Podiots - Podiots: Episode 44 - Funky Smell, That

Episode Date: January 28, 2020

Peter's had a flat nightmare, Ben's dishing out some appvice, and Mikey's running a marathon. Helpful apps: - Headspace: Meditation & Sleep - Woebot - Stop, Breathe and Think - SAM- self help for anxiety management - Mindshift Donate to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/vidiotsofficial New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV

or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Good morning, boys. Good morning. We don't normally do one in the morning, do we? This is a special gruff episode of Puddyat,

so everyone's a bit sore and hasn't woken up properly yet. Yeah, welcome to graphiates, everybody. ASMR. Which doesn't really work, given that. I've only got one microphone, so it's just me grumbling into a microphone. Maybe if someone can come around, one of you come around with your microphone and set up, and just place it slightly further apart than mine, then we can do some proper ASMR. Can we do, like, remote ASMR where everyone, like, just does the same sound at the same time,

and my kind of sound ASMR-y? Yeah. I'm going to get my coin purse. Oh, God. Have you managed to get it all back in? No, there's just endless coins all over my floor now. I mean that means I'm sort of for money though because I have my life savings in it

so if I ever need to go out shopping there's 20 p on the floor I can buy a drumstick brilliant oh a drumstick I've not had a drumstick in a long time they're amazing I love drumsticks oh god I might get a drumstick today at lunchtime

oh treat yourself shit you've earned it not just a drumstick for lunch well obviously have you know three tubes of fruit pastels as well oh yeah I'm not can I pitch another one to you?

Yes. What about two drumsticks and no fruit pastels? Oh, but you need to have fruit, though. It's part of your five a day. Well, Skittles, would you consider Skittles? Is a rainbow a fruit? I think it probably is. Yeah, definitely, yeah.

Okay, yeah. A skittles and a drumstick for lunch. Have you ever tasted the rainbow before? I've tasted Skittles, but I'm not entirely convinced that they have truly bottled the rainbow there. I think it might be. But then, you know, they could get sued. So maybe they have done

Yeah, because you can't lie on anything Like if they're saying tastes the rainbow It must be the rainbow Yeah, maybe so There's only one explanation I think the way I'm imagining it is They've got several Skittles factories around the world Just in prime rainbow location

So when the end of the rainbow hits a certain spot It captures that energy And transforms it into little coloured rounds Oh, little coloured rounds Oh no! My X-O suit is being hit Hey, speaking of that fella Yeah, the blue smarty

Yeah, the blue smarty himself Dave Benson Phillips I've got a little anecdote to tell Because I did You know, I did the tweet Let people know that we're recording potty It's the classic Dave Benson Philips Twitter photo

Yeah Everyone's favourite And I made sure to include One that had a little play button on it To see how many people would sort of try to make it play Like a video because I thought that would be fun See if I can fool people Make them look like idiots

And then I remembered There was this moment when I was a kid And I was watching I think it might have been Fun Song Factory Or something like that Hosted by our boy And Now I don't know what it was

It was a weird fixation I had as a child You know And you're going to hear it and think That's weird But then you think When you were a child You probably thought about weird stuff As well like this

Yeah One thing that I thought I had in common With Dave Benson Phillips was the color of our fingernails. Right. Wow. Because, and this is why I've been hesitant to tell this story

because I think it's incredibly innocent and it's not problematic. But it does involve talking about skin color. Yeah. Because Dave is a black man. He is a white man. I have noticed that over the past couple of years since he started obsessing over him.

So, yeah, it turns out that if you're white, the skin behind slash under your fingernails is sort of a pinkish color yeah and for some reason in my head I thought for the longest time that the skin under my fingernails was white like dave's it was and and you know when you squeeze your your fingernail it sort of goes white for a bit and then returns to its color right and then I remember one day looking at my fingernails and being sort of inconsolably upset that they weren't the same color as daves anymore like something had happened, even though they were presumably always not the same colour.

This was my connection to my God and I'd lost it. This was my, this was the one thing I had in common with my idol Dave Benson Phillips, and then it was cruelly taken away from me when I looked at the colour of my fingernails and I realised actually, I don't even have that in common with Dave anymore.

I just find it, I agree with you that kids think weird things and that is just one of the weird things that kids would think, but I still find it strange that you would even sort of notice that that you would look at his nails and go, they're the same as mine. Like, why, you know, I'm just surprised you didn't look in the whites of his eyes or his teeth or something and go, oh, I've got white around my eyes too.

And I have teeth, you know. That's true. We do have teeth. Yeah. And he has teeth too. It was just something about it. I'm not sure what it was. I just saw his fingernails.

When I looked at him, I saw the tips of his fingers and I thought, those are white. Hey, so are mine. Until one day they weren't for whatever reason. Poor boy. Hopefully one day you can regain your paleish finger nails. You could paint them. Well, I just keep squeezing my fingers. I could paint them, you're right. I just keep squeezing them and they go white for a bit and that's how I know we're connected. When truly, it's probably just the juxtaposition of the under fingernail skin to, you know, the rest of the skin colour of his hand that makes them look whiter when they're probably the same colour as mine anyway.

Yeah, maybe they are. All this time they have been and you just thought they weren't. Holy shit. Maybe everything's okay. Some sort of ritual. When you want to sort of commune shamanically with Dave Benson, you just squeeze your fingers so that your nails go white. He knows. He knows. You take some magic mushrooms. Depending on what I'm squeezing. You go into a cave and do some cave painting and then just squeeze your nails and you become one with the Benson. It's a best three hours of your life. What I will say is that wouldn't it be nice if to go along with your head shot of Dave that you can buy from his store, you can get a hand shot, maybe a foot shot, maybe some. leg shots and then you can just build a little transformer oh my god that's brilliant he should

definitely do that build a dave yeah that's what i think it would be like the new craze on the playground people could like swap arms and stuff and oh switch it for dave's legs you know he could do dave in different different outfits one in an exosuit that's been hit yeah yes and one that's not been hit yeah right leg left leg uh so many options uh so yes anyway that and anecdote ended with us announcing the launch of the Dave Benson Phillips trading card game. Yes. Collect them all, right? Got to catch them all.

Do it. It would be amazing. I don't know. Anyway, we should probably start the podcast now. Yeah, I guess so. Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy. Boot Vidiots

Boob Podcast It's a conversational podcast Where we take some questions From you at home And obey the law of the three Ugh So I just had a

A little bit of a Belchy belch there That's all right Where everybody brings A thing To talk About About

To talk About About That is Oh that was probably the worst one We've ever done. How has that happened? 44 episodes in, you thought it would be good at this, but no, it just keeps getting worse.

Well, I wasn't sure if we were doing the regular one or an uh-belt-y one. Oh, that's true. We do like the variants, don't we? Yeah. Never mind. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael.

How are we all feeling this morning, boys? Oh, I don't know, tired. I've had a week. I've had a week, which I've brought her long to talk about later on. So how did you fit an entire week into you? That's amazing. Yeah, I don't know. Nine months of gestation and I've now had my week.

It's a very healthy, bouncing male week, I've decided. It's a little boy. Good. Okay. That's what we like to see. It's a weak male like me. Just like it's dad. Takes after its father.

Yeah. That's nice. He has your constitution. I can see it. He does. How about you guys? You had a good week? Oh, I, I, um, yeah, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, hmm, I moved, I moved Treat Day to last night. Oh, okay.

And, um, I had an unpleasant night's sleep. Oh, because of it, I fear. I woke up a lot. For some reason in my mind, I was interpreting that as I just shot the bed. No, there was no, there was no, there was no. No bed shitting. Oh, good. It's always good. No bed shitting. Just a lot of tossing and turning and feeling a bit warm and uncomfortable and wanting to drink lots of water and just sort of not feeling great. And now I feel a bit, a bit tired, but I'm okay. And likewise, I think this is an overall sleepy podcast. I didn't get to bed to like 5, 6 a.m. last night. Quitey, Mikey. It's like you than me, but you were here before me. I went to bed

and then Claudia had to get up for work at like 5am so I was like fine cool here we go oh no got up did the potty it's prep can't wait to see what 5am mickey put together for potty yeah this is I don't

this is four hours of me Googling frankly to try and find something I finally found out at the end and it's not worth a four hours effort fancy doing anything frantically for four hours God God Sleepy frantically Like my eyes were closing

But my hands were just tapping away What about a marathon? You could do that frantically Yeah, I suppose Wow, Ben You said the word marathon This, my thing is about a marathon Why does that always happen?

Wow. Mikey's thing, Mikey always brings an interesting thing And then before it happens Me or Ben just blow his load early Just like, oh yeah Well, it's like Spring Hill Jack, isn't it? You're like, oh, that's my fifth Well, for God's sake

Oh, now I've got to clean up this massive load. It's like breathing. Oh, what? Oh, damn it. Mike, I was going to cover, Mike. I was going to breathe through my thing. My guy breathes too. God's sake.

Well, before we hear your amazing thing that you've worked so very hard on, we, I'm sorry, so very, what, sorry? So very, so very. Softly. Thank you. We've got to shout out Pod Squad, of course. Now, Pod Squad are probably the most handsome and beautiful ladies and men, or others that exist on the planet and if you'd like to join them donating any amount in the process and supporting the show and us three idiots sorry vidiates then you can go to streamlabs.com

forward slash vidiates official and if you donate before the next recording then you get shouted out at the beginning and the end of the show and you're officially a member of pod squadron or podron whatever you prefer so here we go are you ready yeah yeah We've got Grape Coon, Lord Brotovich, Big Titty Jesus 42, heinous Anus, Stephen Scodes, The Gottening, Big Nick, David the Knob, Rudy Ruta Bega, The Parsonip Man, Captain Lugie, Xavier Ramrez, Gracious Platy, Top Shagger Cal, Matt, Matt Fulton, the Big Shagger, Long Dong Silver, L. Baker 97, Cameron Skelly, Narder than life, one vowel from Shira and arse face.

Wow. I'm glad there's not much of a censor on these donations because holy shit. Long Dong Silver is a good one. That's a new one. It's the great one. They're great ones. So thank you everybody for donating. It doesn't matter what you're able to give or not give.

If you're just listening, we appreciate that in and of itself, please just tell your friends. That goes a long way too. But if you'd like to join Pod Squad and support us financial. then you can do streamlabs.com forward slash vidiates official would you boys like a question? I would love a question. I would really like a question, please.

This is a topical question, sort of. This comes from Jamie at trequartboister. I don't know how to pronounce that, Jamie, who asks, with Harry and Megan quitting, which one of you lot would be the best replacement as a secondary royal? Secondary royal. Not even an actual.

main royal just a backup one one of the cast yeah now it goes without saying guys all of us as you know patriotic englishman believe that uh that Megan is some sort of devil woman and Harry is is a a big traitorous idiot obviously because otherwise we'd be we'd be hung wouldn't we for our descent hung drawn and quartered for treason Mm-hmm. Yes. And our bits put around the city gates. No? Just me? Just me? Just me? On a stick. Thank you. On a stick. I was thinking of Twitch bits there.

Oh, right. We'd have our Twitch bits put around the city. Oh, no. I don't want that. Yeah, that's worse than the actual bits. We can't get Twitch bits, can we? Non-vidates, no, but... No. Well, then I guess we're saved. We're fine. We don't have to worry.

No, I think it is real bits then. Yeah. Oh, shit. Mine is going to have to be a very large stick if you're going to get my bits on there. They grow back as well. Three feet long. Tiny Peter, big stick. Am I right?

Absolutely. No, obviously this whole situation is absurd. But let's talk about who's going to slide into that sort of background. Who's going to slide into the Queen's DMs? Who's going to slide into the Queen's DMs and say, what up? What's her name? Liz. What up Lizzie?

Yeah. It's me, your boy, just thinking there's a spare seat over there at the dinner table now that Harry's, you know, defected and joined Al-Qaeda or whatever it is, the Daily Mail saying. And I think that Michael Johnson would be a great replacement as a secondary royal slash seat-warmer at that table. Seat-warmer, yeah. Seat-warmer, that's the title I want at the Golden Palace. Man of the people, Michael Johnson, he'll fart, you'll get down with the working man,

and you'll bring the royals back down to the working class routes, which they probably exist about a thousand years ago. Yeah. You would definitely have to weigh your shreddies, though. You cannot be Michael Johnsoning up. You can't be hotboxing the royal dining room. Sitting in the corgi room just filling up that spacious space. Yeah, there's only so many times you can blame it on the corgis, I think.

When the corgis start dying because of the stench, then, you know, that's the end for you. Well, she's got so many that it would take a while for it and notice. She says she's not replacing them now, isn't she, I think. I think as they die, they're not going to be replaced. Oh, bless them. A bit like the royal family, I suppose. Michael, how would you feel about being one of the Queen's corgis? Okay, that would be fine with being an actual royal would suck, because you're

essentially like a spokesperson for the royal family and you yeah it's a PR job isn't it yeah yeah could you imagine me going out like just meeting all these famous people and just me being there trying to make sense of all in like be like this nice face of england i'm just farting away talking shite hello it's me michael if you go on youtube and search of video you'll find my youtube channel yeah i think there's too much water under the bridge already for us to uh it's for any of to suddenly be thrown into the global public eye. Imagine the tabloids, holy shit. When they found what we'd done.

Prolific farta joins the royals. New Prince of England once mentioned the Nazis on the BAFTA streams. Oh shit, you would be a prince, wouldn't you? You'd be Prince Michael. Yeah. Nice, Prince Mike. That's really exciting. And also, yeah, I mean, people forget,

but just the amount of scrutiny you would be under, it would be horrifying. Oh yeah, I mean, it's all fun and games talking about who would be best for the job. But in reality, I would not want that job at all. No. There's a... There was a...

God, showing my age again. Well, not even my age, because this is before my time, but showing my fucking weird sensibilities. Showing your potential age. Yeah. There was a two Ronnie's song and dance number they did at the end of an episode once, where it's these two street cleaners.

And the first verse is like about how, you know, someone's got to sweep the streets. You know, if no one did it, I know it's a mucky job, and then the second verse is about them saying, like, for example, someone's got to be the queen, but we wouldn't want to. Like, we'd rather, we would honestly rather be street sweepers than, you know, it's done in obviously a more musical way than what I just did.

Spoken word. But that's, you know, and I kind of agree with it, to be honest. If you've got a simple, honest job, like sweeping the streets, you could clock off at five and then, you know, go home and have a nice roast dinner. You're able to go out and do things without being hounded by a swarm of photographers and press. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, even like, I mean, in microcosm, like what we do, sometimes when stuff kicks off at work because something's like, something annoying has happened or something public has happened that's super frustrating we have no control over,

involving our job. Sometimes you do just think, oh, God, I wish I just, I wish I worked at Tesco. Yeah. You know? I wish I could just, go home and not have, you know, go on social media and have people calling me a dick

or in comments saying, that guy's a cunt, fuck that guy. Yeah. Sometimes you do, and we're not even royals. We're just in a tiny YouTube channel. We're not even like big YouTubers. And even now we're thinking, you know, too much, too much, well not, I don't want to use the word fame, but, you know, too much, you know, too much of an audience. Yeah.

We obviously very much appreciate everyone who supports us and enjoys our stuff. And for the most part, it's a brilliant job, especially Vidiots. That was like, you know, a fantastic year of just doing stupid shit for, you know, and getting paid for it. That was great. But there's definitely still an element of like now and then kind of thinking, God, I kind of wish I didn't just have all these people constantly like watching what I'm doing and, you know. Wish you could unplug from it all. Yeah. But if you were just stratosphere shot into the moon area, Peter.

And you became a Prince Peter. What would you think your role would be? What would you do? Oh, God, I don't know. I think they probably make me in charge of some sort of national trust-related. Oh, that would be lovely. You'd be perfect for that. Yeah.

Well, I would, but again, I'd rather just like poodle around a forest by myself rather than, you know, with the paparazzi following me. Or worse, an actual official photography group that's been sent with me to take all the photos of me. God, yeah. It's not a day out anymore. It's a press opportunity. Yeah. That's it.

You would never be able to do a job again. No. Be followed around. They'd be able to go out naked on my balcony again. No. Not after the last time. Yeah. Don't talk about that.

No, we don't. It used to be, next to my college, this is just related to naked balconies, but next to my college, there was like a block of flats. And every couple of days there'd just be a naked guy stood at his balcony looking over. It's great. Oh, God. Was it Prince Harry? I think it might be you, Peter.

Oh, oh yeah, it could have been, actually. What would you do, Ben, if you were Prince Ben? Oh, God. I don't actually know. The whole thing makes me quite uncomfortable. I'd probably just stay inside. I'd be like the, you know, the Simpsons episode where there's like Evil Bart? Yeah, yeah, he's keeping the attic.

Who eats fish hats? That'd be me. Okay. Yeah, exactly. I'd just be in, I'd just be in some sort of palace. in an entire wing on my own that's been condemned and they just sort of slide trays of food and new game releases under the door, yeah.

We don't talk about him. We needed another person to fill the void left by Harry, but we don't really want him to do anything. In fact, I think they should, the next winner of Britain's Got Talent should be the next royal, because they go on to perform for the Queen, don't they? They do.

Maybe we'll have like all of the winners the last 10 years, fight to the death to be part of the Queen's family. Yes. Yes. Britain's next top royal. I think that'd be good. Put it to the people. Let's change it up.

Yeah, fuck it. Let's get someone fun in the house. Dave. Good. Dave. Dave. Dave. Yes. Dave would do it. Dave would love that job, I think. He'd be so good at it.

The friendliest man. He gets on everyone. He's renowned. All generations. can appreciate Dave. The scrutiny, though. Top, new top royal used to guns children.

New top royal once told everyone to put their cocks back on Twitter. New top royal caused bomb scare. Oh God, wow, yeah. Dave's had a history. It really has. I think the good triumphs over the bad.

He's a good boy. Always. Let's move on to another question. This is from Sina. at Hey, it's Siener. Thank you. Choose one film. Keep one actor.

The rest of the characters are turned into Muppets. Which film do you choose? Wow. Oh God, that's how I think. What's a very serious film? Obviously, Schindler's list would take a turn. Oh, God. Christ. I mean, who's the remaining human?

Is it the little girl in the coat, or is it Schindler? I think it's Schindler. Or was it just one of the Nazis? I want to be. Hitler would be the Muppet. Imagine being commanded round by Hitler. Is Hitler even in the film? I don't think he is.

I don't think he's directly in it. I have seen it, but I don't remember Hitler being in it. I can't remember. Castaway would be quite good. Yeah. I'd love to see like a little Muppet surviving on an island. Yeah. Is the Bala Muppet, or is that the only real person?

I guess that's the only real person. Well, there's a guy who flies the plane at the beginning and there's a few characters, but I just want to see a Muppet deserted. Please, can the pilot be the only human person in that film, and the rest of it is just Muppets? I'd quite like to see Muppets King Kong. Just a giant Muppet, or like Godzilla, just smashing up a city,

and one tiny little human trying to coax him down. Oh, what about the Avengers? but the only one who's not a Muppet is Nick Fury So he's putting together the Avengers initiative And it's just a load of Muppets And they fight a load of Muppets And it's just one man

And a load of Muppets assemble Yeah Oh that'd be so good Imagine Muppet Thanos Jeez, that would be really frightening Take three puppeteers to operate him Yeah I'd like to see

Star Wars done with Muppets except all the characters that are currently done with Muppets are done with just humans in makeup. So all the EWox Jabba the Hut you know Jab is basically a Muppet

he's a puppet anyway I want to see a complete inversion of Star Wars Nice Death of Stalin, that'd be quite good Yeah I see a bunch of Russian Muppets and then obviously Stalin is the big boy

human That was a film about a bunch of Russian Muppets anyway, isn't it? Honestly, broke back mountain done with Muppets. Who's the human in that? One human and one Muppet. Oh, no. But which one?

Jake Jillenhall or? I can't remember his name. Jake Jillenhall is the human, because the other guy's name we can't even remember. We should know his name, though, shouldn't we? Because he's the really famous one of the guy of young. I've not seen it. I don't know.

Yeah. Remaking entire films with Muppets. I'm sure we'd have to get the original actors on board. I'm sure they'd be up for it. We only need one of them. It's fine. How much can that cost? God, I feel like we need to name the actor now.

Okay. I've not seen it, so I don't know. He played the Joker, for God's sake. Why has it gone from my head? Oh, fuck. Fucking Phoenix. No, no, no, no. It was...

Jared Leto? No. Oh, that one, the one that died. Heath Ledger. Heath Ledger. Oh, Jesus Christ. Just one of those things where you know who you can see. know who it is but it's just gone from your brain

So Heath Ledger would be a Muppet Yeah, it's Heath Ledger and Jake Dillanour. I've not seen it I've not seen it but No, I've not seen it. I've not seen that film I've not seen it. Yeah, I've not seen it Come on, it's not like I'd watch it at home Or at all

I'd watch it if one of them was a Muppet though Yeah, me too. Definitely That'd be brilliant It's time for a thing Who'd like to go first? I'll go first. Oh, okay, Peter. Oh, you just, you just clinched it.

Just, just. So I've told people on social media that this story is coming about what's been going on this week. I feel like I may have slightly oversold it in that. I think it was you, Mikey, who asked me, oh, is it the tap situation again where I had the plum around and who had me standing in the bath with wet socks holding taps? and my response to you was yes but with 100% more threat to life now that's technically true in that standing in the bath isn't very life-threatening therefore the thing that happened to me is 100% more life-threatening than standing in the bath but it's not you know

people were then guessing that like I had carbon monoxide leaking from my boiler or that like I'd accidentally electrified all the water in my shower and was standing in it that didn't happen Can I make a request, Peter? Yes. You should add one detail in here that's not real. Oh, God. Something that elevates it to sort of a crazy level

and just see if Michael can identify which is the aspect. Well, surely the thing he'll identify is like just the one most extreme detail of the story. Well, just get weird with it. Just get weird with it then. And the guy who fixed it was Dave Benson Phillips? Was Dave Benson Phillips? Exactly. Just go wild with it.

He'll never get it. I'll try and hide a little fact in there. So, on Sunday, I got back from being in town. In fact, the best detail of this thing comes a few days before, which is that I got a big shopping, okay? I got like a 45-pound Tesco shopping. So I was like, oh, yeah. Full cupboards, full fridge, full freezer.

And on Sunday, I got back from town. and I left the dishwasher on while I was out in town and when I got in I took a glass out of the dishwasher and wanted to have quite a cold well I just wanted a drink but the glass was really warm so I tried running the glass under the tap and all the most of the glass like cooled down like the rim of it but the base of it is really thick glass and that was still warm

and I thought oh if I pour some some squash in that it's going to be slightly warm and I you know I live I'm a I live in the first world I deserve to have cold water or cold squash so I was like okay I'll get some ice out so went to my freezer

I keep my ice in the bottom draw out of the way you keep mice in your bottom drawer yeah I do yeah they're all throw I thought I'll put a couple of mice cubes in there that'll cool it down good oh that's quite cute so I went into the bottom compartment of the freezer

to get the ice cube tray out out and while I was in there I noticed oh this this flap isn't opening it's like just a hinged flap I was like oh this isn't opening very well and when I finally forced it open I realized oh yeah you know the old classic frost ice is built up so I did what I think everyone does really which is not remove the things from the freezer and allow it to warm up and melt or you know pour boiling water on it I took a couple of implements out of the kitchen drawer and started chiseling away at the ice.

Oh no. You're not supposed to do that. Now I've done that many times in the past and the reason it's not really ever caused any issues before in the past is I've only ever done it on drawers that pull out of the freezer and obviously a drawer is just made of like some plastic that comes completely away from the freezer and if the worst thing that happens with that is you maybe chisel through a plastic drawer and it gets a cracker in it. So I'm chisling away at this frost and as I'm doing it I'm like, it smells a bit weird. Why does it smell of like, it kind of smells like onions or something. It's really strange. And I was like, there's no onions in here. There's just like ice and like frozen mints. And I continue chisling away, chisel, chisel, and as a little chunk of ice comes away, underneath it, I see, oh God, there's a tiny hole. I've made a tiny hole. I've made a tiny

hole. And as the ice pulls away, this clear liquid squirts out and goes in my face, in my eyes, on my jeans, all over me. And then it stops. And I'm like, okay, what the hell was that? So I rush into the bath. The first thing I do is rush into the bathroom, tear all my clothes off, and swill myself under the shower for a little bit. So I was like, I don't know if that was just water or if that was like coolant or what so I wash all that off and my eyes are like burning I'm like what what is happening what's happening and so I then I swill my eyes in the sink for a while and they they calm the fuck down so go into the back into the kitchen I did shut the freezer door on the way out and when I opened the freezer door again it smells

so strongly of this really dodgy smell and I'm like okay there is gas coming out of my freezer now and it's not it's not air whatever it is so shut the freezer door and I think right just contain the smell yeah it was just just contain it it's pretty airtight a freezer and I'm my I'm then thinking like well the letting agent isn't going to be open right now I don't I don't really have a number. I've got a number for like an emergency. There's a guy who like will come for people who have gas in their flats, but I don't even have a gas boiler.

So he's not, you know, the man who's in charge of gas boilers is not going to be able to help me. And there's like an emergency heating guy. And that's, those are the only numbers I have. So I'm like, oh.

They don't prepare for freezer leaks. No, a man who does heating is not going to be responsible for, yeah, cool and leaking out of a freezer. on their freezer. Yeah, so I sit there and I'm like, do I just leave the freezer shut

and report it first thing in the morning? The letting agents can like take it from there. But I'm like, that's clearly a bad chemical that's just come out of there. And I was like, you know, I don't want to sleep in this place so I could go and sleep at Ben's. Like Ben very kindly offered to have me

if I wanted to stay at his. Well, your flat just slowly fills with his mystery gas. I couldn't have Peter asphyxating. Yeah, yeah. Needless to say at this point, I had opened all the windows in the kitchen I'd turned on the extractor fan in the oven

and I'd shut myself in my bedroom with my bedroom window open but all the doors closed so no kitchen gas could get in so I didn't really know what to do and as time went on and I was just sitting there in bed like Googling what the fuck just went in my face

I realized that like if it was free on it's probably sort of okay in that it's like There's so little of it in a modern fridge freezer that you're going to be fine, basically. If it was an older fridge or freezer, it could have ammonia in it, which is a really, really, really bad thing. Oh, no. And Frion, it's telling me on the internet, is a fairly odourless gas.

But this stuff that's coming out of my freezer smells really strongly. And it is a little bit like ammonia. It's not quite right, but it smells like ammonia a little bit. So I'm like, okay, I'd better treat this as though it's ammonia, which according to the internet requires, you need to report it to like fire and rescue. So I did that. Called 999.

The fire department came out in an actual fire engine. Oh my God. And they said, show us this fridge freezer. So the best thing is that the lift is out in my building right now, and I live on the fourth floor. so these firemen had to fight their way upstairs with this they have big tanks on their back I guess in case there was some sort of gas leak um they weren't have didn't have masks on but they had tanks on their back so they charged up four flights of stairs they got in there when they

opened it they were like god that's a really funky smell that's a really big smell then they busted out the glow sticks and they just went to into fucking town yeah smell the shit we all like hotbox the kitchen we had a great time um so they said we don't think that's ammonia we've obviously come across ammonia plenty of times on on on jobs and that doesn't smell like ammonia but it smells very strong for you know any of the other possibilities so they were like basically we don't know what it is but we're going to get it out of your flat now so they proceeded to carry it down two flights of stairs uh where there is a fire exit on the back of the building and they just put it out there um and um and

And yeah, from then on, like this week, I've just had a whole load of just like I'd have it moved down to the ground floor and like the concierge from the building did that because it's just been left on like the outside of the second floor because the council won't pick up an empty fridge freezer unless it's placed exactly where your bins are normally placed at the bin men pick up. And I've just been on the phone to like fridge freezer men or women. and the letting agent trying to get a new fridge freezer put in but... Holy shit. Yeah, I made a hole in the casing on

like the actual you know, freezer itself, not a drawer on the bottom of my fridge freezer and coolant gas leaked out. The water may well have been the liquid may well have been water

because it was clear but I don't really know. But yeah, you don't want to because God knows what black magic goes on inside a fridge and you don't want to mess with that. So, The moral of the story to, I'm sure the many, many people who are listening right now

who from time to time will chisel away at ice in their freezer is, if you're going to do it, make sure you're only doing it on pull-out drawers. Do not do it on the outer, I mean, the inside of the freezer, but, you know, the actual structural makeup of the freezer itself, because, God, the gas is very close to the surface in a fridge freezer. so what happened to your Tesco shop because I assume if you had any stuff that needed to be chilled

like that's just gone to waste so everything that could be chilled or frozen I was thinking some of this stuff I might be able to salvage by either like asking a neighbor or someone if I could just put it in their fridge or freezer can my food rent your fridge for a bit yeah pretty much or you know I was trying to work out what I could do with it

and then this was after the firemen had gone I picked it all up I just put it in the corner of the room and it smelled really strongly of the stuff because I guess it had been just shut in a fridge freezer that had this gas circulating in it and it had just tainted all of my food and I was like even if there was a way

for me to keep this chilled that's just fucked now I'm not doing that I'm not eating that so I just binned it all and I hated doing it but oh bless you so yeah so are you without a fridge at the minute I am it's supposed to be

coming on Monday. The lift has finally been fixed in my building as of Friday. All week, the fridge freezer man has been like, look, I'll come and deliver a fridge freezer for you, but if you're on the fourth floor, what do you want me to do? Like, I'm not, I can't get a fridge freezer up there. So he's been waiting for the lift to be fixed. But it's done.

There was a little fake detail in there, Mikey. I was just about asked because I didn't pick up on anything that could have been. Well, I mean, the fireman entering the room saying, that smells funky, but I assume that wasn't a literal quote. That was a literal quote. Wait, really? A Geordie fireman opened the fridge door and went, oh man, that's a really funky smell that. Oh, man, well, I'm glad that's real.

Not a single thing in that made me, well, other than that, made me think, no, Peter's telling the fib here. Okay, well, when I made the hole in the fridge freezer, liquid came out and did go on my jeans, but it did. not go in my face and burn my eyes. Oh, man. I was so worried for you there, Peter, because I was like, that's one of my worst fears is getting stingy liquid in my eyes.

Well, because if it had done, I think if I'd got stingy liquid in my eyes, I would have also ended the night by probably getting that checked out in A&E, which would have been part of the story. Oh, true. No, like it didn't go. It went on my jeans and probably a little bit on my skin,

but as I say, I jumped in the shower. But I think it might have been liquid because any cooling in a fridge freezer is supposed to be in gas form pretty much all the time, I think. So it was probably just like condensed water, but anyway. Is my for not guessing it to join the Royal Family? You have to come over to my flat where the old fridge freezer is still just sitting downstairs in the car park

and open it and stick your head in it and take a big breath. Spend five minutes in the Doom fridge. The Doom fridge. It locked me in there for a bit. I deserve it. It still smells horrible. I've checked it since then. I think it's just sort of,

it's not still like actually leaking gas, but it's just sort of, there's bits of, bits of gas still in there. It's gas, small chunks of gas. Yeah, sort of gas stained, I think, is the word. So, yeah. So there you go.

Thank you for sharing. It was semi-life-threatening, or it could have been, because they said it didn't smell like the regular semi-safe coolant gas that you normally have in a fridge freezer so I don't know what it was but I'm okay

It's a real knock-on irritating effects for you Yeah Yeah well I'll be honest Like the first day or so after it happened I did feel like Am I a little bit lightheaded Am I like

And I could smell the stuff Wherever I went Like every now and then I would get a little whiff of the gas And I was like That's just clearly up in my nose Like it's probably just bound To like all the membranes

inside all my sinuses and I'm just smelling it from time to time so I was a little bit like if I'd continue to feel like that for any longer than I did I might have like maybe been to the GP or something but anyway I guess that's you're going to be like

hyper attentive you're going to be thinking like any little thing which yeah like pass off as like wait am I dying now no definitely I think there was definitely an element of that because I'm a bit of a hypochondriac at the worst of the best of times but alone when you sprayed with weird liquid

yeah so I think was just, you know, if I was tired and I felt a little bit like, you know, lightheaded or like my eyes were a bit sore, I'd be like, oh, my eyes, is that from the, from the fridge gas? Oh, it's got gas eyes. Yeah, so. Maybe you get a super power. Who knows? Yeah, fridge man.

You could. Gas man. That's you. There can't be two fridgemen. Peter's waiting for a fridge man to deliver. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's true. He can't have another one.

He's not much of a superhero, though. If he can't deliver it to the fourth. floor well maybe that's not one of his powers maybe it's just bringing it to a lift yeah that's it's his power do you remember that um that time you came to to visit peter and jules was there as well and i had water coming through my ceiling yes we had to call the we had to call the firemen or women then as well oh god to come out because it was coming through light fixtures and stuff oh my god oh yeah did they yeah they did come didn't they i remember they they came in all their games and stuff to have a look.

You'd call 999? No, not an emergency number. Oh, right. Just to get them out. Yeah, it's, it's, I don't know, I don't know how you felt when you had to call them, but I've never really had to call the services before. I was thinking that. Yeah.

I was thinking that. Yeah. So it was a bit nerve-wracking and it was just, well, the internet told me that I should call you because what was coming through the power. Yeah. Yeah. But it's, it's fun. though got a photo of all the firemen in my flat i was like yeah here we go content parties kicking

off content that's what i was thinking oh dear uh well that was a wonderful thing peter and i hope your fridge gets installed soon yeah me too the worst thing is i'm having to buy like kind of ready meals every night because anything that serves two or more i just can't i can't keep it chilled for the next night so i'm having to buy stuff that serves one person or stuff that is like dry and can be kept dry in a cupboard overnight. What's the weirdest meal you've had this week? Do you know what? I had a weird... I remember telling Amy like two days ago that I had a really weird meal that night,

but I can't even remember what it was now. I'll have to think. I'll get back to you on that. I did have a weird combo the other day. Okay. Yeah. Right. Question time. It's from Barbarossa at Red Beard Max. On Twitter, did any, let me try that again.

Okay. Did any of you ever take a massive shortcut when completing a task at school slash around home slash at work, et cetera, and ended up getting massively found out, or better yet, did you get away with it? Oh. This is the, well, I think I used to spy on other people's, you know, test and exams and stuff when I could. No. I think one week in like year three, it must have been. No, year two, year two.

So that would be about 2002. Oh, God, how old was I? Eight years old. There we go. We used to have weekly spelling tests just to help us expand our vocabulary and get better at spelling. And our teacher would hand out the list of words earlier on the week for us to kind of practice and learn and get used to. I kept the answer sheet in my drawer in my desk. And I referred to it during the entire test.

No, Michael. And the teacher looked over and saw me. glancing in my draw, probably quite obviously, and took it off me and said he was extremely disappointed in me, and I felt sick. Spell disappointed, Michael. Oh, God. It's a look in a mirror. Oh, no.

What about you, Peter? I'm trying to think, like, shortcuts. I can think of times. I definitely cheated on some, like, mock or, like, practice paper it was. It wasn't a mock, but, so it was just in class. but it was like GCSEs and we were all meant to be sitting in exam conditions and you know you're only cheating yourself in that situation aren't you because this is supposed to be like you know will I be able to successfully do the actual GCSE you know which I would not have cheated in

but what I did was there were just a few things that I needed to remember I remember it now really well because of I guess because I cheated on it and I it just got emblazoned into my brain but there was this thing in biology which is about cells splitting and the processes that they go through and it was prophase metaphase anaphase and telophase right and I knew all of those words but I could never remember the order that they came in so all I did was I carved very lightly into my ruler P-M-A-T and it was so light that you couldn't see it looking at the ruler unless you slightly tilted the ruler so that the light was just shining on it in a certain ways that is really good what the fuck it was a really good way because i was like i can't write on my

hand i can't you know have a little piece of paper because i might get caught out doing that so uh and even if someone does see that like that's going to be meaningless to most people yeah because even the best thing about a biology test is there was occasionally a little bit of you know sort of drawing to do like you might have to draw a diagram uh so you know i would I would be allowed to have a ruler anyway whereas if it was a different say it was an English test or something you don't really need a ruler in that

so why have you got your ruler on your desk but yeah it was one of those like semi-clear plastic rulers and if you just carve very lightly onto those you can you know and all it was was like four letters just to help me remember the order but it was definitely cheating yeah oh dear so you didn't get caught

no and I remember it now I don't need the ruler hey well there you go well maybe it learned it was a learning tool It was. It's really helped you in your career as well. It has, yeah. It really became very useful. As an anecdote, it's been very useful. Yeah, there we go.

That was the whole point of school was anecdotes, it seems, and trauma that you sort of learn from. Oh, boy. Mine, weirdly, is also school and a test. Oh, right, okay. So this was primary school. I was probably about, oh, maybe eight or nine about that age. And there was a spelling test. And the thing is, I can't remember how I cheated, but I did.

And I'd never cheated before, ever. And I was never inclined to cheat. But for some reason, I did. And I think I did it in a way that I didn't get all of them right. Clever. I just wanted to get a higher score. And I ended up getting the best score in the class. Whoops.

And so I was like, I think that class clapped. and there was like some sort of exchanging of rewards for winning at spelling and I felt so so guilty about it that when I went to bed that night I couldn't sleep and I went down and I confessed it all to my dad and I cried because I cheated on this spelling test

and I never came clean to any of the teachers or anything because I think my dad knew that spelling tests ultimately weren't going to be you know a child doesn't deserve to be punished you weren't going to go to prison for it exactly yeah it wasn't going to negatively affect anything but did he tell you shouldn't have done it though young man i don't really remember i don't think there i think there was mainly just sort of it was it was positive reinforcement of like you know you obviously know you shouldn't have done that yeah it's okay don't worry about it yeah um which is probably the way to go about it rather than

you piece of shit can you spell piece of shit i bet you Can't. You idiot. Idiot boy. Get out. Get out of this house. Suddenly remembered my most traumatic school moment. Oh, Christ. I must have mentioned it before, but we're in the middle of assembly once. And I just got the biggest urge to do a shit. Like, the point where I was sweating and twitching. How far in are we?

45 minutes? There's the poo or the far. Oh, there we go. Finally. What you got there? Like, so like the whole school would sit on the floor on this big hall. And I was sat there, like, sweating like a motherfucker, knees, weak, arms heavy, I have spaghetti coming out my arm. There's shit in my pants already. Full of mom's spaghetti.

Yeah. That was better, Peter. You did a better one. Nice, nice. And for some reason, rather than, like, you know, just quietly getting up and leaving the room, because I think I was scared to get told off. Oh, where are you going, boy? I put my hand up and asked the head teacher who was, you know, leading this assembly and asked,

can I go at the toilet? And he went, oh, yes, go on. and as I trodled off the whole school laughed at me I can picture the waddling the toilet waddle Oh that was awful That boy's gonna poo himself

It could have been even worse though I thought first I thought you were going to say You put your hand up and you were so bothered about going That you didn't even think to sort of use an epithet So you just went Can I go for a poo please miss It might be a long one And then when you didn't

say that. I thought that you were going to say, when you stood up, you'd let out a massive fart. Yeah, I thought that was what was going to happen as well. Oh, that would have been so good. Fuck. Sadly, I didn't make it to the toilet. I was just harshly embarrassed. Well done. Well done. Todd McAdam. I just remembered another thing. Oh, go. Okay, go on.

Firstly, we're back at school now. You've got to apologize to Todd. Sorry, Todd. There we go. I, um, I, for some reason I think I was a prolific pooer in this school. I don't know why, but like a lot of kids would, right, refuse to use the toilets at school to do their business. Yeah. But I was kind of, if I need to go out, I like, I can't hold the same. You were the reason, Michael.

Yeah. You were the reason people didn't want to. One day, the teacher comes in and says, someone's made poo on the wall. Was it you, Michael? Hang on, that's a loaded question Was it you, Michael? That's so damaging to what I'm certain was Really, really good reputation at school Everyone looked at me and was like, yeah, Michael could have done that could be

It's got big Michael in it. When we were in primary school Someone once did a poo in the urinal Nice And also that reminds me of a story used to be a program called Law of the Playground on TV where they would just get a load of like sort of B-list British celebrities to just tell stories

about when they were at these kind of stories basically about when they were at school and one guy I can't remember who it was said that they came into assembly one morning and the headmaster had brought all the he'd ask all the boys to stay behind after assembly and he said very angrily to all the boys right according to the caretaker

last night one boy defecate on the toilet floor in the boys' toilets and one kid like leaned over to another kid and said what just defecated mean and another kid turned to him and said I think it's a type of coffee

I love that so much I imagine I could never be a head teacher because the shit you have to put like A put up with and B also explain you've got to be angry at kids for shitting on floors and getting in fights

I'm not built for that right let's see if we can go the rest of the episode without talking about bowels I think we got it out of our system now it was nice literally yeah nice high five good stuff okay Todd McCadam sorry Todd at Todd Zilla 92 fucking rad my dude many people over the last two years have said that you help them out when it comes to mental health but what do you guys go to

to support yourselves thanks for the great content and constant implicit emotional support Oh, well, that's an interesting question. I think like when I really need an actual person, I either go to, you know, like family or my fiancé. I think Ben and I like helped each other out a little bit, like mental health-wise when we were down in Bristol. I mean, Mikey too, but I mean, I stayed at Ben's at times. Ben stayed at mine a couple of nights.

Yeah, so, I don't know, friends and family, I guess. But I'm trying to think there must also be just some sort of chill out kind of I'm sad so I'm going to watch this program kind of thing that I think we probably all have one of those. I don't know what mine is, but you know if you guys have something like that. I like Taskmaster. It's just it's very soothing. Yeah. There's all these weird tasks being performed. It's just kind of like on YouTube as well, like I think the official taskmaster channel are uploading compilations of the best bits.

It's like, oh, it's in my recommended fuck it. I'll do it. That's good. That's easy access. Yeah. I'm not much of a talker. I don't talk about my things with friends or family. So I turn to taskmaster as my source of comfort. And the ferrets and Claudia, I guess. It's another Dave, isn't it? You just can't get enough Dave's in your life. Oh, I just love a big dear. Oh, God. Oh, dear, that sounds weird. It did sound weird. This actually, this question segues into my thing. I hope you don't mind me sliding in here, Mikey. Oh. But before I get onto my thing, is there anything else that you guys, you guys would like to. offer up to people in regards to how how to how to sort of help yourself and so on.

I mean, I would say that like, I, you know, I would always recommend like speaking to friends and family about these kind of things. Like, it's always nice. We've said this before. It's nice to know that people can watch our content in the same way they can watch Taskmaster or I can watch ancient British trackways with Tony Robinson and like feel quite Zen. but that's only a sticking plaster really and like if you're actually feeling like yeah having a bad time and you're struggling you should definitely speak to people who who love you and uh they are out there and you might be convinced that like they don't want to know that you know they don't want me to be they don't want to be burdened with my problems like

those people would much rather you spoke to them and hopefully felt a little better than just like carried on feeling a bit plops so yeah because yeah they like no one minds if you like unloading them a little bit it's no it's better than bottling it up because that's when things get bad when you you just kind of push it down and you know you try and ignore it then eventually it just gets too much and that's when bad things happen yeah yeah definitely be honest talk to people everyone wants to hear you everyone loves you you're wonderful people you do that's it yeah definitely so i've got some some mental health applications these are apps that you can download for your phone

yes yes you told me about these when I was feeling plops yeah and I just thought it would be nice especially given the time of year and you know people are always going through stuff and people are some are more prone to to feel certain ways than others but everybody has difficult times in their life so I feel like it's an important thing not only to talk about And I feel like there's not really a stigma around it at all anymore.

So saying that this is sort of an attempt to destigmatize it isn't actually that accurate. But I do feel like as hang on, let me let me get the question back up. As Todd said, we do get a lot of questions about this kind of stuff. And a lot of people do say that we have helped them through difficult times. So I feel like it's an important subject for us to sort of broach and discuss. us. So these are all apps that you can get for your phone. They are all free. They are all on iOS and Android. So you can get all of them. And they actually, if you're wondering, well, you know, there's sort of, what is it? What's the line in Star Wars where they're talking

about the Jedi religion or Han Solo is, you know, when he's first talking to Luke? A bunch of hokey religions and magic powers or something. No, Not as good as a blaster at your side is a paraphrased version. Is that what you want? Exactly. Yeah, thank you. That's basically it. If you're hearing this and then, well, it's probably a lot of bollocks, isn't it?

It's just apps. These are actually, they come recommended to me by my mother, which should be, in and of itself, enough for you to take it at face value that it's good. But if you want a little bit of a background about my mother, she's a specialist community public health nurse with 15 years of experience and a community practice teacher so she's responsible for the practice element of the master's level school nursing qualification in her NHS trust so this is all stuff that they use within the NHS at least on a sort of a student level but it's it's absolutely applicable for everybody

well right as there then well thank you good job on reading out that that thing that you were definitely reading off a piece of paper yeah could you tell I wrote it down Yeah. I definitely texted my mum to just say, can you just tell me what it is you do? Yeah. So I can let people know, give it a bit more credence. So these are the apps that they use. One of them is called Mind Shift.

They're all sort of quite similar, but they offer different things. Another one is called Sam, S-A-M, and I think the full title of the app is Self-Help for Anxiety Management. Stop, breathe, and think. And then the last two or two that I've actually used myself, and I think they're very good. There's Headspace, which some people might have heard of. The full app name is Headspace, Meditation and Sleep, which is a meditation app. But it's not about sort of that Zen yoga nonsense. It's not about sort of finding your inner peace and wokeness and stuff.

It's directly relates to mental health. It's about sort of working on your skills of managing your thoughts and trying to push through the bullshit and just sort of calm yourself with breathing exercises and things. things like that. So within the app itself, there are premium plans that you can subscribe to, but it does have a free course of daily exercises and it will send you a push notification saying, oh, time to do your daily breathing so you can set it in the morning if you wake up half an hour early or in the evening just before you go to bed. And it just, it's basically voiceover of a very soothing voiced man who talks you through breathing in and breathing out. And why not

imagine yourself in this place and it's all just very calming and it helps if you're having a difficult time yeah and the second one which i think is actually really good is called woe as in robot but spelt w-o-e-wobot and all of these on some level but this one in particular use cognitive behavioral therapy or cbt to sort of help again just sort of manage the thoughts in your head when it all becomes a bit too overwhelming. But what I like about WoWBot is that when you first start it up, you have to give it some information about yourself and you have to enable push notifications, but it's basically a bot, as a name implies, but it's sort of a text conversation.

So you can open it up when you're having a difficult time and just type whatever you want and it will reply as if it's a text within the app. And you can have a conversation back and forth and it's programmed to ask you questions that you can reply to and work through various things and because it's got push notifications it will depending on how you set it up it will check in with you throughout the day and it'll just be like getting a text from woe bot just saying hey how you're doing do you want to check in and you can just open up and have a conversation with a bot that's programmed with this sort of cognitive behavioral therapy stuff to ask you questions about how you're doing and work through those thoughts and

and just sort of it's all there to just all of these apps are there as I've said to just sort of of help you filter through stuff when it gets a bit too heavy for you. CBT is essentially, it allows you to step back, reassess a situation, because in the moment you might be looking at things with like a twisted lens, and that helps you just kind of put things in literal, literal, you know, English, you think through it, you think, oh wait, no, it's not that bad, this is this, does the, like, CBT is kind of the first real starting point for most. Change your thinking.

Yeah. Absolutely. So I've got one final little paragraph here, which I think shouldn't go without saying. All of these apps have been used with my mum's students. Some like them, some don't. So it might be worth just giving them a go and seeing what works for you. The two that I've tried were very good. I haven't tried the other ones, but they're of a very similar sort of approach. In the UK, obviously we're fortunate to have free GP access, but it is important to note that the apps don't replace getting specialist help. So always seek the help

of a relevant medical professional where possible. But, you know, if you're having a hard time sleeping or things are getting a bit too much, try those apps out. That's Headspace, meditation and sleep, WoWBot, stop, breathe and think. Sam, self-help for anxiety management and mind shift at the different apps.

So I just thought, you know, just take a minute. Let's have a look at those apps and see if they work for you. And I hope it helps. Well, what a good thing to bring along to talk about? Thank you That's my thing

I think we should just roll Straight into Mikey's thing Well that's Go for a tonal shift I guess Yeah Now that we're all feeling Zen Zen, yeah

Where are you taking I'm Mikey And I've brought Ten reasons to hate yourself Ten coolest suicides in history Oh God Fuck it's up No

It is It's grueling It's the 1904 Summer Olympics Men's Marathon is quite possibly the most grueling sporting event in professional sports history. So I've written up like a little story of like the events. So I'll begin.

Marathons are probably one of the most iconic and grueling sporting events in the world. Nowadays, the events are highly organized and have plenty of rules and safety regulations in place to protect the runners. But during the Marathon event of the 1904 Olympic Games in St. Louis, it was possibly one of the most brutal sporting events in history. You can tell I wrote this in 4am because there's just a random during in there. I apologize for how all over the place this is going to be.

That's okay. I'm ready. It'll be a marathon, not a sprint. Oh. So five American athletes took part. They were all relatively skilled and had plenty of experience running before, but the same couldn't be said for the rest of the runners.

Among the participants were 10 Greeks who had never competed in a marathon before. Two South Africans took part, but this is only by chance. because they're, in fact, only in the city to attend the World's Fair that was taking place at the same time. And they essentially were just commandeered to take part in this marathon. Oh, my gosh.

It's just like, yeah, you can come run with this, can't you? And they also chose to run the race barefoot because, of course. Felix, who is my favourite in all this, was a Cuban mailman. He arrived at the starting line wearing a pair of street shoes, long dark trousers, and a beret. and he had the most majestic mustache ever. It was amazing. Kindly, before the race began, someone trimmed his trousers to knee length. Oh, that's nice.

Sorry, what year was this? 1904. Oh, God, okay. Right. So the mistakes start piling up. Firstly, was hosting the event in the afternoon in the middle of summer. Usually, you know, marathons are held at an optimal time of the day where the temperature is going to be its lowest, given the runners the best chance to, you know, perform. This meant that the athletes were performing in degrees of 86 degrees Fahrenheit or around 30 degrees Celsius.

The race itself started in the Olympic Stadium and it looked back around to the Olympic Stadium, but the entire place took place on public dirt roads that weren't closed off. They were all still in use. This meant that athletes battled dogs, trolley cars, wagons and railroad trains. Basically, they were against the world. But, you know, that's fine. You know, it's a bit of a challenge. That's fine.

You know, as long as the athletes have access to water, that'd help them get through the 26-mile ordeal, right? No. On the 26-mile route, there was two sources of water, and this wasn't, you know, a table where people were handing out cups of water. The first of which, six miles in, was a water tower. So if they wanted to have water, they'd have to climb up and get water from it. What?

Yeah. The next was 11 miles in, which was a public well. again, so they'd have to physically stop and go out the way to get water. Oh, my God. So, yeah, that means that even if the runners made it, like, halfway into the race, it's another 13 miles before they finish and are allowed to have water. Turns out, this was completely intentional, too. The organiser of the games wanted to test the limits and effects of purposeful dehydration.

Wow. So Tuesday chose an Olympic event as an experiment. And now the race begins. The legality of that, though, is so questionable. Just pulling in a mailman and a couple of tourists effectively and saying, hey, you'll join. Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet. Okay. 3.3 p.m. the race began.

Bang. That's me setting the scene. Everyone sprints in fear. So, yeah, race began at 303, and it wasn't long before they hit a snag. One of our poor South African runners encountered a pack of farm dogs. who promptly attacked him and he was forced over a mile off course.

Wow. Oh my God. Our Cuban mailman friend stopped at a car and asked the driver for a peach. They refused his offer and so he stole two and ran off with the goods.

Oh, Jesus. However, this didn't quite fill him up because it turns out he hadn't eaten for 40 hours prior to the race. Oh my God. The reason why? He started in New Orleans

and lost all his money so he had to hitchhike his way to the event. Oh, no. So he barely made it to the starting line in time. He can't have known what kind of running event he'd signed up for. This guy clearly thought he was just going to be doing the 1,500 meters. Yeah, like a little run. It would be nice.

Who in their right mind would even bother starting the run after 40 hours of no food? I know, it's madness. So obviously he's a hungry boy, and luckily he found it an apple orchid. A few apples turned out. Sorry, an apple what? Orchid? Orchid. Orchard. Sorry, I'm thinking of flour, an apple flower. So what's an apple oak? Oh, I see.

Oh, my mistake. I was, oh, there we go. It's okay. We got there. Orchard. He took some apples, ate a few, turns out the majority of them were rotten, started violently vomiting, and then took a nap next to the orchid. As a lot of people do in a marathon. Yeah, it's like a nap mid-race, it's normal. To add to the pain, Olympic officials chose to riding cars ahead of the competitors, kicking up unavoid. audible dust into the competitor's lungs, because this is all just dirt tracks. One of the competitors almost died after the dust covered his esophagus and ripped his stomach lining. Oh, Jesus. One by one, our novelty athletes started to drop in numbers, and now it's time for the pros to show us how it's done.

Or not. One of the competitors' race came to a premature end after suffering from a sudden bout of vomiting. He was overtaken by another athlete, and it wasn't long before that person suffered severe cramps and slowed to a complete. he'd stop. Enter Fred Laws. One of the Americans, he was able to catch up, but at this point he too

was suffering cramps after about nine miles. His solution to these cramps? He jumped in a car and rode his way along further down the track. My God. He was seen waving at spectators and competitors from his comfy throne. He just fucking skipped

the competitive aspect of it and just thought, fuck it, well, I can just drive to the beginning. Why can't I do that? Another American athlete named Hicks persisted, even after seeing this dickhead, to be quite honest, drive past him. He was pushing forward, but his trainers had to restrain him from stopping. They were physically forcing him to continue running against pretty much his will.

16 miles in, his body was boardline shutting down, and he started begging his trainers for water. His trainer opted to sponge his mouth out with distilled water instead, and just sent him on his way. So a little bit of hydration, I guess. better than nothing. This gave him about three more miles of energy before he just started totally flagging again.

At this point, his jopter, his doctor jumped to the rescue. And he gave him a small dose of sulphate stricene. Strycine, basically rat poison. Oh, my God. Strychnine, that's it, thank you. Yeah, that is just, that's poison, stricneen. Yeah, it turns out though, if you use it in very small dose, as it acts as a stimulant.

Right. So it kind of basically... Good to know. Yeah, there you go. If you have a feeling a little bit down, you see some rat poison on the floor. Give it a little nibble. Oh, God.

Do not do that. Just do, uh, line. We do not recommend having a little bit of rat poison. Yeah, it's not recommended. Just a bit. Just sprinkle a bit on your spaghetti bonnet. Yeah, just a shaving. I'll pull night to get lucky. Go on, do it.

So, yeah, this helped push him on. He was full of rat poison. and he was ready to run. He'd sponged his mouth, he had some rat poison, he was going to win this marathon. He reached the 20-mile marker before he started to turn grey. He powered on until he was two miles from the finish line.

At this point, he was hallucinating heavily and believed he still had another 20 miles to run. Oh, God. So he was in absolute agony, in pain, begging his team for just some food, anything to help him get along. So they topped him up with a bit of brandy and sent him on his way.

God's sake. What happened to our friend who jumped in a car to help skip some of the race? Well, he travelled a good 11 miles in comfort before it broke down, so he hopped out and continued the race. The other team saw this happening and demanded he forfeit the event for cheating.

But he just kept running, he wasn't going to stop for nothing. He thought, fuck it, I'm ahead, I'm going to keep going. He finished way ahead of the hallucinating Hicks and came first in the race. Right. He was greeted by a thrilled crowd who had just overjoyed that an American had won. President Theodore Roosevelt's daughter, Alice, placed a wreath on his head and was just about to give him the medal when someone suddenly called for a halt to the fiasco and insisted that Laws was an imposter.

Instead of panicking, he just smiled and claimed, it's just joking. I was never really going to accept the award anyway. Wow. He's one of those guys, huh? A prick. Hicks on the verge of collapse. heard what had happened up ahead so they helped push him to keep going

he heard that Laws was disqualified and he thought well fuck it I'm in first place now I can keep pushing all I've got to do is get over this finish line laws actually went down that night to see his dad and cried and said dad I'm really sorry but I cheated today at school in the marathon

the whole bus clapped and it's mortifying but he didn't cross the finish line by his old volition his own volition his two trainers were carrying him and he was just simulating running. So this man with his legs just getting frantically was getting carried over the finish line. Sounds like he's been replaced by a Muppet.

So yeah, but luckily, he got over the finish line. He was awarded first place. And with the aid of four doctors, he was able to survive the ordeal. God. But what happened to our little Cuban friend who took a nap? Well, at some point during this time,

he was invigorated. he woke up and he managed to finish fourth. Really? Wow. So even with a vomiting nap break, he still managed to finish fourth. I think, so first place was, I guess, rightly won by the right person,

but Jesus Christ, I guess that wouldn't be allowed in today's games. He also did technically cheat on that last mile just being carried by... Yeah. But bless him, he earned it. He did. He had a real tough time of it there. That's amazing.

On the Wikipedia page it lists about 32 participants A good half of them didn't even finish And they only have times for the first three people And it's all about three, four hours Jesus, when are we getting a film of this? I really, I would love to just play it out in real time I want to see what happens I have a recommendation actually

There's a fantastic mockumentary There's a couple that I can't remember which studio did But it's they're sort of portrayed as real sports documentaries from HBO and they've got I think they've they've they've got Andy Samberg in and like a couple of other comedians as well they're comedies but they're presented like real sports documentaries there's one called seven days in hell which is about the longest game of tennis ever where it's it's it's Andy Samberg who's like the adopted uh he was adopted by the Williams family so he's like the white

brother of the Williams sisters right and he's just like this this party bad boy and then he's opposite the extremely English what's the guy who played a kit Harrington plays the other and it's this tennis game that goes on for seven days and it's that's really funny but this sounds just like the other one they did which I think I prefer called tour de pharmacy which is just a fake another fake documentary but about the tour de France but everybody's on drugs the whole way around That sounds amazing. One of the competitors is just John Sina on a bike.

And he's like, no, I haven't taken any drugs. It's just this huge hulking man on a bike. And they're like, one of them, like, gets off a bike and just goes and gets married and has an affair with a local French woman and then just gets back on and continues the right. Like, it's, it sounds as ridiculous as this real world story. Yeah. So I'd love to see this turned into a film. Yeah, holy shit. Maybe this will be the next in this series of.

of films, hopefully. I loved that the guy at the beginning who got chased by dogs ran a mile off course. Like, if I was being chased by dogs during a marathon, I'd probably at least, you know, kill two birds with one stone and run away from them on the course. But, you know, maybe... He just couldn't be stopped. Yeah. I think the South Africans did continue on to finish the race, but I'm not sure of the place.

So it sent them off course, but they kept going for whatever reason. God, amazing. Outstanding. Cute. There's a photo of John Cena on a bike. Jesus Christ, yeah, he looks. And it's intercut with like talking heads of various people as well. And one of them is a very, very poorly disguised actual Lance Armstrong.

And as it goes on, like they just start opening curtains and stuff until you can just see it's Lance Armstrong. And he's still got his voice lowered to disguise here. It's so good. It's really good. I do like Andy Samburgis. Good boy. Yeah, I recommend people watch that if they enjoyed that story. And what a story it was. Thank you for that thing, Michael. That's all right.

Yeah. So we do have one final question, but we're running a bit long. So I'm literally just going to need a one or the other answer from you, just a single word answer, okay? We're not going to be able to explore this at all, unfortunately. Wow, okay. This is from Lloyd Naja at Lloyd 91 on Twitter. Would you rather safely go to the moon or to the bottom of the deep? Deepest Ocean Trench.

Oh God. Bottom of the deepest ocean trench. I'd be terrified, but I want to see what's down there. Okay, Peter. Do we know it's safe? I know you like both. Do we know ahead of time that we're going to be safe? Would you rather go...

Would you rather safely go to the moon? Or to the bottom of the deepest ocean trench? I'd rather go to the moon as well. I'd be too scared. Too scared in the sea. Even if I knew I was safe. I just wouldn't want to see the monsters. Oh God, yeah, you're right now.

I mean, we're not supposed to be... discussing this but now I think about it more I regret my choice but oh well I'm going down now goodbye because I'd love to go to the moon but the reason I wouldn't go is because I'd be too scared but if it was going to be safely I would go to the moon for sure yeah I'd like to leave the planet that would be exciting yeah I went for the boring one didn't I yeah yeah you fucking did no the deepest ocean trench should be really exciting but it was just yeah yeah there's a lot of unexplored monsters well not monsters uh nice little fish down there yeah yeah 100% now before we move on to the outro would you guys like the next part of the hoover

Oh, yeah, I had a note to ask about that, so I'm very glad you came with it. Oh, my God. So, remind me where we got up to with the hoover story. So there was a bit of dirt on the floor. I thought, I'll hoover that. Oh, yeah. I turned on the hoover, ran it over with the hoover. It didn't hoover.

Oh, my God. That was the first part of the story. Are you ready? So at this point, I'm thinking, God, this is, what a fucking nightmare. I just wanted the dirt gone. That's all, this is all this thing is meant to do. So, I unplugged it I flipped the Hoover over

and I just thought I'll have a look to see if there's a little blockage and you'll never guess what I saw Are we going to find out next week? No, have a guess Some more dirt A tiny picture of Dave Benson Phillips I saw a blockage

And that's where we'll leave it Oh my gosh You monster Oh, no, we'll have to pick up next time. Sorry, everyone. I know, I'm on the edge of my seat. That's really exciting. A blockage.

Let's move on to the outro of the show here. Mikey, Mikey, do you think it might be, do you think it might turn out that Kevin has been sucked up into Ben's Hoover and has been blocked? Oh, my God. That would be a development. It would, wouldn't it? Let's find out next week. It looks like you're browsing the Hoover subreddit there, where they're all just going crazy for this, all the theories, the fan theories. You've seen the YouTube videos about the theories?

Conspiracy theorists. Yeah, about what was in the oven. Store.orgscar.orgas.com if you'd like to buy some merchandise. Mikey, I think there's a discount code. You bet your ass there's a discount code. Use code vidiates for 10% of everything. I mean, everything. On the Yogscast store, you can use that to buy some stuff that's on that shop.

I couldn't open the website in time, so I'm not, no idea what's going on. But I'm sure there's just so much lovely stuff on there. But obviously, the best bit of the whole website is. is the Vidyat's store. So if you could be so kind as to use your 10% off code on some of our stuff, that would be lovely. Use code Vidiots for 10% off. Is the Vidiates part of the store?

Do we know it's still live? Oh yeah, we're still on there. Oh, okay, that's nice. I haven't been struck off, thank God. Okay, we'll see. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com, forward slash Vidiates official. And also Twitch.

Twitter. It's official where we stream sometimes. I streamed a couple of weeks ago. Thank you so much to everybody who came and watched and I apologize for being just so drunk. The whole Vod is up on the YouTube channel now. It's like seven hours I think we ended up going for in the end because we just didn't, can't.

Seven hours? Yeah, did you not know this? No. It was fucking madness. Started at 7 p.m. And sort of ended at about half one thereabouts. God. Yeah, went for a long old time.

It was just lots of fun. Had a lot of fun, the people who came along. God, they slapped Richard. A whole load of fun were there. Streamlabs.com forward slash video it's official if you'd like to donate financially and get a shout out and join Pod Squad. Speaking of which, are you ready for the Pod Squadrians?

Yes. They come. Grape Coon, Lord Brotovich, Big Titty Jesus 42, heinous, anus, Stephen's Goads, The Goatening, Big Nick, David the Knob, Rudy Ruta Baga The Parsonip Man

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Fantastic names Thank you so much That's streamlabs.com forward slash viddy It's official if you'd like to donate before the next recording, you will get a shout-out. Thank you so much to everybody who has done so. Peter, yes. If people want to see us on a daily basis, where can they go?

Team Triple Jump on YouTube and Twitch and social media. We're at Team Triple Jump on all of those things and we're still making stuff. Me and Ben, we're still making the vidiates things like a piece of cake is now called Rules Boss. We're still doing prove it. We're doing cooking. We're doing show. It's called Main Menu. We do worst games ever. We've got another podcast over there. That's video game related. We've got all sorts of things going up for you.

We actually had to work around the fridge the friduation this week when we did a cooking show. Yeah. So we had ingredients that were just unrefrigerated for a long time. Yeah, there's two episodes of main menu coming up in the next

month or so where there's just no fridge. in the background Oh, that's such a good prop as well Yeah No, it's crazy Yogs cast Mikey, that's where you be I'd be at that office

doing things that I can't talk about because of NDAs But if you want to see The fun stuff that I can talk about Best place is at Parrot Boy on Twitter It's mostly ferret pictures and videos at this point So if you like that, head on over Full stop

Ferret Boy Bam Ferret Boy I really should change my name at this point Point. No, you're parrots, holidays and parrots. We all know that. Yeah. That's how it is. Make sure you leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with algorithm. And that is all. Does anybody have a final question to put to the audience? I've got a question to put to the audience. Was it really Michael who smid shit on the wall? Please don't read me. No, I promise it wasn't me. Someone's put shit on the wall. Was it you, Michael?

Thank you. Thank you. I thought we weren't going to talk about poo anymore. Got right to the end. Talking about poo again. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We will be back in a couple of weeks' time. Keep an eye out on Twitter for a podcast question post asking for questions. And the Dave Benson Phillips pictures. And Dave Benson Phillips pictures.

That's when you know we're recording. That's the telltale. Okay, should we go, boys? Let's go. Take care, everybody. Bye. Hi! Hi!