Podiots - Podiots: Episode 42 - Festive Poop Log

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

Peter's helping us find our very own personal Florida men, Mikey's abusing logs until they poop presents and Ben's pimping himself out Donate to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/vidiotsofficial New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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leased a 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 biweekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Super-duber. Absolutely super. That was a proper good sink like. Yeah, it was like, yeah.

It's cold. Oh, it's so cold. Baby, it's cold outside. What do you think of that song? I was just about to say, no, we don't sing that song. It's not a good song. It's not a good song. It's not a word into that sentence, and I'm already sidetracked.

It's sort of the 19, I don't. when the original was written, 1970s equivalent of blurred lines, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It's just the date rape song. Is it actually, though? Because I've heard that. Obviously, it gives big, it gives big rape, big R vibes, right?

Big rape you vibes. Yeah. But I don't think it's, I really don't think it's that. I think it's just the language of the time. I saw some sort of article as you do about it, just saying what he's really suggesting is that it's scandalous for a woman to be, A woman to be going home unaccompanied at this time of night. So why don't you just stay?

No, no implications. No, but doesn't Elyke, isn't Elyke with alcohol? I think she says at one point, say, what's in this drink. I think it's aggressively flirtatious. Yeah, what's in this drink? I really must go. I'm telling you no. That doesn't exist in the 70s.

God's saying. Is it really from the 70s? It feels like it should be way longer ago than that. I'm going to guess 57 No that definitely feels too old actually No it'd be like Knees up mother outside What's it from?

I'm going to have 63 Baby it's called outside Homer and Jethro 1953 Wow okay Wait no this isn't right because This is Google giving me this information There's a listing here Baby it's called outside by E. Williams

From 1899 Oh boy Oh Fuck Oh God there's a lot of different versions I just want... 1984. There we go.

Which one? An original one. Written in 1944, then published five years later. Who was rocking it in 1899? I don't fucking... Some time travellers, I guess. That's the one thing they brought back. 1940 what?

Is there a version where it's just... Baby, it's blitz outside or something. Don't leave. You might not make it home. Oh, dear. Or you say 47, I think you said. I think it's 44. Yeah, 44.

Oh, 44. The peak of the war. The peak, peak war. Well, I guess that's why I didn't want to go outside at that point. If I get blitz to bits. Exactly, yeah. Nice. So there we go.

We've solved it. The song is actually okay. It's fine. It's a war song. We've had a word, and it was actually anti-Hitler, so I think you'll find it's okay. Yeah, it's like Run Rabbit Run. Yeah.

Which for some reason is an anti-Hitler song. I don't really understand why, but. Yeah, I don't really get it either. Wasn't it in like some early cartoons, Bugs Bunny was portrayed as Hitler, or am I thinking of something completely different? I don't know. In fact, I'm thinking I might even be the other way around. I think it might be a song about like the Tommy's running away from the German war machine. I'm not really sure. Lots of citation needed there. Don't believe a word we say. We're not professionals. Peter just said it might be this, but it's probably not. But it will be this. Or maybe. Or maybe it isn't. No. Maybe it isn't. Maybe I should never have brought this up in the first place. I think it's. It's okay.

Anyway, we've talked about Hitler. Yeah. It's been less than 10 minutes. I don't think it was me this time. No, well, I mean, you made the connection between 1944 and World War II. And the Blitz, yeah, which is a German word. It's a natural evolution. And then we talked about Run Rabbit Run.

I think there was some Peter involved. Let's face it. It was Peter. Oh, as always. Oh, what's a Christmas post-election podcast without a bit of Hitler? Oh, God. Oh, dear. Election Results Day, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, should we run the theme song? Has anyone seen Kevin? Before we get too far into this Nazi. We've had our Kevin budget cut. What? I heard of because of the new Tory government of cut, Kevin. He wanted another jacket that said Prime Minister on it and we've lost Kevin as a result.

I love my Prime Minister. Kevin lost his seat, I heard. Yeah. Yeah. What party did he stand for again? Independent, surely. Independent. Yeah.

There's got to be some clever robot joke we can make. but I don't think any of us are up for the challenge today. It's such a sad day. Yeah, God, waking up this morning was a real toughy. We've lost Kevin. That's it. But don't worry. Once we start the show proper, we'll tell you a way that you can help us fund a brand new Kevin for 2020.

Yeah. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Pottie. official boom videots boom podcast boom it's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urns where everybody brings a thing I'm Ben I'm Peter and I'm Michael we did it we're back we're gonna do it something that rhymes with back something about a show crack we're gonna Yeah.

We're gonna do some crack. The dunna, dunna show. Hey, boys. Hey. Hey. We are practically inside Christmas's mouth right now. Oh my God, no. We're stepping in.

Have you got your... Have you got your Christmas mouth boots on? Oh, as always. I've got the special ones where like the shoe goes in between your toes so you get extra freedom of movement. Oh, you're going to be so fast and good at climbing. I don't have my Christmas issues. I'm hoping to get some for Christmas. Oh, you're going to have to wade through some soggy Christmas mouth before you get your shoes.

And then we'll all get plopped out on New Year's Day into a new year. A yule-tied log. Have we just given Christmas an anatomy? Yeah. I think so. I just got the, I don't know if you guys have seen this, but there's a post that's been going around that I've seen a few times of when, And Peter, you'll be all over this, because this sounds like an anecdote you would tell. Right.

Where when they first, when sort of stamps became commercially available properly and people could actually afford to use the postal service, there was sort of an explosion of postcards and postcard designs, but because nobody had really sent any before, they're all kind of monstrous. Oh, yeah, I've seen them on Twitter, yeah. Oh, I hadn't seen this. Especially the Christmas ones. And I'm just imagining what we just described there with a giant Christmas mouth

and people sort of trudging into it, it is exactly the kind of postcard design and Christmas card design that they would have had in the early days. Yeah. There's an art challenge for someone who's listening. Buy our weird Christmas anatomy card on the Ogg's store now. Absolutely.

Well, before we get to some questions and also some things, I want to talk about Pod Squad. Now, these fine gals, girls and others, they defend the front lines of podcast freedom. and integrity integrity sorry that was a confusing one

because it could have been another word another couple of words as well these fine folks have donated to us at streamlabs.com forward slash vidi it's official if you do this any amount any amount you'll get a shout out at the start and at the end of the show and you'll know that it goes directly to us

to spend irresponsibly and isn't that the real Christmas gift of Christmas of gifting of Christmas irresponsible spending yes it is that's what that's what Christmas is That's what Jesus always wanted. Exactly. Jesus is all over this. So, I'm going to rattle them off now.

We've got a fair few. Are you guys ready? Oh, I'm holding on. We've got, there's some great names in here. We've got Dufus McGee. Elon Sleesbogano. Alan Kloor. Kilo clouds. Somebody, I'm not falling for this.

Somebody whose name is I am Ben and I like men. D.P. P. Pooh. Jambal Wanglebork. Lord Brothovich. Stephen Scodes, Prince, Prince Beefcakes, Abbey C-97, Big Titty Jesus 42, there he is. Ah, there's the festive, festive bit, festive boy, Prince Beefcakes again, the Reez's, Insta 619, Yog Khan Rules Boss, Big Titty Jesus, again, Katie Kins 94, Samuel de Barber with an incredibly, incredibly generous donation, so, so incredibly generous, actually, that I'm going to read the accompanying message, because I feel like that's appropriate. Hello there you mad lads I miss making

the streams but sometimes life is mad everything's mad Still I wanted to tell you three to have a very lovely Christmas with your loved ones and to say thank you again for all the wonderful things that you do

Merry Chrysler Thank you Samuel Merry Chrism to you too You are truly the maddest of lads Yeah You really are Awesome Fox 42 The Hairy Ginger 1

Emily Lemons Amy dosange I'm sorry if I butchered that pronunciation Amalthier in 1980 Xavier, Xavier with a capitalized R at the end, which is very cool. Staniac, the great, Gravious Platypus, Sprocket the Goddamn Cat, Brian Butterfield 69, nice. Bedonka Donk, Bord Steve, Lord Brothovich again, Ode Olly, drawn by Justin,

13 underscore Inc, and carry the worst. Holy Cow. Thank you, everyone. Thank you. Oh, what a fantastic podcast, Christmas Pod Squad family we have right there. Keeping us afloat. Yeah, you really. are soon we will be

reintroducing the Kevin but you know I've got to go through the formality the taxes the adoption papers we'll find a newer Kevin a better Kevin we'll get him back we've got to bury dead Kevin first because not only did Boris Johnson's government ruthlessly cut

public spending on Kevin but they just put him out of commission which of course is the equivalent of killing in robot culture just or whatever it is that he is cut spending then cut his CPU it's brutal Oh, no. I did a similar thing once. This is going to make me sound really stupid. Are you ready?

Oh, no. I had an old laptop, and I thought, huh, I don't, the screen's kind of annoying, but I quite like the idea of just having the base unit. And then I can just plug a monitor into the side so I could use it as like a little desktop computer. Right. And what I did is I sort of like, it was a very old laptop at the time. I sort of like managed to get the screen loose. I think I was sort of forcibly bending and twisting it until. until there was one ribbon cable remaining and it was on at this time

and I took a pair of scissors and I cut the ribbon cable and of course that was the power circuit for the whole thing Oh wowie, well done And so I bricked this laptop by trying to make it more efficient I wouldn't call that a bricking

I'd call it a nukeing It's just right It made a very concerning noise When I snipped its life cord What was it on? Yeah, it was on Oh God I cut it with a pair of scissors

it just went, ugh. It's like a sad man. Well, I did, but not the surprise you should have taught me a lesson. Oh, there we go. Okay, I'm ready for a question. Yeah, well, I'm going to give you one.

I've got a question from Amy here, or Amy. What's the biggest mistake you've made at work? And what was the outcome? Have you ever done any royal goofs at the point? I've got a good one. I normally have to wait and think of answers for these questions, but I've got one. Oh, this is amazing.

This is a good answer. It's one of the worst things I've ever done professionally and maybe even outside of that. Not morally, it was a mistake, but just, you know, a real goof. So during Halloween, in like 2016 or 17 or something, what culture were running a... You'll remember, Mikey, because you were to edit some... Oh, maybe you didn't. I don't know if you had to edit any of these.

it was like 31 days they did like this top 31 scariest horror movies all throughout October oh yeah every day they would release a really short video like maybe one minute long where Adam Blompier did some for a time but then in like K-fabe he broke his neck or like you know he was like sort of killed off in the wrestling he was wrestling put through a table yeah that's right So I then had to take up the slack and host sort of maybe 12 or 15 of these episodes. And at times I had to edit them as well. They were sort of getting passed around the office, but I edited a couple of them. And one of them was The Exorcist.

So the scene was the bit where she's gone real proper monster. And part of it was when she walks down the stairs, upside down, which was cut from the original movie was later re-added in and then also just the scene where she's her neck spins round you know and she like spits the goop at someone spits the goop

yeah and in that scene so we had to sort of present it and say oh yeah this scene is scary because blah blah blah and then cut to an actual clip of the scene with audio now I very carefully cut around the bit where we can swear on this podcast

can't we yes absolutely she says something like have you seen what she's become your cunting daughter wow everyone talks about your mother soaks in hell but yeah your cunting daughter that is beautiful

that's a good one so she said that and I carefully snipped that clip off the part that I was including I finished the edit with me sort of wrapping up and saying join us tomorrow for another episode I edited I exported it sent it to to Matt Holmes to upload

because he was uploading everything on the main channel at that time. And then I don't know if I discovered it or if someone else warned me about this but it went live and what happened was I'd done that thing where

when you're an amateur video editor you might accidentally leave a clip way, way down the end of the timeline with a load of space in between. So the way the video went was the whole episode and then like a minute of black screen. So I was watching this like,

oh no, that's really unprofessional looking. I better let Matt know that there's this long minute of black screen. And then after this minute of blackness, it suddenly cuts to a close-up

of the girl's face and she just goes, your canting daughter! And then it ends. You call that I'm a sick, but I think that's comedic genius, just unintentional.

Just this long buildup and then that as a punchline. So I had to urgently message Matt and go, Matt, take it down, take it down, take it down. And he was like, what? And I thought I was going to get in so much trouble.

I was like, I'm really, really sorry. I didn't know this had happened. It's just totally my bad, but it was a mistake. He was like, oh, it's fine. It's fine. He wasn't accidentally uploaded the words counting daughter to the YouTube before on a pretty nice YouTube channel. He's a hard man to read, or a hard man to predict, Matt Holmes.

I thought I'd be in big doo-doo, but he was like, oh, it's okay. So, got away with it. Nice. Oh, my God. I mean, I imagine people watching that probably thought, how can this not be intentional? Yeah. How did this slip through the net?

It's so good. Like, it's especially that phrase. I like how you cut it out rather than deleting it, you just put it to one side. Might save that for later. I'll deal with that later. Yeah, I don't know how that happened. Like, because I was well versed.

I've been video editing professionally for like a year and a half, I think. So I don't know how that, I must have like accidentally cut and paste it or something. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you control an X-Dit and accidentally. paced it at the end without realizing. Yeah, it's weird. I don't know how it happened. That's brilliant, though.

Yeah. Your canting daughter. Your canting daughter. When I worked at a Cunting McDonald's, I made a pretty egregious error. Like, when you're making a burger, you start by toasting out the bun.

Once they're all toasted and nice, you start with the bottom bun, you lay everything on, sandwich on the top bun, slide it down the little tray system of burgers. And I was making some quarter-pounders. you make them in sets of four. So you do a lot at the same time.

And I absentmindedly forgot to put on the bottom bun. So these poor people left the restaurants. I opened up this box and just were greeted with raw, like, well, not raw meat, cooked meat, just on the bottom of the cardboard, everything kind of slopping around. Oh, no. Oh, God.

Like the manager came over. I was like, Michael, can you look at this burger, tell me what's wrong. He's like, oh, shit. And then I looked in the toaster and there was just these blackened buns that had been in there for about five minutes I was like, yep, found them. I don't appreciate that management style

though. I really hate when they treat you like a child. Can you, Michael, can you tell me what's wrong with this rather than going, oh, Michael, there's been a mistake with the burgers you haven't put the buns on and then just saying, oh, I'm so sorry in sorting it out.

But that's like, it's very patronising the way that they spoke to you. I would bristle at that. I would quit at that. I'd hand in my notice immediately. I'll do what I did and pretend to have diarrhea not to work your last few shifts. That works equally well.

Excellent. I got it from eating here. The bottom bun, it was the barrier. It's gone. Oh my God. I actually have three from three different workplace. Wow, that's impressive. Yeah, I'll try and keep them concise.

I'll start with one that's most recent. also at What Culture, which was when I did the film review of Blade Runner, was it 2049, the most recent one? Yeah. So we, I wasn't very well versed in Blade Runner, and it somehow fell to me to do the video review of it. And we had no idea going in that, and this is, I mean, it's technically a spoiler for Blade Runner 2049,

which is now a three-year-old film. So hopefully you're all okay with this. But also, it's revealed in the first. minute of the film. Yeah. We had no idea that the protagonist was actually a replicant. Like, and, or the fact that the main character was a replicant was a secret. It wasn't known.

It wasn't publicized. Yeah. So in the review, I was like, this guy who's a replicant, and I just said it like completely off the cuff because I was like, wow, I mean, surely people know that because it was revealed so quickly and so unceremoniously that I didn't realize it was a big deal. Well, we even wondered if it was in like the sort of marketing material. like even if it was already out there even so yeah and people were not happy about that

and I got a lot of very very angry tweets and I was very stressed and I was already at home so I was messaging our boss at the time just saying please please please please please take it down I've downloaded a copy locally I'm just going to quickly cut it around and I'll transfer over the updated version you can upload it straight away

and it's already been seen by like 20,000 people at that point oh dear fuck fortunately he was willing like Peter said, very difficult man to read most of the time. He was willing to let me, to take it down and let me send him a revised version. You were allowed to live. That was scary. Another one was when I worked in IT for the NHS and I was basically doing first line customer support, but you know, you're dealing with nurses and doctors and medical professionals within the district that I was working in. And there was this one lady who was like really rude and the amount of people who have,

absolutely no patience for IT is crazy. Because they're already pissed off, aren't they? Yeah. And then it's your fault. And then because I'm at the bottom, shit falls downhill. So when the people above me don't go out there and fix it, it's my fault. So I'm getting an earful from this person. I email over to like the head of IT just saying, oh, by the way, this lady who's a bit

of a handful, by the way. I didn't say it in those words. But I didn't say anything rude. I was very professional. I just basically said she's a massive bitch. Be careful. And he's like, okay, no problem. And he fucking forwards that email and writes at the top of it and just goes,

hi, such and such, just wanted to let you know that we're coming. And I get a reply because I'm in the chain saying, well, I think you should probably proof-read you. And he then comes to me, the head of IT, and says, well, you should have been more careful. You shouldn't. And I was like, you fucking forwarded it on you, Bell-end. You're going to be in charge of IT.

How can you not know how that works? That's so good. He backed down from that because I absolutely had him dead to write. So I don't know why he thought he could blame it on me for forwarding over that. So that was that. At least it wasn't intentional. He wasn't like, Ben's been saying some stuff about you. Yeah, yeah.

He'd like to know. God, fucking Tris. Oh, my God. Anyway, the last one was when I worked at the service station. That bitch. It was a man, actually. The last time I was working at the service station. and I was covering someone's break

while we used to have a Thorntons there and I'm very bad at handwriting I'm very bad at wrapping presents and both of those things were offered as services in Thornton I was covering a break and my mum loves this sort she loves to tell it to people

myself someone came in and said oh I'm buying this Easter egg can you please write some custom ice writing on it because that's a thing we do And it was just, oh, God, I just knew it wasn't going to go well. And I was like, yeah, sure. And I could just see their face slowly dropping as I was writing these, like.

In front of them. This horrible, horrible handwriting of white icing, just butchering the name that I was writing out. And I was like, there you go. And they're like, thank you very much. And they just sort of left. And that was awful. But I didn't get in trouble with it. Luxury brand.

Yeah. Well, at least you know it's made with Kate, hand, handmaids. They should look at it on the bright side. Yeah. I think so. I did my best. They shouldn't have left me alone. It's their fault, fuckers.

Would you like another question or would you like to do a thing? I'll take another question. Yeah, okay, question. This is a nice, nice, easy, light-hearted, Christmassy-whist-y question. Christmas-y-whis-y, that didn't sound as good as it thought wood in my head. Mm, Christmas, Wismus. Oh, boy, Ben Dan Smith asks. At what age should you stop expecting your parents to get you an Advent calendar?

Do you still, do you guys still get Advent calendar? Yeah, well, realistically, it would be fucking never, because I'm a child. I want my chocolate. I've got an Advent calendar. Ooh. I think Peter's got an Advent calendar? I have, but mine wasn't from my... Yes, tell everyone about your special Advent calendar, though.

Oh, did Benhand write on it? No, he didn't. It says Advent calendar. Um, I, uh, my mom used to get me an advent calendar most, like pretty much every year until maybe two or three years ago. I guess maybe when I moved down to Bristol, because then it was like, how am I going to get an Advent calendar to you? So it was more a logistical reason. Um, and then, uh, this year, uh, my fiance, uh, messaged me and said, oh, uh, just so you know, there's going to be something coming in the post for you from my mom who lives in Australia. I have no idea what it is

All I know is that she messaged me and said, does Peter like Harry Potter, Star Wars or, like, one other thing, like, Fortnite or something like that. And Amy said he really likes Star Wars and that's probably the best option for you.

So I then get this package through the door on like the second or third of December and as I open it, I'm thinking, oh, I sort of thought this might be an Advent calendar. bit chunky, but it was the right sort of size. And I thought, oh, no, I can't really have the chocolate anymore, even if it is one, if it's

a white chocolate one. And I opened it. It was the best possible thing that she could have got me. And I don't even know if she understands just how apt it is, because there's no chocolate. Instead, it was one of those Star Wars Lego advent calendars. Whoa. Where every day, you get a tiny little, you get sort of like maybe 10 or 12 pieces that all go together into a little build.

So some of them are a little bit like one of them I got was just a sort of mossy rock, I think. I think maybe later I might be getting like a pork to put on it or something, but at the moment it's just a rock. You have to wait for the payoff there. My favourite Star Wars character.

Yeah, exactly. Dwayne the Rock Johnson in episode. Whatever. But on like day eight, day eight, I got one that I thought should have in the tasty rewarder on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day because Ho Dameron's X-wing, the black one,

that popped out and built that, put that together. It's got one of those tiny little single studs sitting in it, which is a little white one. It's meant to be a tiny little BB8. Oh, that's adorable. It's really good, so I'm really enjoying that as an advent calendar. But no, I don't get one from my mum anymore. I'm sure she'd get me one if I asked.

but yeah you don't really want to ask though it's kind of degrading it's like Mother can you buy me some chocolates please I'm a grown man I need them Mother buy me the Christmas chocolates mummy I want the tweenies one I don't think they still do tweenies ad-in calendars at all it'd be minions now wouldn't it

probably would yeah but you've got to be careful with those I'm very I'm very thankful that my mum bought me one obviously and I do enjoy them this year she got me a Mars one as in like a Mars bar one. Yeah.

And that's a good one because there's lots of really cool designs you can get. You know, you can get Pokemon ones. I think it's Kinnerton is the brand. And they just have the license for loads of like popular characters. Oh, big advent. But the chocolate is awful. Like it's chalky and cheap and really nasty. But at least with the Mars one, which is just red and black and doesn't have Pokemon on it.

And the chocolate's good. It tastes like Mars bar chocolate. So you've got to be careful. Don't be tempted, Michael. Don't be tempted by the Pikachu one because it's not going to go well. But I just love Pikachu so much. I've got to have it. He's going to give you bad chock.

I've got right now a hotel chocolate advent calendar. Supposedly very fancy, but I got it discounted because they misprinted every single calendar that they had. Oh, wow. They accidentally duplicate the day seven, so you're missing a day. So you have to kind of account for that. And it's a bit of a mind fuck when you're looking for numbers. and it's not there.

Oh, no. So thankfully I got that discounted. But the chocolate is also sweating a lot. Oh. It's like every time open a door, it's like there's a thin seal of moisture around the chocolate, and it's a bit discomforting. Oh, what a shame.

It tastes nice. Okay. Well, it's avon chocolate. It's not great, but it's just that layer of moist. Yeah, sweaty chalk. No. Shall we deep dive into a thing? Who would like to go?

I've got a thing. Yeah. Oh, good. A quick and easy thing. This was actually suggested to us on the triple jump voice chats that we do monthly with our patrons. I've been waiting for this. Yeah. Oh, no.

I kept having other things to do, so it's sort of been in the queue, but it's finally time. So this was only shared with sort of the 10 or 12 people who were in that chat. So it's time it was shared with the world. Mikey, you're pretty internet savvy. you're probably aware of this. Do you know what the Florida Man challenge is? Oh, big, big fan of... Well, actually, you know, I don't know

what the Florida Man challenge is. Well, not challenge. Yeah, just the Florida Man game, you know. Oh, yeah, I'm aware of the concept of a Florida man. Yeah. So, credit to Xavier Ramirez for suggesting this. Florida Man is a sort of game that you can play on the internet where all you do is you type into Google,

Florida Man, And then a space, and Florida man is two words. And then a space and then your date of birth. Oh. You don't need your year on there. Just, so you pop on, you know, 10th of April is my birthday, for example. And then you just look at the headlines and possibly the further story about what terrible thing a Florida man has been doing. Oh, I'm a big fan of this already.

Because Florida men get up to all sorts of things. seems. So I can read you a selection of my headlines while you're looking for yours. Okay. And if you want to know more, I can have a quick skim through the story as well. Please. Can I ask a question, Peter? Yes. Yes. I thought, because we looked up hours at the time, and mine was problematic. Oh, fun. I thought we were going to do it for our own respective hometowns. Yes, we were. That's right. Yeah. I mean, if, yeah. Yeah, by all means... We should do both.

Yeah, we can do both. I forgot that yours was problematic. Not fun. Mine's not a fun one. I've got a few good ones, so I'm going to stick with my birthday. If you want to try yours, Ben, and see if there are any other results, because I've got like three or four here. But then we could maybe try and do, like, our county or our city as well,

and see if there's a good one for that. That sounds fun. Okay, so these are some Florida men for the 10th of April. Florida man arrested after allegedly breaking... into office and leaving a sign in window. Oh, this isn't right. This is not the one I thought it was. I'll read it anyway. It's not as good.

Florida man arrested after allegedly breaking into office leaving sign in window saying secretary wanted, $17 an hour. That's just a strange one. That's not a funny one. I opened that by accident. Here are the other ones. Florida man arrested after

dining on spaghetti with bare hands. Apparently you can be arrested for that. Florida man arrested for allegedly allowing 12-year-old son to crash car into canal Wow, good Florida man defiles washing machine at Soapies coin laundromat Cops report

Oh, not Sopies! I love Soapes! Yeah According to an arrest affidavit, I hate saying that word, Michael Shannon, 57, entered the laundromat around 7.40 a.m. And then proceeded to defecate on the 4.m. floor of the St. Petersburg business. Oh, lovely.

Not content with that. There's a Michael and a Peter in that story. Yeah, we need a bend now. Maybe he took a big Ben on the floor. Not content with that disgusting bit of criminality. Shannon then scooped up his own waist, an eyewitness told cops, and approached a Dexter commercial washing machine. Shannon was then seen taking his own human waste and pressing it into the soap loading

compartment on the front loader. Oh, no. As good as that is, I love that then name drop the brand of the washing machine. Yeah. This isn't just any washing machine. This isn't an industrial baby. The cops estimated damage to the washing machine at $475. Wow.

It would be a lot cooler for it was $420. It would, yeah. So what are your Florida ones, guys? I'm going to start looking for Yorkshire Man or something. Yorkshiremen. I'll do my Florida men. Police, man tried to buy girl from Mother at War. Walmart. Oh, God. Oh, no. Fuck. Okay, I'll read like the first two sentences or something.

Police say an 81-year-old man attempted to buy an eight-year-old girl from her mother for $200,000 at Florida Walmart. That's a pretty good deal. You buy a lot more daughters with 200 grand. You could, you could buy a lot of daughters, yeah. What's next? Oh, dear. Florida man accused of shooting cat with a crossbow. Oh, God. And I'll send the picture into our discord because it looks like kind of man that would, would shoot a cat with a crossbow. Oh yeah, he's definitely shot cats with crossbows. Oh, Christ, yeah. I'm trying, there's nothing else exciting in that story.

The headline is definitely where it's at. This is a pretty good one. This is my last one. Florida man is arrested for trying to get a crocodile drunk. That's, there's never been a more Florida sentence, has there? Trying to. Fantastic. I guess, it's my.

might be important research. The alligators get drunk because squirrels get drunk off like fermented fruit and vegetable fruit, I guess. So... Yeah. That's true.

Do crocodiles eat anything other than meat? I don't know. Well, I mean, they're trying to give them beer, so... Well, I guess they're lightweights then because they've not... They've not tried alcohol before, so it wouldn't take much.

Yeah. Oh, true. Let's get some crocodiles drunk. Yeah. Fuck, yeah. I remember why mine wasn't very good. It wasn't that it was problematic. It's that there's only one.

Oh. And the website is no longer live, but I can see the headline. Right, okay. And it's not even that good. Florida man with 20 tattoos wearing hot pink bra arrested. That's all. That's all I've got. And I can't even look at the original page because of a security risk.

Ah, well, it's a good image. It is. I do like the idea of Oxfordshire, man, though. Well, I've tried doing this while you've been doing yours. And it's just actual crimes. and, like, car accidents and stuff. Yeah. Are you surprised that Sunderlands are entirely racial hate crimes?

Oh, God. Of course they are. Not really, no. Oh, dear. Oh, it's a shame that it doesn't work in the UK. Yeah, our crimes are less fun here, aren't they? A lot of people missing and some murders and a couple of rape crimes. Everything's grim in the UK.

Oh, God. I wonder if it works with another American state. California, man. Yeah. I'm going to go for Minnesota, man. Yeah. Yeah. Minnesota man.

Oh, that's not nice. No, these are all pretty grim. There's just something about Florida where zany things happen. Do you both know how Florida man has come to this kind of epidemic? I guess. No, not really. It's to do with, like, journalism laws in Florida and that they can, like, really...

They've got a really good freedom of information act there, so journalists can pretty much request any information from the police and they're able to publish it. So they, like, know every crime that's happened in that area. Oh, wow. So that's why, you see... I guess they can't name the people, so it's just Florida Man becomes the de facto human.

Yeah. Oh, there's been a play title, Florida Man, so... well that's that it doesn't really work elsewhere i guess for that reason but um that was fun oh um Miami man armed with rifle killed in polo shootout that's fun oh exciting that's really guns this Google's not really helping me these ones are just this is March the 20th which isn't what I want should we move on to something that doesn't involve the the vicious murder and drunkenness of crocodiles yeah yeah let's do that Let's see something nice.

Oh, Samuel de Barber. Hello. Welcome back. Hello. He asks, what's the most personally satisfying treat yourself thing you've done for yourself? I bought something you wanted but did not need or anything like that. Ooh.

Most personally satisfying. I dipped into my savings recently and I got myself a VR headset. Oh, did you? What kind? I got the Rift S. So it's the one that still has to be plugged into the computer because I've got the computer in my living room. So I don't need the wireless one. but it's that's awesome

I've been playing I've been playing I've been playing fucking everything I there's um like like I can only describe as gravityless frisbee echo

echo VR I think it's called where it's just like a it's kind of like a rocket league but you're throwing frisbees around a big stadium and flying around and I just

I just I've like I've never had such joy before where I was just giggling like half an hour while playing this game and throwing shit around and getting screamed at by 10 year olds

for calling me bad but that's all right Yeah, it's really cool. It's very weird. The first week with it, you kind of de-associate with the real world. And like everything feels fake. So like when I first got it, of course, I was like a little kid. I just played it for hours and hours and hours and hours. And then when I took it off, it felt like I was still in VR and that I wasn't really controlling my hands. Oh, God. Everything felt fake and like everything felt farther away than it was. And thankfully, I've, I've abused it so much now that I'm, I'm done. I'm used to it now. It doesn't affect me. Have you had any ferret issues while you've been trampling around? I've made absolutely certain that they are not out of the cage because even without something covering my vision, I tend to stand on them a little bit.

So it would be a recipe for fucking disaster. I only punched the wall once as well. Hey, nice work. You don't want them to chew the wires either. Sorry? You don't want them to chew the wires either. Yeah, the little shit really. Yeah.

You guys have been cheating yourself. anything fun recently? I mean, I like to treat myself once a week to a nice takeaway. I do that. That's like a weekly, that's a treatly weekly. Have you a favorite or do you rotate? I try to change things up. You know, it's all stuff that's bad for you. It's never anything that's like, oh, I fancy some Thai food. It's always like, I want like the deepest fried with a gravy and the cheese on it, please, thank you.

No, it's always that every time, because it's, It's got to be. So bad for me. If you're paying like takeaway money, you want to get takeaway heart attacks. Exactly. I want the full toilet experience that take away money can afford me. Yeah. I've got special takeaway baby wipes.

Oh, God. Speaking of which, when are you going to try these shreddies out? It's been such a manic few weeks that I haven't tried. But with Christmas coming up, I've got like a week off work before I go home. This is the perfect time. So yeah, I'm going to go deep into the shreddies. I'm going to start researching the fartiest foods, buy them in, and just lock myself in the house.

I'm on a high fart diet. Oh, Sprout's very seasonal as well. High fart diet, yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to try and do that relatively soon. I'll hopefully have that out before Christmas. I'll be a fun little project. I was very excited to learn how they...

So am I really, because... How they work. I mean, like technically, yeah, it should work. Charcoal's very good. Exorbing smells and stuff. But can it stop me is the question. Yeah. Have they met their match?

you get your money back. Unbelievable. I would say that the biggest purchase, though, that I've done recently, probably this year. In fact, I treated myself twice this year. Once I got, I bought a new TV at the start of the year, and I bought myself a Spider-Man PS4 as well a few months ago. So those are my two splurges. Yeah, I'm trying to think of something specific.

I'm like, you know, that I've, I've done big splurges on. I can't really think, but I think, like, generally, the thing that I buy very much just sort of for myself, I really don't need it. And sometimes I don't even ever get around to using it is like occasional retro games. You know, like I don't do that very often, but now and then I'll just... Like a big ticket, rare boy. Yeah, I go through sort of like waves of like being super into it and then like being not like not into it, but just, you know, fine with what I've got.

But then like, you know, now and then I'll suddenly think, oh, the PS1 was great, wasn't it? What games do I not have? and I'll just go on eBay and just buy loads of PS1 games and stuff. But, yeah, I'm trying to think of a specific one. I can't really. You had any nice days out to national heritage sites? They count. He's got his blue Peter badge, isn't he?

Well, that's the thing. I've got a National Trust card, so I don't have to pay to get in. Yeah, there he is. Maybe just the card itself, but I think it was a present for my mom, actually. You don't get Domino's very often. That's a treat, right? I got Domino's the other day. I get it maybe once a month

Yeah That's a treat That's a good average Gives you body time to recover Yeah just about As soon as it's recovered Bam It's time to

Get ready body Yeah You're gonna feel bad for three weeks I'm sure I'll Think of something As soon as we've stopped recording But yeah Yeah

I guess occasional Occasial video games And Dominoes is My answer You're saving for a wedding Though Yeah that's difficult To splurge

I think the wedding Will be the big The big splurge Yeah Yeah. Well, at your wedding, you can have like PS1 game, play us mats or whatever and as much dominoes as you can eat. Yeah. That'd be very fancy. The honeymoon.

Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, dear. I might do my thing. Yeah, do it. Tell me about your thing. Unless, Ben, you're eager to do your thing. I've got a, is your thing Christmas related?

No, actually it is, yes. Okay, I was going to say, I've got a Christmas related thing too, so I don't mind going last to top us off with a Christmas. Yeah, we'll do that. I mean, well, mine's Christmas related, but it's not exactly pleasant. Okay. But not in a bad way, it's kind of fun unpleasant. It's fun pleasant. Let me tell you about the Christmas killer.

Yeah, he killed everybody. He put 12 women in mince pies. All right. I'll just start off with four words. The festive poop log. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

It's written by Ben Franklin by any sense. Well, I, okay. fuck out. I'll start for something else that I was going to try and shove in shuffing at some point. And I might try and squeeze in farty escapades from historical figures throughout, but turns out Mozart was quite a, a poopy, farty boy as well. Was he the one who was death? No, that was Beethoven. No, that was Beethoven. Now we're talking about Maudaise Mote's fart right now. Oh, very good. Blimey. So there is

an entire Wikipedia article about Mozart's fascination with the scatological Wow And the top example It's a bit mainly in his letters He made a lot of references to poops and farts And I think There's about 100 letters That he's written that involved

Poops and Farts And the one it uses Like the shining gold example Is an excerpt from a letter He wrote to his cousin Maria In November 1770 To his cousin Maria? What's he doing?

Who writes letters to their cousins? Well, who writes letters like this? So it features the following verse. Well, I wish you good night. But first, shit in your bed and make it burst. Sleep soundly, my love. Into your mouth, your ass, you'll shove. This is some.

Are you sure you haven't gone on that website that you got the Arthur fanfic? Oh, God. They're not even this dirty. Jesus. That is, that's mind-blowing. This is Mozart. Yeah, genuine real-life, musical genius Mozart.

I think, Peter, you're, right now, you're having a very similar reaction to Margaret Thatcher when she learned about this. Oh, yeah. She was not pleased. She was going to watch a play about Mozart and, like, I guess, talk to the director. I know, yeah, in the play, it kind of explores some of these themes. And there's an excerpt from Wikipedia. She was not pleased. In her best headmistress style, she gave me a severe wigging for putting on a play that depicted Mozart as a scatological imp with a love of four-letter work.

words. Scalogical imp is such a good word. Jesus. It was inconceivable, she said, that a man who wrote such exquisite and elegant music could be so foul-mouthed. I said that Mozart's letters proved he was just that. He had an extraordinary infantile sense of humour. I don't think you heard what I said, replied the Prime Minister.

He couldn't have been like that. I offered and sent a copy of Mozart's letters to number 10 the next day. I was even thanked by the appropriate private secretary, but it was useless. The Prime Minister said I was wrong, so I was. And Mozart was declared fit for work the next day. God bless the people around him who had to put up with him. Thatcher closed all of the natural gas mines up and down the country. Okay, let's get back to the festive poop log, because I'm sure you're dying to hear more.

Tio D. Nadal, which translates to Christmas log, is a relatively widespread Catalanian tradition. It can be found in many Aragonese and Catalanos. during the whole day season. It is a hollow log, about 30 centimetres long, and in more recent times, Tio has come to stand up on two or four stick legs with a broad smiling face painted on its higher end, enhanced by a little red sock hat. So picture a log wearing a red Christmas hat, being propped up by some wooden hands, I guess. And the tradition begins with the Feast of the Immaculate Conception on December 8th. You give the Tio a little bit to eat every night. And then you, out night, you know, before you go to bed, you cover him up with a blanket so that you won't get cold through the night.

And the story goes that in the days preceding Christmas, children must take good care of the log, keeping it warm and feeding it so that it will defecate presents on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve. You are describing Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo from South Park. Genuinely. Oh my God. Wow. I guess that might be the origin of Hanky. Possibly, yeah. Wow, there we go. South Park's so cultured, who could have known? So what do they do at the end? Do they just empty it out of all this sort of slightly rotten food

that's been sitting in there for two weeks? Yeah, who has to wipe the log's ass? Believe me, when I say it gets better. Oh, no. Okay. On Christmas Day, or in some households on Christmas Eve, one puts the teal partly into the fireplace and orders it to defecate.

How do you make a stick defecate? I hear you scream. Shit! Shit now. Shit! God, I just feel bad for my neighbours in that. Oh, no. So, to make a defecate, the children gather around and beat it with sticks while singing a song.

Like some kind of punyatta. Very good. Incredible. I think the song's kind of lost in translation, so it doesn't quite have the same rhythm. But I'll just read out the lyrics as a matter of fact. So it starts with the imperative, shit, log. shit nougar hazelnuts

and mat or cheese if you don't shit well I'll hit you with a stick shit log shit do you have

the original Catalonia I do let me get it up I'll find oh god hang on if you

if you can read that to me again I'll type it and we can see if we can get the the robot lady to read it okay I've just put a link

in the dish yeah maybe do you want to hear it German? Yeah, let's do it, let's do it. Scheiser, Log, shyser. Hang on. So, I think at this point, I'll play the original, after you've done the German version, I'll play the original in all its glory. Oh, okay, wow. Okay, I've got it. Oh, he's done it.

Are you ready for the German? Let's hear it say it in English first. Shitlog, shit nougars, hazelnuts and matto cheese. If you don't shit well, I'll hit you with a stick, shit, log. Wow, that was actually really good. Yeah, she did a good job of that. Still all right. Now, let's hear her try it in German. Is the German for log, log?

Because that's what's come back. I don't know. I've no idea what the German for log is, but yeah, I guess maybe it is. Here we go. Sheise log, sheise noggots, hazelnusses, and matochese, if they not good sheise, would I, with a stock slagin, If you don't shit well, it's very well interpreted there.

Yeah. That's good. Sheise, look. And now I'll drop in the certified official version. Okay. Okay. Yeah, del Tartic, toca, toca valentic. Passen boughs and vows and vases, galleys and sabbatons.

Courre, courre, mignons. Calatetech taverns. The vicaria has casted, due that are a few salats. Aye, the gout, ay, the port. Aye, the car, cara, cara, cara, cara. Aye, the gout, aye, the port, ay, the cara, of pebrot. Wow.

Wasn't that amazing? that. Amazing. But there's an extra, extra bit to this because it just couldn't be ridiculous enough anyway. After Tio de Nidal has been properly beaten and serenaded, the log magically poops out presents and candy, where he is then considered useless and thrown in the fire for warmth. Oh. Wow. No. But wait, that's not all. The Catalonians have a second tradition. which is kind of more amazing. The Christmas baby wipes.

Oh, God. So, yeah, yet again in Catalonia, as well as in the rest of Spain, Italy, Southern France. Traditional Christmas decorations often consist of a large model of the city of Bethlehem, kind of similar to our little nativity scenes, but rather than just being like the little barn

or whatever the fuck Jesus was born in, it's the whole city of Bethlehem that they make. Oh. So, yeah, they've got, all the usual stuff, like a child in a manger, people, like all the shepherd, her and the sheep, people walking around. It's like a proper little diorama of what's going on.

Dara. A diurea. A Christmas diaraba. Well, you're very close there, actually. Oh. Then in comes the Caganere. This translates literally to the crapper or the shitter. The Caganair is a small figure of a person squatting with her trousers down,

showing their bare ass defecating onto the floor. Oh no. Excellent. He's often kind of hidden away and integrated deep into the scene, so you can't have to hunt around for him, but he's always there. It's made into a game for the children to find him. Oh, but surely the best place for him would be in the stable, in the straw, where everyone else is already shitting.

He's giving birth to the baby Jesus. Ah! I think one of the theories of it is, well, if you exhibit him, if you don't exhibit him, sorry, it'll bring misfortune since his feces fertilizes the ground and brings luck and happy. Oh, yeah, okay. Interesting.

Like the little clay models that are hand painted. Traditionally, the kind of like just of, well, I guess, old style peasants wearing traditional Catalan red cap. But nowadays, there's companies out there that make caganaires of anybody pretty much. Anyone that's been in the public eye at all has a caganeer of them. So there's a website called caganeer.com. And I've just, I went through about all 500 other products. And some of my favourites were, and this is a bit of a shocker, Greta Thunberg has a Caganeer.

Oh my God. So it's a little model of her shitting, which is terrifying. Actually, I'll drop in a picture. So spell Caganeer is C-A-G-A-N-E-R. Okay. I'm just going to drop. Let's go for this one, because that's a nice traditional one. Everybody get up your Googles and have a look.

There you go. Oh, God. Oh, now I know what your tweet was today at time of recording. Oh, yeah, I saw that too. Yeah, on the website, they've got Deadpool, Mr. Bean, Boris Johnson, Han Solo, E.T. The Venus de Milo, Simpsons. Yeah, there's, like, for every imaginable person, mainly Spanish air politicians, but I didn't really know any of them.

Wow. That's amazing. That's a tradition. So you get little clay models of almost any celebrity, you want, taking a shit. Isn't that what dreams are made of? That's what Christmas is all about. It is.

Are you sure these are totally, because I did the Christmas traditions last year and, you know, chocolate grandma, and you had to guess which one wasn't real. Are you, are you, these are real, right? These are all real. These are genuinely 100% real. I think somewhere in, on the Wikipedia page, it mentions, like, one of the big churches in Catalonia has, like, a model of a shitting person hidden inside of it. So as far as I can tell, unless this is a very intricate lie, this is genuine.

The Greta Thumburg one. It's horrifying. The E.T. one is really weird. His eyes. There's a gorilla. There's Luke Skywalker. Darth Vader. And I'm pleased to announce her in partnership with caganeer.com. You're called Vidyots for 10% off any Caganeer at checkout. He didn't have us as well.

What a strange collection? One of them's just a moon. Oh, the pepper pig ones are really good, actually. I don't want to look at the pepper pig ones. And for 60 euros, you two can have your own personalized, totally custom caganeer. Whoa. I was going to say, I'd like some of us now. I'm quite tempted to try and make my own, because theoretically, it should be that hard to get some, you know, clear that you're baking the oven and the paint over.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I'm sorry for, like, just the, the theme that I've apparently. been going with recently, but I couldn't say no to any of this. No, I think it's really subtle. I like it. Yeah. Yeah, it's really subtle. Yeah. It's really subtle. Bear ass shitting into a manger. Yeah. I like the shit toys. Very good. Which like a question, boys. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. This one's from Addy at 2 Adi 2 United. I just realized I haven't been reading out anyone else's Twitter handles. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Forgive me. But Addy wants know. What video it's running joke did you least expect to catch on and or what joke did you hope would catch on but didn't? I kind of want to focus on the like what jokes did catch on that we didn't expect to because I don't think we ever necessarily

like quote unquote forced a joke did we just kind of said things and sometimes you got picked up on by the zeitgeist. We've never really tried to make anything I think the the one that surprised me most was I mean it's not it's not really stuck around

what we still say it now and then is that's a bit weird. I'm not sure that's right. It's just a random clip from a Dick and Dom Creamy McMuck Grand finale that was loosely relevant to the B movie game that we played

and somehow it entered the lexicon as a phrase. It's got to be a lot of Dick and Dom in there, a lot of Dick and Dom. I think Stoke-on-Trent is my personal favorite. I'm glad that caught on. Yeah, I like that. I think the one

thing that maybe could have caught on, but we never gave it the airtime, was the poopy bum song. Oh yeah, you're right. That was part, like, whenever I'd set up a worst games, I'd load up, uh, I think I would just like type into the keyboard, like P and O and O and P and O and O. And eventually, like, it just took us to a YouTube video of like Tom the Talking cat, that old app of a kid just saying, poopy, poopie, poopie, poopie, boop, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. It was how we did our sound test to make sure that the, like, OBS was capturing desktop audio if we were to play that and if it captured the cat saying poopy poopy bum bum then it works like a behind the scenes in joke that one yeah I think

most of the most of the video jokes are sort of you know on video but like a handful of them took place off camera yeah I think it made its appearance last Christmas didn't it it was um I think at the very beginning before like the Santa game we showed behind the scenes of the poopy bum song Yeah. It was a final hurrah. I like the lasting appeal of the farting was a bit much for me. Yeah, that was going to be my suggestion, yeah. It's a very versatile one.

It can apply to a lot of situations. Garlic and chips. Michael Juxon. Extra 50s worth of whatever. Are you comfortable there? Yeah. That's a good one. There's so many bits from that video that are applicable to everything.

Yeah, because Michael Juxon almost had second wind, I think. I think we actually showed him more than once and I think like the first time Oh shit, just lost my headphones Yeah, we showed him the first time And we maybe You know, it lifted one line from it Might have been like

Garlic and Chip So it might have just been the Yeah But it took a second viewing I think some months later On like a stream or something And then it That really kind of took off from that point

So he was lucky really I feel like it was just like one of those times where we were sat in the room kind of not doing anything watching Mr. Blobby videos and I think I just loaded up Michael Jogson and we just watched it from start and finish and I think the magic kind of washed over us and yeah been in love ever since yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he're comfortable they're like oh yeah come a little bit he doesn't even say this in the video but somehow we invented the line come a little bit closer to the camera son it doesn't even say that says pop we had further

closer very good impression which makes a lot of sense yeah but we we've just sort of invented this new line and that's very that's very sort of flexible as well I remember the very first time you showed that to us Mike you were in room one in the Oggscast just recording a video and I think

you showed it to us either just before or after we played this game and I was actually feeling really really ill I was like feeling sick that day I don't think I actually told you guys I was just I don't know not enough to drink or whatever and like I was

was already like nauseous and then you pulled up this video of this fucking weird looking guy with a light in his face and according to the commentary he stinks of garlic and it just watching it made me feel genuinely unwell and I was like oh god it is very unsettling isn't it yeah I'm sorry Peter for subject to that oh no I'm glad that you showed it to me because it's uh it's brought me many many good laugh since then I just had to get through that At one day. Last thing I feel. Yeah.

Ben, would you like to put your thing a bit closer to the microphone, son? Come a little bit closer to your thing, son. Right. Yes, I would. I've actually just got some last minute, it's just coming now. I've just had a communication from German robot lady. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

It's addressed to Peter. Right. So I'm just going to, are you ready? I'm just going to roll it for you now. Yeah. It's just hot off the presses. Here we go. Hello, Peter,

Froe Weinachten, my man, I love you, because you so great and sportly is. Weist do what he

done had, your footsentotter. Uh, I got some of that. I don't understand what it was, though. There was, I love you,

something about someone being sporty. And I think at the end, it was a something doctor. It might have even been a fart doctor. Oh.

Oh. My kind of doctor. Not quite. Would you like to hear the English? Yeah. The English is, of course, the German comes through first, and then the English always seems to come through just after you've had a guess at what it is, which is weird. Here we go.

Hi, Peter Merry Christmas, my man, I love you because you're so tall and good at sports. Do you know what she did? Your cunting daughter. Oh, my God. Yeah, Tocht. I thought she said doctor. But then that's not actually the, that's not the, that's an English word. So I heard I say doctor and was like, oh, she said doctor, which is not German, so I don't know where that came from. It translated cunting and daughter, though.

Yeah. Okay, let's talk about Christmas traditions, shall we? Oh, boy, let's get those 50 peas out. 50 p's out, everyone. Hey, are you ready? Yeah. As Christmas draws closer, you may have noticed the last few years that some houses decorate their front doors with bows. Have you ever wondered why, though?

Oh, I saw this. Christmas is an expensive time of year, and a lot of people need to find extra money. A bow on a front door means a female willing to take on prostitution lives at the address. Oh, no. It goes further, though. Different colours mean different things. The meaning of colours varies in different parts of the country. Oh, yeah.

But nationwide, red means cheap under 20 pounds. and white means available in school hours. What? Oh, dear. So you may have seen this. This is, I know Peter saw it, and I saw it as well. I think Ross at work posted it in our group chat. That people who put bows on their doors,

it might not mean what you think it does. I love that, because people do that. I'm going to make my house more festive. Nope. You're advertising yourself. Yeah, it's a dangerous thing to publish to the public, isn't it? because now, you know, when Mrs. Goggins puts a red bow on the door, just because she thinks it looks pretty,

she's going to have people knocking on saying, oh, are you cheap then? Are you cheap? Yeah. 20 pounds available during school hours, are you? I wonder what other colours there are. Is there like a yellow one for water sports? That's for vidiots. A brown one for sort of Mozart play.

Yeah, that's what they call it, Mozart play. Yeah. But wait, guys. Sorry, I just remembered Mozart had a song with the lyric, lick mine ass in it. No, he did it. He did, yeah. Come on. He was R&B before it's time.

He was. This is actually bollocks. No, you... It's not true. Well, I'm glad to hear it. It's, I'm on a... Because I googled this after I saw it in the chat, because I thought, oh, this would be a good one to do. First thing that pops up, that's nonsense.com.

And it's a fact check. Red Bow on. front door indicates prostitution question mark fact check a rumor spreading on social media claims that decorating your front door with either a red or a white bow is an indication that the person living inside is advertising sexual services

for sale. That is false. I just read you an example of one of the sort of scams that's been going round and here's why it's wrong. This claim is false and most likely intended as a joke by someone who dislikes this particular type of decoration.

A decoration that has become increasingly popular over the Christmas period. Various online searches regarding this type of decoration yields no results related to the advertising of sexually related services. While there are plenty of how-to videos and other articles about Bose being used as a decoration on a door, none of them mention anything to do with the specific assertions in the above rumour. Well, they wouldn't, would they? No, it's a secret. The message first appeared online on Facebook on December 4th by a UK page called Spotted Clacton. uncut and uncensored

Wow, that sounds great Needless to say, the post or page didn't proffer any evidence to support its claim. The page that posted the message appears to post mostly funny and those are in speech marks, funny memes and other types of entertaining content.

While social media users have correctly interpreted the message as somewhat tongue-in-cheek, as is common with these types of viral copy and paste messages, other users have taken the claims at face values. face value, sorry. Bows of various colors have becoming an increasingly popular type of festive

decoration. There is no link between them and prostitution. Well, not yet, but we could change that. We could make that link. We could be the people to make this come true. It's time, guys. We've got to take the bows back. That's the thing, if there wasn't a link before, maybe people who were thinking about maybe lending their services this year

might have seen that online and gone, oh, is that? Oh, okay. Oh, I didn't know that, but, you know, maybe I'll get in on the industry standard so now it might have actually become a real thing as a result I don't like the specification of the well I know obviously it's all fake but the specification of during school hours it's like I've just dropped the kids off at school gonna go gonna go do a thing

gonna go 20 quid oh no got an extra 20 worth of garlic sauce no no no but Facebook is dangerous for this reason it really is actually it spreads a lot of misinformation So if you see that, now you know, it's bollocks. I swear every week I get a WhatsApp from my mom, which is like she's shared like a link to something or a Facebook post saying, warning, like this thing's now dangerous.

Look out for this scam. Yeah. Either it's not true. I'm not going to fall for like someone begging for PayPal. Ma'am, you've been scammed by sharing it. Oh, my. Yeah. Oh, your mom got you.

You're the fool. Oh, darn, no. No, mother, no. Stop. Should we end on that? That was my thing. Oh, that's beautiful, Ben. Well, thanks for.

lying to us. That's okay. I can do it every week. A Christmas lie. A Christmas lie. Oh, would you like one final, one final question? Yeah. This one comes from Conner. Oh dear. Mulkany. I'm going to go Mulkany at Conroy underscore Milk on Twitter. Have you ever had any weird slash awkward interactions with members of the public while filming real life content? This is quite apt with the recent release of the new Air Banjo because we approve it on triple jump? We've had yeah, like

we've had things where we've been shooting stuff and it's been kind of embarrassing because people have been walking right through where we're shooting and we're doing a stupid thing. In that situation do you stop or do you just kind of carry on? We quite often carry on actually. We usually do. So like

in the banjo prove it, there's a dog that runs into frame because there was this guy walking his dog, who was a bit of a stoner. I think he was actually there to, like, smoke weed or something. Yeah, we've seen a lot of people smoke weed in that area. And he was, like, sort of hiding it. He went into the undergrowth and was in there for a while and then came back out. And then when he came out, he actually had his phone and was recording us as he walked away

because he thought it was really funny. I thought he was recording his dog. He turned it on us for some of the time, definitely. He was recording us for sure. also at the same time we had four or five sort of very somber looking they're either business people or we're going to a funeral

just walked right past us while we're being silly in our costumes in the in the well park is not the right word at all no the bridge under under area yeah and we've had similar things with when we did the stuff in the pink car both when we did the original

crash team racing thing there were some joggers just going round that track over and over while we were getting the footage and also when we got the pink car out again for the drive-through sketch

for the KFC clock and bell prove it in that video as I'm sort of slowly driving up the driveway this woman from the next door office sort of steps out

sees that she's on camera and starts to do an awkward jog out of frame because I don't think she wants to be on camera, bless her. Oh, amazing. Yeah. The Dunster videos we did. The vlog was fine, but the prove it we did.

Was it Age of Empires or something? Yeah. Yeah. Like, it was just us sticking around in a river in costumes. And that was a nightmare to navigate with all the families having a nice time away and us scampering around. Yeah. Yeah, that was a weird one.

I liked that one, though. That was a fun, prove it. That was peak prove it. Um, I mean, for me personally, it's obviously the Spider-Man. Yeah, it's got to be, yeah. That was painful. It was an extremely revealing. It was a very crotchy outfit.

Um, it clung very tightly. I want to thank everyone who has inappropriately complimented me after that video. Oh, no. But it was no, it was no more fun doing it actually in front of real people. Uh, the bridge bit was, was my Vietnam. Yeah. I was, like, I was going to say the bridge bit because... Because I didn't want to do it, did I?

I had to pluck up the courage. I was like, fuck it, fuck it. We're doing it now. We're doing it right now. Yeah, literally. It was giving you a little pep talk like Ben and just like, walk over and be fine to get done. And it won't be that bad. Oh, the traffic queuing across it.

People just ignoring you. The lady refused to high five me. Yeah, leaving you hang in. And then two like American girls took their heads out of the window at their car and were like, Hey, Spidey. Yeah, that was nice. I enjoyed that. Yeah, good day, good.

Yeah. It's usually not so bad. When we've got the camera, it's okay. I will say when we shot the milanois stuff at the beginning of last year. Oh yeah. I forgot about that. We got some aerial shots that we didn't even use in the final edit. Mikey went up to his flat. I think they're in there. And there was an abandoned car park. I think it's briefly in there. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. I think it might be, but it wasn't worth the effort or the humiliation. Okay. Well, he goes up like, what, five floors? Yeah. Something like that. And he's on his outside balcony and we're in this car park adjacent from the building. We're holding these fucking sticks as handlebars. We've got these stupid wigs and fake moustaches on. And then we're chasing each other around for like 10 minutes in circles, like running figure of eights in

this car park. Because people use it as like a, as just like a footpath to cut through to the other side. And I've never felt more vulnerable shooting something than then because there was no obvious cameraman with us. We just looked fucking mental. Yeah. Yeah, we did. That was awful. That was a really hard one.

And then like three people watched it. It was so worth it. Yeah. Oh, dear. Well, thank you very much, Connor, for that question. Make us relive past trauma. Yeah, that's a good question. Relive my trauma.

Well, there we go. Thank you very much for those questions, Michael. Hello. Hello. Oh, you could have a bit out a bit there. Yeah. Okay. Thank you very much for those questions, Michael.

That's all right. You're welcome at any time. And thank you for those things as well, boys. Now, we're going to move on to the end of the show. Oh, we have. I mean, I may be wrong, but I'm fairly sure there's some merchandise over at store. Dot yogscast.com. Is that right, Michael?

Oh, you're 100% correct, Ben. Sadly, no caganese just yet, but maybe next Christmas we'll work on getting a limited run done. Who knows. Yeah, so we've got a few. t-shirts on the website. They're all amazing. They'll all improve your life drastically by buying them. If you don't already own one. What the fuck you doing? What the fuck? What the actual fuck are you doing? What the fuck? Navigate over to the Yogscast store right now. Find us on there. I can't remember how. I've just hit my mic. And use code vidiots at checkout for 10% of

everything. That's right. Code Vidiots. Yeah, anyone's stuff. There's some jingle jam stuff going on right now, kittens on jumpers. What's that? What's a jingly jam? I don't know. I don't know fucking know. If you want to find out more about jingle jam, I guess you could buy some merch

and that'll enlighten you. Or just buy, buy, the entire stock. Yeah, just buy all of it. Why not? YouTube, Twitter, Facebook.com, or forward slash Vidiots. Fish.

Fish. That was a tricky one. Twitch. Twitch.tvy also forward slash Video It's official. If you'd like to support the show monetarily and join Pod Squad, you can do streamlabs.com forward slash video it's official. Any amount that you donate will entitle you to a shout out at the beginning and the end of the next show since you donate it. Because obviously if you donate after we've recorded this one, then we can't add it to the podcast even if it goes out after the date.

Because, you know, that's not how time works. You should know this. You should all know this. This isn't hard, okay? Fuck's sake Work it out Geez God

Anyway here's Pod Squad for this week Are you boys ready Ready Dufus McGee Elyn Sleesbogano Alan Kloor Kilo Clouds

Someone who's called Ben and likes men Pee-Poooo Jambal Wanglebork Lord Brottovich who specifically requests that Peter doesn't get a share of his donation

Stephen Scodes Prince Beefcakes Abbey C 97 Big Titty Jesus 42 Prince Beefcakes The Rezzes Insta 619 Yog Con rules boss

Big Titty Jesus 42 Katie Kins 94 Samuel de Barba With a very very generous Christmas donation Thank you Santa Barbara Awesome Fox 42

The Hairy Ginger 1 Emily Lemons Amy Dosange Her Amalthia 1980 Zavia R Staniak the Great Gravious Platopus

Sprocket the Goddamn Cat Brian Butterfield 69 Bodonka Donk Bored Steve Lord Brottovich Ode Olly

drawn by Justin 13 underscore ink Carrie the worst Thank you all so much A lot of them are sort of surrealist But actually I think my favourite For some reason is Emily Lemons It just roars off the tongue Yeah

Emily Lemons was so enthusiastic She donated twice And we had to refund one of them Because it was accidental Well when life gives you Emily Make What Life gives you a Emily Absolutely

Absolutely find us on a day-to-day basis, they can do, right? You and I? They can do, yeah. You know, I was talking about the banjo, prove it? And people might be like, what do you mean, prove it? What? Vidius is dead, isn't it? Viddius is dead. What? No, it's not. Well, it is. Well, it's not. But we don't do you prove it over here. It's sleeping. We do it somewhere else. We're over at Team Triple Jump on YouTube, Twitch, Twitter, Facebook. We're making all kinds of familiar content over there now,

including Prove It, worst games ever. Essentially a piece of cake, but it's called Rules Boss now. We do a cooking show, which is completely separate to the challenge show. It's all very good stuff, isn't it? We do a podcast and we do lists and everything. We stream as well. Everything. Everything you could possibly want from us, except Michael Johnson.

But he's been on a few of those shows. I have. I have. There are episodes with Mikey in if you want to see all three of us together. And we are actually in full Christmas mode over at Triple Jump. We've been working very long hours. Yeah. Putting together all sorts of Christmas themed things. So please go and watch them. I hope you enjoy them. So that's where you can find Peter and I. Mikey. Hello. What are you working on, mate? Lots of very secret NDAid stuff. I hate this bit because I can know. Oh, actually, no, there's one thing that came out recently. So if you go, this isn't a command, but if you're in the market for a new gaming computer and you just so happen to be fancying something to buy fromcurries.co.uk, you'll find some computer product videos for PC specialists on there. So I can, I'm trying to help sell computers. Please buy some and put in the note. Michael Johnson made me buy this. This is a great video, blimey. Wow, look at that computer, isn't it pretty? But yeah, other than that, I'm, mainly a Twitter boy at the minute.

If you want to see a picture of Barton Homer Simpson as a clear figure shitting, yellow poo inexplicitly. That's at Parrot Boy. At Parrot Boy. Go and see it. Papa Parrot Boy. Go get on it.

Finally, please leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with algorithms. Guys, what is the final question? Probably of 2019, right? because we're going to take, well, you know, we've taken a little break, but we'll be off over Christmas and New Year's because we won't, we'll be with respective families and stuff.

Well, not to, not to blow my own knob, but, uh, what about, uh, everyone giving us there, Florida men. Oh, yeah. Or women. Or women. If it works with women, I'm sure it probably does. Wow, yeah, that's a good idea, actually. Yeah, fill the chat, fill the comments with Florida men or women. Yeah.

There we go. Lovely. That's a great idea. well fantastic we did it we got to the end of 2019 and wasn't it shit who's to say 2020's gonna be much better not not us but we'll do our best to be a part of your 2020 as soon as we're able to yeah lovely there's no kevin is there no do we have to sing the outro ourselves maybe yeah okay Merry Christmas everyone Happy New Year. See you in 2020.

Bye. Merry Christler.