkets, my dad was telling me, aren't doing fireworks this year to the pubbies. Sorry? The pubbies, the plebs, the plebeians. The pub scrubs. Okay.

The pubs. Yeah, pub squad. Yeah. And I think it's, you know, it's partly because it's dangerous. The number of sirens. I don't know if you heard that Ben as well while you were streaming. Not only were the fireworks going off everywhere,

there were constant sirens in Newcastle after about 5pm when the sun went down and everyone started blowing themselves up for fun. There were fire engines and ambulances going all over the place. I saw two on my walk home. Yeah. It made me think, like, why do we have this annual thing?

I guess it's like Thanksgiving in America as well, where we voluntarily... Peter, I think you mean 4th of July. I do. Yeah, I just. Yeah, that's when they put... Thanksgiving is when they put the explosives in the turkey. Oh.

Yeah. Just any excuse to blow stuff up, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, they are fun. It's traditional, though, isn't it? It's traditional. Yeah. Yeah. Like racism.

Yeah. Traditional. Yeah? St. George's Cross racism. Hating the poor. Yeah. Xenophobia. Still vote Tory, though.

I don't fucking know what I'm doing. Oh, God. Anyway, it just means that animals get sad for like seven days in November. people don't check their bonfires that they've had. They have like a pile of wood in their garden for like a week before the bonfire happens. Then they set fire to it and kill the hedgehogs that have gone into it to hibernate.

Oh, not the hedgehags. So why are fireworks, Addy? I don't know. Why are indeed? Do you guys like fireworks? I haven't been to like a professional display in like five, six years. and so the most I've encountered

is, you know, backyard stuff like in someone else's garden and I'm watching from my own garden and I don't know I think it's fun I do enjoy it it's like explosions and fire you know

some my top two favorite things but I think they're obviously worn off for me but I think just try and contain it to you know professional displays I guess I'm looking because my ferrets don't give a shit I was going to ask yeah

they're really stupid so like they didn't know it's a thing right So thankfully that's good But yeah, a lot of animals have a very distressing time When we celebrate our terrorists They do, yeah I saw a video today on Twitter

Where a person with a service dog was walking along They were filming their dog And the dog was just cowering on the street Like they've been walking along Some fireworks had gone off And then this dog was just wouldn't go any further And that seems like kind of dangerous You know

It's difficult, isn't it? Because it's always going to be harder when you live in a populated area, not that this is any excuse. And this isn't, it's going to say, oh, God, I don't know, it's difficult to put into words. But essentially, this does happen every year. And it is, it is, I'm not saying it should happen every year, but there is an element of personal responsibility to prepare for that if you have animals. Like if you have service dogs, maybe you shouldn't go out on the 5th of November when people are letting off. explosives. You have every right. So we have every right. You have every right to go out, obviously, but you should know that

there are going to be explosives and that sucks, but don't go out and then be surprised when there are explosives. I don't think they were surprised. I think the point is that they were saying, you know, I shouldn't have to. This is what it does. No, I agree. I agree with that. Yeah, I know. Equally, I wouldn't purposefully take a dog out on the 5th of November. for that very reason. No, yeah. I think it's just a bit of a weird thing to demonstrate a point.

Look how scared my dog is! Why did you take it outside then? Well, I guess they needed to go out for something, you know? I believe it. Maybe, okay, from the other side, maybe, you know, Guy Fawkes Night is a good thing because fireworks, for the most part, are contained to Guy Falk Bonfire Night

and maybe like New Year. So we've got these designated days so there's not just random hit, in the middle of March and fireworks. Right. It's not a constant stream through the earth. It's kind of the peaks are in these times. So maybe we're saving everybody from this horror, possibly.

That's the thing. Like, I don't care either way. I understand people's, how it can very negatively affect people who rely on their animals. And obviously, you know, it's always horrible to see animals upset and sad. But equally, as you've just said, it does happen maybe twice a year. So I'm not saying that it should. I'm just saying that you know when it's going to happen. And you have to prepare for that.

Additionally, if we try to ban them, that would never work because we've tried to ban murder since the beginning of time. Yeah, could people stop? People are murdering with fireworks. The thing with murder is, I think a lot of people try and do it surreptitiously in like an alleyway or a dark flat, whereas it's quite difficult to set off fireworks

without people realising you're setting them off. That's kind of the point. Goodness, dear, do you see that? What's that at the end of the garden? Hello? Someone's setting off a very... Imagine if the fireworks could just sort of go... No.

I'm coming, Bella. Ne. What if we have... Can we just have waterworks instead? Waterworks. Waterworks and we just... We line up a load of water pistols. Yeah.

Or balance. Water balance. And then they're all rigged to go at the same time. and when they go they just sort of go like that just a little I think that's the solution who wouldn't like that

you've done it I think that would be really exciting I think what we need in order for that to be relevant to the celebration of the terrorist would be for another terrorist on the 5th of November say next year

to try and blow up the houses of parliament using water somehow which one of us is going to do that because I feel like we're going to have to take the lead on it. Yeah, possibly. I just googled the death of Osama bin Laden in case he was like, you remember how he was dropped off in the sea? Yeah.

So I was hoping that was in November, but no, that was in the second of May. So I propose waterworks happened on the second of May every year. Okay. Okay. I thought that was colloquially described as the big plop. Oh, no. Was it? I might be wrong.

What was it the 2nd of May? Second of May. Every May the 2nd is the Big Plop Day. I thought that's just sort of once a month when you order Dominoes. No, I order Dominoes more regularly than that. Well, we've sorted that. We've sorted fireworks. I think we had a very grown-up discussion about it.

Yeah. Yeah. We did. We had a grown-up discussion, and we ended with with that. So I'm happy. I think we should move on to her thing. Yeah, I agree. I'm happy to do my thing. Go, Mikey.

Can I guess what it is? Or can I... Yeah, go on. I want an update on the shreddies. Sadly, no. I haven't had the chance to wear my shreddies properly yet. So I need a day to be self-contained where I could line up a menu of like beans and other things. You're really going

to test these things. Oh yeah. If I'm going to do it, I want to do it properly because I don't want it to like, right? Today's the day I'm wearing them and fart like twice. I need it to be, you know, twice, at least every hour, to make it worthwhile. Okay, of course. But I do have something in a similar vein. Right. Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you tonight with two simple words,

two words that will transform your perception of history forever. Big plop. God, that's like my little trigger. It just sets you off. It's got you, hasn't it? Mikey really likes that one. I'm a big fan, the big plop. But no, no, let me compose myself.

The two words, fart proudly. Oh, okay. Is this the new bonfire night? Yeah, Far Proudly night. Proud plops. No, this is not a grassroots movement that I'm spearheading. This is in fact the name of an essay written by politician, inventor, scientist, founding father, Benjamin Franklin

No I thought you're going to say me then I looked through your Yo5 school book and I found it Ben I found it I knew it Discoverer of electricity and essay writer of farts

Okay So that's right The man who helped draft The Declaration of Independence Also wrote an essay about farting Fart proudly Also called A Letter to the Royal Academy

About farting To the Royal Academy of Farting Hang, was there a Royal Academy of Farting? I think that was his own little jockey title that you threw in there. So they did call it Farts back then. Yeah, I guess like Farts are eternal. God, yeah, I wouldn't have thought. Oh, actually, yeah, I never even thought about that.

What's the history of the word fart? Are you pulling up? Verb, emit wind from the anus. Yes. The farting chat is a bit much for me, guys. Oh, that's delightful. Does it happen? Wait, what, this is like a date?

When was... Oh, okay, I've got it. I've got it already, actually. Because there was just... People also ask, why is fart called fart? And when you click on it, it says, why do we fart?

Ten facts about flatulins, and it immediately says, in the byline, I didn't even have to go to the article. The word fart comes from the old English word, Fiortan, which means to break wind. Fiortem.

God. Fiortan. That's not. Not as slick as fart, is it? I'm glad we evolved. Oh, we did great. Sorry, everyone, I've just fjorted. But he's some sort of windbreaker.

My favourite Zelda game, that one. Oh, good. Okay, I'll try and rattle through this. No, no, please take your time. I'm having it. I guess there's going to be certain points where we're going to want to stop. I'm letting you know now, because it's bloody good. Okay.

Fart proudly was an essay written by Franklin Circuit 1781. It was composed in response to a call for scientific papers from the Royal Academy of Brussels. Franklin believed that the various academic societies in Europe were increasingly pretentious and concerned with the impractical. So this is a bit of like, I guess, satire? Satire, yeah. I was going to say the Royal Society of Brussels is a fart joke in itself. Yeah, it's just waiting to happen, isn't it? Nice, amazing.

So revealing his Mikey side, Franklin response. with an essay suggesting that research and practical reasoning be undertaken into methods of improving the order of human flatulence. So I'm going to read pretty much the entire essay here. It's not that long, but I've trimmed and reworded it in places to make it more succinct and to the point. Coming soon, Benjamin Franklin's Shreddies. Oh my God, maybe that's a, that's like, we're going to pitch that to Shreddies. We're going to make some money off that. This is where the Shreddy's journey started. Back in this essay. Oh my God, yeah.

It all traces back to Franklin. It's universal... So it begins. It is universally well known that in digesting our common food there is created or produced in the bowels of human creatures a great quantity of wind.

Permitting this air to escape and mix with the atmosphere is usually offensive to the company due to the fetid smell that accompanies it. All well-bred people, therefore, to avoid giving such offence, forcibly restrain the efforts of nature to discharge that wind.

Sorry, what were they described as? Well bred. Well bred. Well bred. So I guess I'm not well-bred. I suppose not. I mean, I don't think many people are, if that's what it takes. It's certainly not brown-bred people, because that you can't hold back a brown-bread, a brown-bred trump. Peter, that's disgusting. Retaining such act of nature not only causes frequently great pain, but a kid. occasionally future diseases, such as habitual collics, ruptures, timpennies, etc.

Often destructive of the constitution and sometimes of life itself. Oh my God, do not hold your farts back or you will die, says Benjamin Franklin. Is that a scientific finding, or was he talking about the effects of the flagellence on others? Can you murder with a fart? I think maybe he's experienced a loss in the family when someone contained a fart too long, and so now he's out here spreading the good word. Mrs. Franklin. Rest in peace.

Rip. I'm very glad I brought us along. There's so much that stems from this. We've just been waiting for this for how many episodes now? 41? Sort of and leave. Episode 40. Oh, it should have been episode 40.

Oh, for God's sake. Oh, was that the Shreddy's episode? Yeah, it was, I think. We should rename it. Were it not for the old. Audiously offensive smell accompanying such escapes, polite people would prefer probably be under no more restraint in discharging such wind and company than they are in spitting or in blowing their noses.

Mmm. Mmm. Delicious. My prize question therefore should be, to discover some drug, wholesome and not disagreeable, to be mixed with our common food or sources that shall render the natural discharges of wind from our bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreeable as perfumes. Oh, I cannot imagine what they would consider a solution in the 18th century. I guess perfumes or the toilet.

There we go. We already have some knowledge of means capable of varying that smell. He that dines on stale flesh, especially with much addition of onions, shall be able to afford a stink that no company can tolerate. while he that has lived for some time on vegetables only shall have that breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate of noses. Well, that's not true.

Yeah, that's total bullshit, Ben. Mr. Ben Franklin. What? What did I... Sorry, you're the Ben. Right. Vegetables are really bad for farts, apparently. Yeah, well, my vegetarian farts were bad, and then it was round two with the vegan farts.

It never ends. Yeah. And if he can manage so as to avoid the report, report report he may anywhere give vent to his griefs unnoticed there's so many good like words for farting here give vent to his griefs what is that yeah oh god it's so good you could have read that line to me out of context and told me it was from a reading at someone's wake and it would have fit perfectly why is he why is he why is he being if I may quote the the children why is he being so extra with his fart essay I think I

I'll try and summarise it at the end. I think I kind of understand what he was getting out here, but it's the full effect. It expands. Who knows but that a little powder of quicklime, or some other thing equivalent, taken in our food. Note,

Quicklime was once used to sanitise and kill orders. So he's suggesting here that we put quick lime in something to help the farts not smell. I'm pretty sure that is really not a good idea. I think quick lime is not good at all for you. We don't do that anymore for a good reason. Have you not put links on your spaghetti bolognese before? A little bit of Africa.

Oh, yeah, give a bit of spice. That's nice. Quicklime causes severe irritation when inhaled or placed in contact with moist skin or eyes. That's why I keep my skin nice and dry. Or perhaps a glass of lime water drink at dinner may have the same effect on the air produced in and issuing from our bowels. This is worth the experiment. A few stems of asparagus eaten shall give our urine a disagreeable odor, and a pill of turpentine, no bigger than a pea, will give it the pleasing smell of violets. And why should it be thought more impossible in nature defines means of making a perfume of our wind than of our water?

So he's saying, though, if we can change the smell of our piss, why can't we do it with our farts? Just calm down, Ben. You're crazy. Sorry. Yeah. I keep slightly, I keep sort of just looking at the wall briefly. and not tuning out but sort of starting to daydream about farts and then bring me right back into it what comfort can science give to a man who has whirlwinds in his bowels can scientific discovery such as Newton's mutual attraction of the particles of matter be compared with the ease and comfort every man living might feel seven times a day by discharging freely the wind from his bowels especially if it be inverted into a perfume. So you're saying, you know, if we can

make farting more comfortable and pleasurable for everyone, that's of vast scientific importance. Yeah. Surely such a liberty of expressing one's sent immense. Oh, there's a pun there. Surely such a liberty of expressing one's scent immense. Very good, Benjamin Franklin.

And pleasing one another is of infinitely more importance to human happiness than that liberty of the press or abusing one another. Sorry. Which the English are so ready to fight and die for. Oh. In short, this invention, if completed, would be, as Bacon expresses it,

bringing philosophy home to men's business and bosoms. We're inting the last sentence here. And I cannot but conclude that your wealth of previous work altogether is scarcely worth a farthing, but he spelt it farting. Oh, for God's sake. So it ends on a fart pun. Why did he spend so much time on this joke document? It's amazing. It's so well crafted.

Like the puns and jokes in here, like 300 years later, still fucking hitting. And I'm a fan. The fact that it was written by actual Ben Franklin is insane. I can't, that's a really, that's a good find there, Mikey. I'm really proud of that. Because I think I was just scrolling through Wikipedia and I saw the name of it. Oh, that sounds funny. I'll click on that.

I like farts. And I saw Benjamin Franklin. like, holy shit. And yep, it's verified. It's, it's an actual letter he wrote, and it's published in some collective works of Benjamin Franklin. So it's, it's official. God. Well, what a, what a trip. Thank you. No, thank you. No, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I've got a question here. Yeah. Orange Joe at, I guess I'm demons. with a zero in demons Orange Joe says

I had a dream where Peter, Ben and my friend and I were playing go fish I don't know where Mikey was, maybe you're his friend Maybe he was the fish Oh yeah, it could be the fish I had a dream where Peter Ben My friend and I were playing go fish Suddenly I

Oh yeah Mikey is in this Suddenly I stopped to ask Oh God Didn't we leave Mikey strapped to your car God Ben looked at me with dead eyes and just said, do you have any fours? Oh, my God. My questions are, why was Mikey on the car and why didn't Ben care?

Okay, I can tell you the answers to both of these right now. Yeah. The answer to the first one, why is Mikey on the car? Was it strapped to the car? Yes. Yeah. It's because he insisted that he'd be strapped to the car instead of riding in the car. Yeah.

And that's the same answer for the second question. And that's why you didn't care, because he insisted. He would not take no for an answer. He wanted to be on the car. God. Bam, Detective Ben in full force. I also like the theory that maybe we were filming, Peter gets hit by a Mikey. Oh, my God.

So we just accelerate and then stop and you fly off the roof in Peter's general direction. Jesus. It's imprecise, but it might work. Enough attempts, if I survive, it'll be great. I'm terrified by the mere notion. Just looking, getting all wrapped up in Bulberap, looking ahead of me and just seeing... Nga!

Coming at me. Oh, how fast can I fly off this car? There it is. God, I don't know if I've got a better theory than that. I think, um, why was Mikey on the car and why didn't Ben care? I'll tell you why orange, Joe? because it was a dream right

because it was a dream God got you good Joe Got him or her Stop eating Stop eating cheese before bed Gives you Give you nightmares

Stop eating cheese as well You'd be part of Ben Franklin's fart book Yeah I've got a thing Oh Give it to us Excuse me

Give it to us Share it Share it with your friends. How dare you? How dare you? I've got a question for you. It's actually a question that I've brought from myself to you two. Exciting.

So it's currently big, super exciting Star Wars season. As anyone who follows me on social media will know, I've just not shutting up about it recently. You know, we've got the film coming out in December. We've got a game coming out this month as well. Is Death Stranding a Star Wars thing? You've been tweeting about that an awful lot too. I have, yeah, I can't wait for that one.

Well, it's out. Darth Kajima. Soon. Yeah, God. And also the Mandalorian TV show on Disney Plus is coming out as well. So there's a lot to go at. But to sort of prepare for all the upcoming stuff, I've been swatting up on Star Wars the Clone Wars animated TV show.

Oh. Okay. And I'm unashamed. really, really enjoying it, even though it was essentially, I think it was on Cartoon Network when it originally aired. So my question to you guys

is, is there anything currently or was there anything once upon a time that you really, really enjoyed, unironically, that was actually designed for children? Oh, God. Yes. I know you've got younger siblings,

haven't you, Ben, so you probably saw some stuff that maybe... We saw some stuff. I've seen some things, man. That maybe you secretly thought. Oh man, this isn't actually quite good. I don't want to tell any of my friends at school, but I really enjoy the tweenies.

I love the tweenies. I really like the Barbie show as well. Yeah? She just beed so many bars, you know. She did. She just beat the fuck out of those bars. She's the barber, I think. Is that what it was about?

Samuel, the barber. Samuel, the barber. Samuel, our barber. I have a couple but they're not related to siblings I grew up watching Batman the animated series

I think it's fairly objectively considered very good for all ages but it was definitely designed for kids there was a lot of toys and merchandise that I bought a lot of

and had a lot of as a growing boy and I continued to watch it well into my early 20s I think it's still very good I have the Blu-ray collection of all of them but that one's not so much

it's not that I should be embarrassed about anything that I enjoy but no of course if I was to be it would be SpongeBob Squarepants which I always liked seeing whenever I went to go stay at my friend's house who had Sky and Sky TV

all the channels I didn't have that I had five channels If you count BBC Oxford, which sort of came through like it was in a snowstorm. It was rarely on. No, so I didn't really watch that. But in my second year of university, I used to, basically, I'd really, I fucking phoned it in in my first year. And I barely made it into my second.

So I needed to actually go to lectures. And in order to do that, I used to set my alarm at about 7 a.m. every day. and I would turn on the TV and I downloaded all of SpongeBob and I would slowly make my way through SpongeBob and I had an hour of SpongeBob in the morning before I had to get up and I just used to watch it in bed

and I watched all of SpongeBob and I really enjoyed it. Yeah, fair enough. That's good. It's one of those shows that is actually written there's some clever, like, dialogue in there that's almost sort of wink-nudge for older audiences.

It's like the Animaniacs has some like actual sex jokes in it that you don't realize. It's funny, it's good stuff. Yeah. I love that you had SpongeBob as part of a balanced breakfast. That's amazing. I did. It was part of my daily routine. God. Wake up, roll over. Before I do anything else, just sort of sleepily turn on the TV and the PlayStation and then just watch SpongeBob until I was awake enough to move. That sounds so soothing though. Holy shit. That's good. Yeah, it does. It sounds good. The laughing was a bit much for me, though. The only thing I can think of that was too kiddie for me I think I must have been about 13 or 14

And we had Sky at the time Oh You special boy, look at you Oh my God And for some reason I kind of got fixated On the Disney Junior channel for a bit Yeah It was just really easy kind of background noise

And the one I remember the most is like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Which is... Oh, I've seen a little bit of that Like, I think when I was, yeah, either at a friend's house or possibly even on holiday in, like, a hotel. And it had, like, all the Disney characters in it, didn't it? Yeah, but like... Am I thinking of the right one?

Maybe, I mean, it's got, like, the main squad. Oh, maybe I'm thinking of... Is House of Mouse a separate thing? Oh, House of Mouse. I'll Google that. Sorry, carry on. I thought I knew what you were talking about. Maybe House and Mouse.

Oh, no, I'm not thinking of House of Mouse. So, uh, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is a very kind of shit-tier 3D-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-RD-E animated program for kids. It's kind of blank looking, is nothing much exciting to. It's very much just shapes and colors for babies. But I just used to keep the Disney channel on.

And when it came on, I didn't bother changing it. I would just kind of sit there fixated by it for a good half an hour and just enjoyed zoning out. Oh, Michael. Michael, I just searched for it just to find it. I feel like everybody needs to know that I typed Mickey Mouse Fun. The first option is Mickey Mouse Funko Pop.

Then there's Mickey Mouse Fun House You sat down The third one is Mickey Mouse Funeral Flowers Oh God Mickey! Mickey! No! Mickey! Holy shit, look at this thing!

You used to watch this? Yeah, let me do... Yeah, pretty... It's really weird. It's so shit. Mickey Mouse. Oh God, I see it. Oh wow.

It's strange, isn't it? It's so shit. I kind of like the style in a way. What does he sound like? Ha-ha! I'm Mickey Mouse! Like that. But I'm going to go off in a different tangent now

because I'm embarrassed of my Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Not something I was too young for, but something as a kid that I wanted but I wasn't allowed because I was the wrong gender was Polly Pockets. Polly Pockets looked awesome. Why didn't we have those with like, I don't know, whatever it is, boys like,

dicks or something. Oh, it would be like... Guns. An evil layer in the shape of a snake was like the boys version. Yeah. I just wanted a house and little small things

to play with. I had a... It was a bit bigger than a polypocket but it was very much a sort of almost a 2D house you know

like a front facing slice of a house with Wallace Gromit the techno trousers and I think like maybe one other character like Feathers McGraw

it was just Wallace's house it was sort of a polypocket Wow that's so cool yeah it was really good I forgot about that until you mentioned like Polly Pocket for Boys and I was like oh yeah

Oh my God that sounds so fucking good Speaking of things meant for children I want that right now I wonder if I'll be able to find it But I was thinking Incidentally I was thinking of House of Mouse Which is set in a theatre dinner club

In fictional Toontown So it's like this fancy Imagine like an award ceremony Where all the celebrities are set on tables And there's a big stage It's like that But everyone's set at all the tables were characters from animated Disney films

but just like all of them were there and then there was like people performing on stage doing like music and stuff like that so how quaint I don't really I like I say I only sort of a couple of times at someone's house but I thought that's what you were talking about

I have thought of one from when again like I was actually a kid and I was sort of the right age but I would never have told people that I watched it in the mornings it just happened to be the only kids TV on while I was getting ready for school and I would watch I think it was just called trolls and it was based on the actual you know the trolls the dolls the little

dolls but they were all girls okay and they like used to go like go shopping and you know put like put put their makeup on and do stuff like that but they also would get transported into like a magical world and have to save the world in every episode. So it was that whole thing of like juggling, oh, but we've got to go to the mall and buy the new cute outfit. So that was the girl side of it. The girly, girly, not for boys thing. But I quite enjoyed the adventures they went on, trolls. It was great. Yeah, I just googled it and I vaguely remember this. Never watched it, but yeah. I'm glad someone watched it. Oh, here they are. Let me, uh, let me... God, you know, when you

see something or think about something and it reminds you of like other other stuff from that time I'm looking at that and I'm getting massive runescape vibes because I must have just been like must have been the same period of my life I've seen I know that show I recognise that yeah it was CBBC I know that one

or CITV maybe oh shit man I've actually got quite a recent one oh for in terms of things that I you know I don't I mean I'm about to admit it to our thousand actual thousands of listeners yeah but it may surprise you to learn that I'm not hugely into theatre

or much of a musical boy but I went to go see Hamilton over the weekend Oh yeah you did and it was really good but the star of the show for me and people who are familiar with the soundtrack or have seen it themselves

is King George who's sort of like the comic relief in it he just sort of sings a forlorn love song about America leaving him and not coming back and it's really good and the song's really funny and it's been stuck in my head all week and I keep listening to it

and sort of trying to sing along and getting annoyed that I can't sing along and it's kind of made me just off the top of my head I don't know why, a random thought made me wonder what like the Queen's speech would sound like if she had to sing it Like he has to sing his song?

Oh my God. I just think it would be way more engaging. Yeah, she should do that. Oh, that'd be the Queen's speech on Christmas Day this year. Bam, bust that tune. Yeah. Elton John, the background or something and just see what happens. What would be her backing track?

Who would she sing to? Rocket man! It's been no very trying year. Oh no. Shit. What is it that you like about the, uh, the clothes. Wars Claimation series then, Peter. What's really got you hooked?

Do you know what? It is one of those things. You know you say about Batman the animated series. I know that's obviously very critically acclaimed by grown-ups. Yes. And I'm not comparing the two as such, not to the same degree. But it is a thing where amongst the Star Wars community, you know, anyone who's anyone, no matter what age they are, if they've watched the Clone Wars, they invariably say they really enjoy it.

There are lots of filler episodes that are just like, oh no. I've lost my lightsaber and I've got to fight for this whole episode without it, oh no, and you know that's just sort of very much filler but they do actually build a lot on the saga, just

there's like, I watched an episode recently where so Anakin's a general in the clone wars and he rescued these prisoners and amongst the prisoners, some of them were clones but one of them was a non-clone officer who was a young grandmoth Tarkin from a new hope

who's the one who says you may fire when ready and blows up Alderan but it's just it's all that kind of stuff you know it just ties in and you go oh it's that person and you know it's quite nice to be like almost smugly in your own head think I know who that is and how this relates to the saga as a whole I'm much smarter than the children who actually should be watching this

yeah exactly So, should we do a thing? Yeah, should I go straight into my thing? You could do if you like, yeah. Just because I feel like mine was very question-y, so I don't know whether to go back to questions. Well, my thing is a question of what's real and what's not. Oh, my God.

It's time for more real fake news. Yay! Fantastic. There's a satirical website called The Onion, and it posts news stories that are stu-stew. they're not real stories but sometimes people fall for them because they are kind of feasible

and in this world we live in now they could be real but there's a subreddit called Not the Onion where people collate various actual real stories that sound like they could be satirical onion articles

and what I've got here is five news stories they are a combination of real and fake stories one of them or two of them or three of them or four or maybe even five maybe all of them are from the onion and uh and the others or maybe none are real i have adjusted as i did last time i have adjusted the titles of a lot of these the headlines of a lot of these news articles to make them sort of fall more in line with one another because the onion articles tend to be a little bit easier

to to pick out of a pack yeah there's a formula there Yes. So they've all got similar titles, but they're all based on equally ridiculous things. And I will read them all to you now. And then we will go back through them and you will have to tell me whether they're real or fake. Okay. And you don't change the wording of the real ones, do you? They're just as red. I have fiddled a little bit with them. With the real ones too? Yeah. Okay. First headline. Vladimir Putin calls for a reliable Russian version of Wikipedia. Interesting, okay Number two Student hacked into school district system

to gain competitive advantage in water gun fight What, okay What? I don't even see how that would work, but carry on Headline 3 Italian youth football team plans to play in blackface to stand in solidarity with racially abused player

Oh dear God Um, okay. Oh, God. Headline 4. Yellow Springs, Ohio Catholic priest considered abusing a minor to secure transfer to a new town. Ooh, God. Oh, my gosh.

And headline 5, police owe nothing to local man whose home they blew up, appeals court insists. Oh. I'm just going to go ahead and say that one's real. I'm going to start, start the last one, because that just sounds real. I was like, typical government and police, er, anarchy, ugh. An armed shoplifting suspect in Colorado barricaded himself in a stranger's suburban Denver home in June 2015. In an attempt to force the suspect out, law enforcement blew up walls with explosives, fired tear gas, and drove a military-style armored vehicle through the property's doors.

Oh no. After an hour's long siege, the home was left with shredded walls and blown out windows. In some parts of the interior, the wood framing was exposed amid a mountain of debris. Holy shit. Federal appeals court in Denver ruled this week that the homeowner who had no connection to the suspect isn't entitled to compensation because the police were acting to preserve the safety of the public. That is unbelievable. That is, I can't believe that. That's terrible.

That's insane. It's real. In a similar vein, when the Avengers fuck up a whole city or a bunch of, Yeah. Who pays for that? Is it the Avengers that pay for the repairs? Well, if you watch the films, there's actually quite a big... They have a whole film about it where they fight each other. I think Tony Stark pays for a lot of it, actually. Oh, that's okay. But sadly, the man whose house it was wasn't Tony...

Well, the police aren't Tony Stark. No, they ain't. They ain't that. Okay, let's start at the top then. Vladimir Putin calls for a reliable Russian version of Wikipedia. That's got to be real. Or false. Yeah, real. That just sounds too true. The president told a Kremlin meeting on the future of the Russian language.

As for Wikipedia, it's better to replace it with the new big Russian encyclopedia, which is real, apparently. In electronic form, RIA Novosti News Agency reported. Great. At least that will be reliable information presented in a good, modern way. Yes, in our version of things. Totally reliable. The government plans to allocate nearly 1.7 billion rubles, which is 20.7.7. million pounds to developing a Russian online reference resource similar to Wikipedia in the next three years. Amazing. Holy shit. That's real.

Okay, next one. Student hacked into school district system to gain competitive advantage in water gun fight. This is a mindbender of a one. I'm just going to say it's not real because I just don't think, I don't see how that would work. I'm trying to think there's got, there's like a weird twist. this, but I just can't say it, so I'm going to go with Peter here. Onion. You think it's onion.

A school district spokeperson said the hacker gained access to a range of private information, student identifications, grade point averages, addresses, phone numbers, genders and ethnicities. Officials say the attack wasn't malicious. They say a student wanted to gain a competitive advantage in a game known as senior water games, where students go around town shooting water guns at each other. it's real Does it say how they would have had an advantage? Nope, that's literally the

They went with that headline The real headline is A student hacked into Downington Area School District System to gain competitive advantage in water gunfight officials say And that is the only line about The water gun fight and the whole thing

The rest of it is people's reactions to the hacking It's a bad article But that's the headline I'm not trying to figure out where he gained advantage of it. What you think I can think of is that he got people's addresses and went to their houses

and did it, but maybe. That doesn't seem right. It just yells their grade point average at them. It's all about that psychological warfare. He is.

Okay, two more. Italian youth football team plans to play in blackface to stand in solidarity with racially abused player. True or false? Oh, this is... I can see it both.

Both ways. I can see the terrible, terrible logic that someone might have actually decided that was a good idea. But then I can almost come up with an Onion article headline in my head. I think... I'm leaning towards it's a real article. Are you? I was just leaning towards onion, so I'll say onion. We'll split. An Italian youth soccer team has backtracked from a controversial plan to play in blackface as a protest against racism in the sport. The Aurora Decio team based near Milan announced the initiative on Monday in response to an alleged incident of racial abuse against a 10-year-old black player. As a symbolic gesture, sorry, of total condemnation of racism and supports to all those who are its victims. Some of our team will play with their faces painted black,

the club said, in a statement on its Facebook page. Wow. Brilliant. Instead, they're going to release a chocolate bar with several different shapes. The unity bar. Yeah, there we go. The unity cross bar. So that one, that one was real.

Oh shit. Wow, that's amazing. Finally, Yellow Springs, Ohio Catholic priest considered abusing a minor to secure transfer to a new town. Again, I'm trying to think how that would work. Were they just hoping that they would sort of get caught, but only be told why you have to go and be a priest elsewhere? Yeah, a slap on the wrist.

Yeah. Um, I'll go, I'll go five for, I'll, I'll say that you brought five real ones at this point. If we've had four, I'll say this is the fifth. Yeah, I'm going real. It's the onion. Ah. Gotcha. This is the real headline, and I'm sure this would have been a dead giveaway.

Catholic priest stuck in remote backwater town thinking about molesting kid just to get transferred. Oh my God. But then the article starts off by saying that it's in yellow. Springs, Ohio. So I took that and I stuck it in the title and it seemed a bit more legitimate. Nice. Very good. That way. So there we go. That was a good mixture there. Yeah. Very well done. I'm glad that one was the false one though because Jesus Christ. Oh God. Yeah. I imagine. It doesn't want anything to do with that. It was pesky Christians.

Yes. All of them. Right. No, not. Literally every one. Every single one. So there we go. Those were some real fake news stories. I think I'm getting better at hiding them now. Yeah, that's really good ones. Good ones in there as well. So that's Reddit, forward slash, not the onion.

If you ever want to go have a laugh at how awful the world is, there you go. I've just pulled it up, the onion, not the onion, sorry, just to see what else was on there. And I guess you probably saw this one, Ben. You can now eat fried chicken

that tastes like girls' feet. This is written by Tim Nelson on MyRecipes.com forward slash extra crispy which I guess is a news site about food I won't read this all but Oh Japan, when will your culinary wonders ever cease from the far eastern country known for its

occasionally eccentric approach to fried chicken comes a whole new take on the dish which is specifically engineered to be quite different from KFC Japan's recent low odour approach which is a whole other linked article I guess they just... Is that the Benjamin Franklin invention he dreamed of, Lord of Chicken? Possibly.

Paragraph 2 is the one. Joining flavors ranging from curry to plum caragi, Karagia, which is Japanese-style fried chicken. On takeout chain, Tenka Tori Masu's menu, is their new Girls' Soul variety. Oh my God. Yep, you read that right. this fetish-inspired flavour

claims to mimic the smell and stickiness of the underside of a young woman's foot thanks to Nato, a type of fermented soybean placed over the chicken. What the fuck? And so on and so forth. I don't like it. I want insol-flavored chicken.

I think that is it, isn't it? Yeah. Yum yum, the Metschieuos Hune Kling absolute lecker, my man.

I have so a fetish for. Um, Yum, yum, the, uh,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, something, absolutely delicious.

I have a fetish. Or something, something like that. Yum, yum, the girl feed chicken sounds absolutely delicious,

my dude. I have such a fetish for that. He got. Yes, please do cut out Yum, Yum. Yum. Yum. Oh, my God.

We've got two questions left. Okay. Monica Thuris at Max Power Mezzo, Metho, says, What's your dream living situation? Like a castle, off the grid,

New York artist loft, Hobbit, Trademark Hillhouse, etc. Good question. I like this. I've always dreamed of being like a proper, city dweller. I like to be right in the middle of things. I guess as you get older, it changes,

but I would never be happy being out in, you know, the wilderness somewhere or in a little small town. I need to be in the middle of something. I need to be within walking distance of fun, damn it. That's funny, because my answer is, well, my sincere answer would be, you know, just some sort of happy medium, just like in a nice townhouse. But certainly when I was younger, before I realized the implications of not having internet or anything like, you know, that, or food even. I remember, we had this VHS where my parents had taped just a program off the telly from when they had been out for the evening.

So they'd recorded this program, but we didn't bother with our timer on our VCR. It was starting not long after they left, so they just hit record, and then it was just recording all night. So after their program was a full episode of midsummer murders. right and in this episode it was all about this man who just lived in the forest and he had this little fox that ran around with him and was his friend and he was like friends with all the animals in the wood like snow white like right at the end of the episode they see him like walking off into the woods

and this deer just walks right up to him completely unfazed and he like strokes it and I remember thinking like oh man that's what I'm good that's what I'm gonna do when I grow up I was very young at the time, but... You can ride the fox if you want. Yeah, I could do. I want to be a little tiny fox rider in an English wood. He was played by... Is it David Bradley?

Someone Bradley, who plays... Oh, loads of people. You would know him. He played Filch from Harry Potter. He played... Oh, okay. The guy from Hot Fuzz who goes... An edge is an edge.

I want you cut it down. Spoiling my view. You know, the guy with the guns. Yeah. He said major's an edge. Yeah. He's been in loads of things, but I can't think of anything. Yeah.

Yeah. I know exactly who you're talking about. That's cool, though. You could still have that. Yeah. I don't want it, though, because then it won't be able to be on the internet. Oh, that's true. Couldn't live without it.

Kind of do it in your parents' back garden, just roll out like a 20-meter Ethernet cable. And so he's still got that comfort, but he's still outside. Yeah, sure. Definitely doable, I think. Follow your dreams, man. Live your truth. Maybe I will.

Go catch the fox. Make sure you're back for biweekly polloids. It's biweekly, fortnightly. Fortnightly. God, biweekly. Please now. I don't know. I'd like to own my own place.

That's a dream. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a bit of a pipe dream. I like being in the center of things, like my. Like he said, I grew up in a village, as did you peeps. Yeah. So it's nice being around amenities for sure.

Yeah, I agree. It's a big old change. But I like where I am currently because I'm not... In Bristol, I was right in the centre. Yeah. And it was loud all the time. Here, in Newcastle, I'm a little way out. So I've got a little bit of a further walk to get into town.

But it's nice because it's quiet around here. I like this distance. I wouldn't mind owning a flat, but equally I wouldn't mind owning a house. It's like a sort of, I don't need a castle, I don't need a lot of space. I'd just like my, I'd just like it to be mine. Yeah, I feel the same. I would just like to have a house or flat somewhere where there are things nearby, you know, in like a town. I like where I am in that I'm not so central either.

I'm on the key side, but I'm like far enough away from where everything happens. that it's actually just really quiet around here for the most part, which is nice considering where I am. It ought to be really noisy and it's not. I'm the same again. I'm close enough to things but I'm not directly in the centre of it all. We're all kind of in the same situation. Look at that.

Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. I've got a police station outside my house, which is a bit intense. But very safe. Unless they come and destroy my flat. In which case, I'm sorry. An armored vehicle through the front doors. Oh, no.

it's okay because they were defending the safety of the town yes they were looking after people it reminds me of that I can't I don't know what it's from I'm sure someone I'll get loads of tweets about it now it's going around in sort of video and GIF form at the moment where the like the inept SWAT team are just sort of like oh yeah going through the just like it's from it looks like it's from a TV show or a film like it's meant to be stupid

I think that's from a racker racka video oh is it they're like falling through the ceiling and like smashing through tables and stuff and like fallen over stuff oh it's so good he's fucking amazing uh

we've got one more question this is from Michael thanks Michael that's all right anytime uh at the hairy gamer 88 oh

good question this I saw this I was like go to bring this one who was your first celebrity crush either real or animated oh okay

I know exactly god no don't do don't you don't you fucking put us on blast like that I was thinking of mentioning this when we're talking about kids TV shows so I'm going to find the name of the character now I mean I've got a couple of answers um not my immediate go-to but I know that I thought

Jasmine was a pretty pretty hot lady especially when they're doing a whole new world it's like man I could give you a better time than him wow nine-year-old Peter Austin yeah with your fucking wish crisps that you've hoarded from your family yeah I don't mean I wasn't thinking I Oh, yeah, I'm going to bang you silly, Jasmine. But I just mean, you know, we'd have a lovely date if you took me on the magic carpet instead. You know, that's what I thought. But isn't it friends with Aladdin?

Yeah, it is, but, you know. What could you offer? I'm Jasmine. I'll give the carpet a good time as well. Oh, okay. Oh, dear. They're all getting a good time. What could you offer Jasmine?

What would you give her? You know, I'd take her into the slums where she wanted to be. I think that's what the film was about, isn't it? Yeah, it was. That's basically what it was about. She didn't want to be a princess anymore. No. It's sort of the inverse of what you promise most girls.

Like, oh, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to treat you like a princess. I'm going to make you like the most special girl in the world. I'd go up to Jasmine and say, hey, do you want to come on rolling shit? Do you want to slum it? Yeah, do want to slum it with me. Do a bit of class tourism. I'd just sing common people at her or something. She'd come with me.

Peter, I love you. Take me away to your shit. Yeah. My actual, maybe not my first childhood crush, but a very early one, was the first of the three girls who, across different series, played Linda Twist in Around the Twist.

Oh, around the twist. Let me just Google Around the Twist because I don't even remember this. Around the Twist. Oh, I remember you talked about this before. You've talked about Around the Twist, at least. It's an Australian show. Let me find the right Linda.

Which one's the right, Linda? Which one's the correct one? Because they changed it, like, several times. What about you guys? I've got two that, I think, either very early or the beginning of ladies for me. First one was Kim Possible. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's a reason for that for sure.

And the Naked Moor right in that program was pretty damn appetizing too. Oh, hell yeah. And Alex from Totally Spies? I'm less familiar with Alex. I think Totally Spies is quite a bit of a later show. I'll send it in the Discord, but it's the person on the left. I remember Totally Spies, I think. Oh, okay, yeah.

I mean, they're all pretty beautiful ladies there. Which of the trolls did you like the best, Peter? Oh, yeah. Oh, I liked the blonde one. Yeah. because she reminded me of a girl who I liked at school. Sorry, Mikey, you were explaining why you liked the yellow Power Ranger. I just, I don't know, they're all good.

I don't know why that one struck me particularly as the one. Still the one. Marry me, Alex. I think they're all strong independent ladies and I think, I don't know. I don't know. I just liked her. I don't have to prove my love or my love. feelings it's just a gut heart feeling yeah that's okay fair enough uh so you mentioned earlier

peter about how i i grew up watching a lot of the tv that my brothers and sisters watched which explains why hillary duff was quite such a an important an important feature of my awakening yeah i liked hillary duff awakening yeah for one of a a more disgusting term uh yeah my dad used to me every time that Hillary Duff was on. He was like, oh, you know, he's like, no, ugh, that's gay. That's really gay.

Girls are gay. You're gay, shut up. I'm going to play with my action man. Yeah. Take his trousers off and... Yeah, just to check if anything's there this time. It's not, but it might... I'm going to check again.

I think it's just about the most heterosexual thing a man can do for his dolls. His dolls, yeah. I'm Hillary Duff for me. Thank you. Yeah, good choice. Good choice. Good choice. Good choice. Congratulations on having the one human person, I think. I was definitely probably attracted to some animated characters at some point,

but I don't remember them anymore because they're probably repressed. My Round the Twist one was human. Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, of course. That's true. But you have three humans in one, just with three heads. I can only find, like, weird pictures of her where a round the twist thing is happening to her. There's one where she's got like a, I think that's the right one, where she's got like this giant nose. There's one where she's covered in spaghetti and like red, like Bolognese sauce.

So I can't really demonstrate. But, uh, yeah. We'll always mentally picture our character. There we go. She looks beautiful. Wow. Yeah. Well, that's it.

That's the end of the podcast. Phenobinal. Let's, uh, let's do a little wrap up here then. if you'd like to support the show, which I know that you already are by listening, but if you want to go a step further, it's store.orgscast.com if you want to go find some Vidyat's merches and that, right, Michael Johnson. You are 100% correct, and if you're a smart boy or girl or anything in between, you can use code vidiates at checkout for 10% of everything in the Yorkscast store.

Is that right? Yeah, sure. Yeah. It's a discount at least, so whatever you want to buy on the... the ogs cast store, be it at some viduets merch or the new jingle cat stuff, you can use called Vidiates. I'd check out for 10%

off, but as always, please just buy all of our stuff. What's Jingle Cats? It's, uh, at the beginning of every jingle jam, Simon and Lewis kicks things off by watching, I think like three or four hours of Jingle Cats videos, which are basically

classic Christmas songs recreated using cat meows and such. And now they've started taking... Four hours. Yeah, because they started taking in like submissions from the fans and so everyone sends in their own custom made jingle cats and it's a thing of beauty. It really gets you in the Christmas spirit.

They did one. They did it last year. They're doing it again this year. I'm assuming. I don't know. Oh, hell yeah. Wow. Well, fantastic.

YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash Vidiot's official. And there's also Twitch. com TV forward slash vidiates official where we stream sometimes. We do a stream time. Streamlapse.com forward slash Video's official

if you'd like to donate and get a shout-out and join Pod Squad. The following people have done that since the last recording. Prince Beefcakes Ode Olly

Jamie Rale Oh, that was a hard one. Lord Brothovich, who is beautiful. Sexy man. Beautiful man. I sent Mikey birdseeds. Steve Norrie.

Lily Snape. Arthur from Natural Nine. Emily was here. Ode Olly for a second time. Beth Inns. Top Shagga Cal. I will lie awake, one vowel from Shira and Samuel de Barber. Thank you very much.

Pod Squad, you're all wonderful. Beautiful. Thank you. YouTube.com forward slash team triple jump if you'd like to see what Peter and I get up to on a day-to-day basis. Isn't that right, Peter Austin? We do all kinds of stuff that will remind you of the old vidiates times, including Prove It, worst games ever, a cooking show which is no longer part of Prove It, it's its own thing. We do live streams.

We do... There's another one. Rules boss, we do. Rolls boss. Which is a piece of cake, but it's now just called Rolls Boss. And we also do other stuff that's brand new

that you didn't get it, videos, but it's also really good. I'm personally very excited to see the live action conclusion to this prove it. Oh, yeah. Studying Big Smoke's GTS San Andreas order. Holy shit.

It'll be out by the time this podcast goes out. Oh shit. Well, if you haven't seen it already, Go, what are you doing? Go watch it. Go and ask. Go and ask.

I've got a 50p extra of number nine. It's got a 50th's worth of 45 with cheese. There is actually one with extra dip, I think. There is a number nine. Yeah. A number nine. Number nine. We told ourselves we weren't going to do the impression on triple jump,

and then we immediately did it without even thinking about it. Is it problematic? It's probably not. You can't not. Number nine. Anyway, Yog's cast, if you want to go see what Mikey's doing, what you're working on, mate? I can't say what it is, but I'm editing 18 videos right now, and it's hell, help.

Good Lord. I mean, I love it. I'm enjoying it. Wowie. Help me. Help me. Send help. And finally, please leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice.

It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. Boys, is there a secret question for those people who stuck around to the very end to answer? Who did you fancy as a kid? Yeah. Well, someone we know, not just, you know, Beth from year five. We all fancied Beth from year five. I didn't fancy her till year seven. Oh, Peter. Nah. Bless you.

True love waits. Well, that's all then, I suppose. Did we, did we didn't, who has Kevin? It just sort of happened, didn't it earlier? Oh, shit, yeah. It might just happen again. Let's wait. Okay. Oh, weird. Oh.

Well, okay. Well, yeah. There's going on. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We'll be back in a couple of weeks' time. We love you. Take care. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Goodbye now. Thank you.